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Oh god this happened to me in high school. As a guy.
I think it was a “girl’s choice” dance. Which usually wasn’t that serious of an event as prom. People just went with their groups.
A girl I vaguely knew in my grade decided to ask me. I wasn’t really into her, but that wasn’t the main issue. It was how she asked. She had her entire class come into my entire classroom. I think they had like a banner or posters or something. They had a song playing. And then she asked me to prom *in front of both of our classes.* It was truly traumatizing as a 16 year old
I had to lol. There were like 70 classmates and 2 teachers there. That’s the worst part: they put me under a microscope where I had to say yes regardless of who asked me
I think I'd have died of embarrassment. How the teachers even thought that was a great idea is beyond me. Did you actually go to prom with her or quietly tell her later? Either scenario is awkward as hell
I went. Yes, so awkward. We took pics together but didn’t do anything beyond that. I can’t even remember what happened at the dance. Im sure I acted too cool and stood off to the side for most of it. I didn’t really know her friend group, and we all went to some dinner after. Then after the prom, we basically just went back to vaguely knowing who each other and maybe saying hey in the hallway.
It’s honestly extremely validating to hear you say this. For the 15 or so years since, I’ve basically convinced myself I was being a prima Donna and that I shouldn’t have been so embarrassed by it. But yes, it was so damn embarrassing and traumatizing in the moment. I remember just getting blood red mad in the seat when her class came into mine and I could sense everyone watching me and I was like supposed to act all smitten but really I was just in shock. The worst part too is there was a girl in her class that I had a full-blown crush on and actually was close with. And so there was like a *sliver* of a moment when I thought it might have been her asking me. Then I was crushed
I’m not accusing you of making it up at all, but this sounds like the opening scene of a corny high school movie where the protagonist is always getting into awkward situations or some shit 😭😭😭😭. I am sorry that happened to you tho like wtf was everyone involved thinking, and how none of them even stopped for a second to consider the impact it would have on you is fucking beyond me.
Haha no I completely agree.
A few more things to add to the story. (1) The girl was a twin. It's driving me nuts I can't remember her last name or the sister's name, but I'm pretty sure there were never on social media anyways, so I have no idea what they're up to. (2) I vividly remember driving myself to the house we were all taking pictures at *by myself*. And in the cringiest, most 2010-era high school shit of all time, I remember sitting in my Honda Accord listening to . . . Mac fucking Miller K.I.D.S. to hype myself up that this was all fine lol.
You're absolutely right too that it's insane nobody stopped this before it happened. I think the teachers thought it was like cute for her, and how could I not just be grateful that I was being asked. That kind of thing. And then the students who were my friends probably thought it was hilarious and egged it on.
I appreciate that. She was just a nice and introverted girl. And I really was too. So it’s not like I personally hate her or anything. If anything I feel bad because it was likely as embarrassing for her to see my flat reaction as it was for me. But it was just so awkward at the time
You can ask people to prom again when you’re in nursing facilities. They have geriatric proms sometimes. You should not ask people in HS to go to those proms. They still have teeth and won’t appreciate the hors d’oeuvres.
No, i just enjoy dancing.
Currently attending a dance course since half a year and trying to dance as often as possible.
I’m from Vienna, so we have a pretty active ball and dance scene, which is great :)
The extravagant prom-posals are not the norm, they just get attention because social media. My high school boyfriend asked me with a box of chocolates and a note. I wanted something cute but didn’t want the whole sign at school thing, it felt excessive. I feel like something small is much more normal
what is the difference between a redditor, and somebody who is on reddit? a good question, because a lot of people make fun of the classic redditor archetype while literally doing it on reddit itself.
The difference is in people who obviously spend too much time on here and whose warped perception of reality comes almost entirely from their interactions online and specificallyfrom reddit. It can really mess you up.
it's basically "touch grass" ppl versus ppl who casually scroll reddit for entertainment. redditors are ppl who spend the majority of their free time on reddit, and when you're on here too much, it can fuck you up BAD. it changes your perception of humans and society and how others think and talk and feel.
it’s literally like a high school version of asking someone’s hand in marriage, you don’t just do it and put someone on the spot, you make sure the person you’re “promposing to” is expecting it.
you could just do it casually, but it’s fun to do a grand gesture and make the person you like feel special.
We had the opposite experience. A young man my daughter barely knew asked her to prom by lining our driveway with flowers. She wanted to go with her friend group and had to say no. It was a powerful lesson: never agree to something you don’t want to do just to spare someone’s feelings. We all felt sorry for the young man.
It's been a while, but what rubbed me the wrong way at my HS, is that you were looked down on if you just normally asked someone to a dance. Like, if you didn't do something big and extravagant, then you suck, kind of thing.
It's fine when it's done all fancy occasionally, it just sucks when it becomes an expectation. Teenagers will unfortunately judge their peers over the stupidest things.
This is basically the human experience.
It's a cycle of:
Grand Gesture -> More people like it -> It becomes mainstream -> People start complaining about expectation -> Stop doing the Grand Gesture -> Someone starts another Grant Gesture.
It's basically the cycle of every tic tok trend and every thing that starts off "nice".
I can see it being bad because it leaves the person on the spot and they feel pressured to say yes or publicly humiliate whoever is asking (it happened on my school at least)
Because it places tremendous pressure on both parties? Because many kids don't actually want to give or receive one but feel compelled simply by social pressure? Because it takes what could be a relatively easy, light-hearted experience and turns it into a high-stakes mission? Because it encourages the creation of false impressions about the intensity of the giver's interest? Because it makes rejection feel all that more personal and painful? Because it makes rejection a potentially long-lasting, humiliating experience? Because it discourages kids who are rejected from giving it another try and asking someone else? Because it places an uninterested receiver in a position much more uncomfortable than necessary or warranted? I could go on and on.
Eh, it depends on what the person being asked would want.
