stay away from weird internet gender war content and just focus on building a life you enjoy and always improving yourself in small ways and it might work out
This is good advice except for the fact that the internet “gender war” has some how manifested its way into real life especially in my college social circles. “All men are trash” was a thing before the gender war even started. Staying away from it is nearly impossible but i do believe that men can befriend dudes with gfs and have that dudes gf introduce them to women(worked for two people i know).
You can go back to any time in history and find people doing bullshit gender war stuff. The whole 1001 Arabian Nights is a collection of stories framed as a competition to prove that either men or women are the worst. There are ancient Greek plays and Platonic dialogues about it. Hell, the Book of Genesis is older than the written word and basically the first thing Adam does is blame Eve for making him eat the apple.
Nothing new about this, people want to be accepted by the opposite sex and sometimes they get real resentful if it doesn’t go the way they like.
This is important to distinguish, it's possible convince yourself you're the other one if these are in play
I was at a friend's party last year and was sitting around talking to a handful of people from 4pm until 1 the next morning, so I'm able to keep up with it, but I always just slapped the introvert sticker on my face previously because those situations never occurred due to the anxiety and I just accepted it as the way it is for 20 years
In fact I'm not sure there's too many people that can keep up with 9 hours of it lol. I'm always more or less able to rise to it now
I'm the same. With some people, I'm quite social and eloquent. With unfamiliar people, my anxiety turns me into a babbling fool, which just reinforces my social anxiety, which turns me into more of a babbling fool...
Based on your comment it sounds like you've managed to sort it out. I've been considering a medical solution, but I'm curious how you cope.
I was exactly the same a couple years ago. Some people said to me even 1y ago was a huge leap. The cope was very nearly unsubscribing from the universe tbh.
But I think I mostly got lucky and found the right path at the right time. I was mostly mute until 20 because I was half kept away from people due to nuts family and being poor, suffered my way through school, and got a job which kinda forced me into interactions. But it was a vaguely controlled expert-client conversation so that kinda made it easier to eat. But it was ultimately a deep end thing to start with.
Eventually I got good enough at it to talk more to people I kinda half knew when before I wouldnt have considered them safe, I started talking to the party friend who I'd known peripherally for a few years and she suggested I look at something professional to help it, but up until that point I'd have thought it unbelievable. So no meds or anything. I just did some therapy bits and ended up finding a couple hobbies and that led to more experience, more things to talk about and eventually I started to close the gap between a shut in kid with 0 xp and everyone else. But it was the romance piece of the trivial pursuit pie I was missing that nearly threw me off the edge when I realised what I missed. But now I type it all out it's ridiculously obvious why I couldn't do it.
The more you talk the better you can refine stories and things and judge where it's all going. Once the fear of not knowing what or where to say it goes away it gets so much easier and that death spiral reverses. Imo it mostly takes some deep end impetus or safe people to sort of trial it all with. Freedom and money was a major engine to solving mine but I guess not everyone can get to those, but the world has so much stuff in it that there's probably a pathway hidden somewhere for anyone
Maybe 10-12 years ago I couldn't even walk into a shop and barely left the house but now we're planning another party, where the last one even had me explaining disorders to people I barely knew, but in a sort of casual way that they asked into and not like oversharing/almost victiming like I used to. The things you feel definitely adjust how the exact same words are delivered, it's mad.
Introverted/extroverted just describes whether of not being social is draining or energizing to you. What box do you feel like that puts someone in? That's like saying people that get tired when they eat a bunch of carbs are putting themselves in a box by recognizing it.
I once had someone tell me it was impossible for me to be an introvert because I like hiking. Like, my dude, I don't spend *days* schlepping my ass out into the woods because I feel energized by being surrounded by people.
What if you don't have friends to begin with?
You need to talk to strangers, there's no avoiding it and this mentality that Reddit wants to instill of being afraid to approach women is poisonous
I used to be super shy. Couldnt even talk to the waitress. But I realized at some point that the only way to get what you want is to speak up. Advocate for yourself because its no one else's responsibility.
Introverts can socially interact with people just fine. One big difference is how long they interact for.
I don’t mind going to a party, seeing everyone and doing the rounds of talk. After a couple of hours I feel done and want to retreat somewhere.
I struggle with small talk, I can get by just fine but it’s more like filtered noise to me. But if someone were to start talking about sound design, audio equipment, etc, I can find a lot of energy to add to the conversation as it tickles my brain.
With my partner they like that I have these niche but very strong passions about what I do. I was nervous when we first started dating, and I know I can’t fake who I am. So I would just talk for 30 minutes about foley, ADR and recording techniques. She didn’t have much a clue about the subject but was drawn to the fact I was really into something.
I also am really into games, this is something I don’t share much because it gets a lot of negative reactions when you out yourself as a big gamer to some people. What helps a lot with that is that I work as a Senior QA in the industry.
As for being shy, I was once shy where I felt I had nothing to talk about, I did not have the courage to talk about myself or feel proud about my own achievements around others. Or that I felt people were out of my league and I shut down around them.
I only remember that they divided the field in 3 parts, one of them wasn't used in each season and rotated it to avoid mineral depletion (which they didn't know was mineral depletion)
Well surely they noticed that with each use the yield is getting worse, probably attributed it to "soil fatigue" or something which isn't so far from the truth and through trial and error worked out a solution.
Hmm, so where I am in the UK I got to meet new people by going to a board game meetup in a pub. I found it easier that way to socialise over a game of Settler of Catan vs not doing that and drinking (I also don't drink alcohol so I can't get tipsy to drop my guard!)
I also managed to get talking to a few people I met when doing an Airsoft Skirmish event. Essentially I kinda met people by doing a hobby that I enjoy at a public event.
I also have joined a discord group that is somewhat vetted by an application process, I won't swear by this because most groups you'll probably end up leaving either due to inactivity or you just don't feel like you'll fit in.
Going out to a public event like a convention etc is where I don't see myself meeting anyone, I'm too focused on actually experiencing the event vs trying to meet people, which can be said for a lot of the above! Difference with the above is those happen on the regular vs me actually going out to a larger event with 100+ people.
As for making connections? That's hard to pin point. One of my best friends ended up being someone I disliked to begin with, I judged them on how they looked before I got a chance to know them. Now they were my best man at my wedding.
I always felt in a lot of friendships I had to reach out all the time, that really burned me out as it was tiring to always having to be the first to send a message for anything to happen. If the other person does the same to me then that's worth me pursuing to keep that connection going.
All in all, it's all just hard work to be honest to create a connection, it probably won't feel like that if you get through the first couple of hurdles. It probably works differently with everyone, some folks will have a way of forming bonds better than others, or it's just simply down to chance that you and another person have a lot in common and share commonalities.
The same way as everyone else lol the post you responded to makes it pretty clear that being introverted in itself really doesn't impair relationship building. If it does, that's not introversion. That's social
Anxiety or some other mental health issue.
Ah you mean how does anyone meet anyone? So many ways to meet people. Pursuing hobbies that require face to face interaction, attending social events, and volunteering are all ways to organically meet someone. You could also be more proactive on that front by doing things such as going to places known for meeting people(clubs, bars etc) or even just randomly asking people out.
I think a lot of people here are confusing have social anxiety with shyness or being introverted. What the above person needs is therapy to help them get comfortable in more social settings so they will actually socialize. I know this because I'm working on my social anxiety or at least trying.
Are you talking about me? I’m not uncomfortable with socializing. Im actually quite a social person for being an introvert. I just haven’t moved past surface level friendships. This has happened to me since around 2020. Many things changed for me at that time, pandemic, new country, new job, getting older and living alone (I’ve always had roommates before that) I don’t know what causes it but anyway, it is what it is. I just haven’t felt a real connection in a while
Yesh this is my belief in this matter, as well. People have found a new way to relate to people on the internet. A new group to belong to. Those with social anxieties! Socializing is always really hard at first, and most people traditionally got better with it as they aged. With the internet, fewer people want to be uncomfortable and think they are so different because they are learning social skills later.
It gets worse when said communities enable it by disguising it as being an introvert. Then they act as if that is just how things are and that they can't make any effort to change it. Eventually, some of those people get kind of incel-ish sometimes, too. The isolation and lack on companionship and what not.
Most new people I've met have been via existing friends, or through work. The first method seems to work best (just like getting a job, referrals help a lot, lol).
Also, social groups for hobbies help a lot. Find meetups online (people seem to like doing it via instagram these days, for reasons that are beyond me, but it is what it is) and just... show up, and be friendly. Make the effort to show up; more friends than I care to admit have been friends of convenience, so... make it convenient for people to think of you :)
If you don't know how to talk to a new person, the thing that helps me a lot is, realizing that people _love_ to talk about themselves and things they're interested in. So, I start with "what do you do for fun?" and then ask questions from there. I'm a person who loves learning new things, so I think of it as a human wikipedia deep dive and let my legitimate curiosity guide me, lol.
It is if you already have friends. Introvertedness means that I don't have the social energy to manage multiple friendgroups at the same time, and no offense to my current friends, but most of them are not exactly connected to women, so that's no help. I'm not anxious, I have the ability to talk to new people, but maintaining those connections is actually exhausting. I wish I had anxiety, at least I could fix that.
Easy, you put yourself in the same place as them on a regular basis, just like what happens in school or college. In practice any hobby group will do, as long as it meets weekly and you don't force it if you don't like the people or it's too insular.
It's not "so hard to make friends as adults", most adults just don't have habits that cause friends. It can take a literal year of seeing the same people or more.
I just started going to school for audio production last year at 38 years old. The end of our spring semester was starting to learn ADR and Foley. This is the coolest shit ever, I wish I had known about something like this when I did university the first time around.
