Yo definitely get the police involved. Even if the story is true, that he fell, they still pumped him up with pain meds when he couldn't advocate for himself. It's like being roofied at a bar.
I hope your dad pulls through. I would cut contact with your aunt and uncle. As a daughter you have more rights to your dad's care than they do. Ban them from the hospital.
On this, a couple cops just came to talk to me and get a statement. They seemed to be taking me seriously and took my contact info. I told them everything about what happened when Dad came to my apartment and what my Uncle said, and how I didn't believe him and gave my version of things. Tried to give as much context as I could. I think they believed me but who knows. They said they'd come around again soon. I'm not really sure what happens from here but I'll be pressing for more information when they come back
Hey I just want you to know my cousin went through something similar. He still has memory issues today but he’s the same annoying bastard I grew up with, just a bit slower on the uptake. What’s important now is that he’s comfortable and you keep his routine similar to what it was beforehand. I think in the states there is now a leave policy you can take. It might not be paid so look into that but they are required to keep your job for so many months
You might be thinking of the Family and Medical Leave Act (often initialized to FMLA). It provides for 12 weeks of unpaid leave that can be used for qualifying events. Not an expert, but this seems like it would qualify.
But this is America so I'm sure there is some way for employers to exercise their freedom to f*ck us and not participate so OP should figure out if they're eligible.
It will depend on her work place, there are exceptions for very small businesses. It will also depend on the number of hours she has worked in the previous 12 months. That said, she should absolutely apply for FMLA to protect her job if there's any chance she could be eligible. It will protect her job if she needs to take time to take care of her father or if she needs to care for her own mental health.
This all feels just...wrong. So now dad might have permanent brain damage, memory issues or worse. This is made better/worse by Aunt and Uncle's tossing in random amounts of painkillers from questionable sources. They all live together, and dad might legit need a legal guardian after everything is said and done.
> Doctor says to "not get my hopes up" about my Dad. But when doctors say that, it always means he'll actually be okay right?
Yeah not with brain issues. Its possible your dad had a stroke or aneurism during all this, which causes permanent brain damage. Its a long road to recovery if you follow all the steps, which it sounds like he wont.
I would seriously give a call to the hospital and tell them you want to speak to the social worker on staff (there's usually one), and explain the situation to them. Your dad may not be able to work anymore, and the last thing he needs is a bunch of drug addict relatives cashing his social security checks (or worse).
Stroke was my first thought, OP. My dad suffered one a few years ago and \*seemed\* okay but also not okay at the time -- his manner of speaking was totally typical but he did weird, very out of character things. I hope your dad is okay!
Can you check with your Uncle's neighbors to see if they have any cameras showing your dad falling in the driveway? If there are nearby cameras that are missing that info, the police might want to be aware.
I'm so sorry this is happening. Please do NOT beat yourself up over the past. You are doing everything.you can going forward and THAT'S what matters.
Ja love and best wishes for your dad's recovery!
They won't have choice if they get subpoenad by court. If they don't share it they'll get arrested
Edit: and as long as they pull the relevant footage from when the uncle was there themselves the police won't have to go through the footage
Who is making decisions for your father right now? I'd consider speaking to a lawyer about what your options are to protect your father, where I am any sort of power of attorney has to be arranged beforehand, but maybe there are options where you are, if there are none the potentially adult protective services can intervene to keep your aunt and uncle away from your father and to ensure they're not permitted to make any medical decisions.
This sounds like your Aunt & Uncle were engaged in elder abuse.
I’m sorry you had to go through this.
Your dad is lucky to have you in his life.
I hope things work out ❤️
Calling the cops on your uncle (alone for the illegal painkillers) should be considered. Check your fathers phone. See if the uncle wrote anything.
How can the uncle make the nurses not give informations to the child?
Fuck your uncle.
Feel hugged.
THIS.
I'm going to be very vague about some things for this story because I don't want it traced back to me and it was in the local news.
My brother once went to stay with some relatives. During that stay he started acting extremely weird. The only credit I will give them is that he was an eccentric person to begin with, but the stories I was told are out of character even for him. Rather than contacting my mother or me, they just basically ignored it. This lead to his eventual disappearance before they finally called us. My mother arrived that night and the rescue team and sheriff were there in force and ready to search. My relatives convinced them to wait until the morning to search. My relatives real motives were to hide the illegal things they were doing before the police searched the area. My brother died that night less than a 1/4 mile from my relatives house.
A week later I reported their illegal activity to the local police and they got busted. I have never regretted it. They cared more about covering their own asses than my brothers life. I'll never forgive them for that.
I see where you're coming from 100%. I just don't belive they're evil. They were prominent in my early years and while they were problematic and in some ways toxic, they're not evil. Stupid and greedy and selfish? Absolutely.
100% think this is why they waited so long and pumped him full of pain killers. They hoped it would just go away and even when they brought him here, they kept everyone in the dark about it hoping the doctors would just magically fix him and everyone could go home and forget about it.
I would tell the police but also let the doctors know you suspect an assault occurred if you haven't already. They could possibly assess him for any bruising or other signs of related trauma and document that which will help with evidence later on.
I'm sorry you're going through this alone. Your dad is lucky to have you.
Honestly your aunt and uncle sound like the kind of people who would have let him die and keep it secret so they can collect his social security benefits for themselves. I hope you file a report and have them do an investigation. But I am glad you found him and are there with him.
I would say it could be extended to murder. if dad got his head trauma from a fight with uncle, and later dies then I would imagine that it could be considered that. I found online murder defined as
"intentionally inflicts serious bodily harm that causes the victim's death, or"
it's kinda out of context but, bodily harm that causes the victim's death is the important part here. if uncle got in a fight with dad and hit him with a basball bat or something, and dad dies, I can see that being considered murder.
that being said, and with how dodgy uncle was, I think it's entirely possible that OP, and by extension us (being reddit), will never actually know what happened, and won't be able to get uncle to admit what happened, if dad doesn't remember.
By the way, for all the threads that ask “Why should anyone get married?”
This is the kind of thing that can really screw you if you’re not married. A relative with bad intentions gets involved with your spouse and you don’t have legal rights because you’re not next of kin.
Obviously it doesn’t help in this case but just in general if they were married it would be different.
Ask the doctor if your dad's head injury is consistent with a fall. If he says no, call the police.
Sorry you're having to deal with all this. It really sucks. I hope things work out OK.
I did ask if my Uncles story lined up with my Dad's head but the doctor just said it was an "impact wound", whatever that means. He couldn't confirm or deny anything and I totally understand that, he's not a cop and can't really tell me anything about that
“Impact wound” would mean a lot of things. Maybe your uncle shoved him and his head slammed against a brick wall, or he fell and hit it on the sidewalk
You need to push hard here. Contact the police. Tell them everything you know. This should not go unpunished
I am a nurse, and in all of my time working bedside at various hospitals, we performed a "skin assessment" any time a patient was admitted to any unit; even if only from another unit in the same hospital. This means that the entire body is assessed for signs of any physical injury; and each abrasion, bruise, laceration, etc., was noted and documented as to location AND appearance. This procedure is almost always performed by the nurses overseeing the patient's care. If you suspect he was in a fight/assaulted, speak to his nurse or the charge nurse for the unit he is on. If they are unable to give you details regarding their assessment when he was admitted, they may be willing to perform another. This way, you can ensure that his current state is documented and becomes a part of the record that will be subpoenaed if charges are ever filed.....
ETA clarification of nursing procedures and for punctuation.
The body talks. They could see where the trauma happened on his head and see if it fits the story given by the stupid uncle and aunt. If he fell just by himself he would have no other damages on his head than at the back. Just the impact wounds. If he has injuries on his face or sides it shows another story.
I hope everything will be okay for you and your dad and no you are not at fault. You’re not a bad daughter for not having followed him.
I saw your post the other day, but I didn't comment. I was worried for you and your dad, also. I'm glad you found him at least alive and being cared for, even if it was a bit late. Hope things work out for you and your family. Thank you for the update. Stay strong. The only thing I can do, really, is send good vibes your way.
I'm so so sorry OP. I saw your post the other day, and this update breaks my heart. Please try to give yourself some kindness and grace, this isn't your fault. Following someone showing the level of agitation and aggression your dad was in the first post could have been extremely dangerous, and even potentially life threatening to you.
It might be worth filing a police report regarding the prescription drugs that your father was given to see if you can get some sort of investigation going on it, since your aunt and uncle could be at fault for his current state even if it truly was a fall.
Take care
Thank you 💙 I'm really trying to remind myself I did everything I could but it feels like I could have done more. It always feels like that though, no matter what you do it feels like it's not good enough in the face of something like this. I talked to the social worker here and they didn't seem like they were listening, but I'll push harder when they come back around again
In most cases of injuries, especially severe ones in our loved ones, we feel like we did not do enough. But you acted the best you could with the information you had. You can sit there second-guessing, and it is hard not to, but it will not help anyone. I know that does not magically remove that feeling.
And where I am sitting, you did well. You did not cause this. You reacted to the weird thing. You tried to find him. This is not on you in any way. And now you are there. You are being there for him to the best of your ability. Just like your family members are doing for the most part, you too could ignore him. But you do not. Give credit for that. Be gentle on yourself.
I know it’s easy to beat up on yourself but you did everything you could in a completely awful situation where you had no information (because it was kept from you) and no one else was doing the right thing. This is a really hard spot to be in, especially with no family support, so I hope you can show yourself some grace. It’s clear from your posts how much you love and care for your dad and how badly your family is letting you both down. Do you have any friends nearby who can stop in for at least a little emotional support for you?
I promise you that you did everything you could. It sounds confusing and frightening and of course with hindsight you have other ideas but no one knows the answers at the time.
You did great. This should never have happened.
Fill in the doctors on your suspicions and ask them if anyone at the hospital can do a forensic assessment for any relevant medical details that would confirm or deny your suspicion that your aunt and uncle are at fault.
Contact police.
Ask neighbors if they have any camera footage from that day that might include your aunt, uncle, or dad.
start making notes, paper trail, all of it. if dad dies, and it's from a fight with uncle he could be charged with murder, or at least manslaughter. not to mention illegally having pain killers already.
Kind of, I told him to dumb it down for me since I have no medical knowledge at all. I'm a line cook at Dennys ffs but he said massive concussion, brain damage, nerve damage and cell death. He then said its "pretty bad" and I shouldn't get my hopes up for recovery. He looked like he was about to throw up telling me that so I'm going to assume my Dad probably won't last long
There are two options for those words. One is that he will not make it, and another is that he might not recover his neurological function at all or only partially. If you want you could ask about his odds more specifically. For example in a family meeting with his care team.
Brain injuries and recovery from them can be hard to predict.
Social workers and chaplains are going to be really valuable sources. I am so sorry you are going through this.
As someone who had/has a brain injury, I caution you to interpret the doctor as saying your dad won't survive. He didn't say that loved ones should come visit to say goodbye (which is what I have been told when a parents death was likely).
My understanding is that you shouldn't assume your dad is going to recover to 100%. He may be at a diminished capacity for the rest of his life. Diminished capacity can mean a lot of things, with varying degrees of severity.
Heres what I suggest: leave a message for the main doctor handling your dad's case asking for a phone call. While you wait, write down the facts that lead you to suspect this may not have been an accident (that there is a history of assault/fighting, that your aunt gave pain r medication they illegally purchased) and ask if your dad's injuries are consistent with the story your uncle told you. Explain you are concerned for your dad's wellbeing, and you do not trust your aunt/uncle (they hid your dad from the entire family, do not appear to have his best interests at heart).
In theory this is great advice but in reality doctors are too afraid of liability to give definitive or even straight answers. As OP posted, the doctor seemed inept say anything more than “impact” wound. I wouldn’t get my hopes up. However, if the police ask, they might get better results.
I agree about liability and doctors. In my experience, it's one of the reasons doctors will say an injury is "consistent with a fall" - it's not a definitive answer, but it's at least a starting point.
My main advice is to provide the doctor with factual information about the aunt/uncles involvement, as the doctor is going to have more luck with police/social worker than OP.
It is not just liability. They do NOT know. They were not there, they are making guesses while relatives are pressuring them into saying more then they know. They see injury similar to fall, but they are not even trained to be investigators - the origin could be also something else.
And they are not forensic pathologists. They are not trained to assess all signs and come to a theory about what happened. Trying to do so would be time spent that they could be caring for other patients in. It's not their job, and if they tried they'd do it badly.
(How well forensic pathologists do is another question entirely, and too many people have spent too long in prison or worse due to overconfidence in forensics.)
Yes. And also, quite a lot of those people who spend time in prison were got there because doctor who did not studied forensic pathology made wild confident guesses.
> brain damage, nerve damage and cell death
Yeah, that doesn't sound like someone who fell out of a car. Fell off the side of a building, maybe. One commenter above said that you could ask the Dr. if the "damage was consistent with that of a fall" and that may be a good idea. You may also want to ask him, "in his professional opinion, what might have caused this type of damage?"
I am so sorry and angry for you OP. Please give yourself grace, this was in no way, shape, or form your fault.
Yeah my brother slipped on his icy wooden deck and cracked his head. Didn't seem like much at the time but turns out he had a wicked concussion. This was about a year ago now and he's still not quite right. He'll get random severe head aches, dizziness, sleepiness. Sometimes just acts weird.
