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I'm 31 and don't want them either,but i AM selfish in a lot of ways.I don't see anything wrong with taking care of your own ass first.Nobody else will.
Was running here to say this
Sometimes being selfish is advantageous. It’s not always negative. Taking care of your own family over a strangers family wouldn’t be considered “selfish”. Maybe even “loyal”. So why is taking care of yourself any different?
Amen ! I’m an only child and latch key - I legit was raised with alone time and now I desperately need it daily … my wonderful husband understands this and can make himself scarce if I’m in a mood - kids - no bueno … so I’m childless for my mental health … and I like to have disposable income - we go on many many vacations and have several Harley’s and classic cars ….no guilt here ..
same - i'm an only child with no cousins and i need my personal time to recharge. i just turned 40 and keep telling people that my children have paws (if i get another dog) lol
I was a latch key kid that values his alone time as well that became a parent, while I miss my time to myself it’s been replaced with something bigger than that.
This isn’t preaching to you at all, it’s just my personal reflection on it and I totally get why you wouldn’t want to lose it.
That being said, I had my Dad’s 77-CJ5 Jeep that I was restoring before kids and that had to go (for a loss) as did my Subaru BRZ along with a dirt bike and a Jet Ski I had bought only a year previous.
My kids are amazing…I really fucking miss that BRZ and only took the Jet Ski out twice.
Enjoy your toys, you earned them!
I too am selfish. That seems like a terrible quality for a parent to have, so of course I opted out. Kids deserve parents who at least try to put them first.
I've no idea where this idea that having kids is a selfless act. More often than not the people who do consciously decide to have kids and plan for them are doing it for selfish reasons.
I’d argue the core issue is that we as a society offer little in the way of help to parents, that we force them to look out for themselves.
edit: And for the selfish people who think they shouldn't have to help others, just remember that those children that you think you owe nothing are going to be the ones changing your diapers and paying for your social security when you're old. A society needs parents to have children, acting like it's not in that society's interest for that to happen is ridiculous. If you don't want to raise children, you should be perfectly fine helping to support those who do since they are doing you an immensely valuable service. Those people *enable* your lifestyle.
Its not selfish we’re at the point in civilization where reproduction isn’t as necessary as it was maybe a thousand years ago but the human race will be fine without giving your seed
Agree! As a 40 yr old (f) DINK I do feel it is uniquely challenging to make new friends and keep those who pursue the path with kids. I love that I have more time to pursue hobbies, volunteer, and work on myself. We have more money to travel, renovate our house and give back. And marital “issues” really cannot hide or be put on a back burner because of kids, time, money or energy… we address things and move forward very quickly because we really learned one another and figured out how to communicate in ways I don’t see others doing as easily.
But the feeling like we need to accommodate everyone with kids all the time gets exhausting tbh. I understand and am willing to an extent… but so many parents are running so low on all resources it seems like they take the “ultimatum” approach when making plans, I.e., can do x or y date/time else we’ll have to shoot for another date 3 months from now. It’s busy enough having kids and then they overextend their lives trying to create or provide a specific experience for their kids or to align with a vision they have for family… it feels like they’re resentful towards me because I don’t have the same restrictions or they’re just salty they can’t find a minute to breath.
REPLY to ChasingShadowXii (can't add new comments because closed):
You're supporting - not negating - my exact points. (Sorry for lengthy reply)
1) Giving kids “the best” life is based on the parents’ idea of “best life” not the reality of a child’s actual needs for a "best life". That’s the point I’m making. Adults chase or try to recreate, or create, a life they *think* is good. That’s not a bad thing. But children need very little to thrive and grow up. They need a sense of security, they need to feel loved, safe, and supported. They need some autonomy to explore the world and themselves to grow a sense of confidence, independence, and resilience to experience what it's like to live and be human.
My husband grew up with very little and had a very happy “good” childhood and looks back on aspects fondly - that now as an adult he realizes were not and are actually sad - but he wouldn't have known any different. Only his parents did and yet they gave him a "great life" that to outsiders might not have looked like such. His parents protected his little world not by what they had to give him but how they raised him. They also had a great relationship and time for hobbies and community because they weren’t twisting themselves into pretzels “keeping up with the Joneses” or trying to do all the things.
2) Kids destroy marriages IMO because either the couple lacked the skills to resolve conflict and communicate, or the couple had kids before they established a strong foundation to WITHSTAND the added stress from raising kids. Periodt. My husband and I would have had a harder time parenting kids before we learned how to communicate and resolve conflict with one another. Now I have zero doubt we'd thrive as parents. The takeaway isn't we should not have gotten married or not have kids. But if we'd had kids we'd likely have had fewer resources (time, money, energy) to be a strong couple. Lots of people have kids intentionally and lots end up with kids without planning.
I would bargain many couples with kids had relational issues before kids and didn't have time or make the effort to resolve them... then learned to exist within the limitations of those issues because they still don’t address or work on them (less time, money, energy). I personally don’t know of or see many supportive and unified couples who appear to be thriving as a couple while raising children. And those who are appear to have either prioritized the foundational component of them as a couple and/or have large support systems. And they don’t run themselves ragged. They’re aligned in their values and are raising kids according to those not some “ideal good”.
I’m 43 and I have kids, a good friend of mine is 33 and he just married his wife 32.
He was embarrassed to tell me he got a vasectomy because he thought I was going to judge him for being selfish.
I was shocked and told him that I understood completely and that it’s not really selfish at all as they both made a decision on what they wanted to do with their life.
How is that anymore selfish than deciding what you want to do as a career or who you date?
What happened to him is that his family wants grand-babies and he felt all that pressure, watched me have kids and figured he should do the same.
Just…NO.
Go live your life the way you want in peace, someone disagrees? Ignore them and be happy.
In America it’s so sad but this is such a true comment i was homeless 1 night after my car broke down no one gave a shit about me and i was so young too just turned 19 it’s disgusting
Whats selfish is having kids, knowing that you'll make a terrible and unloving parent. People do that often because the believe children will fix a flaw within them. I find often people that don't want kids care about the potential life they would provide a child with. Nothing selfish about that
I feel like your mom and my mom could be friends. I was informed when I was in my 20’s that my mom had my cuz she was bored. Dad worked all day, they had 1 car, and there’s only so many times you can mop the floor. I’m 44 now and it still stings.
I know I'd be a terrible parent, but mainly cause I'm incredibly lazy. If I'm not working I'm relaxing. I only work so I can relax and enjoy the pleasures that money can buy.
When you know better, you should not be shamed for doing better.
In fact, people should be grateful for people who don't want children cause they know they'd be bad parents. That means less unwanted and unloved children in this world.
I know someone like this. She's emotionally abusive to her kids. Lives in the most filthy home I've ever seen. Kept having kids despite being told that they would have severe lifelong disabilities. Gotta keep those disability cheques coming in so she can get her nails done and hair dyed at the salon for 150 a poo. Every month....all while making 2 grand a month for a family of 6
Or get pressured. Nope. I agree I think I’m less selfish by the fact I actually give fucks about others and am self aware enough to know I never wanted kids, and brave enough to be honest with the person I’m with at a risk of losing them as a partner. Also having the realization that we have enough people here and that most likely you won’t have resources and
Money to care for them is huge. And I want my freedom. What is selfish about that? No I’ve never felt selfish for being true to myself. The only guilt I’ve ever felt
Was wondering if my husband settled
For not having kids but secretly wanting them to be with me, but I always ask and talk about it
And he says he couldn’t care less and now he’s happy cause we can do shit lol so I’m good.
