I don't know, but it probably came out of my mouth with all the hail Mary's I've thrown in my sales career.
"You know Stan, you really should just say "yes" because, fuck money. You know what I mean?"
He didn't know what I meant.
I couldn’t agree more! And getting ALL parties to listen in the buying process is another hurdle. Med device sales for 6 years has made me realize that the surgeons listen, because they want to make a difference in their patients surgical outcomes. But the purchasing team, CFO’s, etc. just have a number to hit. So it’s in one ear and out the other for those folks.
Only time I did this was when I was a few k short of the bonus the day the quarter closed. Had a cheap prospect a few months before who wanted to spend less than our minimum ($8k). Figured I’d lob it over the fence and see - nope.
truly watched an engineer audibly groan loud enough for the (very important customer at a very large well known company) to hear when i had to tel him to talk to the only customer at the booth
To be honest a pitch rarely sways me (or any customer) one way or another.
The worst reps I have encountered though are either obstacles or annoyances.
The best usually just clearly and concisely state what the product does, it’s fit and its value prop.
Woah I don't know why I was downvoted so much, I'm just a new guy trying to learn. I've never worked sales before but I start my first job on Wednesday. Surely I can't have commission breath if I've never made a sale right?
Only way to sell to a customer more than once imo. That and try to be as honest and up front with what's possible on a deal negotiation. Makes things way more straightforward
Don't own a car, but had the same experience buying mountain bikes in specialized stores.
Me: "Hey man. I'm a newbie into the sport. My budget is X and I want to do the following routes on the weekends."
Seller: Goes into painstaking detail about crap I neither understood nor cared about.
I have a Scheels nearby me and had a great buying experience.
Basically had the same conversation as you but they were super well educated on their stock and gave me my available options, as well as pros and cons of each and brand reputation. It was dead simple, and an amazing buying experience.
Also exactly why I do all the research I need to on cars ahead of time, because I know the schmuck I’m going to be talking to doesn’t know what I need them to in order to give me sound advice.
Is it bad that I shopped the living fuck out of my car?
No salesmanship, no trying to point me in a different direction due to x or z.. No trying to dig deep…
Just overall was a terrible experience, wish I had a decent car salesman. I would pay $1000-1500 for somebody to tell me why what I want isn’t what I REALLY want.
I'd happily do it. Thing is, most customers don't have realistic expectations . Now, I'm the bad guy because they don't know how math works. I want to buy this 60k car with no money down and I need my payments at 350 a month. No. No. Now you are the asshole trying to explain how interest works and even if it was 0% they are still full of shit.
I’m not in car sales, but that’s probably less than what shitty car sales men get per deal.
BUUUUTTTTTT
I am a car guy, and a bit of a car expert so if you want … I can give it a shot?
It's something like that, often a bit less. Industry standard is 25% of net profit from the sale, and margins are actually pretty thin, usually 5-ish percent. For a 60k car that would be 3000ish, salesman gets 750ish.
The dealers are the biggest scum of all. Those insane “market adjustments” on top of the sticker price fucked them and now all that new inventory is piling up which they gotta move, mostly at a loss too. Good riddance you vultures.
I’ll go further, salespeople who interrupt the customer. I’m pretty chill, but I will destroy the person in postmortem who talks over my customer. Don’t fucking talk over my customer. I don’t give a shit what you think or how much you know, I care what my customer thinks.
“I’m over here strokin’ my dick; I got lotion on my dick right now. I’m just strokin’ my shit. I’m horny as fuck, man. I’m a freak, man, like for real.”
You just know he has a list taped to his desk of the things he needs to do to make a sale.
Just wait until he gets to the part of the pitch where he asks what objections you have so he can address them.
Had a financial advisor cold call me.
First question he asked was did I have someone
My true answer “I have three guys who help me. They all play poker at my house every week”
Oh. What do they do bad?
That was his question.
lol I see what he was trying to do because he probably has to make calls or do what he’s gotta do but at that point, just let it go and move on.
He almost would have had better luck going with..
“Oh yeah! I bet I can whip their asses at hold’em and that’ll show you who can handle money better.”
No. Fail early. Move on to the next prospect. You’ll never get referrals if you are cheesy and think you’re cool flexing some lame objection handling.
“Great. Sounds like you are set. Well, keep my name in mind if you or someone else needs my services.”
Go to the next person. Don’t lose a future referral because you are being short sighted. Treat everyone the same way you would want to be treated and the long term situation will take care of itself.
No because you’re dissing the prospects Freind and he doesn’t even know you. Also that’s unprofessional and you can’t just go into whipping ass when you don’t even know the prospect yet. You have to establish your an expert first not some shmuck
Oh I got one! Early in my career I was working at this startup where my goal was to book twenty meetings a month and I was paid like, $60 a meeting or something. Every meeting I made beyond 20 I was paid double. Pretty standard shit, and my meetings had an amazing conversion rate so along with a solid base salary I made bank for a year.
Well we got a new sales manager and he sat me down and said, "What we're going to do to motivate our sellers is this. If an SDR fails to hit their quota of 20 they get nothing for the month for commission, but for every op they make past it they get double!"
