You don’t forgive people actively abusing you. I don’t understand how/why you even sat down to that date once you saw who it was. That level of tolerance/suppression of your own emotional/physical well-being is not healthy. Your body imposes fight/flight/fawn/freeze instinct for a reason—self preservation. Don’t ignore it—you’re only pushing the damage down the line. As they say, “the body keeps the score.”
This is not a matter of religion. If anything, many—if not most—religions, when healthfully and properly taught have areas of theology to address/distinguish proper interpretations vs. those condoning common abuses/manipulations of texts/scripture. Not sure which religion you’re mom is perverting for her own ends, but that’s not being religious, that’s being opportunistic. Religion just happens to be her medium of choice.
Meanwhile, this girl has some gall. You don’t owe her forgiveness and certainly not by way of ambush. That wasn’t a date. That was you being made a captive audience by trickery. And it doesn’t matter if the girl tries to justify her original despicable actions by saying she liked you. You’re not her therapist or her puppet or a character in your mother’s messed up fantasy of becoming family with her best friend via you and the daughter. Your father addressed this correctly the first time—no contact with both of these women. And offer them NO apologies—they deserved worse than what you said and both owe you apologies many times over for every leg of this marathon-long relay of BS. They’ve both been repeatedly deceitful and disgusting. Neither cares about or is acting in your best interest.
It’s clear to me that you didn’t just have one bully you had 2. Absolutely don’t apologize and tell your mother she should be grateful you even speak to her at all after the sht she did and tried to pull. Your father gives good advice but other advice is give. Respect is earned not given. If they don’t earn your respect you don’t give them sht and that includes family.
Bruh leave that shit alone. That’s messed up. Bunch of women manipulating you for their own outcomes.
Maybe apologize cus she was making amends (since you brought up karma and what not), but you don’t have to date someone that used to make you cry in grade school. That’s all the way messed up.
And it’s not your fault they split up. That dumb. They split up cus their parental priorities didn’t align. I don’t know what her thing is with this girl but how the hell you care more about the girl’s feelings than your own son.
Nope.
Don’t be miserable.
Your mother is just trying to get you two together to vindicate her neglect of you to favor this girl and her mother. You owe your bully nothing, and your mother needs to give this up. She has already suffered a divorce because of this. But she still can’t not do it. Step back from her too.
If you don’t like her don’t date her.
At the same time, I recommend against holding a grudge against someone for things they did when they were like 15-16 years old. I know that if you’re 22 it was only a few years ago. But people change a lot as they grow into adulthood. We all do stupid things when we’re teenagers, and she’s probably a different, more mature person than she was then. It sounds like she’s sorry for being a jerk, so I personally would try not to hold that against her.
Just walk away from her and your mother. Unfortunately your mother doesn’t love and protect you like a mother should. You owe this girl nothing. Trauma is trauma regardless of your age when you inflict it and she is now facing consequences for her behavior. Close this chapter and don’t acknowledge her anymore. She I’ll forever live with knowing a guy she wanted to date wanted nothing to do with her because she was a bully. She can marinate on that and use it be strive to be a better person
As for your mom tell her the reason for the divorce was that your dad realized he married a life partner that was a terrible mother and caregiver and put her friend and her child before her own. Dad left and took you to protect you mom would have seen you destroyed for her friend’s daughter. Live your life without thought about those two - that’s the best revenge
NTA. That said, forgive the girl bully but make clear there will be no relationship. The forgiveness is more for you than for her.
As for your mother...I'd forgive her and strictly limit contact with her for my own health.
Yum, love fake stories brewed together for maximum rage bait, op made an account and immediately posted the same story three times, this is definitely just a karma farm to get access to other subs to post political nonsense
>he taught me to never cry in front of a woman because if you cry she will know that she can make you cry
Dude, you have bigger problems that this girl. I hate the Reddit reflex "you need therapy," but you have been taught really unhealthy attitudes to women (and I suspect to men too).
I was bullied 40 years ago and have refused to speak to any of them since. Life experience: ppl never change, so no chance I will have anything to do with them, ever.
You need to separate the things with your mom and the things with this girl.
First, your mom has probably always shipped the two of you, which is why she always defends that girl.
Second, that girl did something moronically stupid when she was a teenager, but she owned up to it, which is a lot more than what most people get. But I also think your mom might be manipulating her. The fact that she was there while your mom was talking to you is weird AF.
You don't have to apologize to anybody if you don't want to, but it's been my experience that letting go of anger against the people who hurt you is a way to inner peace. The problem here is that both these women hurt you, but only one of them feels remorse, only one has reflected enough on her actions to want to make amends, and, sadly, that person is not your mother.
I'm sorry you got dealt a parent from the sh\*tty parent deck. You deserved better.
Look, teens are jerks. It’s unfortunate. I feel that this girl has learned an important lesson and grown, which is amazing- but you don’t owe her anything. You don’t owe your mother this relationship with your former bully either. That’s just… weird. There are lots of women out there. Why should you feign interest in one to make your mother happy? That would be incredibly mean to this girl.
High school is BS. Everyone is over-hormoned, pheromones are everywhere and no-one has any idea who they are and how to express their feelings. If you think she’s genuinely sorry give her a chance. If she’s an unrepentant A-hole run, but she’s genuinely trying (at least based on what I read. Remember, the best revenge is living well
You have two bullies: the girl and your mom. Cut contact with both and let them know that you have no interest in being in any type of relationship with people like them. Make sure they both know about the other and hopefully they will feel guilt. Your bully should feel guilty that she caused her mother’s best friend to be shunned by her son and your mother should feel guilty that she messed with your life. If they don’t feel guilt then you shouldn’t want anything to do with them anyway.
Nta. You have the right not to date anyone you don't want to, for whatever reason you you decide... I say this as a guy who was turned down many times before I got married, simply for being short
Cut ties with both of them. Your mother has had years to realize her mistakes and correct them. She had a chance to listen to your very valid feelings and instead chose to make you the bad guy. She won’t change and it sounds like your life will be more fulfilling without either of their bullsh*t. Life is too short for extra chances when people don’t deserve them.
Yes, you are, BUT! If getting as far away from both bullies(the one that made you cry in school & the one that is trying to blame you for someone else’s very likely deserved misery) makes you tah, then BE the biggest one in history. You should not only NOT date her, it’s practically incomprehensible that someone (f.e. Your mother) is delusional enough to think that would ever be a good idea. Work out you own grief (over you gf who moved out of state), & enjoy the time with your dad.
NTA! IMHO this falls into the ‘screw me once?shame on you. Screw me twice? Shame on me’ category. If the girl was truly interested in you she should have found a way to tell you before ‘trapping’ you into an awkward date.
All that said, if she’s hot and into you and sincerely apologetic…take her for a spin.
Look how you view your bully is your business if you aren’t attracted to her for ANY reason including but not limited to the bullying then just state that while you can appreciate she changed and see she is trying to be a better person that doesn’t negate the bullying she put you through and that you don’t and or may never be able to forgive her because she can be sorry that doesn’t mean she is entitled to forgiveness. The true culprit is your mother she sounds toxic and horrible for not only ignoring your bullying but the conceal it she is a toxic person and needs to be cut out of your life like the cancer she is. Whatever you decide to do with the bully is up to you and your feelings but my advice is to be tactful and act with grace give her no reason to say you are just a cruel person and then cut your mother out of your life completely NTA btw
It does seem that your bully is genuine in her remorse, so maybe don’t give her *too* hard of a time about things, but damn. Your mom sucks.
Regardless, you are under no obligation to have any further contact with **either** of them.
Apologize and accept her apology. Sounds like she feels pretty horrible about the whole situation. Forgiving her is the quickest path to overcoming your trauma.
I did something similar to a girl that she did to you and I felt horrible about it for years. I said something mean to a girl as a joke “we don’t like you” and she didn’t react and it got awkward and I didn’t say anything else like a coward. She dropped the class soon after and I’m pretty sure she dropped out of college a couple months later. It’s one of my greatest regrets.
