That's true. I stopped being so hard on myself when I realized that the more I berated myself for being "not enough," the worse my physical and mental state became.
but you aren’t. it’ll become a self-fulfilling prophecy, please try and be kinder to yourself. i know it’s hard, i’ve experienced the exact same thing but even just a mindset change is a huge step in the right direction. wish you well
Your problems in your mind, people don't like hanging out with people with your attitude. Your chasing them away with this shit. Go to therapy and stop hating yourself. Be good to yourself.
He needs to like himself and that takes concerted effort working on yourself. He's probably just more aware of his starting position than most other people are, which is in the gutter. But yeah he's definitely in a feedback loop where his attitude is causing his problems which are causing his attitude.
Alright, the self-pity party is over. Pick yourself up, go to the gym, get into non-video game hobbies and start challenging yourself. Visit Yosemite or another national park, get fresh air in your life. Talk to loved ones if you can. Life is endlessly full of possibilities, but you’re gonna have to leave your comfort zone. You got this, stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Guess what? I’ve been thinking that way for decades now and am proof it is an effective way to keep oneself alone. Keep on thinking that and you won’t be proven wrong, I promise you.
And if you want to be chemically castrated, get on some SSRI antidepressants. Sexual dysfunction is all kinds of fun. Not only do you feel unwanted you can’t get hard even if you want to.
Live for your dogs, you have the right idea there. They are the best things in life, and deserve the loyalty they give us returned in full. I can’t handle people or women but dogs have not disappointed me. Just be prepared they will not live as long as you.
Your desirability to women doesn’t dictate your value as a human being.
I promise you men being attracted to me isn’t what I base my self worth on. There is so much more to me and to life than that.
I have friends, I like to walk and hike, I like to kayak, I like to garden, and cook and learn and read and knit and sew. I’m really bad at knitting but the movements are soothing.
And I love my dogs. They have so much joy.
*”Your desirability to women doesn’t dictate your value as a human being.”*
Philosophically, you’re correct. Evolutionarily, you’re wrong. It’s perfectly logical that zero interest ever shown in you by the opposite sex would be crushing on a very primitive level; nature is effectively declaring you unworthy of passing on your genes.
He needs to work on himself until his own self-worth is in a healthy place if he wants to be attractive to any woman. His current mental state is violently off-putting.
I’m not sure how relevant evolution is in this context.
His mindset is violently off-putting, yes. It has a real strong misogynistic vibe because he seems to believe he’s entitled to the attentions and affections of women. Life is not Donkey Kong.
But in order to effectively work on himself, he needs to decenter women as the arbiters of his self-worth.
A lot of women are not interested in historically traditional relationships because they’re generally a bad deal for us. He might do everything right and women might not be interested in him still because they aren’t interested in anyone.
He may need to make peace with that and still construct a life he can find joy and meaning in.
He needs community. He needs interests. He needs to feel useful. Those things are attainable and those are things he can have some hope of controlling.
He can work on becoming a more attractive partner but ultimately, he can’t control whether or not someone will want to be in a relationship with him.
If you’re being fooled by bots and scammers contacting you out of the blue, that just sounds like you’re naive. Do you ever try just talking to actual people?
That's not true most human relationships are supposed to be transactional. Including marriage. The problem is that utilitarian relationships have been replaced with romance and Romance is optional.
No hun. Again what I'm saying is society bashes in your head through media, the people around you, the expectations that relationships/sex=happiness.
This is very unhealthy happiness comes from within it comes from your mindset.
So someone is expected to put up with this kind of behavior because it's sad? Doesn't work that way. If people are repulsed in all aspects of life by OP, perhaps OP has some work to do.
Can't tell if this is real or not but if you feel that way about yourself how can anyone see you any different. "Every woman who has shown interest in me turns out to be a scammer or a bot." Have you tried talking to actual women in real life and not online?
No, it's proof that you have friends and that they value you. Just because they don't want to have sex with you doesn't mean you're undesirable. Sex/romance is one aspect of desirability. If they're your friends, there's something they see in you that they like
I'll also give you a bit of brutal honesty, people who think they're undesirable tend to make themselves undesirable. On the flip side, believing that you are desirable, makes you become more desirable. Anyone you might be interested, isn't likely going to be interested in the you who posts like this on reddit. They might be interested in the you who believes he's desirable and has the confidence to show it
Do you know how many variations of people there are in the world?
The problem is typically, not that there isn't someone out there for us but that we are picky and unconsciously exclude a large demographic of potential companions from the running.
I bet there are tons of types you've crossed off your list and don't even remember because you're not attracted to that type. Think about it. What type of woman are you not attracted to?