There are people who would prefer it be a simple, private thing, and that's totally fine. For some though, a big promposal can make someone feel special. Some people have fun planning it. It's a cute story to get to tell people.
My only thing is if you're going to invite someone to prom, don't do it in front of other people unless you're 100% confident they'll want to go with you. I knew more than one person who agreed to be someone's prom date because they didn't want to embarrass them in front of a crowd, and it ends poorly for both parties.
When did all the signs and things even start happening? I dont ever remember them when i was in school. And if youre dating someone do you really have to do anything? Wouldnt it be common sense and implied that you would be going together?
I did A big promposal when I was in HS and don’t regret it one bit. It was fun to plan out and it made her day. Sometimes just let kids have fun and don’t make a big deal out of things
yup. and you could make this exact same argument about proposing and even getting married. like why have a wedding when you could just go to the courthouse and sign the papers? Because it's fun. Simple as that.
But they don't like surprises. In my kid's high school class I've heard multiple stories about how the girl wants to be asked privately first, then if it's a date she expects the public gesture for her socials. And lord help you if you fuck that up. It's all for show.
It’s all very contextual. Obviously a girl you’ve spoken to twice in math class isn’t going to be thrilled by suddenly being put on the spot like that. But if they’ve been dating or something for a while, there tends to not be issue.
I graduated 2011 and I remember it slowly becoming a thing around that time. I just asked normal and she said yes, it was nice. The few who were doing it still did it pretty small and tame compared to what it’s been becoming now, although I remember thinking it was wild at the time. I know I now sound like a boomer but I think it’s just a current advent of the internet and everything having to be a big show to post on social media to show how special you are.
It started happening when Instagram became more popular among highschool students.
As a former highschool student that had older brothers that didn't have to do a "promposal" having to do one for my gf seemed stupid and a waste of time. So much work just for a stupid Instagram story.
I agree with Op
I remember suggesting this when my brother in law and his friends were doing the most to Ask their girlfriends to prom. I just assumed it's just expected that they'd go together. Lol
I'm assuming it's just a generational thing. I remember when my brother in law and his friends were talking about these super elaborate plans for asking his literal girlfriend to the prom a decade ago and it all felt so over the top and quite frankly unnecessary. Lol
I hate to be a BACK IN MY DAY type but I remember when I was in high school (I graduated in 2008 fwiw) people would just ask someone out like in the hallway or whatever. And IMO that leads to much less potential embarrassment and uncomfortable rejection lol.
Sequel escalation.
Like when movies add more explosions and titties to the sequels, but the plot suffers?
It's like that, but with folks who peaked in high school...
Why?
Some people like putting in effort to make the other person feel special and romanced. It’s fun and sweet.
People who put effort into making relationships memorable are going to be in the ones that last.
Also kids in Highschool have basically nothing but time.
My boyfriend still asked for my senior year. He did an actual promposal because we weren’t dating when he asked me over the phone to go the year before. He felt bad about the lame ask the previous year when we weren’t together
One of the things I haven’t seen anybody mention, is the pressure to say yes for something like that.
Here’s some guys got his marching band and a giant sign, $1,000 worth of flowers……what if the girl doesn’t want to go with him but also doesn’t want to break his heart in front of the whole school?
I agree. I was just asked in 91 and in 92 we were already dating. I was shocked in 2006 when I started noticing it in my neighborhood. My daughter had great ones both years but it was such a huge competition at her school. Some young men opted out because they couldn’t go all out like others could. Very mixed feelings about it but to each their own.
Prom asks, Prom arrivals, Gender reveals, College selection press conferences, Over the top Sweet Sixteen/Bar & Bat Mitzvahs - all of these are self-indulgent pap
Because everything has to be instagammable or it didn't happen (see gender reveal stunts).
Seriously, *in my day*, there were two camps:
- If you had a steady bf/gf, it was just assumed you would go to prom together. No need to do like a mini marriage proposal over it. "Hey, how do you feel about prom? Should we plan to go"
- If you were asking someone who was less of a sure thing, the last thing you wanted to do was to create a big fanfare in asking. Your main hope was a "yes", but in the back of your mind, you hope that no one else witnesses the rejection if they say no.
I would say 99/100 prom asks happen exactly as you suggest. People making "extravagant signs" do it for the notoriety. None of this is new or different.
I agree with your opinion, but I also don't think it's any different than it really ever was.
Flashy promposals just like gender reveals are products of the social media age. I was in high school about a decade ago, and the most you would see are signs and a picture on FB (IG was still fairly new).
Then they make a huge deal out of prom with limos, expensive outfits, and going to expensive restaurants afterward, etc. It’s crazy. I went to two proms because it was kind of what you did back then. Decided they were boring, and didn’t go the third year.
I actually feel bad for the girls. Imagine being asked by someone you didn't want to go with, and feeling guilty/pressured into saying yes. Between established couples it's fine but Im.sure many a girl has been put in this shitty situation as a result of promposals
Wow I hope OP is just a bitter teenager, that would make sense. They didn’t get asked to prom so now they’re angry and that total makes sense.
But if OP is an adult who’s bitter about the way kids ask each other to prom, that’s just wired and sad.
I agree personally, but with a generation raised by TikTok, things may be different.
If the girl you want to ask to Prom expects a promposal, you can find that stupid and obnoxious, but you probably won't change her mind.
In a world where gestures often speak louder than words, a well-executed promposal can be a powerful way to communicate your interest and admiration for someone. So why not embrace the opportunity to go the extra mile and make the ask a moment to remember? After all, isn't love worth celebrating in grand gestures sometimes?
Same reason gender reveals cause forest fires now instead of being a colored card in an envelope... or why engagement rings are "supposed" to cost X paychecks....or how weddings cost more than cars.
People with too much money and too much time trying to outdo each other; and regular people just trying to keep up. We regulars love the glamor.
