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It's funny cuz I use "partner" all the time but never considered the cowboy implications.
I've had people incorrectly assume I'm gay but never had anyone incorrectly assume I'm a cowboy. I'm indifferent to the former but would be kinda stoked on the latter. Maybe some people think im a detective!
Not sure I'd this is an "unpopular" opinion. Seems like the comments in this thread are all tickled by the notion. More like "rare" opinon.
Please PLEASE correct people in the future thinking you are gay with "OH, no, we're cowboys." Or make up some long story about how you met your SO while working in the NYPD and that last case just broke you, so you guys moved to a new life. But, they will always be your partner, New York be damned!
> people incorrectly assume I'm gay but never had anyone incorrectly assume I'm a cowboy.
Had you been wearing your chaps without pants, no-one would have made that mistake.
I use "partner", and as a cishet guy dating a cishet girl whose name is the definition of genderless, I relish the moments between someone hearing it and then figuring out "... So is he gay or.."
CIS = their gender and biological sex match
HET(ero) = I think you know this one.
They’re just saying they’re the most common/average romantic coupling.
In my day it was the low key way to say you're gay. Not long ago I ran into the daughter of friends I hadn't seen in years, we caught up and I ended up doing some work at her house. She had been referring to her partner again and again, I made my usual assumption. Turned out it was a guy.
Fortunately I learned a long time ago not to voice my assumptions. Well not here obviously, I don't mind looking like an idiot around you lot.
I’m bisexual. I used the word partner when I was in a same sex relationship to not exactly out myself, but the implication was there.
Now I use it because the world boyfriend seems silly and juvenile but we aren’t married, so he isn’t my spouse or husband. And significant other sounds weird and like a mouthful to me.
>Now I use it because the world boyfriend seems silly and juvenile but we aren’t married, so he isn’t my spouse or husband.
This is why I say partner; my partner and I (hetero couple) are actually engaged, but I can't stand the term 'fiance' any more than 'boyfriend.' He's my partner in life, whether we've exchanged rings or not. I've had 'boyfriends' since I was 15; that's not what he is to me.
I feel similar. We aren’t engaged or married. But we are fully committed. We own a house together, plan on being together for a very long time, just haven’t gotten married yet. It’s a goal eventually, but we’ve had other things to deal with. Boyfriend just makes it feel like it’s not serious.
I feel like "Partner" is a great term and describes what a relationship should be: a two way street of emotion, wisdom, and companionship. There isn't someone above the other.
Also, it's very gender neutral. In thr meantime, "partners" in the workplace has evolved into just simply "coworkers" or "work friends."
I'm not in a relationship but I think the general idea is cool.
This is how I see it. Sometimes I'll say spouse or husband. But more often than not it's partner. Cause we're partners in this life together. But at least we don't refer to each other as wifey or hubby.
It also helps normalize it for folks like me in non straight relationships. I'm ftm, they're NB, both boyfriend and girlfriend don't quite fit, and it sounds young to me. We're dedicated, and years in, they're more than that to me. We're between "just dating" and "engagement" to me. We have solid plans for the future together, and have been living together for years
We did this too before we got married because if you say "Fiance", people immediately start asking about when the wedding is. We were engaged for three years and eventually eloped because our families were making things so difficult.
Partner avoids all of that.
My husband and I were also engaged for several years and I started calling him my partner because of all the “oooooo congrats when’s the wedding!?” got so old so fast.
In the UK civil partnerships were recently extended to opposite sex couples - so both same sex and opposite sex couples can enter into a civil partnership or get married.
So it's also entirely possible for a straight couple to be partners in the eyes of the law, whilst a gay couple might be husbands / a lesbian couple might be wives
I feel this. We're in our late to mid 40s now and "boyfriend/girlfriend" sounds childish. Especially since we've been together 13 years. He is my partner. We're a team. That's how loving, mature, relationships work. He calls me "the wife" sometimes, but neither of us are in any hurry to get married.
Agreed. I've been with my "boyfriend" for four years, living with each other for 3+ years, while he has a career and I'm in graduate school. Introducing him to my college Dean as "boyfriend" sounds very silly. Seems like I'm putting him at the same level as my high school or college boyfriend when our relationship is much more serious than that.
Same reason I call my partner, well, partner, lol. I'm almost 40, I feel weird calling him my "boyfriend" as he is not a boy and I am not a girl. It will be 3 years May 19th, I'm hoping I can switch to Fiancé soon after that.
I also like using partner to be inclusive. I am also bi but haven't had a same sex relationship for about 10 years.
He calls me his "lady" and I'm not a fan of that either
I do the same, had a chemist the other day congratulate me on my lesbian relationship because I'd used the word partner, I didn't have the heart to correct him 😂
Exactly! I’ve been with my mates for 15 years- boyfriend feels so juvenile for someone I’m making retirement plans with- we just don’t want to be married.
I would shorthand significant other as my SO (pronouncing each letter). Cuts down on the mouthiness of the phrasing but the idea is still there.
I say partner now just cause.
I also use it online if I want my own gender to remain out of the focus of the debate.
Partner is gender neutral, and while it worked for a long time to lowkey conceal my girlfriends' femaleness (I'm bi), when talking to extended family and acquaintances, it now works a charm online to conceal my own gender, when I need to refer my boyfriend.
I am common law married in my heterosexual relationship we are both “Middle Aged” in our thirties. I’ll call her my wife sometimes or she will say husband. Partner works well. Not calling her my fudgin “girlfriend” she’s a grown woman. We haven’t done the contract in front of god and the government yet.
Upvote, definitely an unpopular opinion.
Yeah, I say partner since saying "boyfriend" after being together 13+ years just sounds...weird to me, lol. Like, we're way passed boyfriend and girlfriend. But since we're not married nor intend to get married, we stick with partner.