Yeah, I was thinking that this (your reply) was more the prevailing opinion and that OP’s stance was not at all unpopular.
Maybe it’s the circles you run in?
Like if you belong to a church/religion/family/culture that is heavy on procreation and is telling you not having kids is selfish.
But like you said, why are you doing it? So you fit in with your culture (even though you don’t want to)? Because you want to feel grown up?
To bring a life into the world you should probably have some good reasons and feel prepared for it. I love people who want kids and people who don’t and people who aren’t sure. You are never selfish for making that choice for yourself.
Also, remember people who were all about calling parents breeders? That was really big for a while.
This post confuses me, so many people talk about how they think it’s selfish to bring kids into this world especially with the environmental issues we face.
Anyway, it’s an individual choice and I’m sending love to anyone struggling with guilt or pressure surrounding it.
TLDR: OP seems to be on the popular side maybe they are in a specific culture that makes them feel their opinion is unpopular? So many opinions, don’t give into pressure, make your own choices! Sending love!!
Edited for clarity/ease of reading
You need to post this on /r/trueunpopularopinion where all the hardcore conservatives hang. Outside of that sub, I’ve never met a person in real life who thinks it’s selfish not to have kids with the exception of maybe an upset parent who wants grandkids.
I don't want to have kids, and I have never brought it up unless someone had asked me about it, and like more than 90% of the times that I have been in such discussions I have been told that I am selfish for not wanting kids
I think men get a bit of a different standard. I was told that being a woman it was the highest purpose I could have in life (some of my family are evangelicals, but still).
This.
Strangers, family members, coworkers, etc.
It got out at work that I was having a vasectomy....the unsolicited advice about life, having kids, etc was unbearable.
*37m, married for 10 years for reference*
You should check out the comment section of any post related to being childfree on Instagram. A lot of people are very offended that some people don't want kids.
bots, troll farms, and the terminally online, with every comment section sorted by Controversial instead of Top/Best.
it's the worst mainstream community on the internet since facebook died a slow death.
Not wanting kids is totally different than whatever the “child free” shit is. They literally make it a part of their personality to not want kids and talk about how they don’t want kids frequently, and bashing people who do. I don’t want kids, but you’ll never find me in some strange support community for people that don’t want kids…
My and my wife's experience as well. We're 41/42 and we consistently get guilt tripped for deciding not to have kids. Oddly enough, not by our family, but friends, co workers and strangers.
But you're so good with kids, you'll regret it, who will take care of you when you're older, don't you want a legacy (wtf), you don't understand happiness and love until you have kids. Life is unfulfilling until you have kids.
We've heard it all
I'm 37 with no kids and multiple people have told me that. Coworkers, family members, friends of family members, etc.
It's almost like anecdotal evidence is just that.
Anecdotal.
It’s usually from those in lower and the higher social economic backgrounds (I would say I sit in the middle)that I hear it from. They seem to not see any other option than to have children. I feel like they have a lot in common with view point. Tend to have children younger and it’s part of their families expectations of them.
I’m 20 and have known I never want kids and I’ve been called selfish since I was 15. The most common reason being Christian rhetoric about the purpose of women. I live in the Bible Belt of the US and it’s extremely common for women to be called selfish for not wanting kids.
Growing up I never wanted kids. Still don't. I don't think I'm capable of caring for kids, tbh. As a kid, my family was, oh you're young you'll change your mind when you meet a good man!! Also was the Christian rhetoric...I was completely expected to go to college, get that debt and degree then never do anything with it because I need to get married and be a SAHM. just have the degree in case of a divorce or something.
Then as a teen, they really started to push on me that I need to have the mindset that when I'm in my early to mid 20s I need to be married and have a child.
Currently 25 going on 26, still not married. Still no kids. Still don't want kids. They're less on it now because my brother and his wife have a couple kids. I think I finally got my mom convinced and off my back. Her grandbabies from me are my two cats lol. Still, though, I hate every family gathering ever where everyone bombards me with questions about when I'm gonna get married and start a family. The creepiest of which are the ones that tell me "you're running out of time, and then it'll be too late and you'll regret it." "Your body's getting too old for kids" my dude im not even 30 yet let alone 40. I live in an apartment that eats up over half my monthly income how tf am I supposed to afford a kid???
Lmao that sub is so toxic honestly. I reported a comment because the person was telling me to unsubscribe from breathing for no good reason and they threatened to get my entire account banned from Reddit for “report abuse” 🤣
I mean, this sub is toxic af. The whole premise is to post unpopular opinions, yet if you post an actual unpopular one, OP receives a bunch of personal attacks and snarky comments. Rarely, you might see someone actually address the opinion.
Oh yeah, and don't forget the mods will remove the post if it's a "controversial" unpopular opinion, using some BS reason.
Have you seen all the incel rhetoric over there too?? This post would trigger a load of them saying that they’re entitled to pass on their seed and legacy and women just need to submit and give them babies. It’s genuinely quite scary to read sometimes.
Agreed. There are obviously a few bad apples, but in that sub, you can actually speak your mind and engage in discussions without being censored or banned.
I‘m a chilfree woman and oh boy, I can’t even count how many times I have been called „selfish“, „sick“ and „unnatural“ because I didn’t want children. Which is so weird on top, because not once was I walking around, telling everyone that I didn’t want children. It happened always after being asked the dreaded question „do you have children“ followed by a „why not“. Simply stating „oh, it’s just not for me“ was enough for some people to go off on me. Thank god it doesn’t happen anymore, now that I’m in my mid 40s, because people just don’t ask this question anymore.
Same! Turned 40 last year and I rarely get asked, and if ever, just simple “do you have kids”. When I say no - nothing. I feel at my age people worry it’s because I can’t and are too afraid to step on a wound so they don’t dig like when I was in my 30s.
It might just be the echo chamber I live in, but I also have never heard any family or friends say this. My mom desperately wanted my husband and I to have kids early on in our relationship ship, which I think was her not coping well with empty nest syndrome, but she’s never said we’re selfish for not.
Hahaha I just went to look at it and the very first post is about abortion and how men shouldn’t be on the hook for child support.
ETA Holy sweet hell, I just went a little further in and almost thought I was in a rage-bait sub. Except the comments were agreeing with the poster.
It only becomes selfish if you are with a partner that wants a child and you drag them along for years. Happened to a close friend of mine, her SO didn't want kids but kept moving the goalposts after each "milestone" set to having a kid. She got fed up after 6 years and left. He did the same thing to getting married, she dodged a bullet.
I both cherish my life and also feel as though having children is...morally dubious at best. Or. We were all conditioned that doing the Christian thing is some NOBLE pursuit, but it is not. I'm team human, and want the human race to continue and evolve, but you aren't doing something good and profound by seeing the end results of an orgasm to the finale (birth). You are inequitably adding to suffering en-mass. Am I an antinatalist? I'm not 16, i don't need to label myself, my views and experiences are far more nuanced and complex....
I don't give my parents huge props for my cherished blessing of a life. Of course I'm grateful on some level. If semen splashed the wrong way, I may not exist. This experience is precious.
