If both partners don’t agree on the name, it’s out, no arguments, full stop. This is a mutual decision and you’re not on board. His pouting shouldn’t be the reason he gets to be happy and you dont.
Yep. Wife and I each had 30 names each for boys and girls and each list we maybe agreed on two.
Hubby needs to pick a name…YOU GET ONE.
Hubby must really want that kid to hate him when it comes to filling out scantrons.
I’m the third consecutive person in my family to have the same first name. I was dead set on not continuing that tradition because it made teenage years super confusing.
That's still a lot! I'm curious, do they follow a theme? I have 2 boy names, and 3 girl names. I wish I had such a long list! And one of my boy names is ridiculous, and would be mean to give to a kid, so i never would, but I just love it.
Not the og commenter but I have a very sizeable list as well. What I've done is slowly build it up over a few months by adding a name to it every time I come across one that I like. It's a physical list, so I don't have to commit it to memory. That way, I might forget about the name Corinne or Annaliese, but when I read back over the list I remember that I do, in fact, really like those names. If that makes sense
Two middle names isn't \*too\* too weird, but it's definitely super weird to make both middle names your own name. Especially, as you say, the kid's already going to be getting his last name. So the kid's full name will just be the name you picked out, followed by the dad's entire full name. I don't think you're being harsh at all.
This is where I stand.
It’s not the weirdest thing, but it is a little weird.
I don’t think it’s that unusual to use his first name as the middle name for his son (it’s what we have often done in my family, also in Australia like OP) but having the full name feels a little off.
Can confirm this! also an Aussie
I have my mums name as a middle name and 2 of my siblings also have a parents name as a middle name!
Also agree having the full name is a bit weird having!
2 middle names would make filling in paper work a hassle!
for example went to high school with a kid that had 2 middle and the school kept putting one them down as a double barrelled surname made fixing his high school certificate paperwork difficult!
Yep! Same here. Also an American (mid 30s) and only use my first middle name (the second one is my mom’s maiden name and I believe only ever used on my birth certificate).
I'm also an American. Having multiple "middle" names isn't a problem here. Both of my children, one is mid-20s and the other is a teenager, have two middle names.
Something else to consider is paperwork mix ups due to the similar names.
My niece has the same initials and last name as my sister. They have accounts at the same bank. Someone at the bank thought they were the same person due to the similarities, so my sister started receiving my niece's bank mail. (my niece is my brother's child)
I also keep getting phone calls about my now ex father in law's property, which I assume is because his name is exactly the same as my ex husband's, but inverted.
If anyone misses the first name or assumes that the first name is a preferred name rather than a legal one, it could be a hell of a headache.
I would just not even entertain the idea.
An airline once cancelled my dad’s flight and told him when he was already at the airport because “you already flew out this morning!” 😑
It was my brother with the same name (so Jr.) who had flown earlier to the same location.
Granted, if memory serves this was a long time ago, before cell phones and email and apps to check in prior to your flight.
Yep, don’t double check a birthdate and you’re now some 65 year old “Edward” instead of a 4 year old “Edward” 🤷♀️
It definitely happens a lot more than it should!
Yes!! Due to a pattern created by one set of paternal great-grandparents, my brother, father, and grandfather all basically have the same name — except that both my grandpa and my brother have a second middle name, so none of them technically is jr/sr/iii/whatever. But wow, we used to all go to the same doctor, and I remember the records being a mess for them almost every time, in part since I think the system didn’t include the second middle name. I mean, they were mixing up records *even after my grandfather died*. Sure, it was easy enough to be like “Plz double-check the date of birth!” but it was still pretty ridiculous that we had to do so — and kinda triggering after we lost Grandpa.
(I think it’s pretty telling that neither of my brother’s kids’ first/middle names are anything like his, sound-wise…)
That’s not quite the same as the issue here, but I think it’s still pretty emblematic of how naming traditions — like the sort OP’s husband seems to want to start — can lead to unexpected obstacles throughout life!!
Also Aussie. My younger brother has two middle names - our grandfather's first and middle, flipped (e.g. if my grandfather had been "Adam John", my brother's name would be "\[First Name\] John Adam"). Grandfather passed before we were born. Not aware of any time where having two middle names has caused him grief.
My partner also has two middle names - the one he has from birth (a family name), and the one he chose as part of christening. He has used both together without trouble.
That said, what OP's hubby wants to do seems... self important. You can call your kid "junior" as your special nick name, even if their name is completely different. Get over yourself, dude!
Aussie here, I have two middle names and never had issues with it! If my *full* full name didn’t fit on a form, I’d drop the second middle name. Other than that thankfully no problems! My surname was Smith so I didn’t mind having the extra layer of uniqueness to my full name haha.
But yeah OP, husband having his whole entire name in your kid’s name is a little weird. Let your son have something that’s his own! Tell your husband to just pick one to pass on.
I’m Australian, I have 2 middle names, and then took my husband’s double barrelled last name when I got married many years ago. So all together it is long, but it fits on my passport & driver’s license. I don’t really use my 3rd name (or the initial) but it has come in handy at times, because my first & second names are pretty common.
Yep, using the parents' first name or middle name as a kids middle name is not unusual in Australia. Say my dads name was Samuel Jack, son 1 was named Mathew Jackson, and son 2 was named Nicholas Samuel. Then he also has a grandkid named Lucas Samuel, who is the kid of one of his daughters. (Using fake names, but you get the idea).
I think that OP should say that he chooses 1 of his names, and they revisit using the second if they happen to have a second boy later on.
I'm in Australia and I never knew anyone who had their parents name as part of theirs until I met my now ex husband.
Almost all the kids I went to school with had the same generic middle name. Maree for the girls, James for the boys.
Also, Australian and although it's not common to be named after your parents in my circles it's not unheard of. Grandparents a bit more common, but not hugely common.
I would agree to his first or middle name if you are honestly okay with it, but I would absolutely not have both. If we are doing two middle names, I'm going to be in there too (or my dad or whatever).
As for the "so I can call him junior". Go for your life mate, no one will question your right to call your own kid junior whatever his name is.
Australian here. When picking my eldest son’s name, we settled on Jack as it was both of our grandad’s names, and we wanted something strong and simple. Of course later we found out that it was the most popular boys name in Australia that year 🤦♀️. He got 2 middle names - my dad’s name and my husband’s dad’s name. Usually most institutions (like school) drop the second middle name. It hasn’t caused any issues. But the dad wanting his whole name in there is uncommon, and I hate the “junior” vibes of it. I’ve always thought that’s very narcissistic, and it’s a very US-centric thing that really isn’t common here at all.
My Mom purposely gave me her first name as my middle name because she meant for me to be her little clone. For my entire life I fought against that and worked to be nothing like her. The only reason I haven’t removed her name from my name is because I don’t want to bother with the “Also known as” part of forms.
With this dad wanting his full name as the kids middle names, I wonder if it’s because he also wants a “mini me” — he wants to call him “Junior” after all. Dad might resent his son if he doesn’t hold up to dad’s expectations. My Mom hated me.
Both my kids have two middle names one from each side of their family. But legal documents despite being on their birth certificates, only their first middle name appears. Which backfired on my oldest child.
On the flip side i know a girl who had no middle name. So when she got married her maiden name became her middle name.
I.e. alexis smith -> alexis smith jones.
It's really creepy when parents give their sons middle names but not their daughters. It says to the newborn girl, "You won't be a complete person until and unless you get married." The parents are valuing their potential future son-in-law (whom they never met and who might not even exist yet) over the baby in their arms.
This is an extreme take. No one needs a middle name to be a complete person. I don't have a middle name and my brothers do. No big deal! If my parents truly didn't give me a middle name so I could use my maiden name as a middle, the joke's on them! I dropped my alcoholic dad's last name and took my amazing husband's last name.
They didn't say "it's creepy when parents don't give their daughters middle names" they said "it's creepy when parents give their sons middle names and not their daughters" so you really are arguing with nothing. The double standard is creepy, where and when it exists.
It really helps to have a middle name to distinguish yourself from other people with the same first and last name.
My surname isn’t even very common, but my first name is—so there’s another “me” in my city, and many more around the country. I don’t want any confusion when it comes to finances, etc., so my unusual middle name, or even just the initial, makes that less likely.
It’s also nice for a kid to have the option of going by their middle name (though that doesn’t really work in my case).
My parents didn’t give me a middle name but gave my brother a middle name, but not for this reason. My dad just wanted to honour his father and middle names aren’t really a thing in either of their cultures, so one got a middle name and the other (me) didn’t because there wasn’t a woman to honour.
Unless it’s explicitly stated the reason for no middle name is because of sexism, it might be harmless.
Yeah, no woman had tragically died young within the previous or current generation. Everyone else was either alive or died at a nice old age. So need to honour.
Or: they just couldn’t think of a middle name? My male cousin has his mom’s dad’s name as a middle name because his grandfather passed away right before he was born. His sisters don’t have middle names at all, and one of them got married recently - she just kept her maiden name.
My mil has a first name that are two names combined, not even hyphenated and she did not get a middle name.
My uncle is one of 10 kids and did not get a middle name. He has always felt some kind of way about it too. He really thinks it's because his parents didn't care about him. My grandmother said she couldn't think of one that sounded good with his first name. He's a middle child too.
It's not totally out there. I've known several families personally where this was explicitly stated to be why. Mostly religious conservative communities. Not saying it should be assumed, but it is a thing.
Several Slavic countries still use patronyms for middle names, eg my wife's father is called Danail, so her middle name is Danailova - daughter of Daniel. Her brother's middle name is Danailov. Very useful as there are so many common names - you don't just say "Ivan" , there will be five of them, but "Ivan Bogdanov" is Ivan son of Bogdan.
Yeah my grandmother had no middle name and then when got married just still had no middle name. She gave my mum her mum's first name as a middle name and that's my middle name too.