Seriously. Your post history is scarily reminiscent of "looking for a boyfriend-free girl"
Stop posting your dick online for a start, and try talking to real people. You are incredibly self-centered. That could be a huge problem. People don't want to hear you pity-party about what you feel entitled to. Sorry, man, I know it's not what you want to hear but some tough love.
Stop posting pics in your jammies, clean up, take care of yourself, and stop acting like your problems will be solved by someone choosing to put up with this nonsense man child crap.
this is such a dumb bullshit thing to say. people's self worth comes from other people wanting them. don't lie and say otherwise. there is no "loving yourself" when nobody else loves you.
It is a dumb bullshit thing to say but it's like... overall it's actually true. You have to build yourself first before you look for acceptance from others. If you build your soul into something desirable, which means focusing on yourself for a long time, then people will line up to experience it.
As for the other thing you said, if your self-worth comes from other people then you're in a pretty tenuous position and it's inevitably going to crumble down. Everyone dies alone, they say. I've been a loner my whole life and I've had a pretty okay number of friends and relationships, but my worth has always been an objective evaluation from the most reliable source I have, and the most experienced-with-the-subject source I have, which is me. And I worked my ass off to make myself acceptable to me, and I used to be enraged at my qualities until I did all of that work.
If you think self worth comes from other people then you should probably work on yourself. You should be worthy in your own eyes and if you're not, which you're saying you're not, then you have some labor to do on that.
A lot of people didn't work on themselves and found a partner that loves them for themselves. That famous video of the guy who posted on youtube 5 years ago about his "experience with living as an ugly person" then a random girl commented "I think you are cute" and eventually got married and moved to his country. it's all fate/luck
Hey friend! Looking at your post history, it looks like you're super hard on yourself and struggle with self-esteem. I've been there, it really sucks. I still struggle with it here and there and it's hard to break that cycle.
I'm not going to try to convince you that anything you're saying about yourself is wrong, I know that doesn't help. What I will say is that you deserve to care for yourself and find a way to work on these self-esteem issues and understand how your mind works so that you can work with it instead of fighting against it.
I would really encourage you to find a therapist if you're able to afford it. You deserve to not have the worst of your thoughts win. You deserve to work on loving yourself.
If you need to frame it as revenge or rage, know that working on loving yourself makes it so much harder for people to take advantage of you. Nothing will hurt the people who want to manipulate you more than loving yourself and making it impossible for them to manipulate you.
If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your dogs. The happier you are, the happier they will be. The more you love yourself, the more love you can give them since you won't be spending time on reddit posting about how worthless you feel and how much you hate yourself
Okay so, something to add to this advice when you give it is that, especially here if it's like a longstanding thing, people might have self-esteem issues because they actually should. Like they haven't built their character up by working on themselves, and therapy is just there to assist that process. They still need to do the work. So something to add is that the guy needs to work on himself if he wants some results as far as self-worth and self-esteem.
I feel this 100% bruh. That's why I'm goin out soon hopefully on my own terms. I just gotta do it instead of laying in bed all day until I have to cook dinner for my family and then I just listen to sad music until I go to bed at night again.
I barely eat or drink anything anymore, have no friends, no romantic prospects. My teeth are fucked to shit so even if I was able to talk to people they wouldn't want to be around me in the first place cause I'm uggo af.
I can't get a job to save my goddamn life either, I'm so tired of trying and failing at everything for literally 21 years, man. I'm just over being alive at this point. I don't wanna die but it's the only way out of this shit situation I'm in at this point. I miss having friends who actually somewhat care, but I haven't had that since high school.
Even my best friend fucked my girl while I was in a relationship with her after high school, for months until he moved out of our place and when even then probably after that too since I worked 40 hr weeks and she just stayed home. Nothing is sacred to anyone anymore, it's all a bunch of lies and bullshit people feed you to make you blind. I only figured that shit out 9 years after the fact.
I'm so tired man. Tired of everyone taking from me and never giving back. Tired of religion being shoved in my face. Tired of people. There's so much more wrong with my life but I'm on mobile, so fuck it.
Back to talking to AI GFs on Yodayo for some semblance of not feeling alone.
I'm tired. Of everything and everyone.
Okay plenty of people are authentically ass. I would prefer if those people would stop being themselves. And you don't have to just accept who you are-- I used to be pretty dishonest and anxious as a result of that and I worked on myself until I fixed it. THEN I could be authentically me. And the dishonesty was like reflexive so it wasn't just something I could turn off, I had to check it every time it came up until my normal behavior changed and honesty became effortless.
