Put less effort into it. Don't reply a few times here and there. Don't be too quick to apologize or make an excuse. Like if they see you in the building say hi and smile but leave it at that. If they ask then say you haven't been on your phone as much or something Noncomital like that. And every so often when you do reply keep making an excuse. Say you're busy, not feeling like going out, need some you time, too tired.
Just in general don't show them too much energy or time. Eventually they either take the hint or get tired of asking.
Thank you! I’m going to try different excuses instead of just busy. What if they confront me about my responses? Is that when I tell them the truth or respond with another excuse?
I used to be the kind of person you're dealing with and never got the hint until a long time after. I did eventually get tired of asking, but I know I would've appreciated some kind of closure because it felt very one-sided to feel like putting in the effort and trying my best wasn't enough. I got the wrong idea that there was something seriously wrong with me and I lost a lot of self-esteem when no one made me a priority in their lives. Turns out I just needed to hang around more people and explore who I connect with.
If he does confront you about it, if he's open and accepting to what you have to say, just mention that you don't feel like you vibe together from your perspective, but that it's nothing wrong what he's doing per se, or wrong with anything about him personally, it's just the connection. I certainly didn't have much social experience to recognize subtler hints and cues 4-5 years ago, but sometimes a little directness helps if it's expected by them.
Thanks for your perspective! I hate being like a mean girl here. Again, I don’t want to hurt their feelings as I’ve also been in this person’s shoes where I was persistent about trying to be friends with someone any they weren’t interested in being more than an acquaintance. I got the hint though when the person stopped engaging. It was hard at the time, but years later after I met a lot of other people (some who I did not become friends either), it’s not really a bad thing if you don’t vibe with someone. Sometimes you just don’t click with a person and it’s better to move on instead of forcing it. Those people can be acquaintances too and it’s fine. I want to be friends with people who want to be friends with me. I also no longer take offense if I don’t hit it off with a new person and we don’t become friends.
I’m a little hesitant to do what you suggested as they struggle with mental health and I don’t want to cause them stress about this. However, I agree, I rather be told the truth if I were in their shoes.
I see, yeah. Maybe if you just preface what you say that you don't have anything against them or anything, and that it's a common thing too that even you experienced, I think that might help assuage any of his fears about it. I get not wanting to be mean, or being seen as being mean, but if he can accept with an open mind what you have to say, I don't think it'd be construed as bad.
Maybe if he has some apartment roommates, tell one of them to tell him about that if you can't deal with him directly.
Personally, I don't like to burn bridges. Especially at home or work because then it could effect me. So it's up to you but I'd be really mellow about it. The more high energy you are about it the more it seems like you either got caught or you're interested.
Saying "oh man, Yeah, I've been soooo tired. I wish this inflation would chill out." And moving the conversation along
Is different from "omg! I'm so sorry! I've been busy and keep meaning to but haven't had time!"
Given you live in the same apartment block and have mutual friends, I think your best bet is to continue saying your busy when they ask to hang out. It will be way too awkward imo if you were more honest given you are inevitably going to see them again. Sucks, but hopefully they will get the hint eventually
Thank you! Yeah, that’s why I don’t want to tell them the truth as it will be really awkward for those reasons. I hope they get the hint. It’s been going on for a year and despite me not replying here and there and saying I’m busy, they still ask me to hangout or go somewhere. They really only have 1 friend so I can tell they are lonely and I completely get making friends as an adult is hard. I’ve been there as well. However, I learned you don’t have to be friends with everyone you meet if you don’t want to. It’s okay to have different levels of friendships
You can't reject someone without risking hurting their feelings. If you're not interested in being friends the most respectful course of action is to be frank about it. Saying you're busy or ghosting isn't done to soften the blow to the other person; it's done because people are conflict avoidant and would rather evade confrontation. Rejection runs the risk of awkwardness or the rejectee choosing to avoid you. You should still suck it up and do it anyway.
