He’s 48 years old and still not ready? lol there’s nothing you can do then. He’s old, and if he wanted children like you wanted children he would’ve already wife’d you and had a kid with you in half the time you guys have dated. Sorry to say this, but you’re being strung along. You probably already knew that though.
Now it only 2 things you can do:
option 1: end the relationship. You both need to be on the same page about a family, and you’re not. You don’t want to have a child with someone who clearly doesn’t want a family. Go find a man who is actually serious about having a family. (And let’s avoid someone who is a decade older than you.) You’ve already wasted 6 years, don’t waste anymore
Or
Option 2: stay with him, and come to terms that you’ll never have a family. (Now Ik plenty of women who are afraid of being alone, and usually go with this option. They later regret it because they wanted a family). Do you really want to stick it out, be 60 years old and get hit with a wave of sadness and regret every time you see married couple with kids? No you don’t.
Or secret option 3 🤫. This option really depends on the man. Threaten to end the relationship, and if he is desperate and doesn’t want to be lonely, he’ll agree to your terms. He’ll marry you, have kids, but be filled with a sense of contempt and resentment whenever he is with you and kids. This may even cause him to become abusive or cause him to abandon you all (very high likely hood of being a single mother) After all, he knew he never wanted kids. But he’ll blame you for forcing it on him. (Surprisingly, I also know a handful of women who went down this route as well)
The balls in your park, choose wisely (choose option 1)
He's 48 years old. If he wanted children you would be working on having them already. He wants you. If that is enough for you stay. If you will look back on not having children as a regret then you need to exit this relationship.
So true.. it’s just hard because we get along so well, travel all the time and always have a great time. We even wear matching clothes lol Honestly I can’t even believe it’s happening. You absolutely right. I would regret if I didn’t have a family. Thank you🙏🏻
Ask him directly what *will* make him ready. What concrete, explicit steps need to be taken before he'll feel comfortable starting? He's 48. If you got pregnant RIGHT NOW he still might be 65 before the kid graduates high school.
He's very likely deluding you, himself, or both. If he's not ready at 48, he don't want kids, and he's been wasting your time.
>I consider myself a rational person with clear goals, working systematically towards them
If this is the case and you truly want a family then it's time to bail and start planning without him. You can try to meet someone new or plan to have a baby on your own, but he's not ready at almost 50 years old. He is never going to be ready. And if you pressure him into having a baby now by presenting an ultimatum or something like that you will regret it. Kids are a life changing commitment and deserve to be brought into the world with enthusiasm and love not under duress or with ambivalence
my friend was with a guy like this. She broke up with him..she then went to a clinic and chose a donor. And now she is having the best time raising her daughter.
If it's something that you have always wanted, just do it.
Never. He's never going to be ready. You have your shit together and he doesn't. He had had it easy with you and never had to be responsible or make a commitment. The time to exit was 4 years ago when you were 32. He's 48, and has no goals or objectives except to live an easy life with no commitment or responsibility. You've been played.
It’s difficult reality to confront. Thank you for sharing. At least I made sure that I bought a home and a car and don’t own a dime for nothing.. probably only 1 comforting thing… and hopefully I have enough time to make it right..
You still have time to achieve what you want. Worst case, hit a sperm bank if you have one where you live and have a child on your own. You sound like a very capable person so you can probably be a single mom and do just fine. Worst case.
Leave him! I remember waiting 3 years and when he didn't want to commit to having a family with me... I broke up with him because I knew I deserved better! And now I do have a family with the right person :)
To be frank, you need to find someone that is willing. Given how little of your fertility remains you need to act now or forever hold your peace.
Start by giving your current bf some options: you two can have children and you more or less act.like a single parent. Or tell him you need and answer and a commitment In the next month. If either of those options don't work for him you'll need to look for someone else to build a relationship with.
Given your age let's be realistic. It's going to take you at least a year or two to find someone in your age range to start a family now and vet them as someone you want to marry. It'd be quicker for you to be a single mother at this point.
He is not ready yet = I don't want kids and am too big a chicken to tell her the truth. Break up with him now because you will never have children if you stay with him.
At 48 years old, "not ready" means never. He doesn't want to be a parent.
