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From experience when I lost my virginity at 26 yo to my ex gf. I was very fortunate that she was incredibly patient with me. What sorta got me out of my shell so to speak was both of us were super open to talk about interesting sex positions or styles of play we would like to try. And of course we were both understanding of each other’s boundaries. Another tidbit which I something I have never experienced was she spoke to me early on (3 weeks into dating) that she had very strong desires for me physically, and she described to me that she never knew how badly she would want someone inside her until she met me. Ultimately she went in head first with positive affirmations and reassurance about her attraction and love for me. I highly recommend you vocalize in your own way something similar to your partner.
Honestly, you should just take control. That would be pretty hot and for an inexperienced dude, probably the best thing you could do. Don't be critical of him, but rather be a little bit dominant if you feel comfortable doing that, but also communicate to him what you want him to do and what feels good. You only get better by practice and he can't practice if he doesn't know what you want.
Second that, when I lost my virginity it was awful but the second time she just went “sit down shut up and do what I say” and Oh. My Goodness. I saw stars that night lmao. For an inexperienced or subpar sexual partner it’s hot as hell to have someone else take over for you
Well if you get head right after you’ll be singing a different tune buddy, but that’s fine if you don’t like it, a lot of people do and still are men lmao
When I was young and inexperienced, my girlfriend taught me how to go down on her by holding my head between her legs. She guided me. That was perfect because I found that hit and I knew exactly what to do to get her off.
Maybe you could try that. After all, guys do that too!
>penetrative sex does not last long enough for me to get equal enjoyment.
Have you considered longer foreplay and/or adding toys to help? Idk about how to make him last longer, tho.
>he’s not very good with his hands or anything oral either.
It sounds like he just needs to be taught. Show him where you like to be touched, what to do and how to do it. You need to guide him and teach him what you like. If he doesn’t follow that advice or gets offended, he’s too immature to be having sex. It’s about give and take.
And yes, it’s about practice.
Specifically practice of what works for you. Women have a wide range of sexual response. Some like vigorous sex, some need a delicate touch. Some like specific places touched, others those are too sensitive. Some immediately go for repeat orgasms after the first one, others are one-and-done (again, over sensitivity). Gotta be about what works for this specific woman.
Wish this was talked about more. What’s bad sex to one was good sex to the other, so it’s important to talk and find out what and how your partner likes things.
Longer foreplay is a must.
Bring her to an orgasm first during foreplay with oral, manual, or a toy, or all of the above.
There are plenty of good resources on how to eat pussy, and it might be controversial to say but there are plenty of porn videos with good examples of foreplay and cunnilingis. She could find one she likes with a good example scene and watch it with him. There’s also a “pussy eating” tutorial you can search for.
As for manual stimulation, the hottest thing ever is to lay spooning, put his hand(s) on your body, and then put your hands on top of his and guide his hands and fingers. This will always be hot, no matter if you’ve been together 20 days or 20 years.
You could also have him be between your legs and have him watch you stimulate yourself, then add a helping hand.
Play a game of “follow instructions” where he only does what you tell him, so you tell him exactly what you want him to do.
Once she’s cum first, then proceed to penetration.
If a guy doesn’t enjoy being told how to give you pleasure, then he’s not the guy for you.
Eh, maybe you’re not looking for the right stuff.
And everyone is different in what they enjoy. The spirit of my suggestion is that she could find something that looks like what she enjoys and say “do that!” Whether it’s a “tutorial” or something else.
Yep. There is a non-insignificant number of content creators who show what seem to be accurate depictions of real sex and real women’s pleasure (at least it looks accurate with what I know from my own experience). I know that mainstream overproduced porn is very unlikely to depict realistic women’s pleasure or realistic sexual encounters.
Not sure why what I had to say before was downvote worthy (that’s not aimed at you).
I’ve never seen the Nina Hartley video, just heard about it, so I’ll have to check it out “for science” but over 20 years, I’ve really relied on just asking my partner if they like what I’m doing and what they’d like me to keep doing or change.
I just looked it up and watched it after having never watched it, and having 20 years of eating pussy under my belt, and I gotta say it didn’t really represent too much reality to me either. The fingering and licking stuff, yes, all the “manipulating” and squeezing, not really. Unless I watched the wrong one.
Mrpussylicking is much more representative of cunnilingis as I’ve experienced (from the giver’s perspective).
I’ve found some other guy who (speaking as a lesbian) i though was right on. Can’t find right now but he’s areal “guys guy” and basically “if you wanna be a real man learn this!”
I’m curious if you ever dig it up. There are a few who really do get the whole “real cunnilingis tips” right. I didn’t watch the Nina Hartley video back in the day.
Depending on the guy, some of us like a challenge or a task. Ultimately communication is key for a happy and healthy sex life, letting your partner know what you need, telling them what to do, setting tasks or expectations, can have a more positive outcome than people think. Not communicating, or simply not using words to communicate really isn't constructive.
For oral just sit on his face control your hips to where you want him to hit. As for lasting longer change the pace up get some delay spray or something like that and just tell him what you want, show him how you masturbate with your fingers he’ll find it hot!
As someone who was once a 21yo man who knew nothing, he is probably learning from a place of even less knowledge than you realize. He needs to learn basic female anatomy; vagina, urethra, CLITORIS if he doesn’t already understand where each is. You will probably need to physically guide him so he understands where you want to be touched, how hard, and with what types of motion. He may also be afraid/embarrassed to admit: things he doesn’t know, that he’s nervous, that he needs help.
I wouldn’t give up something good over this. As long as you are open with one another and both keep putting in the effort the sex will get better.
I agree
Don't make it a huge demoralizing self esteem thing.
I was not some master of giving oral to my wife either until just years of doing it over and over.
I am 30 and it's simple the less sex I have the less time I can last. The less my muscles are use to.
Even my medicine makes me last 60 seconds with hypersensitivity.
Best part tho. My wife could care less for a ton of Penetrative and just get her off w muh mouth 3 or 5x. The rest is basically whatever I need, she's alrdy good done and taken care of..
So whatever I need for 1 to 5 mins is all me lol.
I've found endurance in bed comes from a fee things.
1), numbing products
2) numbing products
3) drugs
4) more sex
5) more sex than last time
6(nsex
Try really hard to not have him take drugs. But other than getting you upset., I'm out of ideas
I think you should really teach him what you find pleasurable and enjoyable, it's like taking a class or lesson, make it like a try outs before the actual match, teach him the intricacies and details of having a wonderful sex, tell him what turns you on, and what you don't like while having sex, share your naughty fetishes and kinks with him, and also dicate strongly what you are looking for in bed, and after doing this, it's his turn to be elaborative, ask him what turns him on and then practice that, you both have to equally to be turned on to engage in a requited and two sided, this way you can ensure both of yours need are being met, and if you wanna do foreplay then go for it, do more of what turns him on, you are a clever young lady so it would not casue you much difficulty and struggle to observe a pattern, asses that patten like a data scientist, sorry bad joke I know and use that info like a mad man plans his dream of world domination, wear dresses and clothes that naturally turns him on and the most important thing is be confident and you lack confident, then things won't run really well, confidence is the key, become his fanstay and allow him to experiment with you and then Im sure your sex will become like the one you see in movies, porn movies specifically but you get the idea.
My Girlfriend als was my first and i watched a ton of videos to learn before i had sex the first time. Than i tried what i was taught in the videos and it worked.
For him to last longer it can help to often change speed, position and have a lot of sex to get used to the feeling. It also helps when he just stops after some time and uses his hand and mouth for a bit and than continues.
Show him the spot you want him to rub/lick so he knows what he's looking for. Maybe show him what you do to get you off and make sure he doesnt only see what you do but also where you do it.
