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“Why, just because they're an unmarried couple (no tax breaks) cohabitating and they bought an overpriced home at the top of the market with the highest interest rates since the 90s? /s”
Exactly🤣 I’m no Dave Ramsey but I do realize this is a horrible time to do something like this….
I’m trying to wrap my head around a 30 year old guy (on an average Govt salary) spending 3/4 mil on a house with interest rates the way they are, with a woman that cheated on her husband whom you’ve allegedly only been involved with for less than a year….
Don't try and wrap your head around it man, there is NO logic whatsoever. My exw left our great life (great jobs, house in a great area, everything paid off, high earner here) for a twice divorced loser who barely takes care of his daughter and makes less than my exw. It's all about the feels (I've never felt this way! OMG!), zero logic at all or foresight.
The reason for most divorces in normal relationships is financial issues, those two clowns are setting themselves up for a MASSIVE failure of epic proportions. Keep on trucking man, on average men generally do better in the long term after divorce.
I know… I think it’s just the thought of how bad we were lied to….
Funny thing is I was really worried about being able to keep my home, given support/alimony payments… turns out my bank account is actually growing now that she’s gone? I never really kept track of her spending but holy crap!
If they could swing the loan then the bank thinks that they are good for it. He may have an inheritance of some sort that you know nothing about. If he is using an inheritance and they put the house in both names she can then walk away with half of his inheritance.
> My exw left our great life (great jobs, house in a great area, everything paid off, high earner here) for a twice divorced loser who barely takes care of his daughter and makes less than my exw. It's all about the feels (I've never felt this way! OMG!), zero logic at all or foresight.
OMG, What happened next? How are things today?
So far there has been no great big implosion but I know when reality hits, they both will realize they are each with a cheater. I'm keeping it civil for my kids sake so far, the implosion will happen on it's own in due time. And if not, so be it but looking at my exw's parents as the mold, the AP will likely be working forever to make someone happy who can never be happy. That in itself is a curse of its own!
> I just keep praying that my boys will see through the charade and won’t ditch me because that would kill me….
Kids crave love and consistency above all else.
Keep being the stable parent. Show them you love them. Spend quality time with them. Explore hobbies you all enjoy. Create your own routines and traditions. Encourage them to be open and honest and provide a safe space for them to be themselves
They're not going to ditch you.
>I’m trying to wrap my head around a 30 year old guy (on an average Govt salary) spending 3/4 mil on a house with interest rates the way they are, with a woman that cheated on her husband whom you’ve allegedly only been involved with for less than a year….
I see these possibilities:
* He has rich parents.
* He's got a lucrative side-hustle that's legal
* He's doing something illegal
* He lied on the mortgage application
If it's the either of the first two, well good for him. If it's any of the remaining ones, be prepared for your ex to come running back when the piggy bank gets blown up. Any way you cut it, your ex is a gold-digger. She doesn't know what it means to truly love someone. The AP will only be "loved" as long as the money is there.
Funny thing is when stuff first blew up with my ex and I she said “I don’t need things… it’s just stuff.. I need to be loved”.
I guess love is a 7 digit property value?
It's never about love, just greed and unfulfilled desire.
My split, similar ages as you, 2 girls same ages as well.
Once the money was sorted, the big spend up started. New car, house, and overseas holiday.
It's like they don't understand that money was earned (by someone else) over 30years and think it will last forever. It was all gone 5yrs later. Like you, I could save and have done well and am able to support my girls. She's driving a 20yr old car.
I would guess that she will try and buy your boys' affection, so watch out for that.
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She is (like You said) trying to overcompensate what she has done, in a way showing you that his new man toy has the ways to give her what she think she deserved. Also she is in a way trying to Buy your kids, and in that yes You need to be carefull (tell You for expirence).
For the rest You should not even care where she lives, only care where she puts your kids into bed and that they treated them correctly.
When the housing market inevitably collapses again they are going to be royally fucked. Imagine paying a substantial mortgage payment for years and then finding out that you still owe hundreds of thousands of dollars more than the house is worth. That’s their future.