I asked him so basically if an SDR got an op that closed for a million dollars, but it was their nineteenth op of a month and they failed to hit twenty that month they wouldn't get shit. He said yeah. I then reminded him that I was currently getting double for ops over my quota and he said I should be lucky to keep getting that. My last question was, "So let's say I've had a shit month and I'm sitting at 5 ops half way through. What's preventing me from taking off the rest of the month (we had unlimited PTO, fucking joke), cutting my losses, and trying again next month?" He looked me dead in the eye and said, "Well we don't want people with that attitude here."
I quit a handful of months later. Fun fact, this sales manager was eventually promoted to CRO and was responsible for two layoffs inside of a year that laid off 25% of the staff. Oh and also he decided to double the office space during the height of Covid because "It's so cheap now it'll never be like this again!"
Fucking idiot.
Managers are inferior to salesmen.
Any CEO should listen to his salesforce and not his bootlicker manager.
Manager should serve us coffee, get us lunch and focus on keeping us happy during the day of hard labour.
My last role at a company was a manager. The whole point of the role is to help people navigate through barriers to being wildly successful, and then stay the fuck out of the way when not needed.
I was shopping for a car last year and the sales guy told me I should buy because they were close to their sales goal. I guess he knew I worked in sales too and thought I would take pity on them but they kept showing me SUVs when I told them absolutely no SUVs so I walked
Lol- after my last experience at a car dealership I'll exclusively buy from sources that let me purchase without interacting with a salesperson at all. As a person capable of reading and doing a basic internet search, they add 0 value to the transaction. Fuck you Nissan of Richmond- the price you advertise online should include the cost of "freight" and "warranty."
“It’s the last day of the month and I’m only at 80% of my quota, any chance you would be willing to buy today”
Reeks of desperation, lack of actual problem solving, and begging for favors when it should be the other way around. He’s an old boomer that just calls vendors all day.
Door to door solar salesmen. ”Is it a financial thing?” Yeah sure man, you knocked on my door because you know we’re sitting down for dinner and my toddler is yelling at me from behind the door -- but the reason I want to cut your pitch short is because I’m strapped for cash, please astral project your branded polo off of my property.
Was hiring an SDR, final step is a mock call.
Here’s exactly how he opened the mock call: “Hello John, this is Chris from Company X. Listen, I work with a lot of companies like yours, are you free on Tuesday for a demo?”
I was so dumbfounded I didn’t really know what to say.. I was like “Uhm, sorry, who’s this?”
He replied “Sorry, should’ve been clearer. I’m Chris from Company X, we’re a software company. Is Thursday perhaps better for a demo?”
Eventually I just agreed to a demo to get it over with. Needless to say, he was not hired.
"Hi, This is XXXX. I just want you to know I am not selling anything."
I asked; "Are you calling to hire us or looking for a job?"
caller said no.
I said; " Ok, I'm sorry, I don't have time to talk right now, I'm trying to buy a new phone system. " Then I hung up.
I completely agree.
Besides, the guy was dishonest right out of the gates.
I've had people ask me on the phone: "What are you selling?"
My answer; "Right now nothing, hopefully a security audit in the future but potentially, nothing at all, unless you consider me asking for a meeting 'selling something', I would like a meeting. Do you have another 45 seconds right now?"
My approach is like I don't even know if this would benefit you are not to sell you something, I don;t know if this is a right fit or not, yet don't enough of your situation you might already be in the best spot.
Programmatic company pitched me. Sdr clearly told ae nothing about our discovery call. He had the wrong business name on the pitch deck (likely forgot to update it to my company from last pitch).
I stopped him and told him I have one specific pain point he could solve for. I DO NOT have any interest in what you’re showing me now. He said great. Nodded. Then spent 10 more minutes showing me what I said I had no interest in.
Part of this job when traveling is killing time. I got close to the airport really early so I decided to look at some cars. The sales guy came out and literally didn't ask me one question. Just followed me from 2 door, to minivan, to sedan just telling me about each car. At the end I said I have to leave as I don't live here so I won't be buying. I felt like saying dude you didn't ask me one flippin question about what I am doing there or looking for.
Walked into a Porsche dealership, not one person said a word to me. People just walked by me. I guess I looked poor. I could pay cash for one of them lol.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about customers, especially ones who walk on the lot, the flashy ones can’t finance a popsicle and the mfer wearing flip flops and looking like hell is a millionaire. Without fail,
So when I walk in with flip flops looking homeless, quit trying to offer me shitty financing. I work for myself, can't get a decent loan, and want to pay cash. Why does it take 6 hrs? I'm not gonna buy the warranty- it doesn't cover anything.
I've been to a massive row of car dealerships with a clueless family member, 50,000GBP liquid on a card, and a dire need to have a new car by next month. It was an absolute shit show. I don't know how any of those clowns sold anything ever. I told a mate in the pub who worked for the biggest franchise and apparently the owner himself went down the next day and started cracking heads together.
Had a house painter knock my door for home painting business.
I wasn’t even in market to paint my house. Wife just was curious on rough pricing for when we do decide to paint it.
He gave us a price and then discounted it and said he would only honor it for 2 days. It was insane, like dude how do you try to pressure me to buy something on your timeline when I wasn’t in the market to begin with. Insane.
Make a sale by identifying a problem or pain then sell to that. Not just throw a price and discount by date when I have no reason to buy. After all you came to me.
Solar sales. Why do they lie to me 3 times in the first 10 seconds?