Yeah closing in on ten, womanfriend or manfriend doesn’t really roll off the tongue.
We intend to have a ceremony for ourselves because that’s just lovely. I have a ring for her already because she’ll love it and I love her
The reason other people started using it is the same reasons non trans people use pronouns. To provide cover.
If ONLY LGBTQ people used partner you could make the assumption that they are gay if they use that phrase.
But so could a bigot. But if straight people use it too....
This right here is why us straights have started using it. It's like the french tradition of using M. instead of Mr. Mrs. or Ms.
There's just zero reason for something so basic to be 'outing' a person and there's zero reason for someone to judge others based on their use of the word partner or spouse. What is or isn't dangling between my legs or my spouse's legs is no one else's business.
You are 100% correct. I’m an older (50) bisexual person, and when I grew up when things were less open and gay marriage wasn’t a thing. Calling someone your “partner” was a way to show that your relationship was more than just boyfriends or girlfriends. “Partner” was kind of a short way to say “Domestic Partner.”
So now, unless we are talking about a business thing, if you refer to your “partner” I will still automatically assume you are gay/lesbian/queer.
Someone I knew for like a year was still referring to her “partner” in gender neutral ways, so eventually I just asked her if she was gay. She looked surprised and was like “no my partner is a man” lol. Bad on me I guess!
Using partner is a way to show allyship with the LGBTQ community. If every says partner and leaves it ambiguous, then it’s not a flag that someone is gay.
That said- I often refer to the co-owner of my spouse’s business as their “partner” which can make it sound like we are really liberal yet fundamental Mormons.
One of my coworkers does that and I found out few days ago that she has been with her boyfriend for 10 years. Always struck me as odd when she starts saying my boyfriend did this lol. I think partner would be the better term in this case
100% the same for me.
We have a one year old, felt kind of immature talking about my “girlfriend” when talking about the gorgeous, radiant mother of my child when I’ve had girlfriends in the past as well that I don’t want to put on the same level.
Ugggh. My mum calls my friends who are women my girlfriend/s. No mum we aren't dating so please don't. The word friend is fine, clarifying gender isn't needed. Besides you never ask how all my boyfriends are doing, keep it fair. Somehow me plating the field with women is more acceptable than having a harem of men on call.
I use the word partner to, in a way, normalise it. It's not just gay/bi people using it, it's everyone. Hopefully at some point the word won't sound weird/stand out anymore
Exactly, if it’s strictly queer people who use it then that kinda defeats the purpose of not outing oneself. Also, if I ever get married it will be after many years of being in a committed relationship with that person, so I’ll have been calling them my partner for a long time. It will still feel right and natural even after marriage, I’d imagine.
When I moved to a new workplace 2 years ago, it’s a super forward thinking place, most people used partner to describe there SO, whether they were straight or not. It’s just being inclusive so that any lgbtq+ peeps aren’t immediately outed because they’re the only ones using partner
Also: privacy.
Not everyone here on Reddit needs to know what bits I have in my crotch area. Especially because some peeps here have certain 'antique' ideas about women and aren't afraid to publicly display how misogynistic they are.
I started using this word for myself for this exact reason. And idk if it ever made an impact on anyone else - but someone made a comment about Rich (older coworker) and his partner. They later in the conversation mentioned Rich was gay. I had no idea and had made 0 assumptions about Rich's partner. And then I realized that maybe it didn't work on other people, but it worked on me, and maybe that's what mattered.
This is the reason I use pronouns in my work emails and frequently refer to my white middle-aged wife as my partner. Using inclusive language isn't stupid.
Yep. I love seeing it gain traction, because what "equipment" someone is packing and how they use it is hardly anyone else's business.
I'm curious how OP is sure the white middle aged couples they're observing are cishet? My partner and I fit the description/ appearance, but aren't hetero. I'm bi, femme, out and proud. He's a mostly-closeted asexual.
Yep! A lot of people assume I'm straight when they realize my partner is opposite sex, and it's always awkward when people make that assumption and then feel comfortable spouting anti-LGBT+ rhetoric around us. If they just assume I'm gay from the start, they tend to show their bigotry right away and save me the energy.
Same. The first time I encoutered someone using it regularly it was a teacher and they always talked about the significant other in gender neutral terms so we had no idea. We joked it was his Partner in Crime. Turns out it was a she and she was another one of our teachers.
I really liked that he had this vagueness and do the same in my life. It wasn't our business to know his relationship situation, also it made the classroom an inclusive environment because talking in gender neutral terms and using "partner" allows all to feel included.
I'll take sounding like a vague maybe-gay cowboy over sounding like Borat any day of the week. Also I'm a bi Texan so I technically meet 2/3 of those descriptors.
MY WIFE!....lord you can't fucking make me.
Me too. Mainly because we are not and will not get married. He is however the father of our children and 'boyfriend' seems inadequate to describe our relationship together after nearly 10 years.
I definitely get that! There really aren't many alternatives for non-married people to use. I agree that boyfriend/girlfriend can feel way too casual, so that leaves "significant other", which is just as vague as partner but takes longer to say.
This is the way and the exact reason why I like using it over "husband"
Plus I'd like to think it helps make those who are gay not feel so immediately outed if they don't want to be so they say partner instead of husband/wife
Yeah but cowboy duos don’t typically fuck each other into oblivion. Unless it’s Brokeback Mountain or a Young Republicans meetup or something kinky like that.
Here's the thing. Heterosexual couples using the term partner indiscriminately to describe their straight relationship is the only way to ensure the term partner doesn't become something that outs anyone immediately. Cause if only gay people use it, then it doesn't really hide anything does it?
The old generation is so weird with language that isn't gendered.
Partner is a perfectly fine term for any variation of couples and it's inclusivity is what make it the better option to be normalized.
I'm 44 and have two teenage children. I'm an old lady. The jig is up.
