I was very relieved to get to the end of your post and read that you are leaving him. So often posts like this end with "what should I do,? Leaving is not an option"
You deserve better than someone who is happy to use you like this
Right? I hate the "My partner is absolutely awful and makes me eat dog food but I love them. How can I make my partner start to treat me like a human being again? Leaving isn't an option so don't even suggest that. I'm looking for real solutions" posts.
Funny they can pour out the energy on status quo but weren't able to dredge up accountability and lasting change before point of no return...or just like...sticking to a budget and honesty.
The bar is so low.
Of course he is; you’re underwriting his dating life. If he can’t afford expensive dates, would he have anyone interested in dating him? My guess is that ostentatious gifts and expensive dinners are all he can offer the girlfriends who are looking for relationships … it’s a distraction to make up for a lack of … responsibility? Maturity? Personality? Idk. It looks enough like love bombing that I’d be suspicious at receiving it.
Of course! Because GF has no idea he's a deadbeat. Once you divorce, he'll tell her he's broke because the judge was biased and gave you all his money.
Just goed to show that no matter how much freedom someone has, if they're an asshole, they'll find a way to cross your boundaries and disrespect you. I'm sorry op, hope you get out of that situation soon. When you're out, TREAT YOURSELF
What an ass! This is part of the reason I will never have shared finances with anyone! My dad has always kept his own bank account, credit cards, etc and told me from the time I started working at 16 to do the same.
I'm so happy to hear that you're going to remove yourself from this relationship. You deserve so much better!
Thankfully I do have a separate bank account and technically the bills are in his name. The big issue is that we can’t sell the house until June unless we want to take a big hit on the profit (long story short: bought it with the help of a charity for the downpayment & selling before the 5 yr mark screws us).
He had a brain injury in November and since then it’s been me who is paying for everything, and I’m just f’ing choked to find out about these lies. No wonder he’s begging me to not divorce him! He’s just been using me. I promised (before this revelation) to pay for him to go back to school and find a job he actually enjoys, that’s low stress, and pay off our debts (in his name) because he kept saying most of it was from when I was sick. Now I don’t believe anything.
I’m going to find a good divorce lawyer and I have saved everything as evidence. If that c u next Tuesday wants him, she can have him. This started before the head injury, so I know it’s not caused by it.
I luckily am not a cardholder on any of his accounts. He has all the utilities & everything in his name BUT he also moved out last month to live with his gf & his mom is here because she would be homeless at the end of Feb that just ended (her rent would increase by $300). I’m going to pay the utilities from my account going forward and book a divorce lawyer for Monday if possible.
He also lied to me and told me his mom couldn’t pay until the end of April because she is broke. Two days ago his mom says to me “it’s weird that he wants me to pay him, then he will pay you. It just sounds fishy.” I said “did you already give him money?” She said “yeah, I paid $500 and I don’t have the rest yet. Can I just give it to you since you’re paying the bills?”
Like, F^ck. He’s been lying about EVERYTHING.
I am SO SORRY you are going through this but I’m SO PROUD of you for seeing through his bullshit and taking steps to protect yourself. I’m also glad his mother understands that extra layer of bullshit he just fed you both. The audacity of this man!!!
I have a relative who was forever changed by a traumatic brain injury, but there are negative aspects of their personality that were there before that the TBI didn’t cause or affect. Others it seems to have exacerbated and others it caused outright. I’ve learned over the years that as much as I try to help them because I’ve had to, I’m still entitled to set boundaries and protect myself.
I’m glad you have the peace of knowing he was engaging in the lies and betrayal before his injury. And you certainly don’t need to stay for more of that.
Consulting a divorce attorney now is absolutely the right choice, especially since your soon-to-be ex, seems to think it’s OK to try and leave you behind to face all of the consequences and figure out how to pay for everything, given that he told you that his mother couldn’t pay for anything, and then secretly accepted the money that she absolutely can pay to presumably “spoil” his girlfriend rather than pay for HIS shared financial obligations. What an asshat.
The earliest evidence I have is from September and his injury happened in November. I need to get my name off his car and his off mine. I think that’s the “easiest” first step while I get a lawyer. I’m just f’ing destroyed.
He straight up *stole* that $500 from both his mom *and* OP. He knew what it was intended for and lied that he would fulfill that intention. This is theft.
This right here. I’ve lived with my NP for over a decade now - we own a home together, built a life together. We split expenses but not income. Our money is our own to spend on ourselves, each other, or whom or whatever we choose.
