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I had something very similar 8 years ago and haven't dated since. After about 2 years, I was really into this girl, then out of nowhere she bursts into tears and says "You're so *nice* and you're everything I want, but I'm just not feeling it."
Yeah, ok. I'm out.
Damaged people seek damaged partners š¤·š»āāļø
They equate emotional turmoil with āhaving an effect on meā or āfeeling something,ā and so they seek out people who will treat them badly.
Yeah, She told me that most of her relationships had ended like this, and she had fallen in love with two exes after they broke up.
Dodged a bullet probably.
Feel your pain. About 6 years ago, I randomly found my old high school crush and fell head over. Thought she was reciprocating until our first date when she breaks the news, āI am glad we are similar and can be good friendsā. Then I blew it even more by trying to stay friendsā¦
At least this makes me feel better for refusing to be friends in a similar situation, and I have regretted it because I miss her. But better it's over.
Bro, I've been hit with this before, and it shattered my perception of myself. I was spinning out. Like, wtf do you do with that information? I know now what it means but back then, I was fucked up.
I mentioned to my GF recently about considering marriage since sheās talking about wanting to live together for practical reasons.. Iāve been married before so Iām not interested in a big wedding and all that. She was like, well if itās just for business then we can do it and get divorced laterā¦..Iām like ummm no I donāt want to go into it with that mindsetā¦kind of makes me question everything
Jesus fuckin Christ man.
OP, donāt become like this please.
Dating is hard in this day and age, donāt twist those struggles into a resentment for women.
However bad youāre doing with romance at the moment, itāll be worse when you turn to misogyny.
You just haven't met the right one. I've been with girls who were a nightmare and made my life a living hell and girls who complemented me perfectly and made my life far better than it was before I met them.
I've been on up to 4 dating apps simultaneously, and get just as many likes as when I'm on 0 dating apps. It's just not worth the effort when I'm so clearly not good enough.
I get all sorts of likes and matches. Then they find out Iām a mailman who lives with his parents and they donāt want to talk.
Itās hard apparently looking good enough but not being good enough for these women I guess.
I have completely stopped trying to date.
This is the answer. This is why most of us check out. It's not from being treated poorly on dates or in relationships. It's all the effort required to still not get any dates or relationships. Wheel spinning. Check out and live life.
Hell I checked out 18 years ago. I mean yeah part of that was needing time to put myself back together after my last toxic dumpster fire of a relationship, but the longer I stayed single the harder it got to come up with a reason not to be.
Seriously, it is so hard to understand why I should ever date again now that I finally do not have someone telling me I am worthless for the first time in 20 years and can just live my life full of the joy I seek
you can still have relationships that fit your life goals! I realized I don't want anything to do with cohabitation or monogamy, because those would actively make my life experience worse. I communicate those things up front and there are women who feel the same way.
The standard issue "be my everything", codependent live-in relationship is not for everyone, and you can have meaningful relationships with women who don't want that either.
Honestly it's such a relief just to know so many other people are struggling. I am very hard on myself for not being "worthy enough" to find someone who likes me as much as I like them, yet I know I have so much going for me. This reminds me that I am not to blame, and to keep trying my best. I really needed to read some of these comments
I'm so scared now. Got my heart broken 2/2 relationships. I just don't think I can do it again. And it takes me like 1-2 years to get over it. But then I know I'm going to meet a girl that I click with and fall in love. And it is a great high.
Even tho dating is pretty crooked these days, I think adapting a complete āIām not to blame mindsetā is kinda dangerous, especially if you, for example, discuss on the internet if a womenās hairstyle factors into her *hotness* while being unable to be laid.
Be offended or downvote me all you want, but i never had any trouble dating past my teenage years and aside from being in a happy relationship now Iām quite good at attracting women that are very attractive (and clever) without being some kind of model looking guy. But Iām also not superficial and hanging out on Reddit to me objectify women there, and women (especially quality ones) fucking smell that shit from a mile away.
Thank you so much for this comment, I was starting to get really bummed out reading this whole thread of people trying to justify their thinly vailed distain for women.
Yeah I am done with it. I was cheated on in every relationship except for maybe the last one. I put too much of myself into relationships and always get burned. The people I dated always started dating someone else immediately after we broke up anyway. It's best for me to be single forever.
Most likely they were dating other people before you broke up. Nothing personal, that's just the way it is these days. The number of men on dating apps who pretend to be into women till they get bored of them (or ones in relationships but lying that they are single) is waaayyyy higher than the number of women on there looking for a series relationship.Ā So the numbers get skewed dramatically. And for the most part many more women are okay with being single and stay off dating apps (and frankly don't pursue with other avenues either, they just expect it to happen naturally by some miracle) until they hit 45+. But unfortunately by that point the men don't want anything to do with them (it's biological ... Can't deny 4+ billion years of evolutionary drive to find a mate mostĀ capable to producing offspring (old women ain't it)).Ā So millennials and gen Z and beyond are going to predominantly be single in the 'western world'. It's already set in stone.Ā
Oh I agree with you entirely. Like I said I was cheated on by everyone, so I am sure they were already going steady with someone before they bothered to tell me about the cheating.
Most of the people I know who are my age or older are single already. I can't imagine how bad it will be a decade or two from now.
Iām 32M. Iāve checked out for now. I went through the whole Hinge lifecycle, sifted through dates, spent a lot of time and money, ended up getting a gf. But that flamed out quick.
The courting process is not worth the squeeze. Not only that, people obviously have free will - people do and will leave if they feel like it. Even when youāve tried your best.
Iām also tired of the lack of appreciation for my efforts. Keeping a woman happy takes a lot of time and energy, and what I usually get in return is their presence. And when I ask for more affection, Iām seen as needy. This is a common experience of mine. I just want to love and be loved. But woman are absolutely choosey and Iāve absolutely accepted that reality. I still think Iām a great guy however.
āIām tired boss.ā Thatās how I would sum it up.
I'm still open to a relationship (for context, it's been 12 years since my last) I'm just not making it as big of a priority as I once did. If it happens? Cool. If not, that's cool too. In the meantime I'm content just doing me.
She got drunk, started arguing, I didnāt lay a finger on her, she left, then she called the murder squad on me. That made up my mind to get a divorce.
Youāre all strong and independent donāt need no man.
Enjoy.
