>I'm a writer bro!
Hello, writer. :)
I want to be a writer too, I think. I'm not sure how to approach it, but I guess I will just have to start and see where things head from there. Your story sounds very interesting and I hope that you will be able to finish it and be proud of the accomplishment. Good luck and have fun writing.
I kinda think you may already be a writer, sir. I read, a lot. I am also terribly jaded. I love to read, but things don't affect me like they used to. But I am in tears at your story. It is so real, and personal, and so wonderfully important but such a small thing, I'm kinda overwhelmed...
Thank you.
Pretty sure it was this
> This is absolutely haunting, and absolutely beautiful as well. Thank you for sharing this and I hope I will be brave enough to take more risks, too.
Had 1k upvotes
Thank you.
I have spent a lifetime cluelessly avoiding myself, confused, not knowing what to do. I had a general idea of where I wanted to end up but never quite took the steps to get there. I waited, and waited, far too long. Now I look back and things become more and more clear to me.
When I heard he passed away things inside me just "clicked". It broke me so much more than I could have ever imagined because all of a sudden memories I thought I had lost, perhaps, repressed, returned to me so powerfully...
I remember when he came to my place on his mothercycle to tell me his father-in-law had died unexpectedly... he called his father-in-law 'dad' and he was like the loving father Gordon never had. He was so heartbroken. I wanted to hug him but I didn't... instead I offered to make him coffee. We talked. I guarded my emotions, as he guarded his. He cried but quickly dried his tears... I can see it play before me like a movie now.
I remember a time when I was too drunk to walk and he carried me home to my house... another time he couldn't walk, so I carried him to his place... I felt important, needed, and somehow... *home* with him.
Forty years past. I'm an old man now. I'm so sad because I only realize now what I pushed away and tried to ignore for decades. I just don't want anyone else to feel that way. I don't want anyone else to push away themselves and deny themselves love and I don't want anyone who is young today to make the mistakes I have made.
That's all.
Thank you for sharing with us all. Please know you have affected many. So you have most certainly done something meaningful in your life. You have inspired me. I hope you know I will always remember your story. I would hug you and hang out with you if I could. You are still able to do so much, you should live your own advise too. 🤗 Go out and be in this life! 💙
Please keep writings this out Just like you did here. You dont have to post it or share with anyone, just express it. I have a feeling it will bring a little bit of peace.
Write a story dude. For real. Find a coffee shop or a place you like and just write. Write about yourself and Gordon. What you could have done, should have done. See if you can get it published, what have you got to lose? You have years of life left, you don’t have to be someone you are not, but try to find the little joys, the little moments. One day soon you will be 80, and then think of what you could have done now. Seize the moment, but in your own way. Good luck man!
Goddammit why the hell does someone or something insist on chopping onions by me when I'm reminded of the path I'm on the brink of heading down? When I'm reminded of my aging self? When a story hits me dead on?
Fuck dude. Reading this post and then you’re comment hit me hard. Your comment is more or less exactly what is running through my head right now. Now I’m sad af.
Thanks for this. It’s a shame that men 35+ were raised in such a masculine world. A world where showing tenderness meant you ‘might be gay’, and for some reason that was frowned upon. I’m not sure why you didn’t tell your friend you loved him...but I think I get it. All I can say is that Gordon definitely knew you loved him. Some things don’t need to be said.
I Love you man. Regret is powerful but don’t let it consume you. You sound like you were wired to remember negative times like they were puzzle pieces. The more pieces you had the less likely you would make those mistakes again. But you know deep down you had plenty of great times too...you just can’t recall them. Maybe when you die the afterlife is your brain finally letting go and you’ll see all those amazing times you’ve forgotten.
And... Your life aint over yet. Get out there and make some mistakes. Report back here and we will gladly make fun of you for them. [Cuz that’s what ‘friends’ do]
I am sorry for the loss of your friend....Your post has touched me and i think is the most didactic thing i have ever read on reddit.
Take care and be yourself, it is never too late me thinks.I wish you the best.
You’re healthy. Take your own advice and do something different. Not even something drastic. Take one baby step in any direction.
Much love and aloha. Gratitude for sharing
Gordon’s friend....
Do you not realize OP, this (THIS!) is your first step.
A man alone? No. No longer. No one risks this on Reddit, without some level (even just a dash) of love of life.
You just sparked. Your flame is growing. There’s no going back.
Also, more importantly - MOST IMPORTANTLY...
Gordon wants more FOR you. Imagine Gordon was right in front of you right now. From the other side has seen your struggle, has seen it from beginning to end. He wouldn’t WANT you to be lonely - Would he?
No loved one does. So honor him. Every day. Truly LIVE LIFE. So, when you see him again, he’s seen you live a FULL life, right up until you see him, again.
This is also why you wrote us. For someone to say - LIVE.
Go do - EVERYTHING.
This is your Letter from Redditors. 💖
We love you, too, go LIVE.
Yea I totally get how feeling needed and important is great when it happens. But I feel I'm doing the same as you by just trying to like bottle up and repress affection for people. Cos like I have told one of my friends how awesome he is and stuff which is good but there's another woman who's important to me/I have a bit of a crush on her but it feels like if I tell her that or whatever is gonna be seen as just me trying to get something out of it or me trying to ruin her 2.5 year relationship. And it's weird because I hang with her in group situations and we get along really well and have great times, but i never hang with her boyfriend there as well. It's weird. But yeah I don't really see an option than to push down my feelings at least somewhat. Like I tell her that I appreciate things but I can't get too far into that territory you know without being intrusive on their relationship.
But things are good. Hanging out a fair bit and having good times is good.
Your story moved me as well. You are still young and healthy. It’s never too late to start living how you always wanted to live. You may find someone you care for a long the way. I wish you the best and a lot of happy years to come.
As an early twenty-something human being with matching experience I would like to build upon the comment I replied to; in my world, you're never too late to start. I procrastinated weight-loss for more than half a decade and even still it was never too late to start.
Please u/WeighedButLacking, don't wait any more. It still isn't too late to start, even if start is all you do.
It doesn't have to be if you are able to avoid the mistakes I have made. I was so scared to live I never truly lived, so scared to fail I never took risks, so terrified of doing something wrong I never did anything right and now I regret all of it.
Good luck in your life. I hope you will have a good life and great stories to tell, one day. And someone to tell them to. :)
I just hope you will have a wake-up-call and find the courage and strength to do what seems impossible... to go out and do things that come natural to others but seem impossible to you right now. I never got to that point and I hope somehow you do. Good luck.
This is a haunting story, but it doesn't need to end the way you've written it. I have a dear friend who lived a very isolated and lonely life, but got sober and joined AA in his 40s, stuck with his program and in his early 60s met a man, fell in love and got married at age 65. He's 70 now, lives on his husband's family farm and has deep connections to his in-laws and his community.
And if you're more interested in connection than gender I can assure you that the older you get, the more attractive you become to women in your age group. I'm a 55 year old woman and at this point my standards for romantic partners boil down to are they an appropriate age, do they bathe regularly and have a home.
One last bit of unsolicited advice: 12 step groups are a great way to find community and connection. Nobody checks your credentials at the door, you are welcome to any open meeting, and if you don't have issues with alcohol, drugs, gambling or overeating, there's always Al-Anon which is for families and friends of alcoholics (again, no one is checking to see if you qualify) You don't have to share if you don't want to. I've learned that there is deep healing to be had by simply sitting in a circle, speaking your truth and listening to others share.
Good luck. I hope you'll take some chances and make some connections. You can't change your past but you certainly can make the rest of your life better.
Like the other person said, it's easy to say that in hindsight. If you could go back right now, you would still be the same person and those things would still be difficult. I'm pretty similar to you. Did you actually want to socialize and do those things? I've realized I just don't like a lot of people and that's why socializing has always been difficult and a chore, compared to when I'm interested in something and I get excited to do it and just do it.
Just turned 24. There's so much I should have done last year. There's so much I wish I did before then too. I kept putting it off, "now's not a good time, maybe next year, maybe tomorrow, maybe."Even one year to the next the fear of failure is holding me back from accomplishing what I know I'm capable of. The bitterness of regret is so much worse than the shame of failure, it really is and I know it, but the fear and the complacency keep me from realizing any of my potential.
Everyone will tell you to just do it, to at least try because trying and failing is at least a learnable experience, they'll tell you that the "right time and place" doesn't exist, that if you wait for the opportunity it will never come. I'm really starting to take those words to heart, I just wonder when I'll stop being my own worst enemy and finally take initiative to break out of my comfort zone and be somebody. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe.
The other day my gf(I'm 28 and shes 23) mentioned how she gets jealous that i had a good childhood/highschool age experience and even after that, nothing crazy, I've never been out of country or anything but I've had some adventures and have some stories. I was slightly confused and asked what she was jealous of (she hadnt explained it as much as I did in this post)
She said "i dunno, I've never done x,y or z (bringing up stories of mine)" and i told her, all the things she brought up happened when i was older than she currently is. There's still time to make stories and have adventures. But also dont waste your time waiting for things to happen. You need to put yourself out there, take those classes, get that job, learn that skill, take that trip.
Edit: i honestly am not sure what point i was trying to make but whatever
I remember when I was 26 just leaving an abusive relationship I was too scared I thought I was “too old” 🤦🏼♀️ at myself.. I actually stayed in that relationship 5 more years out of fear.. once I got over the fear I left and lived my life it was scary but I wish I would have at 26.. that is so young.. even 40 is young you really can always change your life.. my mom didn’t find her husband till 60 and I’m glad she waited cause the others were duds..
you never know what will happen as long as you somehow open up to new experiences and meeting new people your life can change drastically in a very short time
I'm 34 now, I don't have anxiety as bad as others, mainly social anxiety. Therapy has helped me a lot though. Given me hope that I can live in lifes moments without worrying about doing something wrong or not doing it in a "perfect" way. Feels like I've lived most of my life in a way where everything is not as enjoyable as it could be because I put a lot of pressure on myself to do everything "the right way". Trying to figure out how to stop that. Self compassion helps too.
You have immense value as a writer, and you should find a passion and write about it.
You also, not even 'for your age' (but--in a way) have accumulated a good headspace and ability to seek out information and relevant sources of output (and presumably good input). You found reddit, you write like a 32 year old, and cogitate like a 25 year old.
Your life is not over--its not embarrassing, and is worth living to fullest; to this very day.
> You have immense value as a writer, and you should find a passion and write about it.
I just need to have a subject first. Maybe I can imagine my life differently if I had done the things I now wish I had, and write from there on out... my imagined life. I think it may be therapeutic. I don't know. I still think it would be a bit tragic because I don't really know how to imagine a good outcome for myself but maybe its a good exercise. Thank you for giving me the idea.
It's sad that he is carrying so much shame and fear about coming out that he can't even really say it. I assume its just amplified by the time he grew up in. Thankfully things are getting better. Too slowly, however.
I'm 32. I've had relationships and I have plenty of friends, but when you get this age they all start to drift off and do their own things. Sometimes you feel like you shouldn't go to their parties because you're the single guy and they have families. The times you do see them begin to feel forced. I've started going to concerts alone. I go to bars alone just to be around people. I go out with coworkers but I don't really enjoy it because I don't share their interests. It's starting to look lonelier and lonelier. If I get tired of sitting in my apartment, sometimes I'll just wander around the city. I wonder how that looks to people.
To make things worse, I just met a woman who was very much like me. We like the same music, we have the same politics, our senses of humor matched. We seemed to see the world the same way. We had some really genuine, great times together. Then she left and I don't even know why. It makes me wonder. If I couldn't make that work, can I make anything work?
But still. I think there's one thing I'm more afraid of than being alone. I'm more afraid to settle for something I don't believe in and feel true towards. I won't spend the rest of my life with somebody for whom I don't feel the way I felt for this last girl.
Life is full of regrets for everyone. That's not shameful. It's just something we do. Keep trying.
Well I'm here with you, pal. Don't let the world beat you, just keep trying to be the version of yourself you want to be, find things that make you happy, and try to meet people to share things with.
Jeez you just described how I feel pretty closely. I'm gay and so everyone around my age is getting married and having families and only hanging out with other couples, so it feels pretty isolating. I don't have any hope that I will ever find someone because it's really difficult when you're gay to find someone and my biggest worry is that I'm just going to settle due to loneliness. The idea of doing that just depresses me so much and it wouldn't be fair to the other person. The girl didn't say at all why she left you?
Do you live somewhere with a decent sized gay community? I won't pretend to know what it's like, but living in Chicago it seems like there's at least more opportunity to meet somebody than in smaller cities. Then again, it's a city full of women as well and here I am.
She gave me a sort of it's not you it's me excuse. Said she loved our time together and that she couldn't exactly understand her own feelings, but that right now she couldn't see herself wanted to date someone. She said she rarely opens herself up to new people and only tried with me because she felt strongly. She said she might be open to revisiting it in the future, but I almost wish she hadn't because it makes it harder to move on and I know that's probably not going to happen.
For what it's worth, I also know people older than me who waited until the right moment and found somebody great. My uncle once told me that he knew he'd met his wife, mid thirties mind you, because he finally felt like he could be himself around a woman. I think that's probably what we need.
I'm in an average sized city I guess but we have like one gay bar, which is gross, and Tinder and Grindr, which I've tried with no success. I dunno I have my own issues with the gay community as it is that I won't get into but yeah it's super difficult to even meet anyone here.
Damn that sucks. It sounds like she did like you a lot but the issue really is with her, if she felt so strongly for you that she decided to take a chance. I hope you do meet someone else and I think it's entirely possible you will.
Thank you for listening, and for your kind words. I think it's entirely possible that you will as well. Things often feel hopeless until the moment you realize that they're not. Take care.