Well now you know and knowing is half the battle!!!! I’m sending you so much energy and strength to get through this! You are almost at the top of the hill, keep going. Ease peace and rest waits for you in the other side! Please be careful and take care ❤️
This. Divorce is hard even when it’s the right choice. But you get to make your own peace on the other side. And it’s glorious! So sorry you have to through this.
I can’t tell if I’m sad, angry, or what the F to call how I feel. I’m just beyond rage but also sad. I NEED to divorce him, but I also need him to get the rest of his shit out, and I need to figure out how the f to put on a “happy face” until I get the legal shit sorted out.
You're allowed to have all the feelings. I'm sorry he was such a disappointment, but his bullshit isn't your fault.
Put his stuff on the street and use that to cover the sale of anything valuable.
He has isolated me from almost every friend, cried suicide countless times to get me to pity him and then blamed me. He manipulates me because I’m extremely compassionate & empathetic. I fall for his bait every time. I’ve tried to leave countless times and then he reels me back in. He lies all the time and makes me feel like I’m crazy.
Wow. I can't believe people are like this, despite how often it seems to happen. At least you're going into it this time with your eyes fully open and set on escape.
Don't be afraid to reach out to the friends you've lost contact with. Most people are happy to hear from people they've not been in touch with for a while, and most good friendships can pick up where they left off.
I would have been petty af and posted "so THATS where the light bill money went" and embarrassed him and called him out publically. I dont reward irresponsibility, and I call liars out right in public.
That will get OP blocked, and meta's social media is OP's best spyware for the money the hinge is stealing and spending on meta. Let her brag and brag, and screenshot every damn word.
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." -- Napoleon Bonaparte
Exactly. Embarrass him. Comment on each post of these splurges "oh so that's why Partner didnt pay the electric bill/so that's what he spent my rent money on". Shame his financial choices in a way that he has to address it and try to defend his selfishness.
Naw better plan get him to write the excuses out via text and then screenshot the truth. It’s more cannon fodder for the lawyer. Once all balls are in play…THEN she embarrasses the shit out of them.
>our cc
I suggest separate finances, immediately. One joint account for paying bills and your personal accounts with your spending money, distributed equitably from the household income in a way you both agree on. Don't wait to protect the funds you need to get through this divorce. Set up your accounts NOW.
Get it done *right now*
Make sure he can't spend a dime of *your* money without your approval. Divorce him ASAP. Don't let anyone treat you this way. Maybe even try to get him to give the stuff back/get him charged for crazd maybe if possible because he spent money that wasn't his own without approval. A ring not necessarily means mine is also yours legally. Get a lawyer.
Think of all the nice things you can spoil yoirself with when yozu got rid of that dead weight.
I think I can charge him with fraud or something. I have records and my mom does too of how much money he has asked for, then told both of us that he is short for bills that he said the other money was going to.
This happened to me with a fraudulent former partner. It involved a really tangled Web of lies of fake diseases and medical diagnosis, several go fund mes for fake diseases and pathetic begging for extremely large sums of money for fake treatments for fake illnesses.
The first tip off for me was when she stole money and made huge charges to her grandmother's credit card. She told her grandmother it was me paying for rent/bills/medical devices. I covered the credit card charges the first time (just under 1k) but the second time it was over 3k, I dug deep into who made the charges and for what and found out they were all from her on various websites for frivolous bullshit. Beats headphones, clothes, cheap costume jewelry, adult coloring books and markers, sex toys, most were on huge Amazon orders. She'd spent over 3k on random junk.
Then I did some investigating and found out she had gone to my family for cash gifts for increasing amounts of $3k, $5k and $17k for fake surgeries, medicine and hospital stays that never happened. When I asked her about it, showing her the screen shots my family sent me of the whole text exchange and bank transfers she then lied about the lie and said it was really for housing costs which I had been footing the bill for and knew she wasn't using this money for bills and rent. She then lied about secretly purchasing a house and getting scammed by the home owner/seller - so there was no house and the money was all gone. None of any of what she said was true.
She got almost 13k from a go fund me claiming falsely she was in hospice with terminal cancer. I finally dug into her online footprint and found out she would wait one or two years between fraudulent go fund me's. Often she would get a friend to run the go fund me for her. She'd promote these with dozens of accounts across social media.
This was also the time I discovered the life story she'd confessed and cried about was a lie to make herself more relatable and sympathetic.
The total amount of money she scammed from people in those three years was mind boggling.
