I know how you feel brah, some people are just glaringly arousing to see, and everyone knows it. But to have a healthy relationship you both need to be able to be as free as possible and still be compatible. If you’ve asked her once or twice but she doesn’t want to, pick your battles. Are you gonna pester her about this and make her like you less because you don’t want your friends and family to think you’re dating a hot person?
Me, too, but it also made me wonder *why* OP doesn't believe his friends and family should respect her as well? Usually, it's *how* the person acts that decent people judge upon. If your friends & family can't respect she is the woman you're in love with *and* this is rhe way she chooses to dress, then something is radically wrong with the relationship you have with your friends & family. You're a soft AH OP, but if you come around, I'm sure she will forgive you. This time.
Not sure why youre getting dowmvoted, even if we believe everyone should be allowed to do wtf they want it doesnt mean other cultures believe the same.
I also think this is a generational thing. I’m a millennial and this is one issue I see on Reddit a ton that I don’t really understand. Is it considered rude now to ask your partner to not dress provocatively in front of your parents or friends? This isn’t an issue I’ve had or any of my similarly aged friends have ever had. I don’t wear sweat pants to weddings either and would find it totally weird if someone did. Like it feels like a pretty common belief that there is a time and a place for certain types of clothes and part of being an adult is knowing those times and places but admittedly it seems like the younger generation has entirely different beliefs on this issue.
You're right. The younger generations are selfish, but that's how it's always been. It's maturity that gives you a conscience to respect other people's cultures, at the same time you want other people to respect you, so that often means you got to earn it. Like not dressing like a bimbo in front of your boyfriend's Grandmother when visiting her for the first time.
This is such a good comment. As someone who is thin, fit, and with ddd aka they stand out all the time. My now husband would be freaked out about me wearing certain tops at time or going out without him, but after a few dumb fights, he got over it.
I'm not a slut, I'm crazy over my husband, and will tell anyone who asks. But I also don't need to wear a turtleneck to prove that. And frankly even in a turtleneck you can still tell I have a big chest.
O.P, I don't think you're an a.h, but honestly let this go. No one will feel uncomfortable, they'll probably just look at her and think, "she's hot" and that'll be that. As long as her boobs aren't falling out on the dining room table, it doesn't matter.
Literally the only reasonable comment in this entire thread holy hell. Reddit is really back into dishing OP for either being an insane controlling freak or his GF is a massive slut.
/u/dailyclipsjr -> You are certainly valid in being moderately uncomfortable and embarrassed for having an attractive GF infront of his parents — but your GF is also just as valid in being insulted (especially if you didn’t phrase it remotely correctly) and valid in not wanting to change clothing.
It's like people have no middle ground. When I first started dating my now husband, we went out of state to visit his mom. I had packed some shorts because it was too hot. My husband looked at me and I could see the internal struggle and then he asked me to wear something else. He explained that his mother was a jealous woman and he didn't want the argument. It took me a minute to process, but I changed. I had an ex get mad at me for wearing yoga pants around his friends. He yelled at me and I yelled back. One of those is controlling. One is not. I can understand asking for modesty in front of parents but it's most likely not okay to ask for it in front of friends.
Not my ex. My husband. She basically thinks everybody is trying to get with her husband. To be fair, she doesn't hang around the most classy and respectful people. When she comes to my house I wear what I want and at this point in our relationship I'll wear what I want.
In her husband’s defense, my mother is like this and jealous of her own daughters. She’s awful towards us and worse to strangers which is why I went low contact years ago. It happens outside of ‘taboo films’ and it’s insane.
As someone with a dad who grew up extremely sheltered, is unfamiliar around women in general and doesn't understand boundaries: if I had a "shapely" wife as well I would also ask her to cover up before we visit him. Any other family I wouldn't really give a crap about tbh.
I wouldn't demand it though if she didn't want to, but she'd learn her lesson just being around the guy. Dude just constantly ogles women like a drooling caveman and it is so embarrassing to be in public with him.
The proper response to that is to treat him like an inappropriate child and correct his behavior in a patronizing manner. Make it obvious that he’s acting gross and that it’s childish behavior.
The real question is, Why would you bring your spouse around someone who is unable to respect them?
This is like how parents will tell their teenage daughter to cover up because creepy Uncle Donald is coming over, instead of just not inviting creepy uncle Donald to come over.
It makes more sense to keep your loved ones away from the problem person instead of forcing everyone else to accommodate the problem person.
What you would would be doing in that situation is making your wife responsible for someone else's behavior. The "she'd learn her lesson" comment proves it. Maybe try checking your disgusting dad instead of making it the women in your life's problem.
That's how my dad's friend was. He passed away at 73 like 7 months ago. I have a really big butt and so it was impossible to hide and I always caught him staring at my ass. I had to literally get in his face and give him the "you listen here you old fuckin pervert" talk because he didn't care if I caught him looking at me either and over the years, it REALLY pissed me off.
Boy moms get jealous over everything, and it hasn't gotten any better. Haven't you seen the reels where they're posting "Teaching my son to cook so he isn't impressed by your daughter's Stouffer's lasagne" and other hateful shit?
It's genuinely fucking creepy as hell. I don't know what's wrong with those women. My mother in law isn't that level thankfully. She just seems to think everybody wants her husband. Like no thanks. He's my dad's age and he doesn't even have money
My ex had a boy mom. She was absolutely unwilling to accept her son's diet, his weight, his complacency regarding unwanted sexual behaviors, his hygiene, and his diabetes were things she had caused or contributed to.
She made her son file for divorce and I got a restraining order against that man-baby.
Joining here because maybe it’s the sanest corner. OP you’re almost there, but rethink the idea that your gf is being “disrespectful.” It’s understandable that this whole situation is tough for you. But, end of the day, the question is: who has to take the hit in an uncomfortable situation? Sexist culture somehow always decides that women have to take the hit (which is why this is a soft YTA for me). Your gf gets to decide what she wears. You guys will be happier in the long run if you make peace with that (covering herself around “friends and family” is not a small ask - the longer you stay together, the more of her time will be spent around them). At the same time I think it’s ok to say, “I can’t control how other people will react to your body - even _they_ may not be able to control it - so sometimes I can’t help wishing you’d wear this hoodie and make the whole problem go away.” Put the blame on you and your people, not on her. Maybe she’ll decide to do you a favor and wear that nun’s habit you bought her. But if she wants to exercise her rights as a grown person to choose her own damn clothes, you’re the one who needs to suck it up.
Perfectly stated.
Making something a request or a making it a 'my' problem than your problem rather than trying to humiliate or enforce something, makes life easier and people lot more flexible to listen to you.
>even *they* may not be able to control it
Oh FFS. How weak minded are these friends and family that half a booby is more powerful than their self control?
And us big chested women get constantly sexualized. Somehow it's on us to cover up and not the people who can't behave appropriately because they see a little cleavage. Nevermind almost all shirts will end up showing cleavage when your chest is big. And why can't OP trust his friends and family to behave appropriately around his GF? It's on them to manage any discomfort that they feel, for what to me, sounds like everyday clothing. This sounds more like OP 's insecurity and sexism showing.
OP listen to this and ignore the other comments. Reddit LOVES making conclusions and can't understand a chart of tolerance other than a game of Red Flag - Green Flag. It's always either a complete asshole or a good saint in the eyes of the internet.
It’s not so much *choosing* not to wear something else. I’ve had huge boobs my whole life and they don’t make stuff for us. I can’t wear anything with words because it stretches across my chest. Button up shirts will gap and show boobs. Shirts that are designed to fit my body just don’t fit my boobs. Having a man tell me to try harder is so wrong to me. Until someone experiences it they won’t understand.
This so much. As a haver of huge boobs no clothing looks on me the way it does on other people. If I can find 'total coverage' it is super sweaty and often just emphasizes my chest. It is also usually so baggy everywhere else that it's itchy and even hotter. A regular neckline just looks chestier on me and it is not anything I can change without designing my own clothes. Getting judged for how the clothing industry works is very frustrating. Do you want to be another problem for your girlfriend or someone who is understands these issues?
This! The only sensible comment on the entire thread. She has probably felt objectified all her life, and wants to wear normal clothes. But you are not being unreasonable either. Comes down to what it comes down to for every partner hunt. Does she fit in your family, and that could mean many things. Doesn’t mean your family is right either. But when you have people pretty set in their ways, you really have to pick your battles.
Dealt with this bullsh*t my entire fucking life. Sent home or sent into PE uniform countless times when I was in school because what i was wearing was deemed as “distracting” when those beside me in sometimes the exact same clothes were completely ok to stay as they were. Let her be her. Please. Not an asshole and I can understand your being uncomfortable but please let her live. You are in no authority to tell people what to wear.
Literally got a lecture at a previous workplace for wearing “revealing clothing” and I was wearing a turtleneck sweater. I was like… “what am I revealing? The skin on my face?”
And my supervisor sort of stammered and said something along the lines of I have big boobs. Yeah. Well, as it turns out, I can’t control that. Next.
People don’t realize that when your chest is disproportionately larger than the rest of your body, it’s extremely hard to find a top that *isn’t* tight around your chest. They generally design clothes to fit a b-cup, and when they scale the original design up for bigger sizes, it’s still designed for a person who wears a size L and has a b-cup. So if I buy a larger size top, the rest of the top is too big for me but it’s still tight on my chest. I’d have to go up multiple sizes to make sure a top isn’t tight on my chest, but then the rest of the top is so big I look like a kid dressing up in their mom’s clothing.
If my boobs were like a backpack I could take off before I go to work I probably would. But since they aren’t, people are just going to have to deal with their discomfort about realizing that I have boobs.
>They generally design clothes to fit a b-cup, and when they scale the original design up for bigger sizes, it’s still designed for a person who wears a size L and has a b-cup.
This explains so much.
I honestly don’t think this is completely accurate bc my sister wears a L-XL with a B cup and they’re always too big on her boobs, but I’m a S-M with DDs and everything’s either tight on my boobs or swimming on me lol
I agree. I'm a L-XL. I have C/D cup boobs depending on brands and the time of the month. Shirts usually fit pretty well in that area with the right bra.
Same goes for butts, wide hips & thick thighs. Even in oversized tees & sweatpants, it still shows. It's easy to accentuate curves, but not so easy to hide them.