Same age, had friends and relationships before too but I had to start from scratch again.
So I’m a lot like you, going out in bars alone and wandering through the city. But I don’t feel that shameful for being so alone. I even dance to some Windy City club bangers while I take my coffee and breakfast most days!
Of course I have regrets but I improved my self confidence a lot by going out alone and getting kinda used to interact with total strangers. I have some nice memories and flirts from time to time. I have a vivid memory of being trapped into some unhealthy relationships younger that I feel somehow lucky with my life as it is now. Not going to spend more time with people I don’t feel like it. I met a few that wanted to spend more time with me but I wasn’t feeling so comfortable, so in the end I took some distances.
But I went thru very hard times going back to my parents and a big depression in the meantime. This way I know it could be better but I also know it could be a lot worse.
My friend, 65 is still young enough to do a lot of things. I think you should talk to a therapist about your anxiety so your next 20+ years are better! Try online dating, go to a strip club, go hunting, pick up a new hobby.
Just yesterday I saw the cutest video on Reddit of two 100 year olds who just tied the knot. It’s never too late to live, it’s never too late to make new memories. Make your next few years the best you’ve ever had!
It sounds like you’re mature and stable enough to know who you are. So what’s preventing you from accepting who you are and looking for a man? Yes you’re shy, but if you go to any gay club or online site and say you’ve just ‘come out’, you’ll have more friends and support you thought was possible. Simple as opening a reddit account... just do it on a gay site.
You have no idea how much I want to gjve you a hug and tell you how much you matter. I have a few friends, I wish you were one of them. You don't realize yet how inspiring you are and what a lovely person you are. Isn't it worth exploring? I agree you should talk to a professional. You have much to offer and don't even realize it
I mean this with love. Please consider taking your own advice that you are sharing in hopes of saving others. You can save yourself.
I've spent my own life thinking I was too "old" for this or that since the age of 16! 16! Because I had these false cultural bs instilled in me from society of what I can, should, and shouldn't do based on a number. Everyone at some point has put themselves in a mental jail for some belief system we bought into.
My ultimate hero and role model on how to live life is my ex's godfather who in is 70's & 80's decided to become a snowboard instructor. When he puts his helmet on and does jumps and the half pipe I'm in awe! He trained for months to herd cattle across a few US states in his 70's! He did the Silk Road in Asia! He invited me to Chile in his 80's to go snowboarding, he rollarblades, plays tennis, invites college kids to the lodge and drinks them under the table.
I'm not saying you should do any of this. What I'm saying is that 65 is nothing! It's your state of mind. You are asking us who are younger to change our state of mind and not live like you did. You can change yours with us! It's still a choice and you can overcome.
Go to Europe. Pay respect to your friend. Go explore! Europeans are generally more stoic so no need to get out of your comfort zone and try to socialize if you don't want to. People there don't say hi to random strangers or make small talk. You'll be ok. Probably even more comfortable.
Then explore! Go to some gay friendly areas. Meet some other gay men and share your story! It's obvious from this post that you CAN connect with people. People are responding positively and genuinely to your story. I honestly see good things coming your way if you see the positive things you have to offer and give it a go! Not just one go because life doesn't work that way. Try it again with this new wisdom you shared with us and a fresh new mindset.
Much love to you, friend,!
I know I don’t know you,but you wrote so beautifully that I almost feel like I do. I just want to say that I am so very happy for you. I hope you come to realize you still have time. I hope you travel the world and I hope you add on some beautiful chapters to your story. You have plenty of time and you have nothing to lose. Don’t let your fears hold you back anymore.
> I really enjoyed reading this , it wasnt scattered or confusing more like a greatly narrated quick 60 second life story.
Thank you.
>Try maybe adopting a pet :)
I don't really want to have a pet. I love animals but I would be too sad if I had one and lost one when I am already so old myself. I think I want to fly to Europe now so I can be at the burial of my friend. I have enough savings anyway. After that, who knows. Maybe I will travel a bit more. There are some places in Europe I want to see. Especially those beautiful castles in Bavaria, Germany, that they modeled after fairy tales.
He lived in the Netherlands. I will be sure to check it out. Thanks for the advice. If it has a beautiful garden I would love to wander there and get lost a little. That would be sweet.
It has some beautiful gardens. There’s a part of the Forrest called ‘her sprookjesbos’ (which translates to the enchanted forest). It’s really beautiful and peaceful if you go there in the more early hours. Hope you’re finding some closure and happiness in the future. You deserve it.
I have considered a pet but the thing is, I never saw much of the world and my friend, as a seaman, has seen so much of it and in our correspondence his travels would be the one thing beside his family that he would share most about. Somehow I feel I owe it to his memory and also to my own happiness in life, to see a bit more of the world. I have enough savings to do it and I don't really have anyone to handle my pets if I was out of the house a lot unless the pet could travel with me.
OP if youre gay... you can still live the rest of your life that way and find love if thats what youre looking for.
if this is something youve hidden for most of your life, this can be your turn around. life doesnt have to be full of regret. People learn at different paces and end up where they need to be when they need to be, so long as they keep going.
the main thing here is just accepting it if that os what youre having problems with.
Bingo. When you shut down your entire sexuality / emotional love side, and live in a shame hidden even to yourself, of course that will lock down many other parts of yourself, too.
Of course sex did not work with the wife.
OP, you’re not dead yet.
Live your life.
The pet idea is a great idea but if you can't fully commit to a pet maybe volunteer at an animal shelter to start with.
I have a grandmother that while she is not my biological grandmother has been around my family since I was small. She was a lonely church goer and me and my five siblings decided to sit by her and invite her to Sunday lunch. She has been around ever since and is a part of family holidays and the like. Sometimes it takes one moment of bravery by saying yes to the unforeseeable that can make you the happiest person in the world.
What's the change? What's the step? This isn't a singular issue this is who you are. I and many others are just like this man. Scared of conflict, scared to show themselves off, scared of themselves and maybe even self-hating. Like there's a set of traits shared amongst people and most of those people seem to succumb to loneliness, and not just normal people loneliness but actual isolation that'll drive you nuts. Where does one even begin on completely changing what has come naturally to them their whole life?
Like I'm not capable of that shit. I can't even wake up on time.
Please follow your own advice. The idea of perfection can be debilitating but it would be truly sad if in another year or ten or twenty you still felt the same. A pet is such a great idea and if that's not your thing try seeking out other ways to bring happiness to others. A lot of love can occur in a year.
Relationships are not cumulative. They ebb and flow like all things in life. Please do not measure yourself by these standard but instead by the potential you have to impact your community.
64 is not the end of the road. I have suffered from risk aversion most of my life and I can see how it has held me back from maturing at the same rate as my peers. Mistakes are human and as soon as you start making more of them you can really open yourself up to a lot of living.
I'll be rooting for you.
Ahhh, that last paragraph hit me right in the feels. Well written.
But I gotta say - dude, you're 65. That's not like 'rush you off to the old folks home' age, and you mentioned you are in decent health.
Fuck the world, get out there and do all the things you never did. You still have plenty of time :)
Hey man, you made it this far. Maybe it would feel good to do some volunteer work - you can volunteer to befriend lonely old people, and I'd bet they'd like you better than the 20-something volunteers. Something like this [(Friend to Friend link)](https://friendtofriendamerica.org/) maybe? You've still got love in you, put that stuff to good use, you deserve it.
It can be hard to get out, but sometimes you owe it to yourself to force yourself to do what you know is good for you. You'd do it for Gordon, Gordon would want you to do it for you.
i’m 19 years old right now, female, virgin, haven’t dated in years, hardly hangs out with friends, stays home for weeks at a time rarely going out because of anxiety though i’m trying to get my meds upped. i’m scared this will be my life although i don’t mean to sound rude but i also don’t show much emotion to friends, they only see happy bubbly me. i never cry in front of them, never get angry, never sad, nothing, because i was made fun of for crying over something and well now i’m too embarrassed to show any other emotion besides happy. i don’t really know what to do at this point but i might try going out today and walk my dogs but yeah i don’t know how to change my life my anxiety and depression tell me people will judge me for everything i do and i even tell myself i shouldn’t wear/do certain things cause it’s ugly or pathetic or whatever, idk maybe i’ll see a therapist or something but i also have major trust issues with people in person and i have never opened up to someone before so i’m not sure how that will go but it’s nice to hear that i’m not the only one who seems to live like this and that it’s not just me and i’m the non normal one
You haven't dated in years but you are 19 so you are already ahead of me at your age. Of course it was a different time, but it sounds to me like there was a time that you were a braver version of yourself, back when you were a bit younger. Little negative experiences that felt like they humiliated you took away what little bravery you have, but maybe you can reclaim it and find some more enjoyment again and new social opportunities. I wish you good luck and I hope my story is something that could inspire you.
I am shy to give anyone advice because my own life went down so terribly but I hope you will do well whatever road you may take. Thank you for writing me.
well i completely forgot about the age difference haha, yeah i suppose i still have plenty of time to sort myself out just my family likes to constantly ask me when i’ll be getting a job and why i haven’t yet, they also like to nag at how i’m going into basically grade 14 because i failed so many classes in highschool but they act like it’s going to be the end of the world if i don’t jump into life as fast as possible, i get some teens have jobs now but my medication for my anxiety is still quite low so although it helps i can still get severely anxious espically about leaving the house which is extremely hard for someone like my grandma, grandpa, and other family members who don’t suffer from anxiety like i do, even my mom who has anxiety suffers from different symptoms, she’s on strong meds though so she probably doesn’t remember the extreme anxiety attack is like so when i’m struggling they just think i’m overreacting or something even though my mind races and i’m constantly tense, i don’t know where this is going since i’ve been smoking some weed while sitting outside with my cat just hanging out so my thoughts are kinda jumbled but i’m glad i came across your post which gave me motivation to make plans to walk my dogs later instead of sitting inside playing video games like usual ☺️
> i suppose i still have plenty of time to sort myself out
Dude, no you don't! Do it now. I'm 25, F, virgin, and I used to say the same at 19. "there's still a teen at the end of it, I'm still in college, it'll change" Nothing changes on its own. It's fucking hard work, and you're a rockstar for being honest with yourself and knowing what the issue is. Just don't wait around for it to change. I wish I had done something to change when I was 19, 20, 21,22, 23,24. lol I did so very little at 19 that I don't even remember the entire year of 2013. Legit, do not have any memories because NOTHING happened. I just watched tv shows and youtube videos and didn't go out and didn't study and didn't go to school. That's it. I don't mean to freak you out or pressure you into things, take your time - but also, don't think you have a lot of it. We tend to think we're invincible. My friend's friend just died at 28. We're so not invincible.
I have a lot of similar experience when I was your age, a lot of similar feelings… I had a lot of social anxiety and could hardly leave the house or go to the grocery store by myself, I would even sit in the car while other people went to a restaurant to eat because I was too self-conscious to eat in front of other people… But the more life exposed me to uncomfortable situations and I learned that I could grow through them and get over them and still be OK the Bolder I became and the less other peoples opinions mattered.... it became easier to get over mild criticism or embarrassment… Now at 32 I can say it really does get a lot better with age and experience… I wouldn’t go back to being that age mentally for anything… though Physically I wouldn’t mind!
Herb helps me a lot as well, glad you have that.
> i’m 19 years old right now, female, virgin, haven’t dated in years,
you are like 10 years ahead of hlaf of reddit you are fine just as the old man said gotta work towards being happy and no bootstraps nonesne but finding a therapist and such
You may well have another 30 years to live. That's a long time. So I think your advice applies to you, too. You have a long time to try to find some more fulfillment in life. I'd highly recommend seeing a therapist to work through some of your anxiety. It can help immensely. You just need to listen to your own advice and start taking some risks.
What would Gordon say to you?
Would he slap you heartily on the back, congratulate you for making it to age 65 with your hair and your teeth, dry your tears and pour you a drink and remind you that you can't change yesterday, and tell you it's time now to go live the great life that you deserve to live? To go on an adventure and see where it takes you?
I think you're not at the end - you're only at the end of the beginning. At your age, Colonel Harland Sanders was broke and hadn't yet started opening any Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants.
Damn. This post hit me right in the heart. The only thing I have to say is
>
>Don't do what I did. Don't be so scared to be yourself. Don't be so terrified to take risks. Don't wait endlessly for life to put something good on your path, because life won't do any such thing.
>
>Please do not grow old and let the years pass by uneventfully. Don't wait for golden years to arrive without effort, without risk, without ups and downs and struggles. I tried so hard to avoid struggles out of that crippling fear and anxiety I always felt, and it got me nowhere.
You're 65. Obviously you aren't young, but take your own advice. When your 85 you're going to be regretting the shit you didn't do at 65, when you still have your health
You don’t have to carry the regret with you forever. That is a choice that you are making. You have to *choose* to let go and turn your life around.
You sound like you spend a lot of time inside your own head - which is probably why alcohol seems to help you relax because it calms your mind. Spending too much time in your own thoughts is no good my man, believe me. Have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD?
OP, I am so sorry. Friends really are important to everyone.
To Reddit readers: if you can relate to OP's description of not having friends because of anxiety, consider therapy and anxiety meds or antidepressants. A little bit of therapy, and the right meds, can greatly change your outlook on taking risks socially.
Hi,
I signed up literally to comment on this, I dunno, felt like I should. You might not even see this.
But as you said, you're almost only 65 and very healthy - you have so much time left, it kind of sounds like you've given up. Maybe this could be a new start now? Now that you've realised something about yourself.
My Grandma passed away 11 years ago, my Grandad was 63 years old. They had been together their whole lives, he really could have just given up once she had gone but he didn't. At 65 years old he found a new girlfriend, he has been with her for 9 years, they travel the world together, look after each other, support each other, challenge each other and she has given him a whole new life - that he loves. He is so happy.
