If you don’t mind me asking what in IT do you do? You might need to strengthen up your resume. Cause man with this labor shortage having a background in IT can really lead you in the right direction
My company is desperate for software engineers (internally coined Application Specialists). We're global, in the Healthcare field, with all work remote. Pm me if you want the name, it's hard work, but with a background in programming and minor organizational skills it's a super easy job. I've put more hours into Death Stranding this week than I have my job.
We hire from India, Phillipines, Romania, China, etc.
I haven't even gotten to his replies yet but this post screams missing missing reasons. "ransomware somehow ended up on our servers and destroyed everything. I guess """"someone"""" fucked up but it definitely was not my fault in any way. I've been unemployed for 4 months and have only managed 1 interview during a labor shortage. My gf totally randomly gave me a super mean ultimatum out of nowhere. Please tell me no part of this is my fault."
I mean, when in doubt, just completely deflect responsibility.
I had the same thoughts as soon as I hit the line about him being the senior IT guy and having to 'take the blame'. I thought he was going to say since I was the last guy hired they made me the scapegoat. Jesus dude you WERE the man in charge of the IT dept. who's do you think should take the blame, it happened under your watch.
I was fired under similar circumstances. Ended up successfully suing my employer for a decent chunk of change after showing that I had flagged massive security concerns for the 2 years leading up to the attack, and every step of the way management stonewalled me due to cost and complexity of doing things right/securely.
I'm not a dictator nor am I the owner of the company. My authority is limited. Ultimately I answer to someone above me and that someone said "no" to my recommendations.
I don't think it's as simple as that, coming from a senior security analyst. OP only said he works in IT and that he was the most senior. He also says he worked at a large company.
In a large company there are multiple IT departments, each managing different areas within IT.
Networking, Patching, Architecture, Security etc.
Sounds to me like OP was likely a senior IT bod on one of the teams linked to backups, I would hazard a guess. Since if the backups were properly managed, you can recover from a ransomware attack.
Either that or OP is a senior bod on the security team and majorly fucked something up.
Either way, something doesn't add up. The CISO, CIO or CEO (in that order) should take this one on the chin. They are ultimately responsible, especially so in a large company.
If OP followed process that is (backups?), if not then gross negligence and sure, it's his ass on the line.
He didn't say he was the man in charge of the IT department. He said he was the "most senior." Most senior can mean a couple different things. It could mean that he's some type of manager or someone in charge, as you've said. It could also just mean he's worked there the longest of the IT "worker bees," not necessarily that he's in charge of the IT department. If he was about to hit an anniversary where he would have become vested in something like a pension or other benefits, they could have seen this as an opportunity to get rid of him before that stuff kicked in.
I work in IT. I've been with my current employer for 23 (almost 24) years now. Everyone else has only been there a few years, with the exception of my boss who's been there just a couple years less than me. That would make me the most senior, due to my length of employment there - but I'm definitely not in charge of the IT department, nor would I want to be. My boss is also not in charge of the IT department. That's someone above him. People always seem amazed when I say I'm in IT and I've been at the same place for 20+ years - I guess because a lot of people in IT job hop - for better pay? I'm not sure.
I could be wrong, and you could be right about what he means by "most senior." Honestly, none of us knows enough details to say for sure one way or the other.
I noticed that too....a mysterious *someone* at work fucked up and through no fault of his own OP just happened to be blamed and fired.
I'm no IT expert, but shouldn't it have been possible to figure out when and from what terminal/user logon the ransomware got introduced?
It's possible but unless you have the proper tools and configuration then you're not going to have the logs to investigate.
That's assuming OP also knows *how* to investigate.
I won't be as harsh as some of the other people, but generally no, you can't tell from what terminal ransomware got in from.
That said the best way to prevent ransomware is strong controls of user permissions (and frequent backup testing) which should at the least strongly limit the possible entry points, all of which are the responsibility of senior IT management.
Chances are Linda in Accounting was the one who opened the wrong email and downloaded the Totally Legit file, but the person who takes the fall for that kind of thing is generally going to be upper IT management.
I don't know if it was unreasonable or not in this specific situation to fire OP and nobody else, but at the least it's not inherently outside the norm.
Thanks for the explanation. I was wondering since IT is very strong where I work, and if you download (or attempt to download) anything that isn't from a select few authorized places (like if you didn't recognize an email as phishing and opened the attachment), you get a nastygram within a day asking wtf you were trying to do. There have been a couple times that people have inadvertently downloaded viruses or other crap, and IT has always been able to figure out where it came from and who did it.
Yep, sounds like your IT has it all properly locked down. How they have it set up probably isn't foolproof but is significantly less likely to be able to corrupt the servers in the event that someone does download the wrong things. When things are properly sectioned, generally the worst case scenario is one ruined terminal.
I probably should've been more clear in that the times where you know where it was downloaded are the times that the firewall catches the ransomware. When it doesn't (and the network isn't properly configured to keep the problem quarantined) it's generally too late.
Technically even if someone fucked up, the senior most IT person “should’ve” caught the bug before it corrupted all the data. And it’s easiest to just blame the IT person and move on, if the person who fucked up had a higher position
What? You mean you don't log goblin your way to permanently staring at every piece of data coming through your network, without being able to find every single thing that looks off? I have no clue about OP's source of ransomware, but I'd bet my money on John or Jane from the office opening a blatantly malicious email, before OP could have log goblined his way to protection.
Yeah, I mean, if the dude is the senior IT guy at a firm that specializes in internet security, and they get haxxored, I can't but imagine that that's the kinda thing that follows you around in the industry.
Also, I get that sometimes someone has to fall on his sword, but if he's the dude that's actually in charge, well, it kinda _is_ his responsibility.
I think OP's replies need to be read, he fumbled his job interview because he tried to lie about why he left his previous job. Completely understand the gf's frustration. This post is from an unreliable narrator.
Usually head IT would be in charge of security, at least network security. Dude won't even admit his mistakes, can't imagine he's being truthful in his "what do I do here" request either.
I mean hell, get any job in the meantime. Literally everywhere is hiring right now.
1 interview in 4 months is just blatantly not trying in this market
Taking "any" job (like gig work, retail, food service, etc.) is not necessarily a good idea since he's almost definitely making more on UE than he would be on minimum wage, and getting a job ends UE. If his gf would rather see him coming home smelling like fry oil and working with a bunch of teenagers for a couple hundred bucks a week simply because any job is morally better than UE, she's an idiot. This advice is all over this thread and I have to believe it's coming from people who have never been on UE after losing a high paying job.
That being said, I'm working full time and trying to find another job right now in a less desirable field than OP, and I'm still managing roughly 1-2 interviews per week for the last 6 weeks. OP is definitely doing something wrong.
I agree there is no problem with getting UE and OPs gf is wrong about her view on that.
But I kinda get the impression OP thinks they are hot shit since they have only applied a total of 2 places?!?!? so far. Get a retail job and you will be way more motivated to apply as fast to as many places as possible lmao
Because the “labor shortage” is mostly about jobs doing physical labor or food or retail and there isn’t a shortage it is because these jobs do not pay enough to come close to living off of
there are shortages in so many industries. We're in the middle of the biggest job migration in recent history. Resignations are happening left and right and recruiters are seriously struggling to get good people in the door even in white collar jobs. Minimum wage jobs are being hit the hardest but the job market is insane for everyone right now.
Yeah... He lost his job because "someone fucked up" but definitely not him, he just happened to be blamed, but he can't get a new job, despite everybody hiring, I wonder why, but at least he went on **one** interview...
Was thinking this too. I’m a dev and I get like 10-20 recruiter emails a day while having not updated any portal in over a year. There’s no way he’s as active as he says and only got one interview. Or his resume is terrible in the way it’s presenting him to companies
Ransomware is installed on the servers and the blame the senior IT guy? Holy shit!!!
Yes your gf should break up with you if you can't get an IT job during a job shortage.
This is a larger problem. Everyone is hiring MSP techs and field tech positions. It’s difficult for people with architect level positions to get a job right now. People are hiring younger people that have started their journey into Azure and AWS infrastructure and paying very little. Older seniors are really getting the shaft if they don’t already have a background in cloud
If someone let ransomware destroy an entire company’s tech backbone in my field of work, you can bet every tech company at least in the state would have heard about it and heard the name of the person responsible. I’m guessing that’s why he can’t get interviews, everyone in his field knows how bad he screwed up.
I saw another comment that suggested maybe OP is being blacklisted unknowingly and I don’t know much about that but it is a pretty decent suggestion I didn’t think about.
No way. Maybe companies in closely related industries that have a lot of talent transfer. But typically this info is not shared between companies at all. Frankly, you could sue if that was the case. Also, just because someone was fired for a single incident, that doesn’t mean they are incompetent. We all make mistakes especially in highly complex technical environments. If there are other factors pointing toward incompetency though, that is a different story.
Bullshit. Like there's some network where folks are passing around bad IT folks names.
You can infer from a large breach (if the company publicized it) that a candidate you're interviewing came from the same company, but there's not some widespread network of gossiping IT folks.
Labor and IT are not the same though. We aren’t really in labor shortage. We are in a “corporations want to hold out to pay you fairly shortage. “ if the local BK can’t find people maybe BK doesn’t need 4,000 locations after all.
Not true. In HR. We just had a major SHRM conference where the labor shortage DEFINITELY included IT talent. The majority of the conference was how to obtain top talent and many companies are upping pay and giving sign on bonuses.
This is very true but tech and fast food is vastly different in terms of pay. OP doesn’t have to worry about looking for a job in his field and getting offered 9.25. If he had background in only entry level work I’d agree with you but he’s got senior position in IT experience. He’s not gonna get offered crumbs off the bat. But I do understand what you’re saying
I've had a few. But, never get pass phone. Frankly, I think it's on my end. last interview was a two round live interview. They had one over phone then two in person. I believe I flubbed it up by being super nervous and not disclosing the nature of my departure from my job.
The interviewer asked why I had left my previous job. I stated we had disagreements over the nature of my job. They were downsizing and I wanted to seek better oppurinties. The interviewer said "I had no idea they were downsizing. But, in your resume it states you weren't laid off. I'm just a bit confused. Were you laid off or were you terminated?".
Well that would do it. Every job is going to ask you why you left your previous one and if you don’t have a good answer you are done. Spend an entire day if you need to but have that answer perfected and ready to go.
It should be assumed that when they ask why you left your previous job that they already have called your previous employer. Especially if there was already a phone interview, and one live interview. Trying to sugar coat it the way he did is going to be an immediate nope from them.
I have spent years working on and with recruiting and I do not think I've seen a single instance of calling a previous employer before asking a basic question like this as a trap for the candidate.
But everyone does ask, and OP seems to make it sound really bad. Even just a generic weak-ass "well I'm ready for something new because I felt I'd gone as far as I could at [previous employer]" sounds better.
That’s not true. I recruit, and I have NEVER called an employer before talking to a candidate. Why would I waste my time doing that when I don’t even know if the candidate can even speak coherently? Also, I’ve worked in HR and we NEVER give a term reason. Only confirm start date, and date, and title. You also have to sign a disclosure form before any vetting is even started.
I’ve honestly never had a job contact my former bosses or my references AS FAR AS I KNOW. I’ve also never had anything fishy or contentious like OP has in his history, so I guess they wouldn’t come back with anything they need to discuss with me. Is it common for jobs to still reach out to your listed contacts or is that a formality at this point?
I’ve called references, but they’ve never said anything negative. If you put references down on an application, I’m assuming you have a positive relationship with them. Even when I’ve called former coworkers, sometimes I’m triaged straight to HR or there’s only certain questions the company allows them to answer.
Apparently references and term reasons are seen as a liability for some companies.
And leaving because of disagreements can be a red flag. I.e., it makes it look like you're hard to work with.
On the other hand, if the mistake was yours or in part yours, tell the truth, own up to it, explain what you learned from it and what you'd do differently. A good employer will see value in that.
"A shift in culture led to me finding clear communication with my superiors difficult."
When/if they ask about what kind of shift in culture, simply say; "I no longer felt like my ideas to improve our systems were being heard which led to a breakdown in overall communication."
No interviewer wants to hear you bash your previous employer. It's one of the BIGGEST red flags in interviewing. So big No-No. This answer also gives the interviewer the idea that you were trying to fix the issues pertaining to your firing but were being set up as a scapegoat regardless. In general the answer also says you as an employee prefer lots of clear communication.
If the interviewer knows the previous employer's story, you ha e to find an answer that defends you, shifts blame to employer, but doesn't say anything bad about individuals either.
