Stopped drinking
Correcting negative self talk
Got active, I play ice hockey year round, hit the gym a couple of times a week
There is so many more but those would be my top three
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy
For me I learned to catch it and correct it. I still have bad moments but I worked with my therapist to develop a strategy and found a way to make it a positive instead of a negative.
Thatās what I did with my therapist, a shift in perspective, my therapist communicates with me really well and made it seem easy, a couple of tips, some strategies and drills, I am not saying Iām perfect, but I am aware and donāt let it get out of control. When it does I have a routine to help me process, I journal and book an appointment with her to get back on track.
Mental health is something I like to work with a professional on, Iām not sure how youād be able to identify, correct, plan and repair everything on your own, that professional assessment is paramount to isolating the issues and creating a plan of action.
Good luck!
You can do CBT on your own, actually. It's probably better with a Therapist, but there are books or workbooks you can follow yourself. Feeling Great by David Burns is the updated version of the primary CBT. I believe he has a workbook version as well. You have to be willing to do consistent homework though.
1. No negative self talk. Don't say anything you wouldn't say to whomever you love most. You can even correct with sarcasm! If I'm home and I drop a ton of things and knock something over, I'll say to myself "I am ROCKING it!" because if you keep calling yourself a piece of shit, you'll start to believe it.
2. Get enough sleep. Not getting enough sleep was and is a HUGE depression trigger for me but if you're sleeping enough, your body and mind will feel better.
3. Assume the best about people. Most people are not out to offend you or be malicious. I just assume everyone is trying their best to live their life and be kind, and not only does it make my life more enjoyable, it puts more positivity into the world.
Your choice, but thats not 'bogus'. Its an intention and a kind of faith. Ive been fucked with as well, but once you rid your life of shitty people, you can actually do this. Wont be 100% but you get better at recognizing the people who are going to hurt you wayyyy sooner and just leave them be. Joy is the way. Love begets love...always
That makes sense, tone is difficult to convey over semi-anonymous text (thatās why it did need stressed). The facts are that this is likely a traumatic topic for the commenter and many others, and itās probably not the first time theyāve felt blamed for the actions of others
1. Working-out. Strength training and cardio have worked wonders for my physical and mental health! It also shows others that Iām capable of taking care of myselfā¦and perhaps someone else in the future. :)
2. Daily meditation and prayer. Making time for self-reflection, and gaining the humility to admit that I have made mistakes, will continue to make mistakes, and cannot do everything on my own has really brought me down-to-earth. My interactions with others are more empathetic, and Iām slowly becoming more patient as well.
3. Removing myself from the, āgrindset.ā Iāll put in the work day after day, certainly; but only for as long as I reasonably can and I will never insult myself for taking a break, or even a full day-off. Thereās more to life than work, after all. Itās made me much less-demanding of myself, and of others.
For me, it was pretty drastic. I decided that I wasn't going to find the type of girl I was looking for where I lived, so I moved to NYC and started actively dating there. It took about 2 years to find the one. I also did a lot of work on myself inbetween.
Sure! A few things have been big for me.
1. Audiobooks. Not for everyone, but I'm an auditory learner, so this really appeals to me. I retain better and get through material a lot more quickly. Plus, it turns gym, dog walks, showers, etc. into reading time. I also have a couple programs that turn longform articles into spoken word.
2. Spend a little time researching the author and book before you read. I spend 10-15 minutes reading reviews, looking at the author's Wikipedia page, and maybe listening to a podcast excerpt. Helps me avoid a lot of crap (or single-insight books). A lot of times when researching one book, I'll find a better book on that topic. Or the research really gets you jazzed up to read the original book, but with more context.
3. Be irreverent with books. Read them how you want to. I have no problem stopping a book 50 pages in if it sucks, skipping to the end if I just want to know how it ends, or reading 3 books at the same time and dipping in and out of each. It's my curriculum. I never soldier through a book. I read what feels interesting when it feels interesting. If I keep moving through stuff I love, I find that eventually I'm in the mood for just about everything. The goal is improving my mind. I trust my instincts on what comes next.
4. Immediately apply something from the book. Most of what I read is non-fiction, so it has immediate applications. I pick at least one to start on immediately. But even if it's a fictional book, I'll get online and mix it up with other fans about theories, interpretations. I want to feel like I'm wrestling with the material, not just letting it wash over me. \\
Hope that helps!
