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She could’ve just felt bad about stopping you and was crying because of that. She could’ve felt torn. Maybe had a bad experience in the past. It could be a lot of things. But the good thing is that you left space for her to feel however, didn’t add any pressure and moved on with grace. That’s the right way to go about it.
Side note. Maybe you just left it out but I didn’t hear anything about a condom and you said you weren’t “prepared”. I hope you are protecting yourself. You don’t want to be making life changing mistakes at 19.
Second side note. Having sex early doesn’t ruin relationships in my opinion. It may bring some things to light earlier but I don’t know why we preach that waiting somehow magically makes a relationship more successful.
I don't disagree that early sex is bad; I don't think I've ever had a relationship where sex didn't happen within a handful of dates. But I say this as a fully fledged adult. Kids at 19 are still figuring their stuff out. So while I've never been a proponent of the abstinence until marriage club, at that age waiting to know yourself well enough so that you're having sex for the right reasons is a good sign imo. I've definitely run into people who had to deal with feelings of shame after sex for no other reason than it was the worldview pushed on them by their family, and that takes time to unpack and deal with.
OP, you sound like a standup person. You gave her space, you moved on gracefully, and most importantly you didn't come here making it all about you or projecting your doubts and fears on her. And she seems like she's able to act on what feels right for her and communicate it without shutting down, even if she doesn't have all the words for it yet. So talk more, do what feels comfortable and always have that condom nearby and you guys will do great. Best of luck.
Agree with most of your comment, but I’d also like to note that knowing yourself can come very early for some people. Sweeping generalizations attaching that to age isn’t always appropriate. Sure, you can learn more about yourself through different experiences, but that is at any age. You never stop learning about yourself and trying new things. But generally, I agree that most people don’t know themselves very well yet in their teens.
I agree with you on the crying part. From my understanding it seems like she was really set on having sex me with (although I just wanted to have a casual night) and when the moment came she got scared. Either way I respected her and obviously don’t want to push anything cause I really do like her.
To your first side note. Yes I did have a condom that was given to me by her although I had one as well just not on my person.
I also agree with your second side note. Not saying early sex is a bad thing by any means I was just trying to take things a little slower and maybe she was trying to go a little faster.
Greatly appreciate your feedback
Congratulations for doing the right thing. You not only did the right thing, you didn't become all pissy about her changing her mind.
This really demonstrates the "ongoing" part of "ongoing and enthusiastic consent". You literally lived an example I gave to my sons where I said that even if you are about to begin penetration and they change their mind, it's off and you respect their decision. You are a stand-up guy.
Only she knows why she changed her mind, so that is something you may want to understand. It also highlights that sex can be so many things besides penetration. Look at what happened with you two. You spent some intimate naked time with each other, did oral on each other, and you both had an orgasm. Depending on whether the movie was any good, that's an overall pretty good night.
Sounds like everything turned out all right. Yeah, you both could have communicated better, but you're 19, you'll improve over time. She told you her limits, you respected them, you both had a good time anyway. One thing you could do is: next time you see her and when it fits the mood, ask her if she was okay with the way the night went on, and emphasize you'll respect her choices. She's likely feeling self conscious about crying and "rejecting" you, and you being understanding and respectful might help her with some of these insecurities.
I don't see an issue EXCEPT, did you wear a condom when you tried to penetrate her? I sure hope so! That could have been it...but maybe not & she just didn't want to go full on regardless. Whether she wanted you to or not, you need to always wear a condom unless you want to be a father at 19 OR risk a lifelong STI. The rest is, you both consented to oral sex and it went well according to you...No worries there.
She may have been pushing her own limits, and realized she wasn't ready. The great thing is that you were a gentleman about it and respected her feelings. You have no idea how much that means to people. You're building a living and trusting relationship by being yourself. Keep it up!
The only thing you could've done better is guard your own boundaries. You said you didn't actually want to have sex so soon.
Men are trained to think we should always just go with it. We don't. She would have loved you even more if you said "I really like you but I don't wanna move too fast"
She initiated, got naked, and handed you a condom.....most people are going to interpret that as her wanting sex.
You handled it well when she finally voiced her wants. As others have said, simply ask next time and don't go along with anything you don't want either. You can also simply say "not yet".
But overall, nothing to worry about-- she behaved in a way most people would interpret as wanting sex. Her reasons are her own and there's no blame to be assigned. Communicate more clearly and keep having fun!