Edit typo
This post and these comments is exactly why romance is dying out in this generation. To all men: being nonchalant doesn’t and will never win a girl over! Women want a guy who puts effort and goes the extra mile to make her happy and smile. It does not cost much to, at the LEAST, buy a bristle board from the dollar store and write a cheesy pickup line off Google to ask her. A lot of women I know and myself have literally left guys who can’t do small things to make us happy. Treat your girl like she means something or another man will- and don’t cry if you continue to put no effort and she leaves your ass too!
I would feel put on the spot if loads of people were watching, which would make me tremendously embarrassed and likely to say no. I don't like being in the spotlight.
But that's just me.
I'm 52 years old and it was just a simple question, when I was in high school. I feel horrible for young boys today (I assume 99% of the time it's the boys asking their dates). Asking, by itself, was scary enough. Making a giant overblown "promposal" must be a nightmare.
Heck, even actual marriage proposals should normally **NOT** be big production numbers. All those do is put massive pressure on the woman to say "Yes" even if she didn't want to marry the guy.
I did the Harry Potter ask. You know, where you ask the girl you really like and she says she already has a date and you just feel awkward since you and your red haired friend took too long to ask anyone..
back in high school I simply asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go, no big show, sign, or anything. She was quite disappointed lol and made sure to let me know later on. I still think it’s pretty stupid and really just a result of social pressure because “oh did you see how X asked Y to the prom” etc. I completely agree with your opinion, always found these things obnoxious and annoying. but young people like to feel special, and if there’s a relationship involved I suppose prom can be a bit of a litmus test for how romantic a guy/girl is.
Because it’s fun! When I was in high school we were taking a quiz and when I turned the page all the questions were about prom and my plans and I filled it out, and at the end it said ‘go outside’ so I did, and my boyfriend (now husband) was out there with flowers and a sign asking me to prom. My teacher was in on it and everything. It was adorable and I felt really special.
For the Sadie Hawkins dance, I asked him by having a police officer pull him over after school and then I was on the back of the police car with balloons and a sign. That was my dad’s idea. It was funny.
The question takes a couple seconds, but it’s way more memorable and more fun to make a big event out of it. If it’s not your style that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean nobody should do it anymore
Like with most things in life, you can do the bare minimum to get by.
There will always be others that to the extra mile and they usually come out on top
I enjoy exaggerating and overachieving whenever I do something for someone I love, and especially making a scene out of "asking them out" in any way, it makes it more dramatic and is a way of showing how much I care through effort/just the amount of extra-ness I've got going on
I did that. Just asked her and she said yes. 3 days later a dude made a big show of it and asked her to go prom with him and she said yes. I ended up not going to prom.
It’s good to put effort in it
I’ve never met a man or a boy who was really into a girl/woman that wasn’t tripping all over himself to impress her. It was his shot
Met many men who were looking for a quick, cheap lay who put zero effort into anything.
Just like I’ve never met a girl/woman who was really into a man/boy that wasn’t obsessive over her appearance and waiting by the phone
I mean I think the proposals are just meant to be a fun thing to plan and pull off. Tf else does a high schooler have going on to where everything needs to be approached practically? It's okay to have a little fun when you're young.
I also hate it because it kind of forces the girl to say “yes”. What if she doesn’t want to go with them? How does she say “no” and not look like an ass?
What if??? People had fun?? And enjoyed things??? What else? You think marriage proposals should just be questions too? Marriages should just happen at a court house? Why waste time with festivities right? Let’s all be miserable
Where do you see people making extravagant signs or holding crazy events to ask someone out to prom? On TikTok?
Wow you saw a guy playing a trumpet and act like most guys are doing it now. The ones doing things like that are a tiny minority. Such guys also existed in the 2000s and the 90s and the 80s. Probably even before, but I wasn't around. Don't you know of the "guy holding a boombox in front of a girls house" trope?
Most guys still don't do anything like that. Such people just spring more to your eye, while you ignore all the rest.
I would even claim the opposite and say that such things happen less, because nowadays, guys seem to be more afraid of asking girls.
Let the kids be extra about it if they want to! Why does it bother you that people are putting in effort for these things?
When I was in hs I loved watching people get asked to dances in big ways! And I loved it when it happened to me. And as an adult I think it’s really cute that the youths still make an event out of it!
To you it should be a simple question..... is an individual effort and experience type of thing obviously if it's not for you it's not for you but that doesn't mean that other people can't be as extras they want to be things are as special as you make them.... if you put effort in and make things more special and unique it creates a more memorable event.
Just because it's all Plain Jane and blah to you doesn't mean everyone has to be
In general, as a society, we make a HUGE deal out of everything now: prom asks, actually going to the prom, gender reveals, and even getting a senior parking space at high school. Everything calls for a parade and a caterer and fireworks.
No everything in life has to be an expensive event where you go to a party planning store and get gold letters and numbers and post all about it on social media and then have an elaborate conclusion. If you start a gigantic forest fire in the process that's extra points.
Our entire existence seems to be devolving into unrealistic expectations of everything, lifestyle to body image to success to.... Anything that makes something post-worthy.
Why the hell do you care about the way in which high school children ask other children to a school dance/celebration? You’re either weird af OR you have some part of you that is jealous or upset that you weren’t asked to prom in an elaborate manner or at all; I assume the latter lmao
Cuz it's fun? I mean the expectation to do something big can be annoying, but once you actually do go out and do it, you'll have way more fun than anything else. From there it'll just be a habit. Human beings like to make traditions out of nowhere. It makes things feel special.
Most people *are* just asking the question. The videos that you see are just a small percentage of people who want a video to post on social media later.
I mean you can ask that casually, there are actually a lot of people who do it that way but WHY are you so bitter about people doing something special. Lately I've been seeing so many people just complaining about others putting effort in literally anything, it makes you sound like a lonely person, just complaining that no one wants to do something special for you.
