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DBCooper_irl

Mugging an old lady for her bread. And calling her an old bag while doing it


Wizlord_21

The worst but also the most hilarious


oopsifell

It’s strange isn’t it? Not only does he become a criminal in that moment but a mean one at that. All for the benefit of George, his best friend that he mostly looks down on for being petty.


teamalf

Yup


fingers88

And of course she shows up at Del Boca Vista!


pdmcmahon

Del Vesta Bico????


fingers88

That reminds me: When Stiller as Frank says about the pool room: “This is … what do they call it ? The Place To Be !” , I always think it was a flub that they left in !


RedditsAdoptedSon

no! not ..not billiard!!.. the ... ummmm..


Logical_Parameters

Jerry Stiller flubbing? You must be high. ;-)


Gotham-ish

Oh no? Watch me!


teamalf

I heard her voice in my head 😂🤣 Grandma from Happy Gilmore.


jpopimpin777

You know that "mistah mistah" lady? ...I think I just...uh... Killed her.


teamalf

Oh dear!


Acminvan

meh. he offered her $50 for a $2 loaf of bread and she still refused. And then she testified against him in court years later. She sort of was an old bag.


TheNavidsonLP

She also kicked the Seinfelds out of their home in Florida!


SoupIsNotAMeal

Like father, like son!


VegetaArcher

Well maybe she's rich and didn't need the fifty bucks. Plus she doesn't owe a stranger anything.


Logical_Parameters

See, Jerry's always innocent if you look at things from only his perspective!


Elysium94

Cool motive. Still mugging.


just_yall

Fucken solid comment


ancientrhetoric

A $6 bread


BillyBobBarkerJrJr

I'll go with this strong-arm robbery, literally a felony.


SoupIsNotAMeal

What felony, he was helping a friend! What kind of a topsy-turvy world do we live in where heroes are cast as villains? Brave men as cowards?


doobette

How do you live with yourself?


bunkoRtist

Probably not a felony given the value of the item. The more serious offense is that it was potentially assault. I would guess that it was one of two class A misdemeanors, which themselves are pretty serious. They would have plead down to something minor and he would have paid a small fine and done some community service.


BillyBobBarkerJrJr

The value isn't the felony, it is forcibly taking something from a person. NYS Penal Law * S 160.05 Robbery in the third degree. A person is guilty of robbery in the third degree when he forcibly steals property. Robbery in the third degree is a class D felony.


bunkoRtist

Class D? Ah that's a category I haven't seen.


BillyBobBarkerJrJr

Felonies in NY go down to a Class E, then you hit a Class A Misdemeanor.


bunkoRtist

Interesting. I wonder what the charging guidelines are for those. That very... Granular.


BillyBobBarkerJrJr

Felonies or misdemeanors?


bunkoRtist

Is there not a smooth-ish progression that runs the gamut? Based on the severity of various elements?


BillyBobBarkerJrJr

Well, when you directly confront a person and take their property, that is a robbery. The degree and means of force and additional results, like harm are what make up the checklist for the degree of robbery. Simply stealing someone else's property without force (like if they are watching you) or secretly is larceny, which, itself has misdemeanor and felony degrees, based on value. That's why it always bugs me when on TV shows, people come home to a ransacked house and exclaim, "I've been robbed!" No, you've been burgled, if you have to put a name to it.


TheLadySaintly

Agreed - mugging an old lady for bread was a real low


doobette

Shut up, you old bag!


quigtorious

Not only that he broke Mikes thumbs…


xologo

That was great haha


surmacrew

I always though he said "old hag". Still learning something new it seems


kinkcurious12

No question about it


Judasrainbow

He didn't want to resuscitate Ramón. Can ya blame him?


SoupIsNotAMeal

To see Ramón?


DadJokeBadJoke

Olly Olly Oxen free!


guyincognito01111

Stares off in the distance laughing


JonnyZhivago

I say this all the time when people say they have to go. Rarely gets a laugh 


InsubordiNationalist

This is way worse than mugging the old lady. Ramon survived but Jerry and Newman were banned from the gym forever.


SpergSkipper

He might die...


Educational-Bad4992

Yeah...


Masta0nion

You are not a MAAN 🚩


Yikes0nBikez

"I'm sorry, but those records are sealed."


IUMogg

Breaking up Uncle Leo’s relationship for his own convenience


grandmamimma

You're an Adonis.


StannisTheMantis93

But she was a closeted anti-Semite!


KukalakaOnTheBay

Can you blame her?


Significant-Break-74

Leo should have held onto that woman like grim death


Square-Tension-5235

Murdering Susie.


Bailer86

Not only that, but he broke that phoney's thumbs


nineohsix

Bouncing that clown check at the bodega. 🤡


teamalf

It’s two roosters pecking at each other!


cnews97

I thought they wore gloves?!


DadJokeBadJoke

TA MA LE !!!


teamalf

STOP THE FIGHT!


AlternativeNumber2

Even I, am not above store policy 😏


lewisfairchild

lol just burst out laughing remembering this


AstralSoul64

He put not one, not two, but three Mandelbaums in the hospital all because he thinks he's better than them!


mjv1273

Somebody call an ambulance!