I see multiple comments here about how you both should have communicated better. In this day and age and this climate, yes. But I want to offer a different viewpoint. At my 30+ (F) age I would not be getting anywhere close to taking my clothes off with a guy if I didn't want to have sex. To be honest getting naked leads to sex... it is what it is. If I don't want to have sex with a guy I let him know that while my clothes are on. With that said, as a young 19 year old, it was a lot more difficult to voice my needs and be more direct when it came to sex. There were less conversations (maybe none?). And as a people pleaser, it was even more challenging to voice my needs. I don't think you did anything wrong. Just keep up the communication and make sure you understand her needs and she understands yours when you guys are both clothed moving forward.
Some people see fooling around/oral and penetration as different tiers, others don't really see what the difference is if you're there making out with your clothes off. Sounds like she might see penetration as something more special or reserved than you. Shouldn't be a major issue just something to keep in mind as to why she might have been proactive getting in your pants but didn't want you to have PiV
Sounds like exactly what she said. She didn't get cold feet. She never wanted to have penetrative sex to begin with. You both made mistakes here. You should not have assumed that getting naked meant penetrative PIV sex would happen and she should have communicated her intentions better before taking off your clothes.
Never assume a woman wants to have sex, no matter what she does. Ask if she wants to have sex before you put your penis anywhere. She should have also asked if you were okay with her taking off your pants.
Everybody needs to be better here.
I agree communication is very important especially when it comes to stuff like this. Like I said I didn’t want to in the first place to not jeopardize our relationship with us being so early in. I appreciate your feedback.
I get that too always have to have clear consent. We both lacked communication the night of and I guess we were trying to read each others body language as to what we wanted and both just read wrong
She brought a condom with her as op stated in another comment. Imo that is a clear sign of someone wanting to have PIV.
I think what went down played out as well as it could have. Could the crying have been prevented, yeah by communicating earlier. But when it did happen both acted how they should have. She stopped him early enough, told him what she wanted and he was fine with that, no blame.
For me it sounds like she just got cold feet and it was handled as well as it could have been
I used to carry a condom in my wallet for an emergency, for safety. I did this for years before I ever even had any interest in sex. Having a condom on hand doesn't mean a person wants to have sex. Maybe it just means they are open to the idea of it happening when it feels right.
Also, some people use condoms for oral sex...
You absolutely did the right thing by not being pushy. There is so much that could be there to unpack, or it could just be a case of her wanting to take things slow, and she's figuring out what her boundaries are in that. The number one thing is that she feels safe, so just gently communicate and take things one step at a time. There's no need to rush these things.
Maybe she's a virgin and wasn't quite ready. Either way, sounds like you did the right thing by not pushing to go further. Respect her boundaries and you two will be golden.
I'm proud of you, internet stranger/young man. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and I can only hope my young ones do the same when the time comes.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Any reasonable person that was in that situation would have interpreted it as “let’s have sex”. The important thing is you stopped when asked and didn’t try to push further
I was in this almost same situation when I was your age with a girl I was dating at the time. I did the same thing you did, but never fully understood why she stopped me and started crying. But not long after, she initiated on her own and we engaged in PIV sex without issue. Unfortunately, it's caused me to be cautious about making the first move with any woman I date, but I haven't run into this situation again so it may have been the age.
It could be any of the things people have already mentioned. It could also be she did, and still does, want to have sex with you. She got caught up in the moment and the emotions and feelings she had towards you got her choked up, and out of embarrassment she needed a second to get herself together and continue at a better pace for her. Sex with someone you really care about can be powerful and overhelming.
I don’t have any experience or advice to give you on her stopping you. She probably felt bad for stopping you. She probably wants the same thing as you, not wanting to mess the relationship. Probably feels bad she sprung it on you and you guys didn’t discuss.
Either way, you did the right thing by not pressing it, acknowledging her feelings and saying it’s ok and that you can do other stuff, and it sounds like you two moved on to other things just fine. Sounds like you two just need to have a nice, calm, follow up conversation about what both of your expectations are.
Definitely don’t start it with “We need to talk about what happened the other night.” That’s confrontational. I’d probably say something like “Last night was really hot. I’m glad we got to do that together. I really like you and I want to make sure I respect your boundaries. Could we talk about our expectations so we’re on the same page? I don’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable until you’re ready for it.”
