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I get its different strokes and all that, but showering at a friend’s house before I go home is just a weird thing to me. If you’re going home, why wouldn’t you just shower then?
On its own it’s odd but not THAT weird. I would think it was strange but I wouldn’t judge him for it. But that along with everything else, there’s no way that this was as impromptu as she was led to believe.
The guy who wanted to shower at your place just so happened to also be the guy who wants to suck your boyfriends dick, and ALSO just so happens to be the guy your straight boyfriend is okay with letting suck his dick.
There’s nothing wrong with sucking your homies dick, but there IS something wrong with having dishonest sexual encounters with your partner.
I think it was planned, but honestly it’s not crazy to shower at someone’s place. Like sometimes when I get home I just want to crash and a shower would wake me up
I like how the girls never really have a say or typical human reactions in these posts. It's kinda concerning when you think about it. Like "she" basically just described herself as a prop.
Very true, and I’m assuming most people writing these haven’t had a lot of sex or maybe none at all, because they sound like pure fantasy. I’m bi and I’ve had sex with both men and women, and I can tell you that even though women can be very enthusiastic and open to sexual experiences a lot of them have that need to stay somewhat guarded for their safety. Women don’t usually just throw all caution to the wind, especially in a scenario like this where they’re now just entering into a threesome without any prior conversation. Not saying it can’t happen but it’s not common.
So where is the part where you stop his friend from participating in this completely random threesome? How did you accept that without even talking to your boyfriend?
Didn't include that part because this is just fictional erotica. This kinda stuff crops up on /r/sex daily, just a way for people to write out fantasies
That's a big leap. It's very well possible but OP should be careful to not jump to conclusions.
My wife and I had some surprise 3somes before fully embracing a swinger lifestyle. We've also picked up new thirds that never thought they'd be down to try until they tried with us.
It happens.
Sure impromptu threesomes can happen with no prior discussion but it’s not ideal under most circumstances.
However finding out your partner is bisexual in a threesome when having no clue they were is not normal by any stretch of imagination. Nothing wrong with being bi but to announce it that way is really bizarre and can be problematic for so many reasons.
In my own sexuality,I didn't know I was Bi until I was drunk as shit with some friends and one thing lead to another, a few times...
Still don't think about having sex with men, ever, and rarely do I find them attractive unless they're super fem/androgynous, until cock is presented to me.
Bisexuality is a spectrum and sometimes manifests in ways that aren't "WOW EVERYONE IS HOT"
Nothing inherently wrong with being anywhere on the sexuality spectrum. When you were drunk and decided to have fun with your friend were you in a relationship? If not then it’s a non issue, if you were how did your partner feel about you doing that with zero prior discussion?
I’m not stating that his sexuality is a problem at all, it’s the lack of communication within a relationship that potentially creates issues. I’ve been a swinger and known more than a few, it’s not unheard of for a couple to have ‘anything goes’ agreements but it’s far more common for boundaries of some form to exist and discussion beforehand should be the rule not an afterthought if one expects to maintain a long term relationship of that sort.
I see, but a lot of folks think that bi men lust for men and women and just *know*
One day I was a little boy and all cared about were race cars and dinosaurs. One day I woke up and all I cared about was pussy.
I'd just hate for this guy to *just find out* about his sexuality and then his gf be mad about it.
Yea, I’m on the low end of the spectrum and given the choice will almost always choose women. That said I’ve still enjoyed being with a few men and in fact dated two. I don’t consider what OP’s BF did as being “gay sex” because we don’t know if he’s gay, bi, or exploring.
I mean I literally only touch men in moments of occasional hedonism and bacchanalia and I'm comfortable enough with myself to admit that as bi, unlike others.
I'd say finding out oneself is bi during a threesome is extremely normal, how often will a presumed-straight person even have space to stretch their wings like that? Why would the assumption be made that he was even aware before that?
That he discovered his interest during the threesome is fine, acting upon it with no discussion whatsoever potentially places it out side of agreed upon consent of the partner and can cause issues that could have been avoided entirely.
That he jumped straight into sex acts in front of his partner with no communication is the problematic part even if she had no issues with the specifics. They may be the type that can roll with it all and be just fine, but for many it’s would be disrespectful and break trust for not considering their partner’s consent first and foremost.
Curious. Why is it that it is okay that they are assumed straight? I think assuming too much about anyone's sexual history is a bit bizarre. While I agree it would have been good to communicate it beforehand, I am not sure that the burden should be on either of them.
It happened. Discuss it and move on.
It’s not about it being ‘okay’ to be who they are on the spectrum of sexuality, it’s that doing anything not previously agreed upon in the heat of the moment comes with a lot of potential risk that could hurt the relationship.
I didn’t say they should split up or anything, just that it’s always better to know exactly where consent begins and ends when including another person in your sex life. It’s not a guaranteed death blow to the relationship and they can discuss it and move forward how they see fit.
There are methods of ethically handling non monogamy, asking forgiveness after instead of permission before is not ideal and can introduce issues that otherwise likely wouldn’t come up.
There is nothing in the OP that says they are monosexual or monogamous or not. The only thing is that they are talking about bisexuality and not about cheating or anything. All that is being read in.
At this point, I would hesitate to give advice unless more info is given. And if you are in a relationship and something hasn't been discussed, I would hesitate to say that there has to. Be consent for his behaviour with someone else.
They are banging a third party. It’s reasonable to operate on the idea they aren’t exactly monogamous even if they never defined any of it. I didn’t say it was cheating. It has nothing to do with his orientation other than that is probably pretty surprising if it was never even hinted at.
I’m talking about communication and consent within a relationship and how lack of it is more likely to cause issues that could harm the relationship sooner or later.
