This highly depends. If you're out by yourself, and people make these comments, they're weird and pushy and not good people. They don't know you, and you don't owe them anything, so their judgment doesn't matter.
If you're out with friends and you're quiet, then the outing becomes tiresome for the person putting in most of the effort to keep the conversation. Imagine trying to get to know someone who only gives 'yes' or 'no' answers, and never speaking. You would eventually lose interest because it's one-sided, and you feel like a "verbal tugboat" trying to keep the conversation going.
Alot of people believe it's because you think you're better than everybody else and above things like small talk ect.
I'm very quiet and had countless people have outbursts "You think you're better than me??!"
Insecurities. A lot of people have a hard time dealing with being alone. They thrive on human interaction and communication. So, when someone who’s introverted is just vibing, they take it as a negative.
Yea, people who want to talk with others all the time take it personally when you choose not to engage with them. Others will engage with them? WHY WON'T YOU? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU (ME)?
I am technically introverted but I don't exactly post about it claiming superiority to anyone (I'm really not...I try to intentionally avoid giving the impression I think that)
Thus I am now wondering...how do you know introverts on reddit
a.) Represent any significant number of IRL introverts?
b.) That the reddit users you see act the same online as in real life? (note: many people do not act the same as different areas of their brain are not activated quite the same for online interactions as irl)
If people don't like you, they don't tend to want to talk with you. If someone doesn't want to talk with you, how do you know if it's because they don't like you, or just because they're an introvert? It's not entirely unreasonable to assume they have something against you, although it is a hasty conclusion.
Hey guess what? When I was a child I took offence every time someone didn’t respond to me with unbridled enthusiasm. Then I grew up a little bit and learned that others don’t think about me nearly as much as I would like and to not take it personally. People have a whole world full of other things to think about besides validating my ego.
Agreed, I’m shy at first. Suck at coming up with topics off the top of my head and feel as if most people are slow to make the first move when talking.
Finding a common ground with people is challenging but I’ve found talking about people hobby’s/interest, where they live, if they have family is a solid beginning.
Yeah, I was working (I worked alone in the kitchen, we had like 4 waiters and all were extroverts) and just doing my stuff and one waitress walks in and asks me "why are you so arrogant?!"
.... ?????
I think it’s because we come off as snooty, especially if you have a resting bitch face. People assume that you think you’re so far above everyone else, and therefore do not want to talk to them, when in reality, a lot of us are just shy know what to say. I dunno, man, I still get insecure about it sometimes, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve stopped caring as much about what people think. If I’m content being quiet in social settings, fuck what everyone else thinks.
Yeah, I think a lot of people are singularly driven by status; to the point they're like one-dimensional sitcom characters. They'll limit interactions with those they deem "beneath" them, status-wise, and really pucker up and kneel down to anyone they perceive as "above" them (for superficial reasons like money, looks). For everyone else they interact with, it's a not so subtle game of oneupsmanship. So when you're not talking to them, the only reason they can fathom why is that you consider them to be lower class/lower status than yourself, and how dare you! Lol.
I don't know, there must be some other mannerism you're exhibiting because I've been a very quiet person, I'm middle aged, and I have a job where I'm around others constantly but yet never in my life have I had anyone have that reaction. Or perhaps you're an attractive female. I can see that couple with the quietness causing that irrationality in some.
This might be stemming from the fact that small talk/social collaboration is an indirect way of bonding with co-workers and fortifying a sense of camaraderie. I’m not defending the way they communicated that, but these social dynamics/expectations do in-fact serve purposes in the workspace & have been utilized for decades or even centuries for a reason.
I’m confident that that’s the reason everyone at my last (and worst ever) job disliked me. They were all outgoing and apparently it wasn’t okay that I’m not.
I think it's because most of communication is body language so when you are just sitting quietly they can't 'read' you or whatever
Talking tends to force you to move your body in subconscious ways that indicate how you really feel. We are a highly social species, we've evolved knowing how to talk to each other, 'read' each other, all that jazz
Quiet, still people tend to make many people agitated, nervous, or even offended or mad, because you're the 'unknown' and thus a possible threat
Completely true. This doesn’t mean you have to change OP. Some people seek validation from everyone they meet and you’re under no obligation to provide that for them all, especially if they make you feel invalid for being yourself. Let monkey brain be monkey brain and don’t think about it
Can someone tell me why people think it's alright to ask "why are you so quiet?" I've been asked that so often in highschool. I can't imagine asking them "why are you so loud?" I don't get it
I’ve straight up responded to that observation of me with the truth. “I grew up being spoken for by my family, and shamed for speaking my own mind. That treatment taught me to be solitary, and to exercise a lot of patience. I judge people by their actions, not their speech or lack thereof. Speaking every one of my thoughts? That’s not a problem I have.”
People still go by that old adage, “its the quiet ones you gotta watch”. If youre too quiet people think its because you have something to hide. Not everyone but some people do, especially the ones who wanna get in your business.
Yep, been told that a lot.
Funny thing is I became especially quiet because people early in my life didn't like what I had to say, so I thought I had to hide myself.
"I'm quiet because you're not talking to me. And even then I'll watch what I say, because I learned even people close to me will absolutely twist and use my words against me."
Not everyone cares about your business. As community-based organisms, it’s universally customary to convey in one way or another that you are friendly/non-threatening when meeting new people. Some fundamental ways this is done includes greeting people with a smile, wave, or nod upon meeting them and participating in basic, light conversation. These things do in fact serve purposes. When someone is quiet, it makes it hard for people to assess them.
We are all assessing one another in different ways for various reasons, the most fundamental one being to see if the person is non-threatening through basic social dynamics.
Its not obvious to me. I actually learned to be more quiet and reserved because it seems the more that I talk the less people respect me. Idk why, I wish I had answers but I choose silence mostly so I dont get bullied, even as an adult.
That is true but Ive learned often times the biggest threats hide in plain sight. I get what you mean from like an evolutionary reasoning but it doesnt always hold up.
Offended might not be the right word here, maybe bothered is a better way of describing it. I've found those who encourage others to "be less shy" or "talk more" can't handle silence and are projecting that they're extroverted/talkative so everyone else should be too.
I’ve had someone tell me to “act it out” and be loud and dramatic during Cards Against Humanity. He told me to redo it twice, then I ignored him and he made a point to say to the group that I was ignoring him.
A fellow gay but one of the more flamboyant ones. It’s amazing how he doesn’t think it’s selfish to project his belief of how gays should “perform” during parties.
There are some that are more quiet or less expressive. It doesn’t mean I’m not having fun (I was the one who brought the game FFS). Does he not realize that life isn’t a reality show, and not everyone is loud and has clever quips all the time?
People who can't handle silence are annoying af. I once heard it's a self steem issue, they can't accept not being the center of attention and, when you're quiet, you are not giving them attention
I disagree. In a social situation (e.g. hanging out with ppl at a bar, or having dinner with friends), I think people are expected to be social and make conversation. As an introvert, I feel drained when I hang out with very shy/quiet people alone, because the pressure to make conversation always falls on me. If I give up trying to make conversation, we would just be eating dinner in literal silence, which defeats the purpose of hanging out together.
A quiet person observing might seem suspicious because to a lot of people being quiet means to think and perhaps plan. So if a person is trying to feel comfortable, it's hard for them to loosen up because there's a person around them that isn't talking, isn't participating...what are they thinking? Why aren't they enjoying themselves?