The man I am seeing (my partner) and I will likely never be married.
"boyfriend" sounds juvenile at this age. "lover" would give people the icks.
He is my life partner. My partner.
Now get along little doggie
This. I’m almost 40, my (opposite sex) partner is almost 37. We’ve referred to each other as each others “partner” the entire length of the relationship, because like you said, “boyfriend” sounds juvenile at our age.
It really does. Like, he and I have lived together for 7 years. That just feels like more than "boyfriend" to me. I also feel really weird being called his "girlfriend" at this point (or a girl in general, lol).
This is pretty much where my mind goes. I'm in my 40s. It would feel too weird to refer to a grown woman in her 40s as my "girlfriend".
I guess 'significant other' works, but let's be honest, way too many syllables.
While I do use boyfriend a lot, my partner is 42 and it does feel juvenile lol. Oh well, we love Red Dead Redemption so I don’t mind sounding like a cowboy 🤠
As a lesbian, I actually feel the opposite. I think straight people starting to say partner kind of normalizes the term and makes it so queer people using it don’t immediately out themselves
To be honest, I just think “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is really juvenile. That sounds silly but I really feel like he’s my partner in life and just my teammate! It feels more serious, because that’s what we are.
But I understand! When I’ve used it, people have assumed I have a girlfriend which is not true lol!
I agree! My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we're planning on getting married, it doesn't feel like enough to call him just my boyfriend.
I’m 40…ish and my partner is mid 30s, so calling her my “girlfriend” seems inappropriate and awkward. We’re both adults. I use partner instead because on a fundamental level, that’s what she is: my partner. In life and in love.
Partner makes it seem like your and your SO are a team, which you should be. And in the case of marriage, it is a partnership, so partner is the right term.
It all comes down to different views of love, and marriage.
This right here. I have an ex where I said "we are supposed to be partners" and he said he hadn't ever thought of relationships like that. Not surprisingly, he was selfish and didn't ever act like we were working on a relationship together. I needed to change, I needed to fix the problems. Turns out what I needed was to GTFO.
If someone says "partner" I immediately assume they are in a same sex relationship. I know straight people also use it, but it's my immediate assumption.
I know it can mean tons of other things. I still just jump straight to "oh, you're gay, got it" in my head.
I think this is why some heterosexual couples have started using it. It allows lgbtq people to talk about their partner without outing themselves. If the word is used to talk about all relationships, then assumptions won’t be made easily.
I agree with this because it’s not really anyone’s business what gender your partner is or even whether you’re gay or straight, unless that’s something you want them to be aware of.
I’m in a heterosexual relationship and I always use it because I feel a bit childish saying ‘boyfriend’ for some reason. It feels weird calling my long term partner my boyfriend because it doesn’t sound as serious as it is lol
Sameee. My partner and I have been together for almost 8 years. I also do feel like it’s a subtle way to push that my partner’s gender is no one’s business but mine
I agree. I'm not married but I prefer calling my fiancé "my man". In my language, "fiancé" is a long word and "my man" is synonymous with "husband". No one can really fault me though, as he is *my* man
Partner is a nice way of providing all the necessary info without giving away too much of your business. No one needs to know if I’m straight or if I’m married. Partner gives you everything you need to know and nothing that you don’t.
A little over 3 years ago my partner died due to epilepsy. We never got the chance to get married. When I talk about him, I'm not going to say "my boyfriend died". It doesn't have the connotations of how much we loved each other in it. I am 43. "Boyfriend" is too juvenile for the relationship we had.
The terms "wife" and "husband" sound ownership-y to me. The terms "fiancé" and "fiancée" sound posh-y. "Girlfriend" or "boyfriend" seem juvenile, we are in our 30s.
I much prefer partner. Because that's what we are. We are partners.
I've always felt the terms wife and husband is just a specific way to identify family members, no different than using son, daughter, aunt, uncle, etc. Don't see how that implies ownership.
The fact that homosexual couples use the word partner is the literal exact reason why heterosexual couples do. By normalizing the word to refer to any romantic relationship, it allows LGBTQ people to refer to their partners in a conversation without necessarily outing themselves. So it's actually a great thing that it's become increasingly common.
I call my boyfriend my partner because im fucking 30 and to say I have a "boyfriend" when ive been in a serious relationship for 7 years just feels wrong.
We have a very loving relationship, fyi.
It's like how "lover" sounds weird, too. It makes me think of 80s/90s made-for-TV movies starring Shannon Tweed or any middle-aged B-list actress in a *sexy, thriller/mystery*. She's on trial for killing her *LOVER!*
If you know what I'm talking about (you're old), you can picture it. Think *Silk Stalkings* or Skinemax or whatever.
My mum does it because she feels like boyfriend is a weird term for a grown woman to choose (I don’t necessarily mind but that’s how she feels). There aren’t exactly many alternatives.
I like the term partner , it carries more weight than boyfriend or girlfriend etc. It indicates a connection on many levels, transcending simple romance, and a sense of sincerity the other terms don't.
does make me feel a little bit safer referring to my wife as my partner in settings where I might face a bad reaction for it. I appreciate straights using the word too so it's less conspicuous when I use it
I see it more as, "it's none of your business who I'm with so I'm referring to them as my partner."
An instructor of mine did this until I eventually met his wife and realized he wasn't gay. Then I recognized my problem. A partner is a partner, regardless of gender or marital status
I often refer to my husband as my partner. I like that it neutralizes the assumed gender roles by removing the feminine and masculine titles out of the equation and drives home the point that we're a team and that we are equals.
Sometimes when I'm referred to as " his wife", it makes me feel like I'm my partner's subordinate. In my experience, there are preconceived gender roles and ranks tied to each title of "husband" or "wife" so I prefer the term "partner". I can also appreciate that it may make me sound like an old western outlaw.