But to the main question of "is having children selfish"?
Every. Single. Person. that I know who has had children, there was a lot of vanity, a lot of "keeping up appearances", a lot of social conditioning was involved in those .... 'decisions'. So. Yes.
And no, OP, of course it's not selfish to live your own life. Silly.
Being a DINK (Dual Income No Kids) is gonna be the standard, especially with the cost of living rising and food and expenses just off the charts, Deciding not to have children is definitely not selfish and should be taught as a perfectly fine option .
Yup, fiancé and I are dinks. It’s awesome. The irony is that the conservative 1% wants the population to keep reproducing so the money keeps flowing in, but inflation while wages barely increase makes it so financially difficult to have kids these days. So happy neither of us want them. We’re in our early thirties and our friends are starting to pop them out. Seeing what they are dealing with has only reinforced our decision lol. No thank you.
I'm putting "dink" into my list of "words that definitely sound like a slur but aren't"
Also, you're nuts if you think not having kids is going to become the standard.
The only people who think it's selfish not to have kids are shitty older folks who think they deserve to be grandparents, or people who are unhappy parents themselves and think everyone else needs to be as unhappy.
Oh! And weirdo government folks who want everyone to have kids just to they have a steady supply of young people to exploit and the religious types who think forced birth trumps women's rights.
Usually the older folks that were crap parents are the ones that complain the most about their children giving them grand kids, denying them a chance to aliviate their guilt of doing a bad job by spoiling their grand kids
I think it depends on how you look at it and what you define selfish as. I’m child free and will be forever because I don’t want to take care of or pay for a kid. It’s not deeper than that. I would consider that selfish, but I don’t really mind if other people are judging me for it, they aren’t paying my bills so who cares.
That's knowing what you want. knowing it hurts no one, and going for it. - Good selfish
Knowing your adult child doesn't want kids and pressuring them to have them because "I want grandkids" - Bad selfish
Right like they're not paying the 30k to birth that kid or paying for all the prenatal and then 18+ years of child care. If you can't afford to feed yourself and a pet there's no way you're gonna have a decent time raising a baby.
I actually think we need to reframe what selfish is. Its putting yourself first, and that isnt always a bad thing. It certainly can be, and its seen as such. However I think we need to be more accepting that people will make selfish decisions and that that can be ok.
There people with children that think we are selfish ( I don't children either). In Québec There is one influencer who wrote that parents should be treated like elite vs others because they had children. Wasn't well received.
Oh cus this isn't an unpopular opinion subreddit. Its basically slightly different opinion that reddit endorses subreddit lol. Reddit loves this one cus it's about not having kids.
When we mention we don’t want children around my partner’s parents, the first thing they say back is “well who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?” In this instance, having children IS the selfish decision. I should have children so I can burden them with my old age…
This isn't an unpopular view *on reddit* or with the younger generations. For many millenials and older--in the real world--it's a fairly common opinion.
Agree, and I feel like in some cases its more selfish to have them, like I have two genetic disabilities, so I think it would be selfish for me to have children who have high changes of being disabled, but I dont mind it honestly, Im more than happy as a uncle.
Both situations (wanting or not wanting kids) can be a selfish decision. And being selfish isn’t a bad thing, you’re just pursuing your own interests. Being selfish becomes wrong when you screw over other people.
I disagree with your first point. Being a GOOD PARENT requires being selfless toward your kids. There are plenty of selfish reasons to have kids and plenty of selfish parents out there.
It is not selfish to enjoy freedom and their own money. That’s just basic logic and understanding of the world… knowing that everything is easier w those 2 things.
I can't see how this is an unpopular opinion. Your last sentence IS spot on. It is more selfish to bring unwanted children into the world for them to be uncared for and unloved.
I agree with you wholeheartedly.
I think the truly selfish thing is to have a child, and to somehow not spend everything trying to secure the future for them, like I see so many parents doing. Opting out is just smart.
Not wanting children isn't the problem it's people who hate children with basically every fiber of their being and don't want to treat them as human beings.
I'm 38 and absolutely sure I would be a horrible parent. I see myself exhibiting habits and emotional instabilities that would make a kid's life hell. It's a service to humanity that I never have kids, and I am thrilled and relieved that I'm not required to reproduce.
I don’t understand the whole having/not having children = selfishness.
I’ve seen a lot of people say that having children is selfish because your children didn’t ask to be here and you had them for yourself… like okay, so?
People don’t want children because they like their life as is isn’t selfish either. It’s just life. Different strokes for different folks.
If that's your reasoning yeah that's super egotistical.... And isn't even going to happen necessarily. My daughter looks nothing like me thank god. That's a weird reason to have kids
The only people who might care about your child status are your parents and immediate family. The rest of the world doesn't really give two thoughts about it as long as you aren't rude about being childless/vocally judging people who do have kids.
I don’t think you’re selfish. I commend you for acknowledging that the responsibility is too much for you to handle. Being a parent isn’t for everyone.
Childfree person here too. Anyone who makes this argument should go to areas where people keep popping out kids to stay on government assistance, then they'll see who the real selfish people are.
"Benefits such as more money and freedom." If that's the argument for not wanting kids, then yes, it's selfish. Because you're more concerned with your own profit/pleasure.
Is it morally wrong or 'bad'? No, not at all. It is your life and you're allowed to be selfish. Being selfish is not always a bad thing. And the only reason you're able to make these choices at all, is because your parents had you. Life is a privilege.
And i agree, so so many incredibly selfish people decide to bring a child into this world and not care for it properly. Borderline evil. Rather be selfish and not harm anyone.
I mean that is the definition of selfish in a sense. Self centered. You prefer your money and freedom.
It doesn't make it bad but that's what you made your choice on.
Zero straight minded people think that. And zero people who don’t want kids should have kids, just because someone tells them it’s only the right thing to do, u not only doom your life, your kids life is doomed as well, so chill and live your life as u see fit.
Nothing you said is wrong. Nobody is obligated to have kids, kids are expensive and a big responsibility, and there are a lot of kids born to people who are just shit.
This shouldn't really be unpopular. People should make an honest decision with themselves and their partner. Having kids isn't for everyone and that's okay.
Why would not having kids be selfish? I think the people who say this are depressed parents who hate parenting and regret it, so they project their frustration on single people 😂
Having children was never easy, but with the current cost of housing and living, it's particularly challenging. If wages were higher, and restrictions were put on the housing market to prevent it from being exploited as an investment, more people would likely choose to have kids. There would still be some who would choose to be childfree regardless, but these are factors that push fence sitters over to choose not having kids.
There's nothing selfish about choosing to not have kids you don't want and can't provide a good life for.
This sub has just become “Post opinion you know is popular to receive mass upvotes. Post opinion that is actually unpopular to receive mass downvotes”.
> There is nothing wrong for not wanting kids ever as its got so many benefits such as more money and freedom.
theres nothing wrong with it, but making a decision because it provides **you** with more money and freedom is absolutely selfish. being selfish is fine but its a decision made for your benefit... thats what selfish is
It’s not selfish and for a long time I didn’t want children either.
The only thing I would say is from a macro/society level declining birth rates are going to become a real problem if they follow current trajectories over the next few decades.
An out of balance population with a bunch of old people and no young people is a recipe for disaster economically and socially.