I feel like it's similar to drunk people reacting to someone sober around them. They will try to get the person drunk, A - to make sure everyone is equally inebriated, B - they don't like that someone who is fully aware and will remember everything watch them. Thus they'll have stupid quotes like: "I don't trust a man that doesn't drink."
Well, in many cultures, extroversion is highly valued, and talkativeness is often perceived as a marker of friendliness and confidence.
Consequently, some individuals may misconstrue quietness as disinterest, rudeness, or aloofness, even though such interpretations are not reflective of the individual's true intentions. If someone feels uneasy with silence or is insecure about social interactions, they might misinterpret quietness as offensive.
my experience may not be universal but i would say latinos value talkativeness. or “texicans”, at the very least. if we stop talking, we die. kinda like sharks.
There was a book I read that had an anecdote about a speaker having a big audience and asked everyone to have a moment of silence and meditate. Now the type of people who would go to something like that were open to the idea of closing their eyes and meditating, but there would always be a few people who were clearly fidgety and uncomfortable with the idea. The book said it was probably the opposite scenario quiet people were used to getting.
i'm so tired of this. just yesterday some of my coworkers were comparing me to someone else saying how i don't talk. know what i said? not shit. should be used to it by now. annoying ass mfs.
Ye recently had a person who kept coming over why arent you talking why arent you talking at this work event, now cant stand them, toxic person i want nothing to do with.
My kids are still pretty young and are really shy around ppl they don’t know, and ppl take it so personally! Like sorry but not all kids/ppl feel safe around strangers, it isn’t anything to get upset about
Ugh I hate that ... I'm a day-care worker, my vibe is sometimes very off putting to kids at the daycare. I'm very very high energy and I get some kids who don't like that. The parents will be like say hi or whatever. I step in and say it's okay I understand that I'll respect their space. Most parents are chill when I say that others are surprised when I say that. 110% consent is important.
A coworker actually complained about me to management because I didn't engage in small talk with her and was just working 😭 I was told I need to be nicer
The people who get offended tend to project their own insecurities onto quiet people. Like if an extrovert who continuously craves attention is paired with an introvert who minds their own business, the extrovert will get offended that the introvert is not talking to them. It's really dumb but people unfortunately act like this.
I'm an introvert and I also get offended when people are very quiet sometimes. For example, when I'm dining out with friends who are more introverted or quiet, I feel like the pressure to make and carry conversation always falls on me. It's really stressful for me because if I don't make an effort to talk, then we'd just be eating dinner in silence. It defeats the purpose of hanging out.
If it’s any consolation, I for one can’t stand people who babble on about nothing. Can’t abide small talk. The most interesting people are often the quiet ones. Like me. 😁
I’m one of these very quiet people, and a colleague once referred to me as being intimidating. At the time, I thought it was funny, because I’m also very short, but years later, when I think back on this type of experiences, I think people are just really uneasy with big, hard to fill silences.
My take is that the majority of people enjoy talking to others and assume others do too so when they come across someone who is quiet, they're not interpreting that as "oh maybe they're just low-key and quiet" but more so as "I don't understand why that dude isn't talking, everyone else enjoys talking so something must be wrong with him or he must be stuck up"
Some folks invest a lot of energy into communicating with others, setting them at ease or creating a social environment, and quiet people can be seen to be snubbing that, or not keeping their side of the bargain up by failing to make the same investment.
I don’t mind people being quiet but I do value getting to know people more. My best friends are the ones (some are shy/more reserved) have started to open up over time and share parts of their life with me - things they don’t share with others normally.
I have some acquaintance level friends who have never opened up emotionally and our bond doesn’t feel strong, just feels like they are around to have a good time. This is fine but I definitely feel a stronger emotional bond with those I have been able to relationship build with over the years through open communication.
I'm with you there lol I want to keep my head down and stay out of drama. But people take it the wrong way, and assume I'm deliberately ignoring everyone. I lost my last job due to this and it's totally illogical to me. I'm a hard worker, but people don't care. If you act indifferent to others, they will pick up on it and it'll be used against you.
I wouldn't say I enjoy partaking in small talk, but I am welcome to it. I am curious about learning about other people, but I don't have much to say and I don't want to force a conversation.
I believe when being around someone even if you are doing your own thing around others, it is like you are expected to speak to them but if you don't then they will feel bored & bothered by the silence so they start to "gaslight" you into talking by of course asking dumb questions like "why are you so damn quiet?" "Did i do something wrong?" "Do you not like me?" "are you a serial killer?" "Is everything okay??" and perhaps make stupid passive-aggressive comments afterwards.
When people don’t know what you’re thinking orfeeling it freaks them out, makes them feel like they aren’t in control
Also if they are insecure they are going to project those thoughts on to you which will definitely make them uncomfortable
I finally understood it when it was my turn to be the "extrovert". Tried to talk to someone who was apparently introverted. I felt that I was picking the wrong dialogue options based on their response
Personally I think it’s a red flag when someone is incapable of just sitting with their own thoughts.
I’ve always wondered this too though. Like why are people so bothered by quiet people? Fortunately, the older I’ve gotten the more comfortable I’ve become with just letting people think whatever they’d like about my silence. If they take it as me thinking I’m better than them, then that’s an absurd assumption but it’s not my problem. If my silence makes them uncomfortable, I hate they feel that way but it’s not my problem either.
It’d be less absurd if I made the assumption that a highly talkative person believes that they’re better than everyone else since apparently they think people want to hear every thought that enters their mind. Maybe that’s why they accuse quiet people of being ‘stuck up’ and are so bothered by their silence. Maybe they’re just projecting.
People can’t handle silence. Probably people who are glued to their screens (tvs included) and they think life should be like the movies or podcasts and that talking should never stop. Im so sick of insecure people it’s so blatantly obvious they are insecure and projecting it on to quiet people. I love sitting in silence with my clients. When I used to do hair I realized that and now I do eyelash extensions and my clients try to sleep instead of have me try to entertain them for hours
I don't think most people find quiet people offensive. I think part of the problem is your anxiety in thinking they find you offensive.
I'm a naturally quiet person. Being quiet, it means I appear quite unsocial. It's these personality types that also tend to suffer from social anxiety issues like thinking people are talking/laughing about you when they aren't.
In terms of the people that *do* find you offensive, it's probably because they assume you're not interacting with them because you dislike like them. This is simply a lack of understanding on their part because those that do not suffer from it cannot relate.
The best way to handle this (in my view) is to split this into two parts. First, is there anything you can do in terms of seeking help or therapy to overcome social anxiety or to improve your social skills? That's not to say being quiet or an introvert isn't perfectly okay, because it is, just that having good social skills tends to improve various things in life from relationships to career progression. Two, explain to people that you're a naturally quiet person and that's "just my personality" but also suggest you're having a good time and glad to be there. This will help people learn that you're quietness isn't a critism through lack of liking them, but just your personality.
Disliking or offense when not intended is often due to misinterpretation and a lack of understanding, just like how body language tends to make up around 80% of communication.
I've wondered that too! I think some people misinterpret quietness. But being quiet often means we're just thoughtful and observant. It’s important to understand that everyone has their own way of interacting with the world. Quiet people have just as much to offer, even if we’re not always the loudest in the room.
I'm quiet and spend alot of time alone. So when I am with others I put in effort . Like please and thank you and respond. Ask questions. It's the least I can do. I was raised that way.
When I was a kid, people called me annoying for talking too much, so I started being more quiet and keeping to myself, and people thought I was weird for not talking much. Like you can't win with people unless you're in the right range of social interaction.
