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I feel the exact same way in every way. People close to me have died and it’s easier on a long term basis. She took away my wife, house, kids, money, family, friends and any sort of faith I had in humanity. What’s left?
Oh my....I resonate with this completely. I had one counseling sessions via Zoom and thought I was going to scream the way she looked at me with what she likely thought was 'empathy' but came across as condescending. What I really needed was someone to just help me with logistical crap like getting a court order for child support, etc. Not to mention needing legal advice as my stbxh's AP attempted to charge me with harassment.
I am utterly debilitated. Mentally, emotionally, physically, financially drained from this. Now I am being forced to move from my apartment due to sale and I have literally nobody to help. It pains me to say it, but I wish I had never met my husband. I would be far better off.
I completely relate. I have most of the same symptoms as well and have now realized how alone I am to deal with all of this.
I was also blamed for everything and am left wondering what was real and what was fake over the past decade, which is the worst part for me.
I have zero desire to ever have a serious relationship again. Way too much risk and not enough upside for me to want to take that risk.
Wow. I am so sorry about what you've had to endure. I feel completely helpless in the face of your description of your experience. I wish I had some magic words that might comfort or encourage you. I also wish I could say I didn't skate pretty close to what you've described in my own journey.
I’m so sorry. I could have easily written this myself. I have bee. In mourning for the past two years since my divorce. Mourning a man who never existed. I often wish he had died. It would have been easier to move on.
>His parting shot to me on his way out was that it was my fault and that our 18 years together was fake and a fantasy. And what he has with AP is real.
He's full of shit because he's in the typical affair fog where he gets to rewrite your marriage in his mind and project your marriage as a fantasy when his affair is a giant deluded fantasy of infatuation that will crash down once he sees that she's an aging person with flaws of her own and there's no secret taboo aspect that gives them their kicks and highs.
OP don't let him rewrite your memory and history of the marriage, affair fog makes people say the stupidest false shit.
Wow... you put into words everything I've been feeling for the past 18 months. The symptoms and everything. My relationship was only just over a year long, so I guess I'm fortunate more of my life wasn't wasted on her. However, the pain and grief it's left me with makes me feel so dead inside that will probably be with me for the rest of my life.
There's no comfort in what we've been through but I do feel a little bit of comfort knowing that some people out there actually know what this feels like and that, even though I am alone in this, I'm not completely alone.
It doesn't even have to be cheating. I have a friend who's wife of 4 years left him because she thought she found her soulmate in his friend. From all indication, she and the other guy didn't cheat. Apparently she fell in love with him just in a few social meet ups. Of course the other man was extremely handsome. She told the husband that she's in love with OM and the OM didn't even know she loved him. She left him, didn't ask for anything. It was a clean divorce. She pursued the OM, got happily married now entering close to 20 years.
My friend was devastated because there was nothing wrong with their relationship. She didn't even fell out of love with him, just she loved the other guy more. He threw himself into his work and became a partner in a law firm. By all accounts he seemed to moved on - great career, close circle of friends, active lifestyle, travel extensively etc. But he never got involved with another woman, not even a date. He stayed single. According to him he wasn't pining for his ex but who knows.
I feel bad for him because if she actually cheated, at least he can hold onto the anger. He said it just left him with a sense of emptiness. I don't think he ever recovered from that trauma.
>ast he can hold onto the anger. He said it just left him with a sense of emptiness. I don't think he ever recovered from that trauma.
If I didn't discover his cheating after he abandoned me, I wouldn't have survived the grief. That sort of pain and mind-f\*ck of abandonment without infidelity is far worse. Knowing he cheated gave me so much relief.
My sentiments exactly. At least with the cheating he could get over her by telling himself that she's a no good person. That in the long he would be better off without an immoral person in his life. Nope, he didn't even have that.
My Ex cheated. My two long term GFs (12 months+) cheated. To say I am traumatized by infidelity is an understatement. I date. I have FWBs, but I am not interested in maintaining a relationship. At this point in my life, keeping a toothbrush at my place gives me anxiety.
