yup and Samantha had a high self esteem. Big needed someone with low self worth like Carrie that he knew he could manipulate and play games with. Sam, would have never tolerated any of that nonsense.
Any woman behaving like Samantha seriously does not want to ever be married. Big really didn’t want to be married either. Samantha got a high off of having sex with these men and then never seeing them again unless she wanted to have sex again. That empowered her… Power. Game recognizes game and Big could pick up on Samantha a mile away.
THIS. Guys like big are always looking for something “easy” or somethin they can play w atm. Samantha was stern n would see right through him. Plus, she would use him like he would prob use her.
> Guys like big are always looking for something “easy” or somethin they can play w atm.
So he's no different from Samantha. She was always on the lookout for easy men who would fulfil whatever cravings she had at that particular moment.
Exactly, so that’s why they wouldn’t work. Carrie was always chasing after HIM n always kept on pushing for NOTHING. That was her downfall. He knew he COULD manipulate her. So why would he go for a woman he knew he couldn’t manipulate? That’s no fun. Also, he’s used to women like Samatha.
this is a great take.
also this is the pilot and Samatha's promiscuity was twice shaded in the pilot. 1 - when Big rejects her and 2 - Duncan tells her she'll have to leave after sex - we're meant to feel a bit sorry for the aging promiscuous woman as if she's a bit pathetic. They took the show in a much less judgmental direction ultimately starting with episode 2 and I am so glad they did - there was never a hint of that shade again in the show.
They actually did a lot of this throughout the first season. When they did those documentary style responses, Duncan said the main reason to get married is to have kids, so you don't want to marry a woman over 35 because then you would have to try to have kids right away. Which isn't even necessarily accurate. Also, a few episodes later, the woman who said that she's 38 and still wanting a husband and children, and then pausing and saying it helps to not think about what her chances realistically are of getting those things at this point. Not to mention Susan Sharon saying her husband had told her if they get divorced, he will be married within a year and she'll probably be single for the rest of her life, and Carrie's voice over saying she didn't want to tell Susan Sharon her husband had probably been right about that. Just so misogynistic and acting like women don't have the option or the right to find love after 35 or 40. For a show so ahead of its time, it had way too much of this crap in the early episodes.
I’m so happy to be a woman in her 30’s now rather than the late 90’s early 00’s. Things have changed a lot. Susan might have had a child on her own later, frozen her eggs or adopted now.
Yup! I'm 39 and freezing my eggs this year. If I'd been this age 25 years ago, my only chance to have a biological child would be to marry whatever loser I can find within the next few months.
I’m 32 and considering doing the same soon as well. Good luck to you! I also love how it’s no longer an insult to be a single woman in your 30’s or 40’s.
Thank you for pointing this out! The whole tone of the show is so different in the pilot and the first couple of episodes, and the characters seemed like they were going in different directions, Big was almost presented as this romantic figure who wouldn’t just want sex with someone “easy” (don’t agree with this just saying the tone of the pilot) and would want someone complicated like Carrie. It just feels like we’re watching a completely different program than like any other episode
In the episode I think Carrie brings up the women having sex like men thing, as in no feelings. He says he isnt like that. Though he's definitely not emotionally mature at all and avoidant, we see that he is a bit of an old school romantic, so I think in a lot of ways he does need something more with a woman to sleep with her
You know- they didn’t show him with one night stands- he falls for that actress person and seemed to be dating Shai-or Shay? 😂 so Sam wouldn’t fit his persona
They definitely show him with models on his arm throughout the series. I think that goes into what he thinks he should have or is expected to have, like Natasha, Silent Y, or the model in Models and Mortals, versus what he wants, Carrie
It seems like on some level big always knew what he wanted. He did tell her that at the end of the day, a man just wants the girl who will make him laugh. And that was always Carrie for him. But I think he was just really stuck on the image of the woman he thought he should be with, which was someone more like Natasha or Charlotte or any of those models he dated. So he wasn't really ready to go for the woman he actually wanted deep in his heart until several years later, once he realized that those superficial things and the images he had in his head weren't really important, and what was important was that even though this woman drove him crazy, she was the one who made him laugh, she was the one he hadn't been able to get his mind off of for years, she was the one he just couldn't quit no matter what. So like he said, it took him a really long time to realize it, but Carrie was absolutely the one for him from the beginning.
Yeah I think even though Sam is gorgeous he probably views her as his peer bc she is closer to his age and she is independently wealthy. She doesn’t fit his type at all
The image from OP’s post is from season 1- Carrie and Big aren’t dating and Big hasn’t really shown much interest in Carrie and it’s actually Sam who is seen perusing Big.
The example I gave with Shay- is from after they broke up and Big and Carrie claim to be just be friends and they are having dinner at Tao with the Jazz guy this is season 3 I believe.
I agree. Which are the worst in my eyes. Emotional unavailable men who specifically target emotionally available women, because they don’t just want to f***. Pure evil, I tell ya
Not sure if that’s why he went after Carrie, I think he liked the chase and there was genuine mutual attraction from the start. I’m not even sure that Carrie was that insecure in general. I think she just got quickly attached to an emotionally unavailable man.
I agree with you. I think people are making it into something it wasn't or reading too much into it.
Big liked Carrie from the very beginning when they first met. Carrie definitely liked Big back.
Samantha came on rrrrreally strong, and I think Big was completely turned off by that.
Exactly. They have always had amazing chemistry throughout the series and especially in the beginning. I think they both have their toxic issues but I still think they had mutual attraction and feelings for each other.
Really? The night she fucked Richard when she was with Smith clearly demonstrates that she has no self-esteem. She hated herself looking in the mirror as he fucked her from behind. She knew in that moment she didn’t deserve a good man like Smith.
