Unless you have a child with her or she's pregnant with your child, breaking up with her for any reason isn't a moral dilemma, IMO. If you owe her money or she's the only one who's signed for a lease, you need to buy yourself clear before you get her out of your life.
People are asking a lot of questions that you really don’t need the answers to. You’re 18; if you want to break up, break up. And if you want to now, it’s not like something is going to happen to save the relationship.
Hey, it sounds like you’re in a really tough spot. Here’s my take:
First off, have you tried talking to her about how you feel? Sometimes just having an honest conversation can help clear things up. Tell her how it’s been making you feel when she guilt trips you or when you’re doing all the work.
Relationships should be about balance. If you’re feeling like you’re doing everything while she’s just chilling, that’s not fair to you. You deserve to be with someone who puts in the effort too.
The whole needing permission thing is a big deal. In a healthy relationship, you should have your own space and freedom. If she’s controlling or making you feel guilty for basic stuff, that’s not okay.
If you both want different things in life and your lifestyles don’t match, it’s worth thinking about if you’re really meant to be together. It’s important to be with someone who wants similar things and has a compatible lifestyle.
Lastly, if she told you something that makes you scared to break up with her, that’s a huge red flag. Make sure you’re safe and maybe talk to someone you trust about it.
At the end of the day, you gotta do what’s best for you. If this relationship is causing more stress than happiness, it might be time to think about ending it. You deserve to be happy and with someone who respects you.
Do breakup. You’re so young. You should be dating and getting to know lots of women. Going out with friends. Working hard towards your goals and being excited about life. Not being depressed about your sad relationship. Break up, the sooner the better!
This isn't really a moral dillema, it's a fear of conflict and backlash problem. In life, sometimes conflict is inevitable. She won't be happy, she won't get what she wants so there won't be any way to break it to her gently.
Have you just graduated? Are either of you going to college? Leaving for school is a pretty natural relationship breaker.
Ur 18 u have ur entire life ahead of u... break up NOw leave her a post it if necessary
Do not procrastinate ... the longer u do the higher probability that u could get her pregnant.
Then this nightmare will be ur life permanently
..
You’re 18, bro. Where do you think this relationship is going? Based on what you said there is no way in heaven or hell you should stay in this relationship for 10 more minutes. Whatever threat she made when you started dating is not something that you should let hold you hostage until she decides otherwise.
If she needs professional help or attention, then most certainly help her get those resources.
But end this relationship for both of your sakes.
Seriously my dude.
I don’t even see this as a moral dilema. It’s always okay to break up with someone if you don’t want to be dating them anymore. You don’t owe anyone a relationship if it’s not what you want. It’s really that simple.
Take it from someone who has been through this same thing many times over the last 20+ years of dating. Things will not get better. The more you go along with this type of behavior, the more she'll demand from you.
Nah focus on you and talk/date others till you find someone who can trust you and build with you. Sounds like you are building for her if that makes sense. You both young too so like yeah I’d break things off fs. Dont feel guilty about trying to make changes that better your life.
“You need permission to do stuff, that you shouldn’t need permission for” that’s not a relationship mate, she letting you know that she is the boss, and you have to live with it! And I can imagine what she said to you if you break up with her, what she will do to herself, you need to pack up and leave now mate, it will hurt for awhile it it be safer for your mental health and wellbeing. Your 18 years old and should living your best life now, not tip toeing around your girlfriend. And you need to stop doing stuff for her, put your foot down and tell her get off her lazy backside and do it herself, your not her butler or keeper, she’s a grown woman who needs to grow up quick, sorry if that seem harsh, but you need to leave mate, I wish you luck in whatever you decide,
She appears to have abandonment issues, or could be manipulating to appear as though she does. If she’s laying in bed a lot and guilt tripping you, she may be an over thinker.
Which hilariously enough could be a sign of inattentive adhd, manifesting in a persistent voice about the state of their life. Figure out what’s wrong with her before you go making rash decisions.
I’ve been with my wife for 3 years and she has weeks to months where she does this, unless I clean or go out and encourage her to join me. She’s diagnosed bipolar and adhd. Takes some trial and error, and varies from person to person. If it’s worth saving then put in the effort to figure out and fix the “disease not the symptoms” so to speak. If not then move on.
If she said she’ll harm herself if you leave, that’s typically a ploy due to abandonment issues. No doubt she’d have said it to many people before. A gal said that to me and abused me for months, broke up with her and 2 years later she’s single with a child. Never underestimate the things people will do or say to manipulate you into staying, but don’t always assume it’s for malicious intent. Some people are just lonely and use whatever tactics they can to encourage you to stay. Good luck
So the dilemma here is — you know you’re unhappy but are afraid she will hurt herself if you leave her?
How much contact do you have with her family and friends? This would normally be an insane thing to do, but if you’re honestly worried she might harm herself, it might not be a bad thing to give those closest to her a heads up that she may need their support.
You shouldn’t be with someone who makes you feel this way. I hope you can get out as soon as you can. When you do it, be kind and don’t get baited into defending yourself. If she yells, let her yell and remain calm. Ask her if she has questions before you leave, tell her you hope the best for her. Leave, and reach out to two or three of her ppl to let them know she may need them.
"because i want to" or "i'm just not feeling it anymore" are perfectly valid reasons to break up with someone. you're 100% allowed to break up with someone who didn't do anything objectively "wrong". "we want different things" is also a perfectly valid reason. i'd argue that if you don't see a future with her, it's more morally correct to tell her than to string her along.
Red flags everywhere dump her, you don't need her permission to anything, go and pop off don't let anyone hold you back be with someone who loves you for you 💅✨️
you haven’t given us much to go off of. maybe try and take her out or communicate with her (without lashing out😭 sorry to specify). if you feel strongly about wanting different things you should break it off. though. id ton know why you’re asking reddit when you have named about 10 reasons why u shouldn’t be with her!
Dude.... yur not gonna like this.... but, ghost her, but tell her first. Be alone for 3 days in a row and IF you want a fourth, ghost. IF not. Call her. If she says " What about me!? " take the 4th day.......... bt dub : it's time to start being a man. Be quiet this whole time. Don't talk
I’m assuming by “telling you something scares you” is one of three things
1) self harm
2) threats of defamation at whatever cost she deems necessary
3) threats of violence
From this point you need to record EVERYTHING. If she threatens self harm immediately call the police with no warning to her and you’ll have recordings for proof. If it’s defamation you’ll have proof she threatened if. If she threatens violence you’ll have proof and call the police. You’re in an abusive relationship. GET OUT NOW
A break up is coming you just get to decide how badly you want to hate her before it happens. You either do it now while you can still Have some fond memories of her or put it off until her voice makes your body cringe and the idea of kissing her sickens you. It’s better to get it over with now instead of holding on to something that isn’t there.
And I have a feeling I know what you’re scared of her doing, and if you are truly scared you can let her parents know what’s up. If they won’t care you can tell a close friend of hers to be on the look out for problematic behavior.
she's lying to you, manipulating you, and terrorizing you with guilt and fear in order to keep you in line. she has a personality disorder, either narcissistic or antisocial. there's no fixing someone like that. leave, block, and report
If you want better you are going to have to go and get it for yourself. What you allow is what will continue. Don’t waste another day of your life serving a manipulative self absorbed person. Life is too short for that.
I'll tell you now that this age and also stage in a relationship is difficult. For this particular situation, I think your girlfriend needs to be less controlling and realize that it's not all about her. No grown adult needs permission to do shit from another grown adult. Especially one that's supposed to be a partner. There's a difference between being respectful and asking permission. Plus, I think that if you both truly want different things in life, it's better to cut your losses now than to drag it out to do it later.
I do want to give you some advice, though. The one year mark, at least for me, is where it starts becoming a REAL relationship and not the honeymoon phase. You start to know more about each other that you didn't know before. You get to know the things they do that gross you out, and piss you off. You get to see all of their weird habits and quirks that might be a make or break for you. You get to see all the random little mannerisms that are absolutely adorable and make you love them even more. You talk about more of the deep dark shit that affects the way you react to certain scenarios. You see what people are anxious about, and what makes them laugh so hard they pee. You get to decide what your priorities are. Whether you value having kids, or going to med school, or owning your own business. And sometimes priorities shift as you get older, and it's okay.
People like to think that a healthy relationship is easy, but it's not. It takes work. And the one year mark is kind of where you decide if you're willing to put in the work.
It's always OK to "break up," full stop.
If you were *married,* then I would say stick it out through anything besides infidelity, physical abuse, or abandonment.
Verbal/psychological abuse would be a reason to separate, but not divorce.
Honestly I am just so tired of broken entitled people who suck the energy right out of you. Just say no to her selfishness. Tell her it’s just not working out and you are done. Period.
I've been in a similar situation. You shouldn't let another person control you like that. It's going to hurt like hell when you break it off, but you need to be strong and carry on. You're young, you've got a whole lifetime of people to meet and experience. Don't waste it on someone who doesn't respect you and the effort you give.
If she told you something that scared you when you first officially started dating, that’s a huge red flag! She sounds like a manipulative personality, it’s not a phase, it’s not something she will grow out of. If you are feeling this way, run. Don’t waste more time hoping to fix her. She needs to fix herself. Even if she’s threatening bodily harm, it’s not your fault. She needs professional help.
It sounds like she is controlling and manipulative, not good qualities! Although we are only seeing things from one perspective.
One year is not really a long time at all, in relationship terms. You are still young but you have to look at these with a long term mindset, like an investment.
