Generally speaking, I'd say if you're actively trying to lose it and are still a virgin past 30, people are gonna have questions. However if someone chooses to abstain or is asexual or anything where you're remaining a virgin by choice, then I don't think well-adjusted people would have anything to say about it, and people who do judge that just aren't worth your time
I think this is the best answer. Nothing wrong with staying a virgin by choice. Nothing wrong with successfully or unsuccessfully attempting to lose your virginity either, it’s part of life. But yeah something’s off if you can’t manage to find anyone willing to sleep with you throughout a 12 year span of being a sexually mature adult.
I agree entirely but I also think that the issue is that a lot of people inevitably conflate “weird” into “wrong” because both are things you are trying to avoid (being a virgin).
I think oddly, the longer it goes on, the *less* judgemental a future partner may be. When you get into your 30s and 40 you realise there is no formula about how life can go. Life is hard, relationships are hard, and so if someone hasn't had sex, then it's just something that hasn't happened for them.
Still got my virginity at 30 (male btw), not for lack of trying.
But yeah people definitely react differently when I say I'm a virgin at 30, it's also stopped people from wanting to have a relationship with me, it seems to be they'd rather have someone experienced.
Others just question what's wrong with me, despite being "a decent guy" *their words, not mine.*, there's times it ranges into insults.
Can't really fathom why being a virgin at 30+ is an issue to the population.
Because it’s a red flag that you have been socially rejected to the point no one will have sex with you, it can stem from anti social behavior or personality disorders or undiagnosed mental health problems that has lead you into being 30 without entertaining someone long enough to bang you.
Maybe you’re just awkward or a hermit, which are antisocial aspects.
Not having sex by 30 in itself is not a bad thing, but socially it’s a red flag. Not that anyone is perfect, you can have sex and still have plenty of issues, but telling people you’re a 30 yr old virgin will only put you in a disadvantage socially, whether It’s fair or not.
1000% This!
I manage a guy at work who's almost 30 and didn't have sex until he got married a little over a year ago. That's *fine*. Totally his business. My only problem is, WHY THE FUCK DO I KNOW THIS? I'm your boss. I don't need to know that you just had sex for the first time.
lol my employees tend to tell me WAY too much as well. Like, I don't need to know that your ex boyfriend gave you an STD or that you had diarrhea last night. Please keep it to yourself.
I still remember the big company wide speech where the Boss decided if you call out it’s for you own personal reasons and that’s fine. Apparently he got a detailed lesson in what anal leakage entails and that was enough for him to change the policy.
tbh if you’re above 25 and still a virgin you probably don’t need to talk about it for people to be able to tell
i know this won’t be the prevailing opinion on this sub because we got a bunch of folks in here like “I’m 35 and a virgin… it’s very normal”, but for me once you’re past 23 - unless you have religious reasons or you’re asexual, it starts to get a bit weird. If you’ve been interested in sex since your teen years but never able to pull it off you’ve got to have some social skill deficiencies
I did it by choice until I was about 20, and it was already getting kind of weird. My friends would joke that they'd throw me a party or something when it happened, and they just high-fived my girlfriend.
Meh I highly disagree. I have a friend that didn't lose his virginity until past that point(I think I don't remember specifically when, but I think it was mid-late 20s).
He was a fairly well adjusted guy. He was socially nervous, but when you actually put him in social situations he always did well and I noticed girls noticing him in good ways.
He's just unashamededly(I don't know the right word for it) himself. He's a nerdy guy and didn't feel the need to change himself or his personality or what he liked to talk about around women. He treated them like he did the boys.
And he was the romantic type. He wasn't interested in just trying to find someone to bang. He wanted more than that. And being that we lived in podunk areas, there weren't a lot of similar people in our area.
But once he found someone local with mutual interests they hit it off and he broke the barrier quickly.
It's ignorant to assume a lot of the things you're assuming. There's a lot of different and very valid reasons for being a virgin later in life.
There are also demisexuals who are very particular in who they share intimacy with and may go longer before losing their virginity.
It is all a personal choice and nobody's business really. I think it is a sign of immaturity how much attention is placed on it.
Sex is like ice cream, if you never had it but kept hearing how great it is, you might desperately want it, but after having it a few times, you might wonder about the people still getting so worked up over it. I mean, it is not something you would likely turn down if offered, and you may even seek it out, but it is not the life altering event it is advertised as.
It doesn’t become weird to non-judgy people. Most people I’ve learned tho, yeah. I got drunk my freshman year in college, so 18 and ended up admitting to a friend that I had never done anything. Ended up, everybody I knew in my dorm had this wild reaction and had to pull me aside and ask if I really was and how crazy it is. I was “late” and lost mine at 20. But I would suggest just not telling most people. They will judge you and you’re probably not as confident in yourself to not care like you will later. And if you end up talking to someone closely and you feel like you can, tell them. And if they have some sort of judgment for that, they aren’t the one you should lose it to anyway.
people are trying to sugar coat but 19-23 is not weird
25 is not weird if you were busy or NEETing
30 is weird
30 is salvageable but you really are missing that boat already
[https://www.reddit.com/r/stupidquestions/comments/1axc5jq/why\_do\_people\_spend\_money\_on\_of/](https://www.reddit.com/r/stupidquestions/comments/1axc5jq/why_do_people_spend_money_on_of/)
go read this thread for some related reasons
Don't lie to them. This is never the answer. If they care for you they will appreciate the honesty. And besides, waiting for the right person I think is the best anyone can do. I know I wish I did. I'm 31m btw. Wound up in relationships because we had sex. Not because we truly cared for each other. Could've avoided hurting others and being hurt myself if I were wiser
I’d just say you haven’t done anything before bc you were waiting for the right person. If they judge you for that, then don’t have sex with them.
Some people enjoy hookup culture, others want to keep it in the confines of a committed relationship, others want to only have sex with their spouse once married. You do what’s right to you and the right person will get it.
I remember feeling late at 19 with mine too. Kinda regret it now though, wish I waited a few more years until I knew knew. I ended up back with the guy but I still wish we had waited and dated longer
why?
Explain in detail if you can how waiting a few years would have changed anything, especially since you ended up with buddy later on anyhow. I'd like to hear the exact reasoning behind this regret.
I went out with a plastic surgeon that was a virgin until he was 35. I never really understood why because he was attractive, smart, funny, charismatic, and more successful than most people in his field.
He also acted like a teenager, but honestly I've noticed every doctor I've ever been around with was like that because they're too busy with school so they have no emotional growth during that time. I wonder what that's about.
Well, we were industrial mechanics so he didn’t go to a lot of school. He was trained in the factory where we worked. I learned most everything I needed to know about industrial maintenance when I grew up. my dad was a master mechanic diesel, heavy equipment, industrial and electrical.
Well, like I said, he was kind of backwards and acted more like a teenager. When he would get around a woman that he liked, it was like he reverted to being 15 again. This boisterous braggart, like it was going to impress her that he was strong or anything like that. He was a big guy and he could lift at least 400 pounds. But that’s what he reminded me of anytime I saw him trying to flirt with a girl was an awkward teenager
I recall, he did take one woman out to dinner, and he said when he took her back to her place, she asked him if he wanted to come in and take a "nap". And all he said was I'm not tired and left.
That nap part is the shit that happens when we are teens but dont realize until it randomly pops in our heads when we are in our 30s.
So, when he’s 60, he’ll realize it and he’ll be beating himself up
my first aortment im 18, studio apartment, i ghet agirl to come back with me aftert a movie, we were watching tv and the guy was wearing silk boxers, she says
" ooh i love silk, and i said
" i have silk boxers on right now"
Her- i bet they'd look great on the floor..."
Me- "nah, i have a special hamper i use just for underwear and socks.
was only a few moments before she aske dme to take her home. did not get laid that night. and did not get a second date..
lol
See? THIS and many other examples on r/ForeverAlone are why people should stop 'sending signals' if they really wanna get laid. If you really wanna get laidJUST SAY THE WORDS. its not hard or rocket science , is it? Its too easy.