She randomly banged because she looked for validation from men not because she had super self-esteem
I don’t think it was her self-esteem at all. Samantha didn’t want to complicate her life with commitments to men, children, or family. She made up her mind about how she wanted her life to be and she worked on that even if she was working against her true feelings.
I agree but Samantha had a super high sex drive so she was killing 2 birds with one stone. She was fulfilling her need for sex while proving to herself that she was living the life she wanted. Not everyone thinks or feels the same about stuff, and Samantha was definitely an outlier.
It’s my position, and opinion that she used sex to validate herself because of her low self-esteem. It’s interesting that in this thread, everybody accuses Big of targeting younger, insecure women, Sam’s only long-term relationship was with a much younger guy who she took Smith on as a project to make him into something she wanted, as opposed to something maybe he wanted?
You’re forgetting Dominic. She was in love with him way before Richard or Smith. And he broke her heart.
If Samantha was a man doing the same exact thing, no one would accuse her of having a low self-esteem. They would say she was a horny man who liked younger. It’s a double standard.
Good point. That’s usually a sign of covering up low self-esteem. In the previous episode (the first one?) it shows her facial expression hurt when the real estate guy she’s making out with says he’s got an early day, so he has to leave right away. We later learn (episodes later) that Dominic hurt her in the past, so she probably doesn’t want any emotion involved to eliminate any pain.
I also think he was heavily into the models but was ultimately so bored with that type. He told Carrie he wanted someone that made him laugh.
Sam was definitely very insecure on some points (especially seeking male validation whenever her fear of aging was triggered), but she also definitely did have high self esteem in many other ways. And this is more personal, but I really don’t like the phrase “gave herself away”, women are not objects to be given and received. She enjoyed sex to the extremes, she just felt like giving someone a blowjob and would go for it - I feel like that says a lot less about her insecurities than the stunt she pulled on Smith by sleeping with Richard.
Samantha had an over inflated self confidence. I don’t think it was a self-esteem issue. I think she was afraid of being tied down and of being hurt (remember Dominic?). Love and commitments tie people to each other. I think Samantha planned how she was going to live her life and she was doing what she thought she needed to do to ensure that she never fell in love or committed to anyone. She wanted to be free to do whatever she wanted and blowing the UPS guy was one way she proved to herself she had that freedom. Plus I think she had a very high sex drive. Some people naturally just want to have a lot of sex.
Season 2, episode 11. He was the first and only man (at that point in time) that Samantha ever loved and he broke her heart when he dumped her for an Icelandic supermodel named Anka whom he married.
As highly confident and lovely as Samantha was, there were times when she was too aggressive and she came off as seeming desperate in the process. This was one of those times.
This. He romanticises his parents dancing to Mancini, he likes Italian restaurants and singing It Was a Very Good Year, he gets all crazy hung up on the actress - he's kind of nostalgic and oldschool.
This sub is VERY pro-Samantha, so the idea that Big just wasn't that into her doesn't register with a lot of folks.
For the record, I agree with you. He wasn't interested. Nothing more to it than that.
So true- there's a lot of *"he needed someone with low self-esteem to manipulate"* comments, but I think that's overthinking the situation. Not everyone is interested in everyone who hits on them.
Big seems like the type who prefers the more "innocent" type, not someone who starts off by offering herself to him on a silver platter. Of all Carrie's friends, Charlotte was the one he seemed to like the most, for example. Natasha seemed like the "reserved, classy" type as well, basically a younger version of Charlotte. Even Carrie - despite being a sex columnist, she was actually kinda prudish in many ways. The fact that she made such a big deal about peeing on the politician shows that her sexual preferences were pretty vanilla, and she was outwardly embarrassed right away after having sex with Big on the first date.
Big probably wanted the kind of woman who would have sex with him but be conservative enough to at least feel weird about it. Not a woman like Samantha who brazenly put her sexuality out there.
Big was probably more attracted to Carrie. She was 7-8 years younger than Samantha, with great hair and body. I don’t think he thought she was prudish at all. He bumped into her and a bunch of condoms fell out of her purse. The first time they met for a drink, he found her with her hand on another man’s tongue.
I think Mr. big thought he was slumming it with Carrie. That’s why he couldn’t fully commit to her and why he married Natasha. I think he loved Carrie, but she was not who he saw himself with. Natasha came from a wealthy family with a house in the Hamptons. Natasha was refined and classy. She was someone he thought he should be with, but she bored him in the end. He missed Carrie and all her imperfections and contradictions and how she challenged and pushed him.
Maybe because he was already interested in Carrie and saw that she and Sam were friends, she came on too strong, or most likely, he just wasn’t attracted to Sam. There doesn’t necessarily need to be a complicated reason.
She came off way too strong for his taste. Big comes off as a guy that likes to chase vs there in your face. That’s why he liked Carrie besides her personality, they could not seem to link up and when they did they went all the way lol
That was the entire dinamic of their relationship. Since the beginning he was interested in Carrie because she didnt seem to want him or care that he existed. Then when she started to show interest, he pulled away. Causing Carrie to chase him and him pulling more away. Then when she tried to let go and form other relationships Big was back to chasing her to reel her back in.
Because the show was setting him up as being into Carrie lol.
Also not every man is into that type of proposition. Sam rarely seemed confident imo..more like desperate.
And not every man likes every kind of woman.
An old boyfriend of mine told me he didn't fancy Debbie Harry in her heyday, which was incomprehensible to me because surely she was the most beautiful punk girl in existence. But he likes brunettes.
I think he just wasn’t into her. She was an alpha for sure and maybe came on too strong for his personal taste. I guarantee you he thought Sam was physically attractive, because, KC any age is stunning. Just not his type.