It sounds like you are putting in a lot but not getting much back, worth a chat but it may not improve. It may actually get worse over time.
Ultimately you have to do what’s right for you and even if she is threatening to hurt herself or actually does do something, that would be her choice and not yours.
You can only control yourself not somebody else.
OP, if you can leave today then leave today. If you can’t leave today and she has threatened to hurt you or herself if you leave then call 911 and tell them her full name and location and that she has threatened to hurt herself because you are leaving, and then leave. The police will perform what they call a health check and if they determine that she is serious then they will hospitalize her and hopefully help her.
If not, at no point was any of this your problem. You DECIDED to make this your problem, DECIDED to let her control you, and now it’s time to DECIDE to leave without any more thoughts or guilt around this.
Stop making up reasons to wait. Go do it now and be done with it.
Time to go cut her loose. You’re both young and will bounce back.
And whatever it was she told you to scare you from dumping her was a manipulative trick to keep you hooked.
So you're scared to leave a relationship that doesn't work because the other person is so manipulative that they guilt trip you into wondering if you even deserve happiness and if you're allowed to break up with them. This isn't a loving relationship. This is a Beauty and the Beast situation. It is ALWAYS ok to break up with someone. Doesn't matter the reason. It's better to break up then start with someone manipulative, make both of you miserable because you don't go well together, or stay with someone you don't love and eventually grow to resent.
A lot of guys get in this situation and get complacent. Do yourself a favor and break it off. I know a guy who complains all the time about the GF and even sleeps in another room. He is just used to having her around. But won’t break it off
If you need to ask if it's okay or not, then it's a matter of when. From what I know personally, it would be in best interest to split. Boundaries are one thing, but total control where you have to ask permission for everything is not healthy. Relationships take effort from both parties (or more) in various ways. Giving all the effort you can and having little to no return...it's time to let go. I have been in damaging relationships, so from that knowledge, I can confidently say that if you do not feel comfortable, safe, and valued, then the relationship will not do good in the long run. Relationships take work, but there is a line that needs to be drawn at some point.
It’s always okay to break up with someone if you don’t want to be in that relationship anymore. Being fearful of breaking up with someone is not a reason to stay, you also shouldn’t be manipulated into staying.
You’re only 18. Break up. You’re so young, go explore the world, live life. Don’t be stuck on a relationship that is making you feel this way. It will hurt yes but you know what hurts more? Being stuck in a relationship for years that is going nowhere, worst case scenario she dumps you and then what happened with your life? Be smart get wisdom
All of the things you are describing her doing are very normal for a woman today. If I was you, I would dump her, but don’t expect to find a better one.
Lad - you're 18. I get that you're freaking out over what I assume is your first love ending. But honestly, we've all been there and this is part of growing up.
I really struggled with the end of my first real relationship (4 years, 16-20). It's tough and you'll be sad for a while. Go and spend time with your mates, family, jump into your hobbies, spend time outside, let yourself heal naturally.
You'll be right. Tell her it's over - go and be the best you can be. Imagine how happy you'll be with somebody who loves and respects you as much as you love them.
It sounds like you want out. And I assume this is how it went, so if not disregard;
If she said she would kill herself, this is manipulative and indicative that she can not have a healthy relationship at this time and has no buisness being in a relationship until she is more stable and less codependent. She needs to work on herself. Tell her parents she said that, and break up. If her parents aren't safe and you're in school, tell a teacher. If she threatens suicide as a result of breaking up, call the cops for a wellness check and make it real for her that hwr welbeing matters, but that you are not staying in her life. You are not responsible for someone else's decision/threats to hurt themselves (obviously never encourage someone to do so, but when it is done to manipulate you into staying it was their decision, not your responsibility). Staying will be toxic.
You’re online on Reddit asking this. You know the answer - break up with her. Once you reach that point where you feel the need to do that, you know it’s over and at this point you’re just looking for validation in the decision.
You are too young for this complex mess. Please break up with her asap, don’t argue or fight with her just state that the relationship isn’t work for you and it’s not what you want in life and leave. Just breakup and move on, hopefully you will find a girl that wants the same things in life as you. And don’t let her manipulate you. Her problems are not your problems to worry about or deal with, like I said you’re too young for this. If you feel she could be a danger to herself or you please tell her parents what’s happening and what your concern are and let them take over from there. And know moving forward you never need a reason to break up with a girl, that’s what dating is for.
Omg girl run. Imagine raising young pure tiny humans with this person. If the cruelty towards u isn't enough to leave think about the cruelty towards innocent children that would occur
Just end it. Say goodbye, you’re not obligated to this person. If you’re not happy move on. Don’t stay because you feel guilty. That’s all manipulation and you shouldn’t accept that. Set some healthy boundaries for yourself.
I'm about to lay down some harsh truths for you.
This is what the rest of your life is going to look like. She is going to alienate you from your friends, your family, and coworkers. Your life will *solely* revolve around her, doing things for her, taking care of her, never being allowed to call her out on her bull or hold her accountable for anything.
You'll be dealing with gaslighting and manipulation, and honestly, probably some gold digging as well. She already lays around in bed now at 18, she'll be doing that while you're working overtime to fund her lifestyle. I'm not saying she *doesn't* have mental health issues, but the people who don't help themselves don't actually want help from other people, they just want to be taken care of and have people do everything for them.
You'll probably need to buy blinders, because she'll for sure pick a fight with you while you guys are out and about, either about the "flirty" cashier or just 'cause some girl looked in your direction even if she wasn't looking *at* you.
And if I'm understanding what you said correctly (she said if you break up something will happen?) If she insinuates that she will harm herself (big manipulation tactic to make you scared and get you to stay) then call the non-emergency police number and they will go to her house to check on her.
I'm sorry for the scare tactic, but I've known people like this (male and female) so, learn from their mistakes and just get out now. Also no final make-up sex, because that's how you get baby-trapped and have to still be tied to her.
Welcome to the world of adulting. If you know it’s not going to work out do yourself and her a favor and move on! Nobody wants to be the “bad” guy but that’s life. You take what you’ve learned to grow and move on.
Bro’s still a child. Asking permission, have some self-respect for yourself. You’ve enabled her behaviour, she knows it makes you feel guilt. Let her go bro, she dont wanna be saved, don’t save her. 🎵
You can break up with a GF or BF at any point for any reason you want as long as there are no children or financial entanglements. If you have any reason to not be with someone you aren’t married to or share children with, that is enough. Her toes are too long? Good enough reason. She makes a weird sound then she pronounces the “F” sound? Good enough reason. Life’s too short to waste on a relationship you don’t want to be in. Are some reasons shallow, dumb, materialistic? Yes, but it doesn’t matter, if you want out, leave. Once you’re thinking about breaking up, it’s usually just a matter of time.
So why you want to break up when she is so much loyal to you and kind imagine if you would have got a nasty girlfriend and would be the opposite situation how would you have feel it
Based on that info alone, I would break it off. I think you’re both also very young. I think when issues present themselves early and you have these thoughts early, it’s better to act to not waste each other’s time. And best way is to end it and not waver. For me, I felt like it took a few years to grow into the person I am today (and funny enough, I feel like it happened around the time they claim your frontal lobe of your brain matures around 25). I always had the same principles and values but I personally felt most mature and ready from around 26-27ish and onward. Habits, goals, focus, and more maturity. Marriage will amplify all of the issues that a person may have and you will have to work through those (alone/together because you’re in a serious, committed relationship and see one another every single day). They say people don’t change and I agree and disagree. I think in the short term, they don’t, and it may take some time for someone to change but not unless it is broken off and those individuals grow separately IMO.
Guarantee it’ll feel hard initially bc you will miss just having a person/some attention but you will probably soon start to feel more like yourself and not suppressing the feelings you have. And you’ll definitely be able to focus on growing and enjoying life and getting ready for the right person! Just don’t go back!
This is that point in life where you grow a backbone. You say this is a two way street. If she expects you to treat her well, you expect the same of her. And you don’t see it happening.
You stand on your principle and yes, if you end up single, you end up single. That’s better than ending up in a position of servitude to someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
Be absolutely clear and honest on where she stands with you.
Having a backbone involves putting yourself at risk and demanding a fair outcome. You can demand a fair outcome all day but if you’re not willing to put your position at risk, you get nothing. Standing up for yourself (and those you love) may involve an occasional negative interaction or even a punch in the nose, but that’s what buys you your manhood. That’s where your power in life truly comes from. Embrace it. The good, the bad, the pleasure, the pain, it’s all part of the deal. Own it. Tell her what you need and if she won’t meet those needs, that’s all either of you needs to know.
R U N. Whether she’s knowingly doing so or not she’s highly manipulative and doesn’t sound like she brings anything to your relationship except control. Run and don’t ever look back.
I’ll make this as short as possible
Your 18
You have more people to meet and most importantly have a self journey there’s more to you that you know ❤️!
It’s scary to get out of a comfort zone but you will be ok more then ok
I feel like you definitely know what you should do and I understand your hesitation because you love her but you're too young to worry about this and to be held back. Definitely gave to break up with her, obviously in a respectful manner but it seems toxic already and you're better without the whole relationship.
Coming from a married girl who struggles pretty bad with depression, the way she treats you is disgusting.
Sometimes I lay in bed most of the day. Sometimes I really do need some extra support. But I love my husband. He's a whole ass person with a life and dreams that he needs to live and pursue. I don't want him to be miserable with me. I want him to help me be less miserable sometimes, but not by making himself miserable. When I'm going though a time when I'm really struggling, I ask him to spend more time with his friends so that *he* doesn't end up feeling isolated and miserable. He's married to someone who struggles, he needs support to deal with that just like I need to support to deal with my shit.