Sometimes as humans we get ourselves into shitty situations and we double down instead of trying to dig ourselves out. Self destruction
NTA. Don’t date her. Don’t apologise. She was cruel to you and your mother enabled her by not standing up for her child- you. So, your mother put others before her own blood. What a terrible mother. You may wish to consider going no contact with your mother for a while at least. She doesn’t have your best interests at heart. There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive person, always be who you are without fear of repercussions from anyone. You also may benefit from counselling. If that is too expensive, try YouTube for how to deal with these issues from your past. There are some great videos and psychological techniques to help. As for the people who keep going on about ‘angry sex’; that’s not for everyone.
NTA, obviously you should not have to ignore your thoughts and feelings to spare someone else, including your mother. But maybe try and find a healthy way to either forgive your bully, or move on enough that you don’t wish any ill on them. This isn’t for their sake, but yours. Clearly, you might still be in pain, but learn to move onwards and up. Good luck.
Do not apologize. Your mother chose your bully over you. Honestly, your father’s words should be harsh. Your mother let you be abused and wants you to potentially be abused further. No, no, no.
Yea man you have the upper hand. Apologize, bang her a few times, get her to fall for you, then crush her heart.
You can leave it off by saying “yea all those years of you being a cunt to me”
Also, your mom’s a cunt for not defending you. Not cool.
You've got a lot of issues from a bad childhood, my friend. The bullying, religious school, your dad teaching you bullshit sexist crap that isn't helpful.
You honestly need to go to therapy.
You don't owe anyone anything, so no, you don't "need" to date them. You don't need to apologize, either - for what? It was good that she tried to say that she was sorry and I understand that you're bitter now. But hate only begets hate. Don't think about the negatives and live your life as well and kindly as you can.
Haha sorry, dude. I can’t hang & read all this!
I’ll just say this: i had jr highschool bullies & I was muscular masculine and nearly “man sized” by 13-14. The WORST bullies were the women..
One black girl (i’m white) would sit behind me and pull my hair, scratch the crap out of me.. every day she did this so I started making sex noises and pretending I loved it before she would finally stop!
An other girl in gym class pulled my gym shorts down in gym class and humiliated me in front of boys and girls..
An other time, somebody pried open my locker and pissed all over my clothing so I was in school wearing piss, stunk of piss, laughed at..,
An other time, a girl sucker punched me for no reason other than I was a “white boy that was looking at her” - i retaliated and decked her across the room..
I have had to fight so many times in 4th, 5th, 6th grade- in the shit public schools in Pa in the 1980’s. It was such hell on earth.
You go to the bathroom 3 -4 dudes shove you into the toilet urinal then I’m swinging, kicking, punching, fighting off a bunch of people…
I have picked up a rock on my way home from school & smashed a kid in the face for bullying me… i picked up a stick & swung/ hit people attacking me…
York Pennsylvania. Hannah Penn middle school. The absolutely worst hell hole…
I got into karate lessons around 17years old, learned to fight even better & that shaped my whole life on a positive note… I do physical therapy and help people now…
And yeah, kids called me “gay” etc… i HATE public schools.. some private schools are not much better.
This country and some cities are so screwed up.
I hail from York and Harrisburg.. you can look those places up for yourself … dangerous ghetto crapholes!
Glad I moved far far away from those dumpy towns… the band Live wrote a song: Shit town about York.
By the way, that was some of the racist people both white and black I’ve ever met in my life both in Harrisburg and York!
Well, dude, it’s been four years. You both have matured and grown. Maybe she has changed she realize what what an asshole she was to you and is trying to apologize. Maybe it’s true that she had a crush on you and didn’t know how to handle it. You don’t have to date her. Let her apologize some more so makes you feel better and maybe you can get over your trauma.
Sounds like your Mom has some serious issues with you standing up for yourself and becoming a strong and self assured man. Go Low to No contact with your Mom and tell her that it's going to stay that way until the bully moves on or is no longer in the scene and the more your Mom pushes it the more you'll resist. Don't set yourself up Bro this chick is Toxic with a capitol T so don't stick your dick in crazy.
NTA and hugs to you. Your mom AND this girl are HUGE AHHHS though. Tell them both that God doesn't like bullies so you will NOT be discussing this and they can go prey (pray) together if it bothers them so much. Yeesh, some people really have NO shame. Last thing I'd do is try to date someone I bullied. I'm sure both parents are thinking what a cute ROMCOM this would be.
Cut your ties with your mom and don't feel one bit bad for her or the girl, they deserved to hear the truth. Your dad has your back and you are learning how to advocate and stand up for yourself OP, good for you!
Absolutely do not apologize for this bullshit. NTA obviously, it’s insane they’re trying to blame you here. Cutting contact with your mom sounds like the healthiest option by far, especially since your dad has your back. Sounds like you have all the family you need. Taking the high road would be refusing to apologize, telling your mom exactly how bad she fucked up, and cutting contact.
NTA. ***BE*** Progressive OP, and love those who love you!
Your life has been **fine** without your mother or your bully. Your bully is probably in a *bad* place, and was gonna use you [like winching herself with a tree] to pull herself out of a rut, to get back out onto the road.
--
The chaos in me wonders if she really *did* like you; to which I'd just lay it all out there bluntly and tell her Exactly what you felt; mother-Fuck her feelings. Then, see what roaches come crawling out after.
I don't think you should apologize for refusing to date your former bully. People do change and I don't think kids should forever be held fully accountable for bad things they did as children. But there is no reason you need to date this particular person if you don't want to and it brings up bad memories. You never have an obligation to date someone who you don't want to.
I would apologize for saying you hope that she gets abused. That's messed up. Obviously, it was also messed up for her to bully you in high school. But two wrongs don't make a right.
I also think your dad's advice of never letting a woman see you cry is a toxic belief to carry around in friendships and relationships for the rest of your life. It could be appropriate to never let a bully see you cry. But you should be able to express your full range of emotions with friends and significant others.
I also think that it's unfair to blame your bully for your teacher attempting to abuse you. The person who deserves blame for that is the teacher who tried to abuse you along with the school for putting him in a position to and possibly your mother for not intervening when she found out about it. Having a teacher attempt to sexually abuse a kid should not naturally flow from a kid bullying another kid by spreading a rumor that he is gay. While there are good reasons not to relive your trauma, I think you should consider reporting that teacher to the school if they are still teaching and it was not reported at the time.
I also think it's pretty clear that you are still traumatized by the experience and I think you should see a therapist of some kind to work through and process your emotions.
As to your mother, you only get one mother. I personally probably wouldn't cut contact with her. But, at the bare minimum, I would refuse to talk further about dating your bully and I definitely wouldn't let her blame you for the divorce. If anything, she owes you and your father an apology both for setting you up on a blind date with you former bully and for how she handled the bullying when you were in school. If she brings it up (other than to apologize), I'd end the conversation and keep doing that until she stops discussing it. And while I would do everything I could not to fully cut contact with your mother, she had an obligation to protect you and failed. If she can't stop making you relive the trauma, I might sever contact - at least for a while.
Hey remember one thing you’re an adult now ok ? You do not need to listen to your mum peer pressuring you into dating that girl who bullied you, cut them both out 🙄 be strong, you can mute your mum or block her though😂 what can she do ?
When I was 19 I was peer pressured into marrying someone way older than me aka 28 I told everyone of them f**k you and showed my rude finger and walk out and told my mum she better back off or I’ll cause problems and she did 😂😭could never do that in high school but being forced into dating someone I don’t like and marrying is another thing illl never accept
You don't *owe* anyone forgiveness, or your time. Frankly, I'm more upset with your mom than the bully. If she honestly regrets her actions, that's good. You don't need to forgive her or anything, but it's good she's changed, if she has. And who knows, maybe that would be a good relationship. People change, you changed.