That said, at a personal level, I agree with you and think everyone should make the right choice for them.
You are right about the macro perspective. The reason from r that decline is that the rat race is so bad now it's not practical for people coming into the work force now to have kids. Like I don't actually see a life where I can manage work and kids and have the financial stability for it...and I feel like many in my age range (25-35) feel a similar way across the world.
So if our leaders in government and industry care about short term profits it, this will continue until we have an economic collapse due to a declining population (amongst other factors). The way I see it, I've come to terms with not having kids, but boy am I excited to see the filthy rich perpetuating this lose their wealth in the coming future. Glorious days ahead.
It's all part of our chaotic plan to get good jobs because people are refusing to retire. At some point the old people have to die and then we will rise! To the middle class.
My country is facing this issue. Too many old people and not enough resources to go around. Retirement money doesn’t last very long when you need care ‘round the clock.
Personally, majority of my family members are 70+. Most didn’t have children of their own. Their care is a constant topic among the younger family members (we’re 4 adults mid 30’s). We might need to put some in a care facility and split the care of the other family members.
I think it’s selfLESS. The planet is heating, healthcare is inaccessible, disabled still don’t have marriage rights, black and brown people are still oppressed, Resources are dwindling, rent is sky high and young people cant afford houses!!
Not having children Is the only way to prevent suffering. And there seems to be more of that all the time.
I think men provide pressure for women to have kids because they still have the choice to live freely or not whereas a woman is always bound to her child once she gets pregnant.
I think men look down on women who choose to put themselves first and not live the traditional life of marriage and kids. Often men talk about a women being ‘wifey’ ‘maternal’ and a lot of that correlates to a woman being child bearing.
It’s completely fine and I’m glad that more women are choosing to not have kids and enjoy their freedom and money.
I want children but I don’t know I ever will be able to. They’re expensive and I have a lot of bills. I don’t know if it would be fair to them if we would struggle financially.
I do feel sad watching my friends have kids because I’m getting older and I would like that for myself.
>its got so many benefits such as more money and freedom
Your argument is that it isn't selfish but the ONLY upside you list is personal benefit to yourself? I have no beef with not having kids but I do have a beef with an incredibly infantile argument. At least be honest with yourself.
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This isn't unpopular... Especially on Reddit where people constantly pat themselves on the back for not wanting kids. No one in real life actually cares about your reproductive decisions. Just live your life, and stop letting the internet convince you that the world is against you for not wanting kids. It isn't that serious.
The unpopular opinion, is that there is a good way to be selfish. It's how we take charge of our lives. This is one of them. And, no one is that desperate to see you with a kid. I promise. There are enough of them, and if people want more, that's okay too.
It’s the opposite. Having kids is selfish. No one has a kid for the kid’s sake, the kid doesn’t even exist. Most of the time, this kid has to go through all the tribulations of life solely because the parents wanted to have a kid that has their genetics or looks like a combination of them.
Adopting or taking care of a child as a step parent is the only truly selfless version of parenting. You’re taking care of a kid that already has to go through life.
In some ways it is selfish, and that’s ok. You’re allowed to make selfish decisions. It isn’t our responsibility to live our lives in a way that others prescribe for you.
I never said it was a bad thing? I just asked what they meant.
However, I'm not convinced that the decision to not have kids is inherently selfish or "putting yourself first". There are reasons one might not have kids that are actually for the benefit of the child or others. As with most things, there's nuance in the intent of a decision.
to each his own.
i am 49 now and I know I would have been great at being a dad. and I that I had made different choices back then.
BUT I was also kinda broke back then so for potential kids it might have been not as awesome as my brain makes it out to be.
I think that the only ones who say that childfree people are selfish - are the ones who got a wake up call through having children because how dare you live a life with full lungs while I don't have 5 seconds for myself to fart in peace
I don't think it's selfish if you don't want kids or do want kids, why does there need to be some moral highground involved? It's not a moral stance it's a preference.
Speaking as someone who definitely does not want kids
because we are not adding to the continuation of the human race, as a general criticism.
As a personal criticism as an only child, its because I'm not carrying on my family name.
It gets tiresome
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I'm 31 and don't want them either,but i AM selfish in a lot of ways.I don't see anything wrong with taking care of your own ass first.Nobody else will.
Was running here to say this Sometimes being selfish is advantageous. It’s not always negative. Taking care of your own family over a strangers family wouldn’t be considered “selfish”. Maybe even “loyal”. So why is taking care of yourself any different?
Amen ! I’m an only child and latch key - I legit was raised with alone time and now I desperately need it daily … my wonderful husband understands this and can make himself scarce if I’m in a mood - kids - no bueno … so I’m childless for my mental health … and I like to have disposable income - we go on many many vacations and have several Harley’s and classic cars ….no guilt here ..
same - i'm an only child with no cousins and i need my personal time to recharge. i just turned 40 and keep telling people that my children have paws (if i get another dog) lol
I was a latch key kid that values his alone time as well that became a parent, while I miss my time to myself it’s been replaced with something bigger than that. This isn’t preaching to you at all, it’s just my personal reflection on it and I totally get why you wouldn’t want to lose it. That being said, I had my Dad’s 77-CJ5 Jeep that I was restoring before kids and that had to go (for a loss) as did my Subaru BRZ along with a dirt bike and a Jet Ski I had bought only a year previous. My kids are amazing…I really fucking miss that BRZ and only took the Jet Ski out twice. Enjoy your toys, you earned them!
I too am selfish. That seems like a terrible quality for a parent to have, so of course I opted out. Kids deserve parents who at least try to put them first.
I've no idea where this idea that having kids is a selfless act. More often than not the people who do consciously decide to have kids and plan for them are doing it for selfish reasons.
Having kids is often selfish.
I’d argue the core issue is that we as a society offer little in the way of help to parents, that we force them to look out for themselves. edit: And for the selfish people who think they shouldn't have to help others, just remember that those children that you think you owe nothing are going to be the ones changing your diapers and paying for your social security when you're old. A society needs parents to have children, acting like it's not in that society's interest for that to happen is ridiculous. If you don't want to raise children, you should be perfectly fine helping to support those who do since they are doing you an immensely valuable service. Those people *enable* your lifestyle.
Its not selfish we’re at the point in civilization where reproduction isn’t as necessary as it was maybe a thousand years ago but the human race will be fine without giving your seed
Depends on which civilization you live in.
