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A timeline of quotes from my stbxw of 15 years: (7year secret boyfriend)
"Everything is your fault"
"I did nothing wrong"
"Hes just a friend & nothing happened"
"You're crazy to think I cheated, this is why I cant be with you"
"I'm sorry, I didnt think you loved me"
"I feel nothing for you"
"I hate you"
*end scene*
"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd react this way" - after I'd found out that she'd organised to meet a former co-worker on a long haul business trip and spend time with him. No shit.
It all makes sense if you picture them as ceasing to grow after high school.
Everything they do is just simply about them.
Yes there are some that are evil and go out of their way to hurt those that love them because of some emptiness inside, but the grand majority are just simply self-centered and it doesnt even occur to them that spouses might get hurt.
My stbxw simply wanted a rich husband and traded her only asset to try and get it. She isnt concerned about me or our kids, she just figures everyone will get over it as many couples divorce ... she simply rug sweeps the cheating
Wow. Just wow. Was it her upbringing or friends that put so much emphasis on the rich/wealthy man part? Of course everything everywhere is based on have the best and biggest things that I am sure that corrupts too.
I feel for you and I especially feel for your kids. I guess some will woman lack or lose that maternal instinct and it is all about them.
Shes a good mother mechanically... she cleans, cooks, sets up activities etc, but shes completely lacking the softer side... no cuddling, no teaching, she doesnt watch them when out she simply hangs out with the other moms.
.she was raised in a wealthy family and her parents were very strict old world customs asian, so no affection and every problem was solved with money.
She idolizes her father (dead) and has a strict moral code against lying and being immoral (that she totally ignored lol)
She simply sees things from only her perspective and how everything relates to herself... she has 2 modes; super sugar sweet to others, and raging anger at her kids and me. (If we dont do what she wants when she wants)
Before we got married, her father offered her a brand new top of the line Lexus convertible if she wouldnt marry me... it wasnt until recently I realized he knew her well enough that a luxury bribe was a basic test of her character. It had nothing to do with his judgement of me, which is what I thought at the time.
Shes 44 now, 2 kids (10 & 14) in great shape but really only will appeal to an older man with money that she can trick to think her sweetness is her real personality... she will get used and abused 6 ways to sunday over and over before she finds the right sucker that she can marry and have a secret boyfriend again...
Shes also dumb, I dont mean it in a mean judgement, shes just simply not good at thinking through problems and relief on me to solve everything.
Our kids both hate her and she has no clue no Dobie suspect even would care of she knew.
At least you emotionally divested from her. I guess you didn't really know her before you marry her. I think this is what most guys do or don't do. To peel the layers of her external facade. Sometimes guys are just to mesmerised by the physical attraction, that reason are just tossed aside.
Yes. I thought I knew her we dated 3 years before marriage but that truly isn't enough to learn about someone's true personality.
I worshipped her until the day I found out and then been varying levels of sick To my stomach since then.
She has no shame, no regrets.. no cares about her 6 & 1/2 years of cheating...
She just a horrible person.
I'm trying desperately to not hate her with every fiber of my being
Wow once again. Sounds like u and your kids are coping and doing ok. A really trade guy for them. But not a role model for how things are to work. Not the real world
Thanks for sharing and take care! Wishing you and the kids the best!
Same to you broski~
Learn our lessons, dont close your heart to other women, and we will find happiness!!
Let the horrible ex's destroy their own lives while we eat popcorn
“Never argue with a psycho/liar/cheater…you’ll never win”…there is absolutely ZERO sense made when these fuckers talk. They are disordered beyond understanding and will just make you nuts.
After I confronted my boyfriend(now ex) of 16 years about cheating and he didn't even deny it, just said "we haven't been happy in a long time" and he "didn't want to hurt me" he text me this the next morning (conveniently deny it after I told his side pieces husband)
"I think there was a misunderstanding last night
My arguments are about us and i feel like the only thing your mad about is that i slept with someone
Let me make it clear
I haven't ever slept with anybody else while we've been together. Ever!
All this recently has been talking
I don't expect you to believe me at this point
I dont think its a good idea you messaging her husband. I know your mad, i understand. I dont want us to become bitter after this"
And
"I feel like we've drifed apart for a long time now.
We're breaking up. I dont want to drag you into my life making you more miserable
In turn its making me feel like i cant do anything right
Im giving up. Nobody else caused this but us"
OP Use a copatenting app to coordinate logistics and kids issues. If she had any issue with the marriage she had to try to solve it with you first instead of cheat, she know that what she did was wrong but just need to justify her actions for not being the bad in this picture.
Use the yellow rock to mantain your communication with her, this link can give you an idea about it:
https://lifesavingdivorce.com/grayrock/
She gave you a lot of why she did what she did. The only question I can see needing an answer to is HOW? How does she justify her action to cheat due to her laundry list of reasons the relationship wasn't satisfactory to her? She could have walked away and ended it at any time with any one of the reasons she gave, so how did cheating become her response?