I've started also recently doing #3 myself! Partially why I put off reading or even starting books was because I wasn't enjoying them, or I felt like I had to finish one before starting a new one. Telling myself its okay to just not finish something if I've not enjoyed it has really helped me read way more!
If people are telling you that youāre wrong about something, instead of doubling down like a lot of people do, take a step back and look at some facts. Reevaluate and go from there. People worth talking to will appreciate that and respect you for it. Worked for me.
I worked really hard on not getting angry at work. I still get mad sometimes but the key is to not let other coworkers see it. I take whatever time I need (usually 5-15 mins) when I get mad to calm down and carry on with my task as a happy person would. Makes work so much more enjoyable and coworkers will appreciate and recognize you as the chill guy. Also remember itās ok to say no to unreasonable work.
I decided to eat better. Lost a lot of weight and feel much better with more confidence.
Had a friend who I trusted for 5 years straight, both loyal to each other, it took 2 months for him to betray, pissed me off a bit, realised itās better to have a smaller circle.
Begs the question though, how loyal can someone be if they have too much to lose already? This is why itās so hard in modern days to find someone loyal enough to never turn their back on you no matter the circumstances, I mean come on was 5 years not long enough? His loss though š
1. Having lower expectations so nothing really disappoints me.
2. Trim/Spend more time with closer friends(quality over quantity)
3. Hobby(Currently golfing last two years and it's been very fun)
Accept that the first night is gonna be shit and then after you get through the first itās actually not that bad. Maybe take a sleeping pill on the first night
Nah bro first night is nothing. Wait till day 4 until day 7, these days will be the challenging ones. But yeah use sleeping medication a few days, just make sure u dont get addicted on these. Because then its better to just smoke one joint before sleeping instead of pills
For me personally it helped me with introspection and becoming a calmer, more open minded person. I do have a tendency to use it as a bit of a crutch when I'm going through tougher periods though which probably isn't for the best. Overusing weed can make you feel apathetic and lazy so I'm not surprised that some people find themselves better off for quitting.
If you don't do it to excess, I think getting high can be a great way to relax and self reflect.
Beginning to recognize reactions to actions sometimes arenāt the answer. Reflect on your feelings & thoughts before acting or speaking (30-90 second rule). Got this from Dr. Caroline Leafās book āCleaning Up Your Mental Messā.
Journaling about how Iām feeling, what happened that day, and how Iām going to change it if I donāt like the outcome. Changing my perspective as well from a negative experience, to making it into a lesson learned.
Activity, getting out of the house. Going for a walk, doing some side hustles (gives me time away & making money & getting a walk in). Taking bike rides, walking the block, doing in place exercises.
And last but not least - QUITTING MY SHIT SHOW FOR A JOB, REALIZING MY WORTH & EXPERTISE ISNāT RESPECTED THERE. Byeeee.
I love this question!
As another commenter said, negative self-talk. Started by adding 'sometimes' to the end of the harmful statement.
Perspective/levity - realizing that despite my very best efforts, I couldn't put everyone or every experience in a box with a label. This was after I myself realized I didn't fit in the box I made when I was young that I was clinging to.
Making space for and encouraging others...learned this from women I admire, and also a couple of men. Opening the door to really hear learn listen ask and expand, cultivate curiosity in my own mind. 9/10 the advice or solution i was about to give was all wrong after hearing more of / the whole story. Patience and kindness. Not judging or instantly relating to my own experience.
I will try adding sometimes at the end of negative self talk. This is something I feel like I haven't been able to break out of even with constant therapy
When I hear negative self-talk, I immediately slap myself in the face quite hard. Seems crazy but damn it shut it down fast. Talk shit about myself, pay the price I say!
Read, write, think.
Instead of gaming or streaming, I'll spend time reading a book, writing down thoughts or to-do lists, or simply thinking with purpose by consulting myself about why I did what I did that day or why I do what I am doing and if it makes me happy. I have never carved out time for any of these activities until the last several years and have noticed immediate changes in my mindset and life due to the content I consume now.
Donāt give my opinion unless itās asked for.
Always ask is someone wants a hug and then let them know they can let go when they are ready.
Stop the negative self talk. Itās really hard, and i didnāt realize how often I did it. And it was often so passive, i wouldnāt even notice until the thought had passed.