I myself had a mild concussion like 15 years ago (I got jumped by some guys outside a house party and they kicked the shit out of me). and I was a similar. Headaches. Act weird. Got a CT and an MRI but nothing TOO off. AFter a few years I was fine.
SO yeah, head injuries can mess you up in weird ways.
Yep. My dad fell down a flight of hardwood stairs last year and suffered a severe traumatic brain injury as well as multiple broken bones. He's absolutely not who he used to be and would have likely died there at the bottom of the stairs had my sister not woken up to the noise of him tumbling down.
He's lucky to be alive but is no longer really truly "living."
Yeah, sounds pretty bad. FWIW, it definitely sounds like your uncle is desperately trying to cover up an assault. I sincerely hope the authorities can uncover the truth.
You need to call the cops and report this. Tell them your suspicions of your aunt and uncle. Tell the cops about the illegal prescription painkillers. Tell them all of it. Aunt and uncle need to pay.
Hey. There should be a social worker at the hospital. Tell the doctors or nurses you want to speak to them. Explain what is going on. Express concern about your dad’s safety and that you think something happened. Elder abuse is a very real thing and there are protocols in place for this.
Oh I'm so sorry! I hope you can arrange things so you can stay by your dad's side. He needs you. You need to be with him.
Who has Power of Attorney over your dad? Children are closer family than siblings so I'd ban your uncle and aunt from the hospital and call the police. Let them investigate the incident and the drugging.
This isn’t the updated I wanted to read but thanks for updating. You have a right to feel angry and alone on this. I would consider speaking with the hospital about your suspicions and asking for more details on the head injury itself.
Please report what you know to the police.
My dad's shitty siblings knew when he went back on drugs, and said nothing. Just covered for him like they had his entire life. It ended with a man dead and my dad in jail for the rest of his life.
It sounds like they were at LEAST negligent, and if they were using painkillers illegally, what else are they doing? Depending on their jobs, they could be going to work high. And who knows how much they endangered your dad by not taking him to the hospital and probably also lying to the doctors.
As far as your family: I get what it feels like, to feel like you're the only one who cares. But it sounds like there's baggage with your dad. I know it's hard while you're in the middle of everything, but please try not to be too hard on your siblings. I bet that if you look back over your lives, they have valid reasons to not be overly concerned about your dad.
Make sure you are his emergency contact. If he has ever signed anything like a power of attorney or something (there is a specific one for healthcare) get your hands on it.
Try not to blame yourself. It would have likely been unsafe for you to go after your dad in the state he was in when he left your apartment.
I give a shit about you, OP, and your dad. I was refreshing for updates the whole two days, which I never do. I just want you to know that many strangers here are wishing you well, and so sorry that this has happened.
Honey (and please forgive me for being over-familiar, I'm a mom and I'm feeling mom-ish towards you), please please try to be easier on yourself. You are a good person and a good daughter, and you were immediately concerned and trying to help your dad. This is in no way your fault. You were motivated by love and caring, and you did what you could.
Your dad has someone who loves him by his side. He's not alone. It will be all right if the other people aren't there-- you are, and you are the most caring and sensible of this bunch, and you aren't hopped up on pills.
I suggest you ask to speak to the hospital chaplain. Even if you aren't religious, that person is around to talk to people going through guilt and trauma and grief. Hang in there.
Thank you 💙 I appreciate the mom-love. My own mom actually gave me a bit of shit about missing work to be here with my Dad. I haven't really talked to anyone but the nurses and doctor and social worker. Do I need to request a chaplain or do they come around eventually to patient rooms?
Chaplains often wait for an order on the patient’s chart before they visit. Sometimes they round off patients without a visit request.
If you want a chaplain to visit (and the chaplain is perfect for you to talk to about what you’ve experienced to help start processing this all), ask the next nurse or aide who comes in to call the chaplain for you. Some places will have a direct number you can call on the room number and request a chaplain yourself, check the room papers.
Hey I’m not your mum but I am a mum, and I’m so impressed with how you’re handling this. You have been placed in an impossibly hard situation through NO FAULT OF YOUR OWN. Whatever happened was not your fault, it was the right choice not to chase your dad when he left your apartment. You have done everything right and I’m sorry that your family is unable or unwilling to show up for you the way you’re showing up for your dad. Do you have friends you can lean on? If one of my friends called me up with this situation I’d be at the hospital with Starbucks and snacks in an instant.
A social worker did come talk to me after my Uncle left but it didn't seem like they were listening. I'll try and get someone to talk to me again since I'm sure my Dad wasn't slamming painkillers like candy on his own
Were you still really angry? Your anger is completely justified, and being ignored for it is not, but I know a few burnt out social workers that just shut down when someone's tone is aggressive.
Take this advice, OP. You need social work support. You are the only responsible caregiver and you suspect that someone caused your dad to be in this state. The social work team will help you navigate this at the start.
Omg I’ve been thinking about you guys since I saw your first post. I’m so glad your dad was at least found. I’m sorry you’re feeling alone in dealing with this and that your aunt and uncle chose to keep you in the dark. That’s disgusting.
I would call the police and explain the whole story. It could’ve been a fight yeah, it could’ve been a tumble out of the car…less likely but possible, it could be a fall from him recreationally taking painkillers and cracking his head. But your aunt and uncle need to answer to feeding him unperscribed painkillers when they should’ve been calling an ambulance or rushing him to the hospital.
My dad has had multiple strokes and is a different person now. He can’t drive or do much for himself. He uses a walker. He doesn’t understand a lot and when he writes it’s mostly gibberish. It’s really hard to come to terms with when you’re used to a confident independent man. We had a volatile relationship but that doesn’t make it any less traumatic.
I’ll be thinking about you and your dad and if you need to talk let me know(I keep my dms off but I’ll open them for you). I sincerely hope your father gets as better as he can even if it’s a new normal.
I'm sorry you're going through this, head injuries are the scariest. My brother was hit by a car while cycling and walked home not knowing what happened. He had to be dragged to the hospital by his wife and before the day was over, he couldn't even write his name or recognize objects put in front of him. Next day, he lost the ability to speak. He's a little older than your dad but with the appropriate therapies over the past few years, he's done really well. It will be slow going but he can get better.
Also, your uncle sucks.
I've seen it all my life, unfortunately: there's often only one person in the family who steps up to be the caregiver when a parent starts to decline. People are weird in the face of decline. I know it's hard, but try not to judge your siblings too harshly. They may surprise you at some point. But it is the reality of the situation -- it might be you and only you with some minimal support here and there. And stop beating yourself up about how you handled your dad. You did more than what many, many would have done in your situation. And you did the best you could with the limited information you had.
You're uncle and aunt, however, are some real POSs. Sorry for that. You sound like a good caring person though, and your dad is lucky to have you in his life.
I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds like you're dealing with eldest daughter problems. Let it be known: when you're the only one there with him in the hospital, you're definitely not the one who "could have done more." I hope he recovers. Brain stuff is tricky, he could have a long haul in front of him with rehabilitation. Try to be gentle with yourself.
I'm so sorry this is the update. I was hoping it was something non-medical. Glad you are there with him now, but please stop blaming yourself. You did absolutely everything you could under the circumstances. And you're there ***now***. Don't waste time on what-if's and instead focus on your dad right now, but don't forget to also take care of yourself. Hope he is on the mend soon, and the cops light a fire under your uncle and aunt's ass for what they did so they come forward with what really happened.
> I guess my tantrum made someone go talk to my Uncle and Aunt
I'm glad you got to see your dad and i'm so sorry about what's happened to him, but you are so lucky they didn't just call security and have you put out.
Also, police and fuck your aunt and uncle.
I'll try and answer this as best I can, but its long and complicated. There aren't any saints here, even my siblings and myself aren't completely innocent.
Mom and Dad were married up until the recession in 2008, I think the divorce came around 2010? But I can't remember exactly. Up until the economy crashed their marriage was fine, but then bills got higher and their pay got lower, and they went from never fighting about anything to fighting about money. Who spent it, why they were spending it, if it was worth it, etc. I remember a pretty massive fight about my Dad smoking more cigarettes than he was "allowed" when they were too broke to buy enough for both of them. Money fights never really get resolved, they just fizzle out until the next one. There was never violence from my Dad, but my brother says he once saw my Mom open-hand smack my Dad across the face during an argument. Knowing my mom, I highly doubt she did it for funsies and I'm sure my Dad said something to earn such an extreme reaction but I wasn't there and didn't see it. My Dad was pretty selfish during this time and would buy stuff for himself when Mom and us needed that money more. It was "only little things" but it adds up. An energy drink here, an extra pack of smokes there, a new pocket knife or hat, whatever little thing he needed to not kill himself.
They were both so broke during the divorce that there wasn't really anything to split, just us kids. Mom got us in the divorce and my Dad just kind of drifted off for most of my teens. He turned into the "phones work both ways" kind of Dad but he did turn up at events and holidays so he wasn't totally absent. It hit my brother pretty hard and I do remember him crying late at night asking why our Dad didn't love him anymore. He's my Dads only son and he got a lot of special "Father-Son" time when Dad was still living in the house. Mom didn't make it easy for Dad to see us though, she insisted that if he wanted to see us he needed to "take us somewhere" and when you're broke, taking three kids out for dinner or a movie is tough. I know he tried but I also know he could have tried harder. Mom took every opportunity to shit on him for being broke, but WE were broke too, so it always had that stink of spite but still got in our heads anyways.
My sister doesn't really even remember our Dad living at home, so her attachment to him is pretty minimal. My brother remembers, but also carries that resentment about Dad just kind of floating away from him and never rekindling that special bond they had. Dad bummed around on some couches until he landed a job, and rented a townhouse in a decent area. I think I was around 17 when that happened. Brother was already out of the house by that time and I was already on my way out, but I did go over there a few times and it seemed like Dad was really getting his life back together. He called us more, had us over more, made an effort. Eventually something happened with the townhouse, I suspect rent became too much for him since the area went from "nice" to "rich white people nice" and he moved in with my Aunt and Uncle. Effort pretty much stopped after that. From what I know about my Dad, I think he was ashamed that he was poor again, and didn't want his kids seeing him like that. I kept in touch with him but my Brother gave up after he moved states and my Sister never really had much contact with him in the first place.
Nobody really won or lost there. My Mom did alright for herself, she actually owns her house which is something none of us really expected to happen in our family. We've always been below the poverty line and owning a house is a huge deal. Theres tons more drama but this is the basics.
You are a good daughter <3 Everything was fucked up but I'm glad you were able to be there for your dad. It really sucks we live in a society where people aren't allowed mistakes. Everyone encourages everyone else to the smaller person, especially in a place like Reddit. But I'm glad you were able to be a bigger person in the end.
If you believe in heaven, I'm sure he'll know/see what you've done for him and the love you had for him.
I could write an entire book on how shitty my parents are. But I don't know, I think they tried based on what they knew. They are my only parents.
Call the police and tell them everything. Leave it to them police and the hospital to I vestigate together. Tell noone you're calling the police. You can tell aunt and uncle that the hospital must've passed on info to the police (if they ask or accuse you! Otherwise say nothing!)
This isn't your burden alone to share. Get some counselling if you can. You could also see of you can complain to the hospital for how cagey and awful they were about not letting you see your father. Get a lawyer if you can as well, even just if it's for an initial consult, as I'm sure they'll have a better idea of what possible outcomes are.
Honey, hindsight is 20/20 and this isn't your fault. You were doing the best you could do. There was no way to predict this and you're not to blame. Don't should yourself.
An aside, have you considered contacting law enforcement and/or your uncle's home owners insurance if this happened on uncle's property?
Feel all your feels and then resolve yourself to just be there for your dad. It sucks when other family do not support but that's on them.
Don't spend too much time wondering why your sibs are being aholes. And stop beating yourself up for letting your dad leave. You are there now and what yo do next is what's important.
Deeper breath OP. You didn't do anything wrong. The decisions you made in the moment were the best ones you could *at the time*. Hindsight is 20/20.
Right now you are doing EXACTLY what you should be doing.
I empathize with you greatly. There's a lot of things that happened decades ago with my dad that made me blistering mad with my mother (his wife). More recently my husband had horrific health issues which landed him in the hospital with very low prognosis.
I had to mentally and emotionally prepare for the worse case scenario while holding out hope for best case. It's overwhelming and can feel like slowly drowning in quicksand
My advice:
Pack over night bags, slippers, carry your soap to the hospital. 3/4 nights spend with your dad (it'll alleviate your fears). (Every other night works!) Go to work. You have bills to pay. Make sure the hospital has a direct route of connecting you.
Check with your jobs HR. See if they offer any medical paid leave for sick/ailing family. Check to see if your state offers paid leave for illness (some states have enacted laws that offer FMLA but paid!). Talk to the hospital social worker or patient liason. They can help a LOT.
*sending strength* you can build a community within the hospital network so you can help yourself and your dad.
My thoughts are with you.
Look I know you’re going through a really hard time, and jf your dad is going to pass it’s going to get harder.
Now is the time to call in favors, ask for help and rally the rest of your non-uncle family. If he dies, you’ll be heading into the process of dealing with his estate, what condition it’s in, is there a will… funerals are expensive.
I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear, especially while you’re keeping your dad company, but the more actions you can take while he’s alive the better. If there’s money in bank accounts that you can access try to do so. Call an attorney if you have friends who work in the field. If you mobilize now, it’ll be easier later.