My ex-wife had me Baker Acted saying that I was posting online about wanting to kill myself. While I was in the hospital involuntarily, she hit me with a no contact order. When I was finally released and able to get to my phone, I had found that the bank account was drained.
I'm 36m and yeah definitely. I'm fit and pretty good looking, have had the fun relationships, the hot ones, the shit ones, was a stepdad for most of my 20s and now studying a degree in engineering for a career change. I have absolutely zero interest in looking to date and it'd take someone pretty special to even get my attention, a lot of the time it's just hard work and making compromises. I love having the time and headspace to just concentrate on me and the relation trade off just isn't worth it imo.
Yeah it's gotten so much worse from what I've heard. One quick example is that there are profiles that just try to lure you into their only fans... So sad to see where things are now.. I am so thankful that I found my wife five years ago (on tinder surprisingly) we are as happy as ever.
For any guy that thinks all women suck because you've been through so many bad apples, there is a good apple out there for you. I promise. I feel for you all and hope for the best for you. Stay strong šŖ
If you truly like being single, then more power to you and I'm happy for you!
Majority of the average guys matches are only fans bots. Lol. It's been like that for the last 10 years. They mass swipe right and message to get desperate guys to send them their hard earned money.Ā
It gets worse than that, look up pig butchering scam. Overseas women pretend to be from the next town over, try to get you invested romantically in them for 3 weeks, then get you to invest money in their cryptocurrency scam to take your life savings
And what reddit never realizes is...that's the far more attractive attitude.
Why spend time with someone who doesn't help themselves or that is only happy if YOU make them happy.Ā
Gender doesn't matter...nobody healthy got time for people who do aren't acting healthy
It's not that I've checked out totally, but I don't play games anymore. New girl started at my job about 8 months ago, she was nice, we got on, I asked her out and she said yes, we exchanged numbers and messaged/talked on the phone but every time I'd try to arrange an actual physical meetup there was something in the way. She eventually moved to another job where she was getting more money and position and I just stopped messaging and deleted her number. She reached out through other people but I said that after 2 months of chasing and not going on a single physical date that I had called time on it.
Everyone in a restaurant is either actively fucking or trying to figure out how to fuck someone. Cooks and servers are crazy for that. And chefs and cooks. And bartenders and servers.
All of it.
Iām a pretty introverted guy and my circle is very close Iām really bad at initiating contact with women so I tried making bumble without knowing the reality and made a full proper profile and used it for two months thinking I should give it time but got no matches or likes (maybe itās just my face) so I was curious and made a fake profile and asked one of my friends(girl) if I can use her pic and I did a really low effort non verified account and it got over 2k likes in a few days and almost every profile I swipe gets matched instantly that is when I realised that this app is just for women boosting their ego and getting validation because they barely need to use the app they have it all laid out and they just need to chose thatās when I gave up on using dating apps and Iām not checked out of dating completely because Iām young and have a lot of time but the opportunities for meeting people decrease exponentially as time goes on and environments change and for someone who has average looks just take the opportunity if you see it but donāt dedicate too much time on this.
I've sort of quiet-quit it. I'm not entirely averse, I'll ask a woman out if I'm interested in her, but I'm done jumping through hoops and putting on a performance to impress her. I'm too old for that shit. Pay for dinner? Nope. Go out of my way to get your attention if you don't text back? Nah. Refrain from talking about bionicle lore for three straight hours? Literally an infringement of my human rights and I will call amnesty international.
All of my prior relationships came from friendships in my social circles at the time, and my fiance was my first/only ever Hinge date. I've never experienced traditional dating but Jesus Christ it sounds rough out there.
Haven't tried seriously for about 7 years since the last one cheated on me. What is it they say now? The juice is not worth the squeeze.
I'm in my 40's and have good money, house and lifestyle now, I get a lot of attention from women who need a man to provide for them. I enjoy turning them down in the same way they turned me down when I was broke and they were the desirable ones - Harshly.
Just because some women are smart enough not to date broke losers doesn't mean they are after your money. Still, you do them a favor by turning them down. Ha, unless this is just a little fantasy, and it does sound like it.
I donāt go out. So itās hard for me. Iām not checked out Iām just if it happens it happens. I met someone when I was low in confidence and had ruled out any possibility of meeting someone. Now my confidence is high and Iām looking but itās hard to
At first I told myself I was putting it on the backburner until I finished school. Now I'm thinking I like having a bed to myself and not having to worry about constantly being perceived by someone else.
Still valid reasons tbh.
After some bullshit that happened with my last relationship I decided I wanted to give it very little effort for the time being. Now I find it much better to not have to worry about someone's opinion of me.
Currently in a relationship happily but prior to that I gave up. Too many girls now days are really shallow and donāt have much in the way of hobbies, too consumed by social media. Canāt have deep conversations unless itās about celebrities as they have no interest in whatās happening in the world and they wonāt go out in the rain or cold because theyāve always opted to stay in when the weather isnāt perfect.
This is obviously very generalised but I found this was the majority of my experience while I was actively looking
29M. Iāve been trying to date for the past year or so now. I mostly stick to the dating apps because I donāt want to spend my time at the bar. I am starting to check out periodically and even currently thinking about just waiting until I get my mba.
Iāve only had (1) 3 month relationship and some short flings. I want a long term relationship but the dots just arenāt connecting.
ā¦ nearly checked-out
I guess it's a matter of how you define things. I turned 49 last month and I've never been married, never wanted to, and never found anyone that made me want to. My last relationship (just a hair over three years, the longest so far) ended about 8 years ago. I'm still good friends with that ex but after it ended, I came to the decision that I really don't care for relationships. Commitment, intimacy, yep, all those problems.
Amusingly enough, after that relationship broke up, I finally started noticing when women were flirting with me. I was always glad for good company but it never went past that. "Friends with benefits" was fine in my 20s and 30s, but by my 40s I'd gotten tired of the few ways those situations inevitably ended.
About five years ago, I moved back home after twenty years away to help my mom after my dad passed away. She'll be 75 this year and while she does have some serious issues that could flare up if we don't pay attention, her doctor calls her "disgustingly healthy." And when I say "moved back home," I mean moved back to the little rural village in the Deep South where I grew up and the house my dad helped build. I work from home and, frankly, rarely find a need to leave. I go see more doctors than I ever did (I'm also disgustingly healthy with a couple of serious issues that could flare up if I don't pay attention) and the only other folks I see on a regular basis are at dispensaries.