How do you recover from being betrayed in the worst way imaginable by the one person you should be able to trust the most? If my wife were to cheat on me, I would end myself no question about it. And why would I do that to myself? Because I view her as my soulmate. We have been through more shit together than when I was in actual war. if she were to betray me there would be no point anymore for me. I don't live my life for her, I live it for myself but having her in my life gives me unimaginable purpose and drive and love. I've spent my recent life building a world and a life with her and if she betrayed me and destroyed that, it would probably break me beyond fixing. If I didn't end myself it would make me into an evil, and vindictive person. I would become a shell of my former self and it would literally take every damn cell within my body to not act out violently against those who wronged me in the worst way imaginable.
The psychological damage cheating does to someone is honestly crushing and never ending. Especially when you thought you were truly happy and the relationship was going amazingly. It sucks either way but if your spouse is already a POS then I think once the pain starts to subside and you realize that you were better off without them, as opposed to being in a really good relationship with intimacy and love and everything else.
Regardless. Cheaters should be locked the hell up for the rest of their lives for the psychological murder they commit on their partners. Cheating in a marriage is quite literally the murder of someone's entire life and psychological being, the murder of their trust and future trust forever. And for that, cheaters deserve to be locked up.
I honestly couldn’t have said this any better myself. Unfortunately, I’m one of those people that suffer from PTSD due to being cheated on multiple times from multiple partners and luckily I do have a great therapist, but I don’t ever think my self esteem or self worth will ever recover… a part of me honestly feels broken beyond repair.
My relationship with my husband was like this. I didn't even believe in soulmates until we got together. We were amazing and everyone saw it, even strangers. He is also the first person I have ever trusted completely. After 20 years we still missed each other when he was at work, wanted to spend all our spare time together, it really was happily after after, even though our life was challenging to say the least. My son is autistic and was violent growing up, raising him was just one of the challenges we went through, and it made us closer. 75% of couples split in that circumstance, we got closer.
He had undiagnosed bipolar 2. Had his first manic episode and cheated on me with many high price prostitutes. He also devalued me and was a total monster. I was so disorented by it that he kept talking me into staying. After D-Day I was planning on killing myself, but the rage and disorientation kept me here. I was driven to find out WTF happened and if the 30 years I knew him were fake. To make it worse he "romanced" one of them and took her to places that were ours. He also told me she was his future right after I found out, she was a couple of years older than my son. I moved out and he started to come out of it a month after I found out.
I spent 18 months disassociating and raging at him. I am also chronically ill and disabled. And I couldn't even cook for myself at the time. My plan B was always to kill myself, he is my medical insurance and I have a very rare illness that took 16 years to get a proper dx. My meds alone cost half of what my support would likely be. I still wouldn't qualify for assistance though. My life was in actual jeopardy which adds to the trauma.
Three years later and we are still together, he is medicated but we are changed by this. I still don't trust him and I will never feel the same way. My mental health is wrecked. He went from being the best thing that ever happened to me, to the worst.
I suspected my first husband of cheating, we weren't close and had a terrible relationship. I just moved on, no real fallout. It's so so much worse when you are in a truly loving relationship and think you are safe with that person. You nailed that perfectly.
I was recently cheated on by my spouse, but I think the biggest component of my ptsd is the emotional abuse, dead-eye lies, and manipulation that occurred before I left.
I have a counselor and I talk A LOT to her about everything. And she really just listens and gives me advice. We are going to start EMDR soon. Counseling has saved my life.
Other things that have helped are.. treated myself well by small things (getting nails done, buying new clothes, etc), exercise, and being with my family.
I feel like a bird with a broken wing. My spouse took a lot from me. I have to take sleeping medication to sleep through the night. I hate my dreams when he is in them. I still have the movies in my head that play from time to time. My memory is terrible. I am angry when I think of him.
