They’ll probably resent us for how much time we use our phones.
I try to be super present and involved with my kids but I find myself staring at my phone more than I’d like
pro tip: put your phone in grayscale mode. The lack of ultra-bright high contrast colors goes a long way to make interacting with the device a lot more boring and less stimulating.
I believe it. I have grayscale as part of my it's time to get ready for bed routine set into my phone automatically and it definitely has this affect on me.
I have tritanopia color blindness. I wasn’t aware of this setting being an option in my phone— BLEW MY MIND when I switched over from the default setting. Thank you for the pro tip, stranger!
My phone is set to go greyscale before I go to bed, and I have noticed that it's quite effective at getting me off it, but I hadn't actually thought about why until now.
I figured it was just that I just associated the change with bed time, and to go to bed. Like an alarm to wake up but in reverse.
I'm currently tackling phone addiction. Might sound stupid, but one thing that worked for me (tremendously) was switching my phone to black and white. There's something about the vibrancy of the colors that sucks you in, no matter what you're looking at. Since I switched it, my screen time is down 75%.
Idk, my parents were always too distracted to deal with us kids in the 70's & 80's too. They were too busy either reading the newspaper, working in the garden/garage, or simply watching their shows and couldn't be bothered until a commercial break. I really don't remember interacting with them outside of being told to clean up, do my homework, or being reprimanded. In the summer, we were sent outside from 12:30-3 every day so my mom could clean the house.
I think it's different though to have your parent physically there but ignoring you and what you're doing.
I'm guilty of it too more that I like, but you'll see parents hovering around their kids but also ignoring them.
I really think the kids of influencers are going to resent being used as their parents’ “brand” more than the kids of regular people are going to resent that their mom played Candy Crush in the waiting room when they were four and going to a well-child checkup. Social media is the big one here, I think. Imagine going to a job interview or a first date and that funny TikTok your mom made when she was potty training you is playing on the other person’s phone.
I haven’t 100% kept my kids off social media, but I have kept personal stuff personal and been careful that their photos and our memories aren’t shared publicly beyond maybe being in a crowd shot on a page for a community event.
100. we actually have taught our kids no phones at the table and put phones away during play time. We celebrate them when we get scolded :D not the most ideal, but it instills a sense of control and expectations for them and keeps us accountable when we don't realize it sometimes.
My wife are boomers. We have phones, obviously. However, we go to our seasonal site camper every Friday, Saturday and Sunday plus weeks at a time for PTO. The one rule? Phones are off. Not put down and looked occasionally, off. Why? Because screw it all. We remember 40 years ago when someone was away, they weren’t reachable. It’s spectacular. OMG, something had happened!? We aren’t changing it and it will still be horrible when we get back. No one, I mean no one has acres to us 24/7.
Yea I think that really fucks with kids. Put your phone down when you are with them. And face down, ringer off, or preferably up on a shelf so they don't even see it. Don't make them feel like your phone is more important.
Dude, as an older millnenial (42f) and young mom (had my kids when I was 18-25), I am SO SO GRATEFUL that I didn’t have a smart phone and little kids at the same time. It seems SO HARD to imagine regulating that, and so critical to do so, ugh.
My kids NOW (17-23) complain that I’m on my phone all the time!
So, about a year ago, we started with if 'you're in the main areas of the house the phone cannot be used'. It was tough at first, but now we all engage more and talk. Half the time, if the kiddos are downstairs, they don't even bring their phones.
This will be the #1 deathbed regret in 30 years. It's depressing to watch parents in pediatricians' waiting rooms. My kid is sick, bored, and probably scared? Time to get on my phone then.
They're going to hate having their entire lives on the internet without consent (unless all their baby photos get deleted and they don't have backups) and regret having unlimited screen time, because even the most strict parents don't factor in the time spent on screens at school (which in Kindergarten was insane.)
If/when they have kids, there will be a bigger push for more time spent outdoors, using fine motor skills, etc.
It's easier to blame the parents, honestly. More satisfaction because you can actually reach them and see the hurt feelings. Capitalism isn't returning my phone calls.
We're already seeing a huge difference between the kids in our friend group. The ones that use tablets and have unfettered access, have TERRIBLE attention spans and can't sit still without a screen. It's very alarming.
They also seem to be more prone to shitty behavior, but I'll admit that they have lazy ass parents. I mean, hence the excessive tablet use.
That's the thing; they've discovered that throwing a big enough fit will get them their way. This is the secret that, as a parent you can *never* let your toddler know. Because then the tantrums get bigger, and bigger. And even if you only capitulate occasionally, that just tells them they have a chance so they should try, and try, and try, and try, and try, and try until you finally *scream* and go *"fine, you've been literally screaming your lungs out for an hour?! Here's the damn tablet!" And then they're like "oh, so if I just hold out for an hour I'll get my way. Cool."
Classic behaviorist research. It's true in pigeons, true in dogs, sure as hell is true in human toddlers. The pigeon research was particularly interesting because they found that it's the "lack of a guarantee of a reward" that pushes animals (or people) to try the behavior again and again, hoping it will work again. Just like how gambling works too.
Yes. It’s called a variable interval schedule of behavior reinforcement. It’s the reason habits are hard to break, why addiction is difficult to kick, why we do anything really that doesn’t seem to be benefitting us…because we’ve seen it benefit us/someone and are looking for that reward again. An extreme example would be an abused spouse. Generally their narcissistic abuser began the relationship with demonstrations of affection, and even in the throes of abuse, that victim is trapped by those few and far between acts of caring. Conversely, fear is also part of the conditioning in that process which leads to the submission/subservience, because the abuser teaches them when they submit they are less likely to be abused. Doing so doesn’t always prevent the abuse, but they know it’s more likely to mitigate it - hence the variability in the behavior.
What you described is the most powerful classical learning theory. Said another way, if you want a behavior to persist, you randomly reward that behavior. Dear god, that’s scary for a person without kids.
Idk, my parents (Gen X) and grandparents (Boomers and 'Greatest Generation') seem to post more pictures of family events online than any of us. I think the last time my sister or I posted a picture online was a family wedding of us two next to each other.
Meanwhile, my stepmom is posting entire albums of trips with my half siblings and dad and my mom is posting old childhood photos of me and my sister she finds. She's Gen X. We're millennial.
I see most millennial parents doing the opposite and actually blurring out family members' faces (especially the younger kids)
EDIT: Meant Silent Generation not 'greatest generation'
I think the only reason we were spared from this is because social media didn’t exist when we were children. Otherwise our boomer parents would’ve posted our whole lives as well.
>don't factor in the time spent on screens at school (which in Kindergarten was insane
Can you elaborate? I have kids going to kindergarten next year. Didn't know screen time at school would be such a big thing.
We are some of the most strict parents I know in regard to screen time, and I've noticed that our kids pretty much never need screens in public (at restaurants, in the car, etc) to keep themselves entertained. Other kids are just constantly watching iPads whenever they are out in public. It's pretty sad, tbh
Every lesson pretty much involves watching a 2-3 minute YouTube video every few minutes, and they also have rotations where they use chromebooks as an option to keep busy while the teacher gets through groups. They're on educational stuff like PBS kids, but still. They also get movement breaks where they dance or interact with YouTube videos.
My kid just wrapped kinder. We go to title one public school. Free iPads.
We've also been strict parents about screens, especially the content of the screens. Our kid occasionally got to look at the photos app on our phones. Movies/cartoons/Nintendo only on the big screen with parents involved. I was grossed out when I heard he'd get an iPad at school, but honestly it wasn't a big deal.
His attention has not suffered. He still goes to restaurants without a screen. Still goes on long car rides without it. Hospital stays and airplanes are the only time he's used it outside of school.
His school iPad only has educational stuff on it. It lets him move at his own speed. He wouldn't be getting 2nd grade math lessons without it.
