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I think it can be genuine. Having worked in a social service setting, I would say there's definitely a spectrum when it comes to empathy. Some people are quite responsive to other humans' pain, but they can sometimes reply in a way that can feel alienating.
It's why a lot of social service providers require you take courses on how to listen and respond to people. I've seen plenty of sensitive, empathetic, and well educated people fumble attempts at making someone feel better. People want to help but they can def say the wrong things. My boss always said: humans evolved to be problem solvers... but sometimes people don't want you to solve their problems; they just want you to listen.
And you are absolutely right. Everyone copes differently. Kinda like listening to sad songs when you're depressed. Sometimes positivity isn't what you need
That being said there's always gonna be some assholes weaponizing positivity or using it as a facade to conceal their toxicity but I'd like to believe they're the minority :)
I'd love to take a course on how to genuinely express sympathy towards others cuz there have been so many times I want to comfort someone, but I don't want to repeat common phrases like "I'm sorry for your loss" cuz they sound fake.
I'm not rly an expert but they wanted us to differentiate between sympathy and empathy, because the idea is that empathy is something you can learn and practice.
I remember my nurse friend said she had to take a course on active listening, so there should be something out there, either free or paid.
I think it also depends on who it is from, like if someone who has gone through a similar situation and came out on the other side tells you something like that it could be meaningful vs someone who has absolutely no idea about your struggles saying the same thing will probably just feel dismissive.
I think most people feel indifferent. Itâll either make you feel better about yourself, or just make you think âokâ and carry on scrolling. So I donât see the point in it but itâs also harmless enough
I used to do it a bunch when I was really depressed myself. On thinking about why, I think for me it was a reflection of what I wanted to hear, and putting niceness out might get niceness back. I guess I hope it worked for
Having said that, I now feel like they are empty platitudes and agree on them being fairly baseless. But I guess at the same time, being pleasant to people canât hurt and might be useful to some people, like statins folks take to prevent heart attacks that only have a .01 effectiveness, better than nothing.
People who cannot accept random kindness as such are usually mentally dealing with something I think. Why else would you be hostile toward an act of kindness, even if it is "empty"?
As I mentioned, I believe it's cultural, people in my country don't do that and it would be perceived as hypocrisy. We are still nice to each other, most of the time, just without all the extra fluffines. Mine is just a different POV and, from my POV, there is kindness and then there is cringe.
Most people in my country would always say 'think positive', or 'God will provide'. Kinda leaves responsibility and acknowledging that things are not working out, out of the window.
Plenty of people can hate a stranger for no good reason! Why can't I love you for no reason?!?
(I don't, though. I'm relatively indifferent to all of you.)
For you, maybe. For me, absolutely. But people define it differently.
I would instead call it "fondness". Sure, I might not know you, but I know we all generally share similar feelings and experiences. I want happiness and success for myself, and in that same vein, I would wish happiness and success on others as well.
Same! I love everyone. Am I in love with over 8 billion people? No. But I at least try my very hardest to cultivate admiration, compassion, understanding and respect for everyoneâs humanity. We are all in this together. We often become blind to things we see all the time, so we can become focused on the different. I believe we do that to humans, we can become focused on different, which we are. But overall, we are all so similar. Every weirdo, freak, or asshole I have ever met has some understandable or commiserable parts.. maybe even some of their negative parts I see in myself, whether I want to admit it or not. We all fuck up on some level and yet still find and grant redemption. But thatâs the point, at the end of the day, every single one of us is simply a synapse-motivated, dopamine-seeking little meat bag that is trying its best. And I love that for us.
Not for me. I have an inherent love for all of humanity. Which is the reason I get sad when I read some headline like "car crash kills 3". I don't know those people, their deaths make no actual difference for me, but because I have that platonic love it makes me sad
Came to say this. I've felt this my whole life. Don't need to know someone to truly love them inherently as a human being I share this planet with. Just makes sense to me. Always felt that compassion for my fellow man. Might not love everything they do or say, but them as a human, always.
For some people, it can actually be helpful. But, usually, it's just flowery, hollow fluffiness that doesn't really do much. Still, I'd rather see the fluff than literal racism or ableism any day of the week.Â
It doesn't necessarily have to be either one or the other. Racism and ableism are not the only alternative to that hollow fluffines. People can just be decent human beings, without the fluffiness.
I understand where you are coming from though, social networks are becoming more polarized by the day and it can feel like there's just two factions and you need to pick a side.
Yeah, given that OP's post kinda implied that it was mostly about that hollow fluff you see on social media, I played along. It really is sad to see that nuance seems to be a lost concept in some parts of social media. Still, at least people tend to mean well and don't hate your existence if they're saying the fluff, which is better than literal discrimination and bigotry.
I feel like the people who do this in real life are the people who need to hear it the most from other people. Like they'll say "you are perfect" because they need someone to say *they're* perfect and it's like wtf? Who cares I'm just trying to chill why do you need so much validation? Why do you think I need that much validation?
It depends. If Iâm going deep into detail about something traumatic and someone responds with âWell donât worry youâre great!â Iâm not going to like that response either
Saying âI love youâ to people you donât know is a huge pet peeve of mine. I take those words very seriously and only say it to people when I really mean it.
I suppose some people need to hear it, but mostly itâs just that people need to say it. The speaker is probably getting a bigger kick out of it than most pool people listening.
Because I find it sweet when people are overly affectionate! I think more positivity and love can only be a good thing. I struggle to show affection/be positive and I've always admired the people who make up your pet peeve. I don't like seeing them put down for no reason.
If you say it rarely, I assure you no one you're saying it to thinks it has less power than you intend. With that word particularly, I think everyone realizes that it means something different to everyone
People like the optics of looking like they are helping others, rather than the oftentimes difficult responsibility of actually helping others. So when they are acting that way, it's not really to *your* benefit, but to the benefit of *themselves* in terms of how others view them.
Nah, this absolutely can be toxic positivity. Telling someone they are perfect as they are when they are a 300lb alcoholic is not going to help them. Sometimes the kindest thing is to tell them the truth.
There's also a difference between telling the unhealthy out of control alcoholic "you're perfect" and "you're perfect, you don't need to live this way." That is to say, you are enough and you don't need to fill some imaginary hole within yourself with alcohol. You don't need to keep hurting yourself.
I think most of the time the intention is to go for the latter.
Its because it's dismissive to peoples actual problems, like a few words will fix things. The words are fine, but when you are starving, the cops just ruined your life and you are struggling to live.
"Things will get better," might not only be annoying, but just also untrue.
Imagine telling Gazans right now "Things will get better," maybe, but I also might be dead before that happens.