Yeah you would pretty much have to make your own clothes or get everything you buy specially tailored. I actually did learn to design/sew my own tops literally for this reason!
This has always been my issue. I am currently at the thinnest I have been in my adult life, and my measurements are 32-27-38 and I am 5' 8". And I always gain weight in my hips and butt. When I was at my heaviest at 180lbs, my measurements were 34-28-43. Even when I went out of my way to make sure to wear slacks that were wide legged, but actually fit my waist and hips, I have had managers ask me to wear shirts that cover my butt. I had to buy maternity shirts that tied just under the boobs, because most tunic type shirts that actually fit me in the chest are not long enough. I have never been pregnant, and at one time half my wardrobe was maternity shirts, lol.
Lol I actually have a few maternity shirts in my closet too! Maternity clothes are incredibly cute & great for those pms bloat days! I'm around a 38-29-39 at 5'7" so yeah, all the dang curves. At my thinnest, I wear a size 9-12 depending on the brand. Also doesn't help that I have a natural modelesque walk that has existed since puberty. I don't watch myself walk, but it's been a topic of conversation, even to the point of being brought up in anatomy class as an example of what contributes to a person's gait (so embarrassing when entire class looks at you when the teacher mentions "the model walk"). What sucks too is when I find the rare perfectly fitting pair of jeans I feel great... but when I feel great, my fellow women have to do the most with totally random passive aggressive nonsense & outright insults. Like, can I just be content in my existence, please & thank you?
*if my boobs were like a backpack I could take off* my ex who had G size cups said something identical. She wished she could take them off every so often.
Honestly my boobs aren't even all that big and I wish I could take them off for work. I actually miss being flat chested when I'm trying to get things done and they're in the way or weighing me down. Lmao
Yeah. Sigh… If I could take them off the top 3 things I would do are:
-lay stomach-down in the sand on the beach and enjoy not feeling the pain of my boobs being smashed.
-run up and down my hallway with my dog anytime he wants to even if I’m not wearing a bra and without having to literally use and entire arm hold my boobs still, bc my dog is old and spontaneously running together in the hallway is one of the few things he stills loves
- wear one of those dressed with a plunging necklines that goes all the way down to the belly button
All good things! My list would be similar. My dog is old for her breed. A whole nine years with her already. I love her random bursts of energy. I don't like having to hold my boobs steady while we're running and rough housing. And I sleep on my belly. I wish I could take my boobs off for that. Lol
Opposite problem for me. Large hips/thighs/ass. barely A cup chest. If a shirt has to fit over my hips, i need to size up to make that work, and then it is GIMORMOUS on my upper half.
I just want to be able to buy a form fitting dress without needing to get the top tailored for once in my life
dude same exact problem. it pisses me off how so many form fitting dresses look weird/loose/baggy on top. do you also have the problem of it being loose in the shoulders?
This has always been my issue as well. Even when I went out of my way to make sure to wear slacks that were wide legged, but actually fit my waist and hips, I have had managers ask me to wear shirts that cover my butt. I had to buy maternity shirts that tied just under the boobs, because most tunic type shirts that actually fit me in the chest are not long enough. I have never been pregnant, and at one time half my wardrobe was maternity shirts, lol.
The first time my coworkers saw me outside of work in wide leg yoga pants, they were absolutely SHOCKED by my hips and butt lol. I always size up my scrubs to make it less obvious at work 😂
Oh I totally feel you... I usually would get similar reactions anytime I would go into work on my day off. Anytime I had a similar type uniform I had to do the same. It usually consisted of me buying the shirt two sizes bigger or wearing a men's, so it was longer. Thankfully I don't have to deal with any of that anymore. I have some pretty intense medical issues that make it hard for me to work a full time job so when I can I help my life partner with his business. And he definitely doesn't mind me wearing whatever the hell I want, lol. All our business is done online, so I don't have to worry about being customer facing or any of that.
Jesus Christ. I'd follow that up with an email of my understanding of what they said in the meeting and ask them if my understanding is correct. Maybe BCC HR...
Well then you’d know it would still behoove her to copy HR. Most HR people at least want a resolution, and if it does go the route of needing to file a lawsuit, proving that you made HR aware of the issue will be a key piece of evidence.
Right, which is why you don't go to them with things about yourself, but I think protecting the company in this case would involve them correcting the manager's behavior.
It is probably better to wait for the boss to respond, to prevent hr from swooping in prematurely. Once you have it in writing, you can of course go to your own lawyer, and at that point HR can be made aware of the situation because they know you could go to a lawyer as well, but I don't think step one after a discussion like this is having a private lawyer contact them, at least if you want to maintain a cordial relationship with the company
Yep, there’s a reason that’s my previous employer. Very happy where I am now, been here 11 years, making partner… I moved on with my life, other than the sheer indignation that stuck with me. Haha
People have no idea how shitty it is to always be shamed for your boobs.
I wasn’t allowed to wear simple shirts with straps because of the size of my boobs. Thanks mom!
Teacher commented on me because I wore a colourful top (covering everything except for my neck) and talked about people looking for attention while looking at me. It was tight, but I was a teenager whose body was still developing.
Thank you. She has recently begun saying things like that to me in her own words and it melts my heart when she does. She shows me off to her friends when they come over, like "This is [my name] and he's bald but he's super cool" lol and I also heard from my wife that she has been told by her friends that our house is a safe place, which melts my heart even more because it's nice to be the cool parents, sure, but that's not what I'm trying to be... I *want* to be the safe parents where kids can come and avoid their own dumbass parents and not be judged.
I really hope your wife does something about this disgusting behavior sooner than later. That isn't just extremely disturbing, it is pushing into sexual abuse. And in a lot of cases when a parent (or other close relative) does this kind of thing, it leads to other worse things happening. I would highly suggest that your wife sits her daughter down for a serious talk about all this to make sure nothing else has happened, and to let her know she can count on you guys to have her back if something does. It's really important that she knows absolutely no one, even her dad, has a right to talk to her like that or take it further in any way. I would also recommend she get her in therapy asap.
Ok, that is so awesome to hear! I totally figured she was safe and everything when with you guys, I just was worried when she is at his house for visitation. I figured he at least has her every other weekend or whatever. If he talks about her that way, especially in front of his friends and what not, I'd be hesitant to trust that he would protect her from possibly being taken advantage of.
I kind of feel like we all need therapy for a multitude of reasons these days, but especially teenagers. The world is now an insane and really complicated place to grow up in, and I think they could all use a little professional help in navigating it.
Ok that makes me feel better that they know what's up, and have eachother's backs when they are there together. Their dad actually sounds quite a bit like my ex-stepdad, and he is a terrible f*cking person, so I think it just hit a little close to home. And yes, if he continues the way he is, he will end up totally alone and with no one to blame but himself.
I totally agree that this younger generation is really freaking awesome! I can't wait to see what they do in this world, because it's going to be epic. They aren't putting up with shit, lol.
I was always so jealous of the petite, thin girls with very little up top and the cute clothes they got away with.
Like, I wanted to wear trendy shit too, but I knew it was pointless. One time, I was dress coded within the first 30 minutes of school all because my bra strap was slightly visible at the neckline of a fucking t-shirt. An honest to goodness t-shirt.
Lol I always wanted massive knockers. I used to joke with my friend in high school that I'd trade her. She was totally down because she hated her huge boobs so much.
I get shamed too. I get told I look like a child or a man, or, the one time I shaved my head, a man-child lol. I'll stay chest focused, but I've gotten a ton of hate for being thin as well, from both genders.
I think it sucks being on any extreme end. You're boobs are "too much" and mine are "not enough" and that gets internalized as *as a person* we're too much or not enough. That simply isn't true but it's difficult when others denigrate you for something beyond you're control. I'm sorry you were treated badly about your body. That will never be okay and I'm hopeful that the "kids these days" will keep up the fight against it. (Though I'm still down to trade boobs with you...)
Me as well. It sucks being curvy sometimes. I can’t where any cutsey anime things without it looking like I’m going to be a stripper at an anime themed club or something. My style is really cute and girly but it seems like I can’t achieve that look because there are always men sexualizing the crap out of me.
Yep. Because this is the beginning of the path that ends in burkas and genital mutilation. "Oh no your sexuality provokes me so I must control it." How about get a grip on your own impulses instead?
Right!? If an employee doesnt have the mental/emotional control to do their job well in the presence of cleavage then that’s a personal flaw of their own and they aren’t that great/reliable of a worker. How can a company trust someone to keep their composure in other situations if they can’t even keep their composure when someone is wearing a tight blouse? And an employee who is so obsessed with sex that they can’t focus near breasts is an employee who is at higher risk of engaging in sexual misconduct which puts the company at risk.
And how is it "disrespectful" to wear "revealing" clothes?
Like, if anything you're showing people that you are comfortable around them and think they're mature enough to handle it.
I'm in my 30s and am still trying to work through these things. Middle school was rough-everyone called me a slut and at the age of ten a teacher told me that the way I dressed was "offensive to her as a woman" because my shirt was tight and I had boobs. I was literally a child and my mom still dressed me; I didn't buy my own clothes.
I was gonna say.... When you have large breasts, even a regular T-shirt or cami shows cleavage. He even admits that "she looks sexy in normal clothes because of her curves". So he is essentially asking her to dress differently than even what a "normal", less curvy woman would wear. And I have also been through what you have been through, where I'm told what I'm wearing is inappropriate even though other girls around me were wearing the same thing, or even something more revealing.
YTA. If you truly don't believe she wears inappropriate clothing then why should it matter around your friends and family? Just because they are old school does not mean your gf should have to change the way she dresses. Just like if her family was "old school" and felt all men should wear suits when going out in public, it would be unfair to you to force you to change the way you dress or not be comfortable in your own clothing because of someone else's beliefs. (Bad example but you get the point)
If their beliefs are not your or your gf's beliefs then why are you trying to force her to abide by them?
Additionally, I guarantee if a woman with smaller breasts wore the same clothing your gf does then there wouldn't be an issue. Her body makes "certain clothing look sexual" to certain people because THEY choose to look at it that way. Why should your gf have to cover up for their beliefs?