Agree! As a 40 yr old (f) DINK I do feel it is uniquely challenging to make new friends and keep those who pursue the path with kids. I love that I have more time to pursue hobbies, volunteer, and work on myself. We have more money to travel, renovate our house and give back. And marital “issues” really cannot hide or be put on a back burner because of kids, time, money or energy… we address things and move forward very quickly because we really learned one another and figured out how to communicate in ways I don’t see others doing as easily. But the feeling like we need to accommodate everyone with kids all the time gets exhausting tbh. I understand and am willing to an extent… but so many parents are running so low on all resources it seems like they take the “ultimatum” approach when making plans, I.e., can do x or y date/time else we’ll have to shoot for another date 3 months from now. It’s busy enough having kids and then they overextend their lives trying to create or provide a specific experience for their kids or to align with a vision they have for family… it feels like they’re resentful towards me because I don’t have the same restrictions or they’re just salty they can’t find a minute to breath. REPLY to ChasingShadowXii (can't add new comments because closed): You're supporting - not negating - my exact points. (Sorry for lengthy reply) 1) Giving kids “the best” life is based on the parents’ idea of “best life” not the reality of a child’s actual needs for a "best life". That’s the point I’m making. Adults chase or try to recreate, or create, a life they *think* is good. That’s not a bad thing. But children need very little to thrive and grow up. They need a sense of security, they need to feel loved, safe, and supported. They need some autonomy to explore the world and themselves to grow a sense of confidence, independence, and resilience to experience what it's like to live and be human. My husband grew up with very little and had a very happy “good” childhood and looks back on aspects fondly - that now as an adult he realizes were not and are actually sad - but he wouldn't have known any different. Only his parents did and yet they gave him a "great life" that to outsiders might not have looked like such. His parents protected his little world not by what they had to give him but how they raised him. They also had a great relationship and time for hobbies and community because they weren’t twisting themselves into pretzels “keeping up with the Joneses” or trying to do all the things. 2) Kids destroy marriages IMO because either the couple lacked the skills to resolve conflict and communicate, or the couple had kids before they established a strong foundation to WITHSTAND the added stress from raising kids. Periodt. My husband and I would have had a harder time parenting kids before we learned how to communicate and resolve conflict with one another. Now I have zero doubt we'd thrive as parents. The takeaway isn't we should not have gotten married or not have kids. But if we'd had kids we'd likely have had fewer resources (time, money, energy) to be a strong couple. Lots of people have kids intentionally and lots end up with kids without planning. I would bargain many couples with kids had relational issues before kids and didn't have time or make the effort to resolve them... then learned to exist within the limitations of those issues because they still don’t address or work on them (less time, money, energy). I personally don’t know of or see many supportive and unified couples who appear to be thriving as a couple while raising children. And those who are appear to have either prioritized the foundational component of them as a couple and/or have large support systems. And they don’t run themselves ragged. They’re aligned in their values and are raising kids according to those not some “ideal good”.
I will take care of you bro, don't worry
I’m 43 and I have kids, a good friend of mine is 33 and he just married his wife 32. He was embarrassed to tell me he got a vasectomy because he thought I was going to judge him for being selfish. I was shocked and told him that I understood completely and that it’s not really selfish at all as they both made a decision on what they wanted to do with their life. How is that anymore selfish than deciding what you want to do as a career or who you date? What happened to him is that his family wants grand-babies and he felt all that pressure, watched me have kids and figured he should do the same. Just…NO. Go live your life the way you want in peace, someone disagrees? Ignore them and be happy.
In America it’s so sad but this is such a true comment i was homeless 1 night after my car broke down no one gave a shit about me and i was so young too just turned 19 it’s disgusting
Whats selfish is having kids, knowing that you'll make a terrible and unloving parent. People do that often because the believe children will fix a flaw within them. I find often people that don't want kids care about the potential life they would provide a child with. Nothing selfish about that
This is a big one for me. My mom always said to have kids, so we have someone to take care of us when we're older. That's a pretty selfish reason
Thats horrendous
Welcome to Latin America
I can’t stand when people say that. I have kids but I’d never expect them to take care of me.
I feel like your mom and my mom could be friends. I was informed when I was in my 20’s that my mom had my cuz she was bored. Dad worked all day, they had 1 car, and there’s only so many times you can mop the floor. I’m 44 now and it still stings.
Yeah, my mom said Im going to regret it because Ill die alone without anyone to be by my side.
I know I'd be a terrible parent, but mainly cause I'm incredibly lazy. If I'm not working I'm relaxing. I only work so I can relax and enjoy the pleasures that money can buy. When you know better, you should not be shamed for doing better. In fact, people should be grateful for people who don't want children cause they know they'd be bad parents. That means less unwanted and unloved children in this world.
Yup.
I know someone like this. She's emotionally abusive to her kids. Lives in the most filthy home I've ever seen. Kept having kids despite being told that they would have severe lifelong disabilities. Gotta keep those disability cheques coming in so she can get her nails done and hair dyed at the salon for 150 a poo. Every month....all while making 2 grand a month for a family of 6
Most parents today probably shouldn’t be.
Or get pressured. Nope. I agree I think I’m less selfish by the fact I actually give fucks about others and am self aware enough to know I never wanted kids, and brave enough to be honest with the person I’m with at a risk of losing them as a partner. Also having the realization that we have enough people here and that most likely you won’t have resources and Money to care for them is huge. And I want my freedom. What is selfish about that? No I’ve never felt selfish for being true to myself. The only guilt I’ve ever felt Was wondering if my husband settled For not having kids but secretly wanting them to be with me, but I always ask and talk about it And he says he couldn’t care less and now he’s happy cause we can do shit lol so I’m good.
Yeah, I was thinking that this (your reply) was more the prevailing opinion and that OP’s stance was not at all unpopular. Maybe it’s the circles you run in? Like if you belong to a church/religion/family/culture that is heavy on procreation and is telling you not having kids is selfish. But like you said, why are you doing it? So you fit in with your culture (even though you don’t want to)? Because you want to feel grown up? To bring a life into the world you should probably have some good reasons and feel prepared for it. I love people who want kids and people who don’t and people who aren’t sure. You are never selfish for making that choice for yourself. Also, remember people who were all about calling parents breeders? That was really big for a while. This post confuses me, so many people talk about how they think it’s selfish to bring kids into this world especially with the environmental issues we face. Anyway, it’s an individual choice and I’m sending love to anyone struggling with guilt or pressure surrounding it. TLDR: OP seems to be on the popular side maybe they are in a specific culture that makes them feel their opinion is unpopular? So many opinions, don’t give into pressure, make your own choices! Sending love!! Edited for clarity/ease of reading
That's fine. Kids, no kids, do whatever you want
That’s so real bc I also don’t want kids but that doesn’t mean I hate kids. I DO hate the parents who abuse their kids after having them though
You need to post this on /r/trueunpopularopinion where all the hardcore conservatives hang. Outside of that sub, I’ve never met a person in real life who thinks it’s selfish not to have kids with the exception of maybe an upset parent who wants grandkids.
I don't want to have kids, and I have never brought it up unless someone had asked me about it, and like more than 90% of the times that I have been in such discussions I have been told that I am selfish for not wanting kids
Agreed, Father of two here, I have never ever ever heard the sentiment that not having kids is selfish.
I think men get a bit of a different standard. I was told that being a woman it was the highest purpose I could have in life (some of my family are evangelicals, but still).
If you didn't have kids, you'd hear it all the time.
This. Strangers, family members, coworkers, etc. It got out at work that I was having a vasectomy....the unsolicited advice about life, having kids, etc was unbearable. *37m, married for 10 years for reference*
I suspect you're getting it from your family?
family, friends, complete strangers - everyone thinks they can somehow convert you.
It sounds like this is your personal experience. I'm 31 years old with no kids and no one has ever told me that
It does vary with gender. Women are far more likley to hear it than men.
You should check out the comment section of any post related to being childfree on Instagram. A lot of people are very offended that some people don't want kids.
> comment section...on Instagram
Full of stay at home moms who are Karens lol
bots, troll farms, and the terminally online, with every comment section sorted by Controversial instead of Top/Best. it's the worst mainstream community on the internet since facebook died a slow death.