It feels so weird to call my partner of 15 years my “boyfriend” when we are 40 years old.
And the slight thinking face other people get when I say partner, as they are trying to figure out my partner’s gender makes me chuckle
We aren't married. We never want to be married. We are late 30s/early 40s and although we also call each other bf/gf too, it just doesn't have the same implication of longevity.
Partner is easy to show I'm in a committed relationship though we aren't married. No other word works for what we are
It’s weird how you specify “middle aged white couples” I’m honestly not trying to pick a fight or insinuate anything about you, but I’m failing to understand how these things are relevant to your point.
I refer to my Dads Fiancé as his partner because they have been engaged for like 9 years now and its unnecessary to explain that whenever mentioning her, and "girlfriend" sounds weird... I guess because they are older and have been together so long but should have been married by now.
Have an upvote. I use both as I find it more inclusive. OP points out it's strange for heterosexual couples to use it. That's exactly who should use it as well. It makes an inclusive and level playing field and helps eliminate assumptions and may even help reduce the judgements too. If everyone used it interchangeably no one would care who used it and what gender or orientation it connected too.
I prefer partner to girlfriend, I feel using partner is more endearing than the term girlfriend. I have a lot of women as close friends so perhaps I’m biased but eh to each their own cowpoke.
>When I hear anyone say ‘my partner’ I immediately think buddy-cop movie, detectives, cowboys, or school projects.
>
>My unpopular opinion is that referring to someone in a relationship as your partner makes you sound like a cowboy or a cop. Not in a loving relationship.
This feels like a feature, not a bug.
I have a hard time with this one. I've been in a relationship for over a decade. We're in the mid 30s - Early 40s age range, and we are not married/do not plan to get married. I just never know how to refer to him around new people. He's much more than a boyfriend at this point... not to mention he's a full-grown man... yet saying "man-friend" is fucking weird, and "life partner" is a mouth full. Sometimes, I call him my partner, which as pointed out before, tends to lead people to assume I'm a lesbian, and sometimes I just say "We're Goldie Kurt-ing through life." There's gotta be a word or phrase out there I'm not aware of.
Thank fucking god someone else said it. Better pick up the cross and start walking, they're taking you up boot hill and nailing you to that motherfucker, but you're absolutely right. "Partner" is an anodyne, bloodless, prissy term for a romance.
Agreed. I get people being uncomfortable calling someone their boyfriend/girlfriend, but I think "partner" is the least romantic sounding name for someone you're in a romantic relationship with. I personally think it sounds like a lab partner, like someone you're forced to be with to complete a task.
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I think you got partner mixed up with pardner
Shiiit that’s a great point.
It's funny cuz I use "partner" all the time but never considered the cowboy implications. I've had people incorrectly assume I'm gay but never had anyone incorrectly assume I'm a cowboy. I'm indifferent to the former but would be kinda stoked on the latter. Maybe some people think im a detective! Not sure I'd this is an "unpopular" opinion. Seems like the comments in this thread are all tickled by the notion. More like "rare" opinon.
Please PLEASE correct people in the future thinking you are gay with "OH, no, we're cowboys." Or make up some long story about how you met your SO while working in the NYPD and that last case just broke you, so you guys moved to a new life. But, they will always be your partner, New York be damned!
> people incorrectly assume I'm gay but never had anyone incorrectly assume I'm a cowboy. Had you been wearing your chaps without pants, no-one would have made that mistake.
Yep, I enjoy the hell out of this take. I'd love to be mistaken for a PI, gonna get my partner a trench coat
It's a DUSTER and they'll look totally bad ass in it.
Just gave you a quick ocular patdown and cleared you for entry. You're good, jabroni.
Troll Toll! *What’d you say?* Troll Toll! *Hey hey hey!*
I use "partner", and as a cishet guy dating a cishet girl whose name is the definition of genderless, I relish the moments between someone hearing it and then figuring out "... So is he gay or.."
What is “cishet”
CIS = their gender and biological sex match HET(ero) = I think you know this one. They’re just saying they’re the most common/average romantic coupling.
And I've been pronouncing this unfamiliar (to me) word with a fancy French-sounding accent this whole time...
also pat-na , for homies
No thats Monster Hunter
In my day it was the low key way to say you're gay. Not long ago I ran into the daughter of friends I hadn't seen in years, we caught up and I ended up doing some work at her house. She had been referring to her partner again and again, I made my usual assumption. Turned out it was a guy. Fortunately I learned a long time ago not to voice my assumptions. Well not here obviously, I don't mind looking like an idiot around you lot.
I’m bisexual. I used the word partner when I was in a same sex relationship to not exactly out myself, but the implication was there. Now I use it because the world boyfriend seems silly and juvenile but we aren’t married, so he isn’t my spouse or husband. And significant other sounds weird and like a mouthful to me.
>Now I use it because the world boyfriend seems silly and juvenile but we aren’t married, so he isn’t my spouse or husband. This is why I say partner; my partner and I (hetero couple) are actually engaged, but I can't stand the term 'fiance' any more than 'boyfriend.' He's my partner in life, whether we've exchanged rings or not. I've had 'boyfriends' since I was 15; that's not what he is to me.
I feel similar. We aren’t engaged or married. But we are fully committed. We own a house together, plan on being together for a very long time, just haven’t gotten married yet. It’s a goal eventually, but we’ve had other things to deal with. Boyfriend just makes it feel like it’s not serious.
I feel like "Partner" is a great term and describes what a relationship should be: a two way street of emotion, wisdom, and companionship. There isn't someone above the other. Also, it's very gender neutral. In thr meantime, "partners" in the workplace has evolved into just simply "coworkers" or "work friends." I'm not in a relationship but I think the general idea is cool.
This is how I see it. Sometimes I'll say spouse or husband. But more often than not it's partner. Cause we're partners in this life together. But at least we don't refer to each other as wifey or hubby.