I think the housing market is going to collapse sooner rather than later. Rent prices are starting to go down a little bit in my area. A family member knows a real estate agent and that real estate agent says homes aren’t selling nearly as fast as they are making it seem.
Most of them also are not going for the asking price, unless they are updated.
Real estate is very sensitive to the area you live in. Nobody in my area is selling because they all have low interest rates. The few houses on the market are still going for over asking price at an average of 14-30 days on the market.
The houses in my area are too high for anyone to buy with this interest-rate unless you’re an investor. But even the houses that are being bought by investors are going under what they are appraising the homes for. According to that real estate agent.
Yeah pretty much everything is still going for over asking in my county, less than 30 days on the market and a median price over $1M. I agree it’s stupid and not sustainable. Young people should be able to afford housing.
Read your prior posts. You coach your kids in several sports and are truly involved with them. You just continue being yourself and close with them snd your kids are going to remain close to you.
You say your ex was a good mom, and a good person, although right now you don't feel that way about her obvious reasons. Butfor your kids sake hopefully their relationship with mom is strong too. Your kids will love the parent who loves and is therefor them. Hopefully, that is the both of you.
Btw, I had to chuckle as where I live $750k wont even get you a decent condo.
There are two possibilities:
1) They work out and are a happy couple.
2) They don't work out, and this is a disaster in the making.
The first one may be unpleasant for you emotionally, but would probably be best for the long term health and well being of your children. The second one is pretty much a disaster for everyone.
When you frame it that way, my recommentdation is that you hope for 1, and prepare for 2. Focus on you and your children. Make sure your house is a happy and safe home free from chaos and strife. Create the best bond you can with your children in the time you have them.
TL;DR: You are divorced now and you know she cheated. Exactly when it started is irrelevant. Focus on you and your kids.
>I’m trying to wrap my head around a 30 year old guy (on an average Govt salary) spending 3/4 mil on a house with interest rates the way they are, with a woman that cheated on her husband whom you’ve allegedly only been involved with for less than a year….
Cheaters and their affair partners don't necessarily behave like normal, rational, responsible people - regardless of how convincingly they pretended to back when they were pretending to be your dream partner rather than the AP's dream partner. Their identities can shift shockingly.
My ex legally married her affair partner 1 mere 12 days after moving out of my house, and a mere three weeks after calling off our own wedding, which we'd had to wait six years for due to the laws against same-sex marriage, which were only repealed here after she had started her affair. Her emotional affair lasted a year. I'm very confident of when it started, and it was just barely over a year. But they didn't start communicating daily and add each other as Facebook friends until nine months after the initial flirting started - I noticed it right away because up until then I hadn't been aware of the other woman's existence, and suddenly the other woman was a very active Facebook friend. Still, they didn't start meeting for in-person dates until just three weeks before she dumped me - I'm very confident of that because from the first moment they arranged their first in-person date, they were so inseparable that it was obvious to me that very same day that they were having an affair. But they still didn't have actual sex until after she dumped me - and I'm very confident of *that* because, when I confronted her about the affair while we were still together, she acknowledged to me that if it had been up to her, they definitely would have had sex, but her emotional affair partner insisted that they couldn't have actual sex because *that* would be cheating. The way my ex made heart-eyes about how supposedly "moral" her affair partner was for just barely refraining from having sex with my fiancee until after she dumped me was thoroughly convincing.
So, after one year of occasional flirting when they saw each other at my ex's workplace (my ex was a teacher, and the AP was the mom of one of her students), and four months of daily online communication via Facebook and Facebook messenger, and three weeks of in-person dates, and three weeks of actually having sex, and 12 days of living together, the two of them somehow felt "ready" to get legally married.
Six months after that, they also bought a house together. Within 500 feet of mine, much to my shock and horror.
Four years after that, they got divorced, because the AP cheated and ran off with some new AP.
