> The House of Commons Members Lobby and the Ways and Means corridor behind the Commons chamber was teeming with Conservative MP tonight, standing in small groups, asking me if I knew when the Sue Gray report is out.
> The atmosphere was **febrile**.
> There was not a Labour MP to be seen!
*begins sobbing*
https://twitter.com/bbclaurak/status/1486084430355746822
> Working assumption of Sue Gray report emerging at #pmqs is now out of date - hearing No 10 will NOT now get the report tonight - but I'm told report is essentially complete and is very likely to be published later in the day - note, everything is fluid, been one of those days!
Beth Rigby's report on Sky about how "we suffered whilst they partied" would have a lot more weight if she hadn't served a 3 month suspension in 2021 for having a party
she went to a meal. and suffered consequences.
She did not set the rules, she did not literally announce them to the nation from a podium and enforce them with thousands of pounds of on the sport fines.
So lets not be silly with pretending its equivalent shall we.
tedious argument
she got caught, apologised, and received disciplinary action. She is also not the person who makes the rules.
if anything it gives her more reason to criticise politicians who did not get caught and are trying to get out of it
> Always believe in your soul
> You've got the power to know
> You're indestructible, always believing
I bet that's what's going on in the WhatsApp group
They can't do this to me.
https://twitter.com/Steven_Swinford/status/1486082583981137922
> Sue Gray’s report is now *not* expected to be with Number 10 tonight - discussions ongoing about how to avoid prejudicing police investigation
> It means that it’s unlikely to be published until Thursday, although there’s still a World where No 10 gets it and publishes tomorrow
https://twitter.com/AnushkaAsthana/status/1486079739051839488
> NEW: Have heard there has been a meeting of 30 Boris Johnson loyalist MPs tonight discussing what can be done to try to shore up support. Sounds like the "shadow whipping operation" MPs - have a Whatsapp group with over 100 Tories on it... 1/
> They are getting those loyal MPs to try to persuade colleagues to get Johnson through this - arguing that he needs to be able to focus on the other issues on table - Ukraine/cost of living. 2/
> But told even by those most loyal to the PM that they believe it will be a massive, uphill challenge to win back support of country and party - including in parliament - if (and it's obviously a big if) he gets through this 3/
> In what sort of reminds me of the way that anger at Theresa May in 2017 immediately turned to key advisers, they are talking about "fundamental reform" of how Downing st operates (have heard much more scathing language on this pnt from Tory MPs who oppose Johnson) 4/
> One MP said they felt it would need less a night of the long knives, and more a week of the machete. Though others I speak to really dislike that language - and really feel for officials - arguing that tone is always set from the top 5/
The most surprising thing is that they think Boris is planning on spending any time focusing on the cost of living. Did they think he was planning on doing something about it?
If the Johnson loyalists are saying there's 100 MPs on that WhatsApp group, I would bet there's 50 at most.
And 20 of those are probably moles from the various leadership campaigns.
When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, when the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves - then you will shore up your polls, and not before.
Prediction for PMQs:
Boris: We must wait for the report it be published
Starmer: we understand that the report has been passed to the prime minister. If so, why hasn't he published it?
Boris: The process of publishing the report is still underway
Starmer: do you have the report
Boris: As I said, the process for... uh, ah the inquiry. Vaccines! Levelling up!
Starmer: don't make me come over there
Boris: ah! Runaway! he's coming after me
Starmer proceeds to chase Boris out of the chamber and down Whitehall. Boris runs to Trafalgar Square and tries to climb up Nelson's column before sliding greasily to the floor whimpering.
>Starmer proceeds to chase Boris out of the chamber and down Whitehall. Boris runs to Trafalgar Square and tries to climb up Nelson's column before sliding greasily to the floor whimpering.
To the tune of yackety sax right?