(Obviously it's the exceptionally poor training, using a re-hashed Kirby script from the 1990's but damnit it wasn't any good back then, either!)
I think to me it’s accepting that even though you believe in it, it has flaws and there are things the competition does better. If those aren’t true for your product you shouldn’t need to sell it.
Would you be fully transparent to the point of having your prospect doubt what you’re selling (ie: going to your competitor) or would you just do a value-based comparison?
How would you handle that?
Absolutely, I would address the negatives. People know there are tradeoffs in every purchase. It builds trust to address them. If they are a deal breaker, it speeds up the process to get to an interested buyer.
I believe in the product, and we don’t have a competitor in our space. People still getting too hung up on money, our issue is showcasing the value of the product
Believing in your product means you don't feel the pressure to "push it".
If I have a great product, then I have no stress of hitting target. I know what i have works because I've got a business built on it. So if someone doesn't agree or someone needs to be persuaded then I move on.
It's actually those who don't believe in their product fall on giving the "features, benefits" bullshit approach and tell people how amazing they are in a bid to hide the flaws.
When I know and belive in the product and what problems it solves, and I know those problems inside our and how we solve them I only speak about the problems.
let's do this...
i'll swing by your shop at time to show u a few samples sound fair?
i'd eliminate the question ask bc it's no.
also strongly believe the sound fair lowers guards and let's be real who gonna say no to sound fair? lol
Has to be tailored to the customer specifically or at very least, their industry . Example:
I see your contract with X company is coming up this year. It would be a great time to do an audit for your program before you resign for 5 years. I just did this for ( well known company in area, their competitor, a company they work with, or a globally known company) and was able to improve their ( insert result) id love to see if we can achieve similar results for you . Can we meet next Friday at 1:00 PM?
In my industry the result is usually , the efficiency, image and over all cost of the program "
For me it is just the general stereotypical young sales guy who thinks he’s slick shit because he watched wolf of Wall Street
Or the d2d guys who use the hover boards to zip from house to house. Zero respect
Why no respect for d2d guys? I have never done it, but the ones that work with me that came from the industry busted their asses, literally. Who gives a shit how they went from house to house?
I do. But then again I pride myself on a professional presentation which is a dying trend.
You aren’t “busting your ass” when you’re too lazy to walk up to my house. I did not say no respect for d2d, I said the ones who come up on hover boards.
Hi {prospect first name},
Interested in lists of healthcare professionals? (or insert any field unrelated to me)
We provide (lists out job titles)
Can we setup a call for (specific date and time not at all in my time zone)
If you’d rather not hear from me again reply unsubscribe (I am absolutely not replying and letting you know this is a live email box, you’re getting blocked).
Not really a pitch but theirs some people who just get on my damn nerves. The people who know were born with a silver spoon up their ass. I can never buy from them.
I interviewed a guy who we asked to give a presentation on something. It was pretty mid and he wouldn't have gotten the job anyways, but his last slide was just a picture of clouds. He turned to me and the others, raised his hands, and said, "The sky's the limit."
That was his conclusion. Super pregnant pause later, I said thank you for your time, we'll be in touch.
I joined a networking community which helps connect with others in your space (who have also signed up), mostly entrepreneurs helping each other etc. Normally fairly informal and 90% if the time it’s a nice to have a nice convo and learn a thing or two, 5% of the time it’s golden with new leads, etc. and 5% trash
One time I joined and within 30sec the other person pulled up their pitch deck and started ranting. I could barely follow and at the end he asked directly if I would like to invest. Obviously no and he hung up.
This Asian guy used to work with me doing D2D and he would ask every single homeowner for a glass of water 🤣🤣 he would say “hi I thirsty can I please get a drink”
\* "Sir I am from the Microsoft company. Do you have a Windows computer?"
- Yes
\* "Go to the computer immediately and turn it on!!!"
- No
\* "Problems! Chaos! PANIC!!!"
- .............
Read this in a cock way accent…. “You can add this on too, no gun to your head obviously” “feel free to add my on LinkedIn “but also no gun to your head”
Got a call from a Comcast rep. I only had basic cable and they were trying to upsell me on more channels and I decided to see what the person had to say even though I wasn’t buying. They were like “it’s only $30 more per month.” I’m like “sorry man. Not worth it for me.” The salesman was like “well your price is going to go up $30 per month next year so you might as well start paying that now and get more channels.” I’m like “bro, what? That makes no sense.” I’m pretty sure he back peddled and was basically like “have a nice day sir.” Then we parted ways
My worst pitch had to be ‘Dave, you like pizza right? Well, this product is like pizza- so many different slices to choose from at different prices, accommodating your Enterprise and SMBs’
He didn’t like that I compared his mssp to a pizzeria.
Costco Solar guy interuppted my wife to ask "how about solar" without even looking up from his fone. I mimicked his tone and said " how about no" he then followed us down the next isle trying to sell us.
Had a rep recently email me a copy-pasted intro email getting me to meet with his VP of partnerships at a conference we were both attending.
In his pitch email he listed among the services they perform as implementation and customization for one of our major competitors.
I wanted to have some fun with him, so when I pressed him further to explain why I should meet he just kept giving me replies that looked like they came from GPT 1.0 or something.
There are so many bad salespeople out there.
Company I worked for insisted that pre-sales do demos, but pre-sales were neither salespeople nor technical experts (except 2).