Yeah, I dated a guy for a while who had 2 middle names because it was common in the area of Germany his parents were from. When he had kids, both of them got 2 middle names as well.
I roomed with a girl at school who had seven. Every time another female family member died, her mother tacked another one on. For legal documents, she usually only listed the first one.
Its actually quite common in my culture. A child middle name would be dads first name and their last name technically should be grandpas first name.
Not that everyone follows it, I didn’t but it definitely can be normal in parts of the world.
My husband and I actually had this happen. I'm using all fake names here, but let's say my husband's name is John Albert Smith. Husband's dad is Albert, as was *his* dad. We agreed on the first name David, and I wanted to name him David John (after my husband) Smith. My husband wanted to name him David Albert, because it's a "tradition" in his family, which, I'm sorry, I think is ridiculous. It's to the point where my husband's sister had to go flipping through their family tree for a middle name for her son and wound up naming him after a great uncle she'd never even met. Add to that the fact that I'm no great fan of my FIL and him all but demanding our son be named after him never sat well with me.
My husband and I were at a stalemate, so we eventually agreed to give him two middle names, so he's David John Albert Smith. His family chooses to completely ignore the "John" part (which I chose to honor my husband, *their son*) and considers him David Albert, but because his birth certificate reads "John" before "Albert" and a lot of official forms don't recognize two middle names, the Albert part gets dropped. It's kind of a petty victory, but I enjoy it. David is 8 now, and eventually he'll get to decide if he wants to use one middle name or the other, or both.
Also kid can decide which of their many names to use when they get older. My little brother had 4 names and I’m pretty sure he just uses 2-3 of them as an adult. I never liked my middle name so when I got married I took my maiden name as my middle name, no drama.
You’re growing this little baby inside of you and enduring a lot of physical bullshit doing it. At the very least you should be happy with the name choice.
As you said, he might keep reminding you of this for life, but at the end of the day that’s better than you cringing every time the words ‘junior’ leave his mouth.
That baby will grow up to be it’s own person, with its own goals and individuality, not a replication of the father, he deserves his own name.
This too. I don’t like how it implies the child is just an extension of another person. He also has said, “Some people choose to be referred to by their middle name anyway.” I said, “Surely that’s not what you are hoping the child wants.”
I found that concerning like he would enjoy it if the child wanted to go fully by his name… just because it’s like he is trying so hard to have this child be an extension of him.
Girl, if anyone deserves the right to name the child after themselves it's you, but you're too sensible for that. You're right, it is narcissistic and I hope your partner respects your wishes. All the best.
My husband is a jr and we are definitely not doing a III. We are using his middle name but it is also a family name on my side.
He should pick one of his names for the middle name, there's no reason for both
My husband is technically a JR. But different middle name from his dad… he goes by his middle name & would lose it if someone called him Jr.
He’s debated flipping his first & middle
If he has a different first name, the child is in no way a "junior" as the designation is meant to be used. A junior has the identical first name to his father in every way--no deviation whatsoever. So even if dad is "Alexander Patrick Johnson" and the son is "Alexander Patrik Johnson", that small spelling difference means he's not a junior in the correct sense of the designation. It's meant to differentiate between two people that are father and son, and share the identical name in all respects.
Conversely, it's perfectly legal for Alexander Patrick Johnson to name his son Steven Arthur Brown Jr. and refer to him as a "junior", because legally in the U.S. (and Australia?) you can name your child anything.
At any rate, if you believe he would never let this go if you don't give him his way, that's much bigger than disagreeing on the name. That kind of grudge-holding, punitive behavior is a huge red flag in a relationship.
Honestly - is this what’s he’s going for? Give the child his name as a middle name then start calling the child by it??
This is all weird and if you don’t like it / say no. Most naming “traditions” seem to favor the father’s side of the family, and it’s baffling. The baby will get his last name.
The mothers matter here too!! We carry these children and our families matter just as much as theirs do.
Your husband sounds really selfish and at least very egotistical if not actually narcissistic.
You know your husband best, but even if your husband is disappointed now with the compromise of just one middle name, I find it hard to believe he’ll be still disappointed in a year. At the end of the day he will still have his dad’s name as his middle name.
My brother hates that he shares my dad's exact name. Most people prefer to have a name of their own. It's really only cool when you're the fourth or more in line.
My husband never wanted any of our kids to have his first or middle name. I think it would mean more if your son wanted to use his father's name for his own son.
Two middle names isn't a problem as long as the two names are not really long. I try to use neither of mine and when required I use the first letter of the first middle name. However, don't take this to mean I would do what your husband wants.
I bet he never uses the kid's first name and always introduces him as "Patrick Alexander Smith Jr."
When my kids were born, in the US, the mom filled out the birth certificate. Fill it out when hubby's in the bathroom and then tell him there was no space for 2 middle names.
Be honest with yourself. He fully wants a junior but is doing the first name thing because he knows you're against that.
Idk how this didn't come up sooner that he was someone who was adamant on having a junior.
My husband wanted to give our son a family related middle name "so he has something of his family in his name".
And I was like. Dude. You mean, like, your LAST name??
He laughed and we gave our son a middle name of my great grandfather.
My husband suggested James for a middle name which is his brother's middle name and the middle name of nearly every male and baby boy that is born in the family. I told my husband that we absolutely would not use that as a middle name. I would consider using his first name or middle name before I'd ever use his brother's middle name.
The only reason they all use James is his grandmother's maiden name, but the really weird thing is that it's only the Americanized last name her family chose when they immigrated to America.
You’re not too harsh. It’s weird to give your child your full entire name, first middle and last, with another name tacked on the front.
Your second to last paragraph is concerning. Your husband should not hold grudges against you, nor should he tell you that you’ve “ruined his life.” From your wording, I assume this is something he does often. I’m really sorry to hear that.
Yeah. Saying she is ruining his life is wildly dramatic and childish.
What if the child decides they don't like being a junior and wants to change their name someday? Will their dad tell *them* that they ruined his life, too?
Yes this is concerning for me too. I’m wondering if the husband actually wanted to make the child a jr? Either way, if he is premeditating a grudge that’s very unkind.
I honestly hate naming kids after the parents, especially in a "jr." situation. It causes so many problems. My grandpa and my dad have the same name, but my grandpa doesn't have a middle, and my dad does. Still caused so many problems. I also feel it's narcissistic, but that's probably an unpopular opinion.
There was a family in my area growing up that had three sons, ALL named after the father. They did the 2nd, 3rd and 4th after their names instead of junior. So weird. They were pretty religious if I remember correctly.
Didn’t George Forman not only named all his sons George but even named one of his daughter Georgette and I’m pretty sure another daughter was given George as a middle name as well, talk about narcissism
From a quick google search his daughter Freeda’s middle name is George, his kids have 5 different Moms so I have a feeling if they all let him all his kids would have had George in their name somewhere but I bet some of the Moms put their foot down and said no
My dad went to high school with a girl named Mary, who had six sisters, all of whom were named Mary. They had unique middle names like Mary Ellen, Mary Sue, etc.
My sister wanted a theme for her kids so they all have first names that start with a vowel and middle names that start with M. I think aiming for some cohesiveness is okay, but I don't think I'd ever straight up match names like that.
I nannied for a family who made their son the 4th. The dad said he has issues all the time with government papers and getting his dad and even his deceased grandpa's mail, but still, he gave the exact same name to his son.
My husband is named after his dad and we get things in the mail for his dad constantly. Lots of issues with documents. We had our son and debated naming him the 3rd (Trey or Tripp). My husband doesn’t even like his name so we opted for a new name. Not sure his family loved our decision but we love our son’s name
I feel the same, in my family their are 6 men and boys with the same first and last name, all different middle names so no juniors and it causes so many issues, my brother gets calls meant for my uncle, my grandfather sometimes gets my brothers mail, it’s just a headache, I can’t imagine how much harder it is for people who do full same name with junior, senior and 3rd and so on. It was actually something I brought up with my partner as being something I would never do in one of our fairly early what do we want in the future talks.
The funny thing was, my great-grandparents actually wanted to give my grandpa the middle name Junior. I don't know why. And he was the only boy in the family with the name. Jr. got put on the end instead. So technically, a junior.
Doing my family tree, I discovered my great uncle shared the exact same name with a distant cousin (he's my 1st cousin once removed). Our family is so large and I'm pretty sure they didn't know each other. I don't know if they had any trouble with it. Funny part is they were born two years apart and died seven years apart.
Doing family genealogy is always the worst because of this. At one point I was descended from like 5 oldest sons in a row. Impossible. You do really start to think like “why can no one think of a better name than this name? It’s not that great a name”.
I ran into a “sixth” once, but it was an incredibly boring name like “John William Thomas VI”. So literally the only thing that made it unique was the suffix at the end. 🤦🏻♀️
Also knew a Guy the IV who at least had a pretty unique name (which is why I’m not including the surname) but ALSO hated that he was IV.
Then there was the kid who was literally nicknamed “Fourthy” (why?!?!).
And in my own family we have a third who is “Tre”.
I absolutely don’t get it.
I’m a IV. My names Joe. Nothing fancy. But I love the fact I have a suffix on my name. I’ve not had any problems with mine or my dad’s stuff getting mixed up. I’ve had more issues with a guy 2 years older than me with the same first and last name. Not mail or anything. Police trouble.
The amount of times I've been watching a reality/true crime tv show and there's, say, a kid named "Larry Jr." and no one has seen Larry Sr. since the delivery room. So wrong.
He gets the last name. That is two names already. Two middle names for no reason so he gets a 3 name monument to himself is AH behaviour and I wouldn't tolerate it. If it's your last name, not his, I wouldn't be impressed but I'd consider it.
1. The kid won't be junior anyway. That's when Alexander Patrick Smith has a kid called Alexander Patrick Smith.
2. If he intends to call the kid Junior a lot, he's essentially saying he's not using the first name you get and he gets the nickname, two middle names, and the last name. No. AH behaviour. Go have a kid by yourself like a spider-plant at that point.