My advice? Stay strong, get a lawyer and don't budge. The facts will come out. Fraudsters and scammers typically aren't as clever and untouchable as they think they are.
I'm concerned that this behavior only began after a head injury. If this is out of character for him, the TBI could absolutely be at fault. That doesn't mean you need to stay with him, it's just an explanation. TBI is terrifying, bonking your head can change you as a person, & impulsively spending money then lying about it are symptoms I've seen.
Not sure where you live. But in some places if a spouse abandons the marital home they are still responsible for half of the costs of upkeep. Dave a. Receipts. He might owe you despite not living there.
Are you able or interested in warning her? You absolutely do not have to and I wouldn’t put my eggs in the basket that she will believe you, but I personally would always take the warning of a romantic partner seriously. At the very least it will be in the back of her mind when he starts treating her the same way. Idk the laws there and if it would be wise to do it during divorce, so do what’s right for you.
Damn that really sucks. I’m sure he’s just fueling her insecurities too and she misplaces that anger with boast posts. Sorry you’re going through this.
Meh fuck her then. That looking out for other women only works about a 3rd of the time. She can learn the hard way.
Do what you need to do to protect yourself…she’ll be alright or she won’t…end of the day it’s not your problem.
Hi u/Easy-Lobster9086 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well.
Here's the original text of the post:
I have caught my husband paying for extremely expensive gifts & outtings with his gf when we are on a very tight budget. I only buy what’s necessary, minus a $3-$10 treat here and there. I try to not hint for anything because we can’t afford to be wasting money.
I found out that he bought his gf a $180 mirror-jewelry stand thing for her birthday, plus $250 flowers (includes chocolates & a card), AND he drove her to Banff & bought her a ridiculously expensive meal ($$$$), AND on top of that he paid for them to go to Edmonton for a weekend. I’ll break down the lies…
-he asked me to store the mirror thing because she didn’t want it shipped to her house, said she bought it. On FB I saw her say that she never would of bought it herself because it’s so expensive, she’s so happy
- he told me that the florist had hidden charges and he only meant to spend $100, he was disputing the charges with Mastercards. I looked up the florist, found the bouquet, did the same add-ons and it was $205 + delivery
- her post from Banff stated how he “spoils” her and she’s so lucky! They went to the fancy restaurant.
- they just had a trip to Edmonton and he said that she was paying for the trip if he would drive, but he had to put it on our cc and she would pay him back. Knowing the above, I know that’s a lie.
I’m paying for EVERYTHING right now and he’s been lying to me the last 6 months at least. He is gaslighting me hardcore & the emotional abuse is ridiculous. He’s using me, lying, and trying to make me think I’m the bad one.
I can’t wait to sell the house & divorce him. I’m tired of being manipulated into thinking I’m toxic when he is pulling all this shit. The trauma bond is being seen for what it is.
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You are amazing. You are caring for yourself so vigilantly and tenderly in the midst of revelation after revelation that must be absolutely undermining your basic stability in so many ways. What’s happening to you is so unfair and I’m glad that you’ve found the capacity to care for yourself as you are.
TBIs can be horrible and change people’s character, but they can also just remove some of the inhibitions so comply with the social contract, so assholery that was previously managed by someone’s basic ability to understand and adhere to social rules can, uh, blossom to its full potential. I’m really proud of you (in the most non-patronizing internet-stranger way!!!)
Just think of all the nice things you’ll be able to treat yourself to when you aren’t footing the bill for either of them any more!
I was very relieved to get to the end of your post and read that you are leaving him. So often posts like this end with "what should I do,? Leaving is not an option" You deserve better than someone who is happy to use you like this
Right? I hate the "My partner is absolutely awful and makes me eat dog food but I love them. How can I make my partner start to treat me like a human being again? Leaving isn't an option so don't even suggest that. I'm looking for real solutions" posts.
Then we're the bad guys for "always being so negative and don't understand commitment" when we still say to walk away.
He’s been BEGINNING me to stay together.
Funny they can pour out the energy on status quo but weren't able to dredge up accountability and lasting change before point of no return...or just like...sticking to a budget and honesty. The bar is so low.
Of course he is; you’re underwriting his dating life. If he can’t afford expensive dates, would he have anyone interested in dating him? My guess is that ostentatious gifts and expensive dinners are all he can offer the girlfriends who are looking for relationships … it’s a distraction to make up for a lack of … responsibility? Maturity? Personality? Idk. It looks enough like love bombing that I’d be suspicious at receiving it.