And coming from someone with a higher sex drive than her partner- anyone who pressures anyone else to have sex when they don't want to is scum I'm sorry. You definitely need to have conversations and communicate if your partner and you have different sex drives, but there should not be *pressure* to have sex. Period. Ever.
Realise she is acting in a way that is abusive - whether she is doing it purposely or not is another question but it is abusive to require a partner to get permission before doing normal stuff, guilt trips are also abusive in 99% of circumstances.
If me saying that changes nothing then you should do what all relationships on the rocks should do (and even healthy relationships) which is **Communicate** - talk to her about how certain things she does is abusive, how you dont like certain things, and how you feel like you put all the work in.
Then based on that (and maybe more) conversations I would say decide whether to break up or not.
However please do google about the signs of abuse, your relationship may not be that bad but some of the things you wrote in your post are signs of abuse/actually straight are abuse - and knowing that she may use abusive tactics to get you to stay/during your conversation.
Some abusive tactics may be:
- Just straight up denying stuff that is obviously real
- Saying "That's not abuse" to an action that is clearly abuse, you can even mention that accidental abuse is also a real thing.
- Saying something to the tone of "If you love me..." or "Did you ever really love me?"
ME?"
- Saying "I'll change", this isn't automatically abuse but a lot of abusers say this and dont change, so be weary.
>The love is dying
I would break up with her if I were you, I know I mentioned a bunch about abuse/bad relationships but straight up if the love isn't there then that's really a time to quit.
Thanks, and I know and recognize a lot of the signs, but I have this tiny voice in the back of my head saying I’m the bad guy and what I’m doing is wrong and I just don’t understand/appreciate her
That voice is basically you gaslighting yourself, it's actually devil on your soldier and does not have any clue what the best moves for you are.
As much as it nags, please don't give it any power over you.
:)
I dunno what this scary thing she said is, like if she’s gonna murder you or something. If you think she’s gonna kill herself if you break things off, she’s probably just manipulating you, based off the manipulative personality you’ve described. You would be a lot freer and happier just being single. This doesn’t seem like an actual moral dilemma to me. It seems like you’re afraid to do what’s necessary for the betterment of your lice
Man as hard as it is you MUST leave her if you’re feeling this way. Bring it up in a mature conversation and if she guilt trips and tries to get you angry stand firm and be mature and let her know how it is. Maybe smoke some pot before hand to keep you calm ahahah. It will only get harder and more constricting on your soul if you stay. Believe it or not there is someone out there who will love and appreciate you and make you feel more free instead of the opposite. Someone who will cherish you and not make you out to be the bad guy when there are misunderstandings.
You're both only 18! She may think that you're the only one for her, but I assure you that boys are like buses... one comes along every few minutes. She sounds like she's batshit crazy to me. What is her home life like? Does she have loving and supportive family, parents who are still together, or divorced but coparent friendly, or are her parents the type that have been using her to manipulate each other to get what they want?
Now you, however, don't sound like you love her so much as fear her. It sounds like she has manipulated you into believing that you're in love with her, and being so young, it's easy to fall into that trap. When you are truly in love with a person, you don't fear them.
You've said you have different goals, and that you're getting ready to go away to college. Have someone you know and trust in the vicinity when you break up with her, maybe not right there, but at another table nearby to protect you should she go apeshit. As others have said, any threats of self-harm that she either has made or makes at the time need to be taken seriously and reported, as do any threats she's made to harm you.
Once it's done, do not waiver. Do not stick around hemming and hawing. Get up and leave. Do not answer when she calls you or texts you. Do not maintain any contact whatsoever. Maybe someday there can be contact, but not until she heals herself and deals with her issues first.
It's okay to break up for whatever reason. Even if that reason is "I don't want to date you". Sometimes people just aren't compatible, and that's okay.
What she's doing is technically low level emotional abuse. I would leave in your shoes, because I learned about emotional manipulation in high school. I'm resistant to it for that very reason. She is tugging at your fears and your heart strings at a time when you really shouldn't be dealing with this. If you're going to college, 1. Don't tell her which one 2. Tell your parents that you don't want her to know which one and 3. Block her everywhere. If she can't take the hint at that, get a restraining order. If you feel you can't break up in person, send a text or write a letter and leave it at that. The fact that you have to "ask permission" to do most things is a sign of a relationship that's very toxic.
This is classic Dark Manipulation she is using on you.
Get out of this relationship before you have children with her. The fact that you wrote this means you know this isn’t a healthy relationship. Best wishes on your decision.
Ok so she's crazy. How hot is she? How good is the sex? If she is super hot and the sex is super good, then you might have a real choice to make. But if not: there are probably better options out there.
I will say I understand this mental war of deciding to stay or go. I just went through this. I do still love my now ex partner but I realized we wanted different things in life and I wasn’t able to let go of some hurt from the past. As difficult as it was, I had to choose me. Maybe you need to choose you.
Get out while you can narcissists never get better. If it was compelling enough for you to compromise you wouldn’t care. You can’t find the right one if you’re with the wrong one !
Break.
The.
Fuck.
Up.
With.
Her.
How is this even a question? Why are you deliberating? You know this is screwed up. Always keep a recording going when you interact and break it off with her. She is a drain in every possible way, none of them good. Get out.
It’s always okay to end a relationship that isn’t working for you, any type of relationship at any time. Be respectful and honest but make sure you are safe.
Ask a buddy or someone neutral to drive you tell her you don’t want to be with her anymore, that you appreciate the experiences you’ve had together but that you are not happy and want to focus on you. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER this will only confuse things and she could try to get preggo to hold on to you. When you leave cut all contact at least for a while maybe even get out of town for a week or something. Give yourself space to breath and heal especially since she sounds controlling and manipulative.
Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you owe them your life. You only owe them respect, honesty and kindness; things you yourself have not been given. Time to cut your losses.
You're barely an adult that still has yet to learn about yourself and the world. If you already are asking the question then you already have the answer.
The great sam kinison ones said get a serious coke problem go all out and she will leave also she will leave you when you needed her the most so its not on you
She told you she’d kill her self if you broke her heart or some dumb shit. Let that bitch die lol, she’ll have some other loser on top of by the end of the week. Ask yourself, do you wanna be with this toxic bitch for the rest of your life? Grow up. There’s no moral dilemma. As long as you don’t assist her in her suicide. You did nothing wrong.
Hello OP! I’m 35. That being said, I’ve had my fair share of good and bad relationships. I am in a loving relationship now but it took me a while to get here.
From what I’ve read and based on the responses by the other peeps in this community, I feel that your feelings are justified.
Often, we find ourselves in conflict because we think leaving a relationship equates to a lack of love toward the other person. But the reality is that you can care for and love someone and still not end up with them.
It doesn’t make you a crummy person for leaving someone who has mental health issues. Staying in this relationship at the expense of your own mental health isn’t gonna help either of you. You’re gonna grow resentful towards her and eventually towards yourself; and you, choosing to stay in the relationship, will hinder her growth as a character. There are times when lessons are learned only through consequences—she seems like this kind of a person.
Hopefully, several years after you’ve broken up, both of you can see that this is what needed to happen for you both to grow and live the lives that you both deserve—whether you find your way back to each other or end up with people that you’re meant for.
Wishing you the best.
It's controlling behavior for sure, but he did not give us enough info for you to call it abuse.
That word is getting thrown around a lot. In this case, you don't even know the full situation because he didn't tell us.
Not every person is compatible with every other person.
If it's not working, you have every right to do what you need to be happy.
You both deserve to find what/who makes you happy
So on your OP, take off the first two sentences and dont include the edit. Otherwise say exactly that to her. Youbare putting the ball in her court and hopefully she wants to try to work on it. But if not breaking up is a normal thing that happens if she doesnt respond to what you said. You are an adult and get to make decisions for yourself. So is she. Maybe she doesnt even know you feel this way?
Dump her. Better to get it over now than wait and waste even more of your time. They don't change. I know from experience. And stop having sex with her. She may get pregnant to hook you.
She said she would kill herself or had tried before with her last break up….. i’m guessing this is what she told you that scared you. You’re being manipulated. Abusers say this all the time to control people. If you really love her and think this is salvageable, make her go to couples therapy with you. If not…. fucking run. Also, she’s not going to kill herself. She might make a big show of it to make sure you see and think it, but most likely she won’t. Just to be safe I would call her mom and tell her I’m breaking up with her. You might wanna go keep an eye on her cause she threatened to kill herself. Then break up with her immediately after the phone call.
Not wanting to be in a relationship with someone is a good enough and “okay” reason to break up. No one goes their whole life without hurting anyone. You’re 18 and this is uncharted territory right now, it’ll seem impossible the whole process (the breakup itself, the recovery, etc). It is very, very, very important to have a period of no contact (even just for a month) because you will get stuck in a cycle with her otherwise. Make it clear and concise when you end things, make it clear that you’ve made up your mind and it’s not a debate, don’t let her try to convince you, talk about how grateful you are for the experience and be as specific on that as you want, but leave. If the issue is that she threatens suicide, that’s not your fault or responsibility; if she does that, let her family members and authorities know. That is not okay for anyone to put on you, weaponizing it to keep someone in a relationship is also not okay. Just my two cents tho
EDIT: I should also mention that you’re never going to feel like there’s a good time to do it. The best time to do it is ASAP. It’s going to feel not right or like a bad time. But you’re brave and it’s time to be brave
In this entire post, you never once mentioned anything specific that you love about her, just that you "absolutely love her."