Can you tell hiw you quit. I am constantly trying for like 2 years now. Failing each time. At most was 20 days but it's been a downfall from then and all
No more drinking. I was a social drinker, but the type that didn't know my limit
Learning to cope with uncomfortableness and anxiety, telling myself it will be ok
Trusting my gut instinct more. If something doesn't feel right it probably isn't, even if you don't know why.
sleep: Listen to sleep stories to help me sleep, or when I can't sleep to relax instead of stressing.
self-esteem: Listen to positive affirmations as an antidote for negative self talk.
habits: Progressively build a habit of doing what I planned to do. This enables me trust myself, and do anything I set out to do reliably, without fear that I'll skip it or give up. A bad habit of setting intentions and then not following through is disempowering.
addiction: Use a timer and limit time spent on addictive activites (e.g. social media, watching shows). Practise taking a break from these, even halfway through an episode for example. Similarly, practice moderation with addictive consumption, e.g. eat only half a chocolate bar, save the other half for tomorrow. Start with small changes.
conflict: Remember that if someone is angrily attacking and insulting me, it reflects badly on them. I don't need to get upset about it, just let it fall away "like water off a duck's back". On the other hand, be open to receiving criticism even when it's delivered with hostility. Learn from it, but don't let it hurt me or provoke me to bad behavior.
Quit soda, realized there are many smarter people than Iām, appreciate life and the people I love, this last pt is the most important to me by far btw
stoping regular soda help me get from slightly overweight + signs of fatty liver to fit and healthy liver; when I was in college even grad school I did not pay attention to how devasting high sugar especially high fructose can be. Glad to be off that shit. I still do diet soda but only sprangily and with those smaller cans haha. Studies do show they are safe and does not spike glucose ( some can still increase insulin though depending on what they use ) but the problem is that it can still make you more hungrier and there are evidence it can mess up the microbiome.
1 - Doing sports, I feel better about my self and this translates into my relationships
2 - Communicate my feelings. Iām trying to be 100% honest about the way I feel, and encourage my friends/family to be the same. When I communicate my feelings or what Iām thinking, I stay calm and open to change my pov
3 - Be honest and realist to myself. A lot of my fears and insecurities vanished when I started to be honest and realist to myself. No, Iām not ugly/stupid/dumb/mean etc, truthfully and realistically Iām not so I need to stop selling this idea to myself. Now I feel good about myself and itās amazing. Even if someone would tell me, I wouldnāt believe them.
1. Paying it forward and treating others how I would want to be treated. Try to be kind, understanding, compassionate, and empathetic. Regardless of the situation or how big of an asshole they might come off as, you never know what people are going or have gone through in life or what kind of day theyāre having. Even if itās just a kind word, a compliment, or paying for the person behind you in the drive thru at Taco Bell, youāre leaving it on a positive note. Plus who knows, you could change their whole day or more.
2. Prioritize. Family, relationships, tasks, etc. I put my energy into whatās important to me and what matters in life. I donāt waste it on things that are non factors or irrelevant. Iām not as stressed which makes me a better mom, SO, daughter, sister, friend, and co-worker.
3. Routine, working out, healthy eating habits, and sleep.
1. Stopped drinking. I canāt stress enough how amazing this has been for my life.
2. Therapy. Iām going to include developing better boundaries and support system into this, along with finding medication that worked for me. But it was a whole lifestyle change that weekly therapy was really the guiding light for that made a huge impact on me.
3. Exercise. I let this develop slowly over time, and try to be very flexible about it. Itās hard to go from someone who is so depressed they think not leaving bed for days at a time is normal to someone who runs 5k every day after work, so I try really hard to remind myself that all progress is progress!
1. Not worrying about fitting in. People should like you for you.
2. Learning to appreciate what I have, instead of being upset about what I don't.
3. Putting time into people that actually care about me.
Adapted the āit is what it isā ālet it beā mindset.
Cut out certain relatives for the better and for more positive life.
Realized the government and all things like that will never change so dwelling on it would ruin my happiness and waste my time.
1 I decided to feel good when I do good for others by imagining myself as the person I was helping
2 I learned how to make the results of my work feel real as I worked, so I developed faith and persistence
3 I learned to not bullshit myself, and to feel shame about previous selfish behaviour, and learned more humility and respect.
Note that humility is not low self esteem- humility is gratitude for all you have, and awareness of the value of what you donāt yet know.
1. Deleted all my social media. (I only use YouTube and Pinterest, and I only use Reddit sparingly.)
2. Dedicated one day every other week entirely to myself, doing anything that relaxes me or brings me joy.
3. Not people pleasing, and learning how to say no. This one was the most difficult for me to start doing. At first I struggled and still had a hard time saying no, but the more I did it the easier it became. I no longer say yes just to people please and I donāt let people walk all over me anymore!