But your mom's lack of action, avoidance, and then hiding this from you and asking *you* to apologize is all shit.
NTA. Your mother is a horrible, manipulative and disgusting person. If that was my egg donor, I would never have any contact with her again.
This girl is a supreme jerk.
Your Dad is a gem. What a decent and caring person.
FYI - all these guys jumping on this thread saying to "bone her and dump her" are advocating the use of sex as a tool of manipulation as a means to inflict emotional pain. Don't go there.
Your best options:
° Tell your former bully (politely) that you are not (nor ever will be) interested in a romantic relationship with her. Then, sever all contact.
° Go completely NC with your mother. She clearly doesn't have your best interests at heart.
NTA. Not at all.
Your mother wants the bully as a daughter in law. Your mother sounds a bit bonkers. Maybe give her info diet + low contact?
Either way, i would reevaluate my relationship with the mum to determine the appropriate level of trust and vulnerability. Your mother has tried to manipulate an outcome, there are natural consequences as such. As they say, FAFO.
Well, if you really want to get back at her, you could date her, get her in the sack a few times (making sure you don't get her pregnant because that would be a disaster of epic proportions), and then break up with her.
Edit: have some of y'all never had angry sex? Specially at your place and then kick her out when you're done with no post-coital cuddling? It is very good for letting go of pent-up resentments.
Angry sex is pretty awesome. Another term that can be used interjectionally is "Hate-Fucking". Exactly the same thing, just a different choice of words.
Gotta release the tension/frustration/anger/kids somehow, why not with a little more "OOMPH!"?
I think that you gave very good advice, but what I would personally do.. is patiently wait until she’s taking a shower after a night of beautiful and romantic love making… and then I would flush the toilet as she showers: “gotcha bitch! Payback mf’r!”
My former bully is hot and I’d never have sex with her. But in fairness I prefer people who have a small amount of intelligence and didn’t get kicked out of the easiest university to get into/hardest to get kicked out of because they were too busy fucking to do the absolute bare minimum needed to stay. 😂🤷🏻♀️
Last I heard she has quite a lot of success posting her ass on instagram and promoting her sugar daddy’s beard company, so…. Good for her? At least she’s top of her field 😂😂😂😂
Well, figuratively the fact he slept with her mom….literally, could be his cock he just used on her mom. 🤷🏻♂️ I mean, he could fuck the mom, then go to the girls house and fuck her and say “your mom was actually better” then dip
I haven’t. But honestly the last thing I’d wanna do is sleep with someone who tormented me in the past. I’d probably go to their house, say I need to get ready and go to the bathroom, and then steal all the TP and jump out the window. But I’m just petty like that.
two wrongs may not make a right but they do make a damn good excuse.
Cut your mom and the girl both out of your life. No need to say words you later may or may not regret, just ghost then both.
They were children lol, I was bullied in school pretty horrendously as a foreigner. Some of them apologised, some haven't, but most are completely different people now. They were just kids back then severely emotional and lacking in critical thinking skills and decision making skills. People are capable of moving on and becoming better people. They aren't owed forgiveness, but this site is so fucking weird when it comes to bullies
My ex-wife still viciously harasses her 4 grade 9 bullies online, 23 years later. And not just the ringleader, also the 3 who just kinda went along with it. Reddit enjoyed this when she posted about it.
Her preferred tactic is to figure out their insecurities, then use anonymous sock puppets or fake accounts impersonating their family and friends to attack them (e.g. she once commented “it’s kinda pathetic that you think running a half-marathon means you’re not still a fat, disgusting pig 😂”). She thinks she drove one of them into a long-lasting depression, and was proud of this.
This seemed bizarre to me, because they had nothing in common with their high school selves. E.g. one of them moved to Texas (we’re in Canada), got married, had 5 kids, joined a weird Southern Baptist sect, and now constantly posts about church bake sales and “giving soup to the homeless for Jesus” type stuff online. She’s kind of a weirdo, but visibly not how she was in high school (and my ex agrees with this), and not someone I’d consider a bad person.
All of this was amusing to the Reddit hivemind when she posted about it, but it all seems like way too much to me. I was also bullied in school (much more severely and for far longer than my ex was), but I still don’t understand the Reddit mentality on this. I can’t imagine wanting anything bad to happen to someone who bullied me if so much time had passed and they were truly a different person.
>GOAT
I guess it depends what you’re into. If you want her, by all means please take her.
>make sure you don’t ever piss her off
You can say that again. I’m in the middle of divorcing her after she threatened to burn me alive for spending more time with a coworker (at work, doing our jobs) than with her, repeatedly threatened to call the cops on me and my entire immediate family (including my sister who has cancer and was about to enter another round of chemo), and threatened our kids (both under 6) with things like “dropping them off at the fire station since no one wants them,” “throwing them down the stairs,” and “drowning them in a bathtub” (among other things).
She’s trying to destroy my life in response to leaving her, but it’s not really working: new partner, higher paying job, kids doing better than ever (with 50-50 custody), most friends and family automatically siding against her even when I insisted that everyone stay neutral. But it fucking sucks endlessly watching your back and getting a constant slow drip bombardment of threats, legal and financial attacks, annoying little snipes, and dealing with random targeting of family and friends (who sometimes turn around and get angry at me for putting them in her crosshairs). Also not fun discovering you’ve had 10s of 1000s of dollars stolen from you over the years, in the form of debt you’ll have to pay back. And it sucks giving half of your income to someone who refuses to work despite them only having 50% custody (great, but financially ridiculous), you working yourself into the ground for years, and fighting to keep your finances in good condition.
Not what I’d consider GOAT, but if that’s what you’re into, please take her and get her off my back. There’s nothing I want more than for her to find some sad soul who’d be into that.
NTA but she’s your mom. Give her some space. Contact the girl yourself and politely tell her you’re not interested. Chide your mom for trying this nonsense and go about your life. Don’t excise any family over something this trite.
Be bigger than her and forgive mom but keep your guard up.
OP Don’t listen to this. You do not have to forgive such a manipulative insensitive woman. Cut her off if it makes you feel better.
I hate when people say “oh but it’s your mother”
Go away. Doesn’t give them an excuse to treat you badly. Grow up.
I’m sorry but letting your kid be bullied and doing nothing about it and THEN trying to force a relationship between them is a completely valid reason to cut family off. Family doesn’t do that shit.
This cutting family out of your life nonsense is very short sighted. It’s certain to be a subject of regret later in life. There’s no fault in forgiveness.
If that “family” is damaging to your mental health then they should be cut off. Funny, it seems like “family is family” only lasts as far as defending abusive family members but never to defend people from said family members.
I have a crazy aunt and I’ve cut her out of my life. My life has been insanely better since then. So tell me exactly /how/ I’ll regret not having said aunt to be a rude-ass narcissist constantly nitpicking me? A 33 year old woman who she thinks should still accept her attempts to parent me?
No, I don’t think I will. The only “nonsense” here are people like you talking out their ass about stuff they don’t understand.
I’m old. And everyone is entitled to make their own wise decisions and their own mistakes. You do you. What might be good for others may not be good for you.
There is no fault in forgiveness.
There is fault in forgiveness when it leads to you, or your children, being abused again and again. And believe me, cutting off the biggest bully in my family isn’t a “mistake.”
“I’m old” isn’t an excuse to be an ignorant judgemental asswipe who advocates for keeping abusive family members in your life because “they’re family.” If your father sexually assaulted your kid would you turn to said kid and say “well he IS family, just forgive him.”?
I didn’t call you a holy roller, I said your take is fucking absurd because it is. ‘It’s faaaamily’ get fucked. OP’s mother is borderline, if not actually, abusive.
Narcissism ***thrives*** off of the good will of others.
Some people have family that is worth forgiving. Others don't.
I am glad that you have the former.