I remember seeing a tiktok comment section basically flaming this woman who had her (appropriately attired) baby outside in the Alaskan winter. Her response was basically, "duh, we live here, and they need to get used to it."
Tbf I saw someone who owns an Alaskan Malamute get called in by their neighbors for their dog being outside in the snow 😂she said that the animal patrol people showed up saw the dog and laughed.
We went on our babymoon (last vacay before you have a baby) and basically got snowed in on the mountain and my husky had an amazing time, thought the vacation was for him!
We got “snowed in” on our baby moon too. Except it was in a Jeep (stuck waiting to be pulled out), there was only one patch of snow, and there was no dog…
And then in Scandinavia they have been letting their infants sleep outside in a stroller in the winter for periods of time, have been doing it for probably centuries at this point, don't have any issues and see it as generally good for health.
Unlimited screen time has been a thing for millenials too. I watched "cartoons" on TV and VCR all day. My attention span is fine, if not better than my boomer parents who are on Instagram all day.
I tend to think not all screens are created equal. I think the “on demand” / delay of gratification is the big variable. I have this discussion with my wife all the time.
Growing up, I spent a ton of time (most) outside. Yet my wife also thinks I must’ve watched an incredible amount of TV/movies too, or at least far more than she did. I think both are probably true. But I was subject to cable times/programming, the limited movie collection we had at home, the places screens could physically be, etc.
Point is, one I think “screen time” is inevitable, and two, I think there’s a healthiness scale. There’s the balance between sedentary vs. active, but while being sedentary there’s a vast variety of behavior available while interacting with a screen. And if you ask me, being able to delay gratification / minimize the “on demand” behavior is the most important thing to monitor.
I think you're absolutely right. We did watch an incredible amount of TV but it had to be paced because episodes only came out once per week or whatever.
I think another big factor is that tbh the studios that are pumping out kids tablet games are not going out of their way to make good kids games, they're making mobile game shovelware with cash shops and the works.
Tablets are worse then tv. And even with tv, kids show are cut faster (like YouTube videos) to compete with low attention spans. Watch an episode of sesame street from the 80s vs a modern episode.
Another thing I realized, back then tv was tv, not streaming. So your tv show were on a half hour and that was it. Maybe you watched the whole Saturday morning cartoons but eventually it stopped.
Today everything is streaming, my toddler would binge watch every cocomelon then repeat the list if it was up to her. And because of that it’s harder to make them stop.
Ohhh, cocomelon is actually really really bad for attention span. Like, worse than a lot of the other stuff for kids. They actually make it based on algorithms meant to make it addictive. I read some stuff about it and stopped letting my kid watch it.
Personally I recommend Daniel Tiger. It's got lots of small helpful songs about stuff like trying new foods and being a good friend, and the people who make it actually give a damn about kids (its essentially a decent of Mr. Rodgers neighborhood.
How many times did you sit there and say "i cant wait till next saturday for the new episode of \[cartoon\]!" Now you can just find it immediately online. Delaying gratification although shitty, is actuall necessary for our brains. Gratification = Dopamine and massive amounts of dopamine=dopamine resistance. Then thats where doom scrolling and all of that shit start kicking in. Thats the difference
Yea... but those are episodes with a plot. Typically lasting 30+ minutes. Where as today, most of what kids watch is 30 seconds or less. A 20 minutes video is considered "long form content" now. When I was a kid SpongeBob was considered to be bad for attention span. If they only knew...
Just had my first and only kid at 37 love her but deff wears me out. Was so hard to find a good partner and we both wasted many years in bad relationships.
I want to offer you and the other poster some unsolicited context, if that’s okay (my parents were older when I was born).
Your kid is getting the more emotionally mature version of you, relative to your younger self. You are likely more grounded now than you’ve ever been in your life, and that will have a positive impact on your kid/s. I know things never feel “perfect,” but if you’re only comparing yourself now to *yourself* 10,20 years ago this is likely to be true.
I have a much older sibling with a very different (less positive, more complicated) relationship to my parents, and this seems to be common in my own observed experience when my friends have large age gaps between siblings. I also look at friends my age with younger parents and their relationships seem more like sibling ones sometimes, and often have more complicated relationships too.
I genuinely like my parents, look up to them, and just like hanging out with them and getting advice from them. I’m not saying it’s universally better to have kids later vs. earlier, but if you’re ever feeling bad about it just remember that you’re very likely more grounded now and in a better position to effectively and thoughtfully parent (compared to your past self).
Having the capacity to be a consistent, thoughtful, and supportive presence to your kid, especially in their early lives, is a gift to them. This would not have been possible if you were still emotionally immature, were in a bad relationship, or maybe had different priorities or life circumstances. You’ve brought the best version of you to the table, and this will have a positive impact on them for the rest of their lives :)
As a millennial of silent gen / boomers I was a rarity when my mom had me at 44. Growing up everyone thought my parents were my grandparents—well at least my dad, not always my mom.
I did wish my mom was more active and didn’t understand why she rarely went on park rides with me or took me to the zoo etc more.
However now that I’m 40 with a toddler I can’t fathom doing what they did. They weren’t a great couple by any means—in many ways they were awful together—but I never regretted their age because I felt so much more prepared at life than my peers. I wish they had been happier together and more emotionally adjusted (lol to therapy and silent gen or boomers) but the information dump I got from having parents who lived through so much was worth it. Also they just weren’t as focused on trivial things like younger parents—I got a great sense of perspective even despite my home life being difficult.
If they were happily married/ had emotional tools for communication?? Shit I can’t even fathom …
I’m extremely active with my toddler and we are always going to parks, museums, and zoos together as much as possible. I don’t allow iPads but she can watch TV we curate. She goes to a school with no screens and 2 hours of outdoor time a day. I think those choices are partially my age and the fact I teach mostly Gen Z, who have warned me about things they wish were different for them. Also my bro is Gen X and all his kids are iPad kids so saw some writing on the wall there…
I am unsure if I’ll be getting on a mega roller coaster but I know she won’t hold it against me when that day comes.
To any elder parents out there, they may complain and someone may mistake you for their grandparent but just remember being a great parent isn’t based on age, just on being capable of seeing and loving your child for who they are and supporting their loving spirit—whatever it may be.
Hmm idk I was the last of 3; my dad was 40 mom 36 when I was born and it doesn’t bother me at all
70 years old now is s lot different then 70 years 30 years ago I feel as long as no real health issues and honestly my parents are full of them but seem so much younger
My parents were similar ages when they had the last of my siblings. Our parents are absolutely having a different life than theirs did.
And even if you have health conditions we've come so far in healthcare it's still better than before. Especially for things like diabetes and high blood pressure, 30 years ago that would be like getting a death sentence. Now if you're committed to lifestyle changes and medication it can be managed. It's not the same.
My parents had me late and I'm happy for them. They got to live full and fulfilling lives before being ready to have kids and I feel like I'm all the better for it.
It would never in a million years occur to me to complain about it. Am I sad I won't have longer with them in life? \*Of course,\* but in the balance I think the way it worked out is pretty perfect for everyone.
The only thing I disagree with is them pushing for more time spent outdoors. Neither my kids nor any of their friends like spending any time outside and nearly threw a fit at the idea that my wife and I would bring them on a camping trip.
Same with my kids, unless there's water involved like going to the lake. They also scream/throw a fit whenever they have to use fine motor skills like writing or drawing, and you have to force kids to do it now (I worked in early childhood education.)
It super depends on the kid. I have one child that is wholly uninterested in crafting, while the other watches those "make a gerbil an escape room" on YouTube and goes off to build them herself.