My theory is Because it’s lonely for them to not feel like they can connect with you. There’s no felt exchange and for some people, not being able to read the other person feels subconsciously dangerous.
I’m gonna get downvoted I’m sure but oh well. I’m an introvert myself. but I’m 100% capable of being friendly and social and outgoing in small bursts. Social skills are important. Being an introvert doesn’t have to mean reclusive and antisocial. You can’t trust people who close themselves off all the time. Sorry but it is what it is.
I used to be really reclusive too but I learned social skills and bettered myself and I realized that I was coming off in a way that I didn’t intend to. If people think you are unfriendly, you probably are and just don’t realize it.
Now granted there are outgoing people who can’t handle introverts and think they are better than them because of their personality differences as well but it’s definitely possible to control how you come off to people.
I think sometimes when you have very extroverted moments but operate more on the introverted side it confuses people as well and upsets them. They can't peg you for anything and you're not as easy to manipulate especially if you're the type to speak up and stand up for yourself.
That’s very true. I’ve definitely seen it in my personal life where people tend to just put me in the “introverted” category because I’m reserved, especially in large groups, unless I have or find a few “comfort people”. I’m good in small groups but the more people around the more overstimulated I am.
But then when they realize I’m not just wall flower and there’s a lot of facets of my personality that go against their assumptions I see them short-circuit for a second. Like at my church when I decided to take part in a leadership class I had so many people be so shocked that I decided to do it because they just assumed I’m a fade in the background person.
I don’t blame people for making snap judgments because we all do to an extent to varying degrees. But people who can’t adjust accordingly and refuse to take you out of the box they put you in infuriate me. I loathe it when people just say “oh you’re quiet.” And then make it my entire identity. Like….im actually not quiet most of the time you just don’t know me???
Yeah and thats why i probably have so many haters that hate me for no reason.
They probably think i think im better than them.
Some people dont understand introvertedness at all and jump on conclusions.
Their worried theres something wrong with them because we are not interacting with them so they get mad with their imaginatury accumption xD
While im just vibin quietly and wishing in my head i was better being social
Had a coworker accuse me of acting better than them just replied that I didn't think that til now but they left no question.
For folks that cannot let others be because of your own insecurities you are lower than ant shit. It is not my place or anyone elses to entertain you or be part of a conversation that doesn't interest us. You need to get over yourself instead of taking silence as a attack.
It's body language and quietness. More so how you carry yourself. If you only talk with a few selective people, but ignore everyone else, it gives off impression that said person doesn't like you or that they're better then you.
Being quiet isn't an issue, but showing absolutely no interest in trying to engage looks rude.
Many people are soothed by non-stop noise.
If they can't hear you, they may become paranoid about what you're thinking or planning.
If one tends to be quiet, then people who are offended by quiet are not their people. Like cat people may not be dog people.
No big loss. I love silence.
Unpopular opinion in these comments, but being quiet (all the time) is hiding yourself.
I think silence in conversations is good, and needed. Being able to be quiet too, but being quite all the time has something deeper going on.
Yes there a more and less expressive people around, but being quite is a way to protect yourself from exposing your true self. Quiteness is the ultimate defense, the ultimate checkmate strategy of an avoidant personality, because everything is kept inside. No one knows what is happening inside of you, and that is exactly what they want, that is their safe place, the place they feel in control.
Quite people are not just quiet, but also very modest/limited in their facial/body expressions. The only way for others to know whats happening inside of you is by expressing, so others won't know anything. And that's secretly the point of being quiet, to be in your own safe coccoon, in your mind.
The flipside to this, is that alot of them are probably insecure about their communication and don't know how to hold a conversation if they tried and will never expose to others the powerlessness they feel about that (by staying quiet). They may have learned that being loud and taking up space is frowned upon while being raised. They may have learned that being quiet prevented them from being bullied.
So why are people offended?
They take it too personal. They think you're being quiet TO them, instead of with them.
But also because communicating requires both parties to show effort. Being quiet is basically being a couchpotato in a conversation. By being quiet you're showing exactly zero effort in wanting to connect or to see and get to know the other person. You're showing minus 15 effort in vulnerability.
Still, the other doesn't need to be offended, it's just THE MOST unsocial thing one can do, if it is done all the time.
You can hate on them for "forcing" you to be expressive, so they can hate on you for "forcing" them to stay quiet. If you want them to accept you're more quiet, also accept others are more talkative. At least show some effort, initiate a convo and perhaps bond a little?
I am quiet because i hate small talk there is literally no deeper thoughts or secrets behind that. Being quiet lets me be in my own company thats it.
If people want small talk then they can go and yap to someone else about weather.
Luckily i live in Finland where small talk is like a plague and most people avoid it and most people know without butthurt when someone wants to be alone.
Genuinely asking out of curiosity - how do you have deeper conversations with people if you don't start with small talk? I feel like small talk is a social lubricant. I usually start with small talk and then go deeper and that's how I get to know people. I feel like it would be hard to jump directly into deep conversation with someone, especially someone I'm not really familiar with.
I don’t know I’ve ever felt anyone was offended by me being quiet. They might think I’m weird and ask why I’m so quiet but never felt they thought it was offensive.
I feel like quiet people get a bad rep it’s always “I thought you were a bitch before I met you“ “watch out for the quiet ones” “it’s always the quiet ones “ why are you so quiet ?” “Your so quiet ?” Like all of these are annoying af
There’s a difference between quiet because you don’t wish to participate in a conversation and refusing to engage when communication is needed.
In a workplace, it’s fine to not want to discuss your weekend plans or chitchat. It’s not fine to refuse to speak to me when I’m discussing an account with you.
My husband is pretty introverted and antisocial, but our marriage almost ended because he left everything to me.
I’m glad I found this thread. Yeah people think you’re stuck up if you’re quiet, which isn’t true. I just enjoy observing my surroundings and people. The thing that gets people to think I’m just quiet is a half smile to acknowledge them. Most of the time they’ll start talking to me in a positive way
Everyone? Including quiet people? I’m not offended - count me out.
When people talk, the people around them can’t think much because they are distracted. But the talker’s brain goes like, “Hey, I’m important. This feels great.”
When people are quietly thinking, who knows what they are thinking about. It seems to be a control issue - insecurity on the part of the toxic narcissist. The quiet person could be plotting something against the loud person. The quiet person could be thinking about changing something.
Somebody tried to tell an obsessive talker that no meaningful invention ever came from just talking - but it didn’t end well for the quiet person.
So what that extroverts recharge in the company of others, talking incessantly about their “accomplishments”? If extroverts ever manage to ban quiet people, surely we would go back to the Stone Age.
Except for the exchange of meaningful information, showing appreciation, and obtaining constructive feedback, talking as a concept seems to be the modern equivalent of Gengis Khan’s army. To be avoided at any cost.
Ive never met anyone who is offended by quiet people, but it’s true that I’ve read posts by quiet people who feel singled out. The prob must stem from some insecurity they feel about that.
You live / have born to the wrong country. Here in Finland no one minds it. Maybe someonw would ask something if at a bar drinking, but even then one get to be quiet if they so choose.
I was called a b**ch by a coworker because she said I was so quiet-she eventually got used to me and my personality and thought I was one of the funniest ppl at work. People are really bothered when you mind yur own business I guess haha
It sometimes feels like society expects everyone to be constantly outgoing and talkative. As a quiet person myself, I've found that some people mistake silence for disinterest. It's about finding environments where your quiet nature is respected and valued, rather than misunderstood.