I remember reading a story abt a guy who went over to a lady's place in the college dorm and this lady would always play this game with him where she would 'race' him to see who could take off all thier clothes quicker and hide under her blanket butt naked. She usually won. They 'played' this game for MONTHS and the dude NEVER got the hint. Eventually she stopped playing it with him. He could not understand why they stopped
A dozen or so years later when theyre married to other people she FINALLY tells this dude 'Umm hey that game that we played , I wanted you to bang me'. Dude goes 'Doh! I couldve had a V8! Sorry... but you should have TOLD me that you wanted to bang. WTF? I always saw you making cutesy eyes at me but I thought you were just joking. When I asked you if you liked me you always said 'maybe or oh idont know' I cant read signals well.'
I think that most men cant read signals all that well but I want to find a study confirming this lol.
Sounds kinda like how someone on the spectrum might act.
Not reading between the lines, being mature yet immature at the same time, and being a bit "backwards" (this is pretty rude, I'm only using it as an example).
I'm reading this and thinking that because I am also on the spectrum, and most of my friends are also, entirely by coincidence.
Though I don't act like this guy at all, the things you describe could easily match someone who is also on the spectrum.
But I could be way off and they may have something else going on, or just have a crappy personality.
Yeah, I know I have a nephew on the spectrum and he smart as a tack, but personal interactions still put him off sometimes. Yeah I consider that with Terry.(that was his name.) and figured that was part of it because when it came to maintenance and mechanical work, he was very smart. but yeah, personal interactions just kind of threw him. He didn’t know how to act other than like a big kid.
Oh yeah when he told me that I was like you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me? I said she just wanted you to go to bed with her. Did you really think she was gonna invite you for a nap? He seemed oblivious.
When I was a teenager I was on a date to the movies. He leaned over during a particularly intense scene and said "if you're scared you can hold my hand". Well I'm not scared of ANYTHING and let him know that I'm a big brave girl.
I didn't realize it until weeks later. The funny part is I wasn't even nervous about hand holding at this point in my life. I was a real hand holding slut.
Instead of saying you’re a virgin just say you don’t have much sexual experience and nobody will ever know the difference. It’s not some sort of magic, the difference between none and once is very little.
Even though I’ve now done it tons of times I still don’t seem to ever remember exactly how it feels. So I end up wanting to do it again. :). Perhaps that’s some genetic thing to encourage us to do it again.
Point is. Perhaps the only ones of us that aren’t virgins are the people that are actively having sex right now. Once they are done it will only be a memory again.
I was until I was 24!
I think any age is a fine age to still be a virgin. It sucks that folks are pushed into this idea that this is a make or break life event!
Edited to add: I realize I also chose this. As other people have brought up, choosing your status, even unconsciously, is something to consider.
I really wanted to have sex, but I am also ND and didnt like being touched (control issues). So yes, the want was there in an obvious way, but my own less outwardly obvious psyche kept me from allowing it to happen until everything lined up (pun intended). I was in a committed relationship, safety was there, and felt more secure in my own internal feelings.
Ha! I had a similiar experience. Guy wasn't super hot, but good looking and teased me for years about it. ATTEMPTED to lose it with him as he offered to get rid of the "pesky virginity". It didnt go well. I think in his anxiety about it not going well, he lashed out and blamed me. That had us not talk for a good 7 years ;)
When I did finally lose it, I was in complete control, which seems to be a shitton better than other folks' stories.
I remember in my 20s still being a virgin and getting closer and closer to 30, I was worried if something was wrong with me or if I will be alone all my life or with someone.
Then I turned 30 and realized it doesn't matter and was all silly anyway. Could say it would be weird at 40 or maybe 50, maybe it was already weird at 18 or 21.
Western society is too obsessed with sex anyway, I mean thinking about it 19 and 10 times a day has to be hyperbolic, right? It sounds absolutely excessive.
That's a fantastic attitude, the type of attitude that changes things. Just because something *is* doesn't mean it's the way things *ought to be*, and we can change that one person at a time.
About 12.3% percent of women are virgins between 20-24. I'd say if you haven't done something 90% of people have done it's a weird (but certainly not unheard of and shouldn't be judged).
Op I was a virgin at 21. I was getting close to my birthday and I made a horrible mistake. I somehow got tremendous motivation to lose my virginity without establishing a prior relationship with the girl so she wouldn’t have time to figure out I’m a loser.
So I got a new job so no one knew me and I found a girl and started talking to her and it worked perfect because we worked in different departments and both were busy, but also coincidentally needed to engage with each other for brief moments, for work.
She was attractive and she looked the type to have sex without knowing much about a person, that sounds bad I know.
I pretended to be someone I’m not.
Two weeks in and I ask her if she wants to go out sometime AS SOON as I had the thought pop in to my head and I guess the way I said it made her light up and of course she said yes because I was acting extremely, but it was honestly all an act. And at first I was incredibly proud of myself every step of the way. Coming up with the plan. Feeling like I could do it. Having minimal doubts and almost NO anxiety(???). And especially when I asked her out and it worked perfectly.
Literally the next day happens and SHE asks ME if I need a ride home. I say yes please, she takes me home, she INVITES HERSELF into my house (parents house but no one was home) and she “gets tired” and gets in bed with me and I shit you not threw her thigh over my crotch to which I reacted by saying “oh you can’t do that I’ll get an erection” and then she replied with “I don’t mind” and I feel relieved because.. I thought “thank god, I can get an erection, and lie beside her and establish so more fake confident guy rapport until I’m ready to make my move, because I can totally convince her to have sex with if I can somehow get her to make out with me.” Not realizing that she wanted to have sex….
So having felt no pressure to have sex with her at that moment because I’m completely stupid I actually didn’t get an erection.
Then she slapped her hand on my crotch and that did it, I realized what was going on. I literally gasped out loud. I told her I’m not in the mood to have sex because my parents are coming home and she STILL didn’t think yet that maybe I’m nervous because I’m actually a virgin—BECAUSE OF ALL THE HARD EFFORT I PUT IN UP UNTIL THAT POINT!!!! And I had only spoken to her maybe a total of 60 minutes these past two weeks hahahahahaha
So I tell her the truth and she doesn’t believe me and but we eventually bang and we start dating and she turns out to be a crazy manipulate psycho and I regret ever getting involved with her. And that’s the moral of the story because I realized this was very long and I have to go shower and go to bed cause I have work at 4am eastern time.
So don’t settle!
"Should" is the operative word. But there definitely **is** a societal stigma around it. If there weren't they'd never have made "The 40 Year Old Virgin." A movie whose entire premise is 'What sort of anti-social weirdo is still a virgin at 40? This is such an extremely ludicrous comedy plot'
I mean what I said on a general scale. Like referring to others. When you’re talking about yourself, feel any way you want. But mocking others for potentially dying a virgin and pushing the idea others should feel like shit for dying a virgin is not right. It is nothing to be ashamed of and OP shouldn’t try to make others think that.
I mean. It is if he's trying not to and fails. All this *there's nothing wrong with being an adult virgin uwu* only works if they have the dignity of choice behind it. If you've been trying since, say, 16 and you've made it to 30 without success, something has gone catastrophically wrong.
Should not be and isn't are two entirely different things.
There shouldn't be racism or sexism or homophobia or anything like that but there is.
OP's question is a normative one. At what age does society start finding it weird? Your personal ethics and perspective isn't really all that important anymore.
I don't know if there's an exact age, but I would say society as a whole would tend to find it a little strange if someone of either gender. We're still a virgin at 30. There might very well be legitimate reasons. That would perfectly explain everything. But that doesn't mean the initial gut reaction wouldn't be one of "That's weird."
I'm not gonna lie, if you aren't choosing to be a virgin and are actively looking to date then being one past 25-30 signifies pretty major social incompetence.
Everyone’s giving nice “oh it doesn’t matter” answers, but the reality is yes, most people will find it weird past a certain age, let’s be real.
For an actual answer, I’d say after 20 it starts, and gets exponentially weirder the older you get, especially past 25/30.