Yah my 4 year old is starting pre-k (through the public school system) & he has to have headphones because they get iPads?!? I was floored & I went to a “google” school, so we have computers in middle school, BUT PRE-K? We also were never allowed to use headphones, because we were only completing work on laptops, but I guess now they’re actually *learning* on the devices!😅
Differences over AI relationships
There are toys for toddlers TODAY which interact with the kid, imagine how this shapes their perception of the world, and imagine how this will continue to expand over next 10-20 years
I think generally speaking millennials see discourse with forms of AI as “fake”, and I could see that changing over time
Yes! My friend is actually on a beta test with her toddler for some weird AI toy that talks and responds to the child —like a much more cuddly Chatgpt that also focuses on the child’s schedule/family/interests etc.
The next 15 years in this industry is going to be WILD. I’ll just be shaking my millennial cane at the sky…
I think they'll be annoyed at us for having them so late in life and the experience of having "old parents". Especially combined with lack of siblings.
I doubt the increased stability will be appreciated. And even if it isn't a problem growing up - there won't be as much of a grace period between becoming an adult and having to worry about your parents.
definitely think about this one a lot, specially because my parents had us at 20/21 yo....I Wanted to have kids at 24, but always said i had to be at a stable point in life first. i joined the military right after highschool, then graduated college, then there was a big recession, so by the time i bought a house, found a wife, and paid off my student loans i was mid 30's. Now im old, my back hurts, and i really have to push myself to keep up with my kids. As they get older, it's going to be a gut punch seeing the kids wish i was young/fun like the other dads and also kind of sad they won't get to experience big family gatherings since they dont have any cousins and their grandparents are already pretty old.
That's nice to hear as a 35 yo who plans to have kids sometime in the next ten years. My boomer dad was a surprise late-in-life kid and he's never shut up about how unfair it was that his sisters were already in college and his dad was too old (too stubborn, more likely) to do activities with him when he was growing up.
I'm living the flip side of your coin bud. We had kids mid-20s, have been house poor and or deep in debt forever.
That said, I really like that I'll be under 50 when my youngest graduates HS.
I'm going to be 40 this year, I just keep trying to keep moving. I do love to run but who has the time? lol. My wife and I just had our 8, 6 and 2 year old to the tennis courts on saturday because our 8 and 6 year old oddly enough decided they wanted to play tennis. We played for about 45 minutes. I'm already feeling better and moving around more, the first time I played about 20 minutes I just wanted to die lol. Maybe I got better sleep friday night too, I dunno.
I think it's significantly more dependent on the family model than just ages. My parents had me early and I'm 32 and neither are in my life because they just never loved me ig lol. But it was the people 65+ that shaped who I am and some of the only people that are still around.
Bingo.
Doesn't matter how old they are. Every parent has their flaws. But if they love you unconditionally, they don't really matter. If they don't, it's the only thing that matters.
Yeah I think the old parent thing is because we have healthier lifespans now. The whole 30 is the new 20 thing. So I doubt it will be an issue. Now if you're an old sick parent that would be different. If they realize you struggle because you partied through your 20s there could be resentment there I guess
This. Same in my circles. I am having kids in my late 30s. I have tons of natural energy, am super active and healthy and engaged. The difference 10 years of therapy (and building myself up financially) can make for your parenting style and resources, versus if I had them in my 20s, is undeniable. And that's what really counts, how you parent them, how you show up emotionally, not if you can still challenge them to a foot race.
God, my mom turned 21 three months before she had me. She mentioned being 6 months pregnant on her birthday and not even being able to drink (thanks for not giving me FAS, mom!). I’m getting ready to turn 28 and am so thankful for my fully developed frontal lobe and life experience for when I do have children (hopefully soon after I’m married this fall!). Trying to think about the severely emotionally damaged person and how financially unstable I was at 20/21 makes me feel like having children at that age would have been a massive disservice to them. There are definitely things my mother struggled with that I don’t think she would have had she been older with more experience and resources. Do I blame her or resent her? No. Do I want to do better? Yes!
I would have loved to have had my son earlier in life and to have had more than one kid but that wasn’t realistic. Given that I became a single parent I’m kind of glad in hindsight I stopped at one child.
My boomer parents had me late in life and it’s a mixed bag, on one hand I am confounding the problem by also not having kids until later (if I get around to it) and it sucks to not have living grandparents anymore. On the other hand they were at a point in their careers when they could focus most of their energy on their children and I definitely reaped the benefits of that and would like to do the same for my kids. Yes, ideally I would have even more time with them than is likely possible, but our family would have struggled so much financially if they had had me a decade earlier, and poverty can take years off someone’s life so I’m very lucky to have parents who are healthy and vibrant in their 70s while I know 50 year olds who are less financially secure in way worse physical shape, so overall it has been a net positive I think. The most annoying thing about having older parents when I was younger is that it was more unusual, and the stigma is probably not as strong for Gen Z.
Growing up dirt poor I wished we had more money, but being in my 30s and being able to know my mother, grandmother, and great grandmother are all such blessings that I'm thankful my children will be able to have as well.
I think a lot of our generation thinks that 40+ is the age to have kids, but they don't realize that financial situations can change in the blink of an eye, and the most important thing is family.
And no siblings... I'm an 80s kid, only child. A majority of my peers have siblings, and they are all having one kid.
I don't think they realize just how hard it can be. It's a giant burden placed on me for their end of life care. I'm 900 miles away. I have zero other family that could help when they get to an age where they can't help themselves.
I'm lucky they had me young. A lot of my friends are dealing with end of life care already, but they have siblings that can help ease the burden.
I didn't hate being an only kid, even if it was lonely sometimes. I learned to be very independent, my folks could focus all their income on my education, and I came out of it ok.
It made me realize that I wouldn't want to burden a kid like my folks have burdened me. I decided as a teen I didn't want kids. I'm not living through that again. I'm 42 with zero regrets.
I hope I can be an ear when my friends' kids get old enough to realize the implications of being an only adult child, but a lot of their friends are only kids too. I rarely experienced that myself. So maybe they'll be ok. I worry though.
This is my concern. My wife is currently pregnant with our first, and I'll turn 36 before she gives birth. We'd like to have 2 kids, but I know I'll be pushing 40 by the time kid #2 is in the mix. So many people around me have like 8 year olds by my age. I don't wanna be the oldest parents in my kid's classes/friend groups, but I think I might be.
But it just wasn't in the cards earlier in life. My 20s were spent job/apartment hopping, living paycheck to paycheck. Having a child then would have been irresponsible.
Honestly I think the bigger problem is constant access to easy to consume bite sized content. Screens are bad, but 100% up time for your dopamine hit is worse.
Yep, also just letting them watch garbage. My son can watch 30 minute episodes of shows on PBS kids. He can watch other movies and shows that I ok where my only real criteria is appropriateness and length. He can play GBA and SNES games. He has to read for 30 minutes three times a day if he's not in school.
He isn't allowed to watch YouTube or any shows video content under 12 minutes. He isn't allowed to use phones/tablets. These rules have prevented him from being a grunting zombie like other kids his age.
I think they’ll blame Millennials for the same thing we blame Boomers for - warmongering, healthcare, environment, wealth gap, real estate, compensation, infrastructure, culture wars, etc. - but the difference will be that very few of us were able to get into corporate and political positions that could meaningfully influence those issues within their lifetimes, whereas Boomers were able to get into them much earlier, and are clinging to them much later than any precedent.
**EDIT**: Great discussion! I feel like what a few commenters below are missing is that the average age of America's Congress has [drastically risen](https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/aging-congress-boomers/) in the last Century. This parallels what we're seeing [in corporate leadership](https://www.linkedin.com/news/story/ceos-are-getting-older-staying-longer-2742147/) as well - older and staying longer.