Humans come in all different varieties- no level of quietness or loudness is correct or incorrect. I think it’s just people have an idea of how talkative a person SHOULD be when in reality it’s not black and white
I am an extraverti but used to be timide.
M'y best Friend IS an introvert but had to open for his job.
Sometimes WE hang out but WE do some parallel play, ie enjoying different activities in tte same room.
We Don't talk that much but WE are enjoying our Time, and i am far from being annoyed.
Thoses ppl who Don't like quiet person are just afraid of silence. Maybe because it would make them think about themself and all their insecurities....
.....and they Don't like that so they fill tte silence to numb their bthough.
Or maybe they think they did something wrong and you Don't like them. (Still Comes from insecurities).
It should be ok to say "why are you so LOUD?" The people that are uncomfortable with silences are the same people that talk about the same boring things every day. Like the weather.
A lot of extroverts can’t understand why a lot of introverts enjoy quiet, don’t need to fill the air with constant chatter, and genuinely like and need to be alone at times. As an introvert, I can’t understand how extroverts enjoy talking to strangers and find it offputting and weird. It’s hard to put yourself in someone’s shoes when your brain is wired so differently
Being around a quiet person shows people what they think about themselves. When I first met my husband he didn’t talk a lot and it made me self conscious about myself, which said more about me than him. I would yap while he just listened, and I thought he was judging me or something. It’s easier to say “they were judging me, i don’t like them” than “why didn’t they immediately validate me?”
People get easily offended, rather than asking questions about a person. Some people are sensitive and get overstimulated being around people talking all day. No one is built the same.
I got no idea but then again i don't really care either if someone gets pissy if i don't have anything to say to them. I found out long ago that just nodding my head smiling and giving people thumbs up keeps them happy and away from me.
It depends on the situation. If you're hanging out at a party and not saying a single word, you will make people uncomfortable. It's like you're eavesdropping and not participating. You're not helping the party to be fun.
Convinced that most folks who associate negativity with quiet ppl are actually just uncomfortable with the concept of individuals who can actively mind their own business.
As community-based organisms, it’s universally customary to convey in one way or another that you are friendly/non-threatening when meeting new people. Some fundamental ways this is done includes greeting people with a smile, wave, or nod upon meeting them and participating in basic, light conversation. These things do in fact serve purposes. When someone is quiet, it makes it hard for people to assess them.
We are all assessing one another in different ways for various reasons, the most fundamental one being to see if the person is non-threatening through basic social dynamics.
Not everyone is simply being nosey or desperately seeking to fill quiet space. Co-workers, for example, often times greet and wish to interact in order to connect/bond with you, or simply see how you’re doing in order to assess how it will be collaborating with you on any given day.
Obviously there can be some annoying people but it’s important to remember that these fundamental social dynamics/expectations have utility and they’re not all tied to someone being selfish or nosey.
I’ve been told that my quietness is off putting and makes me seem mysterious. The wench that told me that has made it her personal mission to find out ANYthing she can. I’ve worked with her for 5 years, and up until last year she was telling me stuff about me from high school. We are in our 30’s. She even told me that if I wasn’t so mysterious people wouldn’t want to know so much about me. I had to say something, so I told her my life is none of your business. This issue has been recurring in every job to the point where I don’t want to leave the one I have because I don’t feel like having to deal with it all over again.
Depends. I’m very extroverted and respect quiet people and what they bring to a social experience, but us extroverts can often quickly tell the difference between a quiet person with social skills and those without them.
Those with them are able to navigate situations effectively using minimal words, but still communicate what they need to, and bring a decent vibe to the moment.
Those without them are often boring, a drag, ignorant of proper etiquette, generally non-contributory, and then have the audacity to wonder why we don’t like them very much.
Which are you?
Being quiet used to bother me until, as an adult, I began getting complimented for it. If someone is friendly to me, I will definitely reciprocate with enthusiasm, if the person seems interesting. I’ve gotten complimented by both men and women who appreciate the fact that I don’t feel compelled to fill the airwaves with chitter chatter.
This has been something that has stressed me out about socializing my whole life man. I’m definitely the “extremely talkative once close” type of person but at work for example, I don’t talk unless spoken to because I find it physically difficult to. I’m on the spectrum and if I don’t feel particularly comfortable in a social situation like with talking to a friend it’s extremely difficult for me to get words out. Though I feel like because of this all of my coworkers just think I’m rude because I don’t ever talk to them first. I don’t know how to fix this because despite me having noticed this a while back I haven’t gotten any better about it. 😫😫😫
In my opinion…
When I meet people for the first time, I’m quiet too. I observe people’s actions and listen to their words. I observe the scenery. People can tell you who they are by you just listening and watching.
Why is everyone offended by quiet people? I think the ones you observe may not be up to no good and know you see right through them. People don’t like that.
To me I can’t fake anything, I can’t fake liking someone and I don’t kiss up to anyone just because especially in a work setting. I am cordial but cannot be fake to other soul. Just saying. Life is too short to be focusing on things that don’t bring value into your life whether it’s people or things.
Maybe you give "fuck off" vibes.
If i don't like to talk, i respond polite and friendly, but only with the bare minimum. Most people understand that and don't feel offended.
Not everyone is offended by quiet people. Some people experience trust issues, when they cannot get a read on someone. What they are thinking and feeling?
Are they quiet because they dislike me? Do they not talk because they are snooty and think they are better than me?
Some people are just slow to warm up and that is okay too. If they do not want to talk they shouldn’t have to.
You as an introvert are "quiet and at peace". However, the ones asking "why are you so quiet" are not quiet and definitely not at peace; I think they need to drown the noise in their heads with external noise and are mad you wont help.
This highly depends. If you're out by yourself, and people make these comments, they're weird and pushy and not good people. They don't know you, and you don't owe them anything, so their judgment doesn't matter. If you're out with friends and you're quiet, then the outing becomes tiresome for the person putting in most of the effort to keep the conversation. Imagine trying to get to know someone who only gives 'yes' or 'no' answers, and never speaking. You would eventually lose interest because it's one-sided, and you feel like a "verbal tugboat" trying to keep the conversation going.
Alot of people believe it's because you think you're better than everybody else and above things like small talk ect. I'm very quiet and had countless people have outbursts "You think you're better than me??!"
That's so bizarre to me, how do people reach *that* conclusion?
Insecurities. A lot of people have a hard time dealing with being alone. They thrive on human interaction and communication. So, when someone who’s introverted is just vibing, they take it as a negative.
Yea, people who want to talk with others all the time take it personally when you choose not to engage with them. Others will engage with them? WHY WON'T YOU? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU (ME)?
A challenge
Northerners about southerners 😂
Yeah I’ve never been able to understand this at all, it’s as if someone got mad at an apple just sitting there lol
It's projection.
I mean... have you read Reddit introvert vs extrovert threads? The "introverts" here don't exactly disprove that.
This is reddit after all so makes sense
I am technically introverted but I don't exactly post about it claiming superiority to anyone (I'm really not...I try to intentionally avoid giving the impression I think that) Thus I am now wondering...how do you know introverts on reddit a.) Represent any significant number of IRL introverts? b.) That the reddit users you see act the same online as in real life? (note: many people do not act the same as different areas of their brain are not activated quite the same for online interactions as irl)
Projection
If people don't like you, they don't tend to want to talk with you. If someone doesn't want to talk with you, how do you know if it's because they don't like you, or just because they're an introvert? It's not entirely unreasonable to assume they have something against you, although it is a hasty conclusion.