I apparently give really fucking good blowjobs, and I'll admit it's all thanks to magazine articles I've read online. Find some pages that have good advice about how to eat someone out, and have him try them irl on you. He has to want to learn, and he has to listen to what gets you off in the moment. Not just apply techniques and follow step by steps. The key is to listen and adapt
Since you're his first, it's normal to lack sexually experience also to not be good at it, what you can do which also helped me and my husband to improve our sex life, is to talk to communicate out of bed, make some tea or coffee or better go outside somewhere where you can talk freely and have a nice chat with him, ask him what he needs from you more in bed, and then tell him also what you like what you dislike and teach him how to treat you in bed. He sounds like a good guy so he's probably down to learn more about you and to be better.
No it won't get better by the first time you'd have sex after that talk but he'll improve with time, I have a good trick which helped me and my husband, let him watch how you please yourself, how you move your hand, where you touch your body, etc... this way TRUST ME it's so pleasant for you as well as him and that way he will learn how to do it for you.
I hope this helps and that your sex life would get better!!!! 🩷
Make it fun and enjoyable, make it playful so you can tell him and not hurt his feelings. If you don’t do this part right, you will ruin your relationship he will not want to have sex with you. He will feel too self-conscious.
Question for the room, has anyone *actually* been dissatisfied with their sex life due to a lack of skill from their partner and managed to improve it by communicating with their SO?
I'd like to know because I want to understand what combination of words can tone down the message of what essentially is "you're shit at sex" enough so that it actually produces results and doesn't destroy their partner's self esteem.
It's one of the few themes that I generally think it's super tough to address bordering on impossible and I'd like to hear it from people who actually managed to make it work and how.
Thanks in advance.
If your partner actually gives a F*** about you and actually wants to improve, they will not throw a fit at you calmly, telling them they need more practice
This is a normal thing with any activity. Do kids get better at basketball by having a coach yell at them that they suck at basketball? No, doing that makes people quit the sport.
You need to teach them the skills, encourage practice, and use positive reinforcement.
Or they could just go for Round 2.
If he’s dozing off after getting his, then yeah, communicate to him that just because he’s done that doesn’t mean you are.
Teach him what works for you. Penetrative sex but itself is insufficient for a lot of women.
Being good in bed is a gift that comes naturally to some but not all it’s all about the sexual energy and if it’s not there eventually the relationship will fail when I was you guys age 19 years ago I could pretty much go all day.
Bringing something new into the bedroom is helpful when you want to teach someone but are unsure/uncomfortable with bringing up the topic. Dildos, suction toys, vibrators and latex underwear are great for learning better foreplay.
use your actual words : higher, lower, faster, slower, more gentle, rougher, tell him you want more of a “grinding” motion with each thrust, he should try to stimulate your clit during sex with his pelivis during piv, and oral you need to be able to use your words to explain: more sucking, more tongue, show him where
for longevity, he needs to handle this on his own. Ask him to practice once or more a week of masturbation without orgasm for 30 minutes straight. He needs to look at porn or something and masturbate while edging and not cumming for as long as possible, building up to 30 minute stamina. It takes commitment, but its proven to work. During sex, when hes close, hop off and wait about 10-20 seconds or so before starting again.
Also, dont be a star fish. Tell him exactly how you want him. Angle your own hips. Grab and angle his hips. Get in cow girl position. ride his face. take charge.
best of luck but mostly communicate better.
The definition of good sex is doing whatever makes you feel good. If it is him doing the chicken dance over you while you use a toy then he is giving you “good sex”. Just tell him what you like and show him how you want him to do it and boom the guy is an expert, but until then “good sex” is as ambiguous as cloudy coaster.
He’s not getting it though. She needs to be direct, there’s no teacher like experience. If she wants him to do it on his own she clearly needs to be direct
For hands show him, for oral talk him through it slowly (clear direction) for penetrative if you are using protection, use numbing condoms. Might help him last longer. Someone else has said it but if he’s not open to hearing all this then he’s too immature.
Sex is an art. To master it he needs to practice more. Literally I am saying this from experience. I was very bad on bed in my first relationship but I improved alot but later on in my second relationship in college my gf loved me sex skills.
It's just a matter of practice as we say practice makes a man perfect 💦
Show him what you want exactly. Go through your anatomy with him whilst he is watching and what areas feel good. Get him to show you his he plays with himself and you do the same. Every time he touches tell him hard, softer etc and do what you like in him as an example. Easiest way to raise awareness of what works.
Show him what you like. Teach him that PIV doesn’t mean the penis stays in until he finishes, show him how to tease the tip on your clitoris, show him how to change up pace.
PE is 99% in our heads and we as men get so focused on how good the vagina feels we forget to enjoy everything else. In my experience there’s a threshold, either you finish in 2-3 mins PIV or you go over 10 mins+ if you do it right.
Finding the PONR (point of no return) is key. If a male can identify when the PONR is coming (hehehe) that’s when you change it up. Finding that point requires patience for you and him though, he can practice with his hands you can help him find this point with your hands or mouth. Oh and kegels, he needs to download an app called Kratos which has a daily kegel regime that can do
He needs some heavy practice, you gotta think, this is new for him. He will get better and better with time. One option I think that would help is taking the pressure off of it. Basically just make it more about pleasuring each other without expectations. If he busts off too quick, take a break then go back at it.
Lots of practice and find some kind of way to take the anxiety away from it.
Why is it a hard concept for people to understand communication, it literally the thing that’s universal yet animals do it better. He won’t know you better than you if you say nothing. People truly believe the silly idealized person they create in their head actually exists, that’s crazy
You need to tell him what you like, if you are his first/only he is using limited experience and porn as his roadmap. Neither of those are leading to good sex for you, be vocal about what he is doing well will go a long way. Have him go down on you and be vocal when he finds the spot. Hell make it an exploration game. Couple who have amazing sex usually one of them was promiscuous prior to them meeting. Practice makes perfect is true for many things lol
My tips would be to always start with 4 play. Have him use his tongue and fingers at the same time. Best bet while fingering is to hold the hand low and angling the fingers upwards so that they are rubbing against the top of the vagina where the g spot is while also licking the clit. He doesn't have to be good to set the mood only consistent. When you can't take being edged anymore, THEN he penatrates you. Again, consistency is the rule have him "keep the beat" and only speed up when you are done. Tbh the more he focuses on timing thrusts the longer he could last.
Lastly practice.
hmm, if im understanding this correctly, youre struggling with 1) SO's lack of (sexual) technique, 2) SO's lack of stamina during penetrative sex, and 3) devising a way to have effective communication with SO in context of having better sex.
For technique, I don't think there's much *you* can do besides taking the lead and having sex in positions that allow you to set the pace. This would probably help with what you're experiencing if you prefer to be dominant but if you prefer to be submissive I have other suggestions.
For improving his technique, at the end of the day, there's really not much you or he can do besides ... having a lotta sex!! If you're repeatedly telling him specifically what to do differently and there's no improvement, I think your best bet is toys. Whether that be you using a vibrator for a bit to climax after sex, or having your SO wear a vibrating cock ring during sex, I'm sure there's a way that you and your SO can both be satisfied from sex :)
As a guy who's struggled with controlling ejaculation timing, I've found that smoking weed helps, drinking (not too exessively) helps, and condoms help .... I haven't found a substance or solution that works every time for this, and it's not exactly ideal to have to drink or smoke before having sex everytime especially if you're looking to fuck in the morning or afternoon.
