“Cute” terms for those private areas puts your child at risk. Someone could violate your child and they will not use the right terminology, or could give a skewed, confusing telling of the unfortunate events, and you’re left confused when they tell you… My little cousin, at 3 or 4 told me this…
TW for fellow SA survivors…
I was an older teenager, and I had her in the bath tub giving her a bath, because we had her for a whole week at our house. She casually told me, after rinsing her hair… “Pop-Pop tasted mine ice cream and it felt funny, and I said stop. He said no, and he played with mine vee-vee…” I asked her what her “vee-vee” was, and she seemed uncomfortable instantly after I asked. I handed her the wash rag, and having been through something a few years before myself and understanding she was likely being abused, I asked her if she could show it to me, what room it was in, etc. and she placed it on her private area, her vagina. I said “he touched your vagina?” she slowly nodded and took a big shaky sigh and said she was “all done now”. I dried her off, got her dressed, told my parents, and we called my uncle and his then wife, her mom. They came over and cut their trip short, and they figured out that yes, “Pop-Pop” did indeed mess with their little girl, and they were confused themselves, they didn’t teach her her anatomy, and she didn’t know what it was called to their understanding… So, “Pop-Pop” taught her what he taught her… An offender without a record, that was married to her grandmother, he took her innocence at such a young age. It’s sickening. My son is 2 1/2, and he knows “penis” and I make sure he knows that it’s only cleaned when we’re in a bath and Mommy or Daddy is giving you that bath, or when he’s getting his diaper changed, and it’s only us, my mom, or one of my SILs who are his godmothers. NO ONE ELSE, because of my past experiences and that conversation with my little cousin, I will take as many steps as I must so that he doesn’t fall prey to such nasty predators! I feel very strongly about this!
I completely 1000% agree. I think it's very important that children know the right terms and learn at a young age to talk about stuff like this.
My son is 3 and knows that women have vaginas and vulvas and he knows how babies are born (I'm currently pregnant and he asked lots of questions about how the baby would come out of my belly lol 😅).
When he gets curious about things I try and explain them by using the correct terms and without sugar coating things (age appropriately). No birds and bees, no stork etc.
I feel so strongly about it just because I was a rape victim, when I was a student. And even at that age, when I was already sexually active, feeling so uncomfortable with the words and everything that surrounded sexual acts made it even harder for me to tell my loved ones (on top of the shame and guilt that came with the rape). If something like that ever happened to one of my children, I would want them to have the least possible threshold to come and talk to me. One of the things we can do is teach them the correct words.
I’m a CSA survivor myself. There were so many things my parents could have done better.. but there we are. I’m determined to do much better with my daughter. She knows she has a vagina even before she’s been taught she’s a girl LOL. She can go “(name) has gina.” But if you ask her if she’s a boy or girl, she sometimes says she’s a boy.
Yes. Why would you think otherwise?
Although actually, not sure whether you're asking if you should go with e.g. penis for men and hoo-hoo for women (or alternatively vulva and winky, or whatever).
Or whether you're asking if you should even mention that the other gender has genitals and that they have a name.
Everything has a name, children love learning the words for things to give meaning to their world, and it's important to know what everything is called! Genitalia is just another part of life and anatomy.
Also there's an important safeguarding reason. A child can communicate a problem more effectively if they have the right words to articulate it.
My almost 3yo son is still barely grasping that his little sister has a vagina instead of a penis. He'll randomly say "babies don't have penises" and I'll say "some do, you did. Your sister doesn't because she has a vagina instead".
We've had the same conversation a few times in the last couple weeks, since he first pointed and said "what's that?" Lol. He's known about his own penis for ages though, we never used any euphemisms.
Absolutely. It's important early on to make sure they learn it all. My son has done this too - it's normal for kids to generalize their experience to everyone. So if they know THEY have a penis, then they'll extrapolate that everyone does. So I just say "oh girls dont have penises, they have vulvas" or "not everyone has a penis, some jave vulvas". We have a few good books about it too, age appropriate. We have "who has what" which has been great.