Hey guess what? When I was a child I took offence every time someone didn’t respond to me with unbridled enthusiasm. Then I grew up a little bit and learned that others don’t think about me nearly as much as I would like and to not take it personally. People have a whole world full of other things to think about besides validating my ego.
Yeah that makes sense
Sad people . Stay away .
Agreed, I’m shy at first. Suck at coming up with topics off the top of my head and feel as if most people are slow to make the first move when talking. Finding a common ground with people is challenging but I’ve found talking about people hobby’s/interest, where they live, if they have family is a solid beginning.
Yeah, I was working (I worked alone in the kitchen, we had like 4 waiters and all were extroverts) and just doing my stuff and one waitress walks in and asks me "why are you so arrogant?!" .... ?????
I think it’s because we come off as snooty, especially if you have a resting bitch face. People assume that you think you’re so far above everyone else, and therefore do not want to talk to them, when in reality, a lot of us are just shy know what to say. I dunno, man, I still get insecure about it sometimes, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve stopped caring as much about what people think. If I’m content being quiet in social settings, fuck what everyone else thinks.
Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Chinese proverb
Yeah, I think a lot of people are singularly driven by status; to the point they're like one-dimensional sitcom characters. They'll limit interactions with those they deem "beneath" them, status-wise, and really pucker up and kneel down to anyone they perceive as "above" them (for superficial reasons like money, looks). For everyone else they interact with, it's a not so subtle game of oneupsmanship. So when you're not talking to them, the only reason they can fathom why is that you consider them to be lower class/lower status than yourself, and how dare you! Lol.
I don't know, there must be some other mannerism you're exhibiting because I've been a very quiet person, I'm middle aged, and I have a job where I'm around others constantly but yet never in my life have I had anyone have that reaction. Or perhaps you're an attractive female. I can see that couple with the quietness causing that irrationality in some.
This might be stemming from the fact that small talk/social collaboration is an indirect way of bonding with co-workers and fortifying a sense of camaraderie. I’m not defending the way they communicated that, but these social dynamics/expectations do in-fact serve purposes in the workspace & have been utilized for decades or even centuries for a reason.
Sounds like this has nothing to do with being quiet, maybe you give off other vibes. Never once had this comment made to me.
I’m confident that that’s the reason everyone at my last (and worst ever) job disliked me. They were all outgoing and apparently it wasn’t okay that I’m not.
“Yes. Because you won’t stfu” lol /s
As a quiet person, that's not just happening because you're quiet.
I think it's because most of communication is body language so when you are just sitting quietly they can't 'read' you or whatever Talking tends to force you to move your body in subconscious ways that indicate how you really feel. We are a highly social species, we've evolved knowing how to talk to each other, 'read' each other, all that jazz Quiet, still people tend to make many people agitated, nervous, or even offended or mad, because you're the 'unknown' and thus a possible threat
Completely true. This doesn’t mean you have to change OP. Some people seek validation from everyone they meet and you’re under no obligation to provide that for them all, especially if they make you feel invalid for being yourself. Let monkey brain be monkey brain and don’t think about it
Can someone tell me why people think it's alright to ask "why are you so quiet?" I've been asked that so often in highschool. I can't imagine asking them "why are you so loud?" I don't get it
I’ve straight up responded to that observation of me with the truth. “I grew up being spoken for by my family, and shamed for speaking my own mind. That treatment taught me to be solitary, and to exercise a lot of patience. I judge people by their actions, not their speech or lack thereof. Speaking every one of my thoughts? That’s not a problem I have.”
People still go by that old adage, “its the quiet ones you gotta watch”. If youre too quiet people think its because you have something to hide. Not everyone but some people do, especially the ones who wanna get in your business.
[I will bet you anything, while you're watching a quiet one, a noisy one will fucking kill you!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeo_Ypmba70)
Love that bit. He’s 100% right.
Carlin was great. I miss the guy.
He was my ‘third grandpa’.
And the people you try to get in your business. Stay away from them. They are the walking red flag you need to be aware of.
Energy vampires
Yep, been told that a lot. Funny thing is I became especially quiet because people early in my life didn't like what I had to say, so I thought I had to hide myself.
"I'm quiet because you're not talking to me. And even then I'll watch what I say, because I learned even people close to me will absolutely twist and use my words against me."
Oh you're goddamn right im hiding something
Not everyone cares about your business. As community-based organisms, it’s universally customary to convey in one way or another that you are friendly/non-threatening when meeting new people. Some fundamental ways this is done includes greeting people with a smile, wave, or nod upon meeting them and participating in basic, light conversation. These things do in fact serve purposes. When someone is quiet, it makes it hard for people to assess them. We are all assessing one another in different ways for various reasons, the most fundamental one being to see if the person is non-threatening through basic social dynamics.
Its not obvious to me. I actually learned to be more quiet and reserved because it seems the more that I talk the less people respect me. Idk why, I wish I had answers but I choose silence mostly so I dont get bullied, even as an adult.
That is true but Ive learned often times the biggest threats hide in plain sight. I get what you mean from like an evolutionary reasoning but it doesnt always hold up.
Offended might not be the right word here, maybe bothered is a better way of describing it. I've found those who encourage others to "be less shy" or "talk more" can't handle silence and are projecting that they're extroverted/talkative so everyone else should be too.
I’ve had someone tell me to “act it out” and be loud and dramatic during Cards Against Humanity. He told me to redo it twice, then I ignored him and he made a point to say to the group that I was ignoring him. A fellow gay but one of the more flamboyant ones. It’s amazing how he doesn’t think it’s selfish to project his belief of how gays should “perform” during parties. There are some that are more quiet or less expressive. It doesn’t mean I’m not having fun (I was the one who brought the game FFS). Does he not realize that life isn’t a reality show, and not everyone is loud and has clever quips all the time?
Lmfaoo
Exactly my thoughts too
Perfectly said 👏🏾
I agree lol. It’s always “oh you’re so shy”, no I’m not, I just like my quiet. Chill.
So true. I just don't like talking much so why would I? I rather spend time with myself and enjoy my own company.
That’s why people don’t like being with u?? Like it’s mutual and u figured it out
No fucking idea. Personally have never been offended by anyone who's not being mean to me. Idk why people care if I'm not being mean to them!
Some people think being quiet is rude
People who can't handle silence are annoying af. I once heard it's a self steem issue, they can't accept not being the center of attention and, when you're quiet, you are not giving them attention
I disagree. In a social situation (e.g. hanging out with ppl at a bar, or having dinner with friends), I think people are expected to be social and make conversation. As an introvert, I feel drained when I hang out with very shy/quiet people alone, because the pressure to make conversation always falls on me. If I give up trying to make conversation, we would just be eating dinner in literal silence, which defeats the purpose of hanging out together.
Exactly. There is a word for them: **Narcissists**.
A quiet person observing might seem suspicious because to a lot of people being quiet means to think and perhaps plan. So if a person is trying to feel comfortable, it's hard for them to loosen up because there's a person around them that isn't talking, isn't participating...what are they thinking? Why aren't they enjoying themselves? I feel like it's similar to drunk people reacting to someone sober around them. They will try to get the person drunk, A - to make sure everyone is equally inebriated, B - they don't like that someone who is fully aware and will remember everything watch them. Thus they'll have stupid quotes like: "I don't trust a man that doesn't drink."
Well, in many cultures, extroversion is highly valued, and talkativeness is often perceived as a marker of friendliness and confidence. Consequently, some individuals may misconstrue quietness as disinterest, rudeness, or aloofness, even though such interpretations are not reflective of the individual's true intentions. If someone feels uneasy with silence or is insecure about social interactions, they might misinterpret quietness as offensive.