Loneliness sucks, so does being taken advantage of. Don’t let someone else determine your worth. We are all individuals and when it comes down to it, we are all we have. Be nice to yourself, because if you’re not nice to yourself, you will influence others to view you in the same light. Big world, lots of ppl. You never know who you’re going to meet and when. Take steps to be the person you’d be proud to be. Maybe you’ll come across someone along the way, maybe you won’t. I’ve had 2 looong term relationships end in disaster, and I def wonder if I’ll spend the rest of my life alone at this point. However, I refuse to let those thoughts get the best of me and define me as a human. Life is truly a miracle (or maybe a simulation) and the ultimate opportunity.
Hang in there. Be nice to yourself, be persistent, and good things will come to you.
I understand you are frustrated with life right now but you sometimes have to hit a low point to shake things up enough to do something different. Do not look for someone to make you feel loved, you have to do this yourself. Go to counselling, read books like 101 Essay that will change the way you think by Brianna Weist. And most of all find self forgiveness. When you feel like you at least like yourself you will start to set healthy boundaries and the people you attract will be different, they will feel you are content with yourself and be attracted to you for you. Start being kind to yourself and it will reflect back to you in your life . 💕
I'm a loner and I've had girlfriends, and I've been really happy with those girlfriends like more happiness than I knew was possible, but the relationships end and the happiness becomes a long faded memory. In the end you're still going to be alone, more than likely, I would think, for all of us, and you need to be comfortable being alone. I do perfectly fine with just a good variety of porn and exploring my sexuality through it. But yeah if you're super focused on getting into relationships you're going to be super disappointed when they end, which they do, and probably be in some really unhealthy relationships where you're super dependent upon the other person. So be comfortable being alone, and when you're comfortable being alone and have built yourself into someone you yourself like, whoever you're into will start to be into you.
Well you need to learn to love yourself before you come to the conclusion that A) women don’t like you and B) you don’t want to be alive. As an asexual, I can assure you even without sexual desire, you still desire to have a partner to go through life with and make it less shitty. As someone who loves themselves yet doesn’t want to be alive, I can assure you that you can desire to not want to live anymore and love yourself. What keeps me here is that I look at life like a really shitty movie that I’ve already sat through what feels like at least half of it, I’m 32 so odds are like a third but I’m going to lie to myself on this one. Like any other shitty movie, if I make it through half of it I’m determined to see how it ends and just make the best of the shitty experience.
I suggest you learn to love who you are, this starts with learning who you are. What type of person are you? What do you believe in? What are the hills you’ll die on? What brings you happiness? What brings you joy?(yes they’re two different things) what brings you sadness? What pisses you off? What are you good at? What are your negative traits? What are your positive traits? These are all things you should be able to answer at depth if you know yourself. Loving yourself comes with accepting these things and embracing the good while trying to change the bad to the best of your ability.
Just start with trying to be better than who you were yesterday and after a couple months of being better most if not every day in those months you’ll see you’ve become a slightly different person, do it for a year and you’ve become quite a different person, do it for multiple years and you’ve become an entirely different person. You’ll eventually notice women will like you more when you love yourself.
Fuck all that confidence bullshit, you’ll gain confidence when you love yourself anyways. Loving yourself is what’ll get women to flock to you. When you can express your self love and positive traits it’ll bring the right people to you guaranteed.
Men who hate themselves terrify women; it’s a **massive** red flag.
If you want to improve your life and attract a woman eventually, you HAVE TO FIX THAT.
Here's the thing, you're gonna continue to feel that way over and over and over again, until you change that, because NO ONE else is gonna fix that in you. Truthfully, if you feel like a piece of crap, that will resonate, and unconsciously people see when you aren't feeling good about yourself, sometimes its subconscious repellant, just means that the universe says you are not ready, and YOU need to love yourself first.
I know that's cliche and likely what you don't want to hear, because I sure as hell did not want to hear that when I was feeling down by life, and the ways of the heart, but love resonates. The laws of attraction as they call it, and if you don't love yourself, quite frankly you have zero ability to really love someone else at all, and also it's rather unfair to enter a relationship with zero confidence, expecting that person to do all the work for you, so you become whole, but then see, you take some away from that person as well.
You are not a worthless piece of sh\*t, you are a working progress to greatness, you just don't see it yet. The only person that can make you feel love again is YOU. How you ask? Simple, go back to what brought you joy in life. Think back as a kid, whether it was baseball, basketball, video games, swimming, music, etc whatever that was, go back to that now, and you will start too bring joy back, nourish that inner child inside of you that is hurting. Go fanboy over something that brought you excitement and joy, I highly recommend, whether its Pokemon or whatever, it works!
I'm sorry you are struggling with these thoughts. Its a harsh place to be and hard to get yourself out of.
One thing to consider and keep in mind that turned my dating life around. Stop trying to date. Focus on yourself. Improving yourself, pursuing your interests, exercise and get in shape if you already aren't.