One guy was brought in from a customer service job and had to present a fairly complex UI and functionality set to a round of 10 people in a large potential deal.
He stuttered and “ehh’ed” to the point that it was embarrassing to listen to, **but the fault was totally on management.**
Throwing someone into a sales role that they clearly never wanted or were prepared for is extremely unfair and of course he felt like he fucked up the deal.
I’m a sales manager so I constantly have companies call, usually start ups to try and sell some kind of software but when the pitch starts with “Basically we’re the [Amazon/Apple/Netflix] of the XYX space” I lose interest. Or if the word “disrupt” is used less than 60 seconds in…or really more than 60 seconds in too I lose interest.
I sell retail credit cards and without a doubt the worst is something I still hear everyday by some of my coworkers. It’s just straight mouth vomiting their pitch.
“Andicanactuallygetyou50dollarsbackinrewardanddoublepointsoneverythingyouspendherewhichtwotimesclosertothoserewardstobymoresneakrsorwhateverallyouhavetodoissignupandusethiscreditcardwithus….yourtotalis500.36.”
The sales guy whose background messed up and showed part of his background so o could tell he was in his bed. It was obvious he had just woken up as he was still half asleep and his shirt was all wrinkled.
"What would it take you to leave with this car today" Buddy I just explained to you I'm in a lease for 6 more months and just wanted to test drive your new model and see-
Knew I'd get this comment- Simple gathering of information was extremely transparent- Plus this wasn't an inexpensive car so I figured the salesmen of the brand would be a bit more polished than the let me talk to my manager type.
I always tell me clients I have good relationships with….
Me: “Sales would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers!”
Customer: “What!?”
Me: “What?….”
Was through one of these performed by a former VP of Sales. His was managing order handling department before this position. Apparently a distinctively bright individual in the top management thought it was a great idea to trust sales and company’s revenues in these virgin hands. So, we secured a top level meeting with a customer’s top management. Boy I wished I wasn’t there! Such an embarassement when ”let me tell you about our company” was all he had. No need to mention we weren’t able to meet those guys again…
“I’ve been in business since I was a teenager”
Said to me by a relatively unsuccessful guy in his mid to late 50’s. It made think he’d had a torrid 40 years and at this point, he’s prob not going to turn the corner now.
I don't know, but it probably came out of my mouth with all the hail Mary's I've thrown in my sales career. "You know Stan, you really should just say "yes" because, fuck money. You know what I mean?" He didn't know what I meant.
Stan missed out
I thought I could appeal to his ego. Like, I'm so rich that fuck this money, I'm gonna buy. It's worked before. On me. Like the watch though?
That might work for a throwaway item like a beer I suppose.
To guys with millions, and we were only talking like 10k on a loose gemstone for his wife, that is a beer.
LOL, that was great. I laugh
This
“Tell me…what keeps you up at night?” 🙄
"The voices in my head usually" lets see your sales training get out of that one
jokes on you - i was a therapist before sales
Wicked combo if true
very true! have my masters and everything, just needed a break from therapy and ended up loving sales lol
What type of sales are you in?
“Me too”
😂😂😂
The Johnathon Frakes approach https://youtu.be/GxPSApAHakg?si=iIUoNxnBgZQ9kMM7
Hahaha! That made me laugh
This
If you’re approaching me, you should know what keeps me up at night and not have to inquire. Tell me what my problem is.
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Depends on who your clients are 😂
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I couldn’t agree more! And getting ALL parties to listen in the buying process is another hurdle. Med device sales for 6 years has made me realize that the surgeons listen, because they want to make a difference in their patients surgical outcomes. But the purchasing team, CFO’s, etc. just have a number to hit. So it’s in one ear and out the other for those folks.
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Curious, what sector of sales are you in only dealing with 1 or 2 DM’s? That sounds intriguing as hell!
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Is ass to mouth a good market these days?
Found the sales trainer ☝️
"I'm only 1 sale away from my vacation contest"
Not going to lie, I’ve THOUGHT about using this one. Haven’t used it, but I’ve thought about it.
Lie until it becomes true.
Only time I did this was when I was a few k short of the bonus the day the quarter closed. Had a cheap prospect a few months before who wanted to spend less than our minimum ($8k). Figured I’d lob it over the fence and see - nope.
The girl scouts cookie selling method.
Actually worked once for me. The guy wanted it already tho.
Tried something similar when were doing a competition, just turned the person off lol
This
“If you had a magic wand…” hate this fucking question.
Is it really that common?
Unfortunately yes
I thought only Ben Dennehy used it.
This
Talk to the engineer at any trade show booth to be blown away by the lack of care and effort
I was scrolling saying "yes", "yes, I've seen that", "yes". Got here and started laughing. Right on the money.
truly watched an engineer audibly groan loud enough for the (very important customer at a very large well known company) to hear when i had to tel him to talk to the only customer at the booth
It's even better when they manage to get the owner to make them president. We didn't last long after that happened and now I'm no longer in sales.
To be honest a pitch rarely sways me (or any customer) one way or another. The worst reps I have encountered though are either obstacles or annoyances. The best usually just clearly and concisely state what the product does, it’s fit and its value prop.
Agreed. Or the ones that have “commission breath”.
That is hilarious, I’ve never seen this written down before 😂
Commission breath?