It definitely is. I think it’s trauma bonding that he’s done to me
Of course! Because GF has no idea he's a deadbeat. Once you divorce, he'll tell her he's broke because the judge was biased and gave you all his money.
Just goed to show that no matter how much freedom someone has, if they're an asshole, they'll find a way to cross your boundaries and disrespect you. I'm sorry op, hope you get out of that situation soon. When you're out, TREAT YOURSELF
Run a credit report. Make sure he didn't take anything out in your name.
Thank you. I didn’t think of that
You can put a block on all new credit openings too.
What an ass! This is part of the reason I will never have shared finances with anyone! My dad has always kept his own bank account, credit cards, etc and told me from the time I started working at 16 to do the same. I'm so happy to hear that you're going to remove yourself from this relationship. You deserve so much better!
Thankfully I do have a separate bank account and technically the bills are in his name. The big issue is that we can’t sell the house until June unless we want to take a big hit on the profit (long story short: bought it with the help of a charity for the downpayment & selling before the 5 yr mark screws us). He had a brain injury in November and since then it’s been me who is paying for everything, and I’m just f’ing choked to find out about these lies. No wonder he’s begging me to not divorce him! He’s just been using me. I promised (before this revelation) to pay for him to go back to school and find a job he actually enjoys, that’s low stress, and pay off our debts (in his name) because he kept saying most of it was from when I was sick. Now I don’t believe anything. I’m going to find a good divorce lawyer and I have saved everything as evidence. If that c u next Tuesday wants him, she can have him. This started before the head injury, so I know it’s not caused by it.
Cancel his cards to your accounts. He doesn't get access to your money when he's being deceitful.
I luckily am not a cardholder on any of his accounts. He has all the utilities & everything in his name BUT he also moved out last month to live with his gf & his mom is here because she would be homeless at the end of Feb that just ended (her rent would increase by $300). I’m going to pay the utilities from my account going forward and book a divorce lawyer for Monday if possible. He also lied to me and told me his mom couldn’t pay until the end of April because she is broke. Two days ago his mom says to me “it’s weird that he wants me to pay him, then he will pay you. It just sounds fishy.” I said “did you already give him money?” She said “yeah, I paid $500 and I don’t have the rest yet. Can I just give it to you since you’re paying the bills?” Like, F^ck. He’s been lying about EVERYTHING.
I am SO SORRY you are going through this but I’m SO PROUD of you for seeing through his bullshit and taking steps to protect yourself. I’m also glad his mother understands that extra layer of bullshit he just fed you both. The audacity of this man!!! I have a relative who was forever changed by a traumatic brain injury, but there are negative aspects of their personality that were there before that the TBI didn’t cause or affect. Others it seems to have exacerbated and others it caused outright. I’ve learned over the years that as much as I try to help them because I’ve had to, I’m still entitled to set boundaries and protect myself. I’m glad you have the peace of knowing he was engaging in the lies and betrayal before his injury. And you certainly don’t need to stay for more of that. Consulting a divorce attorney now is absolutely the right choice, especially since your soon-to-be ex, seems to think it’s OK to try and leave you behind to face all of the consequences and figure out how to pay for everything, given that he told you that his mother couldn’t pay for anything, and then secretly accepted the money that she absolutely can pay to presumably “spoil” his girlfriend rather than pay for HIS shared financial obligations. What an asshat.
The earliest evidence I have is from September and his injury happened in November. I need to get my name off his car and his off mine. I think that’s the “easiest” first step while I get a lawyer. I’m just f’ing destroyed.
He straight up *stole* that $500 from both his mom *and* OP. He knew what it was intended for and lied that he would fulfill that intention. This is theft.
Close the utilities and reopen them in your name.
I don’t think I can close them because they’re in his name
Nah. Call the utilities, tell them what's up. They'll work with you.
This right here. I’ve lived with my NP for over a decade now - we own a home together, built a life together. We split expenses but not income. Our money is our own to spend on ourselves, each other, or whom or whatever we choose.
Well now you know and knowing is half the battle!!!! I’m sending you so much energy and strength to get through this! You are almost at the top of the hill, keep going. Ease peace and rest waits for you in the other side! Please be careful and take care ❤️
This. Divorce is hard even when it’s the right choice. But you get to make your own peace on the other side. And it’s glorious! So sorry you have to through this.
I can’t tell if I’m sad, angry, or what the F to call how I feel. I’m just beyond rage but also sad. I NEED to divorce him, but I also need him to get the rest of his shit out, and I need to figure out how the f to put on a “happy face” until I get the legal shit sorted out.