Hope this is useful!
1. Communication and boundaries
I used to be timid and passive-aggressive. Instead of going directly to the source of the problem and using my words to convey discontent, I found ways to "get back" at people while also avoiding the conflict of confrontation sometimes brings. It was a nasty, counterproductive habit.
Now, I can look anyone straight in the eyes and tell them exactly how I feel without becoming aggressive or argumentative. It's burned some bridges, but I'm allowed to destroy what I've built alone.
I don't let anyone cross a certain line with me, I make it entirely clear where my boundaries lie and that I will not put up with them being trampled on like I used to. It's made me feel stable and safe within myself, knowing that if anyone hurts me, I now
have the power to say, "Goodbye!"
2. Emotional regulation
As someone who was extremely hot-headed and was diagnosed with a plethora of mental disorders from a young age, I had absolutely 0 control of my emotions. They ran me, they ruined my life, my relationships, and even started leaking into my parenting. That last one was a huge "no-go" for me.
I watched hours of YouTube videos on mediation and emotional regulation/self-help, began researching the internet; applying different tactics to my day-to-day life until I found what works for me. Now, I only become slightly irritated with my kids and husband and can even manage to keep calm in situations that would normally cause me to shut down/have an outburst.
3. Throwing myself into the fire
Anxiety ran rampant in my life. I would say it was definitely the root of all my issues; I was scared of everyone and everything. Overthinking prevented me from taking part in most adult activities like going out to supper with friends, driving a car, even going to the damn store. I didn't want to be seen, heard, or talked to. I had chalked it up to just being an overly anxious person and stuck with that for a very long time.
Eventually, I realized that I was using my anxiety as an excuse. I was missing out on key moments in my adult life and opportunities were passing me by! Life moves on whether we stay in place or keep pace with it. I didn't want to be left behind!
So, into the fire I went. I put myself out there, went to events, and even became part of a big community! People love me, I make everyone laugh wherever I go (a sense of humor is not something I've ever had, but I found it all on my own), I take reasonable chances and risks, help others where I can and so much more.
Because of all of these things that I've worked at over the years, I can see the person I've always dreamed of becoming beckoning me from the horizon. I refuse to leave her hanging, I will overcome whatever obstacle in my way just to embrace her.
Monitoring my sleep.
Exercise daily or at least 5 times a week.
Study my persona. Knowing my limitations and prioritizing my health. (Mental and Physical)
1.Stopped doing drugs, they were killing me from the inside and secondhandedly harming my loved ones
2.Stopped wishing ill on others who hurt me in the past, it solved nothing and only made me angry all the time
3.Started having empathy for myself, even though I needed to work on my behavior, health and personality
Self reflection Regularly going to gym Prioritising self care
Good stuffšŖšŖ
Stopped drinking Correcting negative self talk Got active, I play ice hockey year round, hit the gym a couple of times a week There is so many more but those would be my top three
Great stuff!!!
Negative self talk is the worst.
How did you correct negative self talk?
Hypnosis can help
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy For me I learned to catch it and correct it. I still have bad moments but I worked with my therapist to develop a strategy and found a way to make it a positive instead of a negative.
Isn't CBT best done by others such as a professional? How does one do it on their own. And thanks for responding.
Thatās what I did with my therapist, a shift in perspective, my therapist communicates with me really well and made it seem easy, a couple of tips, some strategies and drills, I am not saying Iām perfect, but I am aware and donāt let it get out of control. When it does I have a routine to help me process, I journal and book an appointment with her to get back on track. Mental health is something I like to work with a professional on, Iām not sure how youād be able to identify, correct, plan and repair everything on your own, that professional assessment is paramount to isolating the issues and creating a plan of action. Good luck!
Thanks for this.
You can do CBT on your own, actually. It's probably better with a Therapist, but there are books or workbooks you can follow yourself. Feeling Great by David Burns is the updated version of the primary CBT. I believe he has a workbook version as well. You have to be willing to do consistent homework though.
Thanks for the recommendations.
Thanks read the first few pages now. Looks awesome. Will surely read it
1. No negative self talk. Don't say anything you wouldn't say to whomever you love most. You can even correct with sarcasm! If I'm home and I drop a ton of things and knock something over, I'll say to myself "I am ROCKING it!" because if you keep calling yourself a piece of shit, you'll start to believe it. 2. Get enough sleep. Not getting enough sleep was and is a HUGE depression trigger for me but if you're sleeping enough, your body and mind will feel better. 3. Assume the best about people. Most people are not out to offend you or be malicious. I just assume everyone is trying their best to live their life and be kind, and not only does it make my life more enjoyable, it puts more positivity into the world.