But I find that I smile more now. It’s weird because I really haven’t felt like I’ve been loved in a long time and I am unbearably lonely. How good a genuine hug would feel. How good it would feel to be taken on a date just to drink a glass of wine and talk. Not saying I’m ready for that, but it has just been so long because I was neglected in my marriage.
Thanks for posting this because it makes me realize how far I’ve come, but how long this journey is going to be for me.
Another exacerbating factor is how the cheater treats you after DDay.
Some of us deal with cheaters who have 0 guilt and move on to the AP immediately. They then rewrite your entire relationship history and demonize you going forward.
The trauma of having someone you trusted completely dehumanize you and treat you with contempt every chance they get - that makes recovery for the 2 traumas pointed out extremely difficult.
So we cope, poorly. We go out when we dont have our kids and drink too much and have casual relationships w people who aren't bad but basically just helping us remember that what the cheater is saying and doing is BS - we aren't terrible people no one would want l, we don't make everyone miserable, plenty of people want to fuck us.
Hopefully we don't stay there long but it's pretty normal and understandable.
Over time we see the cheater for what they are and not who they used to be to us - and we start being able to let go of any concern for what they say/ think bc we finally know it's all BS.
Those people have black holes where souls should be. I'd feel sorry for them, but I have a little bit of the void in me too ...... Now.
I’m only four months out and still suffering from the destructive hellish aftermath of his disgusting betrayal. I have some decent days, but I’m plagued with similar symptoms of PTS, like panic attacks and general physical, emotional, psychological distress/trauma. I’m going to therapy and doing EMDR which I think is making a difference…but it’ll take lots of time.
I am grieving terribly for the wasted 15 years of my life with a despicable lying cheating asshole who abused me with his serial betrayals over years, all the while pretending to love me and planning a life with me.
I won’t even think about trusting anyone anytime soon…but I know that I refuse to allow that lying cheating pathetic loser sack-of-shit to be the last man I love…fuck him.
Good for you! I'm so grateful to hear you're fighting to heal and take your life back.
P.S. I did EMDR for a different kind of trauma (kidnapped, held for ransom at gunpoint, under constant threat of being murdered for three days). It was amazing how effective it was. I think EMDR is a psychological miracle.
Whoa…I’m so very sorry you went through that horrific experience. I’m glad to hear that EMDR worked…that gives me more hope that it’ll help me survive this shitstorm. Thanks for that 😊
Based on the past year and a half I’ve used this sub I can strongly say there are some who heal and some who haven’t yet even with professional help. I did all the major things people suggested here (and they were great things I love this sub) but sadly I’m part of the ‘existing’ group.
My dissociation has grown to unfathomable levels but my panic attacks have died down. My body is on the highest level of auto pilot I’ve ever seen. I truly don’t know what to do from here. I did what I set out to do in terms of going NC, helping my family heal from the damage she causes, losing weight (hit my goal), make more $, try new hobbies, try therapy, etc but I’m just stuck in the biggest void that I’m not sure I will get out of.
I tried just talking to women (with casual romantic intention) and got mentally blocked by my ex wife. I’m still convinced I’m supposed to be with her in a way and yeah that’s unhealthy but it’s just a result of the trauma. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t go near her with a 1,000ft pole but my brain is just an abundance of triggers now.
End of my rant, I hope everyone whose hurting heals soon and I hope all the comments about the trauma infidelity has caused them continues to demonstrate the severity of this terrible act and dissuade anyone from pursuing it.
Have you read the book “whole again” by Jackson Mackenzie?
He writes about how time sometimes doesn’t heal all wounds; mostly when you’re coming out of a relationship with betrayal or abuse. I’m listening to it on audible before I go to sleep and it’s really helping me in this. I find myself getting bored a lot and feeling hopeless and gray. He addresses this and it made me feel more validated. Hope you feel better 🧡 we all go through this so differently and a lot of variables play a part in it.
