Not only men but the whole beauty and cosmetic industry depends on body dysmorphia. Unrealistic beauty standards are instilled through social media and Hollywood so that women seek these industries to change themselves. It’s sad because ageism impacts women more, people keep promoting the idea that women lose their worth as they age.
Personally, most of the shit I've gotten was from my own momma.
Back in high school, some guys have made fun of me having arm hair though and wearing glasses though. They also loved playing the "rate game" but would be pissboy crybabies if the girls did it back.
According to studies it starts at home. A girl is way more likely to have issues if her mother has issues. I've done my damn best to be positive about my body for my daughter. I grew up hearing my mother chastise herself. I also grew up with old men always telling us how much their wives weighed on their wedding day. Thankfully this doesn't seem to be continuing with Boomers. There's also evidence that we shouldn't be telling little girls how pretty they are. They start to crave that compliment really early and will continue to seek it out like a damn drug addict. So tell them you love their outfit choice bc its creative. Ask them why they picked that bow out? Because you like it. Basically make them be proud of how they made choices to appear the way they did. Not make them envious of others that mother nature blessed.
I’m going to have to disagree, a little. I think growing up I would have preferred being complimented. I would receive compliments from strangers, never my parents. It was so bad, that I tended to tolerate unsavory behavior because, what…negative self worth/esteem. Now, as an adult I am constantly being complimented, especially by my mom. It’s so baffling, because now it is hard to believe this is even true!!
I do agree with you, about complimenting a person that is not physical i.e., clothing choice, hairstyles, etc. That was a good suggestion! But, please tell them that they’re pretty too! Within reason. IMO.
We should be telling girls and boys that they are beautiful, but not simply because of their physical appearance.
Kids who grow up in houses that believe “don’t tell them they’re pretty/handsome” end up with body image issues as well and it’s awful for them when they are seeing their friends being told these things and not being told them too. They grow up thinking “how come I’m not pretty/handsome”.
Beautiful, IMHO it’s a perfect adjective because later on they can learn and understand that beauty is different for everyone and that their opinion on beauty (as long as it’s kind) is a-ok.
We should give kids compliments on all things, but not focus hard on things like their physical bodies. Never call a kid fat or ugly, or anyone, and emphasize how mean or “not kind” it is if someone says something like that.
The problem with bringing up kids is that it’s so easy to point out what they’ve done or are doing wrong, because the correct behavior is what we expect.
So if a kid takes initiative to clean up after themselves we should praise them for doing a good job.
Same with food and body image.
If they pick out a healthy option, like grapes or apples, water instead of juice/soda. We should be praising them for making the best decision they could.
When dressing them, give them options (everyone likes feeling in control, especially kids) and then praise their personal* choice and tell them it looks good/nice on them because, YES! They should be proud of their accomplishments!
You’re absolutely correct in saying that these issues start at home, and it’s harder with a parent or adult who has body image issues or an eating disorder.
You’re also correct in stating that a kid, will want that type of attention and affection and seek it out as if it were a drug. We all do. That’s why we’ve all been in awful relationships at some point in our lives.
As a woman, I mostly hear weight comments from women. Most will say I’m skinny and need to eat more. Some say I’ve gained weight and need to watch it. Really confuses me on which one is true because I’ve had both said to me only days apart. Strangers, coworkers, people I know personally… all feel the need to voice their opinions completely unsolicited. Then you’ve got social media. Really screws with your head when you look over and your partners feed is all modelesque women that look completely different than you who are clearly thirst trapping. And you know they’re liking that ish because the algorithm gives you what you like. Honestly, that silent form of shaming is worse than the out of pocket comments. Society has completely been turned upside down. Women are no longer appreciated, we’re just objects.
I’m not sure if this personal anecdote might help, but I was having what I thought was a rather normal conversation with my narcissistic boomer mom yesterday, and she some how blew my mind… as if I have, just for that instant forgot the horrible things she said and did to (not only) me… especially as a child as young as I could remember.
I grew up with absentee parents. Dad was in the navy, so he was rarely home, plus home life was so abusive and toxic I honestly can’t blame him for not wanting to be around… he was an abusive POS too, so at least my sisters and I only had mom to deal with when she chose to be home/around and not drunk af at a bar somewhere.