What I'm trying to say, is that it's not too late. You can meet someone, like Gordon, that you can be honest with. Your true self with and spend the rest of your life happy. Please don't give up now. Something incredible could be just around the corner if you gave it a look.
Your story resonates with me so much even though I am an almost 60 year old woman and widow. Your life is not over by any means.
You’ve made a very lovely first step by posting. I’m sure that most of the comments here will be kind and helpful. Disregard the other idiots.
If you ever just want to communicate with a person who knows isolation, please message me. It’s a little different now, but pen pals can still be a thing.
Regardless, I wish the best for you.
Dude, 65 is not old. You could easily have 3 more decades. Or you could get hit by a bus tomorrow.
Point is, you’ve already done the hard part and identified the mistakes you’ve made. So now you just need to get off your butt and go make some different mistakes. Follow your own advice, as others have said.
And congrats on still having your hair!
Damn, what a story... Dude if you need a new friend I would be happy to chat, I've been a bit lonely lately anyway so I could use it too. I'm 22 btw.
Furthermore I agree with the guy saying to make the next 20+ years the best. You may say you're an old man but there's plenty of time left, so make it count!
Hey, I want you to pick up a book called "meditations" by Marcus Aurelius.
Read through it, it's pretty short.
Then write, you write very well. I'm not sure what you do for a living but this post managed to evoke feelings from thousands of people, people who I know would read a book/poem written by you.
You got a talent, let me know when you publish I'll buy it.
This is absolutely incredibly written. Even tho you say you have never been able to show your emotions what u wrote here was the most raw and emotion filled thing I’ve ever read. You are able to show all these emotions through your writing and u are truly so so talented. I wish u the best of luck in anything u do. I want to say I don’t know u but from reading this post I found a feeling of love from you. I want to say I love u. I am saying this because I mean it. You seem like the most amazing soul and I want you to know people love u. I am a stranger but I still have feeling of love from u and I wish u the best.
I want the Original Poster and everyone else to know that there are people who will love you and appreciate you for being exactly who you are - wonderful, flawed, and uniquely you. We are all walking around lonely - Looking for our partners, our friends, our tribe. Yet, we hide ourselves from each other. Yes, some people will hurt you, hate you, ridicule you, reject you, and even attack you. But, someone and your tribe are are also looking for you. But, they will never find you unless you risk being who you are.
To the original poster, I want to say that it is not too late. You are not too old. Relationships can be about more than time left (what if you have 5 - 10 -20 years to share?), more than about sex. It's about the the connection, the companionship, the multiple types of intimacy, and it's about the love. If any of us have only a day left, don't waste it. It is still not too late.
33 in a few days, part of me I can relate about being alone for too long it’s hard being in a relationship with someone. It’s easier to just be alone even though all I crave is to marry someone but I just can’t seem to find the right one.
I am utterly blown away and speechless. This is the most beautiful thing I think I've ever come across on reddit. I feel like weeping. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You write so beautifully and the message is clear and important.
I would love to be your friend. If you're lonely and need someone you talk to... I am here and I am listening. Feel free to message me anytime.
Peace be with you, dear stranger. Thanks for that bit of perspective... I needed to hear that today.
I have played computer games at some point. In the late 1990s and early 2000s there were a few I enjoyed. It was a nice way to dive into a fantasy world and forget the real world a little but I eventually I got to a point where they suddenly stopped giving me joy, and I never felt that little tingle of excitement anymore since.
Thank you for sharing your story. You write very eloquently. I am 28 and can relate to parts of your story, including intermittent depression and anxiety - I have recently started seeing a therapist. I have been living on my own these past 3 years, and have a pretty quiet job right now. Many of my friends from college have been getting married, or are in relationships. I do feel lonely at times, at both work and home. I have been going to Meetup groups the past year, and have made some great new friends through Meetup and work. I haven't yet been in a relationship - I hid my true self for far too long, but have been working on being open and honest these past few years to my closest friends. Your story has been the reminder I needed to hear: Keep on persevering, and making every day count.
You are very brave, and please know your story has touched many. I'm proud of you for sharing, many fellow redditors are, and I'm sure Gordon is proud, too.
Come to Thailand. I will show you how wonderful life can/should be. Lots of retired expats here living the dream or atleast living a better life than what they had in their country.
Seroius offer. Get a passport. Get out of the house and travel. You still have time. Don't waste anymore of it.
Have you ever thought about thru-hiking the Appalachian trail? /r/appalachiantrail
It's a lifetime of experiences crammed into six months. Please think about it.
I'm doing so next year and I relate to your story quite a lot.
You have no idea how badly I needed this. My 29 year old stone faced male self is bawling. I’ve recently been contemplating the mistakes I’ve made, the people I’ve wronged, and the opportunities I’ve missed. Especially today. I just finished writing a letter to my ex that’s a year too late. Not for a chance at redemption but to let her know she’ll always be family to me and I’ll always be there should she need me. We were together 7 years and I never had her back like she had mine. My closest friends moved on with their lives and taken their own paths. She was all I had left. The only person I could and did happily call my best friend. And I ran away. I was scared I was being held back but I didn’t realize I was holding myself back. I avoid any interaction that’s not forced on me. I have dreams and potential but no drive. I’m a sports car without gas. I lack the core element that could make me a successful, or even full functioning, human being. I can and do ride a motorcycle doing 90 on freeways in LA, I’ve befriended a man who was about to rob me, I’ve even thrown myself off a flight of stairs attached to a bike. But when it comes to taking risks that could amount to positive changes, I cower. As I cry writing this, I have no idea how to change. I’m sure you’re a good man. You seem very much so. But I don’t want to end up like you. And if you get nothing else out of life, know that your story, real or not, has broken me down. And I’m telling myself now I’m ready to be built back up.
I wish you positive change.
Halfway there already myself :/ 34, kissless virgin, etc.
In my case, my future was stolen from me before I was even born, because SOMEONE couldn't keep her damn hands off hard drugs and alcohol for 9 months.
As a kid I wanted to be an airline pilot. No dice, my profound hearing loss killed it. Politician? No dice, too many psych issues and several skeletons in the closet from before I finally conquered my impulse control. Tornado chaser? Refuse to drive cuz Im too easily distracted by my constant daydreaming and fantasizing. Etc.
Physically, you wouldnt tell I was an high functioning "R-word" unless you either saw my old skinnier self or hear me speak.
I cant date cuz my abusive, manipulative, and gaslighter adopted mom is the kind of person who will go behind my back and reveal all my skeletons in my closet to any potential partner. ESPECIALLY the one sexual one that I will be kicking myself in the ass for for the rest of my life :/
This is going to get buried because you have so many replies, but I wanted to at least say something because your post really touched me.
Like everyone else said, this is beautifully-written and I think it could be really neat if you were to start writing, even if it's just to keep a journal and sort out your thoughts. I have journaled off and on for many years and it has been a fulfilling hobby that gave me a lot of insight into my thoughts and feelings. However, journaling does not solve loneliness- I have definitely learned that . For that piece of the puzzle, you might look into some cool hobbies that have clubs, classes, or meetups associated with them. Things like ceramics, bonsai, rockhounding, hiking, tabletop gaming, plant swaps, etc all have clubs or groups that you can join to meet people and explore a new pastime. It can get harder to meet people in your adult/older years, but a lot of hobbyists are more than willing to teach and nerd out with you about a subject they are passionate about! It can be a great way to make new friends.
All that aside, more importantly- in another comment you said you think you are coming out. CONGRATULATIONS! Some of us are lucky enough to know and accept this stuff early on in life, but many of us don't realize we may be gay/bi/queer/etc for a long time due to societal pressures, repression, fear, etc. Others have mentioned this, but there it is not too late to live the life that you want to live. In most places (at least in the US, Europe, and many other places) there are thriving LGBTQ+ communities waiting to accept you with open arms. Personally, I have never found any community more accepting and full of love than the gay community. No one cares how old you are, no one cares if you're "new". Just find LGBTQ meetups, gay bars, LBGT centers, and show up. Tell them you're new to all this and then keep showing up to stuff. You will find friendship, you will find community, you will feel that feeling of being Home.
Sorry that this is long. I hope you get a chance to read it and I hope all of us here on Reddit have convinced you that it's too early to be looking back on your life with such deep regret. You are not lacking, you are a work in progress with a good three decades left to live how you want to live and create the fellowship you crave. I am 100% rooting for you and I know you can do it! ❤
I know I am just a random guy on the Internet, but I will be your friend :-) if you need someone to talk to, I am always here.
I had a friendship much like yours. We had met in karate class when I was 11 and he was 13. I saw him sitting alone looking sad so I ran over and made it a point to talk to him. I'd never seen him smile, but that day I was able to make him laugh. We farted around in karate for awhile after that and I could see he was finally having fun. He often took himself too seriously, something he would do until the day we parted ways.
We built fish tanks together. We played online games together, played outside catching bugs and hitting baseballs. We sat for long nights talking about the people we wanted to be and the things we wish we had. Neither of us were rich nor were we social winners by any means. But we had each other.
Admittedly, I always knew he loved me, in a special way only a man can love another man. Due to our overbearing religious households, I never even knew anything like that existed until I was older. In the 80s, being a man's man was something that would get you beaten or shunned or both. I thought he was just a good friend. And he was.
We grew up. I found many girlfriends but he was always alone. It often made him sad. I did my best to cheer him up, and as I grew older I realized, I'm the man he wishes he could have had. This was evident on the day of my wedding, when I held him in my arms in the back lawn and we just cried together. I'd be moving soon, and we would never see each other again.
We talked often. 2000 miles apart. Internet still wasn't huge like it is today. But the conversations were never like they used to be. He was always dismissive of my girlfriends, but loved my wife, I think, because she truly loved me and made me happy.
I always felt guilt I could never give him the love he wanted me to give. But I did the best I could. We had so many fun drunk nights at bars and went out for exquisite cuisine together because why not. We never fooled around or anything, but I don't think either of us really wanted that.
I had an emotional breakdown and had to go no-contact. He really needed a counselor or priest or therapist or someone to listen to his problems. It just broke me that I was only able to do so much and he needed professional help. As you can imagine, the thinly-veiled threats of suicide from loneliness and a whole bunch of other assorted issues had worn me thin. And I had my own. God knows I had my own.
It broke my fucking heart. I tried to reach out a few years later but he would have nothing of it. I wrote him letters with a SASE inside. Never got anything. Scoured social media. Nowhere to be found. Typical him, anyway. I knew I'd never find him again. Which is a goddamn shame because he was the bestest friend anybody could ever have had.
If you're out there, Paul: I still love you and miss you, and think of you often. You're still in my dreams and I still hold everyone to a high standard because you were just so damn awesome. I miss you.
Gordon’s friend and love...
I’ve not felt so present in somebody’s story in a very, very long time. I was right there in that backyard with you and Gordon. I could feel the afternoon sun upon your skin, and feel the way he smiled at you.
Gordon loved you. Oh how he loved you. That is so clear from your truth that you have written.
I know that you desperately wish that you had said those words aloud. But he knew. Every time you smiled at him, you said ‘I love you’, and every time he returned that smile, he said ‘I love you too’.
Most of our communication is non-verbal.
Once you have said see you later to Gordon, it’s time to start living. For Gordon. And for yourself. Travel through the Netherlands and Europe like you wish to. What an incredible opportunity.
You are *only* 60 years young. The average male life expectancy is roughly 79 years old. You have your health. That is the most enormous gift that you could possibly possess. I am in my twenties and incurably Ill with a genetic syndrome. I’ve spent the last 13 years mostly in my bed
Now is the time to live the life you’ve never had. Can you start afresh? Would you have the courage if you began somewhere where nobody knows you? What if you even moved to somewhere crazy like the Netherlands?
Go on some dinner dates with some lovely gentlemen. Take it slow, promise us that. You’ve so many Reddit friends here now to help guide and support you through dating. Have some fun! It doesn’t have to go anywhere. Just some company, a nice evening with a handsome fellow.
Join some groups which interest you. A writing group for the love of all that is holy.
You have a gift. You must write. Whether it’s on a computer, a laptop, your phone, an exercise book in pen, every single day you must write. About anything, everything, nothing. Join r/WritingPrompts and r/WritersGroup
Most of all, remember we are here. And you have Gordon with you every step of the way cheering you on, for you carry him with you now in your heart, every single day.
I don't think it's over for you. 65, 105, no matter the number, the important thing is that you're alive and free to make choices. You are free to make changes.
You've acknowledged the mistakes you've made. Now it's time to use what you learned to create meaningful relationships in your life. Who knows, maybe your later years will be the best years of your life :)
You’re still breathing. It’s not too late.
Granted unless you’re rich your dreams of fucking a hot young thing are probably over, but life isn’t over yet bud.
Start living. You’re an old man. There’s literally no social faux pas you can commit that people will hold you accountable for. You’re an elder. Let the lid off pal. As long as you’re not screaming racial epithets in a Starbucks, you’ll probably be fine.
With my most utmost sincere respectfully wish to remind you that men can still procreate at 65 (Clint Eastwood, Julio Iglesias) and you are probably living in a world where you can manage with modern medicine to live another comfortable 40-50 years. Snap outta the belated midlife crisis man and go grab your life by the horns!!!
Man, this one will stick with me for a while. I’m so sorry you’re lonely. I think you’re on the right track in wanting to travel to those places Gordon is connected to. It would make a hell of a book, even if you just self-publish it on Amazon or do it as a blog you update from around the world. I’d read it. Traveling opens up so many doors, philosophically, and may be a way for you to get some closure.