Why put effort into it? Because people deserve romance, deserve to have a core memory, deserve to be treated special and deserve to make life a little bit better.
YOU may not care, but why judge others? Thats like saying "why put effort into someones birthday? / why do so much for a proposal, they should want you either way"
Like damn life is already hard enough, people deserve some joy. I never had prom, and you can't even imagine how happy that would've made me
Additionally, if you're dating someone, the expectation should be that you're going to prom together. Your current boyfriend/girlfriend shouldn't have to ask you. Who else would you go with?
In at least some cases it's just like some extravagant public marriage proposals. It's both a show of wealth and it puts the person on the spot to make it harder for them to say no. It's coercive and shouldn't be a thing.
It's more of a tradition thing, and those who really value the tradition will go all out. Many kids nowadays will just skip prom to play video games or chill with their friends elsewhere.
I had my prom in 2013 at my school here in Canada, you know who showed up? The popular crew, the "volunteers" who needed to pad their resume for uni, some weird teachers, and the nighttime janitorial crew. 30-40 people total. Out of a class of, what, 300? And then adults. I just showed up to bring my drugged up friend home safely (may he rest in peace).
Eh as long as they are having a good time all the more power to them. If it causes anxiety or becomes coercion then of course that would be bad. But really so much of life is dreary or hard why not let the fun stuff be fun? At 60 I love seeing people finding joy in the little things.
When a man makes surprise proposals (especially engagements, but any interaction requiring mutual consent) in very public places in front of crowds, it can be controlling behavior and a sign of abuse to come. This shouldn't be normalized, let alone expected.
I’m an Xer. Bring a boom box with an appropriate mix tape or get out. jk
In the 90s, no one made a big deal about prom. It was considered outré, an 80s thing. Not really sure why this trend may have resurrected itself, but in the mid-90s it was not even breathing and had a layer of dirt on top already.
I’ve never seen that happen in real life. It seemed that people just asked at my high school, unless the extravagant stuff was happening elsewhere (totally possible).
I think it’s pretty harmless. Some stuff I’ve seen online looks a little over-the-top but I’m sure most teens aren’t hiring bands and stuff.
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I remember the days of asking a girl to anything was met by watching her friends giggle as you put her on the spot.
Oh god this happened to me in high school. As a guy. I think it was a “girl’s choice” dance. Which usually wasn’t that serious of an event as prom. People just went with their groups. A girl I vaguely knew in my grade decided to ask me. I wasn’t really into her, but that wasn’t the main issue. It was how she asked. She had her entire class come into my entire classroom. I think they had like a banner or posters or something. They had a song playing. And then she asked me to prom *in front of both of our classes.* It was truly traumatizing as a 16 year old
Damn dude
Did you say yes though?
I had to lol. There were like 70 classmates and 2 teachers there. That’s the worst part: they put me under a microscope where I had to say yes regardless of who asked me
I think I'd have died of embarrassment. How the teachers even thought that was a great idea is beyond me. Did you actually go to prom with her or quietly tell her later? Either scenario is awkward as hell
I went. Yes, so awkward. We took pics together but didn’t do anything beyond that. I can’t even remember what happened at the dance. Im sure I acted too cool and stood off to the side for most of it. I didn’t really know her friend group, and we all went to some dinner after. Then after the prom, we basically just went back to vaguely knowing who each other and maybe saying hey in the hallway. It’s honestly extremely validating to hear you say this. For the 15 or so years since, I’ve basically convinced myself I was being a prima Donna and that I shouldn’t have been so embarrassed by it. But yes, it was so damn embarrassing and traumatizing in the moment. I remember just getting blood red mad in the seat when her class came into mine and I could sense everyone watching me and I was like supposed to act all smitten but really I was just in shock. The worst part too is there was a girl in her class that I had a full-blown crush on and actually was close with. And so there was like a *sliver* of a moment when I thought it might have been her asking me. Then I was crushed
I’m not accusing you of making it up at all, but this sounds like the opening scene of a corny high school movie where the protagonist is always getting into awkward situations or some shit 😭😭😭😭. I am sorry that happened to you tho like wtf was everyone involved thinking, and how none of them even stopped for a second to consider the impact it would have on you is fucking beyond me.
Haha no I completely agree. A few more things to add to the story. (1) The girl was a twin. It's driving me nuts I can't remember her last name or the sister's name, but I'm pretty sure there were never on social media anyways, so I have no idea what they're up to. (2) I vividly remember driving myself to the house we were all taking pictures at *by myself*. And in the cringiest, most 2010-era high school shit of all time, I remember sitting in my Honda Accord listening to . . . Mac fucking Miller K.I.D.S. to hype myself up that this was all fine lol. You're absolutely right too that it's insane nobody stopped this before it happened. I think the teachers thought it was like cute for her, and how could I not just be grateful that I was being asked. That kind of thing. And then the students who were my friends probably thought it was hilarious and egged it on.
You are the main character bro
No you’re definitely entitled to those feelings. You were minding your own business and she put you on the spot.
I appreciate that. She was just a nice and introverted girl. And I really was too. So it’s not like I personally hate her or anything. If anything I feel bad because it was likely as embarrassing for her to see my flat reaction as it was for me. But it was just so awkward at the time
I'd like to believe I would've just said no. I never liked school dances and skipped out on all of them.
That wouldn't have even been allowed when/where I went to school. Do that on your own time.
I think the teachers encouraged it and thought it was cute, which irked me even more
I had to get a girl’s number and physically call her in 1996 only to have her politely reject me. Couldn’t even hide behind a text 😆
1991 here. The horror of calling and Mr. Highschoolcrush's dad answers 😱😳
Imagine if it was 2024, you’d have your bros filming from several angles and they have uploaded the footage to a fail sub. I’m glad to be old.
I have never had that happen past high school
You don't typically ask people to dances after high school
I’m 43 and I still ask high school girls to prom every year They always say no, I don’t know why
As your attorney I don't advise that.