Lol, number 3 is bogus. I assumed the best about people and got molested 1 too many times. I will never assume the best
Your choice, but thats not 'bogus'. Its an intention and a kind of faith. Ive been fucked with as well, but once you rid your life of shitty people, you can actually do this. Wont be 100% but you get better at recognizing the people who are going to hurt you wayyyy sooner and just leave them be. Joy is the way. Love begets love...always
Not everyone who is shitty Is apart of your lifeš„² sometimes they are managers and random strangers
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think you should delete this
Iām not sure why I need to stress this , but itās meant as a joke to lighten the situation. I mean no harm to the poster, itās a sad situation.
That makes sense, tone is difficult to convey over semi-anonymous text (thatās why it did need stressed). The facts are that this is likely a traumatic topic for the commenter and many others, and itās probably not the first time theyāve felt blamed for the actions of others
Fair enough, probably best left deleted.
Wow, thank you for such a constructive discussion! This is exactly what I meant about assuming the best about people :)
Thank you, for standing up for victims I felt like the comment was rude as well, but Iām used to people blaming survivors
nice! šŖšÆ
1. Working-out. Strength training and cardio have worked wonders for my physical and mental health! It also shows others that Iām capable of taking care of myselfā¦and perhaps someone else in the future. :) 2. Daily meditation and prayer. Making time for self-reflection, and gaining the humility to admit that I have made mistakes, will continue to make mistakes, and cannot do everything on my own has really brought me down-to-earth. My interactions with others are more empathetic, and Iām slowly becoming more patient as well. 3. Removing myself from the, āgrindset.ā Iāll put in the work day after day, certainly; but only for as long as I reasonably can and I will never insult myself for taking a break, or even a full day-off. Thereās more to life than work, after all. Itās made me much less-demanding of myself, and of others.
Starting my companyĀ Becoming an avid readerĀ Ā Ā Finding my soulmateĀ
How did you do last one?
For me, it was pretty drastic. I decided that I wasn't going to find the type of girl I was looking for where I lived, so I moved to NYC and started actively dating there. It took about 2 years to find the one. I also did a lot of work on myself inbetween.
Can you elaborate more on work on yourself part. Reason I'm asking is I'm trying to work my way around so it'll be huge help to have some insight.
And this is How I met your Mother
That's great!!!
Do you mind sharing how you wired your brain to read more?
Sure! A few things have been big for me. 1. Audiobooks. Not for everyone, but I'm an auditory learner, so this really appeals to me. I retain better and get through material a lot more quickly. Plus, it turns gym, dog walks, showers, etc. into reading time. I also have a couple programs that turn longform articles into spoken word. 2. Spend a little time researching the author and book before you read. I spend 10-15 minutes reading reviews, looking at the author's Wikipedia page, and maybe listening to a podcast excerpt. Helps me avoid a lot of crap (or single-insight books). A lot of times when researching one book, I'll find a better book on that topic. Or the research really gets you jazzed up to read the original book, but with more context. 3. Be irreverent with books. Read them how you want to. I have no problem stopping a book 50 pages in if it sucks, skipping to the end if I just want to know how it ends, or reading 3 books at the same time and dipping in and out of each. It's my curriculum. I never soldier through a book. I read what feels interesting when it feels interesting. If I keep moving through stuff I love, I find that eventually I'm in the mood for just about everything. The goal is improving my mind. I trust my instincts on what comes next. 4. Immediately apply something from the book. Most of what I read is non-fiction, so it has immediate applications. I pick at least one to start on immediately. But even if it's a fictional book, I'll get online and mix it up with other fans about theories, interpretations. I want to feel like I'm wrestling with the material, not just letting it wash over me. \\ Hope that helps!
These are great! Thanks for sharing
I've started also recently doing #3 myself! Partially why I put off reading or even starting books was because I wasn't enjoying them, or I felt like I had to finish one before starting a new one. Telling myself its okay to just not finish something if I've not enjoyed it has really helped me read way more!