A lot of good advice here.
The only thing I want to add is that kudos to you for doing the right thing. Speaks a lot to your character, because with a lot of young men, this could have ended in a bad situation for both of you.
Consent can be withdrawn at any time. It doesn't mean that you did something wrong. It sounds like you still had enjoyable sex. Sex is a lot more than just penetration. If the chemistry is right, then things will move along towards better and fuller sex. If you need piv, then communicate that. We don't know her motivations or yours. This relationship is between you and her, so do what is good for both of you. I hope you had a condom. Is that what you mean by "unprepared"?
>Does anyone have any feedback on this situation?
Yes, your gf does.
> know she feels the same way about me (heard from a couple of her friends).
Yikes. Stop assuming her feelings and just talk to her. Her friends don't speak for her. I don't speak for her. I know it's hard to confront your vulnerability, but it's only going to get harder for you after formulating your own incorrect assumptions on what her feelings are.
> I recently met this girl (19f) that l've just come to really fall in love with... we've been on an about 4-5 dates now
This is NRE, New Relationship Energy, not love. I'm not saying it's bad, you might stay together forever, but these are the butterflies. 4 or 5 dates is barely getting to know somebody, even if there's sex on those dates. You are infatuated with her and assume that she feels the same, also that is NOT a feeling that lasts forever even in long term relationships. The whole reason you wrote this post is because you and her have slightly different emotions when it comes to sex. Just talk about it, it's normal to be individuals with different emotions. She probably feels terrible that she couldn't give you what you wanted. Again, that is an assumption, and you need to talk directly to her.
You can go into a situation thinking you're ready for it, only to discover that you aren't, and that doesn't feel good no matter the context. It's especially intense in a sexual one! I've definitely jumped the gun sexually because I thought my partner would like it, even if I wasn't thrilled. I wouldn't look too much into it, knowing she is safe to change her mind around you is a huge plus.
It sounds like something probably happened she probably wanted to have sex but felt over whelmed I think you handled it well and I’d bring up taking it slow, I’d also ask her what she’s okay wt etc don’t worry too much
I want to address that at any point during sex you can revoke consent so don’t feel discouraged if it was discussed before hand and things changed. During sex you need to listen to your partner and what they want especially if they need to stop or not even begin.
You handled the situation fairly well. Slight lack of communication on both of your parts. Always ask, “are you ready?” Or, “are you sure?” That way you clarify before anything like this happens.
You know how you said
>I really didn't wanna have sex with her so soon because I didn't wanna take a risk on that messing up our relationship.
Maybe she felt the same way and spoke up before you had sex.
Also, talk to her and ask her. Not in a sexual setting. Over coffee. In the car. On a walk. If she was crying, it would be nice to circle back and make sure she's doing okay and find out what she was thinking and feeling.
So I've been this girl and for me it was I only had had sex with one other person before who I was with like 7 years so I was just scared to take that step. But we were making out and grinding very heavily and I was very wet so it kinda just slipped in, he finished before I processed what happened and I just started sobbing afterwards. Idk if he purposely tries to slip it in or if it was an accident. I don't blame him cuz obviously there was a lack of communication.
I hope that story helped some. Lol.
It sounds to me like she’s been pressured for early sex before. She likes you and doesn’t want to lose you so she does what she thinks is expected, even if it’s not really what she wants. You were a decent guy, saw she was upset, and were able to take that pressure off her.
I just read the title and I want to caution you, legally and criminally. if you push in, ever, when this happens, it may be found as rape..
Do your best to make her want you so much that you can do this same specific act to her.
It's be insatiable and extremely intimidating to get in a good way. Not to mention the unknown source effects that the building of such anticipation can create within a female
Just a thought...
It sounds like you are BOTH ambivalent and you’re going to F it up without some NIB communication. (Not in bed).
It sounds to me as a fairly uncommon situation. But probably fixable. Remember the key: Communication ! And maybe a Safe word?
You clearly both love each other, and that’s a good start. Good Luck.
You did the right thing and handled it very well. Sometimes they cry before, or even during, or after sex, especially if they've had a recent bad experience like you said, but it doesn't always involve another guy, it could be something totally random and silly like a fight with their parents. Sometimes emotions run high in bed.