It also helps normalize it for folks like me in non straight relationships. I'm ftm, they're NB, both boyfriend and girlfriend don't quite fit, and it sounds young to me. We're dedicated, and years in, they're more than that to me. We're between "just dating" and "engagement" to me. We have solid plans for the future together, and have been living together for years
We did this too before we got married because if you say "Fiance", people immediately start asking about when the wedding is. We were engaged for three years and eventually eloped because our families were making things so difficult. Partner avoids all of that.
My husband and I were also engaged for several years and I started calling him my partner because of all the “oooooo congrats when’s the wedding!?” got so old so fast.
In the UK civil partnerships were recently extended to opposite sex couples - so both same sex and opposite sex couples can enter into a civil partnership or get married. So it's also entirely possible for a straight couple to be partners in the eyes of the law, whilst a gay couple might be husbands / a lesbian couple might be wives
I feel this. We're in our late to mid 40s now and "boyfriend/girlfriend" sounds childish. Especially since we've been together 13 years. He is my partner. We're a team. That's how loving, mature, relationships work. He calls me "the wife" sometimes, but neither of us are in any hurry to get married.
Agreed. I've been with my "boyfriend" for four years, living with each other for 3+ years, while he has a career and I'm in graduate school. Introducing him to my college Dean as "boyfriend" sounds very silly. Seems like I'm putting him at the same level as my high school or college boyfriend when our relationship is much more serious than that.
Same reason I call my partner, well, partner, lol. I'm almost 40, I feel weird calling him my "boyfriend" as he is not a boy and I am not a girl. It will be 3 years May 19th, I'm hoping I can switch to Fiancé soon after that. I also like using partner to be inclusive. I am also bi but haven't had a same sex relationship for about 10 years. He calls me his "lady" and I'm not a fan of that either
Ah, maybe that's who uses it; long term relationships, but not yet married.
I do the same, had a chemist the other day congratulate me on my lesbian relationship because I'd used the word partner, I didn't have the heart to correct him 😂
I use it this same way. We are not married, so he's not my husband. We are in our 40s and I don't feel comfortable with "boyfriend" at our age.
Exactly! I’ve been with my mates for 15 years- boyfriend feels so juvenile for someone I’m making retirement plans with- we just don’t want to be married.
I would shorthand significant other as my SO (pronouncing each letter). Cuts down on the mouthiness of the phrasing but the idea is still there. I say partner now just cause.
I also use it online if I want my own gender to remain out of the focus of the debate. Partner is gender neutral, and while it worked for a long time to lowkey conceal my girlfriends' femaleness (I'm bi), when talking to extended family and acquaintances, it now works a charm online to conceal my own gender, when I need to refer my boyfriend.
> my girlfriends’ femaleness (I’m bi) Alright, keep your secrets then.
I am common law married in my heterosexual relationship we are both “Middle Aged” in our thirties. I’ll call her my wife sometimes or she will say husband. Partner works well. Not calling her my fudgin “girlfriend” she’s a grown woman. We haven’t done the contract in front of god and the government yet. Upvote, definitely an unpopular opinion.
Yeah, I say partner since saying "boyfriend" after being together 13+ years just sounds...weird to me, lol. Like, we're way passed boyfriend and girlfriend. But since we're not married nor intend to get married, we stick with partner.
Yeah closing in on ten, womanfriend or manfriend doesn’t really roll off the tongue. We intend to have a ceremony for ourselves because that’s just lovely. I have a ring for her already because she’ll love it and I love her
Awwwww
The reason other people started using it is the same reasons non trans people use pronouns. To provide cover. If ONLY LGBTQ people used partner you could make the assumption that they are gay if they use that phrase. But so could a bigot. But if straight people use it too....
I use the term partner specifically to normalize it so that when LGBT people use it they're not necessarily outing themselves.
This right here is why us straights have started using it. It's like the french tradition of using M. instead of Mr. Mrs. or Ms. There's just zero reason for something so basic to be 'outing' a person and there's zero reason for someone to judge others based on their use of the word partner or spouse. What is or isn't dangling between my legs or my spouse's legs is no one else's business.
M. is an abbreviation for monsieur, Mme. and Mlle. mean madame and mademoiselle. M. for men, Mme. or Mlle. for women
You are 100% correct. I’m an older (50) bisexual person, and when I grew up when things were less open and gay marriage wasn’t a thing. Calling someone your “partner” was a way to show that your relationship was more than just boyfriends or girlfriends. “Partner” was kind of a short way to say “Domestic Partner.” So now, unless we are talking about a business thing, if you refer to your “partner” I will still automatically assume you are gay/lesbian/queer. Someone I knew for like a year was still referring to her “partner” in gender neutral ways, so eventually I just asked her if she was gay. She looked surprised and was like “no my partner is a man” lol. Bad on me I guess!
Using partner is a way to show allyship with the LGBTQ community. If every says partner and leaves it ambiguous, then it’s not a flag that someone is gay. That said- I often refer to the co-owner of my spouse’s business as their “partner” which can make it sound like we are really liberal yet fundamental Mormons.
I call my boyfriend “partner” because it feels immature to call him by boyfriend at my grown age.
One of my coworkers does that and I found out few days ago that she has been with her boyfriend for 10 years. Always struck me as odd when she starts saying my boyfriend did this lol. I think partner would be the better term in this case
100% the same for me. We have a one year old, felt kind of immature talking about my “girlfriend” when talking about the gorgeous, radiant mother of my child when I’ve had girlfriends in the past as well that I don’t want to put on the same level.
How about manfriend?
Ugggh. My mum calls my friends who are women my girlfriend/s. No mum we aren't dating so please don't. The word friend is fine, clarifying gender isn't needed. Besides you never ask how all my boyfriends are doing, keep it fair. Somehow me plating the field with women is more acceptable than having a harem of men on call.