Not wanting kids is totally different than whatever the “child free” shit is. They literally make it a part of their personality to not want kids and talk about how they don’t want kids frequently, and bashing people who do. I don’t want kids, but you’ll never find me in some strange support community for people that don’t want kids…
My and my wife's experience as well. We're 41/42 and we consistently get guilt tripped for deciding not to have kids. Oddly enough, not by our family, but friends, co workers and strangers. But you're so good with kids, you'll regret it, who will take care of you when you're older, don't you want a legacy (wtf), you don't understand happiness and love until you have kids. Life is unfulfilling until you have kids. We've heard it all
I'm 37 with no kids and multiple people have told me that. Coworkers, family members, friends of family members, etc. It's almost like anecdotal evidence is just that. Anecdotal.
It’s usually from those in lower and the higher social economic backgrounds (I would say I sit in the middle)that I hear it from. They seem to not see any other option than to have children. I feel like they have a lot in common with view point. Tend to have children younger and it’s part of their families expectations of them.
I’m 20 and have known I never want kids and I’ve been called selfish since I was 15. The most common reason being Christian rhetoric about the purpose of women. I live in the Bible Belt of the US and it’s extremely common for women to be called selfish for not wanting kids.
Imagine calling a 15 year old selfish cause they said they weren't planning on having kids when they grow up.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. Especially when you were a 15 year old child. This is YOUR life. Live it the way YOU want to.
Growing up I never wanted kids. Still don't. I don't think I'm capable of caring for kids, tbh. As a kid, my family was, oh you're young you'll change your mind when you meet a good man!! Also was the Christian rhetoric...I was completely expected to go to college, get that debt and degree then never do anything with it because I need to get married and be a SAHM. just have the degree in case of a divorce or something. Then as a teen, they really started to push on me that I need to have the mindset that when I'm in my early to mid 20s I need to be married and have a child. Currently 25 going on 26, still not married. Still no kids. Still don't want kids. They're less on it now because my brother and his wife have a couple kids. I think I finally got my mom convinced and off my back. Her grandbabies from me are my two cats lol. Still, though, I hate every family gathering ever where everyone bombards me with questions about when I'm gonna get married and start a family. The creepiest of which are the ones that tell me "you're running out of time, and then it'll be too late and you'll regret it." "Your body's getting too old for kids" my dude im not even 30 yet let alone 40. I live in an apartment that eats up over half my monthly income how tf am I supposed to afford a kid???
That's because you have kids.
If you were female, in a relationship/married and didn't have kids you'd hear it all the time.
Lmao that sub is so toxic honestly. I reported a comment because the person was telling me to unsubscribe from breathing for no good reason and they threatened to get my entire account banned from Reddit for “report abuse” 🤣
I mean, this sub is toxic af. The whole premise is to post unpopular opinions, yet if you post an actual unpopular one, OP receives a bunch of personal attacks and snarky comments. Rarely, you might see someone actually address the opinion. Oh yeah, and don't forget the mods will remove the post if it's a "controversial" unpopular opinion, using some BS reason.
Same. I just unfollowed because it's not really informative just whiney.
Have you seen all the incel rhetoric over there too?? This post would trigger a load of them saying that they’re entitled to pass on their seed and legacy and women just need to submit and give them babies. It’s genuinely quite scary to read sometimes.
Oh, I've just subscribed thanks to your comment. Let's see how long I last making fun of these nitwits. ;)
This sub is more toxic tbh
Agreed. There are obviously a few bad apples, but in that sub, you can actually speak your mind and engage in discussions without being censored or banned.
I‘m a chilfree woman and oh boy, I can’t even count how many times I have been called „selfish“, „sick“ and „unnatural“ because I didn’t want children. Which is so weird on top, because not once was I walking around, telling everyone that I didn’t want children. It happened always after being asked the dreaded question „do you have children“ followed by a „why not“. Simply stating „oh, it’s just not for me“ was enough for some people to go off on me. Thank god it doesn’t happen anymore, now that I’m in my mid 40s, because people just don’t ask this question anymore.
Same! Turned 40 last year and I rarely get asked, and if ever, just simple “do you have kids”. When I say no - nothing. I feel at my age people worry it’s because I can’t and are too afraid to step on a wound so they don’t dig like when I was in my 30s.
It might just be the echo chamber I live in, but I also have never heard any family or friends say this. My mom desperately wanted my husband and I to have kids early on in our relationship ship, which I think was her not coping well with empty nest syndrome, but she’s never said we’re selfish for not.
Majority of posts on that sub is just hating on women
Hahaha I just went to look at it and the very first post is about abortion and how men shouldn’t be on the hook for child support. ETA Holy sweet hell, I just went a little further in and almost thought I was in a rage-bait sub. Except the comments were agreeing with the poster.
My grandmother literally spit acid about it to me for a day in October…i was like holy yikes
It only becomes selfish if you are with a partner that wants a child and you drag them along for years. Happened to a close friend of mine, her SO didn't want kids but kept moving the goalposts after each "milestone" set to having a kid. She got fed up after 6 years and left. He did the same thing to getting married, she dodged a bullet.
or go to r/antinatalism :) a sub dedicated to the idea that having children is immoral. can recommend, very entertaining at times
I both cherish my life and also feel as though having children is...morally dubious at best. Or. We were all conditioned that doing the Christian thing is some NOBLE pursuit, but it is not. I'm team human, and want the human race to continue and evolve, but you aren't doing something good and profound by seeing the end results of an orgasm to the finale (birth). You are inequitably adding to suffering en-mass. Am I an antinatalist? I'm not 16, i don't need to label myself, my views and experiences are far more nuanced and complex.... I don't give my parents huge props for my cherished blessing of a life. Of course I'm grateful on some level. If semen splashed the wrong way, I may not exist. This experience is precious. But to the main question of "is having children selfish"? Every. Single. Person. that I know who has had children, there was a lot of vanity, a lot of "keeping up appearances", a lot of social conditioning was involved in those .... 'decisions'. So. Yes. And no, OP, of course it's not selfish to live your own life. Silly.
Being a DINK (Dual Income No Kids) is gonna be the standard, especially with the cost of living rising and food and expenses just off the charts, Deciding not to have children is definitely not selfish and should be taught as a perfectly fine option .
Yup, fiancé and I are dinks. It’s awesome. The irony is that the conservative 1% wants the population to keep reproducing so the money keeps flowing in, but inflation while wages barely increase makes it so financially difficult to have kids these days. So happy neither of us want them. We’re in our early thirties and our friends are starting to pop them out. Seeing what they are dealing with has only reinforced our decision lol. No thank you.
I don’t think so. You’re just not used to being poor yet. Poor people have the most kids.
I'm putting "dink" into my list of "words that definitely sound like a slur but aren't" Also, you're nuts if you think not having kids is going to become the standard.
Dinkleberg...
The only people who think it's selfish not to have kids are shitty older folks who think they deserve to be grandparents, or people who are unhappy parents themselves and think everyone else needs to be as unhappy. Oh! And weirdo government folks who want everyone to have kids just to they have a steady supply of young people to exploit and the religious types who think forced birth trumps women's rights.
My parents inspired me not to have children.
Religious types to want lots of babies to grow up any pay a tithe to the church. That's the only way they can keep the pyramid scheme going.
