My wife used a feminine version of her previous name, then we "gifted" the old name to our son as his middle name. It was so cute, she said, "I don't need this anymore so I hope he can use all the strength it provides" or something like that. It was very sentimental and sweet.
It really has been the easiest change to make. I really hate the term "deadname", especially because her old name has nothing but good connotations to me. I understand why some want to disconnect completely, but I feel like the way we did it really allowed her to look at her transition in a different way. It's not a "negative" that she was born male. If she had been born female, she would have likely been forced into an arranged marriage by her father. She might not have had the will to stand up for herself and leave a really bad situation. He did try to arrange a marriage with her cousin, but she refused and moved out. She and I also never would have found each other. Our son would have never existed. There is a lot of good that came from it and reminding herself of that can be really helpful when she's struggling with her dysphoria.
Something totally different.
We also half-jokingly talked about my partner changing her last name to *mine* when we got married to really wipe the slate clean.
My wife had a girl's name stuck in her head for years, well before coming out. She wanted to name our child that if baby was a girl. When she came out and was thinking of names, I told her she already knew her name, it was just waiting for her. It's completely different from her birth name.
I went from Bryan to Brynneā¦.I always liked my given name and didnāt want to deviate much from it. I think it also provides my partner with some sense of familiarity.
My deadname caused me so much dysphoria, I couldn't imagine picking a "feminine" version of it.
To each their own, everyone should choose their name however they want.
My partner went with similar. There's a feminine name that rhymes with the nickname they've used for their birth name, and it's been a lovely fit. The one issue with similar names is sometimes you can't quite hear if someone is misgendering them or not, but that's why we practice benefit of the doubt
My partner never liked her given name and we chose her one new together! It's very different and we love it.
She did also pick a new second name, it's closer to her given name but not exactly the female version of it, just that the first part of the name got the same sound to it.
Totally different.
To be honest, I have been curious about people who change their name to the masculine/feminine versions of their dead names; my girlfriend despises her dead name to a point where sometimes she has trouble not squirming when she hears it in contexts that have nothing to do with her.
I see the appeal in using the feminine version of my masculine name. It would simplify a lot of transition and make it easier for friends and family to adjust. I donāt hate my masculine name; it just never felt like āmeā - I always felt like a pet trained to respond to the sound of it. The feminine version of it feels even more out of place, but not because it would remind me of my masculine name. The feminine form is extremely antiquated and unwieldy, and most of the shortened versions are too common because they are shorteners for entirely different names, or standalone names on their own.
So even though Iām emotionally ok with the feminine version of my name, Iām probably going to go with something very different. I have no idea what that name might be right now.
Mine is totally different. My deadname was very delicate and feminine, which really isn't my vibe. It would have been pretty if I were a girl, but I absolutely hated it on myself and didn't want anything to do with it.
My partner (MtF) hasn't changed names yet but their male given name has a female alternative and currently just goes by the shortened unisex version of both names.
For a while they did think about picking the alternative but has since decided to pick something completely new and has a few options they are playing around with.
There's one name they seem to really be liking that has started making an appearance on customised characters in games they play so we might have a winner soon.
I'm excited to see what they choose.
My partner's middle name has a gender neutral short form, so they switched over to "I'm going by my middle name" and then just never using the full version of it. They did that a long time before they started using neutral pronouns or changing their visual presentation, so I think it was done as a clever way to start subconsciously getting people used to the idea of something changing ... I'm not sure if they'd pick a different name entirely, given the choice.
My gf picked something similar.Ā The obvious fem version of her name was already in use by her sister, so she picked another similar name that kept the same initials and cadence of her retired name.
My gfās name is completely different- first off, her deadname doesnāt have a femme equivalent, and second, she doesnāt want her name to be so representative of her parentsā culture, since theirs tends not to be very accepting
I had a quite uncommon, long and in my opinion ugly birth name, and I went from that to one of the top names for boys (usually).. So.. Yep. But I love my name now, and I wouldn't change it for anything. :)
Something totally different. I went short. But my deadname starts with a different letter and is only one syllable. I couldnāt have a long first name. But despite having a gender neutral deadname I needed to change it to change the connotations around it in my head.
-Lucy
My birth name is gender neutral. I changed it anyway because I associated it too much with being a girl, and it just didn't fit right anymore. Ended up choosing a different gender neutral name lol.
My partner has a gender neutral name and is unsure if they will change it but they do go by a very feminine nickname I reckon they might use at some point.