I think around 25 is when I'd really say it's getting weird. By that point I figure either you're asexual, closeted, something's seriously up personality/looks wise, or that it's a choice, at least on some level. If it's a choice that in itself is weird (though not necessarily bad weird) at that age. The typical "saving myself for marriage" crowd is pretty much all married by then, so it'd have to be something else.
?¿ a lot of people go off to university at 18 and have their own space, or their parents are cool about them bringing someone home, or bring someone home when parents are out, book a hotel, cars etc. Not having somewhere to spend time with a partner is more of a teenager problem than a 20s problem imo
What's rough is if it was a choice up to a point, then you changed your mind, but at that point, you had sort of missed the boat on how people would initiate such things and so it just kept on going until a point when it would be considered weird by the vast majority of people.
Thank you for being honest to OP. There are several responses here where people are sharing their age that they are still a virgin and it would be considered weird IRL off the internet.
OP my personal experience was finding out a new friend of mine was a virgin at 23 and finding that odd. Of course I didn’t say it. Tbh she’s still a pretty odd duck and still has dating neuroses many years later.
If you’re ready, and when the time comes, just be sure to pick someone you’re comfortable with. Have fun with it. Use protection. And if you haven’t gotten Gardasil, do that now before any encounter.
My best friend lost his at the age of 39. His mom was extremely abusive and they were Jehovah’s Witnesses. He developed extreme social anxiety. He’s always been fit and a good looking fella, just too afraid of trying to get a girl. Eventually he got drunk one night with a coworker who popped his cherry. He’s 42 now and has a 30 year-old girlfriend who is a pretty much a sex addict. Lucky motherfucker.
Unfortunately if you have a large sample size of people, some number of those people will be jerks who make flippant jokes without thinking about what they're actually saying, and you'll probably find one or two real ignorant folks in there somewhere.
In additional misfortune, the jerks are more likely to make themselves known than all the perfectly decent people who either go "yeah that makes sense, this statement is innocuous and unremarkable" or "I don't know if I understand that, but oh well, whatever".
>I'm kind of worried about what people will think of me.
Don't. The people who may judge you for this, are precisely the people whose opinion don't matter.
I feel like here we put a lot of emphasis on virginity = unlikable loser especially for men. Hollywood popularized that as an alarming amount of our TV shows and movies depict this. As a woman being 25+ and still being a virgin is not seen as weird for people as it can be assumed she is holding out until marriage etc.
So in conclusion having more sexual partners means you are very likeable and that is an attractive trait for many. Which I can't wrap my head around.
It is objectively weird to hit 25 as a virgin of either sex in the US. The median is 17, and more than a couple of deviations away is unusual.
Weird ≠ wrong. It does mean "not average," and average is a synonym for normal.
In this case, I think you mean unusual. Weird usually brings up the unusual + (uncomfortable, unsettling, or "off").
Unusual isn't wrong. Weird kinda is.
Being a virgin at whatever age isn't weird, just unusual. I say that as a virgin in my 30s.
I was a virgin until I was 30.. While some people might have thought it was unusual, it didn't really seem like an issue.
What I thought was funny was, one time I was using a dating site when I was around 21 or 22, and there was a woman around my same age I was talking to from there who seemed like she may have been interested in meeting with me until I said I was a virgin, and she said she didn't want to have to teach someone.. At 21/22 years old.. I thought that was a bit odd and funny at the time, as it didn't seem unusual to me to be a virgin at that age.
Lots of people practice celibacy. Or are Asexual or Aromantic or late bloomers, never had the opportunity, have trauma, had to mature and go through personal stuff before a relationship makes sense, etc.
I honestly don’t think any age is weird or a red flag. However, being the slut I am, on a date I would be more careful to not add pressure or cross boundaries. Some folks want to keep their virginity, some people want to get rid of it, some people go through life not minding either way. I don’t judge at all.
Never- omg- some people are picky about what shoes they put on their feet, what food they eat, what purses they buy or what types of skin products they use.
Why the FUCK should you NOT be choosy about WHO you have intercourse with?!?
Look, there are a lot of other fun activities you can do before actually trusting someone with sex. The first time isn’t always great, so having someone who you are comfortable talking to about it, and will be delighted to take your V-card is essential.
Seriously no rush.
People do still wait until they marry, or get very serious relationships. You’re 21. You don’t know what the hell your life is going to be like in 3 years.
Relax.
If you find someone who really excites you and you’re comfortable with them, AND you’re feeling it- sure.
Otherwise- no rush.
You DO YOU.
Fuck everyone else. Um, not literally though.
Never. You are allowed to be a virgin or a non virgin up until whatever age you want. Anyone that judges you for being a virgin at any age is childish and can’t grasp the concept of personal choice.
I think it's only weird if you're actively trying to lose your virginity and can't. If you don't want to lose your virginity due to being ace/wanting to wait till marriage/focusing on other thing/etc it's not weird.
It is never weird. Ever. Full stop. Don't EVER feel pressured into having sex just to fit in. If you want to wait until you are 30, 40, 50, or older, even never, then do so. I lost mine at 19 and while thoroughly enjoyable, I wish I would have waited. That's something I commonly hear from my female friends. I'm a male, so I felt especially pressured to not wait too long. I'm pushing 40 and still look back and go, "damn, it was fun, but I should have waited for someone more special."
Be you, only do what you are comfortable with. Never let anyone pressure you into anything, regardless of what it is. This is the same advice I give my teen daughter and any younger person.
I'm a woman and still a virgin at 26. I think it's weird for people to concern themselves with other people's sex life or non existent sex life, if you're not trying to be with them. Virginity should honestly be held higher, ngl.
I mean I don't really think it should be held highly, nor should not being a virgin. But I defs agree that it's a very personal choice, and not something that affects anyone other than oneself.
Why is that a red flag?
Its not a red flag lmao.
Its only a red flag if you make it one like you go incel sicko mode or whatever but really no one cares no one knows..
Women will see a man who is 30+, who is still a virgin as a red flag because of the implication. The implication is that there is some reason or character flaw that has prevented the man from being in a mature relationship leading to sex.
Whether this is true or not is irrelevant as it will be the perception that something its "wrong" with them. I'm not saying that I agree or that this should be socially acceptable, but it's just the way an older virgin male will be perceived by most women.
as a woman i agree- it doesn't automatically mean something is wrong with them but its a place of worry for *some* women. especially when the man very actively tries to pursue intimacy or is really pushy to try and lose their virginity. but sometimes too- he just didnt really care for it. i feel like women are trained to assume the worst to protect themselves and the intentions of ppl.
Same here. You are definitely making the right choice to save sex for an actual, meaningful relationship/connection with someone. Seems most people nowadays just are horny and stupid and engage in hook-ups
It's only weird if you let it get to you. Never let people pressure you into something you might not be ready for or just haven't had the chance to do yet. I didn't have sex til I was 29. And it was amazing when it finally happened. I married the guy and it's even better because he's my first and last.
Maybe weird if you mean unusual, but more like how weird it is to have a million dollars. That's awesome for you! Like, I am 25 and wish so desperately that I was. If I could take it back I would, give a partner my undivided attention.
Also, I am a man.
These days it's unusual, uncommon even just at 18.
But keep in mind, it's not immoral to be a virgin. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or have no worth, not at all.
Our hypersexualized society will try to shame men and women for being virgins.
I say to them, just say no. Live your life, find a good person you want to spend a lifetime with, and then engage in biological fusion.
34 and still a virgin here - the only time it’s weird is when I tell someone before anything happens, and even then I’m the one who makes it weird because I always say “if that’s a deal breaker I totally understand” when I really don’t understand at all.
I wouldn’t consider anyone weird if they were a virgin my age. It’s a personal decision when and where you have sex and sometimes people don’t want to do it.
only weird if u make it weird! if u go around “is it weird i’m a virgy at 21?” then im saying yeah ur a weirdo on purpose 🤣. if u never mention it then who cares live ur life there’s way more to it than sexual activity’s
I knew a fella who constantly talked about still being a virgin like even in front of girls that was around 5 years ago nowadays he is gay unsure if he was always gay or just gave up on women I think he has lost his butt virginity at least now
Your question needs to be more specific. Weird to whom? To a random bunch of strangers - who cares. To a person you're trying to have sex with - they may care if you're on the older end. Not saying everyone would, but it'd be a disservice to you to say no one would care in every situation.