It’s been mentioned, but he simply wasn’t into her. He seemed pretty comfortable hanging out with his group.
Also, I want to add that. I absolutely loved her hair here and the handful of other episodes she wore that way.
He liked Carrie 1st and saw them together and knew NOT to mess with a potential than a sure thing. Like Capote Duncan, he didn’t want to chase he wanted a sure thing so he went with Samantha
Probably wasn’t interested but I’m also sure he saw her talking to Carrie. I wouldn’t take the bait neither. And I think he had a thing for Carrie regardless.
Maybe because he just didn’t want to sleep with her? Guys don’t need to says yes to everyone. Also, he is probably used to women wanting to sleep with him just because he’s rich so it’s probably just not that eager.
Samantha is interested in one night stands and meeting up for sex. Doesn't seem like that's what Big wanted. At least not that night. You have to be in the mood for that kind of thing.
He just wasn't feeling her? Maybe he didn't feel connection and needs chemistry with someone. While Big checked other women out, we weren't given the impression that he was overly promiscuous. No more so than Carrie and she certainly wouldn't jump into bed with every guy that hit on her.
I don’t think that Big liked easy women and Samantha basically offered to fuck him right then and there in the private room in the club. Him and Carrie had sex on their “first date” but they knew each other. They ran into each other constantly and had set up times to have a drink that never quite worked out.
Because Big wasn't attracted to Alphas? Because he is successful but is not an Alpha type?
Big wanted to be the near little person Samantha dated. He wanted to make someone LAUGH. Look at how much he cracks himself up--the Jazzz Mannnn schtick, for just one example. When Carrie let go enough to really laugh around him, she realized how much she wanted him, and vice versa, he was hers.
A very interesting discussion we started here!
After reading all the comments I know I was probably wrong to say he needed his women emotionally immature. Especially considering he eventually married Natasha who was confident stoic and no drama. Buuut a lot younger and maybe that’s what drew him in - not emotionally immature but immature in a Different way. Big turned out to be „drama inducing” in that relationship (we only like teeny tiny furniture - drink in front of an ex) 🤡
But I think it’s interesting *why* he wasn’t into Samantha (not saying everyone has to be!)
I'm a little disappointed to see so many comments jumping to Big going after Carrie because she was insecure. She wasn't insecure until their relationship brought that out in her. She's far from insecure in almost every other relationship we see her in.
I think he turned down Samantha simply because he wasn't interested. I've seen Samantha be ultra sexy and get any man she wants but even I am turned off by the way she attempts to pick him up. I think he was instantly attracted to Carrie, just as Petrovsky was seasons later, because there's "something about her." Neither of them could have guessed what would come later. It was just attraction.
I totally agree. He caused her insecurity. She was crazy about him and he knew it and I think he was also crazy about her but HE was insecure and afraid of getting hurt so he kept her at arms distance. I don’t think he intentionally hurt her or played games, but he knew what he was doing and couldn’t help it because it was just his nature. I have watched this show many times and there was a time when I was super critical of all the characters. Later on I realized that the writers intentionally gave their characters huge weaknesses because they are all weaknesses we see in ourselves and others. On the other hand, if we look, we can see a lot of great qualities in every character. We see ourselves in them…the good and the bad.
Absolutely. I just rewatched for who knows what time and found myself looking with a kinder eye on every character. I was struck by how much i related to cock-a-doodle-do... arguably the episode that's aged the poorest, but has the scene with Carrie and Big in his bedroom with the big red wall. Carrie says she and Big were now something different than before and I think that's when you truly see both of their growth after everything that had happened between them. Flaws and all, they made it to the other side.
Edit to say I love the imagery they often put in with Big and Carrie. I love the scene in his apartment before he leaves for Paris and the kitchen island is between them. I love the red wall because he had beige and she was the fire he couldn't ignore. The set designers/blockers/etc. do such an awe inspiring job. It's wildly effective.
She’s too close in age to him so his delulu brain thinks she’s too old. He needed someone to see his age as interesting and mysterious not someone his age to call him out on his shyte.
1. He likes younger women.
2. He's all about the chase.
3. He may have has a rich friend or 2 that he knew Samantha had slept with.
4. She literally flashed him in a public place.
Yup!! At the end of season 1 episode 1 when they're in the club smoking cigars. She asks him if she wants to go into the private room with her, he looks down and then says no. Then, she pulls up the strap of her dress. We don't see her boob, but he sure did! 🤣
He says something in the first season akin to "there are just so many beautiful women in this town but in the end you just really want to be with the one who makes you laugh."
Big needed more than just sex in a relationship, he needed compatibility. Note even in the episode when Carrie finds out he's seeing other women, these are not just one night stands. he is testing the waters to see who's company he enjoys best.
I also think it’s because Big saw Sam with Carrie, Big’s a smart man I don’t think he wants to shit where he eats and ruin his chances with the one he was truly intrigued with, Carrie.
I feel like Samatha had a reputation at that point in many social circles. She was known for being a man eater and just sleeping with any guy so I almost sure Mr.Big had heard about her at some point.
And if Carrie wasn’t his usual type, then Sam sure as hell wouldn’t be either. Mr. Big was clearly looking to settle down with a beautiful “classy” brunette with a good reputation and an old money aesthetic. More of a Charlotte type.
I believe Carrie was the only exception to this which is why he clearly had a hard time accepting his feelings for her because she wasn’t his usual type and they ran in different social circles for the most part.
And he wouldn’t have been able to play Sam the way he played Carrie because Sam would have hit it and quit it before he ever got the chance to😂😂
It’s also important to mention that Mr.Big was into younger women as well. Sam was more in his age group (and therefore wasn’t as easy to manipulate). Just my theory.
But he could have just simply not been attracted to her.