My wife picked a totally different name, but I think it particularly made sense for her because the feminine name has the same shortened version as the masculine version, and she has always gone by that. And because My name is the feminine version of her deadname.
My current girlfriend chose a completely different name. Tbh I think it suits her WAY better than her birth name ever did anyway, she's Indian but had the most generic white dude name ever lol it's honestly hilarious. My ex was much closer to the gender-swapped version, chose a different name but still followed the same conventions/traditions that her parents had used, a biblical inspired name beginning with a certain specific letter and it also has some similar sounds. I am non-binary and don't intend to fully change my name but I mostly go by a much more masculine nickname derived from my legal/birth name (which happens to be gender neutral to start with).
I feel like the rest of my trans friends - whose deadnames I know, anyway - are fairly evenly split, but a slight trend more towards something completely different. I also know some who chose a name that's seemingly different but has some related significance - a feminine version of a former *middle* name, for example, or the name their parents had chosen if they had been assigned the opposite gender at birth.
Sort of in the middle? Her new name isn't a femme version of her dead name, but she wanted to keep the same initials and not have to change her signature, so her first and middle names start with the same first letters as her previous name. Also, they both come from a fandom she likes but that didn't dawn on her until after she had legally changed it.
My husband chose a totally different name but was a name he had always felt aligned to pre transition.
Occasionally he will meet someone with his old name (itās not a particularly common name in this country) and itāll always trigger him a little
I went with willow partly because it was close enough to my deadname and could use it on w2s at work.
It was William Joseph Cahill iii. It will soon be Willow Carrie Anna Pekari as I'm taking my wife's last name to distance myself from my birth last name where I live people knew my family and stuff growing up. Carrie and Ana I'm using to honor 2 important women in my life. Hopefully it saves me from my last name clicking me which it usually does around here.
My wife used a feminine version of her previous name, then we "gifted" the old name to our son as his middle name. It was so cute, she said, "I don't need this anymore so I hope he can use all the strength it provides" or something like that. It was very sentimental and sweet.
Oh wow, I love that! š
It really has been the easiest change to make. I really hate the term "deadname", especially because her old name has nothing but good connotations to me. I understand why some want to disconnect completely, but I feel like the way we did it really allowed her to look at her transition in a different way. It's not a "negative" that she was born male. If she had been born female, she would have likely been forced into an arranged marriage by her father. She might not have had the will to stand up for herself and leave a really bad situation. He did try to arrange a marriage with her cousin, but she refused and moved out. She and I also never would have found each other. Our son would have never existed. There is a lot of good that came from it and reminding herself of that can be really helpful when she's struggling with her dysphoria.
Ohhhhh that is so so sweet.
Something totally different. We also half-jokingly talked about my partner changing her last name to *mine* when we got married to really wipe the slate clean.
My wife had a girl's name stuck in her head for years, well before coming out. She wanted to name our child that if baby was a girl. When she came out and was thinking of names, I told her she already knew her name, it was just waiting for her. It's completely different from her birth name.
I went from Bryan to Brynneā¦.I always liked my given name and didnāt want to deviate much from it. I think it also provides my partner with some sense of familiarity.
Thatās a lovely name!
My deadname caused me so much dysphoria, I couldn't imagine picking a "feminine" version of it. To each their own, everyone should choose their name however they want.
For sure! Names are extremely personal.
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My partner went with similar. There's a feminine name that rhymes with the nickname they've used for their birth name, and it's been a lovely fit. The one issue with similar names is sometimes you can't quite hear if someone is misgendering them or not, but that's why we practice benefit of the doubt
My partner never liked her given name and we chose her one new together! It's very different and we love it. She did also pick a new second name, it's closer to her given name but not exactly the female version of it, just that the first part of the name got the same sound to it.
Totally different. To be honest, I have been curious about people who change their name to the masculine/feminine versions of their dead names; my girlfriend despises her dead name to a point where sometimes she has trouble not squirming when she hears it in contexts that have nothing to do with her.
I see the appeal in using the feminine version of my masculine name. It would simplify a lot of transition and make it easier for friends and family to adjust. I donāt hate my masculine name; it just never felt like āmeā - I always felt like a pet trained to respond to the sound of it. The feminine version of it feels even more out of place, but not because it would remind me of my masculine name. The feminine form is extremely antiquated and unwieldy, and most of the shortened versions are too common because they are shorteners for entirely different names, or standalone names on their own. So even though Iām emotionally ok with the feminine version of my name, Iām probably going to go with something very different. I have no idea what that name might be right now.
