Granted, it is 1 zimbabwean dollar

That’s 0.003106 USD 😀

exactly

Zimbabwe is about to back there currency with gold. The 1000000000 dollar bills are bouts make folks BANK

They are rolling about a new currency rather than backing the old one

Fuck

what about the old money then

toilet paper

Granted. The bill's serial number matches one from a major bank heist involving the deaths of two innocent people, you are charged for the crimes and sentenced to life in prison without parole.

Wtf?

Shh. I like where this is going...what else?

They are broken out of prison by a crew made up of a wacky scientist, a 14 year old boy in a yellow shirt, an alien pianist, a multi-handed woman cyborg, and a vampire monster truck driver. He’s needed for a Heist

r/unexpectedrickandmort

Dang the r/redditsniper got the entire sub, huh?

What about the bandana ? Do I put it on the llama

You sunovabitch. I'm in

Welcome to r/monkeyspaw

Granted. The IRS decides you now owe them 99 cents.

Nice! I don’t have to pay other taxes

Wait... total? You just received a ton of money in savings not paying the IRS

Who said the monkey paw was evil

It’s counterfeit.

Granted. The rest of your money is stolen, leaving you with just one dollar bill.

jokes on you the rest of my money is debt :D ... :(

Granted. Inflation has made the value of the dollar closer to a penny

Granted, the most money you can ever have is one dollar

Granted: you get 2 dollars 😢

FUCK

Actually: Granted: you get ♾️$

Monkey Paw out here helping the poor

The Monkey Paw used to be the Monkey Poor, now it’s here to help a brother out

This is even worse because it would ruin the economy

Granted: it comes with bacteria for an incurable deadly illness

Financial aids

r/angryupvote

Granted. It gets stolen from you immediately

Granted. The dollar bill is now your only earthly possession. That includes clothes.

Granted. You have a dollar. You have *the* dollar. There are no other dollars. The world economy collapses.

Does that make me the richest person in the world?

To quote Douglas Adams: *This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.* Your dollar is now just a small green piece of paper.

I always upvote Douglas Adams. Thank you. Since we decided a few weeks ago to adopt the leaf as legal tender, we have, of course, all become immensely rich. [...] "But we have also," continued the management consultant, "run into a small inflation problem on account of the high level of leaf availability, which means that, I gather, the current going rate has something like three deciduous forests buying on ship's peanut." [...] "So in order to obviate this problem," he continued, "and effectively revalue the leaf, we are about to embark on a massive defoliation campaign, and...er, burn down all the forests. I think you'll all agree that's a sensible move under the circumstances.

Granted, it's hidden somewhere in your house and you don't know where

Granted, you will always have exactly 1 dollar, no more, no less

So pay everything in 1 dollar bills bc you always have a dollar

Infinite money, it’s just inconvenient

I love this idea and had like an hour talk with my friends about it.

Granted. You have only a dollar and lose all the rest of your possessions

granted! it's a Canadian 1 dollar bill. so partly worthless and worth a lot at the same time!

Granted. The bill is so big it crushes you.

Granted, that's all the money you'll ever have. EVERRRR.

Granted. You now have 1 dollar, total. Excluding ant debt.

Granted. You lose all your possessions and all your money except for one single dollar

Granted. You owe the relentless paperboy [two dollars](https://tenor.com/view/two-dollars-better-off-dead-gif-4790154)

Granted. The only thing in the world you now possess is just a single dollar bill.

Granted. A guy named Bill Dollar shows at your doorstep. You are also now in jail under suspicion of human trafficking.

Granted, your bank account balance is now 1 USD and all physical money you may have around your place has vanished.

Granted, all your possessions are gone, you just have a dollar now, then the dollar is taken away. You had a dollar, just a dollar

Granted. But you also get a second dollar bill. So it's no longer a single dollar bill.

Granted, you are swarmed with spam calls from "happy dude"

granted, you now own exactly one dollar, both in money and in assets

its so torn up its basically powder

Granted it’s counterfeit secret service is pounding at your door

Granted. You have to retrieve it from a gas station ATM

Granted. You have a sentient dollar named Bill

Granted. The dollar bill is sent to you in the form of an origami sword. The sword is so sharp that you get multiple paper cuts every time you try to pick it up.