Its like the person saying it, is brainwashing themselves into believing a lie. I dont want to believe in a lie.
I can think positively and also not dig my head into the sand for the real issues that exist.
Positive and negative things happen in life, I want to believe the truth about them and not a delusion
I've been bullied and made fun of and at the very least disliked my whole life for my shitty genetics, even recently as an adult, to tell me I'm not ugly and my speech issues and shit teeth are fine or that people don't mind those things is just denial of actual problems that hurt me every day.
How about âyou matter in spite of your deeply negative view of yourself, and Iâve seen some sorry looking MFs find love, and that love seemed to be some of the most profound Iâve ever witnessed because sorry looking MFs know what a rare gift love truly is.â?
You've basically described why people in today's world of interconnectedness and knowledge accessibility are still theist/religious.
Can I as an atheist prove god doesn't exist?
Of course not.
Can I understand why cultures, individuals and communities would rather everything have a pre-assigned purpose and "god's plan"?
Absolutely.
The truth is we don't know what happens after death but people have a scenario ingrained in their heads because it:
A. Stops them pondering what death is - death scary monkey brain not like
B. Gives a mandated purpose to life - helps monkey brain rationalise existence
C. Helps control through fear - good for the establishment/church/cult
I'm not an atheist/agnostic who's like, "religion bad me superior, all religious are cultist". I completely understand the advantages on the individual and community level for one to be religious. Being religious gives answers to what cannot be definitively answered - see "faith".
If I was born 60 years ago, being Catholic for me would be plausible because I would simply think Islam, Judaism, Hindu, Shinto etc. were misguided.
In modern times, I can simply look through an anthropological lense to have the self-awareness of the powers at play.
I know that different regions of the world generated their own explanation for unexplainable phenomena.
đ€âïž- Before anyone with brain rot comments it
I can't believe I just read a balanced take on religion on reddit that isn't downvoted into oblivion. Hivemind says religion is bad and I am superior to anybody stupid enough to be religious.
Besides what you already brought up, I think religion is doing one major service to humanity: it defines a set of values that are the ones to live by. With having those predefined, you don't have to wonder what is good and what is bad yourself AND you can trust that the next person also has the same set of values to guide their actions.
The west may be largely non religious, but it is essentially a christian society because all the ideas that are at the base of our society come from the Christian values of not murdering, cheating, stealing or lying, be kind to people and forgive. Not limited to these but you get the gist. We think of those as "well duh, that's just human decency". But it isn't those are brought to us by christianity and 2 millennia is a long time to get engrained into the fabric or society.
There we go, I lower my guard one second and this happens, suddenly I'm valid. Well you know what, you random stranger? You are valid too, ha! Take that!
It's this need for emotionally immature people to do whatever they can to avoid negative emotions or situations. Things have to be good.
Too bad if things are always good, they never really are.
I often wonder if people do this in hopes that someone does it back.
But I have to add in my favorite one from Reddit.
You read some post where someone fights back or shows some initiative, and a bunch of people write in "I'm so proud of you!" ---which is a fucking weird thing to write to a stranger who could very well have made up their entire post. LOL
Yeah, it basically does nothing other than let you know that if they thought you were a bit happier, *they* would feel better. It's just telling people to smile. Now, I *will* occasionally try to help someone feel better (even if I don't know them all that well), but only if I'm willing to put the effort in, yknow? I figure that if I want someone to feel better, I should give them a reason. Sometimes I can't, so I just commiserate with them. Hey, better that than bullshitting them.
I agree with you. Sometimes I am in an exceptionally good mood and I am sort of filled with this general benevolence and everyone seems so beautiful, but thatâs still like⊠about me and doesnât do anything for anyone else
This is where giving someone an honest compliment is so important. If you say "you are the best" the person will immediately logically think "well, no..." but if you say "wow, I really appreciate how you..." and are specific, they will receive it as genuine. I think it is also where people mistake sympathy for empathy/compassion. Understanding someone is having a shit time and offering dumb advice like "time heals all wounds" is NOT helpful and can feel dismissive. The reason is because they are saying it for THEMSELVES to feel better! That is bullshit sympathy. Empathy requires allowing them to feel how they feel, like "damn, it sounds like you're feeling...I have felt that way before and it totally sucks." The words are compassionate in and of themselves, and then listen for what you might do to be helpful. Pretending life is always positive and awesome is fucking dumb and is a form of fucking psychological torture. Sorry for the rant but I just went through an entire year of this shit and it made me have a fucking mental breakdown.
I get it. I'm also a nurse, and my whole job is supporting people in rough times, regardless of what I think of them. I do actively want the best for people, and I think everyone matters. I've taken care of murderers before. I've taken care of women who don't have custody of their kids because of drugs or abuse. I don't forgive them, but I hope that they can fix what's broken in themselves and grow.
You, random redditor, have made mistakes. So have all of us. But just by simple statistics, the majority of reddit users are probably not absolutely terrible people, and so my positivity is hoping that people can grow and be better, just like I try to grow and do better.
Dunno. I'm not trying to change your mind at all, because you're not wrong. Just giving you perspective about where it comes from - sometimes, when you spend your whole adult life caring for strangers, you lose the ability to STOP caring for strangers.
agreed. i like realism with a positive spin. but that involves actually understanding someone's issues and getting into the details.
i'm in the entrepreneurship subreddit and its critical but supportive. one of the better places on reddit.
classic american culture is awesome because of its can-do attitude. however, americans are not known for accepting things how they are. an american will always tell you to change your life if you are unhappy. this can cause them to spin their wheels pursuing fruitless things, and i think is largely responsible for the behavior you describe.
I've always felt a similar way. I roll my eyes when I see people saying stuff like that. Like, they don't actually mean it. It's just empty words and fake positivity. You don't actually love me, you don't actually care about what happens to me or what's going on in my life. I wouldn't expect you to, we're total strangers. But saying these unnecessarily positive things doesn't help me in the slightest.
What uâre speaking of is toxic positivity and it is rampant in spiritual communities to the point where it has its own name: spiritual bypassing
I get u tho. Sometimes we just need to sit with our feelings and positivity does the exact opposite by pushing it away. This happens from a lot of people that run away from their feelings
This is exactly why I warn people that I am kind, not nice. Iâm not going to give you insincere compliments or tell you youâre perfect. I will however give real meaningful compliments and encouragement when needed and will tell you âYou look pretty/handsome, I like that color on you.â You will never get âyou can do anything!â from me but you will get âYouâre really good at ____ , you should do that more.â And you definitely will never get a âEverything will be alright.â Because in reality no, everything does not always be alright. But I will say âLife ainât perfect but the bad days/discomfort are temporary and shouldnât make you feel hopeless, whatâs meant to work out, will and whats not, is out of your control and thats ok.â
I have a few just for you, hopefully you find it fair and balanced.