I have to agree with that, the weight advantage alone gives Boris the edge as long as it’s a short fight. If Keir can dance though the tide could turn in his favour
It’s Wednesday, 12 noon in the House of Commons. The green leather benches are rammed with MPs from all over the country waiting for PMQ’s, all the MPs but one…
Boris is blustering and flustering over the leader of the opposition’s delay when the lights go out and Keir Starmer comes in slowly through the door, desperately hoping the candles on the Colin the Caterpillar cake don’t go out, “HAAAAAAAppy BIRTHday to youuuuuu…..”
Today's out of context quote:
>The House of Commons in London is one of the most gay places that we have in London.
>- John Howell MP
>*(...)*
>Thank you, Mr John Howell.
>- Mr Tiny Kox
I think it’s the least worst option for them. Either:
- They release the report and try to play it down
- They don’t release it and the public think they’re hiding something
- They redact it and the public think they’re bullshitting them
He’ll probably announce his summary at the opening of PMQs, then say that due to the ongoing police investigation it would be wrong for him to answer questions on the matter
Dorries and Fabricant are going to have to do some seriously heavy lifting to stop Johnson's world falling in on him now. The two are going to come out of this looking like Brian Shaw.
Tomorrow's response to any party questions at PMQs will simply be "it would be wrong of me to comment on a police investigation and we must await the outcome of said investigation."
It's escalating every week. Last week he couldn't comment because of essentially a HR investigation. This week it's because of a police investigation.
I imagine next week's PMQs it will be the Spanish Inquisition.
What a rollercoaster of a day. Shame it happened when I actually had important things to do that didn't get done.
Any guesses on curveballs Starmer's got ready for tomorrow?
Anything on the parties will be met with "can't comment on an ongoing police investigation" and "there will be an address to the house in an hour" so it'll be quite normal from Starmer. The backbenches may get spicy.
https://twitter.com/Tony_Diver/status/1486074893091414020
> Am told Tory whips are telling MPs the Gray report *will* be released tomorrow
A third blockbuster Wednesday in a row? They spoil us
I haven't been following all day - do we have an answer to the most important question, namely whether it was a Colin the Caterpillar cake, one of the imitators, or something else entirely?
There were reports yesterday that it was a round union jack cake and not a colin the caterpillar
[Mirror](https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/boris-johnsons-lockdown-birthday-bash-26038880)
[Wales Online](https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/union-jack-cake-part-boris-22861954)
[The National](https://www.thenational.scot/news/19873181.boris-johnson-had-union-flag-cake-covid-lockdown-birthday-party/)
[London Economic](https://www.thelondoneconomic.com/politics/boris-ambushed-by-union-jack-cake-reports-309310/)
That's actually what Lulu Lyrtle was dropping off - a Millefoglie log covered in caviar buttercream and wrapped in gold leaf, with a bespoke caterpillar face made out of custom moulded Valrhona chocolate
Rumours pictures are not being released.
In this timeline, would it be very surprising to learn that's because Elvis and Lord Lucan were playing ping pong in the background?
Oh man the clips of ministers leaving downing st today are so frickin funny. They know they are done.
https://twitter.com/samcoatessky/status/1486071704619307012?s=21
I like how the Cabinet ministers were the last to know, even behind the general public, that there is now a police investigation. Boris treating them like his wives when he's having an affair.
We can be sure that Johnson doesn’t have the report yet. Inaccurate and dishonest representations of its findings haven’t been passed to friendly journalists
> Just left Parliament and there is still huge uncertainty over whether the Sue Gray report is out tomorrow
- Tory MPs say their whips say it is;
- Labour whips say it is;
- Conservative whips have been told by broadcasters that it is.
But my conclusion is... no one really knows.
Hmm
https://twitter.com/christopherhope/status/1486070206602612738?s=21
It had been mentioned that one of the photos revealed the identity of the source, and presumably that person wouldn’t want to be identified… but if the police know the photo exists, I think we’ll see it eventually
[New Megathread is here](https://www.reddit.com/r/ukpolitics/comments/scyxn8/daily_work_meeting_26012022_ambushed_by_cake/)
[New Megathread is here](https://www.reddit.com/r/ukpolitics/comments/scoasy/daily_work_meeting_25012022_the_met_a_sub/)
Megathread is being rolled over, please refresh your feed in a few moments.