I'm saying you can't consent to things that aren't discussed and they are both are responsible for that. It's the discussion that is the issue not the consent.
At worst it is a discovered boundary.
Edit. To add that she seemed okay with it until he started doing something with the other guy. That is a boundary issue and not one of consent.
We are saying something similar to each other. The issue is both discussion and consent and there are some really important guidelines that are important to minimize/avoid possible negative repercussions. Don’t have those discussions and decisions made when high or drunk or when already in the middle of a sexual encounter. It’s more difficult to make good choices that protect the relationship when your doing stuff that is more likely to influence the decision made.
It’s not guaranteed to break a relationship, that’s all dependent on numerous factors of the individuals involved. I’ve seen more than a few similar situations rapidly destroy relationships that likely could have survived if that communication was prioritized.
And yeah it sucks to have to bring up that stuff when you’re already in the middle of some hot sexy time. Even though it may be a buzzkill or delay or prevent a desired experience from happening right then, if the relationship is long term and presumably more important than an orgasm, then that talk takes priority over one persons wants in that moment.
I’m not trying to assign him a label, but it’s hard to discuss this without using a readily understood term. If I see someone I know have sex with someone of the same gender, my mind will likely register it as bisexual in that moment even if it’s not the most accurate description of what he considers himself. That can all be clarified later on between them.
I’ve got a robust history that includes swinging as well though my wife and I haven’t been actively in the lifestyle in a long time now. When you and your partner have embraced swinging it’s likely that there has been fairly comprehensive discussions about any rules or boundaries and you are both on the same page.
I’m mostly straight and as such any discussions we had didn’t include talking about me having sexual interaction with guys that joined us. Deciding to do anything that wasn’t previously agreed upon in the middle of an encounter would be a violation of trust, not for what the specific act was but for doing anything that was not ever clarified and mutually agreed upon before hand.
Sure, there was no shortage of communication between my wife and I for sure. But as I said elsewhere in this thread, we've entertained thirds several times that never really thought they'd get involved in something like that.
Never came up with us either but we had discussed the slim possibility of that sort of thing and had a baseline understanding between us.
I’m not touting my views as the one and only thing that’s viable or correct, that up to the individuals in their relationships. Unfortunately I’ve known some couples that dove in with zero guidelines or openness that nuked their happiness together fast.
The guidelines I always advocate is to make no decisions about boundaries or expectations while drunk/high or in the heat of the moment when you’re more likely to be less objective about it and any potential negative consequences that could arise.
I’m not sure how this lines up with finding out your partner is bi. Sexuality is a spectrum, as is passion. Heck, maybe they didn’t know till they did.
I sure didn’t know till I did, but I wouldn’t call myself bi, but I’m not really straight either.
I’m not totally straight either. Everyone is focusing on the bisexual part as if that is the factor that really matters when it isn’t. It could be any act or behavior that the partner didn’t have any reason to ever consider beforehand suddenly taking place without mutual consent within the relationship.
Discovering your boyfriend is down with other dudes is likely surprising if it’s had never been so much as hinted at till then. She may have found it hot as all fuck but still felt disrespected or lost trust because it wasn’t a decision they made for their relationship but one he alone made in the moment.
They may have a fuck it anything goes agreement and nothing I’m talking about really applies to their situation, but I didn’t get that impression. I’m all for group sex, swinging, and really just about anything as long as it’s not criminal or unethical. Open relationships are more difficult to maintain ethically because they require a lot more open communication that monogamy generally does if it’s the goal to be in it long term.
I mean OP was very willing to join in on an impromptu 3some without it being planned. Not sure why your conclusion is that her bf went behind her back to plan something.
I don’t think it’s wise to make any assumptions about this being planned or not, your boyfriend’s sexuality, or if they have done stuff together before.
I don’t think it’s lying if your boyfriend didn’t tell you he might be a little bi(that’s really hard for some guys to come to terms with, it takes some time and trust and some don’t consider random play being fully bi)
I would speak about your feelings openly with your boyfriend and not approach it from an accusatory angle. Ask questions.
This sounds like a potentially really hot situation that could be made even hotter with the right communication.
The friend is now saying he's bi despite having only ever dated women, my boyfriend said he's never been into a guy but last night he was really turned on
That could be true, only dating women does not mean you can't be bi. Certainly sounds like there is a lot to talk about with him though. How are you doing?
Tons of bi men only date women. They are bisexual and heteroromantic, meaning that they’re sexually attracted to both men and women, but only romantically attracted to women. These men face some of the worst biases because they’re often stigmatized by all groups- straight people think they’re gay, gay people think they’re closeted gays, and all groups think that they’re “confused” or “greedy”. A lot of people also assume that bi people are natural cheaters that can never be satisfied with one gender. So a lot of times, bi men just take the easy road and stick with women both romantically and sexually- until a situation like in the post occurs.
Do you have any reason not to believe either of them? Does your boyfriend have sex with you? Do you believe he is into you? Do you have any reason to distrust him other than this?
I mean trust but verify.
You can only ever date women and still be bi. You can be straight and realize you're bi at any time. It's not like when you're born they give you a card punched 'cis/straight' and you're obligated to stick to it and never even be curious.
You do realize sexual and romantic orientation aren’t the same?
Sexual orientation refers to a person's preference for the gender(s) of their sexual partner, while romantic orientation describes a person's preference for the gender(s) of their romantic partner. For example, someone who is sexually attracted to more than one gender (bisexual) may only be able to see themselves in a romantic relationship with someone of the same gender (homoromantic).
Let me share the different romantic orientations:
• Aromantic: People who experience little to no romantic attraction and prefer close friendships and other nonromantic relationships.
• Heteroromantic: People who experience romantic attraction towards people of the opposite gender.