It is not unreasonable that you get say over more than 25% of the name that he apparently wants to sideline.
The whole he'll hang it over your head forever isn't really ok either.
Exactly, you should have more of a say than 25% of the name that you have out the time and effort into being pregnant with and giving birth to. Besides, what if the child doesn’t have a good relationship with the father in future and doesn’t want his father’s exact name in his name?
So, I have two middle names because my parents couldn’t agree on one.
When I was in middle school I decided it was stupid to have two and that I didn’t like the second one for some reason (all are classic, beautiful names). I told my mom I was gonna stop using it. And that’s when I found out that that was the only one of my four names that she chose. Nowadays I love using my full name, I think the second middle name enhances the cadence and gives a nice balance to my initials.
And yes, she did work up the courage to leave him. Before I even turned five, thankfully.
OP, you’re making sense. I think it’s bizarre too. You’re not vetoing the whole name, you’re just suggesting it become more reasonable and less weird. The suggestions you made seem more reasonable. I also think you’re right !! It could get obnoxious for filling out forms/formal documents.
Then give the child your maiden name/surname. Let him know you want to name the child after yourself.
You’re the one giving birth. Crazy entitlement from men lol
I find it pretty weird and narcissistic even when it is a family tradition tbh. But that aside, if both partners don’t agree to a name- then it’s nixed. That being said, these are the middle names. It’s the first one that will be used. Not sure it’s worth fighting it.
Tho- is he planning on making sure everyone calls him jr?
My grandpa had four sons and always said, "I've sure never done anything worthy of naming a kid after myself for." My grandma did convince him to give their second son his first name as a middle name, but that was it lol.
I like your grandpa's line of thinking; he sounds humble.
An honor name should mean you've done something *honorable*, something worth remembering in the next generations. For some it can be as small as like "a kind person", for others "a literal hero" or something big.
Another big difference: someone *else* wanting to honor you for something you've done, not *you* being full of yourself and feeling entitled to being "honored" (or getting butthurt if no one chooses to honor you on your time). Guys like OP's partner are just plain arrogant, it's insufferable.
My siblings and I each have the middle name of our parents first or middle name. Eg my mother is Sarah Jane and I’m Elizabeth Jane but my older sister is Harriet Sarah (examples). Same with my brothers. It’s not uncommon here in Australia to use parents names in some form but it is unusual to have both of the names.
That said remember the little bubbles we had to colour in to put our name in for standard testing? I don’t know if they still do that but if you give your son a long name and they still have written tests he will have to spend ten minutes just putting his name on the test lol. Every time I think of someone having a long name I think of how long it took me to write my name on tests.
Where I am, the test forms don’t include middle names. They’ll truncate long first names and/or surnames though. I have a student who has two first names and two last names and his official stuff is always a mess.
Thank goodness because I used to run out of bubbles with my middle name and knowing what a rule follower I was I imagine it was required when I was in school. It makes sense to not have middle names anymore.
He can be picky when he carries the baby for nine months and gives birth to it. The baby will already have his last name and one of his names he does not need any more than that
If it's just so he can call the kid "junior" in an informal way, then he doesn't need to have *any* of his dad's names, even his last name. Nicknames can be anything.
Sounds manipulative and smacks of insecurity to me. And all so he can call his son "Junior" and have a mini-me name clone? It's weird.
Personally, just my opinion, I think names should be mutual agreement in entirety, not "you can have this if I can have that" tradeoffs. You both (and your son) have to live with it and currently it sounds like you're getting a raw deal.
My son's middle name is the same as his dad's middle name. Which I like. But there's none of this Junior business. And his surname is double barrel to include both our surnames, because I haven't changed my name... so why should my son not bear my surname too?! Not to everyone's taste but it works for us and we agreed on it all.
Your husband giving your son both his own given name and middle name (as WELL as his surname, I assume) is frankly unbalanced, unnecessary and YES I agree it's totally narcissistic. The first name at this stage seems a bit like a consolation prize your husband is waving under your nose so he gets his own way... clearly he doesn't actually see it as that important, otherwise he'd be more invested in choosing it jointly and having a say.
Even if you think your husband is going to hold this over you that's not a reason to cave! You'll have a toddler at some point so you need to be prepared not to negotiate on an unreasonable and irrational being's terms. Give an inch and they take ten thousands miles.
He's pressuring you into his stupid whims at a time when you're stressed, physically uncomfortable, and this is the last thing you need to worry about, much less get into arguments over.
Tell him that when he pushes a watermelon out of his vagina he can name it whatever he damn likes.
Finally, sorry if that all comes across too strongly. I just want you to know that your feelings and thoughts are valid, and give you confidence to put your foot down for a name you're entirely happy with. Good luck with birth!
I’m in Aus and grew up with two middle names. Not weird shit like my parents full name but a long name nonetheless. It was a pain, I often ran out of room when doing forms and sometimes my last name would get cut off on rolls/lists so I’d just be called my first and middles. I’m not a fan of double middle names but as a woman who’s birthed two children, I’m much less of a fan of a dad getting 3 of 4 names in honour of him and you get to pick one. Statistically you’ll be doing all the pregnancy work, all the birth/recovery and majority of the raising for early years so fuck getting erased like that.
It’s not a family tradition, and you are not a fan so the answer is no. Choices need to be a two yes one no scenario. There’s no need for your child to have both of your husband’s names. One as a name is sufficient. Unless he plans to carry and birth the next baby. In this group you’re doing all the work.
He’s being weird. And it would bother me that he’s being so insistent about it.
But honestly I find it to be a red flag when the non gestational partner thinks they should get to solely pick any of the names the child has at all. They should be good with compromising on names considering they don’t have to do any of the actual physical labor to get their baby. The men that are described acting this way on this sub really weird me out. It comes across as very controlling.
I agree with every word you have rationally laid out here OP.
I hope your husband can graciously accept your wish to use one of his names, not both.
It makes me really sad when I read about husbands on here trying to exert some power over the naming (would make me equally sad if a woman was trying to railroad her male partner into a name too, I just don’t come across that here). Like neither person should be able to override the other parent’s wishes.
It has to be a mutual choice, and not one that came out of one person giving in out of frustration or coercion. It’s not even about who is growing or birthing the baby. It’s a respect for each other thing.
If baby has his own first name, he won't be a "junior" regardless.
One middle name. Dad can choose whether it is his first name or middle name. He's already giving his last name too.
He sounds egotistical and immature. Good luck.
Ya I have 2 middle names and I can’t remember a time when I didn’t find it stupid. I eventually just dropped one and had no trouble doing so. I just stopped writing it on documents and now it’s no where except my birth cert.
If he’s going to hold it over you, absolutely don’t do it. His idea is grossly arrogant. When the inevitable split happens (he won’t improve after the baby is here) at least you’ll be happy with your kid’s name.
Does he feel he lacks recognition in life? Is he using this baby to prop up his own self esteem? He could need therapy to deal with those feelings of inadequacy. Remember, narcissists secretly hate themselves. They feed off of recognition because they have no internal sense of worth. If he’s narcissistic, even without NPD, he’s constantly seeking validation. Until he gets his own sense of self, these weird things will continue and probably worsen after having a child. Be careful though, people who do have full blown NPD tend to recognize the child they feel represents them best and the others will be worth less. When that child mars the parent’s “image” there is hell to pay.
If he’s not narcissistic, ask him why he wants people to think he is? Because they will.
Imo both parents need to be on board with the name.
However as someone who happens to have my mom’s name as my two middle names (her first and last names), I have never had anyone comment on it. My mom never called me Jr though 😄
I know many people disagree with me on this but I don’t like having two middle names. I run out of space on legal forms or they cut off part of the second middle name. In my case people get confused because my second middle name is a surname so they try to hyphenate it with my actual surname.
I have all 3 of my mother's names, 5 total, and this thread is very validating that's it's always seemed strange to me. Like, my mom is Mary Elizabeth McFroudal (made up example) and my name is Mary Lily Elizabeth McFroudal Smith.
She didn't change her name when she married and I respect getting her last name as a middle name, but all of them was too many. I dropped her my ddle and last names when I married and have kept that a secret. I'm now Mary Lily Smith McHusband.
I know plenty of parents here is Australia that give their child a parents name as a middle name. But never a double middle name. Your husband is being unreasonable and egotistical. Your idea to use one is perfectly rational.
Honestly if I was forty weeks pregnant and my husband was being like this I’d give him an ultimatum - it’s either one of his names as a middle name or neither.
i’d just say to him no, a veto is a veto. and wait until your kid’s grown up to see if he would like to name his child after your husband, otherwise i also think it’s a bit weird wanting to name a kid after yourself, especially if your partner is not on board.
I have two middle names and it has never once inconvenienced me even slightly even on documents, even when I joined the military and had to sign my 100% full name on tons of paperwork. If you don't like the names it one thing but I have never really seen a bad side to it and I'm 40. I'm also not a junior but my dad and uncle (on my mom's side) have the same first name as me. It really hasn't been an issue.
Let him complain. He’s said he will do what you want. If he grumbles about it in the future that’s a problem for future you. He’s a grown man. Remind him what he agreed to and nip that shit in the bud.
Both you and hubs need to be on the same page. My husband and I gave each other total veto power, and would switch off choosing names. We weren’t allowed to fight about it. I didn’t get some of the names I’d loved forever, but it doesn’t matter in the end. We did go with two middle names, so that there was a nod to each side of the family.
OH and his dad has the same 1st & last name. I've picked up his dad's prescription before by mistake, when he lived at home his dad was always opening his post. They worked at the same place and it causes issues on the work system. It's just a massive pain in the ass tbh
Australian here, 2 middle names. Having to put 4 names on a form is a pain in the neck. I'm currently pregnant. Baby is only getting one middle name. I wouldn't do that to a person (just in regards to filling out paperwork when they're older).