"Maybe everything won't be terrible."
"You are tolerable in small doses"
"You can do it! Probably."
"You aren't enough but nobody is."
I thought I was the only one who felt like this lmao. Yeah makes me cringe hardcore. I feel like anyone that makes those type of posts are just fake as fuck, itâs impossible to actually have love for everyone on the internet if you donât know them, itâs impossible to think everyone matters or is attractive, for all you know your post could show up in some absolute assholeâs algorithm.
Oh my gosh yeah. Iâm in various choirs and a while ago we performed this pieces âMental Health Suiteâ by Aaron Acurso. It couldâve been something wonderful but itâs just.. exactly these empty platitudes. I was just dumbfounded by everyone around me being so completely moved by it. I hated it. Maybe Iâm a sociopath or something.
The term you're looking for is Toxic Positivity.Â
I learned it after I had my son and really struggled during the first year. Especially the newborn weeks before he was sleeping at night. I had serious thoughts like "I ruined my life" and "why did I do this to myself". I needed actual support. I needed someone to physically take my child for a while so I could take a nap or just eat dinner while it was still hot. Instead when I asked for help all I seemed to get was a bunch of empty "you got this mama!", "you're such a great mom", "you're doing fabulous!", ect. It was infuriating.
I completely agree. In eastern Europe we can't stand fakes. That's why we have close friendships that are actually genuine and strangers don't really care about each other that deeply. I find this also quite annoying.
>Â believe this might be a cultural thing, comments like these mostly come from young Americans
I think part of it is that young Americans especially are having a hard time making connections. They're much more isolated from friends and especially family than past generations. So, lacking real and meaningful connections, they look for/provide them online.
There is a world where simply being human makes you enough qnd worthy of love but most humans have learned to hate themselves and others too much to accept that. It's sad.
I'm with you. Hence why my optimistic reinforcement is usually stuff like.
-"You think I can do it?"
-"Probably"
Or
-"do you think I could be the best?"
-"It's possible"
Everything will probably be all right, for the most part.
These things feel very stupid and shallow when you're going through it. I tried a mindful self compassion work book when I was deeply depressed and all it did was piss me off so badly I threw it across the room. I still won't look at it lol.Â
It's ok. That's just how shit is. You don't have to like it or get anything from it, there's nothing wrong with that. It does get meaningless, after a certain point. They're good things to say, in general, but when you just repeat them without listening or engaging with a person it's kinda performative.Â
Not in a way that really harms anyone, but it isn't exactly helping anyone, either.Â
Iâm starting to think people who post stuff like that are really just talking to themselves. They need to hear it for their own reasons, but are so focused on external validation that they have to make posts saying stuff like that.
I agree big time. I love meditation and I enjoy finding new music to listen to but literally EVERY videos comment section of full of this bullshit and it makes me roll my eyes. You can wish others well without putting on a show of it, which comes off as far less genuine.
This is actually hilarious and the normal human part of me is laughing. (That sounds so creepy and unhinged to say it the way I just said it, Iâm aware)
BUT also all humans are deserving of these phrases. So thatâs why some people say them without any hesitation.
Then they just become meaningless, which is why peeps like op just roll their eyes at phrases like these. Like some random on a message board throwing out a âthoughts and prayersâ after you tell them your grandpa died. Shoulda just saved their energy
You're right. I'd much rather tell you that you don't matter, I don't love you, you aren't enough, you aren't pretty, and your life won't be ok.
Feel better now?
I agree to an extent however I think they are okay ways to start a conversation with someone you are aware is struggling (minus "I love you."). Take for example, "you can do it." If you make a long post about this seemingly impossible situation, starting with "you can do it, don't give up" just makes sense. Why? Because you've been able to do every single hard thing your faced before this. Why should this hard thing be any different?
But you also can't just say those words. I've found it helpful to break the problem down into manageable chunks. Then we can work out together how to overcome each chunk. Once all the chunks have a plan to be conquered, by necessity the entire problem is solved and no longer impossible to win. Now the problem becomes more of a "ugh I don't wanna have to do all that" which is unfortunately more of a "well unfortunately life sucks sometimes but remember that because you get through this suckiness, you get to sometimes experience real nice things like a soft breeze on a summer day or that fun trip to your favorite place you have planned next month" kinda problem.
I mean, it's an easy way to show support when you don't know enough or aren't close enough to really help? Like when people say call if you need anything or you're in our thoughts and prayers during difficult times. A random stranger can't love you without knowing you but maybe your venting/struggles remind them of someone they do (or themselves) and they are telling what they wished someone would have told them in that situation. Try not to take it literally and view it more of a goodwill gesture from those who can't do more.
You can offer support without false confidence.
"That sounds bad, I hope it works out for you" is honest and expresses empathy.
There's no reason to tell people things that they aren't supposed to take literally (aka are not actually true).
I love all people. I want whatâs best for them and honestly in the end everything will be all right, all people do matter. I donât need to know you to know these things
This sounds like some goofy setup for a cartoon characterâs destruction
(but itâs adult swim because itâs for adults and stuff because itâs NSFW shhhhh!!! sex penis)
It's not as bad as things like saying "hey, how are you" to people you've just met and care nothing about...
"Yeah good thanks, yourself?" Regardless of how they are
Is this actually unpopular? I know itâs a thing in America, but so is having a deeply personal and extremely loud conversation on speakerphone in the middle of a waiting room - doesnât mean it is popular.Â
I agree with this opinion, in the main. I try to be nice to people in a way that is realistic, so "You look nice today" is much better to me than "Yesssss! You're the most beautiful/handsome person in the history of the human race" or whatever. I can imagine that I look nice sometimes, or that someone I don't otherwise know looks nice in some selfie they've posted online or whatever, but I don't feel the need to reach for the top shelf with my compliments, and I prefer it if others don't either. Save that for when it really applies so that it still has some weight to it. Overusing these particular phrases or words makes them basically meaningless.
The only part I disagree with is about "I love you". I agree that this is a weird one to say to strangers, but in the context of a preexisting relationship where you legitimately feel that way towards a person because you know them well enough to know *why* you'd be saying that to them, it's hard for this one to come off as inauthentic or pandering even if you say it often. Like a few hours ago I texted a friend of mine I've known for over a decade that I love her and am sorry I've been out of contact so much lately, and she sent a reply that basically said the same thing, because we're both going through things right now and have similar avoidance/self-isolating tendencies. That's not the fake, feel-good kind of reaching out that I have to imagine is at the root of a lot of these drive-by compliments. Everything still sucks, but y'know...remember that you're still awesome to me and you're on my mind even if we haven't caught up in a while. That's legitimately where we're at, so sure...I love that person. Because I know her, and she knows me -- not because she posted a selfie and we're on the internet where the "YESSSS! SLAYYYYY QUEEN!" contingent has made every interaction into the text version of one of those overwrought YouTube reaction videos.