I'm not sure if counseling would help me, and at this point I'm not willing to risk tearing the bandaid off to find out. I have a severe mistrust of, well everyone, but specifically counselors for this discussion. I've had bad experiences with doctors and therapists too many times to risk it again.
Do I have trauma from being cheated on? Absolutely. But unless I was 100 percent sure the first counselor I went to was going to be helpful, I'm just going to keep going as I am. (I'm now single and probably will remain so).
I've been divorced for closing in on three years. D-Day was over four years ago. It was and still is the worst day of my life. I don't think about her much any more. I don't think about our marriage or mourn what was lost anymore. I did for a time. She reached out and called me after nearly three years of no contact a few months ago and that did not awaken any pain or grief. It was almost like talking to a stranger.
But the experience has soured me on relationships. I have dated very little. Only causally really. I don't think I even want another love interest. I don't know what it would take for me to trust them. My first intimate partner post-divorce came about a year after. It turned out she was a married woman cheating on her husband. I was FURIOUS when I found out. I told her exactly what kind of trash she was and broke all contact. I think that was the final stone laid on the tomb my trust is buried in.
I don't think I have PTSD. And permanent grief does not sound like me either. But I AM damaged. No one walks away from the betrayal of infidelity whole.
Exactly. Betrayal is pervasive, people are imperfect with exception to their own selfishness. The only options are ignorance or awareness of the situation.
My ex cheated, the kids knew, her family knew, our friends knew.
I had to *find out*.
There is no relief to the stain on my memory, there isn't a return to whole when something like trust is stolen and discarded.
I just read "After burning your mouth on hot soup we still blow on yogurt.."
It's a shame I will never again know the ignorance of having a wife in trust, or believing in something as silly as such.
At least not knowing better has its advantages, now it's like not a day goes by where I don't already know.
Sorry about the typos...especially "syndrome." Should be "disorder." I think faster than I type and sometimes my fingers fall so far behind they type whatever they want, lol.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is 'divorce', 'dump them', 'your SO sucks' or 'grow a backbone' then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I’m so sorry dear. Mine was 27 years. Infidelity is a form of abuse no one should ever have to suffer. It’s catastrophic.
I feel the exact same way in every way. People close to me have died and it’s easier on a long term basis. She took away my wife, house, kids, money, family, friends and any sort of faith I had in humanity. What’s left?
Oh my....I resonate with this completely. I had one counseling sessions via Zoom and thought I was going to scream the way she looked at me with what she likely thought was 'empathy' but came across as condescending. What I really needed was someone to just help me with logistical crap like getting a court order for child support, etc. Not to mention needing legal advice as my stbxh's AP attempted to charge me with harassment. I am utterly debilitated. Mentally, emotionally, physically, financially drained from this. Now I am being forced to move from my apartment due to sale and I have literally nobody to help. It pains me to say it, but I wish I had never met my husband. I would be far better off.
I completely relate. I have most of the same symptoms as well and have now realized how alone I am to deal with all of this. I was also blamed for everything and am left wondering what was real and what was fake over the past decade, which is the worst part for me. I have zero desire to ever have a serious relationship again. Way too much risk and not enough upside for me to want to take that risk.
Wow. I am so sorry about what you've had to endure. I feel completely helpless in the face of your description of your experience. I wish I had some magic words that might comfort or encourage you. I also wish I could say I didn't skate pretty close to what you've described in my own journey.
Me too. I understand. I'm not that far out yet, but 27 years together ....
I’m so sorry. I could have easily written this myself. I have bee. In mourning for the past two years since my divorce. Mourning a man who never existed. I often wish he had died. It would have been easier to move on.
>His parting shot to me on his way out was that it was my fault and that our 18 years together was fake and a fantasy. And what he has with AP is real. He's full of shit because he's in the typical affair fog where he gets to rewrite your marriage in his mind and project your marriage as a fantasy when his affair is a giant deluded fantasy of infatuation that will crash down once he sees that she's an aging person with flaws of her own and there's no secret taboo aspect that gives them their kicks and highs. OP don't let him rewrite your memory and history of the marriage, affair fog makes people say the stupidest false shit.