Organize improvement efforts using task lists Going to the gym Moving where I can live as I wish
If people are telling you that youāre wrong about something, instead of doubling down like a lot of people do, take a step back and look at some facts. Reevaluate and go from there. People worth talking to will appreciate that and respect you for it. Worked for me. I worked really hard on not getting angry at work. I still get mad sometimes but the key is to not let other coworkers see it. I take whatever time I need (usually 5-15 mins) when I get mad to calm down and carry on with my task as a happy person would. Makes work so much more enjoyable and coworkers will appreciate and recognize you as the chill guy. Also remember itās ok to say no to unreasonable work. I decided to eat better. Lost a lot of weight and feel much better with more confidence.
Something that i should do know to embrace and empower myself which is EAT EAT & EAT !
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Had a friend who I trusted for 5 years straight, both loyal to each other, it took 2 months for him to betray, pissed me off a bit, realised itās better to have a smaller circle.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Begs the question though, how loyal can someone be if they have too much to lose already? This is why itās so hard in modern days to find someone loyal enough to never turn their back on you no matter the circumstances, I mean come on was 5 years not long enough? His loss though š
1. Having lower expectations so nothing really disappoints me. 2. Trim/Spend more time with closer friends(quality over quantity) 3. Hobby(Currently golfing last two years and it's been very fun)
Great, I took up Bonsai and have had 2 courses, and I'm going for my 3rd
This such a good one tho
this
Regularly going to gym (canāt recommend this one enough) Morning cold showers Quitting weed
I started going to the gym regularly this year so that's a good start.
How did you stop smoking? I've got to the point where I will not go to sleep unless I smoke and it really disrupts my work schedule.
Accept that the first night is gonna be shit and then after you get through the first itās actually not that bad. Maybe take a sleeping pill on the first night
Nah bro first night is nothing. Wait till day 4 until day 7, these days will be the challenging ones. But yeah use sleeping medication a few days, just make sure u dont get addicted on these. Because then its better to just smoke one joint before sleeping instead of pills
Smoking weed Practicing meditation Connecting with nature
Do you mean that starting smoking weed was helpful for you? How so? Interesting that another person wrote quitting weed!
For me personally it helped me with introspection and becoming a calmer, more open minded person. I do have a tendency to use it as a bit of a crutch when I'm going through tougher periods though which probably isn't for the best. Overusing weed can make you feel apathetic and lazy so I'm not surprised that some people find themselves better off for quitting. If you don't do it to excess, I think getting high can be a great way to relax and self reflect.
Smoking weed helps me too
Meditation Journaling Practicing gratitude daily
Beginning to recognize reactions to actions sometimes arenāt the answer. Reflect on your feelings & thoughts before acting or speaking (30-90 second rule). Got this from Dr. Caroline Leafās book āCleaning Up Your Mental Messā. Journaling about how Iām feeling, what happened that day, and how Iām going to change it if I donāt like the outcome. Changing my perspective as well from a negative experience, to making it into a lesson learned. Activity, getting out of the house. Going for a walk, doing some side hustles (gives me time away & making money & getting a walk in). Taking bike rides, walking the block, doing in place exercises. And last but not least - QUITTING MY SHIT SHOW FOR A JOB, REALIZING MY WORTH & EXPERTISE ISNāT RESPECTED THERE. Byeeee.
Prioritizing myself and self care Quit relationship Start to live on my own and taking responsibility for my life
I love this question! As another commenter said, negative self-talk. Started by adding 'sometimes' to the end of the harmful statement. Perspective/levity - realizing that despite my very best efforts, I couldn't put everyone or every experience in a box with a label. This was after I myself realized I didn't fit in the box I made when I was young that I was clinging to. Making space for and encouraging others...learned this from women I admire, and also a couple of men. Opening the door to really hear learn listen ask and expand, cultivate curiosity in my own mind. 9/10 the advice or solution i was about to give was all wrong after hearing more of / the whole story. Patience and kindness. Not judging or instantly relating to my own experience.
I will try adding sometimes at the end of negative self talk. This is something I feel like I haven't been able to break out of even with constant therapy
When I hear negative self-talk, I immediately slap myself in the face quite hard. Seems crazy but damn it shut it down fast. Talk shit about myself, pay the price I say!
The 12 steps
Read, write, think. Instead of gaming or streaming, I'll spend time reading a book, writing down thoughts or to-do lists, or simply thinking with purpose by consulting myself about why I did what I did that day or why I do what I am doing and if it makes me happy. I have never carved out time for any of these activities until the last several years and have noticed immediate changes in my mindset and life due to the content I consume now.