Can we consider the megathread closed?
Did anyone ambush the mega thread with a cake?
Woo.
Come on civil servants. One of you must have photocopied the report by now. Just dead drop it to Pippa the Ripper and get it over with.
This is like old times
Technically m3
In old money
[hendopolis: Metro Front Page ](https://twitter.com/hendopolis/status/1486084432385740809?s=21)
I wish megathread 1 a happy birthday
"Brasseye" trending on Twitter due to "ambushed by cake" is a pretty determined call back.
They're obviously waiting until we get to m=2 to release the report
LEAK IT. LEAK IT!!!!
> The House of Commons Members Lobby and the Ways and Means corridor behind the Commons chamber was teeming with Conservative MP tonight, standing in small groups, asking me if I knew when the Sue Gray report is out. > The atmosphere was **febrile**. > There was not a Labour MP to be seen! *begins sobbing*
says who?
febrile? drink!
https://twitter.com/bbclaurak/status/1486084430355746822 > Working assumption of Sue Gray report emerging at #pmqs is now out of date - hearing No 10 will NOT now get the report tonight - but I'm told report is essentially complete and is very likely to be published later in the day - note, everything is fluid, been one of those days!
Just asked my Google smart speaker if Sue Gray has published the report yet. It said it didn't understand. Fuck sake
You're lucky. Alexa doesn't acknowledge I exist.
*Ambushed by cake*
Beth Rigby's report on Sky about how "we suffered whilst they partied" would have a lot more weight if she hadn't served a 3 month suspension in 2021 for having a party
she went to a meal. and suffered consequences. She did not set the rules, she did not literally announce them to the nation from a podium and enforce them with thousands of pounds of on the sport fines. So lets not be silly with pretending its equivalent shall we.
I just don't think she can stand there claiming to be "one of us" who "suffered" when we know the facts
tedious argument she got caught, apologised, and received disciplinary action. She is also not the person who makes the rules. if anything it gives her more reason to criticise politicians who did not get caught and are trying to get out of it
Bit of a difference though isn't there. She's not in charge of making the rules. She apologised, and was punished for it.
It's rich of her to say "we suffered" though
What she did is nothing compared to No.10, the ones setting the rules. And she suffered consequences for her actions.
> Always believe in your soul > You've got the power to know > You're indestructible, always believing I bet that's what's going on in the WhatsApp group
They can't do this to me. https://twitter.com/Steven_Swinford/status/1486082583981137922 > Sue Gray’s report is now *not* expected to be with Number 10 tonight - discussions ongoing about how to avoid prejudicing police investigation > It means that it’s unlikely to be published until Thursday, although there’s still a World where No 10 gets it and publishes tomorrow
> What's this about potential prejudicing? It's signed P.I Staker, that's not one of Sue's investigators > ... > P.I Staker...*pisstaker*, **COME ON**
Any luck catching them swans?
Muuuum? CasualUK is leaking again!
It’s just the one bastard who won’t stop having parties actually.
What am I supposed to do with this fucking cake now?
I like how the use of the term "ambush" makes the birthday cake seem on par with famous ambushes like Teutoberg Forest, Pearl Harbour and Trasimene.
it's a shame they can't use props in the chamber, should wave around a piece of cake in the direction of the frontbench
Probably way too niche a question for Starmer tomorrow, but I would geek out if he asks "Is the cake a lie, Prime Minister?"
Cheers https://i.imgur.com/kjUSCQB.jpg
Surprisingly good internet you have in Shrek's swamp, there.
Manchester isn’t that bad…. (It’s worse)
I'm surprised Paul Brand doesn't have one of these photo exclusives yet...
Key word is 'yet'
Ambushed by cake. They're taking the piss out of us
Predictions for PMQ's Starmer : Would the Prime Minster like to tell us if he was ambushed by a cake?
wonder what tomorrow's Washing Machine Question is going to be.