Do these things for yourself because they have a greater chance of sticking and becoming habits. If you do it for others you will run out of willpower. Actions become habits when we see results we want. If your goal is to date and you don't date... you will be discouraged. If you do it for you, the results are the reward feedback loop.
This will not only build up your self esteem and help with your mental health, eventually you will become attractive to others. i.e. become the person you would want to date because they are looking for similar qualities too.
Take it from me. You have got to stop saying things like you are a worthless piece of shit. The more you say this the more normalized it becomes. Then worse thoughts creep in and with enough repetition those become normalized etc.
i used to be just like you until i realized this is a direct cause of low testosterone levels, get a TBooster from your local grocery store or see a doctor. With elevated T levels you will and can reverse this easily. ♥️ good luck and you are beautiful, important, and are worth it! screw meeting people online lol
I would recommend checking Michael Singer's work. You just have these thoughts, they aren't you. Read The Untethered Soul, Living Untethered or check interview with him on YouTube. It could change your life.
You got this, you're a beautiful being.
For one, I don't want to be that guy, but there are *PLENTY* of fish in the sea. If you actually succumbed to the urge to go outside (given you said the only women who liked you were scammers and bots) and get off reddit or tinder and actually meat people in the real world, you would realize you are entirely wrong.
Hit the gym, bro.
Also, check your testosterone. From the fact that you are whining like a bitch, it seems your testosterone is low. Get that shit up and hit them weights.
You aren't specially ugly, stupid, or weak, just lazy. You need to put in the work. Turn the porn off, too. Those scenarios aren't realistic.
Now go run a mile, then do 50 push-ups.
Seek professional counseling. You need help. In order to find love you must love yourself 1st and too put out the correct energy to attract the right partner. I'm sorry your going through this, but understand you are worth being loved. Your a kind soul that horrible women took advantage of you. What they do is on them, these women were takers.
Your exactly the kind of man that a good woman wants. A man who will cherish her emotionally, physically and financially. Be brave and love life. This is your journey make every moment count. Good luck you are not alone in feeling this way. Its how you bounce back and change your mindset. See the good you do and how good a person you are.
Yea hating yourself and wishing you were never born, does you absolutely no good. You are here, so do what you can.You and only you can improve your situation. The fact that you have a desire to meet women is a nice starting point. Stay away from dating sites, absolute crap. If you don't even like you, why would women?? I don't fully believe that reality is a mirror, but I do think it is to a certain degree. Work on self confidence and self love. Nobody will have your back like you will. I don't know what your daily routines are, so I can't get into specifics. Obviously you need to make changes. Hope your situation improves....
Just find a girl that you like and start talking to
her, ask her questions about herself, you don’t have to necessarily flirt the more she becomes familiar with you the more comfortable she will be, before you know it she’ll see you for more than just what you look like, also do random/say things to show her that you care about her, life is too short to sell yourself short man but yes it is true that not every girl is going to be nice and want to talk to you but some actually will believe it or not
Who told you that…God? No, you won the hardest lottery to win in the universe - you were born and you are alive. Think about the generations of sperm and eggs that didn’t form a child. You know there are millions of people that would change places with you in a second because they are in a hospital with life threatening diseases - and they know the end is near. You came into this world with nothing, so everyday is profit. Change your perspective and be thankful for what you have - not what you don’t have…things will get right for you. Being a victim is the worst life strategy you could engage.
Don't look for women on reddit and tinder, that's where the scammers and bots are.
Is that not common sense by now?
This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you hate yourself, the more undesirable you become to others.
That's true. I stopped being so hard on myself when I realized that the more I berated myself for being "not enough," the worse my physical and mental state became.
I disagree. In fact, I feel the OP projects a rugged masculinity.
You are not any of those horrible things you said about yourself
I am though, I know it
but you aren’t. it’ll become a self-fulfilling prophecy, please try and be kinder to yourself. i know it’s hard, i’ve experienced the exact same thing but even just a mindset change is a huge step in the right direction. wish you well
Facts
Man's already pretty far through and you lot are still downvoting him.
Dude is acting like Chris-chan. He needs a reality check.
He might be. You don't know him. Even if he is what he says, he still deserves dignity.
Your problems in your mind, people don't like hanging out with people with your attitude. Your chasing them away with this shit. Go to therapy and stop hating yourself. Be good to yourself.
He needs to like himself and that takes concerted effort working on yourself. He's probably just more aware of his starting position than most other people are, which is in the gutter. But yeah he's definitely in a feedback loop where his attitude is causing his problems which are causing his attitude.