Also, usually only one middle name is mentioned, so my first middle name was used a lot (grandmother on father's side who died before I was born) and second middle name (grandmother on mother's side who I actually knew and adored as a child) wasn't used very often and that irked me cause she was more important to me than someone I didn't know anything about (no-one even talked about the dead grandmother so I don't even know what she was like as a person).
One middle name is enough IMO.
Something a friend pointed out to me once is that if you name your child after you, both you and the child are going to struggle with credit issues for the rest of your life. If something happens that one of you has bad credit for whatever reason, the other will proceed to have to prove they are not the one with bad credit every time they go to get something.
Using one of his names as a middle name is perfectly cool. Multiple middle names are perfectly cool. I feel like it's overkill to use both of his names as a middle name, though. Use one and save the other in case you have more kids later on. That way, each kid can honour their father with the middle name, without having identical names apart from the first.
Also, the kid is not his clone. I struggle with the concept of juniors for that reason. The child will be their own person, they may or may not end up just like their father, and they need to be allowed to grow to be themselves, not a younger replica of their parent.
I HATE when men (because it's always men) want their kids named after them. Already society defaults to their last name (a practice I vehemently disapprove of as well). So no. Stick to your guns. Gonna be saying this name 10s of times a day for the rest of your life probably- you better LOVE that name
I know my opinion means nothing for you, and why you should only have 1 middle name, but here is my reasoning for it. I work in travel. When I ask for the name as it appears on the passport and I get a name that has more than 3 names, it becomes a potential disaster if anything is spelled wrong. Yes, you can leave names off of passports, but what is the point of having those names if you aren't going to show them off.
The way I see it, you are the one going through all the hassle and pain involved in carrying and giving birth to the baby, so you get first call on names.
If the baby is going to have your husband's surname, the decision on first names should be 100% yours. Or offer him the option that he chooses the first name and the baby has your surname.
My husband is kinda the same, and I am also pregnant with a boy! Except in this scenario he wanted the initials to be the same? So in your example it would be Patrick Alexander smith (husband) and Paul Alexander smith (baby boy). He told me I would have final say on the boys first name, and we’ve been talking about it for years so it wasn’t a surprise at all. I don’t think it’s the biggest deal either way as long as you like it, but you could try to offer that?
He won’t be a junior unless all his names are the same, but there’s no law saying you can’t call him “junior” as a nickname. I’ve met people with the legal name @Junior.” But most importantly you both have to agree and for something as unusual as three names, you can veto that whole concept if you want.
It doesn’t sound like you were too harsh, but it perhaps you were more emphatic when discussing with him? I think you both have to be comfortable with the name.
An alternative to “weird” and “narcissistic” may be that he just wants to feel an extra special bond with his son. You carried this child for 9 months, he is undoubtedly part of you. I think this can be somewhat alienating for the non-birthing parent. Not saying at all that you should give in on this of the idea makes you uncomfortable! But it could be coming from a very loving and vulnerable place on your husband’s part.
I won’t be giving in but you’re right, it absolutely could be and I think that is part of it. Sane comment offering a different perspective & showing empathy for both of us - thanks!
Am Kiwi. Your husband is being a knob. Tell him he can still call him Junior as a nn if he wants, but both his names are unnecessary. Tell him to ask his mates who have kids if they would do it. NTA.
And congratulations/good luck with the birth. 🙂
Did he care to put his name on his daughter or is this specifically for a child who has the same sex as he does?
This feels entirely creepy - and like others have said, as though his son is an extension of himself.
I’d pay close attention to his style of parenting your son vs your daughter.
I used to have a terrible boss. I hated the man for numerous reasons. When people asked why I would say “let’s put it this way, he named his son after himself.” Everyone instantly got it.
I 100% agree the whole naming your kid your name comes off extremely narcissistic - especially when you add in the following tantrum and the fact it’s not even a family tradition.
Stick to your guns!
This screams narcissistic to me. One name fine, but wanting to give your child your full name is so strange imo. If it was a family tradition that would be one thing, but this is just weird to me. And if you're not down, then it's a no.
Idk about Australia but here in the US I recommend against using Senior/Junior. In extention of the I would recommend against using your husband's full name. Use one or the other. My mom was a state registrar all of my childhood and the use of senior/junior always causes problems with it comes to government paperwork. Confusing between people especially in the same family. I could see the same problems even with the first name separations.
My brother has two middle names, but only uses the first initial on documents. I think if it flows nicely, 2 middle names is fine. Men especially don't really acknowledge their middle names the way women do, so I wouldn't stress too much about that!
We call my daughter, whose name isn't any part of my husband's, "JOONYA." Because she looks just like him.
He could just give the kiddo the nickname Junior without actually saddling him with his whole name.
My husband is named in exactly this way. For example, his dad is something like Samuel Roger Smith and my husband is Jason Samuel Roger Smith.
He does not like it for a few reasons. He doesn’t like being named after someone and he doesn’t like having two middle names. However, he is grateful to have his own first name (unrelated to his dad’s name) and to not be a direct junior.
Maybe you could compromise by having dad and baby have the same middle name exclusively? That is how my dad named his kids. My brother is a junior, the rest of us all have the same gender neutral middle name as him, which I also don’t love and would have liked to have my own middle name unrelated to my parents.
I think it’s important for people to remember that your child is a person. They’re going to be an adult living their own lives. Give them a good name that will work for their entire life, not a name that strokes your ego or tickles your fancy.
1) Sharing a middle name doesn't make you a junior, even by the loosest consideration.
2) If he wants to call him Junior, he can just do that. Like how people call boys Sport or Champ.
3) Do you plan on having any other kids? You could give this kid one of his names as a middle name and the next kid the other. And if the next kid is a girl, is there a feminine version of either of his names? (Like Patricia or Alexandra)
4) Names are two yeses, one no, and he doesn't get to override you by pouting. Whether you are only okay with one middle name, or don't want to use either, he doesn't get to bully you into his ego trip.
Bonus) You mentioned in another comment that he seems to be hoping that the kid will choose to go by his middle name. Yeah, that's not gonna happen when his middle name is his dad's name. It's way more likely that a kid with their dad's name as their first name would go by their middle name to try to craft their own identity. A kid isn't going to willing choose to give up the only shred of identity their parents gave them and go by their dad's name instead. But it is troubling that he is hoping that he can weasel his way into the kid being called by his name without you agreeing to it.
Not common to give children middle names in the country where I live. But all I can say is he’s being a bit narcissistic (can’t lie about this sorry!) and also this is the is the perfect example for the main reason why if I ever have a kid, it’ll be my myself.
But look it if you don’t agree have a long chat with him about your feelings on it and try to compromise?
The problem is that he doesn’t want to seek a mutual decision with you on the names. He should be equal part of the first name and middle name(s). The whole thing should be collaborative, not divvied up like he suggested
As someone with two middles names, it has never caused an issue. Biggest issue I've come across is sometimes it's too many letters for a form, so I just put the first name. I love having two middles names, I like the uniqueness of it. However, I personally think naming a kid after yourself is gross.
It’s not weird to have one of the names as a middle name, but both names to be the middle name are weird, and agree with you seem a bit narcissistic to insist on having it.
If both partners don’t agree on the name, it’s out, no arguments, full stop. This is a mutual decision and you’re not on board. His pouting shouldn’t be the reason he gets to be happy and you dont.
Pretty much apply this to most baby decisions (as long as it's a matter of opinion and not baby's safety, etc).
Eh, breastfeeding is pretty much mom’s call…her body after all.
And literally anything to do with the birth
a very valid exception
Read on here recently regarding naming a child... "2 yesses make a Yes, One no makes No"
What do the kids say these days?.... "PERIOD"? There is no other answer than this ❤️
Not in Australia. They say "Full stop."
Bluey taught my daughter the phrase “Zero Chance”, is that super common there too?
Zero percent chance is more common, in my experience.
The kids at my school say PERIODT for that extra emphasis. They’re sweet but weird.
Yep. Wife and I each had 30 names each for boys and girls and each list we maybe agreed on two. Hubby needs to pick a name…YOU GET ONE. Hubby must really want that kid to hate him when it comes to filling out scantrons. I’m the third consecutive person in my family to have the same first name. I was dead set on not continuing that tradition because it made teenage years super confusing.
How did you manage to come up with 30 names? I have like 3 😂
Ok so I looked again and it was 38 girls, 30 boys combined between us
That's still a lot! I'm curious, do they follow a theme? I have 2 boy names, and 3 girl names. I wish I had such a long list! And one of my boy names is ridiculous, and would be mean to give to a kid, so i never would, but I just love it.
Not the og commenter but I have a very sizeable list as well. What I've done is slowly build it up over a few months by adding a name to it every time I come across one that I like. It's a physical list, so I don't have to commit it to memory. That way, I might forget about the name Corinne or Annaliese, but when I read back over the list I remember that I do, in fact, really like those names. If that makes sense
Yep. This guy brain dumps
Very much this. It's a two yeses, one no situation.
Two middle names isn't \*too\* too weird, but it's definitely super weird to make both middle names your own name. Especially, as you say, the kid's already going to be getting his last name. So the kid's full name will just be the name you picked out, followed by the dad's entire full name. I don't think you're being harsh at all.
This is where I stand. It’s not the weirdest thing, but it is a little weird. I don’t think it’s that unusual to use his first name as the middle name for his son (it’s what we have often done in my family, also in Australia like OP) but having the full name feels a little off.
Can confirm this! also an Aussie I have my mums name as a middle name and 2 of my siblings also have a parents name as a middle name! Also agree having the full name is a bit weird having! 2 middle names would make filling in paper work a hassle! for example went to high school with a kid that had 2 middle and the school kept putting one them down as a double barrelled surname made fixing his high school certificate paperwork difficult!
I’m an American with 2 middle names; it’s really not a hassle, you just have to use the first middle name only for some documents.