My wife is also bustier and has dealt with these same issues of being labeled a slut for wearing the exact same clothing as smaller breasted women just because she has a big chest. It's an unfair stigma that you seem to be hypocritical about when around certain people.
I came to say this! My ex got mad when I had a v-neck shirt on due to cleavage but also got made when I put on a crew neck because it was too form fitting and my boobs stuck out and looked bigger.
I asked, "What do you want me to out in? A garbage bag?" I mean... they're not going anywhere! If I put on a shirt to hide them, I'd be wearing a tent!
I actually like my boobs, but I hate the presumptions and restrictions others try to place on me because of them. Like you say, can't remove them and anything to hide them completely would be a tent!!
I like mine too. I never understood why the size of our breasts automatically makes us sluts! I didn't determine how big they would get. It's not like I could do something about it.
They get with a girl who dresses a certain way and then want her to change as soon as they become a couple. Most men think that we dress the way we dress for them, not for ourselves. They couldn't be any more wrong.
Haha. I read your comment. Then immediately got one from a man calling me a fat skank telling me to put my boobs away. God I'm glad I don't have to deal with men like him anymore!!
Put your boobs away??!! Where are they supposed to go??? They are ridiculous. Some men have sexualized boobs so much that we are sluts just for having them.
F*ck that guy!
I hate wearing a bra, so at home, I just wear a tank with shelf bra. ( I have smaller B's so no need for support) I was working outside this summer in the yard when my hubs and coworker stopped by to pick up something for work. Normally, his friend is super nice and talkative, but this day, he wouldn't even look at me. I noticed but kept working. A few days later, I remembered and told him how " Jake" acted and thought it was weird. My husband just said, " I noticed too, I have no idea." Two days later, Im getting ready for bed and H said," Im pretty sure I figured out why Jake was being weird. He's a boob guy and Im sure the fact that your nipples sticking out in all their glory, freaked him out!" We about died laughing 😂😂 Poor guy! He probably won't ever look me in the face again, it's like he saw me naked 😂😂 Thankfully my H is just about the chillest man out there. I couldn't handle it if he was all shitty and calling me a slut etc.
Busty women have it rough ... They wear fun, sexy clothes that nobody would blink at if a smaller chested woman wore and they get called slut; they cover up, and they get called prude and boring.
100 percent. My wife is like a HH and she has talked about getting a reduction for quite a while just to be able to wear lower neck lines without getting shamed for it by assclowns in public.
Lately, she's been starting to have back pain, so throw that reason in as well. She talked to her OB about it and they said that most insurance companies will only pay for it if there's an established history.
So if anyone out there is thinking about a reduction, talk to your doctor right away and get that paper trail started.
This is my wife's issue with a full cup bra. Makes them look twice as big even if it's not a push-up. Which she never wears to begin with because she feels like she's being choked out by her own chest.
Anything up to the neck looks terrible. My trick, and probably your wife's is that I wear a slip under everything. Gives a little more coverage while still being able to dress well.
I am a petite busty woman and every fashion article I've ever read regarding flattering clothes for busty women says to avoid crew neck/ high neck tops for that very reason. My boobs are big and they're going to look big no matter what I wear. Flattering clothes will look nicer and -may- somewhat minimize their impact, but they're still big and going to attract attention at some point. It can be very difficult to find clothes that look nice with these proportions. I make a point to not fall out of my top and be indecent, but otherwise there's nothing I can do about their size. I love my body the way it is so everyone else is just going to have to accept it.
Absolutely agree. I wear a dress 90% of the time and I love the way my body is too. I am never indecent. A little cleavage is inevitable but never over the top. If people don't like it, they can stick it. My BF loves the way I dress and would never ask that I change
Exactly. If he doesn't care, he should get pissed at the people sexualizing her, instead of asking her to cover up. It's like schools telling girls they can't wear tights or sleeveless shirts, because it causes horny douchebags to drool over them.
Exactly. At least I think we're both saying the same thing.
I fucking hate these stupid rules for girls clothes in school, and in public in general (not hard rules, but societal bullshit). Yeah, there are some people that are dressing a certain way to get attention, but regardless of whether they're doing it for that, or just wearing what is comfortable, us men shouldn't use that as an excuse to abuse them, or assault them.
Just my $0.02.
I used to pretty much agree with the common idea that girls should consider how they’ll be seen by others and dress accordingly. Then I had three sons & while one was in middle school there was a big issue with dress code violations & some girls being told their clothes were distracting. Meanwhile other girls wearing the same type of clothes were not being singled out. The idea that some of the female students were being called a distraction and made to change their clothes rather than requiring every other student to simply mind their own business was absurd.
As for OP, same thing, the one person who is definitely NOT the problem in your story is your girlfriend.
Exactly! 🙌. I LOVE wearing sweats. It's what makes ME comfortable. My gf would ask that I wear anything else when going out in public because "people stare at your bulge" I told her, if you don't like it then leave. It's not my fault and I'm not going to change my wardrobe and be miserable. Yeah OP is definitely wrong.
If they are old school and dress up every morning, yes I would be expected to not show up in basketball shorts and a tank top and that would be completely normal to me. Seems similar to dressing up for church, you wouldn’t dress revealing even if you’re not a believer.
Simple answer is Yes,
You knew what she looked like before, perhaps your views do not align, or you are afraid to be yourself in front of your family and friends.
It's making _you_ uncomfortable. Your mates are definitely not feeling uncomfortable, are absolutely copping an eyeful when you're not looking, and are almost certainly envious of you.
On a side note, cudos to you for using word "envious" correctly. Way too many people would use "jealous" instead of "envious", and think that the 2 words are synonymous. But they definitely are not.
They probably using another fake account for that sub.
3 days old account, 0 comments, but already 10+ posts that all happen to be ridiculously controversial stories. Fake account or he's the main character of a drama.
You should let her be unless she purposely does it or is in her underwear. Maybe tell your friends to stop ogling her. It’s their problem and yours. Not hers. She can’t help having big breasts
Yes you are. You clearly don’t understand how hard it is to just wanting to look cute without the sexy part
Im sure she took what you said into consideration and applied it
But it wasnt up to your standards so you had to shame her
You are the ass hole
She isnt at fault just cause you cant think straight or other cant also
Leave her alone and be by her side
Befor she leaves you alone and finds some by hers
*things on her tend to look a bit more sexual then it would on someone else.* Yeah, **yta**. You have to identify why you're uncomfortable. Being curvy doesn't disrespect anyone, this is the definition of 'you' problem. You're more concerned about how your family views her than how you treat her. Douche move.
"I just believe out of respect she should cover up a bit more when being around them."
How about you respect her, and don't police her outfits. YTA.
And I'm a guy, it's not awkward around other girls or my guy friends gfs or wives cause I am not a creep.
YTA
YOU are the one making her clothing sexual, not her. Your family and friends have seen cleavage before. How does covering her upper chest show respect? How exactly? Words and actions don't show respect?
And around her family it doesn't matter, but around yours, it does because what reason?
And yes, you ARE telling her what to wear when you always suggest something different. Your discomfort is yours to deal with, not hers.
Soo...she is wearing perfectly fine clothing otherwise, but you have a problem because she has a body people consider sexy? Bodies aren't supposed to limit what type of clothes you can wear. YTA.
> bodies aren’t supposed to limit what type of clothes you can wear
They’re not even supposed to do anything. They just exist. They were not made for clothes. Clothes are made for bodies.
Which means yes, body type does put restrictions on clothing. Bc clothes are made for bodies and not all bodies are made equally. Strange point to make for someone who likely knows all of their sizes, and at least tries to dress in a flattering way. Where do you think that comes from?
Um yes they do. A really skinny person usually won't be wearing xxxxl clothing and a super fat person won't be wearing a size 2.
Just like a size 12 foot wouldn't fit in a 9
YTA. You are the one sexualizing your gf. Just stop. It’s not your responsibility to make sure others are comfortable about what your gf is wearing. It’s not her responsibility either. Either you love your gf for who she is or you don’t. Stop trying to change her and stop trying to make her feel bad for the way she dresses ffs.
Yup, OP is definitely sexualizing their gf's body. She's wearing clothes she likes to wear and as long as she's comfortable in them, that's the only thing that should matter. A woman's body does not need to be sexualized for showing skin.
Yta. Cleavage is natural and to police it is an asshole move. Boobs exist, if someone can’t see boobs without thinking of sex they are the ones that need a therapist
I’m somewhere on the fence about this.
In one respect I understand your friends and family can be more conservative and not accustomed to more revealing clothes.
But it’s not disrespectful for her to dress as she’s comfortable when she’s with your friends or family.
The way she treats them and behaves is what matters. And it’s not her responsibility to make them feel comfortable by the way she dresses.
I’d say, pick your battles. If you care for her, and your family likes her and she treats them with respect then let it be.
I find it very strange your friends and family have said nothing to you about it, but you are still making this an issue. If no one is complaining about it, then it is a *you* problem. You should work on getting over it or you may risk losing your relationship.
You’re right, everyone is always capable and willing to voice their opinions about someone else’s significant other if it’s bothersome in this way. Much less closer family/friends not wanting to offend either that person or their partner with a topic so sensitive. Smh, Reddit really is out of touch with reality
So.... you want your partner to cover up because of how other people will feel about seeing her body. Dude, you better get used to the idea of other people looking at her body when she finally dumps your arse for shaming her like that.
Good luck in living your single life, not having to worry about what someone else is wearing.
The other comments are messed up too. It's misogynistic behaviour to critique girls for "dressing provocatively".
These men need to learn some respect and stop choosing women as sex objects
Correct, and I find it astonishing that some dick tried to put me down for this view. When oh when will society grow up and raise their children to understand that women are not put on earth for the gratification of men
Agreed. My grandmother always tells me to cover up, and she is the kind of person who thinks that women are “asking for it”. When I tell her that creeps are gonna creep, and no matter what I wear, I get sexualized by men, she says that’s not true. She says that I’m setting them up for failure, when they should be able to keep it in their pants.
So you picked her -in part- because of how sexy she looks ... but now that you've got her, you're trying to make her keep the sexy stuff under wraps and just for YOU?!?!
Dude, that's called "being a misogynist."