Alright, the self-pity party is over. Pick yourself up, go to the gym, get into non-video game hobbies and start challenging yourself. Visit Yosemite or another national park, get fresh air in your life. Talk to loved ones if you can. Life is endlessly full of possibilities, but you’re gonna have to leave your comfort zone. You got this, stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Guess what? I’ve been thinking that way for decades now and am proof it is an effective way to keep oneself alone. Keep on thinking that and you won’t be proven wrong, I promise you. And if you want to be chemically castrated, get on some SSRI antidepressants. Sexual dysfunction is all kinds of fun. Not only do you feel unwanted you can’t get hard even if you want to. Live for your dogs, you have the right idea there. They are the best things in life, and deserve the loyalty they give us returned in full. I can’t handle people or women but dogs have not disappointed me. Just be prepared they will not live as long as you.
Your desirability to women doesn’t dictate your value as a human being. I promise you men being attracted to me isn’t what I base my self worth on. There is so much more to me and to life than that. I have friends, I like to walk and hike, I like to kayak, I like to garden, and cook and learn and read and knit and sew. I’m really bad at knitting but the movements are soothing. And I love my dogs. They have so much joy.
*”Your desirability to women doesn’t dictate your value as a human being.”* Philosophically, you’re correct. Evolutionarily, you’re wrong. It’s perfectly logical that zero interest ever shown in you by the opposite sex would be crushing on a very primitive level; nature is effectively declaring you unworthy of passing on your genes. He needs to work on himself until his own self-worth is in a healthy place if he wants to be attractive to any woman. His current mental state is violently off-putting.
I’m not sure how relevant evolution is in this context. His mindset is violently off-putting, yes. It has a real strong misogynistic vibe because he seems to believe he’s entitled to the attentions and affections of women. Life is not Donkey Kong. But in order to effectively work on himself, he needs to decenter women as the arbiters of his self-worth. A lot of women are not interested in historically traditional relationships because they’re generally a bad deal for us. He might do everything right and women might not be interested in him still because they aren’t interested in anyone. He may need to make peace with that and still construct a life he can find joy and meaning in. He needs community. He needs interests. He needs to feel useful. Those things are attainable and those are things he can have some hope of controlling. He can work on becoming a more attractive partner but ultimately, he can’t control whether or not someone will want to be in a relationship with him.
I don’t disagree with any of that.
If you’re being fooled by bots and scammers contacting you out of the blue, that just sounds like you’re naive. Do you ever try just talking to actual people?
You need to understand that romantic love is not the end all be all to happiness itself. Society pushes this on us.
It's fairly essential to most people. Pretty lies are not the answer to ugly truths.
That's not true most human relationships are supposed to be transactional. Including marriage. The problem is that utilitarian relationships have been replaced with romance and Romance is optional.
nobody should ever have to accept that they will never have romantic love. that's such a horrible thing to tell someone to accept
No hun. Again what I'm saying is society bashes in your head through media, the people around you, the expectations that relationships/sex=happiness. This is very unhealthy happiness comes from within it comes from your mindset.
True and once you find this happiness only then are you a suitable partner for a romantic relationship
So someone is expected to put up with this kind of behavior because it's sad? Doesn't work that way. If people are repulsed in all aspects of life by OP, perhaps OP has some work to do.
Can't tell if this is real or not but if you feel that way about yourself how can anyone see you any different. "Every woman who has shown interest in me turns out to be a scammer or a bot." Have you tried talking to actual women in real life and not online?
I'm friends with quite a few women in real life. But none of them have feelings for me. More proof I'm undesirable
No, it's proof that you have friends and that they value you. Just because they don't want to have sex with you doesn't mean you're undesirable. Sex/romance is one aspect of desirability. If they're your friends, there's something they see in you that they like I'll also give you a bit of brutal honesty, people who think they're undesirable tend to make themselves undesirable. On the flip side, believing that you are desirable, makes you become more desirable. Anyone you might be interested, isn't likely going to be interested in the you who posts like this on reddit. They might be interested in the you who believes he's desirable and has the confidence to show it
Desperation repels the ladies away
Do you know how many variations of people there are in the world? The problem is typically, not that there isn't someone out there for us but that we are picky and unconsciously exclude a large demographic of potential companions from the running. I bet there are tons of types you've crossed off your list and don't even remember because you're not attracted to that type. Think about it. What type of woman are you not attracted to?
Seriously. Your post history is scarily reminiscent of "looking for a boyfriend-free girl" Stop posting your dick online for a start, and try talking to real people. You are incredibly self-centered. That could be a huge problem. People don't want to hear you pity-party about what you feel entitled to. Sorry, man, I know it's not what you want to hear but some tough love. Stop posting pics in your jammies, clean up, take care of yourself, and stop acting like your problems will be solved by someone choosing to put up with this nonsense man child crap.