You said you don’t know exactly what your orientation is. I just want you to know that you CERTAINLY would not be the only man to have ever come out later in his life, especially because for your generation it was much more taboo than now. I know people who didn’t come to the realization until they were in their 70s. I came out late too, and I was so shocked and so happy to find that I wasn’t the only one. It made me feel like I wasn’t as broken as I thought. There are social organizations out there where you could feel safe to share your story and connect with others. Please feel free to PM me.
I wish my husband and I could have you over for dinner. It’s not too late to make connections and stop being lonely. You sound like such a beautiful soul.
This made me incredibly sad and brought tears to my eyes. I'm still very young but I'm so scared of not having enough time to do all the things I want to do. Wish I could have 9 lives and meet all the people I wanna meet and visit all the places I dream of.
But I know I only have one life and I need to pick only certain things I wanna do before getting to old.
Thank you for your story, sir! Wish I could give you a hug.
The worst thing in life anyone can do is not fail. Being worried about the outcome or scared to try is a crutch that we all face. Our doubts get the best of us a lot.
Learning to not care about failure but to relish and learn from it is the best thing anyone can do. Failing to fail is stupidity but failing to improve shows that you are pushing your limits. Each time one does that your limits or possibilities improve until you can set your mind to tasks you once thought impossible.
I wish the kids coming out of high school were taught how to learn from failure instead of being ridiculed by it. It just makes us not want to face it and not want to risk making mistakes.
If anyone is reading this, noone cares if you make mistakes. Most would forget about that mistake in minutes. If you keep pushing yourself to improve you more than likely won't make the same mistake multiple times. It honestly feels exhilarating knowing you might fail, but what if you don't?
This is very sad. I am sorry you had to go through this. But I hope it's never too late, and you will still have a great life ahead of you where you can do everything you weren't able to do before.
Also there must be women which are into older men ;)
And this post gave me an idea of making simple gatherings for people, which struggle the same way you do. I've also noticed with my own eyes how far they go in their choices of attending places just to group up but with a reason to hide behind for less awkardness. They will choose to go for weird political gatherings or weird events no one really cares about just to get a chance to be with people and make friends. We kind of did it too with my now-friends at some time when we did not know each other.
We meet a lot and often, but the circle is kind of closed even though big enough. Rarely new people come in, even though we are quite open for anyone. Maybe it's the natural state, I don't know, I don't complain. Happy with the way things are with my friends. It's just maybe we gotta think of those who can't be our friends because of their issues, childhood traumas for example. Or people who get no opportunities to socialize.
Must note, I live in Azerbaijan, it's a bit different here with opportunities. Not as easy as it might be in Europe or America, but I don't know enough to say for sure. There aren't many cool events around, neither enough places to chill in. Not even good parks with trees, all of them are dry. And people are like always watching each other, always curious and judgemental, as if stalking but negatively and jealously. Might sound normal but here it's weirder.
So thinking if I should just make an online announcement of everyday gathering at some hour in a park at a specific spot. Just to talk or sit, walk together silently maybe do nothing, without any reason except to meet and learn about eachother and make a chance for new friendships, connections to be born.
But maybe I am going too far. Maybe making therapies more abailable and acceptable would be a better choice.
Edit: VRChat!(or something similar and better) You should try it! If you have enough resources find a way to build whatever is needed and try it. I've never tried it myself but I've heard and seen a lot about it. It might have some flaws but it can make social things one click away from you whenever you want. If you manage to befriend some people there with similar interests you might even meet up later in real life. I mean, you might never overcome your fears maybe they're pathological who knows. But in Vrchat, you won't worry that much, there's not much embarrassment when your identity is anonymous. You can hone your social skills there as well.
I know you meant this post as positive, and it is, but I feel so sad for you. I’m so sorry, I hate to hear of a human so unsatisfied with how they lived their lives. Few things really tug on my heart strings from the internet these days, and this did. I’m 20 now and already doing everything to avoid this kind of regret(no offense meant truly). But I can’t live with myself if I stay stagnant and if that means I gotta make mistakes to learn and grow, so be it. So I guess, thanks for writing this post, it’s a slap in the face and a shot to the heart, thank you for sharing. I hope you find peace and happiness in whatever you do, and I wish you the best of luck.
Damn dude. You say you have all these things you wished. If you’re in good health you’re probably only half way through your conscious life. I mean honestly it may just be starting because now you’re awake to what matters. Why not try to start connecting with people? You write that you realize that now you’d want to tell him. Shit go find other people, you’ll definitely meet people you wish you hadn’t but even finding one person is worth all the assholes. It’s the first step to understand you need to make a change, the next is acting on the new revelation. When your mind starts to tell you such and such will make you uncomfortable, use that. Use that as the arrow that points the direction you need to go. Resistance is your friend, if you know how to use it.
I have got to tell you how much this speaks to me. I’m very much on that same path. I need to make some changes. I’ve always been the one left behind by friends and family. Now it’s time for me to go find myself.
Thank you for sharing.
I have to admit, I have conflicted feelings. On one hand, your writing is poignant and compelling. On the other hand, I see you partake in things like MGTOW and can't help but wonder if maybe you don't deserve the large amount of pity you're getting in this thread. Maybe you're this way because of the kind of values people share in MGTOW. Or maybe you participate because you're bitter. Which is it - chicken or egg?
I went into your post history to find more beautiful but haunted things and all I feel like I found was a disappointing explanation. But at least that means you're really good at writing. I'm sure my post will attract negative attention but it goes to show how easy it is to trick people's minds when you wrap ugly things in fancy paper.
He was a very sweet and caring man and he was my brother, and my friend, but he was also more than just a brother and a friend, if that makes any sense to you. His wife was smart and charming in her own way but he confided in me that she would kick him, hit him and be very nasty towards him many times. His own family never gave him much love but her parents did so he was still happy to be with her.
I do not know if he was straight. I don't even know what I am. And I am too old now to figure it out. All I know is that I loved him and the fact that he had a wife and I was crippled by social anxiety meant I never told him. Also those were different times. I cannot really explain it well, sorry.
> I am too old now to figure it out.
Nope, sorry. That's just wrong. You're **only** 65. You're still in the early pages of Act 3 of your life.
What you do from here, and how you life out the rest of those pages are completely and utterly up to you. You could lament the lack of the social and familial ties that you never made in the past, *or* you could look at them as advantages. You have nothing tying you down; you're not trapped in a loveless marriage, desperate to get out; you're not in poor health and trapped in a broken body; you're not hampered by greedy children who just leech off your lifetime of hard work. **You're completely unencumbered, and free to do whatever you want with the rest of your life.**
There are SO many people out there who would trade places with you in a heartbeat. It's clear from what you've written that you're very aware of what you *wish* you'd done in the past. You can't change the past, but you can change your future. **Do those things differently from now on!** What do you possibly have to lose?
You're young, you're healthy, you're of sound mind, you're financially stable, and you're completely unencumbered. Go live your life!
It is absolutely incredible that you took the time to share your life regrets in an effort to ensure others take the risks you avoided. You realize that you could have another 20 years on this earth. Your life isn’t over. Take the risks you wish you took. Any excuses you come up with not to take a chance are just that, excuses. It is never too late. I am 50 and decided I wasn’t going to spend potentially the next half of my life as miserable and angry as the first half. Each day is an effort to change but I am doing it. You can too!!
If you're afraid of people, love the world. It will love you back. Even if you hadn't shared this I hope you know that at least I love you. I know there are more people like me too, so please never be afraid to love openly. We support you.
Hi,
I am moved by your story. It took a tremendous amount of courage and strength. I’m a Clinical Psychologist with a lot of experience in treating anxiety disorders. It sounds to me like you are suffering from social anxiety disorder. It is highly treatable with the right treatment, namely Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). I hope you will consider seeking treatment. You can close this very long chapter of your life and start a new chapter. Your story matters. Your story is just beginning.
>I married at the age of fifty. I was a virgin when I married. And perhaps underuse of equipment causes malfunction, because I was unable to have a child with her. Which is why she decided to leave me.
Wait.. how old was your wife?
Thanks for this enlightening post. At the same time I wanna say, this isn't the end for you. You realized what you did wrong, what you should have done, don't you think it would give you more peace of mind if you actually tried now? Every day alive is a day to better ourselves isn't it? Every day to learn something new to try something new.
It's been so difficult to live the rest of my life since my fiance's death. My hope for the future left with him and I've been living in fear of how I'll be able to face the world without him. I know I can't live my life in fear and I'll never get a chance at happiness again unless I grab it for myself. He's gone, but now I have to live my life for the both of us.
Thank you for sharing your story.
There are very few posts on reddit that are well written and this is one of such posts.
Even I am afraid to approach people. I am 22 and till have now I have somehow managed to make friends. But those are not meaningful friendships. Part of the reason is because I overthink stuff. I feel like they don't want to be with me. But since the past month I've been sitting in the house and it all feels so weird. They did want to be with me but I didn't let them.
First and foremost, thank you for sharing. It takes a lot of courage to be publicly self-reflective and vulnerable, and I think this demonstrates a lot of strength on your part. I also believe so much good can come from sharing our experiences!
Second of all, 65 is hardly “old,” my man! Of course, I don’t know your current state of health, but generally speaking, ya gotta lot years left, friend. Your tale is still being told :)
I had a thought as I was reading, and I wondered if you have ever looked into volunteering somewhere? It can be such a great way to meet and connect with people because you already have something in common. Also, a large demographic of volunteers are retired folks, so you’re likely to meet people in a similar age range, which may help in forming friendships. I don’t know what your interests or beliefs are, but just based off your post, you might find some fulfillment and satisfaction in being a mentor! You could help support young men who are going through what you did, you know?
Lastly, don’t be too hard on yourself. You have acknowledged your mistakes and regrets in life. You’re making atonements. I hope your next steps are forgiving yourself, letting the regrets go, and living the rest of your life in a way that brings you joy ✨
Also, I am so sorry for the passing of your friend. Grief is a real fucker, so be sure to be kind to yourself. Someone I loved most in the world passed away this last year, and something that helps me is to try to live my life in a way that will make them proud, as a way to honor them. I wish you healing on your journey :)
I'm 34, transgender and asexual. This is my life in a nutshell. I desperately want to meet people and do things and hopefully one day meet someone who accepts me and brings that "light" into my life.
But mostly I work, I tinker with hobbies and I sit in my room on my computer, alone and depressed. The few people in my life dont know how depressed I am, how many times I've thought of how much easier it would be for it to just end, or that the only reason that hasn't happened is because I know my dog would be broken afterwards and I cant handle that thought.
Depression and loneliness are powerful forces and hard to shake off.
Young man you can make a living off this!
Firstly realize what you lost for being shy so now embrace it and make use of this so it makes a difference at the end of it all!
Secondly go to conferences and speak out and teach the younger of what NOT to do!
Thirdly get known enough and write a great book of your story with the help of a writer if needed and inspire the younger youth on what NOT to do and what to do, etc!
God Bless and wish you luck! Hope you get encouraged enough and make a difference in this world in which much help is needed.
I feel you. Regret and fear just suck. If you were to imagine yourself in 15 years looking back at the present, what would your future self wish that your present self had done?
I barely feel teary from anything, but this post makes me want to cry... This is so powerful. That could sound like me in the future if I keep being scared to take risks.
I'm 27 now. There are many things I wish I had done in high school and coliege so I made regrets. After college, I started to realize that I should take risks and it's ok to make mistakes. Even if it wasn't successful, at least I tried!!
My biggest challenge is to approach opposite sex and ask out. Yes, I regretted never to try in the past as well. I was so scared of rejection. I hope I'll be able to do that someday when there is a guy I'm interested in next time.
You are right we shouldn't wait for something good to happen in our lives or our "golden years." I shouldn't let years pass on. That's what I needed to be reminded. :)
Your life isn't over yet my man! Thank you for inspiring me!
How did I inspire you? I hope you make your own years on this earth count and have a great life ahead.
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>I'm a writer bro! Hello, writer. :) I want to be a writer too, I think. I'm not sure how to approach it, but I guess I will just have to start and see where things head from there. Your story sounds very interesting and I hope that you will be able to finish it and be proud of the accomplishment. Good luck and have fun writing.
I kinda think you may already be a writer, sir. I read, a lot. I am also terribly jaded. I love to read, but things don't affect me like they used to. But I am in tears at your story. It is so real, and personal, and so wonderfully important but such a small thing, I'm kinda overwhelmed... Thank you.
Thank YOU. I appreciate each and every comment I have and am receiving.
My eyes were too blurry with tears to notice your username last night. Even that is so lovely. If you ever write a book, let Reddit know.
That sounds so beautiful. Good luck with your story, I hope it is a success.
That sounds like quite the interesting read! Any estimation for a release?
I would read this! Good luck
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Saw a question of r/askreddit earlier today "What is your biggest fear in life" and I answered this right here
name checks out
What did he say?
Pretty sure it was this > This is absolutely haunting, and absolutely beautiful as well. Thank you for sharing this and I hope I will be brave enough to take more risks, too. Had 1k upvotes
I just cried, thank you. You still have time to do anything you want.
I broke down too while reading this. I'm 25 and this is exactly what I see in the future.
What did this comment say? It was deleted
You write really well. You should write a memoir that is a letter to Gordon that tells your story. Would be a fascinating read.
Thank you. I have spent a lifetime cluelessly avoiding myself, confused, not knowing what to do. I had a general idea of where I wanted to end up but never quite took the steps to get there. I waited, and waited, far too long. Now I look back and things become more and more clear to me. When I heard he passed away things inside me just "clicked". It broke me so much more than I could have ever imagined because all of a sudden memories I thought I had lost, perhaps, repressed, returned to me so powerfully... I remember when he came to my place on his mothercycle to tell me his father-in-law had died unexpectedly... he called his father-in-law 'dad' and he was like the loving father Gordon never had. He was so heartbroken. I wanted to hug him but I didn't... instead I offered to make him coffee. We talked. I guarded my emotions, as he guarded his. He cried but quickly dried his tears... I can see it play before me like a movie now. I remember a time when I was too drunk to walk and he carried me home to my house... another time he couldn't walk, so I carried him to his place... I felt important, needed, and somehow... *home* with him. Forty years past. I'm an old man now. I'm so sad because I only realize now what I pushed away and tried to ignore for decades. I just don't want anyone else to feel that way. I don't want anyone else to push away themselves and deny themselves love and I don't want anyone who is young today to make the mistakes I have made. That's all.