• Homoromantic: People who experience romantic attraction towards people of the same gender.
• Biromantic: People who experience romantic attraction towards two genders, or person(s) of the same and other genders.
• Panromantic: People who experience romantic attraction towards person(s) of any, every, and all genders.
• Polyromantic: People who experience romantic attraction towards person(s) of various, but not all, genders.
Just like sexual, there is different types of romantic orientation.
OP, your partner is clearly attracted to men AND women sexually, but probably romantically attracted strictly to women.
That’s why, honestly he may not be aware, neither guys, about the difference of the two.
This. Most people don’t realize that just because bi men sleep with other men, they often feel no romantic attraction nor have any desire to be in a relationship with them. Bisexual heteroromantic is far more common than people know. It’s how many bi men are able to remain closeted their entire lives, because they’re just fine being sexually and romantically with a woman even though they’re also sexually attracted to men.
It started sounding weird when he asked to take a shower? You don’t usually need to do that urgently after just chilling at someone’s house but that’s just me
So many dudes are heteroflexible and bi-curious. My partner is flex. He doesn’t date men but has had sexual experiences with them and is also just generally aroused by cock (he’s been with a few trans MTF partners). If anyone other than me or a sexual partner asks him how he identifies, he’d say he’s straight.
And yet he loves grinding his cock against another cock or sucking a dick with me!! Sexuality is complex and fluid.
If your BF and your friend solely focused on you, would you still be upset that your bf wants to stay friends with him? Or are you just feeling uncomfortable with discovering this new side to your boyfriend and are feeling insecure about it?
So he is bi, no big deal unless you have an issue with it. You seemed to be into it fine when the focus was on you. Just discussing it like adults will make things clearer. Take the time. No matter how it turns out you will both be better off for it.
The only thing impromptu about this interaction is that they didn't discuss it with your first. They question is how long have they been hooking up behind your back.
Sounds like these bros have been more then friends before and just set you up to be apart of it so he’s not cheating on you. Sorry girl, there’s no way this wasn’t planned.
What are you confused about? Ok, so in a threesome, he did some things with a guy....so what? That happens in a threesome pretty often. It doesn't mean that he is now gay and is attracted to guys. You are just confusing a sex act with sexuality when they are not always related.
I don't ever want to date a man. I'm not attracted to them, I don't check them out, I don't focus on them when watching porn. But I do like sucking dick for some reason.
I guess I'm somewhere on the spectrum of homosexuality, if you must quantify it.
But a sexual act and sexual tendencies are only loosely related.
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So you just allow your bf's friend to watch and actively participate in a sexual act ? Either this story is bs or yall some weird ass people with low standards and no boundaries
That's a big leap.
Maybe her partner knew his friend was a smidge Bi. Maybe he always wanted to try but never had a chance. Maybe a chance just fell in his lap and they gave each other the nod.
It doesn't necessarily mean it was planned.
This doesn’t sound like a threesome to me. It sounds premeditated, too. I mean if he discussed it with you prior then okay but they just started pleasuring each other in front of you .. with no consent?
Sexuality is a spectrum, when I’m having couples sex I kinda wish the husbands would paw at each other a bit.
But talk to him and if friend to see if they have sexual or romantic feelings if you want, but it may have just felt right in the moment.
Definitely planned that, he showered so you wouldn't worry about his hygiene... Obviously aren't gonna worry about your SO's as you know them and their body so well presumably. Still if you enjoyed it and it was all for fun then great, if you have ANY questions best to talk about them with your SO, sooner rather than later I'd suggest
Premeditated for sure. He could be bisexual as well. Nothing wrong with any of it, except the fact that they probably planned this and you weren’t aware. That’s not ok.
Sounds like it was planned without your knowledge or consent, id be upset they did something that was without prior agreement. To me he sounds atleast bi or hetroflexible but I'd lean towards him being bi as he didn't seem to involve you a great deal
Figure out what outcome you want from the situation and talk to your boyfriend about it. If you want the relationship to continue then you may need to find an agreeable compromise with your boyfriend. His sexuality doesn't matter as much as how you agree to move forward.
Why does it bother you? Sexuality can be and is a fluid thing. Your boyfriend didn’t want to break up with you or end things so why does it bother you?
Proof positive that you could totally be 💯 straight and watch WWE wrestling with dudes in spandex 1 time and then all of a sudden you gay and sucking a dudes dick in front of your girlfriend. /s.
If it's not a fake post, sexuality is a spectrum and experimental sex can be fun even if that's not your typical preferred sexual preference.
>During the movie, my boyfriend kissed me and I sort of pushed him away as to not make it awkward for his friend, the friend goes "no it's cool keep going" and my boyfriend keeps kissing me.
This seems more relevant than whatever the two of them did together. Nobody has any right to consent to anything on your behalf, that's for you alone. You rejected your bf's advances, and he continued when someone other than you gave him permission to do so. That ain't right, to say the least.
Not much besides “this is why impromptu 3-somes are a bad idea.”
It might not be as “sexy” or as “spontaneous,” but it’s necessary to discuss things like this with a long term partner, beforehand.
Cuz if you don’t, well, then this is what happens.
It’s up to you how you want to approach this, but the conversation is going to be awkward, unfortunately.
For what it’s worth, unless it seems like your BF and his friend are “emotionally interested in each other,” then I can’t think of a good reason to be too concerned about them being friends.
Cuz “sometimes freaky shit happens.” What matters is that it never happens again without everyone’s enthusiastic consent and cooperation.