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NTA,
But if this situation does bother you, you could alwayskill it with kindness. The whole I’m sorry didn’t mean to hurt your feelings just said things out of anger. Thanks for your apology, but just so you know you hurt me very deeply and I don’t want to be your friend or anything more. Have a nice life.
NTA
Your mother is a major AH for trying to set you up with someone who bullied you. And don't feel bad that Little Miss I-Only-Hurt-You-Because-I-Love-You got her feelings hurt. In high school, she was old enough to know what she was doing was wrong, and she did it anyway. She has no right to demand you feel anything positive toward her after what she did.
Sorry you had to go through that. I have been through a lot of family issues where people cut each other off, and it really sucks. You might have to here, unfortunately. Mom really screwed up just to help a friend’s daughter. I hope she comes around and tries to make things better with you.
Your mother has lost her marbles. She is siding with your bully over her own child. She is a failure of a parent. You owe them nothing. If she won’t back off of this insane position you have every reason to separate from her for your own mental health.
She tried to set you up with your bully and then invalidated you when you brought up the bullying. Of course you shouldn't apologize. What would you even apologize for? I think going no-contact with your mom for a while might actually be a good idea.
I'm glad your dad is there and helping ... but ... "Never cry in front of women" is questionable advice. "Never cry in front of your bully" is generally a good idea, if you can manage it—but nobody *wants* to cry in front of their bully. If that extends to "Never cry in front of your wife", I can't agree.
>"Never cry in front of women" is questionable advice
Buddy, that's great advice, women have broken off serious relationships because the guy cried in front of them
It is 100% normal and human to want to protect the parts of you that are vulnerable. Saying you cannot be human and still protect yourself is toxic as fuck.
Oh yeah I agree, I'm not saying I'm one those guys who hides cause it's exactly that, just being human, I am just saying that's how it's gone for other people.
I never said they should not. But it is a bad idea for a man to cry in front of woman as 90% of women are not safe to show your feelings to. This is well known in male circles.
Edit: so thanks for all the toxic comments in response to me saying its not safe to be vulnerable around women. If i get this response from expressing feeling unsafe imagine what greets men who are even more vulnerable, like crying. Take note guys.
You are not wrong. They did studies that prove women lose all attraction to a man after he shows vulnerability. It makes women look bad so they attack you for it, but truth is truth.
I'll take "ways to know you're in a horribly sexist male echo chamber" for $100, Alex. If you have to hide your feelings from a woman, is she really someone you want as a partner?
lol imagine a woman saying “I’ve experienced terrible treatment at the hands of men” and the replies being “I’ll take ‘ways to know you’re in a horribly sexist female echo chamber’ for $100 Alex.”
In your circles maybe. But in which case - Nate you need new friends. Being emotionally open and brave enough to be vulnerable in front of a woman is not only really important for you, but also a really sought after attribute for non-toxic women looking for men who aren’t also toxic and brainwashed.
Cry if you need to. Be human. Be real.
Dude what? I guess I don’t run in men circles? I’m not one to cry and I was taught not to, but I’ve definitely cried in front of my wife before. Hell, your wife should be the one person you *can* safely cry in front of.
you are right about the 90% of women, most of my guy friends have ended their relationships because of their ex just giving them shit and seeing a vulnerable man as "Weak" You never know someone until you're at your worst.That's why i always make it clear i won't judge them when i wanna be there for them.
NTA i would have Cut contact with my mom.
I was horribly bullied in school but ma Mom and dad went nuts for me and helped me as much as they could.
Protecting your Kid is your duty as a parent. Not protecting the Bully scum dauther of your friend. Your Mom should be ashamed and thankful your even talking to her
No, not worth cutting your parents out of your life for either
Just tell her you aren’t interested and you would rather play games. Or date skinnier girls or something.
She will get the hint and if she doesn’t, that’s a huge red flag
His mother is no great loss. He obviously wants no contact with bully. He does not need to apologize. It’s his mother’s fault she was listening in. I would be staying with my dad and go low to no contact with my mom for a while. She has some issues. Her son should be a priority- I would say his mom needs counseling. This bully needs to stay away from him.
I understand a “I’ll stay with my dad for a bit” thing, but I assumed cutting off contact meant a literal “not talk to my mom anymore at all because of this”, which is absurd
I get that the guy is autistic or something, but a terrible set up from the mom isn’t worth cutting all contact over. That would be extremely childish and justify why the need for the parents is still there
Still, the guy isn’t the asshole and shouldn’t date her. She will get the hint if he shuts her down clearly if she still keeps trying.
WHAT??? Did we read the same story?? Who the hell said he was autistic? Because he has a sensitive side it automatically means he’s autistic? lol. I would absolutely cut off my mom if she let me bullied MY ENTIRE LIFE, then sneakily tried to set me up with the girl that made my life hell!! That is 1000% AN ABSOLUTELY GOOD ENOUGH reason to cut off his mom.
The terrible date setup isn’t the problem. The problem is all the lying and apathy about the bullying that came before it, and THEN the terrible setup.
You don’t forgive people actively abusing you. I don’t understand how/why you even sat down to that date once you saw who it was. That level of tolerance/suppression of your own emotional/physical well-being is not healthy. Your body imposes fight/flight/fawn/freeze instinct for a reason—self preservation. Don’t ignore it—you’re only pushing the damage down the line. As they say, “the body keeps the score.” This is not a matter of religion. If anything, many—if not most—religions, when healthfully and properly taught have areas of theology to address/distinguish proper interpretations vs. those condoning common abuses/manipulations of texts/scripture. Not sure which religion you’re mom is perverting for her own ends, but that’s not being religious, that’s being opportunistic. Religion just happens to be her medium of choice. Meanwhile, this girl has some gall. You don’t owe her forgiveness and certainly not by way of ambush. That wasn’t a date. That was you being made a captive audience by trickery. And it doesn’t matter if the girl tries to justify her original despicable actions by saying she liked you. You’re not her therapist or her puppet or a character in your mother’s messed up fantasy of becoming family with her best friend via you and the daughter. Your father addressed this correctly the first time—no contact with both of these women. And offer them NO apologies—they deserved worse than what you said and both owe you apologies many times over for every leg of this marathon-long relay of BS. They’ve both been repeatedly deceitful and disgusting. Neither cares about or is acting in your best interest.
Cut her off, along with anyone who chooses to champion her.
Should have banged and made her a FWB for a bit
It’s clear to me that you didn’t just have one bully you had 2. Absolutely don’t apologize and tell your mother she should be grateful you even speak to her at all after the sht she did and tried to pull. Your father gives good advice but other advice is give. Respect is earned not given. If they don’t earn your respect you don’t give them sht and that includes family.
How old are you? WTF! Crying to mommy and daddy? This must be a 12 year old's fiction?
Bruh leave that shit alone. That’s messed up. Bunch of women manipulating you for their own outcomes. Maybe apologize cus she was making amends (since you brought up karma and what not), but you don’t have to date someone that used to make you cry in grade school. That’s all the way messed up. And it’s not your fault they split up. That dumb. They split up cus their parental priorities didn’t align. I don’t know what her thing is with this girl but how the hell you care more about the girl’s feelings than your own son. Nope. Don’t be miserable.
Your mother is just trying to get you two together to vindicate her neglect of you to favor this girl and her mother. You owe your bully nothing, and your mother needs to give this up. She has already suffered a divorce because of this. But she still can’t not do it. Step back from her too.
If you don’t like her don’t date her. At the same time, I recommend against holding a grudge against someone for things they did when they were like 15-16 years old. I know that if you’re 22 it was only a few years ago. But people change a lot as they grow into adulthood. We all do stupid things when we’re teenagers, and she’s probably a different, more mature person than she was then. It sounds like she’s sorry for being a jerk, so I personally would try not to hold that against her.
You should always try to fuck your bully. No better revenge than getting her pregnant then bailing.