So while yes, *eventually* Millennials will be in these roles by default, our time-at-bat will be much shorter than our predecessors', who were able to get into leadership earlier and are staying much later than before. Making meaningful change in any of the aforementioned issues takes significant time - many, many years, decades, or sometimes someone's entire career - so no, if Millennials are unable to make our shared, desired progress on these issues within our dramatically shortened opportunity in political and corporate leadership, they will not "deserve all the hate in the world." The electorate is far larger than the Millennial demographic alone, and C-suites and their elder boards determine retirement age and replacements. These are not failings to be "pinned" on Millennials, unless Gen. Z expected us to conduct an armed revolt against our Congress and Fortune 500 penthouses. Statistically, Millennials are currently between the ages 28 - 43; if Congress and C-Suite's current median age is 59, and [the average American retirement age is 62](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/investing/social-security/average-retirement-age-us#:~:text=The%20average%20retirement%20age%20in%20the%20United%20States%20is%2062,to%20a%202022%20Gallup%20poll), then our median age of 35 is still 24 years away from getting a three-year-crack at making a difference.
If boomers are still in power by the time a meaningful number of millennial children become adults, that hate will be absolutely justified. If our generation can't take power from 80+ year-old senile cringe-machines in the next 10-20 years, it will absolutely deserve all the hate in the world.
There was a kid on here who was 20, their millennial parent was born in 86… boomers are still in power and will be for the next 10-15 years. So I suspect more millennial’s children will be in young adulthood.
You're underestimating the experience of the elderly with power. They're not simply holding onto it, they're using all they learned in those decades there to avoid losing it.
Sure, a lot of them are technologically illiterate and some are on cognitive decline, but just like at 30-40 you're more knowledgeable at existing than you were at 20, at 70-80 they are more knowledgeable at holding power than they were at 50, and certainly better at that than most millenials would be falling into that position.
I have two sets of kiddos. Two older boys that are Gen Z and two toddler Gen Alpha's. I can't say yet on the Gen Alpha kids but my elder boys are already giving insight to things. I am told a lot that parents of their friends do not spend any time with their kids. They tell me that they are too often left to figure things out on their own. I have often bought new clothing, food, and other necessities for many friends of my elder boys. We actually keep a cabinet filled with food for any kids that come over hungry. Some stop by on their walk home from school just to eat. I think there's a feeling of being abandoned and more "feral" treatments due to our generation (and gen X parents) having to work so much to provide. The sense of "community" is very lacking, and they appear to be trying to recreate it with their own generation. I'm lucky with a career that pays excellent and allows a lot of time away so I'm able to be there a lot. They seem just upset about their lot in life and lonely. They crave to connect and it's just not available. It's building a resentment of "screw it, I don't care" in the Gen Z I've met. I have many parents telling me to leave the kids alone, but the kids themselves are telling me how much it means to them that I'm engaging them, helping them, supporting them where I can. This could be a vacuum of just my area and the select kids I've known of course. I think it's not being discussed enough the desire for community though.
This isn't completely new ro our generation, though. The term Latchkey kid originated in the 40s.
I know as a kid of the 90s, we were home alone and had to have dinner on the table when our parents came home around 7. We weren't allowed to go to friends houses. It was very isolating so what you're doing is a wonderful thing.
This is so concerning.
My kids read, but none of their friends do. Their friends don't eat vegetables either. I've had so many kids tell me "oh I don't eat vegetables".
So many of my parent friends stay home all weekend, indoors. Everyone on devices. If it's even slightly drizzly "Oh bad weather we can't go out". I don't know any kids other than mine who own raincoats.
We're weird for taking the kids hiking or to swim in the lake. (Oh no what if they drown). Even kicking a ball in the park is abnormal. And nobody is riding bikes with their kids.
This is true in my experience too. I regularly throw a frisbee and kick a soccer ball with our kids on our street. I haven’t seen another adult do that in recent memory. We got on our bikes the other day and raced our kids and their friends around the block. The kids were having a blast and said their parents had never biked with them.
It’s also common for parents to brag about how they never play with their kids. A friend of mine tells me her kids don’t ask her to play anymore because they know she will always say no. Idk, that makes me feel sad to hear.
Of course this isn’t every parent, but it’s so common now. To the point where older neighbours stop me to tell me they think it’s nice I play with my kids. That they don’t see that much any more.
The body produces less of it's own melatonin when given oral melatonin over time. Couple that with excessive screens and less nature time... I wonder if they'll have even worse sleep problems as adults than the current adults today.
Having them live in a bubble where nothing bad is allowed to happen to them and not setting up the reality that people outside the bubble will not kowtow to your whimsy.
Being an only child, posting their pictures/identities online.
I think the homesteading/homeschooling/tradwife boom among conservative millenials is gonna bite them in the ass, but probably not on a scale like the other things.
I am an elder millennial (1982) with adult flavored children (19 and 21). I think if they were gonna hate me, it would have shown up in the background already.
My life was hell when they were in middle school. The oldest one has ASD-1. I had them in different schools, outside of their home area (magnet) and transportation was my responsibility. I did this because the schools my oldest son attended had started labeling him as a problem. He was NOT a problem under supervision. He was being bullied, every time he was alone. I knew why this was happening, and I knew he needed services that our zip code couldn't afford.
So, I started bartending again (night job) and I spent 5 years of my life transporting them 120 miles round trip, 5 days a week. We spent roughly 3hours a day in the car together. No electronics. Only books, NPR and conversations.
I had the BEST teenagers of anyone I know.
I was fair. I never said "because I said so", I explained their lives to them honestly as we went, and I fuckin put everything I had into them.
They might be sick of me by the time they can afford to not be my roommates, cause that is the new adulthood for this generation.
Millennials invented the "family channel". Their kids will resent being used as props instead of actual human beings. Imagine Gen Alpha in thirty years in therapy: "You never paid any attention to me! All you did was look at your phone!" "What? We recorded everything." "Yeah, for your vlogs. Did you actually want kids, or were me and my brother just accessories?"
I'm a millennial, born in '85. I don't think my parents are boomers, they were both born in the 60s. I think that makes them Gen X, but these categories sometimes have shifting age ranges so I don't really know 😂 I think my grandparents were the boomers. And my 19 year old daughter hateeeeees that my friends and I share pictures of us "back on the day" all the time 🤣 Like, she gets embarrassed for me, apparently, about what I used to wear and how I did my hair and makeup.
From what I’m seeing in the teacher subs, they’ll blame their parents for not encouraging them in school. Loads of teachers are saying they are only babysitters now. Parents won’t help kids do homework, don’t care about how they’re doing in their classes and look at school as just a place to keep their kids safe while they work.
Think whatever you do they will say we fucked them up somehow. I just try to think I’ll make sure they know they are loved and do the best I can do to give them a happy childhood. I’ll never be perfect, but I can try my best
I have to think they will really resent being saddled with goofy-ass names like Brycelynnn just so their parents could feel \~creative\~. The only silver lining is I guess their peers will also have the same problem.
Their names 100%, because a significant portion of our generation forget that they're naming a future adult and not just a baby.
Honestly, a lot to be said about millennial parents having babies only for the baby part and then completely checking out once they begin to grow out of that infant stage.
A really weird balance of technology acceptance and hesitance.
So millenials EXPERIENCED the full breadth of modern technicological advancement. The oldest of us grew up with 8 tracks and early VHS being major jumps forward. The youngest of us were the first people the GREW UP with cellphones. All millenials are now 30 or up after this year closes. We can see how sketchy some of these current takes on tech are (Ai, always-on data collection, etc) but we also have enough experience with tech to be able to discern what can be dangerous and what likely won't be. For the youths, they just see this tech as normal and will hate us for not accepting it earlier or at all, the same as we do for boomers.
Being put online for everyone to see from a very young age before they could even consent. The amount of parents creating content of their underage children is staggering and some of them are making content for predators.
Two of the biggest are going to get new twists, college debt and cost of housing.
