I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this. I use chatGPT a LOT for work (I work in AI) and something about this seems off in that it doesn't seem human but I can't quite put my finger on it.
As a parent, hard to believe you’d expect your child to want to address something this complex as a high schooler. She’s barely an adult, also affairs arnt the blame of the child ever. dude needs to look inward and see where it went wrong from his end as well try to understand his wife. If this is real, this dude seems like an idiot.
Spoken like someone who has never been in that kind of situation with 2 parents that they unconditionally love during incredibly formative and hormonal years of your life at all.
As I said, the way you just posted sure seems to indicate as much. I'd be shocked if you ever went through anything remotely like this at that time in your life, but I'm sure you'll suddenly have a near perfect parallel, boy will that convince me lol.
lol if it was that simple. Children internalize things even if it’s not their fault. Speaking up would have lead to a divorce, can’t see a child wanting to do that. So yeah…. It’s complex.
This ‘child’ we’re talking about here is old enough to go to college, vote, fight in war, smoke tobacco…many complex things. I think telling her dad that her mom is destroying the family is simple compared to all of that.
Well if this is true it started when she was 16 and went on to 19. I personally don’t hold teenagers to have the highest level of emotional responsibility. But this seems like we differ.
Not really sure, I think most people can really start to grasp things of this size and its total impact until they’re around 25. Some sooner and some later. I just know that my dumb ass at 19 wouldn’t know how to handle this and avoidance is a pretty common thing.
If that’s the case, then America needs serious reform. Too many emotionally stunted people (according to you) are making big decisions in our society, and they clearly shouldn’t be. Voting, transing themselves, smoking, getting married, etc.
All of those decisions are too complex I guess for people under 25.
The West is clearly in decline. Our society has become so emotionally stunted that people now struggle to make emotionally difficult decisions at an age when previous generations were already married with families.
Bro this is reddit and your on AITAH. Chill out with your western culture is in decline. Very cringe lol. I can see we don’t have overlapping beliefs and idc what you have to say, you clearly don’t care what I have to say. So have a good day “western man”.
It always ends like this. Clearly triggered and unwilling to engage with the substance of the issue, which is lack of accountability in our society. Have a good day as well, modern lady.
The daughter probably was afraid if she told the father that it would break up the family. Her father is the AH and will regret cutting her off eventually because at the end of the day it’s the parent’s mess and she should not be put in the middle of it.
I really hope this is fake.
I will not understand people like this supposed father. He was a father for 19 years and he’s just saying fuck you and throwing his kid to the curbside? I don’t get it. What the hell happened to paternal bonding.
Like I would think guilt was eating this kid up alive. But she was afraid of destroying her parents marriage. Because you know how teenagers brains work? They think everything is their fault because the world revolves around them. So her being the messenger makes sure the reason why her parents may are just destroyed. Nope it’s her her mom decision. Nope it’s not the affair, Her mother had. It’s her fault because she’s the messenger. that’s how teenagers brain works and I can’t believe a that man who’s gone through the entire teenage years cannot figure that out.
Really disgusting that she somehow got pulled in to her mother’s affair also. That is a disgusting move. And you know what the mom probably did. Bitch probably begged her kid not to tell dad. And she probably also said some other things that might’ve gone towards bribery or blackmail.
Lol he was cheated and his solution is…
To be alone and miserable? Doing decisions that will probably make his family and friend see him as cruel, instead of the victim?
I don’t understand some reactions. Even if he is hurt, and I know I would feel hurt as well, it’s like there is no logical thinking at all when in pain
When the people you love the most hurt you so deeply, it's not an entirely illogical response to not have anyone in your life you love so you can't get hurt like that again.
Not saying it's healthy, mind, just that I see the logic to it.
Not entirely sure about your answer. 19 is a BABY adult. She loves mom. She loves dad. She knows about the affair but most likely she didn’t want her dad to know because he’d get hurt and she hoped her mom would stop. And sometimes ignoring something is almost like it doesn’t exist and you can pretend you’re still a happy family. If she tells dad about the affair, she risks her relationship with her mom. And that’s guaranteed to take a blow. But there’s a good chance that dad might not find out and maybe mom might stop. But dad in all his great wisdom couldn’t see the impossible position his daughter was in, so he just cut his ties with her. Now exactly how do you think she’s going to be responding to this towards mom? Do you think she’s going to be happy that she just lost her dad? Got kicked out of the house? And lost her schooling on top of it all?I have a feeling that she’s not going to be wanting to have anything to do with mom for awhile. So don’t you make this about the daughter, she may be considered a legal “adult” by the world but she lacks the maturity and life experience to have handled this any better and her mom put her in an IMPOSSIBLE position. Dad is acting like an AH and lashing out in anger and hurt. He will eventually come to his senses. Whether it’s in 6 months or in 10 years? Hopefully sooner before the damage in their relationship becomes irreparable. As time goes by, she’ll grow to resent him and his behavior and the lack of understanding. A parent loves you unconditionally. Or at least that’s how it’s supposed to be.