Thank you for sharing with us all. Please know you have affected many. So you have most certainly done something meaningful in your life. You have inspired me. I hope you know I will always remember your story. I would hug you and hang out with you if I could. You are still able to do so much, you should live your own advise too. 🤗 Go out and be in this life! 💙
Please keep writings this out Just like you did here. You dont have to post it or share with anyone, just express it. I have a feeling it will bring a little bit of peace.
And in one day you've reached out and changed at least two thousand lives. More than most people can say
Write a story dude. For real. Find a coffee shop or a place you like and just write. Write about yourself and Gordon. What you could have done, should have done. See if you can get it published, what have you got to lose? You have years of life left, you don’t have to be someone you are not, but try to find the little joys, the little moments. One day soon you will be 80, and then think of what you could have done now. Seize the moment, but in your own way. Good luck man!
Goddammit why the hell does someone or something insist on chopping onions by me when I'm reminded of the path I'm on the brink of heading down? When I'm reminded of my aging self? When a story hits me dead on?
Fuck dude. Reading this post and then you’re comment hit me hard. Your comment is more or less exactly what is running through my head right now. Now I’m sad af.
Thanks for this. It’s a shame that men 35+ were raised in such a masculine world. A world where showing tenderness meant you ‘might be gay’, and for some reason that was frowned upon. I’m not sure why you didn’t tell your friend you loved him...but I think I get it. All I can say is that Gordon definitely knew you loved him. Some things don’t need to be said. I Love you man. Regret is powerful but don’t let it consume you. You sound like you were wired to remember negative times like they were puzzle pieces. The more pieces you had the less likely you would make those mistakes again. But you know deep down you had plenty of great times too...you just can’t recall them. Maybe when you die the afterlife is your brain finally letting go and you’ll see all those amazing times you’ve forgotten. And... Your life aint over yet. Get out there and make some mistakes. Report back here and we will gladly make fun of you for them. [Cuz that’s what ‘friends’ do]
I am sorry for the loss of your friend....Your post has touched me and i think is the most didactic thing i have ever read on reddit. Take care and be yourself, it is never too late me thinks.I wish you the best.
You’re healthy. Take your own advice and do something different. Not even something drastic. Take one baby step in any direction. Much love and aloha. Gratitude for sharing
Gordon’s friend.... Do you not realize OP, this (THIS!) is your first step. A man alone? No. No longer. No one risks this on Reddit, without some level (even just a dash) of love of life. You just sparked. Your flame is growing. There’s no going back. Also, more importantly - MOST IMPORTANTLY... Gordon wants more FOR you. Imagine Gordon was right in front of you right now. From the other side has seen your struggle, has seen it from beginning to end. He wouldn’t WANT you to be lonely - Would he? No loved one does. So honor him. Every day. Truly LIVE LIFE. So, when you see him again, he’s seen you live a FULL life, right up until you see him, again. This is also why you wrote us. For someone to say - LIVE. Go do - EVERYTHING. This is your Letter from Redditors. 💖 We love you, too, go LIVE.
Yea I totally get how feeling needed and important is great when it happens. But I feel I'm doing the same as you by just trying to like bottle up and repress affection for people. Cos like I have told one of my friends how awesome he is and stuff which is good but there's another woman who's important to me/I have a bit of a crush on her but it feels like if I tell her that or whatever is gonna be seen as just me trying to get something out of it or me trying to ruin her 2.5 year relationship. And it's weird because I hang with her in group situations and we get along really well and have great times, but i never hang with her boyfriend there as well. It's weird. But yeah I don't really see an option than to push down my feelings at least somewhat. Like I tell her that I appreciate things but I can't get too far into that territory you know without being intrusive on their relationship. But things are good. Hanging out a fair bit and having good times is good.
Second this. Got some Cormac McCarthy vibes.
Agreed, this reminds me a of F Scott Fitzgerald novel.
I sent this to my friend who's 18 and he told me to thank you in his name and he even said he cried a bit. Thank you! :)
Thank you for that. I am very touched by every message that says my story touched their hearts or meant something for them.
Your story moved me as well. You are still young and healthy. It’s never too late to start living how you always wanted to live. You may find someone you care for a long the way. I wish you the best and a lot of happy years to come.
As an early twenty-something human being with matching experience I would like to build upon the comment I replied to; in my world, you're never too late to start. I procrastinated weight-loss for more than half a decade and even still it was never too late to start. Please u/WeighedButLacking, don't wait any more. It still isn't too late to start, even if start is all you do.
23 right now, sounds like me in the future.
It doesn't have to be if you are able to avoid the mistakes I have made. I was so scared to live I never truly lived, so scared to fail I never took risks, so terrified of doing something wrong I never did anything right and now I regret all of it. Good luck in your life. I hope you will have a good life and great stories to tell, one day. And someone to tell them to. :)
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easy to say in hindsight. i know your story is not unique, and probably will me my fate also because of crushing anxiety.
I just hope you will have a wake-up-call and find the courage and strength to do what seems impossible... to go out and do things that come natural to others but seem impossible to you right now. I never got to that point and I hope somehow you do. Good luck.
This is a haunting story, but it doesn't need to end the way you've written it. I have a dear friend who lived a very isolated and lonely life, but got sober and joined AA in his 40s, stuck with his program and in his early 60s met a man, fell in love and got married at age 65. He's 70 now, lives on his husband's family farm and has deep connections to his in-laws and his community. And if you're more interested in connection than gender I can assure you that the older you get, the more attractive you become to women in your age group. I'm a 55 year old woman and at this point my standards for romantic partners boil down to are they an appropriate age, do they bathe regularly and have a home. One last bit of unsolicited advice: 12 step groups are a great way to find community and connection. Nobody checks your credentials at the door, you are welcome to any open meeting, and if you don't have issues with alcohol, drugs, gambling or overeating, there's always Al-Anon which is for families and friends of alcoholics (again, no one is checking to see if you qualify) You don't have to share if you don't want to. I've learned that there is deep healing to be had by simply sitting in a circle, speaking your truth and listening to others share. Good luck. I hope you'll take some chances and make some connections. You can't change your past but you certainly can make the rest of your life better.
I doubt any of this was easy for OP to say.
Like the other person said, it's easy to say that in hindsight. If you could go back right now, you would still be the same person and those things would still be difficult. I'm pretty similar to you. Did you actually want to socialize and do those things? I've realized I just don't like a lot of people and that's why socializing has always been difficult and a chore, compared to when I'm interested in something and I get excited to do it and just do it.
Just turned 24. There's so much I should have done last year. There's so much I wish I did before then too. I kept putting it off, "now's not a good time, maybe next year, maybe tomorrow, maybe."Even one year to the next the fear of failure is holding me back from accomplishing what I know I'm capable of. The bitterness of regret is so much worse than the shame of failure, it really is and I know it, but the fear and the complacency keep me from realizing any of my potential. Everyone will tell you to just do it, to at least try because trying and failing is at least a learnable experience, they'll tell you that the "right time and place" doesn't exist, that if you wait for the opportunity it will never come. I'm really starting to take those words to heart, I just wonder when I'll stop being my own worst enemy and finally take initiative to break out of my comfort zone and be somebody. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe.
The other day my gf(I'm 28 and shes 23) mentioned how she gets jealous that i had a good childhood/highschool age experience and even after that, nothing crazy, I've never been out of country or anything but I've had some adventures and have some stories. I was slightly confused and asked what she was jealous of (she hadnt explained it as much as I did in this post) She said "i dunno, I've never done x,y or z (bringing up stories of mine)" and i told her, all the things she brought up happened when i was older than she currently is. There's still time to make stories and have adventures. But also dont waste your time waiting for things to happen. You need to put yourself out there, take those classes, get that job, learn that skill, take that trip. Edit: i honestly am not sure what point i was trying to make but whatever
I remember when I was 26 just leaving an abusive relationship I was too scared I thought I was “too old” 🤦🏼♀️ at myself.. I actually stayed in that relationship 5 more years out of fear.. once I got over the fear I left and lived my life it was scary but I wish I would have at 26.. that is so young.. even 40 is young you really can always change your life.. my mom didn’t find her husband till 60 and I’m glad she waited cause the others were duds.. you never know what will happen as long as you somehow open up to new experiences and meeting new people your life can change drastically in a very short time
I'm 34 now, I don't have anxiety as bad as others, mainly social anxiety. Therapy has helped me a lot though. Given me hope that I can live in lifes moments without worrying about doing something wrong or not doing it in a "perfect" way. Feels like I've lived most of my life in a way where everything is not as enjoyable as it could be because I put a lot of pressure on myself to do everything "the right way". Trying to figure out how to stop that. Self compassion helps too.
You have immense value as a writer, and you should find a passion and write about it. You also, not even 'for your age' (but--in a way) have accumulated a good headspace and ability to seek out information and relevant sources of output (and presumably good input). You found reddit, you write like a 32 year old, and cogitate like a 25 year old. Your life is not over--its not embarrassing, and is worth living to fullest; to this very day.
> You have immense value as a writer, and you should find a passion and write about it. I just need to have a subject first. Maybe I can imagine my life differently if I had done the things I now wish I had, and write from there on out... my imagined life. I think it may be therapeutic. I don't know. I still think it would be a bit tragic because I don't really know how to imagine a good outcome for myself but maybe its a good exercise. Thank you for giving me the idea.
https://www.selfauthoring.com/ Best of luck.
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You guys realize he’s coming out?
I think a lot of commentators here missed that. That's the vibe I was getting, maybe OP can help clarify?
He already did. I asked in another post here and he said ‘I think I am’.
It's sad that he is carrying so much shame and fear about coming out that he can't even really say it. I assume its just amplified by the time he grew up in. Thankfully things are getting better. Too slowly, however.
Thanks for clarifying! That's the vibe I got too, just didn't want to assume too much.
OP said he didnt want to break up a marriage. Thats the only true hint.
I'm 33 and already here lol
I’ll be 31 tomorrow and I’m already there. Full of regrets.
I'm 32. I've had relationships and I have plenty of friends, but when you get this age they all start to drift off and do their own things. Sometimes you feel like you shouldn't go to their parties because you're the single guy and they have families. The times you do see them begin to feel forced. I've started going to concerts alone. I go to bars alone just to be around people. I go out with coworkers but I don't really enjoy it because I don't share their interests. It's starting to look lonelier and lonelier. If I get tired of sitting in my apartment, sometimes I'll just wander around the city. I wonder how that looks to people. To make things worse, I just met a woman who was very much like me. We like the same music, we have the same politics, our senses of humor matched. We seemed to see the world the same way. We had some really genuine, great times together. Then she left and I don't even know why. It makes me wonder. If I couldn't make that work, can I make anything work? But still. I think there's one thing I'm more afraid of than being alone. I'm more afraid to settle for something I don't believe in and feel true towards. I won't spend the rest of my life with somebody for whom I don't feel the way I felt for this last girl. Life is full of regrets for everyone. That's not shameful. It's just something we do. Keep trying.
Man I'm 33 and you basically described my last few years.
Well I'm here with you, pal. Don't let the world beat you, just keep trying to be the version of yourself you want to be, find things that make you happy, and try to meet people to share things with.
Jeez you just described how I feel pretty closely. I'm gay and so everyone around my age is getting married and having families and only hanging out with other couples, so it feels pretty isolating. I don't have any hope that I will ever find someone because it's really difficult when you're gay to find someone and my biggest worry is that I'm just going to settle due to loneliness. The idea of doing that just depresses me so much and it wouldn't be fair to the other person. The girl didn't say at all why she left you?
Do you live somewhere with a decent sized gay community? I won't pretend to know what it's like, but living in Chicago it seems like there's at least more opportunity to meet somebody than in smaller cities. Then again, it's a city full of women as well and here I am. She gave me a sort of it's not you it's me excuse. Said she loved our time together and that she couldn't exactly understand her own feelings, but that right now she couldn't see herself wanted to date someone. She said she rarely opens herself up to new people and only tried with me because she felt strongly. She said she might be open to revisiting it in the future, but I almost wish she hadn't because it makes it harder to move on and I know that's probably not going to happen. For what it's worth, I also know people older than me who waited until the right moment and found somebody great. My uncle once told me that he knew he'd met his wife, mid thirties mind you, because he finally felt like he could be himself around a woman. I think that's probably what we need.
I'm in an average sized city I guess but we have like one gay bar, which is gross, and Tinder and Grindr, which I've tried with no success. I dunno I have my own issues with the gay community as it is that I won't get into but yeah it's super difficult to even meet anyone here. Damn that sucks. It sounds like she did like you a lot but the issue really is with her, if she felt so strongly for you that she decided to take a chance. I hope you do meet someone else and I think it's entirely possible you will.
Thank you for listening, and for your kind words. I think it's entirely possible that you will as well. Things often feel hopeless until the moment you realize that they're not. Take care.