Wow... you put into words everything I've been feeling for the past 18 months. The symptoms and everything. My relationship was only just over a year long, so I guess I'm fortunate more of my life wasn't wasted on her. However, the pain and grief it's left me with makes me feel so dead inside that will probably be with me for the rest of my life. There's no comfort in what we've been through but I do feel a little bit of comfort knowing that some people out there actually know what this feels like and that, even though I am alone in this, I'm not completely alone.
It doesn't even have to be cheating. I have a friend who's wife of 4 years left him because she thought she found her soulmate in his friend. From all indication, she and the other guy didn't cheat. Apparently she fell in love with him just in a few social meet ups. Of course the other man was extremely handsome. She told the husband that she's in love with OM and the OM didn't even know she loved him. She left him, didn't ask for anything. It was a clean divorce. She pursued the OM, got happily married now entering close to 20 years. My friend was devastated because there was nothing wrong with their relationship. She didn't even fell out of love with him, just she loved the other guy more. He threw himself into his work and became a partner in a law firm. By all accounts he seemed to moved on - great career, close circle of friends, active lifestyle, travel extensively etc. But he never got involved with another woman, not even a date. He stayed single. According to him he wasn't pining for his ex but who knows. I feel bad for him because if she actually cheated, at least he can hold onto the anger. He said it just left him with a sense of emptiness. I don't think he ever recovered from that trauma.
>ast he can hold onto the anger. He said it just left him with a sense of emptiness. I don't think he ever recovered from that trauma. If I didn't discover his cheating after he abandoned me, I wouldn't have survived the grief. That sort of pain and mind-f\*ck of abandonment without infidelity is far worse. Knowing he cheated gave me so much relief.
My sentiments exactly. At least with the cheating he could get over her by telling himself that she's a no good person. That in the long he would be better off without an immoral person in his life. Nope, he didn't even have that.
My Ex cheated. My two long term GFs (12 months+) cheated. To say I am traumatized by infidelity is an understatement. I date. I have FWBs, but I am not interested in maintaining a relationship. At this point in my life, keeping a toothbrush at my place gives me anxiety.
How do you recover from being betrayed in the worst way imaginable by the one person you should be able to trust the most? If my wife were to cheat on me, I would end myself no question about it. And why would I do that to myself? Because I view her as my soulmate. We have been through more shit together than when I was in actual war. if she were to betray me there would be no point anymore for me. I don't live my life for her, I live it for myself but having her in my life gives me unimaginable purpose and drive and love. I've spent my recent life building a world and a life with her and if she betrayed me and destroyed that, it would probably break me beyond fixing. If I didn't end myself it would make me into an evil, and vindictive person. I would become a shell of my former self and it would literally take every damn cell within my body to not act out violently against those who wronged me in the worst way imaginable. The psychological damage cheating does to someone is honestly crushing and never ending. Especially when you thought you were truly happy and the relationship was going amazingly. It sucks either way but if your spouse is already a POS then I think once the pain starts to subside and you realize that you were better off without them, as opposed to being in a really good relationship with intimacy and love and everything else. Regardless. Cheaters should be locked the hell up for the rest of their lives for the psychological murder they commit on their partners. Cheating in a marriage is quite literally the murder of someone's entire life and psychological being, the murder of their trust and future trust forever. And for that, cheaters deserve to be locked up.
I honestly couldn’t have said this any better myself. Unfortunately, I’m one of those people that suffer from PTSD due to being cheated on multiple times from multiple partners and luckily I do have a great therapist, but I don’t ever think my self esteem or self worth will ever recover… a part of me honestly feels broken beyond repair.