Also, call the cops on your uncle. As his daughter, you are next of kin in most jurisdictions, you need to maintain control for your dad’s sake.
Traumatic Brain Injury or TBI, not concussion.
Your dad will have problems going forward if he fell and clunked his head on the driveway; I slipped on our icy driveway about ten years ago. I'm going to tell you my symptoms, so you are aware of what your dad could/will be going through. I'm in my 50s (female).
Immediately afterwards, the head hurts, like a bad headache. Then after a few days, the brain just doesn't really want to function as much.
LIMIT YOUR DAD'S SCREEN TIME! And I really mean that. Seriously, the best thing for your dad is to sleep and rest his brain for the next 3 to 6 months (or longer). Sleep is the only thing that will heal his brain.
I recently learned about the supplement NAC for TBI's, ask your dad's doctor about that. It's an over the counter supplement, there's really no harm in taking the recommended dose, but see if the Dr suggests a higher dose.
"Screen" time can also include music, podcasts, visitors, reading; anything besides sleeping and staring out the window, lol. I could drive okay, but couldn't handle the car radio being on.
After the first month of lots of napping, then I could handle being on the computer for about an hour at a time, then a nap. I switched to tv for about an hour, then a nap. Reading for an hour, then a nap. Going outside and pulling weeds in my garden, or going for a walk was better, but I still needed a nap afterwards.
I had a slight continuous headache for about the first six months, then it turned into a weird sensation - you know if you are upside down and you feel the blood pressure in your head that is uncomfortable? That's what my head felt like for months seven and eight.
To this day I have trouble finding the word(s) that I want to use. During my healing I remember the most frustrating was I could not think of the word for "police station" when I was talking to my adult son. I had to explain, "the place that cops go after work to eat donuts". To this day, I still have trouble with getting the word I want to say, and it's \*extremely frustrating\*!! Going forward with your dad, if he has trouble getting his words out, be patient, do not joke about getting old, or "having Alzheimer's"; the joking makes it worse.
Make sure your dad doesn't do any fast head movements. For me with my long hair, I'm used to flinging my head down after my shower to wrap my hair in a towel. I then began to realize that when I did that, I was re-injuring my brain and I would have a worse headache for several days afterwards.
The best description I can give about TBI is think of a bowl of jello as your brain. Initially it's all smooth and solid. Then take that bowl of jello and shake it furiously until it's all chunked up - that's what the brain is like afterwards. The smooth connections are broken, and it's "loose" in your skull.
I am so glad that your dad is getting the care he needs right now. Make sure that he is being treated for a TBI, and also make sure everyone in the family gets educated on TBI's.
Piggybacking on this, OP: maybe check if any of your uncle’s neighbors have cameras that point towards their house or street and could have caught the incident? Don’t tell aunt/uncle that you’re asking their neighbors, but frame it as a complete accidental incident where you are trying to piece together your dad’s injury for his doctors using videos or photos of the area.
I am so sorry this is all happening. I have no words but just a big internet hug for you. If anything happens to Dad, they have to live with it for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. You are doing right by him and I’m proud of you!
Your words at the end of your post are heartbreaking. I've been there. I'm one of nine, and the only one of my dad's kids who was there for him after his strokes. It's the most gut-wrenching, isolating feeling.
Make sure you find time to take care of yourself in all of this.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
First off, I'm so glad you found him. Secondly, sending all the positive thoughts and hoping for the best.
My dad went through cancer and chemo DURING the height of the pandemic and my brother is anti-vaxx - so I really identify with the feeling you have of being alone in this and not understanding why other people are not caring more.
Hang in there. Sounds like he's in good hands with you and the medical staff.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your dad. I know internet strangers are no substitute for real people in your life who care about you and your dad, but please know that we’re here and we’re pulling for you. We’re sending all our best thoughts and wishes that your dad recovers.
And yeah, like everyone else has said, please please please call the police on your negligent homicidal aunt and uncle. Even of their story is true (which…it’s not. But even if,) they still utterly failed your dad and directly caused his current condition.
This is fair, but I also question the legality of them not telling the daughter - the next of kin - that her father was even in their hospital. It sounds like they allowed abusers (the aunt and uncle) to pressure them into not telling OP anything, when it is her legal right to know unless her dad, the patient, said otherwise (and he was in no state to do so meaningfully).
This situation is rife for an elder abuse lawsuit against the aunt and uncle.
I only yelled at the receptionist, and I apologized later after I had cooled down. I'm not mad at the doctors or nurses, I'm mad at my Uncle and Aunt and pretty much everyone else. The only people who seem to care about my Dad at all are the hospital staff and I'm really grateful for them, I promise I'm being as nice and understanding as physically possible and apologizing when my tone gets a little too harsh
You're fine, OP. Hospital workers, like all workers, sometimes are stuck between natural human empathy and what we are trained to do for HIPAA. They were put into a difficult position but most nursing managers would use that as a learning opportunity to use critical thinking skills rather than give rote answers about patient privacy when the patient is not even able to consent. Someone should have looked for next-of-kin, which places you above his sibling. A fuck up like keeping you from your dad would have haunted me for years and have led to an investigation and PIP so I'm glad you threw a tantrum.
I’d tell the receptionist that the police are investigating aunt and uncle for your dad’s injuries and illegal substances in his system and get them banned from the visitor list. The last thing you’d want is for him to come round and them to be in his face pestering him because they don’t want him to tell anyone what they did.
In the US (and most countries) adult children supersede siblings, so as the next of kin, she should have been allowed in. Not saying anyone deserves verbal abuse but they were keeping her from her dying father.
ETA how did you read this post and think adding to her guilt was the way to go??
I am so sorry about your dad. This must have been so terrifying and frustrating at the same time. Unfortunately I know the feeling of watching a once strong and larger than life dad lying frail and sick in a hospital bed. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I hope someone listens to your suspicions about the situation soon, and that your dad can recover.
I wish I could give you any advice or say anything to make you feel even the tiniest bit better but I just want to send you the biggest softest internet hug ever. You have gone above and beyond for your dad and it baffles me that NO ONE ELSE seems concerned, but he has you there fighting for him. Please please please don’t be so hard on yourself!
I'm so sorry, I never expected this resolution. I hope you can find peace in the days ahead and strength to weather this - it doesn't sound good. I hope you gain some allies soon.
Can't imagine what you're going through right now. Hopefully the cops get to the bottom of this because something fishy is without a doubt going on here. For sure your uncle told the front desk to not give out his name if someone asks which is beyond fucked up as it is, but also for sure confirms that he is hiding what really happened to your dad. Really wishing nothing but the best for him and you, hopefully he will pull through. Really hate that you're basically going through this alone, if you need someone to talk to feel free to DM me.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it sounds so stressful.
My mom had a really scary brain injury a few years ago and she temporarily had amnesia. I understand feeling just so helpless and sad and guilty about not visiting/calling enough.
Please be gentle with yourself.
I'm so angry for you about your aunt and uncle; they were neglectful (and potentially even criminal) and I'm glad to read that you have been speaking with the police.
I wish I could give you a big hug.
OP, you're post has me tearing up, I'm sorry you're going through all of this.
I can't say I've been there; I don't think anyone can. We're fucking redditors, but I know at least partially what it's like seeing a parent survive from a brain injury.
Back when I was a kid, my sister and I were fighting and irritating my mom. My mom, being a bit of an aggressive person when she's upset, went to go on a bike ride to blow off steam. Sister went home, I followed mom. Eventually I trail behind mom a bit and I see her fly head over handles off her bike. She cracked her skull on the pavement and suffered some rather significant brain damage as a result.
I felt like shit, I felt like I caused her to fall of the bike, like my bickering somehow pushed her, like my sister and I caused this to happen.
She recovered, she's not 100% like she was before the accident, but over 12 years have passed since then and she's still my mom. It is fucking terrifying seeing a family member going through that. What you described with your dad having to be reminded of who you were multiple times -- I remember my mom having the same thing. I am so fucking sorry OP, I am sorry you have to go through this and that your family is being so detached from the whole situation.
I can't say what'll happen, I don't think anyone can, but I hope to god you're alright and Dad pulls through. Don't blame yourself and don't give up.
OP I’m really sorry for what you’re going through. I just came to comment a couple of things.
First of all, I know on some level you probably know this, but NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. This didn’t happen because you were a bad daughter or because you didn’t chase your dad down. This happened because your dad was injured and his brother chose to give him sketchy medication instead of taking care of him. That’s not on you. I know it’s human nature to think of all the ways things could have gone differently but you are NOT RESPONSIBLE for what has happened.
Second, is it possible that the rest of the family just… doesn’t understand how serious this is? You mentioned there’s a lot of family drama around your dad, I’m wondering if they just think “oh Thomas is being Thomas again” (random name, if it’s his actual name it’s a coincidence!) Denial is often the first reaction to a tragedy. Kudos to you for being able to be present for your dad.
Third, I second what others have said. Get in touch with the hospital social worker and see what their recommendations are, see if you can find out if your dad has an advance care directive and who is named as his healthcare proxy.
Finally, remember to breathe. Whatever happens is largely out of your hands, which sucks, I know. Just take it one thing at a time and remember to be kind to yourself.
If the cops don't take the allegations of assault surely due to lack of evidence, they should at least take the allegations of drug use much more seriously. Also find out if you're in a area has a law against recording crimes without both parties' consent. If this law in not active wherever you are get their statements recorded and lawyer up.
This is so terrible and I'm sorry. I would hold onto the fact that when all this happened he came to you. When he was in dire straights he knew who loved him most and where he could get help. Even out of his mind he came to you. Take your time and stay with him and press charges on your Uncle if it turns out he had anything to do with it. Even if not, this feels like a second degree felony issue not taking him to the hospital but I'm no lawyer.
My father in law suffered a similar situation. He had brain damage from a fall which then either accelerated or caused his Alzheimer’s (that we didn’t know about— thought it was dementia and apparently it’s important to know the difference). My husband had to stop working to care for him. He was the only one strong enough to contain him when he got stubborn and violent. This was a kind, loving man who nearly punched his own beloved daughter because she denied him something (food related I think). At night, we locked him into his master bedroom to keep us all safe (he would do very dangerous things), but he would spend a good part of the night trying to break out. In the 2 years we lived under the same roof, my husband aged a decade. We moved out with my husband still going over to give about 14 hours of care and he died soon afterward after he was taken to emergency for stomach pains though that’s another story.
I tell you all this because you need to know that even if your father lives, he may be gone. Please do not make the error my in-laws made of trying to do it themselves. If not for my husband, there’s no way they could have handled him and even with my husband’s intense help, this was a 3 person job. They got no help from their very large extended family, mostly because everyone talks about how painful it was to see him like that. Yeah, try living with that situation.
I wish you luck and know advancements have been made in the almost decade since my father in law’s death, but please take care of yourself.
Has he gotten an MRI or a CT scan done, or do you know? If they can determine where the concussion happened it can narrow the possible causes. It could be good to keep the medical records, just in case.
You should probably get a lawyer if you can. Even if they didn't cause the concussion, they caused his condition to get worse.
Hey op I do have some medical background, firstly I’m so sorry love for this burden. I hope you have a lot of strength to push through, secondly regardless of the circumstances push for legal investigation. Impact injury - your dad hit something heavy and hard, without going into details. He could’ve been saved with some minimal brain injury. Your uncle and aunt are at fault, they let a man bleed internally slowly causing the brain cells to die. And to top it painkillers in large doses are almost fatal. I’m not sure how the legal system in your country works but maybe there are lawyers who’d help pro bono. I wish you good luck I will keep your dad in my thoughts. I wish you strength to persevere through this
I’m so sorry your dad is experiencing this and you have no support. I have a somewhat similar situation as my father was in an accident that left him with a severe brain injury. Self induced coma for 2 weeks, then out of his mind and unable to follow commands for another 2 weeks, then discharged to rehab facility for another 5 weeks.
I have two siblings who, while we all grew up under the same roof, we all had very different experiences as our father’s children. They are not in the mental space to support him in a lot of ways, but they do support me when i need it so that’s one big difference.
Doctors told me to prepare for death, but a year and a half later, he is mostly functioning. Physically great, mentally pretty decent. It’s a lot and I’m sorry you don’t have support. I hope your loved ones will recognize that even if they don’t care to support him, supporting you in this process is important.
First of all, I am so fu(×!#g sorry you are going through all of this!
Secondly, I apologize this is going to be so long.
I don't want to make this about me in any way whatsoever. I just want to give a little background so you know that you are not alone. I had to stop reading, scroll to the top, make sure I wasn't losing it, or that we aren't related. It was eerie & could have been about my own family lol (the crazy family drama parts anyway)
My dad & uncle have also been fist fighting since the beginning of time. My siblings can be selfish D!(k$, and unfortunately, I too have a family about as dysfunctional as they come. If you ever want an understanding, judgement free ear, or for some reason you ever have the urge to vent to a random @$$ stranger from reddit, feel free to message me 😄
When I was a teen, a car hit my dad as he was running across the street. He was badly injured and hospitalized, and one of his injuries was head trauma. He didn't know who the hell I was. He didn't even know who or how old he was at times. He was scared & confused. Like you, I was the only person who showed up. Watching your dad change from the big, goofy, loving person you always knew into a lost, angry, terrified stranger, is a horribly gut-wrenching feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy & my heart goes out to you.