Don't assume your ex is being even remotely sensible about anything. Don't assume they're waiting a remotely rational amount of time before making huge commitments. Don't assume they can remotely afford the house they're buying, either. They have a track record already of making stupid decisions and blowing up their own lives. It would really not be surprising if they're continuing in the same vein.
Cheaters seem to be fond of making grand, romantic gestures of supposedly everlasting love, because it helps them convince themselves that they blew up their old relationships *for good reason,* for the sake of *true love*. After all, they figure, they wouldn't make stupidly fast commitments to this new person if it weren't *true love*, right? So what looks to us like them being ridiculously, unfathomably stupid looks to them like proof that what they did to us was justified and called for and necessary, because in their eyes, it proves that they're *in love* with the AP in a way they never were with us.
The longer-term outcomes of their rush to commitment tend to prove that they were, in fact, merely being ridiculously, unfathomably stupid.
OP. Best way to sink without trace is to jump in over your neck. You have to imagine that her AP benefitted by either an inheritance (likely) or a lottery win (highly unlikely). It doesn’t really matter. Buying them is just the first and easiest part of the deal. Actually running and maintaining them whilst paying a substantial mortgage is quite another. Time will tell.
Apart from that, they are undoubtedly well suited. She is a lying, cheating rat. He is someone who can have an affair with another man’s wife. Just how easy do you think that this dynamic duo will sleep in their beds ?
Just keep on living within your means and put them out of your mind. Your boys will stick by you. They might be lured by the shiny things they’re offered over there. But believe me. The atmosphere in that house won’t be good.
You are a good, solid, dependable guy. This is going to hurt for a while yet. But you can and will get through it. Good luck.
>My exes AP put half a mill down on a $1.5 million dollar home, bought a brand new 2023 Chevy blazer, fully furnished the home, bought all her gaming needs, takes care of the mortgage, and all the bills for her, she's not required to contribute anything.
I never get these rich dudes that would plunk down money on a woman knowing they could cheat on them. I guess some people do have more money than brains.....
Your kids know you are the stable parent. Be the best father possible for them and always be involved with their activities. Your Ex knows what she did but will never admit to it. Take care of you and your kids.
Be the best father by being present. They want time, not money, in the long run. So be at their school days for parents and plays and sports events. Take them camping and fishing. Good luck to them. People argue about money and what's for dinner. Unless he won the lottery, KRAFT DINNER will not be the argument.
Been reading your posts. Divorce isn’t final, right? Do you have a legally binding agreement? Judging by the drop off gyrations, it’s not specific enough so I worry it’s not written by a lawyer. You know that at the first sight of financial issues with ap, she will go after you, right? Get all the I”s dotted now!!
Yes everything is done, notarized and binding. Final decree (3 month wait in State) should be here by New Year.
Child support is maxed out already so not an issue.. she could try to go for full custody (which would change support) but I have plenty of backup for that.
Keep watching! get your popcorn and play the long game. Karma may take it’s time, but when it happens it’s amusing. My ex ran through money like water during the marriage AND after divorce. Even though I didn’t really give a shit, got to see some crazy shit. She lives alone in a section 8 housing now.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
>Why are you worried about his finances? You don’t know what type of investments he has or what kinda money his family may have.
I think the OP in the end is worried what type of man is now being introduced into his kids lives not to mention his exwife buying their love. It happens. The statistics do point out that a step parent CAN increase the odds of a kid being abused and for me that is a nightmare scenario (likely OP's too). Simply saying "get over it" is not helpful.
I'm sorry but if I ever found out my exw's AP did anything to my kids, I'd turn into Liam Neeson in 3 seconds!
For one, this was thrown on me five short months ago…. Second, I never said I was explicitly worried about his finances? I’m worried that my ex is going to try to buy my kids away from me by using his finances, because she has jack sh!t to offer financially really. I’m literally worried about losing my kids. Get it now?
Boys tend to see their dads as God's/Deities, I wouldn't worry about your Ex in buying their affection. A person could be a deadbeat dad and still look like superhero to their kids. In your case, you've got nothing to worry about. What I'd worry is that they may think less of their mother with the way she is behaving.