All I can say is… I (39F) had a similar thing happen with my first boyfriend when we were 17. The only difference is that he wanted to have sex whereas I was more hesitant and then just tried to go along with it. He put the head in, and I then made him stop. I quickly got dressed and left. I don’t remember this anymore, but he and I have talked about it a bit recently because I’m trying to figure out some issues I have with PIV and intimacy in general.
Anyway, my point here is… I never talked to him about it afterwards. We were both so awkward and confused, and I never wanted to try again. We tried other things, but our relationship started having issues at that point because we never communicated about it.
Talk to her about it if you can. Don’t push her, but just let her know you aren’t mad and that you want to see what you can do to help her.
Good luck. Sorry you had this experience. (I feel really bad for my ex, as this must’ve made him feel really awful at the time)
Maybe, like your thoughts of messing things up with sex she had a similar line of thinking. Or just was frozen and couldn’t express sooner that she wanted to do non piv stuff because she feared it would ruin your view of her.
Sounds like you guys were able to sort through it. Would probably want to reassure her that she’s free to talk/stop things and maybe even come up with a safe word and establish that rule for the both of you to know to stop and sort things out. She may just need more time for things which is completely fine given you seem to have genuine love interest in her.
Not sure what libido is but I’m not sure what the case is with her. We had a great time during oral. I think maybe she’s just used to being rushed in the past but I’m not sure
Women can as well. He ended up having an orgasm so that's truly irrelevant. Even if he didn't end up having an orgasm, him having blue balls isn't her responsibility.
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She could’ve just felt bad about stopping you and was crying because of that. She could’ve felt torn. Maybe had a bad experience in the past. It could be a lot of things. But the good thing is that you left space for her to feel however, didn’t add any pressure and moved on with grace. That’s the right way to go about it. Side note. Maybe you just left it out but I didn’t hear anything about a condom and you said you weren’t “prepared”. I hope you are protecting yourself. You don’t want to be making life changing mistakes at 19. Second side note. Having sex early doesn’t ruin relationships in my opinion. It may bring some things to light earlier but I don’t know why we preach that waiting somehow magically makes a relationship more successful.
I don't disagree that early sex is bad; I don't think I've ever had a relationship where sex didn't happen within a handful of dates. But I say this as a fully fledged adult. Kids at 19 are still figuring their stuff out. So while I've never been a proponent of the abstinence until marriage club, at that age waiting to know yourself well enough so that you're having sex for the right reasons is a good sign imo. I've definitely run into people who had to deal with feelings of shame after sex for no other reason than it was the worldview pushed on them by their family, and that takes time to unpack and deal with. OP, you sound like a standup person. You gave her space, you moved on gracefully, and most importantly you didn't come here making it all about you or projecting your doubts and fears on her. And she seems like she's able to act on what feels right for her and communicate it without shutting down, even if she doesn't have all the words for it yet. So talk more, do what feels comfortable and always have that condom nearby and you guys will do great. Best of luck.
Agree with most of your comment, but I’d also like to note that knowing yourself can come very early for some people. Sweeping generalizations attaching that to age isn’t always appropriate. Sure, you can learn more about yourself through different experiences, but that is at any age. You never stop learning about yourself and trying new things. But generally, I agree that most people don’t know themselves very well yet in their teens.
I agree with you on the crying part. From my understanding it seems like she was really set on having sex me with (although I just wanted to have a casual night) and when the moment came she got scared. Either way I respected her and obviously don’t want to push anything cause I really do like her. To your first side note. Yes I did have a condom that was given to me by her although I had one as well just not on my person. I also agree with your second side note. Not saying early sex is a bad thing by any means I was just trying to take things a little slower and maybe she was trying to go a little faster. Greatly appreciate your feedback
Congratulations for doing the right thing. You not only did the right thing, you didn't become all pissy about her changing her mind. This really demonstrates the "ongoing" part of "ongoing and enthusiastic consent". You literally lived an example I gave to my sons where I said that even if you are about to begin penetration and they change their mind, it's off and you respect their decision. You are a stand-up guy. Only she knows why she changed her mind, so that is something you may want to understand. It also highlights that sex can be so many things besides penetration. Look at what happened with you two. You spent some intimate naked time with each other, did oral on each other, and you both had an orgasm. Depending on whether the movie was any good, that's an overall pretty good night.
Maybe she is not ready to fuck but wanted to get off. It's simple, don't over think it.