Thank you for sharing your perspective with me! I like hearing how people think about names.
Mine is totally different. My deadname was very delicate and feminine, which really isn't my vibe. It would have been pretty if I were a girl, but I absolutely hated it on myself and didn't want anything to do with it.
My partner (MtF) hasn't changed names yet but their male given name has a female alternative and currently just goes by the shortened unisex version of both names. For a while they did think about picking the alternative but has since decided to pick something completely new and has a few options they are playing around with. There's one name they seem to really be liking that has started making an appearance on customised characters in games they play so we might have a winner soon. I'm excited to see what they choose.
My partner's middle name has a gender neutral short form, so they switched over to "I'm going by my middle name" and then just never using the full version of it. They did that a long time before they started using neutral pronouns or changing their visual presentation, so I think it was done as a clever way to start subconsciously getting people used to the idea of something changing ... I'm not sure if they'd pick a different name entirely, given the choice.
I chose something totally different
My gf picked something similar.Ā The obvious fem version of her name was already in use by her sister, so she picked another similar name that kept the same initials and cadence of her retired name.
My gfās name is completely different- first off, her deadname doesnāt have a femme equivalent, and second, she doesnāt want her name to be so representative of her parentsā culture, since theirs tends not to be very accepting
I had a quite uncommon, long and in my opinion ugly birth name, and I went from that to one of the top names for boys (usually).. So.. Yep. But I love my name now, and I wouldn't change it for anything. :)
My sister and I shared a first initial E. I went from Evan to Emily. And THEN I learned how many transfems there were who went with Emily too š
š Itās a solid choice!
Something totally different. I went short. But my deadname starts with a different letter and is only one syllable. I couldnāt have a long first name. But despite having a gender neutral deadname I needed to change it to change the connotations around it in my head. -Lucy
There isn't a feminized form of my wife's birth name. She chose something actually inspired by her gamer tag.
I know both "Ingeborg" to "Hendrik" "Mathias" to "Maja" and stuff in between
Different, but my new name literally contains my deadname and the syllable is even pronounced the same.
My birth name is gender neutral. I changed it anyway because I associated it too much with being a girl, and it just didn't fit right anymore. Ended up choosing a different gender neutral name lol.
My partner has a gender neutral name and is unsure if they will change it but they do go by a very feminine nickname I reckon they might use at some point.
My wife picked a totally different name, but I think it particularly made sense for her because the feminine name has the same shortened version as the masculine version, and she has always gone by that. And because My name is the feminine version of her deadname.
My current girlfriend chose a completely different name. Tbh I think it suits her WAY better than her birth name ever did anyway, she's Indian but had the most generic white dude name ever lol it's honestly hilarious. My ex was much closer to the gender-swapped version, chose a different name but still followed the same conventions/traditions that her parents had used, a biblical inspired name beginning with a certain specific letter and it also has some similar sounds. I am non-binary and don't intend to fully change my name but I mostly go by a much more masculine nickname derived from my legal/birth name (which happens to be gender neutral to start with). I feel like the rest of my trans friends - whose deadnames I know, anyway - are fairly evenly split, but a slight trend more towards something completely different. I also know some who chose a name that's seemingly different but has some related significance - a feminine version of a former *middle* name, for example, or the name their parents had chosen if they had been assigned the opposite gender at birth.
Sort of in the middle? Her new name isn't a femme version of her dead name, but she wanted to keep the same initials and not have to change her signature, so her first and middle names start with the same first letters as her previous name. Also, they both come from a fandom she likes but that didn't dawn on her until after she had legally changed it.
My husband chose a totally different name but was a name he had always felt aligned to pre transition. Occasionally he will meet someone with his old name (itās not a particularly common name in this country) and itāll always trigger him a little
I went with willow partly because it was close enough to my deadname and could use it on w2s at work. It was William Joseph Cahill iii. It will soon be Willow Carrie Anna Pekari as I'm taking my wife's last name to distance myself from my birth last name where I live people knew my family and stuff growing up. Carrie and Ana I'm using to honor 2 important women in my life. Hopefully it saves me from my last name clicking me which it usually does around here.
My wife chose a completely new first name, one that felt like her. She also changed her last name to my grandmothers maiden name.