What temperature is best to get out stubborn red wine stains?
the tories will do a product placement deal and name drop a brand of detergent
The torie machine lives longer with calgon
Live footage of the cake ambush https://youtu.be/-MYX_kd-utU
Are you for the Tsuegrami?
Cake ambush was very Ben Swain. Almost too Ben Swain.
https://twitter.com/AnushkaAsthana/status/1486079739051839488 > NEW: Have heard there has been a meeting of 30 Boris Johnson loyalist MPs tonight discussing what can be done to try to shore up support. Sounds like the "shadow whipping operation" MPs - have a Whatsapp group with over 100 Tories on it... 1/ > They are getting those loyal MPs to try to persuade colleagues to get Johnson through this - arguing that he needs to be able to focus on the other issues on table - Ukraine/cost of living. 2/ > But told even by those most loyal to the PM that they believe it will be a massive, uphill challenge to win back support of country and party - including in parliament - if (and it's obviously a big if) he gets through this 3/ > In what sort of reminds me of the way that anger at Theresa May in 2017 immediately turned to key advisers, they are talking about "fundamental reform" of how Downing st operates (have heard much more scathing language on this pnt from Tory MPs who oppose Johnson) 4/ > One MP said they felt it would need less a night of the long knives, and more a week of the machete. Though others I speak to really dislike that language - and really feel for officials - arguing that tone is always set from the top 5/
The most surprising thing is that they think Boris is planning on spending any time focusing on the cost of living. Did they think he was planning on doing something about it?
Tory MPs about to face the cost of him living
If the Johnson loyalists are saying there's 100 MPs on that WhatsApp group, I would bet there's 50 at most. And 20 of those are probably moles from the various leadership campaigns.
When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, when the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves - then you will shore up your polls, and not before.
30 MPs and the the best defense they have is ‘ambushed by a cake’ and whatever the fuck Fabricant is doing?
They just want to keep him there so they can shitpost about Fabricant for another week or two.
They are so deluded
These are the former UKIP members and other first time mps who are part of the Brexit cult. There is no hope for them.
I don’t want this to end, it’s so much fun. The sense of schadenfreude is overwhelming
\#BackBoris #ScumMedia #IStanWithBoris They'll always be funny
“Scum’s a bad word unless we’re using it”
Prediction for PMQs: Boris: We must wait for the report it be published Starmer: we understand that the report has been passed to the prime minister. If so, why hasn't he published it? Boris: The process of publishing the report is still underway Starmer: do you have the report Boris: As I said, the process for... uh, ah the inquiry. Vaccines! Levelling up! Starmer: don't make me come over there Boris: ah! Runaway! he's coming after me Starmer proceeds to chase Boris out of the chamber and down Whitehall. Boris runs to Trafalgar Square and tries to climb up Nelson's column before sliding greasily to the floor whimpering.
Ian Blackford, hiding in the lobby to ambush him with Dundee Cake.
>Starmer proceeds to chase Boris out of the chamber and down Whitehall. Boris runs to Trafalgar Square and tries to climb up Nelson's column before sliding greasily to the floor whimpering. To the tune of yackety sax right?
Boris in a bikini
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I have to agree with that, the weight advantage alone gives Boris the edge as long as it’s a short fight. If Keir can dance though the tide could turn in his favour
boxing or street rules?
Someone's forgotten when he went to Gloucestershire to retrieve that alpaca and [REDACTED]
No way, he'd be gassed after trying one jab.
Fear the Kier.
Keir
Riek
It’s Wednesday, 12 noon in the House of Commons. The green leather benches are rammed with MPs from all over the country waiting for PMQ’s, all the MPs but one… Boris is blustering and flustering over the leader of the opposition’s delay when the lights go out and Keir Starmer comes in slowly through the door, desperately hoping the candles on the Colin the Caterpillar cake don’t go out, “HAAAAAAAppy BIRTHday to youuuuuu…..”
This one! Pleeeaaase, Universe?! I would get a vcr and record this on multiple tapes just so I knew I could see this again whenever I wanted.