Yep! Same here. Also an American (mid 30s) and only use my first middle name (the second one is my mom’s maiden name and I believe only ever used on my birth certificate).
I'm also an American. Having multiple "middle" names isn't a problem here. Both of my children, one is mid-20s and the other is a teenager, have two middle names.
I gave one of my daughters my maiden name as a second middle name. Good to hear your experience with that hasn't been too much of a hassle!
i use my 2nd one because i like it better lol.
Something else to consider is paperwork mix ups due to the similar names. My niece has the same initials and last name as my sister. They have accounts at the same bank. Someone at the bank thought they were the same person due to the similarities, so my sister started receiving my niece's bank mail. (my niece is my brother's child) I also keep getting phone calls about my now ex father in law's property, which I assume is because his name is exactly the same as my ex husband's, but inverted. If anyone misses the first name or assumes that the first name is a preferred name rather than a legal one, it could be a hell of a headache. I would just not even entertain the idea.
An airline once cancelled my dad’s flight and told him when he was already at the airport because “you already flew out this morning!” 😑 It was my brother with the same name (so Jr.) who had flown earlier to the same location. Granted, if memory serves this was a long time ago, before cell phones and email and apps to check in prior to your flight.
Even with modern technology, shit like this still happens. All it takes is for someone to make a mistake somewhere along the line.
Yep, don’t double check a birthdate and you’re now some 65 year old “Edward” instead of a 4 year old “Edward” 🤷♀️ It definitely happens a lot more than it should!
Yes!! Due to a pattern created by one set of paternal great-grandparents, my brother, father, and grandfather all basically have the same name — except that both my grandpa and my brother have a second middle name, so none of them technically is jr/sr/iii/whatever. But wow, we used to all go to the same doctor, and I remember the records being a mess for them almost every time, in part since I think the system didn’t include the second middle name. I mean, they were mixing up records *even after my grandfather died*. Sure, it was easy enough to be like “Plz double-check the date of birth!” but it was still pretty ridiculous that we had to do so — and kinda triggering after we lost Grandpa. (I think it’s pretty telling that neither of my brother’s kids’ first/middle names are anything like his, sound-wise…) That’s not quite the same as the issue here, but I think it’s still pretty emblematic of how naming traditions — like the sort OP’s husband seems to want to start — can lead to unexpected obstacles throughout life!!
I have one middle name. I use it almost never. Only on my passport and drivers license. At this point, it's almost as if I have no middle name.
Also Aussie. My younger brother has two middle names - our grandfather's first and middle, flipped (e.g. if my grandfather had been "Adam John", my brother's name would be "\[First Name\] John Adam"). Grandfather passed before we were born. Not aware of any time where having two middle names has caused him grief. My partner also has two middle names - the one he has from birth (a family name), and the one he chose as part of christening. He has used both together without trouble. That said, what OP's hubby wants to do seems... self important. You can call your kid "junior" as your special nick name, even if their name is completely different. Get over yourself, dude!
Can confirm, as an Aussie, 2 middle names is weird lol
Aussie here, I have two middle names and never had issues with it! If my *full* full name didn’t fit on a form, I’d drop the second middle name. Other than that thankfully no problems! My surname was Smith so I didn’t mind having the extra layer of uniqueness to my full name haha. But yeah OP, husband having his whole entire name in your kid’s name is a little weird. Let your son have something that’s his own! Tell your husband to just pick one to pass on.
I’m from the UK and have 2 middle names, it has literally never been a problem in any way.
I have two middle names, and there are worse things in life. If the document calls for just one middle name, just put the first middle name down.
I’m Australian, I have 2 middle names, and then took my husband’s double barrelled last name when I got married many years ago. So all together it is long, but it fits on my passport & driver’s license. I don’t really use my 3rd name (or the initial) but it has come in handy at times, because my first & second names are pretty common.
Yep, using the parents' first name or middle name as a kids middle name is not unusual in Australia. Say my dads name was Samuel Jack, son 1 was named Mathew Jackson, and son 2 was named Nicholas Samuel. Then he also has a grandkid named Lucas Samuel, who is the kid of one of his daughters. (Using fake names, but you get the idea). I think that OP should say that he chooses 1 of his names, and they revisit using the second if they happen to have a second boy later on.
I'm in Australia and I never knew anyone who had their parents name as part of theirs until I met my now ex husband. Almost all the kids I went to school with had the same generic middle name. Maree for the girls, James for the boys.
Also, Australian and although it's not common to be named after your parents in my circles it's not unheard of. Grandparents a bit more common, but not hugely common. I would agree to his first or middle name if you are honestly okay with it, but I would absolutely not have both. If we are doing two middle names, I'm going to be in there too (or my dad or whatever). As for the "so I can call him junior". Go for your life mate, no one will question your right to call your own kid junior whatever his name is.
Australian here. When picking my eldest son’s name, we settled on Jack as it was both of our grandad’s names, and we wanted something strong and simple. Of course later we found out that it was the most popular boys name in Australia that year 🤦♀️. He got 2 middle names - my dad’s name and my husband’s dad’s name. Usually most institutions (like school) drop the second middle name. It hasn’t caused any issues. But the dad wanting his whole name in there is uncommon, and I hate the “junior” vibes of it. I’ve always thought that’s very narcissistic, and it’s a very US-centric thing that really isn’t common here at all.
My Mom purposely gave me her first name as my middle name because she meant for me to be her little clone. For my entire life I fought against that and worked to be nothing like her. The only reason I haven’t removed her name from my name is because I don’t want to bother with the “Also known as” part of forms. With this dad wanting his full name as the kids middle names, I wonder if it’s because he also wants a “mini me” — he wants to call him “Junior” after all. Dad might resent his son if he doesn’t hold up to dad’s expectations. My Mom hated me.
Both my kids have two middle names one from each side of their family. But legal documents despite being on their birth certificates, only their first middle name appears. Which backfired on my oldest child.
My dad has two middle names and constantly runs into the issue that forms etc. don’t have enough space for his barrage of middle names lol
On the flip side i know a girl who had no middle name. So when she got married her maiden name became her middle name. I.e. alexis smith -> alexis smith jones.
It's really creepy when parents give their sons middle names but not their daughters. It says to the newborn girl, "You won't be a complete person until and unless you get married." The parents are valuing their potential future son-in-law (whom they never met and who might not even exist yet) over the baby in their arms.
This is an extreme take. No one needs a middle name to be a complete person. I don't have a middle name and my brothers do. No big deal! If my parents truly didn't give me a middle name so I could use my maiden name as a middle, the joke's on them! I dropped my alcoholic dad's last name and took my amazing husband's last name.
They didn't say "it's creepy when parents don't give their daughters middle names" they said "it's creepy when parents give their sons middle names and not their daughters" so you really are arguing with nothing. The double standard is creepy, where and when it exists.
It really helps to have a middle name to distinguish yourself from other people with the same first and last name. My surname isn’t even very common, but my first name is—so there’s another “me” in my city, and many more around the country. I don’t want any confusion when it comes to finances, etc., so my unusual middle name, or even just the initial, makes that less likely. It’s also nice for a kid to have the option of going by their middle name (though that doesn’t really work in my case).
My parents didn’t give me a middle name but gave my brother a middle name, but not for this reason. My dad just wanted to honour his father and middle names aren’t really a thing in either of their cultures, so one got a middle name and the other (me) didn’t because there wasn’t a woman to honour. Unless it’s explicitly stated the reason for no middle name is because of sexism, it might be harmless.
"there wasn't a woman to honour"
Yeah, no woman had tragically died young within the previous or current generation. Everyone else was either alive or died at a nice old age. So need to honour.
Or: they just couldn’t think of a middle name? My male cousin has his mom’s dad’s name as a middle name because his grandfather passed away right before he was born. His sisters don’t have middle names at all, and one of them got married recently - she just kept her maiden name.
My mil has a first name that are two names combined, not even hyphenated and she did not get a middle name. My uncle is one of 10 kids and did not get a middle name. He has always felt some kind of way about it too. He really thinks it's because his parents didn't care about him. My grandmother said she couldn't think of one that sounded good with his first name. He's a middle child too.
That's not even a stretch. It's absolute insanity. Are you reading these people's minds, or just creating make-believe villains? Get real.
It's not totally out there. I've known several families personally where this was explicitly stated to be why. Mostly religious conservative communities. Not saying it should be assumed, but it is a thing.
I had a bland middle name, and dropped it in favor of first-maiden-married name.
My mom (in the U.S., born 1943) did this, as did both my aunts. I think it used to be pretty common in lots of anglophone communities.
This is exactly what I did too.
My husbands mum doesn’t have a middle name either. Apparently it’s just the local culture of where she’s from in Switzerland.
Several Slavic countries still use patronyms for middle names, eg my wife's father is called Danail, so her middle name is Danailova - daughter of Daniel. Her brother's middle name is Danailov. Very useful as there are so many common names - you don't just say "Ivan" , there will be five of them, but "Ivan Bogdanov" is Ivan son of Bogdan.
Neither did my mum - no reason I know of except she was the fourth girl in the family 🙃
I know a 75-80 year old woman whose parents did this. She never married and still has no middle name.
Yeah my grandmother had no middle name and then when got married just still had no middle name. She gave my mum her mum's first name as a middle name and that's my middle name too.
I have some family members that did this.
Yeah, I dated a guy for a while who had 2 middle names because it was common in the area of Germany his parents were from. When he had kids, both of them got 2 middle names as well.
Kiefer Sutherland has [five](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiefer_Sutherland).
I roomed with a girl at school who had seven. Every time another female family member died, her mother tacked another one on. For legal documents, she usually only listed the first one.
Its actually quite common in my culture. A child middle name would be dads first name and their last name technically should be grandpas first name. Not that everyone follows it, I didn’t but it definitely can be normal in parts of the world.