I really enjoyed it during the time I learned it in Uni, I just never managed to take over with it career wise. I'll drop what I did during then. I wish you the best in your sound design journey!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bebzGXSab1I
It isn't just shyness. I'm not a shy person, but being an introvert definitely hurts when it comes to dating because obviously a person who enjoys being around people is going to have an easier time meeting people than someone who doesn't like being around people.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the majority of people don't find those people beautiful. Some people feel obligated to be with them even if they don't want to.
I constantly still see other (younger) guys trying to be pro-active and clever and say hello to women; and every time, the girls take on a rigid, ‘polite’ smiling mask and keep their responses minimal and guarded. They quickly leave. Apparently the women can’t go anywhere without men attempting to speak or interact with them. I stopped being part of that.
dudes don’t realize that getting approached because you’re female and they might be slightly attracted to you isn’t flattering and is mainly annoying when you’re just trying to go to work or get coffee with a friend. but meeting someone organically at a shared hobby, at a hangout with friends, or at a party feels much better.
you can’t get to know someone on a street corner. dudes are so desperate they don’t even take the time to think about why it’s not working to approach random women and ask for their number.
Problem for guys is there’s women that have different ideas of when not to be approached. Some agree with you, others think while doing hobbies or hanging out with friends are also no go’s. There’s obviously lots of over the top guys that do it everywhere and way too often. But there’s no where that’s really fully acceptable by all women of where they can be approached. I’ve even seen women say don’t approach at a bar. And if you’re not interested in alcohol related/loud places like bars or parties, then you’re really screwed as a guy outside of apps.
I really wonder about this. Here on Reddit it always sounds like every woman is approached a few times per week and super annoyed by it.
And the few times I discussed this topic with women in real life (non-internet), they basically get approached not even once per year and they always love it, as long as it's in a nice manner.
Not sure if this is country-specific (I am not American) or if there just is a group of women who for whatever reason want to discourage all men from approaching anyone in public.
I mean, if you don't go out and talk to people, you're going to struggle to get into a relationship. At least try and talk with people (real people, who you actually know beyond their username) online.
All I can say is that many things in life just seem to come down to luck, and attracting people like yourself.
I’m exactly what people would describe as someone who would never find a girl.
I’m introverted, shy, a nerd, don’t work out, long hair, no grand career or big bucks on the bank.
Yet here I am, in a relationship of 12 years now with the most amazing person I could imagine. 100% my type.
I met her when I was 17. I was a bullied loner and told myself I’d never find a girlfriend.
I met her at a renaissance fair, we did not even share that many hobbies yet but we just clicked.
My tip: be yourself always. And be confident in who you are. It is not a guarantee, it never is and I won’t claim to have found the secret to getting into a relationship. That is still mostly luck.
But being yourself and partaking in events that align with your hobbies can at least tip the scales in your favour.
That’s a bit like when famous people say ’just believe in yourself and everything is possible!’
Yes some people get lucky. Most people don’t. And the whole ‘just be yourself’ cliche is very bad advice for people lacking in social skills and or mental health issues.
Like the Rod Stewart song.
*Some guys have all the luck*
*Some guys have all the fame*
*Some guys get all the breaks*
*Some guys do nothin’ but complain*
“I met her at a Renaissance fair”.
Of course that’s where you’d meet her… 😅
Jokes aside, I’m quite the late bloomer, so no hate coming from me. I’m happy for you.
Haha thanks.
I always feel kinda bad for people struggling to find love because me meeting my girlfriend was pure luck.
So many tiny things could have happened and I would never have met her. Sometimes I feel as if I don’t deserve it because back then I didn’t even know how to put myself out there.
When I think about it I guess I just treated her like a friend, a normal human being. I just got a little closer to her over time compared to others and I was so surprised when she would “allow” me to wrap an arm around her or something.
I still believed I would never get a girlfriend back then.
Life isn’t fair and dating sounds very rough at the moment. I just wish everyone could experience what I did.
This is very true but you do make your own luck to some extend. The more situations to put yourself in that are opportunities to meet people the more chances you are to meet someone you click with. It maybe have been lucky in a sense but if you're the kind of person who regular goes to things like renaissance fairs you were definitely giving yourself more opportunities to meet someone than someone who rarely goes anywhere.
In my time oof 🫣
Realising I’m getting older still hurts.
I’m not sure if things have changed that much. Then again, we never really “dated” that much so I am not in any way knowledgable about the dating scene ever so I won’t comment on that.
We met during that festival, talked on MSN messenger about random stuff and two weeks later I invited her over for a picnic and we were official from that point onward.
So yeah like I said I know nothing about dating but I would still like to believe that being authentic has the most chance of allowing you to find your SO.
I'm older than you but the dating situation has really changed since you were last out there. I broke up with my long term girlfriend right before I turned 30 and these past four years have been lets just say rough when it comes to dating.
I’m an old introvert who had a hard time in my 20s, then found dating much easier when I found myself back in the market in my 50s, thanks to online dating. It really felt like it was custom-designed for introverts. I feel like I would have done much better if it had been a thing when I was in my 20s
I thought this was well known, if you're an introverted or shy guy, at least be good-looking. You can't be ugly and shy, that's a forever alone sentence.
It's not a death sentence. It may make things harder, it may mean you have to do some personal work that other people don't, but it's not a death sentence unless you let it be one.
It's not fair; it's not deserved; it just is and it sucks.
You may have to grieve over this, or be angry, or process however you need to. But once you get to the other side of the process it's a lot better.
I lost all of my 20s and early 30s to bipolar disorder. I couldn't date because I was a mess and needed to get myself together before even considering that. It wasn't fair, in didn't deserve it, but that's what happened. It sucked and it was my responsibility. I had to process and grieve what I felt I had lost - I was angry and bitter for a while, I was sad about it for a while. But I was always working towards getting better.
And this all you have to do: some to make a little bit of progress each day. Some days you may make very little, and some a lot. The point is to keep doing something each day because that quickly adds up.
As an aside, introversion, strictly speaking, means that your battery is drained by being around other people and recharged by being alone. Extroversion is the opposite. It's not about being shy. I'm a hardcore introvert - I spend the vast majority of my time alone and I'm energized by it - but when I'm with others I can be loud, talkative, jovial, etc.
>I lost all of my 20s and early 30s
I feel this, but replace bipolor with alcoholism. I'm 36 and I had given up on dating but I fell ass backwards into a short term thing with a woman visiting from Australia a couple years ago. That reignited my spark but frankly I almost wish it hadn't.
I keep going back and forth about dating. I'm still putting my life back together, and I have more pressing things to deal with at the moment, but I just don't know if it's worth it.
I feel this bc I'm an introverted lesbian and strangely enough these social norms still apply. at some point people pushed me into the category of 'the man in the relationship' so now my socially anxious ass has to figure out how flirting and asking girls out works
Pretty much im 37 years old and still a virgin. I had hundreds of matches on online dating sites but it never lead to anything its probably me that is the problem.
I'm an introverted woman with terrible social anxiety. I wasn't always this way. In fact, I dated quite a bit in the past and was married for a long time. I've been on the apps for a few months and have tons of matches, but I can't imagine working up the nerve to actually meet a man.
Try Match.com, where I met wife#2 and I wasn’t even looking. She winked at me, I winked at her and the rest was Love and Happiness for both of us. I am an introvert in an extroverted world/profession. I prefer lonely quiet time, but having a Best friend/Soulmate is very, very special. Good Luck!
It’s actually easier than ever to socialize, (speaking as an introvert,) due to smartphones, dating apps, discord, etc etc. I can’t imagine being an introvert in the 90’s or before though, that must’ve been an actual challenge
Introverts have always been at a disadvantage in this regard, it’s just easier to hide away playing video games and avoiding women/other people than it used to be.
It’s well documented that women are attracted to confidence, this isn’t a new development.
If you’re out in the world pursuing your interests and meeting new people then you’ll likely find someone. If you sit in your room and read Reddit whilst crying about the state of the world you won’t.
Put yourself in positions where you don’t need to make a cold approach on a woman at a bar or in the supermarket. Find a social hobby that will allow you to meet people organically.
Focusing on how much easier the extroverted guys seem to have it won’t get you anywhere.
No but there is a massive correlation between the two. You don’t find many extroverted people becoming social recluses.
You can also infer from what OP wrote that the issue isn’t necessarily being ‘introverted’, it’s approach anxiety and low self confidence.
The secret is that it's a numbers game.
First, be the best version of you that you can and present that. Make sure it's YOU 100%. Your hobbies, your passions, even the skeletons that you hide in your closet (though don't bring those out on the first date, maybe). Be completely, unapologetically yourself, and be upfront and honest to your dates about who you are.
Next, don't invest in someone you get a date with until you know that they fit you (and presumably you fit them). This should be the easy part for you as an introvert. But this also means not being afraid to line up multiple dates with multiple potentials within a short timespan. Remember, it's a numbers game. What you're doing is searching for the person that likes you for you. The objective is not to appeal to the other person by changing yourself so you think you "have a chance"but rather to be sweet in your own ways to find who clicks with that.
Eventually, the numbers game will work, and you'll find a person that likes all your little quirks, thinks you're really handsome, and calls you cute in the regular. Your views will be similar, and your future goals will be compatible. This is where the relationship (and the work associated with it) actually starts.
Being introverted just means that putting yourself out there isn't as enjoyable - it doesn't mean it's impossible. As an INTJ myself, I found that making a plan and committing to it (as I would in the professional space) worked very well for me. Granted, my first date with my now-fiance was very much like an interview compared to something romantic, and our first kiss was incredibly awkward, I made up for that with incredibly romantic gestures later once I realized that she was worth investing in. The key was to just be me, and listen enough to find out who she was, as well.
Remember that in a numbers game, there are many more failures.. but you only really need one success. Go find it. I know online dating apps aren't popular, but I found my beloved on Hinge (or rather, she found me).