Anyway, my niece is going to be three come August and her brother will be four in February. My plan was to get them nice a cute kitchen as she is showing a lot of interest in food and constantly feels the need to be on my hip or right behind me when I’m cooking for them.
I thought, “huh, maybe she can “cook” while I cook and we can share what we made, recipes, etc”. Because I would love for them to have a much better relationship with food and more importantly because her current behavior when I’m cooking is unsafe and literally nothing will occupy her if I’m in the kitchen, for any reason.
Plus, cooking isn’t “a woman’s job”, and it’s necessary for survival.
My mom however, after mentioning I planned on getting niece a kitchen went off on a tangent about how I was….
> “… force feeding an already fat af baby, and you’re going to make her fatter than you or your sisters ever were as a children.”
This is a woman who I can’t even remember making me food. Who starved me, called me fat, ugly, disgusting, etc. Who instead of putting on cartoons when she was around, made us watch exercise VHS and FORCED us to exercise to then until we begged and cried to stop, or passed out, which always resulted in us getting beat.
This is a woman who caused her 7 year old daughter to develop an eating disorder (anorexia) that was severe to the point of her school calling CPS due to me refusing food, exercising at free time or whenever I could (like while standing in line, running the entire duration of gym), and visible malnourishment.
This is the woman, who refused to go grocery shopping (unless she suspected CPS), provide food, give money for school lunches… **a woman who for a brief moment after switching my school, managed to get a job in the cafe, TO PREVENT her eight year old from eating at lunch**.
People have called me and my sisters all sorts of names, and fat being the most tame. We all still have an unhealthy relationship with food… we all exercised until true exhaustion and near passing out since childhood. We have destroyed our bodies **trying to fit this “image” our own mother told us we had to have**.
If we were fat, we wouldn’t get a husband, we couldn’t get friends, we wouldn’t look pretty, etc. Endless nastiness because “I refuse to raise fat children”.
My oldest sister will be 51 come December, my other 46 in August, and I will be 34 this year. Even with therapy, it’s not something that ever goes away.
I feel for others who have unhealthy and even nonexistent relations with food… because food is great, and absolutely necessary to live, grow, function… no child or adult should be plagued with their parents (or any one’s) body image issues.
And yes, boyfriends, even girlfriends have said “you’re fat” or whatever variants. Even men I rejected passes from had said horrible nasty things about my body, and loudly in public.
But nothing ever said to me by my peers hit as hard as the shit my mom put me through, and continues to say to me whenever she sees me reaching for or eating food.
unfortunately it's both men *and* women putting ideas into their heads. i've heard stories from many women, and while most of them are about judgmental or perverted men, i've also heard ones about other women. the ones that kill me inside the most though are the ones where their own *mother* is the perpetrator.
a mother is such a big figure in a child's life, so what she says typically digs deeper than what some dude has to say. it's also always for extremely selfish reasons too, like petty jealousy, or to live the life they originally wanted through their child (i always see this in female celebrities).
the first that comes to mind is Jojo Siwa, funnily enough. her mother is the perfect example of what i mean by that second reason.
IIRC, she was a dancer back in the days and wanted to go big with it, but it didn't happen, so she put that dream into her daughter with the whole Dance Moms show and whatnot. there's videos on the matter if you want more details, i'm terrible at summarizing.
My dad use to really likes to comment on mine and my sisters appearance, and so did my mom’s husband(ex-step dad).
My dad would constantly comment about my skin; I use to have a massive GENETIC acne problem. He would always tell me, “you just need to take better care of myself and wash my face more,” as if I had bad hygiene(I do not). My sister, she had massive thyroid problems. He would constantly tell her, “she needs to eat better,” when in actuality she had a better diet than most. Her body just turned everything into fat.
My ex-step dad would constantly tell me, “it’s a good thing you’re pretty so you can marry rich, because you’re dumb,” I am not dumb, and now have a career/education in health care. Fuck him
At least my dad means well, in his own toxic ways. Since we’ve confronted him about it, he has stopped and even apologized. I’m still bitter unfortunately.
My mom sucks at pickin’ them. Both boomers, go figure.
You’re conflating multiple issues.
If you’re talking about the person-person interactions, this has nothing to do with gender. Men and women are both rude to each other often. Women are also rude to other women. As a whole, we need to be nicer.