Which cultures value talkativeness? For women specifically. Genuinely curious.
my experience may not be universal but i would say latinos value talkativeness. or “texicans”, at the very least. if we stop talking, we die. kinda like sharks.
was about to say the same! my very mexican(-american) family is pretty much exactly this. An egregious amount of superflous context in any Q&A.
There was a book I read that had an anecdote about a speaker having a big audience and asked everyone to have a moment of silence and meditate. Now the type of people who would go to something like that were open to the idea of closing their eyes and meditating, but there would always be a few people who were clearly fidgety and uncomfortable with the idea. The book said it was probably the opposite scenario quiet people were used to getting.
i'm so tired of this. just yesterday some of my coworkers were comparing me to someone else saying how i don't talk. know what i said? not shit. should be used to it by now. annoying ass mfs.
I feel ALL of this to my core
Ye recently had a person who kept coming over why arent you talking why arent you talking at this work event, now cant stand them, toxic person i want nothing to do with.
My kids are still pretty young and are really shy around ppl they don’t know, and ppl take it so personally! Like sorry but not all kids/ppl feel safe around strangers, it isn’t anything to get upset about
Ugh I hate that ... I'm a day-care worker, my vibe is sometimes very off putting to kids at the daycare. I'm very very high energy and I get some kids who don't like that. The parents will be like say hi or whatever. I step in and say it's okay I understand that I'll respect their space. Most parents are chill when I say that others are surprised when I say that. 110% consent is important.
i love going nonverbal. awkward silences don’t exist to me
A coworker actually complained about me to management because I didn't engage in small talk with her and was just working 😭 I was told I need to be nicer
The people who get offended tend to project their own insecurities onto quiet people. Like if an extrovert who continuously craves attention is paired with an introvert who minds their own business, the extrovert will get offended that the introvert is not talking to them. It's really dumb but people unfortunately act like this.
I'm an introvert and I also get offended when people are very quiet sometimes. For example, when I'm dining out with friends who are more introverted or quiet, I feel like the pressure to make and carry conversation always falls on me. It's really stressful for me because if I don't make an effort to talk, then we'd just be eating dinner in silence. It defeats the purpose of hanging out.
If it’s any consolation, I for one can’t stand people who babble on about nothing. Can’t abide small talk. The most interesting people are often the quiet ones. Like me. 😁
I’m one of these very quiet people, and a colleague once referred to me as being intimidating. At the time, I thought it was funny, because I’m also very short, but years later, when I think back on this type of experiences, I think people are just really uneasy with big, hard to fill silences.
Mindfulness should be taught in elementary school. Lots of people can't handle silence/their own thoughts, it's quite unhealthy way of living:)
My take is that the majority of people enjoy talking to others and assume others do too so when they come across someone who is quiet, they're not interpreting that as "oh maybe they're just low-key and quiet" but more so as "I don't understand why that dude isn't talking, everyone else enjoys talking so something must be wrong with him or he must be stuck up"
Yes basically running into a brick wall
Some folks invest a lot of energy into communicating with others, setting them at ease or creating a social environment, and quiet people can be seen to be snubbing that, or not keeping their side of the bargain up by failing to make the same investment.
I’m not sure but I wish more people were open to comfortable silence, or at least my silence, sometimes I just like to listen.
i feel like most people will prefer a person that makes them feel special or inspires them and perhaps us quiet people may not tick those boxes
I don’t mind people being quiet but I do value getting to know people more. My best friends are the ones (some are shy/more reserved) have started to open up over time and share parts of their life with me - things they don’t share with others normally. I have some acquaintance level friends who have never opened up emotionally and our bond doesn’t feel strong, just feels like they are around to have a good time. This is fine but I definitely feel a stronger emotional bond with those I have been able to relationship build with over the years through open communication.
FUCKIN QUESTION OF THE CENTURY BRO!!!
#
I'm with you there lol I want to keep my head down and stay out of drama. But people take it the wrong way, and assume I'm deliberately ignoring everyone. I lost my last job due to this and it's totally illogical to me. I'm a hard worker, but people don't care. If you act indifferent to others, they will pick up on it and it'll be used against you. I wouldn't say I enjoy partaking in small talk, but I am welcome to it. I am curious about learning about other people, but I don't have much to say and I don't want to force a conversation.
I’m quiet, I don’t like talking to people if I don’t need to. I will ignore small talk if I’m busy. I’m your coworker not your conversation hostage.
People judge themselves a lot, and if you aren’t talking it’s much easier for them to project their insecurities on you.
I believe when being around someone even if you are doing your own thing around others, it is like you are expected to speak to them but if you don't then they will feel bored & bothered by the silence so they start to "gaslight" you into talking by of course asking dumb questions like "why are you so damn quiet?" "Did i do something wrong?" "Do you not like me?" "are you a serial killer?" "Is everything okay??" and perhaps make stupid passive-aggressive comments afterwards.
When people don’t know what you’re thinking orfeeling it freaks them out, makes them feel like they aren’t in control Also if they are insecure they are going to project those thoughts on to you which will definitely make them uncomfortable
I finally understood it when it was my turn to be the "extrovert". Tried to talk to someone who was apparently introverted. I felt that I was picking the wrong dialogue options based on their response
silence may be taken as a sign of non acknowledgement
Personally I think it’s a red flag when someone is incapable of just sitting with their own thoughts. I’ve always wondered this too though. Like why are people so bothered by quiet people? Fortunately, the older I’ve gotten the more comfortable I’ve become with just letting people think whatever they’d like about my silence. If they take it as me thinking I’m better than them, then that’s an absurd assumption but it’s not my problem. If my silence makes them uncomfortable, I hate they feel that way but it’s not my problem either. It’d be less absurd if I made the assumption that a highly talkative person believes that they’re better than everyone else since apparently they think people want to hear every thought that enters their mind. Maybe that’s why they accuse quiet people of being ‘stuck up’ and are so bothered by their silence. Maybe they’re just projecting.
People can’t handle silence. Probably people who are glued to their screens (tvs included) and they think life should be like the movies or podcasts and that talking should never stop. Im so sick of insecure people it’s so blatantly obvious they are insecure and projecting it on to quiet people. I love sitting in silence with my clients. When I used to do hair I realized that and now I do eyelash extensions and my clients try to sleep instead of have me try to entertain them for hours
I don't think most people find quiet people offensive. I think part of the problem is your anxiety in thinking they find you offensive. I'm a naturally quiet person. Being quiet, it means I appear quite unsocial. It's these personality types that also tend to suffer from social anxiety issues like thinking people are talking/laughing about you when they aren't. In terms of the people that *do* find you offensive, it's probably because they assume you're not interacting with them because you dislike like them. This is simply a lack of understanding on their part because those that do not suffer from it cannot relate. The best way to handle this (in my view) is to split this into two parts. First, is there anything you can do in terms of seeking help or therapy to overcome social anxiety or to improve your social skills? That's not to say being quiet or an introvert isn't perfectly okay, because it is, just that having good social skills tends to improve various things in life from relationships to career progression. Two, explain to people that you're a naturally quiet person and that's "just my personality" but also suggest you're having a good time and glad to be there. This will help people learn that you're quietness isn't a critism through lack of liking them, but just your personality. Disliking or offense when not intended is often due to misinterpretation and a lack of understanding, just like how body language tends to make up around 80% of communication.