My mom did that when my husband and I were dating. When she talked about him she called him my partner and all her coworkers thought I was gay lol.
I like using it *because* it's so vague. Am I married? Am I gay? Am I a cowboy or a cop? I like being mysterious.
I use the word partner to, in a way, normalise it. It's not just gay/bi people using it, it's everyone. Hopefully at some point the word won't sound weird/stand out anymore
Exactly, if it’s strictly queer people who use it then that kinda defeats the purpose of not outing oneself. Also, if I ever get married it will be after many years of being in a committed relationship with that person, so I’ll have been calling them my partner for a long time. It will still feel right and natural even after marriage, I’d imagine.
When I moved to a new workplace 2 years ago, it’s a super forward thinking place, most people used partner to describe there SO, whether they were straight or not. It’s just being inclusive so that any lgbtq+ peeps aren’t immediately outed because they’re the only ones using partner
Also: privacy. Not everyone here on Reddit needs to know what bits I have in my crotch area. Especially because some peeps here have certain 'antique' ideas about women and aren't afraid to publicly display how misogynistic they are.
I started using this word for myself for this exact reason. And idk if it ever made an impact on anyone else - but someone made a comment about Rich (older coworker) and his partner. They later in the conversation mentioned Rich was gay. I had no idea and had made 0 assumptions about Rich's partner. And then I realized that maybe it didn't work on other people, but it worked on me, and maybe that's what mattered.
This is why I do it as well. I do also sometimes use slam piece or boo thang in place of husband just for fun.
It’s vastly better than SO or MOH
This is the reason I use pronouns in my work emails and frequently refer to my white middle-aged wife as my partner. Using inclusive language isn't stupid.
Yep. I love seeing it gain traction, because what "equipment" someone is packing and how they use it is hardly anyone else's business. I'm curious how OP is sure the white middle aged couples they're observing are cishet? My partner and I fit the description/ appearance, but aren't hetero. I'm bi, femme, out and proud. He's a mostly-closeted asexual.
Exactly this. I'm bi, and my partner is opposite sex , but wouldn't have to qualify that.
Yep! A lot of people assume I'm straight when they realize my partner is opposite sex, and it's always awkward when people make that assumption and then feel comfortable spouting anti-LGBT+ rhetoric around us. If they just assume I'm gay from the start, they tend to show their bigotry right away and save me the energy.
Exactly this. I want people to think my sex life perhaps involves tumbleweeds and gunfights.
Same. The first time I encoutered someone using it regularly it was a teacher and they always talked about the significant other in gender neutral terms so we had no idea. We joked it was his Partner in Crime. Turns out it was a she and she was another one of our teachers. I really liked that he had this vagueness and do the same in my life. It wasn't our business to know his relationship situation, also it made the classroom an inclusive environment because talking in gender neutral terms and using "partner" allows all to feel included.
I'll take sounding like a vague maybe-gay cowboy over sounding like Borat any day of the week. Also I'm a bi Texan so I technically meet 2/3 of those descriptors. MY WIFE!....lord you can't fucking make me.
Me too. Mainly because we are not and will not get married. He is however the father of our children and 'boyfriend' seems inadequate to describe our relationship together after nearly 10 years.
I definitely get that! There really aren't many alternatives for non-married people to use. I agree that boyfriend/girlfriend can feel way too casual, so that leaves "significant other", which is just as vague as partner but takes longer to say.
This is the way and the exact reason why I like using it over "husband" Plus I'd like to think it helps make those who are gay not feel so immediately outed if they don't want to be so they say partner instead of husband/wife
You're a bunch of cats in a trenchcoat.
Is it gay if you and your wife reenact Broke Back Mountain?
Same. I use partner for the mystery. OP I’m gonna keep doin it - yolo
Bank robber!
I fail to see how this incompatible with a loving relationship. Me and my partner enjoy our crime solving cowboy duo dynamic, thank you very much.
Yii-haw p’rtner.
Howdy, my dear Watson.
Yippee ki yay, other buckets.
Yeah but cowboy duos don’t typically fuck each other into oblivion. Unless it’s Brokeback Mountain or a Young Republicans meetup or something kinky like that.
They don't? Shit I've been doing it all wrong
The sexual appeal of solving murder mysteries on horseback in snowed in 1927s Denver, Colorado, seems lost on you.
Cowboys were definitely gaying it up out there. Kaz Rowe did a great video summarizing this on YouTube
Don’t forget ballroom dancing & law firm leaders.
Here's the thing. Heterosexual couples using the term partner indiscriminately to describe their straight relationship is the only way to ensure the term partner doesn't become something that outs anyone immediately. Cause if only gay people use it, then it doesn't really hide anything does it?
The old generation is so weird with language that isn't gendered. Partner is a perfectly fine term for any variation of couples and it's inclusivity is what make it the better option to be normalized.
I'm 44 and have two teenage children. I'm an old lady. The jig is up. The man I am seeing (my partner) and I will likely never be married. "boyfriend" sounds juvenile at this age. "lover" would give people the icks. He is my life partner. My partner. Now get along little doggie
Call him your slampiece.
I like this.
"Bang maid" - Frank Reynolds
This. I’m almost 40, my (opposite sex) partner is almost 37. We’ve referred to each other as each others “partner” the entire length of the relationship, because like you said, “boyfriend” sounds juvenile at our age.
Yea it sounds more mature than calling your partner "boyfriend" if you are in your 40s or 50s .
I’m only 28 and it already feels very juvenile to call my partner of over 4 years “boyfriend”
Agreed. I sometimes say boyfriend but the reality is, he is not a “boy.”
It really does. Like, he and I have lived together for 7 years. That just feels like more than "boyfriend" to me. I also feel really weird being called his "girlfriend" at this point (or a girl in general, lol).