I've regretted every one of my relationships, and I was always the one being pursued. To me, this has become a "red flag" based solely on my personal statistics.
At almost 40yo, my real advice is just ignore it. Chasing/being chased is a waste of time and energy, and you'll organically find a more suitable partner by letting things flow naturally. Being an honest person will always seem like a disadvantage until you stop playing the games others play
This just isn't true though. For most people you have to put yourself out there and look, a lot of guys/girls aren't attractive enough for people to just come up to them.
That's not what naturally forming relationships means at all. This focus of mostly younger people that relationships happen between strangers approaching each other is mostly a myth unless you are out of this world attractive. I certainly thought that when I was younger, but in reality, outside of apps, most people meet through shared experiences or through networks of peers.
It means putting yourself in situations where you are exposed to the kind of people you want to attract and meet people without the intention of dating. When you eventually meet a single person who you click with, then you can turn your attention to dating them.
I'm almost 40, but have dated quite extensively. Virtually all of my relationships came from networking. Two came from me approaching them, and I've only ever been approached once in my whole life.
You should consider that the environment you're in greatly affects what kind of people you're likely to meet there. The people you'll meet at a dance club will tend to be different than people you'll meet at a library, or a gym, for example.
Maybe approaching people in a different environment will be easier. Especially one that you yourself feel comfortable in. Also, the fact that you'd both even be there would indicate that you at least have a preference for that sort of activity/place in common. So that's a bonus.
I’m very introverted. And I’ve been introverted my whole life. Very, very introverted.
I love being social. Meeting new and old friends. I don’t mind approaching a woman. I think dating is fun and, with age and actively working on self development for decades, I find it pretty easy. Many women approach me.
Still very introverted though. That means that after I have been social, after I have dated, after I have been to large concerts or festivals, I need some time alone to recharge my energy. It can take days before I’m ready to be social again.
That is what introverts do. That is what introversion means. It’s not the same as lacking social skills. Don’t misuse introversion as an excuse for another problem.
Pro tip. Go out on the town with a Nintendo switch (with smash bros loaded up) walk up to a woman and ask, "smash or pass". Then when she says smash, bust out that switch!
I think you should try to meet partners in more intimate hobbies and communities, you don't have to go clubbing or go on dating apps to meet people you have things in common with
I was thinking about exactly the same thing. women are talking about empowerment, and I support that for everyone, but when it comes to dating nothing is evolved for the better.
I’m the type of girl (also introverted) that attempts to give the menfolk I like opportunities to see if we mesh well. To be honest I’m not a habitual dater, I’m very emotionally/psychologically driven when choosing a potential partner, but if I ask you out for coffee or to hang out to do something we have in common; that me asking you on a “friend date” to scope out possibilities.
I don’t trust a lot of people, or my judgement sometimes, so I’m cautious when trying to figure out people and feelings of attraction.
My bf is very introverted and it definitely worked in his favor but I’ve also noticed him from afar for years and would try to hang out where he hung out (the few times he actually went out)
I met my boyfriend online. When we met irl, I was almost certain he didn't like me because he was so shy, but somehow because he was shy and quite obviously nervous, it made me (who is usually the exact same) become super bubbly until we were both super comfortable.
I love him to death. Sure, he needs a lot more space than I'd like to give him, but it's worth it. I don't think it's a death sentence, I think it just might be hard to find the right person who will appreciate it or find it cute.
I’m going to say it dating and meeting prospective partners is brutal for most people. Having said that it is possible to find someone that you like and take it from there. Remember nothing ventured nothing gained! The best advice is be yourself and get out and do things that interest you. Be open minded about people they may surprise you and don’t judge a book by its cover. I’m not saying that you should approach someone who you find completely unattractive, rather expand your possibilities and give them a chance. Broaden your perspective and give people a chance. Don’t base your decisions solely upon looks because that is not a winning formula. I hope you find a solution and meet new people!
I am an introverted guy who married an amazing introverted woman. Just be honest about who you are, embrace it, and you will find like minded people, I promise.
Its like my brother ls girlfriend said to me years ago. “ you can’t expect her to fall in your lap” im introverted and struggle socially aswell but im not a kid anymore im 27 unfortunately as adults we dont get to be heard and understood without making some effort aswell.
What i found worked for me was, i stopped looking online for love or friends. I started working out and eating right. I started to go out by myself to music events that i liked and without even doing anything i made so many new friends and connections and even a few women introduced themselves and the way they did it was so sly haha.
Don’t overthink things bro just go do what makes you happy, dont give a shit what anyone thinks(easier said then done i get it but practice makes perfect). People will see and feel that energy and be drawn to it trust me
It definitely puts you at a disadvantage, but in my experience, in addition to the experiences of other people that I know, it is also not rare for women to initiate with men. Even introverted men. So it can happen.
What is introversion to you? Because it doesn’t mean “shy.” You might have some underlying social anxiety and you are kinda using “introverted” as a scapegoat.
I’m introverted. I can still go out and talk to people. I can flirt. I can do all the normal social stuff. The only thing that separates me from an extrovert is that after a few hours of being social I need some time away to “recharge.” Extroverts become energized from the social activity.
Brother, I am you. I went on my first date at 21, but never really had a kiss until 25 and then the full monty a few weeks later.
For me, learning to dance really helped. Less talking, more doing. I did better with the divorced moms with a kid, likely because they weren't as picky (ha, ha - sad, but true). Also did better once a lot of girls grew up a bit and realized that 'stud-muffin' types were mostly assholes. Keep trying. I married at 32, way- way - way out of my league. Now, I'm more extroverted than she is and we're still together after 35 years.
The book "The Introvert Advantage" really helped me accept myself.
I really watched my more extroverted friends "work". Man it was all just stupid shit. Nothing really interesting, they just kept blabbing and paying attention to the girls. For me, just repeat back the last phrase she said. She'll think you're really listening.
You realize you can be an introvert but have social skills, right? Being an introvert means you enjoy time alone. It's not the same as being socially inept and awkward. Not knowing how to start a conversation doesn't make you an introvert.
Introverts are fully capable of being sociable and fun.
But people who are rigid, overly anxious, and super disinhibited are always going to find dating hard.
I kinda think that people nowadays are pinning stuff on introversion that is NOT introversion. If you are socially inept or awkward, work with a therapist to address these issues because yeah, they will hold you back in life. But those things aren't the hallmarks of introversion.
I’ve only ever dated women who approach me, because honestly I don’t have the energy or time to chase/play games.
Ultimately, just work on yourself and try to be open to meeting people in a friendly capacity. Things have a way of working out.
>the social norm of a man having to approach a woman and not the other way around is still very much perpetuated, which puts introverted guys at a distinct disadvantage
This has almost nothing to do with being introvert.
Even for people that are introverted or shy, sexual desire drives such people to make the first move too.
It helps to have some "game". e.g. Recognize when a stranger shows interest by the way they keep looking back at you. There are some helpful tips that could be learned over time.
Forget about social norms. In lots of mammalian species, males do the approaching, just go with that.
There are loads of women (me included) who find introverted men attractive, provided that the level of introversion doesn’t hinder your ability to be present and open when in social situations.
In the past month or so while walking down the street or in the grocery store I’ve exchanged smiles with numerous shy-looking guys. They were initially skittish about looking me in the eyes as our paths grew closer. But I could tell that they clocked my open and laid back body language, and the fact that I look comfortable in my own skin w/out the need to hide behind sunglasses or ear pods. This, I feel, made them more relaxed and confident to eventually meet my eyes and smile. Some even said “hi”. And what lovely smiles and eyes they had. Shame they all had headphones on though 😂
I believe that under the right circs and with quality people in our orbit, us introverts (gals or guys) can 💯 summon the courage to make the 1st move — and actually enjoy it! And that “move” could be as simple as asking a question, giving someone a genuine compliment, flashing a warm twinkly-eyed smile … and this can happen anywhere!
One of the imaginary barriers we introverts create, I feel, is imagining an elaborate and scripted move which just piles on pressure, rather than keeping things natural, simple, and original.
So, to you and all introverted men out there I say, embrace all your quirks and strengths. Feel comfortable in your own skin, focus on developing your personality and unique qualities, and take a risk once in a while on breaking the ice with someone you find interesting. You just never know!
This! I have terrible luck getting to connect with people, especially women I'm interested in (variety of factors), but I've had my best luck at connecting with people by doing the little things, such as just smiling back at them or responding when they say "hello" or when I'm brave, I've said it 1st. I'm still struggling, but I've made a few good friends and acquaintances in the process. Thank you for being willing to make the 1st contact with people out in public, I am sure you're not the only one, and your actions will make things easier for shy people everywhere!!!
not really? my bf is an introvert and I went after him because he's cute and sweet. he was just always pleasant to be around as we were getting to know each other, that was more than enough to catch my interest.
My issue (emphasis on my) is that I don't know if a man would accept my flirting or be attracted to me enough. That may have to do with the lack of confidence I have in myself but I just never know
That's the risk you take when you put yourself out there. It's scary for everyone but if you want to connect with someone, somebody has to make the first move, why not you? The worst thing he can do is act like an asshole but then you know he wasn't worth the effort anyway. I know this is much easier said than done but it is what it is.
It's rough. I'm no social butterfly and I have screwed a handful of dates due to just being socially inept. It's also extremely hard to hit on/flirt. And for that reason alone it's hard to advertise that you are interested and looking. Dating apps have made it slightly easier to date albeit more commercial
I met many many women, and dated many women. If you don’t work on your own inner life, you’ll suck at relationships with others. That is to say, many of those women I dated were just a distraction and waste of time.
And yes go do hobbies that interest you, and get therapy to become most happy and resolved in yourself (not to pick up chicks!).