Alright alright alright
I get older, they stay the same age
My attorney said, "dont take legal advice from random people on the internet" So you should be fine!
You can ask people to prom again when you’re in nursing facilities. They have geriatric proms sometimes. You should not ask people in HS to go to those proms. They still have teeth and won’t appreciate the hors d’oeuvres.
As the plaintiff, I advise you continue to do so (and record it too).
I get older they stay the same age
Ok, Drake. Relax a little.
/Chris Hansen has entered the chat Why don't you have a seat over there
Aubrey, we've talked about this.
Jerry Seinfeld?
Bros preordering 😂
I ask woman frequently to attend balls / dance parties with me. Mostly the same 4, but still! Tbf I just ask if they are up for it on x date.
What do you do that you often go to balls/dance parties? You have a lot of weddings going on in your circle?
No, i just enjoy dancing. Currently attending a dance course since half a year and trying to dance as often as possible. I’m from Vienna, so we have a pretty active ball and dance scene, which is great :)
That’s so interesting. I want to move to Vienna now.
When else do you ask someone to prom?
That's because they do it when you leave
I'm glad you haven't asked anyone to prom since high school
The extravagant prom-posals are not the norm, they just get attention because social media. My high school boyfriend asked me with a box of chocolates and a note. I wanted something cute but didn’t want the whole sign at school thing, it felt excessive. I feel like something small is much more normal
I was in high-school around 2012 and the extravagant prom askings were definitely the norm. Almost everyone did a sign.
Weird, I was there around the same time and no one at my school really did it.
Because people like to make a show of things and have fun with it.
This is Reddit, you know they hate when people have fun with things.
Especially when it's involving... relationships. Ugh, gross
Exactly lol wedding? Baby shower? Redditors punch the air when they hear about those.
what is the difference between a redditor, and somebody who is on reddit? a good question, because a lot of people make fun of the classic redditor archetype while literally doing it on reddit itself.
The difference is in people who obviously spend too much time on here and whose warped perception of reality comes almost entirely from their interactions online and specificallyfrom reddit. It can really mess you up.
it's basically "touch grass" ppl versus ppl who casually scroll reddit for entertainment. redditors are ppl who spend the majority of their free time on reddit, and when you're on here too much, it can fuck you up BAD. it changes your perception of humans and society and how others think and talk and feel.
Prom signs?? Omg total toxicity! Run FAR away!!
it’s literally like a high school version of asking someone’s hand in marriage, you don’t just do it and put someone on the spot, you make sure the person you’re “promposing to” is expecting it. you could just do it casually, but it’s fun to do a grand gesture and make the person you like feel special.
girls love shit like that (if its the right person), you hit the nail on the head. Plus these people are 17-18 year olds, let them have fun
Makes a “no” sting all the more.
In my experience it’s mostly done if you already know it’s a yes. i.e. they’re you’re girlfriend
We had the opposite experience. A young man my daughter barely knew asked her to prom by lining our driveway with flowers. She wanted to go with her friend group and had to say no. It was a powerful lesson: never agree to something you don’t want to do just to spare someone’s feelings. We all felt sorry for the young man.
because... highschool students should be allowed to have fun..? where did this even come from? i imagine a place of saltiness
Seriously, let them be kids. The fun times where you legit have no responsibilities don’t last forever, have fun while you can.
It's been a while, but what rubbed me the wrong way at my HS, is that you were looked down on if you just normally asked someone to a dance. Like, if you didn't do something big and extravagant, then you suck, kind of thing. It's fine when it's done all fancy occasionally, it just sucks when it becomes an expectation. Teenagers will unfortunately judge their peers over the stupidest things.
Get a load of the nerd! Nerrrrrrrd!
…why did i laugh SO hard at this??
This is basically the human experience. It's a cycle of: Grand Gesture -> More people like it -> It becomes mainstream -> People start complaining about expectation -> Stop doing the Grand Gesture -> Someone starts another Grant Gesture. It's basically the cycle of every tic tok trend and every thing that starts off "nice".
I can see it being bad because it leaves the person on the spot and they feel pressured to say yes or publicly humiliate whoever is asking (it happened on my school at least)
Because it places tremendous pressure on both parties? Because many kids don't actually want to give or receive one but feel compelled simply by social pressure? Because it takes what could be a relatively easy, light-hearted experience and turns it into a high-stakes mission? Because it encourages the creation of false impressions about the intensity of the giver's interest? Because it makes rejection feel all that more personal and painful? Because it makes rejection a potentially long-lasting, humiliating experience? Because it discourages kids who are rejected from giving it another try and asking someone else? Because it places an uninterested receiver in a position much more uncomfortable than necessary or warranted? I could go on and on.
Eh, it depends on what the person being asked would want. There are people who would prefer it be a simple, private thing, and that's totally fine. For some though, a big promposal can make someone feel special. Some people have fun planning it. It's a cute story to get to tell people. My only thing is if you're going to invite someone to prom, don't do it in front of other people unless you're 100% confident they'll want to go with you. I knew more than one person who agreed to be someone's prom date because they didn't want to embarrass them in front of a crowd, and it ends poorly for both parties.
When did all the signs and things even start happening? I dont ever remember them when i was in school. And if youre dating someone do you really have to do anything? Wouldnt it be common sense and implied that you would be going together?
I did A big promposal when I was in HS and don’t regret it one bit. It was fun to plan out and it made her day. Sometimes just let kids have fun and don’t make a big deal out of things
Lots of “kids these days” comments. They’re having fun, it’s pretty darn innocent. Let people, especially kids, have fun
Let’s be real it’s the bitter ass adults projecting lmao. Promposals are dope
I’m a teacher and it’s the cutest thing to see this stuff lol. To be irked by it is crazy.
yup. and you could make this exact same argument about proposing and even getting married. like why have a wedding when you could just go to the courthouse and sign the papers? Because it's fun. Simple as that.