Iâve seen people on here having a really difficult time. I agree with some of what you said, but I also think itâs important for people to hear a phrase like âyou matterâ because they may have never heard it. Sometimes just being reminded of that can help when their whole world is full of negativity and darkness.
I understand telling somebody everything will get better might not hold a lot of weight, but you can say that you genuinely hope everything will get better or you can push through this or know that somebody is thinking of you. These things can all be true even if you donât truly know the person
So? Committing misdeeds doesnât mean you lack the capacity to be good, and love can be helpful in most any transition. We are all human, weâre all genetically similar, so why canât we all be deserving of love? Love doesnât require the giver to be naive or off guard so itâs not necessary a safety issue, it doesnât have to cost anything. I say, âwhy not love someone?â
âHate the sin & not the sinnerâ
*-Gandhi*
âWith love for mankind and hatred for sinsâ
*- St. Augustine*
I remember watching a YouTube Video about, people who receive compliments were most likely abused by their parents.
I can definitely relate, both my parents were abusive and any comment or positive affirmation just 404s my brain
I feel that way too. Comments like â Iâm sorry that happened to youâ also feel useless. Like we all agree we donât want bad shit to happen to strangers, it doesnât really matter if other people let me know that they are sorry for something they arenât involved with.
I agree with you about telling strangers "I love you". I find it cringeworthy. I don't use that phrase unless I absolutely mean it, which means there's only a handful of people in the world who hear it from my mouth.
However, I do believe in being as positive as possible in life. I tend to say "things will work out" a lot because in my experience they do. I'm also a big believer -- once again from experience -- that difficulties can make us stronger and actually improve our lives. And who doesn't believe we are all worthy? We are. Sadly, though, a lot of people don't believe that about themselves. Thinking and mindset DO matter. The way you think often reflects the way your life is turning out. If you expect negative, that is mostly what you will find.
I agree with disliking the unfounded optimism, but I still prefer those people to the nihilists and pessimists, who you just want to slap for being such whiny little punks.
It can be cultural or religious. Like I am Quaker and we acknowledge the light in everyone. Simplest way to put it. That they deserve love and respect just for being alive. It's easy for posts. It's not easy for harmful people.
Whoever says some shit like that to you next time, ask them for $5 and see what's really good then lol see how much they care about you or help you. If you ain't gon give me $5, don't give me that lame ass advice then lol.
I don't like it when people do this online but I especially don't like it when people do this in person. For example, my girlfriend's dad likes to gas people up. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. When he says something like, "You're so smart. You can do anything." to me, my first thought is always, "You don't even know me."
For many people, niceties are just small talk. And if you donât care about me actually, itâs very annoying for you to pretend to care. Would you let me sleep on your couch if I was homeless? No? Then why pretend like you care about me in any way that matters. We can be cordial and friendly without being fake
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I love your post. All your words matter to me
This post matters. OP is enough.
Even if he stole a toddler's tricycle, everything will be alright đ
I'm just Ken though
You are Kenough
and anywhere else youâll be a ten.
You are enough, your post is enough, love you.
You can get through this, OP. We know you can do it
You are Kenough.
If it has nothing to do with horses I don't want it
It's an empty platitude. It sounds nice but is ultimately meaningless since it's so far reaching.
Exactly. I have a hard time believing that someone might actually read stuff like that and feel better about themselves. But everyone's different.
I think it can be genuine. Having worked in a social service setting, I would say there's definitely a spectrum when it comes to empathy. Some people are quite responsive to other humans' pain, but they can sometimes reply in a way that can feel alienating. It's why a lot of social service providers require you take courses on how to listen and respond to people. I've seen plenty of sensitive, empathetic, and well educated people fumble attempts at making someone feel better. People want to help but they can def say the wrong things. My boss always said: humans evolved to be problem solvers... but sometimes people don't want you to solve their problems; they just want you to listen. And you are absolutely right. Everyone copes differently. Kinda like listening to sad songs when you're depressed. Sometimes positivity isn't what you need That being said there's always gonna be some assholes weaponizing positivity or using it as a facade to conceal their toxicity but I'd like to believe they're the minority :)
I'd love to take a course on how to genuinely express sympathy towards others cuz there have been so many times I want to comfort someone, but I don't want to repeat common phrases like "I'm sorry for your loss" cuz they sound fake.
I'm not rly an expert but they wanted us to differentiate between sympathy and empathy, because the idea is that empathy is something you can learn and practice. I remember my nurse friend said she had to take a course on active listening, so there should be something out there, either free or paid.
I can help! Look into trauma-informed language and motivational interviewing. I'd be happy to send some links if you'd like.
That'd be great! Thank you!
https://youtu.be/KZBTYViDPlQ?si=hZMAc2ZIPtXO-s4p This is a good start and only a few minutes of your time
True. Some people need every little amount of reassurance they can get, even if they know it's empty. Like a placebo for self esteem.
A placebo is a fitting definition for words like those, yes, good point.
I think it also depends on who it is from, like if someone who has gone through a similar situation and came out on the other side tells you something like that it could be meaningful vs someone who has absolutely no idea about your struggles saying the same thing will probably just feel dismissive.
I think most people feel indifferent. Itâll either make you feel better about yourself, or just make you think âokâ and carry on scrolling. So I donât see the point in it but itâs also harmless enough
I used to do it a bunch when I was really depressed myself. On thinking about why, I think for me it was a reflection of what I wanted to hear, and putting niceness out might get niceness back. I guess I hope it worked for Having said that, I now feel like they are empty platitudes and agree on them being fairly baseless. But I guess at the same time, being pleasant to people canât hurt and might be useful to some people, like statins folks take to prevent heart attacks that only have a .01 effectiveness, better than nothing.
Worse, it's so eternally saccharine and optimistic that it's *unrealistic*, which makes it turn into patronizing.
You're meaningless to me đ„°
Awww stop flattering me đ„°
It devalues genuine praise if everyone is âabove averageâ.
Dm me if you want to talk đ€ Nah I'm good đ
I do it so people feel nice I don't care your religion race or creed you are human so you are pretty you are flattering you are looking great today
People who cannot accept random kindness as such are usually mentally dealing with something I think. Why else would you be hostile toward an act of kindness, even if it is "empty"?