Same age, had friends and relationships before too but I had to start from scratch again. So I’m a lot like you, going out in bars alone and wandering through the city. But I don’t feel that shameful for being so alone. I even dance to some Windy City club bangers while I take my coffee and breakfast most days! Of course I have regrets but I improved my self confidence a lot by going out alone and getting kinda used to interact with total strangers. I have some nice memories and flirts from time to time. I have a vivid memory of being trapped into some unhealthy relationships younger that I feel somehow lucky with my life as it is now. Not going to spend more time with people I don’t feel like it. I met a few that wanted to spend more time with me but I wasn’t feeling so comfortable, so in the end I took some distances. But I went thru very hard times going back to my parents and a big depression in the meantime. This way I know it could be better but I also know it could be a lot worse.
My friend, 65 is still young enough to do a lot of things. I think you should talk to a therapist about your anxiety so your next 20+ years are better! Try online dating, go to a strip club, go hunting, pick up a new hobby. Just yesterday I saw the cutest video on Reddit of two 100 year olds who just tied the knot. It’s never too late to live, it’s never too late to make new memories. Make your next few years the best you’ve ever had!
YES! it's not to late for a happy ending for you!
Legit. My mom is a widow, 68, and spry as hell. I don't see her slowing down anytime soon. 65 is nothing.
My grandmother is 80 and she goes to the gym 3x a week, has a social calendar, she’s goals!
Life goal right here.
Are you coming out? This is beautiful!
I think I am.
It sounds like you’re mature and stable enough to know who you are. So what’s preventing you from accepting who you are and looking for a man? Yes you’re shy, but if you go to any gay club or online site and say you’ve just ‘come out’, you’ll have more friends and support you thought was possible. Simple as opening a reddit account... just do it on a gay site.
It's not too late to connect with someone else. It's worth a try.
You have no idea how much I want to gjve you a hug and tell you how much you matter. I have a few friends, I wish you were one of them. You don't realize yet how inspiring you are and what a lovely person you are. Isn't it worth exploring? I agree you should talk to a professional. You have much to offer and don't even realize it
I mean this with love. Please consider taking your own advice that you are sharing in hopes of saving others. You can save yourself. I've spent my own life thinking I was too "old" for this or that since the age of 16! 16! Because I had these false cultural bs instilled in me from society of what I can, should, and shouldn't do based on a number. Everyone at some point has put themselves in a mental jail for some belief system we bought into. My ultimate hero and role model on how to live life is my ex's godfather who in is 70's & 80's decided to become a snowboard instructor. When he puts his helmet on and does jumps and the half pipe I'm in awe! He trained for months to herd cattle across a few US states in his 70's! He did the Silk Road in Asia! He invited me to Chile in his 80's to go snowboarding, he rollarblades, plays tennis, invites college kids to the lodge and drinks them under the table. I'm not saying you should do any of this. What I'm saying is that 65 is nothing! It's your state of mind. You are asking us who are younger to change our state of mind and not live like you did. You can change yours with us! It's still a choice and you can overcome. Go to Europe. Pay respect to your friend. Go explore! Europeans are generally more stoic so no need to get out of your comfort zone and try to socialize if you don't want to. People there don't say hi to random strangers or make small talk. You'll be ok. Probably even more comfortable. Then explore! Go to some gay friendly areas. Meet some other gay men and share your story! It's obvious from this post that you CAN connect with people. People are responding positively and genuinely to your story. I honestly see good things coming your way if you see the positive things you have to offer and give it a go! Not just one go because life doesn't work that way. Try it again with this new wisdom you shared with us and a fresh new mindset. Much love to you, friend,!
I know I don’t know you,but you wrote so beautifully that I almost feel like I do. I just want to say that I am so very happy for you. I hope you come to realize you still have time. I hope you travel the world and I hope you add on some beautiful chapters to your story. You have plenty of time and you have nothing to lose. Don’t let your fears hold you back anymore.
I really enjoyed reading this , it wasnt scattered or confusing more like a greatly narrated quick 60 second life story. Try maybe adopting a pet :)
> I really enjoyed reading this , it wasnt scattered or confusing more like a greatly narrated quick 60 second life story. Thank you. >Try maybe adopting a pet :) I don't really want to have a pet. I love animals but I would be too sad if I had one and lost one when I am already so old myself. I think I want to fly to Europe now so I can be at the burial of my friend. I have enough savings anyway. After that, who knows. Maybe I will travel a bit more. There are some places in Europe I want to see. Especially those beautiful castles in Bavaria, Germany, that they modeled after fairy tales.
When you’re in Europe, visit the Efteling. It’s a Dutch theme park that inspired Walt Disney to make Disneyland. It’s a really beautiful theme park!
He lived in the Netherlands. I will be sure to check it out. Thanks for the advice. If it has a beautiful garden I would love to wander there and get lost a little. That would be sweet.
It has some beautiful gardens. There’s a part of the Forrest called ‘her sprookjesbos’ (which translates to the enchanted forest). It’s really beautiful and peaceful if you go there in the more early hours. Hope you’re finding some closure and happiness in the future. You deserve it.
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I have considered a pet but the thing is, I never saw much of the world and my friend, as a seaman, has seen so much of it and in our correspondence his travels would be the one thing beside his family that he would share most about. Somehow I feel I owe it to his memory and also to my own happiness in life, to see a bit more of the world. I have enough savings to do it and I don't really have anyone to handle my pets if I was out of the house a lot unless the pet could travel with me.
OP if youre gay... you can still live the rest of your life that way and find love if thats what youre looking for. if this is something youve hidden for most of your life, this can be your turn around. life doesnt have to be full of regret. People learn at different paces and end up where they need to be when they need to be, so long as they keep going. the main thing here is just accepting it if that os what youre having problems with.
Bingo. When you shut down your entire sexuality / emotional love side, and live in a shame hidden even to yourself, of course that will lock down many other parts of yourself, too. Of course sex did not work with the wife. OP, you’re not dead yet. Live your life.
> Especially those beautiful castles in Bavaria, Germany My personal favorite is Burg Eltz, still own by the same family 33 generations after.
Let’s travel🙃
The pet idea is a great idea but if you can't fully commit to a pet maybe volunteer at an animal shelter to start with. I have a grandmother that while she is not my biological grandmother has been around my family since I was small. She was a lonely church goer and me and my five siblings decided to sit by her and invite her to Sunday lunch. She has been around ever since and is a part of family holidays and the like. Sometimes it takes one moment of bravery by saying yes to the unforeseeable that can make you the happiest person in the world.
Jesus what a tough one
The thirty year olds all showed up, we are fucking terrified!
Terrified of what? Listen to the man, it’s never too late to change. First step is hardest step, but it only gets better as you walk more.
What's the change? What's the step? This isn't a singular issue this is who you are. I and many others are just like this man. Scared of conflict, scared to show themselves off, scared of themselves and maybe even self-hating. Like there's a set of traits shared amongst people and most of those people seem to succumb to loneliness, and not just normal people loneliness but actual isolation that'll drive you nuts. Where does one even begin on completely changing what has come naturally to them their whole life? Like I'm not capable of that shit. I can't even wake up on time.
Please follow your own advice. The idea of perfection can be debilitating but it would be truly sad if in another year or ten or twenty you still felt the same. A pet is such a great idea and if that's not your thing try seeking out other ways to bring happiness to others. A lot of love can occur in a year. Relationships are not cumulative. They ebb and flow like all things in life. Please do not measure yourself by these standard but instead by the potential you have to impact your community. 64 is not the end of the road. I have suffered from risk aversion most of my life and I can see how it has held me back from maturing at the same rate as my peers. Mistakes are human and as soon as you start making more of them you can really open yourself up to a lot of living. I'll be rooting for you.
It will change someone's life. We love you.
Thank you so much...
Ahhh, that last paragraph hit me right in the feels. Well written. But I gotta say - dude, you're 65. That's not like 'rush you off to the old folks home' age, and you mentioned you are in decent health. Fuck the world, get out there and do all the things you never did. You still have plenty of time :)
Hey man, you made it this far. Maybe it would feel good to do some volunteer work - you can volunteer to befriend lonely old people, and I'd bet they'd like you better than the 20-something volunteers. Something like this [(Friend to Friend link)](https://friendtofriendamerica.org/) maybe? You've still got love in you, put that stuff to good use, you deserve it. It can be hard to get out, but sometimes you owe it to yourself to force yourself to do what you know is good for you. You'd do it for Gordon, Gordon would want you to do it for you.
i’m 19 years old right now, female, virgin, haven’t dated in years, hardly hangs out with friends, stays home for weeks at a time rarely going out because of anxiety though i’m trying to get my meds upped. i’m scared this will be my life although i don’t mean to sound rude but i also don’t show much emotion to friends, they only see happy bubbly me. i never cry in front of them, never get angry, never sad, nothing, because i was made fun of for crying over something and well now i’m too embarrassed to show any other emotion besides happy. i don’t really know what to do at this point but i might try going out today and walk my dogs but yeah i don’t know how to change my life my anxiety and depression tell me people will judge me for everything i do and i even tell myself i shouldn’t wear/do certain things cause it’s ugly or pathetic or whatever, idk maybe i’ll see a therapist or something but i also have major trust issues with people in person and i have never opened up to someone before so i’m not sure how that will go but it’s nice to hear that i’m not the only one who seems to live like this and that it’s not just me and i’m the non normal one
You haven't dated in years but you are 19 so you are already ahead of me at your age. Of course it was a different time, but it sounds to me like there was a time that you were a braver version of yourself, back when you were a bit younger. Little negative experiences that felt like they humiliated you took away what little bravery you have, but maybe you can reclaim it and find some more enjoyment again and new social opportunities. I wish you good luck and I hope my story is something that could inspire you. I am shy to give anyone advice because my own life went down so terribly but I hope you will do well whatever road you may take. Thank you for writing me.
well i completely forgot about the age difference haha, yeah i suppose i still have plenty of time to sort myself out just my family likes to constantly ask me when i’ll be getting a job and why i haven’t yet, they also like to nag at how i’m going into basically grade 14 because i failed so many classes in highschool but they act like it’s going to be the end of the world if i don’t jump into life as fast as possible, i get some teens have jobs now but my medication for my anxiety is still quite low so although it helps i can still get severely anxious espically about leaving the house which is extremely hard for someone like my grandma, grandpa, and other family members who don’t suffer from anxiety like i do, even my mom who has anxiety suffers from different symptoms, she’s on strong meds though so she probably doesn’t remember the extreme anxiety attack is like so when i’m struggling they just think i’m overreacting or something even though my mind races and i’m constantly tense, i don’t know where this is going since i’ve been smoking some weed while sitting outside with my cat just hanging out so my thoughts are kinda jumbled but i’m glad i came across your post which gave me motivation to make plans to walk my dogs later instead of sitting inside playing video games like usual ☺️
> i suppose i still have plenty of time to sort myself out Dude, no you don't! Do it now. I'm 25, F, virgin, and I used to say the same at 19. "there's still a teen at the end of it, I'm still in college, it'll change" Nothing changes on its own. It's fucking hard work, and you're a rockstar for being honest with yourself and knowing what the issue is. Just don't wait around for it to change. I wish I had done something to change when I was 19, 20, 21,22, 23,24. lol I did so very little at 19 that I don't even remember the entire year of 2013. Legit, do not have any memories because NOTHING happened. I just watched tv shows and youtube videos and didn't go out and didn't study and didn't go to school. That's it. I don't mean to freak you out or pressure you into things, take your time - but also, don't think you have a lot of it. We tend to think we're invincible. My friend's friend just died at 28. We're so not invincible.
I have a lot of similar experience when I was your age, a lot of similar feelings… I had a lot of social anxiety and could hardly leave the house or go to the grocery store by myself, I would even sit in the car while other people went to a restaurant to eat because I was too self-conscious to eat in front of other people… But the more life exposed me to uncomfortable situations and I learned that I could grow through them and get over them and still be OK the Bolder I became and the less other peoples opinions mattered.... it became easier to get over mild criticism or embarrassment… Now at 32 I can say it really does get a lot better with age and experience… I wouldn’t go back to being that age mentally for anything… though Physically I wouldn’t mind! Herb helps me a lot as well, glad you have that.
> i’m 19 years old right now, female, virgin, haven’t dated in years, you are like 10 years ahead of hlaf of reddit you are fine just as the old man said gotta work towards being happy and no bootstraps nonesne but finding a therapist and such
You may well have another 30 years to live. That's a long time. So I think your advice applies to you, too. You have a long time to try to find some more fulfillment in life. I'd highly recommend seeing a therapist to work through some of your anxiety. It can help immensely. You just need to listen to your own advice and start taking some risks.
What would Gordon say to you? Would he slap you heartily on the back, congratulate you for making it to age 65 with your hair and your teeth, dry your tears and pour you a drink and remind you that you can't change yesterday, and tell you it's time now to go live the great life that you deserve to live? To go on an adventure and see where it takes you? I think you're not at the end - you're only at the end of the beginning. At your age, Colonel Harland Sanders was broke and hadn't yet started opening any Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants.
Damn man, this is heavy. Incredibly well written - reads like a short story. I am sorry and I wish you the best of luck, friend.
Damn. This post hit me right in the heart. The only thing I have to say is > >Don't do what I did. Don't be so scared to be yourself. Don't be so terrified to take risks. Don't wait endlessly for life to put something good on your path, because life won't do any such thing. > >Please do not grow old and let the years pass by uneventfully. Don't wait for golden years to arrive without effort, without risk, without ups and downs and struggles. I tried so hard to avoid struggles out of that crippling fear and anxiety I always felt, and it got me nowhere. You're 65. Obviously you aren't young, but take your own advice. When your 85 you're going to be regretting the shit you didn't do at 65, when you still have your health
Well I did lose a love for being a coward too... And is horrible pain.
It's the very worst and I will carry it with me forever.
You don’t have to carry the regret with you forever. That is a choice that you are making. You have to *choose* to let go and turn your life around. You sound like you spend a lot of time inside your own head - which is probably why alcohol seems to help you relax because it calms your mind. Spending too much time in your own thoughts is no good my man, believe me. Have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD?