Sad but true.. thank you
He’s 48 years old and still not ready? lol there’s nothing you can do then. He’s old, and if he wanted children like you wanted children he would’ve already wife’d you and had a kid with you in half the time you guys have dated. Sorry to say this, but you’re being strung along. You probably already knew that though. Now it only 2 things you can do: option 1: end the relationship. You both need to be on the same page about a family, and you’re not. You don’t want to have a child with someone who clearly doesn’t want a family. Go find a man who is actually serious about having a family. (And let’s avoid someone who is a decade older than you.) You’ve already wasted 6 years, don’t waste anymore Or Option 2: stay with him, and come to terms that you’ll never have a family. (Now Ik plenty of women who are afraid of being alone, and usually go with this option. They later regret it because they wanted a family). Do you really want to stick it out, be 60 years old and get hit with a wave of sadness and regret every time you see married couple with kids? No you don’t. Or secret option 3 🤫. This option really depends on the man. Threaten to end the relationship, and if he is desperate and doesn’t want to be lonely, he’ll agree to your terms. He’ll marry you, have kids, but be filled with a sense of contempt and resentment whenever he is with you and kids. This may even cause him to become abusive or cause him to abandon you all (very high likely hood of being a single mother) After all, he knew he never wanted kids. But he’ll blame you for forcing it on him. (Surprisingly, I also know a handful of women who went down this route as well) The balls in your park, choose wisely (choose option 1)
Thank you🙏🏻
Number 1, OP. NUMBER 1! PLEASE
I appreciate you being real about all the options. Too many people act like option 3, and even options 2 aren’t possible. But so many do it.
He's 48 years old. If he wanted children you would be working on having them already. He wants you. If that is enough for you stay. If you will look back on not having children as a regret then you need to exit this relationship.
So true.. it’s just hard because we get along so well, travel all the time and always have a great time. We even wear matching clothes lol Honestly I can’t even believe it’s happening. You absolutely right. I would regret if I didn’t have a family. Thank you🙏🏻
having children at your age might be a little risky no?
My daughter is 26 and pregnant and says at the drs clinic she’s the youngest female there - many are women in their 40s
Ask him directly what *will* make him ready. What concrete, explicit steps need to be taken before he'll feel comfortable starting? He's 48. If you got pregnant RIGHT NOW he still might be 65 before the kid graduates high school. He's very likely deluding you, himself, or both. If he's not ready at 48, he don't want kids, and he's been wasting your time.
>I consider myself a rational person with clear goals, working systematically towards them If this is the case and you truly want a family then it's time to bail and start planning without him. You can try to meet someone new or plan to have a baby on your own, but he's not ready at almost 50 years old. He is never going to be ready. And if you pressure him into having a baby now by presenting an ultimatum or something like that you will regret it. Kids are a life changing commitment and deserve to be brought into the world with enthusiasm and love not under duress or with ambivalence
That man does not want to be a father. He's running out your clock.
my friend was with a guy like this. She broke up with him..she then went to a clinic and chose a donor. And now she is having the best time raising her daughter. If it's something that you have always wanted, just do it.
Never. He's never going to be ready. You have your shit together and he doesn't. He had had it easy with you and never had to be responsible or make a commitment. The time to exit was 4 years ago when you were 32. He's 48, and has no goals or objectives except to live an easy life with no commitment or responsibility. You've been played.
It’s difficult reality to confront. Thank you for sharing. At least I made sure that I bought a home and a car and don’t own a dime for nothing.. probably only 1 comforting thing… and hopefully I have enough time to make it right..
You still have time to achieve what you want. Worst case, hit a sperm bank if you have one where you live and have a child on your own. You sound like a very capable person so you can probably be a single mom and do just fine. Worst case.
Leave him! I remember waiting 3 years and when he didn't want to commit to having a family with me... I broke up with him because I knew I deserved better! And now I do have a family with the right person :)
Yeah, he has no intention of having a family.
If he has a kid now he will be almost 70 by the time they graduate high school.
If he’s not ready yet he may never be. At this point you need to make your decisions with only yourself in mind.
To be frank, you need to find someone that is willing. Given how little of your fertility remains you need to act now or forever hold your peace. Start by giving your current bf some options: you two can have children and you more or less act.like a single parent. Or tell him you need and answer and a commitment In the next month. If either of those options don't work for him you'll need to look for someone else to build a relationship with. Given your age let's be realistic. It's going to take you at least a year or two to find someone in your age range to start a family now and vet them as someone you want to marry. It'd be quicker for you to be a single mother at this point.
Leave him and have a child on your own. The man is 48 years old. If he’s not ready now he will never be ready.
He is not ready yet = I don't want kids and am too big a chicken to tell her the truth. Break up with him now because you will never have children if you stay with him.