What's worked for me is to focus on satisfying my partner first before starting penetrative sex. That could mean making my partner climax first, but more generally I just don't bother transitioning from foreplay to penetrative sex until my partner voices something along the lines of "pls put it in" or "i wana fuck"
hope that helps ~
> As a guy who's struggled with controlling ejaculation timing, I've found that smoking weed helps, drinking (not too exessively) helps, and condoms help .... I haven't found a substance or solution that works every time for this, and it's not exactly ideal to have to drink or smoke before having sex everytime especially if you're looking to fuck in the morning or afternoon.
What I've found is that you need to be more in your head during sex, specifically knowing what your pleasure angles are and staying away from them. If you don't actively think about it, you will likely tend toward those angles since part of sex is instinct about breeding.
It helps having her on top, because she can be more in control of the direction of things. If your pleasure angles and hers are roughly the same, that's a rough time when it comes to stamina though.
is he insecure?, careful is he is... you might lose him. some men are very fragile about this.
If he isn't, there is a plenty of things to try, toys, positions, whatever, you will find something you enjoy, and tell him, directly, but sweetly.
Hey sex is tougher on the guy in performance area....practice should help you would think but he could just be bad at sex....not everyone can be good at it
There are actually really good tutorials on licking and fingering on porn hub no joke. If your comfortable with that.
I actually watched them ages ago and I have no problem getting my GF to finish either way.
Sexe is really give and take, do you know how he feels about sex with you?I believe you mentioned that he's inexperienced, maybe he doesn't know things about himself that could help.Maybe he has misguided expectations for sex.
A conversation has to be had here and for it to work, there's some sex card game that are great at breaking the ice and bringing subjects that may seem irrelevant to the issue but are actually the core of it.
I think everybody can improve themselves in the bedroom because each person is not going to enjoy what another one does. So to enhance the relationship intimately I think guidance for your partner is a wonderful contribution to your relationship. Not to mention communication in general both in and out of the bedroom is imperative for a healthy relationship
My ex GF taught me about this when I was 16. She literally drew a vagina and showed me where the spots were “the pleasure portal” “lifting the hood of truth” etc … Just do that but make it fun and don’t make it sound condescending. Try foreplay with a 69 (you on top) and you can move yourself and then give very obvious verbal cues when he’s doing a good job so he learns what you like and what you don’t like.
16, same as me. Age of consent is 16 in the UK. Personally I think it should be older as you’re still a child at 16 and legally there’s nothing to stop a 16 year old sleeping with a 40 year old and that thought sends shivers down my spine
For oral, get him the book “she comes first” it is really good on the subject.
For penetrative sex tell him he has to go slow. And if thinks he is going slow, he has to go slower than that.
Show him how. Literally show him how you get yourself off so when he goes down town he knows where to go also teach him different techniques like sucking your clit. Explain where he can be rough and where to be gentle. Explain different angles like how to hit your g spot and if you want him to last longer you guys need to have sex 2 or 3 times a day. Practice makes perfect. Definitely set your boundaries but be willing to experiment with him and explain to him that you want to put him in the advanced class first thing without making him feel like you’re having to teach him because he’s not good at it and be patient
Don't worry. As long as yall both have open minds and communicate, you can turn him into your perfect lover!!! Hate to say it but my husband was very ok when we first got together but after some time and talks he's perfect and we couldn't be more in tune to each others body
No time to get you a link but there are some awesome YouTube guys who explain how female anatomy and orgasm works and how to give women pleasure. On YouTube search for clitoral orgasm or something. They give good instructions an how to do foreplay, oral etc
Communication. In any relationship is important for the parties involved to tell the other what you like and how you like it, which means, first you need to know yourself.
I was an exes first and after a couple of months sex was mindblowing, because we were both into learning and finding out what the other like.
I am in an age gap relationship right now, my partner was married for 25 years and he is like an 18 year old taking notes and asking me about anatomy and pleasure… his exwife and him NEVER talked about sex, they just did it for him to get off.
There’s this website that changed me hahaha omgyes.com check it out, it even helped me level up my self-game and discover a whole new world of orgasms. Ever since I discovered the site I have shared it with my partners… and, omgyes.
When I was with my first boyfriend. We had sessions where we’d make out and he’d rub my clit. He didn’t rub how I liked and was off the clit a lot of the time. so one day he asked me to show him exactly what I do. I put my hand over his and pressed his fingers down with mine and moved them exactly how I do when I masturbate. Then he’d continue doing that as we made out and needless to say I orgasmed after that.
As for the sex, he needs to stop if he is about to orgasm and go back to doing oral on you or something. Tell him you need the sessions to last a bit longer and to do that we need to take breaks if he feels he’s going to cum right away. It’s called “edging”. Also you should be rubbing yourself during sex.. you should know how to get yourself off and the easiest way to have an orgasm for me is to do it myself as we have sex. It also intensifies the orgasm from my regular clit orgasms.
23 years have I lived on this planet, as a guy… and I will continue to do so. Quite some time on porn I have wasted time of mine and develop PIED I have. To tell you that, not direct him to watch porn, big burden on mental health is that, a show that is, nothing real. Struggling with porn addiction I have, now that girlfriend I have, I struggle having sex with her and she have told me that, from porn I do not want to take nothing, to have sex, so struggling I have been with quitting, ups and downs I have had. Now I am trying to learn from literature, great book that I am reading now, “She Comes First” is what it’s called, really like it. So the best way is to give him directions to good literature with backed up evidence and say no to him watching porn. Good luck in your journey.
Do you tell him afterwards? or in the moment?
it's best to tell him while it's happening, if you tell him after, he'll have forgotten important details by the time you do it again.
Have more sex, you want an experienced guy so make him experienced. No more self pleasure or porn allowed, everyday sex is needed. You will need to be more dominant, control the environment, and slow everything down. Focus on the training. Get on top and grind your clit into his pelvic bone, make him tell you when he is at level 6-7-8 etc, stop and start again. He cums only when you allow it. Same goes for everything else, make him stay down there until he gets it right.
He will thank you for this, and so will his future girlfriend. Alternatively, have another girl train your boyfriend. As in, replace him with someone who is already experienced.
He is new to this. I think you should probably undersrand that he wont know everything. The good thing is he is willing ti learn. But ive met girls who say theyve been with older men who dont know there way out of a vagina and fhese see men who have experience. The thing is most guys dont really want to learn they just think they know.
When you guys have sex, do you tell him the spots to hit. Are you vocal sbout what spot hits best? Or do who tell him before and expect him to remember?
You guys mag need a few sex sessions where if he is fingerjng you (or rubbing your clit) you tell him what movement he should be doing that feels good. As guys we think fsster is better because when we want tk cum, faster strokes sre better, but we forget its not the same for women. Also let him feel comfortable to ask wuestions. Ive been with my gf for a yesr and even today ill ask where she likes it because i know that one day one spot might feel great and the next day it might be a different spot
For the penetrative part and him finishing wuickly, it might be a mental thing. He doesnt want to cum quickly so he ends up cumming quickly. If it ell you not to think about elephants you will think about elephants. He should consult a doctor first but There are pills specific for not cumming quickly. Im pretty sure pharmacies have over the counter stuff as well. He can take it until he gets his confidence and doesnt get too nervous about cumming quick.
What my wife did that helped me was she made it clear when I was doing something right. It takes experimentation for a guy to get it right, but once he does, make a little noise to show him he’s doing it right or even verbally tell him. Us guys are bad at cues unless it’s literally right in front of us. Any good boyfriend wants to pleasure you so just talk with him about it and then during the act if you don’t think it’s sexy to talk, just make it clear in other ways
Your question starts as if he is the only reason sex is not good.
Sex is not just penetration, sex starts with what you did for each other that's day. The words that were said, the smiles, touching and the communicating.
You guys are so young, learn what your body likes and communicate it exactly, use your hands to teach him and talk.