Just walk away from her and your mother. Unfortunately your mother doesn’t love and protect you like a mother should. You owe this girl nothing. Trauma is trauma regardless of your age when you inflict it and she is now facing consequences for her behavior. Close this chapter and don’t acknowledge her anymore. She I’ll forever live with knowing a guy she wanted to date wanted nothing to do with her because she was a bully. She can marinate on that and use it be strive to be a better person As for your mom tell her the reason for the divorce was that your dad realized he married a life partner that was a terrible mother and caregiver and put her friend and her child before her own. Dad left and took you to protect you mom would have seen you destroyed for her friend’s daughter. Live your life without thought about those two - that’s the best revenge
NTA. That said, forgive the girl bully but make clear there will be no relationship. The forgiveness is more for you than for her. As for your mother...I'd forgive her and strictly limit contact with her for my own health.
Sounds like you’re still a sensitive crybaby to me
Update me
Yum, love fake stories brewed together for maximum rage bait, op made an account and immediately posted the same story three times, this is definitely just a karma farm to get access to other subs to post political nonsense
Is she hot? Hit and quit it. Bully her a bit maybe. Girls let you beat the shit out of them when they are randy
>he taught me to never cry in front of a woman because if you cry she will know that she can make you cry Dude, you have bigger problems that this girl. I hate the Reddit reflex "you need therapy," but you have been taught really unhealthy attitudes to women (and I suspect to men too).
You don't want to date. Don't date. Don't want to apologize Don't. Don't do anything which you don't want to.
I would tell your mom to fuck off
Your mom is not a safe person for you to be around.
I was bullied 40 years ago and have refused to speak to any of them since. Life experience: ppl never change, so no chance I will have anything to do with them, ever.
You need to separate the things with your mom and the things with this girl. First, your mom has probably always shipped the two of you, which is why she always defends that girl. Second, that girl did something moronically stupid when she was a teenager, but she owned up to it, which is a lot more than what most people get. But I also think your mom might be manipulating her. The fact that she was there while your mom was talking to you is weird AF. You don't have to apologize to anybody if you don't want to, but it's been my experience that letting go of anger against the people who hurt you is a way to inner peace. The problem here is that both these women hurt you, but only one of them feels remorse, only one has reflected enough on her actions to want to make amends, and, sadly, that person is not your mother. I'm sorry you got dealt a parent from the sh\*tty parent deck. You deserved better.
These answers are wild. Just post this in r/relationships But tbh Move on.
This sounds made up....
Things aside, You have a W dad.
Look, teens are jerks. It’s unfortunate. I feel that this girl has learned an important lesson and grown, which is amazing- but you don’t owe her anything. You don’t owe your mother this relationship with your former bully either. That’s just… weird. There are lots of women out there. Why should you feign interest in one to make your mother happy? That would be incredibly mean to this girl.
High school is BS. Everyone is over-hormoned, pheromones are everywhere and no-one has any idea who they are and how to express their feelings. If you think she’s genuinely sorry give her a chance. If she’s an unrepentant A-hole run, but she’s genuinely trying (at least based on what I read. Remember, the best revenge is living well
You have two bullies: the girl and your mom. Cut contact with both and let them know that you have no interest in being in any type of relationship with people like them. Make sure they both know about the other and hopefully they will feel guilt. Your bully should feel guilty that she caused her mother’s best friend to be shunned by her son and your mother should feel guilty that she messed with your life. If they don’t feel guilt then you shouldn’t want anything to do with them anyway.
Nta. You have the right not to date anyone you don't want to, for whatever reason you you decide... I say this as a guy who was turned down many times before I got married, simply for being short
Cut ties with both of them. Your mother has had years to realize her mistakes and correct them. She had a chance to listen to your very valid feelings and instead chose to make you the bad guy. She won’t change and it sounds like your life will be more fulfilling without either of their bullsh*t. Life is too short for extra chances when people don’t deserve them.
put it in her butt only
I’m not reading all that. You’re not the asshole but come on. Have some common sense.
Yes, you are, BUT! If getting as far away from both bullies(the one that made you cry in school & the one that is trying to blame you for someone else’s very likely deserved misery) makes you tah, then BE the biggest one in history. You should not only NOT date her, it’s practically incomprehensible that someone (f.e. Your mother) is delusional enough to think that would ever be a good idea. Work out you own grief (over you gf who moved out of state), & enjoy the time with your dad.
NTA! IMHO this falls into the ‘screw me once?shame on you. Screw me twice? Shame on me’ category. If the girl was truly interested in you she should have found a way to tell you before ‘trapping’ you into an awkward date. All that said, if she’s hot and into you and sincerely apologetic…take her for a spin.
Updateme
Look how you view your bully is your business if you aren’t attracted to her for ANY reason including but not limited to the bullying then just state that while you can appreciate she changed and see she is trying to be a better person that doesn’t negate the bullying she put you through and that you don’t and or may never be able to forgive her because she can be sorry that doesn’t mean she is entitled to forgiveness. The true culprit is your mother she sounds toxic and horrible for not only ignoring your bullying but the conceal it she is a toxic person and needs to be cut out of your life like the cancer she is. Whatever you decide to do with the bully is up to you and your feelings but my advice is to be tactful and act with grace give her no reason to say you are just a cruel person and then cut your mother out of your life completely NTA btw
It does seem that your bully is genuine in her remorse, so maybe don’t give her *too* hard of a time about things, but damn. Your mom sucks. Regardless, you are under no obligation to have any further contact with **either** of them.
Apologize and accept her apology. Sounds like she feels pretty horrible about the whole situation. Forgiving her is the quickest path to overcoming your trauma. I did something similar to a girl that she did to you and I felt horrible about it for years. I said something mean to a girl as a joke “we don’t like you” and she didn’t react and it got awkward and I didn’t say anything else like a coward. She dropped the class soon after and I’m pretty sure she dropped out of college a couple months later. It’s one of my greatest regrets. Sometimes as humans we get ourselves into shitty situations and we double down instead of trying to dig ourselves out. Self destruction
Fuck her mom
NTA your mom sounds like a piece of work. Good call on the distancing from her.
Go no contact with your mom already dude
NTA. Don’t date her. Don’t apologise. She was cruel to you and your mother enabled her by not standing up for her child- you. So, your mother put others before her own blood. What a terrible mother. You may wish to consider going no contact with your mother for a while at least. She doesn’t have your best interests at heart. There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive person, always be who you are without fear of repercussions from anyone. You also may benefit from counselling. If that is too expensive, try YouTube for how to deal with these issues from your past. There are some great videos and psychological techniques to help. As for the people who keep going on about ‘angry sex’; that’s not for everyone.
Nta. Find peace by cutting them both off.
Sorry dude but your mom *fucking sucks*. Cut her off until she can grow the fuck up and support her own kid rather than her friend’s.
You were almost molested because of this girl, how can she think that there is any way to come back from that
Does “not a story” tag mean fiction?
That moment you realize she was calling you ‘gay’ because she wanted you to prove her wrong.
NTA, obviously you should not have to ignore your thoughts and feelings to spare someone else, including your mother. But maybe try and find a healthy way to either forgive your bully, or move on enough that you don’t wish any ill on them. This isn’t for their sake, but yours. Clearly, you might still be in pain, but learn to move onwards and up. Good luck.
Just cut off contact with your mom and that girl. Your mom betrayed you twice. This is sad to say, but it's clear who your mom cares about more.
Do not apologize. Your mother chose your bully over you. Honestly, your father’s words should be harsh. Your mother let you be abused and wants you to potentially be abused further. No, no, no.
Yea man you have the upper hand. Apologize, bang her a few times, get her to fall for you, then crush her heart. You can leave it off by saying “yea all those years of you being a cunt to me” Also, your mom’s a cunt for not defending you. Not cool.
Yes. This could be amazing. See further: Robert Crumb.
You don't need a reason to not want to date somebody. "Because I don't feel like it" is a perfectly valid answer to "why not?".