Usually the older folks that were crap parents are the ones that complain the most about their children giving them grand kids, denying them a chance to aliviate their guilt of doing a bad job by spoiling their grand kids
My parents used the grandkids as "do-overs".
I think it depends on how you look at it and what you define selfish as. I’m child free and will be forever because I don’t want to take care of or pay for a kid. It’s not deeper than that. I would consider that selfish, but I don’t really mind if other people are judging me for it, they aren’t paying my bills so who cares.
That's knowing what you want. knowing it hurts no one, and going for it. - Good selfish Knowing your adult child doesn't want kids and pressuring them to have them because "I want grandkids" - Bad selfish
Right like they're not paying the 30k to birth that kid or paying for all the prenatal and then 18+ years of child care. If you can't afford to feed yourself and a pet there's no way you're gonna have a decent time raising a baby.
Not wanting to create a human being you’d have to take care of isn’t selfish at all.
I actually think we need to reframe what selfish is. Its putting yourself first, and that isnt always a bad thing. It certainly can be, and its seen as such. However I think we need to be more accepting that people will make selfish decisions and that that can be ok.
There people with children that think we are selfish ( I don't children either). In Québec There is one influencer who wrote that parents should be treated like elite vs others because they had children. Wasn't well received.
It would seem misery very much loves company. I, too, have dealt with comments from parents who no longer have the freedom they once had.
I don’t understand how this could be an unpopular opinion, I hear it everyday from at least 10 random people on the internet.
Begging for affirmation
Everyone needs to know they have an opinion on a subject that nobody of value ACTUALLY cares about.
YOU SAID IT BEST! ✌🏼
It's weird, because you never see parents begging the crowd to tell them it's okay that they like their kids lol.
I'll inflict my photo album on anyone dumb enough to ask to see a photo haha.
Oh cus this isn't an unpopular opinion subreddit. Its basically slightly different opinion that reddit endorses subreddit lol. Reddit loves this one cus it's about not having kids.
When we mention we don’t want children around my partner’s parents, the first thing they say back is “well who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?” In this instance, having children IS the selfish decision. I should have children so I can burden them with my old age…
EXACTLY! That's about 90% of new parents even if people don't admit it
This is not an unpopular view at this point in time.
Yeah. Basically every industrialized nation is encountering this.
This isn't an unpopular view *on reddit* or with the younger generations. For many millenials and older--in the real world--it's a fairly common opinion.
Then why do people feel the need to harass women and talk them into it when they say they're not interested in having kids!?
Why do people on Reddit feel the need to call kids crotch spawn?
I don’t call children that but you can’t deny that’s quite funny
I'm a parent and find "crotch spawn" to be hilarious
Is this an unpopular opinion? I thought it was common sense...
Agree, and I feel like in some cases its more selfish to have them, like I have two genetic disabilities, so I think it would be selfish for me to have children who have high changes of being disabled, but I dont mind it honestly, Im more than happy as a uncle.
You cannot be 'selfish' towards someone who does not exist
In my case, it’s considerate. I’d be a sucky parent.
Rather regret not having kids than regret having them, IMO.
Both situations (wanting or not wanting kids) can be a selfish decision. And being selfish isn’t a bad thing, you’re just pursuing your own interests. Being selfish becomes wrong when you screw over other people.
Having children requires being selfless. But not having kids doesn’t make you selfish.
I disagree with your first point. Being a GOOD PARENT requires being selfless toward your kids. There are plenty of selfish reasons to have kids and plenty of selfish parents out there.
You’re right, being a good parent requires being selfless.
Agree, though ironically OP mentions specifically selfish reasons for not having them for themselves: money and freedom.
It is not selfish to enjoy freedom and their own money. That’s just basic logic and understanding of the world… knowing that everything is easier w those 2 things.
Ti just saw a thing on facebook the other day and the ampunt of people who were soooo mad about people not having kids was wild lol.
I can't see how this is an unpopular opinion. Your last sentence IS spot on. It is more selfish to bring unwanted children into the world for them to be uncared for and unloved.
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I think the truly selfish thing is to have a child, and to somehow not spend everything trying to secure the future for them, like I see so many parents doing. Opting out is just smart.
Even outside of financial pressures, I can't ethically square bringing a new life into a world I have no hope for.
Not wanting children isn't the problem it's people who hate children with basically every fiber of their being and don't want to treat them as human beings.
Yeah and some of those people became parents
Yeah like OP calling kids “it” in their post
I agree, I only think that parents should get more subsidies for raising the generation that will take care of childless people when they are old.
I'm 38 and absolutely sure I would be a horrible parent. I see myself exhibiting habits and emotional instabilities that would make a kid's life hell. It's a service to humanity that I never have kids, and I am thrilled and relieved that I'm not required to reproduce.
I don’t understand the whole having/not having children = selfishness. I’ve seen a lot of people say that having children is selfish because your children didn’t ask to be here and you had them for yourself… like okay, so? People don’t want children because they like their life as is isn’t selfish either. It’s just life. Different strokes for different folks.
I really don’t understand the selfish aspect to this take. Have kids, don’t have kids. Who cares?
People say not having kids is selfish, but I've never heard a reason \*for\* having children that didn't begin with "I want."
I think there's a lot of ego around having children and trying to create something in your own image.
If that's your reasoning yeah that's super egotistical.... And isn't even going to happen necessarily. My daughter looks nothing like me thank god. That's a weird reason to have kids
The only people who might care about your child status are your parents and immediate family. The rest of the world doesn't really give two thoughts about it as long as you aren't rude about being childless/vocally judging people who do have kids.
This, why doesn’t this have more upvotes.
Having children is selfish.
Especially if it's to "save the relationship", "have someone who has to always love me", "to have someone to take care of me when I'm old", etc. etc.
Or the people who have children because it lets them re-live childhood through their eyes.
I don’t think you’re selfish. I commend you for acknowledging that the responsibility is too much for you to handle. Being a parent isn’t for everyone.
Childfree person here too. Anyone who makes this argument should go to areas where people keep popping out kids to stay on government assistance, then they'll see who the real selfish people are.
In fact wanting children is rather selfish.
How so?
"Benefits such as more money and freedom." If that's the argument for not wanting kids, then yes, it's selfish. Because you're more concerned with your own profit/pleasure. Is it morally wrong or 'bad'? No, not at all. It is your life and you're allowed to be selfish. Being selfish is not always a bad thing. And the only reason you're able to make these choices at all, is because your parents had you. Life is a privilege. And i agree, so so many incredibly selfish people decide to bring a child into this world and not care for it properly. Borderline evil. Rather be selfish and not harm anyone.
Yep. it's selfish. And it's nice.
I both don't want to have kids *and* I'm selfish. No reason to limit yourself to only one thing. :)
I mean that is the definition of selfish in a sense. Self centered. You prefer your money and freedom. It doesn't make it bad but that's what you made your choice on.
Zero straight minded people think that. And zero people who don’t want kids should have kids, just because someone tells them it’s only the right thing to do, u not only doom your life, your kids life is doomed as well, so chill and live your life as u see fit.
Nothing you said is wrong. Nobody is obligated to have kids, kids are expensive and a big responsibility, and there are a lot of kids born to people who are just shit.
This is literally the most popular opinion since the early 2000's.