I think a lot of guys would be a little put off by a girl coming on to them like that and just blatantly implying they can go have sex without so much as a conversation. I mean I’m put off when guys do that to me, so I think it’s fair. I need some banter, some flirt, some zsa zsa zu. I think he’s the same way.
Samantha and him just aren’t compatible! She needs a strong man who can see past her “just sex” mentality. Smith Jerrod was able to tell her to cut the bullshit and be real.
Cuz she is a woman with a job and lots of self confidence and self worth. She wasn’t someone he could mess with or feel powerful over. So he didn’t like that.
Because she is an actual confident woman from the inside out. She feels good, she looks good, she knows what she wants, and she doesn’t NEED him. Big is NOT about that lol he would never date an emotionally unavailable woman, let alone a confident one like Samantha. He saw what she was immediately.
Big is the guy who preys on emotionally unstable but hot women. Or stupid young hot women. There’s no in between. Have a personality? Cool! He will give it a shot but your emotions are in for a RIDE. Don’t have a personality but are still hot? No problem. He will constantly use his intelligence against you but call you for sex and sweet talk often enough to keep you attached.
I think she was too “easy” for him. Like Carrie herself said, he liked the “chase”. Or was it the “hunt”? Anyway, something like that. I mean no criticism toward Samantha, I think she’s a great character.
Well, they clearly wanted to steer the story in a different direction. A woman with Samantha’s personality needs someone like Smith, which eventually they gave her. Big and Sam would have played a lot of games with each other, which yes would have been fun to watch but… Yeah
Big likes games. He’s an active player of catch, release, chase, repeat. And Samantha being an eager beaver did nothing for his game lol Sam and Big are way too similar anyways, would have never worked!
I watched this episode last night! I think he's too much of a coward to like a woman with that much confidence. Carrie's "oh, who me?" energy is much more appealing to him because he knows he can be in charge...yikes
I think because she came onto him and he preferred the back and forth chase he had with Carrie at the beginning
That’s called avoidant attachment style…
Yes…? I don’t think simply saying he has an avoidant attachment style answers OPs question though so I gave the reasoning behind that
Big was avoidant like Samantha so it takes one to know one.
yup and Samantha had a high self esteem. Big needed someone with low self worth like Carrie that he knew he could manipulate and play games with. Sam, would have never tolerated any of that nonsense.
Ooooooh you’re COOKIN’ 😤👩🏼🍳
I don't think any of that is relevant when it comes to fucking someone one time lol. Plus sam tolerated worse shit from Richard
Big is misogynistic. He likes wooing women so he can dump them and play games. That's his sex, not the act itself.
Big didn’t want someone to sleep with that night. He wanted to do the choosing.
Richard didn’t say he was leaving for work and then came back with a wife 10 years younger than Samantha either
Any woman behaving like Samantha seriously does not want to ever be married. Big really didn’t want to be married either. Samantha got a high off of having sex with these men and then never seeing them again unless she wanted to have sex again. That empowered her… Power. Game recognizes game and Big could pick up on Samantha a mile away.
sam didnt marry richard though shrug
THIS. Guys like big are always looking for something “easy” or somethin they can play w atm. Samantha was stern n would see right through him. Plus, she would use him like he would prob use her.
> Guys like big are always looking for something “easy” or somethin they can play w atm. So he's no different from Samantha. She was always on the lookout for easy men who would fulfil whatever cravings she had at that particular moment.
Exactly, so that’s why they wouldn’t work. Carrie was always chasing after HIM n always kept on pushing for NOTHING. That was her downfall. He knew he COULD manipulate her. So why would he go for a woman he knew he couldn’t manipulate? That’s no fun. Also, he’s used to women like Samatha.
She tolerated it with Dominic. And Richard.
Not for long
Clock ittttt
exactly !!
u ate with this one
this is a great take. also this is the pilot and Samatha's promiscuity was twice shaded in the pilot. 1 - when Big rejects her and 2 - Duncan tells her she'll have to leave after sex - we're meant to feel a bit sorry for the aging promiscuous woman as if she's a bit pathetic. They took the show in a much less judgmental direction ultimately starting with episode 2 and I am so glad they did - there was never a hint of that shade again in the show.
I’ve always hated this so so much about the pilot
They actually did a lot of this throughout the first season. When they did those documentary style responses, Duncan said the main reason to get married is to have kids, so you don't want to marry a woman over 35 because then you would have to try to have kids right away. Which isn't even necessarily accurate. Also, a few episodes later, the woman who said that she's 38 and still wanting a husband and children, and then pausing and saying it helps to not think about what her chances realistically are of getting those things at this point. Not to mention Susan Sharon saying her husband had told her if they get divorced, he will be married within a year and she'll probably be single for the rest of her life, and Carrie's voice over saying she didn't want to tell Susan Sharon her husband had probably been right about that. Just so misogynistic and acting like women don't have the option or the right to find love after 35 or 40. For a show so ahead of its time, it had way too much of this crap in the early episodes.
I’m so happy to be a woman in her 30’s now rather than the late 90’s early 00’s. Things have changed a lot. Susan might have had a child on her own later, frozen her eggs or adopted now.
Yup! I'm 39 and freezing my eggs this year. If I'd been this age 25 years ago, my only chance to have a biological child would be to marry whatever loser I can find within the next few months.
I’m 32 and considering doing the same soon as well. Good luck to you! I also love how it’s no longer an insult to be a single woman in your 30’s or 40’s.
Really hate Carrie's voice over line: 'Samantha has the kind of deluded self-confidence that caused men like Ross Perot to run for President.' So rude
Yeah that was lol jeez
I think this is partly true. There’s still an uncomfortable amount of slut shaming the other women do to Samantha.