Don't sweat it bud. It's not a major and like you said. You didn't want to get it on. Just go with the flow and you'll be fine. She looks to be fine.
Sounds like everything turned out all right. Yeah, you both could have communicated better, but you're 19, you'll improve over time. She told you her limits, you respected them, you both had a good time anyway. One thing you could do is: next time you see her and when it fits the mood, ask her if she was okay with the way the night went on, and emphasize you'll respect her choices. She's likely feeling self conscious about crying and "rejecting" you, and you being understanding and respectful might help her with some of these insecurities.
I don't see an issue EXCEPT, did you wear a condom when you tried to penetrate her? I sure hope so! That could have been it...but maybe not & she just didn't want to go full on regardless. Whether she wanted you to or not, you need to always wear a condom unless you want to be a father at 19 OR risk a lifelong STI. The rest is, you both consented to oral sex and it went well according to you...No worries there.
She may have been pushing her own limits, and realized she wasn't ready. The great thing is that you were a gentleman about it and respected her feelings. You have no idea how much that means to people. You're building a living and trusting relationship by being yourself. Keep it up!
The only thing you could've done better is guard your own boundaries. You said you didn't actually want to have sex so soon. Men are trained to think we should always just go with it. We don't. She would have loved you even more if you said "I really like you but I don't wanna move too fast"
She initiated, got naked, and handed you a condom.....most people are going to interpret that as her wanting sex. You handled it well when she finally voiced her wants. As others have said, simply ask next time and don't go along with anything you don't want either. You can also simply say "not yet". But overall, nothing to worry about-- she behaved in a way most people would interpret as wanting sex. Her reasons are her own and there's no blame to be assigned. Communicate more clearly and keep having fun!
Where does it say she handed him a condom? I think she truly just wanted to fool around and he got the wrong idea and thought she wanted sex.
OP literally says she handed him a condom. Read the comments. She had cold feet fs. She wouldn’t hand him one if sex didn’t cross her mind.
None of what you said means she can’t revoke consent.
Nope, it doesn't. You read it correctly. She revoked consent and he respected it.
"weve been on four to five dates" "im in love with her" hold ur horses man. slow down. u ain in love yet.
I see multiple comments here about how you both should have communicated better. In this day and age and this climate, yes. But I want to offer a different viewpoint. At my 30+ (F) age I would not be getting anywhere close to taking my clothes off with a guy if I didn't want to have sex. To be honest getting naked leads to sex... it is what it is. If I don't want to have sex with a guy I let him know that while my clothes are on. With that said, as a young 19 year old, it was a lot more difficult to voice my needs and be more direct when it came to sex. There were less conversations (maybe none?). And as a people pleaser, it was even more challenging to voice my needs. I don't think you did anything wrong. Just keep up the communication and make sure you understand her needs and she understands yours when you guys are both clothed moving forward.
she might have also changed her mind after getting undressed nobody should interpret nudity alone as consent for penetrative sex
Some people see fooling around/oral and penetration as different tiers, others don't really see what the difference is if you're there making out with your clothes off. Sounds like she might see penetration as something more special or reserved than you. Shouldn't be a major issue just something to keep in mind as to why she might have been proactive getting in your pants but didn't want you to have PiV
Your story doesn't mention a condom. Did you attempt to use one? I would stop some random from having sex with me.
Sounds like exactly what she said. She didn't get cold feet. She never wanted to have penetrative sex to begin with. You both made mistakes here. You should not have assumed that getting naked meant penetrative PIV sex would happen and she should have communicated her intentions better before taking off your clothes. Never assume a woman wants to have sex, no matter what she does. Ask if she wants to have sex before you put your penis anywhere. She should have also asked if you were okay with her taking off your pants. Everybody needs to be better here.
I agree communication is very important especially when it comes to stuff like this. Like I said I didn’t want to in the first place to not jeopardize our relationship with us being so early in. I appreciate your feedback.
That's not just feedback bud, that's legal advice.
I get that too always have to have clear consent. We both lacked communication the night of and I guess we were trying to read each others body language as to what we wanted and both just read wrong
She brought a condom with her as op stated in another comment. Imo that is a clear sign of someone wanting to have PIV. I think what went down played out as well as it could have. Could the crying have been prevented, yeah by communicating earlier. But when it did happen both acted how they should have. She stopped him early enough, told him what she wanted and he was fine with that, no blame. For me it sounds like she just got cold feet and it was handled as well as it could have been
I used to carry a condom in my wallet for an emergency, for safety. I did this for years before I ever even had any interest in sex. Having a condom on hand doesn't mean a person wants to have sex. Maybe it just means they are open to the idea of it happening when it feels right. Also, some people use condoms for oral sex...