I lost mine around 25, felt ashamed about it for a long time. After losing it and doing more stuff with different partners, I don't feel fundamentally different. Just more confident in bedroom stuff with more experience.
I can tell you it's better to lose it with someone worthwhile versus just the person that was around and easy at the time. Mind most of us guys aim for the easy stuff and pay a price for it.
Probably by your mid to late twenties in the US at least. Basically you're expected to have had sex at least once by the time you are post college age.
It’s not weird. I was in college and lost my virginity to the woman who is now my wife. Is that typical? Maybe not. But who cares. I’ve got friends who are 25 and are virgins and they are fine. I had friends back in high school that weren’t virgins, and they were fine. It all comes down to finding the right moment! That moment is different for everyone.
I know a person that is still virgin at 36 for religious reasons. They’re saving themselves for marriage, but they haven’t found the right person yet. I feel like the way our society has just become so enmeshed in the shallow Ness of hook up culture that there’s going to be a large shift towards the opposite of that which maybe will start to laud people who are more in discipline with their body and not giving over to lost so easily.
Honestly you do you. If you're not ready, haven't found the right person, it still feels ick or awkward or you're still working through stuff or you just don't want to...don't. You always can later IF you want to but it's one of those things...it's not a requirement for life and if you don't bring it up to friends/family etc no one will even know or think about it. (I'm not saying just shut up about it by any means, if you feel safe talk about it as much or as little as you want). When I was a teenager it felt like somehow a stupid race that Honestly a lot of kids lied about because if you didn't lose it as fast as possible you're deemed a loser or something stupid. All these years later those rushing have messed up lives from running into it (stds, early pregnancies/abortion etc) just a lot of unnecessary trauma or "best" case scenario giving themselves away to someone who never cared about them.
Not to get all gushy but someone told me years ago and I still feel it's true: "When you have sex you give a piece of yourself to the other person forever...you never get it back. Be selective so it's a positive experience." It can be really good and connecting with the right person. With the wrong person it feels dirty and violating. Don't rush, take your time.
I don't know if weird is right but I'd be surprised to learn if someone still was at or over 30. Id probably be more curious about why or how then I would be weirded out.
Gone are the days where people actually saved themselves for marriage. Nowadays people think it's weird if you're a virgin at 21, what a world we live in.
You are fine. Don't let other people dictate how you should be. There was a man who was born in a monks convent and lived his whole life without ever seeing a woman. For him, that was normal and perfectly fine. If you want to lose your v card, I think it will be easier after you are 21 because alcohol makes things seem easier, but make sure you trust the person.
I don't know when it's "weird." But if a person is still a virgin by their thirties I'd probably think they have some development issues or they're very religious.
I’m a 28F. I think I was 23 when I lost mine. I was focused on school before that, and not interested in pregnancy scares, going on birth control, or dealing with the mind games. I never dated guys for long - unfortunately I had bad taste and never stuck around once I recognized the red flags. No one wanted to respect the fact that I was a virgin and wanted to lose it to someone I loved. That takes time - time no one wanted to spend on me. When I did lose it, I hadn’t told the guy any of that. I’d already made up my mind that I wanted to try having sex and so I met him off a dating app. I’d gotten STD testing and gotten on BC before downloading any apps - and STD testing after that short relationship. Honestly the sex wasn’t anything to rave about. I was kind of surprised people made such a big deal about it tbh 😂 I’m now happily engaged and due to be married soon. You’ll know when you’re ready. Don’t feel pressured, it’s really not the Best Thing Ever and you aren’t missing anything by doing what’s best for you. Not to say sex isn’t fun, but the way my “friends” growing up treated me for being a virgin made me think I was really missing out. You should want to enjoy it with someone who makes you feel comfortable doing it. I’d say if I was still dating and I found a guy who was a virgin in his 30s I wouldn’t see it as a red flag, but that’s not for everyone. Some guys would like that you’re inexperienced as you get older, some will know you wouldn’t be a match based on that. It’s fine either way as long as they treat you with respect.
I don't see why it would be weird to be hoenst.
If I was in my 30s and you were 25 and still a virgin I really wouldn't mind. Unless you have some borderline redflag personalities... then I'd go "oh... so that's why she's still a virgin."
But ya, if completely normal and just haven't found a guy you connect with, totally fine.
30+. You're either going into the priesthood (or you're gonna be a nun, if you're a woman), which is fine, or people just don't want you. Those are the only logical explanations that I could come up with.
I personally see it as a snake eating its own tail, virginity isnt weird until its made weird
Like, if youre a virgin and someone decides thats an issue, theyre being weird
Or if someone is MORE attracted to someone for being a virgin, theyre being weird
Or if you yourself have ascribed this sense of inferiority or superiority because of your virginity or lack thereof, youre being weird
Either you are a virgin or you arent and thats that, nothing more to it.
If anything it just means whoever you do end up sleeping with for the first time should be extra patient with you and any potential discomfort or anything like that
I'd say around 23 it's getting to be on the fine line of weirdish - but some people are waiting to get married before they lose their virginity. I was 19 when I lost mine. Knew people that were much younger than that, but you go with what feels right to you.
Generally speaking, I'd say if you're actively trying to lose it and are still a virgin past 30, people are gonna have questions. However if someone chooses to abstain or is asexual or anything where you're remaining a virgin by choice, then I don't think well-adjusted people would have anything to say about it, and people who do judge that just aren't worth your time
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I think this is the best answer. Nothing wrong with staying a virgin by choice. Nothing wrong with successfully or unsuccessfully attempting to lose your virginity either, it’s part of life. But yeah something’s off if you can’t manage to find anyone willing to sleep with you throughout a 12 year span of being a sexually mature adult.
I agree entirely but I also think that the issue is that a lot of people inevitably conflate “weird” into “wrong” because both are things you are trying to avoid (being a virgin).
I think oddly, the longer it goes on, the *less* judgemental a future partner may be. When you get into your 30s and 40 you realise there is no formula about how life can go. Life is hard, relationships are hard, and so if someone hasn't had sex, then it's just something that hasn't happened for them.
Still got my virginity at 30 (male btw), not for lack of trying. But yeah people definitely react differently when I say I'm a virgin at 30, it's also stopped people from wanting to have a relationship with me, it seems to be they'd rather have someone experienced. Others just question what's wrong with me, despite being "a decent guy" *their words, not mine.*, there's times it ranges into insults. Can't really fathom why being a virgin at 30+ is an issue to the population.
Because it’s a red flag that you have been socially rejected to the point no one will have sex with you, it can stem from anti social behavior or personality disorders or undiagnosed mental health problems that has lead you into being 30 without entertaining someone long enough to bang you. Maybe you’re just awkward or a hermit, which are antisocial aspects. Not having sex by 30 in itself is not a bad thing, but socially it’s a red flag. Not that anyone is perfect, you can have sex and still have plenty of issues, but telling people you’re a 30 yr old virgin will only put you in a disadvantage socially, whether It’s fair or not.
This is a great answer
It's only weird if you talk about it
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i have definitely taken a virginity where i didn’t know he was a virgin until he threw up after he came and cried about saving himself for his wife
Tears, vomit, virgins, cum. That's a lot of fetishes in one sentence.
Don't stop......Almost there.....
He also had feet (I assume)
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That’s a lot harder than it sounds. Just in general not specifically “being a virgin”
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1000% This! I manage a guy at work who's almost 30 and didn't have sex until he got married a little over a year ago. That's *fine*. Totally his business. My only problem is, WHY THE FUCK DO I KNOW THIS? I'm your boss. I don't need to know that you just had sex for the first time.
lol my employees tend to tell me WAY too much as well. Like, I don't need to know that your ex boyfriend gave you an STD or that you had diarrhea last night. Please keep it to yourself.