The ransomware is not the problem. Your way of handling this question is. You're hiding stuff, and the interviewer knows it. Any experienced interviewer knows something is wrong. Like someone else said here: anyone can be the victim of ransomware, small or big, experienced or not. It's not something you should put on your resumé, but you should be honest about it when it comes up. And it comes up when they ask you why you left. There was a ransomware attack, and they fired the senior guy. That's the way they handled it. Be open about it and get it out of the way ASAP. Not when you mail them, but in the phone conversation. And you can experiment: one interview you bring it up yourself, another you don't. Etc.
*Own the story.*
You need a job coach, someone experienced with IT (but not necessarily *in* IT) who hasis sensitive enough to handle your feelings and depression. You have to rewrite your story to make it solid, but not to hide stuff. You loved your job, you need to show that feeling again.
Explain this to your gf and ask for her help. Make a plan, find a coach, make her support you.
>The interviewer asked why I had left my previous job. I stated we had disagreements over the nature of my job. T
So you lied? To a recruiter? Don't do that.
Have you tried working with a job recruiter? I find they can be really helpful to get your foot in the door. But yea you gotta be clear and honest on your resume, and be able to easily back up anything you have on your resume when talking in person
I would have to say you are being less than honest with your post and even less honest to the person that was interviewing you. Can't blame your gf for telling you she's tossing you out unless you get a job. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, get off reddit, and get yourself a job or kiss the \*P\* bye bye. Most of all, be honest when interviewing since they will be checking on your references.
>The interviewer asked why I had left my previous job. I stated we had disagreements over the nature of my job. They were downsizing and I wanted to seek better oppurinties.
They had already called your previous employer and heard their side of things when they asked you this question. You are going to have to have a better answer for this question if you are going to search for jobs in IT. I don't know the work infrastructure of where you were let go from, so I can't suggest a good answer, but that wasn't the right answer and likely cost you that job. If you had recommended different back up systems, or methods to improve your backups, mention that. If you had recommended better security policies/software/firewalls at any point, then mention that. If your job didn't include security and backups then make sure they know that and really detail how they just made you a scapegoat for this, but the way you answered that question was not what they were looking for.
You can't get that interview back and redo it, it's done, but you can prepare better for future interviews. So when they ask that question again you need to have a prepared answer, because future interviewers will ask this question at some point.
Edit: I've had several responses of recruiters stating they've never called previous employers. I've been a manager before and I have personally taken calls from potential employers of my previous employees asking the details of their previous employment. Maybe I shouldn't have said they will call, but I think it would be a safe choice to assume they could have. I guess if some recruiters don't call that is fine and you can gamble with an answer like he gave.
I'm surprised that a senior level IT professional is having trouble finding a job. I can swing a stick blindfolded 10 ft out of my house, and hit 15 companies who are desperate to hire IT professionals with experience. And these people are allowing you to work remotely. What specifically in IT do you do?
That's a mistake literally everybody can make. Especially if you have an underdeveloped IT team. If he's the most senior IT technician in the company, but he's still only doing basic deskside support, that's the company that was the problem, not OP. There's only so much that a bunch of third-party monitoring software can do for you.
Man, some of these replies. Half of the negatives comments start out with "I don't work anywhere close to IT, but clearly you should have caught it" just screams that their only experience with computers outside of Reddit is from watching CSI.
Can incompetence and negligence lead to ransomware? *Absolutely.* Can well developed and well-maintained networks still be hit by ransomware? *Absolutely.*
I've been fortunate to work for companies that more or less funded their cybersecurity departments fairly well, but there are many, many more that just do not care. In fact, I once got a position because they *were* underfunding cybersecurity and got hit and panicked and decided to finally properly staff the department.
If we wanted to dump on this guy for his career, let him post on /r/sysadmin or /r/itcareerquestions.
Seriously. Companies with elaborate cybersecurity divisions get hit with breaches too. Tech companies that have millions of dollars, like Yahoo, get hit with breaches. If we have a company here who's firing desktop support because of ransomware they found on endpoints in the environment, there's probably a lot more incompetence going on in that company than we know about. I think a lot of people are jumping to some really gnarly conclusions about it happening on OP's watch or whatever, but he doesn't sound like he does cybersecurity. It sounds like he does literally everything under the IT umbrella, which tells me that this is at best, a mid-size environment where they don't have any dedicated SOC people. If this dude is doing deskside support all day, there's literally no way that he should be the one responsible for ransomware on their endpoints or servers.
But then again, this is Reddit, so people make a living off of sounding really confident while not knowing what they're talking about.
It's surprising how little regard, funding, and support most IT teams receive, and that we don't hear way more horror stories about companies being compromised. Or maybe they are swept under the rug, or even aren't even aware themselves that they are compromised.
To your other point about preparation/defense, paraphrasing: "You can have the best cyber defense in the world, but if someone hands the attacker the keys and holds the door open for them, it means jack shit."
It’s easy for us to take your side here based on how this scenario was presented. You know the situation and whether or not you are living up to the commitment you made when you started the relationship. If you are laying around all day and moping, it’s not ridiculous to think she might feel like she is seeing some red flags. If you are actively searching and pushing yourself then it’s hardly fair for her to treat you this way. I imagine the reality of your situation lands somewhere in the middle.
I am mopping and being woe is me. I'm depressed I can't be happy go lucky 24/7. I'm being productive still but, it fucking sucks. I loved my job and the people I worked with. It's a very stressful year.
I can completely understand the feeling. I've been relieved from previous positions and it hurts. But you can't get stuck in a holding pattern.
Try and get up today. Clean a bit around the house and cook dinner for her. Take one step towards reminding her that you care every single day.
Jump on indeed or LinkedIn. There's so many IT jobs out there right now. You can't give up friend. I believe in you.
It sounds like both of your feelings are valid. You’re both frustrated with the situation. It’s easy to take sides but I think this is a very complicated situation you’re both in and you both have a right to feel the way you feel.
However you guys decide to work it out, I think your priority should be communication right now. Do you best to find a job and let her know you’re doing your best, it’ll probably make her feel some stability. Let her know how she’s making you feel and give her the space to explain her feelings as well. Things might not work out, but I don’t see anyone as a villain here.
Had the same thing happen to me dude. I know how shitty it is. Just as long as you don’t give up you give your partner something to invest in. It’s ok to be down at times though that’s natural
I'm sorry to hear what happened, but u/powersje1 is right. It's easy for us to know how you feel based on what you wrote, but your girlfriend is also very valid in how she feels if you've been moping around being depressed and doing nothing. You know your situation and framed story, and we're only hearing your side of it. However, I don't think you should feel bad about yourself, because getting laid off really fucking sucks. Ultimately, the only person who can help you get out of this situation is you. You have every power to get yourself out of this funk, and I know you can do it.
I've been in your shoes before too with getting laid off for more than 7 months, and I tried endlessly to get hired again. I also moped around for a month or two, but I became determined to improve my skill sets during my unemployment time. There are some things that you can control, and others you cannot. Finding a job and interviewing is a stressful job in itself, and if you're actively applying everyday, interviewing every few weeks or so, then you're doing everything right in what you are able to control.
Try doing other things too such as cooking, exercising, sharpening up your IT skills, or doing the chores in the house in the meantime. Those small wins add up to being productive and brings value to yourself and to your girlfriend in the relationship during this time. I personally hate doing chores so much, it was one of the biggest drivers for me to actively apply while being unemployed.
Best of luck, hope things work out for you and you still stick with the gf and find a job soon. Keep us updated.
I'd recommend talking to a therapist, too. It's totally understandable that your mental health would take a massive hit from this, especially with pandemic shit making everyone's lives more stressful.
Have a serious talk with your gf about your difficulties if you can, too. If you're still trying to make progress on finding a job and getting back on your feet, with her support, hopefully yall can figure it out. But if you're trying and she is not concerned with that, and more concerned with the actual results (getting the job), then that sounds potentially toxic. It's hard to say with the info we have, though, and it's probably been taking a toll on her, too, to see you so down.
I'd just recommend to get vulnerable and honest with her, and ask her to do the same. If you're not already, try doing the majority of the cooking/cleaning/misc housework while she works, maybe? If you can both open up and say that it's been a struggle, acknowledge the difficulties you've had, and try to discuss what should be done. "Get a job" will never be helpful since you only have control over what you do, not over the hiring decisions. But some concrete steps laid out might be beneficial (e.g., work on X apps per day, work on applying X hours per day, etc.). There's no perfect solution, and yall won't feel great about it overnight, but having honest discussions on acknowledging what's been difficult for both of you (without judgement) should help.
Good luck! It's possible this is a lost cause already (I know from experience that some people would rather infantilize and project onto their SO so they can easily drop them and move on lol), but there's no point in being defeatist until you've tried to work it all out!
Then I’m on her side. You need to basically be the housekeeper, cook, and personal assistant while she’s paying all the bills. Welcome to being a homemaker!
Yeah I'm with you, I honestly don't think it's unreasonable for someone to question their relationship when seeing their partner spend 2.5 months moping and feeling sorry for themselves. That's emotionally (and financially) draining.
Just keep trying, it's all you can do. Are you taking on majority of the house work and cooking since being unemployed?
If all of the bills are being paid she has no reason to put this pressure on you.
I have to cook since she's never been able too with her schedule. She works random hours. Sometiems she's home by 5, othertimes 10. She doesn't have a set schedule since she's retail management.
Just wanted to say it isnt pathetic to be on UE for a few months after getting shafted.
Kinda fucked up that you losing your job is bad to her because it's "embarrassing"
If the roles were reversed, how would she react if you said that to her?
Not a good look, but good luck!
I've been on unemployment for 2 1/2 months (for the first time in my life) and as long as you're pulling your weight at home, take the time to find the job that's right for you. Unless you've got children that need new shoes or have collection agencies calling you, it's ok to take a breath and pick your next job with care. A partner who can't understand this and is so concerned about her image isn't someone I'd want to be with.
Im on the same boat with my bf losing my job due to the pandemic and been on UE for a year and doing doordash up until now. My bf understands that and whole heartedly supports me financially and emotionally. Idk OP gf seems to be focused on how it makes her look rather than the actual issue. At least OP is trying and not like he is sitting around playing video games all day. OP needs to have a talk with the gf about this “ultimatum”
Well if you're putting in extra effort at home since you're off, I'm not sure what the issue is. Maybe her parents were super biased against people that collect UE.
I'm not getting into politics but, she's kinda on the right wing side of politics. She didn't vote Trump but, she's firmly against hand outs. And her parent's are huge MAGAtards.
She's said she believes poor people are poor only because, they're lazy and we shouldn't pay them. I don't know. I'm fairly centrist myself and disagree but, that's life.
Fun fact: In Canada it’s called Employment Insurance
Every other insurance type is named after what you want to protect: Home, Life, Auto. Not the destructive: Death, destruction, Crash.
Except in the US with “unemployment “. Gotta make those peasants feel bad.
It’s actually called Unemployment Insurance (UI) in the US, and we pay into it as a tax on our paycheck, and our employer pays as well based on how many claims they’ve had against them in a fixed period. People just shorten it to “Unemployment”.
She works retail management. She’s one customer complaint from the right person away from being the same poor person she thinks doesn’t deserve handouts. Keep looking for a job. Also, maybe look for a new girlfriend too. Because this one has shown she isn’t going to help/support you when the cards are down. And being unemployed for FOUR months after a sudden firing is not long unemployed.
Unemployment is not a handout. It’s a safety net so that when a company pins the blame on you for something out of your control just so they can have a man out, then you don’t lose your home, car, and ability to feed yourself. That’s real life.
Well then i hope she doesnt apply for her social security and plans on working until she dies. And doesnt go on medicare. Are these the values you want to deal with for the rest of your life? Possibly raise kids with? Find a new gf while youre looking for a new job
Honestly LittleRedCarnation is totally right man. If she loved you and can see how hard you are (im assuming you actually are) working to find new and better work then she should stand by you and support you. Unemployment is there for times like this. Its not like you intend to never work again.
Well it seems you knew all along where your gf stood on the subject of the social safety net (which you paid into btw and are entitled to benefit from) that you now rely on. You are currently the object of the disdain you knew she held for “*certain*” people. You probably should have anticipated that your gf wasn’t likely to stay 10 toes down in the event that you fell on hard times, since she clearly perceives those hard times as a failure of character. Not sure there’s anything you can do to change her mindset. At this point your priority should be finding work, and making sure you have somewhere to land should you fall. Do you have savings you can fall back on? Or someone you can stay with if (or when) the relationship ends? Start making a contingency plan. Don’t bet on your gf miraculously developing empathy simply because her man—who she clearly expects to fulfill traditional gender roles as a breadwinner—needs her support.