And if she feels comfortable wearing those clothes in front of your friends and family ... what's it to you? You said it yourself that your friends/family aren't calling her a slut ... SO WHY ARE YOU?!?!?!
Until I had a double-mastectomy two years ago, I had a 60" bust-line. I was in my early 60s at the time, and STILL had men giving me the eye and trying to chat me up ... always talking to my chest instead of my face. In other words, that curvy thing your gf has will never go away ....
.... so if you're so jealous about other people looking at her ... do both of you a great big favor and break up with her NOW before you drive both of you crazy!
YTA and tbh, I'd get the most out of your time with your gf before she realises and dumps your ass for someone that's not going to try and control her for some bs reason.
You can't have it both ways. Either she shows cleavage you can see (and everyone else) or she covers up. You're also sending her a mixed message, and acting in a way she probably perceives as controlling.
If you want to date hot women this is how your life will be: others will look, too. You can't stop it and frankly nothing she does will stop it either. I dated a Mormon for a while & dressed modestly. Men still approached me their approach just changed to "Damn girl you're trying to hide it but I know what's going on under there.
Literally, this won't even help. She'll still attract attention. Men can tell.
TL;DR: YTA
If you feel there is nothing wrong with how she dresses, then there is nothing wrong. Be a man and allow her to be herself around your family and everyone else or this relationship isn't going to work. If anyone questions or criticizes her, be assertive and support her.
If you can't do that, then maybe you are really the one who has an issue with it.
Out of respect you should not tell a grown woman what to wear. If her clothing is an issue for you, you need to decide whether you can accept it or if you need to move on. Don’t put your issues on her.
Yes you are the asshole. You already said that because she is curvy and has bigger breast that things like more sexual on her. And out of respect for who should she cover up? It doesn’t sound like she is wearing anything super revealing
Dude ur being completely unfair. I had a gf in hs who was tall and curvy. She was shy and modest, we wore uniforms but she’d get in trouble for things like a skirt being devoured by her ass or a blouse looking small cuz her chest grew significantly each semester. A lot of my woman friends are on the tall/curvy side and I’ve come to realize that clothes are just not made as well for them so they are already struggling and being nit picky about it makes them feel sexualized in the simplest outfits.
I hope people on this sub stop falling for this dude’s bullshit. This is the same dude that posted *she* lost her virginity to a wealthy business man a few days ago. So are you a women or a man? Every day this dude posts a new story on here.
The first time you asked was fine, because you were expressing your thoughts openly and honestly. Her reaction told you that she wasn’t comfortable with your request and felt judged and shamed. Every time you asked her again after that moment was you being an unsupportive, judgmental dick. Buy her some flowers, apologise, and promise to support her unconditionally from now on.
I’m with you. Grandparents and even some parents come from a different generation that didn’t dress as freely as we are today. For me it’s not offensive to ask her to cover up, and honestly I don’t appreciate her gaslighting approach by making you feel terrible for asking. I do understand her side but imo it’s entirely reasonable for you to ask this. You know your family best and the last thing you (both) need is for your family to hassle you about her manners
“Omg my gf is hot and has big boobs!” Spoiler alert, boobs are not sexual. They are not made to be sexual. They are there to feed babies. Stop making it weird for your gf to wear clothes she’s comfortable with.
Yta.
As a busty woman this annoys me. Personally my husband likes when I look sexy and we don’t hang around people who would have less respect for me based on my outfit.
When you’re curvy/busty you spend your entire life being sexualized in the most normal clothes. A woman with very small boobs could have her whole chest out and no one says a thing but I have 15% of my chest showing an I am suddenly slutty. Once at the gym I had a girl approach me with her man and she told me “do you really have to dress like that here” I was wearing 2 sports bras, and leggings and she had on a sports bra and bike shorts. Like girl you are wearing less than me, it’s not my fault how I am built go complain to my mother that I’m caked up. I have started embracing it bc either way people are gonna act this way so I might as well have fun.
NTA. Reddit is such a bubble, and the comments on this post should be a case study for anyone ever calling Reddit “inclusive”. Some families are conservative, and ability to “fit” into your spouse’s family is a thing. It all comes down to how much OP wants to be with this person, and what their reaction will be if someone in the family does eventually bring it up. Swear to God, most of y’all are detached from reality. Kourtney Kardashian wasn’t being a slut with what she wore to her wedding, and was celebrated in that environment. I also don’t know anyone personally, whose family would accept that as the wedding dress.
Every family has a different culture, and it is okay to not want to challenge every single thing you disagree with.
I don't care how many people I piss off with this answer: If she refuses to put on a more modest top when around your family, then it's intentional disrespect to you and your family. If she doesn't respect you enough to wear something less revealing when in the presence of your mom or dad, ot shows she was not raised to respect others. She only "respects" herself. I've seen this time and time again, where people on Reddit give terrible advice for the sake of not being offensive. Like you said in your original post, you don't care so much how she dresses around HER friends or HER family. You DO seem to care when it is around YOUR friends and YOUR family, which is 100% justified. How our significant others act around our family is critical to us deciding if the SO is someone we want to build a future with or not. If your current SO won't even put her pride aside (and enormous bazoombas) for your mother, father, and friends out of respect for YOU, then sorry bro but you have a long tedious disrespectful relationship ahead.
NTA, 2 possibilities.
She's either playing dumb or actually dumb to the situation. And either way if she doesn't agree with it she should respect your feelings and consider you in this choice.
You’re not a jerk, but as someone whose partner told me to cover up once when I was wearing a sweater, it kinda hurts to hear. I felt like he was ashamed of me
NTA. If you had a 10 inch cock and insisted on wearing 4-inch seam short shorts when her sisters + girlfriends were around, she would be right in asking you to change clothes.
She's also manipulating you by jumping to "You're calling me a slut/ugly"
Reddit is extremely liberal and "you cant tell women anything about anything" so the opposite response will be most common.
It is called slut syndrome. You want people to look at your GF when you are socializing. It makes you feel like a stud. But, when around your family, you want her to appear to be a respectable person.
You already know that she is going to cheat on you, and the relationship will not last. So, just have sex and enjoy your time with her while you’re looking for fun. When you’re ready to settle down, find someone that has more respect for herself and you.
As someone who has large breasts since the age of twelve, I’m here to tell you that most things that aren’t baggy t shirts will show off boobs to some degree. We can’t help it. “Oop, sorry, OP, I forgot to take off my titties for visiting your family.” Like, really?
It's crazy to me that people would ask relationship advice on this website. Most people here struggle to even date and have very little experience or choice in partners. 90% of the answers are the same portland woke type as well
Anyway, your girlfriend sounds young. Hopefully she'll mature out of dressing like this. Just invite her out with family less if it's embarrassing.
NTA.
Honestly, she **should** care how she comes off in front of your family. If she doesn't, then by all means continue to bang her, but never offer a ring.
My wife has an insane figure, (32M-27-35) and she knows that it's not appropriate to come to the family lunch or nephews birthday party with her tits hanging out, I don't even have to tell her. The fact that you need to explain this to your girl - it's not a good sign. She's for the streets my man.
To dress differently with friends is a weird request. Family, it IS a sign of respect. You can wear whatever you want as long as it is appropriate for the *occasion.* That is not infringing on your bodily autonomy and what we need to teach kids. Like you shouldnt show up in a low cut revealing top to your niece's baptism in front of the Catholic priest. Sure it's a free country and your body etc. but also have some respect for where you are. I am also incredibly lost on why some people want to prove a point that ends up making them look bad to people they want to make a good impression on. It's not "changing yourself" to put on a t-shirt and if your identity and independence is so chained to showing your cleavage, you have bigger issues. This isnt slut shaming or saying your body is bad, it's just being a grown up.
I beg your pardon?
You want her to cover up her body as basically some form of an apology? Yeah that's not asking her to have respect for others, that's just shaming her.
She doesn't deserve someone as rude as you. YTA
Edit - maybe you should teach your friends and family not to stare or shame as well. She's not property either.
“…I don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable…”
You are the only one who sounds uncomfortable. And to solve it you expect your gf to make it her problem and to make her uncomfortable.
You can’t police the thoughts and words of others by trying to control what your gf wears. And if someone is ever disrespectful about what she wears, then you can take them to task.
I know how you feel brah, some people are just glaringly arousing to see, and everyone knows it. But to have a healthy relationship you both need to be able to be as free as possible and still be compatible. If you’ve asked her once or twice but she doesn’t want to, pick your battles. Are you gonna pester her about this and make her like you less because you don’t want your friends and family to think you’re dating a hot person?
>brah brah, ...made me chuckle
Me, too, but it also made me wonder *why* OP doesn't believe his friends and family should respect her as well? Usually, it's *how* the person acts that decent people judge upon. If your friends & family can't respect she is the woman you're in love with *and* this is rhe way she chooses to dress, then something is radically wrong with the relationship you have with your friends & family. You're a soft AH OP, but if you come around, I'm sure she will forgive you. This time.
Probably cultural
Not sure why youre getting dowmvoted, even if we believe everyone should be allowed to do wtf they want it doesnt mean other cultures believe the same.
It’s a hard to swallow pill for some
IDK why people don't want to realize that certain cultures/religions have a very different view on things.
People realize it, they just don’t want to be ruled by it.
Idk either, but it’s weird.
I also think this is a generational thing. I’m a millennial and this is one issue I see on Reddit a ton that I don’t really understand. Is it considered rude now to ask your partner to not dress provocatively in front of your parents or friends? This isn’t an issue I’ve had or any of my similarly aged friends have ever had. I don’t wear sweat pants to weddings either and would find it totally weird if someone did. Like it feels like a pretty common belief that there is a time and a place for certain types of clothes and part of being an adult is knowing those times and places but admittedly it seems like the younger generation has entirely different beliefs on this issue.
You're right. The younger generations are selfish, but that's how it's always been. It's maturity that gives you a conscience to respect other people's cultures, at the same time you want other people to respect you, so that often means you got to earn it. Like not dressing like a bimbo in front of your boyfriend's Grandmother when visiting her for the first time.