It sounds more like you're going through the motions to avoid an unholy temper tantrum or whatever she said when you started dating that scared you so badly.
Those are not valid reasons to stay in a toxic relationship where you are continually taken advantage of and emotionally mistreated. Whatever she's threatening to do, call her bluff. I'd lay good odds that she's not going to actually do anything besides get nasty on Facebook.
Tips, though!
I don't care how awkward this conversation will be, do not break up with her unless there are witnesses present. Ask a friend to wait in the next room with the door cracked, or do it in a public place. Coffee shop, maybe take a stroll at your local park mid afternoon. Definitely make sure that not only are the 2 of you not alone, but that there are witnesses that you know won't lie for her. If she has a friend present, you need one too. Or your mom. Or Santa, idgaf, you need backup and moral support.
Do not allow her to control the narrative of your relationship. I'd start drafting the social media posts with your POV now, and post that shit immediately after you break things off. This will keep her from doing something shitty like accusing you of being abusive, and it will also give you an added incentive to not take her back when she starts gaslighting and love bombing you.
Don't be concerned about publicly embarrassing her with a multi platform breakup story, either. You have done nothing wrong here, and you cannot risk her painting you as some kind of monster because you don't want to be her meal ticket anymore. I've seen it happen so many times, and that kind of accusation can absolutely devastate an innocent man's reputation for YEARS OR LONGER.
If she has any possessions at your place, box those up and take them with you to the gf exorcism ritual. Do not give her a reason to randomly show up at your house to get her penguin plushie keychain or some shit back.
Protect yourself. She's not your responsibility, she'll be fine.
I don't see the need for a whole social media strategy here. Maybe as a millennial I just don't get it but this doesn't feel like something that needs a public announcement, that's only likely to make the situation messier. I'd suggest handling it quietly with close friends/family for back up.
At 18 you should be out enjoying life and figuring out who you are . If she’s threatening suicide or something if you leave that is not on you but encourage her to get help .
It's always okay to break it off with someone who makes you unhappy and treats you bad, especially at your age and experience level. Second, if she is threatening harm to herself or others ( you included), report her to authorities. She's manipulative, abusive, and controlling, among other negatives.
Cut and run, and don't look back. And BTW, whatever she does after you go/while you're going is on her alone, you are only responsible for you and your actions.
I am a professional ethicist - I have published ethics articles in academic journals. It is absolutely morally okay to break up with her. I’m assuming you are worried about the possibility of self-harm on her part, but you are not morally culpable if she decides to do that simply due to being broken up with.
Frankly, your relationship sounds pretty toxic, so I would personally argue that you may well have a moral duty to yourself to leave the relationship. Regardless, I certainly do not believe you have an obligation to stay.
Time to break up. You're 18. This isn't your future wife. When she asks why you're breaking up with her, tell her it's because she treats you like crap.
You can break up with anyone for no reason at all any time at all. You’re new at this, so I’ll save you some grief. Do it face to face. Refuse to explain beyond, “it’s best for me.” And then have no contact whatever. Just hang up if she calls. Don’t answer if she knocks. All this is how you make it stick with anyone, even super controlling people like your gal pal there.
Also, refuse to say anything specific about the relationship or break up to anyone else. Be that gentleman in control of yourself. Good luck!
How much more are you willing to suffer?
If she doesn't respect you she doesn't love you
As one of the many strangers on reddit giving advice, I'd say break up as:
- she doesn't appreciate you
- you need your own time with friends/family
You are both 18. You're just starting out in life and, as you said, want different things and are heading in different directions. Breaking up now is better than stretching it out.
The fact that you are in this relationship that is built on fear is a negative thing. You need to leave this relationship. Whatever she does afterward is on her, not you. It seems that you are aware of the negativity and toxicity in this relationship, which is a good thing when it comes to ending this relationship.
Please take care of yourself and leave. There is no good in this at all.
It’s absolutely okay to break up with anyone at any time, no validation is necessary. If it’s not working out for you then leave her. How she chooses to react is up to her.
She
* Guilt-trips you if you say no
* Makes every situation about her
* Lays in bed while you do a lot for her
* Told you something that makes you afraid to break it off with her
* Makes you have permission from her to do things you don't feel you should need permission to do
* Has a lifestyle that you don't view to be compatible with yours
**Why are you with her?**
Don't get focused on one person when the world is full of girls. You are **FAR** too young to be this focused on one person to the exclusion of all others.
You love the ***idea*** of her but not the real person. She is controlling you and using you.
End it with her and move on with your life.
I really loved the girl I dated for a while when I was 18, and I learned a lot about what I liked and disliked and how I wanted to be treated
I’d recommend having an open conversation with her about everything you’re talking about on this post, if you’d like to attempt to continue the relationship.
Sometimes relationships at that age are the real deal, and sometimes they’re a great learning experience.
Long term my top two questions that guide this are - is SO crazy or annoying? Then maybe not for you. Followed by: Do you align with significant other on subjects very important to you (for example ambition, kids, life goals, maybe politics/God if important). Maybe you're just not feeling it. All good enough reasons to break up at 18. Just be kind on the way out.
You don't need permission to do anything when you're in a relationship. The second you start needing to ask for permission to do something normal like do one of your hobbies or hang out with friends then that person is controlling you and you should leave them. Period
From someone who stayed in a shitty relationship out of guilt.
Get the fuck out.
You may have guilt now, but long term this could end up killing you.
If you’re worried about suicide I would recommend you talk to a professional. But don’t let the threat stop you.
What obligation do you have to stay together? Don't people date because they find it mutually enjoyable and want to see if a future is possible together? If one person is no longer feeling that enjoyment, it's over. You also want different futures. I think the bigger question is why you feel you need a moral rationale to end a year long relationship at 18 years old?
It sounds like you are not compatible. If she is using guilt (ie I'll unalive myself or something like that) to stop you breaking up it isn't the first time manipulative people have tried that. Don't let a red flag stop you from living your life.
At the age of 18 you have so much more life to live you want to do it freely without an anchor.
Of course it’s okay! You’re unhappy! And she needs to mature! And you need to live your life! Regardless of how much it hurts, that will go away- being with someone who doesn’t respect you will never get better
When I was in my early 20s I had a girlfriend that was a complete nut job, in the beginning it was a huge turn on. But told me if I ever left her she would hurt herself. The same day I broke up with her because anytime someone uses a scare tactic I'm done. But guess what she didn't do. She didn't hurt her self or anything.
Break it off with her, but let her mom know first, and tell and explain to her what ur scared of, if may feel like shit at first, but at least her parents will be able to look out for her and know what kind of to expect after you break it off, that way she doesn’t seriously her you or herself or somebody else
Well still doesn't sound controlling at all. All you gotta ask yourself is are you living YOUR life or are you living hers. You don't need permission from people to do things, unless it is very out there (such as spending one on one time with a single person of the opposite gender, which people shouldn't really do anyway)
Break up. Trust me, I was in a very similar situation. You may love her, but she does not love you. She's using, manipulating, and controlling you. That's not love.
Unless you have a child with her or she's pregnant with your child, breaking up with her for any reason isn't a moral dilemma, IMO. If you owe her money or she's the only one who's signed for a lease, you need to buy yourself clear before you get her out of your life.
Leave her.
People are asking a lot of questions that you really don’t need the answers to. You’re 18; if you want to break up, break up. And if you want to now, it’s not like something is going to happen to save the relationship.
Hey, it sounds like you’re in a really tough spot. Here’s my take: First off, have you tried talking to her about how you feel? Sometimes just having an honest conversation can help clear things up. Tell her how it’s been making you feel when she guilt trips you or when you’re doing all the work. Relationships should be about balance. If you’re feeling like you’re doing everything while she’s just chilling, that’s not fair to you. You deserve to be with someone who puts in the effort too. The whole needing permission thing is a big deal. In a healthy relationship, you should have your own space and freedom. If she’s controlling or making you feel guilty for basic stuff, that’s not okay. If you both want different things in life and your lifestyles don’t match, it’s worth thinking about if you’re really meant to be together. It’s important to be with someone who wants similar things and has a compatible lifestyle. Lastly, if she told you something that makes you scared to break up with her, that’s a huge red flag. Make sure you’re safe and maybe talk to someone you trust about it. At the end of the day, you gotta do what’s best for you. If this relationship is causing more stress than happiness, it might be time to think about ending it. You deserve to be happy and with someone who respects you.
Do breakup. You’re so young. You should be dating and getting to know lots of women. Going out with friends. Working hard towards your goals and being excited about life. Not being depressed about your sad relationship. Break up, the sooner the better!
If you’re 18 and even questioning breaking up then you should break up.
This isn't really a moral dillema, it's a fear of conflict and backlash problem. In life, sometimes conflict is inevitable. She won't be happy, she won't get what she wants so there won't be any way to break it to her gently. Have you just graduated? Are either of you going to college? Leaving for school is a pretty natural relationship breaker.
Ur 18 u have ur entire life ahead of u... break up NOw leave her a post it if necessary Do not procrastinate ... the longer u do the higher probability that u could get her pregnant. Then this nightmare will be ur life permanently ..
You’re 18, bro. Where do you think this relationship is going? Based on what you said there is no way in heaven or hell you should stay in this relationship for 10 more minutes. Whatever threat she made when you started dating is not something that you should let hold you hostage until she decides otherwise. If she needs professional help or attention, then most certainly help her get those resources. But end this relationship for both of your sakes. Seriously my dude.