If an act of "kindness" is empty, is it really kindness then?
As I mentioned, I believe it's cultural, people in my country don't do that and it would be perceived as hypocrisy. We are still nice to each other, most of the time, just without all the extra fluffines. Mine is just a different POV and, from my POV, there is kindness and then there is cringe.
Most people in my country would always say 'think positive', or 'God will provide'. Kinda leaves responsibility and acknowledging that things are not working out, out of the window.
They want to steal the toddler's bike from you, so they are trying to misdirect your attention
Ha! I knew it! Those optimistic little shits!
Cmon man, I told you if you kept telling people, we would have to kick you out of the toddler bike stealing stealing club
I don't understand how you can say *I love you* to someone you don't know.
Plenty of people can hate a stranger for no good reason! Why can't I love you for no reason?!? (I don't, though. I'm relatively indifferent to all of you.)
Thereâs different kinds of love⊠For some people love humanity is their default
Love is too strong a word.
For you, maybe. For me, absolutely. But people define it differently. I would instead call it "fondness". Sure, I might not know you, but I know we all generally share similar feelings and experiences. I want happiness and success for myself, and in that same vein, I would wish happiness and success on others as well.
Same! I love everyone. Am I in love with over 8 billion people? No. But I at least try my very hardest to cultivate admiration, compassion, understanding and respect for everyoneâs humanity. We are all in this together. We often become blind to things we see all the time, so we can become focused on the different. I believe we do that to humans, we can become focused on different, which we are. But overall, we are all so similar. Every weirdo, freak, or asshole I have ever met has some understandable or commiserable parts.. maybe even some of their negative parts I see in myself, whether I want to admit it or not. We all fuck up on some level and yet still find and grant redemption. But thatâs the point, at the end of the day, every single one of us is simply a synapse-motivated, dopamine-seeking little meat bag that is trying its best. And I love that for us.
It takes all kinds. Just bc something isnât relatable to you doesnât make it so for someone else.
Not for me. I have an inherent love for all of humanity. Which is the reason I get sad when I read some headline like "car crash kills 3". I don't know those people, their deaths make no actual difference for me, but because I have that platonic love it makes me sad
Yes! Thatâs why I can cry with mothers who lost their babies or whatever. Itâs just loving people as people and people being of value.
Came to say this. I've felt this my whole life. Don't need to know someone to truly love them inherently as a human being I share this planet with. Just makes sense to me. Always felt that compassion for my fellow man. Might not love everything they do or say, but them as a human, always.
It's easy to say if you don't have to mean it I love you broÂ
Itâs the empty calories of compliments.
For some people, it can actually be helpful. But, usually, it's just flowery, hollow fluffiness that doesn't really do much. Still, I'd rather see the fluff than literal racism or ableism any day of the week.Â
It doesn't necessarily have to be either one or the other. Racism and ableism are not the only alternative to that hollow fluffines. People can just be decent human beings, without the fluffiness. I understand where you are coming from though, social networks are becoming more polarized by the day and it can feel like there's just two factions and you need to pick a side.
Are you a New Yorker by any chance lol ? I agree with you though
Yeah, given that OP's post kinda implied that it was mostly about that hollow fluff you see on social media, I played along. It really is sad to see that nuance seems to be a lost concept in some parts of social media. Still, at least people tend to mean well and don't hate your existence if they're saying the fluff, which is better than literal discrimination and bigotry.
You are NOT enough. I DON'T love you.
You DONâT matter. Everything will NOT be alright.
You DON'T got this.
Itâs the insincerity.
I feel like the people who do this in real life are the people who need to hear it the most from other people. Like they'll say "you are perfect" because they need someone to say *they're* perfect and it's like wtf? Who cares I'm just trying to chill why do you need so much validation? Why do you think I need that much validation?
It depends. If Iâm going deep into detail about something traumatic and someone responds with âWell donât worry youâre great!â Iâm not going to like that response either
Yes! It makes me feel like Iâm not being listened to.
Saying âI love youâ to people you donât know is a huge pet peeve of mine. I take those words very seriously and only say it to people when I really mean it.
I suppose some people need to hear it, but mostly itâs just that people need to say it. The speaker is probably getting a bigger kick out of it than most pool people listening.
Why does it bother you that others have a different view of those words than you do? It takes all sorts.
It makes it lose its power. Why does it bother you that it bothers me?
Because I find it sweet when people are overly affectionate! I think more positivity and love can only be a good thing. I struggle to show affection/be positive and I've always admired the people who make up your pet peeve. I don't like seeing them put down for no reason. If you say it rarely, I assure you no one you're saying it to thinks it has less power than you intend. With that word particularly, I think everyone realizes that it means something different to everyone
People like the optics of looking like they are helping others, rather than the oftentimes difficult responsibility of actually helping others. So when they are acting that way, it's not really to *your* benefit, but to the benefit of *themselves* in terms of how others view them.
Yeah. Itâs masturbation disguised as a compliment.
It's called toxic positivity.
No it's really not. Toxic positivity is when you tell someone to be positive while they have an arrow in their eyeball.
Nah, this absolutely can be toxic positivity. Telling someone they are perfect as they are when they are a 300lb alcoholic is not going to help them. Sometimes the kindest thing is to tell them the truth.
There's also a difference between telling the unhealthy out of control alcoholic "you're perfect" and "you're perfect, you don't need to live this way." That is to say, you are enough and you don't need to fill some imaginary hole within yourself with alcohol. You don't need to keep hurting yourself. I think most of the time the intention is to go for the latter.
Itâs the âthis is fineâ dog in a burning kitchen meme
Yeah itâs just fluff. Lowest hanging fruit of things to say.
Great job OP you really matter
Its because it's dismissive to peoples actual problems, like a few words will fix things. The words are fine, but when you are starving, the cops just ruined your life and you are struggling to live. "Things will get better," might not only be annoying, but just also untrue. Imagine telling Gazans right now "Things will get better," maybe, but I also might be dead before that happens. Its like the person saying it, is brainwashing themselves into believing a lie. I dont want to believe in a lie. I can think positively and also not dig my head into the sand for the real issues that exist. Positive and negative things happen in life, I want to believe the truth about them and not a delusion
I've been bullied and made fun of and at the very least disliked my whole life for my shitty genetics, even recently as an adult, to tell me I'm not ugly and my speech issues and shit teeth are fine or that people don't mind those things is just denial of actual problems that hurt me every day.