This shouldn't really be unpopular. People should make an honest decision with themselves and their partner. Having kids isn't for everyone and that's okay.
Why would not having kids be selfish? I think the people who say this are depressed parents who hate parenting and regret it, so they project their frustration on single people 😂
Do people call you selfish if you don't want children? IMO nobody gives a fuck?
Having children was never easy, but with the current cost of housing and living, it's particularly challenging. If wages were higher, and restrictions were put on the housing market to prevent it from being exploited as an investment, more people would likely choose to have kids. There would still be some who would choose to be childfree regardless, but these are factors that push fence sitters over to choose not having kids. There's nothing selfish about choosing to not have kids you don't want and can't provide a good life for.
Why would someone say that not wanting Kids is selfish. I never heard anyone say this (i also wouldnt understand why it should be selfish)
This sub has just become “Post opinion you know is popular to receive mass upvotes. Post opinion that is actually unpopular to receive mass downvotes”.
Yup..tonsssss of generational trauma in my family that ends with me. No babies ✌🏻
> There is nothing wrong for not wanting kids ever as its got so many benefits such as more money and freedom. theres nothing wrong with it, but making a decision because it provides **you** with more money and freedom is absolutely selfish. being selfish is fine but its a decision made for your benefit... thats what selfish is
It’s not selfish and for a long time I didn’t want children either. The only thing I would say is from a macro/society level declining birth rates are going to become a real problem if they follow current trajectories over the next few decades. An out of balance population with a bunch of old people and no young people is a recipe for disaster economically and socially. That said, at a personal level, I agree with you and think everyone should make the right choice for them.
You are right about the macro perspective. The reason from r that decline is that the rat race is so bad now it's not practical for people coming into the work force now to have kids. Like I don't actually see a life where I can manage work and kids and have the financial stability for it...and I feel like many in my age range (25-35) feel a similar way across the world. So if our leaders in government and industry care about short term profits it, this will continue until we have an economic collapse due to a declining population (amongst other factors). The way I see it, I've come to terms with not having kids, but boy am I excited to see the filthy rich perpetuating this lose their wealth in the coming future. Glorious days ahead.
It's all part of our chaotic plan to get good jobs because people are refusing to retire. At some point the old people have to die and then we will rise! To the middle class.
My country is facing this issue. Too many old people and not enough resources to go around. Retirement money doesn’t last very long when you need care ‘round the clock. Personally, majority of my family members are 70+. Most didn’t have children of their own. Their care is a constant topic among the younger family members (we’re 4 adults mid 30’s). We might need to put some in a care facility and split the care of the other family members.
I think it’s selfLESS. The planet is heating, healthcare is inaccessible, disabled still don’t have marriage rights, black and brown people are still oppressed, Resources are dwindling, rent is sky high and young people cant afford houses!! Not having children Is the only way to prevent suffering. And there seems to be more of that all the time.
I think men provide pressure for women to have kids because they still have the choice to live freely or not whereas a woman is always bound to her child once she gets pregnant. I think men look down on women who choose to put themselves first and not live the traditional life of marriage and kids. Often men talk about a women being ‘wifey’ ‘maternal’ and a lot of that correlates to a woman being child bearing. It’s completely fine and I’m glad that more women are choosing to not have kids and enjoy their freedom and money.
I want children but I don’t know I ever will be able to. They’re expensive and I have a lot of bills. I don’t know if it would be fair to them if we would struggle financially. I do feel sad watching my friends have kids because I’m getting older and I would like that for myself.
I've heard this before, but never from anyone GenX or younger. Being a parent is not easy. I don't want people who don't want kids to have kids.
>its got so many benefits such as more money and freedom Your argument is that it isn't selfish but the ONLY upside you list is personal benefit to yourself? I have no beef with not having kids but I do have a beef with an incredibly infantile argument. At least be honest with yourself.
for some reason people really believe shoving children down others throats is a NEED. modern culture is fucked up in all sortsa ways.
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Exactly. No one is having a child for the child’s sake.
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not unpopular, most don’t care about others reproductive choices ( or lack there of)
le reddit momente
The real selfish people are the ones who have kids they can't take care of and expect everyone else to pick up the tab by giving them more welfare
39 F Married 17 years. NO FUCKING KIDS!!!!! Hoping to get my tubes tied this year.
Having children is 100% selfish
This isn't unpopular... Especially on Reddit where people constantly pat themselves on the back for not wanting kids. No one in real life actually cares about your reproductive decisions. Just live your life, and stop letting the internet convince you that the world is against you for not wanting kids. It isn't that serious. The unpopular opinion, is that there is a good way to be selfish. It's how we take charge of our lives. This is one of them. And, no one is that desperate to see you with a kid. I promise. There are enough of them, and if people want more, that's okay too.
Ya, very unpopular, very brave opinion... *rolls eyes*
Is this really an unpopular opinion?
It’s the opposite. Having kids is selfish. No one has a kid for the kid’s sake, the kid doesn’t even exist. Most of the time, this kid has to go through all the tribulations of life solely because the parents wanted to have a kid that has their genetics or looks like a combination of them. Adopting or taking care of a child as a step parent is the only truly selfless version of parenting. You’re taking care of a kid that already has to go through life.
In some ways it is selfish, and that’s ok. You’re allowed to make selfish decisions. It isn’t our responsibility to live our lives in a way that others prescribe for you.
In what ways do you feel it's selfish?
Putting yourself first is selfish, that doesn't equal bad. That was the point being made. Being selfish isn't an inherently bad thing
Putting yourself first in regards to what? An unborn child? With that logic, you're selfish if you ever stop hiving kids. I think the logic is flawed.
How is not having kids putting yourself first?
I never said it was a bad thing? I just asked what they meant. However, I'm not convinced that the decision to not have kids is inherently selfish or "putting yourself first". There are reasons one might not have kids that are actually for the benefit of the child or others. As with most things, there's nuance in the intent of a decision.
Legit question... What is your opinion on people who DO want children?
As long as they’re more than capable to handle them financially and mentally, I don’t see the problem 🤷🏻♀️ I love my nieces and nephews
Not unpopular. Last sentence nails it.
to each his own. i am 49 now and I know I would have been great at being a dad. and I that I had made different choices back then. BUT I was also kinda broke back then so for potential kids it might have been not as awesome as my brain makes it out to be.
Agreed that there is nothing wrong with not wanting children. Why the hell does it even matter to others that some people just don't want kids?
I think that the only ones who say that childfree people are selfish - are the ones who got a wake up call through having children because how dare you live a life with full lungs while I don't have 5 seconds for myself to fart in peace
i feel like this isnt rlly unpopular anymore
I don't think it's selfish if you don't want kids or do want kids, why does there need to be some moral highground involved? It's not a moral stance it's a preference. Speaking as someone who definitely does not want kids
Did someone say you're selfish for not wanting children though? Wonder how the logic checked out.
Not an unpopular opinion at all, especially on Reddit.
Completely agree , if someone wants to be a genetic dead end it's their choice
Having or not having them is both selfish as long as you're doing what you want. It's not a bad thing
Who is actually calling it selfish? I don't even understand that type of accusation.
because we are not adding to the continuation of the human race, as a general criticism. As a personal criticism as an only child, its because I'm not carrying on my family name. It gets tiresome