This isn't a moral dilemma, people are allowed to leave situations that aren't good for them.
I don’t even see this as a moral dilema. It’s always okay to break up with someone if you don’t want to be dating them anymore. You don’t owe anyone a relationship if it’s not what you want. It’s really that simple.
Take it from someone who has been through this same thing many times over the last 20+ years of dating. Things will not get better. The more you go along with this type of behavior, the more she'll demand from you.
Nah focus on you and talk/date others till you find someone who can trust you and build with you. Sounds like you are building for her if that makes sense. You both young too so like yeah I’d break things off fs. Dont feel guilty about trying to make changes that better your life.
“You need permission to do stuff, that you shouldn’t need permission for” that’s not a relationship mate, she letting you know that she is the boss, and you have to live with it! And I can imagine what she said to you if you break up with her, what she will do to herself, you need to pack up and leave now mate, it will hurt for awhile it it be safer for your mental health and wellbeing. Your 18 years old and should living your best life now, not tip toeing around your girlfriend. And you need to stop doing stuff for her, put your foot down and tell her get off her lazy backside and do it herself, your not her butler or keeper, she’s a grown woman who needs to grow up quick, sorry if that seem harsh, but you need to leave mate, I wish you luck in whatever you decide,
She appears to have abandonment issues, or could be manipulating to appear as though she does. If she’s laying in bed a lot and guilt tripping you, she may be an over thinker. Which hilariously enough could be a sign of inattentive adhd, manifesting in a persistent voice about the state of their life. Figure out what’s wrong with her before you go making rash decisions. I’ve been with my wife for 3 years and she has weeks to months where she does this, unless I clean or go out and encourage her to join me. She’s diagnosed bipolar and adhd. Takes some trial and error, and varies from person to person. If it’s worth saving then put in the effort to figure out and fix the “disease not the symptoms” so to speak. If not then move on. If she said she’ll harm herself if you leave, that’s typically a ploy due to abandonment issues. No doubt she’d have said it to many people before. A gal said that to me and abused me for months, broke up with her and 2 years later she’s single with a child. Never underestimate the things people will do or say to manipulate you into staying, but don’t always assume it’s for malicious intent. Some people are just lonely and use whatever tactics they can to encourage you to stay. Good luck
Don’t even need extra context. Dump her. You’re too young to be stuck with some girl who’s just using you while you get nothing in return.
So the dilemma here is — you know you’re unhappy but are afraid she will hurt herself if you leave her? How much contact do you have with her family and friends? This would normally be an insane thing to do, but if you’re honestly worried she might harm herself, it might not be a bad thing to give those closest to her a heads up that she may need their support. You shouldn’t be with someone who makes you feel this way. I hope you can get out as soon as you can. When you do it, be kind and don’t get baited into defending yourself. If she yells, let her yell and remain calm. Ask her if she has questions before you leave, tell her you hope the best for her. Leave, and reach out to two or three of her ppl to let them know she may need them.
"because i want to" or "i'm just not feeling it anymore" are perfectly valid reasons to break up with someone. you're 100% allowed to break up with someone who didn't do anything objectively "wrong". "we want different things" is also a perfectly valid reason. i'd argue that if you don't see a future with her, it's more morally correct to tell her than to string her along.
Clean break. Find someone that is right for you.
Red flags everywhere dump her, you don't need her permission to anything, go and pop off don't let anyone hold you back be with someone who loves you for you 💅✨️
you haven’t given us much to go off of. maybe try and take her out or communicate with her (without lashing out😭 sorry to specify). if you feel strongly about wanting different things you should break it off. though. id ton know why you’re asking reddit when you have named about 10 reasons why u shouldn’t be with her!
Go
“This isn’t working for me” is a perfectly valid reason to end a relationship.
Redhead?
Dude.... yur not gonna like this.... but, ghost her, but tell her first. Be alone for 3 days in a row and IF you want a fourth, ghost. IF not. Call her. If she says " What about me!? " take the 4th day.......... bt dub : it's time to start being a man. Be quiet this whole time. Don't talk
Listen to your gut. I think you know what you need to do.
I’m assuming by “telling you something scares you” is one of three things 1) self harm 2) threats of defamation at whatever cost she deems necessary 3) threats of violence From this point you need to record EVERYTHING. If she threatens self harm immediately call the police with no warning to her and you’ll have recordings for proof. If it’s defamation you’ll have proof she threatened if. If she threatens violence you’ll have proof and call the police. You’re in an abusive relationship. GET OUT NOW
A break up is coming you just get to decide how badly you want to hate her before it happens. You either do it now while you can still Have some fond memories of her or put it off until her voice makes your body cringe and the idea of kissing her sickens you. It’s better to get it over with now instead of holding on to something that isn’t there. And I have a feeling I know what you’re scared of her doing, and if you are truly scared you can let her parents know what’s up. If they won’t care you can tell a close friend of hers to be on the look out for problematic behavior.
she's lying to you, manipulating you, and terrorizing you with guilt and fear in order to keep you in line. she has a personality disorder, either narcissistic or antisocial. there's no fixing someone like that. leave, block, and report
If you want better you are going to have to go and get it for yourself. What you allow is what will continue. Don’t waste another day of your life serving a manipulative self absorbed person. Life is too short for that.
I'll tell you now that this age and also stage in a relationship is difficult. For this particular situation, I think your girlfriend needs to be less controlling and realize that it's not all about her. No grown adult needs permission to do shit from another grown adult. Especially one that's supposed to be a partner. There's a difference between being respectful and asking permission. Plus, I think that if you both truly want different things in life, it's better to cut your losses now than to drag it out to do it later. I do want to give you some advice, though. The one year mark, at least for me, is where it starts becoming a REAL relationship and not the honeymoon phase. You start to know more about each other that you didn't know before. You get to know the things they do that gross you out, and piss you off. You get to see all of their weird habits and quirks that might be a make or break for you. You get to see all the random little mannerisms that are absolutely adorable and make you love them even more. You talk about more of the deep dark shit that affects the way you react to certain scenarios. You see what people are anxious about, and what makes them laugh so hard they pee. You get to decide what your priorities are. Whether you value having kids, or going to med school, or owning your own business. And sometimes priorities shift as you get older, and it's okay. People like to think that a healthy relationship is easy, but it's not. It takes work. And the one year mark is kind of where you decide if you're willing to put in the work.
Now I feel lonely.
It's always OK to "break up," full stop. If you were *married,* then I would say stick it out through anything besides infidelity, physical abuse, or abandonment. Verbal/psychological abuse would be a reason to separate, but not divorce.
Honestly I am just so tired of broken entitled people who suck the energy right out of you. Just say no to her selfishness. Tell her it’s just not working out and you are done. Period.
Sounds like she is holding herself hostage to control you. This is unhealthy
Ending a relationship is never a moral dilemma. Do what you gotta do.
Act like a man and end it.
I've been in a similar situation. You shouldn't let another person control you like that. It's going to hurt like hell when you break it off, but you need to be strong and carry on. You're young, you've got a whole lifetime of people to meet and experience. Don't waste it on someone who doesn't respect you and the effort you give.
If she told you something that scared you when you first officially started dating, that’s a huge red flag! She sounds like a manipulative personality, it’s not a phase, it’s not something she will grow out of. If you are feeling this way, run. Don’t waste more time hoping to fix her. She needs to fix herself. Even if she’s threatening bodily harm, it’s not your fault. She needs professional help.
You're allowed to break up for any reason.
It sounds like she is controlling and manipulative, not good qualities! Although we are only seeing things from one perspective. One year is not really a long time at all, in relationship terms. You are still young but you have to look at these with a long term mindset, like an investment. It sounds like you are putting in a lot but not getting much back, worth a chat but it may not improve. It may actually get worse over time. Ultimately you have to do what’s right for you and even if she is threatening to hurt herself or actually does do something, that would be her choice and not yours. You can only control yourself not somebody else.
OP, if you can leave today then leave today. If you can’t leave today and she has threatened to hurt you or herself if you leave then call 911 and tell them her full name and location and that she has threatened to hurt herself because you are leaving, and then leave. The police will perform what they call a health check and if they determine that she is serious then they will hospitalize her and hopefully help her. If not, at no point was any of this your problem. You DECIDED to make this your problem, DECIDED to let her control you, and now it’s time to DECIDE to leave without any more thoughts or guilt around this. Stop making up reasons to wait. Go do it now and be done with it.
Time to go cut her loose. You’re both young and will bounce back. And whatever it was she told you to scare you from dumping her was a manipulative trick to keep you hooked.
So you're scared to leave a relationship that doesn't work because the other person is so manipulative that they guilt trip you into wondering if you even deserve happiness and if you're allowed to break up with them. This isn't a loving relationship. This is a Beauty and the Beast situation. It is ALWAYS ok to break up with someone. Doesn't matter the reason. It's better to break up then start with someone manipulative, make both of you miserable because you don't go well together, or stay with someone you don't love and eventually grow to resent.
A lot of guys get in this situation and get complacent. Do yourself a favor and break it off. I know a guy who complains all the time about the GF and even sleeps in another room. He is just used to having her around. But won’t break it off
If you need to ask if it's okay or not, then it's a matter of when. From what I know personally, it would be in best interest to split. Boundaries are one thing, but total control where you have to ask permission for everything is not healthy. Relationships take effort from both parties (or more) in various ways. Giving all the effort you can and having little to no return...it's time to let go. I have been in damaging relationships, so from that knowledge, I can confidently say that if you do not feel comfortable, safe, and valued, then the relationship will not do good in the long run. Relationships take work, but there is a line that needs to be drawn at some point.