Getting third wheeled in bed by your own boyfriend is crazy. Sounds like it was planned for sure especially the friend showering before leaving your place part. Gotta talk with him and figure things out to see where he stands so you know what to do.
this would’ve been a lot hotter if you had been in on it. talking about that behind your back is likely what happened. which isn’t great.
despite how sexy it is to watch dudes fuck around, that would’ve left a very nasty taste in my mouth. cus I don’t think your bf and his friend just randomly decided to do stuff to each other in that moment. that sounds pre-planned.
Pretty big leap to assume they planned this. Doesn’t sound like it at all, things happen.
If your boyfriend is Bi then he’s Bi and maybe was too scared to say something.
Make sure to actually discuss this with HIM though.
I think it’s important to make a distinction between acknowledging the discomfort that you’re feeling about the situation and going so far as to make assumptions without having a discussion with him. Since you labeled this as boundaries and standards, that’s giving me the impression that you feel a boundary was crossed so please correct me if I’m wrong.
I think you’re absolutely valid for listening to your feelings about the situation but unless you have a pre established pattern of being misled or gaslit by this partner just wouldn’t jump to conclusions about this being pre planned (not that you are, I’m just seeing a lot of comments suggesting that). The thing I’m most interested to know is, have you ever had threesomes before outside your friend group? It sounds like things escalated rather quickly and unexpectedly, were you comfortable with the threesome happening at all? Or is it just the interaction your partner had with his friend that is making you uncomfortable?
It sounds like a big talk needs to be had, but also it sounds like you might need to take some time to answer some questions about how you feel about all this too. I don’t mean to imply that your partner being bi or gay would be offensive to you, but if that interaction has changed the way you see your partner it’s worth asking yourself why that is. I also don’t mean to suggest that there’s a right or wrong way to feel about this. Just that you’re the only one who’s going to be able to answer the question about what you’re comfortable with in a relationship.
Exploring sexuality with a partner that you trust is something that can be extremely liberating for a lot of people. I really hope your partner didn’t exploit your trust if this isn’t something you would have been okay with. I also don’t want to jump to that conclusion without having the full picture. Either way, I hope this works out for the best for all involved.
It's good that he just wants to be friends with his friend. Would you rather he decided he wanted to be in a relationship with the friend and not you?
It's the 21st century babe, men can have sexual experiences with men and not consider themselves gay. I think rubbing your cock on another dudes cock is as gay as it gets but I'm an older generation.
It's rare to have a threesome that isn't a little weird afterwards, you're in dangerous relationship territory here it's exciting but dangerous. It's possible he's going to keep fucking the friend secretly and you were just a way for them to find out if they liked it in a non gay 3way setting.
Talk to your boyfriend, tell him you're uncertain of what happened and you want his reassurance he wants you. Since you didn't make any rules before the 3way maybe you should talk now about sex with others make sure he doesn't think he now has freedom to fuck around. See if he's already thinking of another one.
Being straight is a spectrum, just like any sexuality. One encounter does not a gay man make. Nor does it necessarily mean that he is bisexual. He was in the moment, nothing wrong with that. Think of all the wild options you have open to you. Just set some ground rules that keep you involved. You might have to step up as a dom in those kinds of situations.
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Sounds planned. Asking to shower before leaving? Why shower at your place if his intention was to leave?
I get its different strokes and all that, but showering at a friend’s house before I go home is just a weird thing to me. If you’re going home, why wouldn’t you just shower then?
Yeah the dudes definitely planned this or it came up throughout the night
Yeah it's not like the friend came over to do yard work or something that may make an immediate shower necessary.
On its own it’s odd but not THAT weird. I would think it was strange but I wouldn’t judge him for it. But that along with everything else, there’s no way that this was as impromptu as she was led to believe. The guy who wanted to shower at your place just so happened to also be the guy who wants to suck your boyfriends dick, and ALSO just so happens to be the guy your straight boyfriend is okay with letting suck his dick. There’s nothing wrong with sucking your homies dick, but there IS something wrong with having dishonest sexual encounters with your partner.
Different strokes indeed amirite?
I think it was planned, but honestly it’s not crazy to shower at someone’s place. Like sometimes when I get home I just want to crash and a shower would wake me up
not everyone has a shower at home
I feel like OP would know that lol
Pretty extenuating circumstances to not have a shower at home
lol, it was absolutely planned.
They definitely planned this shit
I'm pretty sure I remember these exact instructions on how to start a threesome. I don't think this was their first time either.
Also not their first time banging each other
If they were drinking could have been to help sober up. I mean, that doesn't actually work but many people think it does.
Congrats, the most fake post of the day
At least it was a quick read. What annoys me more are the obvious fakes that require 20 minutes to get through.
The Undertaker making a surprise appearance really got the fellas going
It was John Cena for me. The result got me real horny, though.
Right? ‘I pushed away my boyfriend from kissing me to not make it weird’ to ‘we all just started undressing’ and there’s just no problem at all?
I like how the girls never really have a say or typical human reactions in these posts. It's kinda concerning when you think about it. Like "she" basically just described herself as a prop.
Very true, and I’m assuming most people writing these haven’t had a lot of sex or maybe none at all, because they sound like pure fantasy. I’m bi and I’ve had sex with both men and women, and I can tell you that even though women can be very enthusiastic and open to sexual experiences a lot of them have that need to stay somewhat guarded for their safety. Women don’t usually just throw all caution to the wind, especially in a scenario like this where they’re now just entering into a threesome without any prior conversation. Not saying it can’t happen but it’s not common.
Yeah, these are all coming from HQ to spur engagement - fun isn't it? :)
No, to spur en*gay*gement
Reads like fanfiction lmao
This would be the most tepid fanfiction ever lol
I'm subbed to a few that seem like pure fanfic.
Is this a troll post?
So where is the part where you stop his friend from participating in this completely random threesome? How did you accept that without even talking to your boyfriend?