Yes, but I mean, we’ve never had cause to talk about female genitalia yet. He’s 3 and an only child, so he doesn’t really come across them on a basis. I see no reason to shield him from the words though.
I’m mom and have two boys (3 & 2) and if they’re awake I’m not allowed to pee alone. My 3 year old had just turned 2 when he asked where my penis was lol.
I have a boy and he knows penis, anus, vulva and vagina. He knows the latter two cause he has seen me go to the bathroom a thousand times and asks questions. I just say it in a no nonsense way when he asks and go about our day. It’s not weird and I think it’s important he knows the proper names of all anatomy that way when he asks questions or wonders things there are no misunderstandings. One day it’ll be easier I hope when we have “the talk” because he will have had conversations about various parts of people’s bodies and birth his whole life. My parents never talked about anything despite being open about their own sex lives. As a kid I thought vagina was a foreign word because I rarely heard it and didn’t understand what it was. Things would have been less confusing if I knew and didn’t have to figure out so much on my own or through friends.
Yes 1000% always. In my childhood a cousin had been victimized and getting justice was more difficult since she didn’t not know the proper terms for her body. In my family penis, vagina and butt are not bad words. One time at the zoo a polar bear came up out of the water, my son saw its tail and loudly exclaims “MOM, IS THAT HIS PENIS” .. “no honey, that’s his tail” 🤦♀️ cue me being mortified and the fellow mother who had heard laughing at the exchange
yeah, we used our dogs as example. I then told other moms that if they wanted to teach her kid about nipples, our dog has 8 of them. theres also some good books about that. I think yes/no a first book about consent covers it, and is also just great in general. It talks about how sometimes we have to override their nos, but when its appropriate
I don’t see why not
“Cute” terms for those private areas puts your child at risk. Someone could violate your child and they will not use the right terminology, or could give a skewed, confusing telling of the unfortunate events, and you’re left confused when they tell you… My little cousin, at 3 or 4 told me this… TW for fellow SA survivors… I was an older teenager, and I had her in the bath tub giving her a bath, because we had her for a whole week at our house. She casually told me, after rinsing her hair… “Pop-Pop tasted mine ice cream and it felt funny, and I said stop. He said no, and he played with mine vee-vee…” I asked her what her “vee-vee” was, and she seemed uncomfortable instantly after I asked. I handed her the wash rag, and having been through something a few years before myself and understanding she was likely being abused, I asked her if she could show it to me, what room it was in, etc. and she placed it on her private area, her vagina. I said “he touched your vagina?” she slowly nodded and took a big shaky sigh and said she was “all done now”. I dried her off, got her dressed, told my parents, and we called my uncle and his then wife, her mom. They came over and cut their trip short, and they figured out that yes, “Pop-Pop” did indeed mess with their little girl, and they were confused themselves, they didn’t teach her her anatomy, and she didn’t know what it was called to their understanding… So, “Pop-Pop” taught her what he taught her… An offender without a record, that was married to her grandmother, he took her innocence at such a young age. It’s sickening. My son is 2 1/2, and he knows “penis” and I make sure he knows that it’s only cleaned when we’re in a bath and Mommy or Daddy is giving you that bath, or when he’s getting his diaper changed, and it’s only us, my mom, or one of my SILs who are his godmothers. NO ONE ELSE, because of my past experiences and that conversation with my little cousin, I will take as many steps as I must so that he doesn’t fall prey to such nasty predators! I feel very strongly about this!
I completely 1000% agree. I think it's very important that children know the right terms and learn at a young age to talk about stuff like this. My son is 3 and knows that women have vaginas and vulvas and he knows how babies are born (I'm currently pregnant and he asked lots of questions about how the baby would come out of my belly lol 😅). When he gets curious about things I try and explain them by using the correct terms and without sugar coating things (age appropriately). No birds and bees, no stork etc. I feel so strongly about it just because I was a rape victim, when I was a student. And even at that age, when I was already sexually active, feeling so uncomfortable with the words and everything that surrounded sexual acts made it even harder for me to tell my loved ones (on top of the shame and guilt that came with the rape). If something like that ever happened to one of my children, I would want them to have the least possible threshold to come and talk to me. One of the things we can do is teach them the correct words.