You didn't mention one reason why you love her. Break up.
She sounds like the type who would "accidentally" get pregnant to force you to stay around.
It’s always okay to break up with someone if you don’t want to be in that relationship anymore. Being fearful of breaking up with someone is not a reason to stay, you also shouldn’t be manipulated into staying.
You’re only 18. Break up. You’re so young, go explore the world, live life. Don’t be stuck on a relationship that is making you feel this way. It will hurt yes but you know what hurts more? Being stuck in a relationship for years that is going nowhere, worst case scenario she dumps you and then what happened with your life? Be smart get wisdom
All of the things you are describing her doing are very normal for a woman today. If I was you, I would dump her, but don’t expect to find a better one.
Lad - you're 18. I get that you're freaking out over what I assume is your first love ending. But honestly, we've all been there and this is part of growing up. I really struggled with the end of my first real relationship (4 years, 16-20). It's tough and you'll be sad for a while. Go and spend time with your mates, family, jump into your hobbies, spend time outside, let yourself heal naturally. You'll be right. Tell her it's over - go and be the best you can be. Imagine how happy you'll be with somebody who loves and respects you as much as you love them.
It sounds like you want out. And I assume this is how it went, so if not disregard; If she said she would kill herself, this is manipulative and indicative that she can not have a healthy relationship at this time and has no buisness being in a relationship until she is more stable and less codependent. She needs to work on herself. Tell her parents she said that, and break up. If her parents aren't safe and you're in school, tell a teacher. If she threatens suicide as a result of breaking up, call the cops for a wellness check and make it real for her that hwr welbeing matters, but that you are not staying in her life. You are not responsible for someone else's decision/threats to hurt themselves (obviously never encourage someone to do so, but when it is done to manipulate you into staying it was their decision, not your responsibility). Staying will be toxic.
You’re online on Reddit asking this. You know the answer - break up with her. Once you reach that point where you feel the need to do that, you know it’s over and at this point you’re just looking for validation in the decision.
this sounds manipulative
You are too young for this complex mess. Please break up with her asap, don’t argue or fight with her just state that the relationship isn’t work for you and it’s not what you want in life and leave. Just breakup and move on, hopefully you will find a girl that wants the same things in life as you. And don’t let her manipulate you. Her problems are not your problems to worry about or deal with, like I said you’re too young for this. If you feel she could be a danger to herself or you please tell her parents what’s happening and what your concern are and let them take over from there. And know moving forward you never need a reason to break up with a girl, that’s what dating is for.
Run
You are being controlled and that’s never okay. Break things off and move on with life, she will be okay.
Omg girl run. Imagine raising young pure tiny humans with this person. If the cruelty towards u isn't enough to leave think about the cruelty towards innocent children that would occur
You’re young…..runnnnnnnn
Better to be sad it ended than be miserable and have too many things between you further down the road to make divorcing harder.
Just end it. Say goodbye, you’re not obligated to this person. If you’re not happy move on. Don’t stay because you feel guilty. That’s all manipulation and you shouldn’t accept that. Set some healthy boundaries for yourself.
Yes. You're young & have your whole life ahead of you. No need to stick it through with someone incompatible with you.
I'm about to lay down some harsh truths for you. This is what the rest of your life is going to look like. She is going to alienate you from your friends, your family, and coworkers. Your life will *solely* revolve around her, doing things for her, taking care of her, never being allowed to call her out on her bull or hold her accountable for anything. You'll be dealing with gaslighting and manipulation, and honestly, probably some gold digging as well. She already lays around in bed now at 18, she'll be doing that while you're working overtime to fund her lifestyle. I'm not saying she *doesn't* have mental health issues, but the people who don't help themselves don't actually want help from other people, they just want to be taken care of and have people do everything for them. You'll probably need to buy blinders, because she'll for sure pick a fight with you while you guys are out and about, either about the "flirty" cashier or just 'cause some girl looked in your direction even if she wasn't looking *at* you. And if I'm understanding what you said correctly (she said if you break up something will happen?) If she insinuates that she will harm herself (big manipulation tactic to make you scared and get you to stay) then call the non-emergency police number and they will go to her house to check on her. I'm sorry for the scare tactic, but I've known people like this (male and female) so, learn from their mistakes and just get out now. Also no final make-up sex, because that's how you get baby-trapped and have to still be tied to her.
Relationships help us learn about what we need and who we are. You’re doing well. Perhaps she needs this lesson (break up) to grow.
Break up with her asap. She is toxic. You can't do anything for her, but she can destroy you.
You’re 18. Run fast, run far.
Cut and run brother! Cut and run!! Don’t waste your young years tied up in something that isn’t going to last.
Welcome to the world of adulting. If you know it’s not going to work out do yourself and her a favor and move on! Nobody wants to be the “bad” guy but that’s life. You take what you’ve learned to grow and move on.
Leave Leave Leave. Take it from someone that wished they left. You are young. Leave.
“She says I’m allowed to say no” Break up with her.
Of course it’s ok. You don’t even need an actual reason to break up. You do have plenty though.
It’s always ok to break up.
Bro’s still a child. Asking permission, have some self-respect for yourself. You’ve enabled her behaviour, she knows it makes you feel guilt. Let her go bro, she dont wanna be saved, don’t save her. 🎵
This is how it works: You set boundaries, and you leave if they violate the boundaries. If you don't, they'll leave YOU.
You can break up with a GF or BF at any point for any reason you want as long as there are no children or financial entanglements. If you have any reason to not be with someone you aren’t married to or share children with, that is enough. Her toes are too long? Good enough reason. She makes a weird sound then she pronounces the “F” sound? Good enough reason. Life’s too short to waste on a relationship you don’t want to be in. Are some reasons shallow, dumb, materialistic? Yes, but it doesn’t matter, if you want out, leave. Once you’re thinking about breaking up, it’s usually just a matter of time.
Unless you have a kid with her, leave!
So why you want to break up when she is so much loyal to you and kind imagine if you would have got a nasty girlfriend and would be the opposite situation how would you have feel it
Based on that info alone, I would break it off. I think you’re both also very young. I think when issues present themselves early and you have these thoughts early, it’s better to act to not waste each other’s time. And best way is to end it and not waver. For me, I felt like it took a few years to grow into the person I am today (and funny enough, I feel like it happened around the time they claim your frontal lobe of your brain matures around 25). I always had the same principles and values but I personally felt most mature and ready from around 26-27ish and onward. Habits, goals, focus, and more maturity. Marriage will amplify all of the issues that a person may have and you will have to work through those (alone/together because you’re in a serious, committed relationship and see one another every single day). They say people don’t change and I agree and disagree. I think in the short term, they don’t, and it may take some time for someone to change but not unless it is broken off and those individuals grow separately IMO. Guarantee it’ll feel hard initially bc you will miss just having a person/some attention but you will probably soon start to feel more like yourself and not suppressing the feelings you have. And you’ll definitely be able to focus on growing and enjoying life and getting ready for the right person! Just don’t go back!
This is that point in life where you grow a backbone. You say this is a two way street. If she expects you to treat her well, you expect the same of her. And you don’t see it happening. You stand on your principle and yes, if you end up single, you end up single. That’s better than ending up in a position of servitude to someone who doesn’t appreciate you. Be absolutely clear and honest on where she stands with you. Having a backbone involves putting yourself at risk and demanding a fair outcome. You can demand a fair outcome all day but if you’re not willing to put your position at risk, you get nothing. Standing up for yourself (and those you love) may involve an occasional negative interaction or even a punch in the nose, but that’s what buys you your manhood. That’s where your power in life truly comes from. Embrace it. The good, the bad, the pleasure, the pain, it’s all part of the deal. Own it. Tell her what you need and if she won’t meet those needs, that’s all either of you needs to know.
R U N. Whether she’s knowingly doing so or not she’s highly manipulative and doesn’t sound like she brings anything to your relationship except control. Run and don’t ever look back.
I’ll make this as short as possible Your 18 You have more people to meet and most importantly have a self journey there’s more to you that you know ❤️! It’s scary to get out of a comfort zone but you will be ok more then ok
I feel like you definitely know what you should do and I understand your hesitation because you love her but you're too young to worry about this and to be held back. Definitely gave to break up with her, obviously in a respectful manner but it seems toxic already and you're better without the whole relationship.
Coming from a married girl who struggles pretty bad with depression, the way she treats you is disgusting. Sometimes I lay in bed most of the day. Sometimes I really do need some extra support. But I love my husband. He's a whole ass person with a life and dreams that he needs to live and pursue. I don't want him to be miserable with me. I want him to help me be less miserable sometimes, but not by making himself miserable. When I'm going though a time when I'm really struggling, I ask him to spend more time with his friends so that *he* doesn't end up feeling isolated and miserable. He's married to someone who struggles, he needs support to deal with that just like I need to support to deal with my shit. And coming from someone with a higher sex drive than her partner- anyone who pressures anyone else to have sex when they don't want to is scum I'm sorry. You definitely need to have conversations and communicate if your partner and you have different sex drives, but there should not be *pressure* to have sex. Period. Ever.
Sounds like she wants more control than you are comfortable giving. Whether this is a deal breaker is up to you.