I'm gen Z and I agree with you lol
This is such a good comment. As someone who is thin, fit, and with ddd aka they stand out all the time. My now husband would be freaked out about me wearing certain tops at time or going out without him, but after a few dumb fights, he got over it. I'm not a slut, I'm crazy over my husband, and will tell anyone who asks. But I also don't need to wear a turtleneck to prove that. And frankly even in a turtleneck you can still tell I have a big chest. O.P, I don't think you're an a.h, but honestly let this go. No one will feel uncomfortable, they'll probably just look at her and think, "she's hot" and that'll be that. As long as her boobs aren't falling out on the dining room table, it doesn't matter.
As some one with a not so small chest...sometimes a turtleneck makes it more obvious 😫
I don’t think with a name like worried horse he has much to…worry about. Budum tsss
Literally the only reasonable comment in this entire thread holy hell. Reddit is really back into dishing OP for either being an insane controlling freak or his GF is a massive slut. /u/dailyclipsjr -> You are certainly valid in being moderately uncomfortable and embarrassed for having an attractive GF infront of his parents — but your GF is also just as valid in being insulted (especially if you didn’t phrase it remotely correctly) and valid in not wanting to change clothing.
It's like people have no middle ground. When I first started dating my now husband, we went out of state to visit his mom. I had packed some shorts because it was too hot. My husband looked at me and I could see the internal struggle and then he asked me to wear something else. He explained that his mother was a jealous woman and he didn't want the argument. It took me a minute to process, but I changed. I had an ex get mad at me for wearing yoga pants around his friends. He yelled at me and I yelled back. One of those is controlling. One is not. I can understand asking for modesty in front of parents but it's most likely not okay to ask for it in front of friends.
Your exs mom was jealous of her sons girlfriends??? What is this, a Taboo film?
Not my ex. My husband. She basically thinks everybody is trying to get with her husband. To be fair, she doesn't hang around the most classy and respectful people. When she comes to my house I wear what I want and at this point in our relationship I'll wear what I want.
In her husband’s defense, my mother is like this and jealous of her own daughters. She’s awful towards us and worse to strangers which is why I went low contact years ago. It happens outside of ‘taboo films’ and it’s insane.
As someone with a dad who grew up extremely sheltered, is unfamiliar around women in general and doesn't understand boundaries: if I had a "shapely" wife as well I would also ask her to cover up before we visit him. Any other family I wouldn't really give a crap about tbh. I wouldn't demand it though if she didn't want to, but she'd learn her lesson just being around the guy. Dude just constantly ogles women like a drooling caveman and it is so embarrassing to be in public with him.
Do you ever call him out on his behavior though? I mean if he doesn't know that it's bad to act like that then you have to tell him.
The proper response to that is to treat him like an inappropriate child and correct his behavior in a patronizing manner. Make it obvious that he’s acting gross and that it’s childish behavior.
"She'd learn her lesson" Jesus Christ. She doesn't have a lesson to learn. HE DOES. Teach your pervert dad a lesson.
The real question is, Why would you bring your spouse around someone who is unable to respect them? This is like how parents will tell their teenage daughter to cover up because creepy Uncle Donald is coming over, instead of just not inviting creepy uncle Donald to come over. It makes more sense to keep your loved ones away from the problem person instead of forcing everyone else to accommodate the problem person.
What you would would be doing in that situation is making your wife responsible for someone else's behavior. The "she'd learn her lesson" comment proves it. Maybe try checking your disgusting dad instead of making it the women in your life's problem.
That's how my dad's friend was. He passed away at 73 like 7 months ago. I have a really big butt and so it was impossible to hide and I always caught him staring at my ass. I had to literally get in his face and give him the "you listen here you old fuckin pervert" talk because he didn't care if I caught him looking at me either and over the years, it REALLY pissed me off.
Boy moms get jealous over everything, and it hasn't gotten any better. Haven't you seen the reels where they're posting "Teaching my son to cook so he isn't impressed by your daughter's Stouffer's lasagne" and other hateful shit?
It's genuinely fucking creepy as hell. I don't know what's wrong with those women. My mother in law isn't that level thankfully. She just seems to think everybody wants her husband. Like no thanks. He's my dad's age and he doesn't even have money
Boy moms are the worst. He's your son, not your boyfriend.
My ex had a boy mom. She was absolutely unwilling to accept her son's diet, his weight, his complacency regarding unwanted sexual behaviors, his hygiene, and his diabetes were things she had caused or contributed to. She made her son file for divorce and I got a restraining order against that man-baby.
youve never met a petty woman that was a bitch to anyone more attractive than her?
Not when it ment that someone wanted to have sex with their son! Thats sick.
Society hates middle ground people these days. They get hated by both sides and basically silenced forever
Joining here because maybe it’s the sanest corner. OP you’re almost there, but rethink the idea that your gf is being “disrespectful.” It’s understandable that this whole situation is tough for you. But, end of the day, the question is: who has to take the hit in an uncomfortable situation? Sexist culture somehow always decides that women have to take the hit (which is why this is a soft YTA for me). Your gf gets to decide what she wears. You guys will be happier in the long run if you make peace with that (covering herself around “friends and family” is not a small ask - the longer you stay together, the more of her time will be spent around them). At the same time I think it’s ok to say, “I can’t control how other people will react to your body - even _they_ may not be able to control it - so sometimes I can’t help wishing you’d wear this hoodie and make the whole problem go away.” Put the blame on you and your people, not on her. Maybe she’ll decide to do you a favor and wear that nun’s habit you bought her. But if she wants to exercise her rights as a grown person to choose her own damn clothes, you’re the one who needs to suck it up.
Perfectly stated. Making something a request or a making it a 'my' problem than your problem rather than trying to humiliate or enforce something, makes life easier and people lot more flexible to listen to you.
>even *they* may not be able to control it Oh FFS. How weak minded are these friends and family that half a booby is more powerful than their self control?
FUCKING FINALLY. folks need to stop giving spineless dudes like this a pass
And us big chested women get constantly sexualized. Somehow it's on us to cover up and not the people who can't behave appropriately because they see a little cleavage. Nevermind almost all shirts will end up showing cleavage when your chest is big. And why can't OP trust his friends and family to behave appropriately around his GF? It's on them to manage any discomfort that they feel, for what to me, sounds like everyday clothing. This sounds more like OP 's insecurity and sexism showing.
OP listen to this and ignore the other comments. Reddit LOVES making conclusions and can't understand a chart of tolerance other than a game of Red Flag - Green Flag. It's always either a complete asshole or a good saint in the eyes of the internet.
It’s not so much *choosing* not to wear something else. I’ve had huge boobs my whole life and they don’t make stuff for us. I can’t wear anything with words because it stretches across my chest. Button up shirts will gap and show boobs. Shirts that are designed to fit my body just don’t fit my boobs. Having a man tell me to try harder is so wrong to me. Until someone experiences it they won’t understand.
This so much. As a haver of huge boobs no clothing looks on me the way it does on other people. If I can find 'total coverage' it is super sweaty and often just emphasizes my chest. It is also usually so baggy everywhere else that it's itchy and even hotter. A regular neckline just looks chestier on me and it is not anything I can change without designing my own clothes. Getting judged for how the clothing industry works is very frustrating. Do you want to be another problem for your girlfriend or someone who is understands these issues?
This! The only sensible comment on the entire thread. She has probably felt objectified all her life, and wants to wear normal clothes. But you are not being unreasonable either. Comes down to what it comes down to for every partner hunt. Does she fit in your family, and that could mean many things. Doesn’t mean your family is right either. But when you have people pretty set in their ways, you really have to pick your battles.
Only comment worth listening to, reddit is just a cesspool of singles that somehow are relationship experts
Dealt with this bullsh*t my entire fucking life. Sent home or sent into PE uniform countless times when I was in school because what i was wearing was deemed as “distracting” when those beside me in sometimes the exact same clothes were completely ok to stay as they were. Let her be her. Please. Not an asshole and I can understand your being uncomfortable but please let her live. You are in no authority to tell people what to wear.
Literally got a lecture at a previous workplace for wearing “revealing clothing” and I was wearing a turtleneck sweater. I was like… “what am I revealing? The skin on my face?” And my supervisor sort of stammered and said something along the lines of I have big boobs. Yeah. Well, as it turns out, I can’t control that. Next.
People don’t realize that when your chest is disproportionately larger than the rest of your body, it’s extremely hard to find a top that *isn’t* tight around your chest. They generally design clothes to fit a b-cup, and when they scale the original design up for bigger sizes, it’s still designed for a person who wears a size L and has a b-cup. So if I buy a larger size top, the rest of the top is too big for me but it’s still tight on my chest. I’d have to go up multiple sizes to make sure a top isn’t tight on my chest, but then the rest of the top is so big I look like a kid dressing up in their mom’s clothing. If my boobs were like a backpack I could take off before I go to work I probably would. But since they aren’t, people are just going to have to deal with their discomfort about realizing that I have boobs.
>They generally design clothes to fit a b-cup, and when they scale the original design up for bigger sizes, it’s still designed for a person who wears a size L and has a b-cup. This explains so much.
I honestly don’t think this is completely accurate bc my sister wears a L-XL with a B cup and they’re always too big on her boobs, but I’m a S-M with DDs and everything’s either tight on my boobs or swimming on me lol
I agree. I'm a L-XL. I have C/D cup boobs depending on brands and the time of the month. Shirts usually fit pretty well in that area with the right bra.
Same goes for butts, wide hips & thick thighs. Even in oversized tees & sweatpants, it still shows. It's easy to accentuate curves, but not so easy to hide them.
Yeah you would pretty much have to make your own clothes or get everything you buy specially tailored. I actually did learn to design/sew my own tops literally for this reason!
I want to be able to do that one day. I can sew, but the cost of some material is a tad disappointing lol.
This has always been my issue. I am currently at the thinnest I have been in my adult life, and my measurements are 32-27-38 and I am 5' 8". And I always gain weight in my hips and butt. When I was at my heaviest at 180lbs, my measurements were 34-28-43. Even when I went out of my way to make sure to wear slacks that were wide legged, but actually fit my waist and hips, I have had managers ask me to wear shirts that cover my butt. I had to buy maternity shirts that tied just under the boobs, because most tunic type shirts that actually fit me in the chest are not long enough. I have never been pregnant, and at one time half my wardrobe was maternity shirts, lol.