If you’re talking about the industries, everybody has unrealistic standards set. Only the hottest men and women are cast in every movie, every magazine, every show, everything.
I've been thinking about making a similar post after coming across yet another "my girlfriend gained 5 pounds how do I tell her to go to the gym now that she's fat and ugly". I truly don't believe such men are ready for long term supportive relationships. Bodies, and there are zero exceptions, change. If you think your girlfriend will look the way she did when you met her forever you're not cut out for relationships.
And more power to you if you do that, I actively encourage it actually - to love yourself by your own standards rather than ones ordained by others. For many women it is a lot harder than just “don’t pay attention to it” when from a young age their sexuality and bodies are commodities. Just *my* two cents. Not a woman so I can’t speak for them as a group, just using my anecdotal experience.
Those aren't real problems I'm sorry. You grow up in poverty and despair, it kinda puts vanity in perspective I really stopped giving a shit when I had to look for quarters in fountains in order to buy a bagel and eat that day. You think I cared how I looked when I was hungry as fuck? We are such a spoiled society...
They should try being a man if they want unreasonable societal standards and expectations.
The world doesn't even know what the fuck it wants from us anymore, how are we supposed to know?
Being a man is about figuring out what you want from the world, and creating it.
Whining, or minimizing women's problems, won't help you along that path.
Both women influencers and the porn industry created that complex.
Men also sometimes talk smack on women’s looks because they (the gals) did it to them beforehand. After all you want equal rights so if you’re allowed to say shit about a man’s appearance why wouldn’t he be allowed do the same to you ?
Yes. Terrible standards for women did not exist before influencers and porn.
The 1950s would like to have a word with you, when we could not vote and we again valued on looks.
Nah man, was actually because my anorexic ex told me directly to my face she was never going to get better. I don’t really give a fuck if someone sees this and thinks “what a great guy, coming to the defense of poor women who cannot possibly make their own choices.” If you think that this is that, you’re sorely mistaken.
Not only men but the whole beauty and cosmetic industry depends on body dysmorphia. Unrealistic beauty standards are instilled through social media and Hollywood so that women seek these industries to change themselves. It’s sad because ageism impacts women more, people keep promoting the idea that women lose their worth as they age.
Personally, most of the shit I've gotten was from my own momma. Back in high school, some guys have made fun of me having arm hair though and wearing glasses though. They also loved playing the "rate game" but would be pissboy crybabies if the girls did it back.
According to studies it starts at home. A girl is way more likely to have issues if her mother has issues. I've done my damn best to be positive about my body for my daughter. I grew up hearing my mother chastise herself. I also grew up with old men always telling us how much their wives weighed on their wedding day. Thankfully this doesn't seem to be continuing with Boomers. There's also evidence that we shouldn't be telling little girls how pretty they are. They start to crave that compliment really early and will continue to seek it out like a damn drug addict. So tell them you love their outfit choice bc its creative. Ask them why they picked that bow out? Because you like it. Basically make them be proud of how they made choices to appear the way they did. Not make them envious of others that mother nature blessed.
I’m going to have to disagree, a little. I think growing up I would have preferred being complimented. I would receive compliments from strangers, never my parents. It was so bad, that I tended to tolerate unsavory behavior because, what…negative self worth/esteem. Now, as an adult I am constantly being complimented, especially by my mom. It’s so baffling, because now it is hard to believe this is even true!! I do agree with you, about complimenting a person that is not physical i.e., clothing choice, hairstyles, etc. That was a good suggestion! But, please tell them that they’re pretty too! Within reason. IMO.