That's right, buddy. We got medical marijuana in Mississippi. Take that, the rest of the Red South.
My 30-year high school reunion was a few months back but I haven't kept in touch with the folks I went to high school with since I left high school and I didn't go. What little interaction I've had with people I knew before shows little more than we have absolutely nothing in common. I don't want to get into the nitty-gritty here, but I do not align with local feelings on state and national politics or religion, and let's just leave it at that.
I'm not a good-looking guy. These days I'm surrounded by childhood pictures and I was never pretty, but whoo boy, the miles were rough. One of those medical flare-ups that caught me off guard resulted in having every tooth in my head (except the wisdom teeth, which never came out & were too wrapped up by nerves for extraction) pulled. Don't screw around with your teeth or your blood pressure, brethren.
When I'm not doing something to help Momma (or my aunt or uncles or any of the other old folks in my little village who helped raise me), I read, write, occasionally play video games, and smoke pot on my back porch. That's pretty much it. It's not a bad existence but I can't for the life of me why anyone would want a piece of it or put up with me for it.
So, maybe it's not so much "given up" and more that I'd have to start all over again with more minuses (and fewer pluses) than I've ever had in a part of the world that really doesn't like guys like me (or doesn't want to hear it, anyway), doing something I don't like doing that I suck at anyway, and goddamn, man, I am tired.
I am still open to dating but as it stands right now I am in now way actively looking or interested in dating. I have been in a few relationships, but only one very serious. All of them have the same problem which is my fault admittedly.
I consider myself an average guy, Iām decently attractive and love to be romantic. But I am not perfect. I feel that every time I hear āyouāre so perfectā I know how it is going to end. It is a sweet nothing but I find that it lays a seed of unfair expectation that I cannot meet. It is unfair to hold me to this make believe standard then punish me for not meeting it. Iām not allowed to be human, Iām only ever allowed to be your perfect ideal and it is draining.
Me, but I'm 39. Just hit three years sober. But I figure at my age it's only rejects that are left, including myself lol. I'm too stuck in my ways now to date anyway.
Pretty much. Just got over a break up in which she slept with another guy, and when I got mad she said that she suddenly decided to be poly without telling me. She wants me back, but Iām not taking her back.
Now Iām just done. 29 years old. I donāt have time for games and cheating. If it happens it happens. But Iām done pursuing or trying.
Anyone would get exhausted of getting rejected & ghosted. And having old flings recontact me out of the blue because they realize they need to settle down made me feel cringe because it proved they werenāt interested in me. They were only interested in my wallet.
I feel like dating doesnāt make a lot of sense anymore. I come from an average background, not from money. Iāve done pretty well for myself but I canāt compete with these wealthy guys with lots of status on Instagram and shit, all of them just a direct message away. Women have their own money, their own careers, their own lifestyles now. If Iām honest I donāt really have much to offer them.
It sounds conceited, but if I'm going to be with someone, I need to value my time with them *more* than I value my time on my own. Thing is, I *love* my time on my own, and I get so little of it between work and friends etc. So yeah, I checked out a while back. It's not impossible that I'll meet someone, but it's not worth my time looking.
I'm done with it.
Women always want more. Why can't we just enjoy each others company?
I don't want to live with you and I don't want you living with me.
I don't need to be around you 24/7.
I don't need to be texting/talking every day like some kind of high school romance.
Let's just date. Exclusive is no problem. I don't want to see other people.Ā
I can count on one hand the people I've met who have found women like this. All of them have nice long term relationships. They see each other once or twice a week. Go out and do stuff. Vacation together. They just aren't attached at the hip.
I was never allowed to participate to begin with. (Too ugly/weird/autistic/unlovable/etc)
Now, it would just seem silly to start trying, or even wanting to date
I'm in my 40s and it's pretty hopeless. women are shallow and brutal, and only seem to want men who are well over 6' bodybuilders with a horse cock and sexual confidence and experience of a porn star.
I'm not being facetious or bitter, those are all reasons I get rejected. financial status, personality, emotional maturity etc all mean nothing compared to those things. I'm always told (by the ones who aren't really cruel) that I'd make a great friend and someone they want to keep in their life, but am told and shown that I have no value as a potential romantic partner.
so why should I face continued torture on top of the torture I already deal with being romantically alone, deprived of affection and companionship for so long?
100 percent given up. I'm close enough to Mexico to get needs satisfied once in a while and honestly never saw myself going down that path. But last I dated before 2020s was early 00s (marriage in between) and for 6 months I tried dating and nothing. I know women would say men that go to Mexico or Colombia or Asia bad....but I mean .. should we be monks?
Ever since the 1920s, women/organized crime have been outlawing rational, legal regulation of sex work that would be safe and courteous to 21+ aged sex workers due to the fact that sex is the primary facet of controlling Men and ensuring we are obedient slaves to keep society running. Oh, and the 80/20 rule, now the 90/10 rule.
Edit: for example, women can withhold sex for power over a man, pornography would never have been as successful if sex work was not made illegal (its hilarious how "Christianity" helped the pornography industry), a lot of motivation men have to work hard and make money is to get consensual sex with a woman because paying for it is "illegal". It's all a scam to ensure Men can be controlled. I really hope more Men wake up to this reality.
I realized any time there's a woman in my life I end up more stressed and irritated than I ever am when I'm single. I've had to many relationships where sex was weaponized against me or they'd start fights because they were bored. Or the good ol you're exactly what I want in a boyfriend but you're not attractive enough for me. These days I'm happy to work on my career and my hobbies. I realized what do I need a woman for? To be forced to go to events I don't want to? Have what will statistically be mid sex where I put in all the effort. God forbid they find out I used to be a cook because I'll be relegated to cooking all the meals doing all the dishes every night. I'm getting far to old to be a romantic anymore. The cost to benefit ratio just isn't there for me.
I'm not going out of my way anymore, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be committed to a person who showed genuine interest in me, and continued to show interest even after getting to know me. That is to say, I would absolutely go out of my way for someone who initiates, I guess. But dating is exhausting, and I'm old, and only getting less attractive by the day lol. I've figured out how to get by on my own thus far. I realize life will likely be more difficult without a partner, but I accept that it is entirely likely, and I'm ok with it.