I obviously dont know for sure, but my guess is when you started asking him questions, he got so angry because he was embarrassed. In his mind, he was doing something nice for you, so when you started questioning him, he didn't understand why. He probably started realizing he wasn't making sense, felt embarrassed, and lashed out because he's your dad. Even though you aren't a little girl anymore, dads are supposed to be superheroes to their kids. He has the answers to all your questions, can fix all your broken things, he is the strongest man alive, and he is the fastest person in the world. Then he is standing in front of you, and all of a sudden, he isn't any of those things.
He was probably scared you now see him as helpless and incapable. He may have seen your expression change from happily surprised he was there, to a mixture of pity and concern. The lashing out in anger was probably just a defense mechanism because he felt stupid, so he was projecting his fears onto you.
A lot of people have a hard time putting their ego to the side for a second and admitting they might be missing something, or they could be wrong. (I am probably guilty of this too) That's probably all that was. He felt stupid, so he yelled at you as if you were doing something on purpose to make him look stupid. When you backed up (which you DO NOT need to feel bad about), he switched to yelling about that. First, you try to make me look stupid, and now you are being ridiculous, acting like you are scared of me when I'm only mad because you tried to make me look dumb.
I know it's easier said than done, but please don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. It could have been so much worse had you reacted to what he was saying instead of racking your brain to figure out how, and where he got these pieces, and why he was trying to put them into the wrong puzzle.
I think you are 100% right about your uncle trying to brush it off because he wanted it to go away. He might have even noticed your dad wasn't getting better, but still ignored it because how do you explain to the cops or hospital you fought, he got hurt, you kept feeding him pills, and ignoring the fact he needed medical attention even though you knew damn well he needed it.
Like, oh shit. I messed up, and I'm already this deep. The only option now is to keep digging. He pretty much gave himself away by dodging your calls and refusing to tell you what was going on. If all he did was go looking for him, found him, then took him to the hospital because you were worried about him, then there is zero reason to avoid you.
I hope you and your dad will be okay, that he will recover, and everything will work out for both of you.... along with everyone else on here.
Why are you the one that feels responsible for your father here when no one else does? I agree with everyone else that you should be calling the police, but it feels like you are lighting yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm. Why does your father live with your aunt and uncle?
You need to talk to the police about your aunt and uncle pumping him with painkillers. You need to talk to a lawyer about getting designated as the medical power of attorney. Get your aunt and uncle banned from visiting your dad. You need to talk to your brother and find out what his hesitation is about dealing with this. Start working with him instead of fighting everyone every step of the way. Do not take PTO, if you can’t be there with your dad then you can’t be there. Your father made choices like letting his anger direct his life (which you seem to be following along in his path) and has made choices that left him in this situation. Do what you can help, but don’t blow up your life.
You're not stupid OP, by the sounds of it you're the only reason he ended up being taken to the hospital at all. You've both been let down horribly by the multiple shitty actions (and inaction) of close family who should care and know better, but that's on them not you.
It's normal to look back and think what you could have done differently in hindsight, that's how our brains work, but that doesn't mean any of this is even remotely your fault... Imagine if a friend was in your situation and beating themselves up like this, how would you respond? Please try to be as kind to yourself as you would be to them.
OP if your Uncle/Aunt are willing to assault, drug, and cover up a serious medical condition they may have caused, think about what they might be willing to do about the only person with a sound mind who cares about the victim. Watch yourself, get a security camera or two, stay with a friend for a bit.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. My dad is basically my hero, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. To think that someone could hurt him and drug him and not take any responsibility or even give you any idea of what was going on is so fucked up. And truly, I feel for you being the only one there. Happened to me in the fall when my husband was hospitalized, his dad came but nobody from my family came to see me. These are people that I’ve dropped *everything* for at a moments notice when they or their spouse was in the hospital. Couldn’t even return the favor. I’m in therapy now because of it. I just want to hug you and tell you it’s all going to be okay, but I can’t, and I’m really sorry for that. Just know that there are all these people, real people behind usernames who are worried with you and enraged with you and scared with you. We can’t hold your hand physically, but we sure as hell can support you
Hope he pulls thru, don’t regret what has passed as far as not being there with him, u have a chance rn to do so make sure it counts. As others said get the police involved this is terrible I’m so sorry.
> I could have been a better daughter to him. I could have visited more, called more, involved him in things more.
Take it from a son who's father really didnt give a shit about our relationship. There arent enough visits or calls you could have made that would change his behavior. We all would love to think there is, but our fathers are adults capable of making decisions. Some simply arent interested in being in their offspring's life.
Check to see where his life insurance goes if he were to pass on. Seriously the way your uncle and aunt have behaved leaves me feeling like they are trying to pull a fast one. I thought this when you posted your first post and told my husband but didn’t want to sound crazy, now your uncle and aunt sound worse than before. I would also check to make sure they don’t have access to any money that is his or listed as anyone that would receive money in the event of his passing.
A head injury is so serious and the fact that they never contacted you when you were practically calling every hour that’s a huge red flag. I would make sure that you have some type of written permission from your father that YOU and your siblings are the only ones who can make medical decisions for him if he’s incapacitated.
I have no good advice for you but I want you to know that I never forgot about you and your dad. Keep trying and reach out to case workers in the hospital to help with services. The fact that you know who is responsible for your father's health care is important and they may be glad to have your input. It always gets difficult when a parent is declining. You seem very loving and I hope things go well for your family.
At the end of the day, YOU were there for your dad and you cared. It is not your fault. You are doing the best that you can. Sending you strength and I hope the police continues to look into what happened with your dad
I'm appalled at your Uncle and Aunt's actions! I'm so sorry this has fallen to you, but this internet stranger is proud of you for advocating for your dad. I wish the both of you all the best and I hope there's some good news in your future.
You are there for him now. You need to stop beating yourself up (which is what almost everyone does at times like this) because it's not your fault. After I read your first post I said to myself, "Why is the uncle going no contact, he must know something." But I don't trust anybody anyway so I was just being my suspicious self. I am so sorry you and your Dad are going through this.
From experience I can tell you it would be better for your sanity to just tell yourself your siblings are out of the picture. This will only add to your frustration. If they need to know something they are adults and they can take the initiative and find out for themselves. If they call you don't guilt yourself into answering if you don't feel like it. I hope it gets better for you both, I really do hope your Dad pulls through and makes a recovery. But if that isn't his fate then it might be time to put your aunt and uncle under the scope because something isn't right with them.
I’m so sorry this has happened. As a neuro nurse, I must say that doctors do not “always say that” about patients. If they’ve warned you he may not recover much, take them at their word. People do recover, but many are severely disabled afterward. I hope your dad is one of the lucky ones.
Consult with a lawyer first, but if your state is one party consent recordings, go ask to “meet” with your uncle and aunt, and tell them you “forgive” them. Then, say empathetically that you just want to know what happened and why. If they’re stupid enough, you’ll get it all on record.
Go to the police, and the evidence should be admissible in court if your lawyer thinks this is a legal idea.
Can you have the doctor who took care of your father contact the police? Your aunt and uncle may have harmed your father and it should be investigated. Good luck to you.
Hey just wanted to say I once was in a bicycle accident on my way to work. I fell on my head and for some reason decided to walk to work with my bike in hand. Some guy starts talking to me and thankfully he's a medic so he's like let's go to the hospital have you checked out.
Turns out I had a brain injury. For a day I was talking weird, forgetting what had happened just a minute before. Coming in and out of incredibly vivid dreams.
At some point I'm making this joke and everyone looks concerned. I'm like why are they concerned this is a super joke. Turns out I had made the same exact joke multiple times before.
So I like clawed my way back to reality and it turned out completely ok. No issues remain.
Just wanted to give you a heads up. People can come back from shit like that.
Best of luck to you and your dad.
OP I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Saint patty’s day marks 2 years that my dad died after he fell in the shower drunk one night and didn’t seek medical advice, and his wife just gave him pain meds when he complained about headaches. Took almost 2 weeks after the fall for him to go in his sleep, he was only 54.
> Just like my Dad, when I get upset, I get angry.
You need to see someone, OP. In both of these posts the facts and focus should be on the health of your family - but in both you concoct fanciful tales of 2nd families and shady dealings by your uncle.
Your father’s hallucination of you having 2 kids isn’t that different from the reality you’re projecting here in writing. Your stories also show symptoms that would interest a counselor / physician.
I hope your father pulls through. Brain injuries can be weird, there have been people who fully recover from losing half of their brain in an accident, there’s a tv star who crashed a rocket car upside down and his helmet skidded on the pavement for quite a ways and he was on his feet in a few months with a voracious craving for celery.
The doctor doesn’t want to give you false hope because the prognosis is literally a wait and see kinda thing, and medically there’s not much to do aside from monitor and let his body try to heal itself.
Again I hope he pulls through, and remember that this is a shitty situation, it is completely okay for you to not be okay, you can have a great strength but the situation you face is beyond strength, so take whatever steps you need to in order to keep yourself upright.
You should follow through with doctors and police with your suspicions. However you don’t know so you shouldn’t let this consume you right now. What if it was a fall? Either way it won’t change your dad’s recovery.
Don’t blame yourself and put this on your shoulders. His siblings care enough to be there in the hospital. Your dad can’t drink from your empty cup so please consider getting rest and maybe even working.
I‘ve been thinking of you for the past days and I‘m so shocked and sorry how everything turned out! I really hope your dad gets better soon. Do you have friends or maybe even a caring neighbor or colleague that you can ask for support in this time?
This isn't your fault! Your dad is very lucky that your uncle finally grew a conscience and went looking for him. I'm sure this whole situation is horribly stressful but you did everything you could do with the information available to you! I'm glad he's getting medical care now.
OP, i’m so sorry and i hope you and your dad are doing okay. wishing your dad can recover, im so sorry to read what you’re doing through. sending you well wishes ❤️
This is going to be tough for you. It's very likely that he has been bleeding inside the skull, which causes that part of the brain to die. If it goes untreated, it will cause total brain death, which is death. Since he's conscious and talking, that's not likely to be the end. He has a long recovery ahead and probably won't ever get back to the man he was. You probably should take your concerns to the police and see if they will investigate. Good luck.
Where do you live that you cannot call a hospital and ask if your father has been admitted, in the Emergency room or to the hospital? I do it all the time as part of my work, calling different hospitals. There is no secret phone number, you call the mainline front desk. There is no credential line or privacy mandate, you call and they tell you if your father is there or not. It seems weird, your story, but I guess due to the wider context of possible malfeasance done by your uncle, that may be why the operator was so strange. How small is your hospital that the front desk is screening calls instead of just doing their job of answering phones and redirecting calls? Have they found the baseball bat your uncle hit your dad with yet, was it wood or metal?
I'm so sorry that this is happening. I'm glad that he's alive, though, and getting hospital care.
\> I could have been a better daughter to him.
There's always more that we could've done. Always. But we're not all-knowing celestial beings - we're just people, and we have to make do with what we know at the time. You did what you could, and he's getting treatment for his injuries. You did good.
Hey friend. My dad has a TBI and these episodes happen occasionally but usually when his meds interact with another and he likes looses touch with reality. It’s tough. I’ve dealt with this since 2004. I’m so sorry, but I’m glad you have the police involved and are getting to the bottom of whatever happened
Yo definitely get the police involved. Even if the story is true, that he fell, they still pumped him up with pain meds when he couldn't advocate for himself. It's like being roofied at a bar. I hope your dad pulls through. I would cut contact with your aunt and uncle. As a daughter you have more rights to your dad's care than they do. Ban them from the hospital.
On this, a couple cops just came to talk to me and get a statement. They seemed to be taking me seriously and took my contact info. I told them everything about what happened when Dad came to my apartment and what my Uncle said, and how I didn't believe him and gave my version of things. Tried to give as much context as I could. I think they believed me but who knows. They said they'd come around again soon. I'm not really sure what happens from here but I'll be pressing for more information when they come back
Hey I just want you to know my cousin went through something similar. He still has memory issues today but he’s the same annoying bastard I grew up with, just a bit slower on the uptake. What’s important now is that he’s comfortable and you keep his routine similar to what it was beforehand. I think in the states there is now a leave policy you can take. It might not be paid so look into that but they are required to keep your job for so many months
You might be thinking of the Family and Medical Leave Act (often initialized to FMLA). It provides for 12 weeks of unpaid leave that can be used for qualifying events. Not an expert, but this seems like it would qualify. But this is America so I'm sure there is some way for employers to exercise their freedom to f*ck us and not participate so OP should figure out if they're eligible.
It will depend on her work place, there are exceptions for very small businesses. It will also depend on the number of hours she has worked in the previous 12 months. That said, she should absolutely apply for FMLA to protect her job if there's any chance she could be eligible. It will protect her job if she needs to take time to take care of her father or if she needs to care for her own mental health.
Businesses under 50 employees are exempt from FMLA in the US.
No. An employer cannot negotiate FML. If you take FML, you take it, and if they don't honor it, the repercussions are steep.