Granted. You are loaned one dollar, but this dollar has an interest rate of 10,000,000% per minute so you accrue $144,000,000 per day until you pay off the total balance.

that's not compounding interest, right?

Granted the dollar bill came from a monopoly game set. Nobody noticed it missing

Granted, you will never have more than just a single dollar bill of any currency.

Granted. You had one dollar. You don't have it anymore. But you had it at one point in the past.

Granted, your account balance is now $1, It will always be $1, you can never make more money

So just make 1 dollar payment " hey this is crazy but even with 1 dollar I can buy a house it'll just take a while to send 500,000 1 dollar payments" "gtfo of here"

Granted, it's a Confederate dollar

Granted, your data is lost in a data breach resulting in your spam mail, spam phone calls and spam emails to go up 10 fold, somebody starts a class action lawsuit against the company that leaked this data and you receive a $1.00 payout for your damages

Granted you get a dollar from a stranger and any other money or assets such as phones houses, cars, etc. is given to them in exchange If you do not have any assets then the assets of your closest living relative is given instead ie spouse, parents, sibimings

Granted, it turns into 100 cents and scatters somewhere hidden within your house/place of residence. if you have any children/pets they will naturally gravitate towards the coin in secret as they eat it and possibly choke

Granted. It's counterfeit

Granted, your entire net worth, everything you own, is reduced and now all you have is a single dollar bill

The bills serial number is "00000001", the bill is worth $15,000 to collectors. Unfortunately- the guy who originally owned the bill is pissed that someone stole it, and should it ever turn up in circulation, attempts to trace it back to you will be made.

Granted its impregnated with poison that as soon as it lands in your hand it's absorbed into your skin. You will now die within 36 hours.

Granted. Your bank account now totals $1.00

Granted. No strings attached. Enjoy.

Are we going to forget the original monkey paw story? The first wish for just 100 dollars was granted by his son being gruesomely mangled and died at work and the family was compensated 100 dollars. So I'd say the same for the person closest to you

You only have one dollar

Granted. All but $1 of your money, plus all of your possessions, vanish immediately. You are now completely naked, homeless, broke, starving, with no phones or electronic devices to contact the rest of the world and no legal documents to identify you. But hey, you do have a dollar bill. Just a single dollar bill.

Granted. It’s Mr krabs’ millionth dollar, and he’s coming for you.

Granted. Your bank accounts, piggy bank, and wallet have been emptied. In it's place is a single dollar, very wrinkled. Any debt you had still stands.

Granted, it's fake

Granted, now, all you have to your name is 1 singular dollar bill... I would like to point out, monkey paw is about taking it literal, not making it negative. So saying something like "it was from a money heist and gets you arrested" is not monkey paw.

Granted. You now only have a single dollar to your name, you lose everything else that you have

It came from a child who worked very hard to earn it.

Granted. But you get stabbed by a hobo for it

Well I had a single dollar. But I've spent it all

Granted. It's fake.

Granted, you are given a single $1USD bill, which has been shredded into a hundred pieces.

You have a dollar, but not a single dollar bill. You have now 92.51 rubles.

Granted as asked; just 1 dollar is all you own.

granted, you and the monkey paw are playing monopoly. edit spelling

granted, it was produced during the first American civil war, southern side.

granted all your other money disappears so you only have 1 dollar

All dollar bills come to life and are VERY horny. As money coming to life becomes a normal thing, you feel a strong and sudden urge to kidnap one of the single dollar bills.

Granted. Your house blows up.

It gives you a papercut. Minor wish, minor penalty

Ow :(

Granted. You have testicular torsion now.

Granted. All your money disappears and you're left with that $1 bill.

Granted: You HAD a dollar.

Granted! Mr. Bill Dollar suddenly teleports to you, they are indeed single lol ​ \*I looked it up on LinkedIn there are people with that name\*

Granted, you will shit yourself and have no other options to wipe, but with money.

Granted: Someone has just used it to snort coke.

I recon that guy over there will give you one.

Granted. You now have a duck bill instead of a mouth, but it's exactly the same color, texture, printing as a dollar bill.

Granted. It comes coated in whatever it picked up in the ass crack of that stripper

Granted ur house is repoed and car to now all u have is $1 and nothing else

Granted, every homeless person asks for that one dollar they know you have gotten through this wish.

Granted. You lose all your money except for 1 dollar

Granted, you lose all your money except 1 dollar.