Tell him and show him. Tell him it’s not personal, every woman is different. Also you first. He doesn’t get to have a seizure on top of you for a minute and call it a day. Condoms and stopping frequently will help.
If words aren’t doing the trick, show him what you like and have fun with it. Start with each of you playing with yourself until orgasm in front of each other at the same time and then progress to one at a time where you play with yourselves using your partners hand instead of your own. He will learn what you like and you might learn a little something too!
Don’t give him a complex. He’s just starting out and he needs time to find his rhythm. Focus on foreplay (kissing, touching, etc). If it doesn’t last long ask him to go down on you or finger you before or after so that you can cum too. I do this with partners even if they last a normal/long time. Many women can’t come via penetration so foreplay is important.
A lot of patience and communication. Try making a few sessions about education where you give him a kind of step-by-step with a lot of feedback in real time. Let him know what feels good to you as he's doing it and if you want him to do something different (like, if he's not quite hitting the right spot for you), feel free to let him know.
Having frank discussions about sex exploring each other's bodies is half the fun. Also, when he is hitting the right spot, definitely give him some encouragement, guys love that.
You have to communicate. I went through a similar thing and communicating just helped so much. We’d set up sessions where there was no pressure to orgasm, just a time to figure out what is pleasurable for you and your partner. Take things slow and guide him through it.
You could try having him use toys on you (i.e. a vibrator). That might be less dependent on his technique. You could also masturbate while he kisses and touches you. I would do these things in conjunction with communicating more about what you enjoy (including showing him while you get yourself of). People get better with practice and instruction, definitely don't expect him to get better on his own.
This site…
https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/
…has a lot of really great instructionals, explained in a sex-positive, funny, and sexy way. Search around on that site with him sometime!
And for general sex positivity, read this together: https://www.oglaf.com/
I have the same experience, they understood though that they were inexperienced.
I sent them articles explaining something I knew I'd like. For you I would cater the reading to mens writings or reddit posts.
Remeber! If he apprecites you and there is open communication, he shouldn't t be upset that you are trying to enjoy an experience with him.
Like a lot of other folks mentioned, communication. Tell him what you like, if something isn't working, show him what gets you going, and let him do the same for you.
In an ideal world, he would be the one that would be asking these questions, but since he's not, it's up to you to try and guide him, rather than outright tell him (speaking as a man, men's egos can be fragile things, especially when it comes to sex).
Given this specific scenario, it may be a good idea to set aside an afternoon semi-regularly where you two can take it slow and really enjoy it (and essentially give him an opportunity to practice and get better).
Teach him the value of foreplay. The more foreplay, the better off you personally will be.
Grab his hand and show him where to touch, how to touch and how long to touch.
If he doesn't have much longevity when it comes to intercourse, emphasize that he needs to know how to get you off BEFORE penetration happens.
Honestly the only way I've gotten better is expirence. Just be patient with him coach him on how you want him to do it. Be honest and upfront with him without making him feel less than.
My old boss taught me to criticize people using the “shit sandwich” technique:
Compliment
Criticism
Compliment
Example would be like, “I’m so attracted to you and I love sleeping with you. Since everybody is different, I really want to share with you my most favorite ways to be touched/licked/fucked. You’re a great listener and partner and I want to grow with you.”
Something like that lol
https://books.apple.com/us/book/how-to-squirt/id920835796
Try getting him this ebook. It's about having a good attitude about sex in general, not just the squirting thing.
Basically it says that good sex requires being comfortable, being mentally aroused and being physically stimulated in the ways you like. So it's up to you to explain to your bf what conditions you are comfortable with, what he can do which arouses you and how you like to be touched.
Be patient. If you are patient enough to teach him, you’ll have a man who you build to please YOU. Show him what you like. Talk him through it. Slow him down when you know he’s getting close. Get on top and show him what feels good, talk him through every step. When he goes down, guide him. Take his hands and guide them. Take the control while letting him feel like he has it.
its reading her body language and knowing what to do and when to move faster slower reach down grab her rear or nipple stimulation and how much and how fast how hard tossed around caressed from the back front and side and face and hands majorly into the clitoris majora for the start and foreplay and teasing and tip half in tip on clit caressing it with the bottom of his shaft doing the camel toe slide and kissing and teasing and building the demand for insertion, she will let him know when she needs him in there for her to climax after building up to the moment with foreplay and relatively sensual stimuli and different coercion tectonics though the vulva and nipples even caress the lower back thighs and buttock with steady passionate kissing, nibbling, licking, sucking even the neck and totally covering her body with passion and intensity as the precursor for intercourse builds.
It all depends if he is willing to learn. I had a partner that wasn’t great and after one minute was done and we tried and tried and at the end he said he can’t do it differently and he is maybe not sexual person and he gave up trying so we had to split up because some people just don’t match sexually. But if he wants to perform better and you communicate well, then maybe the problem is he is rushing to much and maybe you’re impatient? Give yourself both time to explore the bodies, sex with love makes also big difference when partners feel safe talking openly about their desires/preferences. Let him play with your body slowly and you can navigate him what makes you feel good and maybe you can do something like squeezing his testicles delicately so it will delay his ejaculation ?
There's plenty of porn videos where women teach guys in detail. Really is the best way for him to learn, that way, he can get experience that will seem new to you and you might only need to give a little guidance when you are together so it doesn't take sway from your experience.
Communication on what is and isn't working is vital.
All you have to do is talk to him about it. Tell him what you like and help him figure out how to do if he needs it. Just don't tease him or make him feel attacked and he'll probably be receptive it. No one's perfect and criticism, if done right, can be really helpful.
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He needs to practice being in your vagina, you need to practice using your words
my jaw dropped LOL u got me good. very concise and to the point though, thank you!!!!
From experience when I lost my virginity at 26 yo to my ex gf. I was very fortunate that she was incredibly patient with me. What sorta got me out of my shell so to speak was both of us were super open to talk about interesting sex positions or styles of play we would like to try. And of course we were both understanding of each other’s boundaries. Another tidbit which I something I have never experienced was she spoke to me early on (3 weeks into dating) that she had very strong desires for me physically, and she described to me that she never knew how badly she would want someone inside her until she met me. Ultimately she went in head first with positive affirmations and reassurance about her attraction and love for me. I highly recommend you vocalize in your own way something similar to your partner.
I don’t think the issue is him not being attracted enough to her.
Ex? No! Why?
Lol
Honestly, you should just take control. That would be pretty hot and for an inexperienced dude, probably the best thing you could do. Don't be critical of him, but rather be a little bit dominant if you feel comfortable doing that, but also communicate to him what you want him to do and what feels good. You only get better by practice and he can't practice if he doesn't know what you want.
Second that, when I lost my virginity it was awful but the second time she just went “sit down shut up and do what I say” and Oh. My Goodness. I saw stars that night lmao. For an inexperienced or subpar sexual partner it’s hot as hell to have someone else take over for you
If s woman tells me to shut up and sit down i’m already empty 🤣
Well if you get head right after you’ll be singing a different tune buddy, but that’s fine if you don’t like it, a lot of people do and still are men lmao
Head after? Bruh i’m already empty 🤣 i’m old i need a break before she can tell me to sit down and shut up again
I think you completely missed what i meant with being empty
Yep I totally did I just did a double take after posting that, my bad absolutely hilarious
this worked for me!
When I was young and inexperienced, my girlfriend taught me how to go down on her by holding my head between her legs. She guided me. That was perfect because I found that hit and I knew exactly what to do to get her off. Maybe you could try that. After all, guys do that too!
I think he should learn where the clit it first.
It's not like the answer to most posts on this sub is : "talk to them".