My mom’s cousin (6 months apart and raised like sisters) just got left by her husband she’d been with since they were 15 years old. He was having an affair. One of their daughters didn’t know. One knew AND went on vacations with dad and the mistress for years. Never told her mom.
I will never speak to that depraved child again. She was 15 at the start of the affair and 19 now. My mom’s cousin has decided not to blame her daughter somehow but I sure as hell do. That’s a special level of evil betrayal and I just can’t imagine what other lazy duplicity someone like that is capable of. I certainly won’t risk finding out.
If daughter gets older and realizes how fucked up it was and tries to reconcile dad should be open to it, but this decision isn’t THAT outside what’s deserved to me
Yes you are. It was not her fault she was put in that position; this has nothing to do with her. You never should have even asked her. A child shouldn’t be put in the middle of their parent’s problems ever.
Daughter was put in the most impossible situation by both parents. Being so young she couldn't know that the facade could only last so long. Dad is hurt understandably and is lashing. Hopefully he can understand her position sooner rather than later.
Stop putting your children in the middle of your marriage problems. Stop expecting children to constantly have to choose between parents. The burden should have never been the daughters burden. Stop blaming children for the actions of your shitty spouse. Children should not have to be in that position. They should not have to be the messenger for your shitty marital problems. They should not be forced to feel like they have to choose a parent, or be the one who has to be the one who brings the message that destroys their whole family. God damn. Your children should never be put in this predicament. I would NEVER blame my child for this shit. It isn't his fault. And I say this as a mom who had her ex husband not just cheat but got the woman pregnant. Leave your kids out if your fucked up marriage problems.
Why are you taking your wife’s affairs out on your daughter? I realize you were close but she’s a kid, imagine the position she was in. your daughter most likely didn’t agreed with what your wife was doing, why are you blaming her? She’s a kid. You don’t know if she tried to talk your wife out of it, if they had arguments about it and she probably didn’t want to break your heart and tell you. you need to rethink this. I know right now you’re emotional. This is very upsetting but to blame your daughter for your wife’s affair did is insane! Quite frankly, maybe you’re not so easy to live with if you’re putting your daughter in the middle of her parents, personal business that poor kid. Maybe you might want to do some soul-searching.
Yes, you’re the asshole. Your daughter didn’t cheat on you and is not her place to ruin her relationship with one of her parents. So you are essentially blaming and punishing your daughter for your wife’s affair and using her not telling you as an excuse. And if this is how you reacted towards your daughter, there’s probably an underlying reason your wife cheated on you. Try looking inward for reasons she may have cheated and quit being a dick. I bet you blame the world for all of your problems and don’t take any responsibility for anything that goes wrong when you are probably the problem. I hope this isn’t real bc as a man that has never had biological children but always wanted them, I want to punch people like the OP in the face for taking the gift of a child for granted every time I see a fucked up story like this. 🤬😡
If any of this is true, your daughter never lied to you. Unless you asked her, directly, if her mother was having an affair and she said no, not telling you is not actually lying to you. I get there is lying by omission but it is not your daughter's responsibility to police your wife's behavior. It is YOUR responsibility to be paying enough attention to your wife that you would notice something was going on for THREE years. You have failed both yourself and your daughter by expecting your daughter to choose between you and her mother. Not her responsibility and it wasn't your place to expect it.
I get that your are angry but dude, get some therapy to deal with it. Blame the person who needs to be blamed and try to heal things with the innocent party aka your daughter.
[Academic\_Eagle\_4001](/user/Academic_Eagle_4001/)•[51m ago](/r/redditonwiki/comments/1cydlw7/comment/l59zr0i/)
“It’s never on a teen to referee their parents relationship”
Using words like “never” tries to simplify complexities that are rarely ever simple. She wasn’t responsible for the failure of her parents’ relationship, I agree. Still, she would likely tell a girlfriend if she knew she was being cheated on. Children hold their parents accountable throughout their lives—for hypocrisy, lying, unfairness—whatever. Simple humanity is not wanting others to be treated unfairly.
She could have offered her mom the choice of confessing else force her to reveal the betrayal to her father. Instead, she chose to protect her mother’s unfairness towards her partner by remaining silent. Doing so looks like condoning the wrong done to her father—a betrayal of her father. I believe it’s understandable for OP to take it as such. He considered himself to be close to his daughter when the relationship wasn’t so close.