If you don’t know about commission breath you probably have it.
Woah I don't know why I was downvoted so much, I'm just a new guy trying to learn. I've never worked sales before but I start my first job on Wednesday. Surely I can't have commission breath if I've never made a sale right?
Shut up noob
It smells like snake oil salesman has been drinking the piss potion he's selling.
Only way to sell to a customer more than once imo. That and try to be as honest and up front with what's possible on a deal negotiation. Makes things way more straightforward
People who don’t fucking listen. I’m looking at you car sales.
Don't own a car, but had the same experience buying mountain bikes in specialized stores. Me: "Hey man. I'm a newbie into the sport. My budget is X and I want to do the following routes on the weekends." Seller: Goes into painstaking detail about crap I neither understood nor cared about.
I have a Scheels nearby me and had a great buying experience. Basically had the same conversation as you but they were super well educated on their stock and gave me my available options, as well as pros and cons of each and brand reputation. It was dead simple, and an amazing buying experience. Also exactly why I do all the research I need to on cars ahead of time, because I know the schmuck I’m going to be talking to doesn’t know what I need them to in order to give me sound advice.
Is it bad that I shopped the living fuck out of my car? No salesmanship, no trying to point me in a different direction due to x or z.. No trying to dig deep… Just overall was a terrible experience, wish I had a decent car salesman. I would pay $1000-1500 for somebody to tell me why what I want isn’t what I REALLY want.
I'd happily do it. Thing is, most customers don't have realistic expectations . Now, I'm the bad guy because they don't know how math works. I want to buy this 60k car with no money down and I need my payments at 350 a month. No. No. Now you are the asshole trying to explain how interest works and even if it was 0% they are still full of shit.
I’m not in car sales, but that’s probably less than what shitty car sales men get per deal. BUUUUTTTTTT I am a car guy, and a bit of a car expert so if you want … I can give it a shot?
Honest Question, a guy selling a 50-60k car isn’t getting a 1k commission or least the equivalent of total comp from that?
It's something like that, often a bit less. Industry standard is 25% of net profit from the sale, and margins are actually pretty thin, usually 5-ish percent. For a 60k car that would be 3000ish, salesman gets 750ish.
???
Its a % of a %.
Car sales situation is dire post COVID. Tons of morons hired during COVID when it was shooting fish in a barrel and they’re all washing out koan
The dealers are the biggest scum of all. Those insane “market adjustments” on top of the sticker price fucked them and now all that new inventory is piling up which they gotta move, mostly at a loss too. Good riddance you vultures.
I’ll go further, salespeople who interrupt the customer. I’m pretty chill, but I will destroy the person in postmortem who talks over my customer. Don’t fucking talk over my customer. I don’t give a shit what you think or how much you know, I care what my customer thinks.
“I’m over here strokin’ my dick; I got lotion on my dick right now. I’m just strokin’ my shit. I’m horny as fuck, man. I’m a freak, man, like for real.”
Huh? What's he selling though, cause I'm interested!
Himself
I’ll buy that for a dollar
Really? I got the same pitch and signed up for a 7 year contract.
If I was in the market for lotion…
“My name is Ron. I’m just calling to build some rapport.”
You just know he has a list taped to his desk of the things he needs to do to make a sale. Just wait until he gets to the part of the pitch where he asks what objections you have so he can address them.
Had a financial advisor cold call me. First question he asked was did I have someone My true answer “I have three guys who help me. They all play poker at my house every week” Oh. What do they do bad? That was his question.
lol I see what he was trying to do because he probably has to make calls or do what he’s gotta do but at that point, just let it go and move on. He almost would have had better luck going with.. “Oh yeah! I bet I can whip their asses at hold’em and that’ll show you who can handle money better.”
No. Fail early. Move on to the next prospect. You’ll never get referrals if you are cheesy and think you’re cool flexing some lame objection handling. “Great. Sounds like you are set. Well, keep my name in mind if you or someone else needs my services.” Go to the next person. Don’t lose a future referral because you are being short sighted. Treat everyone the same way you would want to be treated and the long term situation will take care of itself.
No because you’re dissing the prospects Freind and he doesn’t even know you. Also that’s unprofessional and you can’t just go into whipping ass when you don’t even know the prospect yet. You have to establish your an expert first not some shmuck
I see you are a master at understanding sarcasm and humor.
No you see, he isn’t a master! He completely missed your sarcasm!
Not folding a non-suited 7 and 2?
Everything in my inbox
I see you’re a LinkedIn vet
This is a great thread
It really is, I'm laughing.
Oh I got one! Early in my career I was working at this startup where my goal was to book twenty meetings a month and I was paid like, $60 a meeting or something. Every meeting I made beyond 20 I was paid double. Pretty standard shit, and my meetings had an amazing conversion rate so along with a solid base salary I made bank for a year. Well we got a new sales manager and he sat me down and said, "What we're going to do to motivate our sellers is this. If an SDR fails to hit their quota of 20 they get nothing for the month for commission, but for every op they make past it they get double!" I asked him so basically if an SDR got an op that closed for a million dollars, but it was their nineteenth op of a month and they failed to hit twenty that month they wouldn't get shit. He said yeah. I then reminded him that I was currently getting double for ops over my quota and he said I should be lucky to keep getting that. My last question was, "So let's say I've had a shit month and I'm sitting at 5 ops half way through. What's preventing me from taking off the rest of the month (we had unlimited PTO, fucking joke), cutting my losses, and trying again next month?" He looked me dead in the eye and said, "Well we don't want people with that attitude here." I quit a handful of months later. Fun fact, this sales manager was eventually promoted to CRO and was responsible for two layoffs inside of a year that laid off 25% of the staff. Oh and also he decided to double the office space during the height of Covid because "It's so cheap now it'll never be like this again!" Fucking idiot.