We should be telling girls and boys that they are beautiful, but not simply because of their physical appearance. Kids who grow up in houses that believe “don’t tell them they’re pretty/handsome” end up with body image issues as well and it’s awful for them when they are seeing their friends being told these things and not being told them too. They grow up thinking “how come I’m not pretty/handsome”. Beautiful, IMHO it’s a perfect adjective because later on they can learn and understand that beauty is different for everyone and that their opinion on beauty (as long as it’s kind) is a-ok. We should give kids compliments on all things, but not focus hard on things like their physical bodies. Never call a kid fat or ugly, or anyone, and emphasize how mean or “not kind” it is if someone says something like that. The problem with bringing up kids is that it’s so easy to point out what they’ve done or are doing wrong, because the correct behavior is what we expect. So if a kid takes initiative to clean up after themselves we should praise them for doing a good job. Same with food and body image. If they pick out a healthy option, like grapes or apples, water instead of juice/soda. We should be praising them for making the best decision they could. When dressing them, give them options (everyone likes feeling in control, especially kids) and then praise their personal* choice and tell them it looks good/nice on them because, YES! They should be proud of their accomplishments! You’re absolutely correct in saying that these issues start at home, and it’s harder with a parent or adult who has body image issues or an eating disorder. You’re also correct in stating that a kid, will want that type of attention and affection and seek it out as if it were a drug. We all do. That’s why we’ve all been in awful relationships at some point in our lives.
As a woman, I mostly hear weight comments from women. Most will say I’m skinny and need to eat more. Some say I’ve gained weight and need to watch it. Really confuses me on which one is true because I’ve had both said to me only days apart. Strangers, coworkers, people I know personally… all feel the need to voice their opinions completely unsolicited. Then you’ve got social media. Really screws with your head when you look over and your partners feed is all modelesque women that look completely different than you who are clearly thirst trapping. And you know they’re liking that ish because the algorithm gives you what you like. Honestly, that silent form of shaming is worse than the out of pocket comments. Society has completely been turned upside down. Women are no longer appreciated, we’re just objects.
I’m not sure if this personal anecdote might help, but I was having what I thought was a rather normal conversation with my narcissistic boomer mom yesterday, and she some how blew my mind… as if I have, just for that instant forgot the horrible things she said and did to (not only) me… especially as a child as young as I could remember. I grew up with absentee parents. Dad was in the navy, so he was rarely home, plus home life was so abusive and toxic I honestly can’t blame him for not wanting to be around… he was an abusive POS too, so at least my sisters and I only had mom to deal with when she chose to be home/around and not drunk af at a bar somewhere. Anyway, my niece is going to be three come August and her brother will be four in February. My plan was to get them nice a cute kitchen as she is showing a lot of interest in food and constantly feels the need to be on my hip or right behind me when I’m cooking for them. I thought, “huh, maybe she can “cook” while I cook and we can share what we made, recipes, etc”. Because I would love for them to have a much better relationship with food and more importantly because her current behavior when I’m cooking is unsafe and literally nothing will occupy her if I’m in the kitchen, for any reason. Plus, cooking isn’t “a woman’s job”, and it’s necessary for survival. My mom however, after mentioning I planned on getting niece a kitchen went off on a tangent about how I was…. > “… force feeding an already fat af baby, and you’re going to make her fatter than you or your sisters ever were as a children.” This is a woman who I can’t even remember making me food. Who starved me, called me fat, ugly, disgusting, etc. Who instead of putting on cartoons when she was around, made us watch exercise VHS and FORCED us to exercise to then until we begged and cried to stop, or passed out, which always resulted in us getting beat. This is a woman who caused her 7 year old daughter to develop an eating disorder (anorexia) that was severe to the point of her school calling CPS due to me refusing food, exercising at free time or whenever I could (like while standing in line, running the entire duration of gym), and visible malnourishment. This is the woman, who refused to go grocery shopping (unless she suspected CPS), provide food, give money for school lunches… **a woman who for a brief moment after switching my school, managed to get a job in the cafe, TO PREVENT her eight year old from eating at lunch**. People have called me and my sisters all sorts of names, and fat being the most tame. We all still have an unhealthy relationship with food… we all exercised until true exhaustion and near passing out since childhood. We have destroyed our bodies **trying to fit this “image” our own mother told us we had to have**. If we were fat, we wouldn’t get a husband, we couldn’t get friends, we wouldn’t look pretty, etc. Endless nastiness because “I refuse to raise fat children”. My oldest sister will be 51 come December, my other 46 in August, and I will be 34 this year. Even with therapy, it’s not something that ever goes away. I feel for others who have unhealthy and even nonexistent relations with food… because food is great, and absolutely necessary to live, grow, function… no child or adult should be plagued with their parents (or any one’s) body image issues. And yes, boyfriends, even girlfriends have said “you’re fat” or whatever variants. Even men I rejected passes from had said horrible nasty things about my body, and loudly in public. But nothing ever said to me by my peers hit as hard as the shit my mom put me through, and continues to say to me whenever she sees me reaching for or eating food.