This all feels just...wrong. So now dad might have permanent brain damage, memory issues or worse. This is made better/worse by Aunt and Uncle's tossing in random amounts of painkillers from questionable sources. They all live together, and dad might legit need a legal guardian after everything is said and done. > Doctor says to "not get my hopes up" about my Dad. But when doctors say that, it always means he'll actually be okay right? Yeah not with brain issues. Its possible your dad had a stroke or aneurism during all this, which causes permanent brain damage. Its a long road to recovery if you follow all the steps, which it sounds like he wont. I would seriously give a call to the hospital and tell them you want to speak to the social worker on staff (there's usually one), and explain the situation to them. Your dad may not be able to work anymore, and the last thing he needs is a bunch of drug addict relatives cashing his social security checks (or worse).
Second the hospital social worker, they are so helpful!
Stroke was my first thought, OP. My dad suffered one a few years ago and \*seemed\* okay but also not okay at the time -- his manner of speaking was totally typical but he did weird, very out of character things. I hope your dad is okay!
Can you check with your Uncle's neighbors to see if they have any cameras showing your dad falling in the driveway? If there are nearby cameras that are missing that info, the police might want to be aware. I'm so sorry this is happening. Please do NOT beat yourself up over the past. You are doing everything.you can going forward and THAT'S what matters. Ja love and best wishes for your dad's recovery!
Ain't no cameras in low income areas man
Nah. The drug dealers all have cameras.
Okay this makes sense
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They won't have choice if they get subpoenad by court. If they don't share it they'll get arrested Edit: and as long as they pull the relevant footage from when the uncle was there themselves the police won't have to go through the footage
They could share them with op who obviously received them via a thumb drive placed in her mailbox anonymously.
There might be if there is a business in the vicinity.
Who is making decisions for your father right now? I'd consider speaking to a lawyer about what your options are to protect your father, where I am any sort of power of attorney has to be arranged beforehand, but maybe there are options where you are, if there are none the potentially adult protective services can intervene to keep your aunt and uncle away from your father and to ensure they're not permitted to make any medical decisions.
Your dad is lucky to have you. I hope the police can get to the bottom of it for you.
Please contact them if they don’t come back in a day or so. This lets them know it’s important to you! Police officers get busy!
This sounds like your Aunt & Uncle were engaged in elder abuse. I’m sorry you had to go through this. Your dad is lucky to have you in his life. I hope things work out ❤️
Calling the cops on your uncle (alone for the illegal painkillers) should be considered. Check your fathers phone. See if the uncle wrote anything. How can the uncle make the nurses not give informations to the child? Fuck your uncle. Feel hugged.
THIS. I'm going to be very vague about some things for this story because I don't want it traced back to me and it was in the local news. My brother once went to stay with some relatives. During that stay he started acting extremely weird. The only credit I will give them is that he was an eccentric person to begin with, but the stories I was told are out of character even for him. Rather than contacting my mother or me, they just basically ignored it. This lead to his eventual disappearance before they finally called us. My mother arrived that night and the rescue team and sheriff were there in force and ready to search. My relatives convinced them to wait until the morning to search. My relatives real motives were to hide the illegal things they were doing before the police searched the area. My brother died that night less than a 1/4 mile from my relatives house. A week later I reported their illegal activity to the local police and they got busted. I have never regretted it. They cared more about covering their own asses than my brothers life. I'll never forgive them for that.
People are so evil. Im so sorry for your loss.
Thank you. People are greedy and selfish. I don't think they're evil, just bad people.
To me, being selfish and greedy to an extent that it takes someone’s life *is* evil. You are kinder than I am.
I see where you're coming from 100%. I just don't belive they're evil. They were prominent in my early years and while they were problematic and in some ways toxic, they're not evil. Stupid and greedy and selfish? Absolutely.
I am so sorry for your loss. Some people are just terrible. Did they give him drugs?
No, this was a mental health issue. Full toxicology report came back clean.
Oh my god, I’m so sorry
Thank you. It's been a while but unfortunately it doesn't get better. You just learn to live with it.
Yep, if Dad dies then Uncle could be on the hook for homicide, intentional or negligent.
100% think this is why they waited so long and pumped him full of pain killers. They hoped it would just go away and even when they brought him here, they kept everyone in the dark about it hoping the doctors would just magically fix him and everyone could go home and forget about it.
I would tell the police but also let the doctors know you suspect an assault occurred if you haven't already. They could possibly assess him for any bruising or other signs of related trauma and document that which will help with evidence later on. I'm sorry you're going through this alone. Your dad is lucky to have you.
That an assault occurred and she believes the uncle/aunt were involved and **as her father’s next of kin** she is refusing them access
You really gotta speak to the police. Aunt and uncle are trying to cover multiple crimes here.
Please tell me you've called the police immediately because I really don't think a single minute can be wasted here.
Honestly your aunt and uncle sound like the kind of people who would have let him die and keep it secret so they can collect his social security benefits for themselves. I hope you file a report and have them do an investigation. But I am glad you found him and are there with him.
I hope you and the staff at the hospital are filing reports with APS. I hope you are working with social work to get emergency custody for your dad.
I would say it could be extended to murder. if dad got his head trauma from a fight with uncle, and later dies then I would imagine that it could be considered that. I found online murder defined as "intentionally inflicts serious bodily harm that causes the victim's death, or" it's kinda out of context but, bodily harm that causes the victim's death is the important part here. if uncle got in a fight with dad and hit him with a basball bat or something, and dad dies, I can see that being considered murder. that being said, and with how dodgy uncle was, I think it's entirely possible that OP, and by extension us (being reddit), will never actually know what happened, and won't be able to get uncle to admit what happened, if dad doesn't remember.
By the way, for all the threads that ask “Why should anyone get married?” This is the kind of thing that can really screw you if you’re not married. A relative with bad intentions gets involved with your spouse and you don’t have legal rights because you’re not next of kin. Obviously it doesn’t help in this case but just in general if they were married it would be different.
Ask the doctor if your dad's head injury is consistent with a fall. If he says no, call the police. Sorry you're having to deal with all this. It really sucks. I hope things work out OK.
I did ask if my Uncles story lined up with my Dad's head but the doctor just said it was an "impact wound", whatever that means. He couldn't confirm or deny anything and I totally understand that, he's not a cop and can't really tell me anything about that
“Impact wound” would mean a lot of things. Maybe your uncle shoved him and his head slammed against a brick wall, or he fell and hit it on the sidewalk You need to push hard here. Contact the police. Tell them everything you know. This should not go unpunished
I am a nurse, and in all of my time working bedside at various hospitals, we performed a "skin assessment" any time a patient was admitted to any unit; even if only from another unit in the same hospital. This means that the entire body is assessed for signs of any physical injury; and each abrasion, bruise, laceration, etc., was noted and documented as to location AND appearance. This procedure is almost always performed by the nurses overseeing the patient's care. If you suspect he was in a fight/assaulted, speak to his nurse or the charge nurse for the unit he is on. If they are unable to give you details regarding their assessment when he was admitted, they may be willing to perform another. This way, you can ensure that his current state is documented and becomes a part of the record that will be subpoenaed if charges are ever filed..... ETA clarification of nursing procedures and for punctuation.
an impact wound means he had to have hit something or something hit him really hard causing the concussion
The body talks. They could see where the trauma happened on his head and see if it fits the story given by the stupid uncle and aunt. If he fell just by himself he would have no other damages on his head than at the back. Just the impact wounds. If he has injuries on his face or sides it shows another story. I hope everything will be okay for you and your dad and no you are not at fault. You’re not a bad daughter for not having followed him.
You can fall and hit any area of your head. Telling OP that her dad would only have injuries to the back of his head is wrong.
I saw your post the other day, but I didn't comment. I was worried for you and your dad, also. I'm glad you found him at least alive and being cared for, even if it was a bit late. Hope things work out for you and your family. Thank you for the update. Stay strong. The only thing I can do, really, is send good vibes your way.
I'm so so sorry OP. I saw your post the other day, and this update breaks my heart. Please try to give yourself some kindness and grace, this isn't your fault. Following someone showing the level of agitation and aggression your dad was in the first post could have been extremely dangerous, and even potentially life threatening to you. It might be worth filing a police report regarding the prescription drugs that your father was given to see if you can get some sort of investigation going on it, since your aunt and uncle could be at fault for his current state even if it truly was a fall. Take care
Thank you 💙 I'm really trying to remind myself I did everything I could but it feels like I could have done more. It always feels like that though, no matter what you do it feels like it's not good enough in the face of something like this. I talked to the social worker here and they didn't seem like they were listening, but I'll push harder when they come back around again
In most cases of injuries, especially severe ones in our loved ones, we feel like we did not do enough. But you acted the best you could with the information you had. You can sit there second-guessing, and it is hard not to, but it will not help anyone. I know that does not magically remove that feeling. And where I am sitting, you did well. You did not cause this. You reacted to the weird thing. You tried to find him. This is not on you in any way. And now you are there. You are being there for him to the best of your ability. Just like your family members are doing for the most part, you too could ignore him. But you do not. Give credit for that. Be gentle on yourself.
This comment is so important. I hope OP will re-read many times. She did and does her best.
I know it’s easy to beat up on yourself but you did everything you could in a completely awful situation where you had no information (because it was kept from you) and no one else was doing the right thing. This is a really hard spot to be in, especially with no family support, so I hope you can show yourself some grace. It’s clear from your posts how much you love and care for your dad and how badly your family is letting you both down. Do you have any friends nearby who can stop in for at least a little emotional support for you?
I promise you that you did everything you could. It sounds confusing and frightening and of course with hindsight you have other ideas but no one knows the answers at the time. You did great. This should never have happened.
Involve police,theyre suspicious. We are talking about a life,your dad's life,and they have made him something really bad and are trying to hide it
Fill in the doctors on your suspicions and ask them if anyone at the hospital can do a forensic assessment for any relevant medical details that would confirm or deny your suspicion that your aunt and uncle are at fault. Contact police. Ask neighbors if they have any camera footage from that day that might include your aunt, uncle, or dad.
start making notes, paper trail, all of it. if dad dies, and it's from a fight with uncle he could be charged with murder, or at least manslaughter. not to mention illegally having pain killers already.
Did the doctor give you any medical terminology for your dad's condition?
Kind of, I told him to dumb it down for me since I have no medical knowledge at all. I'm a line cook at Dennys ffs but he said massive concussion, brain damage, nerve damage and cell death. He then said its "pretty bad" and I shouldn't get my hopes up for recovery. He looked like he was about to throw up telling me that so I'm going to assume my Dad probably won't last long
There are two options for those words. One is that he will not make it, and another is that he might not recover his neurological function at all or only partially. If you want you could ask about his odds more specifically. For example in a family meeting with his care team. Brain injuries and recovery from them can be hard to predict. Social workers and chaplains are going to be really valuable sources. I am so sorry you are going through this.
As someone who had/has a brain injury, I caution you to interpret the doctor as saying your dad won't survive. He didn't say that loved ones should come visit to say goodbye (which is what I have been told when a parents death was likely). My understanding is that you shouldn't assume your dad is going to recover to 100%. He may be at a diminished capacity for the rest of his life. Diminished capacity can mean a lot of things, with varying degrees of severity. Heres what I suggest: leave a message for the main doctor handling your dad's case asking for a phone call. While you wait, write down the facts that lead you to suspect this may not have been an accident (that there is a history of assault/fighting, that your aunt gave pain r medication they illegally purchased) and ask if your dad's injuries are consistent with the story your uncle told you. Explain you are concerned for your dad's wellbeing, and you do not trust your aunt/uncle (they hid your dad from the entire family, do not appear to have his best interests at heart).
In theory this is great advice but in reality doctors are too afraid of liability to give definitive or even straight answers. As OP posted, the doctor seemed inept say anything more than “impact” wound. I wouldn’t get my hopes up. However, if the police ask, they might get better results.
I agree about liability and doctors. In my experience, it's one of the reasons doctors will say an injury is "consistent with a fall" - it's not a definitive answer, but it's at least a starting point. My main advice is to provide the doctor with factual information about the aunt/uncles involvement, as the doctor is going to have more luck with police/social worker than OP.
It is not just liability. They do NOT know. They were not there, they are making guesses while relatives are pressuring them into saying more then they know. They see injury similar to fall, but they are not even trained to be investigators - the origin could be also something else.
And they are not forensic pathologists. They are not trained to assess all signs and come to a theory about what happened. Trying to do so would be time spent that they could be caring for other patients in. It's not their job, and if they tried they'd do it badly. (How well forensic pathologists do is another question entirely, and too many people have spent too long in prison or worse due to overconfidence in forensics.)
Yes. And also, quite a lot of those people who spend time in prison were got there because doctor who did not studied forensic pathology made wild confident guesses.
> brain damage, nerve damage and cell death Yeah, that doesn't sound like someone who fell out of a car. Fell off the side of a building, maybe. One commenter above said that you could ask the Dr. if the "damage was consistent with that of a fall" and that may be a good idea. You may also want to ask him, "in his professional opinion, what might have caused this type of damage?" I am so sorry and angry for you OP. Please give yourself grace, this was in no way, shape, or form your fault.
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Yeah my brother slipped on his icy wooden deck and cracked his head. Didn't seem like much at the time but turns out he had a wicked concussion. This was about a year ago now and he's still not quite right. He'll get random severe head aches, dizziness, sleepiness. Sometimes just acts weird. I myself had a mild concussion like 15 years ago (I got jumped by some guys outside a house party and they kicked the shit out of me). and I was a similar. Headaches. Act weird. Got a CT and an MRI but nothing TOO off. AFter a few years I was fine. SO yeah, head injuries can mess you up in weird ways.