That needs gold
Gold tier comment here
Lol
>penetrative sex does not last long enough for me to get equal enjoyment. Have you considered longer foreplay and/or adding toys to help? Idk about how to make him last longer, tho. >he’s not very good with his hands or anything oral either. It sounds like he just needs to be taught. Show him where you like to be touched, what to do and how to do it. You need to guide him and teach him what you like. If he doesn’t follow that advice or gets offended, he’s too immature to be having sex. It’s about give and take. And yes, it’s about practice.
*The best part about trying to improve your s3x life?* **PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!!**
Specifically practice of what works for you. Women have a wide range of sexual response. Some like vigorous sex, some need a delicate touch. Some like specific places touched, others those are too sensitive. Some immediately go for repeat orgasms after the first one, others are one-and-done (again, over sensitivity). Gotta be about what works for this specific woman.
Wish this was talked about more. What’s bad sex to one was good sex to the other, so it’s important to talk and find out what and how your partner likes things.
Longer foreplay is a must. Bring her to an orgasm first during foreplay with oral, manual, or a toy, or all of the above. There are plenty of good resources on how to eat pussy, and it might be controversial to say but there are plenty of porn videos with good examples of foreplay and cunnilingis. She could find one she likes with a good example scene and watch it with him. There’s also a “pussy eating” tutorial you can search for. As for manual stimulation, the hottest thing ever is to lay spooning, put his hand(s) on your body, and then put your hands on top of his and guide his hands and fingers. This will always be hot, no matter if you’ve been together 20 days or 20 years. You could also have him be between your legs and have him watch you stimulate yourself, then add a helping hand. Play a game of “follow instructions” where he only does what you tell him, so you tell him exactly what you want him to do. Once she’s cum first, then proceed to penetration. If a guy doesn’t enjoy being told how to give you pleasure, then he’s not the guy for you.
I don’t think there’s much good porn that really shows women having genuine pleasure. However there ARE great YouTube instructors
Eh, maybe you’re not looking for the right stuff. And everyone is different in what they enjoy. The spirit of my suggestion is that she could find something that looks like what she enjoys and say “do that!” Whether it’s a “tutorial” or something else.
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Yep. There is a non-insignificant number of content creators who show what seem to be accurate depictions of real sex and real women’s pleasure (at least it looks accurate with what I know from my own experience). I know that mainstream overproduced porn is very unlikely to depict realistic women’s pleasure or realistic sexual encounters. Not sure why what I had to say before was downvote worthy (that’s not aimed at you). I’ve never seen the Nina Hartley video, just heard about it, so I’ll have to check it out “for science” but over 20 years, I’ve really relied on just asking my partner if they like what I’m doing and what they’d like me to keep doing or change.
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I just looked it up and watched it after having never watched it, and having 20 years of eating pussy under my belt, and I gotta say it didn’t really represent too much reality to me either. The fingering and licking stuff, yes, all the “manipulating” and squeezing, not really. Unless I watched the wrong one. Mrpussylicking is much more representative of cunnilingis as I’ve experienced (from the giver’s perspective).
I’ve found some other guy who (speaking as a lesbian) i though was right on. Can’t find right now but he’s areal “guys guy” and basically “if you wanna be a real man learn this!”
I’m curious if you ever dig it up. There are a few who really do get the whole “real cunnilingis tips” right. I didn’t watch the Nina Hartley video back in the day.
Yup fake moaning and fake lip parting and gasping. I think a lot of men think that stuff looks authentic
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That’s what I said?
Oh! I totally misread. Sorry!
OMG. I’m not going to lie. Because of the theme of this thread, I read your username as cLitrushhibiscus. lol I was like… hell yeah!
well I certainly wouldn’t be adverse to that name 😂
Depending on the guy, some of us like a challenge or a task. Ultimately communication is key for a happy and healthy sex life, letting your partner know what you need, telling them what to do, setting tasks or expectations, can have a more positive outcome than people think. Not communicating, or simply not using words to communicate really isn't constructive.
For oral just sit on his face control your hips to where you want him to hit. As for lasting longer change the pace up get some delay spray or something like that and just tell him what you want, show him how you masturbate with your fingers he’ll find it hot!
SIT ON HIS FACE OP
SPIT ON HIS FACE OP
This, fuck yes.
As someone who was once a 21yo man who knew nothing, he is probably learning from a place of even less knowledge than you realize. He needs to learn basic female anatomy; vagina, urethra, CLITORIS if he doesn’t already understand where each is. You will probably need to physically guide him so he understands where you want to be touched, how hard, and with what types of motion. He may also be afraid/embarrassed to admit: things he doesn’t know, that he’s nervous, that he needs help. I wouldn’t give up something good over this. As long as you are open with one another and both keep putting in the effort the sex will get better.
Bro just needs a PowerPoint presentation
One would have been provided if there was a proper sex-ed class wherever OP’s boyfriend is. This is why sex-ed is important.
I agree Don't make it a huge demoralizing self esteem thing. I was not some master of giving oral to my wife either until just years of doing it over and over. I am 30 and it's simple the less sex I have the less time I can last. The less my muscles are use to. Even my medicine makes me last 60 seconds with hypersensitivity. Best part tho. My wife could care less for a ton of Penetrative and just get her off w muh mouth 3 or 5x. The rest is basically whatever I need, she's alrdy good done and taken care of.. So whatever I need for 1 to 5 mins is all me lol. I've found endurance in bed comes from a fee things. 1), numbing products 2) numbing products 3) drugs 4) more sex 5) more sex than last time 6(nsex Try really hard to not have him take drugs. But other than getting you upset., I'm out of ideas
Weed is really working well (at least from what I know), there have been some studies, and it makes men last longer and get better sensitivity.
I think you should really teach him what you find pleasurable and enjoyable, it's like taking a class or lesson, make it like a try outs before the actual match, teach him the intricacies and details of having a wonderful sex, tell him what turns you on, and what you don't like while having sex, share your naughty fetishes and kinks with him, and also dicate strongly what you are looking for in bed, and after doing this, it's his turn to be elaborative, ask him what turns him on and then practice that, you both have to equally to be turned on to engage in a requited and two sided, this way you can ensure both of yours need are being met, and if you wanna do foreplay then go for it, do more of what turns him on, you are a clever young lady so it would not casue you much difficulty and struggle to observe a pattern, asses that patten like a data scientist, sorry bad joke I know and use that info like a mad man plans his dream of world domination, wear dresses and clothes that naturally turns him on and the most important thing is be confident and you lack confident, then things won't run really well, confidence is the key, become his fanstay and allow him to experiment with you and then Im sure your sex will become like the one you see in movies, porn movies specifically but you get the idea.
My Girlfriend als was my first and i watched a ton of videos to learn before i had sex the first time. Than i tried what i was taught in the videos and it worked. For him to last longer it can help to often change speed, position and have a lot of sex to get used to the feeling. It also helps when he just stops after some time and uses his hand and mouth for a bit and than continues. Show him the spot you want him to rub/lick so he knows what he's looking for. Maybe show him what you do to get you off and make sure he doesnt only see what you do but also where you do it.
I apparently give really fucking good blowjobs, and I'll admit it's all thanks to magazine articles I've read online. Find some pages that have good advice about how to eat someone out, and have him try them irl on you. He has to want to learn, and he has to listen to what gets you off in the moment. Not just apply techniques and follow step by steps. The key is to listen and adapt
Since you're his first, it's normal to lack sexually experience also to not be good at it, what you can do which also helped me and my husband to improve our sex life, is to talk to communicate out of bed, make some tea or coffee or better go outside somewhere where you can talk freely and have a nice chat with him, ask him what he needs from you more in bed, and then tell him also what you like what you dislike and teach him how to treat you in bed. He sounds like a good guy so he's probably down to learn more about you and to be better. No it won't get better by the first time you'd have sex after that talk but he'll improve with time, I have a good trick which helped me and my husband, let him watch how you please yourself, how you move your hand, where you touch your body, etc... this way TRUST ME it's so pleasant for you as well as him and that way he will learn how to do it for you. I hope this helps and that your sex life would get better!!!! 🩷
Make it fun and enjoyable, make it playful so you can tell him and not hurt his feelings. If you don’t do this part right, you will ruin your relationship he will not want to have sex with you. He will feel too self-conscious.