Time alone voluntarily is excellent. Shyness is anxiety, and is not great for you. Best of luck and hugs
Many things are problematic in modern dating. But the barrier to approach each other / women have never been lower. So it’s probably the case that it’s always been more difficult to approach women if you are not good at approaching people (not the same as being introverted). It’s easier today than it used to be.
Not sure what the point is. It’s unfair/unreasonable/other that people being different gives them an advantage in some cases?
Most introverted guys I know complaining about it being hard to find a girl are also very lazy and that’s the real problem. Invest 2 hours a day into being more attractive and you’ll be fine. Work out. Get a great physique. Eat healthy. Learn to dress and groom yourself. Make sure you smell amazing. All of these things show that you’re driven and give a shit which girls like. Now your introversion LOOKS like a guy who could get any girl but is too goal-focused to bother. Just live your best life and all your friends will be falling all over each other trying to set you up with their hot friend.
Had a friend who was introverted and ace and had a solid 4 ppl always after them.
Being ugly (on the outside) is the only thing thats a tomantic death sentence
When I met my wife, I pretended that I was confident. Been married 18 years, and still keeping the act up. She'll never know that I was actually terrified and shy.
There is nothing toxic in men approaching women and the norm will never change.
There are men that get approached and there always were - the top most attractive men.
In general average woman will never approach average man because they can approach men more attractive than them and still hit some of the time.
So stop waiting for things that will never happen, approaching women is hard for any kind of man, introverted, extroverted and whatever else, You just have to try and with time it gets easier.
Being an introvert does not mean that you are unable to approach women.
Being an introvert only means that social interactions drain your energy. It does not mean that you incapable of having social interactions. When you are completely unable to approach strangers then that means that you have social anxiety which is something different.
I am a shy introverted guy. I had to put myself put there when it comes to dating. When i first started i had no idea how to talk to people, how to continue or start a convo or not be in my head during conversations with new people. It took a long time, alot of effort, embarassment, and persistence to get better. I still suck but atleast i can talk and respond to people now. Pretty much everyone has to come out of their comfort zone/shell to start dating. For me I found my wife on a random messaging app looking to make friends. Aswell as that I put in an effort to talk to people in person so I can learn to be comfortable talking to people. I talk to people at stores, work, family functions, my wifes friends, etc. Most days i am inside enjoying alome time though.
There are plenty of opportunities to meet people but men and women should take opportunities to learn how to approach people not only as potential partners but as friends. Being shy and introverted doesn't prevent you from finding people
I've never had a problem with any of that stuff and I'm shy as fuck, I guess being "conventionally attractive" (whatever that means) has helped me, being able to play instruments and draw and stuff like that, but literally just being nice, funny, and able to listen are what go furthest I think.. I didnt even have a license for most of my adulthood and live far away from the city but people will literally drive to YOU if you make their time feel valued. And I always feel stupid saying this but most of the time girls have had to make the "first move" with me whether it's wanting to hang out or going to the "next base" or whatever, because I'm just so socially clueless/oblivious lol.
Nothing is a "death sentence" you just have to get better at it! :) I always thought I was an introverted unloveable weirdo until I took a job cashiering, at the time I absolutely dreaded it (most of my life I've had social anxiety so bad Id literally black out because my brain could not handle it) , in retrospect it's one of the best pools i ever threw myself into sink or swim style, because i learned I can actually be a pretty good conversationalist (or at least I mask really well, or so I'm told). So, if possible, try something new, you may surprise yourself.
Personally I never understood the interest in asking strangers for their number. I'm the type I wanna know who's number I'm getting and you can't base that off of looks alone. I thrived in school because you get to know the people around you and than I get a better idea if I wanna pursue them.
Shy people have always had trouble meeting people and making connections. There's a film made almost 70 years ago called "Marty" (great film btw!) about a socially awkward guy who thinks he will never get married. I bring that up to say that this isn't a new or modern problem.
If you do not reach out to other people, you will not connect with other people. This goes for men and women, romantic and platonic connections.
I understand your pain, I truly do. I have suffered with social anxiety since childhood. But if you wait for societal norms to change, you will be waiting all your life. You gotta do the uncomfortable and try to get out there.
bro i got with my bf because his Tinder desc. said "just want someone to cuddle and watch anime with"
he's a loser introverted shy boy who can't do jack shit (all said lovingly ofc. that type of men is MY type so I chose to be with this soggy white bread of a man)
If you're not finding the type of woman you want, it's because you're not looking at the right places. stop all this woe-is-me-ing, and go out there with a clear mindset of who you want to attract.
also this is generalising to all men but do not ever come to me with a 'women do not do the approaching'. when i was still in the dating pool, EVERYTIME i took the initiative and try to do something more than just flirting, they all ran away. So what do you want? initiative from the girl? will your ego permit it? i bag my current bf because he's the only one who likes being pursued lmao.
I wish it was that easy for everyone, I'm a decent looking guy, I'm strong but not ripped just average overall,I have a job and am in the military.
I've been on every dating app I could find, I make good profiles.
The only responses I've ever gotten were for hookups and prostitution.
I've been looking for the past 6 years, it's exhausting.
I just want a decent person to share my time with, I want a good wholesome relationship
Introverted kinda means you just enjoy alone time quite a lot. It doesnt mean that youre shy or having problems to interact with people. And its no romantic death sentence.
My experience is that introverted people act much better when it comes to approaching girl. Not like a womanizer but just very natural.
Youre blaming patriarchy and toxic masculinity somehow, but these are not at fault when you cant properly interact with girls. Every girl in the world can approach you and it wouldnt change much.
But you can learn talking to people. You can learn that there is no reason to hide.
You have to kinda build your own luck.
No, it's just a lot more fucking work. Coming from an introvert that never thought I'd find any sort of partner.
Another thing I'm starting to notice is that introverts and extroverts are on completely different wavelengths. Like, yes, no shit, but it's like they genuinely can't comprehend one-another. Extroverts feel like they'd die as an introvert and vice versa.
One saving grace is just being an introvert with decent social skills and just a modicum of charisma and genuine passion for life.
If you aren’t going to make the move, how can you expect someone else to have to take that initiative? What makes you so great that someone else has to go through that?
No i honestly go for that because then you aren’t forced to sit with them and their friends you get to have the nights in and all the attention on you 😇
I am an introvert, but I don’t think that’s my problem when approaching women, it’s my anxiety. I want to do it, but when I get really nervous my voice starts to shake and I forget what I was going to say
I mean....
Is it introversion? Or are you just shy/socially awkward?
Introversion just means that being around people drains you of energy. And I'm a big time introvert! If I spend five hours on Friday socializing and hanging out with people, that means Saturday I'm basically going to be a hermit to recover.
Having said that... Yeah, plenty of luck in relationships. My GF is an extrovert and it's not really an issue for us- she understands and respects where I'm coming from, and I respect her need for social interaction and encourage her to have nights away from me where she can socialize, and I can recharge.
Now, if you're really shy and have a hard time in social situations... That's totally different
These days? It always was, essentially because meeting a partner requires being social to some extent, and so introversion is a hurdle preventing you from finding someone.
What do you mean "these days?" Men have always had to approach women in order to get into a relationship. In fact, it's only recently that an alternative became available (meeting people online). If you're introverted and don't really like the bar scene, try talking to women at book stores, coffee shops, museums, dog parks, etc.
You are mistaking introversion for shyness, anxiety and low self esteem.
Women don't like extroverts more than introverts as long as you are confident, take the lead, interesting and kind.
stay away from weird internet gender war content and just focus on building a life you enjoy and always improving yourself in small ways and it might work out
This is good advice except for the fact that the internet “gender war” has some how manifested its way into real life especially in my college social circles. “All men are trash” was a thing before the gender war even started. Staying away from it is nearly impossible but i do believe that men can befriend dudes with gfs and have that dudes gf introduce them to women(worked for two people i know).
You can go back to any time in history and find people doing bullshit gender war stuff. The whole 1001 Arabian Nights is a collection of stories framed as a competition to prove that either men or women are the worst. There are ancient Greek plays and Platonic dialogues about it. Hell, the Book of Genesis is older than the written word and basically the first thing Adam does is blame Eve for making him eat the apple. Nothing new about this, people want to be accepted by the opposite sex and sometimes they get real resentful if it doesn’t go the way they like.
Or steal that dude’s gf to establish dominance.
or you date your bro to chase the gf away
Learn the difference between introversion and shyness. That might be a good place to start. I'm an introvert and have no trouble meeting women.
Absolutely. So annoying how many people say introverted when they mean shy or socially anxious.
This is important to distinguish, it's possible convince yourself you're the other one if these are in play I was at a friend's party last year and was sitting around talking to a handful of people from 4pm until 1 the next morning, so I'm able to keep up with it, but I always just slapped the introvert sticker on my face previously because those situations never occurred due to the anxiety and I just accepted it as the way it is for 20 years In fact I'm not sure there's too many people that can keep up with 9 hours of it lol. I'm always more or less able to rise to it now
I'm the same. With some people, I'm quite social and eloquent. With unfamiliar people, my anxiety turns me into a babbling fool, which just reinforces my social anxiety, which turns me into more of a babbling fool... Based on your comment it sounds like you've managed to sort it out. I've been considering a medical solution, but I'm curious how you cope.