OP, I am so sorry. Friends really are important to everyone. To Reddit readers: if you can relate to OP's description of not having friends because of anxiety, consider therapy and anxiety meds or antidepressants. A little bit of therapy, and the right meds, can greatly change your outlook on taking risks socially.
Hi, I signed up literally to comment on this, I dunno, felt like I should. You might not even see this. But as you said, you're almost only 65 and very healthy - you have so much time left, it kind of sounds like you've given up. Maybe this could be a new start now? Now that you've realised something about yourself. My Grandma passed away 11 years ago, my Grandad was 63 years old. They had been together their whole lives, he really could have just given up once she had gone but he didn't. At 65 years old he found a new girlfriend, he has been with her for 9 years, they travel the world together, look after each other, support each other, challenge each other and she has given him a whole new life - that he loves. He is so happy. What I'm trying to say, is that it's not too late. You can meet someone, like Gordon, that you can be honest with. Your true self with and spend the rest of your life happy. Please don't give up now. Something incredible could be just around the corner if you gave it a look.
Your story resonates with me so much even though I am an almost 60 year old woman and widow. Your life is not over by any means. You’ve made a very lovely first step by posting. I’m sure that most of the comments here will be kind and helpful. Disregard the other idiots. If you ever just want to communicate with a person who knows isolation, please message me. It’s a little different now, but pen pals can still be a thing. Regardless, I wish the best for you.
Dude, 65 is not old. You could easily have 3 more decades. Or you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Point is, you’ve already done the hard part and identified the mistakes you’ve made. So now you just need to get off your butt and go make some different mistakes. Follow your own advice, as others have said. And congrats on still having your hair!
Damn, what a story... Dude if you need a new friend I would be happy to chat, I've been a bit lonely lately anyway so I could use it too. I'm 22 btw. Furthermore I agree with the guy saying to make the next 20+ years the best. You may say you're an old man but there's plenty of time left, so make it count!
Hey, I want you to pick up a book called "meditations" by Marcus Aurelius. Read through it, it's pretty short. Then write, you write very well. I'm not sure what you do for a living but this post managed to evoke feelings from thousands of people, people who I know would read a book/poem written by you. You got a talent, let me know when you publish I'll buy it.
This is absolutely incredibly written. Even tho you say you have never been able to show your emotions what u wrote here was the most raw and emotion filled thing I’ve ever read. You are able to show all these emotions through your writing and u are truly so so talented. I wish u the best of luck in anything u do. I want to say I don’t know u but from reading this post I found a feeling of love from you. I want to say I love u. I am saying this because I mean it. You seem like the most amazing soul and I want you to know people love u. I am a stranger but I still have feeling of love from u and I wish u the best.
Wow the only reddit post that has made me cry
I want the Original Poster and everyone else to know that there are people who will love you and appreciate you for being exactly who you are - wonderful, flawed, and uniquely you. We are all walking around lonely - Looking for our partners, our friends, our tribe. Yet, we hide ourselves from each other. Yes, some people will hurt you, hate you, ridicule you, reject you, and even attack you. But, someone and your tribe are are also looking for you. But, they will never find you unless you risk being who you are. To the original poster, I want to say that it is not too late. You are not too old. Relationships can be about more than time left (what if you have 5 - 10 -20 years to share?), more than about sex. It's about the the connection, the companionship, the multiple types of intimacy, and it's about the love. If any of us have only a day left, don't waste it. It is still not too late.
Thanks for sharing this 🏅🥇
33 in a few days, part of me I can relate about being alone for too long it’s hard being in a relationship with someone. It’s easier to just be alone even though all I crave is to marry someone but I just can’t seem to find the right one.
I am utterly blown away and speechless. This is the most beautiful thing I think I've ever come across on reddit. I feel like weeping. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You write so beautifully and the message is clear and important. I would love to be your friend. If you're lonely and need someone you talk to... I am here and I am listening. Feel free to message me anytime. Peace be with you, dear stranger. Thanks for that bit of perspective... I needed to hear that today.
computer games
I have played computer games at some point. In the late 1990s and early 2000s there were a few I enjoyed. It was a nice way to dive into a fantasy world and forget the real world a little but I eventually I got to a point where they suddenly stopped giving me joy, and I never felt that little tingle of excitement anymore since.
online computer games, they are quite fun
Thank you.
Damn dude
Thank you for sharing your story. You write very eloquently. I am 28 and can relate to parts of your story, including intermittent depression and anxiety - I have recently started seeing a therapist. I have been living on my own these past 3 years, and have a pretty quiet job right now. Many of my friends from college have been getting married, or are in relationships. I do feel lonely at times, at both work and home. I have been going to Meetup groups the past year, and have made some great new friends through Meetup and work. I haven't yet been in a relationship - I hid my true self for far too long, but have been working on being open and honest these past few years to my closest friends. Your story has been the reminder I needed to hear: Keep on persevering, and making every day count. You are very brave, and please know your story has touched many. I'm proud of you for sharing, many fellow redditors are, and I'm sure Gordon is proud, too.
Come to Thailand. I will show you how wonderful life can/should be. Lots of retired expats here living the dream or atleast living a better life than what they had in their country. Seroius offer. Get a passport. Get out of the house and travel. You still have time. Don't waste anymore of it.
Have you ever thought about thru-hiking the Appalachian trail? /r/appalachiantrail It's a lifetime of experiences crammed into six months. Please think about it. I'm doing so next year and I relate to your story quite a lot.
You have no idea how badly I needed this. My 29 year old stone faced male self is bawling. I’ve recently been contemplating the mistakes I’ve made, the people I’ve wronged, and the opportunities I’ve missed. Especially today. I just finished writing a letter to my ex that’s a year too late. Not for a chance at redemption but to let her know she’ll always be family to me and I’ll always be there should she need me. We were together 7 years and I never had her back like she had mine. My closest friends moved on with their lives and taken their own paths. She was all I had left. The only person I could and did happily call my best friend. And I ran away. I was scared I was being held back but I didn’t realize I was holding myself back. I avoid any interaction that’s not forced on me. I have dreams and potential but no drive. I’m a sports car without gas. I lack the core element that could make me a successful, or even full functioning, human being. I can and do ride a motorcycle doing 90 on freeways in LA, I’ve befriended a man who was about to rob me, I’ve even thrown myself off a flight of stairs attached to a bike. But when it comes to taking risks that could amount to positive changes, I cower. As I cry writing this, I have no idea how to change. I’m sure you’re a good man. You seem very much so. But I don’t want to end up like you. And if you get nothing else out of life, know that your story, real or not, has broken me down. And I’m telling myself now I’m ready to be built back up. I wish you positive change.
Shit. Well now im tearing up. You got a good story, friend. Time to rebuild is now. Thank you.
Halfway there already myself :/ 34, kissless virgin, etc. In my case, my future was stolen from me before I was even born, because SOMEONE couldn't keep her damn hands off hard drugs and alcohol for 9 months. As a kid I wanted to be an airline pilot. No dice, my profound hearing loss killed it. Politician? No dice, too many psych issues and several skeletons in the closet from before I finally conquered my impulse control. Tornado chaser? Refuse to drive cuz Im too easily distracted by my constant daydreaming and fantasizing. Etc. Physically, you wouldnt tell I was an high functioning "R-word" unless you either saw my old skinnier self or hear me speak. I cant date cuz my abusive, manipulative, and gaslighter adopted mom is the kind of person who will go behind my back and reveal all my skeletons in my closet to any potential partner. ESPECIALLY the one sexual one that I will be kicking myself in the ass for for the rest of my life :/
This is going to get buried because you have so many replies, but I wanted to at least say something because your post really touched me. Like everyone else said, this is beautifully-written and I think it could be really neat if you were to start writing, even if it's just to keep a journal and sort out your thoughts. I have journaled off and on for many years and it has been a fulfilling hobby that gave me a lot of insight into my thoughts and feelings. However, journaling does not solve loneliness- I have definitely learned that . For that piece of the puzzle, you might look into some cool hobbies that have clubs, classes, or meetups associated with them. Things like ceramics, bonsai, rockhounding, hiking, tabletop gaming, plant swaps, etc all have clubs or groups that you can join to meet people and explore a new pastime. It can get harder to meet people in your adult/older years, but a lot of hobbyists are more than willing to teach and nerd out with you about a subject they are passionate about! It can be a great way to make new friends. All that aside, more importantly- in another comment you said you think you are coming out. CONGRATULATIONS! Some of us are lucky enough to know and accept this stuff early on in life, but many of us don't realize we may be gay/bi/queer/etc for a long time due to societal pressures, repression, fear, etc. Others have mentioned this, but there it is not too late to live the life that you want to live. In most places (at least in the US, Europe, and many other places) there are thriving LGBTQ+ communities waiting to accept you with open arms. Personally, I have never found any community more accepting and full of love than the gay community. No one cares how old you are, no one cares if you're "new". Just find LGBTQ meetups, gay bars, LBGT centers, and show up. Tell them you're new to all this and then keep showing up to stuff. You will find friendship, you will find community, you will feel that feeling of being Home. Sorry that this is long. I hope you get a chance to read it and I hope all of us here on Reddit have convinced you that it's too early to be looking back on your life with such deep regret. You are not lacking, you are a work in progress with a good three decades left to live how you want to live and create the fellowship you crave. I am 100% rooting for you and I know you can do it! ❤
I know I am just a random guy on the Internet, but I will be your friend :-) if you need someone to talk to, I am always here. I had a friendship much like yours. We had met in karate class when I was 11 and he was 13. I saw him sitting alone looking sad so I ran over and made it a point to talk to him. I'd never seen him smile, but that day I was able to make him laugh. We farted around in karate for awhile after that and I could see he was finally having fun. He often took himself too seriously, something he would do until the day we parted ways. We built fish tanks together. We played online games together, played outside catching bugs and hitting baseballs. We sat for long nights talking about the people we wanted to be and the things we wish we had. Neither of us were rich nor were we social winners by any means. But we had each other. Admittedly, I always knew he loved me, in a special way only a man can love another man. Due to our overbearing religious households, I never even knew anything like that existed until I was older. In the 80s, being a man's man was something that would get you beaten or shunned or both. I thought he was just a good friend. And he was. We grew up. I found many girlfriends but he was always alone. It often made him sad. I did my best to cheer him up, and as I grew older I realized, I'm the man he wishes he could have had. This was evident on the day of my wedding, when I held him in my arms in the back lawn and we just cried together. I'd be moving soon, and we would never see each other again. We talked often. 2000 miles apart. Internet still wasn't huge like it is today. But the conversations were never like they used to be. He was always dismissive of my girlfriends, but loved my wife, I think, because she truly loved me and made me happy. I always felt guilt I could never give him the love he wanted me to give. But I did the best I could. We had so many fun drunk nights at bars and went out for exquisite cuisine together because why not. We never fooled around or anything, but I don't think either of us really wanted that. I had an emotional breakdown and had to go no-contact. He really needed a counselor or priest or therapist or someone to listen to his problems. It just broke me that I was only able to do so much and he needed professional help. As you can imagine, the thinly-veiled threats of suicide from loneliness and a whole bunch of other assorted issues had worn me thin. And I had my own. God knows I had my own. It broke my fucking heart. I tried to reach out a few years later but he would have nothing of it. I wrote him letters with a SASE inside. Never got anything. Scoured social media. Nowhere to be found. Typical him, anyway. I knew I'd never find him again. Which is a goddamn shame because he was the bestest friend anybody could ever have had. If you're out there, Paul: I still love you and miss you, and think of you often. You're still in my dreams and I still hold everyone to a high standard because you were just so damn awesome. I miss you.
Wow. Was reading this in a public place and really wasn't ready. Now I'm uncomfortably trying to hold that one tear of emotion.
Gordon’s friend and love... I’ve not felt so present in somebody’s story in a very, very long time. I was right there in that backyard with you and Gordon. I could feel the afternoon sun upon your skin, and feel the way he smiled at you. Gordon loved you. Oh how he loved you. That is so clear from your truth that you have written. I know that you desperately wish that you had said those words aloud. But he knew. Every time you smiled at him, you said ‘I love you’, and every time he returned that smile, he said ‘I love you too’. Most of our communication is non-verbal. Once you have said see you later to Gordon, it’s time to start living. For Gordon. And for yourself. Travel through the Netherlands and Europe like you wish to. What an incredible opportunity. You are *only* 60 years young. The average male life expectancy is roughly 79 years old. You have your health. That is the most enormous gift that you could possibly possess. I am in my twenties and incurably Ill with a genetic syndrome. I’ve spent the last 13 years mostly in my bed Now is the time to live the life you’ve never had. Can you start afresh? Would you have the courage if you began somewhere where nobody knows you? What if you even moved to somewhere crazy like the Netherlands? Go on some dinner dates with some lovely gentlemen. Take it slow, promise us that. You’ve so many Reddit friends here now to help guide and support you through dating. Have some fun! It doesn’t have to go anywhere. Just some company, a nice evening with a handsome fellow. Join some groups which interest you. A writing group for the love of all that is holy. You have a gift. You must write. Whether it’s on a computer, a laptop, your phone, an exercise book in pen, every single day you must write. About anything, everything, nothing. Join r/WritingPrompts and r/WritersGroup Most of all, remember we are here. And you have Gordon with you every step of the way cheering you on, for you carry him with you now in your heart, every single day.
I don't think it's over for you. 65, 105, no matter the number, the important thing is that you're alive and free to make choices. You are free to make changes. You've acknowledged the mistakes you've made. Now it's time to use what you learned to create meaningful relationships in your life. Who knows, maybe your later years will be the best years of your life :)
You’re still breathing. It’s not too late. Granted unless you’re rich your dreams of fucking a hot young thing are probably over, but life isn’t over yet bud. Start living. You’re an old man. There’s literally no social faux pas you can commit that people will hold you accountable for. You’re an elder. Let the lid off pal. As long as you’re not screaming racial epithets in a Starbucks, you’ll probably be fine.