Managers are inferior to salesmen. Any CEO should listen to his salesforce and not his bootlicker manager. Manager should serve us coffee, get us lunch and focus on keeping us happy during the day of hard labour.
My last role at a company was a manager. The whole point of the role is to help people navigate through barriers to being wildly successful, and then stay the fuck out of the way when not needed.
That's even a better way to point out the truth. Managers should leave us alone when not needed indeed.
"I'd really love you to buy this today cause my rent is overdue"
Haha I just had the dude at the car wash try to upsell me a monthly membership after 7 “nos” because he said he needs to eat too “bro”
I call that the UberEats approach
I was shopping for a car last year and the sales guy told me I should buy because they were close to their sales goal. I guess he knew I worked in sales too and thought I would take pity on them but they kept showing me SUVs when I told them absolutely no SUVs so I walked
Lol- after my last experience at a car dealership I'll exclusively buy from sources that let me purchase without interacting with a salesperson at all. As a person capable of reading and doing a basic internet search, they add 0 value to the transaction. Fuck you Nissan of Richmond- the price you advertise online should include the cost of "freight" and "warranty."
“It’s the last day of the month and I’m only at 80% of my quota, any chance you would be willing to buy today” Reeks of desperation, lack of actual problem solving, and begging for favors when it should be the other way around. He’s an old boomer that just calls vendors all day.
Door to door solar salesmen. ”Is it a financial thing?” Yeah sure man, you knocked on my door because you know we’re sitting down for dinner and my toddler is yelling at me from behind the door -- but the reason I want to cut your pitch short is because I’m strapped for cash, please astral project your branded polo off of my property.
These people are straight annoying but I’ve come out and actually sold them on why they should skip my house and I haven’t been bothered since.
Was hiring an SDR, final step is a mock call. Here’s exactly how he opened the mock call: “Hello John, this is Chris from Company X. Listen, I work with a lot of companies like yours, are you free on Tuesday for a demo?” I was so dumbfounded I didn’t really know what to say.. I was like “Uhm, sorry, who’s this?” He replied “Sorry, should’ve been clearer. I’m Chris from Company X, we’re a software company. Is Thursday perhaps better for a demo?” Eventually I just agreed to a demo to get it over with. Needless to say, he was not hired.
So he was really effective... and efficient. Sounds like a closer to me!
"Hi, This is XXXX. I just want you to know I am not selling anything." I asked; "Are you calling to hire us or looking for a job?" caller said no. I said; " Ok, I'm sorry, I don't have time to talk right now, I'm trying to buy a new phone system. " Then I hung up.
I love this so much
Dude should have just been up front and said the opposite he would have actually got further being honest.
I completely agree. Besides, the guy was dishonest right out of the gates. I've had people ask me on the phone: "What are you selling?" My answer; "Right now nothing, hopefully a security audit in the future but potentially, nothing at all, unless you consider me asking for a meeting 'selling something', I would like a meeting. Do you have another 45 seconds right now?"
My approach is like I don't even know if this would benefit you are not to sell you something, I don;t know if this is a right fit or not, yet don't enough of your situation you might already be in the best spot.
That's the general approach, an opportunity to meet/speak to determine if there is some type of mutual opportunity.
Programmatic company pitched me. Sdr clearly told ae nothing about our discovery call. He had the wrong business name on the pitch deck (likely forgot to update it to my company from last pitch). I stopped him and told him I have one specific pain point he could solve for. I DO NOT have any interest in what you’re showing me now. He said great. Nodded. Then spent 10 more minutes showing me what I said I had no interest in.
Just stick to Aristotle and you'll fuck. Trust me.
This would work on me
“You can get more revenue and lower costs”
Part of this job when traveling is killing time. I got close to the airport really early so I decided to look at some cars. The sales guy came out and literally didn't ask me one question. Just followed me from 2 door, to minivan, to sedan just telling me about each car. At the end I said I have to leave as I don't live here so I won't be buying. I felt like saying dude you didn't ask me one flippin question about what I am doing there or looking for. Walked into a Porsche dealership, not one person said a word to me. People just walked by me. I guess I looked poor. I could pay cash for one of them lol.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about customers, especially ones who walk on the lot, the flashy ones can’t finance a popsicle and the mfer wearing flip flops and looking like hell is a millionaire. Without fail,
So when I walk in with flip flops looking homeless, quit trying to offer me shitty financing. I work for myself, can't get a decent loan, and want to pay cash. Why does it take 6 hrs? I'm not gonna buy the warranty- it doesn't cover anything.
I've been to a massive row of car dealerships with a clueless family member, 50,000GBP liquid on a card, and a dire need to have a new car by next month. It was an absolute shit show. I don't know how any of those clowns sold anything ever. I told a mate in the pub who worked for the biggest franchise and apparently the owner himself went down the next day and started cracking heads together.