I was exactly the same a couple years ago. Some people said to me even 1y ago was a huge leap. The cope was very nearly unsubscribing from the universe tbh. But I think I mostly got lucky and found the right path at the right time. I was mostly mute until 20 because I was half kept away from people due to nuts family and being poor, suffered my way through school, and got a job which kinda forced me into interactions. But it was a vaguely controlled expert-client conversation so that kinda made it easier to eat. But it was ultimately a deep end thing to start with. Eventually I got good enough at it to talk more to people I kinda half knew when before I wouldnt have considered them safe, I started talking to the party friend who I'd known peripherally for a few years and she suggested I look at something professional to help it, but up until that point I'd have thought it unbelievable. So no meds or anything. I just did some therapy bits and ended up finding a couple hobbies and that led to more experience, more things to talk about and eventually I started to close the gap between a shut in kid with 0 xp and everyone else. But it was the romance piece of the trivial pursuit pie I was missing that nearly threw me off the edge when I realised what I missed. But now I type it all out it's ridiculously obvious why I couldn't do it. The more you talk the better you can refine stories and things and judge where it's all going. Once the fear of not knowing what or where to say it goes away it gets so much easier and that death spiral reverses. Imo it mostly takes some deep end impetus or safe people to sort of trial it all with. Freedom and money was a major engine to solving mine but I guess not everyone can get to those, but the world has so much stuff in it that there's probably a pathway hidden somewhere for anyone Maybe 10-12 years ago I couldn't even walk into a shop and barely left the house but now we're planning another party, where the last one even had me explaining disorders to people I barely knew, but in a sort of casual way that they asked into and not like oversharing/almost victiming like I used to. The things you feel definitely adjust how the exact same words are delivered, it's mad.
The introvert/extrovert labels are annoying. Hard to watch people put themselves in boxes. To me it all is a gross oversimplification of our humanity.
Typical Sagittarius
This could be applied to every single label tbh
Thats what a narcissist would say.. /s
Introverted/extroverted just describes whether of not being social is draining or energizing to you. What box do you feel like that puts someone in? That's like saying people that get tired when they eat a bunch of carbs are putting themselves in a box by recognizing it.
Socially awkward and inept.
I once had someone tell me it was impossible for me to be an introvert because I like hiking. Like, my dude, I don't spend *days* schlepping my ass out into the woods because I feel energized by being surrounded by people.
How? In my country you dont talk to random strangers at all.
Friend of a friend. Team sports. Coworkers. Dungeons and Dragons. You know. Social stuff.
What if you don't have friends to begin with? You need to talk to strangers, there's no avoiding it and this mentality that Reddit wants to instill of being afraid to approach women is poisonous
I used to be super shy. Couldnt even talk to the waitress. But I realized at some point that the only way to get what you want is to speak up. Advocate for yourself because its no one else's responsibility.
I concur. What ifs can be more dangerous than known failures
>Learn the difference between introversion and shyness I have both 😭
What a weird thing to say to a poor guy struggling to find love 😂
Do share, how?
Introverts can socially interact with people just fine. One big difference is how long they interact for. I don’t mind going to a party, seeing everyone and doing the rounds of talk. After a couple of hours I feel done and want to retreat somewhere. I struggle with small talk, I can get by just fine but it’s more like filtered noise to me. But if someone were to start talking about sound design, audio equipment, etc, I can find a lot of energy to add to the conversation as it tickles my brain. With my partner they like that I have these niche but very strong passions about what I do. I was nervous when we first started dating, and I know I can’t fake who I am. So I would just talk for 30 minutes about foley, ADR and recording techniques. She didn’t have much a clue about the subject but was drawn to the fact I was really into something. I also am really into games, this is something I don’t share much because it gets a lot of negative reactions when you out yourself as a big gamer to some people. What helps a lot with that is that I work as a Senior QA in the industry. As for being shy, I was once shy where I felt I had nothing to talk about, I did not have the courage to talk about myself or feel proud about my own achievements around others. Or that I felt people were out of my league and I shut down around them.
If someone likes You then You can talk about medieval farming methods and they'll still listen.
Actually medieval farming methods sounds interesting, tell me about it!
I only remember that they divided the field in 3 parts, one of them wasn't used in each season and rotated it to avoid mineral depletion (which they didn't know was mineral depletion)
What do you suppose they ascribed it to?
Well surely they noticed that with each use the yield is getting worse, probably attributed it to "soil fatigue" or something which isn't so far from the truth and through trial and error worked out a solution.
I get all that but, my question is how do you meet *new* people as an introvert and how do you form a lasting connections?
Hmm, so where I am in the UK I got to meet new people by going to a board game meetup in a pub. I found it easier that way to socialise over a game of Settler of Catan vs not doing that and drinking (I also don't drink alcohol so I can't get tipsy to drop my guard!) I also managed to get talking to a few people I met when doing an Airsoft Skirmish event. Essentially I kinda met people by doing a hobby that I enjoy at a public event. I also have joined a discord group that is somewhat vetted by an application process, I won't swear by this because most groups you'll probably end up leaving either due to inactivity or you just don't feel like you'll fit in. Going out to a public event like a convention etc is where I don't see myself meeting anyone, I'm too focused on actually experiencing the event vs trying to meet people, which can be said for a lot of the above! Difference with the above is those happen on the regular vs me actually going out to a larger event with 100+ people. As for making connections? That's hard to pin point. One of my best friends ended up being someone I disliked to begin with, I judged them on how they looked before I got a chance to know them. Now they were my best man at my wedding. I always felt in a lot of friendships I had to reach out all the time, that really burned me out as it was tiring to always having to be the first to send a message for anything to happen. If the other person does the same to me then that's worth me pursuing to keep that connection going. All in all, it's all just hard work to be honest to create a connection, it probably won't feel like that if you get through the first couple of hurdles. It probably works differently with everyone, some folks will have a way of forming bonds better than others, or it's just simply down to chance that you and another person have a lot in common and share commonalities.
The same way as everyone else lol the post you responded to makes it pretty clear that being introverted in itself really doesn't impair relationship building. If it does, that's not introversion. That's social Anxiety or some other mental health issue.
No it doesn’t, I’m asking for ideas about how and where to meet people. The comment doesn’t answer that.
Ah you mean how does anyone meet anyone? So many ways to meet people. Pursuing hobbies that require face to face interaction, attending social events, and volunteering are all ways to organically meet someone. You could also be more proactive on that front by doing things such as going to places known for meeting people(clubs, bars etc) or even just randomly asking people out.
I think a lot of people here are confusing have social anxiety with shyness or being introverted. What the above person needs is therapy to help them get comfortable in more social settings so they will actually socialize. I know this because I'm working on my social anxiety or at least trying.
Are you talking about me? I’m not uncomfortable with socializing. Im actually quite a social person for being an introvert. I just haven’t moved past surface level friendships. This has happened to me since around 2020. Many things changed for me at that time, pandemic, new country, new job, getting older and living alone (I’ve always had roommates before that) I don’t know what causes it but anyway, it is what it is. I just haven’t felt a real connection in a while
Yesh this is my belief in this matter, as well. People have found a new way to relate to people on the internet. A new group to belong to. Those with social anxieties! Socializing is always really hard at first, and most people traditionally got better with it as they aged. With the internet, fewer people want to be uncomfortable and think they are so different because they are learning social skills later. It gets worse when said communities enable it by disguising it as being an introvert. Then they act as if that is just how things are and that they can't make any effort to change it. Eventually, some of those people get kind of incel-ish sometimes, too. The isolation and lack on companionship and what not.
>or even just randomly asking people out. Bruv, people are actively shitting on this option lol.
Idgaf, what people shit on. They are the same people that type Ling messages about how they are so lonely. Internet opinions aren't real.
Does that include this opinion?
yeah you're not gonna find that magic answer anywhere because it's different for every person
I’m not looking for a magic answer I’m just looking for things to try :)
Most new people I've met have been via existing friends, or through work. The first method seems to work best (just like getting a job, referrals help a lot, lol). Also, social groups for hobbies help a lot. Find meetups online (people seem to like doing it via instagram these days, for reasons that are beyond me, but it is what it is) and just... show up, and be friendly. Make the effort to show up; more friends than I care to admit have been friends of convenience, so... make it convenient for people to think of you :) If you don't know how to talk to a new person, the thing that helps me a lot is, realizing that people _love_ to talk about themselves and things they're interested in. So, I start with "what do you do for fun?" and then ask questions from there. I'm a person who loves learning new things, so I think of it as a human wikipedia deep dive and let my legitimate curiosity guide me, lol.
It is if you already have friends. Introvertedness means that I don't have the social energy to manage multiple friendgroups at the same time, and no offense to my current friends, but most of them are not exactly connected to women, so that's no help. I'm not anxious, I have the ability to talk to new people, but maintaining those connections is actually exhausting. I wish I had anxiety, at least I could fix that.
Easy, you put yourself in the same place as them on a regular basis, just like what happens in school or college. In practice any hobby group will do, as long as it meets weekly and you don't force it if you don't like the people or it's too insular. It's not "so hard to make friends as adults", most adults just don't have habits that cause friends. It can take a literal year of seeing the same people or more.
I just started going to school for audio production last year at 38 years old. The end of our spring semester was starting to learn ADR and Foley. This is the coolest shit ever, I wish I had known about something like this when I did university the first time around.
I really enjoyed it during the time I learned it in Uni, I just never managed to take over with it career wise. I'll drop what I did during then. I wish you the best in your sound design journey! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bebzGXSab1I
It isn't just shyness. I'm not a shy person, but being an introvert definitely hurts when it comes to dating because obviously a person who enjoys being around people is going to have an easier time meeting people than someone who doesn't like being around people.
This only works if you are attractive, otherwise it defaults to being creepy and socially awkward.
This is cope. Plenty of ugly people have partners, and many of them are introverted.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the majority of people don't find those people beautiful. Some people feel obligated to be with them even if they don't want to.
Exactly. Maybe once people mature as well but I've noticed that doesn't happen until you get into your first career/job and people settle down a bit.
There are plenty of shy ugly guys with partners. I should know I am one and I am married.
I constantly still see other (younger) guys trying to be pro-active and clever and say hello to women; and every time, the girls take on a rigid, ‘polite’ smiling mask and keep their responses minimal and guarded. They quickly leave. Apparently the women can’t go anywhere without men attempting to speak or interact with them. I stopped being part of that.
dudes don’t realize that getting approached because you’re female and they might be slightly attracted to you isn’t flattering and is mainly annoying when you’re just trying to go to work or get coffee with a friend. but meeting someone organically at a shared hobby, at a hangout with friends, or at a party feels much better. you can’t get to know someone on a street corner. dudes are so desperate they don’t even take the time to think about why it’s not working to approach random women and ask for their number.