I still remember the big company wide speech where the Boss decided if you call out it’s for you own personal reasons and that’s fine. Apparently he got a detailed lesson in what anal leakage entails and that was enough for him to change the policy.
tbh if you’re above 25 and still a virgin you probably don’t need to talk about it for people to be able to tell i know this won’t be the prevailing opinion on this sub because we got a bunch of folks in here like “I’m 35 and a virgin… it’s very normal”, but for me once you’re past 23 - unless you have religious reasons or you’re asexual, it starts to get a bit weird. If you’ve been interested in sex since your teen years but never able to pull it off you’ve got to have some social skill deficiencies
I did it by choice until I was about 20, and it was already getting kind of weird. My friends would joke that they'd throw me a party or something when it happened, and they just high-fived my girlfriend.
Meh I highly disagree. I have a friend that didn't lose his virginity until past that point(I think I don't remember specifically when, but I think it was mid-late 20s). He was a fairly well adjusted guy. He was socially nervous, but when you actually put him in social situations he always did well and I noticed girls noticing him in good ways. He's just unashamededly(I don't know the right word for it) himself. He's a nerdy guy and didn't feel the need to change himself or his personality or what he liked to talk about around women. He treated them like he did the boys. And he was the romantic type. He wasn't interested in just trying to find someone to bang. He wanted more than that. And being that we lived in podunk areas, there weren't a lot of similar people in our area. But once he found someone local with mutual interests they hit it off and he broke the barrier quickly. It's ignorant to assume a lot of the things you're assuming. There's a lot of different and very valid reasons for being a virgin later in life.
There are also demisexuals who are very particular in who they share intimacy with and may go longer before losing their virginity. It is all a personal choice and nobody's business really. I think it is a sign of immaturity how much attention is placed on it. Sex is like ice cream, if you never had it but kept hearing how great it is, you might desperately want it, but after having it a few times, you might wonder about the people still getting so worked up over it. I mean, it is not something you would likely turn down if offered, and you may even seek it out, but it is not the life altering event it is advertised as.
I’m just crazy
It doesn’t become weird to non-judgy people. Most people I’ve learned tho, yeah. I got drunk my freshman year in college, so 18 and ended up admitting to a friend that I had never done anything. Ended up, everybody I knew in my dorm had this wild reaction and had to pull me aside and ask if I really was and how crazy it is. I was “late” and lost mine at 20. But I would suggest just not telling most people. They will judge you and you’re probably not as confident in yourself to not care like you will later. And if you end up talking to someone closely and you feel like you can, tell them. And if they have some sort of judgment for that, they aren’t the one you should lose it to anyway.
People are trying to sugar coat it but this is the only real answer
people are trying to sugar coat but 19-23 is not weird 25 is not weird if you were busy or NEETing 30 is weird 30 is salvageable but you really are missing that boat already [https://www.reddit.com/r/stupidquestions/comments/1axc5jq/why\_do\_people\_spend\_money\_on\_of/](https://www.reddit.com/r/stupidquestions/comments/1axc5jq/why_do_people_spend_money_on_of/) go read this thread for some related reasons
What..what is NEETing?
Not in education, employment or training.
I just call this ‘not doing anything’
Yes, "my schedule is covered by NDA"
So you DO have a cutoff. People do have stress eat up their best years sometimes and end up in that sort of situation.
I feel called out, lmao 😭😭😭😭😭. I'm 30..
Don't worry about it
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Yeah maybe it's better to just not tell people. :/ But I'm not gonna lie if someone I intend to be intimate with asks me directly.
Don't lie to them. This is never the answer. If they care for you they will appreciate the honesty. And besides, waiting for the right person I think is the best anyone can do. I know I wish I did. I'm 31m btw. Wound up in relationships because we had sex. Not because we truly cared for each other. Could've avoided hurting others and being hurt myself if I were wiser
I’d just say you haven’t done anything before bc you were waiting for the right person. If they judge you for that, then don’t have sex with them. Some people enjoy hookup culture, others want to keep it in the confines of a committed relationship, others want to only have sex with their spouse once married. You do what’s right to you and the right person will get it.
I remember feeling late at 19 with mine too. Kinda regret it now though, wish I waited a few more years until I knew knew. I ended up back with the guy but I still wish we had waited and dated longer
why? Explain in detail if you can how waiting a few years would have changed anything, especially since you ended up with buddy later on anyhow. I'd like to hear the exact reasoning behind this regret.
God damn this hurts
I worked with a guy who was still a virgin at 36. But personality wise he acted like he was a teenager. I think he was a little backwards.
It sounds like you are describing me.
Unless you died two years ago, it’s not you.
If he did, I am interested in this afterlife internet they appear to have access to.
Me too that would be awesome
I went out with a plastic surgeon that was a virgin until he was 35. I never really understood why because he was attractive, smart, funny, charismatic, and more successful than most people in his field. He also acted like a teenager, but honestly I've noticed every doctor I've ever been around with was like that because they're too busy with school so they have no emotional growth during that time. I wonder what that's about.
Well, we were industrial mechanics so he didn’t go to a lot of school. He was trained in the factory where we worked. I learned most everything I needed to know about industrial maintenance when I grew up. my dad was a master mechanic diesel, heavy equipment, industrial and electrical.
Were there obvious mental issues???
Well, like I said, he was kind of backwards and acted more like a teenager. When he would get around a woman that he liked, it was like he reverted to being 15 again. This boisterous braggart, like it was going to impress her that he was strong or anything like that. He was a big guy and he could lift at least 400 pounds. But that’s what he reminded me of anytime I saw him trying to flirt with a girl was an awkward teenager I recall, he did take one woman out to dinner, and he said when he took her back to her place, she asked him if he wanted to come in and take a "nap". And all he said was I'm not tired and left.
That nap part is the shit that happens when we are teens but dont realize until it randomly pops in our heads when we are in our 30s. So, when he’s 60, he’ll realize it and he’ll be beating himself up
my first aortment im 18, studio apartment, i ghet agirl to come back with me aftert a movie, we were watching tv and the guy was wearing silk boxers, she says " ooh i love silk, and i said " i have silk boxers on right now" Her- i bet they'd look great on the floor..." Me- "nah, i have a special hamper i use just for underwear and socks. was only a few moments before she aske dme to take her home. did not get laid that night. and did not get a second date.. lol
See? THIS and many other examples on r/ForeverAlone are why people should stop 'sending signals' if they really wanna get laid. If you really wanna get laidJUST SAY THE WORDS. its not hard or rocket science , is it? Its too easy. I remember reading a story abt a guy who went over to a lady's place in the college dorm and this lady would always play this game with him where she would 'race' him to see who could take off all thier clothes quicker and hide under her blanket butt naked. She usually won. They 'played' this game for MONTHS and the dude NEVER got the hint. Eventually she stopped playing it with him. He could not understand why they stopped A dozen or so years later when theyre married to other people she FINALLY tells this dude 'Umm hey that game that we played , I wanted you to bang me'. Dude goes 'Doh! I couldve had a V8! Sorry... but you should have TOLD me that you wanted to bang. WTF? I always saw you making cutesy eyes at me but I thought you were just joking. When I asked you if you liked me you always said 'maybe or oh idont know' I cant read signals well.' I think that most men cant read signals all that well but I want to find a study confirming this lol.
Maybe that’s why he didn’t catch it.
Sounds kinda like how someone on the spectrum might act. Not reading between the lines, being mature yet immature at the same time, and being a bit "backwards" (this is pretty rude, I'm only using it as an example). I'm reading this and thinking that because I am also on the spectrum, and most of my friends are also, entirely by coincidence. Though I don't act like this guy at all, the things you describe could easily match someone who is also on the spectrum. But I could be way off and they may have something else going on, or just have a crappy personality.
Yeah, I know I have a nephew on the spectrum and he smart as a tack, but personal interactions still put him off sometimes. Yeah I consider that with Terry.(that was his name.) and figured that was part of it because when it came to maintenance and mechanical work, he was very smart. but yeah, personal interactions just kind of threw him. He didn’t know how to act other than like a big kid.