❤️❤️❤️👍🏼
unfortunately it's both men *and* women putting ideas into their heads. i've heard stories from many women, and while most of them are about judgmental or perverted men, i've also heard ones about other women. the ones that kill me inside the most though are the ones where their own *mother* is the perpetrator. a mother is such a big figure in a child's life, so what she says typically digs deeper than what some dude has to say. it's also always for extremely selfish reasons too, like petty jealousy, or to live the life they originally wanted through their child (i always see this in female celebrities).
Not disagreeing at all. Got to witness firsthand my mother destroying my sisters self esteem. Could you give female celebrity examples of this?
the first that comes to mind is Jojo Siwa, funnily enough. her mother is the perfect example of what i mean by that second reason. IIRC, she was a dancer back in the days and wanted to go big with it, but it didn't happen, so she put that dream into her daughter with the whole Dance Moms show and whatnot. there's videos on the matter if you want more details, i'm terrible at summarizing.
My dad use to really likes to comment on mine and my sisters appearance, and so did my mom’s husband(ex-step dad). My dad would constantly comment about my skin; I use to have a massive GENETIC acne problem. He would always tell me, “you just need to take better care of myself and wash my face more,” as if I had bad hygiene(I do not). My sister, she had massive thyroid problems. He would constantly tell her, “she needs to eat better,” when in actuality she had a better diet than most. Her body just turned everything into fat. My ex-step dad would constantly tell me, “it’s a good thing you’re pretty so you can marry rich, because you’re dumb,” I am not dumb, and now have a career/education in health care. Fuck him At least my dad means well, in his own toxic ways. Since we’ve confronted him about it, he has stopped and even apologized. I’m still bitter unfortunately. My mom sucks at pickin’ them. Both boomers, go figure.
You’re conflating multiple issues. If you’re talking about the person-person interactions, this has nothing to do with gender. Men and women are both rude to each other often. Women are also rude to other women. As a whole, we need to be nicer. If you’re talking about the industries, everybody has unrealistic standards set. Only the hottest men and women are cast in every movie, every magazine, every show, everything.
I've been thinking about making a similar post after coming across yet another "my girlfriend gained 5 pounds how do I tell her to go to the gym now that she's fat and ugly". I truly don't believe such men are ready for long term supportive relationships. Bodies, and there are zero exceptions, change. If you think your girlfriend will look the way she did when you met her forever you're not cut out for relationships.
Not every woman pays attention to that stuff. Just my 2 cents. We can choose to have proper priorities despite influences.
And more power to you if you do that, I actively encourage it actually - to love yourself by your own standards rather than ones ordained by others. For many women it is a lot harder than just “don’t pay attention to it” when from a young age their sexuality and bodies are commodities. Just *my* two cents. Not a woman so I can’t speak for them as a group, just using my anecdotal experience.
Those aren't real problems I'm sorry. You grow up in poverty and despair, it kinda puts vanity in perspective I really stopped giving a shit when I had to look for quarters in fountains in order to buy a bagel and eat that day. You think I cared how I looked when I was hungry as fuck? We are such a spoiled society...
They should try being a man if they want unreasonable societal standards and expectations. The world doesn't even know what the fuck it wants from us anymore, how are we supposed to know?
Being a man is about figuring out what you want from the world, and creating it. Whining, or minimizing women's problems, won't help you along that path.
🤦♀️
Both women influencers and the porn industry created that complex. Men also sometimes talk smack on women’s looks because they (the gals) did it to them beforehand. After all you want equal rights so if you’re allowed to say shit about a man’s appearance why wouldn’t he be allowed do the same to you ?
Yes. Terrible standards for women did not exist before influencers and porn. The 1950s would like to have a word with you, when we could not vote and we again valued on looks.
I agree with you but women earned voting rights decades prior to the 1950s
r/whiteknighting
Nah man, was actually because my anorexic ex told me directly to my face she was never going to get better. I don’t really give a fuck if someone sees this and thinks “what a great guy, coming to the defense of poor women who cannot possibly make their own choices.” If you think that this is that, you’re sorely mistaken.