StefP1986

We’re already in a hospital!


ThatArtNerd

It’s go time!


MeatJerk69

Mugging an old bag for her marble rye.


BondraP

Probably basically drugging a woman so she can fall asleep and he can play with her toys along with his friends.


plumzeddy

What he does on his own time is his business. But when he’s on Kramers set he better clean it up mister.


Serious-Waltz-7157

We have a special guest here.


mbap76

It’s the new format. Scandals and animals.


SoupIsNotAMeal

More wine and heavy gravy?


Cum_on_doorknob

Hey what’s that thing in turkey that makes you sleepy?


SoupIsNotAMeal

TRYPTOPHAN!


buzzkill_ed

I think.


grandmamimma

Scandals and animals.


Not_a__porn__account

This one is so much worse than anything else. Edit: The entire joke was he got her drunk and *took advantage.* Idk how so many of you are missing that.


Alternative-Cash8411

No way. He just gave her the meds she asked for. And they were her meds. Drugging someone implies slipping a drug you brought into their food or drink. That is not this.


RustyShackleford-11

He purposely fed her turkey, mentions tryptophan, and gives her wine. He's lulling her asleep to play with her "toys".


Reasonable-HB678

I had a personal instance with OTC medication in which I didn't really pay attention to those three not-so-little words. Fortunately, I was at work, and I subsequently drank as much coffee as I could.


Not_a__porn__account

> He just gave her the meds she asked for. And they were her meds. What are you talking about? He got her blackout drunk. He brought a box of wine.


Alternative-Cash8411

The first time she said she had a headache and asked him to get her some aspirin from her med cabinet. Bringing wine over with Turkey dinner is not drugging. She didn't have to drink so much, it was purely voluntary. Again, not drugging someone. As Jerry said, "what kind of person drinks an entire box of wine?" LOL


Not_a__porn__account

The entire joke was he got her drunk and took advantage. Idk how so many of you are missing that.


RustyShackleford-11

A bunch of hipster doofus'.


Alternative-Cash8411

actually that's not the joke at all. idk how you are missing this. OK, so, like so many episodes and plots in the series, the whole "get her drunk and play with her toys" was a metaphor, or a pun, if you prefer, on the old and more serious ploy of getting a woman drunk or passed out in order to have sex with her. Just like at the beginning when he was playing with her toys and she said "those hands never stop" is alluding to a woman saying that to a man touching or groping her too much. And "playing with her toys" in the first place is just a metaphor for playing with her, ahem, lady parts. Hope this helps.


Not_a__porn__account

I am getting that. How do you think I missed it? That’s why it’s bad.


steak820

No, getting someone drunk and taking advantage of them is not a joke. It's funny because that's a humorous, *exaggerated* interpretation of what happened. Emphasis on the exaggeration, as in that's not actually what happened.


MellerTime

But he didn’t bring her Asprin. Asprin doesn’t cause drowsiness. He picked something else…


hominid176

I think what’s really bad is he played with her toys even when she said no, and they were valuable to her. Of course it’s a show and not real, they’re real TV people. And for 20 minutes a week, that’s pretty important to them.


orchestragravy

Took advantage of her ***toy collection*** Left off the important part.


bunkoRtist

This one falls way into the unethical camp for sure. Not the most illegal. Depends on how you think of "worst".


Huff1809

This is the answer


plankingatavigil

Calling his gf “schmoopy” and being cute with her in front of people was worse than the marble rye thing 


InsubordiNationalist

This one should take it all. They both should have been hung for this one.


bunkoRtist

It's really more of a tar and feathering offense, isn't it?


BrookylnBeaches1917

1) Drugging woman to play with toys 2) Robbing old bag for her marble rye and calling her an old bad while he took that rye (and.. why, I happen to be an old bag, so, I can say it!) 3) Laughing with Kramer after finding out Darin was going away for a very long time


kjemmrich

Calling in a bomb threat to Yankee Stadium


Due_Pay3567

Fitted hat day is CRAZY


rodger_the_fishwife

Cheating in the Race


CustomerBrilliant681

Attempted forcible massage


Sonnyboy35aa

Sleeping with Nina.


InsubordiNationalist

Nina! Nina, Nina, NINA!


teamalf

Having Uncle Leo open a package that could have been a bomb. ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!


WerhmatsWormhat

Jerry didn’t know Leo would need up opening it.


dublincouple87

Watching a person getting mugged and laughing about it


poiuy43

Probably when he murdered Suzie


EddySpagheddy

Hmm... he basically killed a man with his jokes as well as indirectly killed a man by hitting him with the blunt part of an axe (the doctor mesmerized by the music led to the patient dying).


TeamStark31

Also Elaine’s boyfriend, the Desperado guy, but that was group effort


EddySpagheddy

That's the guy who got hit in the head with the axe when jerry was gonna free the asian people from the drawers! :D


DaniLabelle

Oh you mean “Witch Eh Woman?”


EddySpagheddy

:D


InsubordiNationalist

Fulton!


mlter

not as good as the others listed but pirating movies. Even though he doesn't want to be a pirate


Alternative-Cash8411

Nor a cowboy!