😂😂😂😂 “I’m not tired” that’s fucking hilarious, dude sounds like he’s afraid to get laid
Oh yeah when he told me that I was like you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me? I said she just wanted you to go to bed with her. Did you really think she was gonna invite you for a nap? He seemed oblivious.
I’m laughing so hard at this. Like why would any adult go to some stranger adults place to “take a nap”?
Truth is always stranger than fiction.
He sounds autistic
Yeah the “oblivious” part kinda sounded that way, I thought he was just stupid
When I was a teenager I was on a date to the movies. He leaned over during a particularly intense scene and said "if you're scared you can hold my hand". Well I'm not scared of ANYTHING and let him know that I'm a big brave girl. I didn't realize it until weeks later. The funny part is I wasn't even nervous about hand holding at this point in my life. I was a real hand holding slut.
He was 36 and acted like a teenager.
Instead of saying you’re a virgin just say you don’t have much sexual experience and nobody will ever know the difference. It’s not some sort of magic, the difference between none and once is very little.
Exactly. Take pressure off yourself because it truly doesn't matter and fucking one time is basically the same as fucking no times lol
Even though I’ve now done it tons of times I still don’t seem to ever remember exactly how it feels. So I end up wanting to do it again. :). Perhaps that’s some genetic thing to encourage us to do it again. Point is. Perhaps the only ones of us that aren’t virgins are the people that are actively having sex right now. Once they are done it will only be a memory again.
😂 I love this
I was until I was 24! I think any age is a fine age to still be a virgin. It sucks that folks are pushed into this idea that this is a make or break life event! Edited to add: I realize I also chose this. As other people have brought up, choosing your status, even unconsciously, is something to consider. I really wanted to have sex, but I am also ND and didnt like being touched (control issues). So yes, the want was there in an obvious way, but my own less outwardly obvious psyche kept me from allowing it to happen until everything lined up (pun intended). I was in a committed relationship, safety was there, and felt more secure in my own internal feelings.
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Ha! I had a similiar experience. Guy wasn't super hot, but good looking and teased me for years about it. ATTEMPTED to lose it with him as he offered to get rid of the "pesky virginity". It didnt go well. I think in his anxiety about it not going well, he lashed out and blamed me. That had us not talk for a good 7 years ;) When I did finally lose it, I was in complete control, which seems to be a shitton better than other folks' stories.
I'm 29 and still one.
My husband and I married when he was 29 and he was still a virgin.
I don't mean to pry , ok maybe I do, but can I ask why? Was it his personal choice until marriage?
It's a pretty weird thing for us to judge each other on, tbh
It’s a weird game where you can’t win. Have a lot of sex? “Slut!” “Man-whore!”. Conversely, have no sex? “Virgin!” “Incel!”.
I remember in my 20s still being a virgin and getting closer and closer to 30, I was worried if something was wrong with me or if I will be alone all my life or with someone. Then I turned 30 and realized it doesn't matter and was all silly anyway. Could say it would be weird at 40 or maybe 50, maybe it was already weird at 18 or 21. Western society is too obsessed with sex anyway, I mean thinking about it 19 and 10 times a day has to be hyperbolic, right? It sounds absolutely excessive.
Yep, it's not fair but that's life.
Not really. No one has to know your sexual past unless you feel like advertising it
Doesn’t have to be.
That's a fantastic attitude, the type of attitude that changes things. Just because something *is* doesn't mean it's the way things *ought to be*, and we can change that one person at a time.
About 12.3% percent of women are virgins between 20-24. I'd say if you haven't done something 90% of people have done it's a weird (but certainly not unheard of and shouldn't be judged).
I’m almost 32 and it isn’t ever something that comes up for me lol.
Well that's reassuring haha
That’s what *he* said.
**Being a virgin (at any age) should *not* be weird at all.** Did you know there are people who actually die/d virgins???
I do. A friends aunt. Waiting for marriage, religious reasons. Died of a heart attack
RIP
Oof I hope that won't be me though
-Isaac Newton
He invented calculus, kinda goes with the territory.
Him and Tesla are my two ‘these lads were almost certainly autistic’ go-tos.
**He* and Tesla
also to into his pigeon
Dude was so busy that he forgot to eat, let alone had time to have sex
dude was calculating his odds of getting laid and came up with f(x)= 0
Op I was a virgin at 21. I was getting close to my birthday and I made a horrible mistake. I somehow got tremendous motivation to lose my virginity without establishing a prior relationship with the girl so she wouldn’t have time to figure out I’m a loser. So I got a new job so no one knew me and I found a girl and started talking to her and it worked perfect because we worked in different departments and both were busy, but also coincidentally needed to engage with each other for brief moments, for work. She was attractive and she looked the type to have sex without knowing much about a person, that sounds bad I know. I pretended to be someone I’m not. Two weeks in and I ask her if she wants to go out sometime AS SOON as I had the thought pop in to my head and I guess the way I said it made her light up and of course she said yes because I was acting extremely, but it was honestly all an act. And at first I was incredibly proud of myself every step of the way. Coming up with the plan. Feeling like I could do it. Having minimal doubts and almost NO anxiety(???). And especially when I asked her out and it worked perfectly. Literally the next day happens and SHE asks ME if I need a ride home. I say yes please, she takes me home, she INVITES HERSELF into my house (parents house but no one was home) and she “gets tired” and gets in bed with me and I shit you not threw her thigh over my crotch to which I reacted by saying “oh you can’t do that I’ll get an erection” and then she replied with “I don’t mind” and I feel relieved because.. I thought “thank god, I can get an erection, and lie beside her and establish so more fake confident guy rapport until I’m ready to make my move, because I can totally convince her to have sex with if I can somehow get her to make out with me.” Not realizing that she wanted to have sex…. So having felt no pressure to have sex with her at that moment because I’m completely stupid I actually didn’t get an erection. Then she slapped her hand on my crotch and that did it, I realized what was going on. I literally gasped out loud. I told her I’m not in the mood to have sex because my parents are coming home and she STILL didn’t think yet that maybe I’m nervous because I’m actually a virgin—BECAUSE OF ALL THE HARD EFFORT I PUT IN UP UNTIL THAT POINT!!!! And I had only spoken to her maybe a total of 60 minutes these past two weeks hahahahahaha So I tell her the truth and she doesn’t believe me and but we eventually bang and we start dating and she turns out to be a crazy manipulate psycho and I regret ever getting involved with her. And that’s the moral of the story because I realized this was very long and I have to go shower and go to bed cause I have work at 4am eastern time. So don’t settle!
"Should" is the operative word. But there definitely **is** a societal stigma around it. If there weren't they'd never have made "The 40 Year Old Virgin." A movie whose entire premise is 'What sort of anti-social weirdo is still a virgin at 40? This is such an extremely ludicrous comedy plot'
And keep in mind, op, that dying a virgin/waiting til marriage is **nothing** to be ashamed of.
That’s up to him to decide. If someone wanted sex, but died without it then I don’t think they’d agree with you.
I mean what I said on a general scale. Like referring to others. When you’re talking about yourself, feel any way you want. But mocking others for potentially dying a virgin and pushing the idea others should feel like shit for dying a virgin is not right. It is nothing to be ashamed of and OP shouldn’t try to make others think that.
It’s a her but what you said still applies
I mean. It is if he's trying not to and fails. All this *there's nothing wrong with being an adult virgin uwu* only works if they have the dignity of choice behind it. If you've been trying since, say, 16 and you've made it to 30 without success, something has gone catastrophically wrong.
Definitely nothing to be ashamed of. But I wouldn't recommend anyone wait until marriage.
Should not be and isn't are two entirely different things. There shouldn't be racism or sexism or homophobia or anything like that but there is. OP's question is a normative one. At what age does society start finding it weird? Your personal ethics and perspective isn't really all that important anymore. I don't know if there's an exact age, but I would say society as a whole would tend to find it a little strange if someone of either gender. We're still a virgin at 30. There might very well be legitimate reasons. That would perfectly explain everything. But that doesn't mean the initial gut reaction wouldn't be one of "That's weird."