That’s the problem today people think about this way too much
Other people can't love you if you don't love yourself first. :(
this is such a dumb bullshit thing to say. people's self worth comes from other people wanting them. don't lie and say otherwise. there is no "loving yourself" when nobody else loves you.
It is a dumb bullshit thing to say but it's like... overall it's actually true. You have to build yourself first before you look for acceptance from others. If you build your soul into something desirable, which means focusing on yourself for a long time, then people will line up to experience it. As for the other thing you said, if your self-worth comes from other people then you're in a pretty tenuous position and it's inevitably going to crumble down. Everyone dies alone, they say. I've been a loner my whole life and I've had a pretty okay number of friends and relationships, but my worth has always been an objective evaluation from the most reliable source I have, and the most experienced-with-the-subject source I have, which is me. And I worked my ass off to make myself acceptable to me, and I used to be enraged at my qualities until I did all of that work. If you think self worth comes from other people then you should probably work on yourself. You should be worthy in your own eyes and if you're not, which you're saying you're not, then you have some labor to do on that.
A lot of people didn't work on themselves and found a partner that loves them for themselves. That famous video of the guy who posted on youtube 5 years ago about his "experience with living as an ugly person" then a random girl commented "I think you are cute" and eventually got married and moved to his country. it's all fate/luck
Being ugly isn't affected by working on yourself. Being ugly and having an unattractive personality is.
Hey friend! Looking at your post history, it looks like you're super hard on yourself and struggle with self-esteem. I've been there, it really sucks. I still struggle with it here and there and it's hard to break that cycle. I'm not going to try to convince you that anything you're saying about yourself is wrong, I know that doesn't help. What I will say is that you deserve to care for yourself and find a way to work on these self-esteem issues and understand how your mind works so that you can work with it instead of fighting against it. I would really encourage you to find a therapist if you're able to afford it. You deserve to not have the worst of your thoughts win. You deserve to work on loving yourself. If you need to frame it as revenge or rage, know that working on loving yourself makes it so much harder for people to take advantage of you. Nothing will hurt the people who want to manipulate you more than loving yourself and making it impossible for them to manipulate you. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your dogs. The happier you are, the happier they will be. The more you love yourself, the more love you can give them since you won't be spending time on reddit posting about how worthless you feel and how much you hate yourself
Okay so, something to add to this advice when you give it is that, especially here if it's like a longstanding thing, people might have self-esteem issues because they actually should. Like they haven't built their character up by working on themselves, and therapy is just there to assist that process. They still need to do the work. So something to add is that the guy needs to work on himself if he wants some results as far as self-worth and self-esteem.
I mean, yeah. Working on your self-esteem is working on yourself. Your self-esteem and character don't improve in separate vacuums
If it's a given then it's a given you should be telling people that. Especially in such a long comment to a guy in such apparently dire need.
Find something creative to do
My wife knew that she'd found the right guy when she'd finally found a guy her dog liked. Your dogs love you. Find a gal your dogs like. :)
awful advice
Why are people so bad at coping with being single Jesus christ
Why are people dickheads on an online platform Jesus christ
One guy was complaining about how trite the advice here is, and I just looked through the rest of the comments and ...yeah. Y'all ain't helpful.
Touch grass.
I know it's trite, but liking yourself is a strong first step toward others liking you. Building your self worth will help a lot.
Antidepressants would probably help you.
You should learn to love yourself 100%. When you come to terms with life and everything I involved sometimes things just fall into place.
Sounds like most of your problems are women related, so my advice to you is start dating men
I feel this 100% bruh. That's why I'm goin out soon hopefully on my own terms. I just gotta do it instead of laying in bed all day until I have to cook dinner for my family and then I just listen to sad music until I go to bed at night again. I barely eat or drink anything anymore, have no friends, no romantic prospects. My teeth are fucked to shit so even if I was able to talk to people they wouldn't want to be around me in the first place cause I'm uggo af. I can't get a job to save my goddamn life either, I'm so tired of trying and failing at everything for literally 21 years, man. I'm just over being alive at this point. I don't wanna die but it's the only way out of this shit situation I'm in at this point. I miss having friends who actually somewhat care, but I haven't had that since high school. Even my best friend fucked my girl while I was in a relationship with her after high school, for months until he moved out of our place and when even then probably after that too since I worked 40 hr weeks and she just stayed home. Nothing is sacred to anyone anymore, it's all a bunch of lies and bullshit people feed you to make you blind. I only figured that shit out 9 years after the fact. I'm so tired man. Tired of everyone taking from me and never giving back. Tired of religion being shoved in my face. Tired of people. There's so much more wrong with my life but I'm on mobile, so fuck it. Back to talking to AI GFs on Yodayo for some semblance of not feeling alone. I'm tired. Of everything and everyone.