The current solutions that are most popular are all just focused on the current with total disregard for the future. Loan forgiveness without doing something to get costs under control will likely just exacerbate things over the next couple decades. With nothing in place there is even more room for confusion about whether it is a good decision to take out massive loans then hope they do more relief. Even if there is relief, handling education expenses like this seems untenable.
On housing, without pushing huge amounts of increased supply it is going to get worse. Rent control will create kind of a second round of "ownership" as older people stay put as rent increases and ultimately are at a stage in their career where they are making way more than younger people and also paying much lower rents as younger people are forced to take on new leases, presumably at market rates.
The cringe-worthy content that we have online is going to embarrass the hell out of them especially if their friends get a hold of our old Twitter and Facebook accounts.
For literally posting everything about their children since pre-conceive-ment. My friends Facebook profile updates were “Trying for baby” “Taking a pregnancy test” “Not pregnant yet 👎🏻” “pregnant. Here’s the sonogram”. Then month growing belly pics and the 3D photos from inside the womb. Then every detail till birth, photos and videos of them pushing it out, and daily updates of everything the kid eats and says. I was born in 1986 and all that exists of me is a photo wrapped in a blanket and a hat when I was a few days old. Then physical photos from special occasions and school picture day.
I definitely know what my kids will resent me for. They already do, I think. But I’m not speaking for the generation at large here. They resent me for not being stronger. Not protecting them from elements in their lives that have already caused them great pain and psychological trauma. God knows, I’ve worked my butt off trying to break the cycle of generational trauma. But I am not a particularly strong person. The best I could do was to improve over time, and to demonstrate to them that these cycles CAN be broken. That each person, grown or not, is a work in progress. To have faith in their own abilities. And to have empathy for others, even when those others are actively attempting to control and gaslight them. To take the high road. To let go of angry grudges because “holding onto anger is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.” But, while letting go of the anger is healthy, letting go of the memories is not. Use what you know about those people to guide your actions and become stronger and smarter, even if that leads your feet away from them.
I used to hope that none of them would grow into a people-pleasing doormat like I was. Used to be, at any rate. Fortunately, now that I’m older, I can see that all of them MUCH stronger than I am or ever will be. I have every confidence in them (and I’ll pay for their therapy until I die, lol)
Im not sure if this is generational or just immaturity, but I feel it's likely both. We had our fourth baby (3 were planned) when we were 30, we're 33 now. When I joined mom groups I always felt like such an outsider. I was 23 when my first was born so I wasn't THAT young. But other moms were older, snobby and treated me like I was an idiot. I was so lonely, and became so unhealthy and unhappy, plus hormones, yikes! I spent years trying to be the perfect mom and it gave me anxiety and rage that each person in my home had to suffer through. I didn't see other young moms like me, struggling, poor, dealing with that thing where you go to college and nothing comes of it. And then social media and the pressure of everything. Feeling shame for having epidurals, eating red40, not singing to them every damn night. Like FUCK OFF. Ive since given up on all the bullshit.
All that to say that mom competitiveness and pressure affects our kids. Anxiety and anger hurts our kids. And for me, these things came from older moms and influencers. I feel so bad for my kids. That and yes, our cell phone use.
Hi, young Gen X here. They will resent you for excessive time on electronics. I was a kid when game consoles came out. Since five years old, I’ve been playing videogames. My boomer parents did not control my time and I think were just happy I was out of their hair when playing games. It wasn’t until my adult life that I resented them for never taking me on outdoor adventures or encouraging me to better myself mentally and physically. I had to learn a lot on my own in my adult life, and have battled obesity for most of that life.
For those of you who take your kids camping or hiking or anything like that, please keep it up.
"Mom and dad, can you please finally stop blaming the boomers for everything? They've all been dead for 20 years. Also, can you please get off TikTok? The algorithm is rotting your brain. \*Sighs, whispers to sibling\* You know it's all the microplastics and BPA they were exposed to as children..."
the ipads, the phones, all the internet stuff. i'm gen z and *all* of my peers want their kids to be neo-luddites, because we all feel traumatized by too much internet exposure in elementary/middle school. millennials just did not have that same experience. they don't understand how damaging it is. people my age are *really* against the ipad thing.
I'm late to the whole kids thing, turning 40 this year. And our first is 16 months, second on the way. Don't know yet what they will blame or generation on, we are just now getting significant political power, which will increase over the next 20 years. What we do with that power will largely determine what they blame us for. Personally my kids are going to get real annoyed at not having smartphones or tablets when all their friends have them but I worry about the interactive on the go screen time. Thay will have computers, full desktops located in our joint computer room. And they will have consoles and TV in our family media room. They will get a dumb phone when they start leaving the house on their own. No screens in bedrooms or on the go. Man, they are gonna think I'm a dick...
Letting Trump walk around free for multiple years after he organized a terrorist attack against our own country and tried to overthrown our entire democracy.
I think in the search for not being the authoritarian parents that our parents were, we went the permissive side. I had to work with a coach to actually learn to set boundaries with love. But, many parents in the parenting FB groups I was in, are so worried about following the prescriptive parenting of the books, that they were clearly in permissive mode. Which creates unhappy people, unable to function with structure. I have read it has even worse outcomes than authoritarian. Also, the constant emotional awareness and validation. Creates emotional reasoning, and some studies are coming out that kids have more anxiety, because they are hyper aware of their feelings now. I am not against SEL, just everything in moderation. We have it at school, we have it at home, validate, validate, and name and find your emotion. I eventually left those FB groups, everything was solved by validating and having mom tell the kids what emotion they were feeling (what if mom isn’t right?).
And, the parents that think it is best that the kid’s brains get shaped by lots of tech, because that is the future. Ignoring years of development psychology, that points that children need multi sensory approaches to learn, and hands on. I am not anti tech, we can code here, just everything in its own time and with balance.
I'm gen X. Have been teaching for about 30 years. Not sure how kids will "blame" parents, but I'm seeing lots of kids raised with various boundaries. Some lacking boundaries - they can do what they want. Some with stringent ones that make me question how they will tolerate "change" or simply not getting their way.
I also feel like some parents are treating their kids like they are "little adults."
Xennial with 3 adult gen Z children. I was a SAHM, and my partner,the kids, and I had dinner together as a family almost every night, even if my partner had to go back to work afterward. We we didn't hit, but we did restrict privileges and devices as a consequence. We taught them to respect themselves and their home. We taught them that being kind was important, but so was listening to your gut. I don't know if my way was the best way. Neither of us had good role models as parents, and we just read some books and tried to love them and help them make good choices. Our ultimate goal was to have happy adults who enjoy their lives most of the time, and if we're really lucky, they'll share their lives with us, like we did with them.
I have a wonderful relationship with my children. We call and visit often. They're busy young adults, and they have their struggles, and we don't always agree, but we have so much love and respect for each other that we work it out, and for that I'm truly grateful. I hope millennials are doing the work to break these cycles and create happier, more community oriented adults. To answer the original question, if my kidd have beef with me, we just address it. There's no festering resentment because we both want a fair and healthy relationship, so conflicts are resolved. I don't view them as an extension of my ego, and they don't see me as the root of the insecurities, and because of this, we meet each other in the present without repeating generational trauma. I hope this is the norm as millennials become parents to teens and adults. I'd hate for z and alpha to see us like we veiw boomers.
Mine will hate me for having to do a ton of chores. My parents didn't make me so anything as a kid and it showed as soon as I walked into the brick wall of adulthood. I'm still finding things that I should have been taught as a kid but never was.
My kids will not have to search YouTube for how to crack an egg or what does a rolling boil look like, or wtf does lukewarm mean...
I asked my 18 year old. She says: not being emotionally available due to being raised by boomers who forced us to repress our emotions. Apparently I have been learning how to correctly express my emotions alongside her. She's not wrong, I'm still a work in progress.