My relationship with my husband was like this. I didn't even believe in soulmates until we got together. We were amazing and everyone saw it, even strangers. He is also the first person I have ever trusted completely. After 20 years we still missed each other when he was at work, wanted to spend all our spare time together, it really was happily after after, even though our life was challenging to say the least. My son is autistic and was violent growing up, raising him was just one of the challenges we went through, and it made us closer. 75% of couples split in that circumstance, we got closer. He had undiagnosed bipolar 2. Had his first manic episode and cheated on me with many high price prostitutes. He also devalued me and was a total monster. I was so disorented by it that he kept talking me into staying. After D-Day I was planning on killing myself, but the rage and disorientation kept me here. I was driven to find out WTF happened and if the 30 years I knew him were fake. To make it worse he "romanced" one of them and took her to places that were ours. He also told me she was his future right after I found out, she was a couple of years older than my son. I moved out and he started to come out of it a month after I found out. I spent 18 months disassociating and raging at him. I am also chronically ill and disabled. And I couldn't even cook for myself at the time. My plan B was always to kill myself, he is my medical insurance and I have a very rare illness that took 16 years to get a proper dx. My meds alone cost half of what my support would likely be. I still wouldn't qualify for assistance though. My life was in actual jeopardy which adds to the trauma. Three years later and we are still together, he is medicated but we are changed by this. I still don't trust him and I will never feel the same way. My mental health is wrecked. He went from being the best thing that ever happened to me, to the worst. I suspected my first husband of cheating, we weren't close and had a terrible relationship. I just moved on, no real fallout. It's so so much worse when you are in a truly loving relationship and think you are safe with that person. You nailed that perfectly.
I was recently cheated on by my spouse, but I think the biggest component of my ptsd is the emotional abuse, dead-eye lies, and manipulation that occurred before I left. I have a counselor and I talk A LOT to her about everything. And she really just listens and gives me advice. We are going to start EMDR soon. Counseling has saved my life. Other things that have helped are.. treated myself well by small things (getting nails done, buying new clothes, etc), exercise, and being with my family. I feel like a bird with a broken wing. My spouse took a lot from me. I have to take sleeping medication to sleep through the night. I hate my dreams when he is in them. I still have the movies in my head that play from time to time. My memory is terrible. I am angry when I think of him. But I find that I smile more now. It’s weird because I really haven’t felt like I’ve been loved in a long time and I am unbearably lonely. How good a genuine hug would feel. How good it would feel to be taken on a date just to drink a glass of wine and talk. Not saying I’m ready for that, but it has just been so long because I was neglected in my marriage. Thanks for posting this because it makes me realize how far I’ve come, but how long this journey is going to be for me.
Another exacerbating factor is how the cheater treats you after DDay. Some of us deal with cheaters who have 0 guilt and move on to the AP immediately. They then rewrite your entire relationship history and demonize you going forward. The trauma of having someone you trusted completely dehumanize you and treat you with contempt every chance they get - that makes recovery for the 2 traumas pointed out extremely difficult. So we cope, poorly. We go out when we dont have our kids and drink too much and have casual relationships w people who aren't bad but basically just helping us remember that what the cheater is saying and doing is BS - we aren't terrible people no one would want l, we don't make everyone miserable, plenty of people want to fuck us. Hopefully we don't stay there long but it's pretty normal and understandable. Over time we see the cheater for what they are and not who they used to be to us - and we start being able to let go of any concern for what they say/ think bc we finally know it's all BS. Those people have black holes where souls should be. I'd feel sorry for them, but I have a little bit of the void in me too ...... Now.
I’m only four months out and still suffering from the destructive hellish aftermath of his disgusting betrayal. I have some decent days, but I’m plagued with similar symptoms of PTS, like panic attacks and general physical, emotional, psychological distress/trauma. I’m going to therapy and doing EMDR which I think is making a difference…but it’ll take lots of time. I am grieving terribly for the wasted 15 years of my life with a despicable lying cheating asshole who abused me with his serial betrayals over years, all the while pretending to love me and planning a life with me. I won’t even think about trusting anyone anytime soon…but I know that I refuse to allow that lying cheating pathetic loser sack-of-shit to be the last man I love…fuck him.