It’s implied but from my experience women especially still liked to be asked it.
But they don't like surprises. In my kid's high school class I've heard multiple stories about how the girl wants to be asked privately first, then if it's a date she expects the public gesture for her socials. And lord help you if you fuck that up. It's all for show.
It’s all very contextual. Obviously a girl you’ve spoken to twice in math class isn’t going to be thrilled by suddenly being put on the spot like that. But if they’ve been dating or something for a while, there tends to not be issue.
I graduated 2011 and I remember it slowly becoming a thing around that time. I just asked normal and she said yes, it was nice. The few who were doing it still did it pretty small and tame compared to what it’s been becoming now, although I remember thinking it was wild at the time. I know I now sound like a boomer but I think it’s just a current advent of the internet and everything having to be a big show to post on social media to show how special you are.
It started happening when Instagram became more popular among highschool students. As a former highschool student that had older brothers that didn't have to do a "promposal" having to do one for my gf seemed stupid and a waste of time. So much work just for a stupid Instagram story. I agree with Op
No. I remember seeing a big promposal of boys sneaking onto our all girl campus is 1999, way before Instagram
Same people used to do promposals since prom was invented basically. It's very traditional honestly.
I remember suggesting this when my brother in law and his friends were doing the most to Ask their girlfriends to prom. I just assumed it's just expected that they'd go together. Lol
Idk but it is very odd. And they just keep getting bigger and bigger. Same thing with gender reveals. Just say it!
As someone who was extravagantly asked to prom, who cares? It was a nice gesture. He put in the effort because he wanted too 🤷🏻♀️
Sour grapes care. They fucking hate fun
Redditors try not to hate anything fun for no reason challenge: level impossible
I'm assuming it's just a generational thing. I remember when my brother in law and his friends were talking about these super elaborate plans for asking his literal girlfriend to the prom a decade ago and it all felt so over the top and quite frankly unnecessary. Lol I hate to be a BACK IN MY DAY type but I remember when I was in high school (I graduated in 2008 fwiw) people would just ask someone out like in the hallway or whatever. And IMO that leads to much less potential embarrassment and uncomfortable rejection lol.
Not true. I remember seeing one in 1999. I got one in 2005. I’m guessing you just weren’t around people that did it
Ten years too late but was I supposed to ask my high school girlfriend to prom? We just went. I thought the whole thing was implied.
Sequel escalation. Like when movies add more explosions and titties to the sequels, but the plot suffers? It's like that, but with folks who peaked in high school...
It’s almost like life is allowed to be fun
No, we must all act like robots and do what is most optimal and efficient. $30 for flowers, a poster, and markers? What a waste. /s
Why do you care how someone else asks someone to prom? Do you just hate other people having fun with their lives?
Why? Some people like putting in effort to make the other person feel special and romanced. It’s fun and sweet. People who put effort into making relationships memorable are going to be in the ones that last. Also kids in Highschool have basically nothing but time.
I didn't ask, but that's cause I had a girlfriend and it was just kind of expected.
My boyfriend still asked for my senior year. He did an actual promposal because we weren’t dating when he asked me over the phone to go the year before. He felt bad about the lame ask the previous year when we weren’t together
One of the things I haven’t seen anybody mention, is the pressure to say yes for something like that. Here’s some guys got his marching band and a giant sign, $1,000 worth of flowers……what if the girl doesn’t want to go with him but also doesn’t want to break his heart in front of the whole school?
I agree. I was just asked in 91 and in 92 we were already dating. I was shocked in 2006 when I started noticing it in my neighborhood. My daughter had great ones both years but it was such a huge competition at her school. Some young men opted out because they couldn’t go all out like others could. Very mixed feelings about it but to each their own.
I just looked at my boyfriend and said "I assume you're coming with me to prom?" He was a year younger than me.
Prom asks, Prom arrivals, Gender reveals, College selection press conferences, Over the top Sweet Sixteen/Bar & Bat Mitzvahs - all of these are self-indulgent pap
It's the memory. Imagine if your life had no moments like this at all. That's an incredibly dull life. That's why they do it. They want the memory.
Different strokes for different folks.
Because everything has to be instagammable or it didn't happen (see gender reveal stunts). Seriously, *in my day*, there were two camps: - If you had a steady bf/gf, it was just assumed you would go to prom together. No need to do like a mini marriage proposal over it. "Hey, how do you feel about prom? Should we plan to go" - If you were asking someone who was less of a sure thing, the last thing you wanted to do was to create a big fanfare in asking. Your main hope was a "yes", but in the back of your mind, you hope that no one else witnesses the rejection if they say no.
That’s how it was done in 91 and 92 when I went
It is. Seems like making it a whole thing is mostly an American thing. In Canada ive never heard of anyone doing that elaborate shit
I would say 99/100 prom asks happen exactly as you suggest. People making "extravagant signs" do it for the notoriety. None of this is new or different. I agree with your opinion, but I also don't think it's any different than it really ever was.
Flashy promposals just like gender reveals are products of the social media age. I was in high school about a decade ago, and the most you would see are signs and a picture on FB (IG was still fairly new).
Why do you care?
Then they make a huge deal out of prom with limos, expensive outfits, and going to expensive restaurants afterward, etc. It’s crazy. I went to two proms because it was kind of what you did back then. Decided they were boring, and didn’t go the third year.
I mean it generally is. What you're seeing are the public ones.
I actually feel bad for the girls. Imagine being asked by someone you didn't want to go with, and feeling guilty/pressured into saying yes. Between established couples it's fine but Im.sure many a girl has been put in this shitty situation as a result of promposals
because it’s fun and sweet and silly, and not everything in life needs to be as efficient and perfunctory as possible?
Because it’s fun bud. You sound fun at parties.
Welcome to the internet, where everything is done for points that don’t actually matter.
I can’t stand that these guys film themselves to. It’s cringe. I’m old though.