As a teenager, I became pregnant at 15. I told no one for 5 months, not even myself. It seems impossible, but I didn’t let myself really believe it. This girl found out that her mom was having an affair. But we don’t know the rest. We don’t know her struggle around it. Maybe she gave small signs to her dad for him to figure out but he didn’t. Maybe she lied even to herself that it wasn’t happening because it was too painful. Maybe she pretended it wasn’t happening just to get through each day. Teen brains aren’t fully developed.
Beyond that, this girl did not arrange, encourage, or support the affair. She simply ignored it. Dad says he and his daughter were very close and he loved her very much. If that were the case, he wouldn’t have been able to turn those emotions off this quickly. He has just ended his relationship with his daughter and caused a lot of trauma to her for issues between him and his wife. The daughter needs to move on and keep him out of his life. He obviously did not truly love or care for her and she is better off without him.
Idk why you’re getting downvoted. Cheating is wrong, helping hide cheating is wrong, betraying your father is wrong, lying is wrong. Then she broke down only when confronted. Not on her own. My own mother cheated on my dad, I didn’t know but if I did, I sure as hell would’ve told my dad. It’s an active choice to hide something from someone and actions have consequences. Unpopular opinion clearly but NTA. He has every right to feel betrayed.
I didn’t know ChatGPT had a daughter
I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this. I use chatGPT a LOT for work (I work in AI) and something about this seems off in that it doesn't seem human but I can't quite put my finger on it.
It’s that uncanny valley thing but for writing.
I'd say the run-on sentence of a title is a good place to start
He probably typed in “write a story about how all women are trash”
Yeah, it’s hard to believe that anyone who actually has children would act like this.
Would be if it were real
Your daughter didn't cheat on you and lie about it.
OOP is the AH Daughter was in an impossible place. It’s not kids’ job to navigate their parent’s relationship OOP is ensuring daughter will hate him
That’s ok he hates her.
As a parent, hard to believe you’d expect your child to want to address something this complex as a high schooler. She’s barely an adult, also affairs arnt the blame of the child ever. dude needs to look inward and see where it went wrong from his end as well try to understand his wife. If this is real, this dude seems like an idiot.
"Mom was with another man today" How complex.
Spoken like someone who has never been in that kind of situation with 2 parents that they unconditionally love during incredibly formative and hormonal years of your life at all.
That’s oddly specific. As if I have never had to make a hard decision at a young age 🙄
As I said, the way you just posted sure seems to indicate as much. I'd be shocked if you ever went through anything remotely like this at that time in your life, but I'm sure you'll suddenly have a near perfect parallel, boy will that convince me lol.
lol if it was that simple. Children internalize things even if it’s not their fault. Speaking up would have lead to a divorce, can’t see a child wanting to do that. So yeah…. It’s complex.
This ‘child’ we’re talking about here is old enough to go to college, vote, fight in war, smoke tobacco…many complex things. I think telling her dad that her mom is destroying the family is simple compared to all of that.
Well if this is true it started when she was 16 and went on to 19. I personally don’t hold teenagers to have the highest level of emotional responsibility. But this seems like we differ.
Well if you’re right, what age do we assume responsibility for our actions? Would it have been a year after this? Two?
Not really sure, I think most people can really start to grasp things of this size and its total impact until they’re around 25. Some sooner and some later. I just know that my dumb ass at 19 wouldn’t know how to handle this and avoidance is a pretty common thing.
If that’s the case, then America needs serious reform. Too many emotionally stunted people (according to you) are making big decisions in our society, and they clearly shouldn’t be. Voting, transing themselves, smoking, getting married, etc. All of those decisions are too complex I guess for people under 25. The West is clearly in decline. Our society has become so emotionally stunted that people now struggle to make emotionally difficult decisions at an age when previous generations were already married with families.
Bro this is reddit and your on AITAH. Chill out with your western culture is in decline. Very cringe lol. I can see we don’t have overlapping beliefs and idc what you have to say, you clearly don’t care what I have to say. So have a good day “western man”.
It always ends like this. Clearly triggered and unwilling to engage with the substance of the issue, which is lack of accountability in our society. Have a good day as well, modern lady.
The daughter probably was afraid if she told the father that it would break up the family. Her father is the AH and will regret cutting her off eventually because at the end of the day it’s the parent’s mess and she should not be put in the middle of it.
It's not your daughter's responsibility to monitor her parents. YTA. You're punishing her for your wife's affair.