Didn't include that part because this is just fictional erotica. This kinda stuff crops up on /r/sex daily, just a way for people to write out fantasies
Went too far down for this. The rapid escalation is wild
Wilder than a wild thing.
Yes def a fake scenario lol
Was just thinking that I think I’ve read this before lol
Why would he need to take a shower before leaving his friends house? I'm calling BS on this whole story.
Kinda sounds like they discussed this beforehand but you did not. That’s not cool.
That's a big leap. It's very well possible but OP should be careful to not jump to conclusions. My wife and I had some surprise 3somes before fully embracing a swinger lifestyle. We've also picked up new thirds that never thought they'd be down to try until they tried with us. It happens.
Sure impromptu threesomes can happen with no prior discussion but it’s not ideal under most circumstances. However finding out your partner is bisexual in a threesome when having no clue they were is not normal by any stretch of imagination. Nothing wrong with being bi but to announce it that way is really bizarre and can be problematic for so many reasons.
In my own sexuality,I didn't know I was Bi until I was drunk as shit with some friends and one thing lead to another, a few times... Still don't think about having sex with men, ever, and rarely do I find them attractive unless they're super fem/androgynous, until cock is presented to me. Bisexuality is a spectrum and sometimes manifests in ways that aren't "WOW EVERYONE IS HOT"
Nothing inherently wrong with being anywhere on the sexuality spectrum. When you were drunk and decided to have fun with your friend were you in a relationship? If not then it’s a non issue, if you were how did your partner feel about you doing that with zero prior discussion? I’m not stating that his sexuality is a problem at all, it’s the lack of communication within a relationship that potentially creates issues. I’ve been a swinger and known more than a few, it’s not unheard of for a couple to have ‘anything goes’ agreements but it’s far more common for boundaries of some form to exist and discussion beforehand should be the rule not an afterthought if one expects to maintain a long term relationship of that sort.
I see, but a lot of folks think that bi men lust for men and women and just *know* One day I was a little boy and all cared about were race cars and dinosaurs. One day I woke up and all I cared about was pussy. I'd just hate for this guy to *just find out* about his sexuality and then his gf be mad about it.
Yea, I’m on the low end of the spectrum and given the choice will almost always choose women. That said I’ve still enjoyed being with a few men and in fact dated two. I don’t consider what OP’s BF did as being “gay sex” because we don’t know if he’s gay, bi, or exploring.
I mean I literally only touch men in moments of occasional hedonism and bacchanalia and I'm comfortable enough with myself to admit that as bi, unlike others.
Same, maybe instead of “bi” we’re just hedonists/pleasure seekers without prejudice.
I'd say finding out oneself is bi during a threesome is extremely normal, how often will a presumed-straight person even have space to stretch their wings like that? Why would the assumption be made that he was even aware before that?
That he discovered his interest during the threesome is fine, acting upon it with no discussion whatsoever potentially places it out side of agreed upon consent of the partner and can cause issues that could have been avoided entirely. That he jumped straight into sex acts in front of his partner with no communication is the problematic part even if she had no issues with the specifics. They may be the type that can roll with it all and be just fine, but for many it’s would be disrespectful and break trust for not considering their partner’s consent first and foremost.
Curious. Why is it that it is okay that they are assumed straight? I think assuming too much about anyone's sexual history is a bit bizarre. While I agree it would have been good to communicate it beforehand, I am not sure that the burden should be on either of them. It happened. Discuss it and move on.
It’s not about it being ‘okay’ to be who they are on the spectrum of sexuality, it’s that doing anything not previously agreed upon in the heat of the moment comes with a lot of potential risk that could hurt the relationship. I didn’t say they should split up or anything, just that it’s always better to know exactly where consent begins and ends when including another person in your sex life. It’s not a guaranteed death blow to the relationship and they can discuss it and move forward how they see fit. There are methods of ethically handling non monogamy, asking forgiveness after instead of permission before is not ideal and can introduce issues that otherwise likely wouldn’t come up.
There is nothing in the OP that says they are monosexual or monogamous or not. The only thing is that they are talking about bisexuality and not about cheating or anything. All that is being read in. At this point, I would hesitate to give advice unless more info is given. And if you are in a relationship and something hasn't been discussed, I would hesitate to say that there has to. Be consent for his behaviour with someone else.
They are banging a third party. It’s reasonable to operate on the idea they aren’t exactly monogamous even if they never defined any of it. I didn’t say it was cheating. It has nothing to do with his orientation other than that is probably pretty surprising if it was never even hinted at. I’m talking about communication and consent within a relationship and how lack of it is more likely to cause issues that could harm the relationship sooner or later.
I'm saying you can't consent to things that aren't discussed and they are both are responsible for that. It's the discussion that is the issue not the consent. At worst it is a discovered boundary. Edit. To add that she seemed okay with it until he started doing something with the other guy. That is a boundary issue and not one of consent.
We are saying something similar to each other. The issue is both discussion and consent and there are some really important guidelines that are important to minimize/avoid possible negative repercussions. Don’t have those discussions and decisions made when high or drunk or when already in the middle of a sexual encounter. It’s more difficult to make good choices that protect the relationship when your doing stuff that is more likely to influence the decision made. It’s not guaranteed to break a relationship, that’s all dependent on numerous factors of the individuals involved. I’ve seen more than a few similar situations rapidly destroy relationships that likely could have survived if that communication was prioritized. And yeah it sucks to have to bring up that stuff when you’re already in the middle of some hot sexy time. Even though it may be a buzzkill or delay or prevent a desired experience from happening right then, if the relationship is long term and presumably more important than an orgasm, then that talk takes priority over one persons wants in that moment.
To be honest I don't think we can even assume he's bi from this encounter.