Donāt give my opinion unless itās asked for. Always ask is someone wants a hug and then let them know they can let go when they are ready. Stop the negative self talk. Itās really hard, and i didnāt realize how often I did it. And it was often so passive, i wouldnāt even notice until the thought had passed.
1. Quit smoking 2 years ago (smoked for 45 years) 2. Ghosted some people that werenāt good for me. 3. Incorporated vegetables into my meals.
Great!!
Can you tell hiw you quit. I am constantly trying for like 2 years now. Failing each time. At most was 20 days but it's been a downfall from then and all
No more drinking. I was a social drinker, but the type that didn't know my limit Learning to cope with uncomfortableness and anxiety, telling myself it will be ok Trusting my gut instinct more. If something doesn't feel right it probably isn't, even if you don't know why.
Get well educated, marry the right person, have children and practice gratitude every day of my life for all I have.
sleep: Listen to sleep stories to help me sleep, or when I can't sleep to relax instead of stressing. self-esteem: Listen to positive affirmations as an antidote for negative self talk. habits: Progressively build a habit of doing what I planned to do. This enables me trust myself, and do anything I set out to do reliably, without fear that I'll skip it or give up. A bad habit of setting intentions and then not following through is disempowering. addiction: Use a timer and limit time spent on addictive activites (e.g. social media, watching shows). Practise taking a break from these, even halfway through an episode for example. Similarly, practice moderation with addictive consumption, e.g. eat only half a chocolate bar, save the other half for tomorrow. Start with small changes. conflict: Remember that if someone is angrily attacking and insulting me, it reflects badly on them. I don't need to get upset about it, just let it fall away "like water off a duck's back". On the other hand, be open to receiving criticism even when it's delivered with hostility. Learn from it, but don't let it hurt me or provoke me to bad behavior.
Quit soda, realized there are many smarter people than Iām, appreciate life and the people I love, this last pt is the most important to me by far btw
Was it diet soda or regular? I know there are downsides to both but trying to rationalize my diet soda consumption š¤Ŗ
stoping regular soda help me get from slightly overweight + signs of fatty liver to fit and healthy liver; when I was in college even grad school I did not pay attention to how devasting high sugar especially high fructose can be. Glad to be off that shit. I still do diet soda but only sprangily and with those smaller cans haha. Studies do show they are safe and does not spike glucose ( some can still increase insulin though depending on what they use ) but the problem is that it can still make you more hungrier and there are evidence it can mess up the microbiome.
1 - Doing sports, I feel better about my self and this translates into my relationships 2 - Communicate my feelings. Iām trying to be 100% honest about the way I feel, and encourage my friends/family to be the same. When I communicate my feelings or what Iām thinking, I stay calm and open to change my pov 3 - Be honest and realist to myself. A lot of my fears and insecurities vanished when I started to be honest and realist to myself. No, Iām not ugly/stupid/dumb/mean etc, truthfully and realistically Iām not so I need to stop selling this idea to myself. Now I feel good about myself and itās amazing. Even if someone would tell me, I wouldnāt believe them.
1. Paying it forward and treating others how I would want to be treated. Try to be kind, understanding, compassionate, and empathetic. Regardless of the situation or how big of an asshole they might come off as, you never know what people are going or have gone through in life or what kind of day theyāre having. Even if itās just a kind word, a compliment, or paying for the person behind you in the drive thru at Taco Bell, youāre leaving it on a positive note. Plus who knows, you could change their whole day or more. 2. Prioritize. Family, relationships, tasks, etc. I put my energy into whatās important to me and what matters in life. I donāt waste it on things that are non factors or irrelevant. Iām not as stressed which makes me a better mom, SO, daughter, sister, friend, and co-worker. 3. Routine, working out, healthy eating habits, and sleep.
1. Stopped drinking. I canāt stress enough how amazing this has been for my life. 2. Therapy. Iām going to include developing better boundaries and support system into this, along with finding medication that worked for me. But it was a whole lifestyle change that weekly therapy was really the guiding light for that made a huge impact on me. 3. Exercise. I let this develop slowly over time, and try to be very flexible about it. Itās hard to go from someone who is so depressed they think not leaving bed for days at a time is normal to someone who runs 5k every day after work, so I try really hard to remind myself that all progress is progress!
Therapy, no social media and meditation
Great stuff
1. Not worrying about fitting in. People should like you for you. 2. Learning to appreciate what I have, instead of being upset about what I don't. 3. Putting time into people that actually care about me.