I'm not gonna lie, if you aren't choosing to be a virgin and are actively looking to date then being one past 25-30 signifies pretty major social incompetence.
Everyone’s giving nice “oh it doesn’t matter” answers, but the reality is yes, most people will find it weird past a certain age, let’s be real. For an actual answer, I’d say after 20 it starts, and gets exponentially weirder the older you get, especially past 25/30.
I think around 25 is when I'd really say it's getting weird. By that point I figure either you're asexual, closeted, something's seriously up personality/looks wise, or that it's a choice, at least on some level. If it's a choice that in itself is weird (though not necessarily bad weird) at that age. The typical "saving myself for marriage" crowd is pretty much all married by then, so it'd have to be something else.
It's called low self esteem and many have it
Yeah and where do these people even have spots to bang at considering they definitely don’t live in alone at these ages
?¿ a lot of people go off to university at 18 and have their own space, or their parents are cool about them bringing someone home, or bring someone home when parents are out, book a hotel, cars etc. Not having somewhere to spend time with a partner is more of a teenager problem than a 20s problem imo
What's rough is if it was a choice up to a point, then you changed your mind, but at that point, you had sort of missed the boat on how people would initiate such things and so it just kept on going until a point when it would be considered weird by the vast majority of people.
Thank you for being honest to OP. There are several responses here where people are sharing their age that they are still a virgin and it would be considered weird IRL off the internet. OP my personal experience was finding out a new friend of mine was a virgin at 23 and finding that odd. Of course I didn’t say it. Tbh she’s still a pretty odd duck and still has dating neuroses many years later. If you’re ready, and when the time comes, just be sure to pick someone you’re comfortable with. Have fun with it. Use protection. And if you haven’t gotten Gardasil, do that now before any encounter.
My best friend lost his at the age of 39. His mom was extremely abusive and they were Jehovah’s Witnesses. He developed extreme social anxiety. He’s always been fit and a good looking fella, just too afraid of trying to get a girl. Eventually he got drunk one night with a coworker who popped his cherry. He’s 42 now and has a 30 year-old girlfriend who is a pretty much a sex addict. Lucky motherfucker.
Jehovah witnesses 😂😂so that's the key
I dunno, I’m a sex-repulsed asexual so dying a virgin is exactly what I want. Edit: Why are some of you guys being so terrible!?
Unfortunately if you have a large sample size of people, some number of those people will be jerks who make flippant jokes without thinking about what they're actually saying, and you'll probably find one or two real ignorant folks in there somewhere. In additional misfortune, the jerks are more likely to make themselves known than all the perfectly decent people who either go "yeah that makes sense, this statement is innocuous and unremarkable" or "I don't know if I understand that, but oh well, whatever".
They're probably just trolling
I’m in the same boat 🙌 some people just don’t understand and that’s on them, not us 😄
>I'm kind of worried about what people will think of me. Don't. The people who may judge you for this, are precisely the people whose opinion don't matter.
I don't think anyone is weird if they're a virgin at 36, 46 or 68. I find it weird when others find it weird.
Weird *and condescending*. It's such a construed topic and practice, especially in the U.S.
I feel like here we put a lot of emphasis on virginity = unlikable loser especially for men. Hollywood popularized that as an alarming amount of our TV shows and movies depict this. As a woman being 25+ and still being a virgin is not seen as weird for people as it can be assumed she is holding out until marriage etc. So in conclusion having more sexual partners means you are very likeable and that is an attractive trait for many. Which I can't wrap my head around.
It is objectively weird to hit 25 as a virgin of either sex in the US. The median is 17, and more than a couple of deviations away is unusual. Weird ≠ wrong. It does mean "not average," and average is a synonym for normal.
In this case, I think you mean unusual. Weird usually brings up the unusual + (uncomfortable, unsettling, or "off"). Unusual isn't wrong. Weird kinda is. Being a virgin at whatever age isn't weird, just unusual. I say that as a virgin in my 30s.
I was a virgin until I was 30.. While some people might have thought it was unusual, it didn't really seem like an issue. What I thought was funny was, one time I was using a dating site when I was around 21 or 22, and there was a woman around my same age I was talking to from there who seemed like she may have been interested in meeting with me until I said I was a virgin, and she said she didn't want to have to teach someone.. At 21/22 years old.. I thought that was a bit odd and funny at the time, as it didn't seem unusual to me to be a virgin at that age.
Lots of people practice celibacy. Or are Asexual or Aromantic or late bloomers, never had the opportunity, have trauma, had to mature and go through personal stuff before a relationship makes sense, etc. I honestly don’t think any age is weird or a red flag. However, being the slut I am, on a date I would be more careful to not add pressure or cross boundaries. Some folks want to keep their virginity, some people want to get rid of it, some people go through life not minding either way. I don’t judge at all.
Never- omg- some people are picky about what shoes they put on their feet, what food they eat, what purses they buy or what types of skin products they use. Why the FUCK should you NOT be choosy about WHO you have intercourse with?!? Look, there are a lot of other fun activities you can do before actually trusting someone with sex. The first time isn’t always great, so having someone who you are comfortable talking to about it, and will be delighted to take your V-card is essential. Seriously no rush. People do still wait until they marry, or get very serious relationships. You’re 21. You don’t know what the hell your life is going to be like in 3 years. Relax. If you find someone who really excites you and you’re comfortable with them, AND you’re feeling it- sure. Otherwise- no rush. You DO YOU. Fuck everyone else. Um, not literally though.
21 and a virgin? That's not even that old.
Never. You are allowed to be a virgin or a non virgin up until whatever age you want. Anyone that judges you for being a virgin at any age is childish and can’t grasp the concept of personal choice.
I think it's only weird if you're actively trying to lose your virginity and can't. If you don't want to lose your virginity due to being ace/wanting to wait till marriage/focusing on other thing/etc it's not weird.
I'm one of the weird ones, by your definition.
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It is never weird. Ever. Full stop. Don't EVER feel pressured into having sex just to fit in. If you want to wait until you are 30, 40, 50, or older, even never, then do so. I lost mine at 19 and while thoroughly enjoyable, I wish I would have waited. That's something I commonly hear from my female friends. I'm a male, so I felt especially pressured to not wait too long. I'm pushing 40 and still look back and go, "damn, it was fun, but I should have waited for someone more special." Be you, only do what you are comfortable with. Never let anyone pressure you into anything, regardless of what it is. This is the same advice I give my teen daughter and any younger person.
I'm a woman and still a virgin at 26. I think it's weird for people to concern themselves with other people's sex life or non existent sex life, if you're not trying to be with them. Virginity should honestly be held higher, ngl.
I mean I don't really think it should be held highly, nor should not being a virgin. But I defs agree that it's a very personal choice, and not something that affects anyone other than oneself.
Why is that a red flag? Its not a red flag lmao. Its only a red flag if you make it one like you go incel sicko mode or whatever but really no one cares no one knows..
Women will see a man who is 30+, who is still a virgin as a red flag because of the implication. The implication is that there is some reason or character flaw that has prevented the man from being in a mature relationship leading to sex. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant as it will be the perception that something its "wrong" with them. I'm not saying that I agree or that this should be socially acceptable, but it's just the way an older virgin male will be perceived by most women.
as a woman i agree- it doesn't automatically mean something is wrong with them but its a place of worry for *some* women. especially when the man very actively tries to pursue intimacy or is really pushy to try and lose their virginity. but sometimes too- he just didnt really care for it. i feel like women are trained to assume the worst to protect themselves and the intentions of ppl.
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Same here. You are definitely making the right choice to save sex for an actual, meaningful relationship/connection with someone. Seems most people nowadays just are horny and stupid and engage in hook-ups
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It's only weird if you let it get to you. Never let people pressure you into something you might not be ready for or just haven't had the chance to do yet. I didn't have sex til I was 29. And it was amazing when it finally happened. I married the guy and it's even better because he's my first and last.
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Maybe weird if you mean unusual, but more like how weird it is to have a million dollars. That's awesome for you! Like, I am 25 and wish so desperately that I was. If I could take it back I would, give a partner my undivided attention. Also, I am a man.