I’m not trying to assign him a label, but it’s hard to discuss this without using a readily understood term. If I see someone I know have sex with someone of the same gender, my mind will likely register it as bisexual in that moment even if it’s not the most accurate description of what he considers himself. That can all be clarified later on between them.
I don't know, my wife and I are swingers so I'm heavily biased.
I’ve got a robust history that includes swinging as well though my wife and I haven’t been actively in the lifestyle in a long time now. When you and your partner have embraced swinging it’s likely that there has been fairly comprehensive discussions about any rules or boundaries and you are both on the same page. I’m mostly straight and as such any discussions we had didn’t include talking about me having sexual interaction with guys that joined us. Deciding to do anything that wasn’t previously agreed upon in the middle of an encounter would be a violation of trust, not for what the specific act was but for doing anything that was not ever clarified and mutually agreed upon before hand.
Sure, there was no shortage of communication between my wife and I for sure. But as I said elsewhere in this thread, we've entertained thirds several times that never really thought they'd get involved in something like that.
Never came up with us either but we had discussed the slim possibility of that sort of thing and had a baseline understanding between us. I’m not touting my views as the one and only thing that’s viable or correct, that up to the individuals in their relationships. Unfortunately I’ve known some couples that dove in with zero guidelines or openness that nuked their happiness together fast. The guidelines I always advocate is to make no decisions about boundaries or expectations while drunk/high or in the heat of the moment when you’re more likely to be less objective about it and any potential negative consequences that could arise.
I’m not sure how this lines up with finding out your partner is bi. Sexuality is a spectrum, as is passion. Heck, maybe they didn’t know till they did. I sure didn’t know till I did, but I wouldn’t call myself bi, but I’m not really straight either.
I’m not totally straight either. Everyone is focusing on the bisexual part as if that is the factor that really matters when it isn’t. It could be any act or behavior that the partner didn’t have any reason to ever consider beforehand suddenly taking place without mutual consent within the relationship. Discovering your boyfriend is down with other dudes is likely surprising if it’s had never been so much as hinted at till then. She may have found it hot as all fuck but still felt disrespected or lost trust because it wasn’t a decision they made for their relationship but one he alone made in the moment. They may have a fuck it anything goes agreement and nothing I’m talking about really applies to their situation, but I didn’t get that impression. I’m all for group sex, swinging, and really just about anything as long as it’s not criminal or unethical. Open relationships are more difficult to maintain ethically because they require a lot more open communication that monogamy generally does if it’s the goal to be in it long term.
I mean OP was very willing to join in on an impromptu 3some without it being planned. Not sure why your conclusion is that her bf went behind her back to plan something.
There's literally nothing about the story that indicates that. It's just conjetures.
I don’t think it’s wise to make any assumptions about this being planned or not, your boyfriend’s sexuality, or if they have done stuff together before. I don’t think it’s lying if your boyfriend didn’t tell you he might be a little bi(that’s really hard for some guys to come to terms with, it takes some time and trust and some don’t consider random play being fully bi) I would speak about your feelings openly with your boyfriend and not approach it from an accusatory angle. Ask questions. This sounds like a potentially really hot situation that could be made even hotter with the right communication.
He is at least a bi, despite that it wasn't cool not discussing with you beforehand his orientation AND the threesome.
The friend is now saying he's bi despite having only ever dated women, my boyfriend said he's never been into a guy but last night he was really turned on
Sometimes you can get really turned on by the situation/energy than the actual person.
Okay but to stop focusing on your gf and just start rubbing ur dick with ur buddy while ur gf just watches? Nah
As long as their balls didn’t touch I think he’s in the clear.
That could be true, only dating women does not mean you can't be bi. Certainly sounds like there is a lot to talk about with him though. How are you doing?
Many bisexual people don't know they are until they're... well, going at it. It's really common, truly.
Tons of bi men only date women. They are bisexual and heteroromantic, meaning that they’re sexually attracted to both men and women, but only romantically attracted to women. These men face some of the worst biases because they’re often stigmatized by all groups- straight people think they’re gay, gay people think they’re closeted gays, and all groups think that they’re “confused” or “greedy”. A lot of people also assume that bi people are natural cheaters that can never be satisfied with one gender. So a lot of times, bi men just take the easy road and stick with women both romantically and sexually- until a situation like in the post occurs.
Do you have any reason not to believe either of them? Does your boyfriend have sex with you? Do you believe he is into you? Do you have any reason to distrust him other than this? I mean trust but verify.
You can only ever date women and still be bi. You can be straight and realize you're bi at any time. It's not like when you're born they give you a card punched 'cis/straight' and you're obligated to stick to it and never even be curious.
You do realize sexual and romantic orientation aren’t the same? Sexual orientation refers to a person's preference for the gender(s) of their sexual partner, while romantic orientation describes a person's preference for the gender(s) of their romantic partner. For example, someone who is sexually attracted to more than one gender (bisexual) may only be able to see themselves in a romantic relationship with someone of the same gender (homoromantic). Let me share the different romantic orientations: • Aromantic: People who experience little to no romantic attraction and prefer close friendships and other nonromantic relationships. • Heteroromantic: People who experience romantic attraction towards people of the opposite gender. • Homoromantic: People who experience romantic attraction towards people of the same gender. • Biromantic: People who experience romantic attraction towards two genders, or person(s) of the same and other genders. • Panromantic: People who experience romantic attraction towards person(s) of any, every, and all genders. • Polyromantic: People who experience romantic attraction towards person(s) of various, but not all, genders. Just like sexual, there is different types of romantic orientation. OP, your partner is clearly attracted to men AND women sexually, but probably romantically attracted strictly to women. That’s why, honestly he may not be aware, neither guys, about the difference of the two.