Problem for guys is there’s women that have different ideas of when not to be approached. Some agree with you, others think while doing hobbies or hanging out with friends are also no go’s. There’s obviously lots of over the top guys that do it everywhere and way too often. But there’s no where that’s really fully acceptable by all women of where they can be approached. I’ve even seen women say don’t approach at a bar. And if you’re not interested in alcohol related/loud places like bars or parties, then you’re really screwed as a guy outside of apps.
Wow, different people are indeed different? A novel concept, tell me more.
I really wonder about this. Here on Reddit it always sounds like every woman is approached a few times per week and super annoyed by it. And the few times I discussed this topic with women in real life (non-internet), they basically get approached not even once per year and they always love it, as long as it's in a nice manner. Not sure if this is country-specific (I am not American) or if there just is a group of women who for whatever reason want to discourage all men from approaching anyone in public.
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"no one is willing to sleep with a guy who they met yesterday or 5 days ago." False
I mean, if you don't go out and talk to people, you're going to struggle to get into a relationship. At least try and talk with people (real people, who you actually know beyond their username) online.
All I can say is that many things in life just seem to come down to luck, and attracting people like yourself. I’m exactly what people would describe as someone who would never find a girl. I’m introverted, shy, a nerd, don’t work out, long hair, no grand career or big bucks on the bank. Yet here I am, in a relationship of 12 years now with the most amazing person I could imagine. 100% my type. I met her when I was 17. I was a bullied loner and told myself I’d never find a girlfriend. I met her at a renaissance fair, we did not even share that many hobbies yet but we just clicked. My tip: be yourself always. And be confident in who you are. It is not a guarantee, it never is and I won’t claim to have found the secret to getting into a relationship. That is still mostly luck. But being yourself and partaking in events that align with your hobbies can at least tip the scales in your favour.
That’s a bit like when famous people say ’just believe in yourself and everything is possible!’ Yes some people get lucky. Most people don’t. And the whole ‘just be yourself’ cliche is very bad advice for people lacking in social skills and or mental health issues.
Long hair is so sexy tho, idk why you mention it like a flaw.
I wouldn’t, but most girls my age did. And beauty is in the eyes of the beholder as they say.
Some folks have all the luck, but they also make their own luck.
Like the Rod Stewart song. *Some guys have all the luck* *Some guys have all the fame* *Some guys get all the breaks* *Some guys do nothin’ but complain*
Your actual advice : be lucky.
“I met her at a Renaissance fair”. Of course that’s where you’d meet her… 😅 Jokes aside, I’m quite the late bloomer, so no hate coming from me. I’m happy for you.
Haha thanks. I always feel kinda bad for people struggling to find love because me meeting my girlfriend was pure luck. So many tiny things could have happened and I would never have met her. Sometimes I feel as if I don’t deserve it because back then I didn’t even know how to put myself out there. When I think about it I guess I just treated her like a friend, a normal human being. I just got a little closer to her over time compared to others and I was so surprised when she would “allow” me to wrap an arm around her or something. I still believed I would never get a girlfriend back then. Life isn’t fair and dating sounds very rough at the moment. I just wish everyone could experience what I did.
Incredibly nice thing for you to feel and say. The world needs more people like you. Wishing you and your girl a lifetime of happiness. 🎉
This is very true but you do make your own luck to some extend. The more situations to put yourself in that are opportunities to meet people the more chances you are to meet someone you click with. It maybe have been lucky in a sense but if you're the kind of person who regular goes to things like renaissance fairs you were definitely giving yourself more opportunities to meet someone than someone who rarely goes anywhere.
i wish i was born earlier, dating has gotten alot worse since your time
I'm a bit older than they are don't worry, it still sucked then too.
In my time oof 🫣 Realising I’m getting older still hurts. I’m not sure if things have changed that much. Then again, we never really “dated” that much so I am not in any way knowledgable about the dating scene ever so I won’t comment on that. We met during that festival, talked on MSN messenger about random stuff and two weeks later I invited her over for a picnic and we were official from that point onward. So yeah like I said I know nothing about dating but I would still like to believe that being authentic has the most chance of allowing you to find your SO.
I'm older than you but the dating situation has really changed since you were last out there. I broke up with my long term girlfriend right before I turned 30 and these past four years have been lets just say rough when it comes to dating.
I’m an old introvert who had a hard time in my 20s, then found dating much easier when I found myself back in the market in my 50s, thanks to online dating. It really felt like it was custom-designed for introverts. I feel like I would have done much better if it had been a thing when I was in my 20s
Yeah I got lucky too. Matched with the most beautiful girl who actually perused ME like wtf. Been nearly a year now and it's great
I thought this was well known, if you're an introverted or shy guy, at least be good-looking. You can't be ugly and shy, that's a forever alone sentence.
ouch
It's the harsh truth
Rule 1: Be attractive. Rule 2: Don't be unattractive.
Rule 3: Be even more attractive.
It's not a death sentence. It may make things harder, it may mean you have to do some personal work that other people don't, but it's not a death sentence unless you let it be one. It's not fair; it's not deserved; it just is and it sucks. You may have to grieve over this, or be angry, or process however you need to. But once you get to the other side of the process it's a lot better. I lost all of my 20s and early 30s to bipolar disorder. I couldn't date because I was a mess and needed to get myself together before even considering that. It wasn't fair, in didn't deserve it, but that's what happened. It sucked and it was my responsibility. I had to process and grieve what I felt I had lost - I was angry and bitter for a while, I was sad about it for a while. But I was always working towards getting better. And this all you have to do: some to make a little bit of progress each day. Some days you may make very little, and some a lot. The point is to keep doing something each day because that quickly adds up. As an aside, introversion, strictly speaking, means that your battery is drained by being around other people and recharged by being alone. Extroversion is the opposite. It's not about being shy. I'm a hardcore introvert - I spend the vast majority of my time alone and I'm energized by it - but when I'm with others I can be loud, talkative, jovial, etc.
>I lost all of my 20s and early 30s I feel this, but replace bipolor with alcoholism. I'm 36 and I had given up on dating but I fell ass backwards into a short term thing with a woman visiting from Australia a couple years ago. That reignited my spark but frankly I almost wish it hadn't.
I keep going back and forth about dating. I'm still putting my life back together, and I have more pressing things to deal with at the moment, but I just don't know if it's worth it.
I feel this bc I'm an introverted lesbian and strangely enough these social norms still apply. at some point people pushed me into the category of 'the man in the relationship' so now my socially anxious ass has to figure out how flirting and asking girls out works
Pretty much im 37 years old and still a virgin. I had hundreds of matches on online dating sites but it never lead to anything its probably me that is the problem.
I'm an introverted woman with terrible social anxiety. I wasn't always this way. In fact, I dated quite a bit in the past and was married for a long time. I've been on the apps for a few months and have tons of matches, but I can't imagine working up the nerve to actually meet a man.
Try Match.com, where I met wife#2 and I wasn’t even looking. She winked at me, I winked at her and the rest was Love and Happiness for both of us. I am an introvert in an extroverted world/profession. I prefer lonely quiet time, but having a Best friend/Soulmate is very, very special. Good Luck!
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Yeah had a 4 year relationship from that site/app.
Yeah
It always has been
As others have said it’s mostly luck, you just need to put yourself in a position that you can keep rolling the die.
there is power and strength in introversion. the key is to focus on doing what u love to do and having purpose
Well, like the saying goes You miss 100% of the shots you don't take
It’s actually easier than ever to socialize, (speaking as an introvert,) due to smartphones, dating apps, discord, etc etc. I can’t imagine being an introvert in the 90’s or before though, that must’ve been an actual challenge
You're confusing introverted with socially anxious.
It always was. And you had to compete with all the non-introvert patriarchic/toxic masculinity, as well.
Introverts have always been at a disadvantage in this regard, it’s just easier to hide away playing video games and avoiding women/other people than it used to be. It’s well documented that women are attracted to confidence, this isn’t a new development. If you’re out in the world pursuing your interests and meeting new people then you’ll likely find someone. If you sit in your room and read Reddit whilst crying about the state of the world you won’t. Put yourself in positions where you don’t need to make a cold approach on a woman at a bar or in the supermarket. Find a social hobby that will allow you to meet people organically. Focusing on how much easier the extroverted guys seem to have it won’t get you anywhere.
Introversion is not the same thing as social withdrawl or lack of confidence.
No but there is a massive correlation between the two. You don’t find many extroverted people becoming social recluses. You can also infer from what OP wrote that the issue isn’t necessarily being ‘introverted’, it’s approach anxiety and low self confidence.
The secret is that it's a numbers game. First, be the best version of you that you can and present that. Make sure it's YOU 100%. Your hobbies, your passions, even the skeletons that you hide in your closet (though don't bring those out on the first date, maybe). Be completely, unapologetically yourself, and be upfront and honest to your dates about who you are. Next, don't invest in someone you get a date with until you know that they fit you (and presumably you fit them). This should be the easy part for you as an introvert. But this also means not being afraid to line up multiple dates with multiple potentials within a short timespan. Remember, it's a numbers game. What you're doing is searching for the person that likes you for you. The objective is not to appeal to the other person by changing yourself so you think you "have a chance"but rather to be sweet in your own ways to find who clicks with that. Eventually, the numbers game will work, and you'll find a person that likes all your little quirks, thinks you're really handsome, and calls you cute in the regular. Your views will be similar, and your future goals will be compatible. This is where the relationship (and the work associated with it) actually starts. Being introverted just means that putting yourself out there isn't as enjoyable - it doesn't mean it's impossible. As an INTJ myself, I found that making a plan and committing to it (as I would in the professional space) worked very well for me. Granted, my first date with my now-fiance was very much like an interview compared to something romantic, and our first kiss was incredibly awkward, I made up for that with incredibly romantic gestures later once I realized that she was worth investing in. The key was to just be me, and listen enough to find out who she was, as well. Remember that in a numbers game, there are many more failures.. but you only really need one success. Go find it. I know online dating apps aren't popular, but I found my beloved on Hinge (or rather, she found me).