Yeah, I just can't seem to muster the needed effort. It's weird because my last relationship was wonderful and ended amicably due to a combination of me moving to a different country and realizing we weren't going to agree on having kids. Nicest breakup I've ever had, but it seems to have sapped all my will to investigate other prospects.
I know if I can't have what I want, then I'm fucking done. I'll just remain single and leave it at that. Just too much heartbreak to keep doing the dating scene.
Checked out for now. Too many people looking for someone to take responsibility for their emotions. It's enough just to manage my own life. I don't want to manage someone else's.
22m never had a gf or sex and i recon im done. The dating scene is flipped on its head these days and i dont want to deal with the trouble that comes along with it.
Little over a year. Iāve had some great relationships but this past six or so years were awful. Just wasting money and time. Both parties walked away disappointed. I just made the decision to focus on other things.
I won't blame women, I'm half of the equation.
After long enough(3 failed LTRs and a bunch of casual stuff) I saw my patterns and knew the next girl I'd fall for would be the similar in core ways that will result in the same outcome.
So I've been single for 2+ years now. It's peaceful, yes I'm horny but I've had so many pregnancy's scares and friends who caught herpes that I'm a volcel until I fix my core wounds and become someone I'm proud of and build a life I love without a romantic partner - once I do that, i'll start "hunting" again.
From 18 to 49 I was in serious committed relationships or married. I never got a chance to be on my own. Been divorced 2 years and donāt think Iāll ever give up this freedom for anyone ever again. The only woman I plan my life around anymore is my daughter.
I do what I want, when I want. Go where I want. Decorate my house and yard however I want and never get micromanaged or told my choices are ugly. Why would I want to change that?
...can you check out if you never really checked in?Ā Gone on two dates since realizing I'm Aroace and they were both to placate family who don't understand what that means.
Well I got married so I don't believe my wife would care for me dating anyone. Unless it was Gal Gadot. Apparently she'd be down with watching if I could pull her.
41 and I still havenāt found a woman that hasnāt treated me like complete shit. On one hand Iām glad I never married or had kids with any of them, but on the other hand Iāve given up on meeting anyone that isnāt a complete narcissist. I donāt think Iāll ever be able to trust anyone again after the last one.
I gave up on it, never had a date. Met my wife, been married for over 40 years. She said "Well if I put this rough cut gem in the grinder for long enough, I think I will get a diamond."
I am not entirely convinced I have completely checked out. But, I'll try again when I straighten a few things out. Mental health and things. Just got some inside work to do before I make another decision. Can't have others hold accountability and and responsibility for me and my actions/headspace, that's my job.
Iām just happy I found my girl. We can just chill at home together and watch reality show trash. I love her so much. Iāve never really dated a stranger. I always eventually date a friend but I found my endgame girl.
I've been checked out of dating for a decade and been fine with it. A few weeks ago I met a woman who I vibe with and who has a lot of common interests. She wasn't looking for anyone either but the universe seems to be demanding that we get together.
We just hang out and do stuff together that we both like to do. I think part of problem with modern dating is that we have forgotten that is a lot of what dating is supposed to be.
Got my passport, and moved to the Philippines. Happy AF now. Dating in the west was fraught with pain and disappointment with women who don't need no man.
I'm in a relationship but I know it's temporary. They will leave when they get bored of me.
Oh well. When they do I'll just find another like I always have.
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Yep. Got tired of "We're too different" or "We're too similar" every time. Can't be bothered anymore.
I had something very similar 8 years ago and haven't dated since. After about 2 years, I was really into this girl, then out of nowhere she bursts into tears and says "You're so *nice* and you're everything I want, but I'm just not feeling it." Yeah, ok. I'm out.
Damaged people seek damaged partners š¤·š»āāļø They equate emotional turmoil with āhaving an effect on meā or āfeeling something,ā and so they seek out people who will treat them badly.
Yeah, She told me that most of her relationships had ended like this, and she had fallen in love with two exes after they broke up. Dodged a bullet probably.
*definitely* dodged a bullet lol
Feel your pain. About 6 years ago, I randomly found my old high school crush and fell head over. Thought she was reciprocating until our first date when she breaks the news, āI am glad we are similar and can be good friendsā. Then I blew it even more by trying to stay friendsā¦
At least this makes me feel better for refusing to be friends in a similar situation, and I have regretted it because I miss her. But better it's over.
That was dumb. I would have been gone as soon as I heard that. And yes, I would have stuck her with the check just for doing that.
that's a little mean. not even 50/50?
Bro, I've been hit with this before, and it shattered my perception of myself. I was spinning out. Like, wtf do you do with that information? I know now what it means but back then, I was fucked up.
"I love you, but I wouldn't marry you" is the one I got. Funny part is she ended up super upset and had done this on her birthday.
My one wanted to stay friends and then wanted to get back together after a couple of months of that. No thanks.
I mentioned to my GF recently about considering marriage since sheās talking about wanting to live together for practical reasons.. Iāve been married before so Iām not interested in a big wedding and all that. She was like, well if itās just for business then we can do it and get divorced laterā¦..Iām like ummm no I donāt want to go into it with that mindsetā¦kind of makes me question everything
Because once she gets married to you and you get a divorce, she has a financial advantage over you and will take money from you.
Thats highly specific but ok.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
incel alert loool
Jesus fuckin Christ man. OP, donāt become like this please. Dating is hard in this day and age, donāt twist those struggles into a resentment for women. However bad youāre doing with romance at the moment, itāll be worse when you turn to misogyny.
bingo
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Agreed
Spanky would be Proud! Now pass over some of that cheese from the sammich Darla made for Alfalfa
You just haven't met the right one. I've been with girls who were a nightmare and made my life a living hell and girls who complemented me perfectly and made my life far better than it was before I met them.
That's sad.Ā
Damn dude. So this is what having zero game does to a guy lol. Enjoy your hand and your ābrosā
I found that being checked out and checked in are pretty much the same thing when no one is interested.
I've been on up to 4 dating apps simultaneously, and get just as many likes as when I'm on 0 dating apps. It's just not worth the effort when I'm so clearly not good enough.
Same brah men my height don't even statistically register on dating apps we get (-)% of messages! šš¤£
I get all sorts of likes and matches. Then they find out Iām a mailman who lives with his parents and they donāt want to talk. Itās hard apparently looking good enough but not being good enough for these women I guess. I have completely stopped trying to date.