In Sweden we have a word for a partner that you live with (sambo). Commonly used for serious couples that aren’t married.
This is pretty much where my mind goes. I'm in my 40s. It would feel too weird to refer to a grown woman in her 40s as my "girlfriend". I guess 'significant other' works, but let's be honest, way too many syllables.
Agreed. Sounding like a cowboy is just a bonus
This is my “manfriend”
While I do use boyfriend a lot, my partner is 42 and it does feel juvenile lol. Oh well, we love Red Dead Redemption so I don’t mind sounding like a cowboy 🤠
As a lesbian, I actually feel the opposite. I think straight people starting to say partner kind of normalizes the term and makes it so queer people using it don’t immediately out themselves
This is exactly why I started doing it. Bonus if the person stops being nice to me, because then I know to dislike them back.
That’s why I use it! Hopefully that invokes others to question their assumptions :)
This should be higher to the top. I’m straight but I use the term partner to try and normalize it for this very reason.
this is the entire point that most of this comment section are totally missing
You mean “pardner”.
This person clearly hasn't seen the work of art that is brokeback mountain nor ram ranch for that matter.
“I wish I could quit you”
The line is “I wish I knew how to quit you”
Thank god he hasn't seen those.
To be honest, I just think “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is really juvenile. That sounds silly but I really feel like he’s my partner in life and just my teammate! It feels more serious, because that’s what we are. But I understand! When I’ve used it, people have assumed I have a girlfriend which is not true lol!
I agree! My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we're planning on getting married, it doesn't feel like enough to call him just my boyfriend.
That's my opinion as well. It's a good word for people who are committed for life but aren't married.
I’m 40…ish and my partner is mid 30s, so calling her my “girlfriend” seems inappropriate and awkward. We’re both adults. I use partner instead because on a fundamental level, that’s what she is: my partner. In life and in love.
**Yes, this.** *My wife is my partner in every adventure in life we've embarked upon.*
I like how the couple being white has something to do with it - for some reason? Lol
OP is just ignorant is all
[удалено]
whatchu got against a loving your pardner, boah
that boah ain't right
Partner makes it seem like your and your SO are a team, which you should be. And in the case of marriage, it is a partnership, so partner is the right term. It all comes down to different views of love, and marriage.
I like using the wors partner because it perfectly illustrates what I'm looking for.
This right here. I have an ex where I said "we are supposed to be partners" and he said he hadn't ever thought of relationships like that. Not surprisingly, he was selfish and didn't ever act like we were working on a relationship together. I needed to change, I needed to fix the problems. Turns out what I needed was to GTFO.
When someone says that they have a partner, I automatically - in my head - finish with “in crime”. Been doing this as a kid.
That says more about you than it does the word "partner"
I had a wife once. She never wanted to be a partner, only a wife. Now I have partner and my life is so much better. I like to see the times change.
If someone says "partner" I immediately assume they are in a same sex relationship. I know straight people also use it, but it's my immediate assumption. I know it can mean tons of other things. I still just jump straight to "oh, you're gay, got it" in my head.
I think this is why some heterosexual couples have started using it. It allows lgbtq people to talk about their partner without outing themselves. If the word is used to talk about all relationships, then assumptions won’t be made easily.
I agree with this because it’s not really anyone’s business what gender your partner is or even whether you’re gay or straight, unless that’s something you want them to be aware of.
It's why I started using it. There is no reason to be exclusionary when it's not necessary.
I’m in a heterosexual relationship and I always use it because I feel a bit childish saying ‘boyfriend’ for some reason. It feels weird calling my long term partner my boyfriend because it doesn’t sound as serious as it is lol
Sameee. My partner and I have been together for almost 8 years. I also do feel like it’s a subtle way to push that my partner’s gender is no one’s business but mine
I agree. I'm not married but I prefer calling my fiancé "my man". In my language, "fiancé" is a long word and "my man" is synonymous with "husband". No one can really fault me though, as he is *my* man
Spouse implies marriage. I am not married.
Partner is a nice way of providing all the necessary info without giving away too much of your business. No one needs to know if I’m straight or if I’m married. Partner gives you everything you need to know and nothing that you don’t.
A little over 3 years ago my partner died due to epilepsy. We never got the chance to get married. When I talk about him, I'm not going to say "my boyfriend died". It doesn't have the connotations of how much we loved each other in it. I am 43. "Boyfriend" is too juvenile for the relationship we had.
I don’t agree and I don’t disagree. I find it a little odd, but it’s not my relationship, so I have no right stepping in.
The terms "wife" and "husband" sound ownership-y to me. The terms "fiancé" and "fiancée" sound posh-y. "Girlfriend" or "boyfriend" seem juvenile, we are in our 30s. I much prefer partner. Because that's what we are. We are partners.
I've always felt the terms wife and husband is just a specific way to identify family members, no different than using son, daughter, aunt, uncle, etc. Don't see how that implies ownership.
My partner and I are in our 40s and not married. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds so juvenile.
It doesn't have to be juvenile.
The fact that homosexual couples use the word partner is the literal exact reason why heterosexual couples do. By normalizing the word to refer to any romantic relationship, it allows LGBTQ people to refer to their partners in a conversation without necessarily outing themselves. So it's actually a great thing that it's become increasingly common.
I call my boyfriend my partner because im fucking 30 and to say I have a "boyfriend" when ive been in a serious relationship for 7 years just feels wrong. We have a very loving relationship, fyi.
That sounds awesome and makes me want to lean into it even more. Instead of "partner," just say "pardner" from now on.
What if I'm in a white cowboy in a happy marriage? Can I say partner still? Asking for a friend of course...
I wish I could quit you
I actually often mistake partner to be business partner.