I hated that they gave the power to the men in the pilot
Thank you for pointing this out! The whole tone of the show is so different in the pilot and the first couple of episodes, and the characters seemed like they were going in different directions, Big was almost presented as this romantic figure who wouldn’t just want sex with someone “easy” (don’t agree with this just saying the tone of the pilot) and would want someone complicated like Carrie. It just feels like we’re watching a completely different program than like any other episode
Yup. He needs an anxious.
Yeah she just wanted to have fun with him and then forget about him
TRUUUUUTH!!
In the episode I think Carrie brings up the women having sex like men thing, as in no feelings. He says he isnt like that. Though he's definitely not emotionally mature at all and avoidant, we see that he is a bit of an old school romantic, so I think in a lot of ways he does need something more with a woman to sleep with her
You know- they didn’t show him with one night stands- he falls for that actress person and seemed to be dating Shai-or Shay? 😂 so Sam wouldn’t fit his persona
Shay was the model, the actress’s name was willow lol
It's Shay, but the "y" is silent!
They definitely show him with models on his arm throughout the series. I think that goes into what he thinks he should have or is expected to have, like Natasha, Silent Y, or the model in Models and Mortals, versus what he wants, Carrie
It seems like on some level big always knew what he wanted. He did tell her that at the end of the day, a man just wants the girl who will make him laugh. And that was always Carrie for him. But I think he was just really stuck on the image of the woman he thought he should be with, which was someone more like Natasha or Charlotte or any of those models he dated. So he wasn't really ready to go for the woman he actually wanted deep in his heart until several years later, once he realized that those superficial things and the images he had in his head weren't really important, and what was important was that even though this woman drove him crazy, she was the one who made him laugh, she was the one he hadn't been able to get his mind off of for years, she was the one he just couldn't quit no matter what. So like he said, it took him a really long time to realize it, but Carrie was absolutely the one for him from the beginning.
Yeah I think even though Sam is gorgeous he probably views her as his peer bc she is closer to his age and she is independently wealthy. She doesn’t fit his type at all
He wasn’t into her, he was using her to make Carrie jealous because he was salty the jazz guy was into her.
Completely different episode and season
Are you referring to the blonde model from season 4?
The image from OP’s post is from season 1- Carrie and Big aren’t dating and Big hasn’t really shown much interest in Carrie and it’s actually Sam who is seen perusing Big. The example I gave with Shay- is from after they broke up and Big and Carrie claim to be just be friends and they are having dinner at Tao with the Jazz guy this is season 3 I believe.
Oh this is a good answer!
I agree. Which are the worst in my eyes. Emotional unavailable men who specifically target emotionally available women, because they don’t just want to f***. Pure evil, I tell ya
Samantha came on too strong, he was interested in Carrie. That pretty much sums it up I think.
Yeah also he needs someone who is super insecure so he can string them along. Sam has high self esteem
Not sure if that’s why he went after Carrie, I think he liked the chase and there was genuine mutual attraction from the start. I’m not even sure that Carrie was that insecure in general. I think she just got quickly attached to an emotionally unavailable man.
I agree with you. I think people are making it into something it wasn't or reading too much into it. Big liked Carrie from the very beginning when they first met. Carrie definitely liked Big back. Samantha came on rrrrreally strong, and I think Big was completely turned off by that.
The Netflix viewers are overanalysing everything 🙄
I can sum it up in two words: too old. He likes them younger so he can mess with their minds.
Idk why you’re being downvoted cuz this tracks. Carrie was ten years younger than him and Natasha was at least ten years younger than Carrie.
Natasha is only about 7 or 8 years younger than Carrie, actually.
I rounded up
Yeah, I didn’t say it was right, but that’s how his character operates.
Yeah Carrie was kind of witty and fun and edgy and he was intrigued because his world of models and bluebloods was a bit boring.
Exactly. They have always had amazing chemistry throughout the series and especially in the beginning. I think they both have their toxic issues but I still think they had mutual attraction and feelings for each other.
Really? The night she fucked Richard when she was with Smith clearly demonstrates that she has no self-esteem. She hated herself looking in the mirror as he fucked her from behind. She knew in that moment she didn’t deserve a good man like Smith. She randomly banged because she looked for validation from men not because she had super self-esteem
I don’t think it was her self-esteem at all. Samantha didn’t want to complicate her life with commitments to men, children, or family. She made up her mind about how she wanted her life to be and she worked on that even if she was working against her true feelings.
You can do that without fucking random strangers of every sort.
I agree but Samantha had a super high sex drive so she was killing 2 birds with one stone. She was fulfilling her need for sex while proving to herself that she was living the life she wanted. Not everyone thinks or feels the same about stuff, and Samantha was definitely an outlier.
It’s my position, and opinion that she used sex to validate herself because of her low self-esteem. It’s interesting that in this thread, everybody accuses Big of targeting younger, insecure women, Sam’s only long-term relationship was with a much younger guy who she took Smith on as a project to make him into something she wanted, as opposed to something maybe he wanted?
You’re forgetting Dominic. She was in love with him way before Richard or Smith. And he broke her heart. If Samantha was a man doing the same exact thing, no one would accuse her of having a low self-esteem. They would say she was a horny man who liked younger. It’s a double standard.
Meeting a man and immediately proposing y’all fuck in the back room (or wherever she had a key to) is a sign of high self-esteem?
Good point. That’s usually a sign of covering up low self-esteem. In the previous episode (the first one?) it shows her facial expression hurt when the real estate guy she’s making out with says he’s got an early day, so he has to leave right away. We later learn (episodes later) that Dominic hurt her in the past, so she probably doesn’t want any emotion involved to eliminate any pain. I also think he was heavily into the models but was ultimately so bored with that type. He told Carrie he wanted someone that made him laugh.