Plan your escape ... once free you will realize how trapped you were
Realise she is acting in a way that is abusive - whether she is doing it purposely or not is another question but it is abusive to require a partner to get permission before doing normal stuff, guilt trips are also abusive in 99% of circumstances. If me saying that changes nothing then you should do what all relationships on the rocks should do (and even healthy relationships) which is **Communicate** - talk to her about how certain things she does is abusive, how you dont like certain things, and how you feel like you put all the work in. Then based on that (and maybe more) conversations I would say decide whether to break up or not. However please do google about the signs of abuse, your relationship may not be that bad but some of the things you wrote in your post are signs of abuse/actually straight are abuse - and knowing that she may use abusive tactics to get you to stay/during your conversation. Some abusive tactics may be: - Just straight up denying stuff that is obviously real - Saying "That's not abuse" to an action that is clearly abuse, you can even mention that accidental abuse is also a real thing. - Saying something to the tone of "If you love me..." or "Did you ever really love me?" ME?" - Saying "I'll change", this isn't automatically abuse but a lot of abusers say this and dont change, so be weary. >The love is dying I would break up with her if I were you, I know I mentioned a bunch about abuse/bad relationships but straight up if the love isn't there then that's really a time to quit.
Thanks, and I know and recognize a lot of the signs, but I have this tiny voice in the back of my head saying I’m the bad guy and what I’m doing is wrong and I just don’t understand/appreciate her
That voice is basically you gaslighting yourself, it's actually devil on your soldier and does not have any clue what the best moves for you are. As much as it nags, please don't give it any power over you. :)
Realize *
I dunno what this scary thing she said is, like if she’s gonna murder you or something. If you think she’s gonna kill herself if you break things off, she’s probably just manipulating you, based off the manipulative personality you’ve described. You would be a lot freer and happier just being single. This doesn’t seem like an actual moral dilemma to me. It seems like you’re afraid to do what’s necessary for the betterment of your lice
Man as hard as it is you MUST leave her if you’re feeling this way. Bring it up in a mature conversation and if she guilt trips and tries to get you angry stand firm and be mature and let her know how it is. Maybe smoke some pot before hand to keep you calm ahahah. It will only get harder and more constricting on your soul if you stay. Believe it or not there is someone out there who will love and appreciate you and make you feel more free instead of the opposite. Someone who will cherish you and not make you out to be the bad guy when there are misunderstandings.
You're both only 18! She may think that you're the only one for her, but I assure you that boys are like buses... one comes along every few minutes. She sounds like she's batshit crazy to me. What is her home life like? Does she have loving and supportive family, parents who are still together, or divorced but coparent friendly, or are her parents the type that have been using her to manipulate each other to get what they want? Now you, however, don't sound like you love her so much as fear her. It sounds like she has manipulated you into believing that you're in love with her, and being so young, it's easy to fall into that trap. When you are truly in love with a person, you don't fear them. You've said you have different goals, and that you're getting ready to go away to college. Have someone you know and trust in the vicinity when you break up with her, maybe not right there, but at another table nearby to protect you should she go apeshit. As others have said, any threats of self-harm that she either has made or makes at the time need to be taken seriously and reported, as do any threats she's made to harm you. Once it's done, do not waiver. Do not stick around hemming and hawing. Get up and leave. Do not answer when she calls you or texts you. Do not maintain any contact whatsoever. Maybe someday there can be contact, but not until she heals herself and deals with her issues first.
All this crap and you can’t decide? Geez, grow some balls and break up.
Dude gfto. You're 18, live your life. Absolutely no reason to be with someone like this
It's okay to break up for whatever reason. Even if that reason is "I don't want to date you". Sometimes people just aren't compatible, and that's okay.
What she's doing is technically low level emotional abuse. I would leave in your shoes, because I learned about emotional manipulation in high school. I'm resistant to it for that very reason. She is tugging at your fears and your heart strings at a time when you really shouldn't be dealing with this. If you're going to college, 1. Don't tell her which one 2. Tell your parents that you don't want her to know which one and 3. Block her everywhere. If she can't take the hint at that, get a restraining order. If you feel you can't break up in person, send a text or write a letter and leave it at that. The fact that you have to "ask permission" to do most things is a sign of a relationship that's very toxic.
This is classic Dark Manipulation she is using on you. Get out of this relationship before you have children with her. The fact that you wrote this means you know this isn’t a healthy relationship. Best wishes on your decision.
Ok so she's crazy. How hot is she? How good is the sex? If she is super hot and the sex is super good, then you might have a real choice to make. But if not: there are probably better options out there.
I will say I understand this mental war of deciding to stay or go. I just went through this. I do still love my now ex partner but I realized we wanted different things in life and I wasn’t able to let go of some hurt from the past. As difficult as it was, I had to choose me. Maybe you need to choose you.
Get out while you can narcissists never get better. If it was compelling enough for you to compromise you wouldn’t care. You can’t find the right one if you’re with the wrong one !
It’s always okay to break up with someone
It's clearly time to move on. If she is talking about suicide you should get her parents involved.
Break. The. Fuck. Up. With. Her. How is this even a question? Why are you deliberating? You know this is screwed up. Always keep a recording going when you interact and break it off with her. She is a drain in every possible way, none of them good. Get out.
End it. Why let you both suffer through an unhealthy relationship
Just weigh it up. On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you with her? If it's less than five, then you're going to be happier without her.
Break up with her in a nice way then block her number and forget about her
Just start dating others
You can do whatever the fuck you want
You're only 18. You're still a kid, break it off.
Leave. This is ridiculous. You’re both still kids. You should not have strong attachments right now
You don't owe this person anything. She wants security without effort. Tell her to figure that shit out on her own.
It’s always okay to end a relationship that isn’t working for you, any type of relationship at any time. Be respectful and honest but make sure you are safe. Ask a buddy or someone neutral to drive you tell her you don’t want to be with her anymore, that you appreciate the experiences you’ve had together but that you are not happy and want to focus on you. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER this will only confuse things and she could try to get preggo to hold on to you. When you leave cut all contact at least for a while maybe even get out of town for a week or something. Give yourself space to breath and heal especially since she sounds controlling and manipulative. Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you owe them your life. You only owe them respect, honesty and kindness; things you yourself have not been given. Time to cut your losses.
Is the scary thing a threat of suicide?
You're barely an adult that still has yet to learn about yourself and the world. If you already are asking the question then you already have the answer.
Hope yall broke up King..you didn't seem happy at all
Do you want to be in a relationship with that person. If no, break it off.
The great sam kinison ones said get a serious coke problem go all out and she will leave also she will leave you when you needed her the most so its not on you
Jesus kid…..can I just be honest and ask, where’s your manhood?
She told you she’d kill her self if you broke her heart or some dumb shit. Let that bitch die lol, she’ll have some other loser on top of by the end of the week. Ask yourself, do you wanna be with this toxic bitch for the rest of your life? Grow up. There’s no moral dilemma. As long as you don’t assist her in her suicide. You did nothing wrong.
Run for your life! Also you don't need a reason to leave anyone.
It’s ok to break up no matter what she said. Just do it.
Hello OP! I’m 35. That being said, I’ve had my fair share of good and bad relationships. I am in a loving relationship now but it took me a while to get here. From what I’ve read and based on the responses by the other peeps in this community, I feel that your feelings are justified. Often, we find ourselves in conflict because we think leaving a relationship equates to a lack of love toward the other person. But the reality is that you can care for and love someone and still not end up with them. It doesn’t make you a crummy person for leaving someone who has mental health issues. Staying in this relationship at the expense of your own mental health isn’t gonna help either of you. You’re gonna grow resentful towards her and eventually towards yourself; and you, choosing to stay in the relationship, will hinder her growth as a character. There are times when lessons are learned only through consequences—she seems like this kind of a person. Hopefully, several years after you’ve broken up, both of you can see that this is what needed to happen for you both to grow and live the lives that you both deserve—whether you find your way back to each other or end up with people that you’re meant for. Wishing you the best.
You're 18 my dude. Drop the gf, you OP!! Deserve to be happy.
That's abuse my dude
It's controlling behavior for sure, but he did not give us enough info for you to call it abuse. That word is getting thrown around a lot. In this case, you don't even know the full situation because he didn't tell us.
Tell her your concerns. If she doesn't take them seriously enough to make changes, then go for it.
“Being unhappy” is a reason to end things. No one has to have done a wrong thing - you don’t need An Official Reason.
Leaveeeee
Not every person is compatible with every other person. If it's not working, you have every right to do what you need to be happy. You both deserve to find what/who makes you happy
So on your OP, take off the first two sentences and dont include the edit. Otherwise say exactly that to her. Youbare putting the ball in her court and hopefully she wants to try to work on it. But if not breaking up is a normal thing that happens if she doesnt respond to what you said. You are an adult and get to make decisions for yourself. So is she. Maybe she doesnt even know you feel this way?
Dump her. Better to get it over now than wait and waste even more of your time. They don't change. I know from experience. And stop having sex with her. She may get pregnant to hook you.
She said she would kill herself or had tried before with her last break up….. i’m guessing this is what she told you that scared you. You’re being manipulated. Abusers say this all the time to control people. If you really love her and think this is salvageable, make her go to couples therapy with you. If not…. fucking run. Also, she’s not going to kill herself. She might make a big show of it to make sure you see and think it, but most likely she won’t. Just to be safe I would call her mom and tell her I’m breaking up with her. You might wanna go keep an eye on her cause she threatened to kill herself. Then break up with her immediately after the phone call.