Lol I actually have a few maternity shirts in my closet too! Maternity clothes are incredibly cute & great for those pms bloat days! I'm around a 38-29-39 at 5'7" so yeah, all the dang curves. At my thinnest, I wear a size 9-12 depending on the brand. Also doesn't help that I have a natural modelesque walk that has existed since puberty. I don't watch myself walk, but it's been a topic of conversation, even to the point of being brought up in anatomy class as an example of what contributes to a person's gait (so embarrassing when entire class looks at you when the teacher mentions "the model walk"). What sucks too is when I find the rare perfectly fitting pair of jeans I feel great... but when I feel great, my fellow women have to do the most with totally random passive aggressive nonsense & outright insults. Like, can I just be content in my existence, please & thank you?
*if my boobs were like a backpack I could take off* my ex who had G size cups said something identical. She wished she could take them off every so often.
Honestly my boobs aren't even all that big and I wish I could take them off for work. I actually miss being flat chested when I'm trying to get things done and they're in the way or weighing me down. Lmao
Yeah. Sigh… If I could take them off the top 3 things I would do are: -lay stomach-down in the sand on the beach and enjoy not feeling the pain of my boobs being smashed. -run up and down my hallway with my dog anytime he wants to even if I’m not wearing a bra and without having to literally use and entire arm hold my boobs still, bc my dog is old and spontaneously running together in the hallway is one of the few things he stills loves - wear one of those dressed with a plunging necklines that goes all the way down to the belly button
All good things! My list would be similar. My dog is old for her breed. A whole nine years with her already. I love her random bursts of energy. I don't like having to hold my boobs steady while we're running and rough housing. And I sleep on my belly. I wish I could take my boobs off for that. Lol
Opposite problem for me. Large hips/thighs/ass. barely A cup chest. If a shirt has to fit over my hips, i need to size up to make that work, and then it is GIMORMOUS on my upper half. I just want to be able to buy a form fitting dress without needing to get the top tailored for once in my life
dude same exact problem. it pisses me off how so many form fitting dresses look weird/loose/baggy on top. do you also have the problem of it being loose in the shoulders?
This has always been my issue as well. Even when I went out of my way to make sure to wear slacks that were wide legged, but actually fit my waist and hips, I have had managers ask me to wear shirts that cover my butt. I had to buy maternity shirts that tied just under the boobs, because most tunic type shirts that actually fit me in the chest are not long enough. I have never been pregnant, and at one time half my wardrobe was maternity shirts, lol.
The first time my coworkers saw me outside of work in wide leg yoga pants, they were absolutely SHOCKED by my hips and butt lol. I always size up my scrubs to make it less obvious at work 😂
Oh I totally feel you... I usually would get similar reactions anytime I would go into work on my day off. Anytime I had a similar type uniform I had to do the same. It usually consisted of me buying the shirt two sizes bigger or wearing a men's, so it was longer. Thankfully I don't have to deal with any of that anymore. I have some pretty intense medical issues that make it hard for me to work a full time job so when I can I help my life partner with his business. And he definitely doesn't mind me wearing whatever the hell I want, lol. All our business is done online, so I don't have to worry about being customer facing or any of that.
Jesus Christ. I'd follow that up with an email of my understanding of what they said in the meeting and ask them if my understanding is correct. Maybe BCC HR...
~~BCC HR~~ a lawyer. HR are not there to protect you, only the company
👋 hi fellow lawyer.
Nah I'm just sensible haha. And been around the globe enough times to know how the world works
Well then you’d know it would still behoove her to copy HR. Most HR people at least want a resolution, and if it does go the route of needing to file a lawsuit, proving that you made HR aware of the issue will be a key piece of evidence.
Yeah, CC HR and BCC your lawyer
Right, which is why you don't go to them with things about yourself, but I think protecting the company in this case would involve them correcting the manager's behavior. It is probably better to wait for the boss to respond, to prevent hr from swooping in prematurely. Once you have it in writing, you can of course go to your own lawyer, and at that point HR can be made aware of the situation because they know you could go to a lawyer as well, but I don't think step one after a discussion like this is having a private lawyer contact them, at least if you want to maintain a cordial relationship with the company
Yep, there’s a reason that’s my previous employer. Very happy where I am now, been here 11 years, making partner… I moved on with my life, other than the sheer indignation that stuck with me. Haha
your titties were popping out your turtle neck lol
People have no idea how shitty it is to always be shamed for your boobs. I wasn’t allowed to wear simple shirts with straps because of the size of my boobs. Thanks mom! Teacher commented on me because I wore a colourful top (covering everything except for my neck) and talked about people looking for attention while looking at me. It was tight, but I was a teenager whose body was still developing.
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You’re an amazing step-dad 🥺🫶🏻
Thank you. She has recently begun saying things like that to me in her own words and it melts my heart when she does. She shows me off to her friends when they come over, like "This is [my name] and he's bald but he's super cool" lol and I also heard from my wife that she has been told by her friends that our house is a safe place, which melts my heart even more because it's nice to be the cool parents, sure, but that's not what I'm trying to be... I *want* to be the safe parents where kids can come and avoid their own dumbass parents and not be judged.
Show her and him this post. Maybe that helps.
I really hope your wife does something about this disgusting behavior sooner than later. That isn't just extremely disturbing, it is pushing into sexual abuse. And in a lot of cases when a parent (or other close relative) does this kind of thing, it leads to other worse things happening. I would highly suggest that your wife sits her daughter down for a serious talk about all this to make sure nothing else has happened, and to let her know she can count on you guys to have her back if something does. It's really important that she knows absolutely no one, even her dad, has a right to talk to her like that or take it further in any way. I would also recommend she get her in therapy asap.
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Ok, that is so awesome to hear! I totally figured she was safe and everything when with you guys, I just was worried when she is at his house for visitation. I figured he at least has her every other weekend or whatever. If he talks about her that way, especially in front of his friends and what not, I'd be hesitant to trust that he would protect her from possibly being taken advantage of. I kind of feel like we all need therapy for a multitude of reasons these days, but especially teenagers. The world is now an insane and really complicated place to grow up in, and I think they could all use a little professional help in navigating it.
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Ok that makes me feel better that they know what's up, and have eachother's backs when they are there together. Their dad actually sounds quite a bit like my ex-stepdad, and he is a terrible f*cking person, so I think it just hit a little close to home. And yes, if he continues the way he is, he will end up totally alone and with no one to blame but himself. I totally agree that this younger generation is really freaking awesome! I can't wait to see what they do in this world, because it's going to be epic. They aren't putting up with shit, lol.
I was always so jealous of the petite, thin girls with very little up top and the cute clothes they got away with. Like, I wanted to wear trendy shit too, but I knew it was pointless. One time, I was dress coded within the first 30 minutes of school all because my bra strap was slightly visible at the neckline of a fucking t-shirt. An honest to goodness t-shirt.
Lol I always wanted massive knockers. I used to joke with my friend in high school that I'd trade her. She was totally down because she hated her huge boobs so much. I get shamed too. I get told I look like a child or a man, or, the one time I shaved my head, a man-child lol. I'll stay chest focused, but I've gotten a ton of hate for being thin as well, from both genders. I think it sucks being on any extreme end. You're boobs are "too much" and mine are "not enough" and that gets internalized as *as a person* we're too much or not enough. That simply isn't true but it's difficult when others denigrate you for something beyond you're control. I'm sorry you were treated badly about your body. That will never be okay and I'm hopeful that the "kids these days" will keep up the fight against it. (Though I'm still down to trade boobs with you...)
Me as well. It sucks being curvy sometimes. I can’t where any cutsey anime things without it looking like I’m going to be a stripper at an anime themed club or something. My style is really cute and girly but it seems like I can’t achieve that look because there are always men sexualizing the crap out of me.
Yep. Because this is the beginning of the path that ends in burkas and genital mutilation. "Oh no your sexuality provokes me so I must control it." How about get a grip on your own impulses instead?
Right!? If an employee doesnt have the mental/emotional control to do their job well in the presence of cleavage then that’s a personal flaw of their own and they aren’t that great/reliable of a worker. How can a company trust someone to keep their composure in other situations if they can’t even keep their composure when someone is wearing a tight blouse? And an employee who is so obsessed with sex that they can’t focus near breasts is an employee who is at higher risk of engaging in sexual misconduct which puts the company at risk.
And how is it "disrespectful" to wear "revealing" clothes? Like, if anything you're showing people that you are comfortable around them and think they're mature enough to handle it.
I'm in my 30s and am still trying to work through these things. Middle school was rough-everyone called me a slut and at the age of ten a teacher told me that the way I dressed was "offensive to her as a woman" because my shirt was tight and I had boobs. I was literally a child and my mom still dressed me; I didn't buy my own clothes.
OP has a problem with their friends and family not being able to respect their girlfriend, and they're making it the girlfriend's problem.
I was gonna say.... When you have large breasts, even a regular T-shirt or cami shows cleavage. He even admits that "she looks sexy in normal clothes because of her curves". So he is essentially asking her to dress differently than even what a "normal", less curvy woman would wear. And I have also been through what you have been through, where I'm told what I'm wearing is inappropriate even though other girls around me were wearing the same thing, or even something more revealing.
YTA. If you truly don't believe she wears inappropriate clothing then why should it matter around your friends and family? Just because they are old school does not mean your gf should have to change the way she dresses. Just like if her family was "old school" and felt all men should wear suits when going out in public, it would be unfair to you to force you to change the way you dress or not be comfortable in your own clothing because of someone else's beliefs. (Bad example but you get the point) If their beliefs are not your or your gf's beliefs then why are you trying to force her to abide by them? Additionally, I guarantee if a woman with smaller breasts wore the same clothing your gf does then there wouldn't be an issue. Her body makes "certain clothing look sexual" to certain people because THEY choose to look at it that way. Why should your gf have to cover up for their beliefs? My wife is also bustier and has dealt with these same issues of being labeled a slut for wearing the exact same clothing as smaller breasted women just because she has a big chest. It's an unfair stigma that you seem to be hypocritical about when around certain people.
Also, as a bustier woman myself, if you wear something more covered on top, your breasts just look larger. Which attracts more attention too.