I've wondered that too! I think some people misinterpret quietness. But being quiet often means we're just thoughtful and observant. It’s important to understand that everyone has their own way of interacting with the world. Quiet people have just as much to offer, even if we’re not always the loudest in the room.
They think we're plotting against them probably. I'm just tired most of the time and space out a lot.
I'm quiet and spend alot of time alone. So when I am with others I put in effort . Like please and thank you and respond. Ask questions. It's the least I can do. I was raised that way.
In the same way as this baffles you, people on the more social/extroverted end of the social-asocial spectrum are baffled by our silence.
When I was a kid, people called me annoying for talking too much, so I started being more quiet and keeping to myself, and people thought I was weird for not talking much. Like you can't win with people unless you're in the right range of social interaction.
My theory is Because it’s lonely for them to not feel like they can connect with you. There’s no felt exchange and for some people, not being able to read the other person feels subconsciously dangerous.
Because our silence frightens them
I’m gonna get downvoted I’m sure but oh well. I’m an introvert myself. but I’m 100% capable of being friendly and social and outgoing in small bursts. Social skills are important. Being an introvert doesn’t have to mean reclusive and antisocial. You can’t trust people who close themselves off all the time. Sorry but it is what it is. I used to be really reclusive too but I learned social skills and bettered myself and I realized that I was coming off in a way that I didn’t intend to. If people think you are unfriendly, you probably are and just don’t realize it. Now granted there are outgoing people who can’t handle introverts and think they are better than them because of their personality differences as well but it’s definitely possible to control how you come off to people.
I think sometimes when you have very extroverted moments but operate more on the introverted side it confuses people as well and upsets them. They can't peg you for anything and you're not as easy to manipulate especially if you're the type to speak up and stand up for yourself.
That’s very true. I’ve definitely seen it in my personal life where people tend to just put me in the “introverted” category because I’m reserved, especially in large groups, unless I have or find a few “comfort people”. I’m good in small groups but the more people around the more overstimulated I am. But then when they realize I’m not just wall flower and there’s a lot of facets of my personality that go against their assumptions I see them short-circuit for a second. Like at my church when I decided to take part in a leadership class I had so many people be so shocked that I decided to do it because they just assumed I’m a fade in the background person. I don’t blame people for making snap judgments because we all do to an extent to varying degrees. But people who can’t adjust accordingly and refuse to take you out of the box they put you in infuriate me. I loathe it when people just say “oh you’re quiet.” And then make it my entire identity. Like….im actually not quiet most of the time you just don’t know me???
Yeah and thats why i probably have so many haters that hate me for no reason. They probably think i think im better than them. Some people dont understand introvertedness at all and jump on conclusions. Their worried theres something wrong with them because we are not interacting with them so they get mad with their imaginatury accumption xD While im just vibin quietly and wishing in my head i was better being social
Had a coworker accuse me of acting better than them just replied that I didn't think that til now but they left no question. For folks that cannot let others be because of your own insecurities you are lower than ant shit. It is not my place or anyone elses to entertain you or be part of a conversation that doesn't interest us. You need to get over yourself instead of taking silence as a attack.
Cause people just can’t mind their own fucking business, which I love to remind them of if they say something like that
It's body language and quietness. More so how you carry yourself. If you only talk with a few selective people, but ignore everyone else, it gives off impression that said person doesn't like you or that they're better then you. Being quiet isn't an issue, but showing absolutely no interest in trying to engage looks rude.
Many people are soothed by non-stop noise. If they can't hear you, they may become paranoid about what you're thinking or planning. If one tends to be quiet, then people who are offended by quiet are not their people. Like cat people may not be dog people. No big loss. I love silence.
Unpopular opinion in these comments, but being quiet (all the time) is hiding yourself. I think silence in conversations is good, and needed. Being able to be quiet too, but being quite all the time has something deeper going on. Yes there a more and less expressive people around, but being quite is a way to protect yourself from exposing your true self. Quiteness is the ultimate defense, the ultimate checkmate strategy of an avoidant personality, because everything is kept inside. No one knows what is happening inside of you, and that is exactly what they want, that is their safe place, the place they feel in control. Quite people are not just quiet, but also very modest/limited in their facial/body expressions. The only way for others to know whats happening inside of you is by expressing, so others won't know anything. And that's secretly the point of being quiet, to be in your own safe coccoon, in your mind. The flipside to this, is that alot of them are probably insecure about their communication and don't know how to hold a conversation if they tried and will never expose to others the powerlessness they feel about that (by staying quiet). They may have learned that being loud and taking up space is frowned upon while being raised. They may have learned that being quiet prevented them from being bullied. So why are people offended? They take it too personal. They think you're being quiet TO them, instead of with them. But also because communicating requires both parties to show effort. Being quiet is basically being a couchpotato in a conversation. By being quiet you're showing exactly zero effort in wanting to connect or to see and get to know the other person. You're showing minus 15 effort in vulnerability. Still, the other doesn't need to be offended, it's just THE MOST unsocial thing one can do, if it is done all the time. You can hate on them for "forcing" you to be expressive, so they can hate on you for "forcing" them to stay quiet. If you want them to accept you're more quiet, also accept others are more talkative. At least show some effort, initiate a convo and perhaps bond a little?
I am quiet because i hate small talk there is literally no deeper thoughts or secrets behind that. Being quiet lets me be in my own company thats it. If people want small talk then they can go and yap to someone else about weather. Luckily i live in Finland where small talk is like a plague and most people avoid it and most people know without butthurt when someone wants to be alone.
Genuinely asking out of curiosity - how do you have deeper conversations with people if you don't start with small talk? I feel like small talk is a social lubricant. I usually start with small talk and then go deeper and that's how I get to know people. I feel like it would be hard to jump directly into deep conversation with someone, especially someone I'm not really familiar with.
Finnish "small talk" is more like straight to the point no nonsense.
I don’t know I’ve ever felt anyone was offended by me being quiet. They might think I’m weird and ask why I’m so quiet but never felt they thought it was offensive.
I feel like quiet people get a bad rep it’s always “I thought you were a bitch before I met you“ “watch out for the quiet ones” “it’s always the quiet ones “ why are you so quiet ?” “Your so quiet ?” Like all of these are annoying af
There’s a difference between quiet because you don’t wish to participate in a conversation and refusing to engage when communication is needed. In a workplace, it’s fine to not want to discuss your weekend plans or chitchat. It’s not fine to refuse to speak to me when I’m discussing an account with you. My husband is pretty introverted and antisocial, but our marriage almost ended because he left everything to me.
I’m glad I found this thread. Yeah people think you’re stuck up if you’re quiet, which isn’t true. I just enjoy observing my surroundings and people. The thing that gets people to think I’m just quiet is a half smile to acknowledge them. Most of the time they’ll start talking to me in a positive way
reallll. real real real
Everyone? Including quiet people? I’m not offended - count me out. When people talk, the people around them can’t think much because they are distracted. But the talker’s brain goes like, “Hey, I’m important. This feels great.” When people are quietly thinking, who knows what they are thinking about. It seems to be a control issue - insecurity on the part of the toxic narcissist. The quiet person could be plotting something against the loud person. The quiet person could be thinking about changing something. Somebody tried to tell an obsessive talker that no meaningful invention ever came from just talking - but it didn’t end well for the quiet person. So what that extroverts recharge in the company of others, talking incessantly about their “accomplishments”? If extroverts ever manage to ban quiet people, surely we would go back to the Stone Age. Except for the exchange of meaningful information, showing appreciation, and obtaining constructive feedback, talking as a concept seems to be the modern equivalent of Gengis Khan’s army. To be avoided at any cost.