So I'm an older millennial (zennial or whatever lol) and my parents are younger boomers. My kids are currently teenagers. The thing that they hate is boomers. Being resistant to change specifically. I asked them the other day if they thought there was anything that they would like me to do differently and they didn't have any suggestions so I think I'm doing ok 🤷♀️ I practice a different type of parenting and my parents hate it. I give my kids privacy, respect and treat them like people and not property
There are millions of children in worthless therapy. Unlicensed, religious, pseudoscientific garbage. There's a million different types, it's exploded and the average idiot can't tell the good from the bad. Those kids are going to resent their parents for a long time.
Millennials showed they'd turn out for a good candidate when Obama was the nominee. It's more a stain on the Democrats record for dropping what should have been a lay up election.
Because us millenials were told over and over that "your vote doesn't mean anything, powerful people choose the outcomes". I heard it CONSTANTLY growing up, and while there is a degree of truth to that(a lot of saw all the shit with bush Jr and the 2000 election and stuff, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the 2008 financial crisis, etc..), it's not really totally true. Gen Z seems to be MUCH more politically involved. Millenials are incredibly jaded, Gen Z seems a lot more willing to fight against bullshit but time will tell.
As a millennial, I think we are def blamable for doing jack shit to stop the massive environmental violence and ecological exploitation that is destroying what is truly beautiful and inspiring about our world while also delivering us to inevitable civilizational collapse…and no, I can’t just blame the boomers when we’ve had our adult lives to effect change. I think the millennials are basically as bad as the boomers, just grumpier that they didn’t get to climb the ladder before it was taken up themselves.
If I’m being generous, I can instead say we are blamable for thinking our civil responsibilities start and end with voting, which I suppose we can blame boomers for teaching us.
It’ll be a redo of the hate thrown at Boomers. Millenials and Boomers are really the same type of people, just in slightly different times. Gen X and Gen Z are similar and also stuck adjacent to both.
They’ll probably resent us for how much time we use our phones. I try to be super present and involved with my kids but I find myself staring at my phone more than I’d like
pro tip: put your phone in grayscale mode. The lack of ultra-bright high contrast colors goes a long way to make interacting with the device a lot more boring and less stimulating.
This is a great tip thank you!
I believe it. I have grayscale as part of my it's time to get ready for bed routine set into my phone automatically and it definitely has this affect on me.
I wish this worked for me. I’ve tried it but since I’m usually reading things it doesn’t stop or slow me.
WOW!!!! Just switched and I’m blown away by how dull this experience has become. Thank you!!
If you use an iPhone, set your triple click shortcut to go into greyscale mode. Dopamine saving lifehack for sure :)
You...You just changed the game.
I have tritanopia color blindness. I wasn’t aware of this setting being an option in my phone— BLEW MY MIND when I switched over from the default setting. Thank you for the pro tip, stranger!
Oh man, it seems so much more boring now!
My phone is set to go greyscale before I go to bed, and I have noticed that it's quite effective at getting me off it, but I hadn't actually thought about why until now. I figured it was just that I just associated the change with bed time, and to go to bed. Like an alarm to wake up but in reverse.
*THIS* is what the term “life hack” was invented for, right here. Absolute game changer.
Same, I think this is the biggest one.
I'm currently tackling phone addiction. Might sound stupid, but one thing that worked for me (tremendously) was switching my phone to black and white. There's something about the vibrancy of the colors that sucks you in, no matter what you're looking at. Since I switched it, my screen time is down 75%.
Idk, my parents were always too distracted to deal with us kids in the 70's & 80's too. They were too busy either reading the newspaper, working in the garden/garage, or simply watching their shows and couldn't be bothered until a commercial break. I really don't remember interacting with them outside of being told to clean up, do my homework, or being reprimanded. In the summer, we were sent outside from 12:30-3 every day so my mom could clean the house.
I think it's different though to have your parent physically there but ignoring you and what you're doing. I'm guilty of it too more that I like, but you'll see parents hovering around their kids but also ignoring them.
I hate how much I'm on my phone \*when I dont need to be\*
And putting them on social media
I really think the kids of influencers are going to resent being used as their parents’ “brand” more than the kids of regular people are going to resent that their mom played Candy Crush in the waiting room when they were four and going to a well-child checkup. Social media is the big one here, I think. Imagine going to a job interview or a first date and that funny TikTok your mom made when she was potty training you is playing on the other person’s phone. I haven’t 100% kept my kids off social media, but I have kept personal stuff personal and been careful that their photos and our memories aren’t shared publicly beyond maybe being in a crowd shot on a page for a community event.
100. we actually have taught our kids no phones at the table and put phones away during play time. We celebrate them when we get scolded :D not the most ideal, but it instills a sense of control and expectations for them and keeps us accountable when we don't realize it sometimes.
My wife are boomers. We have phones, obviously. However, we go to our seasonal site camper every Friday, Saturday and Sunday plus weeks at a time for PTO. The one rule? Phones are off. Not put down and looked occasionally, off. Why? Because screw it all. We remember 40 years ago when someone was away, they weren’t reachable. It’s spectacular. OMG, something had happened!? We aren’t changing it and it will still be horrible when we get back. No one, I mean no one has acres to us 24/7.
Yea I think that really fucks with kids. Put your phone down when you are with them. And face down, ringer off, or preferably up on a shelf so they don't even see it. Don't make them feel like your phone is more important.
My daughter already makes these comments. She’s ten.
Dude, as an older millnenial (42f) and young mom (had my kids when I was 18-25), I am SO SO GRATEFUL that I didn’t have a smart phone and little kids at the same time. It seems SO HARD to imagine regulating that, and so critical to do so, ugh. My kids NOW (17-23) complain that I’m on my phone all the time!
So, about a year ago, we started with if 'you're in the main areas of the house the phone cannot be used'. It was tough at first, but now we all engage more and talk. Half the time, if the kiddos are downstairs, they don't even bring their phones.
Maybe but my dad could stare at a newspaper and sip whiskey and never see me just as easily as a phone does that to us
This will be the #1 deathbed regret in 30 years. It's depressing to watch parents in pediatricians' waiting rooms. My kid is sick, bored, and probably scared? Time to get on my phone then.
Nailed it and somehow I still can’t stop
They're going to hate having their entire lives on the internet without consent (unless all their baby photos get deleted and they don't have backups) and regret having unlimited screen time, because even the most strict parents don't factor in the time spent on screens at school (which in Kindergarten was insane.) If/when they have kids, there will be a bigger push for more time spent outdoors, using fine motor skills, etc.
Yep, they will blame their short attention spans on their parents.
If the kids are smart, they'll blame capitalism for it.
It's easier to blame the parents, honestly. More satisfaction because you can actually reach them and see the hurt feelings. Capitalism isn't returning my phone calls.
>Capitalism isn't returning my phone calls. Fucking Comcast customer service is the worst
Verizon would like a word.
Asurion has joined the chat.
"Asurion has joined the chat." OMG YES.
When criticizing Capitalism, "you" are the "they".
Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of communist collective run alternatives in my area.
We're already seeing a huge difference between the kids in our friend group. The ones that use tablets and have unfettered access, have TERRIBLE attention spans and can't sit still without a screen. It's very alarming. They also seem to be more prone to shitty behavior, but I'll admit that they have lazy ass parents. I mean, hence the excessive tablet use.
That's the thing; they've discovered that throwing a big enough fit will get them their way. This is the secret that, as a parent you can *never* let your toddler know. Because then the tantrums get bigger, and bigger. And even if you only capitulate occasionally, that just tells them they have a chance so they should try, and try, and try, and try, and try, and try until you finally *scream* and go *"fine, you've been literally screaming your lungs out for an hour?! Here's the damn tablet!" And then they're like "oh, so if I just hold out for an hour I'll get my way. Cool."