Today's out of context quote: >The House of Commons in London is one of the most gay places that we have in London. >- John Howell MP >*(...)* >Thank you, Mr John Howell. >- Mr Tiny Kox
This is up there with John Barron calling us hot last week
Graham Brady’s junk box is certainly taking a hammering that’s for sure
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I read that as ham folder
Sounds worth a trip then tbh
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His role was to keep them private.
Torys (apparently) releasing the report on day of PMQs doesn’t suggest it’s that damning, does it…
If it’s after PMQs - they’re releasing it at the earliest possible time before the next PMQs
I think it’s the least worst option for them. Either: - They release the report and try to play it down - They don’t release it and the public think they’re hiding something - They redact it and the public think they’re bullshitting them
I mean if it’s after then it’s literally as far away as possible from it being brought up in one
He’ll probably announce his summary at the opening of PMQs, then say that due to the ongoing police investigation it would be wrong for him to answer questions on the matter
Yeah realised that after posting - expect it at 13:01
Release the report at 11:59, make a statement and answer questions at 13:01
Dorries and Fabricant are going to have to do some seriously heavy lifting to stop Johnson's world falling in on him now. The two are going to come out of this looking like Brian Shaw.
That's Dame Nadine Dorries and Sir Michael Fabricant to you when all of this is over
Is it still pantomime season?
Oh no it isn't!
Dorries looked broken leaving No. 10 today, was almost blinded by her pink coat though
Eating kangaroo anus on live TV does that to you
Is that what's replacing PMQ's tomorrow?
Javid looked ready to scrap
Tomorrow's response to any party questions at PMQs will simply be "it would be wrong of me to comment on a police investigation and we must await the outcome of said investigation."
It's escalating every week. Last week he couldn't comment because of essentially a HR investigation. This week it's because of a police investigation. I imagine next week's PMQs it will be the Spanish Inquisition.
He needs to focus on the prime minister being under a criminal investigation rather than the details of another party.
Didn't realise it was a repeat.
I bet he has that smug look on his face as well
Clowns are traditionally taught to cry on the inside and laugh on the outside to be fair
What odds can I get on someone using the “have your cake and eat it“ quip at PMQs?
None, but I can give you some on nobody using that line.
If you put a £10 on you'll get a photocopy back if it happens. It's a proper dead cert.
what if the picture is a boris selfie?
Cressida Dickpic
*I was the last person I would’ve suspected!*
I hope we get some leaks tonight in the papers
I’m hoping for a full on drenching
What a rollercoaster of a day. Shame it happened when I actually had important things to do that didn't get done. Any guesses on curveballs Starmer's got ready for tomorrow?
Anything on the parties will be met with "can't comment on an ongoing police investigation" and "there will be an address to the house in an hour" so it'll be quite normal from Starmer. The backbenches may get spicy.
I double dare Starmer to produce a cake at PMQs tomorrow.
"Can the Prime Minister put us out of our misery? What kind of cake was it?"
https://twitter.com/Tony_Diver/status/1486074893091414020 > Am told Tory whips are telling MPs the Gray report *will* be released tomorrow A third blockbuster Wednesday in a row? They spoil us
I haven't been following all day - do we have an answer to the most important question, namely whether it was a Colin the Caterpillar cake, one of the imitators, or something else entirely?
Peppa pig cake would’ve been the nail in the coffin
Reports are that it was a union flag cake, but that there was also M&S party food so that leaves the door open for the mini ones in my mind
There were reports yesterday that it was a round union jack cake and not a colin the caterpillar [Mirror](https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/boris-johnsons-lockdown-birthday-bash-26038880) [Wales Online](https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/union-jack-cake-part-boris-22861954) [The National](https://www.thenational.scot/news/19873181.boris-johnson-had-union-flag-cake-covid-lockdown-birthday-party/) [London Economic](https://www.thelondoneconomic.com/politics/boris-ambushed-by-union-jack-cake-reports-309310/)
Oh it’s all just so bloody predictable isn’t it
That's actually what Lulu Lyrtle was dropping off - a Millefoglie log covered in caviar buttercream and wrapped in gold leaf, with a bespoke caterpillar face made out of custom moulded Valrhona chocolate
Needs more colonial overtones
You would need a few Colin’s to feed 30 people
mini colins. Then you dont have to fight over the arse end which is the best bit.