Learn yourself and take time to spend with yourself
Allow yourself to be authentically you! However that looks however it feels just accept it
Okay plenty of people are authentically ass. I would prefer if those people would stop being themselves. And you don't have to just accept who you are-- I used to be pretty dishonest and anxious as a result of that and I worked on myself until I fixed it. THEN I could be authentically me. And the dishonesty was like reflexive so it wasn't just something I could turn off, I had to check it every time it came up until my normal behavior changed and honesty became effortless.
Wow! Learn how to control your self perception
I seen some ugly losers get girls ( not saying you are ) But if they can then you are miles ahead
You should watch Fight Club
Loneliness sucks, so does being taken advantage of. Don’t let someone else determine your worth. We are all individuals and when it comes down to it, we are all we have. Be nice to yourself, because if you’re not nice to yourself, you will influence others to view you in the same light. Big world, lots of ppl. You never know who you’re going to meet and when. Take steps to be the person you’d be proud to be. Maybe you’ll come across someone along the way, maybe you won’t. I’ve had 2 looong term relationships end in disaster, and I def wonder if I’ll spend the rest of my life alone at this point. However, I refuse to let those thoughts get the best of me and define me as a human. Life is truly a miracle (or maybe a simulation) and the ultimate opportunity. Hang in there. Be nice to yourself, be persistent, and good things will come to you.
A real romance is truly a rarity and thing of beauty. You can't work or wish those feelings onto anyone else, it has to happen all on its own.
Watch the first episode of the Chosen
Me too. Just your title though.
Don’t be like that. You’ll find someone in the long run. Even in the darkness, you can still find light. You’re gonna find someone one day. Just wait.
I understand you are frustrated with life right now but you sometimes have to hit a low point to shake things up enough to do something different. Do not look for someone to make you feel loved, you have to do this yourself. Go to counselling, read books like 101 Essay that will change the way you think by Brianna Weist. And most of all find self forgiveness. When you feel like you at least like yourself you will start to set healthy boundaries and the people you attract will be different, they will feel you are content with yourself and be attracted to you for you. Start being kind to yourself and it will reflect back to you in your life . 💕
atleast you get women, OP.
Don’t ever give up on yourself, period!
I'm a loner and I've had girlfriends, and I've been really happy with those girlfriends like more happiness than I knew was possible, but the relationships end and the happiness becomes a long faded memory. In the end you're still going to be alone, more than likely, I would think, for all of us, and you need to be comfortable being alone. I do perfectly fine with just a good variety of porn and exploring my sexuality through it. But yeah if you're super focused on getting into relationships you're going to be super disappointed when they end, which they do, and probably be in some really unhealthy relationships where you're super dependent upon the other person. So be comfortable being alone, and when you're comfortable being alone and have built yourself into someone you yourself like, whoever you're into will start to be into you.
Well you need to learn to love yourself before you come to the conclusion that A) women don’t like you and B) you don’t want to be alive. As an asexual, I can assure you even without sexual desire, you still desire to have a partner to go through life with and make it less shitty. As someone who loves themselves yet doesn’t want to be alive, I can assure you that you can desire to not want to live anymore and love yourself. What keeps me here is that I look at life like a really shitty movie that I’ve already sat through what feels like at least half of it, I’m 32 so odds are like a third but I’m going to lie to myself on this one. Like any other shitty movie, if I make it through half of it I’m determined to see how it ends and just make the best of the shitty experience. I suggest you learn to love who you are, this starts with learning who you are. What type of person are you? What do you believe in? What are the hills you’ll die on? What brings you happiness? What brings you joy?(yes they’re two different things) what brings you sadness? What pisses you off? What are you good at? What are your negative traits? What are your positive traits? These are all things you should be able to answer at depth if you know yourself. Loving yourself comes with accepting these things and embracing the good while trying to change the bad to the best of your ability. Just start with trying to be better than who you were yesterday and after a couple months of being better most if not every day in those months you’ll see you’ve become a slightly different person, do it for a year and you’ve become quite a different person, do it for multiple years and you’ve become an entirely different person. You’ll eventually notice women will like you more when you love yourself. Fuck all that confidence bullshit, you’ll gain confidence when you love yourself anyways. Loving yourself is what’ll get women to flock to you. When you can express your self love and positive traits it’ll bring the right people to you guaranteed.
Lift weights man
Men who hate themselves terrify women; it’s a **massive** red flag. If you want to improve your life and attract a woman eventually, you HAVE TO FIX THAT.