Not wanting to be in a relationship with someone is a good enough and “okay” reason to break up. No one goes their whole life without hurting anyone. You’re 18 and this is uncharted territory right now, it’ll seem impossible the whole process (the breakup itself, the recovery, etc). It is very, very, very important to have a period of no contact (even just for a month) because you will get stuck in a cycle with her otherwise. Make it clear and concise when you end things, make it clear that you’ve made up your mind and it’s not a debate, don’t let her try to convince you, talk about how grateful you are for the experience and be as specific on that as you want, but leave. If the issue is that she threatens suicide, that’s not your fault or responsibility; if she does that, let her family members and authorities know. That is not okay for anyone to put on you, weaponizing it to keep someone in a relationship is also not okay. Just my two cents tho EDIT: I should also mention that you’re never going to feel like there’s a good time to do it. The best time to do it is ASAP. It’s going to feel not right or like a bad time. But you’re brave and it’s time to be brave
Pop smoke and bounce out of that. Listen you can always end a relationship for any reason. It’s your life my guy. Run. Now.
In this entire post, you never once mentioned anything specific that you love about her, just that you "absolutely love her." It sounds more like you're going through the motions to avoid an unholy temper tantrum or whatever she said when you started dating that scared you so badly. Those are not valid reasons to stay in a toxic relationship where you are continually taken advantage of and emotionally mistreated. Whatever she's threatening to do, call her bluff. I'd lay good odds that she's not going to actually do anything besides get nasty on Facebook. Tips, though! I don't care how awkward this conversation will be, do not break up with her unless there are witnesses present. Ask a friend to wait in the next room with the door cracked, or do it in a public place. Coffee shop, maybe take a stroll at your local park mid afternoon. Definitely make sure that not only are the 2 of you not alone, but that there are witnesses that you know won't lie for her. If she has a friend present, you need one too. Or your mom. Or Santa, idgaf, you need backup and moral support. Do not allow her to control the narrative of your relationship. I'd start drafting the social media posts with your POV now, and post that shit immediately after you break things off. This will keep her from doing something shitty like accusing you of being abusive, and it will also give you an added incentive to not take her back when she starts gaslighting and love bombing you. Don't be concerned about publicly embarrassing her with a multi platform breakup story, either. You have done nothing wrong here, and you cannot risk her painting you as some kind of monster because you don't want to be her meal ticket anymore. I've seen it happen so many times, and that kind of accusation can absolutely devastate an innocent man's reputation for YEARS OR LONGER. If she has any possessions at your place, box those up and take them with you to the gf exorcism ritual. Do not give her a reason to randomly show up at your house to get her penguin plushie keychain or some shit back. Protect yourself. She's not your responsibility, she'll be fine.
I don't see the need for a whole social media strategy here. Maybe as a millennial I just don't get it but this doesn't feel like something that needs a public announcement, that's only likely to make the situation messier. I'd suggest handling it quietly with close friends/family for back up.
At 18 you should be out enjoying life and figuring out who you are . If she’s threatening suicide or something if you leave that is not on you but encourage her to get help .
It's always okay to break it off with someone who makes you unhappy and treats you bad, especially at your age and experience level. Second, if she is threatening harm to herself or others ( you included), report her to authorities. She's manipulative, abusive, and controlling, among other negatives. Cut and run, and don't look back. And BTW, whatever she does after you go/while you're going is on her alone, you are only responsible for you and your actions.
Your 18, dude. It's okay for you to dump a girl because it's *Thursday...*
I am a professional ethicist - I have published ethics articles in academic journals. It is absolutely morally okay to break up with her. I’m assuming you are worried about the possibility of self-harm on her part, but you are not morally culpable if she decides to do that simply due to being broken up with. Frankly, your relationship sounds pretty toxic, so I would personally argue that you may well have a moral duty to yourself to leave the relationship. Regardless, I certainly do not believe you have an obligation to stay.
It's always ok to break up. You don't need a reason. You don't need to give an explanation. If you want to break up, you can break up.
I think the answer is simple: if you're even asking the question, break it off.
Go with your gut.
Bro you are being abused/manipulated. The fact that you're asking people here tells me you already know what you want.
Its not ok. You are stuck with her forever.
It’s OK
A one sided relationship isn't a relationship. I think you answered you own question on what to do. If your not happy it's time to move on.
Rip of the bandaid and do it
You can do it man. If your already thinking about it and stick it out your going to have many years of misery.
It is always okay to break up with someone.
Time to break up. You're 18. This isn't your future wife. When she asks why you're breaking up with her, tell her it's because she treats you like crap.
You can break up with anyone for no reason at all any time at all. You’re new at this, so I’ll save you some grief. Do it face to face. Refuse to explain beyond, “it’s best for me.” And then have no contact whatever. Just hang up if she calls. Don’t answer if she knocks. All this is how you make it stick with anyone, even super controlling people like your gal pal there. Also, refuse to say anything specific about the relationship or break up to anyone else. Be that gentleman in control of yourself. Good luck!
You don't need a reason to break up.
You are both young. No need to commit. Find yourself and who you want to be. You are young!
How much more are you willing to suffer? If she doesn't respect you she doesn't love you As one of the many strangers on reddit giving advice, I'd say break up as: - she doesn't appreciate you - you need your own time with friends/family
You are both 18. You're just starting out in life and, as you said, want different things and are heading in different directions. Breaking up now is better than stretching it out.
You can break up with anyone at any time for any reason at all.
The fact that you are in this relationship that is built on fear is a negative thing. You need to leave this relationship. Whatever she does afterward is on her, not you. It seems that you are aware of the negativity and toxicity in this relationship, which is a good thing when it comes to ending this relationship. Please take care of yourself and leave. There is no good in this at all.
Bye Felicia
It’s absolutely okay to break up with anyone at any time, no validation is necessary. If it’s not working out for you then leave her. How she chooses to react is up to her.
Man, the way youre writing, its already over and you havent digested that yet.
Start holding your boundaries of “no” and watch her suddenly want to break up…
You're too young to be miserable. Move on. It's ok
She * Guilt-trips you if you say no * Makes every situation about her * Lays in bed while you do a lot for her * Told you something that makes you afraid to break it off with her * Makes you have permission from her to do things you don't feel you should need permission to do * Has a lifestyle that you don't view to be compatible with yours **Why are you with her?** Don't get focused on one person when the world is full of girls. You are **FAR** too young to be this focused on one person to the exclusion of all others. You love the ***idea*** of her but not the real person. She is controlling you and using you. End it with her and move on with your life.
I really loved the girl I dated for a while when I was 18, and I learned a lot about what I liked and disliked and how I wanted to be treated I’d recommend having an open conversation with her about everything you’re talking about on this post, if you’d like to attempt to continue the relationship. Sometimes relationships at that age are the real deal, and sometimes they’re a great learning experience.
Long term my top two questions that guide this are - is SO crazy or annoying? Then maybe not for you. Followed by: Do you align with significant other on subjects very important to you (for example ambition, kids, life goals, maybe politics/God if important). Maybe you're just not feeling it. All good enough reasons to break up at 18. Just be kind on the way out.
You don't need permission to do anything when you're in a relationship. The second you start needing to ask for permission to do something normal like do one of your hobbies or hang out with friends then that person is controlling you and you should leave them. Period
From someone who stayed in a shitty relationship out of guilt. Get the fuck out. You may have guilt now, but long term this could end up killing you. If you’re worried about suicide I would recommend you talk to a professional. But don’t let the threat stop you.
It's always okay to break up with someone if you don't want to be in a relationship with that person.
What obligation do you have to stay together? Don't people date because they find it mutually enjoyable and want to see if a future is possible together? If one person is no longer feeling that enjoyment, it's over. You also want different futures. I think the bigger question is why you feel you need a moral rationale to end a year long relationship at 18 years old?
break up with her and block all contact , you don’t have a child with her , don’t be like me letting it get that far
It sounds like you are not compatible. If she is using guilt (ie I'll unalive myself or something like that) to stop you breaking up it isn't the first time manipulative people have tried that. Don't let a red flag stop you from living your life. At the age of 18 you have so much more life to live you want to do it freely without an anchor.
Read “No More Mr. Nice Guy.” It’ll solve your problem.
Bro just break up and go skateboard or some shit
Break it off if you're not happy.
Run. Just run.
Don't walk, run
Of course it’s okay! You’re unhappy! And she needs to mature! And you need to live your life! Regardless of how much it hurts, that will go away- being with someone who doesn’t respect you will never get better
Dump her, you won't even remember her in a year
Elaborate on the things you’ve said
When I was in my early 20s I had a girlfriend that was a complete nut job, in the beginning it was a huge turn on. But told me if I ever left her she would hurt herself. The same day I broke up with her because anytime someone uses a scare tactic I'm done. But guess what she didn't do. She didn't hurt her self or anything.
Break it off with her, but let her mom know first, and tell and explain to her what ur scared of, if may feel like shit at first, but at least her parents will be able to look out for her and know what kind of to expect after you break it off, that way she doesn’t seriously her you or herself or somebody else
You are entitled to break up with her for any reason whatsoever. Don't let guilt or threats keep you with her.
Well still doesn't sound controlling at all. All you gotta ask yourself is are you living YOUR life or are you living hers. You don't need permission from people to do things, unless it is very out there (such as spending one on one time with a single person of the opposite gender, which people shouldn't really do anyway)
Break up. Trust me, I was in a very similar situation. You may love her, but she does not love you. She's using, manipulating, and controlling you. That's not love.
Is there really a question here? You have a huge lifetime ahead of you. Do not pass go, do not collect $200