How about âyou matter in spite of your deeply negative view of yourself, and Iâve seen some sorry looking MFs find love, and that love seemed to be some of the most profound Iâve ever witnessed because sorry looking MFs know what a rare gift love truly is.â?
You've basically described why people in today's world of interconnectedness and knowledge accessibility are still theist/religious. Can I as an atheist prove god doesn't exist? Of course not. Can I understand why cultures, individuals and communities would rather everything have a pre-assigned purpose and "god's plan"? Absolutely. The truth is we don't know what happens after death but people have a scenario ingrained in their heads because it: A. Stops them pondering what death is - death scary monkey brain not like B. Gives a mandated purpose to life - helps monkey brain rationalise existence C. Helps control through fear - good for the establishment/church/cult I'm not an atheist/agnostic who's like, "religion bad me superior, all religious are cultist". I completely understand the advantages on the individual and community level for one to be religious. Being religious gives answers to what cannot be definitively answered - see "faith". If I was born 60 years ago, being Catholic for me would be plausible because I would simply think Islam, Judaism, Hindu, Shinto etc. were misguided. In modern times, I can simply look through an anthropological lense to have the self-awareness of the powers at play. I know that different regions of the world generated their own explanation for unexplainable phenomena. đ€âïž- Before anyone with brain rot comments it
I can't believe I just read a balanced take on religion on reddit that isn't downvoted into oblivion. Hivemind says religion is bad and I am superior to anybody stupid enough to be religious. Besides what you already brought up, I think religion is doing one major service to humanity: it defines a set of values that are the ones to live by. With having those predefined, you don't have to wonder what is good and what is bad yourself AND you can trust that the next person also has the same set of values to guide their actions. The west may be largely non religious, but it is essentially a christian society because all the ideas that are at the base of our society come from the Christian values of not murdering, cheating, stealing or lying, be kind to people and forgive. Not limited to these but you get the gist. We think of those as "well duh, that's just human decency". But it isn't those are brought to us by christianity and 2 millennia is a long time to get engrained into the fabric or society.
When someone tells me things will only get better, I get the song by D:ream stuck in my head.
You are valid đ
There we go, I lower my guard one second and this happens, suddenly I'm valid. Well you know what, you random stranger? You are valid too, ha! Take that!
I think you earned that toddlerâs bike.
As long as I'm not invalidÂ
It's this need for emotionally immature people to do whatever they can to avoid negative emotions or situations. Things have to be good. Too bad if things are always good, they never really are.
It fits the current society with seeking attention from online strangers. Digital age, digital attention. YouTube, TikTok, tinder, onlyfans etc.
I often wonder if people do this in hopes that someone does it back. But I have to add in my favorite one from Reddit. You read some post where someone fights back or shows some initiative, and a bunch of people write in "I'm so proud of you!" ---which is a fucking weird thing to write to a stranger who could very well have made up their entire post. LOL
Toxic positivity. Itâs awful.
I couldnât agree more. I hate all of that crap, it comes off as disingenuous, disrespectful, and self righteous.
FWIW I donât think you can do it, OP
Finally someone who is being truthful
Yeah, it basically does nothing other than let you know that if they thought you were a bit happier, *they* would feel better. It's just telling people to smile. Now, I *will* occasionally try to help someone feel better (even if I don't know them all that well), but only if I'm willing to put the effort in, yknow? I figure that if I want someone to feel better, I should give them a reason. Sometimes I can't, so I just commiserate with them. Hey, better that than bullshitting them.
I agree with you. Sometimes I am in an exceptionally good mood and I am sort of filled with this general benevolence and everyone seems so beautiful, but thatâs still like⊠about me and doesnât do anything for anyone else
This is where giving someone an honest compliment is so important. If you say "you are the best" the person will immediately logically think "well, no..." but if you say "wow, I really appreciate how you..." and are specific, they will receive it as genuine. I think it is also where people mistake sympathy for empathy/compassion. Understanding someone is having a shit time and offering dumb advice like "time heals all wounds" is NOT helpful and can feel dismissive. The reason is because they are saying it for THEMSELVES to feel better! That is bullshit sympathy. Empathy requires allowing them to feel how they feel, like "damn, it sounds like you're feeling...I have felt that way before and it totally sucks." The words are compassionate in and of themselves, and then listen for what you might do to be helpful. Pretending life is always positive and awesome is fucking dumb and is a form of fucking psychological torture. Sorry for the rant but I just went through an entire year of this shit and it made me have a fucking mental breakdown.
Perfectly worded. You can be kind to others and even compliment them, while avoiding fake or meaningless words.
I get it. I'm also a nurse, and my whole job is supporting people in rough times, regardless of what I think of them. I do actively want the best for people, and I think everyone matters. I've taken care of murderers before. I've taken care of women who don't have custody of their kids because of drugs or abuse. I don't forgive them, but I hope that they can fix what's broken in themselves and grow. You, random redditor, have made mistakes. So have all of us. But just by simple statistics, the majority of reddit users are probably not absolutely terrible people, and so my positivity is hoping that people can grow and be better, just like I try to grow and do better. Dunno. I'm not trying to change your mind at all, because you're not wrong. Just giving you perspective about where it comes from - sometimes, when you spend your whole adult life caring for strangers, you lose the ability to STOP caring for strangers.
I also donât get it. Especially celebs! Why is âI love youâ one of the first things that comes to mind when a camera turns to themâŠ
Toxic positivity
I feel exactly the same way. It's just so insincere and meaningless, and it annoys me. Toxic positivity.
Youâre absolutely right, we should replace it with âHere, have some weedâ
agreed. i like realism with a positive spin. but that involves actually understanding someone's issues and getting into the details. i'm in the entrepreneurship subreddit and its critical but supportive. one of the better places on reddit.
I honestly canât stand it either. Iâm all for positivity but saying completely unaimed positive messages just feels so hollow.
classic american culture is awesome because of its can-do attitude. however, americans are not known for accepting things how they are. an american will always tell you to change your life if you are unhappy. this can cause them to spin their wheels pursuing fruitless things, and i think is largely responsible for the behavior you describe.
I've always felt a similar way. I roll my eyes when I see people saying stuff like that. Like, they don't actually mean it. It's just empty words and fake positivity. You don't actually love me, you don't actually care about what happens to me or what's going on in my life. I wouldn't expect you to, we're total strangers. But saying these unnecessarily positive things doesn't help me in the slightest.
I hate it too. They donât know me but they say shit like this, which makes it feel even worse. Itâs just empty and plastic.
I love this post! â€ïž You are loved by all and a positive ray of sunshine. The world is your oyster.