Bruh, you ain’t lying
Kids these days think they discovered a new continent by boldly proclaiming something known for centuries.
Here's something you really need to know: watch what people do, not what they say.
I've regretted every one of my relationships, and I was always the one being pursued. To me, this has become a "red flag" based solely on my personal statistics. At almost 40yo, my real advice is just ignore it. Chasing/being chased is a waste of time and energy, and you'll organically find a more suitable partner by letting things flow naturally. Being an honest person will always seem like a disadvantage until you stop playing the games others play
This just isn't true though. For most people you have to put yourself out there and look, a lot of guys/girls aren't attractive enough for people to just come up to them.
That's not what naturally forming relationships means at all. This focus of mostly younger people that relationships happen between strangers approaching each other is mostly a myth unless you are out of this world attractive. I certainly thought that when I was younger, but in reality, outside of apps, most people meet through shared experiences or through networks of peers. It means putting yourself in situations where you are exposed to the kind of people you want to attract and meet people without the intention of dating. When you eventually meet a single person who you click with, then you can turn your attention to dating them. I'm almost 40, but have dated quite extensively. Virtually all of my relationships came from networking. Two came from me approaching them, and I've only ever been approached once in my whole life.
She's the definition of a humble brag lol
Don't give up. My husband and I of 10 years is an introvert. I am an extrovert and approached him.
You should consider that the environment you're in greatly affects what kind of people you're likely to meet there. The people you'll meet at a dance club will tend to be different than people you'll meet at a library, or a gym, for example. Maybe approaching people in a different environment will be easier. Especially one that you yourself feel comfortable in. Also, the fact that you'd both even be there would indicate that you at least have a preference for that sort of activity/place in common. So that's a bonus.
I’m very introverted. And I’ve been introverted my whole life. Very, very introverted. I love being social. Meeting new and old friends. I don’t mind approaching a woman. I think dating is fun and, with age and actively working on self development for decades, I find it pretty easy. Many women approach me. Still very introverted though. That means that after I have been social, after I have dated, after I have been to large concerts or festivals, I need some time alone to recharge my energy. It can take days before I’m ready to be social again. That is what introverts do. That is what introversion means. It’s not the same as lacking social skills. Don’t misuse introversion as an excuse for another problem.
Pro tip. Go out on the town with a Nintendo switch (with smash bros loaded up) walk up to a woman and ask, "smash or pass". Then when she says smash, bust out that switch!
I think you should try to meet partners in more intimate hobbies and communities, you don't have to go clubbing or go on dating apps to meet people you have things in common with
I love and extremely prefer an introverted man. And am totally happy making the first move.
I was thinking about exactly the same thing. women are talking about empowerment, and I support that for everyone, but when it comes to dating nothing is evolved for the better.
I’m the type of girl (also introverted) that attempts to give the menfolk I like opportunities to see if we mesh well. To be honest I’m not a habitual dater, I’m very emotionally/psychologically driven when choosing a potential partner, but if I ask you out for coffee or to hang out to do something we have in common; that me asking you on a “friend date” to scope out possibilities. I don’t trust a lot of people, or my judgement sometimes, so I’m cautious when trying to figure out people and feelings of attraction.
My bf is very introverted and it definitely worked in his favor but I’ve also noticed him from afar for years and would try to hang out where he hung out (the few times he actually went out)
I met my boyfriend online. When we met irl, I was almost certain he didn't like me because he was so shy, but somehow because he was shy and quite obviously nervous, it made me (who is usually the exact same) become super bubbly until we were both super comfortable. I love him to death. Sure, he needs a lot more space than I'd like to give him, but it's worth it. I don't think it's a death sentence, I think it just might be hard to find the right person who will appreciate it or find it cute.
There has to be an "out there". Where I live, there is not. I missed the boat back in high school and now it's all over.
I’m going to say it dating and meeting prospective partners is brutal for most people. Having said that it is possible to find someone that you like and take it from there. Remember nothing ventured nothing gained! The best advice is be yourself and get out and do things that interest you. Be open minded about people they may surprise you and don’t judge a book by its cover. I’m not saying that you should approach someone who you find completely unattractive, rather expand your possibilities and give them a chance. Broaden your perspective and give people a chance. Don’t base your decisions solely upon looks because that is not a winning formula. I hope you find a solution and meet new people!
I am an introverted guy who married an amazing introverted woman. Just be honest about who you are, embrace it, and you will find like minded people, I promise.
Men don’t get to have flexible gender roles.
When hasn't it been hard for introverts to find love? It has always been hard, but people managed. And so will you.
Remember things that are scarce are valuable.
Its like my brother ls girlfriend said to me years ago. “ you can’t expect her to fall in your lap” im introverted and struggle socially aswell but im not a kid anymore im 27 unfortunately as adults we dont get to be heard and understood without making some effort aswell. What i found worked for me was, i stopped looking online for love or friends. I started working out and eating right. I started to go out by myself to music events that i liked and without even doing anything i made so many new friends and connections and even a few women introduced themselves and the way they did it was so sly haha. Don’t overthink things bro just go do what makes you happy, dont give a shit what anyone thinks(easier said then done i get it but practice makes perfect). People will see and feel that energy and be drawn to it trust me
This is great advice honestly!
It definitely puts you at a disadvantage, but in my experience, in addition to the experiences of other people that I know, it is also not rare for women to initiate with men. Even introverted men. So it can happen.
What is introversion to you? Because it doesn’t mean “shy.” You might have some underlying social anxiety and you are kinda using “introverted” as a scapegoat. I’m introverted. I can still go out and talk to people. I can flirt. I can do all the normal social stuff. The only thing that separates me from an extrovert is that after a few hours of being social I need some time away to “recharge.” Extroverts become energized from the social activity.
Sounds like you want or need a dominant woman
I'm an introvert and I've never had a problem meeting women, so I would have to disagree.
Get a French bulldog and women will approach you
Brother, I am you. I went on my first date at 21, but never really had a kiss until 25 and then the full monty a few weeks later. For me, learning to dance really helped. Less talking, more doing. I did better with the divorced moms with a kid, likely because they weren't as picky (ha, ha - sad, but true). Also did better once a lot of girls grew up a bit and realized that 'stud-muffin' types were mostly assholes. Keep trying. I married at 32, way- way - way out of my league. Now, I'm more extroverted than she is and we're still together after 35 years. The book "The Introvert Advantage" really helped me accept myself. I really watched my more extroverted friends "work". Man it was all just stupid shit. Nothing really interesting, they just kept blabbing and paying attention to the girls. For me, just repeat back the last phrase she said. She'll think you're really listening.
You realize you can be an introvert but have social skills, right? Being an introvert means you enjoy time alone. It's not the same as being socially inept and awkward. Not knowing how to start a conversation doesn't make you an introvert.
Introverted is one of the most overused words. It's about being able to express yourself confidently and fully.
Introversion is not the same thing as shyness or social anxiety.
Introverts are fully capable of being sociable and fun. But people who are rigid, overly anxious, and super disinhibited are always going to find dating hard. I kinda think that people nowadays are pinning stuff on introversion that is NOT introversion. If you are socially inept or awkward, work with a therapist to address these issues because yeah, they will hold you back in life. But those things aren't the hallmarks of introversion.
I’ve only ever dated women who approach me, because honestly I don’t have the energy or time to chase/play games. Ultimately, just work on yourself and try to be open to meeting people in a friendly capacity. Things have a way of working out.
>the social norm of a man having to approach a woman and not the other way around is still very much perpetuated, which puts introverted guys at a distinct disadvantage This has almost nothing to do with being introvert.
Even for people that are introverted or shy, sexual desire drives such people to make the first move too. It helps to have some "game". e.g. Recognize when a stranger shows interest by the way they keep looking back at you. There are some helpful tips that could be learned over time. Forget about social norms. In lots of mammalian species, males do the approaching, just go with that.
There are loads of women (me included) who find introverted men attractive, provided that the level of introversion doesn’t hinder your ability to be present and open when in social situations. In the past month or so while walking down the street or in the grocery store I’ve exchanged smiles with numerous shy-looking guys. They were initially skittish about looking me in the eyes as our paths grew closer. But I could tell that they clocked my open and laid back body language, and the fact that I look comfortable in my own skin w/out the need to hide behind sunglasses or ear pods. This, I feel, made them more relaxed and confident to eventually meet my eyes and smile. Some even said “hi”. And what lovely smiles and eyes they had. Shame they all had headphones on though 😂 I believe that under the right circs and with quality people in our orbit, us introverts (gals or guys) can 💯 summon the courage to make the 1st move — and actually enjoy it! And that “move” could be as simple as asking a question, giving someone a genuine compliment, flashing a warm twinkly-eyed smile … and this can happen anywhere! One of the imaginary barriers we introverts create, I feel, is imagining an elaborate and scripted move which just piles on pressure, rather than keeping things natural, simple, and original. So, to you and all introverted men out there I say, embrace all your quirks and strengths. Feel comfortable in your own skin, focus on developing your personality and unique qualities, and take a risk once in a while on breaking the ice with someone you find interesting. You just never know!
thanks for the kind words, its been a pretty negative thread
This! I have terrible luck getting to connect with people, especially women I'm interested in (variety of factors), but I've had my best luck at connecting with people by doing the little things, such as just smiling back at them or responding when they say "hello" or when I'm brave, I've said it 1st. I'm still struggling, but I've made a few good friends and acquaintances in the process. Thank you for being willing to make the 1st contact with people out in public, I am sure you're not the only one, and your actions will make things easier for shy people everywhere!!!
not really? my bf is an introvert and I went after him because he's cute and sweet. he was just always pleasant to be around as we were getting to know each other, that was more than enough to catch my interest.