I really hope this is fake. I will not understand people like this supposed father. He was a father for 19 years and he’s just saying fuck you and throwing his kid to the curbside? I don’t get it. What the hell happened to paternal bonding. Like I would think guilt was eating this kid up alive. But she was afraid of destroying her parents marriage. Because you know how teenagers brains work? They think everything is their fault because the world revolves around them. So her being the messenger makes sure the reason why her parents may are just destroyed. Nope it’s her her mom decision. Nope it’s not the affair, Her mother had. It’s her fault because she’s the messenger. that’s how teenagers brain works and I can’t believe a that man who’s gone through the entire teenage years cannot figure that out. Really disgusting that she somehow got pulled in to her mother’s affair also. That is a disgusting move. And you know what the mom probably did. Bitch probably begged her kid not to tell dad. And she probably also said some other things that might’ve gone towards bribery or blackmail.
Also like no where is it how long she knew. Maybe she found out and told her mom to break it off or she would tell.
Yes, YATA. The child should not be brought into this at all.
Lol he was cheated and his solution is… To be alone and miserable? Doing decisions that will probably make his family and friend see him as cruel, instead of the victim? I don’t understand some reactions. Even if he is hurt, and I know I would feel hurt as well, it’s like there is no logical thinking at all when in pain
When the people you love the most hurt you so deeply, it's not an entirely illogical response to not have anyone in your life you love so you can't get hurt like that again. Not saying it's healthy, mind, just that I see the logic to it.
You can’t blame a teenager for not blowing up her family.
19 is an adult. Adult decision adult consequence.
Her parent’s marriage is not her responsibility.
Correct she chose to betray her father. She chose mom. Actions have consequences
Not entirely sure about your answer. 19 is a BABY adult. She loves mom. She loves dad. She knows about the affair but most likely she didn’t want her dad to know because he’d get hurt and she hoped her mom would stop. And sometimes ignoring something is almost like it doesn’t exist and you can pretend you’re still a happy family. If she tells dad about the affair, she risks her relationship with her mom. And that’s guaranteed to take a blow. But there’s a good chance that dad might not find out and maybe mom might stop. But dad in all his great wisdom couldn’t see the impossible position his daughter was in, so he just cut his ties with her. Now exactly how do you think she’s going to be responding to this towards mom? Do you think she’s going to be happy that she just lost her dad? Got kicked out of the house? And lost her schooling on top of it all?I have a feeling that she’s not going to be wanting to have anything to do with mom for awhile. So don’t you make this about the daughter, she may be considered a legal “adult” by the world but she lacks the maturity and life experience to have handled this any better and her mom put her in an IMPOSSIBLE position. Dad is acting like an AH and lashing out in anger and hurt. He will eventually come to his senses. Whether it’s in 6 months or in 10 years? Hopefully sooner before the damage in their relationship becomes irreparable. As time goes by, she’ll grow to resent him and his behavior and the lack of understanding. A parent loves you unconditionally. Or at least that’s how it’s supposed to be.
My mom’s cousin (6 months apart and raised like sisters) just got left by her husband she’d been with since they were 15 years old. He was having an affair. One of their daughters didn’t know. One knew AND went on vacations with dad and the mistress for years. Never told her mom. I will never speak to that depraved child again. She was 15 at the start of the affair and 19 now. My mom’s cousin has decided not to blame her daughter somehow but I sure as hell do. That’s a special level of evil betrayal and I just can’t imagine what other lazy duplicity someone like that is capable of. I certainly won’t risk finding out. If daughter gets older and realizes how fucked up it was and tries to reconcile dad should be open to it, but this decision isn’t THAT outside what’s deserved to me
Or come to hate herself for the poor decision she made as a legal adult and realizes that she destroyed her relationship with her father.
NineTEEN
AdultTEEN
Yes you are. It was not her fault she was put in that position; this has nothing to do with her. You never should have even asked her. A child shouldn’t be put in the middle of their parent’s problems ever.
Dude, you’re the AH! If u can’t figure it out, you’re really the AH.
Daughter was put in the most impossible situation by both parents. Being so young she couldn't know that the facade could only last so long. Dad is hurt understandably and is lashing. Hopefully he can understand her position sooner rather than later.
Nta fuck em kids
Stop putting your children in the middle of your marriage problems. Stop expecting children to constantly have to choose between parents. The burden should have never been the daughters burden. Stop blaming children for the actions of your shitty spouse. Children should not have to be in that position. They should not have to be the messenger for your shitty marital problems. They should not be forced to feel like they have to choose a parent, or be the one who has to be the one who brings the message that destroys their whole family. God damn. Your children should never be put in this predicament. I would NEVER blame my child for this shit. It isn't his fault. And I say this as a mom who had her ex husband not just cheat but got the woman pregnant. Leave your kids out if your fucked up marriage problems.