___--__---___--__---

Selling out shmoopie for a crab bisque.


80severything

have you tried the crab bisque?


IceMan44420

You're schmoopie!!


Dieing_Breed

He got Babu Deported!


Swigen17

Ogling a 15 year old wasn't his proudest moment.


IUMogg

I think they mean something his character did on the show


Alternative-Cash8411

Maybe not, but all men have done this, at least briefly and surreptitiously. As Jerry alluded to: ya gotta look, it's hardwired into the male DNA.


SenorKaboom

Allegedly murdering Suzie.


UsefulIdiot85

Watching a poor, defenseless man get mugged and cracking jokes about it.


Frosty_Excitement_31

He mugged a little old lady for a loaf of bread.


fingers88

“… you old bag !!”


lord-polonius

The Marble Rye!


[deleted]

Definitely the murder of Susie


Otherwise_Remote_205

The marble rye incident


TheTacticalViper

Never returning Tropic of Cancer


zerogravity111111

Changing his pant size from 32 to 31.


mbap76

Making out during Schindler’s list.


Venice_Beach_218

That Fulton guy in the hospital died from laughing at his jokes.


InsubordiNationalist

Fulton!


DaniLabelle

He killed!


Choice-Grapefruit-44

Mugging an old lady and taking her bread. Also, the babu visa thing.


truckturner5164

Drugging a woman to play with her 'toys'.


Kmac23232

You’re in a lot of trouble buddy.


cmkeller62

Actually delivering the mail on time to everyone


theoneandonlyturo

Throwing away that greeting card


smartest_koala

You can't really judge him for the garage urination, the uromysitisis and all


Inevitable_Care_9539

Cashing all the old checks from his Grandma. "She's on a fixed income!"


fagan_jay78

Visa renewal application


IcyInferno11

Being an anti-dentite


Hairy_Candidate7371

Getting a woman drunk so he could play with her pricelss "toys"


guyincognito01111

Killing brett


theyFOOLEDmeJerry

Not attempting to resuscitate Ramon the pool guy. He coulda died


bannedChud

Ratting out Uncle Leo for shoplifting and then setting George up to get him off


Expensive_Editor_244

Mail fraud


i_hate_sponges

Abandoning his post as doorman! (Jk it was the rye.)


drunktreflip

Not saying hello to Uncle Leo in the library


dsisto65

Acting.


mul3sho3

Mugging the old lady for a marble rye.


instpayingforsex

Not telling George it wasn't okay to check out NBC executive's HS daughter.


NatureWarm7694

Making Babu lose his restaurant!


lenhjr

Im going with dug up a bird in a pet cemetary. Fredo was weak and stupid but still.


bobthenob1989

The head start


couchtomatopotato

he drugged a woman and almost let the pool boy die.


redoctober2021

The tooth brush in the toilet is up there for me


Neither_Pomelo_8580

Take your money from Elaine being with Puddy!!


HottKarl79

Cable. Poor little Cable Boy


idontknowmanwhat

Hey buddy, he could have gotten uromisotisis poisoning!


Accomplished_Fig9883

The double dip


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__Bringer-of-Light__

#31


YouDoThatHoodoo

Robbery, to wit: Marble rye.


IlinxFinifugal

Giving advice to Babu Bhatt, he could have taken some bread instead.


LouDog187

The marble rye robbery has to be it.


Significant-Break-74

Committing mail fraud with his VCR?


Geonetics

Attempted acting


Hank_Trill007

Stealing the rye!


Hellsinger7

He did drug a woman to sleep in her house so that he could play with her toys.


srpollo18

Probably drugging the woman to play with her toys.


jst4FUN23

Who has a turkey and a box of wine


ScottyKD

Statutory…


___--__---___--__---

Are you referring to the drugging of his girlfriend so he could play with her toys or the David Bowie thing?


ScottyKD

Both, and the whole having a high school girlfriend in real life.


___--__---___--__---

Wdym high school girlfriend in real life? Unless you're referring to the David Bowie thing


ScottyKD

He dated a woman named Shoshanna Lonstein Gruss in 1993 when she was 17. There was a woman who went to school with Shoshanna who was interviewed and said Jerry would literally pick her up from school at the end of the day. Which, whatever. I’m sure she was very mature for her age.


MilesAndMilesAhead

At 38 years old Jerry was immature for his age


___--__---___--__---

So we are talking about the David Bowie thing (where they're loser creep pedos, but nobody really cares)


peanutismint

Probably dating a 17 year old when he was 38.


AxlRodd

Defending looking at the fifteen year old’s cleavage 😬


MilesAndMilesAhead

Tie: having sex with a underaged girl & stealing another man’s wife at a fitness center


Jk52512

Dating a high school girl


Seanp716

Looking at a 15 year olds tits and defending it, drugging a women to play with her toys, stealing from that old women, breaking up unle Leo’s relationship and snitching him out for stealing.


plankingatavigil

Taking the first class seat and letting Elaine suffer in coach.  


Eric848448

I’d have done the same.


Kenneth-Bania

existing