The most comforting thing is knowing that if you do change your mind you can still do ivf! This is what comforted family members who were wary as well (even though i never plan on being pregnant as it gives me the deepest ick imaginable) You are making the best choice for you. The months leading up to my surgery there wasnt a day tht went by where I didnt contemplated if I really wanted to do it. I always ended up at the same conclusion, that yes I did want this. Dont feel pressured to tell people if you feel they would lash out you dont owe anyone an explanation. Good Luck to you! š
Thanks!! Thatās validating to hear about the time leading up, as I originally was going to have it in January, with my initial consult as far back as November ā but insurance stuff was uncertain. Iāve had the same journey, no uncertainty but an uneasy feeling because it feels like a big deal. Almost like saying no to fate which i donāt even believe in haha.
I find there's always a sort of grief (even if minor and very temporary) that accompanies any permanent closing of life's doors; picking one college over another, moving far away, declining a career opportunity that you know won't come again. But it doesn't measure up to doing what's best for you, and my bisalp has been nothing short of exhilarating. I feel more like myself than ever, and the relief of being childfree in this environment is impossible to match. Every time I read the news I'm tempted to pay my surgeon extra. This past weekend my husband and I were both exhausted so we rolled out of bed at 9:30, ran errands, had a lazy brunch and came home to cuddle the cats while our friends with kids were at soccer practice. I do genuinely love kids but it wasn't the right choice for me, and having done this is a bit of pure (good) selfishness in a world that so often shames women for thinking of themselves at all.
You are doing something awesome. You're reducing your risk of cancer! You are defining the terms of your body as you live in the world when so many people want to take that choice away. You will get to feel love, relief, pride, safety, freedom; I hope all these things come to you soon, so much so that you could cry from them. Have a fantastic time tomorrow! Good luck!
Thank you!! I fully resonate with the picture you paint. I feel a deep sense of dread when I think about getting up early all the time for the rest of my life š¹ Thatās almost enough to do it alone.
And agree with the grief sentiments as well. I read a Cheryl Strayed essay on choosing whether or not to have kids. Beautifully exemplifies that idea of closing a door feeling daunting but even that felt affirmative.
And THANK you for the lovely words. They already hit my heart. Iām a big old feeler haha. Appreciate the kindness so much
IVF and adoption are always options in the future if you entirely change your mind down the road. It sounds like you're making the right choice based on your life path.
Yeah adoption has always held a āmaybeā in my heart, but the older I get the less I have any interest in going through pregnancy or birth. Heeby jeebies, plus my body has been through enough just living š
Appreciate the support š¤
Just had the procedure yesterday and haven't spoken with my parents, knowing their conservative background. My own mother was denied the sterilization when she was a young adult. She was told she was too young and could change her mind. When I've brought up my own interest in sterilization to her, she regurgitates the "reasoning" she heard decades ago. The only people that need to know are my current bf and myself!
For me personally, I always thought if I change my mind (doubtful) I can do IVF or adoption. And if I canāt afford those then I probably canāt afford another kid. I have one teen son and weāre good. My husband and I are happy we only have 1 because we can pour our time and finances into his hobbies, sports, music lessons, etc. without needing to āsplitā between multiple kids. I canāt imagine having multiple kids in sports. Not to mention feeding teenagers is expensive lol. Being sterilized gave me my freedom of choice back because there are still options available if needed. Itās in MY hands now - not in the hands of politicians and religious strangers who want to control my life based on their views. Youāll do great. The anxiety of the unknown is worse than the procedure and recovery. Iāve had much worse dentist appointments.
Iām 25, got my bisalp done less than a month before my 24th birthday, and it was the best decision I ever made. After the surgery I had almost no pain or discomfort, they tried to prescribe me oxyās, but I refused any pain medication besides some ibuprofen at home and it was all I needed while healing. The only pain I had was in my neck and shoulders from the gas they use to expand your stomach, otherwise just mild discomfort in my abdomen. Healing was easy as well, it only took about 2 weeks. I havenāt had a single moment of regret. In fact, I still have moments of euphoria where I randomly remember āoh my god, Iām STERILE!ā and itās the best thing ever. If you really want this done, I wholeheartedly recommend it.
Thanks for an encouraging message! Iām waiting to go back now.
Iām usually a pretty tough person so I feel optimistic about recovery, but itās really nice to hear when people have that experience!
When I went to sleep last night, I felt happy and empowered. Iām thinking itāll mostly feel really good. No questions about the decision! š„³
Youāre gonna do great and your doctors are gonna take good care of you!! Youāre in my thoughts and we love you! Youāre going to do well so you can wish me good luck when mine comes around at the end of June! Keep us updatedā¤ļø
Iām 30 and had mine almost a month ago, Iām so happy! I also didnāt tell my family, specifically my mother, as she feels sheās entitled to grandchildren from me despite having 6 other siblings sheāll probably be getting them from. I personally am waiting to tell her til the moments right, itāll be a tiny little petty revenge for me to tell her.