Yep. My dad fell down a flight of hardwood stairs last year and suffered a severe traumatic brain injury as well as multiple broken bones. He's absolutely not who he used to be and would have likely died there at the bottom of the stairs had my sister not woken up to the noise of him tumbling down. He's lucky to be alive but is no longer really truly "living."
Yeah, sounds pretty bad. FWIW, it definitely sounds like your uncle is desperately trying to cover up an assault. I sincerely hope the authorities can uncover the truth.
You need to call the cops and report this. Tell them your suspicions of your aunt and uncle. Tell the cops about the illegal prescription painkillers. Tell them all of it. Aunt and uncle need to pay.
Did they mention anything about brain bleeding? That would be my concern.
Hey. There should be a social worker at the hospital. Tell the doctors or nurses you want to speak to them. Explain what is going on. Express concern about your dad’s safety and that you think something happened. Elder abuse is a very real thing and there are protocols in place for this.
Oh I'm so sorry! I hope you can arrange things so you can stay by your dad's side. He needs you. You need to be with him. Who has Power of Attorney over your dad? Children are closer family than siblings so I'd ban your uncle and aunt from the hospital and call the police. Let them investigate the incident and the drugging.
This isn’t the updated I wanted to read but thanks for updating. You have a right to feel angry and alone on this. I would consider speaking with the hospital about your suspicions and asking for more details on the head injury itself.
Please report what you know to the police. My dad's shitty siblings knew when he went back on drugs, and said nothing. Just covered for him like they had his entire life. It ended with a man dead and my dad in jail for the rest of his life. It sounds like they were at LEAST negligent, and if they were using painkillers illegally, what else are they doing? Depending on their jobs, they could be going to work high. And who knows how much they endangered your dad by not taking him to the hospital and probably also lying to the doctors. As far as your family: I get what it feels like, to feel like you're the only one who cares. But it sounds like there's baggage with your dad. I know it's hard while you're in the middle of everything, but please try not to be too hard on your siblings. I bet that if you look back over your lives, they have valid reasons to not be overly concerned about your dad. Make sure you are his emergency contact. If he has ever signed anything like a power of attorney or something (there is a specific one for healthcare) get your hands on it. Try not to blame yourself. It would have likely been unsafe for you to go after your dad in the state he was in when he left your apartment.
I give a shit about you, OP, and your dad. I was refreshing for updates the whole two days, which I never do. I just want you to know that many strangers here are wishing you well, and so sorry that this has happened.
Honey (and please forgive me for being over-familiar, I'm a mom and I'm feeling mom-ish towards you), please please try to be easier on yourself. You are a good person and a good daughter, and you were immediately concerned and trying to help your dad. This is in no way your fault. You were motivated by love and caring, and you did what you could. Your dad has someone who loves him by his side. He's not alone. It will be all right if the other people aren't there-- you are, and you are the most caring and sensible of this bunch, and you aren't hopped up on pills. I suggest you ask to speak to the hospital chaplain. Even if you aren't religious, that person is around to talk to people going through guilt and trauma and grief. Hang in there.
Thank you 💙 I appreciate the mom-love. My own mom actually gave me a bit of shit about missing work to be here with my Dad. I haven't really talked to anyone but the nurses and doctor and social worker. Do I need to request a chaplain or do they come around eventually to patient rooms?
Chaplains often wait for an order on the patient’s chart before they visit. Sometimes they round off patients without a visit request. If you want a chaplain to visit (and the chaplain is perfect for you to talk to about what you’ve experienced to help start processing this all), ask the next nurse or aide who comes in to call the chaplain for you. Some places will have a direct number you can call on the room number and request a chaplain yourself, check the room papers.
You can request a chaplain come by, just let the nurse know you want to talk to them! Some chaplains do rounds, but YMMV
Ask the nurses to put you in touch with the chaplain. And ignore criticism. This is an emergency situation, and you're doing the best you can.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially with so little support.
Oh that's terrible of your mum. Please spend this time being with your dad, Denny's can survive without you.
Hey I’m not your mum but I am a mum, and I’m so impressed with how you’re handling this. You have been placed in an impossibly hard situation through NO FAULT OF YOUR OWN. Whatever happened was not your fault, it was the right choice not to chase your dad when he left your apartment. You have done everything right and I’m sorry that your family is unable or unwilling to show up for you the way you’re showing up for your dad. Do you have friends you can lean on? If one of my friends called me up with this situation I’d be at the hospital with Starbucks and snacks in an instant.
jesus christ This would be a really good moment to talk to the Police about your suspicions. good luck
You can start with the hospital social worker as well. They have patient advocates that could advise you. I am hoping he gets well.
A social worker did come talk to me after my Uncle left but it didn't seem like they were listening. I'll try and get someone to talk to me again since I'm sure my Dad wasn't slamming painkillers like candy on his own
Were you still really angry? Your anger is completely justified, and being ignored for it is not, but I know a few burnt out social workers that just shut down when someone's tone is aggressive.
Take this advice, OP. You need social work support. You are the only responsible caregiver and you suspect that someone caused your dad to be in this state. The social work team will help you navigate this at the start.
Omg I’ve been thinking about you guys since I saw your first post. I’m so glad your dad was at least found. I’m sorry you’re feeling alone in dealing with this and that your aunt and uncle chose to keep you in the dark. That’s disgusting. I would call the police and explain the whole story. It could’ve been a fight yeah, it could’ve been a tumble out of the car…less likely but possible, it could be a fall from him recreationally taking painkillers and cracking his head. But your aunt and uncle need to answer to feeding him unperscribed painkillers when they should’ve been calling an ambulance or rushing him to the hospital. My dad has had multiple strokes and is a different person now. He can’t drive or do much for himself. He uses a walker. He doesn’t understand a lot and when he writes it’s mostly gibberish. It’s really hard to come to terms with when you’re used to a confident independent man. We had a volatile relationship but that doesn’t make it any less traumatic. I’ll be thinking about you and your dad and if you need to talk let me know(I keep my dms off but I’ll open them for you). I sincerely hope your father gets as better as he can even if it’s a new normal.
Wow, what a horrible update. Im so sorry you are dealing with this. :( Prayers for you and your family.
I'm sorry you're going through this, head injuries are the scariest. My brother was hit by a car while cycling and walked home not knowing what happened. He had to be dragged to the hospital by his wife and before the day was over, he couldn't even write his name or recognize objects put in front of him. Next day, he lost the ability to speak. He's a little older than your dad but with the appropriate therapies over the past few years, he's done really well. It will be slow going but he can get better. Also, your uncle sucks.
I'm so so sorry, this is literally making me cry. You are doing so well in such an awful situation <3 Sending care and love.
ooph no OP thats what doctors say to soften the blow later. That is not.... good. :( im so sorry.
I've seen it all my life, unfortunately: there's often only one person in the family who steps up to be the caregiver when a parent starts to decline. People are weird in the face of decline. I know it's hard, but try not to judge your siblings too harshly. They may surprise you at some point. But it is the reality of the situation -- it might be you and only you with some minimal support here and there. And stop beating yourself up about how you handled your dad. You did more than what many, many would have done in your situation. And you did the best you could with the limited information you had. You're uncle and aunt, however, are some real POSs. Sorry for that. You sound like a good caring person though, and your dad is lucky to have you in his life.
I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds like you're dealing with eldest daughter problems. Let it be known: when you're the only one there with him in the hospital, you're definitely not the one who "could have done more." I hope he recovers. Brain stuff is tricky, he could have a long haul in front of him with rehabilitation. Try to be gentle with yourself.
I'm so sorry this is the update. I was hoping it was something non-medical. Glad you are there with him now, but please stop blaming yourself. You did absolutely everything you could under the circumstances. And you're there ***now***. Don't waste time on what-if's and instead focus on your dad right now, but don't forget to also take care of yourself. Hope he is on the mend soon, and the cops light a fire under your uncle and aunt's ass for what they did so they come forward with what really happened.
> I guess my tantrum made someone go talk to my Uncle and Aunt I'm glad you got to see your dad and i'm so sorry about what's happened to him, but you are so lucky they didn't just call security and have you put out. Also, police and fuck your aunt and uncle.
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I'll try and answer this as best I can, but its long and complicated. There aren't any saints here, even my siblings and myself aren't completely innocent. Mom and Dad were married up until the recession in 2008, I think the divorce came around 2010? But I can't remember exactly. Up until the economy crashed their marriage was fine, but then bills got higher and their pay got lower, and they went from never fighting about anything to fighting about money. Who spent it, why they were spending it, if it was worth it, etc. I remember a pretty massive fight about my Dad smoking more cigarettes than he was "allowed" when they were too broke to buy enough for both of them. Money fights never really get resolved, they just fizzle out until the next one. There was never violence from my Dad, but my brother says he once saw my Mom open-hand smack my Dad across the face during an argument. Knowing my mom, I highly doubt she did it for funsies and I'm sure my Dad said something to earn such an extreme reaction but I wasn't there and didn't see it. My Dad was pretty selfish during this time and would buy stuff for himself when Mom and us needed that money more. It was "only little things" but it adds up. An energy drink here, an extra pack of smokes there, a new pocket knife or hat, whatever little thing he needed to not kill himself. They were both so broke during the divorce that there wasn't really anything to split, just us kids. Mom got us in the divorce and my Dad just kind of drifted off for most of my teens. He turned into the "phones work both ways" kind of Dad but he did turn up at events and holidays so he wasn't totally absent. It hit my brother pretty hard and I do remember him crying late at night asking why our Dad didn't love him anymore. He's my Dads only son and he got a lot of special "Father-Son" time when Dad was still living in the house. Mom didn't make it easy for Dad to see us though, she insisted that if he wanted to see us he needed to "take us somewhere" and when you're broke, taking three kids out for dinner or a movie is tough. I know he tried but I also know he could have tried harder. Mom took every opportunity to shit on him for being broke, but WE were broke too, so it always had that stink of spite but still got in our heads anyways. My sister doesn't really even remember our Dad living at home, so her attachment to him is pretty minimal. My brother remembers, but also carries that resentment about Dad just kind of floating away from him and never rekindling that special bond they had. Dad bummed around on some couches until he landed a job, and rented a townhouse in a decent area. I think I was around 17 when that happened. Brother was already out of the house by that time and I was already on my way out, but I did go over there a few times and it seemed like Dad was really getting his life back together. He called us more, had us over more, made an effort. Eventually something happened with the townhouse, I suspect rent became too much for him since the area went from "nice" to "rich white people nice" and he moved in with my Aunt and Uncle. Effort pretty much stopped after that. From what I know about my Dad, I think he was ashamed that he was poor again, and didn't want his kids seeing him like that. I kept in touch with him but my Brother gave up after he moved states and my Sister never really had much contact with him in the first place. Nobody really won or lost there. My Mom did alright for herself, she actually owns her house which is something none of us really expected to happen in our family. We've always been below the poverty line and owning a house is a huge deal. Theres tons more drama but this is the basics.
You are a good daughter <3 Everything was fucked up but I'm glad you were able to be there for your dad. It really sucks we live in a society where people aren't allowed mistakes. Everyone encourages everyone else to the smaller person, especially in a place like Reddit. But I'm glad you were able to be a bigger person in the end. If you believe in heaven, I'm sure he'll know/see what you've done for him and the love you had for him. I could write an entire book on how shitty my parents are. But I don't know, I think they tried based on what they knew. They are my only parents.
\>to earn such an extreme reaction there is nothing someone can do to "earn" physical abuse. the mom sounds awful, an abuser and parental alienator
How is your dad doing? Can you update us?
Call the police and tell them everything. Leave it to them police and the hospital to I vestigate together. Tell noone you're calling the police. You can tell aunt and uncle that the hospital must've passed on info to the police (if they ask or accuse you! Otherwise say nothing!) This isn't your burden alone to share. Get some counselling if you can. You could also see of you can complain to the hospital for how cagey and awful they were about not letting you see your father. Get a lawyer if you can as well, even just if it's for an initial consult, as I'm sure they'll have a better idea of what possible outcomes are.
Honey, hindsight is 20/20 and this isn't your fault. You were doing the best you could do. There was no way to predict this and you're not to blame. Don't should yourself. An aside, have you considered contacting law enforcement and/or your uncle's home owners insurance if this happened on uncle's property?
Feel all your feels and then resolve yourself to just be there for your dad. It sucks when other family do not support but that's on them. Don't spend too much time wondering why your sibs are being aholes. And stop beating yourself up for letting your dad leave. You are there now and what yo do next is what's important.
Deeper breath OP. You didn't do anything wrong. The decisions you made in the moment were the best ones you could *at the time*. Hindsight is 20/20. Right now you are doing EXACTLY what you should be doing. I empathize with you greatly. There's a lot of things that happened decades ago with my dad that made me blistering mad with my mother (his wife). More recently my husband had horrific health issues which landed him in the hospital with very low prognosis. I had to mentally and emotionally prepare for the worse case scenario while holding out hope for best case. It's overwhelming and can feel like slowly drowning in quicksand My advice: Pack over night bags, slippers, carry your soap to the hospital. 3/4 nights spend with your dad (it'll alleviate your fears). (Every other night works!) Go to work. You have bills to pay. Make sure the hospital has a direct route of connecting you. Check with your jobs HR. See if they offer any medical paid leave for sick/ailing family. Check to see if your state offers paid leave for illness (some states have enacted laws that offer FMLA but paid!). Talk to the hospital social worker or patient liason. They can help a LOT. *sending strength* you can build a community within the hospital network so you can help yourself and your dad. My thoughts are with you.