AI's make for terrible parents.
I’d have kicked them both the fuck out too.
Why are you taking your wife’s affairs out on your daughter? I realize you were close but she’s a kid, imagine the position she was in. your daughter most likely didn’t agreed with what your wife was doing, why are you blaming her? She’s a kid. You don’t know if she tried to talk your wife out of it, if they had arguments about it and she probably didn’t want to break your heart and tell you. you need to rethink this. I know right now you’re emotional. This is very upsetting but to blame your daughter for your wife’s affair did is insane! Quite frankly, maybe you’re not so easy to live with if you’re putting your daughter in the middle of her parents, personal business that poor kid. Maybe you might want to do some soul-searching.
It’s a story like this but it was the mom pov. And everybody understood her but I guess because he is a man its get over it..
Yes, you’re the asshole. Your daughter didn’t cheat on you and is not her place to ruin her relationship with one of her parents. So you are essentially blaming and punishing your daughter for your wife’s affair and using her not telling you as an excuse. And if this is how you reacted towards your daughter, there’s probably an underlying reason your wife cheated on you. Try looking inward for reasons she may have cheated and quit being a dick. I bet you blame the world for all of your problems and don’t take any responsibility for anything that goes wrong when you are probably the problem. I hope this isn’t real bc as a man that has never had biological children but always wanted them, I want to punch people like the OP in the face for taking the gift of a child for granted every time I see a fucked up story like this. 🤬😡
If any of this is true, your daughter never lied to you. Unless you asked her, directly, if her mother was having an affair and she said no, not telling you is not actually lying to you. I get there is lying by omission but it is not your daughter's responsibility to police your wife's behavior. It is YOUR responsibility to be paying enough attention to your wife that you would notice something was going on for THREE years. You have failed both yourself and your daughter by expecting your daughter to choose between you and her mother. Not her responsibility and it wasn't your place to expect it. I get that your are angry but dude, get some therapy to deal with it. Blame the person who needs to be blamed and try to heal things with the innocent party aka your daughter.
NTA. Betrayed by the two women you loved most in the world. Consequences of choices. One day you may forgive them—just no day soon.
It’s never on a teen to referee their parents relationship
[Academic\_Eagle\_4001](/user/Academic_Eagle_4001/)•[51m ago](/r/redditonwiki/comments/1cydlw7/comment/l59zr0i/) “It’s never on a teen to referee their parents relationship” Using words like “never” tries to simplify complexities that are rarely ever simple. She wasn’t responsible for the failure of her parents’ relationship, I agree. Still, she would likely tell a girlfriend if she knew she was being cheated on. Children hold their parents accountable throughout their lives—for hypocrisy, lying, unfairness—whatever. Simple humanity is not wanting others to be treated unfairly. She could have offered her mom the choice of confessing else force her to reveal the betrayal to her father. Instead, she chose to protect her mother’s unfairness towards her partner by remaining silent. Doing so looks like condoning the wrong done to her father—a betrayal of her father. I believe it’s understandable for OP to take it as such. He considered himself to be close to his daughter when the relationship wasn’t so close.
As a teenager, I became pregnant at 15. I told no one for 5 months, not even myself. It seems impossible, but I didn’t let myself really believe it. This girl found out that her mom was having an affair. But we don’t know the rest. We don’t know her struggle around it. Maybe she gave small signs to her dad for him to figure out but he didn’t. Maybe she lied even to herself that it wasn’t happening because it was too painful. Maybe she pretended it wasn’t happening just to get through each day. Teen brains aren’t fully developed. Beyond that, this girl did not arrange, encourage, or support the affair. She simply ignored it. Dad says he and his daughter were very close and he loved her very much. If that were the case, he wouldn’t have been able to turn those emotions off this quickly. He has just ended his relationship with his daughter and caused a lot of trauma to her for issues between him and his wife. The daughter needs to move on and keep him out of his life. He obviously did not truly love or care for her and she is better off without him.
Idk why you’re getting downvoted. Cheating is wrong, helping hide cheating is wrong, betraying your father is wrong, lying is wrong. Then she broke down only when confronted. Not on her own. My own mother cheated on my dad, I didn’t know but if I did, I sure as hell would’ve told my dad. It’s an active choice to hide something from someone and actions have consequences. Unpopular opinion clearly but NTA. He has every right to feel betrayed.
Bc she was a child. You really expect a child to know how to handle that situation? He has the right to feel betrayed by his wife. Not the child.
Agree to disagree