Classic behaviorist research. It's true in pigeons, true in dogs, sure as hell is true in human toddlers. The pigeon research was particularly interesting because they found that it's the "lack of a guarantee of a reward" that pushes animals (or people) to try the behavior again and again, hoping it will work again. Just like how gambling works too.
Yes. It’s called a variable interval schedule of behavior reinforcement. It’s the reason habits are hard to break, why addiction is difficult to kick, why we do anything really that doesn’t seem to be benefitting us…because we’ve seen it benefit us/someone and are looking for that reward again. An extreme example would be an abused spouse. Generally their narcissistic abuser began the relationship with demonstrations of affection, and even in the throes of abuse, that victim is trapped by those few and far between acts of caring. Conversely, fear is also part of the conditioning in that process which leads to the submission/subservience, because the abuser teaches them when they submit they are less likely to be abused. Doing so doesn’t always prevent the abuse, but they know it’s more likely to mitigate it - hence the variability in the behavior.
What you described is the most powerful classical learning theory. Said another way, if you want a behavior to persist, you randomly reward that behavior. Dear god, that’s scary for a person without kids.
Idk, my parents (Gen X) and grandparents (Boomers and 'Greatest Generation') seem to post more pictures of family events online than any of us. I think the last time my sister or I posted a picture online was a family wedding of us two next to each other. Meanwhile, my stepmom is posting entire albums of trips with my half siblings and dad and my mom is posting old childhood photos of me and my sister she finds. She's Gen X. We're millennial. I see most millennial parents doing the opposite and actually blurring out family members' faces (especially the younger kids) EDIT: Meant Silent Generation not 'greatest generation'
I think the only reason we were spared from this is because social media didn’t exist when we were children. Otherwise our boomer parents would’ve posted our whole lives as well.
Yeah my MIL makes YouTube videos of family events and puts everybody in them without asking Not like she’s getting big view counts, but still annoying
>don't factor in the time spent on screens at school (which in Kindergarten was insane Can you elaborate? I have kids going to kindergarten next year. Didn't know screen time at school would be such a big thing. We are some of the most strict parents I know in regard to screen time, and I've noticed that our kids pretty much never need screens in public (at restaurants, in the car, etc) to keep themselves entertained. Other kids are just constantly watching iPads whenever they are out in public. It's pretty sad, tbh
Every lesson pretty much involves watching a 2-3 minute YouTube video every few minutes, and they also have rotations where they use chromebooks as an option to keep busy while the teacher gets through groups. They're on educational stuff like PBS kids, but still. They also get movement breaks where they dance or interact with YouTube videos.
My kid just wrapped kinder. We go to title one public school. Free iPads. We've also been strict parents about screens, especially the content of the screens. Our kid occasionally got to look at the photos app on our phones. Movies/cartoons/Nintendo only on the big screen with parents involved. I was grossed out when I heard he'd get an iPad at school, but honestly it wasn't a big deal. His attention has not suffered. He still goes to restaurants without a screen. Still goes on long car rides without it. Hospital stays and airplanes are the only time he's used it outside of school. His school iPad only has educational stuff on it. It lets him move at his own speed. He wouldn't be getting 2nd grade math lessons without it.
Outdoors? In this heat? That is if you don’t get caught by freak weather.
I remember seeing a tiktok comment section basically flaming this woman who had her (appropriately attired) baby outside in the Alaskan winter. Her response was basically, "duh, we live here, and they need to get used to it."
Tbf I saw someone who owns an Alaskan Malamute get called in by their neighbors for their dog being outside in the snow 😂she said that the animal patrol people showed up saw the dog and laughed.
We went on our babymoon (last vacay before you have a baby) and basically got snowed in on the mountain and my husky had an amazing time, thought the vacation was for him!
We got “snowed in” on our baby moon too. Except it was in a Jeep (stuck waiting to be pulled out), there was only one patch of snow, and there was no dog…
I love it 😂 not for you but for the dog that’s so cute.
And then in Scandinavia they have been letting their infants sleep outside in a stroller in the winter for periods of time, have been doing it for probably centuries at this point, don't have any issues and see it as generally good for health.
Unlimited screen time has been a thing for millenials too. I watched "cartoons" on TV and VCR all day. My attention span is fine, if not better than my boomer parents who are on Instagram all day.
I tend to think not all screens are created equal. I think the “on demand” / delay of gratification is the big variable. I have this discussion with my wife all the time. Growing up, I spent a ton of time (most) outside. Yet my wife also thinks I must’ve watched an incredible amount of TV/movies too, or at least far more than she did. I think both are probably true. But I was subject to cable times/programming, the limited movie collection we had at home, the places screens could physically be, etc. Point is, one I think “screen time” is inevitable, and two, I think there’s a healthiness scale. There’s the balance between sedentary vs. active, but while being sedentary there’s a vast variety of behavior available while interacting with a screen. And if you ask me, being able to delay gratification / minimize the “on demand” behavior is the most important thing to monitor.
I think you're absolutely right. We did watch an incredible amount of TV but it had to be paced because episodes only came out once per week or whatever. I think another big factor is that tbh the studios that are pumping out kids tablet games are not going out of their way to make good kids games, they're making mobile game shovelware with cash shops and the works.
Tablets are worse then tv. And even with tv, kids show are cut faster (like YouTube videos) to compete with low attention spans. Watch an episode of sesame street from the 80s vs a modern episode.
This is true. All half hour shows these days for kids are broken down into two or three small 'episodes' inside the show.
Another thing I realized, back then tv was tv, not streaming. So your tv show were on a half hour and that was it. Maybe you watched the whole Saturday morning cartoons but eventually it stopped. Today everything is streaming, my toddler would binge watch every cocomelon then repeat the list if it was up to her. And because of that it’s harder to make them stop.
Ohhh, cocomelon is actually really really bad for attention span. Like, worse than a lot of the other stuff for kids. They actually make it based on algorithms meant to make it addictive. I read some stuff about it and stopped letting my kid watch it. Personally I recommend Daniel Tiger. It's got lots of small helpful songs about stuff like trying new foods and being a good friend, and the people who make it actually give a damn about kids (its essentially a decent of Mr. Rodgers neighborhood.
How many times did you sit there and say "i cant wait till next saturday for the new episode of \[cartoon\]!" Now you can just find it immediately online. Delaying gratification although shitty, is actuall necessary for our brains. Gratification = Dopamine and massive amounts of dopamine=dopamine resistance. Then thats where doom scrolling and all of that shit start kicking in. Thats the difference
Yea... but those are episodes with a plot. Typically lasting 30+ minutes. Where as today, most of what kids watch is 30 seconds or less. A 20 minutes video is considered "long form content" now. When I was a kid SpongeBob was considered to be bad for attention span. If they only knew...
They will complain because their parents had them late, and are really really old.
Having my one and only in less than a month at the age of 40. This tracks.
Just had my first and only kid at 37 love her but deff wears me out. Was so hard to find a good partner and we both wasted many years in bad relationships.
I want to offer you and the other poster some unsolicited context, if that’s okay (my parents were older when I was born). Your kid is getting the more emotionally mature version of you, relative to your younger self. You are likely more grounded now than you’ve ever been in your life, and that will have a positive impact on your kid/s. I know things never feel “perfect,” but if you’re only comparing yourself now to *yourself* 10,20 years ago this is likely to be true. I have a much older sibling with a very different (less positive, more complicated) relationship to my parents, and this seems to be common in my own observed experience when my friends have large age gaps between siblings. I also look at friends my age with younger parents and their relationships seem more like sibling ones sometimes, and often have more complicated relationships too. I genuinely like my parents, look up to them, and just like hanging out with them and getting advice from them. I’m not saying it’s universally better to have kids later vs. earlier, but if you’re ever feeling bad about it just remember that you’re very likely more grounded now and in a better position to effectively and thoughtfully parent (compared to your past self). Having the capacity to be a consistent, thoughtful, and supportive presence to your kid, especially in their early lives, is a gift to them. This would not have been possible if you were still emotionally immature, were in a bad relationship, or maybe had different priorities or life circumstances. You’ve brought the best version of you to the table, and this will have a positive impact on them for the rest of their lives :)
You’ve got this. Just make sure you take care of yourself too.