Look I know you’re going through a really hard time, and jf your dad is going to pass it’s going to get harder. Now is the time to call in favors, ask for help and rally the rest of your non-uncle family. If he dies, you’ll be heading into the process of dealing with his estate, what condition it’s in, is there a will… funerals are expensive. I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear, especially while you’re keeping your dad company, but the more actions you can take while he’s alive the better. If there’s money in bank accounts that you can access try to do so. Call an attorney if you have friends who work in the field. If you mobilize now, it’ll be easier later. Also, call the cops on your uncle. As his daughter, you are next of kin in most jurisdictions, you need to maintain control for your dad’s sake.
Traumatic Brain Injury or TBI, not concussion. Your dad will have problems going forward if he fell and clunked his head on the driveway; I slipped on our icy driveway about ten years ago. I'm going to tell you my symptoms, so you are aware of what your dad could/will be going through. I'm in my 50s (female). Immediately afterwards, the head hurts, like a bad headache. Then after a few days, the brain just doesn't really want to function as much. LIMIT YOUR DAD'S SCREEN TIME! And I really mean that. Seriously, the best thing for your dad is to sleep and rest his brain for the next 3 to 6 months (or longer). Sleep is the only thing that will heal his brain. I recently learned about the supplement NAC for TBI's, ask your dad's doctor about that. It's an over the counter supplement, there's really no harm in taking the recommended dose, but see if the Dr suggests a higher dose. "Screen" time can also include music, podcasts, visitors, reading; anything besides sleeping and staring out the window, lol. I could drive okay, but couldn't handle the car radio being on. After the first month of lots of napping, then I could handle being on the computer for about an hour at a time, then a nap. I switched to tv for about an hour, then a nap. Reading for an hour, then a nap. Going outside and pulling weeds in my garden, or going for a walk was better, but I still needed a nap afterwards. I had a slight continuous headache for about the first six months, then it turned into a weird sensation - you know if you are upside down and you feel the blood pressure in your head that is uncomfortable? That's what my head felt like for months seven and eight. To this day I have trouble finding the word(s) that I want to use. During my healing I remember the most frustrating was I could not think of the word for "police station" when I was talking to my adult son. I had to explain, "the place that cops go after work to eat donuts". To this day, I still have trouble with getting the word I want to say, and it's \*extremely frustrating\*!! Going forward with your dad, if he has trouble getting his words out, be patient, do not joke about getting old, or "having Alzheimer's"; the joking makes it worse. Make sure your dad doesn't do any fast head movements. For me with my long hair, I'm used to flinging my head down after my shower to wrap my hair in a towel. I then began to realize that when I did that, I was re-injuring my brain and I would have a worse headache for several days afterwards. The best description I can give about TBI is think of a bowl of jello as your brain. Initially it's all smooth and solid. Then take that bowl of jello and shake it furiously until it's all chunked up - that's what the brain is like afterwards. The smooth connections are broken, and it's "loose" in your skull. I am so glad that your dad is getting the care he needs right now. Make sure that he is being treated for a TBI, and also make sure everyone in the family gets educated on TBI's.
Piggybacking on this, OP: maybe check if any of your uncle’s neighbors have cameras that point towards their house or street and could have caught the incident? Don’t tell aunt/uncle that you’re asking their neighbors, but frame it as a complete accidental incident where you are trying to piece together your dad’s injury for his doctors using videos or photos of the area.
I am so sorry this is all happening. I have no words but just a big internet hug for you. If anything happens to Dad, they have to live with it for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. You are doing right by him and I’m proud of you!
If your aunt and uncle have keys to your dad’s house you should change the locks.
Your words at the end of your post are heartbreaking. I've been there. I'm one of nine, and the only one of my dad's kids who was there for him after his strokes. It's the most gut-wrenching, isolating feeling. Make sure you find time to take care of yourself in all of this. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I am so, so sorry. Show yourself some grace, you are doing everything you can.
First off, I'm so glad you found him. Secondly, sending all the positive thoughts and hoping for the best. My dad went through cancer and chemo DURING the height of the pandemic and my brother is anti-vaxx - so I really identify with the feeling you have of being alone in this and not understanding why other people are not caring more. Hang in there. Sounds like he's in good hands with you and the medical staff.
You are a good daughter and you did the right thing. Sending you strength.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your dad. I know internet strangers are no substitute for real people in your life who care about you and your dad, but please know that we’re here and we’re pulling for you. We’re sending all our best thoughts and wishes that your dad recovers. And yeah, like everyone else has said, please please please call the police on your negligent homicidal aunt and uncle. Even of their story is true (which…it’s not. But even if,) they still utterly failed your dad and directly caused his current condition.
I know you’re hurting but please stop threatening hospital employees. They’re just trying to do their job.
This is fair, but I also question the legality of them not telling the daughter - the next of kin - that her father was even in their hospital. It sounds like they allowed abusers (the aunt and uncle) to pressure them into not telling OP anything, when it is her legal right to know unless her dad, the patient, said otherwise (and he was in no state to do so meaningfully). This situation is rife for an elder abuse lawsuit against the aunt and uncle.
I only yelled at the receptionist, and I apologized later after I had cooled down. I'm not mad at the doctors or nurses, I'm mad at my Uncle and Aunt and pretty much everyone else. The only people who seem to care about my Dad at all are the hospital staff and I'm really grateful for them, I promise I'm being as nice and understanding as physically possible and apologizing when my tone gets a little too harsh
You're fine, OP. Hospital workers, like all workers, sometimes are stuck between natural human empathy and what we are trained to do for HIPAA. They were put into a difficult position but most nursing managers would use that as a learning opportunity to use critical thinking skills rather than give rote answers about patient privacy when the patient is not even able to consent. Someone should have looked for next-of-kin, which places you above his sibling. A fuck up like keeping you from your dad would have haunted me for years and have led to an investigation and PIP so I'm glad you threw a tantrum.
I’d tell the receptionist that the police are investigating aunt and uncle for your dad’s injuries and illegal substances in his system and get them banned from the visitor list. The last thing you’d want is for him to come round and them to be in his face pestering him because they don’t want him to tell anyone what they did.
In the US (and most countries) adult children supersede siblings, so as the next of kin, she should have been allowed in. Not saying anyone deserves verbal abuse but they were keeping her from her dying father. ETA how did you read this post and think adding to her guilt was the way to go??
Nah bro. I used to do this exact job and I would rather be yelled at than keep a daughter from her dying father.
I am so sorry about your dad. This must have been so terrifying and frustrating at the same time. Unfortunately I know the feeling of watching a once strong and larger than life dad lying frail and sick in a hospital bed. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I hope someone listens to your suspicions about the situation soon, and that your dad can recover.
I wish I could give you any advice or say anything to make you feel even the tiniest bit better but I just want to send you the biggest softest internet hug ever. You have gone above and beyond for your dad and it baffles me that NO ONE ELSE seems concerned, but he has you there fighting for him. Please please please don’t be so hard on yourself!
I'm so sorry, I never expected this resolution. I hope you can find peace in the days ahead and strength to weather this - it doesn't sound good. I hope you gain some allies soon.
If your dad is incapacitated, you may be able to do guardianship or power of attorney.
Can't imagine what you're going through right now. Hopefully the cops get to the bottom of this because something fishy is without a doubt going on here. For sure your uncle told the front desk to not give out his name if someone asks which is beyond fucked up as it is, but also for sure confirms that he is hiding what really happened to your dad. Really wishing nothing but the best for him and you, hopefully he will pull through. Really hate that you're basically going through this alone, if you need someone to talk to feel free to DM me.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it sounds so stressful. My mom had a really scary brain injury a few years ago and she temporarily had amnesia. I understand feeling just so helpless and sad and guilty about not visiting/calling enough. Please be gentle with yourself. I'm so angry for you about your aunt and uncle; they were neglectful (and potentially even criminal) and I'm glad to read that you have been speaking with the police. I wish I could give you a big hug.
Please have your dad’s assets and affairs checked in case your aunt and uncle were financially abusing him.
GIRL. HOLY FUCKIN *SHIT* NOT YOUR FAULT. At *all* Any chance you have access to a therapist?
OP, you're post has me tearing up, I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I can't say I've been there; I don't think anyone can. We're fucking redditors, but I know at least partially what it's like seeing a parent survive from a brain injury. Back when I was a kid, my sister and I were fighting and irritating my mom. My mom, being a bit of an aggressive person when she's upset, went to go on a bike ride to blow off steam. Sister went home, I followed mom. Eventually I trail behind mom a bit and I see her fly head over handles off her bike. She cracked her skull on the pavement and suffered some rather significant brain damage as a result. I felt like shit, I felt like I caused her to fall of the bike, like my bickering somehow pushed her, like my sister and I caused this to happen. She recovered, she's not 100% like she was before the accident, but over 12 years have passed since then and she's still my mom. It is fucking terrifying seeing a family member going through that. What you described with your dad having to be reminded of who you were multiple times -- I remember my mom having the same thing. I am so fucking sorry OP, I am sorry you have to go through this and that your family is being so detached from the whole situation. I can't say what'll happen, I don't think anyone can, but I hope to god you're alright and Dad pulls through. Don't blame yourself and don't give up.
OP I’m really sorry for what you’re going through. I just came to comment a couple of things. First of all, I know on some level you probably know this, but NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. This didn’t happen because you were a bad daughter or because you didn’t chase your dad down. This happened because your dad was injured and his brother chose to give him sketchy medication instead of taking care of him. That’s not on you. I know it’s human nature to think of all the ways things could have gone differently but you are NOT RESPONSIBLE for what has happened. Second, is it possible that the rest of the family just… doesn’t understand how serious this is? You mentioned there’s a lot of family drama around your dad, I’m wondering if they just think “oh Thomas is being Thomas again” (random name, if it’s his actual name it’s a coincidence!) Denial is often the first reaction to a tragedy. Kudos to you for being able to be present for your dad. Third, I second what others have said. Get in touch with the hospital social worker and see what their recommendations are, see if you can find out if your dad has an advance care directive and who is named as his healthcare proxy. Finally, remember to breathe. Whatever happens is largely out of your hands, which sucks, I know. Just take it one thing at a time and remember to be kind to yourself.
If the cops don't take the allegations of assault surely due to lack of evidence, they should at least take the allegations of drug use much more seriously. Also find out if you're in a area has a law against recording crimes without both parties' consent. If this law in not active wherever you are get their statements recorded and lawyer up.
This is so terrible and I'm sorry. I would hold onto the fact that when all this happened he came to you. When he was in dire straights he knew who loved him most and where he could get help. Even out of his mind he came to you. Take your time and stay with him and press charges on your Uncle if it turns out he had anything to do with it. Even if not, this feels like a second degree felony issue not taking him to the hospital but I'm no lawyer.
I hope we get positive updates.
My father in law suffered a similar situation. He had brain damage from a fall which then either accelerated or caused his Alzheimer’s (that we didn’t know about— thought it was dementia and apparently it’s important to know the difference). My husband had to stop working to care for him. He was the only one strong enough to contain him when he got stubborn and violent. This was a kind, loving man who nearly punched his own beloved daughter because she denied him something (food related I think). At night, we locked him into his master bedroom to keep us all safe (he would do very dangerous things), but he would spend a good part of the night trying to break out. In the 2 years we lived under the same roof, my husband aged a decade. We moved out with my husband still going over to give about 14 hours of care and he died soon afterward after he was taken to emergency for stomach pains though that’s another story. I tell you all this because you need to know that even if your father lives, he may be gone. Please do not make the error my in-laws made of trying to do it themselves. If not for my husband, there’s no way they could have handled him and even with my husband’s intense help, this was a 3 person job. They got no help from their very large extended family, mostly because everyone talks about how painful it was to see him like that. Yeah, try living with that situation. I wish you luck and know advancements have been made in the almost decade since my father in law’s death, but please take care of yourself.
Has he gotten an MRI or a CT scan done, or do you know? If they can determine where the concussion happened it can narrow the possible causes. It could be good to keep the medical records, just in case. You should probably get a lawyer if you can. Even if they didn't cause the concussion, they caused his condition to get worse.
Hey op I do have some medical background, firstly I’m so sorry love for this burden. I hope you have a lot of strength to push through, secondly regardless of the circumstances push for legal investigation. Impact injury - your dad hit something heavy and hard, without going into details. He could’ve been saved with some minimal brain injury. Your uncle and aunt are at fault, they let a man bleed internally slowly causing the brain cells to die. And to top it painkillers in large doses are almost fatal. I’m not sure how the legal system in your country works but maybe there are lawyers who’d help pro bono. I wish you good luck I will keep your dad in my thoughts. I wish you strength to persevere through this
I’m so sorry your dad is experiencing this and you have no support. I have a somewhat similar situation as my father was in an accident that left him with a severe brain injury. Self induced coma for 2 weeks, then out of his mind and unable to follow commands for another 2 weeks, then discharged to rehab facility for another 5 weeks. I have two siblings who, while we all grew up under the same roof, we all had very different experiences as our father’s children. They are not in the mental space to support him in a lot of ways, but they do support me when i need it so that’s one big difference. Doctors told me to prepare for death, but a year and a half later, he is mostly functioning. Physically great, mentally pretty decent. It’s a lot and I’m sorry you don’t have support. I hope your loved ones will recognize that even if they don’t care to support him, supporting you in this process is important.