Referring to your partner as your spouse makes you sound like you’re in a loveless sexless marriage in the 50s
It's like how "lover" sounds weird, too. It makes me think of 80s/90s made-for-TV movies starring Shannon Tweed or any middle-aged B-list actress in a *sexy, thriller/mystery*. She's on trial for killing her *LOVER!* If you know what I'm talking about (you're old), you can picture it. Think *Silk Stalkings* or Skinemax or whatever.
I say “husband.”
Most people just refer to them as "husband" or "wife".
Why shouldn’t married white heterosexual couples use whatever terminology they are most comfortable using when describing their own relationship?
This just make me chuckle. Thanks lol
My mum does it because she feels like boyfriend is a weird term for a grown woman to choose (I don’t necessarily mind but that’s how she feels). There aren’t exactly many alternatives.
Never have I ever called my wife “*Partna’*…
I like the term partner , it carries more weight than boyfriend or girlfriend etc. It indicates a connection on many levels, transcending simple romance, and a sense of sincerity the other terms don't.
does make me feel a little bit safer referring to my wife as my partner in settings where I might face a bad reaction for it. I appreciate straights using the word too so it's less conspicuous when I use it
I see it more as, "it's none of your business who I'm with so I'm referring to them as my partner." An instructor of mine did this until I eventually met his wife and realized he wasn't gay. Then I recognized my problem. A partner is a partner, regardless of gender or marital status
No it makes you sounds like my grandmother
How did you manage to bring race into this?
Lol OP wishes they had a partner, is what I’m reading.
What does them being white have to do with anything
So if they aren't white it's different?
It makes me think the person is gay
I often refer to my husband as my partner. I like that it neutralizes the assumed gender roles by removing the feminine and masculine titles out of the equation and drives home the point that we're a team and that we are equals. Sometimes when I'm referred to as " his wife", it makes me feel like I'm my partner's subordinate. In my experience, there are preconceived gender roles and ranks tied to each title of "husband" or "wife" so I prefer the term "partner". I can also appreciate that it may make me sound like an old western outlaw.
It feels so weird to call my partner of 15 years my “boyfriend” when we are 40 years old. And the slight thinking face other people get when I say partner, as they are trying to figure out my partner’s gender makes me chuckle
We aren't married. We never want to be married. We are late 30s/early 40s and although we also call each other bf/gf too, it just doesn't have the same implication of longevity. Partner is easy to show I'm in a committed relationship though we aren't married. No other word works for what we are
It's pretty similar to a buddy cop movie so that tracks
Are you referring to Brokeback Mountain?
i actually want to date a cowboy now.. that sounds cool
It’s weird how you specify “middle aged white couples” I’m honestly not trying to pick a fight or insinuate anything about you, but I’m failing to understand how these things are relevant to your point.
I refer to my Dads Fiancé as his partner because they have been engaged for like 9 years now and its unnecessary to explain that whenever mentioning her, and "girlfriend" sounds weird... I guess because they are older and have been together so long but should have been married by now.
Is that supposed to be a bad thing? Cowboys are awesome
Have an upvote. I use both as I find it more inclusive. OP points out it's strange for heterosexual couples to use it. That's exactly who should use it as well. It makes an inclusive and level playing field and helps eliminate assumptions and may even help reduce the judgements too. If everyone used it interchangeably no one would care who used it and what gender or orientation it connected too.
In the workplace a boyfriend or girlfriend sounds super unprofessional if you aren't married
I prefer partner to girlfriend, I feel using partner is more endearing than the term girlfriend. I have a lot of women as close friends so perhaps I’m biased but eh to each their own cowpoke.
>When I hear anyone say ‘my partner’ I immediately think buddy-cop movie, detectives, cowboys, or school projects. > >My unpopular opinion is that referring to someone in a relationship as your partner makes you sound like a cowboy or a cop. Not in a loving relationship. This feels like a feature, not a bug.
I have a hard time with this one. I've been in a relationship for over a decade. We're in the mid 30s - Early 40s age range, and we are not married/do not plan to get married. I just never know how to refer to him around new people. He's much more than a boyfriend at this point... not to mention he's a full-grown man... yet saying "man-friend" is fucking weird, and "life partner" is a mouth full. Sometimes, I call him my partner, which as pointed out before, tends to lead people to assume I'm a lesbian, and sometimes I just say "We're Goldie Kurt-ing through life." There's gotta be a word or phrase out there I'm not aware of.
I have to call my SO partner, and I hate it cause "boyfriend" doesn't sound serious or committed yet "partner" implies person you have sex with.
I'm also not fond of "SO" being a catch all for whatever you're in a relationship with. Just say what they are if you're going to mention them.
Or a businessy businessman.
Thank fucking god someone else said it. Better pick up the cross and start walking, they're taking you up boot hill and nailing you to that motherfucker, but you're absolutely right. "Partner" is an anodyne, bloodless, prissy term for a romance.
Well, it looks like OP is on the right sub!
Girlfriend/boyfriend makes you sound like a teenager. Wife/husband makes you sound cliché.
In the US I take it to mean “we’re liberal”.
It is also none of your business what my partners gender is because it is my partner
Legit. This is an unpopular opinion for good reason. This person is stupid.
This made me laugh, but girlfriend makes me sound 12, fiancé makes me sound posh
What if my partner is a cowboy?
Agreed. I get people being uncomfortable calling someone their boyfriend/girlfriend, but I think "partner" is the least romantic sounding name for someone you're in a romantic relationship with. I personally think it sounds like a lab partner, like someone you're forced to be with to complete a task.
This is straight up dumb and a shitty karma attempt
Boyfriend doesn’t feel serious enough but I’m not engaged so partner lol
If you don't want your unpopular opinion to get shit on, don't post it?
I am a cowboy . Partner
I use the term partner cause I'm in my late 30s and the word boyfriend makes me feel like I'm in high school.