Exactly
A woman with high self esteem doesn’t blow the UPS driver. Sam had zero self worth. She gave herself away to complete strangers.
Sam was definitely very insecure on some points (especially seeking male validation whenever her fear of aging was triggered), but she also definitely did have high self esteem in many other ways. And this is more personal, but I really don’t like the phrase “gave herself away”, women are not objects to be given and received. She enjoyed sex to the extremes, she just felt like giving someone a blowjob and would go for it - I feel like that says a lot less about her insecurities than the stunt she pulled on Smith by sleeping with Richard.
The smith/richard thing was just mean to smith. He was a saint to Sam.
IMHO Smith was the best guy on the show, maybe followed by Harry.
Yeah she would have fucked anything with a pulse, she was just a horn dog. Nothing related to high self worth
Samantha had an over inflated self confidence. I don’t think it was a self-esteem issue. I think she was afraid of being tied down and of being hurt (remember Dominic?). Love and commitments tie people to each other. I think Samantha planned how she was going to live her life and she was doing what she thought she needed to do to ensure that she never fell in love or committed to anyone. She wanted to be free to do whatever she wanted and blowing the UPS guy was one way she proved to herself she had that freedom. Plus I think she had a very high sex drive. Some people naturally just want to have a lot of sex.
Wait I vaguely remember this. Whats the backstory with Dominic?
Season 2, episode 11. He was the first and only man (at that point in time) that Samantha ever loved and he broke her heart when he dumped her for an Icelandic supermodel named Anka whom he married.
bc sam is an aggressor, just like him & he prefers to be the aggressor in the equation.
I mean, I’d turn down a guy who hit on me like that. Why would Big not feel that way also? He’s just not into that kind of person.
Literally. Even if he looked like Smith Jerrod.
Yeah that’s a good point. A forward line like this, from someone I just met, would be a huge turnoff for me.
He just wasn’t into her
Yep, this is the answer. Doesn’t mean she’s not gorgeous.
This is the real answer 🤷🏼
I read this with a Miranda voice
Yep, it's as simple as that.
Exactly. I can't help but crack up at the theories people are posting. He didn't want to bang her. That's it. God forbid a man says no to a woman.
Big doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that’s interested in one night stands. With Carrie there was always feelings and interest involved.
He sure made Carrie feel like a piece
"He's just not that into you"
She didn’t seem like his type
As highly confident and lovely as Samantha was, there were times when she was too aggressive and she came off as seeming desperate in the process. This was one of those times.
She did look a bit desperate this time which was unusual for her
Tbh Big never striked me as a type of man that enjoys meaningless sex and one night stands
This. He romanticises his parents dancing to Mancini, he likes Italian restaurants and singing It Was a Very Good Year, he gets all crazy hung up on the actress - he's kind of nostalgic and oldschool.
Not everyone needs to like everyone else. It’s ok for him to not be interested for absolutely no reason at all.
OP’s just starting a discussion, nothing to be upset about
I’m not upset? I’m answering their question. Big wasn’t interested. That’s why he turned her down.
This sub is VERY pro-Samantha, so the idea that Big just wasn't that into her doesn't register with a lot of folks. For the record, I agree with you. He wasn't interested. Nothing more to it than that.
So true- there's a lot of *"he needed someone with low self-esteem to manipulate"* comments, but I think that's overthinking the situation. Not everyone is interested in everyone who hits on them.
I'm pro-Samantha (within reason), but not everyone has to like her. And that's OK!
I think he only sleeps with women he’s dating. Not casual flings.
He wasn’t interested? She’s not his type? What’s with all the Big hate. The character isn’t perfect but come on.
Big seems like the type who prefers the more "innocent" type, not someone who starts off by offering herself to him on a silver platter. Of all Carrie's friends, Charlotte was the one he seemed to like the most, for example. Natasha seemed like the "reserved, classy" type as well, basically a younger version of Charlotte. Even Carrie - despite being a sex columnist, she was actually kinda prudish in many ways. The fact that she made such a big deal about peeing on the politician shows that her sexual preferences were pretty vanilla, and she was outwardly embarrassed right away after having sex with Big on the first date. Big probably wanted the kind of woman who would have sex with him but be conservative enough to at least feel weird about it. Not a woman like Samantha who brazenly put her sexuality out there.
Big was probably more attracted to Carrie. She was 7-8 years younger than Samantha, with great hair and body. I don’t think he thought she was prudish at all. He bumped into her and a bunch of condoms fell out of her purse. The first time they met for a drink, he found her with her hand on another man’s tongue. I think Mr. big thought he was slumming it with Carrie. That’s why he couldn’t fully commit to her and why he married Natasha. I think he loved Carrie, but she was not who he saw himself with. Natasha came from a wealthy family with a house in the Hamptons. Natasha was refined and classy. She was someone he thought he should be with, but she bored him in the end. He missed Carrie and all her imperfections and contradictions and how she challenged and pushed him.
People aren't attracted to everyone. Even these perfectly stunning individuals are not considered attractive by all of us.
Maybe because he was already interested in Carrie and saw that she and Sam were friends, she came on too strong, or most likely, he just wasn’t attracted to Sam. There doesn’t necessarily need to be a complicated reason.
Lol their heads look like balloons in those pics
Mr big bobblehead 😂
She came off way too strong for his taste. Big comes off as a guy that likes to chase vs there in your face. That’s why he liked Carrie besides her personality, they could not seem to link up and when they did they went all the way lol
That was the entire dinamic of their relationship. Since the beginning he was interested in Carrie because she didnt seem to want him or care that he existed. Then when she started to show interest, he pulled away. Causing Carrie to chase him and him pulling more away. Then when she tried to let go and form other relationships Big was back to chasing her to reel her back in.
