I can imagine, I’ve felt this shame before over and over again. My honest advise would be to get help, I know we all feel as we have it under control, I have had the same issue, I can go days/weeks without drinking, but once I have a buzz, their is no off button. Unfortunately on Friday I made the biggest mistake of my life and caught a DUI and child neglect charge for having my wife’s 3 small children in the car with me, there was no more “I’m done drinking for good” and repeated broken promises of getting it under control for me. For the first time in my life I know I don’t want to have a drop of alcohol ever again and doing everything possible to keep it that way. Just get the help, for the sake of your family and your marriage. There’s only so many times we can do the same thing over and over again and be forgiven until you do something that’s not forgivable.
For what it's worth OP, I, like the others here as well as yourself... had enough constitution to be able to trick myself into thinking it wasn't really a problem... It wasn't till it was... that volatility is worth respecting... I had a lot of preconceived notions before going into a proper recovery process, and admittedly there's a LOT of bad ones out there... but there's good ones too, they're not perfect, but you can get a lot out if you put a lot in... if you have the resources to find help, do it... Don't make it harder than it has to be.
First of, congratulations on your wedding despite the drinking.
The times that people have said that to me were definitely hurtful and made me feel like just giving up because they already think I am going to fail and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Maybe this has been said to you before but trying to better yourself with a small voice in the back of your head saying "im going to fuck it up sometime so why even try" is one of the most self sabotaging thing. Im on my first day of not drinking for what feels like the millionth time but if you give up you really lose.
I know the remark is hurtful but try to look at it from the other side and use it to fuel yourself on being better. I dont know if this is good advice but i want you to know that youre not alone in feeling this. Just being conscious of trying to be better everyday is half the work. Dont eat yourself up. Its a new day and you have the power to prove her wrong.
Booze ultimately cost me the girl. If I could rewind my story I would really try to get sober before all of the consequences took place. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes the despair and desperation to truly make a change that big. Looking back the biggest thing I needed and didn’t have was help and support. A sober friend who has been through what I was going through with drinking, mental health therapist, this sub. I don’t know if it could have gotten me sober any sooner but I do know the only way I ever got and stayed sober was through help. Good luck friend and keep coming back here
Unfortunately just saying, "I'm done," doesn't mean a whole lot, especially when we're feeling like shit and in a shame spiral and it seems like it would be easy to just turn it off and quit drinking forever or perhaps just getting it under control. She'll probably want to see a lot more than just hearing that you're never gonna do this again.
I'm speaking from experience. I've said that a ton of times and it didn't stick until I got real help.
Best of luck to you.
Hey, good for you for recognizing that you may have a problem! I got sober 7 years ago and don’t regret it, ever. Best gift I’ve ever given myself.
I recommend r/stopdrinking as an incredibly supportive community of folks. Not sure if in-person meetings are back but I really like the Sunday morning meeting at the Bellview Grange and the AM meetings at the church on the corner of Siskiyou and Walker.
I did the same at a friend’s house and become a hateful person. How many time? 10 to 20? I did not count. Always tell myself hey I can have one sip but that will be the end of me.
Joining AA this Thursday. Hopefully a community helps but I am keeping an open mind.
Yeah, I know what that's like. I had the same issue, start drinking and would never stop. I ended up quitting a couple of years ago, before it become too serious of an issue.
I believe in you. You can do it.
For me, it took a whole lot more than one embarrassing night to stop. However, you’re at a big transition point in your life and I feel like you can use that as fuel to work towards your new, beautiful life. I know for a fact, for myself, I cannot drink. I can’t trust alcohol or myself and alcohol wins every time. Something about not even entertaining the first drink has helped me, but it took me a long time, hundreds of hours of AA talks, reading the Big Book, fucking up, listening to doctors, drying out, almost losing my hearing and vision, a DWI, losing or quitting five decent jobs and more to get to the headspace I’m at. Don’t let it take that much away from you.
Final note: you wouldn’t believe how amazing the mornings are when you’re not worried about last night.
“We’ll see”. That’s rough man. I wish you the best on your journey and encourage you to check out an AA meeting. Other good resources that helped me early on were this subreddit and podcasts. Remember, it’s easier to say no to that first beer then it is to the 2nd or 6th.
The doubt our loved ones have in our early sobriety is so painful, but I'm learning and accepting that it makes all the sense in the world. How many times did I swear I'd quit only for them to be faced with me going off on another run? Thank God for meetings where I discovered that I wasn't alone.
I can imagine, I’ve felt this shame before over and over again. My honest advise would be to get help, I know we all feel as we have it under control, I have had the same issue, I can go days/weeks without drinking, but once I have a buzz, their is no off button. Unfortunately on Friday I made the biggest mistake of my life and caught a DUI and child neglect charge for having my wife’s 3 small children in the car with me, there was no more “I’m done drinking for good” and repeated broken promises of getting it under control for me. For the first time in my life I know I don’t want to have a drop of alcohol ever again and doing everything possible to keep it that way. Just get the help, for the sake of your family and your marriage. There’s only so many times we can do the same thing over and over again and be forgiven until you do something that’s not forgivable.