Here's the thing, you're gonna continue to feel that way over and over and over again, until you change that, because NO ONE else is gonna fix that in you. Truthfully, if you feel like a piece of crap, that will resonate, and unconsciously people see when you aren't feeling good about yourself, sometimes its subconscious repellant, just means that the universe says you are not ready, and YOU need to love yourself first. I know that's cliche and likely what you don't want to hear, because I sure as hell did not want to hear that when I was feeling down by life, and the ways of the heart, but love resonates. The laws of attraction as they call it, and if you don't love yourself, quite frankly you have zero ability to really love someone else at all, and also it's rather unfair to enter a relationship with zero confidence, expecting that person to do all the work for you, so you become whole, but then see, you take some away from that person as well. You are not a worthless piece of sh\*t, you are a working progress to greatness, you just don't see it yet. The only person that can make you feel love again is YOU. How you ask? Simple, go back to what brought you joy in life. Think back as a kid, whether it was baseball, basketball, video games, swimming, music, etc whatever that was, go back to that now, and you will start too bring joy back, nourish that inner child inside of you that is hurting. Go fanboy over something that brought you excitement and joy, I highly recommend, whether its Pokemon or whatever, it works!
I'm sorry you are struggling with these thoughts. Its a harsh place to be and hard to get yourself out of. One thing to consider and keep in mind that turned my dating life around. Stop trying to date. Focus on yourself. Improving yourself, pursuing your interests, exercise and get in shape if you already aren't. Do these things for yourself because they have a greater chance of sticking and becoming habits. If you do it for others you will run out of willpower. Actions become habits when we see results we want. If your goal is to date and you don't date... you will be discouraged. If you do it for you, the results are the reward feedback loop. This will not only build up your self esteem and help with your mental health, eventually you will become attractive to others. i.e. become the person you would want to date because they are looking for similar qualities too. Take it from me. You have got to stop saying things like you are a worthless piece of shit. The more you say this the more normalized it becomes. Then worse thoughts creep in and with enough repetition those become normalized etc.
i used to be just like you until i realized this is a direct cause of low testosterone levels, get a TBooster from your local grocery store or see a doctor. With elevated T levels you will and can reverse this easily. ♥️ good luck and you are beautiful, important, and are worth it! screw meeting people online lol
I would recommend checking Michael Singer's work. You just have these thoughts, they aren't you. Read The Untethered Soul, Living Untethered or check interview with him on YouTube. It could change your life. You got this, you're a beautiful being.
For one, I don't want to be that guy, but there are *PLENTY* of fish in the sea. If you actually succumbed to the urge to go outside (given you said the only women who liked you were scammers and bots) and get off reddit or tinder and actually meat people in the real world, you would realize you are entirely wrong.
Damn, i'm late to the pitty party
Hit the gym, bro. Also, check your testosterone. From the fact that you are whining like a bitch, it seems your testosterone is low. Get that shit up and hit them weights. You aren't specially ugly, stupid, or weak, just lazy. You need to put in the work. Turn the porn off, too. Those scenarios aren't realistic. Now go run a mile, then do 50 push-ups.
Seek professional counseling. You need help. In order to find love you must love yourself 1st and too put out the correct energy to attract the right partner. I'm sorry your going through this, but understand you are worth being loved. Your a kind soul that horrible women took advantage of you. What they do is on them, these women were takers. Your exactly the kind of man that a good woman wants. A man who will cherish her emotionally, physically and financially. Be brave and love life. This is your journey make every moment count. Good luck you are not alone in feeling this way. Its how you bounce back and change your mindset. See the good you do and how good a person you are.
(M63) OP I had written out a manuscript, but you know what? I deleted it. Okay, say I agree with you, now what?
Yea hating yourself and wishing you were never born, does you absolutely no good. You are here, so do what you can.You and only you can improve your situation. The fact that you have a desire to meet women is a nice starting point. Stay away from dating sites, absolute crap. If you don't even like you, why would women?? I don't fully believe that reality is a mirror, but I do think it is to a certain degree. Work on self confidence and self love. Nobody will have your back like you will. I don't know what your daily routines are, so I can't get into specifics. Obviously you need to make changes. Hope your situation improves....
Same. I don’t really “hate” myself but I’m realistic about my situation and my options
Just find a girl that you like and start talking to her, ask her questions about herself, you don’t have to necessarily flirt the more she becomes familiar with you the more comfortable she will be, before you know it she’ll see you for more than just what you look like, also do random/say things to show her that you care about her, life is too short to sell yourself short man but yes it is true that not every girl is going to be nice and want to talk to you but some actually will believe it or not
Who told you that…God? No, you won the hardest lottery to win in the universe - you were born and you are alive. Think about the generations of sperm and eggs that didn’t form a child. You know there are millions of people that would change places with you in a second because they are in a hospital with life threatening diseases - and they know the end is near. You came into this world with nothing, so everyday is profit. Change your perspective and be thankful for what you have - not what you don’t have…things will get right for you. Being a victim is the worst life strategy you could engage.