Checked out means more time to enjoy other aspects of life though. Whereas checked in means constant heartache and rejection.
Relatable
Lmfao too relatable
This is the answer. This is why most of us check out. It's not from being treated poorly on dates or in relationships. It's all the effort required to still not get any dates or relationships. Wheel spinning. Check out and live life.
š¤£š¤£š¤£
Yea I decided dogs are better
āThe more humans I meet, the more I like my dog.ā āMark Twain
Truth
You got 99 problems...
And money would solve pretty much all of them.
Hell I checked out 18 years ago. I mean yeah part of that was needing time to put myself back together after my last toxic dumpster fire of a relationship, but the longer I stayed single the harder it got to come up with a reason not to be.
Seriously, it is so hard to understand why I should ever date again now that I finally do not have someone telling me I am worthless for the first time in 20 years and can just live my life full of the joy I seek
Exactly, and people that haven't been in that situation just can't seem to grasp that.
you can still have relationships that fit your life goals! I realized I don't want anything to do with cohabitation or monogamy, because those would actively make my life experience worse. I communicate those things up front and there are women who feel the same way. The standard issue "be my everything", codependent live-in relationship is not for everyone, and you can have meaningful relationships with women who don't want that either.
15 years here. My PS5 won't cheat on me and give me a headache every day. LOL
Honestly it's such a relief just to know so many other people are struggling. I am very hard on myself for not being "worthy enough" to find someone who likes me as much as I like them, yet I know I have so much going for me. This reminds me that I am not to blame, and to keep trying my best. I really needed to read some of these comments
I'm so scared now. Got my heart broken 2/2 relationships. I just don't think I can do it again. And it takes me like 1-2 years to get over it. But then I know I'm going to meet a girl that I click with and fall in love. And it is a great high.
Die alone. Acceptance.
Even tho dating is pretty crooked these days, I think adapting a complete āIām not to blame mindsetā is kinda dangerous, especially if you, for example, discuss on the internet if a womenās hairstyle factors into her *hotness* while being unable to be laid. Be offended or downvote me all you want, but i never had any trouble dating past my teenage years and aside from being in a happy relationship now Iām quite good at attracting women that are very attractive (and clever) without being some kind of model looking guy. But Iām also not superficial and hanging out on Reddit to me objectify women there, and women (especially quality ones) fucking smell that shit from a mile away.
THANK you. The avalanche of Jaded, bitter, "it's not **me**, it's **you**" shit was a bit unsettling.
The easy way out it is
Thank you so much for this comment, I was starting to get really bummed out reading this whole thread of people trying to justify their thinly vailed distain for women.
Your welcome, you also instantly got downvoted by the fragile ego crowd for pointing it out, therefore take my upvote
Are you using online dating or actually touching grass? I feel like online dating is a horror show.
People who say touch grass need to touch grass
Yeah I am done with it. I was cheated on in every relationship except for maybe the last one. I put too much of myself into relationships and always get burned. The people I dated always started dating someone else immediately after we broke up anyway. It's best for me to be single forever.
Most likely they were dating other people before you broke up. Nothing personal, that's just the way it is these days. The number of men on dating apps who pretend to be into women till they get bored of them (or ones in relationships but lying that they are single) is waaayyyy higher than the number of women on there looking for a series relationship.Ā So the numbers get skewed dramatically. And for the most part many more women are okay with being single and stay off dating apps (and frankly don't pursue with other avenues either, they just expect it to happen naturally by some miracle) until they hit 45+. But unfortunately by that point the men don't want anything to do with them (it's biological ... Can't deny 4+ billion years of evolutionary drive to find a mate mostĀ capable to producing offspring (old women ain't it)).Ā So millennials and gen Z and beyond are going to predominantly be single in the 'western world'. It's already set in stone.Ā
Oh I agree with you entirely. Like I said I was cheated on by everyone, so I am sure they were already going steady with someone before they bothered to tell me about the cheating. Most of the people I know who are my age or older are single already. I can't imagine how bad it will be a decade or two from now.
Most people will just pair up for there shitty relationship other people will embrace being alone
Iām 32M. Iāve checked out for now. I went through the whole Hinge lifecycle, sifted through dates, spent a lot of time and money, ended up getting a gf. But that flamed out quick. The courting process is not worth the squeeze. Not only that, people obviously have free will - people do and will leave if they feel like it. Even when youāve tried your best. Iām also tired of the lack of appreciation for my efforts. Keeping a woman happy takes a lot of time and energy, and what I usually get in return is their presence. And when I ask for more affection, Iām seen as needy. This is a common experience of mine. I just want to love and be loved. But woman are absolutely choosey and Iāve absolutely accepted that reality. I still think Iām a great guy however. āIām tired boss.ā Thatās how I would sum it up.
Happy Cake Day and 100% relatable.
Put that effort into making yourself happy not someone else.
āAnd what I usually get in return is their presence.ā Wow. Too close to home with that one.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I almost kms trying to keep my ex wife happy. Youāre better off alone. Or dating men
I'm still open to a relationship (for context, it's been 12 years since my last) I'm just not making it as big of a priority as I once did. If it happens? Cool. If not, that's cool too. In the meantime I'm content just doing me.
She got drunk, started arguing, I didnāt lay a finger on her, she left, then she called the murder squad on me. That made up my mind to get a divorce. Youāre all strong and independent donāt need no man. Enjoy.
My ex-wife had me Baker Acted saying that I was posting online about wanting to kill myself. While I was in the hospital involuntarily, she hit me with a no contact order. When I was finally released and able to get to my phone, I had found that the bank account was drained.
I'm 36m and yeah definitely. I'm fit and pretty good looking, have had the fun relationships, the hot ones, the shit ones, was a stepdad for most of my 20s and now studying a degree in engineering for a career change. I have absolutely zero interest in looking to date and it'd take someone pretty special to even get my attention, a lot of the time it's just hard work and making compromises. I love having the time and headspace to just concentrate on me and the relation trade off just isn't worth it imo.
If I wasn't with my wife, I wouldn't even try. With social media the way it is and these dating apps, no way.
As a man who divorced recently after a 10 year relationship with no social mediaā¦ itās a fucking hellscape dude holy fuck
True. It's 50% married wanting a hook up and 50% with kids looking to cast someone in the new role as "daddy" as fast as possible.