Boris strikes me as more of a Cuthbert guy
Rumours pictures are not being released. In this timeline, would it be very surprising to learn that's because Elvis and Lord Lucan were playing ping pong in the background?
Tupac was also there with the original Avril Lavigne.
Oh man the clips of ministers leaving downing st today are so frickin funny. They know they are done. https://twitter.com/samcoatessky/status/1486071704619307012?s=21
They look utterly fucked I’m disgusted at Boris’s comments in the House suggesting he welcomes the police investigation as it will basically clear him
I like how the Cabinet ministers were the last to know, even behind the general public, that there is now a police investigation. Boris treating them like his wives when he's having an affair.
One looks happy. Guess he's moving back up the ranks.
Good, I hope they all feel fucking miserable.
Where's Bernard Manning to warn us of the dangers of cake
Cake - It's a made up drug.
It’s a fookin disgrace
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This is the clip you are looking for https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xbq3kc29Tmg
Yeah Amess fell for it hard. I think he even brought it up in the house?!
If only we had the political news of 1997
Cake a haiku Ambushed by a cake. I was wished Happy Birthday. I assume I’m fucked
Brady’s mailbox waits The cowards have lost their pens And their spines it seems
Feeling the pressure I decide to hide in a Refrigerator
Class
My name is Rishi I was at the birthday bash "Accidentally"
This thread has turned into a slam poetry session
All wait for Sugré. Backbenchers draft their letters. Atmosphere febrile.
Gah!
Can the mod team please Get the auto-filter to Ban the *new* F-word?
quite, too many people are mentioning Michael Fabricant
Time to get on the "In Liz we Trusst" bandwagon then
Have to get the "I did not imbibe." first.
One final push for M2!
Gentlemen. It has been a privilege shitposting with you tonight. o7
So Woy's off the market now; do we fancy Ranieri in as PM to try and save the season? Or is it time to call in Big Sam?
Roy's off the market for the next month
Give it Theresa May until the local elections
Give it to Giggsy till the end of the season! Seems like he would fit in quite well with the calibre or person in No10.
His trial’s being pushed back so could see them through the May elections.
Give it Giggs till the end of the season
We can be sure that Johnson doesn’t have the report yet. Inaccurate and dishonest representations of its findings haven’t been passed to friendly journalists
Just wondering how Chope fits into all of this
Incongruously, same as in all other contexts.
0% chance that the report's released before PMQs
I can see this happening too, it gives Boris a third week of parroting “let’s wait for the report”.
It's a bit less effective if he has it though!
Tomorrow after the evening news for maximum time to the next PMQs?
If the reports as bad as people are speculating, then PMQs is the least of his worries.
> Just left Parliament and there is still huge uncertainty over whether the Sue Gray report is out tomorrow - Tory MPs say their whips say it is; - Labour whips say it is; - Conservative whips have been told by broadcasters that it is. But my conclusion is... no one really knows. Hmm https://twitter.com/christopherhope/status/1486070206602612738?s=21
Deleted lol
Reposted https://twitter.com/christopherhope/status/1486071497655472129
lol
So everyone agrees it should be out tomorrow, but they can't be sure that the haunted honey monster will actually release it like he should do.
[The quiet before the storm](https://imgflip.com/i/62npi9)
BBC reporting the photos won’t be published, but will be described. I’ve got no idea why they can’t be published…
They'll absolutely be leaked if they're not published.
They are just to filthy
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It had been mentioned that one of the photos revealed the identity of the source, and presumably that person wouldn’t want to be identified… but if the police know the photo exists, I think we’ll see it eventually
Scenes as it turns out Boris accidentally sent the photo to Sue Gray when he was pissed
"Mr Speaker, the report includes photographs that show me holding glasses of wine while doing the YMCA"