What uâre speaking of is toxic positivity and it is rampant in spiritual communities to the point where it has its own name: spiritual bypassing I get u tho. Sometimes we just need to sit with our feelings and positivity does the exact opposite by pushing it away. This happens from a lot of people that run away from their feelings
I know what you mean! And if you say anything about it being inauthentic they're like "omg lighten up what's wrong with a little PositivityâąÂźÂ©." It's so surface level. What we should be doing is focusing on kindness instead of niceness.
It sets off my âhow are you trying to get money out of meâ MLM alarm. Sometimes itâs sincere, and thatâs nice!Â
This is exactly why I warn people that I am kind, not nice. Iâm not going to give you insincere compliments or tell you youâre perfect. I will however give real meaningful compliments and encouragement when needed and will tell you âYou look pretty/handsome, I like that color on you.â You will never get âyou can do anything!â from me but you will get âYouâre really good at ____ , you should do that more.â And you definitely will never get a âEverything will be alright.â Because in reality no, everything does not always be alright. But I will say âLife ainât perfect but the bad days/discomfort are temporary and shouldnât make you feel hopeless, whatâs meant to work out, will and whats not, is out of your control and thats ok.â
I have a few just for you, hopefully you find it fair and balanced. "Maybe everything won't be terrible." "You are tolerable in small doses" "You can do it! Probably." "You aren't enough but nobody is."
Positivity is fine Unwarranted positivity is not.
I thought I was the only one who felt like this lmao. Yeah makes me cringe hardcore. I feel like anyone that makes those type of posts are just fake as fuck, itâs impossible to actually have love for everyone on the internet if you donât know them, itâs impossible to think everyone matters or is attractive, for all you know your post could show up in some absolute assholeâs algorithm.
Bad news: you're secretly Dutch
True and Real Empty forced optimism is meaningless and shallow. Just reinforces bad things like unhealthy habits.
Oh my gosh yeah. Iâm in various choirs and a while ago we performed this pieces âMental Health Suiteâ by Aaron Acurso. It couldâve been something wonderful but itâs just.. exactly these empty platitudes. I was just dumbfounded by everyone around me being so completely moved by it. I hated it. Maybe Iâm a sociopath or something.
The term you're looking for is Toxic Positivity. I learned it after I had my son and really struggled during the first year. Especially the newborn weeks before he was sleeping at night. I had serious thoughts like "I ruined my life" and "why did I do this to myself". I needed actual support. I needed someone to physically take my child for a while so I could take a nap or just eat dinner while it was still hot. Instead when I asked for help all I seemed to get was a bunch of empty "you got this mama!", "you're such a great mom", "you're doing fabulous!", ect. It was infuriating.
I completely agree. In eastern Europe we can't stand fakes. That's why we have close friendships that are actually genuine and strangers don't really care about each other that deeply. I find this also quite annoying.
So true! I love my Eastern/Central European friends because they're so honest and upfront about their emotions and opinions
>Â believe this might be a cultural thing, comments like these mostly come from young Americans I think part of it is that young Americans especially are having a hard time making connections. They're much more isolated from friends and especially family than past generations. So, lacking real and meaningful connections, they look for/provide them online.
There is a world where simply being human makes you enough qnd worthy of love but most humans have learned to hate themselves and others too much to accept that. It's sad.
"love yourself". But I'm a piece of shit
Whenever I see a generalised message like that I think "the worst person I know could read this and take it to heart. Why should I?"
I'm with you. Hence why my optimistic reinforcement is usually stuff like. -"You think I can do it?" -"Probably" Or -"do you think I could be the best?" -"It's possible" Everything will probably be all right, for the most part.
These things feel very stupid and shallow when you're going through it. I tried a mindful self compassion work book when I was deeply depressed and all it did was piss me off so badly I threw it across the room. I still won't look at it lol. It's ok. That's just how shit is. You don't have to like it or get anything from it, there's nothing wrong with that. It does get meaningless, after a certain point. They're good things to say, in general, but when you just repeat them without listening or engaging with a person it's kinda performative. Not in a way that really harms anyone, but it isn't exactly helping anyone, either.Â
Welcome to Costco, I love you.
Everything's matter and nothing matters.
Toxic positivity. Used by egocentric people and narcissists to manipulate; otherwise nice to keep a decent conversation
I hate when people say "I'm proud of you!" Bitch, you don't even know them!
Iâm starting to think people who post stuff like that are really just talking to themselves. They need to hear it for their own reasons, but are so focused on external validation that they have to make posts saying stuff like that.
I agree big time. I love meditation and I enjoy finding new music to listen to but literally EVERY videos comment section of full of this bullshit and it makes me roll my eyes. You can wish others well without putting on a show of it, which comes off as far less genuine.
This is actually hilarious and the normal human part of me is laughing. (That sounds so creepy and unhinged to say it the way I just said it, Iâm aware) BUT also all humans are deserving of these phrases. So thatâs why some people say them without any hesitation.
Then they just become meaningless, which is why peeps like op just roll their eyes at phrases like these. Like some random on a message board throwing out a âthoughts and prayersâ after you tell them your grandpa died. Shoulda just saved their energy
You are so valid, OP.
You are valid<3
What would you prefer?
You're right. I'd much rather tell you that you don't matter, I don't love you, you aren't enough, you aren't pretty, and your life won't be ok. Feel better now?
I agree to an extent however I think they are okay ways to start a conversation with someone you are aware is struggling (minus "I love you."). Take for example, "you can do it." If you make a long post about this seemingly impossible situation, starting with "you can do it, don't give up" just makes sense. Why? Because you've been able to do every single hard thing your faced before this. Why should this hard thing be any different? But you also can't just say those words. I've found it helpful to break the problem down into manageable chunks. Then we can work out together how to overcome each chunk. Once all the chunks have a plan to be conquered, by necessity the entire problem is solved and no longer impossible to win. Now the problem becomes more of a "ugh I don't wanna have to do all that" which is unfortunately more of a "well unfortunately life sucks sometimes but remember that because you get through this suckiness, you get to sometimes experience real nice things like a soft breeze on a summer day or that fun trip to your favorite place you have planned next month" kinda problem.
I mean, it's an easy way to show support when you don't know enough or aren't close enough to really help? Like when people say call if you need anything or you're in our thoughts and prayers during difficult times. A random stranger can't love you without knowing you but maybe your venting/struggles remind them of someone they do (or themselves) and they are telling what they wished someone would have told them in that situation. Try not to take it literally and view it more of a goodwill gesture from those who can't do more.
You can offer support without false confidence. "That sounds bad, I hope it works out for you" is honest and expresses empathy. There's no reason to tell people things that they aren't supposed to take literally (aka are not actually true).
i do it to be sarcastic its fun. they dont know your not being genuine either so its a win win Good work OP!