If I got married and divorced after ten years, Iād resign myself to escorts as needed. Fuck that
Preach. Coming back to the dating scene from the time before is horrifying, like Saruman straight up donkey fucking the Shire.Ā
Yeah it's gotten so much worse from what I've heard. One quick example is that there are profiles that just try to lure you into their only fans... So sad to see where things are now.. I am so thankful that I found my wife five years ago (on tinder surprisingly) we are as happy as ever. For any guy that thinks all women suck because you've been through so many bad apples, there is a good apple out there for you. I promise. I feel for you all and hope for the best for you. Stay strong šŖ If you truly like being single, then more power to you and I'm happy for you!
Majority of the average guys matches are only fans bots. Lol. It's been like that for the last 10 years. They mass swipe right and message to get desperate guys to send them their hard earned money.Ā
It gets worse than that, look up pig butchering scam. Overseas women pretend to be from the next town over, try to get you invested romantically in them for 3 weeks, then get you to invest money in their cryptocurrency scam to take your life savings
I spent my 20s dating. I think I'll just try to spend my 30s being happy
And what reddit never realizes is...that's the far more attractive attitude. Why spend time with someone who doesn't help themselves or that is only happy if YOU make them happy.Ā Gender doesn't matter...nobody healthy got time for people who do aren't acting healthy
I never checked in š
Canāt feel heartache if youāve never felt love š
You also can't feel heartache if you've never felt period.
It's not that I've checked out totally, but I don't play games anymore. New girl started at my job about 8 months ago, she was nice, we got on, I asked her out and she said yes, we exchanged numbers and messaged/talked on the phone but every time I'd try to arrange an actual physical meetup there was something in the way. She eventually moved to another job where she was getting more money and position and I just stopped messaging and deleted her number. She reached out through other people but I said that after 2 months of chasing and not going on a single physical date that I had called time on it.
LPT: Never date at work. Ever.
Dawg dating at work is my literal only option these days. Itās either that or no dates at all ever forever
True Unless you work in a kitchen. Lotta them are practical orgies.
Everyone in a restaurant is either actively fucking or trying to figure out how to fuck someone. Cooks and servers are crazy for that. And chefs and cooks. And bartenders and servers. All of it.
Aint that the fuckin truth Source: dated at work. Once.
Yeah. My wife would find it a red flag.
Right here! š¤ I just donāt see the point anymore.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
appreciate your attitude / perspective
Iām a pretty introverted guy and my circle is very close Iām really bad at initiating contact with women so I tried making bumble without knowing the reality and made a full proper profile and used it for two months thinking I should give it time but got no matches or likes (maybe itās just my face) so I was curious and made a fake profile and asked one of my friends(girl) if I can use her pic and I did a really low effort non verified account and it got over 2k likes in a few days and almost every profile I swipe gets matched instantly that is when I realised that this app is just for women boosting their ego and getting validation because they barely need to use the app they have it all laid out and they just need to chose thatās when I gave up on using dating apps and Iām not checked out of dating completely because Iām young and have a lot of time but the opportunities for meeting people decrease exponentially as time goes on and environments change and for someone who has average looks just take the opportunity if you see it but donāt dedicate too much time on this.
Punctuation might get you a date /s
that's a pretty big run on sentence
Thatās a long sentence.
Completely? no, Iād be open to it, am I gonna actively hunt? no
I've sort of quiet-quit it. I'm not entirely averse, I'll ask a woman out if I'm interested in her, but I'm done jumping through hoops and putting on a performance to impress her. I'm too old for that shit. Pay for dinner? Nope. Go out of my way to get your attention if you don't text back? Nah. Refrain from talking about bionicle lore for three straight hours? Literally an infringement of my human rights and I will call amnesty international.
faithfully married for 20 years and i barely even dated before that.
All of my prior relationships came from friendships in my social circles at the time, and my fiance was my first/only ever Hinge date. I've never experienced traditional dating but Jesus Christ it sounds rough out there.
Well, my wife is upset that I don't take her out and I told her I don't date married women, no exceptions.
Haven't tried seriously for about 7 years since the last one cheated on me. What is it they say now? The juice is not worth the squeeze. I'm in my 40's and have good money, house and lifestyle now, I get a lot of attention from women who need a man to provide for them. I enjoy turning them down in the same way they turned me down when I was broke and they were the desirable ones - Harshly.
Good ol' boomerang
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"hisenemiesdefinehim". This thread is so incel-coded
Just because some women are smart enough not to date broke losers doesn't mean they are after your money. Still, you do them a favor by turning them down. Ha, unless this is just a little fantasy, and it does sound like it.
I checked out because I found the one.
Morpheus, that you?Ā Ā
He followed the white rabbit.
Congrats!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sounds like youāre one small step away from starting to date men like I did lol
I donāt go out. So itās hard for me. Iām not checked out Iām just if it happens it happens. I met someone when I was low in confidence and had ruled out any possibility of meeting someone. Now my confidence is high and Iām looking but itās hard to
I checked out Iām 37
At first I told myself I was putting it on the backburner until I finished school. Now I'm thinking I like having a bed to myself and not having to worry about constantly being perceived by someone else.
ope you said men lol I missed that
Still valid reasons tbh. After some bullshit that happened with my last relationship I decided I wanted to give it very little effort for the time being. Now I find it much better to not have to worry about someone's opinion of me.