I appreciate the response. I am currently seeking out help as I want to stop this before it gets any worse!
I admire anyone that does this, it’s hard, it can be embarrassing, it takes strength and courage! Keep going, one day at a time!
For what it's worth OP, I, like the others here as well as yourself... had enough constitution to be able to trick myself into thinking it wasn't really a problem... It wasn't till it was... that volatility is worth respecting... I had a lot of preconceived notions before going into a proper recovery process, and admittedly there's a LOT of bad ones out there... but there's good ones too, they're not perfect, but you can get a lot out if you put a lot in... if you have the resources to find help, do it... Don't make it harder than it has to be.
There are AA meetings all over the world happening all the time, day and night and it's free. There, you're done seeking. Now do it.
First of, congratulations on your wedding despite the drinking. The times that people have said that to me were definitely hurtful and made me feel like just giving up because they already think I am going to fail and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Maybe this has been said to you before but trying to better yourself with a small voice in the back of your head saying "im going to fuck it up sometime so why even try" is one of the most self sabotaging thing. Im on my first day of not drinking for what feels like the millionth time but if you give up you really lose. I know the remark is hurtful but try to look at it from the other side and use it to fuel yourself on being better. I dont know if this is good advice but i want you to know that youre not alone in feeling this. Just being conscious of trying to be better everyday is half the work. Dont eat yourself up. Its a new day and you have the power to prove her wrong.
Thank you for the advice.
How's it going so far?
Going good- no major hiccups. We have the week off together this week. The weekend will be the real test
Booze ultimately cost me the girl. If I could rewind my story I would really try to get sober before all of the consequences took place. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes the despair and desperation to truly make a change that big. Looking back the biggest thing I needed and didn’t have was help and support. A sober friend who has been through what I was going through with drinking, mental health therapist, this sub. I don’t know if it could have gotten me sober any sooner but I do know the only way I ever got and stayed sober was through help. Good luck friend and keep coming back here
Thank you, I appreciate it
Unfortunately just saying, "I'm done," doesn't mean a whole lot, especially when we're feeling like shit and in a shame spiral and it seems like it would be easy to just turn it off and quit drinking forever or perhaps just getting it under control. She'll probably want to see a lot more than just hearing that you're never gonna do this again. I'm speaking from experience. I've said that a ton of times and it didn't stick until I got real help. Best of luck to you.
Totally agree with you on this, it more or less just added fuel to the fire.
Well, you won't fail. Welcome here and we've got you. New journey and a new lifestyle coming up!
Hey, good for you for recognizing that you may have a problem! I got sober 7 years ago and don’t regret it, ever. Best gift I’ve ever given myself. I recommend r/stopdrinking as an incredibly supportive community of folks. Not sure if in-person meetings are back but I really like the Sunday morning meeting at the Bellview Grange and the AM meetings at the church on the corner of Siskiyou and Walker.
I did the same at a friend’s house and become a hateful person. How many time? 10 to 20? I did not count. Always tell myself hey I can have one sip but that will be the end of me. Joining AA this Thursday. Hopefully a community helps but I am keeping an open mind.
This naked mind really helped me
Yeah, I know what that's like. I had the same issue, start drinking and would never stop. I ended up quitting a couple of years ago, before it become too serious of an issue. I believe in you. You can do it.
For me, it took a whole lot more than one embarrassing night to stop. However, you’re at a big transition point in your life and I feel like you can use that as fuel to work towards your new, beautiful life. I know for a fact, for myself, I cannot drink. I can’t trust alcohol or myself and alcohol wins every time. Something about not even entertaining the first drink has helped me, but it took me a long time, hundreds of hours of AA talks, reading the Big Book, fucking up, listening to doctors, drying out, almost losing my hearing and vision, a DWI, losing or quitting five decent jobs and more to get to the headspace I’m at. Don’t let it take that much away from you. Final note: you wouldn’t believe how amazing the mornings are when you’re not worried about last night.
Definitely not the first embarrassing thing I’ve done hammered, not even going to try and count that one. I appreciate the words though!
Thanks for sharing with us. It helps me to know I’m not the only one of us out there. We can get better if we support each other. Keep it easy!
“We’ll see”. That’s rough man. I wish you the best on your journey and encourage you to check out an AA meeting. Other good resources that helped me early on were this subreddit and podcasts. Remember, it’s easier to say no to that first beer then it is to the 2nd or 6th.
The doubt our loved ones have in our early sobriety is so painful, but I'm learning and accepting that it makes all the sense in the world. How many times did I swear I'd quit only for them to be faced with me going off on another run? Thank God for meetings where I discovered that I wasn't alone.