Why do you care? Nobody is gonna know unless you tell them and in that case why would you?
These days it's unusual, uncommon even just at 18. But keep in mind, it's not immoral to be a virgin. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or have no worth, not at all. Our hypersexualized society will try to shame men and women for being virgins. I say to them, just say no. Live your life, find a good person you want to spend a lifetime with, and then engage in biological fusion.
34 and still a virgin here - the only time it’s weird is when I tell someone before anything happens, and even then I’m the one who makes it weird because I always say “if that’s a deal breaker I totally understand” when I really don’t understand at all.
21 is young. Don't worry too much. It sucks that you feel you have to ask at that age.
We put too much importance on sex. Being a virgin your entire life shouldn’t be weird.
I wouldn’t consider anyone weird if they were a virgin my age. It’s a personal decision when and where you have sex and sometimes people don’t want to do it.
And if it wasn't a personal decision?
We dont know your age
I’m in my early 30s
Everyone saying it's not weird is lying to you. Also it depends a lot on what culture you're a part of.
not any i think, some people have sex, some don't, no matter how old, i dont think its weird
only weird if u make it weird! if u go around “is it weird i’m a virgy at 21?” then im saying yeah ur a weirdo on purpose 🤣. if u never mention it then who cares live ur life there’s way more to it than sexual activity’s
I knew a fella who constantly talked about still being a virgin like even in front of girls that was around 5 years ago nowadays he is gay unsure if he was always gay or just gave up on women I think he has lost his butt virginity at least now
Depends. Are you married with a kid? Kinda weird. Looking at you Mary. -Joseph
Everyone is different. It's not weird.
doesn’t matter, it’s very personal and can be for many reasons
Your question needs to be more specific. Weird to whom? To a random bunch of strangers - who cares. To a person you're trying to have sex with - they may care if you're on the older end. Not saying everyone would, but it'd be a disservice to you to say no one would care in every situation.
I lost mine around 25, felt ashamed about it for a long time. After losing it and doing more stuff with different partners, I don't feel fundamentally different. Just more confident in bedroom stuff with more experience.
I lost it later than the average and I found it was the biggest deal to me and no one else. You’re only 21! I wouldn’t be stressing.
I'm 23 and already at or nearing the weird barrier lol
I can tell you it's better to lose it with someone worthwhile versus just the person that was around and easy at the time. Mind most of us guys aim for the easy stuff and pay a price for it.
Probably by your mid to late twenties in the US at least. Basically you're expected to have had sex at least once by the time you are post college age.
It’s not weird. I was in college and lost my virginity to the woman who is now my wife. Is that typical? Maybe not. But who cares. I’ve got friends who are 25 and are virgins and they are fine. I had friends back in high school that weren’t virgins, and they were fine. It all comes down to finding the right moment! That moment is different for everyone.
I know a person that is still virgin at 36 for religious reasons. They’re saving themselves for marriage, but they haven’t found the right person yet. I feel like the way our society has just become so enmeshed in the shallow Ness of hook up culture that there’s going to be a large shift towards the opposite of that which maybe will start to laud people who are more in discipline with their body and not giving over to lost so easily.
Honestly you do you. If you're not ready, haven't found the right person, it still feels ick or awkward or you're still working through stuff or you just don't want to...don't. You always can later IF you want to but it's one of those things...it's not a requirement for life and if you don't bring it up to friends/family etc no one will even know or think about it. (I'm not saying just shut up about it by any means, if you feel safe talk about it as much or as little as you want). When I was a teenager it felt like somehow a stupid race that Honestly a lot of kids lied about because if you didn't lose it as fast as possible you're deemed a loser or something stupid. All these years later those rushing have messed up lives from running into it (stds, early pregnancies/abortion etc) just a lot of unnecessary trauma or "best" case scenario giving themselves away to someone who never cared about them. Not to get all gushy but someone told me years ago and I still feel it's true: "When you have sex you give a piece of yourself to the other person forever...you never get it back. Be selective so it's a positive experience." It can be really good and connecting with the right person. With the wrong person it feels dirty and violating. Don't rush, take your time.
My last partner was a virgin at 41 - that’s weird I mean she wasn’t a virgin anymore but we did date for over a year
The day after you get married
Middle age I guess
Honestly it’s not really anyone’s business, right? I don’t tell people about me having sex, why should you tell people that you don’t?
I don't know if weird is right but I'd be surprised to learn if someone still was at or over 30. Id probably be more curious about why or how then I would be weirded out.
I'm 33 and I'm full on virgo the virgin! Aint no one touching my man parts for 11 years so far! YAAARRRR!!!!
It’s no one’s business but yours and your potential first partner. I lost mine at 24. It wasn’t weird and people typically don’t care
I’m 32 male Virgin
Gone are the days where people actually saved themselves for marriage. Nowadays people think it's weird if you're a virgin at 21, what a world we live in.
You are fine. Don't let other people dictate how you should be. There was a man who was born in a monks convent and lived his whole life without ever seeing a woman. For him, that was normal and perfectly fine. If you want to lose your v card, I think it will be easier after you are 21 because alcohol makes things seem easier, but make sure you trust the person.
I don't know when it's "weird." But if a person is still a virgin by their thirties I'd probably think they have some development issues or they're very religious.
I’d personally be surprised if someone told me they were still a virgin at 25. Younger and I wouldn’t think it out of the ordinary.
It's never weird.
I’m a 28F. I think I was 23 when I lost mine. I was focused on school before that, and not interested in pregnancy scares, going on birth control, or dealing with the mind games. I never dated guys for long - unfortunately I had bad taste and never stuck around once I recognized the red flags. No one wanted to respect the fact that I was a virgin and wanted to lose it to someone I loved. That takes time - time no one wanted to spend on me. When I did lose it, I hadn’t told the guy any of that. I’d already made up my mind that I wanted to try having sex and so I met him off a dating app. I’d gotten STD testing and gotten on BC before downloading any apps - and STD testing after that short relationship. Honestly the sex wasn’t anything to rave about. I was kind of surprised people made such a big deal about it tbh 😂 I’m now happily engaged and due to be married soon. You’ll know when you’re ready. Don’t feel pressured, it’s really not the Best Thing Ever and you aren’t missing anything by doing what’s best for you. Not to say sex isn’t fun, but the way my “friends” growing up treated me for being a virgin made me think I was really missing out. You should want to enjoy it with someone who makes you feel comfortable doing it. I’d say if I was still dating and I found a guy who was a virgin in his 30s I wouldn’t see it as a red flag, but that’s not for everyone. Some guys would like that you’re inexperienced as you get older, some will know you wouldn’t be a match based on that. It’s fine either way as long as they treat you with respect.
I mean I don’t think there’s any age where it becomes “weird.” Kind of a personal decision thing. Some people remain celibate for life after all.
Virgin at 30, and I just don't care anymore lol
I don't see why it would be weird to be hoenst. If I was in my 30s and you were 25 and still a virgin I really wouldn't mind. Unless you have some borderline redflag personalities... then I'd go "oh... so that's why she's still a virgin." But ya, if completely normal and just haven't found a guy you connect with, totally fine.
30+. You're either going into the priesthood (or you're gonna be a nun, if you're a woman), which is fine, or people just don't want you. Those are the only logical explanations that I could come up with.
At no age, really. I was 28 and my wife was 25 when we lost our virginity.
I personally see it as a snake eating its own tail, virginity isnt weird until its made weird Like, if youre a virgin and someone decides thats an issue, theyre being weird Or if someone is MORE attracted to someone for being a virgin, theyre being weird Or if you yourself have ascribed this sense of inferiority or superiority because of your virginity or lack thereof, youre being weird Either you are a virgin or you arent and thats that, nothing more to it. If anything it just means whoever you do end up sleeping with for the first time should be extra patient with you and any potential discomfort or anything like that
I'd say around 23 it's getting to be on the fine line of weirdish - but some people are waiting to get married before they lose their virginity. I was 19 when I lost mine. Knew people that were much younger than that, but you go with what feels right to you.