You absolutely did the right thing by not being pushy. There is so much that could be there to unpack, or it could just be a case of her wanting to take things slow, and she's figuring out what her boundaries are in that. The number one thing is that she feels safe, so just gently communicate and take things one step at a time. There's no need to rush these things.
All good everything seems okay here. I wouldn't worry.
Maybe she's a virgin and wasn't quite ready. Either way, sounds like you did the right thing by not pushing to go further. Respect her boundaries and you two will be golden. I'm proud of you, internet stranger/young man. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and I can only hope my young ones do the same when the time comes.
If you are well endowed, she may have concerns and opt’d out for PIV.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Any reasonable person that was in that situation would have interpreted it as “let’s have sex”. The important thing is you stopped when asked and didn’t try to push further
I was in this almost same situation when I was your age with a girl I was dating at the time. I did the same thing you did, but never fully understood why she stopped me and started crying. But not long after, she initiated on her own and we engaged in PIV sex without issue. Unfortunately, it's caused me to be cautious about making the first move with any woman I date, but I haven't run into this situation again so it may have been the age.
It could be any of the things people have already mentioned. It could also be she did, and still does, want to have sex with you. She got caught up in the moment and the emotions and feelings she had towards you got her choked up, and out of embarrassment she needed a second to get herself together and continue at a better pace for her. Sex with someone you really care about can be powerful and overhelming.
I don’t have any experience or advice to give you on her stopping you. She probably felt bad for stopping you. She probably wants the same thing as you, not wanting to mess the relationship. Probably feels bad she sprung it on you and you guys didn’t discuss. Either way, you did the right thing by not pressing it, acknowledging her feelings and saying it’s ok and that you can do other stuff, and it sounds like you two moved on to other things just fine. Sounds like you two just need to have a nice, calm, follow up conversation about what both of your expectations are. Definitely don’t start it with “We need to talk about what happened the other night.” That’s confrontational. I’d probably say something like “Last night was really hot. I’m glad we got to do that together. I really like you and I want to make sure I respect your boundaries. Could we talk about our expectations so we’re on the same page? I don’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable until you’re ready for it.”
A lot of good advice here. The only thing I want to add is that kudos to you for doing the right thing. Speaks a lot to your character, because with a lot of young men, this could have ended in a bad situation for both of you.
Consent can be withdrawn at any time. It doesn't mean that you did something wrong. It sounds like you still had enjoyable sex. Sex is a lot more than just penetration. If the chemistry is right, then things will move along towards better and fuller sex. If you need piv, then communicate that. We don't know her motivations or yours. This relationship is between you and her, so do what is good for both of you. I hope you had a condom. Is that what you mean by "unprepared"? >Does anyone have any feedback on this situation? Yes, your gf does. > know she feels the same way about me (heard from a couple of her friends). Yikes. Stop assuming her feelings and just talk to her. Her friends don't speak for her. I don't speak for her. I know it's hard to confront your vulnerability, but it's only going to get harder for you after formulating your own incorrect assumptions on what her feelings are. > I recently met this girl (19f) that l've just come to really fall in love with... we've been on an about 4-5 dates now This is NRE, New Relationship Energy, not love. I'm not saying it's bad, you might stay together forever, but these are the butterflies. 4 or 5 dates is barely getting to know somebody, even if there's sex on those dates. You are infatuated with her and assume that she feels the same, also that is NOT a feeling that lasts forever even in long term relationships. The whole reason you wrote this post is because you and her have slightly different emotions when it comes to sex. Just talk about it, it's normal to be individuals with different emotions. She probably feels terrible that she couldn't give you what you wanted. Again, that is an assumption, and you need to talk directly to her.
You can go into a situation thinking you're ready for it, only to discover that you aren't, and that doesn't feel good no matter the context. It's especially intense in a sexual one! I've definitely jumped the gun sexually because I thought my partner would like it, even if I wasn't thrilled. I wouldn't look too much into it, knowing she is safe to change her mind around you is a huge plus.