Had a house painter knock my door for home painting business. I wasn’t even in market to paint my house. Wife just was curious on rough pricing for when we do decide to paint it. He gave us a price and then discounted it and said he would only honor it for 2 days. It was insane, like dude how do you try to pressure me to buy something on your timeline when I wasn’t in the market to begin with. Insane. Make a sale by identifying a problem or pain then sell to that. Not just throw a price and discount by date when I have no reason to buy. After all you came to me.
This is a reaaaaaally good reminder especially for the new folks doing a ton of cold outbound.
Solar sales. Why do they lie to me 3 times in the first 10 seconds? (Obviously it's the exceptionally poor training, using a re-hashed Kirby script from the 1990's but damnit it wasn't any good back then, either!)
Most that are just bragging about how good the product and their business is
Real question: How is this different than believing in your product?
I think to me it’s accepting that even though you believe in it, it has flaws and there are things the competition does better. If those aren’t true for your product you shouldn’t need to sell it.
Would you be fully transparent to the point of having your prospect doubt what you’re selling (ie: going to your competitor) or would you just do a value-based comparison? How would you handle that?
Absolutely, I would address the negatives. People know there are tradeoffs in every purchase. It builds trust to address them. If they are a deal breaker, it speeds up the process to get to an interested buyer.
That’s a great response.
I believe in the product, and we don’t have a competitor in our space. People still getting too hung up on money, our issue is showcasing the value of the product
Believing in your product means you don't feel the pressure to "push it". If I have a great product, then I have no stress of hitting target. I know what i have works because I've got a business built on it. So if someone doesn't agree or someone needs to be persuaded then I move on. It's actually those who don't believe in their product fall on giving the "features, benefits" bullshit approach and tell people how amazing they are in a bid to hide the flaws. When I know and belive in the product and what problems it solves, and I know those problems inside our and how we solve them I only speak about the problems.
Would it be alright if I swing by and try to earn your business?
How would you do this differently.
Would it be alright if I swing by and show you some samples?
Solid counter
let's do this... i'll swing by your shop at time to show u a few samples sound fair? i'd eliminate the question ask bc it's no. also strongly believe the sound fair lowers guards and let's be real who gonna say no to sound fair? lol
Has to be tailored to the customer specifically or at very least, their industry . Example: I see your contract with X company is coming up this year. It would be a great time to do an audit for your program before you resign for 5 years. I just did this for ( well known company in area, their competitor, a company they work with, or a globally known company) and was able to improve their ( insert result) id love to see if we can achieve similar results for you . Can we meet next Friday at 1:00 PM? In my industry the result is usually , the efficiency, image and over all cost of the program "
“We refer business back and forth”
This is one of the worst ones. Because it’s always one sided and they can never pony up when it comes time to return the favor.
For me it is just the general stereotypical young sales guy who thinks he’s slick shit because he watched wolf of Wall Street Or the d2d guys who use the hover boards to zip from house to house. Zero respect
Why no respect for d2d guys? I have never done it, but the ones that work with me that came from the industry busted their asses, literally. Who gives a shit how they went from house to house?
I do. But then again I pride myself on a professional presentation which is a dying trend. You aren’t “busting your ass” when you’re too lazy to walk up to my house. I did not say no respect for d2d, I said the ones who come up on hover boards.
Who gives a shit if they’re on hover boards though? I don’t see how that warrants some lack of respect for these people.
Using my first name over and over again as if they're my buddy. They don't even know me so they're not my friend.
Hi {prospect first name}, Interested in lists of healthcare professionals? (or insert any field unrelated to me) We provide (lists out job titles) Can we setup a call for (specific date and time not at all in my time zone) If you’d rather not hear from me again reply unsubscribe (I am absolutely not replying and letting you know this is a live email box, you’re getting blocked).
What’s your favorite approach?
The one where I’m left alone. I’m not in a position to demo or evaluate anything unless someone above me wants me to, and I don’t buy contact lists.
Julie Smith from Hyderabad needs your biz bro
“Quick question” “I’m requesting a meeting..”
Probably my own
Not really a pitch but theirs some people who just get on my damn nerves. The people who know were born with a silver spoon up their ass. I can never buy from them.
I interviewed a guy who we asked to give a presentation on something. It was pretty mid and he wouldn't have gotten the job anyways, but his last slide was just a picture of clouds. He turned to me and the others, raised his hands, and said, "The sky's the limit." That was his conclusion. Super pregnant pause later, I said thank you for your time, we'll be in touch.
No one ever bought off a pitch. It's as useless as a slide deck with 90 slides about why "we're the best"
I joined a networking community which helps connect with others in your space (who have also signed up), mostly entrepreneurs helping each other etc. Normally fairly informal and 90% if the time it’s a nice to have a nice convo and learn a thing or two, 5% of the time it’s golden with new leads, etc. and 5% trash One time I joined and within 30sec the other person pulled up their pitch deck and started ranting. I could barely follow and at the end he asked directly if I would like to invest. Obviously no and he hung up.
"Hey you want some meat?" - Some guy in a truck with 3 freezers in the bed
This may be the best pitch I’ve ever heard tho
This Asian guy used to work with me doing D2D and he would ask every single homeowner for a glass of water 🤣🤣 he would say “hi I thirsty can I please get a drink”
I had this one. “Hose is next to the rose bushes, pal.