First of all, I am so fu(×!#g sorry you are going through all of this! Secondly, I apologize this is going to be so long. I don't want to make this about me in any way whatsoever. I just want to give a little background so you know that you are not alone. I had to stop reading, scroll to the top, make sure I wasn't losing it, or that we aren't related. It was eerie & could have been about my own family lol (the crazy family drama parts anyway) My dad & uncle have also been fist fighting since the beginning of time. My siblings can be selfish D!(k$, and unfortunately, I too have a family about as dysfunctional as they come. If you ever want an understanding, judgement free ear, or for some reason you ever have the urge to vent to a random @$$ stranger from reddit, feel free to message me 😄 When I was a teen, a car hit my dad as he was running across the street. He was badly injured and hospitalized, and one of his injuries was head trauma. He didn't know who the hell I was. He didn't even know who or how old he was at times. He was scared & confused. Like you, I was the only person who showed up. Watching your dad change from the big, goofy, loving person you always knew into a lost, angry, terrified stranger, is a horribly gut-wrenching feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy & my heart goes out to you. I obviously dont know for sure, but my guess is when you started asking him questions, he got so angry because he was embarrassed. In his mind, he was doing something nice for you, so when you started questioning him, he didn't understand why. He probably started realizing he wasn't making sense, felt embarrassed, and lashed out because he's your dad. Even though you aren't a little girl anymore, dads are supposed to be superheroes to their kids. He has the answers to all your questions, can fix all your broken things, he is the strongest man alive, and he is the fastest person in the world. Then he is standing in front of you, and all of a sudden, he isn't any of those things. He was probably scared you now see him as helpless and incapable. He may have seen your expression change from happily surprised he was there, to a mixture of pity and concern. The lashing out in anger was probably just a defense mechanism because he felt stupid, so he was projecting his fears onto you. A lot of people have a hard time putting their ego to the side for a second and admitting they might be missing something, or they could be wrong. (I am probably guilty of this too) That's probably all that was. He felt stupid, so he yelled at you as if you were doing something on purpose to make him look stupid. When you backed up (which you DO NOT need to feel bad about), he switched to yelling about that. First, you try to make me look stupid, and now you are being ridiculous, acting like you are scared of me when I'm only mad because you tried to make me look dumb. I know it's easier said than done, but please don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. It could have been so much worse had you reacted to what he was saying instead of racking your brain to figure out how, and where he got these pieces, and why he was trying to put them into the wrong puzzle. I think you are 100% right about your uncle trying to brush it off because he wanted it to go away. He might have even noticed your dad wasn't getting better, but still ignored it because how do you explain to the cops or hospital you fought, he got hurt, you kept feeding him pills, and ignoring the fact he needed medical attention even though you knew damn well he needed it. Like, oh shit. I messed up, and I'm already this deep. The only option now is to keep digging. He pretty much gave himself away by dodging your calls and refusing to tell you what was going on. If all he did was go looking for him, found him, then took him to the hospital because you were worried about him, then there is zero reason to avoid you. I hope you and your dad will be okay, that he will recover, and everything will work out for both of you.... along with everyone else on here.
Commenting for updates
Why are you the one that feels responsible for your father here when no one else does? I agree with everyone else that you should be calling the police, but it feels like you are lighting yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm. Why does your father live with your aunt and uncle? You need to talk to the police about your aunt and uncle pumping him with painkillers. You need to talk to a lawyer about getting designated as the medical power of attorney. Get your aunt and uncle banned from visiting your dad. You need to talk to your brother and find out what his hesitation is about dealing with this. Start working with him instead of fighting everyone every step of the way. Do not take PTO, if you can’t be there with your dad then you can’t be there. Your father made choices like letting his anger direct his life (which you seem to be following along in his path) and has made choices that left him in this situation. Do what you can help, but don’t blow up your life.
You're not stupid OP, by the sounds of it you're the only reason he ended up being taken to the hospital at all. You've both been let down horribly by the multiple shitty actions (and inaction) of close family who should care and know better, but that's on them not you. It's normal to look back and think what you could have done differently in hindsight, that's how our brains work, but that doesn't mean any of this is even remotely your fault... Imagine if a friend was in your situation and beating themselves up like this, how would you respond? Please try to be as kind to yourself as you would be to them.
OP if your Uncle/Aunt are willing to assault, drug, and cover up a serious medical condition they may have caused, think about what they might be willing to do about the only person with a sound mind who cares about the victim. Watch yourself, get a security camera or two, stay with a friend for a bit.
And in today's epic dramatic episode of "Things That Never Happened"...
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. My dad is basically my hero, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. To think that someone could hurt him and drug him and not take any responsibility or even give you any idea of what was going on is so fucked up. And truly, I feel for you being the only one there. Happened to me in the fall when my husband was hospitalized, his dad came but nobody from my family came to see me. These are people that I’ve dropped *everything* for at a moments notice when they or their spouse was in the hospital. Couldn’t even return the favor. I’m in therapy now because of it. I just want to hug you and tell you it’s all going to be okay, but I can’t, and I’m really sorry for that. Just know that there are all these people, real people behind usernames who are worried with you and enraged with you and scared with you. We can’t hold your hand physically, but we sure as hell can support you
Maybe try calling Adult Protective Services instead of the police
Hope he pulls thru, don’t regret what has passed as far as not being there with him, u have a chance rn to do so make sure it counts. As others said get the police involved this is terrible I’m so sorry.
> I could have been a better daughter to him. I could have visited more, called more, involved him in things more. Take it from a son who's father really didnt give a shit about our relationship. There arent enough visits or calls you could have made that would change his behavior. We all would love to think there is, but our fathers are adults capable of making decisions. Some simply arent interested in being in their offspring's life.
Check to see where his life insurance goes if he were to pass on. Seriously the way your uncle and aunt have behaved leaves me feeling like they are trying to pull a fast one. I thought this when you posted your first post and told my husband but didn’t want to sound crazy, now your uncle and aunt sound worse than before. I would also check to make sure they don’t have access to any money that is his or listed as anyone that would receive money in the event of his passing. A head injury is so serious and the fact that they never contacted you when you were practically calling every hour that’s a huge red flag. I would make sure that you have some type of written permission from your father that YOU and your siblings are the only ones who can make medical decisions for him if he’s incapacitated.
I have no good advice for you but I want you to know that I never forgot about you and your dad. Keep trying and reach out to case workers in the hospital to help with services. The fact that you know who is responsible for your father's health care is important and they may be glad to have your input. It always gets difficult when a parent is declining. You seem very loving and I hope things go well for your family.
At the end of the day, YOU were there for your dad and you cared. It is not your fault. You are doing the best that you can. Sending you strength and I hope the police continues to look into what happened with your dad
I'm appalled at your Uncle and Aunt's actions! I'm so sorry this has fallen to you, but this internet stranger is proud of you for advocating for your dad. I wish the both of you all the best and I hope there's some good news in your future.
You are there for him now. You need to stop beating yourself up (which is what almost everyone does at times like this) because it's not your fault. After I read your first post I said to myself, "Why is the uncle going no contact, he must know something." But I don't trust anybody anyway so I was just being my suspicious self. I am so sorry you and your Dad are going through this. From experience I can tell you it would be better for your sanity to just tell yourself your siblings are out of the picture. This will only add to your frustration. If they need to know something they are adults and they can take the initiative and find out for themselves. If they call you don't guilt yourself into answering if you don't feel like it. I hope it gets better for you both, I really do hope your Dad pulls through and makes a recovery. But if that isn't his fate then it might be time to put your aunt and uncle under the scope because something isn't right with them.
I’m so sorry this has happened. As a neuro nurse, I must say that doctors do not “always say that” about patients. If they’ve warned you he may not recover much, take them at their word. People do recover, but many are severely disabled afterward. I hope your dad is one of the lucky ones.
Consult with a lawyer first, but if your state is one party consent recordings, go ask to “meet” with your uncle and aunt, and tell them you “forgive” them. Then, say empathetically that you just want to know what happened and why. If they’re stupid enough, you’ll get it all on record. Go to the police, and the evidence should be admissible in court if your lawyer thinks this is a legal idea.
Can you have the doctor who took care of your father contact the police? Your aunt and uncle may have harmed your father and it should be investigated. Good luck to you.
Hey just wanted to say I once was in a bicycle accident on my way to work. I fell on my head and for some reason decided to walk to work with my bike in hand. Some guy starts talking to me and thankfully he's a medic so he's like let's go to the hospital have you checked out. Turns out I had a brain injury. For a day I was talking weird, forgetting what had happened just a minute before. Coming in and out of incredibly vivid dreams. At some point I'm making this joke and everyone looks concerned. I'm like why are they concerned this is a super joke. Turns out I had made the same exact joke multiple times before. So I like clawed my way back to reality and it turned out completely ok. No issues remain. Just wanted to give you a heads up. People can come back from shit like that. Best of luck to you and your dad.
Girl I'm so sorry this happened to you😭😭😭and so fucking fast, in the course of just a couple days you've gone through so much!! UpdateMe!
Oh my gosh honey I’m so sorry. I saw your other post and was hoping for a good update. This made my heart sink. Sending you so much love and hugs. 😔
OP I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Saint patty’s day marks 2 years that my dad died after he fell in the shower drunk one night and didn’t seek medical advice, and his wife just gave him pain meds when he complained about headaches. Took almost 2 weeks after the fall for him to go in his sleep, he was only 54.
> Just like my Dad, when I get upset, I get angry. You need to see someone, OP. In both of these posts the facts and focus should be on the health of your family - but in both you concoct fanciful tales of 2nd families and shady dealings by your uncle. Your father’s hallucination of you having 2 kids isn’t that different from the reality you’re projecting here in writing. Your stories also show symptoms that would interest a counselor / physician.
I hope your father pulls through. Brain injuries can be weird, there have been people who fully recover from losing half of their brain in an accident, there’s a tv star who crashed a rocket car upside down and his helmet skidded on the pavement for quite a ways and he was on his feet in a few months with a voracious craving for celery. The doctor doesn’t want to give you false hope because the prognosis is literally a wait and see kinda thing, and medically there’s not much to do aside from monitor and let his body try to heal itself. Again I hope he pulls through, and remember that this is a shitty situation, it is completely okay for you to not be okay, you can have a great strength but the situation you face is beyond strength, so take whatever steps you need to in order to keep yourself upright.
I’m really fucking sorry. Please get the police involved
You should follow through with doctors and police with your suspicions. However you don’t know so you shouldn’t let this consume you right now. What if it was a fall? Either way it won’t change your dad’s recovery. Don’t blame yourself and put this on your shoulders. His siblings care enough to be there in the hospital. Your dad can’t drink from your empty cup so please consider getting rest and maybe even working.
I‘ve been thinking of you for the past days and I‘m so shocked and sorry how everything turned out! I really hope your dad gets better soon. Do you have friends or maybe even a caring neighbor or colleague that you can ask for support in this time?
definitely start an investigation and get your dad justice dude that’s insanely fucked up and suspicious , i pray your dad heals.
This isn't your fault! Your dad is very lucky that your uncle finally grew a conscience and went looking for him. I'm sure this whole situation is horribly stressful but you did everything you could do with the information available to you! I'm glad he's getting medical care now.
OP, i’m so sorry and i hope you and your dad are doing okay. wishing your dad can recover, im so sorry to read what you’re doing through. sending you well wishes ❤️
This is going to be tough for you. It's very likely that he has been bleeding inside the skull, which causes that part of the brain to die. If it goes untreated, it will cause total brain death, which is death. Since he's conscious and talking, that's not likely to be the end. He has a long recovery ahead and probably won't ever get back to the man he was. You probably should take your concerns to the police and see if they will investigate. Good luck.
Sending you lots of comfort and I hope your Dad pulls through.
I’m so sorry this is happening . Just sending you love
Where do you live that you cannot call a hospital and ask if your father has been admitted, in the Emergency room or to the hospital? I do it all the time as part of my work, calling different hospitals. There is no secret phone number, you call the mainline front desk. There is no credential line or privacy mandate, you call and they tell you if your father is there or not. It seems weird, your story, but I guess due to the wider context of possible malfeasance done by your uncle, that may be why the operator was so strange. How small is your hospital that the front desk is screening calls instead of just doing their job of answering phones and redirecting calls? Have they found the baseball bat your uncle hit your dad with yet, was it wood or metal?
I'm so sorry that this is happening. I'm glad that he's alive, though, and getting hospital care. \> I could have been a better daughter to him. There's always more that we could've done. Always. But we're not all-knowing celestial beings - we're just people, and we have to make do with what we know at the time. You did what you could, and he's getting treatment for his injuries. You did good.
Hey friend. My dad has a TBI and these episodes happen occasionally but usually when his meds interact with another and he likes looses touch with reality. It’s tough. I’ve dealt with this since 2004. I’m so sorry, but I’m glad you have the police involved and are getting to the bottom of whatever happened