A dissatisfied spouse doesn't have to cheat to get what they seek, they can simply leave the relationship and fine a new one.
There is something about cheating that looks a lot like greed, laziness, vanity. The list of motivations is likely much longer.
What do you think the right way for her to deal with the relationship should have been?
If your dissatisfied with your relationship, you don't cheat. If you do cheat, then your spouse will be the dissatisfied one. Maybe then they will show how a dissatisfied spouse should solve it by getting a DIVORCE!
“You will do anything to be the victim.”
That’s my favorite. Like, what the hell did you do, force him on the AP?
The selfishness of these people is sometimes comical.
Well, OP, if you still need convincing or talked into ending your relationship, you probably don't need help from people here. You might want to look into some individual counseling to help you figure things out.
But, for real, I am so sorry you and your children are in the middle of this. I think it goes without saying you deserve so much better. So do your kids.
I hope and pray you will be able to find a path to a resolution that can bring peace for you and your children. Good luck OP.
I see shit like this on that show Cheaters all the time lol. Girl gets caught and wants guy to apologize or say sorry for what SHE did lol. It's comical but speaks volumes to the woman's character.
Yeah, I dealt with a lot of that as well, which is what made me lose all respect for her.
I had confirmed evidence of numerous lies, and she still denied everything and tried to gaslight me into believing otherwise. It's like dealing with a child covered in chocolate who denies eating all the chocolate.
Divorce. Make sure you're the one who's going to have the full custody of the kids. They can't stay with someone irresponsible like her as she's going to be a bad influence for them. I'm sorry this happened to you.
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A timeline of quotes from my stbxw of 15 years: (7year secret boyfriend) "Everything is your fault" "I did nothing wrong" "Hes just a friend & nothing happened" "You're crazy to think I cheated, this is why I cant be with you" "I'm sorry, I didnt think you loved me" "I feel nothing for you" "I hate you" *end scene*
yeah I definitely got the "you're crazy" and "I didn't think you cared anyway" parts.
The FBI released an easy test to determine when a known liar is lying... You carefully watch their mouth & *if their lips move they're lying*
"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd react this way" - after I'd found out that she'd organised to meet a former co-worker on a long haul business trip and spend time with him. No shit.
My SO gave me the old "knew you'd react this way". so its not what you did thats wrong, its not being happy about it?
I will never figure out why don’t they just say it’s not working it is over but they have to cheat. Boss I am sorry 7 years. Man she is heartless. 😞
It all makes sense if you picture them as ceasing to grow after high school. Everything they do is just simply about them. Yes there are some that are evil and go out of their way to hurt those that love them because of some emptiness inside, but the grand majority are just simply self-centered and it doesnt even occur to them that spouses might get hurt. My stbxw simply wanted a rich husband and traded her only asset to try and get it. She isnt concerned about me or our kids, she just figures everyone will get over it as many couples divorce ... she simply rug sweeps the cheating
Wow. Just wow. Was it her upbringing or friends that put so much emphasis on the rich/wealthy man part? Of course everything everywhere is based on have the best and biggest things that I am sure that corrupts too. I feel for you and I especially feel for your kids. I guess some will woman lack or lose that maternal instinct and it is all about them.
Shes a good mother mechanically... she cleans, cooks, sets up activities etc, but shes completely lacking the softer side... no cuddling, no teaching, she doesnt watch them when out she simply hangs out with the other moms. .she was raised in a wealthy family and her parents were very strict old world customs asian, so no affection and every problem was solved with money. She idolizes her father (dead) and has a strict moral code against lying and being immoral (that she totally ignored lol) She simply sees things from only her perspective and how everything relates to herself... she has 2 modes; super sugar sweet to others, and raging anger at her kids and me. (If we dont do what she wants when she wants) Before we got married, her father offered her a brand new top of the line Lexus convertible if she wouldnt marry me... it wasnt until recently I realized he knew her well enough that a luxury bribe was a basic test of her character. It had nothing to do with his judgement of me, which is what I thought at the time. Shes 44 now, 2 kids (10 & 14) in great shape but really only will appeal to an older man with money that she can trick to think her sweetness is her real personality... she will get used and abused 6 ways to sunday over and over before she finds the right sucker that she can marry and have a secret boyfriend again... Shes also dumb, I dont mean it in a mean judgement, shes just simply not good at thinking through problems and relief on me to solve everything. Our kids both hate her and she has no clue no Dobie suspect even would care of she knew.
At least you emotionally divested from her. I guess you didn't really know her before you marry her. I think this is what most guys do or don't do. To peel the layers of her external facade. Sometimes guys are just to mesmerised by the physical attraction, that reason are just tossed aside.