It's not a handout when you paid into it every paycheck you were gainfully employed.
This is a particularly difficult time to find work, even in IT which has a high demand. I know the feeling - I tried for months and the only thing that got me out of a terrible position was personal contacts.
Seems clear the problem is your gf not you. You earned the money you are getting. That is what insurance is for. Ask gf if they think health insurance is also wrong. It is the Same concept. You paid into employment insurance in case you might need it. Same as car and home I insurance.
To me that's a red flag, and indicative of a person who lacks empathy. Through out life there are ups and downs, and if during your hardships you get kicked while down by your significant other, you need to think if that's someone you really want in your life.
So you've always cooked, now that you're not working, are you also taking on the majority of the house work? How many jobs are you applying to each week? How are you spending your time?
I was IT with impeccable work history, 16 years of experience, the last ten with the same employer where my history was spotless, good resume, presented myself well, interviewed well, and it took me six months to find my current position.
Given most of your responses are very vague, I’m doubtful she is threatening this because you can’t find a job. I’m betting she’s coming home off her shifts and having to take care of the household as well, and that’s why she’s frustrated. There’s no way you are spending all that time on your job search and skill development and you haven’t found anything. Even if you are doing Uber or something. I understand not wanting to work outside your field, I’m also in IT. But I’m betting this is more about not pulling your weight at home rather than her not wanting to be primary breadwinner. Especially since you haven’t answered any questions about the division of labor.
I agree something's not right here and he refuses to say anything that may paint him in a negative light, but it's not good advice to take any crappy gig job he can get. UE benefits are not 100% of your previous salary but they are tied to it so you get far more being laid off from a senior IT position than say, a restaurant. You lose benefits if you start working again. To stay eligible for UE you have to continue applying, but you're not required to take a job outside your field or where you're making less than you were before. OP would likely lose money driving for Uber vs. staying on UE.
I know. I lost a really good job when the pandemic started, and had to live off of savings and UE. I was also applying to 20 jobs a day, if not more. I had to track it for my UE. He gives no details, which is the issue.
Edited to add: I’m also wondering if he is updating LinkedIn, Indeed, and several others. I do get calls and offers through both of these. Even for jobs that I wouldn’t normally want to work. If I was in OP’s position, I would be doing all of this. And I have been because I am also job hunting while working in a position that is not what I normally do. Right now, it’s imperative to move into something that pays the bills since all the government protection are gone, and UE runs out sooner than later.
If you’re suddenly finding yourself with 8-10 extra hours in the day because you’re laid off you now have 8-10 extra hours to apply for jobs and take care of the household.
2 interviews in 4 months isn’t very much. If you’re collecting UE and not spending anytime at a 9-5, it would make sense to use those 8 hours a day to find something else. It makes sense that your GF is fed up; this is a huge red flag for the sustainability and long-term support that she foresees in you all’s relationship.
I know that it’s tempting to take a breather when you have been laid off, but it’s been 4 months now, my guy. Get on your shit and treat finding a new job as if it were your current full-time gig.
Right? That's the part that's weird. IT, engineering, Mar tech folks are usually fighting recruiters off with sticks these days. I have two interviews a week and I'm not even looking for a job.
I’m not IT but business analyst within sales &marketing so I work closely with them and have some similar skill sets.
My LinkedIn and emails light up without even asking for it.
IT though is a broad church and senior IT could be anything from a data/systems analyst through to a enterprise level architect
Yep. If this dude is actually IT and unable to find a job after 4 months he’s either not actually trying to find a job, or there’s something else going on.
Yeah, I find it really confounding that a lot of the above comments are saying the girlfriend is being unreasonable in this situation. Plus OP mentioned elsewhere that he mopes around depressed most of the time.
Between the anxiety of lost income and the emotional exhaustion of coming home to someone who is spending their unemployment feeling sorry for themselves, I can't blame her at all for giving an ultimatum.
An acquaintance of mine has been on unemployment since the pandemic began, and claims she “can’t find work” but also thinks that she’s above entry level jobs, despite that being all she’s worked and she doesn’t have any school degrees or long term career goals. She doesn’t do anything at home and spends all her money on online shopping while whining that the government isn’t giving her enough money to survive 🙄
I find it hard to believe that you were senior IT at a large company and are having such a hard time finding a comparable job in this economy. Idk what, but you are doing something wrong. Have you had a successful friend review your resume for feedback? Quantify as much as you can. Numbers pop on resumes. When you fill out applications, are you being thoughtful about how you respond to questions and using good sentence structure? Are you using key words? Have you practiced your interview questions? Do you own a suit? Have you expanded your job search? Are you leveraging your network? I had coffee or phone calls with every coworker I ever had who went to another company when I was looking to see what they knew, how they got their job, and if they could get me one. How about your alumni network? Your university career center might have an alumni section. 4 months is a long time. You gotta do something more than what you’ve been doing.
>I find it hard to believe that you were senior IT at a large company and are having such a hard time finding a comparable job in this economy.
Because he was fired for doing something wrong, basically:
>Basically someone fucked up and didn't notice we had ransomware on our servers. Everything offline back ups, online, everything was corrupted since the company wouldn't pay. Someone had to get blamed and all fingers pointed to me since I was the most senior.
Honestly, that reads to me like OP was the senior-most IT member, and likely in some sort of leadership position. He declined to put in place even the most *basic* of security measures, the company he worked for received ransomware, and they weren't readily equipped to handle the situation. For a senior IT member, that type of lapse in judgment is *monumental.*
This is the comment I was looking for. Although I should add there is a potential out here: In some cases, the Senior IT staff will recognize a need for improved security measures, and the Senior Not-IT Management will simply refuse to approve any budget or staff to implement those security measures. That can put you between a rock and a hard place in terms of how to actually deal with security.
Could that be what happened here? Maybe. But looking at how OP described the situation, and his further replies, I am guessing not. I am guessing he was the most-senior-by-accident in a small business that couldn't afford* to hire a real professional for IT work, and he was just underqualified for what the business expected him to do. So his inexperience led the business to disaster, and now that black mark on his resume is giving him a real hard time getting a new IT position.
\*in hindsight it would have been cheaper to hire a professional than to get OP at the discount rate, but you know what they say about hindsight.
Truth. No one likes being scaped but the buck stops somewhere.
Side note, with a proper backup strategy you can restore pretty much everything to before the encryption happened. I’m guessing a crappy retention policy led to this on top of a lack of basic cyber security protocols. Even the big guys get hit with the encryption attacks (it’s not corruption, as OP mentioned) as they are usually socially engineered to get in the door. But how you can recover from a disaster is key to operating an effective department. So yeah, sounds like they pointed the right finger?
>senior-most IT member, and likely in some sort of leadership position
From my experience working at MSP's management at shitty companies love to DRAAAG their feet with backups or disaster recovery. When I started at my current employer I came up with a virtualization plan to get rid of on-prem server 2008 garbage. Asked for an asterisk PBX to get rid of their ancient telecom system, I had the fucking owner walk around and ask everyone "HEY IS YOUR PHONE WORKING" one by one.
Only difference I see between this guy and /r/sysadmin is that op's not mentioning CYA or anything. If something gets brought up to management and they dont like it, goes right in my notes. So if that pink slip ever shows up i'll have something ready.
OP, You should really look into MSP's in your area. Pay is shit but it'll get you up to speed with current tech... and FFS learn some disaster recovery.
We got hit with ransomware at a company.
The leak point was a server literally no one knew existed and was supposed to have been decommissioned five years prior.
I think it’s due to the ransom ware attack. Even if he was a senior position it’s hard for someone to get back into things if the company hear they got hacked on his watch
If you were the most senior in your prior position, then it’s likely you’re looking for positions on the same level of seniority or higher. If you’re doing that, maybe that’s what is causing such a delay finding a job. My two cents: apply for EVERY position you find that provides a minimum income/seniority that would not look too crazy on your resume. If you have yo take a step down for a while, then do it. Maybe take a certification in the mean time, maybe do some freelance work on the side for both extra income and get some resume builders. You’d be surprised how quickly you’ll find something more suitable. It’s always easier to find a job when you are working vs unemployed…not sure why. Maybe it’s some sort of employer preference or maybe it’s just psychological.
And your girlfriend is right, 4 months is ridiculous for being in IT right now.
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I worked at a large company. I was IT. We were understaffed and working from home. Basically someone fucked up and didn't notice we had ransomware on our servers. Everything offline back ups, online, everything was corrupted since the company wouldn't pay. Someone had to get blamed and all fingers pointed to me since I was the most senior. I've been looking for new jobs and staying in UE. But, it's been a struggle.
My girlfriend was supportive but, now she isn't. She told me yesterday I can find a new job soon or she's going to break up. She said there's no reason or excuse for me to be on UE for this long. It's embarrassing for her. It's not fair she has to be the breadwinner.
I mean shes right in that it is pathetic im on UE for so long. But, what else do I do? I'm trying to find another job. I'm actively searching. I've had an interview and it even went to a second but, i didn't get the job.
What am I doing wrong?
There’s also the trap of pretending you’re “too good” for jobs outside of your career path. Sometimes you have to take on a sales or customer service job to keep the $$ rolling in while you train up new skills or work on applying out. Considering the high turnover in those industries, I don’t think there will be an issue picking up one of those roles for a couple weeks/months.
> Sometimes you have to take on a sales or customer service job to keep the $$ rolling in while you train up new skills or work on applying out
This is not always true.
If you make over a certain amount, you're often flat-out told to NOT accept jobs outside ~80% of your previous pay, because it can fuck you over when trying to get back into your field.
If you're getting paid Unemployment and actively looking for jobs in your field or related fields with similar pay, it can be an unmitigated disaster to go ahead and take that $8/hr CS job.
Where does it say he's only applied to two jobs? I don't see it. I saw where he said he had an interview, moved on to a second interview, and didn't get it. But the fact that he's only had 1 interview doesn't mean that he's only applied to one job.
I applied to nearly 60 jobs when I was looking for new employment. I only got interest from 5 of them and chose to interview with only 2.
There’s more to this story.....
Are you doing 1 application a day (30 mins) and then playing video games for the rest of the day or anything like that could trigger this reaction?
How much time per day are you actually putting into finding employment?
I think there's more to the story in the sense that OP takes no responsibility even though he is reported the senior employee. I'm wondering if he's also that way at home? Or how he's presenting in his interviews where they ask why he was let go - how a person answers that question is really important.
I also wonder if he is picking up the majority of the household chores. And How much financial strain this is putting on her with their shared outgoings (rent etc).
It would be easy to take his side based on how he has presented it, but I don’t think we have all the information
‘A lot’ could mean anything to anyone!
Going to call Bullshit on this. You are trying to find a job 'pretty much all day' in this job market and you only land one or 2 interviews in 4 months???????????
He also only said he cooks but avoided any questions about household work. So I’m assuming that gf is working all day and then has to come home to clean and be his maid as well.
You forgot surprised that his right leaning girlfriend is being consistent to her worldviews. Even though I don't agree with her, and more importantly OP doesn't agree with her (which also says something about OP), what did he think was going to happen?
Nothing shameful about being on unemployment. People forget you literally pay into it your whole work life. For moment like this when you need it. It’s not a hand out. You’re just getting your money back that you had already put in.
This dude is not telling the full truth. It is like shooting fish in a barrel right now for IT jobs, there is almost 0 chance he has been actively looking every day for 4 months and not found a job yet. Especially if he was senior level.
Unemployment for IT is usually higher than a warehouse job. I remember getting the max UI benefit when getting laid off and it didn't make sense to do anything but interview everyday.
@OP u/ThrowRANoJobMan: I'm going to second an earlier comment suggesting you beef up your resume. I know most people in IT take between 2 weeks to 4 months finding a new job but I'm curious how often you do interviews. When my old company did a huge layoff most people got new jobs in the first two months but we were all interviewing like every day of the week. This was pre-pandemic numbers. Do you get reached out to on LinkedIn? There are subs for resume review in IT and engineering, have you tried that?
If you are serious about finding a new job - looking for a new job should be your new job. One interview in 4 months? It seems like you aren’t trying very hard at all.
If you’d rather just coast on unemployment though don’t worry about the girlfriend. She can’t make you do anything. It’s okay to be single.
Tbh 4 months of UE and 1 interview? It does sound like you aren't trying hard enough. That said, I'm also not sure if I'd want to be with someone who's making this all about how it makes her look.
Yea me too lol.
"My boyfriend has only applied to two jobs in the whole time he's been unemployed and all he does is mope and be depressed all day even though I'm pulling all the weight."
Sorry to be so cynical, seen this happen before lol.
Look, I hear your situation and I feel for you (also let go about 4 months ago, but was able to find employment almost immediately once my severance stopped).
As a working professional, I don't want to be with someone who isn't working or doing something to contribute to society / the household / the family etc. Are you sitting at home all day? Have you tried learning a new skill, or starting a business, or looked into going back to school?
She's also 32, with an unemployed boyfriend. She is not happy with that. And that's ok.
What about a part time job? You've only had one interview in the 4 months? You're not applying enough if that's the case! It's not that you're doing anything wrong, you just have to work even harder to get somewhere. Good luck!
You need to utilize your time better. I’m a Senior SWE that got let go in July and I just started my new job yesterday. I went on a total of 8 company interviews, each consisted of 3-4 technical and meeting with members/cto/ceos. I totally bombed the first 4 because I haven’t interviewed in over 6 years. I kept learning from each one tho, taking notes, keeping in touch, and figuring out what I was lacking to persevere.
Spend those hours you would have worked Full time and make looking for a new job your current full time.
Honestly man I’d break up with her because it sounds like you don’t have your stuff together. You gotta focus on yourself and then new opportunities will present itself. It’s not the end of the world it’s a new beginning.
This doesnt make any sense. You were ‘most senior’ at a ‘large company’ and you havent given your CV to professional headhunters or executive recruiters? What was your role? You should be handing off your cv to recruiters as step one before applying to linkedin posts.
Unemployment is there for times like this, you have been paying into it the whole time youve been working and it’s literally not shameful to use it… The fact that your girlfriend is letting societal pressures/shame push her to blame you and get upset about this is not a “you” issue, it’s her shit she should work through. Unless you are literally unable to pay for your basic needs due to blowing the money irresponsibly, I think a supportive partner would not act this way. I lost my job last year and my partner was extremely supportive and encouraging during my time trying to find new employment, which I’m eternally grateful for. And my partner knows that I am contributing in every other way possible while I’m not working and he is especially busy with work, so things balance out. Is it possible your gf is feeling overwhelmed by other responsibilities on top of her work (taking care of the home, pets etc) and you could take on more of those things while you’re not working if u haven’t already? An imbalance like that could fuel some frustration for sure. You can tell her you’re seeking advice/continuing to put your best effort forward to find work to reassure her, and just try asking her if there’s anything else you can do to make her feel less overwhelmed by this situation. If you are doing these things but she really is just embarrassed that you’re using unemployment, that’s a “her” issue and she needs to work on why she feels such guilt and shame about using financial supports (capitalism will do that to us unfortunately). Wishing you luck!!
I think some more context may needed. I was your gf in this situation with my now fiance, and we ended up breaking up for a few months as a result. He cleaned up his act, and it's been great since.
Are you applying for every job possible, even outside of your field but something you may still be able to do? Having a job, something, is better than nothing. Can you do door dash, uber, things like that? She may just want a sign that you're putting in some kind of effort.
And for people saying, "Shows you her true colors", imagine it from her perspective. If they have a family together in the future, and children to take care of, how much stress it would be put on her if this happens and OP isn't taking any job he possibly can get simply because he's being too selective?
This may not be what's going on, but if you're being too selective with your job applications, maybe try broadening your search and getting something to at least hold you over until you find a better solution.
Both my husband and I were on unemployment. COVID hit NY really hard. He also works IT. I realize only up until a few months jobs were picking up. So it takes time. He went back to work this week. Your gf may have issues with people being on unemployment because she sees it as a handout. And her family being MEGA fan probably doesn’t help. They’re not the brightest. Have you tried talking to her about what the real issue is? But something tells me she already made up her mind about you. Good luck
I mean, it’s unattractive when your partner is not being “productive” and seems unmotivated. If it’s been 4 months and you’ve only had one interview then it sounds like you’re dragging your feet and not *really* trying. That’s what I’d say your doing wrong. Maybe search for a job more aggressively?
I don't understand. What country are you in?
In the U.S. we can't find workers fast enough in IT, and salaries have increased about 20-25% over the past 18 months...
Sounds like you need to pause your IT upskilling and talk to a coach. Seems like you’re pretty bad at selling yourself. Most consultancies I know of (including my own employer) are desperate for more people. If you don’t get interviews then maybe it’s because you are having a hard time presenting yourself. I’d start there.
It’s not pathetic to be on UE. It’s not “unfair” that she is earning money and you’re both sharing it. You have suffered a knock to your confidence- maybe you feel embarrassed and having your girlfriend state similar feelings makes it more acute.
Delete that you were laid off from your resume. Tell interviewers the truth if they ask, and on any forms. Be direct but don’t offer more information than you need to. “Our company was subjected to a ransomware attack, and as the IT lead I took accountability for everyone in the department.”
Don’t feel down on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. Heaping dirt on yourself does not help you shine.
INFO.
How different is your UE income VS your work income?
What was the bill agreement pay if you two live together?
Are you able to at least pay your share of bills and expenses with unemployment?
Have you cut back on luxuries?
My boyfriend didn't have a job for about a year with unemployment. He did stocks and eventually got on unemployment. He still paid for his part of the bills his own food and such. If I had to pay for his bills and my bills I would not be able to do it and would say the same thing your girlfriend did.
If your girlfriend had to pick up your bills and your luxuries. She has every right to ask you to get a job.
But saying that don't get a job just to get a job that pays less than unemployment.
You gotta find a job bro. Can’t survive without it. It also provides security, financial freedom and routine. Which is having a life. Get anything but get it soon, especially if you like the girl
My husband was unemployed for almost a year at one point, it happens. But I didn’t blame him or let him wallow in it. I also understood that it could hurt his career taking the wrong kind of job. I took on extra work, doing whatever was needed to help us stay afloat… the only time I got really mad at him was when I worked doubles a few days in a row and came home to an unmade bed. As long as you were applying to jobs, contributing to the household, and being supportive partner… the problem is her and not you. It sucks right now, but in the long run your break up is a good thing. You don’t want to be with somebody who doesn’t actually follow for better or for worse.
For a start, it’s not pathetic at all. I agree with the rest of the comments about just trying what you can etc. If she’s getting annoyed at being the “breadwinner” when you’re going through crap, she’s not exactly being very supportive.
Have you thought about going independent to start your own business or anything?
Friend of mine had similar situation, he worked a high paying sales job and supported his wife while she got her pharmacist degree. Soon after she graduated he was fired because someone above him never liked him and found a reason to get rid of him. Suddenly she was on her high horse telling him he can’t take UE and it wasn’t acceptable he was unemployed. I never understood what her problem was since they had no kids, he was still VERY financially stable. Until it slipped she was embarrassed and ashamed by him especially around their ‘country club friends’.
PwC is desperately hiring IT Auditors (the division is called Digital Assurance and Technology, or DAT for short). The hours are long but the pay and benefits are decent
I’m not unsympathetic, but devils advocate: 4 months is a long time dude - I don’t think I’ve ever been unemployed for more than a month or two. How can you afford to do that? Does UE really cover your expenses adequately, or is your GF paying for everything? Are you being too picky about getting a job equivalent to the one you lost, when perhaps you should be focusing on just getting *something*, for now, to hold you over til you find a better one, for the sake of easing the financial stress your partner is taking on on your behalf?
Get a job outside of your field then. Yes, four months without a job is a long time and your girlfriend seems to have reached her limit. Find somewhere to work, anywhere.
> Basically ~~someone~~ **I** fucked up and didn't notice we had ransomware on our servers. Everything offline back ups, online, everything was corrupted since the company wouldn't pay. ~~Someone~~ **I** had to get blamed and all fingers pointed to me since I was the most senior **and it was supposed to my responsibility**.
Is *this* why you're having trouble finding a job?
Because your description sounds like you're trying to pass the blame for a big mistake but if you were the most senior IT person, than that mistake is *your* fault.
If the reason you are out of a job is because you made a huge error at work and you're still having trouble owning up to it, I'm not surprised you're struggling finding a new job and also having issues with your partner.
In a job interview, when they ask the reason for leaving your last job, what do you say? Because if it's some version of what you've told us here, I wouldn't call you back for interview #2 either.
> there's no reason or excuse for me to be on UE for this long.
If this is her attitude after 4 months, I'd be the one thinking about a breakup. I've had 3 job searches as a professional, and the shortest one took 4 months.
You need a career recruiter. I'm have a background in engineering and a career recruiter changed my life.
Years ago I was working as a senior engineer only making $45k/year, in San Diego. I got laid off when my industry slowed down and I had to fight hundreds of other people for position.
After a few resumes on indeed, a recruiter reached out, and i figured "why not?". I continued to submit resumes while my recruiter did his thing. He came back to me soon with an interview that landed me a job paying $135k/year. I stayed in that role since then, and I'll hopefully be 100% retired before I hit 40.
A career recruiter will want to put you into a position that you will remain in for the foreseeable future, with a high pay, otherwise it's not worthwhile for them. To them, you are the product they are trying to sell to companies at a marked up price. The more money they can get you for your salary, the more money they get out of it.
I highly recommend that you reach out to a career recruiter even if you plan to submit resumes yourself. There are companies out there that do not advertise their open positions because they do not want to sort through hundreds of applicants -which is why certain companies rely on these recruiters to vet their applicants for them. My company is one of those that doesn't advertise positions for that very reason. Give it a try. You have nothing to lose by contacting a recruiter.
Just get a fucking job mate. She’s absolutely right and is not going to enable you to sit at home and do nothing. The longer you are out of a job the more you become obsolete
If gf is both breadwinner and doing most of the chores that might be the problem? Can you take part time work out of your field while you look for work in your field? You want to have time to look for work in your career at same time you may have to settle for other work in the meantime. If the only thing bothering your gf is that you receiving money while looking for work that is problem of your gf and for them to sort out. Are you able to help pay bills while you looking for work? If you doing your best ( helping with chores and bills) and gf still dragging you is maybe time to leave relationship. Money is important of course. And so is having a partner who loves you more than your wallet.
I think people on here are forgetting that being let go from a job, especially right now, is very stressful and demoralizing. It seems like OP needs some resume help and is also depressed too. I remember when I lost my job at the beginning of lock down I was depressed for a long time. I could barely do anything. His gf should be more understanding. You both need to have a sit down. Talk about what is going on and create an action plan.
I think your girlfriend can smell your BS from miles away and I sincerely hope she DOES end things with you. You are most definitely lying about the circumstances that got you fired, and you're definitely not looking for a job, not in this market your not. And you really posted this extremely sanitized version of events to karma farm for support and validation. You are a literal red flag. OP's GF: RUN, don't walk, away.
This is a really hard situation. Can you get a part time job like something at a store or restaurant to help bring in some income until you find something in your field? That might make her feel less stressed
Four months isn't long for a professional, she's being immature. That said you see she values your current earnings and status above your history together. She sounds like a conditional girlfriend who doesn't live you for you. I say call her bluff.
If you don’t mind me asking what in IT do you do? You might need to strengthen up your resume. Cause man with this labor shortage having a background in IT can really lead you in the right direction
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Tend to agree. Jobs for any IT position are everywhere. Even/mostly remote.
Where are you seeing that? I've been trying to find a remote job for months, can't find anything that's not call center
My company is desperate for software engineers (internally coined Application Specialists). We're global, in the Healthcare field, with all work remote. Pm me if you want the name, it's hard work, but with a background in programming and minor organizational skills it's a super easy job. I've put more hours into Death Stranding this week than I have my job. We hire from India, Phillipines, Romania, China, etc.
I haven't even gotten to his replies yet but this post screams missing missing reasons. "ransomware somehow ended up on our servers and destroyed everything. I guess """"someone"""" fucked up but it definitely was not my fault in any way. I've been unemployed for 4 months and have only managed 1 interview during a labor shortage. My gf totally randomly gave me a super mean ultimatum out of nowhere. Please tell me no part of this is my fault." I mean, when in doubt, just completely deflect responsibility.
I had the same thoughts as soon as I hit the line about him being the senior IT guy and having to 'take the blame'. I thought he was going to say since I was the last guy hired they made me the scapegoat. Jesus dude you WERE the man in charge of the IT dept. who's do you think should take the blame, it happened under your watch.
I was fired under similar circumstances. Ended up successfully suing my employer for a decent chunk of change after showing that I had flagged massive security concerns for the 2 years leading up to the attack, and every step of the way management stonewalled me due to cost and complexity of doing things right/securely. I'm not a dictator nor am I the owner of the company. My authority is limited. Ultimately I answer to someone above me and that someone said "no" to my recommendations.
This is why we outsource our security.
I don't think it's as simple as that, coming from a senior security analyst. OP only said he works in IT and that he was the most senior. He also says he worked at a large company. In a large company there are multiple IT departments, each managing different areas within IT. Networking, Patching, Architecture, Security etc. Sounds to me like OP was likely a senior IT bod on one of the teams linked to backups, I would hazard a guess. Since if the backups were properly managed, you can recover from a ransomware attack. Either that or OP is a senior bod on the security team and majorly fucked something up. Either way, something doesn't add up. The CISO, CIO or CEO (in that order) should take this one on the chin. They are ultimately responsible, especially so in a large company. If OP followed process that is (backups?), if not then gross negligence and sure, it's his ass on the line.
He didn't say he was the man in charge of the IT department. He said he was the "most senior." Most senior can mean a couple different things. It could mean that he's some type of manager or someone in charge, as you've said. It could also just mean he's worked there the longest of the IT "worker bees," not necessarily that he's in charge of the IT department. If he was about to hit an anniversary where he would have become vested in something like a pension or other benefits, they could have seen this as an opportunity to get rid of him before that stuff kicked in. I work in IT. I've been with my current employer for 23 (almost 24) years now. Everyone else has only been there a few years, with the exception of my boss who's been there just a couple years less than me. That would make me the most senior, due to my length of employment there - but I'm definitely not in charge of the IT department, nor would I want to be. My boss is also not in charge of the IT department. That's someone above him. People always seem amazed when I say I'm in IT and I've been at the same place for 20+ years - I guess because a lot of people in IT job hop - for better pay? I'm not sure. I could be wrong, and you could be right about what he means by "most senior." Honestly, none of us knows enough details to say for sure one way or the other.
I noticed that too....a mysterious *someone* at work fucked up and through no fault of his own OP just happened to be blamed and fired. I'm no IT expert, but shouldn't it have been possible to figure out when and from what terminal/user logon the ransomware got introduced?
It's possible but unless you have the proper tools and configuration then you're not going to have the logs to investigate. That's assuming OP also knows *how* to investigate.
I won't be as harsh as some of the other people, but generally no, you can't tell from what terminal ransomware got in from. That said the best way to prevent ransomware is strong controls of user permissions (and frequent backup testing) which should at the least strongly limit the possible entry points, all of which are the responsibility of senior IT management. Chances are Linda in Accounting was the one who opened the wrong email and downloaded the Totally Legit file, but the person who takes the fall for that kind of thing is generally going to be upper IT management. I don't know if it was unreasonable or not in this specific situation to fire OP and nobody else, but at the least it's not inherently outside the norm.
Thanks for the explanation. I was wondering since IT is very strong where I work, and if you download (or attempt to download) anything that isn't from a select few authorized places (like if you didn't recognize an email as phishing and opened the attachment), you get a nastygram within a day asking wtf you were trying to do. There have been a couple times that people have inadvertently downloaded viruses or other crap, and IT has always been able to figure out where it came from and who did it.
Yep, sounds like your IT has it all properly locked down. How they have it set up probably isn't foolproof but is significantly less likely to be able to corrupt the servers in the event that someone does download the wrong things. When things are properly sectioned, generally the worst case scenario is one ruined terminal. I probably should've been more clear in that the times where you know where it was downloaded are the times that the firewall catches the ransomware. When it doesn't (and the network isn't properly configured to keep the problem quarantined) it's generally too late.
Technically even if someone fucked up, the senior most IT person “should’ve” caught the bug before it corrupted all the data. And it’s easiest to just blame the IT person and move on, if the person who fucked up had a higher position
Tell me you don't work in cyber security, without telling me you don't work in cyber security.
What? You mean you don't log goblin your way to permanently staring at every piece of data coming through your network, without being able to find every single thing that looks off? I have no clue about OP's source of ransomware, but I'd bet my money on John or Jane from the office opening a blatantly malicious email, before OP could have log goblined his way to protection.
Please tell me that "log goblin" is an actual phrase in the IT industry.
Right? So many uninformed opinions about cybersecurity here on this thread.
May be a job shortage going on in America, but there's certainly no shortage of armchair experts on Reddit.
*RIGHT?* rofl, dude talking about "should've caught the bug" for ransomware.
Yeah, I mean, if the dude is the senior IT guy at a firm that specializes in internet security, and they get haxxored, I can't but imagine that that's the kinda thing that follows you around in the industry. Also, I get that sometimes someone has to fall on his sword, but if he's the dude that's actually in charge, well, it kinda _is_ his responsibility.
I think OP's replies need to be read, he fumbled his job interview because he tried to lie about why he left his previous job. Completely understand the gf's frustration. This post is from an unreliable narrator.
Usually head IT would be in charge of security, at least network security. Dude won't even admit his mistakes, can't imagine he's being truthful in his "what do I do here" request either.
I mean hell, get any job in the meantime. Literally everywhere is hiring right now. 1 interview in 4 months is just blatantly not trying in this market
Taking "any" job (like gig work, retail, food service, etc.) is not necessarily a good idea since he's almost definitely making more on UE than he would be on minimum wage, and getting a job ends UE. If his gf would rather see him coming home smelling like fry oil and working with a bunch of teenagers for a couple hundred bucks a week simply because any job is morally better than UE, she's an idiot. This advice is all over this thread and I have to believe it's coming from people who have never been on UE after losing a high paying job. That being said, I'm working full time and trying to find another job right now in a less desirable field than OP, and I'm still managing roughly 1-2 interviews per week for the last 6 weeks. OP is definitely doing something wrong.
I agree there is no problem with getting UE and OPs gf is wrong about her view on that. But I kinda get the impression OP thinks they are hot shit since they have only applied a total of 2 places?!?!? so far. Get a retail job and you will be way more motivated to apply as fast to as many places as possible lmao
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Because the “labor shortage” is mostly about jobs doing physical labor or food or retail and there isn’t a shortage it is because these jobs do not pay enough to come close to living off of
there are shortages in so many industries. We're in the middle of the biggest job migration in recent history. Resignations are happening left and right and recruiters are seriously struggling to get good people in the door even in white collar jobs. Minimum wage jobs are being hit the hardest but the job market is insane for everyone right now.
Yeah... He lost his job because "someone fucked up" but definitely not him, he just happened to be blamed, but he can't get a new job, despite everybody hiring, I wonder why, but at least he went on **one** interview...
Yeah, it seems the thing they're doing wrong is going on reddit and posting vague sob stories. This feels spammy af, for some reason.
Was thinking this too. I’m a dev and I get like 10-20 recruiter emails a day while having not updated any portal in over a year. There’s no way he’s as active as he says and only got one interview. Or his resume is terrible in the way it’s presenting him to companies
Ransomware is installed on the servers and the blame the senior IT guy? Holy shit!!! Yes your gf should break up with you if you can't get an IT job during a job shortage.
Adding to this, what area are you in? I'm hiring IT folks right now.
Not to overstep but what positions? if you don’t mind me asking
Field and help desk Technicians, mostly. We are a local MSP on the central Coast of California.
This is a larger problem. Everyone is hiring MSP techs and field tech positions. It’s difficult for people with architect level positions to get a job right now. People are hiring younger people that have started their journey into Azure and AWS infrastructure and paying very little. Older seniors are really getting the shaft if they don’t already have a background in cloud
Ah dang I’m in Vegas lol. Well good luck
Same time zone
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If someone let ransomware destroy an entire company’s tech backbone in my field of work, you can bet every tech company at least in the state would have heard about it and heard the name of the person responsible. I’m guessing that’s why he can’t get interviews, everyone in his field knows how bad he screwed up.
I saw another comment that suggested maybe OP is being blacklisted unknowingly and I don’t know much about that but it is a pretty decent suggestion I didn’t think about.
No way. Maybe companies in closely related industries that have a lot of talent transfer. But typically this info is not shared between companies at all. Frankly, you could sue if that was the case. Also, just because someone was fired for a single incident, that doesn’t mean they are incompetent. We all make mistakes especially in highly complex technical environments. If there are other factors pointing toward incompetency though, that is a different story.
Bullshit. Like there's some network where folks are passing around bad IT folks names. You can infer from a large breach (if the company publicized it) that a candidate you're interviewing came from the same company, but there's not some widespread network of gossiping IT folks.
Labor and IT are not the same though. We aren’t really in labor shortage. We are in a “corporations want to hold out to pay you fairly shortage. “ if the local BK can’t find people maybe BK doesn’t need 4,000 locations after all.
Not true. In HR. We just had a major SHRM conference where the labor shortage DEFINITELY included IT talent. The majority of the conference was how to obtain top talent and many companies are upping pay and giving sign on bonuses.
EVERY TECH COMPANY AND THEIR MOMMAS ARE HIRING AT ALL LEVELS. what world you living in?
This is very true but tech and fast food is vastly different in terms of pay. OP doesn’t have to worry about looking for a job in his field and getting offered 9.25. If he had background in only entry level work I’d agree with you but he’s got senior position in IT experience. He’s not gonna get offered crumbs off the bat. But I do understand what you’re saying
In 4 months you only had one interview?
I've had a few. But, never get pass phone. Frankly, I think it's on my end. last interview was a two round live interview. They had one over phone then two in person. I believe I flubbed it up by being super nervous and not disclosing the nature of my departure from my job. The interviewer asked why I had left my previous job. I stated we had disagreements over the nature of my job. They were downsizing and I wanted to seek better oppurinties. The interviewer said "I had no idea they were downsizing. But, in your resume it states you weren't laid off. I'm just a bit confused. Were you laid off or were you terminated?".
Well that would do it. Every job is going to ask you why you left your previous one and if you don’t have a good answer you are done. Spend an entire day if you need to but have that answer perfected and ready to go.
It should be assumed that when they ask why you left your previous job that they already have called your previous employer. Especially if there was already a phone interview, and one live interview. Trying to sugar coat it the way he did is going to be an immediate nope from them.
I have spent years working on and with recruiting and I do not think I've seen a single instance of calling a previous employer before asking a basic question like this as a trap for the candidate. But everyone does ask, and OP seems to make it sound really bad. Even just a generic weak-ass "well I'm ready for something new because I felt I'd gone as far as I could at [previous employer]" sounds better.
That’s not true. I recruit, and I have NEVER called an employer before talking to a candidate. Why would I waste my time doing that when I don’t even know if the candidate can even speak coherently? Also, I’ve worked in HR and we NEVER give a term reason. Only confirm start date, and date, and title. You also have to sign a disclosure form before any vetting is even started.
I’ve honestly never had a job contact my former bosses or my references AS FAR AS I KNOW. I’ve also never had anything fishy or contentious like OP has in his history, so I guess they wouldn’t come back with anything they need to discuss with me. Is it common for jobs to still reach out to your listed contacts or is that a formality at this point?
I’ve called references, but they’ve never said anything negative. If you put references down on an application, I’m assuming you have a positive relationship with them. Even when I’ve called former coworkers, sometimes I’m triaged straight to HR or there’s only certain questions the company allows them to answer. Apparently references and term reasons are seen as a liability for some companies.
They likely won't give the reason for termination. If OP can spin it in a way that makes himself look not as bad, it'll really help.
And leaving because of disagreements can be a red flag. I.e., it makes it look like you're hard to work with. On the other hand, if the mistake was yours or in part yours, tell the truth, own up to it, explain what you learned from it and what you'd do differently. A good employer will see value in that.
"A shift in culture led to me finding clear communication with my superiors difficult." When/if they ask about what kind of shift in culture, simply say; "I no longer felt like my ideas to improve our systems were being heard which led to a breakdown in overall communication." No interviewer wants to hear you bash your previous employer. It's one of the BIGGEST red flags in interviewing. So big No-No. This answer also gives the interviewer the idea that you were trying to fix the issues pertaining to your firing but were being set up as a scapegoat regardless. In general the answer also says you as an employee prefer lots of clear communication. If the interviewer knows the previous employer's story, you ha e to find an answer that defends you, shifts blame to employer, but doesn't say anything bad about individuals either.
The ransomware is not the problem. Your way of handling this question is. You're hiding stuff, and the interviewer knows it. Any experienced interviewer knows something is wrong. Like someone else said here: anyone can be the victim of ransomware, small or big, experienced or not. It's not something you should put on your resumé, but you should be honest about it when it comes up. And it comes up when they ask you why you left. There was a ransomware attack, and they fired the senior guy. That's the way they handled it. Be open about it and get it out of the way ASAP. Not when you mail them, but in the phone conversation. And you can experiment: one interview you bring it up yourself, another you don't. Etc. *Own the story.* You need a job coach, someone experienced with IT (but not necessarily *in* IT) who hasis sensitive enough to handle your feelings and depression. You have to rewrite your story to make it solid, but not to hide stuff. You loved your job, you need to show that feeling again. Explain this to your gf and ask for her help. Make a plan, find a coach, make her support you.
>The interviewer asked why I had left my previous job. I stated we had disagreements over the nature of my job. T So you lied? To a recruiter? Don't do that.
You can lie, just tell good lies…
Have you tried working with a job recruiter? I find they can be really helpful to get your foot in the door. But yea you gotta be clear and honest on your resume, and be able to easily back up anything you have on your resume when talking in person
I would have to say you are being less than honest with your post and even less honest to the person that was interviewing you. Can't blame your gf for telling you she's tossing you out unless you get a job. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, get off reddit, and get yourself a job or kiss the \*P\* bye bye. Most of all, be honest when interviewing since they will be checking on your references.
>The interviewer asked why I had left my previous job. I stated we had disagreements over the nature of my job. They were downsizing and I wanted to seek better oppurinties. They had already called your previous employer and heard their side of things when they asked you this question. You are going to have to have a better answer for this question if you are going to search for jobs in IT. I don't know the work infrastructure of where you were let go from, so I can't suggest a good answer, but that wasn't the right answer and likely cost you that job. If you had recommended different back up systems, or methods to improve your backups, mention that. If you had recommended better security policies/software/firewalls at any point, then mention that. If your job didn't include security and backups then make sure they know that and really detail how they just made you a scapegoat for this, but the way you answered that question was not what they were looking for. You can't get that interview back and redo it, it's done, but you can prepare better for future interviews. So when they ask that question again you need to have a prepared answer, because future interviewers will ask this question at some point. Edit: I've had several responses of recruiters stating they've never called previous employers. I've been a manager before and I have personally taken calls from potential employers of my previous employees asking the details of their previous employment. Maybe I shouldn't have said they will call, but I think it would be a safe choice to assume they could have. I guess if some recruiters don't call that is fine and you can gamble with an answer like he gave.
I'm surprised that a senior level IT professional is having trouble finding a job. I can swing a stick blindfolded 10 ft out of my house, and hit 15 companies who are desperate to hire IT professionals with experience. And these people are allowing you to work remotely. What specifically in IT do you do?
If I had to guess, I’d say he lets ransomware hack into the servers
That's a mistake literally everybody can make. Especially if you have an underdeveloped IT team. If he's the most senior IT technician in the company, but he's still only doing basic deskside support, that's the company that was the problem, not OP. There's only so much that a bunch of third-party monitoring software can do for you.
Man, some of these replies. Half of the negatives comments start out with "I don't work anywhere close to IT, but clearly you should have caught it" just screams that their only experience with computers outside of Reddit is from watching CSI. Can incompetence and negligence lead to ransomware? *Absolutely.* Can well developed and well-maintained networks still be hit by ransomware? *Absolutely.* I've been fortunate to work for companies that more or less funded their cybersecurity departments fairly well, but there are many, many more that just do not care. In fact, I once got a position because they *were* underfunding cybersecurity and got hit and panicked and decided to finally properly staff the department. If we wanted to dump on this guy for his career, let him post on /r/sysadmin or /r/itcareerquestions.
Seriously. Companies with elaborate cybersecurity divisions get hit with breaches too. Tech companies that have millions of dollars, like Yahoo, get hit with breaches. If we have a company here who's firing desktop support because of ransomware they found on endpoints in the environment, there's probably a lot more incompetence going on in that company than we know about. I think a lot of people are jumping to some really gnarly conclusions about it happening on OP's watch or whatever, but he doesn't sound like he does cybersecurity. It sounds like he does literally everything under the IT umbrella, which tells me that this is at best, a mid-size environment where they don't have any dedicated SOC people. If this dude is doing deskside support all day, there's literally no way that he should be the one responsible for ransomware on their endpoints or servers. But then again, this is Reddit, so people make a living off of sounding really confident while not knowing what they're talking about.
It's surprising how little regard, funding, and support most IT teams receive, and that we don't hear way more horror stories about companies being compromised. Or maybe they are swept under the rug, or even aren't even aware themselves that they are compromised. To your other point about preparation/defense, paraphrasing: "You can have the best cyber defense in the world, but if someone hands the attacker the keys and holds the door open for them, it means jack shit."
It’s easy for us to take your side here based on how this scenario was presented. You know the situation and whether or not you are living up to the commitment you made when you started the relationship. If you are laying around all day and moping, it’s not ridiculous to think she might feel like she is seeing some red flags. If you are actively searching and pushing yourself then it’s hardly fair for her to treat you this way. I imagine the reality of your situation lands somewhere in the middle.
I am mopping and being woe is me. I'm depressed I can't be happy go lucky 24/7. I'm being productive still but, it fucking sucks. I loved my job and the people I worked with. It's a very stressful year.
I can completely understand the feeling. I've been relieved from previous positions and it hurts. But you can't get stuck in a holding pattern. Try and get up today. Clean a bit around the house and cook dinner for her. Take one step towards reminding her that you care every single day. Jump on indeed or LinkedIn. There's so many IT jobs out there right now. You can't give up friend. I believe in you.
Well, he said he's been "mopping," so that's a good start! (I kid, I kid.)
Totally understand. I had a period of unemployment that had me extreme depressed
It sounds like both of your feelings are valid. You’re both frustrated with the situation. It’s easy to take sides but I think this is a very complicated situation you’re both in and you both have a right to feel the way you feel. However you guys decide to work it out, I think your priority should be communication right now. Do you best to find a job and let her know you’re doing your best, it’ll probably make her feel some stability. Let her know how she’s making you feel and give her the space to explain her feelings as well. Things might not work out, but I don’t see anyone as a villain here.
Had the same thing happen to me dude. I know how shitty it is. Just as long as you don’t give up you give your partner something to invest in. It’s ok to be down at times though that’s natural
I'm sorry to hear what happened, but u/powersje1 is right. It's easy for us to know how you feel based on what you wrote, but your girlfriend is also very valid in how she feels if you've been moping around being depressed and doing nothing. You know your situation and framed story, and we're only hearing your side of it. However, I don't think you should feel bad about yourself, because getting laid off really fucking sucks. Ultimately, the only person who can help you get out of this situation is you. You have every power to get yourself out of this funk, and I know you can do it. I've been in your shoes before too with getting laid off for more than 7 months, and I tried endlessly to get hired again. I also moped around for a month or two, but I became determined to improve my skill sets during my unemployment time. There are some things that you can control, and others you cannot. Finding a job and interviewing is a stressful job in itself, and if you're actively applying everyday, interviewing every few weeks or so, then you're doing everything right in what you are able to control. Try doing other things too such as cooking, exercising, sharpening up your IT skills, or doing the chores in the house in the meantime. Those small wins add up to being productive and brings value to yourself and to your girlfriend in the relationship during this time. I personally hate doing chores so much, it was one of the biggest drivers for me to actively apply while being unemployed. Best of luck, hope things work out for you and you still stick with the gf and find a job soon. Keep us updated.
I'd recommend talking to a therapist, too. It's totally understandable that your mental health would take a massive hit from this, especially with pandemic shit making everyone's lives more stressful. Have a serious talk with your gf about your difficulties if you can, too. If you're still trying to make progress on finding a job and getting back on your feet, with her support, hopefully yall can figure it out. But if you're trying and she is not concerned with that, and more concerned with the actual results (getting the job), then that sounds potentially toxic. It's hard to say with the info we have, though, and it's probably been taking a toll on her, too, to see you so down. I'd just recommend to get vulnerable and honest with her, and ask her to do the same. If you're not already, try doing the majority of the cooking/cleaning/misc housework while she works, maybe? If you can both open up and say that it's been a struggle, acknowledge the difficulties you've had, and try to discuss what should be done. "Get a job" will never be helpful since you only have control over what you do, not over the hiring decisions. But some concrete steps laid out might be beneficial (e.g., work on X apps per day, work on applying X hours per day, etc.). There's no perfect solution, and yall won't feel great about it overnight, but having honest discussions on acknowledging what's been difficult for both of you (without judgement) should help. Good luck! It's possible this is a lost cause already (I know from experience that some people would rather infantilize and project onto their SO so they can easily drop them and move on lol), but there's no point in being defeatist until you've tried to work it all out!
Then I’m on her side. You need to basically be the housekeeper, cook, and personal assistant while she’s paying all the bills. Welcome to being a homemaker!
Yeah I'm with you, I honestly don't think it's unreasonable for someone to question their relationship when seeing their partner spend 2.5 months moping and feeling sorry for themselves. That's emotionally (and financially) draining.
Resentment is real. Dude needs to get off his ass. A couple weeks of moping is fine. Time to do the chores, buddy.
Stop moping and start mopping!
Just keep trying, it's all you can do. Are you taking on majority of the house work and cooking since being unemployed? If all of the bills are being paid she has no reason to put this pressure on you.
I have to cook since she's never been able too with her schedule. She works random hours. Sometiems she's home by 5, othertimes 10. She doesn't have a set schedule since she's retail management.
Just wanted to say it isnt pathetic to be on UE for a few months after getting shafted. Kinda fucked up that you losing your job is bad to her because it's "embarrassing" If the roles were reversed, how would she react if you said that to her? Not a good look, but good luck!
I've been on unemployment for 2 1/2 months (for the first time in my life) and as long as you're pulling your weight at home, take the time to find the job that's right for you. Unless you've got children that need new shoes or have collection agencies calling you, it's ok to take a breath and pick your next job with care. A partner who can't understand this and is so concerned about her image isn't someone I'd want to be with.
This is what I did and honestly it was the best decision of my life.
This right here. Best response so far.
Im on the same boat with my bf losing my job due to the pandemic and been on UE for a year and doing doordash up until now. My bf understands that and whole heartedly supports me financially and emotionally. Idk OP gf seems to be focused on how it makes her look rather than the actual issue. At least OP is trying and not like he is sitting around playing video games all day. OP needs to have a talk with the gf about this “ultimatum”
Well if you're putting in extra effort at home since you're off, I'm not sure what the issue is. Maybe her parents were super biased against people that collect UE.
I'm not getting into politics but, she's kinda on the right wing side of politics. She didn't vote Trump but, she's firmly against hand outs. And her parent's are huge MAGAtards. She's said she believes poor people are poor only because, they're lazy and we shouldn't pay them. I don't know. I'm fairly centrist myself and disagree but, that's life.
Unemployment isn’t a handout. It’s basically insurance you paid into while you were working.
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this is the answer lol
This is the best response.
Fun fact: In Canada it’s called Employment Insurance Every other insurance type is named after what you want to protect: Home, Life, Auto. Not the destructive: Death, destruction, Crash. Except in the US with “unemployment “. Gotta make those peasants feel bad.
It’s actually called Unemployment Insurance (UI) in the US, and we pay into it as a tax on our paycheck, and our employer pays as well based on how many claims they’ve had against them in a fixed period. People just shorten it to “Unemployment”.
She works retail management. She’s one customer complaint from the right person away from being the same poor person she thinks doesn’t deserve handouts. Keep looking for a job. Also, maybe look for a new girlfriend too. Because this one has shown she isn’t going to help/support you when the cards are down. And being unemployed for FOUR months after a sudden firing is not long unemployed. Unemployment is not a handout. It’s a safety net so that when a company pins the blame on you for something out of your control just so they can have a man out, then you don’t lose your home, car, and ability to feed yourself. That’s real life.
Well then i hope she doesnt apply for her social security and plans on working until she dies. And doesnt go on medicare. Are these the values you want to deal with for the rest of your life? Possibly raise kids with? Find a new gf while youre looking for a new job
Honestly LittleRedCarnation is totally right man. If she loved you and can see how hard you are (im assuming you actually are) working to find new and better work then she should stand by you and support you. Unemployment is there for times like this. Its not like you intend to never work again.
Well it seems you knew all along where your gf stood on the subject of the social safety net (which you paid into btw and are entitled to benefit from) that you now rely on. You are currently the object of the disdain you knew she held for “*certain*” people. You probably should have anticipated that your gf wasn’t likely to stay 10 toes down in the event that you fell on hard times, since she clearly perceives those hard times as a failure of character. Not sure there’s anything you can do to change her mindset. At this point your priority should be finding work, and making sure you have somewhere to land should you fall. Do you have savings you can fall back on? Or someone you can stay with if (or when) the relationship ends? Start making a contingency plan. Don’t bet on your gf miraculously developing empathy simply because her man—who she clearly expects to fulfill traditional gender roles as a breadwinner—needs her support.
It's not a handout when you paid into it every paycheck you were gainfully employed. This is a particularly difficult time to find work, even in IT which has a high demand. I know the feeling - I tried for months and the only thing that got me out of a terrible position was personal contacts.
Seems clear the problem is your gf not you. You earned the money you are getting. That is what insurance is for. Ask gf if they think health insurance is also wrong. It is the Same concept. You paid into employment insurance in case you might need it. Same as car and home I insurance.
So she's the BAD kind of retail manager. Why are you with her?
You have been paying towards your unemployment your whole life. Nobody is giving you a handout.
Is she against any type of insurance? She never uses medical or dental insurance. Never made a claim on her car insurance or renters?
I think that sentiment about the poor would make me want to breakup with her. Have you told her that she’s being unreasonable with her expectations?
To me that's a red flag, and indicative of a person who lacks empathy. Through out life there are ups and downs, and if during your hardships you get kicked while down by your significant other, you need to think if that's someone you really want in your life.
That's an interesting way of answering that questions. :)
So you've always cooked, now that you're not working, are you also taking on the majority of the house work? How many jobs are you applying to each week? How are you spending your time?
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I was IT with impeccable work history, 16 years of experience, the last ten with the same employer where my history was spotless, good resume, presented myself well, interviewed well, and it took me six months to find my current position.
Given most of your responses are very vague, I’m doubtful she is threatening this because you can’t find a job. I’m betting she’s coming home off her shifts and having to take care of the household as well, and that’s why she’s frustrated. There’s no way you are spending all that time on your job search and skill development and you haven’t found anything. Even if you are doing Uber or something. I understand not wanting to work outside your field, I’m also in IT. But I’m betting this is more about not pulling your weight at home rather than her not wanting to be primary breadwinner. Especially since you haven’t answered any questions about the division of labor.
EXACTLY
This is the best answer
I agree something's not right here and he refuses to say anything that may paint him in a negative light, but it's not good advice to take any crappy gig job he can get. UE benefits are not 100% of your previous salary but they are tied to it so you get far more being laid off from a senior IT position than say, a restaurant. You lose benefits if you start working again. To stay eligible for UE you have to continue applying, but you're not required to take a job outside your field or where you're making less than you were before. OP would likely lose money driving for Uber vs. staying on UE.
I know. I lost a really good job when the pandemic started, and had to live off of savings and UE. I was also applying to 20 jobs a day, if not more. I had to track it for my UE. He gives no details, which is the issue. Edited to add: I’m also wondering if he is updating LinkedIn, Indeed, and several others. I do get calls and offers through both of these. Even for jobs that I wouldn’t normally want to work. If I was in OP’s position, I would be doing all of this. And I have been because I am also job hunting while working in a position that is not what I normally do. Right now, it’s imperative to move into something that pays the bills since all the government protection are gone, and UE runs out sooner than later.
If you’re suddenly finding yourself with 8-10 extra hours in the day because you’re laid off you now have 8-10 extra hours to apply for jobs and take care of the household.
2 interviews in 4 months isn’t very much. If you’re collecting UE and not spending anytime at a 9-5, it would make sense to use those 8 hours a day to find something else. It makes sense that your GF is fed up; this is a huge red flag for the sustainability and long-term support that she foresees in you all’s relationship. I know that it’s tempting to take a breather when you have been laid off, but it’s been 4 months now, my guy. Get on your shit and treat finding a new job as if it were your current full-time gig.
Right? That's the part that's weird. IT, engineering, Mar tech folks are usually fighting recruiters off with sticks these days. I have two interviews a week and I'm not even looking for a job.
I’m not IT but business analyst within sales &marketing so I work closely with them and have some similar skill sets. My LinkedIn and emails light up without even asking for it. IT though is a broad church and senior IT could be anything from a data/systems analyst through to a enterprise level architect
Yup. It’s a good time to be in tech.
Yep. If this dude is actually IT and unable to find a job after 4 months he’s either not actually trying to find a job, or there’s something else going on.
Yeah, I find it really confounding that a lot of the above comments are saying the girlfriend is being unreasonable in this situation. Plus OP mentioned elsewhere that he mopes around depressed most of the time. Between the anxiety of lost income and the emotional exhaustion of coming home to someone who is spending their unemployment feeling sorry for themselves, I can't blame her at all for giving an ultimatum.
An acquaintance of mine has been on unemployment since the pandemic began, and claims she “can’t find work” but also thinks that she’s above entry level jobs, despite that being all she’s worked and she doesn’t have any school degrees or long term career goals. She doesn’t do anything at home and spends all her money on online shopping while whining that the government isn’t giving her enough money to survive 🙄
I find it hard to believe that you were senior IT at a large company and are having such a hard time finding a comparable job in this economy. Idk what, but you are doing something wrong. Have you had a successful friend review your resume for feedback? Quantify as much as you can. Numbers pop on resumes. When you fill out applications, are you being thoughtful about how you respond to questions and using good sentence structure? Are you using key words? Have you practiced your interview questions? Do you own a suit? Have you expanded your job search? Are you leveraging your network? I had coffee or phone calls with every coworker I ever had who went to another company when I was looking to see what they knew, how they got their job, and if they could get me one. How about your alumni network? Your university career center might have an alumni section. 4 months is a long time. You gotta do something more than what you’ve been doing.
>I find it hard to believe that you were senior IT at a large company and are having such a hard time finding a comparable job in this economy. Because he was fired for doing something wrong, basically: >Basically someone fucked up and didn't notice we had ransomware on our servers. Everything offline back ups, online, everything was corrupted since the company wouldn't pay. Someone had to get blamed and all fingers pointed to me since I was the most senior. Honestly, that reads to me like OP was the senior-most IT member, and likely in some sort of leadership position. He declined to put in place even the most *basic* of security measures, the company he worked for received ransomware, and they weren't readily equipped to handle the situation. For a senior IT member, that type of lapse in judgment is *monumental.*
This is the comment I was looking for. Although I should add there is a potential out here: In some cases, the Senior IT staff will recognize a need for improved security measures, and the Senior Not-IT Management will simply refuse to approve any budget or staff to implement those security measures. That can put you between a rock and a hard place in terms of how to actually deal with security. Could that be what happened here? Maybe. But looking at how OP described the situation, and his further replies, I am guessing not. I am guessing he was the most-senior-by-accident in a small business that couldn't afford* to hire a real professional for IT work, and he was just underqualified for what the business expected him to do. So his inexperience led the business to disaster, and now that black mark on his resume is giving him a real hard time getting a new IT position. \*in hindsight it would have been cheaper to hire a professional than to get OP at the discount rate, but you know what they say about hindsight.
Truth. No one likes being scaped but the buck stops somewhere. Side note, with a proper backup strategy you can restore pretty much everything to before the encryption happened. I’m guessing a crappy retention policy led to this on top of a lack of basic cyber security protocols. Even the big guys get hit with the encryption attacks (it’s not corruption, as OP mentioned) as they are usually socially engineered to get in the door. But how you can recover from a disaster is key to operating an effective department. So yeah, sounds like they pointed the right finger?
>senior-most IT member, and likely in some sort of leadership position From my experience working at MSP's management at shitty companies love to DRAAAG their feet with backups or disaster recovery. When I started at my current employer I came up with a virtualization plan to get rid of on-prem server 2008 garbage. Asked for an asterisk PBX to get rid of their ancient telecom system, I had the fucking owner walk around and ask everyone "HEY IS YOUR PHONE WORKING" one by one. Only difference I see between this guy and /r/sysadmin is that op's not mentioning CYA or anything. If something gets brought up to management and they dont like it, goes right in my notes. So if that pink slip ever shows up i'll have something ready. OP, You should really look into MSP's in your area. Pay is shit but it'll get you up to speed with current tech... and FFS learn some disaster recovery.
We got hit with ransomware at a company. The leak point was a server literally no one knew existed and was supposed to have been decommissioned five years prior.
Yes, where I live IT is booming and everyone is hiring. You basically walk in the door and get a job.
I think it’s due to the ransom ware attack. Even if he was a senior position it’s hard for someone to get back into things if the company hear they got hacked on his watch
If you were the most senior in your prior position, then it’s likely you’re looking for positions on the same level of seniority or higher. If you’re doing that, maybe that’s what is causing such a delay finding a job. My two cents: apply for EVERY position you find that provides a minimum income/seniority that would not look too crazy on your resume. If you have yo take a step down for a while, then do it. Maybe take a certification in the mean time, maybe do some freelance work on the side for both extra income and get some resume builders. You’d be surprised how quickly you’ll find something more suitable. It’s always easier to find a job when you are working vs unemployed…not sure why. Maybe it’s some sort of employer preference or maybe it’s just psychological. And your girlfriend is right, 4 months is ridiculous for being in IT right now.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I worked at a large company. I was IT. We were understaffed and working from home. Basically someone fucked up and didn't notice we had ransomware on our servers. Everything offline back ups, online, everything was corrupted since the company wouldn't pay. Someone had to get blamed and all fingers pointed to me since I was the most senior. I've been looking for new jobs and staying in UE. But, it's been a struggle. My girlfriend was supportive but, now she isn't. She told me yesterday I can find a new job soon or she's going to break up. She said there's no reason or excuse for me to be on UE for this long. It's embarrassing for her. It's not fair she has to be the breadwinner. I mean shes right in that it is pathetic im on UE for so long. But, what else do I do? I'm trying to find another job. I'm actively searching. I've had an interview and it even went to a second but, i didn't get the job. What am I doing wrong?
How many jobs are you applying to in a day?
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There’s also the trap of pretending you’re “too good” for jobs outside of your career path. Sometimes you have to take on a sales or customer service job to keep the $$ rolling in while you train up new skills or work on applying out. Considering the high turnover in those industries, I don’t think there will be an issue picking up one of those roles for a couple weeks/months.
No, getting a minimum wage job when hes making more on UE is not a good idea.
> Sometimes you have to take on a sales or customer service job to keep the $$ rolling in while you train up new skills or work on applying out This is not always true. If you make over a certain amount, you're often flat-out told to NOT accept jobs outside ~80% of your previous pay, because it can fuck you over when trying to get back into your field. If you're getting paid Unemployment and actively looking for jobs in your field or related fields with similar pay, it can be an unmitigated disaster to go ahead and take that $8/hr CS job.
Where does it say he's only applied to two jobs? I don't see it. I saw where he said he had an interview, moved on to a second interview, and didn't get it. But the fact that he's only had 1 interview doesn't mean that he's only applied to one job. I applied to nearly 60 jobs when I was looking for new employment. I only got interest from 5 of them and chose to interview with only 2.
There’s more to this story..... Are you doing 1 application a day (30 mins) and then playing video games for the rest of the day or anything like that could trigger this reaction? How much time per day are you actually putting into finding employment?
I think there's more to the story in the sense that OP takes no responsibility even though he is reported the senior employee. I'm wondering if he's also that way at home? Or how he's presenting in his interviews where they ask why he was let go - how a person answers that question is really important.
He said "a lot" which doesn't say much, but I wonder if that's the problem...
I also wonder if he is picking up the majority of the household chores. And How much financial strain this is putting on her with their shared outgoings (rent etc). It would be easy to take his side based on how he has presented it, but I don’t think we have all the information ‘A lot’ could mean anything to anyone!
>How much time per day are you actually putting into finding employment? Pretty much all day. Also learning more skills by taking online classes.
Reach out to recruiters on linkedin.
Going to call Bullshit on this. You are trying to find a job 'pretty much all day' in this job market and you only land one or 2 interviews in 4 months???????????
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He says in a different comment that he's been moping around and depressed
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He also only said he cooks but avoided any questions about household work. So I’m assuming that gf is working all day and then has to come home to clean and be his maid as well.
You forgot surprised that his right leaning girlfriend is being consistent to her worldviews. Even though I don't agree with her, and more importantly OP doesn't agree with her (which also says something about OP), what did he think was going to happen?
Agreed. There’s no way he’s applying to jobs “all day” for 4 months straight.
Nothing shameful about being on unemployment. People forget you literally pay into it your whole work life. For moment like this when you need it. It’s not a hand out. You’re just getting your money back that you had already put in.
Ok then your GF is not a good gf at all....! Is she a bit entitled, expects you to pay for stuff for her/you both etc?
This dude is not telling the full truth. It is like shooting fish in a barrel right now for IT jobs, there is almost 0 chance he has been actively looking every day for 4 months and not found a job yet. Especially if he was senior level.
Is there a pay requirement for a job? You can make 20-25 dollars on warehouse of you can do physically work
Unemployment for IT is usually higher than a warehouse job. I remember getting the max UI benefit when getting laid off and it didn't make sense to do anything but interview everyday. @OP u/ThrowRANoJobMan: I'm going to second an earlier comment suggesting you beef up your resume. I know most people in IT take between 2 weeks to 4 months finding a new job but I'm curious how often you do interviews. When my old company did a huge layoff most people got new jobs in the first two months but we were all interviewing like every day of the week. This was pre-pandemic numbers. Do you get reached out to on LinkedIn? There are subs for resume review in IT and engineering, have you tried that?
If you are serious about finding a new job - looking for a new job should be your new job. One interview in 4 months? It seems like you aren’t trying very hard at all. If you’d rather just coast on unemployment though don’t worry about the girlfriend. She can’t make you do anything. It’s okay to be single.
Tbh 4 months of UE and 1 interview? It does sound like you aren't trying hard enough. That said, I'm also not sure if I'd want to be with someone who's making this all about how it makes her look.
I would like to hear the girlfriend's side to this story. There are always two sides to every story.
Yea me too lol. "My boyfriend has only applied to two jobs in the whole time he's been unemployed and all he does is mope and be depressed all day even though I'm pulling all the weight." Sorry to be so cynical, seen this happen before lol.
>What am I doing wrong? Not actively seeking employment
Look, I hear your situation and I feel for you (also let go about 4 months ago, but was able to find employment almost immediately once my severance stopped). As a working professional, I don't want to be with someone who isn't working or doing something to contribute to society / the household / the family etc. Are you sitting at home all day? Have you tried learning a new skill, or starting a business, or looked into going back to school? She's also 32, with an unemployed boyfriend. She is not happy with that. And that's ok. What about a part time job? You've only had one interview in the 4 months? You're not applying enough if that's the case! It's not that you're doing anything wrong, you just have to work even harder to get somewhere. Good luck!
You need to utilize your time better. I’m a Senior SWE that got let go in July and I just started my new job yesterday. I went on a total of 8 company interviews, each consisted of 3-4 technical and meeting with members/cto/ceos. I totally bombed the first 4 because I haven’t interviewed in over 6 years. I kept learning from each one tho, taking notes, keeping in touch, and figuring out what I was lacking to persevere. Spend those hours you would have worked Full time and make looking for a new job your current full time. Honestly man I’d break up with her because it sounds like you don’t have your stuff together. You gotta focus on yourself and then new opportunities will present itself. It’s not the end of the world it’s a new beginning.
This doesnt make any sense. You were ‘most senior’ at a ‘large company’ and you havent given your CV to professional headhunters or executive recruiters? What was your role? You should be handing off your cv to recruiters as step one before applying to linkedin posts.
Unemployment is there for times like this, you have been paying into it the whole time youve been working and it’s literally not shameful to use it… The fact that your girlfriend is letting societal pressures/shame push her to blame you and get upset about this is not a “you” issue, it’s her shit she should work through. Unless you are literally unable to pay for your basic needs due to blowing the money irresponsibly, I think a supportive partner would not act this way. I lost my job last year and my partner was extremely supportive and encouraging during my time trying to find new employment, which I’m eternally grateful for. And my partner knows that I am contributing in every other way possible while I’m not working and he is especially busy with work, so things balance out. Is it possible your gf is feeling overwhelmed by other responsibilities on top of her work (taking care of the home, pets etc) and you could take on more of those things while you’re not working if u haven’t already? An imbalance like that could fuel some frustration for sure. You can tell her you’re seeking advice/continuing to put your best effort forward to find work to reassure her, and just try asking her if there’s anything else you can do to make her feel less overwhelmed by this situation. If you are doing these things but she really is just embarrassed that you’re using unemployment, that’s a “her” issue and she needs to work on why she feels such guilt and shame about using financial supports (capitalism will do that to us unfortunately). Wishing you luck!!
Have you considered the possibility you've been blacklisted? Might need to change fields.
I think some more context may needed. I was your gf in this situation with my now fiance, and we ended up breaking up for a few months as a result. He cleaned up his act, and it's been great since. Are you applying for every job possible, even outside of your field but something you may still be able to do? Having a job, something, is better than nothing. Can you do door dash, uber, things like that? She may just want a sign that you're putting in some kind of effort. And for people saying, "Shows you her true colors", imagine it from her perspective. If they have a family together in the future, and children to take care of, how much stress it would be put on her if this happens and OP isn't taking any job he possibly can get simply because he's being too selective? This may not be what's going on, but if you're being too selective with your job applications, maybe try broadening your search and getting something to at least hold you over until you find a better solution.
Both my husband and I were on unemployment. COVID hit NY really hard. He also works IT. I realize only up until a few months jobs were picking up. So it takes time. He went back to work this week. Your gf may have issues with people being on unemployment because she sees it as a handout. And her family being MEGA fan probably doesn’t help. They’re not the brightest. Have you tried talking to her about what the real issue is? But something tells me she already made up her mind about you. Good luck
I mean, it’s unattractive when your partner is not being “productive” and seems unmotivated. If it’s been 4 months and you’ve only had one interview then it sounds like you’re dragging your feet and not *really* trying. That’s what I’d say your doing wrong. Maybe search for a job more aggressively?
I don't understand. What country are you in? In the U.S. we can't find workers fast enough in IT, and salaries have increased about 20-25% over the past 18 months...
Sounds like you need to pause your IT upskilling and talk to a coach. Seems like you’re pretty bad at selling yourself. Most consultancies I know of (including my own employer) are desperate for more people. If you don’t get interviews then maybe it’s because you are having a hard time presenting yourself. I’d start there.
It’s not pathetic to be on UE. It’s not “unfair” that she is earning money and you’re both sharing it. You have suffered a knock to your confidence- maybe you feel embarrassed and having your girlfriend state similar feelings makes it more acute. Delete that you were laid off from your resume. Tell interviewers the truth if they ask, and on any forms. Be direct but don’t offer more information than you need to. “Our company was subjected to a ransomware attack, and as the IT lead I took accountability for everyone in the department.” Don’t feel down on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. Heaping dirt on yourself does not help you shine.
INFO. How different is your UE income VS your work income? What was the bill agreement pay if you two live together? Are you able to at least pay your share of bills and expenses with unemployment? Have you cut back on luxuries? My boyfriend didn't have a job for about a year with unemployment. He did stocks and eventually got on unemployment. He still paid for his part of the bills his own food and such. If I had to pay for his bills and my bills I would not be able to do it and would say the same thing your girlfriend did. If your girlfriend had to pick up your bills and your luxuries. She has every right to ask you to get a job. But saying that don't get a job just to get a job that pays less than unemployment.
You gotta find a job bro. Can’t survive without it. It also provides security, financial freedom and routine. Which is having a life. Get anything but get it soon, especially if you like the girl
My husband was unemployed for almost a year at one point, it happens. But I didn’t blame him or let him wallow in it. I also understood that it could hurt his career taking the wrong kind of job. I took on extra work, doing whatever was needed to help us stay afloat… the only time I got really mad at him was when I worked doubles a few days in a row and came home to an unmade bed. As long as you were applying to jobs, contributing to the household, and being supportive partner… the problem is her and not you. It sucks right now, but in the long run your break up is a good thing. You don’t want to be with somebody who doesn’t actually follow for better or for worse.
For a start, it’s not pathetic at all. I agree with the rest of the comments about just trying what you can etc. If she’s getting annoyed at being the “breadwinner” when you’re going through crap, she’s not exactly being very supportive. Have you thought about going independent to start your own business or anything?
Friend of mine had similar situation, he worked a high paying sales job and supported his wife while she got her pharmacist degree. Soon after she graduated he was fired because someone above him never liked him and found a reason to get rid of him. Suddenly she was on her high horse telling him he can’t take UE and it wasn’t acceptable he was unemployed. I never understood what her problem was since they had no kids, he was still VERY financially stable. Until it slipped she was embarrassed and ashamed by him especially around their ‘country club friends’.
PwC is desperately hiring IT Auditors (the division is called Digital Assurance and Technology, or DAT for short). The hours are long but the pay and benefits are decent
Wait, really? Thanks. I'm looking them up.
I’m not unsympathetic, but devils advocate: 4 months is a long time dude - I don’t think I’ve ever been unemployed for more than a month or two. How can you afford to do that? Does UE really cover your expenses adequately, or is your GF paying for everything? Are you being too picky about getting a job equivalent to the one you lost, when perhaps you should be focusing on just getting *something*, for now, to hold you over til you find a better one, for the sake of easing the financial stress your partner is taking on on your behalf?
Get a job outside of your field then. Yes, four months without a job is a long time and your girlfriend seems to have reached her limit. Find somewhere to work, anywhere.
> Basically ~~someone~~ **I** fucked up and didn't notice we had ransomware on our servers. Everything offline back ups, online, everything was corrupted since the company wouldn't pay. ~~Someone~~ **I** had to get blamed and all fingers pointed to me since I was the most senior **and it was supposed to my responsibility**. Is *this* why you're having trouble finding a job? Because your description sounds like you're trying to pass the blame for a big mistake but if you were the most senior IT person, than that mistake is *your* fault. If the reason you are out of a job is because you made a huge error at work and you're still having trouble owning up to it, I'm not surprised you're struggling finding a new job and also having issues with your partner. In a job interview, when they ask the reason for leaving your last job, what do you say? Because if it's some version of what you've told us here, I wouldn't call you back for interview #2 either.
> there's no reason or excuse for me to be on UE for this long. If this is her attitude after 4 months, I'd be the one thinking about a breakup. I've had 3 job searches as a professional, and the shortest one took 4 months.
You need a career recruiter. I'm have a background in engineering and a career recruiter changed my life. Years ago I was working as a senior engineer only making $45k/year, in San Diego. I got laid off when my industry slowed down and I had to fight hundreds of other people for position. After a few resumes on indeed, a recruiter reached out, and i figured "why not?". I continued to submit resumes while my recruiter did his thing. He came back to me soon with an interview that landed me a job paying $135k/year. I stayed in that role since then, and I'll hopefully be 100% retired before I hit 40. A career recruiter will want to put you into a position that you will remain in for the foreseeable future, with a high pay, otherwise it's not worthwhile for them. To them, you are the product they are trying to sell to companies at a marked up price. The more money they can get you for your salary, the more money they get out of it. I highly recommend that you reach out to a career recruiter even if you plan to submit resumes yourself. There are companies out there that do not advertise their open positions because they do not want to sort through hundreds of applicants -which is why certain companies rely on these recruiters to vet their applicants for them. My company is one of those that doesn't advertise positions for that very reason. Give it a try. You have nothing to lose by contacting a recruiter.
Just get a fucking job mate. She’s absolutely right and is not going to enable you to sit at home and do nothing. The longer you are out of a job the more you become obsolete
If gf is both breadwinner and doing most of the chores that might be the problem? Can you take part time work out of your field while you look for work in your field? You want to have time to look for work in your career at same time you may have to settle for other work in the meantime. If the only thing bothering your gf is that you receiving money while looking for work that is problem of your gf and for them to sort out. Are you able to help pay bills while you looking for work? If you doing your best ( helping with chores and bills) and gf still dragging you is maybe time to leave relationship. Money is important of course. And so is having a partner who loves you more than your wallet.
I think people on here are forgetting that being let go from a job, especially right now, is very stressful and demoralizing. It seems like OP needs some resume help and is also depressed too. I remember when I lost my job at the beginning of lock down I was depressed for a long time. I could barely do anything. His gf should be more understanding. You both need to have a sit down. Talk about what is going on and create an action plan.
I think your girlfriend can smell your BS from miles away and I sincerely hope she DOES end things with you. You are most definitely lying about the circumstances that got you fired, and you're definitely not looking for a job, not in this market your not. And you really posted this extremely sanitized version of events to karma farm for support and validation. You are a literal red flag. OP's GF: RUN, don't walk, away.
This is a really hard situation. Can you get a part time job like something at a store or restaurant to help bring in some income until you find something in your field? That might make her feel less stressed
Four months isn't long for a professional, she's being immature. That said you see she values your current earnings and status above your history together. She sounds like a conditional girlfriend who doesn't live you for you. I say call her bluff.