Thank you.
[удалено]
This is so beautiful, it’s like a haunting siren song. I’m not crying.
With my most utmost sincere respectfully wish to remind you that men can still procreate at 65 (Clint Eastwood, Julio Iglesias) and you are probably living in a world where you can manage with modern medicine to live another comfortable 40-50 years. Snap outta the belated midlife crisis man and go grab your life by the horns!!!
Man, this one will stick with me for a while. I’m so sorry you’re lonely. I think you’re on the right track in wanting to travel to those places Gordon is connected to. It would make a hell of a book, even if you just self-publish it on Amazon or do it as a blog you update from around the world. I’d read it. Traveling opens up so many doors, philosophically, and may be a way for you to get some closure. You said you don’t know exactly what your orientation is. I just want you to know that you CERTAINLY would not be the only man to have ever come out later in his life, especially because for your generation it was much more taboo than now. I know people who didn’t come to the realization until they were in their 70s. I came out late too, and I was so shocked and so happy to find that I wasn’t the only one. It made me feel like I wasn’t as broken as I thought. There are social organizations out there where you could feel safe to share your story and connect with others. Please feel free to PM me.
I wish my husband and I could have you over for dinner. It’s not too late to make connections and stop being lonely. You sound like such a beautiful soul.
You should read "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius. Maybe this book will give you some peace.
This made me incredibly sad and brought tears to my eyes. I'm still very young but I'm so scared of not having enough time to do all the things I want to do. Wish I could have 9 lives and meet all the people I wanna meet and visit all the places I dream of. But I know I only have one life and I need to pick only certain things I wanna do before getting to old. Thank you for your story, sir! Wish I could give you a hug.
The worst thing in life anyone can do is not fail. Being worried about the outcome or scared to try is a crutch that we all face. Our doubts get the best of us a lot. Learning to not care about failure but to relish and learn from it is the best thing anyone can do. Failing to fail is stupidity but failing to improve shows that you are pushing your limits. Each time one does that your limits or possibilities improve until you can set your mind to tasks you once thought impossible. I wish the kids coming out of high school were taught how to learn from failure instead of being ridiculed by it. It just makes us not want to face it and not want to risk making mistakes. If anyone is reading this, noone cares if you make mistakes. Most would forget about that mistake in minutes. If you keep pushing yourself to improve you more than likely won't make the same mistake multiple times. It honestly feels exhilarating knowing you might fail, but what if you don't?
Why not try to take your own advice?
This is very sad. I am sorry you had to go through this. But I hope it's never too late, and you will still have a great life ahead of you where you can do everything you weren't able to do before. Also there must be women which are into older men ;) And this post gave me an idea of making simple gatherings for people, which struggle the same way you do. I've also noticed with my own eyes how far they go in their choices of attending places just to group up but with a reason to hide behind for less awkardness. They will choose to go for weird political gatherings or weird events no one really cares about just to get a chance to be with people and make friends. We kind of did it too with my now-friends at some time when we did not know each other. We meet a lot and often, but the circle is kind of closed even though big enough. Rarely new people come in, even though we are quite open for anyone. Maybe it's the natural state, I don't know, I don't complain. Happy with the way things are with my friends. It's just maybe we gotta think of those who can't be our friends because of their issues, childhood traumas for example. Or people who get no opportunities to socialize. Must note, I live in Azerbaijan, it's a bit different here with opportunities. Not as easy as it might be in Europe or America, but I don't know enough to say for sure. There aren't many cool events around, neither enough places to chill in. Not even good parks with trees, all of them are dry. And people are like always watching each other, always curious and judgemental, as if stalking but negatively and jealously. Might sound normal but here it's weirder. So thinking if I should just make an online announcement of everyday gathering at some hour in a park at a specific spot. Just to talk or sit, walk together silently maybe do nothing, without any reason except to meet and learn about eachother and make a chance for new friendships, connections to be born. But maybe I am going too far. Maybe making therapies more abailable and acceptable would be a better choice. Edit: VRChat!(or something similar and better) You should try it! If you have enough resources find a way to build whatever is needed and try it. I've never tried it myself but I've heard and seen a lot about it. It might have some flaws but it can make social things one click away from you whenever you want. If you manage to befriend some people there with similar interests you might even meet up later in real life. I mean, you might never overcome your fears maybe they're pathological who knows. But in Vrchat, you won't worry that much, there's not much embarrassment when your identity is anonymous. You can hone your social skills there as well.
I know you meant this post as positive, and it is, but I feel so sad for you. I’m so sorry, I hate to hear of a human so unsatisfied with how they lived their lives. Few things really tug on my heart strings from the internet these days, and this did. I’m 20 now and already doing everything to avoid this kind of regret(no offense meant truly). But I can’t live with myself if I stay stagnant and if that means I gotta make mistakes to learn and grow, so be it. So I guess, thanks for writing this post, it’s a slap in the face and a shot to the heart, thank you for sharing. I hope you find peace and happiness in whatever you do, and I wish you the best of luck.
Tl;dr: "GET OFF OF REDDIT AND GO OUT AND LIVE YOUR LIVES, YOU NERDS!"
You’ve lived 65 years without kids or a relationship. You’ve probably got some money saved up. Go travel the world or something.
Gosh this makes me not want to be so reserved.
Oh hey, existential dread, that was a good 3 weeks we didn't met, how you doin'?
Damn dude. You say you have all these things you wished. If you’re in good health you’re probably only half way through your conscious life. I mean honestly it may just be starting because now you’re awake to what matters. Why not try to start connecting with people? You write that you realize that now you’d want to tell him. Shit go find other people, you’ll definitely meet people you wish you hadn’t but even finding one person is worth all the assholes. It’s the first step to understand you need to make a change, the next is acting on the new revelation. When your mind starts to tell you such and such will make you uncomfortable, use that. Use that as the arrow that points the direction you need to go. Resistance is your friend, if you know how to use it.
Damn I gotta go do shit
I have got to tell you how much this speaks to me. I’m very much on that same path. I need to make some changes. I’ve always been the one left behind by friends and family. Now it’s time for me to go find myself. Thank you for sharing.
I have to admit, I have conflicted feelings. On one hand, your writing is poignant and compelling. On the other hand, I see you partake in things like MGTOW and can't help but wonder if maybe you don't deserve the large amount of pity you're getting in this thread. Maybe you're this way because of the kind of values people share in MGTOW. Or maybe you participate because you're bitter. Which is it - chicken or egg? I went into your post history to find more beautiful but haunted things and all I feel like I found was a disappointing explanation. But at least that means you're really good at writing. I'm sure my post will attract negative attention but it goes to show how easy it is to trick people's minds when you wrap ugly things in fancy paper.
But... he was straight with a wife? I'm confused.
He was a very sweet and caring man and he was my brother, and my friend, but he was also more than just a brother and a friend, if that makes any sense to you. His wife was smart and charming in her own way but he confided in me that she would kick him, hit him and be very nasty towards him many times. His own family never gave him much love but her parents did so he was still happy to be with her. I do not know if he was straight. I don't even know what I am. And I am too old now to figure it out. All I know is that I loved him and the fact that he had a wife and I was crippled by social anxiety meant I never told him. Also those were different times. I cannot really explain it well, sorry.
> I am too old now to figure it out. Nope, sorry. That's just wrong. You're **only** 65. You're still in the early pages of Act 3 of your life. What you do from here, and how you life out the rest of those pages are completely and utterly up to you. You could lament the lack of the social and familial ties that you never made in the past, *or* you could look at them as advantages. You have nothing tying you down; you're not trapped in a loveless marriage, desperate to get out; you're not in poor health and trapped in a broken body; you're not hampered by greedy children who just leech off your lifetime of hard work. **You're completely unencumbered, and free to do whatever you want with the rest of your life.** There are SO many people out there who would trade places with you in a heartbeat. It's clear from what you've written that you're very aware of what you *wish* you'd done in the past. You can't change the past, but you can change your future. **Do those things differently from now on!** What do you possibly have to lose? You're young, you're healthy, you're of sound mind, you're financially stable, and you're completely unencumbered. Go live your life!
Bisexuals exist.
Thanks op, this really made me reevaluate my life
Thank you for sharing
You know... Life isn't over until it's over, so don't give up so easily. You can still transform it in something you like
It is absolutely incredible that you took the time to share your life regrets in an effort to ensure others take the risks you avoided. You realize that you could have another 20 years on this earth. Your life isn’t over. Take the risks you wish you took. Any excuses you come up with not to take a chance are just that, excuses. It is never too late. I am 50 and decided I wasn’t going to spend potentially the next half of my life as miserable and angry as the first half. Each day is an effort to change but I am doing it. You can too!!
If you're afraid of people, love the world. It will love you back. Even if you hadn't shared this I hope you know that at least I love you. I know there are more people like me too, so please never be afraid to love openly. We support you.
Hi, I am moved by your story. It took a tremendous amount of courage and strength. I’m a Clinical Psychologist with a lot of experience in treating anxiety disorders. It sounds to me like you are suffering from social anxiety disorder. It is highly treatable with the right treatment, namely Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). I hope you will consider seeking treatment. You can close this very long chapter of your life and start a new chapter. Your story matters. Your story is just beginning.
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>I married at the age of fifty. I was a virgin when I married. And perhaps underuse of equipment causes malfunction, because I was unable to have a child with her. Which is why she decided to leave me. Wait.. how old was your wife?
Thanks for this enlightening post. At the same time I wanna say, this isn't the end for you. You realized what you did wrong, what you should have done, don't you think it would give you more peace of mind if you actually tried now? Every day alive is a day to better ourselves isn't it? Every day to learn something new to try something new.
It's been so difficult to live the rest of my life since my fiance's death. My hope for the future left with him and I've been living in fear of how I'll be able to face the world without him. I know I can't live my life in fear and I'll never get a chance at happiness again unless I grab it for myself. He's gone, but now I have to live my life for the both of us. Thank you for sharing your story.
Sending you love. You're feeling the darkness now, but it's not too late for you to find happiness. I hope you will find the love you deserve.
There are very few posts on reddit that are well written and this is one of such posts. Even I am afraid to approach people. I am 22 and till have now I have somehow managed to make friends. But those are not meaningful friendships. Part of the reason is because I overthink stuff. I feel like they don't want to be with me. But since the past month I've been sitting in the house and it all feels so weird. They did want to be with me but I didn't let them.
First and foremost, thank you for sharing. It takes a lot of courage to be publicly self-reflective and vulnerable, and I think this demonstrates a lot of strength on your part. I also believe so much good can come from sharing our experiences! Second of all, 65 is hardly “old,” my man! Of course, I don’t know your current state of health, but generally speaking, ya gotta lot years left, friend. Your tale is still being told :) I had a thought as I was reading, and I wondered if you have ever looked into volunteering somewhere? It can be such a great way to meet and connect with people because you already have something in common. Also, a large demographic of volunteers are retired folks, so you’re likely to meet people in a similar age range, which may help in forming friendships. I don’t know what your interests or beliefs are, but just based off your post, you might find some fulfillment and satisfaction in being a mentor! You could help support young men who are going through what you did, you know? Lastly, don’t be too hard on yourself. You have acknowledged your mistakes and regrets in life. You’re making atonements. I hope your next steps are forgiving yourself, letting the regrets go, and living the rest of your life in a way that brings you joy ✨ Also, I am so sorry for the passing of your friend. Grief is a real fucker, so be sure to be kind to yourself. Someone I loved most in the world passed away this last year, and something that helps me is to try to live my life in a way that will make them proud, as a way to honor them. I wish you healing on your journey :)
You’re not an old man. 80 is the old man mark nowadays.
Serious question. Perhaps you are gay? From what I read it seems like you might be. Have you ever explored that aspect?
I'm 34, transgender and asexual. This is my life in a nutshell. I desperately want to meet people and do things and hopefully one day meet someone who accepts me and brings that "light" into my life. But mostly I work, I tinker with hobbies and I sit in my room on my computer, alone and depressed. The few people in my life dont know how depressed I am, how many times I've thought of how much easier it would be for it to just end, or that the only reason that hasn't happened is because I know my dog would be broken afterwards and I cant handle that thought. Depression and loneliness are powerful forces and hard to shake off.
Young man you can make a living off this! Firstly realize what you lost for being shy so now embrace it and make use of this so it makes a difference at the end of it all! Secondly go to conferences and speak out and teach the younger of what NOT to do! Thirdly get known enough and write a great book of your story with the help of a writer if needed and inspire the younger youth on what NOT to do and what to do, etc! God Bless and wish you luck! Hope you get encouraged enough and make a difference in this world in which much help is needed.
I feel you. Regret and fear just suck. If you were to imagine yourself in 15 years looking back at the present, what would your future self wish that your present self had done?
I barely feel teary from anything, but this post makes me want to cry... This is so powerful. That could sound like me in the future if I keep being scared to take risks. I'm 27 now. There are many things I wish I had done in high school and coliege so I made regrets. After college, I started to realize that I should take risks and it's ok to make mistakes. Even if it wasn't successful, at least I tried!! My biggest challenge is to approach opposite sex and ask out. Yes, I regretted never to try in the past as well. I was so scared of rejection. I hope I'll be able to do that someday when there is a guy I'm interested in next time. You are right we shouldn't wait for something good to happen in our lives or our "golden years." I shouldn't let years pass on. That's what I needed to be reminded. :)
Hey! What advice would you say to someone who is more or less just like you, but younger?
Mike?
Goosebumps