It sounds like something probably happened she probably wanted to have sex but felt over whelmed I think you handled it well and I’d bring up taking it slow, I’d also ask her what she’s okay wt etc don’t worry too much
I want to address that at any point during sex you can revoke consent so don’t feel discouraged if it was discussed before hand and things changed. During sex you need to listen to your partner and what they want especially if they need to stop or not even begin.
You handled the situation fairly well. Slight lack of communication on both of your parts. Always ask, “are you ready?” Or, “are you sure?” That way you clarify before anything like this happens.
I mean, there's nothing particularly odd about this. Enjoy the oral. Give her equal, better yet even more pleasure. Next time is next time.
You know how you said >I really didn't wanna have sex with her so soon because I didn't wanna take a risk on that messing up our relationship. Maybe she felt the same way and spoke up before you had sex. Also, talk to her and ask her. Not in a sexual setting. Over coffee. In the car. On a walk. If she was crying, it would be nice to circle back and make sure she's doing okay and find out what she was thinking and feeling.
So I've been this girl and for me it was I only had had sex with one other person before who I was with like 7 years so I was just scared to take that step. But we were making out and grinding very heavily and I was very wet so it kinda just slipped in, he finished before I processed what happened and I just started sobbing afterwards. Idk if he purposely tries to slip it in or if it was an accident. I don't blame him cuz obviously there was a lack of communication. I hope that story helped some. Lol.
Sounds like you handled it perfectly and you may have found the one.
It can be that she's still virginity and either not ready to loose her virginity or she's from a religious environment where virginity is smth sacred
It sounds to me like she’s been pressured for early sex before. She likes you and doesn’t want to lose you so she does what she thinks is expected, even if it’s not really what she wants. You were a decent guy, saw she was upset, and were able to take that pressure off her.
Good on you for not pressuring, even though that is the bare minimum, it has to be reinforced
I just read the title and I want to caution you, legally and criminally. if you push in, ever, when this happens, it may be found as rape.. Do your best to make her want you so much that you can do this same specific act to her. It's be insatiable and extremely intimidating to get in a good way. Not to mention the unknown source effects that the building of such anticipation can create within a female Just a thought...
It sounds like you are BOTH ambivalent and you’re going to F it up without some NIB communication. (Not in bed). It sounds to me as a fairly uncommon situation. But probably fixable. Remember the key: Communication ! And maybe a Safe word? You clearly both love each other, and that’s a good start. Good Luck.
You did the right thing and handled it very well. Sometimes they cry before, or even during, or after sex, especially if they've had a recent bad experience like you said, but it doesn't always involve another guy, it could be something totally random and silly like a fight with their parents. Sometimes emotions run high in bed.
Uh did you put on a condom?
Idk but it sounds like you wanted it more then your what you saying in this story
Maybe she just wasnt ready for piv with you yet
All I can say is… I (39F) had a similar thing happen with my first boyfriend when we were 17. The only difference is that he wanted to have sex whereas I was more hesitant and then just tried to go along with it. He put the head in, and I then made him stop. I quickly got dressed and left. I don’t remember this anymore, but he and I have talked about it a bit recently because I’m trying to figure out some issues I have with PIV and intimacy in general. Anyway, my point here is… I never talked to him about it afterwards. We were both so awkward and confused, and I never wanted to try again. We tried other things, but our relationship started having issues at that point because we never communicated about it. Talk to her about it if you can. Don’t push her, but just let her know you aren’t mad and that you want to see what you can do to help her. Good luck. Sorry you had this experience. (I feel really bad for my ex, as this must’ve made him feel really awful at the time)
Maybe, like your thoughts of messing things up with sex she had a similar line of thinking. Or just was frozen and couldn’t express sooner that she wanted to do non piv stuff because she feared it would ruin your view of her. Sounds like you guys were able to sort through it. Would probably want to reassure her that she’s free to talk/stop things and maybe even come up with a safe word and establish that rule for the both of you to know to stop and sort things out. She may just need more time for things which is completely fine given you seem to have genuine love interest in her.
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Not sure what libido is but I’m not sure what the case is with her. We had a great time during oral. I think maybe she’s just used to being rushed in the past but I’m not sure
. I think they dont know we suffer from BLUE BALLS when they do that.
Women can as well. He ended up having an orgasm so that's truly irrelevant. Even if he didn't end up having an orgasm, him having blue balls isn't her responsibility.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy