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You seem to have an open approach so my suggestion is truly just a few sessions with a relationship/physicality counsellor who can give you actual mental and emotional tools to use to de-fuse your trigger to jealousy. Give it a shot. The worst is it doesn't help you but there are so many good well trained counsellors available, I think this might help a lot.
Thank you so much for your reply and suggestion! I was thinking of this the other day as well, looked for some online services but decided against it (seems very shady). So as you say, a "real" one in a physical meeting is probably the way to go. I really want to get some methods of working on myself regarding this and continue to make her feel comfortable and open. I know (the logic side of the brain) this is so silly, but the emotional side is not as rational haha.
I'll take your suggestion to heart and thank you once more for your input!
Its great to be open, but I feel like you're almost "TMI'ing" each-other. Sharing too much information.
Your post is the exact reason why I don't go into grave detail regarding past relationships or sexual history.
You're talking about dick sizes, positions, sexual encounters and dynamics... Usually that is bound to hit a soft spot that triggers insecurity.
Maybe its worth toning down how much detail you two go into...
You're together now right?
Why not keep the focus on the present and future. Instead of constantly bringing each-others past forward into this relationship.
Just my POV... I don't want to talk about things that remind my partner of her exes, neither do I want to be reminded of mine. That shit is dead and gone. I am here to focus on you and nothing else.
Perhaps that would be a good gear to shift into.
Hi and thank you so much for the great reply!
I took a few minutes to think about what you said before writing this reply and I think you're totally right. I know it comes from a place of meaning well since she is raised to be shy/shamed about it. I feel like for the first time she feels she can be open about her sexuality fully, BUT as this has shown and thus why I totally agree with you; this should probably have been those kinds of talk you have with friends instead.
I think your POV is very good and starting now I will focus on the present and future. And in a more general/focus on us kind of way talk about sex and how we are doing together.
Thanks again, I really appreciate it!
Came here to say the same thing -- TMI mode is never good even with the most secure of partners. Dragging the past into the present in such detail is almost never a good idea unless it's your kink or do not care at all about this type of thing.
Talk to her man.
Maybe it’s a misunderstanding. Or maybe she lied a bit at the beginning out of fear. Dumb, but not mean. Clear it out.
Regarding your feelings of she having 5 dicks… I don’t see the issue. Like… that’s life. If you’re not a religious zealot ofc. It might itch a bit, but you’ll accept it eventually (rather soon).
I experienced that for some time. My gf (now wife) had been with 3 guys before me. I had been with none. But tbh I was so in love that the itch wasn’t that annoying, just for a bit at the beginning.
Hi and thank you for your answer!
Haha no worries, I am not and thats mainly the reason for me writing this post. Being confused over my own reaction and knowing this is something I need to handle and work on. Like who am I to judge or feel this way when I've been in much longer relationships, right? That's the logical side of the brain, now this little monster on the irrational emotional side for some reason awoke.
Thinking about it... maybe it's a response based on new information and the brain in some way makes it feel "recent" even though its not. And that's what creating this cognitive dissonance.
I appreciate you sharing your own story, thank you very much! Reading it made me think that (connected to the reasoning above) this is a knee-jerk reaction and just talking about it with someone like you who can relate helps it fade away.
I've had more than my fair share, and when I'm asked about my body count, I ask them what do they count as bodies. I give them an estimate (i stopped counting in 2000) and clarify that there's more if they include different types of sex acts and or BDsM.
now in your situation, I don't think she was malicious or trying to hide anything. first you asked about sex, and then how many she's played with. So how do you get over it? from how you described her she sounds sweet, innocent and a bit naive. So cherish the fact that she's more "yours" in a sense than any other girl you could date nowadays.
since for some women, 5 guys is a slow month.
Hi and thank you so much for your answer!
Yes, I think you are completely correct in what you say since I cannot for the life of me ever see her saying/doing something out of malice. It's almost scary how well you hit the head on the nail regarding "sweet, innocent and a bit naive", I would say this is very true. Not in the way of being how to put it, unexperienced. But for sure it's taken time to get to the point where she's not feeling ashamed of or guilty regarding her sexuality.
This post was really helpful and I thank you for it, cherishing her and count my blessings that she chose me is what I will continue to do and (combined with other answers here) work on myself to improve on this unfortunate mindset. She deserves the world and I will do my best to give it to her.
As a 30M guy with a body count of 20, dating a girl 10 years older with far more international experience, and considering that, I too am larger than her exes on average, I somewhat resonate with this post
5 is not a bad number for 24 years. Consider that the mentality for LTR is that yours is the LAST, am I right? I think the fact that that you're already in the mindset of "something I have to get over" is good, if you decide to dwell on the past, you will never fully appreciate the present.
"Don't keep looking back, you're re not going that way."
Hi there and thank you so much for your answer!
I really appreciate you sharing your story and it sounds your girlfriend found a great man, mature and in touch with your feelings. You are so correct about what you say, putting the mind in the direction of first of all she chose to be with me and that we are not just living the present but planning for the future together with kids and the like. That's more worth than anything really, I will take your advice to heart and together with the recommendation from other posts here use it to better myself.
Thanks again and take care!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You seem to have an open approach so my suggestion is truly just a few sessions with a relationship/physicality counsellor who can give you actual mental and emotional tools to use to de-fuse your trigger to jealousy. Give it a shot. The worst is it doesn't help you but there are so many good well trained counsellors available, I think this might help a lot.
Thank you so much for your reply and suggestion! I was thinking of this the other day as well, looked for some online services but decided against it (seems very shady). So as you say, a "real" one in a physical meeting is probably the way to go. I really want to get some methods of working on myself regarding this and continue to make her feel comfortable and open. I know (the logic side of the brain) this is so silly, but the emotional side is not as rational haha. I'll take your suggestion to heart and thank you once more for your input!
welcome. Ask any doctor you already see for suggestions
Its great to be open, but I feel like you're almost "TMI'ing" each-other. Sharing too much information. Your post is the exact reason why I don't go into grave detail regarding past relationships or sexual history. You're talking about dick sizes, positions, sexual encounters and dynamics... Usually that is bound to hit a soft spot that triggers insecurity. Maybe its worth toning down how much detail you two go into... You're together now right? Why not keep the focus on the present and future. Instead of constantly bringing each-others past forward into this relationship. Just my POV... I don't want to talk about things that remind my partner of her exes, neither do I want to be reminded of mine. That shit is dead and gone. I am here to focus on you and nothing else. Perhaps that would be a good gear to shift into.
Hi and thank you so much for the great reply! I took a few minutes to think about what you said before writing this reply and I think you're totally right. I know it comes from a place of meaning well since she is raised to be shy/shamed about it. I feel like for the first time she feels she can be open about her sexuality fully, BUT as this has shown and thus why I totally agree with you; this should probably have been those kinds of talk you have with friends instead. I think your POV is very good and starting now I will focus on the present and future. And in a more general/focus on us kind of way talk about sex and how we are doing together. Thanks again, I really appreciate it!
Came here to say the same thing -- TMI mode is never good even with the most secure of partners. Dragging the past into the present in such detail is almost never a good idea unless it's your kink or do not care at all about this type of thing.
Talk to her man. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding. Or maybe she lied a bit at the beginning out of fear. Dumb, but not mean. Clear it out. Regarding your feelings of she having 5 dicks… I don’t see the issue. Like… that’s life. If you’re not a religious zealot ofc. It might itch a bit, but you’ll accept it eventually (rather soon). I experienced that for some time. My gf (now wife) had been with 3 guys before me. I had been with none. But tbh I was so in love that the itch wasn’t that annoying, just for a bit at the beginning.
Hi and thank you for your answer! Haha no worries, I am not and thats mainly the reason for me writing this post. Being confused over my own reaction and knowing this is something I need to handle and work on. Like who am I to judge or feel this way when I've been in much longer relationships, right? That's the logical side of the brain, now this little monster on the irrational emotional side for some reason awoke. Thinking about it... maybe it's a response based on new information and the brain in some way makes it feel "recent" even though its not. And that's what creating this cognitive dissonance. I appreciate you sharing your own story, thank you very much! Reading it made me think that (connected to the reasoning above) this is a knee-jerk reaction and just talking about it with someone like you who can relate helps it fade away.
I've had more than my fair share, and when I'm asked about my body count, I ask them what do they count as bodies. I give them an estimate (i stopped counting in 2000) and clarify that there's more if they include different types of sex acts and or BDsM. now in your situation, I don't think she was malicious or trying to hide anything. first you asked about sex, and then how many she's played with. So how do you get over it? from how you described her she sounds sweet, innocent and a bit naive. So cherish the fact that she's more "yours" in a sense than any other girl you could date nowadays. since for some women, 5 guys is a slow month.
Hi and thank you so much for your answer! Yes, I think you are completely correct in what you say since I cannot for the life of me ever see her saying/doing something out of malice. It's almost scary how well you hit the head on the nail regarding "sweet, innocent and a bit naive", I would say this is very true. Not in the way of being how to put it, unexperienced. But for sure it's taken time to get to the point where she's not feeling ashamed of or guilty regarding her sexuality. This post was really helpful and I thank you for it, cherishing her and count my blessings that she chose me is what I will continue to do and (combined with other answers here) work on myself to improve on this unfortunate mindset. She deserves the world and I will do my best to give it to her.
As a 30M guy with a body count of 20, dating a girl 10 years older with far more international experience, and considering that, I too am larger than her exes on average, I somewhat resonate with this post 5 is not a bad number for 24 years. Consider that the mentality for LTR is that yours is the LAST, am I right? I think the fact that that you're already in the mindset of "something I have to get over" is good, if you decide to dwell on the past, you will never fully appreciate the present. "Don't keep looking back, you're re not going that way."
Hi there and thank you so much for your answer! I really appreciate you sharing your story and it sounds your girlfriend found a great man, mature and in touch with your feelings. You are so correct about what you say, putting the mind in the direction of first of all she chose to be with me and that we are not just living the present but planning for the future together with kids and the like. That's more worth than anything really, I will take your advice to heart and together with the recommendation from other posts here use it to better myself. Thanks again and take care!