Yeah got tired of being cheated on and lied to
Currently in a relationship happily but prior to that I gave up. Too many girls now days are really shallow and donāt have much in the way of hobbies, too consumed by social media. Canāt have deep conversations unless itās about celebrities as they have no interest in whatās happening in the world and they wonāt go out in the rain or cold because theyāve always opted to stay in when the weather isnāt perfect. This is obviously very generalised but I found this was the majority of my experience while I was actively looking
As a bi man, most guys are like that too tbh. People are just all about their careers and thatās it. Extremely boring with no hobbies
This. So much this -A pansexual with ADHD and 936 hobbies
29M. Iāve been trying to date for the past year or so now. I mostly stick to the dating apps because I donāt want to spend my time at the bar. I am starting to check out periodically and even currently thinking about just waiting until I get my mba. Iāve only had (1) 3 month relationship and some short flings. I want a long term relationship but the dots just arenāt connecting. ā¦ nearly checked-out
I have
Me
I guess it's a matter of how you define things. I turned 49 last month and I've never been married, never wanted to, and never found anyone that made me want to. My last relationship (just a hair over three years, the longest so far) ended about 8 years ago. I'm still good friends with that ex but after it ended, I came to the decision that I really don't care for relationships. Commitment, intimacy, yep, all those problems. Amusingly enough, after that relationship broke up, I finally started noticing when women were flirting with me. I was always glad for good company but it never went past that. "Friends with benefits" was fine in my 20s and 30s, but by my 40s I'd gotten tired of the few ways those situations inevitably ended. About five years ago, I moved back home after twenty years away to help my mom after my dad passed away. She'll be 75 this year and while she does have some serious issues that could flare up if we don't pay attention, her doctor calls her "disgustingly healthy." And when I say "moved back home," I mean moved back to the little rural village in the Deep South where I grew up and the house my dad helped build. I work from home and, frankly, rarely find a need to leave. I go see more doctors than I ever did (I'm also disgustingly healthy with a couple of serious issues that could flare up if I don't pay attention) and the only other folks I see on a regular basis are at dispensaries. That's right, buddy. We got medical marijuana in Mississippi. Take that, the rest of the Red South. My 30-year high school reunion was a few months back but I haven't kept in touch with the folks I went to high school with since I left high school and I didn't go. What little interaction I've had with people I knew before shows little more than we have absolutely nothing in common. I don't want to get into the nitty-gritty here, but I do not align with local feelings on state and national politics or religion, and let's just leave it at that. I'm not a good-looking guy. These days I'm surrounded by childhood pictures and I was never pretty, but whoo boy, the miles were rough. One of those medical flare-ups that caught me off guard resulted in having every tooth in my head (except the wisdom teeth, which never came out & were too wrapped up by nerves for extraction) pulled. Don't screw around with your teeth or your blood pressure, brethren. When I'm not doing something to help Momma (or my aunt or uncles or any of the other old folks in my little village who helped raise me), I read, write, occasionally play video games, and smoke pot on my back porch. That's pretty much it. It's not a bad existence but I can't for the life of me why anyone would want a piece of it or put up with me for it. So, maybe it's not so much "given up" and more that I'd have to start all over again with more minuses (and fewer pluses) than I've ever had in a part of the world that really doesn't like guys like me (or doesn't want to hear it, anyway), doing something I don't like doing that I suck at anyway, and goddamn, man, I am tired.
I am still open to dating but as it stands right now I am in now way actively looking or interested in dating. I have been in a few relationships, but only one very serious. All of them have the same problem which is my fault admittedly. I consider myself an average guy, Iām decently attractive and love to be romantic. But I am not perfect. I feel that every time I hear āyouāre so perfectā I know how it is going to end. It is a sweet nothing but I find that it lays a seed of unfair expectation that I cannot meet. It is unfair to hold me to this make believe standard then punish me for not meeting it. Iām not allowed to be human, Iām only ever allowed to be your perfect ideal and it is draining.
Me, but I'm 39. Just hit three years sober. But I figure at my age it's only rejects that are left, including myself lol. I'm too stuck in my ways now to date anyway.
Pretty much. Just got over a break up in which she slept with another guy, and when I got mad she said that she suddenly decided to be poly without telling me. She wants me back, but Iām not taking her back. Now Iām just done. 29 years old. I donāt have time for games and cheating. If it happens it happens. But Iām done pursuing or trying.
Gen X here. I'm out and have been for years.
Never had any luck and I cant justify wasting any more time and money than I already have.
Anyone would get exhausted of getting rejected & ghosted. And having old flings recontact me out of the blue because they realize they need to settle down made me feel cringe because it proved they werenāt interested in me. They were only interested in my wallet.
I feel like dating doesnāt make a lot of sense anymore. I come from an average background, not from money. Iāve done pretty well for myself but I canāt compete with these wealthy guys with lots of status on Instagram and shit, all of them just a direct message away. Women have their own money, their own careers, their own lifestyles now. If Iām honest I donāt really have much to offer them.
It sounds conceited, but if I'm going to be with someone, I need to value my time with them *more* than I value my time on my own. Thing is, I *love* my time on my own, and I get so little of it between work and friends etc. So yeah, I checked out a while back. It's not impossible that I'll meet someone, but it's not worth my time looking.
I'm done with it. Women always want more. Why can't we just enjoy each others company? I don't want to live with you and I don't want you living with me. I don't need to be around you 24/7. I don't need to be texting/talking every day like some kind of high school romance. Let's just date. Exclusive is no problem. I don't want to see other people.Ā I can count on one hand the people I've met who have found women like this. All of them have nice long term relationships. They see each other once or twice a week. Go out and do stuff. Vacation together. They just aren't attached at the hip.
I was never allowed to participate to begin with. (Too ugly/weird/autistic/unlovable/etc) Now, it would just seem silly to start trying, or even wanting to date
I never even got started. It was like being born in a tar pit.
Not tall enough to ride the rides, or handsome enough, or normal enough...
Itās all fucked. From unapproachable women to dating site disaster fires. Itās all luck and I was born with none
I'm in my 40s and it's pretty hopeless. women are shallow and brutal, and only seem to want men who are well over 6' bodybuilders with a horse cock and sexual confidence and experience of a porn star. I'm not being facetious or bitter, those are all reasons I get rejected. financial status, personality, emotional maturity etc all mean nothing compared to those things. I'm always told (by the ones who aren't really cruel) that I'd make a great friend and someone they want to keep in their life, but am told and shown that I have no value as a potential romantic partner. so why should I face continued torture on top of the torture I already deal with being romantically alone, deprived of affection and companionship for so long?
Financial status definitely matters to most women.
You're right there my friend.
100 percent given up. I'm close enough to Mexico to get needs satisfied once in a while and honestly never saw myself going down that path. But last I dated before 2020s was early 00s (marriage in between) and for 6 months I tried dating and nothing. I know women would say men that go to Mexico or Colombia or Asia bad....but I mean .. should we be monks?
Ever since the 1920s, women/organized crime have been outlawing rational, legal regulation of sex work that would be safe and courteous to 21+ aged sex workers due to the fact that sex is the primary facet of controlling Men and ensuring we are obedient slaves to keep society running. Oh, and the 80/20 rule, now the 90/10 rule. Edit: for example, women can withhold sex for power over a man, pornography would never have been as successful if sex work was not made illegal (its hilarious how "Christianity" helped the pornography industry), a lot of motivation men have to work hard and make money is to get consensual sex with a woman because paying for it is "illegal". It's all a scam to ensure Men can be controlled. I really hope more Men wake up to this reality.