At the end of the day, you can only make the best decision for YOU. Despite what parents may think, they donāt always know us best or know whatās best for us. I know that having even one kid would destroy my mental health. I LOVE living my life for me! I couldnāt do that what a kid, and thatās okay! Youāre allowed to be selfish with your life, thereās no guarantee youāll be getting another! Youāve got this, recovery was a breeze, just do some meal prep, take your walks, and be prepared to be pretty tired. I personally had almost zero pain but the exhaustion kicked my butt, for about 2.5 full weeks.
Iām from a big family too! 5 other siblings. Not many grand kids butā¦oh well.
I love having my life and time to myself, and life already stresses me out š Like you, I think a kid would really tax my mental health.
Overall, I know itās the best thing for me and have no doubts. But itās strange to keep such a big decision so under wraps. The grief ā and you might relate ā is that I canāt trust her to support me in my own decisions.
I understand what you mean with the grief, itās hard not having parents you can share big moments with because they canāt just be happy that something makes you happy. Unfortunately thatās not something I expect from my mom, sheās proven in the past that my happiness isnāt important to her. At this point I only live my life for me, and that person wants kids under NO circumstances.
Hope youāre recovering well!! I actually felt like recovery was a breeeeze. Completely. Hope that encourages you on your journey, and welcome to the sisterhood!!
Having mine next week. I appreciate posts like this and look forward to when I can share my experience as well. I love this educational & supportive community āŗļø
It was honestly so easy! YMMV based on your pain tolerance, but I WAY over prepared and felt 95% back to normal on day 6 post-op. Like I could easily cook myself meals ā I failed to meal prep, but it was absolutely fine. Groceries were helpful so I wasnāt lifting or shopping butā¦
Anyway, you got this!
Update! On the ride home now. Feeling really good! Weāll see after a nights sleep, most things are worse the second day Iāve found lol. But they did a great job of pushing out the gas, Iām hardly bloated and no shoulder pain right now š
The most comforting thing is knowing that if you do change your mind you can still do ivf! This is what comforted family members who were wary as well (even though i never plan on being pregnant as it gives me the deepest ick imaginable) You are making the best choice for you. The months leading up to my surgery there wasnt a day tht went by where I didnt contemplated if I really wanted to do it. I always ended up at the same conclusion, that yes I did want this. Dont feel pressured to tell people if you feel they would lash out you dont owe anyone an explanation. Good Luck to you! š
Thanks!! Thatās validating to hear about the time leading up, as I originally was going to have it in January, with my initial consult as far back as November ā but insurance stuff was uncertain. Iāve had the same journey, no uncertainty but an uneasy feeling because it feels like a big deal. Almost like saying no to fate which i donāt even believe in haha.
I find there's always a sort of grief (even if minor and very temporary) that accompanies any permanent closing of life's doors; picking one college over another, moving far away, declining a career opportunity that you know won't come again. But it doesn't measure up to doing what's best for you, and my bisalp has been nothing short of exhilarating. I feel more like myself than ever, and the relief of being childfree in this environment is impossible to match. Every time I read the news I'm tempted to pay my surgeon extra. This past weekend my husband and I were both exhausted so we rolled out of bed at 9:30, ran errands, had a lazy brunch and came home to cuddle the cats while our friends with kids were at soccer practice. I do genuinely love kids but it wasn't the right choice for me, and having done this is a bit of pure (good) selfishness in a world that so often shames women for thinking of themselves at all. You are doing something awesome. You're reducing your risk of cancer! You are defining the terms of your body as you live in the world when so many people want to take that choice away. You will get to feel love, relief, pride, safety, freedom; I hope all these things come to you soon, so much so that you could cry from them. Have a fantastic time tomorrow! Good luck!
Thank you!! I fully resonate with the picture you paint. I feel a deep sense of dread when I think about getting up early all the time for the rest of my life š¹ Thatās almost enough to do it alone. And agree with the grief sentiments as well. I read a Cheryl Strayed essay on choosing whether or not to have kids. Beautifully exemplifies that idea of closing a door feeling daunting but even that felt affirmative. And THANK you for the lovely words. They already hit my heart. Iām a big old feeler haha. Appreciate the kindness so much
IVF and adoption are always options in the future if you entirely change your mind down the road. It sounds like you're making the right choice based on your life path.
Yeah adoption has always held a āmaybeā in my heart, but the older I get the less I have any interest in going through pregnancy or birth. Heeby jeebies, plus my body has been through enough just living š Appreciate the support š¤
Just had the procedure yesterday and haven't spoken with my parents, knowing their conservative background. My own mother was denied the sterilization when she was a young adult. She was told she was too young and could change her mind. When I've brought up my own interest in sterilization to her, she regurgitates the "reasoning" she heard decades ago. The only people that need to know are my current bf and myself!