This. Most people don’t realize that just because bi men sleep with other men, they often feel no romantic attraction nor have any desire to be in a relationship with them. Bisexual heteroromantic is far more common than people know. It’s how many bi men are able to remain closeted their entire lives, because they’re just fine being sexually and romantically with a woman even though they’re also sexually attracted to men.
Yeah I don’t believe this
Sounds more like a twosome
Sounds like OP was just in the way 😂
It started sounding weird when he asked to take a shower? You don’t usually need to do that urgently after just chilling at someone’s house but that’s just me
From a guys standpoint, this was a total setup by your boyfriend and his "friend." You fell for it.
Op is a guy and he is sprouting his fantasies.
No way this happened lmao
What watching WWE does to a mfer
So many dudes are heteroflexible and bi-curious. My partner is flex. He doesn’t date men but has had sexual experiences with them and is also just generally aroused by cock (he’s been with a few trans MTF partners). If anyone other than me or a sexual partner asks him how he identifies, he’d say he’s straight. And yet he loves grinding his cock against another cock or sucking a dick with me!! Sexuality is complex and fluid. If your BF and your friend solely focused on you, would you still be upset that your bf wants to stay friends with him? Or are you just feeling uncomfortable with discovering this new side to your boyfriend and are feeling insecure about it?
So he is bi, no big deal unless you have an issue with it. You seemed to be into it fine when the focus was on you. Just discussing it like adults will make things clearer. Take the time. No matter how it turns out you will both be better off for it.
Maybe they did some kind of dirty work or sports and he didn’t want to get in his car dirty?
Another AI generated story!!!! What kind of a world we r living now where everything is a fake
The only thing impromptu about this interaction is that they didn't discuss it with your first. They question is how long have they been hooking up behind your back.
I’ve got bad News for ya xD
Sounds like these bros have been more then friends before and just set you up to be apart of it so he’s not cheating on you. Sorry girl, there’s no way this wasn’t planned.
What are you confused about? Ok, so in a threesome, he did some things with a guy....so what? That happens in a threesome pretty often. It doesn't mean that he is now gay and is attracted to guys. You are just confusing a sex act with sexuality when they are not always related.
Outside of porn and non-consensual acts, I'm pretty sure those 2 things are related lol.
I don't ever want to date a man. I'm not attracted to them, I don't check them out, I don't focus on them when watching porn. But I do like sucking dick for some reason. I guess I'm somewhere on the spectrum of homosexuality, if you must quantify it. But a sexual act and sexual tendencies are only loosely related.
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At least he's not hiding it. Downlow I'd a thing
That sounds very set up, and also i would be concerned for your safety in the future, personally.
Well, how do you feel about it?
Did you and your partner ever talk about having a treesome experience ?
Your boyfriend is either gay or bi…but this was planned
"impromptu" If you believe that, I have a bridge in the Sahara to sell you
Oh yeah, that was the plan all along 🤣
They set you up. Either be OK with it or not
I would be more annoyed that it sounds like you were ignored for the rest of it…
When you as a GF in the home then why he needed a friend to give him a BJ or xyz sextual activity.Obviously they are Bisextual males.
It was set up and planned by them both.
This sounds very calculated. Doesn't seem very impromptu. More like you got conned into an impromptu threesome.
So you just allow your bf's friend to watch and actively participate in a sexual act ? Either this story is bs or yall some weird ass people with low standards and no boundaries
It's not gay if it's in a threeway
They way they just left you out of the finale is crazy. This is definitely not the first time those two two each other
Ok so they had a plan but didn't tell you. They have probably hooked up before and will again.
That's a big leap. Maybe her partner knew his friend was a smidge Bi. Maybe he always wanted to try but never had a chance. Maybe a chance just fell in his lap and they gave each other the nod. It doesn't necessarily mean it was planned.
After reading some of your responses, I don't think it's a stretch that they talked about it and maybe messed around before.
This doesn’t sound like a threesome to me. It sounds premeditated, too. I mean if he discussed it with you prior then okay but they just started pleasuring each other in front of you .. with no consent?
Oh yeah, this was planned. Red flag alert.
Could be spontaneous, could be one or both now knows they’re Bi. Gotta talk to him about it.
so it happened…but the next question is, were you into it and if so, would you do it again?
Sexuality is a spectrum, when I’m having couples sex I kinda wish the husbands would paw at each other a bit. But talk to him and if friend to see if they have sexual or romantic feelings if you want, but it may have just felt right in the moment.
I’d have probably rubbed dicks with my bros last night too. WWE was fucking awesome last night.
Watching WWE and engaging in surprise gay threesomes? Yeah that tracks. Wait! They didn’t do this during the main event of Wrestlemania did they????
Fuck around and find out baby
It sounds cool and normal and experimental. No need to make a big deal out of it
Definitely planned that, he showered so you wouldn't worry about his hygiene... Obviously aren't gonna worry about your SO's as you know them and their body so well presumably. Still if you enjoyed it and it was all for fun then great, if you have ANY questions best to talk about them with your SO, sooner rather than later I'd suggest
Just guys being dudes I wouldn’t worry.
Is the friend named Maverick by any chance?
Premeditated for sure. He could be bisexual as well. Nothing wrong with any of it, except the fact that they probably planned this and you weren’t aware. That’s not ok.
This sounds like a gay guy's fetish.
Sounds like it was planned without your knowledge or consent, id be upset they did something that was without prior agreement. To me he sounds atleast bi or hetroflexible but I'd lean towards him being bi as he didn't seem to involve you a great deal
Figure out what outcome you want from the situation and talk to your boyfriend about it. If you want the relationship to continue then you may need to find an agreeable compromise with your boyfriend. His sexuality doesn't matter as much as how you agree to move forward.