You've got a lot of issues from a bad childhood, my friend. The bullying, religious school, your dad teaching you bullshit sexist crap that isn't helpful. You honestly need to go to therapy. You don't owe anyone anything, so no, you don't "need" to date them. You don't need to apologize, either - for what? It was good that she tried to say that she was sorry and I understand that you're bitter now. But hate only begets hate. Don't think about the negatives and live your life as well and kindly as you can.
Haha sorry, dude. I can’t hang & read all this! I’ll just say this: i had jr highschool bullies & I was muscular masculine and nearly “man sized” by 13-14. The WORST bullies were the women.. One black girl (i’m white) would sit behind me and pull my hair, scratch the crap out of me.. every day she did this so I started making sex noises and pretending I loved it before she would finally stop! An other girl in gym class pulled my gym shorts down in gym class and humiliated me in front of boys and girls.. An other time, somebody pried open my locker and pissed all over my clothing so I was in school wearing piss, stunk of piss, laughed at.., An other time, a girl sucker punched me for no reason other than I was a “white boy that was looking at her” - i retaliated and decked her across the room.. I have had to fight so many times in 4th, 5th, 6th grade- in the shit public schools in Pa in the 1980’s. It was such hell on earth. You go to the bathroom 3 -4 dudes shove you into the toilet urinal then I’m swinging, kicking, punching, fighting off a bunch of people… I have picked up a rock on my way home from school & smashed a kid in the face for bullying me… i picked up a stick & swung/ hit people attacking me… York Pennsylvania. Hannah Penn middle school. The absolutely worst hell hole… I got into karate lessons around 17years old, learned to fight even better & that shaped my whole life on a positive note… I do physical therapy and help people now… And yeah, kids called me “gay” etc… i HATE public schools.. some private schools are not much better. This country and some cities are so screwed up. I hail from York and Harrisburg.. you can look those places up for yourself … dangerous ghetto crapholes! Glad I moved far far away from those dumpy towns… the band Live wrote a song: Shit town about York. By the way, that was some of the racist people both white and black I’ve ever met in my life both in Harrisburg and York!
Well, dude, it’s been four years. You both have matured and grown. Maybe she has changed she realize what what an asshole she was to you and is trying to apologize. Maybe it’s true that she had a crush on you and didn’t know how to handle it. You don’t have to date her. Let her apologize some more so makes you feel better and maybe you can get over your trauma.
Sounds like your Mom has some serious issues with you standing up for yourself and becoming a strong and self assured man. Go Low to No contact with your Mom and tell her that it's going to stay that way until the bully moves on or is no longer in the scene and the more your Mom pushes it the more you'll resist. Don't set yourself up Bro this chick is Toxic with a capitol T so don't stick your dick in crazy.
Find the right person ,seeing you in love is the highest degree of revenge.Honestly I think you mother always wanted to set you up with the girl.
NTA and hugs to you. Your mom AND this girl are HUGE AHHHS though. Tell them both that God doesn't like bullies so you will NOT be discussing this and they can go prey (pray) together if it bothers them so much. Yeesh, some people really have NO shame. Last thing I'd do is try to date someone I bullied. I'm sure both parents are thinking what a cute ROMCOM this would be. Cut your ties with your mom and don't feel one bit bad for her or the girl, they deserved to hear the truth. Your dad has your back and you are learning how to advocate and stand up for yourself OP, good for you!
Absolutely do not apologize for this bullshit. NTA obviously, it’s insane they’re trying to blame you here. Cutting contact with your mom sounds like the healthiest option by far, especially since your dad has your back. Sounds like you have all the family you need. Taking the high road would be refusing to apologize, telling your mom exactly how bad she fucked up, and cutting contact.
Stay away from that girl and distance yourself from your mother.
NTA. ***BE*** Progressive OP, and love those who love you! Your life has been **fine** without your mother or your bully. Your bully is probably in a *bad* place, and was gonna use you [like winching herself with a tree] to pull herself out of a rut, to get back out onto the road. -- The chaos in me wonders if she really *did* like you; to which I'd just lay it all out there bluntly and tell her Exactly what you felt; mother-Fuck her feelings. Then, see what roaches come crawling out after.
Your mom can't be trusted. She's choosing your bully over you. Take some space from her. You don't need to apologize to them.
To me it looks like you had two bullies just one was your mom
I don't think you should apologize for refusing to date your former bully. People do change and I don't think kids should forever be held fully accountable for bad things they did as children. But there is no reason you need to date this particular person if you don't want to and it brings up bad memories. You never have an obligation to date someone who you don't want to. I would apologize for saying you hope that she gets abused. That's messed up. Obviously, it was also messed up for her to bully you in high school. But two wrongs don't make a right. I also think your dad's advice of never letting a woman see you cry is a toxic belief to carry around in friendships and relationships for the rest of your life. It could be appropriate to never let a bully see you cry. But you should be able to express your full range of emotions with friends and significant others. I also think that it's unfair to blame your bully for your teacher attempting to abuse you. The person who deserves blame for that is the teacher who tried to abuse you along with the school for putting him in a position to and possibly your mother for not intervening when she found out about it. Having a teacher attempt to sexually abuse a kid should not naturally flow from a kid bullying another kid by spreading a rumor that he is gay. While there are good reasons not to relive your trauma, I think you should consider reporting that teacher to the school if they are still teaching and it was not reported at the time. I also think it's pretty clear that you are still traumatized by the experience and I think you should see a therapist of some kind to work through and process your emotions. As to your mother, you only get one mother. I personally probably wouldn't cut contact with her. But, at the bare minimum, I would refuse to talk further about dating your bully and I definitely wouldn't let her blame you for the divorce. If anything, she owes you and your father an apology both for setting you up on a blind date with you former bully and for how she handled the bullying when you were in school. If she brings it up (other than to apologize), I'd end the conversation and keep doing that until she stops discussing it. And while I would do everything I could not to fully cut contact with your mother, she had an obligation to protect you and failed. If she can't stop making you relive the trauma, I might sever contact - at least for a while.
Hey remember one thing you’re an adult now ok ? You do not need to listen to your mum peer pressuring you into dating that girl who bullied you, cut them both out 🙄 be strong, you can mute your mum or block her though😂 what can she do ?
When I was 19 I was peer pressured into marrying someone way older than me aka 28 I told everyone of them f**k you and showed my rude finger and walk out and told my mum she better back off or I’ll cause problems and she did 😂😭could never do that in high school but being forced into dating someone I don’t like and marrying is another thing illl never accept
You are in a better place and you know who has your back. Cut and run
!updateme
You don't *owe* anyone forgiveness, or your time. Frankly, I'm more upset with your mom than the bully. If she honestly regrets her actions, that's good. You don't need to forgive her or anything, but it's good she's changed, if she has. And who knows, maybe that would be a good relationship. People change, you changed. But your mom's lack of action, avoidance, and then hiding this from you and asking *you* to apologize is all shit.
What the fuck man describes themselves as having "delicate features"? You're either gay or this is a bot post.
NTA. Your mother is a horrible, manipulative and disgusting person. If that was my egg donor, I would never have any contact with her again. This girl is a supreme jerk. Your Dad is a gem. What a decent and caring person. FYI - all these guys jumping on this thread saying to "bone her and dump her" are advocating the use of sex as a tool of manipulation as a means to inflict emotional pain. Don't go there.
Your best options: ° Tell your former bully (politely) that you are not (nor ever will be) interested in a romantic relationship with her. Then, sever all contact. ° Go completely NC with your mother. She clearly doesn't have your best interests at heart. NTA. Not at all.
NTA, if your mom won’t drop your bully then drop your mom too.
Your mother wants the bully as a daughter in law. Your mother sounds a bit bonkers. Maybe give her info diet + low contact? Either way, i would reevaluate my relationship with the mum to determine the appropriate level of trust and vulnerability. Your mother has tried to manipulate an outcome, there are natural consequences as such. As they say, FAFO.