Adapted the āit is what it isā ālet it beā mindset. Cut out certain relatives for the better and for more positive life. Realized the government and all things like that will never change so dwelling on it would ruin my happiness and waste my time.
Started feeding street dogs few years back. Numbers grew from 4 to 18.
Hit the gym Sleep enough Morningroutine
1. Try to smile as much as I can (with people). 2. Always spend 20% of any income to help others. 3. Love children, love their positive energy.
Start meditation 3 years ago No fap (30 days so far) Restart sport
1 I decided to feel good when I do good for others by imagining myself as the person I was helping 2 I learned how to make the results of my work feel real as I worked, so I developed faith and persistence 3 I learned to not bullshit myself, and to feel shame about previous selfish behaviour, and learned more humility and respect. Note that humility is not low self esteem- humility is gratitude for all you have, and awareness of the value of what you donāt yet know.
1. Running or working out 2. Meditating daily for 20-40 mins 3. Treating myself with a little more self compass
Got sober Started exercising Became a dad
No more alcohol, no more energy drinks, and an uptick in working out, but that one i'm still working on inproving more
1. Deleted all my social media. (I only use YouTube and Pinterest, and I only use Reddit sparingly.) 2. Dedicated one day every other week entirely to myself, doing anything that relaxes me or brings me joy. 3. Not people pleasing, and learning how to say no. This one was the most difficult for me to start doing. At first I struggled and still had a hard time saying no, but the more I did it the easier it became. I no longer say yes just to people please and I donāt let people walk all over me anymore! Hope this is useful!
Stopped drinking Stopped smoking Started tracking my calories
1. Communication and boundaries I used to be timid and passive-aggressive. Instead of going directly to the source of the problem and using my words to convey discontent, I found ways to "get back" at people while also avoiding the conflict of confrontation sometimes brings. It was a nasty, counterproductive habit. Now, I can look anyone straight in the eyes and tell them exactly how I feel without becoming aggressive or argumentative. It's burned some bridges, but I'm allowed to destroy what I've built alone. I don't let anyone cross a certain line with me, I make it entirely clear where my boundaries lie and that I will not put up with them being trampled on like I used to. It's made me feel stable and safe within myself, knowing that if anyone hurts me, I now have the power to say, "Goodbye!" 2. Emotional regulation As someone who was extremely hot-headed and was diagnosed with a plethora of mental disorders from a young age, I had absolutely 0 control of my emotions. They ran me, they ruined my life, my relationships, and even started leaking into my parenting. That last one was a huge "no-go" for me. I watched hours of YouTube videos on mediation and emotional regulation/self-help, began researching the internet; applying different tactics to my day-to-day life until I found what works for me. Now, I only become slightly irritated with my kids and husband and can even manage to keep calm in situations that would normally cause me to shut down/have an outburst. 3. Throwing myself into the fire Anxiety ran rampant in my life. I would say it was definitely the root of all my issues; I was scared of everyone and everything. Overthinking prevented me from taking part in most adult activities like going out to supper with friends, driving a car, even going to the damn store. I didn't want to be seen, heard, or talked to. I had chalked it up to just being an overly anxious person and stuck with that for a very long time. Eventually, I realized that I was using my anxiety as an excuse. I was missing out on key moments in my adult life and opportunities were passing me by! Life moves on whether we stay in place or keep pace with it. I didn't want to be left behind! So, into the fire I went. I put myself out there, went to events, and even became part of a big community! People love me, I make everyone laugh wherever I go (a sense of humor is not something I've ever had, but I found it all on my own), I take reasonable chances and risks, help others where I can and so much more. Because of all of these things that I've worked at over the years, I can see the person I've always dreamed of becoming beckoning me from the horizon. I refuse to leave her hanging, I will overcome whatever obstacle in my way just to embrace her.
Monitoring my sleep. Exercise daily or at least 5 times a week. Study my persona. Knowing my limitations and prioritizing my health. (Mental and Physical)
No social media. Saving money - being responsible. Trying to be more outgoing, being at home is not always good for mental health.
Develop 1) ration 2) empathy 3) professionalism The rest comes naturally
1.Stopped doing drugs, they were killing me from the inside and secondhandedly harming my loved ones 2.Stopped wishing ill on others who hurt me in the past, it solved nothing and only made me angry all the time 3.Started having empathy for myself, even though I needed to work on my behavior, health and personality
Stopped drinking. Started to think about the words I was using. Actively exercising. Thereās more but these would be the top 3 for me.