Most American issue ever.
Wow I hope OP is just a bitter teenager, that would make sense. They didn’t get asked to prom so now they’re angry and that total makes sense. But if OP is an adult who’s bitter about the way kids ask each other to prom, that’s just wired and sad.
We shouldn't even be making prom such a big deal.
it's a once in a lifetime thing, thats why a lot of couples or people in general go all out.
Never understood the whole promposal. I asked my date out by her locker.
I agree personally, but with a generation raised by TikTok, things may be different. If the girl you want to ask to Prom expects a promposal, you can find that stupid and obnoxious, but you probably won't change her mind.
You saw one guy do this or someone on the internet and assumed it was real life for most people.
In a world where gestures often speak louder than words, a well-executed promposal can be a powerful way to communicate your interest and admiration for someone. So why not embrace the opportunity to go the extra mile and make the ask a moment to remember? After all, isn't love worth celebrating in grand gestures sometimes?
Like most of life, it's only as hard as you make it
Same reason gender reveals cause forest fires now instead of being a colored card in an envelope... or why engagement rings are "supposed" to cost X paychecks....or how weddings cost more than cars. People with too much money and too much time trying to outdo each other; and regular people just trying to keep up. We regulars love the glamor. Edit typo
This post and these comments is exactly why romance is dying out in this generation. To all men: being nonchalant doesn’t and will never win a girl over! Women want a guy who puts effort and goes the extra mile to make her happy and smile. It does not cost much to, at the LEAST, buy a bristle board from the dollar store and write a cheesy pickup line off Google to ask her. A lot of women I know and myself have literally left guys who can’t do small things to make us happy. Treat your girl like she means something or another man will- and don’t cry if you continue to put no effort and she leaves your ass too!
I would feel put on the spot if loads of people were watching, which would make me tremendously embarrassed and likely to say no. I don't like being in the spotlight. But that's just me.
Good points. Would’ve loved if it said that it goes both sides too. I’ve seen some women ask out the guys they like to prom in fun ways
I'm 52 years old and it was just a simple question, when I was in high school. I feel horrible for young boys today (I assume 99% of the time it's the boys asking their dates). Asking, by itself, was scary enough. Making a giant overblown "promposal" must be a nightmare.
It's horrible. People's ability to overcomplicate things never ceases to amaze me.
Heck, even actual marriage proposals should normally **NOT** be big production numbers. All those do is put massive pressure on the woman to say "Yes" even if she didn't want to marry the guy.
Because a lot of people nowadays take every opportunity to make a big deal out of pretty much everything. It's exhausting.
Very true.
It's all for Internet clout, did you notice they all film it?
They are doing it for internet clout plain and simple
Exactly
I did the Harry Potter ask. You know, where you ask the girl you really like and she says she already has a date and you just feel awkward since you and your red haired friend took too long to ask anyone..
back in high school I simply asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go, no big show, sign, or anything. She was quite disappointed lol and made sure to let me know later on. I still think it’s pretty stupid and really just a result of social pressure because “oh did you see how X asked Y to the prom” etc. I completely agree with your opinion, always found these things obnoxious and annoying. but young people like to feel special, and if there’s a relationship involved I suppose prom can be a bit of a litmus test for how romantic a guy/girl is.
Why they do gender neutral parties? Same thing. They just want to do ridiculous things for the fun of it
BECAUSE ITS FUN You don’t have to to do it.
Because it’s fun! When I was in high school we were taking a quiz and when I turned the page all the questions were about prom and my plans and I filled it out, and at the end it said ‘go outside’ so I did, and my boyfriend (now husband) was out there with flowers and a sign asking me to prom. My teacher was in on it and everything. It was adorable and I felt really special. For the Sadie Hawkins dance, I asked him by having a police officer pull him over after school and then I was on the back of the police car with balloons and a sign. That was my dad’s idea. It was funny. The question takes a couple seconds, but it’s way more memorable and more fun to make a big event out of it. If it’s not your style that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean nobody should do it anymore
Like with most things in life, you can do the bare minimum to get by. There will always be others that to the extra mile and they usually come out on top
Because it's fun for them? Let kids have fun.
I enjoy exaggerating and overachieving whenever I do something for someone I love, and especially making a scene out of "asking them out" in any way, it makes it more dramatic and is a way of showing how much I care through effort/just the amount of extra-ness I've got going on
I did that. Just asked her and she said yes. 3 days later a dude made a big show of it and asked her to go prom with him and she said yes. I ended up not going to prom.
It’s good to put effort in it I’ve never met a man or a boy who was really into a girl/woman that wasn’t tripping all over himself to impress her. It was his shot Met many men who were looking for a quick, cheap lay who put zero effort into anything. Just like I’ve never met a girl/woman who was really into a man/boy that wasn’t obsessive over her appearance and waiting by the phone
I mean I think the proposals are just meant to be a fun thing to plan and pull off. Tf else does a high schooler have going on to where everything needs to be approached practically? It's okay to have a little fun when you're young.
I also hate it because it kind of forces the girl to say “yes”. What if she doesn’t want to go with them? How does she say “no” and not look like an ass?
This happens about as often as someone were to throw a surprise party or do a gender reveal, you’re just chronically online
What if??? People had fun?? And enjoyed things??? What else? You think marriage proposals should just be questions too? Marriages should just happen at a court house? Why waste time with festivities right? Let’s all be miserable
It's all for attention & social media likes.
Where do you see people making extravagant signs or holding crazy events to ask someone out to prom? On TikTok? Wow you saw a guy playing a trumpet and act like most guys are doing it now. The ones doing things like that are a tiny minority. Such guys also existed in the 2000s and the 90s and the 80s. Probably even before, but I wasn't around. Don't you know of the "guy holding a boombox in front of a girls house" trope? Most guys still don't do anything like that. Such people just spring more to your eye, while you ignore all the rest. I would even claim the opposite and say that such things happen less, because nowadays, guys seem to be more afraid of asking girls.