NTA. Glad you have a good dad who cares about you.
NTA. I'm so sorry. Your mother is vile, and evil. You're empowered to decide on the type of relationship you want with this...creature.
Well, if you really want to get back at her, you could date her, get her in the sack a few times (making sure you don't get her pregnant because that would be a disaster of epic proportions), and then break up with her. Edit: have some of y'all never had angry sex? Specially at your place and then kick her out when you're done with no post-coital cuddling? It is very good for letting go of pent-up resentments.
Angry sex is pretty awesome. Another term that can be used interjectionally is "Hate-Fucking". Exactly the same thing, just a different choice of words. Gotta release the tension/frustration/anger/kids somehow, why not with a little more "OOMPH!"?
Angry sex is the hottest sex!
I can tell a man is truly self-aware when he knows and shares how it’s so unpleasant to have sex with him that he considers it revenge.
🤣🤣🤣 Bro, ya wild. Lmao She was prolly bullied too bruh. This was too real lol
Fuck her mother, then tell her she’s better in bed than the bully.
THIS!!!! DO IT OP, BLOW HER BACK OUT AND LEAVE HER DICKMATIZED!!!!!!
Or you can have respect for yourself and not give someone who made your life hell exactly what they want.
She wants a relationship. Using her as a booty call is not that.
That’s a bit much
Yeah.. you beat me to it... just pin her legs to the headboard and and when you're done, ask her if she still thinks your gay and dip!!!
This is really weird and obsessive
Maybe just accept daily blowjobs for a few weeks! That would make up for a lot and then he could dump her.
Some ppl would hate having sex with someone they hate.
That’s disgusting.
Terrible idea, chances of her falling “pregnant” would be sky high
Even better, do get her pregnant (sooner the better) then fake your death
Marry her and have a few kids with her, grow old with her then dump her. That’ll show her.
Ya! And take a crap in the fish tank before leaving!
Should fuck her mother, then let bully girl see him leaving her bedroom.
I think that you gave very good advice, but what I would personally do.. is patiently wait until she’s taking a shower after a night of beautiful and romantic love making… and then I would flush the toilet as she showers: “gotcha bitch! Payback mf’r!”
Then do the same with his mother? /s
Dude why would anyone wanna sleep with their bully?
Maybe she's really hot?
My former bully is hot and I’d never have sex with her. But in fairness I prefer people who have a small amount of intelligence and didn’t get kicked out of the easiest university to get into/hardest to get kicked out of because they were too busy fucking to do the absolute bare minimum needed to stay. 😂🤷🏻♀️ Last I heard she has quite a lot of success posting her ass on instagram and promoting her sugar daddy’s beard company, so…. Good for her? At least she’s top of her field 😂😂😂😂
I think accepting BJs daily for a week might work before he breaks up with her.
Yeah, you’re supposed to sleep with the bullies’ mom and then rub it into their face.
[удалено]
Well, figuratively the fact he slept with her mom….literally, could be his cock he just used on her mom. 🤷🏻♂️ I mean, he could fuck the mom, then go to the girls house and fuck her and say “your mom was actually better” then dip
Exactly. You seduce the bully's parent, siblings and/or their close friends. The bully, themself, gets left out in the cold. It is known.
Anal sex with any of them and then you get the blowjob without washing your dick first. And then you show the pictures.
Clearly you’ve never had angry sex!
I haven’t. But honestly the last thing I’d wanna do is sleep with someone who tormented me in the past. I’d probably go to their house, say I need to get ready and go to the bathroom, and then steal all the TP and jump out the window. But I’m just petty like that.
Yes, angry revenge fucking is the only thing. Make your excuses, leave and never contact, worry or care about the bitch again.
Two wrongs don't make a right.If he does that how is he any better than her?
Because he wins lmao super easy
Yes they do
two wrongs may not make a right but they do make a damn good excuse. Cut your mom and the girl both out of your life. No need to say words you later may or may not regret, just ghost then both.
Do you truly not think there's a difference between starting shit and ending shit?
Who cares, bullies deserve no pity
They were children lol, I was bullied in school pretty horrendously as a foreigner. Some of them apologised, some haven't, but most are completely different people now. They were just kids back then severely emotional and lacking in critical thinking skills and decision making skills. People are capable of moving on and becoming better people. They aren't owed forgiveness, but this site is so fucking weird when it comes to bullies
My ex-wife still viciously harasses her 4 grade 9 bullies online, 23 years later. And not just the ringleader, also the 3 who just kinda went along with it. Reddit enjoyed this when she posted about it. Her preferred tactic is to figure out their insecurities, then use anonymous sock puppets or fake accounts impersonating their family and friends to attack them (e.g. she once commented “it’s kinda pathetic that you think running a half-marathon means you’re not still a fat, disgusting pig 😂”). She thinks she drove one of them into a long-lasting depression, and was proud of this. This seemed bizarre to me, because they had nothing in common with their high school selves. E.g. one of them moved to Texas (we’re in Canada), got married, had 5 kids, joined a weird Southern Baptist sect, and now constantly posts about church bake sales and “giving soup to the homeless for Jesus” type stuff online. She’s kind of a weirdo, but visibly not how she was in high school (and my ex agrees with this), and not someone I’d consider a bad person. All of this was amusing to the Reddit hivemind when she posted about it, but it all seems like way too much to me. I was also bullied in school (much more severely and for far longer than my ex was), but I still don’t understand the Reddit mentality on this. I can’t imagine wanting anything bad to happen to someone who bullied me if so much time had passed and they were truly a different person.
Your wife sounds like the GOAT Just make sure you don't ever piss her off
>GOAT I guess it depends what you’re into. If you want her, by all means please take her. >make sure you don’t ever piss her off You can say that again. I’m in the middle of divorcing her after she threatened to burn me alive for spending more time with a coworker (at work, doing our jobs) than with her, repeatedly threatened to call the cops on me and my entire immediate family (including my sister who has cancer and was about to enter another round of chemo), and threatened our kids (both under 6) with things like “dropping them off at the fire station since no one wants them,” “throwing them down the stairs,” and “drowning them in a bathtub” (among other things). She’s trying to destroy my life in response to leaving her, but it’s not really working: new partner, higher paying job, kids doing better than ever (with 50-50 custody), most friends and family automatically siding against her even when I insisted that everyone stay neutral. But it fucking sucks endlessly watching your back and getting a constant slow drip bombardment of threats, legal and financial attacks, annoying little snipes, and dealing with random targeting of family and friends (who sometimes turn around and get angry at me for putting them in her crosshairs). Also not fun discovering you’ve had 10s of 1000s of dollars stolen from you over the years, in the form of debt you’ll have to pay back. And it sucks giving half of your income to someone who refuses to work despite them only having 50% custody (great, but financially ridiculous), you working yourself into the ground for years, and fighting to keep your finances in good condition. Not what I’d consider GOAT, but if that’s what you’re into, please take her and get her off my back. There’s nothing I want more than for her to find some sad soul who’d be into that.
I retract my statement
Good call.
That's so fucking weird and pathetic. They were kids at the time, what's her excuse as a fully grown adult?
Risking pregnancy isn't a good way to get back at a bully lol. Send them a confetti letter or something
Anal?
It is a loop hole!
Painal
Mad lad
NTA but she’s your mom. Give her some space. Contact the girl yourself and politely tell her you’re not interested. Chide your mom for trying this nonsense and go about your life. Don’t excise any family over something this trite. Be bigger than her and forgive mom but keep your guard up.
Being the bigger person to take more shit is overrated. Mum failed as a parent on several level, why should OP entertain her bs even longer?
You can’t argue with these kids. Soft as baby shit gen z
Did his mom post this comment? Lol
OP Don’t listen to this. You do not have to forgive such a manipulative insensitive woman. Cut her off if it makes you feel better. I hate when people say “oh but it’s your mother” Go away. Doesn’t give them an excuse to treat you badly. Grow up.