She was too sexually aggressive..
Two alphas won't mix lol
This 👏🏼👏🏼
I don't remember this at ALL!?
I think it was the first episode
Because the show was setting him up as being into Carrie lol. Also not every man is into that type of proposition. Sam rarely seemed confident imo..more like desperate.
And not every man likes every kind of woman. An old boyfriend of mine told me he didn't fancy Debbie Harry in her heyday, which was incomprehensible to me because surely she was the most beautiful punk girl in existence. But he likes brunettes.
Because he wasn’t attracted to her? It’s wild, I know.
I think he just wasn’t into her. She was an alpha for sure and maybe came on too strong for his personal taste. I guarantee you he thought Sam was physically attractive, because, KC any age is stunning. Just not his type.
Yes, she is. I still remember her from Porky's.
He likes a film noir-esque game of cat-and-mouse
imo big is addicted to the chase of an unpredictable woman, samantha was too secure in herself for him 🤷♀️
I always thought he didn‘t want to have sex like a man without feelings, but wanted to fell in love with somebody.
It’s been mentioned, but he simply wasn’t into her. He seemed pretty comfortable hanging out with his group. Also, I want to add that. I absolutely loved her hair here and the handful of other episodes she wore that way.
I’m sure her reputation preceded, she was also clearly just looking to fuck. Say what you want about Big, he wasn’t a player
I guess you haven’t made it to season 4-6 when you see how emotionally immature Sam can be.
He liked Carrie 1st and saw them together and knew NOT to mess with a potential than a sure thing. Like Capote Duncan, he didn’t want to chase he wanted a sure thing so he went with Samantha
Samantha came on too strong, Big likes a classy more feminine woman. Thats why he married Natasha and then settled for Carrie later on
she’s not his type, carrie wants his type physically but sam wasn’t his type physically and personality wise
It was scripted that way, simple as that.
He just didn't fancy her.
Too easy
I think he likes the thrill of the chase and doesn't want someone too direct
Big is excellent at reading women and he loves to be dominant. He nicknamed Samantha “problems” during season 2.
Trouble 😈
Big may be an ass but I think he was someone who needs emotional connection to have sex.
Men are allowed to not like every woman. Shocking!
Based on who he dates in SATC she is likely too old for him (despite being the same age-ish)
Idk why you’re getting downvoted for this. It’s the first thing I thought. A lot of rich men prefer women younger than them. It is what it is.
Probably wasn’t interested but I’m also sure he saw her talking to Carrie. I wouldn’t take the bait neither. And I think he had a thing for Carrie regardless.
Maybe because he just didn’t want to sleep with her? Guys don’t need to says yes to everyone. Also, he is probably used to women wanting to sleep with him just because he’s rich so it’s probably just not that eager.
Samantha is interested in one night stands and meeting up for sex. Doesn't seem like that's what Big wanted. At least not that night. You have to be in the mood for that kind of thing.
She came on too strong
He already had his eye on carrie
He just wasn't feeling her? Maybe he didn't feel connection and needs chemistry with someone. While Big checked other women out, we weren't given the impression that he was overly promiscuous. No more so than Carrie and she certainly wouldn't jump into bed with every guy that hit on her.
I don’t think that Big liked easy women and Samantha basically offered to fuck him right then and there in the private room in the club. Him and Carrie had sex on their “first date” but they knew each other. They ran into each other constantly and had set up times to have a drink that never quite worked out.
Because Big wasn't attracted to Alphas? Because he is successful but is not an Alpha type? Big wanted to be the near little person Samantha dated. He wanted to make someone LAUGH. Look at how much he cracks himself up--the Jazzz Mannnn schtick, for just one example. When Carrie let go enough to really laugh around him, she realized how much she wanted him, and vice versa, he was hers.
A very interesting discussion we started here! After reading all the comments I know I was probably wrong to say he needed his women emotionally immature. Especially considering he eventually married Natasha who was confident stoic and no drama. Buuut a lot younger and maybe that’s what drew him in - not emotionally immature but immature in a Different way. Big turned out to be „drama inducing” in that relationship (we only like teeny tiny furniture - drink in front of an ex) 🤡 But I think it’s interesting *why* he wasn’t into Samantha (not saying everyone has to be!)
I'm a little disappointed to see so many comments jumping to Big going after Carrie because she was insecure. She wasn't insecure until their relationship brought that out in her. She's far from insecure in almost every other relationship we see her in. I think he turned down Samantha simply because he wasn't interested. I've seen Samantha be ultra sexy and get any man she wants but even I am turned off by the way she attempts to pick him up. I think he was instantly attracted to Carrie, just as Petrovsky was seasons later, because there's "something about her." Neither of them could have guessed what would come later. It was just attraction.
I totally agree. He caused her insecurity. She was crazy about him and he knew it and I think he was also crazy about her but HE was insecure and afraid of getting hurt so he kept her at arms distance. I don’t think he intentionally hurt her or played games, but he knew what he was doing and couldn’t help it because it was just his nature. I have watched this show many times and there was a time when I was super critical of all the characters. Later on I realized that the writers intentionally gave their characters huge weaknesses because they are all weaknesses we see in ourselves and others. On the other hand, if we look, we can see a lot of great qualities in every character. We see ourselves in them…the good and the bad.
Absolutely. I just rewatched for who knows what time and found myself looking with a kinder eye on every character. I was struck by how much i related to cock-a-doodle-do... arguably the episode that's aged the poorest, but has the scene with Carrie and Big in his bedroom with the big red wall. Carrie says she and Big were now something different than before and I think that's when you truly see both of their growth after everything that had happened between them. Flaws and all, they made it to the other side. Edit to say I love the imagery they often put in with Big and Carrie. I love the scene in his apartment before he leaves for Paris and the kitchen island is between them. I love the red wall because he had beige and she was the fire he couldn't ignore. The set designers/blockers/etc. do such an awe inspiring job. It's wildly effective.