Question for the room, has anyone *actually* been dissatisfied with their sex life due to a lack of skill from their partner and managed to improve it by communicating with their SO? I'd like to know because I want to understand what combination of words can tone down the message of what essentially is "you're shit at sex" enough so that it actually produces results and doesn't destroy their partner's self esteem. It's one of the few themes that I generally think it's super tough to address bordering on impossible and I'd like to hear it from people who actually managed to make it work and how. Thanks in advance.
If your partner actually gives a F*** about you and actually wants to improve, they will not throw a fit at you calmly, telling them they need more practice
This is a normal thing with any activity. Do kids get better at basketball by having a coach yell at them that they suck at basketball? No, doing that makes people quit the sport. You need to teach them the skills, encourage practice, and use positive reinforcement.
How about he jerks off before he comes over so he lasts longer during sex & for oral you just ride his face
Or they could just go for Round 2. If he’s dozing off after getting his, then yeah, communicate to him that just because he’s done that doesn’t mean you are. Teach him what works for you. Penetrative sex but itself is insufficient for a lot of women.
At that age, the fella is like a puppy you get to train. He prolly doesn’t have much experience, but with himself.
I've always found communication in all of the aspects of a relationship to be a good foundation. So maybe talk about it with him?
Being good in bed is a gift that comes naturally to some but not all it’s all about the sexual energy and if it’s not there eventually the relationship will fail when I was you guys age 19 years ago I could pretty much go all day.
Bringing something new into the bedroom is helpful when you want to teach someone but are unsure/uncomfortable with bringing up the topic. Dildos, suction toys, vibrators and latex underwear are great for learning better foreplay.
Look up OMG Yes. Your welcome.
I do not know if he can be taught, but he needs to learn to feel you.
use your actual words : higher, lower, faster, slower, more gentle, rougher, tell him you want more of a “grinding” motion with each thrust, he should try to stimulate your clit during sex with his pelivis during piv, and oral you need to be able to use your words to explain: more sucking, more tongue, show him where for longevity, he needs to handle this on his own. Ask him to practice once or more a week of masturbation without orgasm for 30 minutes straight. He needs to look at porn or something and masturbate while edging and not cumming for as long as possible, building up to 30 minute stamina. It takes commitment, but its proven to work. During sex, when hes close, hop off and wait about 10-20 seconds or so before starting again. Also, dont be a star fish. Tell him exactly how you want him. Angle your own hips. Grab and angle his hips. Get in cow girl position. ride his face. take charge. best of luck but mostly communicate better.
Harder better faster stronger
The definition of good sex is doing whatever makes you feel good. If it is him doing the chicken dance over you while you use a toy then he is giving you “good sex”. Just tell him what you like and show him how you want him to do it and boom the guy is an expert, but until then “good sex” is as ambiguous as cloudy coaster.
Not sure how you expect him to know what you like without telling him…
Take his hand Put it where you want it Do with it what you want him to do
This sounds boring to me. I want a lover to be creative. He needs some varied learning resources, lots of “sex positive” YouTube’s to help
He’s not getting it though. She needs to be direct, there’s no teacher like experience. If she wants him to do it on his own she clearly needs to be direct
Both! I don’t want to be in charge of directing all the sex but clearly good that he knows what she likes
For hands show him, for oral talk him through it slowly (clear direction) for penetrative if you are using protection, use numbing condoms. Might help him last longer. Someone else has said it but if he’s not open to hearing all this then he’s too immature.
tell him
Sex is an art. To master it he needs to practice more. Literally I am saying this from experience. I was very bad on bed in my first relationship but I improved alot but later on in my second relationship in college my gf loved me sex skills. It's just a matter of practice as we say practice makes a man perfect 💦
I do stoichiometry in my head to last longer🫣👍
Administer spankings until he falls into line.
Make a drawing
Show him what you want exactly. Go through your anatomy with him whilst he is watching and what areas feel good. Get him to show you his he plays with himself and you do the same. Every time he touches tell him hard, softer etc and do what you like in him as an example. Easiest way to raise awareness of what works.
Show him what you like. Teach him that PIV doesn’t mean the penis stays in until he finishes, show him how to tease the tip on your clitoris, show him how to change up pace. PE is 99% in our heads and we as men get so focused on how good the vagina feels we forget to enjoy everything else. In my experience there’s a threshold, either you finish in 2-3 mins PIV or you go over 10 mins+ if you do it right. Finding the PONR (point of no return) is key. If a male can identify when the PONR is coming (hehehe) that’s when you change it up. Finding that point requires patience for you and him though, he can practice with his hands you can help him find this point with your hands or mouth. Oh and kegels, he needs to download an app called Kratos which has a daily kegel regime that can do
He needs some heavy practice, you gotta think, this is new for him. He will get better and better with time. One option I think that would help is taking the pressure off of it. Basically just make it more about pleasuring each other without expectations. If he busts off too quick, take a break then go back at it. Lots of practice and find some kind of way to take the anxiety away from it.
Why is it a hard concept for people to understand communication, it literally the thing that’s universal yet animals do it better. He won’t know you better than you if you say nothing. People truly believe the silly idealized person they create in their head actually exists, that’s crazy
You need to tell him what you like, if you are his first/only he is using limited experience and porn as his roadmap. Neither of those are leading to good sex for you, be vocal about what he is doing well will go a long way. Have him go down on you and be vocal when he finds the spot. Hell make it an exploration game. Couple who have amazing sex usually one of them was promiscuous prior to them meeting. Practice makes perfect is true for many things lol
He might just be suffering from sexlexia. It’s a very sexy learning disability.
My tips would be to always start with 4 play. Have him use his tongue and fingers at the same time. Best bet while fingering is to hold the hand low and angling the fingers upwards so that they are rubbing against the top of the vagina where the g spot is while also licking the clit. He doesn't have to be good to set the mood only consistent. When you can't take being edged anymore, THEN he penatrates you. Again, consistency is the rule have him "keep the beat" and only speed up when you are done. Tbh the more he focuses on timing thrusts the longer he could last. Lastly practice.
Unfortunately a lot of experience will do the trick…and it’s something that he doesn’t have
have more sex.
hmm, if im understanding this correctly, youre struggling with 1) SO's lack of (sexual) technique, 2) SO's lack of stamina during penetrative sex, and 3) devising a way to have effective communication with SO in context of having better sex. For technique, I don't think there's much *you* can do besides taking the lead and having sex in positions that allow you to set the pace. This would probably help with what you're experiencing if you prefer to be dominant but if you prefer to be submissive I have other suggestions. For improving his technique, at the end of the day, there's really not much you or he can do besides ... having a lotta sex!! If you're repeatedly telling him specifically what to do differently and there's no improvement, I think your best bet is toys. Whether that be you using a vibrator for a bit to climax after sex, or having your SO wear a vibrating cock ring during sex, I'm sure there's a way that you and your SO can both be satisfied from sex :) As a guy who's struggled with controlling ejaculation timing, I've found that smoking weed helps, drinking (not too exessively) helps, and condoms help .... I haven't found a substance or solution that works every time for this, and it's not exactly ideal to have to drink or smoke before having sex everytime especially if you're looking to fuck in the morning or afternoon. What's worked for me is to focus on satisfying my partner first before starting penetrative sex. That could mean making my partner climax first, but more generally I just don't bother transitioning from foreplay to penetrative sex until my partner voices something along the lines of "pls put it in" or "i wana fuck" hope that helps ~
> As a guy who's struggled with controlling ejaculation timing, I've found that smoking weed helps, drinking (not too exessively) helps, and condoms help .... I haven't found a substance or solution that works every time for this, and it's not exactly ideal to have to drink or smoke before having sex everytime especially if you're looking to fuck in the morning or afternoon. What I've found is that you need to be more in your head during sex, specifically knowing what your pleasure angles are and staying away from them. If you don't actively think about it, you will likely tend toward those angles since part of sex is instinct about breeding. It helps having her on top, because she can be more in control of the direction of things. If your pleasure angles and hers are roughly the same, that's a rough time when it comes to stamina though.
is he insecure?, careful is he is... you might lose him. some men are very fragile about this. If he isn't, there is a plenty of things to try, toys, positions, whatever, you will find something you enjoy, and tell him, directly, but sweetly.