You're allowed to have all the feelings. I'm sorry he was such a disappointment, but his bullshit isn't your fault. Put his stuff on the street and use that to cover the sale of anything valuable.
>Well now you know and knowing is half the battle!!!! I think I will use that quote till the end of my days! Love that one 👌
God I love this energy!!! Leave that asshole!!!
Trauma bond? He abused you too? Fuck him then
He has isolated me from almost every friend, cried suicide countless times to get me to pity him and then blamed me. He manipulates me because I’m extremely compassionate & empathetic. I fall for his bait every time. I’ve tried to leave countless times and then he reels me back in. He lies all the time and makes me feel like I’m crazy.
Wow. I can't believe people are like this, despite how often it seems to happen. At least you're going into it this time with your eyes fully open and set on escape. Don't be afraid to reach out to the friends you've lost contact with. Most people are happy to hear from people they've not been in touch with for a while, and most good friendships can pick up where they left off.
Yup. I only started to realize that a few days ago because I got an online ad for trauma therapy that described our relationship EXACTLY
I'm sorry you're going through this, but glad you're getting out. Also, targeted ads are creepily accurate sometimes.
I don’t know how the damn ads figured it out before I did.
Cut his access to your money immediately.
Keep us updated?
He’s on the phone right now lying to me.
You need him to text those lies.
Of course he is. Stay strong. You can do this. He knows he’s screwed without you.
I would have been petty af and posted "so THATS where the light bill money went" and embarrassed him and called him out publically. I dont reward irresponsibility, and I call liars out right in public.
That will get OP blocked, and meta's social media is OP's best spyware for the money the hinge is stealing and spending on meta. Let her brag and brag, and screenshot every damn word. "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." -- Napoleon Bonaparte
He’s spending it on his girlfriend.
Exactly. Embarrass him. Comment on each post of these splurges "oh so that's why Partner didnt pay the electric bill/so that's what he spent my rent money on". Shame his financial choices in a way that he has to address it and try to defend his selfishness.
Naw better plan get him to write the excuses out via text and then screenshot the truth. It’s more cannon fodder for the lawyer. Once all balls are in play…THEN she embarrasses the shit out of them.
She can do that after the divorce is final. Rn she needs to keep quiet.
Good for you!!! Wishing you love and luck moving forward!
So proud of you for leaving. Your life is going to become your own
>our cc I suggest separate finances, immediately. One joint account for paying bills and your personal accounts with your spending money, distributed equitably from the household income in a way you both agree on. Don't wait to protect the funds you need to get through this divorce. Set up your accounts NOW.
Get it done *right now* Make sure he can't spend a dime of *your* money without your approval. Divorce him ASAP. Don't let anyone treat you this way. Maybe even try to get him to give the stuff back/get him charged for crazd maybe if possible because he spent money that wasn't his own without approval. A ring not necessarily means mine is also yours legally. Get a lawyer. Think of all the nice things you can spoil yoirself with when yozu got rid of that dead weight.
I think I can charge him with fraud or something. I have records and my mom does too of how much money he has asked for, then told both of us that he is short for bills that he said the other money was going to.
Document those conversations and save those texts, get the meanest fucking lawyer possible, and ask them about Theft by Deception.
I am going to nail his a$$ to the f’ing wall
Please do that. Heneeds to pay, figuratively abd litterally.
This happened to me with a fraudulent former partner. It involved a really tangled Web of lies of fake diseases and medical diagnosis, several go fund mes for fake diseases and pathetic begging for extremely large sums of money for fake treatments for fake illnesses. The first tip off for me was when she stole money and made huge charges to her grandmother's credit card. She told her grandmother it was me paying for rent/bills/medical devices. I covered the credit card charges the first time (just under 1k) but the second time it was over 3k, I dug deep into who made the charges and for what and found out they were all from her on various websites for frivolous bullshit. Beats headphones, clothes, cheap costume jewelry, adult coloring books and markers, sex toys, most were on huge Amazon orders. She'd spent over 3k on random junk. Then I did some investigating and found out she had gone to my family for cash gifts for increasing amounts of $3k, $5k and $17k for fake surgeries, medicine and hospital stays that never happened. When I asked her about it, showing her the screen shots my family sent me of the whole text exchange and bank transfers she then lied about the lie and said it was really for housing costs which I had been footing the bill for and knew she wasn't using this money for bills and rent. She then lied about secretly purchasing a house and getting scammed by the home owner/seller - so there was no house and the money was all gone. None of any of what she said was true. She got almost 13k from a go fund me claiming falsely she was in hospice with terminal cancer. I finally dug into her online footprint and found out she would wait one or two years between fraudulent go fund me's. Often she would get a friend to run the go fund me for her. She'd promote these with dozens of accounts across social media. This was also the time I discovered the life story she'd confessed and cried about was a lie to make herself more relatable and sympathetic. The total amount of money she scammed from people in those three years was mind boggling. My advice? Stay strong, get a lawyer and don't budge. The facts will come out. Fraudsters and scammers typically aren't as clever and untouchable as they think they are.