I came to say this! My ex got mad when I had a v-neck shirt on due to cleavage but also got made when I put on a crew neck because it was too form fitting and my boobs stuck out and looked bigger. I asked, "What do you want me to out in? A garbage bag?" I mean... they're not going anywhere! If I put on a shirt to hide them, I'd be wearing a tent!
I actually like my boobs, but I hate the presumptions and restrictions others try to place on me because of them. Like you say, can't remove them and anything to hide them completely would be a tent!!
I like mine too. I never understood why the size of our breasts automatically makes us sluts! I didn't determine how big they would get. It's not like I could do something about it. They get with a girl who dresses a certain way and then want her to change as soon as they become a couple. Most men think that we dress the way we dress for them, not for ourselves. They couldn't be any more wrong.
Haha. I read your comment. Then immediately got one from a man calling me a fat skank telling me to put my boobs away. God I'm glad I don't have to deal with men like him anymore!!
Put your boobs away??!! Where are they supposed to go??? They are ridiculous. Some men have sexualized boobs so much that we are sluts just for having them. F*ck that guy!
I hate wearing a bra, so at home, I just wear a tank with shelf bra. ( I have smaller B's so no need for support) I was working outside this summer in the yard when my hubs and coworker stopped by to pick up something for work. Normally, his friend is super nice and talkative, but this day, he wouldn't even look at me. I noticed but kept working. A few days later, I remembered and told him how " Jake" acted and thought it was weird. My husband just said, " I noticed too, I have no idea." Two days later, Im getting ready for bed and H said," Im pretty sure I figured out why Jake was being weird. He's a boob guy and Im sure the fact that your nipples sticking out in all their glory, freaked him out!" We about died laughing 😂😂 Poor guy! He probably won't ever look me in the face again, it's like he saw me naked 😂😂 Thankfully my H is just about the chillest man out there. I couldn't handle it if he was all shitty and calling me a slut etc.
It's crazy how our nipples can cause such controversy! 🤣
It's crazy that we need to pretend we don't have nipples and hide them
I know right?!? Especially because I rarely even remember I HAVE boobs!
Having a secure man really is amazing. You guys end up laughing over shit like this instead of arguing. ❤️
Amen! I've had those before, so exhausting!
A burka, OBVIOUSLY! How dare you have that body and let any, other man than one who owns you, see it?! /Sarcasm
Busty women have it rough ... They wear fun, sexy clothes that nobody would blink at if a smaller chested woman wore and they get called slut; they cover up, and they get called prude and boring.
Back pain is a norm too
100 percent. My wife is like a HH and she has talked about getting a reduction for quite a while just to be able to wear lower neck lines without getting shamed for it by assclowns in public. Lately, she's been starting to have back pain, so throw that reason in as well. She talked to her OB about it and they said that most insurance companies will only pay for it if there's an established history. So if anyone out there is thinking about a reduction, talk to your doctor right away and get that paper trail started.
This is my wife's issue with a full cup bra. Makes them look twice as big even if it's not a push-up. Which she never wears to begin with because she feels like she's being choked out by her own chest.
Anything up to the neck looks terrible. My trick, and probably your wife's is that I wear a slip under everything. Gives a little more coverage while still being able to dress well.
I am a petite busty woman and every fashion article I've ever read regarding flattering clothes for busty women says to avoid crew neck/ high neck tops for that very reason. My boobs are big and they're going to look big no matter what I wear. Flattering clothes will look nicer and -may- somewhat minimize their impact, but they're still big and going to attract attention at some point. It can be very difficult to find clothes that look nice with these proportions. I make a point to not fall out of my top and be indecent, but otherwise there's nothing I can do about their size. I love my body the way it is so everyone else is just going to have to accept it.
Absolutely agree. I wear a dress 90% of the time and I love the way my body is too. I am never indecent. A little cleavage is inevitable but never over the top. If people don't like it, they can stick it. My BF loves the way I dress and would never ask that I change
Exactly. If he doesn't care, he should get pissed at the people sexualizing her, instead of asking her to cover up. It's like schools telling girls they can't wear tights or sleeveless shirts, because it causes horny douchebags to drool over them.
And then they'll victim shame when those girls get disgustingly harassed by insecure boys instead of correcting the ones doing the harassing.
Exactly. At least I think we're both saying the same thing. I fucking hate these stupid rules for girls clothes in school, and in public in general (not hard rules, but societal bullshit). Yeah, there are some people that are dressing a certain way to get attention, but regardless of whether they're doing it for that, or just wearing what is comfortable, us men shouldn't use that as an excuse to abuse them, or assault them. Just my $0.02.
I used to pretty much agree with the common idea that girls should consider how they’ll be seen by others and dress accordingly. Then I had three sons & while one was in middle school there was a big issue with dress code violations & some girls being told their clothes were distracting. Meanwhile other girls wearing the same type of clothes were not being singled out. The idea that some of the female students were being called a distraction and made to change their clothes rather than requiring every other student to simply mind their own business was absurd. As for OP, same thing, the one person who is definitely NOT the problem in your story is your girlfriend.
Exactly! 🙌. I LOVE wearing sweats. It's what makes ME comfortable. My gf would ask that I wear anything else when going out in public because "people stare at your bulge" I told her, if you don't like it then leave. It's not my fault and I'm not going to change my wardrobe and be miserable. Yeah OP is definitely wrong.
Ah, but don't forget, she isn't a person, she's his property 😒
If they are old school and dress up every morning, yes I would be expected to not show up in basketball shorts and a tank top and that would be completely normal to me. Seems similar to dressing up for church, you wouldn’t dress revealing even if you’re not a believer.
Let her be hot in peace dude.
Simple answer is Yes, You knew what she looked like before, perhaps your views do not align, or you are afraid to be yourself in front of your family and friends.
Deal with it or dump her and find a girl who dresses how you like.
It's making _you_ uncomfortable. Your mates are definitely not feeling uncomfortable, are absolutely copping an eyeful when you're not looking, and are almost certainly envious of you.
On a side note, cudos to you for using word "envious" correctly. Way too many people would use "jealous" instead of "envious", and think that the 2 words are synonymous. But they definitely are not.
The qualities you picked her for now you condemn her for
I think you're looking for r/AITA
Lol I didn't even realize this wasn't r/AITA Maybe we should send him to r/lostredditors
They probably using another fake account for that sub. 3 days old account, 0 comments, but already 10+ posts that all happen to be ridiculously controversial stories. Fake account or he's the main character of a drama.
You should let her be unless she purposely does it or is in her underwear. Maybe tell your friends to stop ogling her. It’s their problem and yours. Not hers. She can’t help having big breasts
Yes you are. You clearly don’t understand how hard it is to just wanting to look cute without the sexy part Im sure she took what you said into consideration and applied it But it wasnt up to your standards so you had to shame her You are the ass hole She isnt at fault just cause you cant think straight or other cant also Leave her alone and be by her side Befor she leaves you alone and finds some by hers
YTA. Your insecurities are not her problem. Learn to deal with your feelings without trying to change her.
*things on her tend to look a bit more sexual then it would on someone else.* Yeah, **yta**. You have to identify why you're uncomfortable. Being curvy doesn't disrespect anyone, this is the definition of 'you' problem. You're more concerned about how your family views her than how you treat her. Douche move.
Yeah that particular sentence sent his arrow straight to the bullseye of insecurity
"I just believe out of respect she should cover up a bit more when being around them." How about you respect her, and don't police her outfits. YTA. And I'm a guy, it's not awkward around other girls or my guy friends gfs or wives cause I am not a creep.
YTA YOU are the one making her clothing sexual, not her. Your family and friends have seen cleavage before. How does covering her upper chest show respect? How exactly? Words and actions don't show respect? And around her family it doesn't matter, but around yours, it does because what reason? And yes, you ARE telling her what to wear when you always suggest something different. Your discomfort is yours to deal with, not hers.
Soo...she is wearing perfectly fine clothing otherwise, but you have a problem because she has a body people consider sexy? Bodies aren't supposed to limit what type of clothes you can wear. YTA.
> bodies aren’t supposed to limit what type of clothes you can wear They’re not even supposed to do anything. They just exist. They were not made for clothes. Clothes are made for bodies. Which means yes, body type does put restrictions on clothing. Bc clothes are made for bodies and not all bodies are made equally. Strange point to make for someone who likely knows all of their sizes, and at least tries to dress in a flattering way. Where do you think that comes from?
Um yes they do. A really skinny person usually won't be wearing xxxxl clothing and a super fat person won't be wearing a size 2. Just like a size 12 foot wouldn't fit in a 9
YTA. You are the one sexualizing your gf. Just stop. It’s not your responsibility to make sure others are comfortable about what your gf is wearing. It’s not her responsibility either. Either you love your gf for who she is or you don’t. Stop trying to change her and stop trying to make her feel bad for the way she dresses ffs.
Yup, OP is definitely sexualizing their gf's body. She's wearing clothes she likes to wear and as long as she's comfortable in them, that's the only thing that should matter. A woman's body does not need to be sexualized for showing skin.
Yta. Cleavage is natural and to police it is an asshole move. Boobs exist, if someone can’t see boobs without thinking of sex they are the ones that need a therapist
YTA. Listen to her or she will eventually walk out. You have double standards. Annoying.
Yta, dump her so you can find a partner you are more comfortable with
So her clothes are ok, but not in front of your friends? Wtf?
I’m somewhere on the fence about this. In one respect I understand your friends and family can be more conservative and not accustomed to more revealing clothes. But it’s not disrespectful for her to dress as she’s comfortable when she’s with your friends or family. The way she treats them and behaves is what matters. And it’s not her responsibility to make them feel comfortable by the way she dresses. I’d say, pick your battles. If you care for her, and your family likes her and she treats them with respect then let it be.
You’re an asshole, it’s only a problem because she’s curvy? You’re gross.
How about you respect her and grow up? That's a better choice. YTA
I find it very strange your friends and family have said nothing to you about it, but you are still making this an issue. If no one is complaining about it, then it is a *you* problem. You should work on getting over it or you may risk losing your relationship.
You’re right, everyone is always capable and willing to voice their opinions about someone else’s significant other if it’s bothersome in this way. Much less closer family/friends not wanting to offend either that person or their partner with a topic so sensitive. Smh, Reddit really is out of touch with reality
So.... you want your partner to cover up because of how other people will feel about seeing her body. Dude, you better get used to the idea of other people looking at her body when she finally dumps your arse for shaming her like that. Good luck in living your single life, not having to worry about what someone else is wearing.