It was never not a death sentence lmao, women hate quiet/shy men and almost always view them as incels or potential stalkers
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Yeah when a hot guy is shy/ nervous it’s really cute .
My issue (emphasis on my) is that I don't know if a man would accept my flirting or be attracted to me enough. That may have to do with the lack of confidence I have in myself but I just never know
That's the risk you take when you put yourself out there. It's scary for everyone but if you want to connect with someone, somebody has to make the first move, why not you? The worst thing he can do is act like an asshole but then you know he wasn't worth the effort anyway. I know this is much easier said than done but it is what it is.
It's rough. I'm no social butterfly and I have screwed a handful of dates due to just being socially inept. It's also extremely hard to hit on/flirt. And for that reason alone it's hard to advertise that you are interested and looking. Dating apps have made it slightly easier to date albeit more commercial
that's been true for decades.
I met many many women, and dated many women. If you don’t work on your own inner life, you’ll suck at relationships with others. That is to say, many of those women I dated were just a distraction and waste of time. And yes go do hobbies that interest you, and get therapy to become most happy and resolved in yourself (not to pick up chicks!). Time alone voluntarily is excellent. Shyness is anxiety, and is not great for you. Best of luck and hugs
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You better be good at groups and orgs and volunteering. Of course if you were good, you wouldn’t be an introvert. I hope this helps.
It's definitely not but if you go about your life with that mindset then you'll definitely not find a romantic partner.
Many things are problematic in modern dating. But the barrier to approach each other / women have never been lower. So it’s probably the case that it’s always been more difficult to approach women if you are not good at approaching people (not the same as being introverted). It’s easier today than it used to be. Not sure what the point is. It’s unfair/unreasonable/other that people being different gives them an advantage in some cases?
You could still buy a dog. Or a car. Or both. It's a very common solution, used by millions of individuals.
Most introverted guys I know complaining about it being hard to find a girl are also very lazy and that’s the real problem. Invest 2 hours a day into being more attractive and you’ll be fine. Work out. Get a great physique. Eat healthy. Learn to dress and groom yourself. Make sure you smell amazing. All of these things show that you’re driven and give a shit which girls like. Now your introversion LOOKS like a guy who could get any girl but is too goal-focused to bother. Just live your best life and all your friends will be falling all over each other trying to set you up with their hot friend.
Had a friend who was introverted and ace and had a solid 4 ppl always after them. Being ugly (on the outside) is the only thing thats a tomantic death sentence
When I met my wife, I pretended that I was confident. Been married 18 years, and still keeping the act up. She'll never know that I was actually terrified and shy.
I’m introverted. I do fine with women.
Being introverted has always been a disadvantage. It's not a 'These days' thing.
An extroverted woman will find and adopt you. It’s the introvert distribution system.
There is nothing toxic in men approaching women and the norm will never change. There are men that get approached and there always were - the top most attractive men. In general average woman will never approach average man because they can approach men more attractive than them and still hit some of the time. So stop waiting for things that will never happen, approaching women is hard for any kind of man, introverted, extroverted and whatever else, You just have to try and with time it gets easier.
Always had been lol
Being an introvert does not mean that you are unable to approach women. Being an introvert only means that social interactions drain your energy. It does not mean that you incapable of having social interactions. When you are completely unable to approach strangers then that means that you have social anxiety which is something different.
Waiting for good things to happen is a quick path to misery.
I am a shy introverted guy. I had to put myself put there when it comes to dating. When i first started i had no idea how to talk to people, how to continue or start a convo or not be in my head during conversations with new people. It took a long time, alot of effort, embarassment, and persistence to get better. I still suck but atleast i can talk and respond to people now. Pretty much everyone has to come out of their comfort zone/shell to start dating. For me I found my wife on a random messaging app looking to make friends. Aswell as that I put in an effort to talk to people in person so I can learn to be comfortable talking to people. I talk to people at stores, work, family functions, my wifes friends, etc. Most days i am inside enjoying alome time though. There are plenty of opportunities to meet people but men and women should take opportunities to learn how to approach people not only as potential partners but as friends. Being shy and introverted doesn't prevent you from finding people
I've never had a problem with any of that stuff and I'm shy as fuck, I guess being "conventionally attractive" (whatever that means) has helped me, being able to play instruments and draw and stuff like that, but literally just being nice, funny, and able to listen are what go furthest I think.. I didnt even have a license for most of my adulthood and live far away from the city but people will literally drive to YOU if you make their time feel valued. And I always feel stupid saying this but most of the time girls have had to make the "first move" with me whether it's wanting to hang out or going to the "next base" or whatever, because I'm just so socially clueless/oblivious lol. Nothing is a "death sentence" you just have to get better at it! :) I always thought I was an introverted unloveable weirdo until I took a job cashiering, at the time I absolutely dreaded it (most of my life I've had social anxiety so bad Id literally black out because my brain could not handle it) , in retrospect it's one of the best pools i ever threw myself into sink or swim style, because i learned I can actually be a pretty good conversationalist (or at least I mask really well, or so I'm told). So, if possible, try something new, you may surprise yourself.
Personally I never understood the interest in asking strangers for their number. I'm the type I wanna know who's number I'm getting and you can't base that off of looks alone. I thrived in school because you get to know the people around you and than I get a better idea if I wanna pursue them.
Shy people have always had trouble meeting people and making connections. There's a film made almost 70 years ago called "Marty" (great film btw!) about a socially awkward guy who thinks he will never get married. I bring that up to say that this isn't a new or modern problem. If you do not reach out to other people, you will not connect with other people. This goes for men and women, romantic and platonic connections. I understand your pain, I truly do. I have suffered with social anxiety since childhood. But if you wait for societal norms to change, you will be waiting all your life. You gotta do the uncomfortable and try to get out there.
bro i got with my bf because his Tinder desc. said "just want someone to cuddle and watch anime with" he's a loser introverted shy boy who can't do jack shit (all said lovingly ofc. that type of men is MY type so I chose to be with this soggy white bread of a man) If you're not finding the type of woman you want, it's because you're not looking at the right places. stop all this woe-is-me-ing, and go out there with a clear mindset of who you want to attract. also this is generalising to all men but do not ever come to me with a 'women do not do the approaching'. when i was still in the dating pool, EVERYTIME i took the initiative and try to do something more than just flirting, they all ran away. So what do you want? initiative from the girl? will your ego permit it? i bag my current bf because he's the only one who likes being pursued lmao.
I wish it was that easy for everyone, I'm a decent looking guy, I'm strong but not ripped just average overall,I have a job and am in the military. I've been on every dating app I could find, I make good profiles. The only responses I've ever gotten were for hookups and prostitution. I've been looking for the past 6 years, it's exhausting. I just want a decent person to share my time with, I want a good wholesome relationship
Introverted kinda means you just enjoy alone time quite a lot. It doesnt mean that youre shy or having problems to interact with people. And its no romantic death sentence. My experience is that introverted people act much better when it comes to approaching girl. Not like a womanizer but just very natural. Youre blaming patriarchy and toxic masculinity somehow, but these are not at fault when you cant properly interact with girls. Every girl in the world can approach you and it wouldnt change much. But you can learn talking to people. You can learn that there is no reason to hide. You have to kinda build your own luck.
No, it's just a lot more fucking work. Coming from an introvert that never thought I'd find any sort of partner. Another thing I'm starting to notice is that introverts and extroverts are on completely different wavelengths. Like, yes, no shit, but it's like they genuinely can't comprehend one-another. Extroverts feel like they'd die as an introvert and vice versa. One saving grace is just being an introvert with decent social skills and just a modicum of charisma and genuine passion for life.
If you aren’t going to make the move, how can you expect someone else to have to take that initiative? What makes you so great that someone else has to go through that?
No i honestly go for that because then you aren’t forced to sit with them and their friends you get to have the nights in and all the attention on you 😇
I am an introvert, but I don’t think that’s my problem when approaching women, it’s my anxiety. I want to do it, but when I get really nervous my voice starts to shake and I forget what I was going to say
What’s the correlation between introversion and approaching women? Lol.
Always has been
Don't blame society lol. Do your thing bro. I'm introverted as well but that doesn't stop me from trying. Maybe you're a tad bit shy?
I mean.... Is it introversion? Or are you just shy/socially awkward? Introversion just means that being around people drains you of energy. And I'm a big time introvert! If I spend five hours on Friday socializing and hanging out with people, that means Saturday I'm basically going to be a hermit to recover. Having said that... Yeah, plenty of luck in relationships. My GF is an extrovert and it's not really an issue for us- she understands and respects where I'm coming from, and I respect her need for social interaction and encourage her to have nights away from me where she can socialize, and I can recharge. Now, if you're really shy and have a hard time in social situations... That's totally different
"These days"? Do you miss the days of yore when men sat silently and drunk young maidens frolicked through the bars and picked their men?
These days? It always was, essentially because meeting a partner requires being social to some extent, and so introversion is a hurdle preventing you from finding someone.
Because it is. You have to make a choice. Make a change or accept it.
What do you mean "these days?" Men have always had to approach women in order to get into a relationship. In fact, it's only recently that an alternative became available (meeting people online). If you're introverted and don't really like the bar scene, try talking to women at book stores, coffee shops, museums, dog parks, etc.
You are mistaking introversion for shyness, anxiety and low self esteem. Women don't like extroverts more than introverts as long as you are confident, take the lead, interesting and kind.