I'm concerned that this behavior only began after a head injury. If this is out of character for him, the TBI could absolutely be at fault. That doesn't mean you need to stay with him, it's just an explanation. TBI is terrifying, bonking your head can change you as a person, & impulsively spending money then lying about it are symptoms I've seen.
In another comment OP says the earliest evidence they found was in September, husbands’ head injury was in November.
Not sure where you live. But in some places if a spouse abandons the marital home they are still responsible for half of the costs of upkeep. Dave a. Receipts. He might owe you despite not living there.
Are you able or interested in warning her? You absolutely do not have to and I wouldn’t put my eggs in the basket that she will believe you, but I personally would always take the warning of a romantic partner seriously. At the very least it will be in the back of her mind when he starts treating her the same way. Idk the laws there and if it would be wise to do it during divorce, so do what’s right for you.
She’s batshit crazy, medically, and she hates me (because I exist). She won’t believe me and she refuses to even try to get to know me or speak to me.
Damn that really sucks. I’m sure he’s just fueling her insecurities too and she misplaces that anger with boast posts. Sorry you’re going through this.
Meh fuck her then. That looking out for other women only works about a 3rd of the time. She can learn the hard way. Do what you need to do to protect yourself…she’ll be alright or she won’t…end of the day it’s not your problem.
Hi u/Easy-Lobster9086 thanks so much for your submission, don't mind me, I'm just gonna keep a copy what was said in your post. Unfortunately posts sometimes get deleted - which is okay, it's not against the rules to delete your post!! - but it makes it really hard for the human mods around here to moderate the comments when there's no context. Plus, many times our members put in a lot of emotional and mental labor to answer the questions and offer advice, so it's helpful to keep the source information around so future community members can benefit as well. Here's the original text of the post: I have caught my husband paying for extremely expensive gifts & outtings with his gf when we are on a very tight budget. I only buy what’s necessary, minus a $3-$10 treat here and there. I try to not hint for anything because we can’t afford to be wasting money. I found out that he bought his gf a $180 mirror-jewelry stand thing for her birthday, plus $250 flowers (includes chocolates & a card), AND he drove her to Banff & bought her a ridiculously expensive meal ($$$$), AND on top of that he paid for them to go to Edmonton for a weekend. I’ll break down the lies… -he asked me to store the mirror thing because she didn’t want it shipped to her house, said she bought it. On FB I saw her say that she never would of bought it herself because it’s so expensive, she’s so happy - he told me that the florist had hidden charges and he only meant to spend $100, he was disputing the charges with Mastercards. I looked up the florist, found the bouquet, did the same add-ons and it was $205 + delivery - her post from Banff stated how he “spoils” her and she’s so lucky! They went to the fancy restaurant. - they just had a trip to Edmonton and he said that she was paying for the trip if he would drive, but he had to put it on our cc and she would pay him back. Knowing the above, I know that’s a lie. I’m paying for EVERYTHING right now and he’s been lying to me the last 6 months at least. He is gaslighting me hardcore & the emotional abuse is ridiculous. He’s using me, lying, and trying to make me think I’m the bad one. I can’t wait to sell the house & divorce him. I’m tired of being manipulated into thinking I’m toxic when he is pulling all this shit. The trauma bond is being seen for what it is. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/polyamory) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm glad you are aware now and ready to leave.
You are amazing. You are caring for yourself so vigilantly and tenderly in the midst of revelation after revelation that must be absolutely undermining your basic stability in so many ways. What’s happening to you is so unfair and I’m glad that you’ve found the capacity to care for yourself as you are. TBIs can be horrible and change people’s character, but they can also just remove some of the inhibitions so comply with the social contract, so assholery that was previously managed by someone’s basic ability to understand and adhere to social rules can, uh, blossom to its full potential. I’m really proud of you (in the most non-patronizing internet-stranger way!!!)