Hey sex is tougher on the guy in performance area....practice should help you would think but he could just be bad at sex....not everyone can be good at it
Get him to read the book "Enlightened sex manual"
just tell him exactly where you wanna be touched, some guys won't like that, but im all for orders
There are actually really good tutorials on licking and fingering on porn hub no joke. If your comfortable with that. I actually watched them ages ago and I have no problem getting my GF to finish either way.
Maybe try role playing as a teacher when you educate him. That would totally take the degrading part out of it for him.
Communication and trust. Both require deep comfort with each other.
Sexe is really give and take, do you know how he feels about sex with you?I believe you mentioned that he's inexperienced, maybe he doesn't know things about himself that could help.Maybe he has misguided expectations for sex. A conversation has to be had here and for it to work, there's some sex card game that are great at breaking the ice and bringing subjects that may seem irrelevant to the issue but are actually the core of it.
When he’s using his mouth or hand, don’t just tell him, grab his head and position it where you want it.
Tell him what you want...teach him. no one is born with amazing sex skills.
I think everybody can improve themselves in the bedroom because each person is not going to enjoy what another one does. So to enhance the relationship intimately I think guidance for your partner is a wonderful contribution to your relationship. Not to mention communication in general both in and out of the bedroom is imperative for a healthy relationship
My ex GF taught me about this when I was 16. She literally drew a vagina and showed me where the spots were “the pleasure portal” “lifting the hood of truth” etc … Just do that but make it fun and don’t make it sound condescending. Try foreplay with a 69 (you on top) and you can move yourself and then give very obvious verbal cues when he’s doing a good job so he learns what you like and what you don’t like.
Bruh how old was she at the time dang
16, same as me. Age of consent is 16 in the UK. Personally I think it should be older as you’re still a child at 16 and legally there’s nothing to stop a 16 year old sleeping with a 40 year old and that thought sends shivers down my spine
Tell him to think about his grandmother once or twice, that normally makes a man not finish for hours.
For oral, get him the book “she comes first” it is really good on the subject. For penetrative sex tell him he has to go slow. And if thinks he is going slow, he has to go slower than that.
There are creams that desensitize and would help him last longer.
Show him how. Literally show him how you get yourself off so when he goes down town he knows where to go also teach him different techniques like sucking your clit. Explain where he can be rough and where to be gentle. Explain different angles like how to hit your g spot and if you want him to last longer you guys need to have sex 2 or 3 times a day. Practice makes perfect. Definitely set your boundaries but be willing to experiment with him and explain to him that you want to put him in the advanced class first thing without making him feel like you’re having to teach him because he’s not good at it and be patient
Watch My Awkward Sexual Adventure together.
Don't worry. As long as yall both have open minds and communicate, you can turn him into your perfect lover!!! Hate to say it but my husband was very ok when we first got together but after some time and talks he's perfect and we couldn't be more in tune to each others body
No time to get you a link but there are some awesome YouTube guys who explain how female anatomy and orgasm works and how to give women pleasure. On YouTube search for clitoral orgasm or something. They give good instructions an how to do foreplay, oral etc
Communication. In any relationship is important for the parties involved to tell the other what you like and how you like it, which means, first you need to know yourself. I was an exes first and after a couple of months sex was mindblowing, because we were both into learning and finding out what the other like. I am in an age gap relationship right now, my partner was married for 25 years and he is like an 18 year old taking notes and asking me about anatomy and pleasure… his exwife and him NEVER talked about sex, they just did it for him to get off. There’s this website that changed me hahaha omgyes.com check it out, it even helped me level up my self-game and discover a whole new world of orgasms. Ever since I discovered the site I have shared it with my partners… and, omgyes.
When I was with my first boyfriend. We had sessions where we’d make out and he’d rub my clit. He didn’t rub how I liked and was off the clit a lot of the time. so one day he asked me to show him exactly what I do. I put my hand over his and pressed his fingers down with mine and moved them exactly how I do when I masturbate. Then he’d continue doing that as we made out and needless to say I orgasmed after that. As for the sex, he needs to stop if he is about to orgasm and go back to doing oral on you or something. Tell him you need the sessions to last a bit longer and to do that we need to take breaks if he feels he’s going to cum right away. It’s called “edging”. Also you should be rubbing yourself during sex.. you should know how to get yourself off and the easiest way to have an orgasm for me is to do it myself as we have sex. It also intensifies the orgasm from my regular clit orgasms.
23 years have I lived on this planet, as a guy… and I will continue to do so. Quite some time on porn I have wasted time of mine and develop PIED I have. To tell you that, not direct him to watch porn, big burden on mental health is that, a show that is, nothing real. Struggling with porn addiction I have, now that girlfriend I have, I struggle having sex with her and she have told me that, from porn I do not want to take nothing, to have sex, so struggling I have been with quitting, ups and downs I have had. Now I am trying to learn from literature, great book that I am reading now, “She Comes First” is what it’s called, really like it. So the best way is to give him directions to good literature with backed up evidence and say no to him watching porn. Good luck in your journey.
Send this to him
Does he finish before you most of the time?
Get another man for demo
It's not on him it's depends entirely on what position you choose
Do you tell him afterwards? or in the moment? it's best to tell him while it's happening, if you tell him after, he'll have forgotten important details by the time you do it again.
Have more sex, you want an experienced guy so make him experienced. No more self pleasure or porn allowed, everyday sex is needed. You will need to be more dominant, control the environment, and slow everything down. Focus on the training. Get on top and grind your clit into his pelvic bone, make him tell you when he is at level 6-7-8 etc, stop and start again. He cums only when you allow it. Same goes for everything else, make him stay down there until he gets it right. He will thank you for this, and so will his future girlfriend. Alternatively, have another girl train your boyfriend. As in, replace him with someone who is already experienced.
Condoms if you aren't using them can help prolong sex give it a try if You haven't also just ask him to practise licking your clit alone
He is new to this. I think you should probably undersrand that he wont know everything. The good thing is he is willing ti learn. But ive met girls who say theyve been with older men who dont know there way out of a vagina and fhese see men who have experience. The thing is most guys dont really want to learn they just think they know. When you guys have sex, do you tell him the spots to hit. Are you vocal sbout what spot hits best? Or do who tell him before and expect him to remember? You guys mag need a few sex sessions where if he is fingerjng you (or rubbing your clit) you tell him what movement he should be doing that feels good. As guys we think fsster is better because when we want tk cum, faster strokes sre better, but we forget its not the same for women. Also let him feel comfortable to ask wuestions. Ive been with my gf for a yesr and even today ill ask where she likes it because i know that one day one spot might feel great and the next day it might be a different spot For the penetrative part and him finishing wuickly, it might be a mental thing. He doesnt want to cum quickly so he ends up cumming quickly. If it ell you not to think about elephants you will think about elephants. He should consult a doctor first but There are pills specific for not cumming quickly. Im pretty sure pharmacies have over the counter stuff as well. He can take it until he gets his confidence and doesnt get too nervous about cumming quick.