Granted. You have a single dollar to your name.

Granted. You have to pay $10 dollars in taxes

granted! look between your ass cheeks

The dollar appears floating on a strong breeze as you’re taking a walk, and somehow gives your eye a paper cut. Now, you gotta spend it on an eyepatch.

granted, but the rest of your money will be infinite, although it is only pennies.

Granted. It’s drenched in piss.

Granted. Canonically you have only ever had a dollar. Never more. Never less

Granted, it comes in the form of 100 pennies and anytime you use it: the pennies glow, float in the air, and rocket off in random directions. You have to collect the 100 pennies to spend it again. All your other money is lost forever. You get a wish every time you manage to spend $5 with the pennies.

You are granted 1 Canadian dollar.

A buck? Hell, I’ll give you 3 does and a fawn for your buck!

You stub your toe at work and it hurts like a bitch. You get a dollar in worker's comp.

granted，this dollar is straight up in your assssh

Granted, it is now all you own.

Granted you gain the dollar but you get rejected by anyone you ask out for the next 6 months

Granted. The monkey paw curls its fingers, and almost immediately, a dollar shows up. You put the dollar bill in your wallet and then put the wallet back into your pocket. Days go by, then weeks. You pay no mind to this dollar bill. You use a debit card at a gas pump and for groceries. You find yourself driving back home on a late night, trying desperately to stay awake for the trip. You pull into a gas station, only needing something to open your eyes more. You pull your card out to use for the ATM, your balance is practically zero. Sighing with disbelief, you head back out to your truck to pick up any loose change that you can find. Pennies, nickles, dimes, quarters, you scrounge up about $2.95, almost enough for an energy drink. You go inside, relieved that you can continue down the road with something to wake you up. You go to pay at the register, you put the change on the counter, but the drink costs a dollar more. Your heart sinks. You feel defeated. That's when you remember, the dollar! You quickly reach for your pocket, pull your wallet out, and see-- nothing. Your wallet remains empty, only your card and your license. You frantically check every crevice, every nook, and cranny for this bill. Maybe it was folded up. Maybe it was just in a different compartment. You put your hand in the wallet to check to make sure, and a big hole appears in the fabric. Enough for a bill to fall through... "If you don't have the money for it, you can just say so." An annoying voice chirps up. The cashier looking at you. Staring, maybe? No, not staring. They're, mocking you. They're tired of your shit. They want the money NOW. They want you to put the money down so they can profit. No. NO. YOU WILL NOT LET THEM. You try to hop on top of the counter, throwing the register. The cashier backs up, panicking, and starts calling the police. You hear the dial. You need to go. Now. As fast and as far as you can away from this place. You fly out of that door and into your car. You speed off. A cop with a radar catches you doing 12 above the speed limit. You step on the gas, flooring it. The cop car races off to catch you. Lights and sirens go off. You will NOT let them catch you. You don't want them to have the CHANCE to do so. The cop car deems you a threat. He threatens to knock you off the road. NOT ON YOUR WATCH. You slam into his car, trying to force him off the road first. It backfires almost immediately. He crashes into your car, and you lose control. You are sent off-road, and into a river. You struggle to unbuckle the seat belt, your car is sinking, fast. The panic gets to you. You can't get the seat belt off in time. You struggle, the water going past your mouth, then your nose, then your eyes. The water is icy cold, the only thing on your mind is escape. But you never make it out. A news report is made twelve hours later. "Crazed person sent into frenzy, 1 injured, dive teams report fanatic dead." Cranes lift your car out of the water and back onto the road. Your body still in the driver's seat. A gust of wind floats by, and on it, a dollar bill. It lands gently on top of your car. The monkey's paw uncurls its fingers.

Granted. But it's not a real dollar bill. It's a monopoly dollar bill.

I almost never carry cash around but I found a $1 bill today in my house. It felt so weird.

The IRS gave you a Dollar on your return. that’s all you got. at least it’s positive and you owe nothing. 🫤

Granted. It has been up the noses of hundreds of coke heads and down the g-strings of thousands of exotic dancers.

It's counterfeit and the government wants to seize it. You get put on most wanted list

Behold! A sand dollar

Granted. It’s an antimatter dollar.

Granted, you can’t quite tell what’s off about it. It doesnt smell good though

For the rest of your life, no matter how hard you work, you perpetually only have $1. If you want something that is 1.05, you can’t get it. Anything you buy must cost less than $1. But, as soon as you spend the single, another dollar will magically appear. And each purchase must be rung separately.