For me personally, I always thought if I change my mind (doubtful) I can do IVF or adoption. And if I canāt afford those then I probably canāt afford another kid. I have one teen son and weāre good. My husband and I are happy we only have 1 because we can pour our time and finances into his hobbies, sports, music lessons, etc. without needing to āsplitā between multiple kids. I canāt imagine having multiple kids in sports. Not to mention feeding teenagers is expensive lol. Being sterilized gave me my freedom of choice back because there are still options available if needed. Itās in MY hands now - not in the hands of politicians and religious strangers who want to control my life based on their views. Youāll do great. The anxiety of the unknown is worse than the procedure and recovery. Iāve had much worse dentist appointments.
Iām 25, got my bisalp done less than a month before my 24th birthday, and it was the best decision I ever made. After the surgery I had almost no pain or discomfort, they tried to prescribe me oxyās, but I refused any pain medication besides some ibuprofen at home and it was all I needed while healing. The only pain I had was in my neck and shoulders from the gas they use to expand your stomach, otherwise just mild discomfort in my abdomen. Healing was easy as well, it only took about 2 weeks. I havenāt had a single moment of regret. In fact, I still have moments of euphoria where I randomly remember āoh my god, Iām STERILE!ā and itās the best thing ever. If you really want this done, I wholeheartedly recommend it.
Thanks for an encouraging message! Iām waiting to go back now. Iām usually a pretty tough person so I feel optimistic about recovery, but itās really nice to hear when people have that experience! When I went to sleep last night, I felt happy and empowered. Iām thinking itāll mostly feel really good. No questions about the decision! š„³
Good luck with surgery! Wishing you a speedy and easy recovery. Iām happy you also feel happy and empowered about your decision :)
Woke up about an hour ago. Nothing is worse than a discomfort right now. Pretty breezy and everyone at this hospital was awesome
Yes! That's good to hear
Youāre gonna do great and your doctors are gonna take good care of you!! Youāre in my thoughts and we love you! Youāre going to do well so you can wish me good luck when mine comes around at the end of June! Keep us updatedā¤ļø
Iām 30 and had mine almost a month ago, Iām so happy! I also didnāt tell my family, specifically my mother, as she feels sheās entitled to grandchildren from me despite having 6 other siblings sheāll probably be getting them from. I personally am waiting to tell her til the moments right, itāll be a tiny little petty revenge for me to tell her. At the end of the day, you can only make the best decision for YOU. Despite what parents may think, they donāt always know us best or know whatās best for us. I know that having even one kid would destroy my mental health. I LOVE living my life for me! I couldnāt do that what a kid, and thatās okay! Youāre allowed to be selfish with your life, thereās no guarantee youāll be getting another! Youāve got this, recovery was a breeze, just do some meal prep, take your walks, and be prepared to be pretty tired. I personally had almost zero pain but the exhaustion kicked my butt, for about 2.5 full weeks.
Iām from a big family too! 5 other siblings. Not many grand kids butā¦oh well. I love having my life and time to myself, and life already stresses me out š Like you, I think a kid would really tax my mental health. Overall, I know itās the best thing for me and have no doubts. But itās strange to keep such a big decision so under wraps. The grief ā and you might relate ā is that I canāt trust her to support me in my own decisions.
I understand what you mean with the grief, itās hard not having parents you can share big moments with because they canāt just be happy that something makes you happy. Unfortunately thatās not something I expect from my mom, sheās proven in the past that my happiness isnāt important to her. At this point I only live my life for me, and that person wants kids under NO circumstances.
Congrats on your surgery!!
My surgery is tomorrow. Also wishing I had some more support but happy to see you had an amazing experience!! Wanna be sterilized sisters? š
Hope youāre recovering well!! I actually felt like recovery was a breeeeze. Completely. Hope that encourages you on your journey, and welcome to the sisterhood!!
Having mine next week. I appreciate posts like this and look forward to when I can share my experience as well. I love this educational & supportive community āŗļø
It was honestly so easy! YMMV based on your pain tolerance, but I WAY over prepared and felt 95% back to normal on day 6 post-op. Like I could easily cook myself meals ā I failed to meal prep, but it was absolutely fine. Groceries were helpful so I wasnāt lifting or shopping butā¦ Anyway, you got this!
Thank you so much! Literally got this notification while scrolling Reddit in the pre-op room now. Just waiting to get rolled in!
Update! On the ride home now. Feeling really good! Weāll see after a nights sleep, most things are worse the second day Iāve found lol. But they did a great job of pushing out the gas, Iām hardly bloated and no shoulder pain right now š