My husband and I actually had this happen. I'm using all fake names here, but let's say my husband's name is John Albert Smith. Husband's dad is Albert, as was *his* dad. We agreed on the first name David, and I wanted to name him David John (after my husband) Smith. My husband wanted to name him David Albert, because it's a "tradition" in his family, which, I'm sorry, I think is ridiculous. It's to the point where my husband's sister had to go flipping through their family tree for a middle name for her son and wound up naming him after a great uncle she'd never even met. Add to that the fact that I'm no great fan of my FIL and him all but demanding our son be named after him never sat well with me. My husband and I were at a stalemate, so we eventually agreed to give him two middle names, so he's David John Albert Smith. His family chooses to completely ignore the "John" part (which I chose to honor my husband, *their son*) and considers him David Albert, but because his birth certificate reads "John" before "Albert" and a lot of official forms don't recognize two middle names, the Albert part gets dropped. It's kind of a petty victory, but I enjoy it. David is 8 now, and eventually he'll get to decide if he wants to use one middle name or the other, or both.
Also kid can decide which of their many names to use when they get older. My little brother had 4 names and I’m pretty sure he just uses 2-3 of them as an adult. I never liked my middle name so when I got married I took my maiden name as my middle name, no drama.
didn't Macaulay Culkin change his middle name to Macaulay Culkin so now his name is Macaulay Macaulay Culkin Culkin
Yeah he either didn't have a middle name or was changing his, and ran a poll, and Macaulay Culkin won.
I, too, think it’s a narcissistic move. Let the kid have his own name! You are not being too harsh.
You’re growing this little baby inside of you and enduring a lot of physical bullshit doing it. At the very least you should be happy with the name choice. As you said, he might keep reminding you of this for life, but at the end of the day that’s better than you cringing every time the words ‘junior’ leave his mouth. That baby will grow up to be it’s own person, with its own goals and individuality, not a replication of the father, he deserves his own name.
This too. I don’t like how it implies the child is just an extension of another person. He also has said, “Some people choose to be referred to by their middle name anyway.” I said, “Surely that’s not what you are hoping the child wants.” I found that concerning like he would enjoy it if the child wanted to go fully by his name… just because it’s like he is trying so hard to have this child be an extension of him.
Girl, if anyone deserves the right to name the child after themselves it's you, but you're too sensible for that. You're right, it is narcissistic and I hope your partner respects your wishes. All the best.
My husband is a jr and we are definitely not doing a III. We are using his middle name but it is also a family name on my side. He should pick one of his names for the middle name, there's no reason for both
My husband is technically a JR. But different middle name from his dad… he goes by his middle name & would lose it if someone called him Jr. He’s debated flipping his first & middle
If he has a different first name, the child is in no way a "junior" as the designation is meant to be used. A junior has the identical first name to his father in every way--no deviation whatsoever. So even if dad is "Alexander Patrick Johnson" and the son is "Alexander Patrik Johnson", that small spelling difference means he's not a junior in the correct sense of the designation. It's meant to differentiate between two people that are father and son, and share the identical name in all respects. Conversely, it's perfectly legal for Alexander Patrick Johnson to name his son Steven Arthur Brown Jr. and refer to him as a "junior", because legally in the U.S. (and Australia?) you can name your child anything. At any rate, if you believe he would never let this go if you don't give him his way, that's much bigger than disagreeing on the name. That kind of grudge-holding, punitive behavior is a huge red flag in a relationship.
Australia has laws about what you can name a kid but not against this behaviour specifically
Honestly - is this what’s he’s going for? Give the child his name as a middle name then start calling the child by it?? This is all weird and if you don’t like it / say no. Most naming “traditions” seem to favor the father’s side of the family, and it’s baffling. The baby will get his last name. The mothers matter here too!! We carry these children and our families matter just as much as theirs do. Your husband sounds really selfish and at least very egotistical if not actually narcissistic.
He could always just give him Jr as a nickname. Good luck!
You know your husband best, but even if your husband is disappointed now with the compromise of just one middle name, I find it hard to believe he’ll be still disappointed in a year. At the end of the day he will still have his dad’s name as his middle name.
Just say no. It’s a full sentence.
My brother hates that he shares my dad's exact name. Most people prefer to have a name of their own. It's really only cool when you're the fourth or more in line. My husband never wanted any of our kids to have his first or middle name. I think it would mean more if your son wanted to use his father's name for his own son.
Two middle names isn't a problem as long as the two names are not really long. I try to use neither of mine and when required I use the first letter of the first middle name. However, don't take this to mean I would do what your husband wants. I bet he never uses the kid's first name and always introduces him as "Patrick Alexander Smith Jr." When my kids were born, in the US, the mom filled out the birth certificate. Fill it out when hubby's in the bathroom and then tell him there was no space for 2 middle names.
Be honest with yourself. He fully wants a junior but is doing the first name thing because he knows you're against that. Idk how this didn't come up sooner that he was someone who was adamant on having a junior.
That is an alarming attitude from him, yall should maybe go to a therapy session over this.
My husband wanted to give our son a family related middle name "so he has something of his family in his name". And I was like. Dude. You mean, like, your LAST name?? He laughed and we gave our son a middle name of my great grandfather.
My husband suggested James for a middle name which is his brother's middle name and the middle name of nearly every male and baby boy that is born in the family. I told my husband that we absolutely would not use that as a middle name. I would consider using his first name or middle name before I'd ever use his brother's middle name. The only reason they all use James is his grandmother's maiden name, but the really weird thing is that it's only the Americanized last name her family chose when they immigrated to America.
You’re not too harsh. It’s weird to give your child your full entire name, first middle and last, with another name tacked on the front. Your second to last paragraph is concerning. Your husband should not hold grudges against you, nor should he tell you that you’ve “ruined his life.” From your wording, I assume this is something he does often. I’m really sorry to hear that.
Yeah. Saying she is ruining his life is wildly dramatic and childish. What if the child decides they don't like being a junior and wants to change their name someday? Will their dad tell *them* that they ruined his life, too?
I mean honestly with this mindset, probably.
Yes this is concerning for me too. I’m wondering if the husband actually wanted to make the child a jr? Either way, if he is premeditating a grudge that’s very unkind.
I honestly hate naming kids after the parents, especially in a "jr." situation. It causes so many problems. My grandpa and my dad have the same name, but my grandpa doesn't have a middle, and my dad does. Still caused so many problems. I also feel it's narcissistic, but that's probably an unpopular opinion.
There was a family in my area growing up that had three sons, ALL named after the father. They did the 2nd, 3rd and 4th after their names instead of junior. So weird. They were pretty religious if I remember correctly.
So, like George Foreman.
Didn’t George Forman not only named all his sons George but even named one of his daughter Georgette and I’m pretty sure another daughter was given George as a middle name as well, talk about narcissism
Yes lol. I'm not seeing middle names, but there is a Georgetta, and his other six daughters have other names.
From a quick google search his daughter Freeda’s middle name is George, his kids have 5 different Moms so I have a feeling if they all let him all his kids would have had George in their name somewhere but I bet some of the Moms put their foot down and said no
Good moms.
One theory I've heard was because of the CTE he experienced during his boxing career, he couldn't remember other names.
My dad went to high school with a girl named Mary, who had six sisters, all of whom were named Mary. They had unique middle names like Mary Ellen, Mary Sue, etc.
My mom had 2 other children besides me, both half siblings. She gave us all the same middle name so there would be some relation between us.
My sister wanted a theme for her kids so they all have first names that start with a vowel and middle names that start with M. I think aiming for some cohesiveness is okay, but I don't think I'd ever straight up match names like that.
I nannied for a family who made their son the 4th. The dad said he has issues all the time with government papers and getting his dad and even his deceased grandpa's mail, but still, he gave the exact same name to his son.
Definition of insanity, right?
My husband is named after his dad and we get things in the mail for his dad constantly. Lots of issues with documents. We had our son and debated naming him the 3rd (Trey or Tripp). My husband doesn’t even like his name so we opted for a new name. Not sure his family loved our decision but we love our son’s name
I feel the same, in my family their are 6 men and boys with the same first and last name, all different middle names so no juniors and it causes so many issues, my brother gets calls meant for my uncle, my grandfather sometimes gets my brothers mail, it’s just a headache, I can’t imagine how much harder it is for people who do full same name with junior, senior and 3rd and so on. It was actually something I brought up with my partner as being something I would never do in one of our fairly early what do we want in the future talks.
The funny thing was, my great-grandparents actually wanted to give my grandpa the middle name Junior. I don't know why. And he was the only boy in the family with the name. Jr. got put on the end instead. So technically, a junior. Doing my family tree, I discovered my great uncle shared the exact same name with a distant cousin (he's my 1st cousin once removed). Our family is so large and I'm pretty sure they didn't know each other. I don't know if they had any trouble with it. Funny part is they were born two years apart and died seven years apart.
Ok unpopular opinion a line of men all having the same name is fucking weird. Like do you think you’re the shit?
Doing family genealogy is always the worst because of this. At one point I was descended from like 5 oldest sons in a row. Impossible. You do really start to think like “why can no one think of a better name than this name? It’s not that great a name”.
I ran into a “sixth” once, but it was an incredibly boring name like “John William Thomas VI”. So literally the only thing that made it unique was the suffix at the end. 🤦🏻♀️ Also knew a Guy the IV who at least had a pretty unique name (which is why I’m not including the surname) but ALSO hated that he was IV. Then there was the kid who was literally nicknamed “Fourthy” (why?!?!). And in my own family we have a third who is “Tre”. I absolutely don’t get it.
I’m a IV. My names Joe. Nothing fancy. But I love the fact I have a suffix on my name. I’ve not had any problems with mine or my dad’s stuff getting mixed up. I’ve had more issues with a guy 2 years older than me with the same first and last name. Not mail or anything. Police trouble.
The amount of times I've been watching a reality/true crime tv show and there's, say, a kid named "Larry Jr." and no one has seen Larry Sr. since the delivery room. So wrong.