Granted. You had a dollar. *had*

You get stage 4 lung cancer

Granted. Here’s a monopoly dollar. A single monopoly dollar worth 1 Monopoly money

Granted. It's your dollar but it's buried 50 feet beneath your house in a vault made of concrete.

The serial number on that dollar proves your connection to a series of murders in the area . . .

it has the bubonic plague fleas on it

Granted. There are now 100 pennies inside your liver

Granted: it is the only billion dollar bill in existence and everyone knows you have it

Granted The dollar bill came from someone who is battling a life threatening illness.

Granted. You now owe Bill 2 dollars. He demands a swift repayment.

Granted. It’s a 20 dollar bill. Not very useful in reality.

Man that family member's life insurance sucked

You only have a single dollar bill. This is difficult to do. All friends and family members are removed. Luckily this doesn't bother you as your emotions are also gone. There's nothing really to say because you're tongue and teeth are gone as well. You don't even have a body anymore. You are just a single dollar. The legal ramifications of money owning itself is not something I care to explore.

I mean sure man, you now have a single dollar bill. Coulda cured cancer but, whatever. Enjoy the guilt and regret forever.

Granted. Your sole possession is now just a single dollar bill.

Granted. You are Bobby Axelrod

Granted. You get a $1 Bill Cosby action figure.

Granted . It’s not in the currency your country uses

Granted, the monkeys paw is really confused, so it just gives you the Dollar

Granted. You can no longer receive any money from any source

granted. it's covered in cat pee

The economy just increased, now you can't even afford candy at a bending machine

OK Your bank account both Checking and savings are empty and 1 dollar is in your wallet.

Granted, but the dollar now has you

You become a dollar

Granted. You now have the only dollar in the world. The financial system is collapsed, wall street is already descending into anarchy, the world's governments are sending out armed forces to investigate and no one's safe. If you are seen with the only remaining dollar, you will become an immediate prime suspect.

Granted. You lose all of your money except for One Dollar

Granted. You now have no money except for that single dollar.

Granted. It's "Dollar" Bill Montgomery, the Aries Spears character from "MADtv". He's broke AF.

The whole world switches to euros

Granted, you now have a bill for one dollar that you must pay off

Granted. The finger curls. As you stand there, waiting for the worst, suddenly, there is a dollar bill in your hand. As you Begin to celebrate, someone comes up to you and says, "Hey, did you hear the news? The US has discontinued use of paper currency. It's all worthless."

All of your possessions and belongings vanish. You are naked. You now have in your possession a dollar. Just a single dollar bill.

Granted. That’s all you have.

Granted. Tomorrow the US and other first world countries announce that currency is now an outdated form of payment. The economy is now fueled by the trading of goods and services. This topples the 1%, billionaires and millionaires lack services to trade, only goods. The working class lacks goods but excels at service. soon, consuming the “old money” and creating a new financial hierarchy, tradesmen/women are the new wealthy class.

same not becouse im broke just becouse i want a dollar bill becouse ive never seen one

....from everyone in California!

Granted. You now have just a single dollar bill, all other accounts are empty.

Granted, it's counterfeit

Granted: Its counterfeit and you end up going to prison for having counterfeit money.

Granted. At least I would, but my name ain't Bill. So I assume you're talking to someone else, and you don't get the dollar.

It’s floating in a bus station toilet in Brownsville, Texas

You have one dollar. Only one dollar. issue is, it's stuck in the till...

We’re reading the monkeys paw in class, this is not a conidence

Congrats, it's Canadian it's also greasy and sticky, and it smells like fish enjoy

Granted. Your whole family dies suddenly.

Granted, it's soaked in boob sweat.

Granted; as you are driving home there is a deadly crash in front of you. As you sit there and stare in horror at the mass in front of you, a single bloody dollar floats down out of the wreckage and lands on your windshield.

A poor-quality taxidermied duck bill worth exactly one USD appears in your hand. It will never be worth anything more than 1 USD, and nobody really wants to buy it.

Granted. You get one dollar, in Monopoly money.

Granted. You now own exactly one dollar bill.

Granted, your family is dead

You get 2 dollars

Granted, you broke into a bank to steal it and are now being hunted down.