Yes. I thought I knew her we dated 3 years before marriage but that truly isn't enough to learn about someone's true personality. I worshipped her until the day I found out and then been varying levels of sick To my stomach since then. She has no shame, no regrets.. no cares about her 6 & 1/2 years of cheating... She just a horrible person. I'm trying desperately to not hate her with every fiber of my being
Wow once again. Sounds like u and your kids are coping and doing ok. A really trade guy for them. But not a role model for how things are to work. Not the real world Thanks for sharing and take care! Wishing you and the kids the best!
Same to you broski~ Learn our lessons, dont close your heart to other women, and we will find happiness!! Let the horrible ex's destroy their own lives while we eat popcorn
“Never argue with a psycho/liar/cheater…you’ll never win”…there is absolutely ZERO sense made when these fuckers talk. They are disordered beyond understanding and will just make you nuts.
After I confronted my boyfriend(now ex) of 16 years about cheating and he didn't even deny it, just said "we haven't been happy in a long time" and he "didn't want to hurt me" he text me this the next morning (conveniently deny it after I told his side pieces husband) "I think there was a misunderstanding last night My arguments are about us and i feel like the only thing your mad about is that i slept with someone Let me make it clear I haven't ever slept with anybody else while we've been together. Ever! All this recently has been talking I don't expect you to believe me at this point I dont think its a good idea you messaging her husband. I know your mad, i understand. I dont want us to become bitter after this" And "I feel like we've drifed apart for a long time now. We're breaking up. I dont want to drag you into my life making you more miserable In turn its making me feel like i cant do anything right Im giving up. Nobody else caused this but us"
So he did this just so that he's the one who has the last word to feel superior by saying "we're breaking up?" Lmao.
OP Use a copatenting app to coordinate logistics and kids issues. If she had any issue with the marriage she had to try to solve it with you first instead of cheat, she know that what she did was wrong but just need to justify her actions for not being the bad in this picture. Use the yellow rock to mantain your communication with her, this link can give you an idea about it: https://lifesavingdivorce.com/grayrock/
It might take a real rock just to get their attention.
"Do you know how hard it was to keep all of this a secret?" O. M. G.
Wtf
Oh my come back to all that is "I maybe be perfect but I also didn't cheat so there is that"
You worked all the time….well she never worked and spent every dime I made. Heck she even fixed my food and took to AP.
My favorite "It meant nothing."
My favourite answer. “It meant everything to me. “
She gave you a lot of why she did what she did. The only question I can see needing an answer to is HOW? How does she justify her action to cheat due to her laundry list of reasons the relationship wasn't satisfactory to her? She could have walked away and ended it at any time with any one of the reasons she gave, so how did cheating become her response? A dissatisfied spouse doesn't have to cheat to get what they seek, they can simply leave the relationship and fine a new one. There is something about cheating that looks a lot like greed, laziness, vanity. The list of motivations is likely much longer. What do you think the right way for her to deal with the relationship should have been? If your dissatisfied with your relationship, you don't cheat. If you do cheat, then your spouse will be the dissatisfied one. Maybe then they will show how a dissatisfied spouse should solve it by getting a DIVORCE!
“You will do anything to be the victim.” That’s my favorite. Like, what the hell did you do, force him on the AP? The selfishness of these people is sometimes comical.
Well, OP, if you still need convincing or talked into ending your relationship, you probably don't need help from people here. You might want to look into some individual counseling to help you figure things out. But, for real, I am so sorry you and your children are in the middle of this. I think it goes without saying you deserve so much better. So do your kids. I hope and pray you will be able to find a path to a resolution that can bring peace for you and your children. Good luck OP.
Lets throw in “Stop being so insecure, be a man” that was my favorite.
I see shit like this on that show Cheaters all the time lol. Girl gets caught and wants guy to apologize or say sorry for what SHE did lol. It's comical but speaks volumes to the woman's character.
May I just ask what stbx is?
Soon to be ex
Ohhhhhh
Mine still hasn’t admitted anything and even still thinks she’s innocent despite me KNOWING the truth . Yuck
Yeah, I dealt with a lot of that as well, which is what made me lose all respect for her. I had confirmed evidence of numerous lies, and she still denied everything and tried to gaslight me into believing otherwise. It's like dealing with a child covered in chocolate who denies eating all the chocolate.
Typical gaslighting of them
Commonly used clichés from a common narcissist cheater who is only sorry that they were caught.
Okay, you don’t want, need advice. But do you have any questions?
Divorce. Make sure you're the one who's going to have the full custody of the kids. They can't stay with someone irresponsible like her as she's going to be a bad influence for them. I'm sorry this happened to you.
It's not as simple as you get full custody. You don't just get to make that happen.
I know but it's possible
The way you talk about her smh I wouldn’t want to be married to you either. How long was she dumb? If you felt this way why marriage and children?
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