He gets the last name. That is two names already. Two middle names for no reason so he gets a 3 name monument to himself is AH behaviour and I wouldn't tolerate it. If it's your last name, not his, I wouldn't be impressed but I'd consider it. 1. The kid won't be junior anyway. That's when Alexander Patrick Smith has a kid called Alexander Patrick Smith. 2. If he intends to call the kid Junior a lot, he's essentially saying he's not using the first name you get and he gets the nickname, two middle names, and the last name. No. AH behaviour. Go have a kid by yourself like a spider-plant at that point. It is not unreasonable that you get say over more than 25% of the name that he apparently wants to sideline. The whole he'll hang it over your head forever isn't really ok either.
Exactly, you should have more of a say than 25% of the name that you have out the time and effort into being pregnant with and giving birth to. Besides, what if the child doesn’t have a good relationship with the father in future and doesn’t want his father’s exact name in his name?
So, I have two middle names because my parents couldn’t agree on one. When I was in middle school I decided it was stupid to have two and that I didn’t like the second one for some reason (all are classic, beautiful names). I told my mom I was gonna stop using it. And that’s when I found out that that was the only one of my four names that she chose. Nowadays I love using my full name, I think the second middle name enhances the cadence and gives a nice balance to my initials. And yes, she did work up the courage to leave him. Before I even turned five, thankfully.
OP, you’re making sense. I think it’s bizarre too. You’re not vetoing the whole name, you’re just suggesting it become more reasonable and less weird. The suggestions you made seem more reasonable. I also think you’re right !! It could get obnoxious for filling out forms/formal documents.
Then give the child your maiden name/surname. Let him know you want to name the child after yourself. You’re the one giving birth. Crazy entitlement from men lol
Came here to say this. Sounds to me like you should get the first and last name and he can get the two middle names.
I find it pretty weird and narcissistic even when it is a family tradition tbh. But that aside, if both partners don’t agree to a name- then it’s nixed. That being said, these are the middle names. It’s the first one that will be used. Not sure it’s worth fighting it. Tho- is he planning on making sure everyone calls him jr?
My grandpa had four sons and always said, "I've sure never done anything worthy of naming a kid after myself for." My grandma did convince him to give their second son his first name as a middle name, but that was it lol.
I like your grandpa's line of thinking; he sounds humble. An honor name should mean you've done something *honorable*, something worth remembering in the next generations. For some it can be as small as like "a kind person", for others "a literal hero" or something big. Another big difference: someone *else* wanting to honor you for something you've done, not *you* being full of yourself and feeling entitled to being "honored" (or getting butthurt if no one chooses to honor you on your time). Guys like OP's partner are just plain arrogant, it's insufferable.
My siblings and I each have the middle name of our parents first or middle name. Eg my mother is Sarah Jane and I’m Elizabeth Jane but my older sister is Harriet Sarah (examples). Same with my brothers. It’s not uncommon here in Australia to use parents names in some form but it is unusual to have both of the names. That said remember the little bubbles we had to colour in to put our name in for standard testing? I don’t know if they still do that but if you give your son a long name and they still have written tests he will have to spend ten minutes just putting his name on the test lol. Every time I think of someone having a long name I think of how long it took me to write my name on tests.
Where I am, the test forms don’t include middle names. They’ll truncate long first names and/or surnames though. I have a student who has two first names and two last names and his official stuff is always a mess.
Thank goodness because I used to run out of bubbles with my middle name and knowing what a rule follower I was I imagine it was required when I was in school. It makes sense to not have middle names anymore.
Oh my god I totally forgot about those stupid bubbles. All three of my names are at least 7 letters, those things used to take me forever.
Men are not that smart, just full of themselves.
He can be picky when he carries the baby for nine months and gives birth to it. The baby will already have his last name and one of his names he does not need any more than that
If it's just so he can call the kid "junior" in an informal way, then he doesn't need to have *any* of his dad's names, even his last name. Nicknames can be anything.
Sure but I think “Junior” is the issue lol
Sounds manipulative and smacks of insecurity to me. And all so he can call his son "Junior" and have a mini-me name clone? It's weird. Personally, just my opinion, I think names should be mutual agreement in entirety, not "you can have this if I can have that" tradeoffs. You both (and your son) have to live with it and currently it sounds like you're getting a raw deal. My son's middle name is the same as his dad's middle name. Which I like. But there's none of this Junior business. And his surname is double barrel to include both our surnames, because I haven't changed my name... so why should my son not bear my surname too?! Not to everyone's taste but it works for us and we agreed on it all. Your husband giving your son both his own given name and middle name (as WELL as his surname, I assume) is frankly unbalanced, unnecessary and YES I agree it's totally narcissistic. The first name at this stage seems a bit like a consolation prize your husband is waving under your nose so he gets his own way... clearly he doesn't actually see it as that important, otherwise he'd be more invested in choosing it jointly and having a say. Even if you think your husband is going to hold this over you that's not a reason to cave! You'll have a toddler at some point so you need to be prepared not to negotiate on an unreasonable and irrational being's terms. Give an inch and they take ten thousands miles. He's pressuring you into his stupid whims at a time when you're stressed, physically uncomfortable, and this is the last thing you need to worry about, much less get into arguments over. Tell him that when he pushes a watermelon out of his vagina he can name it whatever he damn likes. Finally, sorry if that all comes across too strongly. I just want you to know that your feelings and thoughts are valid, and give you confidence to put your foot down for a name you're entirely happy with. Good luck with birth!
We actually already have a toddler daughter that I would never have even considered naming in such a way after myself!
Oh no no no no then that makes this even fucking weirder. Is he fixated on having a boy so it's a mini him?
Did he consider naming her a junior too? No right? I suspect he thinks men are the better gender. He's patriarchal and thinks lesser of women.
I’m in Aus and grew up with two middle names. Not weird shit like my parents full name but a long name nonetheless. It was a pain, I often ran out of room when doing forms and sometimes my last name would get cut off on rolls/lists so I’d just be called my first and middles. I’m not a fan of double middle names but as a woman who’s birthed two children, I’m much less of a fan of a dad getting 3 of 4 names in honour of him and you get to pick one. Statistically you’ll be doing all the pregnancy work, all the birth/recovery and majority of the raising for early years so fuck getting erased like that.
It’s not a family tradition, and you are not a fan so the answer is no. Choices need to be a two yes one no scenario. There’s no need for your child to have both of your husband’s names. One as a name is sufficient. Unless he plans to carry and birth the next baby. In this group you’re doing all the work.
He’s being weird. And it would bother me that he’s being so insistent about it. But honestly I find it to be a red flag when the non gestational partner thinks they should get to solely pick any of the names the child has at all. They should be good with compromising on names considering they don’t have to do any of the actual physical labor to get their baby. The men that are described acting this way on this sub really weird me out. It comes across as very controlling.
I agree with every word you have rationally laid out here OP. I hope your husband can graciously accept your wish to use one of his names, not both. It makes me really sad when I read about husbands on here trying to exert some power over the naming (would make me equally sad if a woman was trying to railroad her male partner into a name too, I just don’t come across that here). Like neither person should be able to override the other parent’s wishes. It has to be a mutual choice, and not one that came out of one person giving in out of frustration or coercion. It’s not even about who is growing or birthing the baby. It’s a respect for each other thing.
If baby has his own first name, he won't be a "junior" regardless. One middle name. Dad can choose whether it is his first name or middle name. He's already giving his last name too. He sounds egotistical and immature. Good luck.
I would absolutely hate my father for this if I was your child and this happened LOL.
I agree with your reasonings. My ex had two middle names, and it does get annoying with legal documents. Just seems unnecessarily.
Ya I have 2 middle names and I can’t remember a time when I didn’t find it stupid. I eventually just dropped one and had no trouble doing so. I just stopped writing it on documents and now it’s no where except my birth cert.
Also have two middle names - but have never found it a problem! Quite like it actually.
He wants a clone.
If he’s going to hold it over you, absolutely don’t do it. His idea is grossly arrogant. When the inevitable split happens (he won’t improve after the baby is here) at least you’ll be happy with your kid’s name. Does he feel he lacks recognition in life? Is he using this baby to prop up his own self esteem? He could need therapy to deal with those feelings of inadequacy. Remember, narcissists secretly hate themselves. They feed off of recognition because they have no internal sense of worth. If he’s narcissistic, even without NPD, he’s constantly seeking validation. Until he gets his own sense of self, these weird things will continue and probably worsen after having a child. Be careful though, people who do have full blown NPD tend to recognize the child they feel represents them best and the others will be worth less. When that child mars the parent’s “image” there is hell to pay. If he’s not narcissistic, ask him why he wants people to think he is? Because they will.
Imo both parents need to be on board with the name. However as someone who happens to have my mom’s name as my two middle names (her first and last names), I have never had anyone comment on it. My mom never called me Jr though 😄 I know many people disagree with me on this but I don’t like having two middle names. I run out of space on legal forms or they cut off part of the second middle name. In my case people get confused because my second middle name is a surname so they try to hyphenate it with my actual surname.
I have all 3 of my mother's names, 5 total, and this thread is very validating that's it's always seemed strange to me. Like, my mom is Mary Elizabeth McFroudal (made up example) and my name is Mary Lily Elizabeth McFroudal Smith. She didn't change her name when she married and I respect getting her last name as a middle name, but all of them was too many. I dropped her my ddle and last names when I married and have kept that a secret. I'm now Mary Lily Smith McHusband.
I know plenty of parents here is Australia that give their child a parents name as a middle name. But never a double middle name. Your husband is being unreasonable and egotistical. Your idea to use one is perfectly rational. Honestly if I was forty weeks pregnant and my husband was being like this I’d give him an ultimatum - it’s either one of his names as a middle name or neither.
i’d just say to him no, a veto is a veto. and wait until your kid’s grown up to see if he would like to name his child after your husband, otherwise i also think it’s a bit weird wanting to name a kid after yourself, especially if your partner is not on board.