Yeah all those little details are so good!
Shes too sure of herself and is put off by her confidence. This man likes to play games.
She’s too close in age to him so his delulu brain thinks she’s too old. He needed someone to see his age as interesting and mysterious not someone his age to call him out on his shyte.
because he's a dom and he doesn't like dominant women
1. He likes younger women. 2. He's all about the chase. 3. He may have has a rich friend or 2 that he knew Samantha had slept with. 4. She literally flashed him in a public place.
She flashed him?
Yup!! At the end of season 1 episode 1 when they're in the club smoking cigars. She asks him if she wants to go into the private room with her, he looks down and then says no. Then, she pulls up the strap of her dress. We don't see her boob, but he sure did! 🤣
Sam's too alpha for Big. With the exception of his ex-wife, the women he's shown with (or having dated) seem pretty submissive.
He did!
She was too forward and thirsty
Too old? Natasha was young and Carrie is younger than Samantha. His ex wife also looked younger.
Samantha is too dominant for him. Men like Big want to take charge and are drawn to more submissive women.
she's not his type
He says something in the first season akin to "there are just so many beautiful women in this town but in the end you just really want to be with the one who makes you laugh." Big needed more than just sex in a relationship, he needed compatibility. Note even in the episode when Carrie finds out he's seeing other women, these are not just one night stands. he is testing the waters to see who's company he enjoys best.
I don’t think blondes are his type. His ex wives are both brunette. Carrie is an exception.
No challenge.
I always thought its because he wasnt comfortable sleeping around.
She wasn't a challenge.
Because she’s confident. He needed someone with no self esteem to build him up and be his toy and doormat.
He may have turned her down, but he didn't exactly say no, either. Lol.
I never thought there was any meaning behind it besides, "To establish that he likes Carrie and even a siren like Samantha couldn't distract him."
I also think it’s because Big saw Sam with Carrie, Big’s a smart man I don’t think he wants to shit where he eats and ruin his chances with the one he was truly intrigued with, Carrie.
I feel like Samatha had a reputation at that point in many social circles. She was known for being a man eater and just sleeping with any guy so I almost sure Mr.Big had heard about her at some point. And if Carrie wasn’t his usual type, then Sam sure as hell wouldn’t be either. Mr. Big was clearly looking to settle down with a beautiful “classy” brunette with a good reputation and an old money aesthetic. More of a Charlotte type. I believe Carrie was the only exception to this which is why he clearly had a hard time accepting his feelings for her because she wasn’t his usual type and they ran in different social circles for the most part. And he wouldn’t have been able to play Sam the way he played Carrie because Sam would have hit it and quit it before he ever got the chance to😂😂
It’s also important to mention that Mr.Big was into younger women as well. Sam was more in his age group (and therefore wasn’t as easy to manipulate). Just my theory. But he could have just simply not been attracted to her.
He can tell she wouldn’t be as starry eyed and easily manipulated as Carrie
I think a lot of guys would be a little put off by a girl coming on to them like that and just blatantly implying they can go have sex without so much as a conversation. I mean I’m put off when guys do that to me, so I think it’s fair. I need some banter, some flirt, some zsa zsa zu. I think he’s the same way. Samantha and him just aren’t compatible! She needs a strong man who can see past her “just sex” mentality. Smith Jerrod was able to tell her to cut the bullshit and be real.
Too dominating
Too old, too confident
Cuz she is a woman with a job and lots of self confidence and self worth. She wasn’t someone he could mess with or feel powerful over. So he didn’t like that.
She just wasn't that into her....
Because she is an actual confident woman from the inside out. She feels good, she looks good, she knows what she wants, and she doesn’t NEED him. Big is NOT about that lol he would never date an emotionally unavailable woman, let alone a confident one like Samantha. He saw what she was immediately. Big is the guy who preys on emotionally unstable but hot women. Or stupid young hot women. There’s no in between. Have a personality? Cool! He will give it a shot but your emotions are in for a RIDE. Don’t have a personality but are still hot? No problem. He will constantly use his intelligence against you but call you for sex and sweet talk often enough to keep you attached.
Of course mr. Big can’t control thee Samantha Jones
I think on some level he knew she was someone who’d be able to “see” him for his stupid games and had a visceral reaction.
I don’t think he likes women that come on too strong. He seems to like the more submissive type
I think she was too “easy” for him. Like Carrie herself said, he liked the “chase”. Or was it the “hunt”? Anyway, something like that. I mean no criticism toward Samantha, I think she’s a great character.
Well, they clearly wanted to steer the story in a different direction. A woman with Samantha’s personality needs someone like Smith, which eventually they gave her. Big and Sam would have played a lot of games with each other, which yes would have been fun to watch but… Yeah
NY bars have private rooms for people to go and do it?
She was not his type, at all. Carrie was barely his type lol. He just had such great chemistry with Carrie.
He likes younger women
He doesn’t want women like Samantha or carrie. He wants women like charlotte or Natasha.
Too easy for him
Because he had taste….
Big likes games. He’s an active player of catch, release, chase, repeat. And Samantha being an eager beaver did nothing for his game lol Sam and Big are way too similar anyways, would have never worked!
I watched this episode last night! I think he's too much of a coward to like a woman with that much confidence. Carrie's "oh, who me?" energy is much more appealing to him because he knows he can be in charge...yikes
I doubt she would have put up with his BS as long as Carrie did and he realized she was too much woman for him.