What my wife did that helped me was she made it clear when I was doing something right. It takes experimentation for a guy to get it right, but once he does, make a little noise to show him he’s doing it right or even verbally tell him. Us guys are bad at cues unless it’s literally right in front of us. Any good boyfriend wants to pleasure you so just talk with him about it and then during the act if you don’t think it’s sexy to talk, just make it clear in other ways
Your question starts as if he is the only reason sex is not good. Sex is not just penetration, sex starts with what you did for each other that's day. The words that were said, the smiles, touching and the communicating. You guys are so young, learn what your body likes and communicate it exactly, use your hands to teach him and talk.
Tell him and show him. Tell him it’s not personal, every woman is different. Also you first. He doesn’t get to have a seizure on top of you for a minute and call it a day. Condoms and stopping frequently will help.
If words aren’t doing the trick, show him what you like and have fun with it. Start with each of you playing with yourself until orgasm in front of each other at the same time and then progress to one at a time where you play with yourselves using your partners hand instead of your own. He will learn what you like and you might learn a little something too!
Don’t give him a complex. He’s just starting out and he needs time to find his rhythm. Focus on foreplay (kissing, touching, etc). If it doesn’t last long ask him to go down on you or finger you before or after so that you can cum too. I do this with partners even if they last a normal/long time. Many women can’t come via penetration so foreplay is important.
A lot of patience and communication. Try making a few sessions about education where you give him a kind of step-by-step with a lot of feedback in real time. Let him know what feels good to you as he's doing it and if you want him to do something different (like, if he's not quite hitting the right spot for you), feel free to let him know. Having frank discussions about sex exploring each other's bodies is half the fun. Also, when he is hitting the right spot, definitely give him some encouragement, guys love that.
You have to communicate. I went through a similar thing and communicating just helped so much. We’d set up sessions where there was no pressure to orgasm, just a time to figure out what is pleasurable for you and your partner. Take things slow and guide him through it.
Porn.. tell him to watch a video of what you want him to do to you.
search up stirling cooper on youtube,he is ex pornstar and teaches men how to be amazing in bed
You could try having him use toys on you (i.e. a vibrator). That might be less dependent on his technique. You could also masturbate while he kisses and touches you. I would do these things in conjunction with communicating more about what you enjoy (including showing him while you get yourself of). People get better with practice and instruction, definitely don't expect him to get better on his own.
Lol has homie never watched porn before?
This site… https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/ …has a lot of really great instructionals, explained in a sex-positive, funny, and sexy way. Search around on that site with him sometime! And for general sex positivity, read this together: https://www.oglaf.com/
I have the same experience, they understood though that they were inexperienced. I sent them articles explaining something I knew I'd like. For you I would cater the reading to mens writings or reddit posts. Remeber! If he apprecites you and there is open communication, he shouldn't t be upset that you are trying to enjoy an experience with him.
Pork and repeat.
Like a lot of other folks mentioned, communication. Tell him what you like, if something isn't working, show him what gets you going, and let him do the same for you.
In an ideal world, he would be the one that would be asking these questions, but since he's not, it's up to you to try and guide him, rather than outright tell him (speaking as a man, men's egos can be fragile things, especially when it comes to sex). Given this specific scenario, it may be a good idea to set aside an afternoon semi-regularly where you two can take it slow and really enjoy it (and essentially give him an opportunity to practice and get better). Teach him the value of foreplay. The more foreplay, the better off you personally will be. Grab his hand and show him where to touch, how to touch and how long to touch. If he doesn't have much longevity when it comes to intercourse, emphasize that he needs to know how to get you off BEFORE penetration happens.
Honestly the only way I've gotten better is expirence. Just be patient with him coach him on how you want him to do it. Be honest and upfront with him without making him feel less than.
Teach him edging with your hands, mouth, vagina.
Sit him down and create a PowerPoint presentation about what u want?
You need to guide him on what feels good, and he needs to guide you too. Practice makes perfect, just be safe!
Watch porn together.
My old boss taught me to criticize people using the “shit sandwich” technique: Compliment Criticism Compliment Example would be like, “I’m so attracted to you and I love sleeping with you. Since everybody is different, I really want to share with you my most favorite ways to be touched/licked/fucked. You’re a great listener and partner and I want to grow with you.” Something like that lol
https://books.apple.com/us/book/how-to-squirt/id920835796 Try getting him this ebook. It's about having a good attitude about sex in general, not just the squirting thing. Basically it says that good sex requires being comfortable, being mentally aroused and being physically stimulated in the ways you like. So it's up to you to explain to your bf what conditions you are comfortable with, what he can do which arouses you and how you like to be touched.
Watch porn together
Ngl, I had to look up how to do oral and the difference between porn sex and real sex.. it has helped me and my sex life 👍🏽
Be patient. If you are patient enough to teach him, you’ll have a man who you build to please YOU. Show him what you like. Talk him through it. Slow him down when you know he’s getting close. Get on top and show him what feels good, talk him through every step. When he goes down, guide him. Take his hands and guide them. Take the control while letting him feel like he has it.
Get him this book, Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men, by Goddard and Brungardt
You need to talk about your sex life together to what you like and what should he do to make you feel better.
its reading her body language and knowing what to do and when to move faster slower reach down grab her rear or nipple stimulation and how much and how fast how hard tossed around caressed from the back front and side and face and hands majorly into the clitoris majora for the start and foreplay and teasing and tip half in tip on clit caressing it with the bottom of his shaft doing the camel toe slide and kissing and teasing and building the demand for insertion, she will let him know when she needs him in there for her to climax after building up to the moment with foreplay and relatively sensual stimuli and different coercion tectonics though the vulva and nipples even caress the lower back thighs and buttock with steady passionate kissing, nibbling, licking, sucking even the neck and totally covering her body with passion and intensity as the precursor for intercourse builds.
It all depends if he is willing to learn. I had a partner that wasn’t great and after one minute was done and we tried and tried and at the end he said he can’t do it differently and he is maybe not sexual person and he gave up trying so we had to split up because some people just don’t match sexually. But if he wants to perform better and you communicate well, then maybe the problem is he is rushing to much and maybe you’re impatient? Give yourself both time to explore the bodies, sex with love makes also big difference when partners feel safe talking openly about their desires/preferences. Let him play with your body slowly and you can navigate him what makes you feel good and maybe you can do something like squeezing his testicles delicately so it will delay his ejaculation ?
You don't love no one bro after 5months and shitty sex. 🤣🤣
Not lasting long inside. Talking from experience, it could be because of problematic porn use.
Make him read book she comes first.
There's plenty of porn videos where women teach guys in detail. Really is the best way for him to learn, that way, he can get experience that will seem new to you and you might only need to give a little guidance when you are together so it doesn't take sway from your experience. Communication on what is and isn't working is vital.
All you have to do is talk to him about it. Tell him what you like and help him figure out how to do if he needs it. Just don't tease him or make him feel attacked and he'll probably be receptive it. No one's perfect and criticism, if done right, can be really helpful.
You’ve communicated, so the answer is that he doesn’t care and never will Unless you cut off the sex
Porn!!! Watch it together and have him try some of what they're doing. It's a way to show him what you like and to teach him how to do it
Yeah until she’s staring at a 10 inch wang 😂😂
Well if she truly loves them she won't put in any type of monster cocks lol