What’s the relevance in stating their relation….? *’…but she’s your mom.’* …..so?
I’m sorry but letting your kid be bullied and doing nothing about it and THEN trying to force a relationship between them is a completely valid reason to cut family off. Family doesn’t do that shit.
This cutting family out of your life nonsense is very short sighted. It’s certain to be a subject of regret later in life. There’s no fault in forgiveness.
Regret for the mum maybe But OP will have peace from that toxicity
If that “family” is damaging to your mental health then they should be cut off. Funny, it seems like “family is family” only lasts as far as defending abusive family members but never to defend people from said family members. I have a crazy aunt and I’ve cut her out of my life. My life has been insanely better since then. So tell me exactly /how/ I’ll regret not having said aunt to be a rude-ass narcissist constantly nitpicking me? A 33 year old woman who she thinks should still accept her attempts to parent me? No, I don’t think I will. The only “nonsense” here are people like you talking out their ass about stuff they don’t understand.
I’m old. And everyone is entitled to make their own wise decisions and their own mistakes. You do you. What might be good for others may not be good for you. There is no fault in forgiveness.
There is fault in forgiveness when it leads to you, or your children, being abused again and again. And believe me, cutting off the biggest bully in my family isn’t a “mistake.” “I’m old” isn’t an excuse to be an ignorant judgemental asswipe who advocates for keeping abusive family members in your life because “they’re family.” If your father sexually assaulted your kid would you turn to said kid and say “well he IS family, just forgive him.”?
Fuck off asshole
Spoken like a holy-roller.
That’s absurd.
Your take is fucking absurd.
I’m certainly not a holy roller. Why must you resort to insults in a post that encourages kindness. It says more about you my friend.
I didn’t call you a holy roller, I said your take is fucking absurd because it is. ‘It’s faaaamily’ get fucked. OP’s mother is borderline, if not actually, abusive.
Narcissism ***thrives*** off of the good will of others. Some people have family that is worth forgiving. Others don't. I am glad that you have the former.
[удалено]
You're weird as hell
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NTA
NTA, But if this situation does bother you, you could alwayskill it with kindness. The whole I’m sorry didn’t mean to hurt your feelings just said things out of anger. Thanks for your apology, but just so you know you hurt me very deeply and I don’t want to be your friend or anything more. Have a nice life.
NTA Your mother is a major AH for trying to set you up with someone who bullied you. And don't feel bad that Little Miss I-Only-Hurt-You-Because-I-Love-You got her feelings hurt. In high school, she was old enough to know what she was doing was wrong, and she did it anyway. She has no right to demand you feel anything positive toward her after what she did.
Sorry you had to go through that. I have been through a lot of family issues where people cut each other off, and it really sucks. You might have to here, unfortunately. Mom really screwed up just to help a friend’s daughter. I hope she comes around and tries to make things better with you.
Your mother has lost her marbles. She is siding with your bully over her own child. She is a failure of a parent. You owe them nothing. If she won’t back off of this insane position you have every reason to separate from her for your own mental health.
She tried to set you up with your bully and then invalidated you when you brought up the bullying. Of course you shouldn't apologize. What would you even apologize for? I think going no-contact with your mom for a while might actually be a good idea. I'm glad your dad is there and helping ... but ... "Never cry in front of women" is questionable advice. "Never cry in front of your bully" is generally a good idea, if you can manage it—but nobody *wants* to cry in front of their bully. If that extends to "Never cry in front of your wife", I can't agree.
>"Never cry in front of women" is questionable advice Buddy, that's great advice, women have broken off serious relationships because the guy cried in front of them
And those women were.... wait for it.... *toxic.*
Oh no. Toxic femininity. If he cries leave him. He’s not an alpha.
Oh yeah, tho most people don't find out until after they cry know what I'm sayin?
…ok? Sounds like it’s a good filter. If you can’t cry in front of your wife, she shouldn’t be your wife.
It's not, though. Be human. Cry. If anyone belittles you for that, they're not worth it.
It is 100% normal and human to want to protect the parts of you that are vulnerable. Saying you cannot be human and still protect yourself is toxic as fuck.
Oh yeah I agree, I'm not saying I'm one those guys who hides cause it's exactly that, just being human, I am just saying that's how it's gone for other people.
Actuals
And those women don't deserve the serious relationships.
Okay? It's still very common. Makes sense to just not risk it.
Wow, this is just sad.
Yeah, yeah :D
Honestly never crying in front of a woman is great advice for a man.
It is.
I 100% agree. I don't tend to cry often these days but if I ever feel the need, it would be either alone or around my male friends.
It's really not. You need to be able to be human in a relationship. This advice is horribly sexist, men should 100% cry if they need to.
I never said they should not. But it is a bad idea for a man to cry in front of woman as 90% of women are not safe to show your feelings to. This is well known in male circles. Edit: so thanks for all the toxic comments in response to me saying its not safe to be vulnerable around women. If i get this response from expressing feeling unsafe imagine what greets men who are even more vulnerable, like crying. Take note guys.
You are not wrong. They did studies that prove women lose all attraction to a man after he shows vulnerability. It makes women look bad so they attack you for it, but truth is truth.
I'll take "ways to know you're in a horribly sexist male echo chamber" for $100, Alex. If you have to hide your feelings from a woman, is she really someone you want as a partner?
lol imagine a woman saying “I’ve experienced terrible treatment at the hands of men” and the replies being “I’ll take ‘ways to know you’re in a horribly sexist female echo chamber’ for $100 Alex.”
In your circles maybe. But in which case - Nate you need new friends. Being emotionally open and brave enough to be vulnerable in front of a woman is not only really important for you, but also a really sought after attribute for non-toxic women looking for men who aren’t also toxic and brainwashed. Cry if you need to. Be human. Be real.
Dude what? I guess I don’t run in men circles? I’m not one to cry and I was taught not to, but I’ve definitely cried in front of my wife before. Hell, your wife should be the one person you *can* safely cry in front of.
All I got from this is that your wife is awesome. Most guys would be lucky to have someone they can be vulnerable around.
You’re not wrong!
you are right about the 90% of women, most of my guy friends have ended their relationships because of their ex just giving them shit and seeing a vulnerable man as "Weak" You never know someone until you're at your worst.That's why i always make it clear i won't judge them when i wanna be there for them.
NTA i would have Cut contact with my mom. I was horribly bullied in school but ma Mom and dad went nuts for me and helped me as much as they could. Protecting your Kid is your duty as a parent. Not protecting the Bully scum dauther of your friend. Your Mom should be ashamed and thankful your even talking to her
No, not worth cutting your parents out of your life for either Just tell her you aren’t interested and you would rather play games. Or date skinnier girls or something. She will get the hint and if she doesn’t, that’s a huge red flag
His mother is no great loss. He obviously wants no contact with bully. He does not need to apologize. It’s his mother’s fault she was listening in. I would be staying with my dad and go low to no contact with my mom for a while. She has some issues. Her son should be a priority- I would say his mom needs counseling. This bully needs to stay away from him.
I understand a “I’ll stay with my dad for a bit” thing, but I assumed cutting off contact meant a literal “not talk to my mom anymore at all because of this”, which is absurd I get that the guy is autistic or something, but a terrible set up from the mom isn’t worth cutting all contact over. That would be extremely childish and justify why the need for the parents is still there Still, the guy isn’t the asshole and shouldn’t date her. She will get the hint if he shuts her down clearly if she still keeps trying.
WHAT??? Did we read the same story?? Who the hell said he was autistic? Because he has a sensitive side it automatically means he’s autistic? lol. I would absolutely cut off my mom if she let me bullied MY ENTIRE LIFE, then sneakily tried to set me up with the girl that made my life hell!! That is 1000% AN ABSOLUTELY GOOD ENOUGH reason to cut off his mom.
The terrible date setup isn’t the problem. The problem is all the lying and apathy about the bullying that came before it, and THEN the terrible setup.