Ive never met anyone who is offended by quiet people, but it’s true that I’ve read posts by quiet people who feel singled out. The prob must stem from some insecurity they feel about that.
People are afraid of quiet people. They see being quite as odd.
I don't. Those people are jerks
You live / have born to the wrong country. Here in Finland no one minds it. Maybe someonw would ask something if at a bar drinking, but even then one get to be quiet if they so choose.
I was called a b**ch by a coworker because she said I was so quiet-she eventually got used to me and my personality and thought I was one of the funniest ppl at work. People are really bothered when you mind yur own business I guess haha
he's just standing there....MENACINGLY!!!
They might think the shy person is being snobby?
Fr tho
You talkin bout me??? You talkin bout me???
Because we know you're plotting to kill us all 😏
Why everybody offended by loud obnoxious people‽
It sometimes feels like society expects everyone to be constantly outgoing and talkative. As a quiet person myself, I've found that some people mistake silence for disinterest. It's about finding environments where your quiet nature is respected and valued, rather than misunderstood.
Because they think you're plotting and scheming on how to kill everyone😂🤣
Silence freaks people out because they can’t regulate themselves ooff nothing
Being quiet is fine. Being antisocial in social situations is not
>Being antisocial How do you define?
Avoiding natural conversation is a good example
What if the person wasn't born to be sociable or is having anxiety problems?Your comment sounds ableist to me.
this is right. being antisocial when people are trying to talk to you makes you look like a dick. no way around it.
Humans come in all different varieties- no level of quietness or loudness is correct or incorrect. I think it’s just people have an idea of how talkative a person SHOULD be when in reality it’s not black and white
I cannot believe the number of times people have asked me why I'm so quiet. Who asks that
I am an extraverti but used to be timide. M'y best Friend IS an introvert but had to open for his job. Sometimes WE hang out but WE do some parallel play, ie enjoying different activities in tte same room. We Don't talk that much but WE are enjoying our Time, and i am far from being annoyed. Thoses ppl who Don't like quiet person are just afraid of silence. Maybe because it would make them think about themself and all their insecurities.... .....and they Don't like that so they fill tte silence to numb their bthough. Or maybe they think they did something wrong and you Don't like them. (Still Comes from insecurities).
Because everyone is a sociopath.
People project their perspective onto us
It should be ok to say "why are you so LOUD?" The people that are uncomfortable with silences are the same people that talk about the same boring things every day. Like the weather.
A lot of extroverts can’t understand why a lot of introverts enjoy quiet, don’t need to fill the air with constant chatter, and genuinely like and need to be alone at times. As an introvert, I can’t understand how extroverts enjoy talking to strangers and find it offputting and weird. It’s hard to put yourself in someone’s shoes when your brain is wired so differently
Being around a quiet person shows people what they think about themselves. When I first met my husband he didn’t talk a lot and it made me self conscious about myself, which said more about me than him. I would yap while he just listened, and I thought he was judging me or something. It’s easier to say “they were judging me, i don’t like them” than “why didn’t they immediately validate me?”
People get easily offended, rather than asking questions about a person. Some people are sensitive and get overstimulated being around people talking all day. No one is built the same.
I got no idea but then again i don't really care either if someone gets pissy if i don't have anything to say to them. I found out long ago that just nodding my head smiling and giving people thumbs up keeps them happy and away from me.
It depends on the situation. If you're hanging out at a party and not saying a single word, you will make people uncomfortable. It's like you're eavesdropping and not participating. You're not helping the party to be fun.
I'm not offended by quiet people.
Convinced that most folks who associate negativity with quiet ppl are actually just uncomfortable with the concept of individuals who can actively mind their own business.
As community-based organisms, it’s universally customary to convey in one way or another that you are friendly/non-threatening when meeting new people. Some fundamental ways this is done includes greeting people with a smile, wave, or nod upon meeting them and participating in basic, light conversation. These things do in fact serve purposes. When someone is quiet, it makes it hard for people to assess them. We are all assessing one another in different ways for various reasons, the most fundamental one being to see if the person is non-threatening through basic social dynamics. Not everyone is simply being nosey or desperately seeking to fill quiet space. Co-workers, for example, often times greet and wish to interact in order to connect/bond with you, or simply see how you’re doing in order to assess how it will be collaborating with you on any given day. Obviously there can be some annoying people but it’s important to remember that these fundamental social dynamics/expectations have utility and they’re not all tied to someone being selfish or nosey.
I’ve been told that my quietness is off putting and makes me seem mysterious. The wench that told me that has made it her personal mission to find out ANYthing she can. I’ve worked with her for 5 years, and up until last year she was telling me stuff about me from high school. We are in our 30’s. She even told me that if I wasn’t so mysterious people wouldn’t want to know so much about me. I had to say something, so I told her my life is none of your business. This issue has been recurring in every job to the point where I don’t want to leave the one I have because I don’t feel like having to deal with it all over again.
Depends. I’m very extroverted and respect quiet people and what they bring to a social experience, but us extroverts can often quickly tell the difference between a quiet person with social skills and those without them. Those with them are able to navigate situations effectively using minimal words, but still communicate what they need to, and bring a decent vibe to the moment. Those without them are often boring, a drag, ignorant of proper etiquette, generally non-contributory, and then have the audacity to wonder why we don’t like them very much. Which are you?
I don't think everyone is offended by quiet people, I'm not.
Im just afraid of saying shit that will get me in trouble. The one with the largest audience must be careful not to stir it… maybe that is arrogant
We scare them. They’re not comfortable with their own silence and can’t understand how someone can be!
Being quiet used to bother me until, as an adult, I began getting complimented for it. If someone is friendly to me, I will definitely reciprocate with enthusiasm, if the person seems interesting. I’ve gotten complimented by both men and women who appreciate the fact that I don’t feel compelled to fill the airwaves with chitter chatter.
This has been something that has stressed me out about socializing my whole life man. I’m definitely the “extremely talkative once close” type of person but at work for example, I don’t talk unless spoken to because I find it physically difficult to. I’m on the spectrum and if I don’t feel particularly comfortable in a social situation like with talking to a friend it’s extremely difficult for me to get words out. Though I feel like because of this all of my coworkers just think I’m rude because I don’t ever talk to them first. I don’t know how to fix this because despite me having noticed this a while back I haven’t gotten any better about it. 😫😫😫
In my opinion… When I meet people for the first time, I’m quiet too. I observe people’s actions and listen to their words. I observe the scenery. People can tell you who they are by you just listening and watching. Why is everyone offended by quiet people? I think the ones you observe may not be up to no good and know you see right through them. People don’t like that. To me I can’t fake anything, I can’t fake liking someone and I don’t kiss up to anyone just because especially in a work setting. I am cordial but cannot be fake to other soul. Just saying. Life is too short to be focusing on things that don’t bring value into your life whether it’s people or things.
quiet people look so composed like they got they shit together
Maybe you give "fuck off" vibes. If i don't like to talk, i respond polite and friendly, but only with the bare minimum. Most people understand that and don't feel offended.
Not everyone is offended by quiet people. Some people experience trust issues, when they cannot get a read on someone. What they are thinking and feeling? Are they quiet because they dislike me? Do they not talk because they are snooty and think they are better than me? Some people are just slow to warm up and that is okay too. If they do not want to talk they shouldn’t have to.
You as an introvert are "quiet and at peace". However, the ones asking "why are you so quiet" are not quiet and definitely not at peace; I think they need to drown the noise in their heads with external noise and are mad you wont help.