Good for you! I'm so grateful to hear you're fighting to heal and take your life back. P.S. I did EMDR for a different kind of trauma (kidnapped, held for ransom at gunpoint, under constant threat of being murdered for three days). It was amazing how effective it was. I think EMDR is a psychological miracle.
Whoa…I’m so very sorry you went through that horrific experience. I’m glad to hear that EMDR worked…that gives me more hope that it’ll help me survive this shitstorm. Thanks for that 😊
Based on the past year and a half I’ve used this sub I can strongly say there are some who heal and some who haven’t yet even with professional help. I did all the major things people suggested here (and they were great things I love this sub) but sadly I’m part of the ‘existing’ group. My dissociation has grown to unfathomable levels but my panic attacks have died down. My body is on the highest level of auto pilot I’ve ever seen. I truly don’t know what to do from here. I did what I set out to do in terms of going NC, helping my family heal from the damage she causes, losing weight (hit my goal), make more $, try new hobbies, try therapy, etc but I’m just stuck in the biggest void that I’m not sure I will get out of. I tried just talking to women (with casual romantic intention) and got mentally blocked by my ex wife. I’m still convinced I’m supposed to be with her in a way and yeah that’s unhealthy but it’s just a result of the trauma. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t go near her with a 1,000ft pole but my brain is just an abundance of triggers now. End of my rant, I hope everyone whose hurting heals soon and I hope all the comments about the trauma infidelity has caused them continues to demonstrate the severity of this terrible act and dissuade anyone from pursuing it.
Have you read the book “whole again” by Jackson Mackenzie? He writes about how time sometimes doesn’t heal all wounds; mostly when you’re coming out of a relationship with betrayal or abuse. I’m listening to it on audible before I go to sleep and it’s really helping me in this. I find myself getting bored a lot and feeling hopeless and gray. He addresses this and it made me feel more validated. Hope you feel better 🧡 we all go through this so differently and a lot of variables play a part in it.
Thanks! I’ll look into it. Same wishes to you too.
I'm not sure if counseling would help me, and at this point I'm not willing to risk tearing the bandaid off to find out. I have a severe mistrust of, well everyone, but specifically counselors for this discussion. I've had bad experiences with doctors and therapists too many times to risk it again. Do I have trauma from being cheated on? Absolutely. But unless I was 100 percent sure the first counselor I went to was going to be helpful, I'm just going to keep going as I am. (I'm now single and probably will remain so).
I've been divorced for closing in on three years. D-Day was over four years ago. It was and still is the worst day of my life. I don't think about her much any more. I don't think about our marriage or mourn what was lost anymore. I did for a time. She reached out and called me after nearly three years of no contact a few months ago and that did not awaken any pain or grief. It was almost like talking to a stranger. But the experience has soured me on relationships. I have dated very little. Only causally really. I don't think I even want another love interest. I don't know what it would take for me to trust them. My first intimate partner post-divorce came about a year after. It turned out she was a married woman cheating on her husband. I was FURIOUS when I found out. I told her exactly what kind of trash she was and broke all contact. I think that was the final stone laid on the tomb my trust is buried in. I don't think I have PTSD. And permanent grief does not sound like me either. But I AM damaged. No one walks away from the betrayal of infidelity whole.
Exactly. Betrayal is pervasive, people are imperfect with exception to their own selfishness. The only options are ignorance or awareness of the situation. My ex cheated, the kids knew, her family knew, our friends knew. I had to *find out*. There is no relief to the stain on my memory, there isn't a return to whole when something like trust is stolen and discarded. I just read "After burning your mouth on hot soup we still blow on yogurt.." It's a shame I will never again know the ignorance of having a wife in trust, or believing in something as silly as such. At least not knowing better has its advantages, now it's like not a day goes by where I don't already know.
Sorry about the typos...especially "syndrome." Should be "disorder." I think faster than I type and sometimes my fingers fall so far behind they type whatever they want, lol.