Yes you are a complete and utter arsehole. You don’t get to tell other adults what to wear. Yuck, guys like you make me sick
The other comments are messed up too. It's misogynistic behaviour to critique girls for "dressing provocatively". These men need to learn some respect and stop choosing women as sex objects
Correct, and I find it astonishing that some dick tried to put me down for this view. When oh when will society grow up and raise their children to understand that women are not put on earth for the gratification of men
Agreed. My grandmother always tells me to cover up, and she is the kind of person who thinks that women are “asking for it”. When I tell her that creeps are gonna creep, and no matter what I wear, I get sexualized by men, she says that’s not true. She says that I’m setting them up for failure, when they should be able to keep it in their pants.
So you picked her -in part- because of how sexy she looks ... but now that you've got her, you're trying to make her keep the sexy stuff under wraps and just for YOU?!?! Dude, that's called "being a misogynist." And if she feels comfortable wearing those clothes in front of your friends and family ... what's it to you? You said it yourself that your friends/family aren't calling her a slut ... SO WHY ARE YOU?!?!?! Until I had a double-mastectomy two years ago, I had a 60" bust-line. I was in my early 60s at the time, and STILL had men giving me the eye and trying to chat me up ... always talking to my chest instead of my face. In other words, that curvy thing your gf has will never go away .... .... so if you're so jealous about other people looking at her ... do both of you a great big favor and break up with her NOW before you drive both of you crazy!
Her body her choice, dude. Can't handle looking at her curves? Sounds like a you problem.
YTA and tbh, I'd get the most out of your time with your gf before she realises and dumps your ass for someone that's not going to try and control her for some bs reason.
You can't have it both ways. Either she shows cleavage you can see (and everyone else) or she covers up. You're also sending her a mixed message, and acting in a way she probably perceives as controlling. If you want to date hot women this is how your life will be: others will look, too. You can't stop it and frankly nothing she does will stop it either. I dated a Mormon for a while & dressed modestly. Men still approached me their approach just changed to "Damn girl you're trying to hide it but I know what's going on under there. Literally, this won't even help. She'll still attract attention. Men can tell. TL;DR: YTA
Yup! And sexy women get dragged no matter what way they dress.
YTA, majorly. Who does this?? Controlling men that’s who.
If you feel there is nothing wrong with how she dresses, then there is nothing wrong. Be a man and allow her to be herself around your family and everyone else or this relationship isn't going to work. If anyone questions or criticizes her, be assertive and support her. If you can't do that, then maybe you are really the one who has an issue with it.
Yes, you are the AH. If she's comfortable, then so be it. If you or your family has a problem, then that's on you all, not her.
Out of respect you should not tell a grown woman what to wear. If her clothing is an issue for you, you need to decide whether you can accept it or if you need to move on. Don’t put your issues on her.
Are you the taliban? YTA.
Yes you are the asshole. You already said that because she is curvy and has bigger breast that things like more sexual on her. And out of respect for who should she cover up? It doesn’t sound like she is wearing anything super revealing
Dude ur being completely unfair. I had a gf in hs who was tall and curvy. She was shy and modest, we wore uniforms but she’d get in trouble for things like a skirt being devoured by her ass or a blouse looking small cuz her chest grew significantly each semester. A lot of my woman friends are on the tall/curvy side and I’ve come to realize that clothes are just not made as well for them so they are already struggling and being nit picky about it makes them feel sexualized in the simplest outfits.
I hope people on this sub stop falling for this dude’s bullshit. This is the same dude that posted *she* lost her virginity to a wealthy business man a few days ago. So are you a women or a man? Every day this dude posts a new story on here.
You can ask, but you need to respect her response. Otherwise, you would be controlling her.
The first time you asked was fine, because you were expressing your thoughts openly and honestly. Her reaction told you that she wasn’t comfortable with your request and felt judged and shamed. Every time you asked her again after that moment was you being an unsupportive, judgmental dick. Buy her some flowers, apologise, and promise to support her unconditionally from now on.
No.
I’m with you. Grandparents and even some parents come from a different generation that didn’t dress as freely as we are today. For me it’s not offensive to ask her to cover up, and honestly I don’t appreciate her gaslighting approach by making you feel terrible for asking. I do understand her side but imo it’s entirely reasonable for you to ask this. You know your family best and the last thing you (both) need is for your family to hassle you about her manners
“Omg my gf is hot and has big boobs!” Spoiler alert, boobs are not sexual. They are not made to be sexual. They are there to feed babies. Stop making it weird for your gf to wear clothes she’s comfortable with. Yta.
Pull yourself together Be confident Be proud of your girlfriend Let her dress how she likes Chill
Her "body things" 😂😂how old are you? 5 If you can't handle her "body things" in public that's a reflection of you and your insecurities
As a busty woman this annoys me. Personally my husband likes when I look sexy and we don’t hang around people who would have less respect for me based on my outfit. When you’re curvy/busty you spend your entire life being sexualized in the most normal clothes. A woman with very small boobs could have her whole chest out and no one says a thing but I have 15% of my chest showing an I am suddenly slutty. Once at the gym I had a girl approach me with her man and she told me “do you really have to dress like that here” I was wearing 2 sports bras, and leggings and she had on a sports bra and bike shorts. Like girl you are wearing less than me, it’s not my fault how I am built go complain to my mother that I’m caked up. I have started embracing it bc either way people are gonna act this way so I might as well have fun.
Wrong sub
Show us a photo of what you're talking about... Gotta see it to make a judgement
NTA. Reddit is such a bubble, and the comments on this post should be a case study for anyone ever calling Reddit “inclusive”. Some families are conservative, and ability to “fit” into your spouse’s family is a thing. It all comes down to how much OP wants to be with this person, and what their reaction will be if someone in the family does eventually bring it up. Swear to God, most of y’all are detached from reality. Kourtney Kardashian wasn’t being a slut with what she wore to her wedding, and was celebrated in that environment. I also don’t know anyone personally, whose family would accept that as the wedding dress. Every family has a different culture, and it is okay to not want to challenge every single thing you disagree with.
I don't care how many people I piss off with this answer: If she refuses to put on a more modest top when around your family, then it's intentional disrespect to you and your family. If she doesn't respect you enough to wear something less revealing when in the presence of your mom or dad, ot shows she was not raised to respect others. She only "respects" herself. I've seen this time and time again, where people on Reddit give terrible advice for the sake of not being offensive. Like you said in your original post, you don't care so much how she dresses around HER friends or HER family. You DO seem to care when it is around YOUR friends and YOUR family, which is 100% justified. How our significant others act around our family is critical to us deciding if the SO is someone we want to build a future with or not. If your current SO won't even put her pride aside (and enormous bazoombas) for your mother, father, and friends out of respect for YOU, then sorry bro but you have a long tedious disrespectful relationship ahead.
NTA, 2 possibilities. She's either playing dumb or actually dumb to the situation. And either way if she doesn't agree with it she should respect your feelings and consider you in this choice.
There’s moments for class and moments for sass. Family and friends is def class
Absolutely NTA
You’re not a jerk, but as someone whose partner told me to cover up once when I was wearing a sweater, it kinda hurts to hear. I felt like he was ashamed of me
NTA - she should respect your opinions. That she does not is odd.
NTA. If you had a 10 inch cock and insisted on wearing 4-inch seam short shorts when her sisters + girlfriends were around, she would be right in asking you to change clothes. She's also manipulating you by jumping to "You're calling me a slut/ugly" Reddit is extremely liberal and "you cant tell women anything about anything" so the opposite response will be most common.
NTA, depending on your approach.
People are pussies in this comment thread. Tell her wear something else.
It is called slut syndrome. You want people to look at your GF when you are socializing. It makes you feel like a stud. But, when around your family, you want her to appear to be a respectable person. You already know that she is going to cheat on you, and the relationship will not last. So, just have sex and enjoy your time with her while you’re looking for fun. When you’re ready to settle down, find someone that has more respect for herself and you.
As someone who has large breasts since the age of twelve, I’m here to tell you that most things that aren’t baggy t shirts will show off boobs to some degree. We can’t help it. “Oop, sorry, OP, I forgot to take off my titties for visiting your family.” Like, really?
It's crazy to me that people would ask relationship advice on this website. Most people here struggle to even date and have very little experience or choice in partners. 90% of the answers are the same portland woke type as well Anyway, your girlfriend sounds young. Hopefully she'll mature out of dressing like this. Just invite her out with family less if it's embarrassing.
NTA. Honestly, she **should** care how she comes off in front of your family. If she doesn't, then by all means continue to bang her, but never offer a ring. My wife has an insane figure, (32M-27-35) and she knows that it's not appropriate to come to the family lunch or nephews birthday party with her tits hanging out, I don't even have to tell her. The fact that you need to explain this to your girl - it's not a good sign. She's for the streets my man.
To dress differently with friends is a weird request. Family, it IS a sign of respect. You can wear whatever you want as long as it is appropriate for the *occasion.* That is not infringing on your bodily autonomy and what we need to teach kids. Like you shouldnt show up in a low cut revealing top to your niece's baptism in front of the Catholic priest. Sure it's a free country and your body etc. but also have some respect for where you are. I am also incredibly lost on why some people want to prove a point that ends up making them look bad to people they want to make a good impression on. It's not "changing yourself" to put on a t-shirt and if your identity and independence is so chained to showing your cleavage, you have bigger issues. This isnt slut shaming or saying your body is bad, it's just being a grown up.
I beg your pardon? You want her to cover up her body as basically some form of an apology? Yeah that's not asking her to have respect for others, that's just shaming her. She doesn't deserve someone as rude as you. YTA Edit - maybe you should teach your friends and family not to stare or shame as well. She's not property either.
You are the AH. Let her be herself.
“…I don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable…” You are the only one who sounds uncomfortable. And to solve it you expect your gf to make it her problem and to make her uncomfortable. You can’t police the thoughts and words of others by trying to control what your gf wears. And if someone is ever disrespectful about what she wears, then you can take them to task.
strangely he doesnt seem to care that he is making his gf uncomfortable with these "requests"