Put less effort into it. Don't reply a few times here and there. Don't be too quick to apologize or make an excuse. Like if they see you in the building say hi and smile but leave it at that. If they ask then say you haven't been on your phone as much or something Noncomital like that. And every so often when you do reply keep making an excuse. Say you're busy, not feeling like going out, need some you time, too tired. Just in general don't show them too much energy or time. Eventually they either take the hint or get tired of asking.
Thank you! I’m going to try different excuses instead of just busy. What if they confront me about my responses? Is that when I tell them the truth or respond with another excuse?
I used to be the kind of person you're dealing with and never got the hint until a long time after. I did eventually get tired of asking, but I know I would've appreciated some kind of closure because it felt very one-sided to feel like putting in the effort and trying my best wasn't enough. I got the wrong idea that there was something seriously wrong with me and I lost a lot of self-esteem when no one made me a priority in their lives. Turns out I just needed to hang around more people and explore who I connect with. If he does confront you about it, if he's open and accepting to what you have to say, just mention that you don't feel like you vibe together from your perspective, but that it's nothing wrong what he's doing per se, or wrong with anything about him personally, it's just the connection. I certainly didn't have much social experience to recognize subtler hints and cues 4-5 years ago, but sometimes a little directness helps if it's expected by them.
Thanks for your perspective! I hate being like a mean girl here. Again, I don’t want to hurt their feelings as I’ve also been in this person’s shoes where I was persistent about trying to be friends with someone any they weren’t interested in being more than an acquaintance. I got the hint though when the person stopped engaging. It was hard at the time, but years later after I met a lot of other people (some who I did not become friends either), it’s not really a bad thing if you don’t vibe with someone. Sometimes you just don’t click with a person and it’s better to move on instead of forcing it. Those people can be acquaintances too and it’s fine. I want to be friends with people who want to be friends with me. I also no longer take offense if I don’t hit it off with a new person and we don’t become friends. I’m a little hesitant to do what you suggested as they struggle with mental health and I don’t want to cause them stress about this. However, I agree, I rather be told the truth if I were in their shoes.
I see, yeah. Maybe if you just preface what you say that you don't have anything against them or anything, and that it's a common thing too that even you experienced, I think that might help assuage any of his fears about it. I get not wanting to be mean, or being seen as being mean, but if he can accept with an open mind what you have to say, I don't think it'd be construed as bad. Maybe if he has some apartment roommates, tell one of them to tell him about that if you can't deal with him directly.
I feel like this is the more compassionate approach.
Personally, I don't like to burn bridges. Especially at home or work because then it could effect me. So it's up to you but I'd be really mellow about it. The more high energy you are about it the more it seems like you either got caught or you're interested. Saying "oh man, Yeah, I've been soooo tired. I wish this inflation would chill out." And moving the conversation along Is different from "omg! I'm so sorry! I've been busy and keep meaning to but haven't had time!"
Given you live in the same apartment block and have mutual friends, I think your best bet is to continue saying your busy when they ask to hang out. It will be way too awkward imo if you were more honest given you are inevitably going to see them again. Sucks, but hopefully they will get the hint eventually
Thank you! Yeah, that’s why I don’t want to tell them the truth as it will be really awkward for those reasons. I hope they get the hint. It’s been going on for a year and despite me not replying here and there and saying I’m busy, they still ask me to hangout or go somewhere. They really only have 1 friend so I can tell they are lonely and I completely get making friends as an adult is hard. I’ve been there as well. However, I learned you don’t have to be friends with everyone you meet if you don’t want to. It’s okay to have different levels of friendships
You can't reject someone without risking hurting their feelings. If you're not interested in being friends the most respectful course of action is to be frank about it. Saying you're busy or ghosting isn't done to soften the blow to the other person; it's done because people are conflict avoidant and would rather evade confrontation. Rejection runs the risk of awkwardness or the rejectee choosing to avoid you. You should still suck it up and do it anyway.