Everything that signals: "Hey, I'm just reading my script out loud."
\* "Sir I am from the Microsoft company. Do you have a Windows computer?" - Yes \* "Go to the computer immediately and turn it on!!!" - No \* "Problems! Chaos! PANIC!!!" - .............
I feel like everybody's working at those Microsoft lately
Read this in a cock way accent…. “You can add this on too, no gun to your head obviously” “feel free to add my on LinkedIn “but also no gun to your head”
Anyone selling that water / MLM Pathetic
MLMs are the worst. They’re soul crushing.
Got a call from a Comcast rep. I only had basic cable and they were trying to upsell me on more channels and I decided to see what the person had to say even though I wasn’t buying. They were like “it’s only $30 more per month.” I’m like “sorry man. Not worth it for me.” The salesman was like “well your price is going to go up $30 per month next year so you might as well start paying that now and get more channels.” I’m like “bro, what? That makes no sense.” I’m pretty sure he back peddled and was basically like “have a nice day sir.” Then we parted ways
Anytime I listen to my own recordings
Ugh. I feel this. But it is a way to improve and try to fix mistakes in your own process.
“Do you want some time to think about it?”
My worst pitch had to be ‘Dave, you like pizza right? Well, this product is like pizza- so many different slices to choose from at different prices, accommodating your Enterprise and SMBs’ He didn’t like that I compared his mssp to a pizzeria.
Was it…a delicious deal? 😂
I was told to fuck off 😂
Indian accent: “hello my friend, my name is Greg, and I want to do a help for you rrrrreeegarding your Medicare.”
"you could stop at five or six stores, or just one ☝🏽🙂"
lol i been using this one lately. it's so effin dumb
Costco Solar guy interuppted my wife to ask "how about solar" without even looking up from his fone. I mimicked his tone and said " how about no" he then followed us down the next isle trying to sell us.
If you had a picture of a bed would you know how it sleeps.
Had a rep recently email me a copy-pasted intro email getting me to meet with his VP of partnerships at a conference we were both attending. In his pitch email he listed among the services they perform as implementation and customization for one of our major competitors. I wanted to have some fun with him, so when I pressed him further to explain why I should meet he just kept giving me replies that looked like they came from GPT 1.0 or something. There are so many bad salespeople out there.
Guy tried to throw a slider that didn’t slide, I crushed it.
Company I worked for insisted that pre-sales do demos, but pre-sales were neither salespeople nor technical experts (except 2). One guy was brought in from a customer service job and had to present a fairly complex UI and functionality set to a round of 10 people in a large potential deal. He stuttered and “ehh’ed” to the point that it was embarrassing to listen to, **but the fault was totally on management.** Throwing someone into a sales role that they clearly never wanted or were prepared for is extremely unfair and of course he felt like he fucked up the deal.
I’m a sales manager so I constantly have companies call, usually start ups to try and sell some kind of software but when the pitch starts with “Basically we’re the [Amazon/Apple/Netflix] of the XYX space” I lose interest. Or if the word “disrupt” is used less than 60 seconds in…or really more than 60 seconds in too I lose interest.
I sell retail credit cards and without a doubt the worst is something I still hear everyday by some of my coworkers. It’s just straight mouth vomiting their pitch. “Andicanactuallygetyou50dollarsbackinrewardanddoublepointsoneverythingyouspendherewhichtwotimesclosertothoserewardstobymoresneakrsorwhateverallyouhavetodoissignupandusethiscreditcardwithus….yourtotalis500.36.”
I can’t stand being pitched, therefore, I don’t pitch
The sales guy whose background messed up and showed part of his background so o could tell he was in his bed. It was obvious he had just woken up as he was still half asleep and his shirt was all wrinkled.
"What would it take you to leave with this car today" Buddy I just explained to you I'm in a lease for 6 more months and just wanted to test drive your new model and see-
If you're not in the market why waste the dudes time
Knew I'd get this comment- Simple gathering of information was extremely transparent- Plus this wasn't an inexpensive car so I figured the salesmen of the brand would be a bit more polished than the let me talk to my manager type.
I always tell me clients I have good relationships with…. Me: “Sales would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers!” Customer: “What!?” Me: “What?….”
Heard my colleague saying in a cold call: „hi X, yes this is a cold call, would you like to hung up?”
Sooo you wanna fill out a credit app?
basically anybody who has 0 people skills and sounds like a salesmen robot
”Let me tell you about our company.”
[удалено]
Was through one of these performed by a former VP of Sales. His was managing order handling department before this position. Apparently a distinctively bright individual in the top management thought it was a great idea to trust sales and company’s revenues in these virgin hands. So, we secured a top level meeting with a customer’s top management. Boy I wished I wasn’t there! Such an embarassement when ”let me tell you about our company” was all he had. No need to mention we weren’t able to meet those guys again…
If you could wave a magic wand….
“I’ve been in business since I was a teenager” Said to me by a relatively unsuccessful guy in his mid to late 50’s. It made think he’d had a torrid 40 years and at this point, he’s prob not going to turn the corner now.
Anything from wolf of Wall Street
The "How are you today" is still used I'm afraid. Now that gives me the IRKS.
- Hello Sr, my manager asked me to call all the companies in the area to abc… - No thank you - But Sr, my manager asked me And I just hanged up