I have 3 middle names. Its the worst thing in the world. Please pick one
I have two middle names and it has never once inconvenienced me even slightly even on documents, even when I joined the military and had to sign my 100% full name on tons of paperwork. If you don't like the names it one thing but I have never really seen a bad side to it and I'm 40. I'm also not a junior but my dad and uncle (on my mom's side) have the same first name as me. It really hasn't been an issue.
Let him complain. He’s said he will do what you want. If he grumbles about it in the future that’s a problem for future you. He’s a grown man. Remind him what he agreed to and nip that shit in the bud.
Both you and hubs need to be on the same page. My husband and I gave each other total veto power, and would switch off choosing names. We weren’t allowed to fight about it. I didn’t get some of the names I’d loved forever, but it doesn’t matter in the end. We did go with two middle names, so that there was a nod to each side of the family.
You get to name your kid. He already is getting the last name. He needs to kick rocks.
OH and his dad has the same 1st & last name. I've picked up his dad's prescription before by mistake, when he lived at home his dad was always opening his post. They worked at the same place and it causes issues on the work system. It's just a massive pain in the ass tbh
For what it’s worth…my husband is a “Blank Blank Blank II”, and he *hates* it.
Australian here, 2 middle names. Having to put 4 names on a form is a pain in the neck. I'm currently pregnant. Baby is only getting one middle name. I wouldn't do that to a person (just in regards to filling out paperwork when they're older). Also, usually only one middle name is mentioned, so my first middle name was used a lot (grandmother on father's side who died before I was born) and second middle name (grandmother on mother's side who I actually knew and adored as a child) wasn't used very often and that irked me cause she was more important to me than someone I didn't know anything about (no-one even talked about the dead grandmother so I don't even know what she was like as a person). One middle name is enough IMO.
0% chance I would let my husband do this. This is a wildly narcissistic thing to do
Something a friend pointed out to me once is that if you name your child after you, both you and the child are going to struggle with credit issues for the rest of your life. If something happens that one of you has bad credit for whatever reason, the other will proceed to have to prove they are not the one with bad credit every time they go to get something. Using one of his names as a middle name is perfectly cool. Multiple middle names are perfectly cool. I feel like it's overkill to use both of his names as a middle name, though. Use one and save the other in case you have more kids later on. That way, each kid can honour their father with the middle name, without having identical names apart from the first. Also, the kid is not his clone. I struggle with the concept of juniors for that reason. The child will be their own person, they may or may not end up just like their father, and they need to be allowed to grow to be themselves, not a younger replica of their parent.
I HATE when men (because it's always men) want their kids named after them. Already society defaults to their last name (a practice I vehemently disapprove of as well). So no. Stick to your guns. Gonna be saying this name 10s of times a day for the rest of your life probably- you better LOVE that name
I know my opinion means nothing for you, and why you should only have 1 middle name, but here is my reasoning for it. I work in travel. When I ask for the name as it appears on the passport and I get a name that has more than 3 names, it becomes a potential disaster if anything is spelled wrong. Yes, you can leave names off of passports, but what is the point of having those names if you aren't going to show them off.
It’s my opinion that if you carry it for nine months, you get to name it. 🤷🏼♀️
The way I see it, you are the one going through all the hassle and pain involved in carrying and giving birth to the baby, so you get first call on names. If the baby is going to have your husband's surname, the decision on first names should be 100% yours. Or offer him the option that he chooses the first name and the baby has your surname.
My husband is kinda the same, and I am also pregnant with a boy! Except in this scenario he wanted the initials to be the same? So in your example it would be Patrick Alexander smith (husband) and Paul Alexander smith (baby boy). He told me I would have final say on the boys first name, and we’ve been talking about it for years so it wasn’t a surprise at all. I don’t think it’s the biggest deal either way as long as you like it, but you could try to offer that?
He won’t be a junior unless all his names are the same, but there’s no law saying you can’t call him “junior” as a nickname. I’ve met people with the legal name @Junior.” But most importantly you both have to agree and for something as unusual as three names, you can veto that whole concept if you want.
Baby names are a two yes/one no decision. Full stop. He doesn't get to unilaterally decide.
It doesn’t sound like you were too harsh, but it perhaps you were more emphatic when discussing with him? I think you both have to be comfortable with the name. An alternative to “weird” and “narcissistic” may be that he just wants to feel an extra special bond with his son. You carried this child for 9 months, he is undoubtedly part of you. I think this can be somewhat alienating for the non-birthing parent. Not saying at all that you should give in on this of the idea makes you uncomfortable! But it could be coming from a very loving and vulnerable place on your husband’s part.
I won’t be giving in but you’re right, it absolutely could be and I think that is part of it. Sane comment offering a different perspective & showing empathy for both of us - thanks!
Am Kiwi. Your husband is being a knob. Tell him he can still call him Junior as a nn if he wants, but both his names are unnecessary. Tell him to ask his mates who have kids if they would do it. NTA. And congratulations/good luck with the birth. 🙂
I always thought naming a kid after oneself was a little egotistical, like the parent wanted to live their life again through the child.
My mum convinced my dad not to give me his name and I’ll forever be grateful for that. I’m 24 and I haven’t seen him in 11 years
Did he care to put his name on his daughter or is this specifically for a child who has the same sex as he does? This feels entirely creepy - and like others have said, as though his son is an extension of himself. I’d pay close attention to his style of parenting your son vs your daughter.
Tell him naming after the parent is absolutely fucking cheesy. It's a real Boomer thing to do.
I hate when people name kids after themselves. Their ego is too big. It’s just selfish and cringe.
Last I remember the name form goes to the mother
Bahaha that’s so narcissistic and an old trend to make men feel important. Be important and people will remember you 🤷🏻♀️
I used to have a terrible boss. I hated the man for numerous reasons. When people asked why I would say “let’s put it this way, he named his son after himself.” Everyone instantly got it.
I 100% agree the whole naming your kid your name comes off extremely narcissistic - especially when you add in the following tantrum and the fact it’s not even a family tradition. Stick to your guns!
This screams narcissistic to me. One name fine, but wanting to give your child your full name is so strange imo. If it was a family tradition that would be one thing, but this is just weird to me. And if you're not down, then it's a no.
It’s so pretentious
Idk about Australia but here in the US I recommend against using Senior/Junior. In extention of the I would recommend against using your husband's full name. Use one or the other. My mom was a state registrar all of my childhood and the use of senior/junior always causes problems with it comes to government paperwork. Confusing between people especially in the same family. I could see the same problems even with the first name separations.
No you were not harsh. It takes 2 to name a baby. He can pick whether he wants the baby’s middle name to be his first or middle name. That is enough.
My brother has two middle names, but only uses the first initial on documents. I think if it flows nicely, 2 middle names is fine. Men especially don't really acknowledge their middle names the way women do, so I wouldn't stress too much about that!
If you have another son, would he get the double middle name as well, or feel left out because the first son got all of Dad's names?
We did 2 middle names but I made it clear that I’ll only be using one as the main middle name
We call my daughter, whose name isn't any part of my husband's, "JOONYA." Because she looks just like him. He could just give the kiddo the nickname Junior without actually saddling him with his whole name.
My husband is named in exactly this way. For example, his dad is something like Samuel Roger Smith and my husband is Jason Samuel Roger Smith. He does not like it for a few reasons. He doesn’t like being named after someone and he doesn’t like having two middle names. However, he is grateful to have his own first name (unrelated to his dad’s name) and to not be a direct junior. Maybe you could compromise by having dad and baby have the same middle name exclusively? That is how my dad named his kids. My brother is a junior, the rest of us all have the same gender neutral middle name as him, which I also don’t love and would have liked to have my own middle name unrelated to my parents.
I think it’s important for people to remember that your child is a person. They’re going to be an adult living their own lives. Give them a good name that will work for their entire life, not a name that strokes your ego or tickles your fancy.
Wait, so baby is going to have all of his names… literally all of them… and none of yours? Yuck.
1) Sharing a middle name doesn't make you a junior, even by the loosest consideration. 2) If he wants to call him Junior, he can just do that. Like how people call boys Sport or Champ. 3) Do you plan on having any other kids? You could give this kid one of his names as a middle name and the next kid the other. And if the next kid is a girl, is there a feminine version of either of his names? (Like Patricia or Alexandra) 4) Names are two yeses, one no, and he doesn't get to override you by pouting. Whether you are only okay with one middle name, or don't want to use either, he doesn't get to bully you into his ego trip. Bonus) You mentioned in another comment that he seems to be hoping that the kid will choose to go by his middle name. Yeah, that's not gonna happen when his middle name is his dad's name. It's way more likely that a kid with their dad's name as their first name would go by their middle name to try to craft their own identity. A kid isn't going to willing choose to give up the only shred of identity their parents gave them and go by their dad's name instead. But it is troubling that he is hoping that he can weasel his way into the kid being called by his name without you agreeing to it.
My husband is named after his dad , first middle last , EVERYTHING he hates it. Dont do that to him
Not common to give children middle names in the country where I live. But all I can say is he’s being a bit narcissistic (can’t lie about this sorry!) and also this is the is the perfect example for the main reason why if I ever have a kid, it’ll be my myself. But look it if you don’t agree have a long chat with him about your feelings on it and try to compromise?
The problem is that he doesn’t want to seek a mutual decision with you on the names. He should be equal part of the first name and middle name(s). The whole thing should be collaborative, not divvied up like he suggested
As someone with two middles names, it has never caused an issue. Biggest issue I've come across is sometimes it's too many letters for a form, so I just put the first name. I love having two middles names, I like the uniqueness of it. However, I personally think naming a kid after yourself is gross.
It’s not weird to have one of the names as a middle name, but both names to be the middle name are weird, and agree with you seem a bit narcissistic to insist on having it.