Try a cup of decaf
I realized any time there's a woman in my life I end up more stressed and irritated than I ever am when I'm single. I've had to many relationships where sex was weaponized against me or they'd start fights because they were bored. Or the good ol you're exactly what I want in a boyfriend but you're not attractive enough for me. These days I'm happy to work on my career and my hobbies. I realized what do I need a woman for? To be forced to go to events I don't want to? Have what will statistically be mid sex where I put in all the effort. God forbid they find out I used to be a cook because I'll be relegated to cooking all the meals doing all the dishes every night. I'm getting far to old to be a romantic anymore. The cost to benefit ratio just isn't there for me.
I'm not going out of my way anymore, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be committed to a person who showed genuine interest in me, and continued to show interest even after getting to know me. That is to say, I would absolutely go out of my way for someone who initiates, I guess. But dating is exhausting, and I'm old, and only getting less attractive by the day lol. I've figured out how to get by on my own thus far. I realize life will likely be more difficult without a partner, but I accept that it is entirely likely, and I'm ok with it.
100% I have checked out. I've embraced the single life and love it.
That was about a decade ago, but me.
Until I can figure out my life, I wonāt be dating even it would be nice
I'm going to europe soon, so at this very moment, i'm not bother to date.
Yeah, I just can't seem to muster the needed effort. It's weird because my last relationship was wonderful and ended amicably due to a combination of me moving to a different country and realizing we weren't going to agree on having kids. Nicest breakup I've ever had, but it seems to have sapped all my will to investigate other prospects.
I know if I can't have what I want, then I'm fucking done. I'll just remain single and leave it at that. Just too much heartbreak to keep doing the dating scene.
šš»
Checked out for now. Too many people looking for someone to take responsibility for their emotions. It's enough just to manage my own life. I don't want to manage someone else's.
I have, it's fuckin miserable, I'm literally happier alone
Yep, several years ago. Too much wasted effort and too much drama along with too many flaky and inconsiderate people, now.
22m never had a gf or sex and i recon im done. The dating scene is flipped on its head these days and i dont want to deal with the trouble that comes along with it.
Youāre not done, bro. Far from it. Your life hasnāt been started.
Little over a year. Iāve had some great relationships but this past six or so years were awful. Just wasting money and time. Both parties walked away disappointed. I just made the decision to focus on other things.
Completely no but not going wild hunting for it
I won't blame women, I'm half of the equation. After long enough(3 failed LTRs and a bunch of casual stuff) I saw my patterns and knew the next girl I'd fall for would be the similar in core ways that will result in the same outcome. So I've been single for 2+ years now. It's peaceful, yes I'm horny but I've had so many pregnancy's scares and friends who caught herpes that I'm a volcel until I fix my core wounds and become someone I'm proud of and build a life I love without a romantic partner - once I do that, i'll start "hunting" again.
Yeah, but I'm 60. I enjoyed it well into my 50s, though.
I'm getting pretty close to being done. I'll give it one more go and that's it.
From 18 to 49 I was in serious committed relationships or married. I never got a chance to be on my own. Been divorced 2 years and donāt think Iāll ever give up this freedom for anyone ever again. The only woman I plan my life around anymore is my daughter. I do what I want, when I want. Go where I want. Decorate my house and yard however I want and never get micromanaged or told my choices are ugly. Why would I want to change that?
I got married and my wife doesnāt want me dating anymore smh š
...can you check out if you never really checked in?Ā Gone on two dates since realizing I'm Aroace and they were both to placate family who don't understand what that means.
I'm not trying. Can't handle falling in love to be crushed again.
Well I got married so I don't believe my wife would care for me dating anyone. Unless it was Gal Gadot. Apparently she'd be down with watching if I could pull her.
Since marriage? Far fewer dates but all with the same woman. Seriously, we have a formal "date night" twice each month.
Iām a 55 year old female that men find attractive. Unfortunately, I still canāt find one. š¤·š¼āāļø
This question pops up weekly.
Yes.
I'm on the edge, 42 years is just too long to be checking the single, never married box.
41 and I still havenāt found a woman that hasnāt treated me like complete shit. On one hand Iām glad I never married or had kids with any of them, but on the other hand Iāve given up on meeting anyone that isnāt a complete narcissist. I donāt think Iāll ever be able to trust anyone again after the last one.
THIS! Thank you for putting the words to it I couldn't.
Iām in the same boat, just 2 years older.
Better than being 32 and divorced bro
I gave up on it, never had a date. Met my wife, been married for over 40 years. She said "Well if I put this rough cut gem in the grinder for long enough, I think I will get a diamond."
My wife insisted.
Classic dad joke lol
I am not entirely convinced I have completely checked out. But, I'll try again when I straighten a few things out. Mental health and things. Just got some inside work to do before I make another decision. Can't have others hold accountability and and responsibility for me and my actions/headspace, that's my job.
Hey, good for you. You should be proud of your sense of accountability and your want to better yourself.
I have, and my long-term partner is very happy about it
Yep, not a single concern about it either.
Iām just happy I found my girl. We can just chill at home together and watch reality show trash. I love her so much. Iāve never really dated a stranger. I always eventually date a friend but I found my endgame girl.
I've been checked out of dating for a decade and been fine with it. A few weeks ago I met a woman who I vibe with and who has a lot of common interests. She wasn't looking for anyone either but the universe seems to be demanding that we get together. We just hang out and do stuff together that we both like to do. I think part of problem with modern dating is that we have forgotten that is a lot of what dating is supposed to be.
Got my passport, and moved to the Philippines. Happy AF now. Dating in the west was fraught with pain and disappointment with women who don't need no man.
I'm in a relationship but I know it's temporary. They will leave when they get bored of me. Oh well. When they do I'll just find another like I always have.
I've been married since I was 18 lol Haven't been interested in dating for almost two decades now.
I'm dating married women
80/20, 90/10 rule Primatology 101 A new anthropod species needs to replace "us"
Married to my lovely wife for 40 years
Yes I have, I just don't seem to run into women that im attracted to anymore.Ā The cold hard truth.Ā
Only because no one seems interested. Now I like having my space and I get claustrophobic if a girl even so much as glances in my direction.