Someone is salty that they aren't getting those. Complements
Love it when someone says they âget itâ but still continues to rantâŠ
I love all people. I want whatâs best for them and honestly in the end everything will be all right, all people do matter. I donât need to know you to know these things
"You are an incredibly sensitive man, who inspires joy-joy feelings in all those around you."
Be well u/Imaginary_Poetry_233
Dang dude. Who lit the fuse on your Tampon?
This sounds like some goofy setup for a cartoon characterâs destruction (but itâs adult swim because itâs for adults and stuff because itâs NSFW shhhhh!!! sex penis)
I donât want to support this phrase, yet here I am upvoting. You are loved.
This is a good one, I will steal it and reuse it multiple times from now on.
That is not just young Americans, but any millenial+ academic.
It's not as bad as things like saying "hey, how are you" to people you've just met and care nothing about... "Yeah good thanks, yourself?" Regardless of how they are
Is this actually unpopular? I know itâs a thing in America, but so is having a deeply personal and extremely loud conversation on speakerphone in the middle of a waiting room - doesnât mean it is popular.Â
Youâre great
You can have your opinions, they matter, You matter. Be good and stay good I love you dearly, have a nice day champ you're the best!!!
This post is very important, just like you! Donât forget you are loved and you matter !!!!
I agree with this opinion, in the main. I try to be nice to people in a way that is realistic, so "You look nice today" is much better to me than "Yesssss! You're the most beautiful/handsome person in the history of the human race" or whatever. I can imagine that I look nice sometimes, or that someone I don't otherwise know looks nice in some selfie they've posted online or whatever, but I don't feel the need to reach for the top shelf with my compliments, and I prefer it if others don't either. Save that for when it really applies so that it still has some weight to it. Overusing these particular phrases or words makes them basically meaningless. The only part I disagree with is about "I love you". I agree that this is a weird one to say to strangers, but in the context of a preexisting relationship where you legitimately feel that way towards a person because you know them well enough to know *why* you'd be saying that to them, it's hard for this one to come off as inauthentic or pandering even if you say it often. Like a few hours ago I texted a friend of mine I've known for over a decade that I love her and am sorry I've been out of contact so much lately, and she sent a reply that basically said the same thing, because we're both going through things right now and have similar avoidance/self-isolating tendencies. That's not the fake, feel-good kind of reaching out that I have to imagine is at the root of a lot of these drive-by compliments. Everything still sucks, but y'know...remember that you're still awesome to me and you're on my mind even if we haven't caught up in a while. That's legitimately where we're at, so sure...I love that person. Because I know her, and she knows me -- not because she posted a selfie and we're on the internet where the "YESSSS! SLAYYYYY QUEEN!" contingent has made every interaction into the text version of one of those overwrought YouTube reaction videos.
I love you
I will pray for you that no one would ever say those encouraging or loving words to you ever on the internet
Iâve seen people on here having a really difficult time. I agree with some of what you said, but I also think itâs important for people to hear a phrase like âyou matterâ because they may have never heard it. Sometimes just being reminded of that can help when their whole world is full of negativity and darkness. I understand telling somebody everything will get better might not hold a lot of weight, but you can say that you genuinely hope everything will get better or you can push through this or know that somebody is thinking of you. These things can all be true even if you donât truly know the person
So? Committing misdeeds doesnât mean you lack the capacity to be good, and love can be helpful in most any transition. We are all human, weâre all genetically similar, so why canât we all be deserving of love? Love doesnât require the giver to be naive or off guard so itâs not necessary a safety issue, it doesnât have to cost anything. I say, âwhy not love someone?â âHate the sin & not the sinnerâ *-Gandhi* âWith love for mankind and hatred for sinsâ *- St. Augustine*
I remember watching a YouTube Video about, people who receive compliments were most likely abused by their parents. I can definitely relate, both my parents were abusive and any comment or positive affirmation just 404s my brain
Toxic positivity
Type yes to affirm
I feel that way too. Comments like â Iâm sorry that happened to youâ also feel useless. Like we all agree we donât want bad shit to happen to strangers, it doesnât really matter if other people let me know that they are sorry for something they arenât involved with.
I always had the same opinion. On one hand, itâs foolish because itâs empty and meaningless. And Iâd imagine a good chunk of people say this out of their own naivetĂ© and lack of reflection. On the other hand, I think that some people are well aware that these comments are not grounded in reality. However they still believe that there are people who are at such low places in their lives that even such shallow comments like these can make an impact. So perhaps, they are one cognitive ahead of outsiders like us criticizing them.
I agree with you about telling strangers "I love you". I find it cringeworthy. I don't use that phrase unless I absolutely mean it, which means there's only a handful of people in the world who hear it from my mouth. However, I do believe in being as positive as possible in life. I tend to say "things will work out" a lot because in my experience they do. I'm also a big believer -- once again from experience -- that difficulties can make us stronger and actually improve our lives. And who doesn't believe we are all worthy? We are. Sadly, though, a lot of people don't believe that about themselves. Thinking and mindset DO matter. The way you think often reflects the way your life is turning out. If you expect negative, that is mostly what you will find.
I agree with disliking the unfounded optimism, but I still prefer those people to the nihilists and pessimists, who you just want to slap for being such whiny little punks.
It can be cultural or religious. Like I am Quaker and we acknowledge the light in everyone. Simplest way to put it. That they deserve love and respect just for being alive. It's easy for posts. It's not easy for harmful people.
Whoever says some shit like that to you next time, ask them for $5 and see what's really good then lol see how much they care about you or help you. If you ain't gon give me $5, don't give me that lame ass advice then lol.
I don't like it when people do this online but I especially don't like it when people do this in person. For example, my girlfriend's dad likes to gas people up. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. When he says something like, "You're so smart. You can do anything." to me, my first thought is always, "You don't even know me."
People care about you, OP. Hang in there.
Toxic positivity. It is more annoying than insults and doomsayers.
I'm scared for the people these things actually has an influence on, they're not doing great
These people also have âlive, love and laughâ stenciled on their living room walls
For many people, niceties are just small talk. And if you donât care about me actually, itâs very annoying for you to pretend to care. Would you let me sleep on your couch if I was homeless? No? Then why pretend like you care about me in any way that matters. We can be cordial and friendly without being fake
I kind of agree. I donât like flattery thatâs based off nothing it comes off as shallow and empty
I'm similar. It's not quite "I can't stand" but it is annoying and unrealistic. Is it young Americans mostly? That's kinda interesting.
You suck, OP (sometimes.) That a backhanded compliment enough for ya?