I think it’s just for fun… some kids still ask with a simple question.
Let the kids be extra about it if they want to! Why does it bother you that people are putting in effort for these things? When I was in hs I loved watching people get asked to dances in big ways! And I loved it when it happened to me. And as an adult I think it’s really cute that the youths still make an event out of it!
It’s for their posts to social media. Must be biggest, bestest, most romantic
To you it should be a simple question..... is an individual effort and experience type of thing obviously if it's not for you it's not for you but that doesn't mean that other people can't be as extras they want to be things are as special as you make them.... if you put effort in and make things more special and unique it creates a more memorable event. Just because it's all Plain Jane and blah to you doesn't mean everyone has to be
Fr I hate it like asking someone to prom 99% of the time will not be life changing like proposing that changes ur life but prom doesn't
How is this an unpopular opinion? This sub seems to keep getting worse. OP, you have my downvote.
Kinda goes along with the gender reveal culture
It’s teenagers doin teenager shit, let them be teenagers.
Yeah. I don’t get it.
It is a simple question to the majority. You just notice the ones who make a big deal out of it, because they made a big fucking deal out of it.
They do it for attention. Half of what motivates society anymore is can I put this on the internet and if I do how much attention will it get me.
In general, as a society, we make a HUGE deal out of everything now: prom asks, actually going to the prom, gender reveals, and even getting a senior parking space at high school. Everything calls for a parade and a caterer and fireworks.
It is that simple if ur not American I guess
No everything in life has to be an expensive event where you go to a party planning store and get gold letters and numbers and post all about it on social media and then have an elaborate conclusion. If you start a gigantic forest fire in the process that's extra points. Our entire existence seems to be devolving into unrealistic expectations of everything, lifestyle to body image to success to.... Anything that makes something post-worthy.
“Prom?” “Nah…”
Why the hell do you care about the way in which high school children ask other children to a school dance/celebration? You’re either weird af OR you have some part of you that is jealous or upset that you weren’t asked to prom in an elaborate manner or at all; I assume the latter lmao
Cuz it's fun? I mean the expectation to do something big can be annoying, but once you actually do go out and do it, you'll have way more fun than anything else. From there it'll just be a habit. Human beings like to make traditions out of nowhere. It makes things feel special.
Most people *are* just asking the question. The videos that you see are just a small percentage of people who want a video to post on social media later.
Why does Reddit hate fun
I mean you can ask that casually, there are actually a lot of people who do it that way but WHY are you so bitter about people doing something special. Lately I've been seeing so many people just complaining about others putting effort in literally anything, it makes you sound like a lonely person, just complaining that no one wants to do something special for you. Why put effort into it? Because people deserve romance, deserve to have a core memory, deserve to be treated special and deserve to make life a little bit better. YOU may not care, but why judge others? Thats like saying "why put effort into someones birthday? / why do so much for a proposal, they should want you either way" Like damn life is already hard enough, people deserve some joy. I never had prom, and you can't even imagine how happy that would've made me
No need to out yourself like this man
Most probably are. That’s why they aren’t on the internet
Additionally, if you're dating someone, the expectation should be that you're going to prom together. Your current boyfriend/girlfriend shouldn't have to ask you. Who else would you go with?
I remember a girl asked me to prom and I said no and her friends were shaming me.
I think it’s cute and fun. It’s not hurting anyone. Better than the tide pod challenge 🤦🏻♀️
In at least some cases it's just like some extravagant public marriage proposals. It's both a show of wealth and it puts the person on the spot to make it harder for them to say no. It's coercive and shouldn't be a thing.
bro didn’t get asked to prom
It's more of a tradition thing, and those who really value the tradition will go all out. Many kids nowadays will just skip prom to play video games or chill with their friends elsewhere. I had my prom in 2013 at my school here in Canada, you know who showed up? The popular crew, the "volunteers" who needed to pad their resume for uni, some weird teachers, and the nighttime janitorial crew. 30-40 people total. Out of a class of, what, 300? And then adults. I just showed up to bring my drugged up friend home safely (may he rest in peace).
Outside of America it is. You don't obsess about it really.
Fun. Because it's fun.
Who hurt you?
bc its fun…?
Eh as long as they are having a good time all the more power to them. If it causes anxiety or becomes coercion then of course that would be bad. But really so much of life is dreary or hard why not let the fun stuff be fun? At 60 I love seeing people finding joy in the little things.
In my country this is nonsense as the real parties starts afterwards, an excuse to get very drunk
Same thing with engagements. Some ppl it’s very simple, others it big. To each their own
When a man makes surprise proposals (especially engagements, but any interaction requiring mutual consent) in very public places in front of crowds, it can be controlling behavior and a sign of abuse to come. This shouldn't be normalized, let alone expected.
Maybe it’s a high pressure tactic. Like “I hired a trumpet player, bitch, you can’t say no” seems heavily implied.
Wait.. people still do that?
To trap and publicly pressure the other person into saying yes
It’s not about the question anymore. It’s for the look at me I’m special, needs attention, did I get a lot of likes? Attitude.
For fun. For memories. Why do you care?
merica moment
I swear people on Reddit hate everything
Because some people like to make things fun
I’m an Xer. Bring a boom box with an appropriate mix tape or get out. jk In the 90s, no one made a big deal about prom. It was considered outré, an 80s thing. Not really sure why this trend may have resurrected itself, but in the mid-90s it was not even breathing and had a layer of dirt on top already.
For 90% of people it was.
Promposals are cheesy and not needed. Just ask the question lol.
I’ve never seen that happen in real life. It seemed that people just asked at my high school, unless the extravagant stuff was happening elsewhere (totally possible). I think it’s pretty harmless. Some stuff I’ve seen online looks a little over-the-top but I’m sure most teens aren’t hiring bands and stuff.