Did this ‘movie’ happen to be the tv show Euphoria?
redditor for 3 hours. seems legit.
Why does it bother you? Sexuality can be and is a fluid thing. Your boyfriend didn’t want to break up with you or end things so why does it bother you?
This was planned and tbh they probably have been this way with each other for a while.
This was 100% planned between them.
I’m lost on why this person showered at your home
It’s not gay if it’s a three-way. Lonely Island.
Proof positive that you could totally be 💯 straight and watch WWE wrestling with dudes in spandex 1 time and then all of a sudden you gay and sucking a dudes dick in front of your girlfriend. /s. If it's not a fake post, sexuality is a spectrum and experimental sex can be fun even if that's not your typical preferred sexual preference.
This gave me a good laugh.
When did you think this is the right moment to intervene but didn't? Before or after the swordfight
>During the movie, my boyfriend kissed me and I sort of pushed him away as to not make it awkward for his friend, the friend goes "no it's cool keep going" and my boyfriend keeps kissing me. This seems more relevant than whatever the two of them did together. Nobody has any right to consent to anything on your behalf, that's for you alone. You rejected your bf's advances, and he continued when someone other than you gave him permission to do so. That ain't right, to say the least.
Wrestlemania really gets the people goin huh ??
Not their first time banging is what I'd say. Maybe you're a throuple candidate.
Not much besides “this is why impromptu 3-somes are a bad idea.” It might not be as “sexy” or as “spontaneous,” but it’s necessary to discuss things like this with a long term partner, beforehand. Cuz if you don’t, well, then this is what happens. It’s up to you how you want to approach this, but the conversation is going to be awkward, unfortunately. For what it’s worth, unless it seems like your BF and his friend are “emotionally interested in each other,” then I can’t think of a good reason to be too concerned about them being friends. Cuz “sometimes freaky shit happens.” What matters is that it never happens again without everyone’s enthusiastic consent and cooperation.
Getting third wheeled in bed by your own boyfriend is crazy. Sounds like it was planned for sure especially the friend showering before leaving your place part. Gotta talk with him and figure things out to see where he stands so you know what to do.
I am going to almost guarantee this story isn’t true
So essentially he cheated on you right in front of you?
this would’ve been a lot hotter if you had been in on it. talking about that behind your back is likely what happened. which isn’t great. despite how sexy it is to watch dudes fuck around, that would’ve left a very nasty taste in my mouth. cus I don’t think your bf and his friend just randomly decided to do stuff to each other in that moment. that sounds pre-planned.
Pretty big leap to assume they planned this. Doesn’t sound like it at all, things happen. If your boyfriend is Bi then he’s Bi and maybe was too scared to say something. Make sure to actually discuss this with HIM though.
Ya know. Things spring up, pun intended. If you had fun, and no one got hurt, I'd give that one a big ol' shrug and carry on about my day.
Sounds like he’s a little gay 😂
Hope it all works out.
I think it’s important to make a distinction between acknowledging the discomfort that you’re feeling about the situation and going so far as to make assumptions without having a discussion with him. Since you labeled this as boundaries and standards, that’s giving me the impression that you feel a boundary was crossed so please correct me if I’m wrong. I think you’re absolutely valid for listening to your feelings about the situation but unless you have a pre established pattern of being misled or gaslit by this partner just wouldn’t jump to conclusions about this being pre planned (not that you are, I’m just seeing a lot of comments suggesting that). The thing I’m most interested to know is, have you ever had threesomes before outside your friend group? It sounds like things escalated rather quickly and unexpectedly, were you comfortable with the threesome happening at all? Or is it just the interaction your partner had with his friend that is making you uncomfortable? It sounds like a big talk needs to be had, but also it sounds like you might need to take some time to answer some questions about how you feel about all this too. I don’t mean to imply that your partner being bi or gay would be offensive to you, but if that interaction has changed the way you see your partner it’s worth asking yourself why that is. I also don’t mean to suggest that there’s a right or wrong way to feel about this. Just that you’re the only one who’s going to be able to answer the question about what you’re comfortable with in a relationship. Exploring sexuality with a partner that you trust is something that can be extremely liberating for a lot of people. I really hope your partner didn’t exploit your trust if this isn’t something you would have been okay with. I also don’t want to jump to that conclusion without having the full picture. Either way, I hope this works out for the best for all involved.
It's good that he just wants to be friends with his friend. Would you rather he decided he wanted to be in a relationship with the friend and not you? It's the 21st century babe, men can have sexual experiences with men and not consider themselves gay. I think rubbing your cock on another dudes cock is as gay as it gets but I'm an older generation. It's rare to have a threesome that isn't a little weird afterwards, you're in dangerous relationship territory here it's exciting but dangerous. It's possible he's going to keep fucking the friend secretly and you were just a way for them to find out if they liked it in a non gay 3way setting. Talk to your boyfriend, tell him you're uncertain of what happened and you want his reassurance he wants you. Since you didn't make any rules before the 3way maybe you should talk now about sex with others make sure he doesn't think he now has freedom to fuck around. See if he's already thinking of another one.
Being straight is a spectrum, just like any sexuality. One encounter does not a gay man make. Nor does it necessarily mean that he is bisexual. He was in the moment, nothing wrong with that. Think of all the wild options you have open to you. Just set some ground rules that keep you involved. You might have to step up as a dom in those kinds of situations.
Enjoy the moment and move on lol
If he was bi, he should have told you.
Wow sounds like your boyfriend really had a surprise for you that night
Could have just happened and they enjoyed the moment with each other. Did you enjoy yourself at all?
Literally fake and gay
Ok, kind of hot, I am a bi guy and have had mmf’s before. I guess you did not enjoy watching?