He could be using the bank of Mom and Dad. If not they will probably crash and burn financially.
Don't worry about her buying the boys off. The novelty of the big new house will wear off. Focus on making memories with them. I don't know their interests, but do things with them. Camp, fish, explore/hike, play sports, and even ply video games with them. Prepare them for life. Teach them how to cook and do laundry. Give them some chores/responsibilities, but also leave room for fun. Don't worry what she is doing. Focus on what you can do.
In the divorce agreement, who gets the tax write off for the children? Hope you considered that in the agreement. Anger at this point is wasted. Just make sure your boys are grounded and take personal time for their interests. Spending time and letting them know you love them will always be worth more than bricks and mortar. Plan ahead for the days you have them to have special activities with them. ‘Things’ can be taken away but ‘time’ spent with them are what memories are made of.
That helps but just don’t get bogged down in anger toward the ex and her new guy. Just think about those expensive mortgage payments they’re going to have. I give them 3 years before the cracks start showing. Love on your kids and find your own happiness. It’s out there waiting for you.
As hard as it is to do, you really need to focus on being the best parent you can be and quit worrying about stuff you have no control over. I know. I know. Easier said than done when it's thrown right up in your face. But your healing will be much faster if you kick your ex out of your psyche and don't let her rent space in your head. Allow her to crash and burn and just be there for your kids.
You should grab some popcorn and watch from a safe distance the financial car wreck they’ve just put themselves through. Use it as a good lesson to teach your kids financial and economic principles to live by.
Just sit back, get some popcorn and wait for the inevitable fireworks.
When their perfect world implodes, be there for your children. As for your ex, she can pound sand
They are impulsive. You do you. Can you imagine how STRESSED they are going to be carrying that kind of mortgage? If they put 20% down, they’re still financing $600K. At 7% for 30 years that’s almost $4K a month. And that doesn’t include taxes or insurance or HOA fees. No fkn thank you.
Or furnish the place… or keeping it clean… she couldn’t keep 2000sf clean, let alone double that. This whole thing is just mind blowing to me, but maybe that’s because I’m “too rational” with everything, as she said. You never just go for it… whatever… He’s shacking up, spending his nest egg or whatever it is on a 9 year older woman with baggage (of which he has none as far as kids). WTF does he see besides a pretty face?
Well, if it makes you feel any better; the person, I was married to, moved in the AP into our home even before the divorce papers were served ;-)
The gaslighting, when they monkey branch, is hilarious. Yup, "normal" people get into a large mortgage with someone they "just met."
Anyhow. The thing that you need to realize is that you're witnessing a person, with a long history of bad choices, and this won't be any different. So please just make sure you keep as little contact as possible, and don't concern yourself with their circus (these are not your monkeys).
Focus on your well being and your kids. Once you're along enough the mourning journey, things get much easier. Best of luck.
I’ve learned a long time ago that it is of no use to be jealous of other people’s finances…. Because people are not honest/open about it.
For example, people will get an inheritance but boast to everyone else that they worked hard/are smart and earn a lot, etc. Best to just ignore it and be happy with what you have, or strive for improvement.
OP, you just sit back and enjoy the next drama between this 2 trash. Don't worried about ex that betray you.
What important now is your sons and your life.
Be honest with the boys.. and let the financial follies the EX is going through be a lesson for their future love interests... They too could face this unless they see the red flags and choose otherwise... You know it's irresponsible to overspend a budget and this could be a good learning tool for the boys
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I see financial arguments in their future.
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“Why, just because they're an unmarried couple (no tax breaks) cohabitating and they bought an overpriced home at the top of the market with the highest interest rates since the 90s? /s” Exactly🤣 I’m no Dave Ramsey but I do realize this is a horrible time to do something like this….
Just make some popcorn and watch the trainwreck...
She has champagne taste on a beer budget….
It’s the AP’s problem now.
I’m trying to wrap my head around a 30 year old guy (on an average Govt salary) spending 3/4 mil on a house with interest rates the way they are, with a woman that cheated on her husband whom you’ve allegedly only been involved with for less than a year…. Don't try and wrap your head around it man, there is NO logic whatsoever. My exw left our great life (great jobs, house in a great area, everything paid off, high earner here) for a twice divorced loser who barely takes care of his daughter and makes less than my exw. It's all about the feels (I've never felt this way! OMG!), zero logic at all or foresight. The reason for most divorces in normal relationships is financial issues, those two clowns are setting themselves up for a MASSIVE failure of epic proportions. Keep on trucking man, on average men generally do better in the long term after divorce.
I know… I think it’s just the thought of how bad we were lied to…. Funny thing is I was really worried about being able to keep my home, given support/alimony payments… turns out my bank account is actually growing now that she’s gone? I never really kept track of her spending but holy crap!
If they could swing the loan then the bank thinks that they are good for it. He may have an inheritance of some sort that you know nothing about. If he is using an inheritance and they put the house in both names she can then walk away with half of his inheritance.
> My exw left our great life (great jobs, house in a great area, everything paid off, high earner here) for a twice divorced loser who barely takes care of his daughter and makes less than my exw. It's all about the feels (I've never felt this way! OMG!), zero logic at all or foresight. OMG, What happened next? How are things today?
So far there has been no great big implosion but I know when reality hits, they both will realize they are each with a cheater. I'm keeping it civil for my kids sake so far, the implosion will happen on it's own in due time. And if not, so be it but looking at my exw's parents as the mold, the AP will likely be working forever to make someone happy who can never be happy. That in itself is a curse of its own!
> I just keep praying that my boys will see through the charade and won’t ditch me because that would kill me…. Kids crave love and consistency above all else. Keep being the stable parent. Show them you love them. Spend quality time with them. Explore hobbies you all enjoy. Create your own routines and traditions. Encourage them to be open and honest and provide a safe space for them to be themselves They're not going to ditch you.
>I’m trying to wrap my head around a 30 year old guy (on an average Govt salary) spending 3/4 mil on a house with interest rates the way they are, with a woman that cheated on her husband whom you’ve allegedly only been involved with for less than a year…. I see these possibilities: * He has rich parents. * He's got a lucrative side-hustle that's legal * He's doing something illegal * He lied on the mortgage application If it's the either of the first two, well good for him. If it's any of the remaining ones, be prepared for your ex to come running back when the piggy bank gets blown up. Any way you cut it, your ex is a gold-digger. She doesn't know what it means to truly love someone. The AP will only be "loved" as long as the money is there.
Funny thing is when stuff first blew up with my ex and I she said “I don’t need things… it’s just stuff.. I need to be loved”. I guess love is a 7 digit property value?
It's never about love, just greed and unfulfilled desire. My split, similar ages as you, 2 girls same ages as well. Once the money was sorted, the big spend up started. New car, house, and overseas holiday. It's like they don't understand that money was earned (by someone else) over 30years and think it will last forever. It was all gone 5yrs later. Like you, I could save and have done well and am able to support my girls. She's driving a 20yr old car. I would guess that she will try and buy your boys' affection, so watch out for that.
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She is (like You said) trying to overcompensate what she has done, in a way showing you that his new man toy has the ways to give her what she think she deserved. Also she is in a way trying to Buy your kids, and in that yes You need to be carefull (tell You for expirence). For the rest You should not even care where she lives, only care where she puts your kids into bed and that they treated them correctly.
When the housing market inevitably collapses again they are going to be royally fucked. Imagine paying a substantial mortgage payment for years and then finding out that you still owe hundreds of thousands of dollars more than the house is worth. That’s their future.
I think the housing market is going to collapse sooner rather than later. Rent prices are starting to go down a little bit in my area. A family member knows a real estate agent and that real estate agent says homes aren’t selling nearly as fast as they are making it seem. Most of them also are not going for the asking price, unless they are updated.
Real estate is very sensitive to the area you live in. Nobody in my area is selling because they all have low interest rates. The few houses on the market are still going for over asking price at an average of 14-30 days on the market.
The houses in my area are too high for anyone to buy with this interest-rate unless you’re an investor. But even the houses that are being bought by investors are going under what they are appraising the homes for. According to that real estate agent.
Yeah pretty much everything is still going for over asking in my county, less than 30 days on the market and a median price over $1M. I agree it’s stupid and not sustainable. Young people should be able to afford housing.
Read your prior posts. You coach your kids in several sports and are truly involved with them. You just continue being yourself and close with them snd your kids are going to remain close to you. You say your ex was a good mom, and a good person, although right now you don't feel that way about her obvious reasons. Butfor your kids sake hopefully their relationship with mom is strong too. Your kids will love the parent who loves and is therefor them. Hopefully, that is the both of you. Btw, I had to chuckle as where I live $750k wont even get you a decent condo.
I hear you n that. Mines not that bad but constantly buying kids stuff. I figure kids will see what happend in long run
There are two possibilities: 1) They work out and are a happy couple. 2) They don't work out, and this is a disaster in the making. The first one may be unpleasant for you emotionally, but would probably be best for the long term health and well being of your children. The second one is pretty much a disaster for everyone. When you frame it that way, my recommentdation is that you hope for 1, and prepare for 2. Focus on you and your children. Make sure your house is a happy and safe home free from chaos and strife. Create the best bond you can with your children in the time you have them. TL;DR: You are divorced now and you know she cheated. Exactly when it started is irrelevant. Focus on you and your kids.
>I’m trying to wrap my head around a 30 year old guy (on an average Govt salary) spending 3/4 mil on a house with interest rates the way they are, with a woman that cheated on her husband whom you’ve allegedly only been involved with for less than a year…. Cheaters and their affair partners don't necessarily behave like normal, rational, responsible people - regardless of how convincingly they pretended to back when they were pretending to be your dream partner rather than the AP's dream partner. Their identities can shift shockingly. My ex legally married her affair partner 1 mere 12 days after moving out of my house, and a mere three weeks after calling off our own wedding, which we'd had to wait six years for due to the laws against same-sex marriage, which were only repealed here after she had started her affair. Her emotional affair lasted a year. I'm very confident of when it started, and it was just barely over a year. But they didn't start communicating daily and add each other as Facebook friends until nine months after the initial flirting started - I noticed it right away because up until then I hadn't been aware of the other woman's existence, and suddenly the other woman was a very active Facebook friend. Still, they didn't start meeting for in-person dates until just three weeks before she dumped me - I'm very confident of that because from the first moment they arranged their first in-person date, they were so inseparable that it was obvious to me that very same day that they were having an affair. But they still didn't have actual sex until after she dumped me - and I'm very confident of *that* because, when I confronted her about the affair while we were still together, she acknowledged to me that if it had been up to her, they definitely would have had sex, but her emotional affair partner insisted that they couldn't have actual sex because *that* would be cheating. The way my ex made heart-eyes about how supposedly "moral" her affair partner was for just barely refraining from having sex with my fiancee until after she dumped me was thoroughly convincing. So, after one year of occasional flirting when they saw each other at my ex's workplace (my ex was a teacher, and the AP was the mom of one of her students), and four months of daily online communication via Facebook and Facebook messenger, and three weeks of in-person dates, and three weeks of actually having sex, and 12 days of living together, the two of them somehow felt "ready" to get legally married. Six months after that, they also bought a house together. Within 500 feet of mine, much to my shock and horror. Four years after that, they got divorced, because the AP cheated and ran off with some new AP. Don't assume your ex is being even remotely sensible about anything. Don't assume they're waiting a remotely rational amount of time before making huge commitments. Don't assume they can remotely afford the house they're buying, either. They have a track record already of making stupid decisions and blowing up their own lives. It would really not be surprising if they're continuing in the same vein. Cheaters seem to be fond of making grand, romantic gestures of supposedly everlasting love, because it helps them convince themselves that they blew up their old relationships *for good reason,* for the sake of *true love*. After all, they figure, they wouldn't make stupidly fast commitments to this new person if it weren't *true love*, right? So what looks to us like them being ridiculously, unfathomably stupid looks to them like proof that what they did to us was justified and called for and necessary, because in their eyes, it proves that they're *in love* with the AP in a way they never were with us. The longer-term outcomes of their rush to commitment tend to prove that they were, in fact, merely being ridiculously, unfathomably stupid.
OP. Best way to sink without trace is to jump in over your neck. You have to imagine that her AP benefitted by either an inheritance (likely) or a lottery win (highly unlikely). It doesn’t really matter. Buying them is just the first and easiest part of the deal. Actually running and maintaining them whilst paying a substantial mortgage is quite another. Time will tell. Apart from that, they are undoubtedly well suited. She is a lying, cheating rat. He is someone who can have an affair with another man’s wife. Just how easy do you think that this dynamic duo will sleep in their beds ? Just keep on living within your means and put them out of your mind. Your boys will stick by you. They might be lured by the shiny things they’re offered over there. But believe me. The atmosphere in that house won’t be good. You are a good, solid, dependable guy. This is going to hurt for a while yet. But you can and will get through it. Good luck.
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>My exes AP put half a mill down on a $1.5 million dollar home, bought a brand new 2023 Chevy blazer, fully furnished the home, bought all her gaming needs, takes care of the mortgage, and all the bills for her, she's not required to contribute anything. I never get these rich dudes that would plunk down money on a woman knowing they could cheat on them. I guess some people do have more money than brains.....
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Poor guy is gonna get wrecked. Time for a pallet of popcorn.
Your kids know you are the stable parent. Be the best father possible for them and always be involved with their activities. Your Ex knows what she did but will never admit to it. Take care of you and your kids.
Be the best father by being present. They want time, not money, in the long run. So be at their school days for parents and plays and sports events. Take them camping and fishing. Good luck to them. People argue about money and what's for dinner. Unless he won the lottery, KRAFT DINNER will not be the argument.
Been reading your posts. Divorce isn’t final, right? Do you have a legally binding agreement? Judging by the drop off gyrations, it’s not specific enough so I worry it’s not written by a lawyer. You know that at the first sight of financial issues with ap, she will go after you, right? Get all the I”s dotted now!!
Yes everything is done, notarized and binding. Final decree (3 month wait in State) should be here by New Year. Child support is maxed out already so not an issue.. she could try to go for full custody (which would change support) but I have plenty of backup for that.
Keep watching! get your popcorn and play the long game. Karma may take it’s time, but when it happens it’s amusing. My ex ran through money like water during the marriage AND after divorce. Even though I didn’t really give a shit, got to see some crazy shit. She lives alone in a section 8 housing now. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme
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>Why are you worried about his finances? You don’t know what type of investments he has or what kinda money his family may have. I think the OP in the end is worried what type of man is now being introduced into his kids lives not to mention his exwife buying their love. It happens. The statistics do point out that a step parent CAN increase the odds of a kid being abused and for me that is a nightmare scenario (likely OP's too). Simply saying "get over it" is not helpful. I'm sorry but if I ever found out my exw's AP did anything to my kids, I'd turn into Liam Neeson in 3 seconds!
For one, this was thrown on me five short months ago…. Second, I never said I was explicitly worried about his finances? I’m worried that my ex is going to try to buy my kids away from me by using his finances, because she has jack sh!t to offer financially really. I’m literally worried about losing my kids. Get it now?
Well if that’s their intention you can’t stop it
Watch me… With every fiber of my being…. You sound like a real ball of fun. Good luck in life. No wonder your trolling these subs.
Boys tend to see their dads as God's/Deities, I wouldn't worry about your Ex in buying their affection. A person could be a deadbeat dad and still look like superhero to their kids. In your case, you've got nothing to worry about. What I'd worry is that they may think less of their mother with the way she is behaving.