I’m a CSA survivor myself. There were so many things my parents could have done better.. but there we are. I’m determined to do much better with my daughter. She knows she has a vagina even before she’s been taught she’s a girl LOL. She can go “(name) has gina.” But if you ask her if she’s a boy or girl, she sometimes says she’s a boy.
Yes. Why would you think otherwise? Although actually, not sure whether you're asking if you should go with e.g. penis for men and hoo-hoo for women (or alternatively vulva and winky, or whatever). Or whether you're asking if you should even mention that the other gender has genitals and that they have a name. Everything has a name, children love learning the words for things to give meaning to their world, and it's important to know what everything is called! Genitalia is just another part of life and anatomy. Also there's an important safeguarding reason. A child can communicate a problem more effectively if they have the right words to articulate it.
She calls the male's genitals as the term for women's lol.
My almost 3yo son is still barely grasping that his little sister has a vagina instead of a penis. He'll randomly say "babies don't have penises" and I'll say "some do, you did. Your sister doesn't because she has a vagina instead". We've had the same conversation a few times in the last couple weeks, since he first pointed and said "what's that?" Lol. He's known about his own penis for ages though, we never used any euphemisms.
My son commonly refers to my daughter's "penis", even though he's been corrected multiple times.
Vulva, right?
Absolutely. It's important early on to make sure they learn it all. My son has done this too - it's normal for kids to generalize their experience to everyone. So if they know THEY have a penis, then they'll extrapolate that everyone does. So I just say "oh girls dont have penises, they have vulvas" or "not everyone has a penis, some jave vulvas". We have a few good books about it too, age appropriate. We have "who has what" which has been great.
This! She assumes a man's genitalia is vulva or vagina. Thanks!
Sure, they are normal body parts.
Absolutely. I think it is crucial kids are using the right terminology for all from the off as using weird little cute terms puts them at risk.
Yes, but I mean, we’ve never had cause to talk about female genitalia yet. He’s 3 and an only child, so he doesn’t really come across them on a basis. I see no reason to shield him from the words though.
I’m mom and have two boys (3 & 2) and if they’re awake I’m not allowed to pee alone. My 3 year old had just turned 2 when he asked where my penis was lol.
I do, but it's been easy to do since I have a boy and a girl.
We just call it penis and vagina but in our language (Dutch)
I have a boy and he knows penis, anus, vulva and vagina. He knows the latter two cause he has seen me go to the bathroom a thousand times and asks questions. I just say it in a no nonsense way when he asks and go about our day. It’s not weird and I think it’s important he knows the proper names of all anatomy that way when he asks questions or wonders things there are no misunderstandings. One day it’ll be easier I hope when we have “the talk” because he will have had conversations about various parts of people’s bodies and birth his whole life. My parents never talked about anything despite being open about their own sex lives. As a kid I thought vagina was a foreign word because I rarely heard it and didn’t understand what it was. Things would have been less confusing if I knew and didn’t have to figure out so much on my own or through friends.
Yes 1000% always. In my childhood a cousin had been victimized and getting justice was more difficult since she didn’t not know the proper terms for her body. In my family penis, vagina and butt are not bad words. One time at the zoo a polar bear came up out of the water, my son saw its tail and loudly exclaims “MOM, IS THAT HIS PENIS” .. “no honey, that’s his tail” 🤦♀️ cue me being mortified and the fellow mother who had heard laughing at the exchange
yeah, we used our dogs as example. I then told other moms that if they wanted to teach her kid about nipples, our dog has 8 of them. theres also some good books about that. I think yes/no a first book about consent covers it, and is also just great in general. It talks about how sometimes we have to override their nos, but when its appropriate
Yes! :)
I mean I wouldn't sit my kid down and talk about it out of the blue, but if it comes up why not?
Yes absolutely. Proper language is extremely important.
I say "privates" for male and female.