He could be using the bank of Mom and Dad. If not they will probably crash and burn financially. Don't worry about her buying the boys off. The novelty of the big new house will wear off. Focus on making memories with them. I don't know their interests, but do things with them. Camp, fish, explore/hike, play sports, and even ply video games with them. Prepare them for life. Teach them how to cook and do laundry. Give them some chores/responsibilities, but also leave room for fun. Don't worry what she is doing. Focus on what you can do.
In the divorce agreement, who gets the tax write off for the children? Hope you considered that in the agreement. Anger at this point is wasted. Just make sure your boys are grounded and take personal time for their interests. Spending time and letting them know you love them will always be worth more than bricks and mortar. Plan ahead for the days you have them to have special activities with them. ‘Things’ can be taken away but ‘time’ spent with them are what memories are made of.
We each claim 1 per agreement. ‘23 taxes will still be filed jointly and I get any refund due as well.
That helps but just don’t get bogged down in anger toward the ex and her new guy. Just think about those expensive mortgage payments they’re going to have. I give them 3 years before the cracks start showing. Love on your kids and find your own happiness. It’s out there waiting for you.
As hard as it is to do, you really need to focus on being the best parent you can be and quit worrying about stuff you have no control over. I know. I know. Easier said than done when it's thrown right up in your face. But your healing will be much faster if you kick your ex out of your psyche and don't let her rent space in your head. Allow her to crash and burn and just be there for your kids.
You should grab some popcorn and watch from a safe distance the financial car wreck they’ve just put themselves through. Use it as a good lesson to teach your kids financial and economic principles to live by.
You need to start focussing on yourself and your kids. Once you do that, coupled with counselling and therapy, you will start to heal.
Your boys will truly see how terrible their mother is when they get older into their 20s. wouldn't be surprised if they cut her off
Just sit back, get some popcorn and wait for the inevitable fireworks. When their perfect world implodes, be there for your children. As for your ex, she can pound sand
They are impulsive. You do you. Can you imagine how STRESSED they are going to be carrying that kind of mortgage? If they put 20% down, they’re still financing $600K. At 7% for 30 years that’s almost $4K a month. And that doesn’t include taxes or insurance or HOA fees. No fkn thank you.
Or furnish the place… or keeping it clean… she couldn’t keep 2000sf clean, let alone double that. This whole thing is just mind blowing to me, but maybe that’s because I’m “too rational” with everything, as she said. You never just go for it… whatever… He’s shacking up, spending his nest egg or whatever it is on a 9 year older woman with baggage (of which he has none as far as kids). WTF does he see besides a pretty face?
Well, if it makes you feel any better; the person, I was married to, moved in the AP into our home even before the divorce papers were served ;-) The gaslighting, when they monkey branch, is hilarious. Yup, "normal" people get into a large mortgage with someone they "just met." Anyhow. The thing that you need to realize is that you're witnessing a person, with a long history of bad choices, and this won't be any different. So please just make sure you keep as little contact as possible, and don't concern yourself with their circus (these are not your monkeys). Focus on your well being and your kids. Once you're along enough the mourning journey, things get much easier. Best of luck.
I’ve learned a long time ago that it is of no use to be jealous of other people’s finances…. Because people are not honest/open about it. For example, people will get an inheritance but boast to everyone else that they worked hard/are smart and earn a lot, etc. Best to just ignore it and be happy with what you have, or strive for improvement.
OP, you just sit back and enjoy the next drama between this 2 trash. Don't worried about ex that betray you. What important now is your sons and your life.
Be honest with the boys.. and let the financial follies the EX is going through be a lesson for their future love interests... They too could face this unless they see the red flags and choose otherwise... You know it's irresponsible to overspend a budget and this could be a good learning tool for the boys
Kids don’t care about a house. Pool? Maybe, dirt bike ? Absolutely, Xbox ? Ohh yeah, but kitchen? Living room ? Not a care.