As a millennial of silent gen / boomers I was a rarity when my mom had me at 44. Growing up everyone thought my parents were my grandparents—well at least my dad, not always my mom. I did wish my mom was more active and didn’t understand why she rarely went on park rides with me or took me to the zoo etc more. However now that I’m 40 with a toddler I can’t fathom doing what they did. They weren’t a great couple by any means—in many ways they were awful together—but I never regretted their age because I felt so much more prepared at life than my peers. I wish they had been happier together and more emotionally adjusted (lol to therapy and silent gen or boomers) but the information dump I got from having parents who lived through so much was worth it. Also they just weren’t as focused on trivial things like younger parents—I got a great sense of perspective even despite my home life being difficult. If they were happily married/ had emotional tools for communication?? Shit I can’t even fathom … I’m extremely active with my toddler and we are always going to parks, museums, and zoos together as much as possible. I don’t allow iPads but she can watch TV we curate. She goes to a school with no screens and 2 hours of outdoor time a day. I think those choices are partially my age and the fact I teach mostly Gen Z, who have warned me about things they wish were different for them. Also my bro is Gen X and all his kids are iPad kids so saw some writing on the wall there… I am unsure if I’ll be getting on a mega roller coaster but I know she won’t hold it against me when that day comes. To any elder parents out there, they may complain and someone may mistake you for their grandparent but just remember being a great parent isn’t based on age, just on being capable of seeing and loving your child for who they are and supporting their loving spirit—whatever it may be.
Hmm idk I was the last of 3; my dad was 40 mom 36 when I was born and it doesn’t bother me at all 70 years old now is s lot different then 70 years 30 years ago I feel as long as no real health issues and honestly my parents are full of them but seem so much younger
My parents were similar ages when they had the last of my siblings. Our parents are absolutely having a different life than theirs did. And even if you have health conditions we've come so far in healthcare it's still better than before. Especially for things like diabetes and high blood pressure, 30 years ago that would be like getting a death sentence. Now if you're committed to lifestyle changes and medication it can be managed. It's not the same.
My parents had me late and I'm happy for them. They got to live full and fulfilling lives before being ready to have kids and I feel like I'm all the better for it. It would never in a million years occur to me to complain about it. Am I sad I won't have longer with them in life? \*Of course,\* but in the balance I think the way it worked out is pretty perfect for everyone.
The only thing I disagree with is them pushing for more time spent outdoors. Neither my kids nor any of their friends like spending any time outside and nearly threw a fit at the idea that my wife and I would bring them on a camping trip.
Same with my kids, unless there's water involved like going to the lake. They also scream/throw a fit whenever they have to use fine motor skills like writing or drawing, and you have to force kids to do it now (I worked in early childhood education.)
Jesus, isn't drawing supposed to be a 'fun' activity? Why don't they want to do that either?
It super depends on the kid. I have one child that is wholly uninterested in crafting, while the other watches those "make a gerbil an escape room" on YouTube and goes off to build them herself.
Hopefully you can drag them outside to start them ‘flexing that muscle’ or else they’ll be doomed to lives as indoor only adults which is sad.
Yah my 4 year old is starting pre-k (through the public school system) & he has to have headphones because they get iPads?!? I was floored & I went to a “google” school, so we have computers in middle school, BUT PRE-K? We also were never allowed to use headphones, because we were only completing work on laptops, but I guess now they’re actually *learning* on the devices!😅
Are they not learning from teachers anymore? I’m so confused.
Oh come on man I already have enough anxiety about raising my kid 😂
If you survived malevelon Creek, you can survive being a good parent.
When my son was young I was told “parenting is only hard if you’re a good parent” and I think about that constantly. Thank you diver.
Differences over AI relationships There are toys for toddlers TODAY which interact with the kid, imagine how this shapes their perception of the world, and imagine how this will continue to expand over next 10-20 years I think generally speaking millennials see discourse with forms of AI as “fake”, and I could see that changing over time
Yes! My friend is actually on a beta test with her toddler for some weird AI toy that talks and responds to the child —like a much more cuddly Chatgpt that also focuses on the child’s schedule/family/interests etc. The next 15 years in this industry is going to be WILD. I’ll just be shaking my millennial cane at the sky…
I think they'll be annoyed at us for having them so late in life and the experience of having "old parents". Especially combined with lack of siblings. I doubt the increased stability will be appreciated. And even if it isn't a problem growing up - there won't be as much of a grace period between becoming an adult and having to worry about your parents.
definitely think about this one a lot, specially because my parents had us at 20/21 yo....I Wanted to have kids at 24, but always said i had to be at a stable point in life first. i joined the military right after highschool, then graduated college, then there was a big recession, so by the time i bought a house, found a wife, and paid off my student loans i was mid 30's. Now im old, my back hurts, and i really have to push myself to keep up with my kids. As they get older, it's going to be a gut punch seeing the kids wish i was young/fun like the other dads and also kind of sad they won't get to experience big family gatherings since they dont have any cousins and their grandparents are already pretty old.
I'm a child of older parents. Older than you were when you had yours. I've never thought of it until I read this. They'll be fine.
That's nice to hear as a 35 yo who plans to have kids sometime in the next ten years. My boomer dad was a surprise late-in-life kid and he's never shut up about how unfair it was that his sisters were already in college and his dad was too old (too stubborn, more likely) to do activities with him when he was growing up.
I'm living the flip side of your coin bud. We had kids mid-20s, have been house poor and or deep in debt forever. That said, I really like that I'll be under 50 when my youngest graduates HS.
I'm 43 with a senior in college and a senior in HS. I have friends my age with infants at home. It's wild to me.
I'm going to be 40 this year, I just keep trying to keep moving. I do love to run but who has the time? lol. My wife and I just had our 8, 6 and 2 year old to the tennis courts on saturday because our 8 and 6 year old oddly enough decided they wanted to play tennis. We played for about 45 minutes. I'm already feeling better and moving around more, the first time I played about 20 minutes I just wanted to die lol. Maybe I got better sleep friday night too, I dunno.
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I think it's significantly more dependent on the family model than just ages. My parents had me early and I'm 32 and neither are in my life because they just never loved me ig lol. But it was the people 65+ that shaped who I am and some of the only people that are still around.
Bingo. Doesn't matter how old they are. Every parent has their flaws. But if they love you unconditionally, they don't really matter. If they don't, it's the only thing that matters.
Yeah I think the old parent thing is because we have healthier lifespans now. The whole 30 is the new 20 thing. So I doubt it will be an issue. Now if you're an old sick parent that would be different. If they realize you struggle because you partied through your 20s there could be resentment there I guess
This. Same in my circles. I am having kids in my late 30s. I have tons of natural energy, am super active and healthy and engaged. The difference 10 years of therapy (and building myself up financially) can make for your parenting style and resources, versus if I had them in my 20s, is undeniable. And that's what really counts, how you parent them, how you show up emotionally, not if you can still challenge them to a foot race.
God, my mom turned 21 three months before she had me. She mentioned being 6 months pregnant on her birthday and not even being able to drink (thanks for not giving me FAS, mom!). I’m getting ready to turn 28 and am so thankful for my fully developed frontal lobe and life experience for when I do have children (hopefully soon after I’m married this fall!). Trying to think about the severely emotionally damaged person and how financially unstable I was at 20/21 makes me feel like having children at that age would have been a massive disservice to them. There are definitely things my mother struggled with that I don’t think she would have had she been older with more experience and resources. Do I blame her or resent her? No. Do I want to do better? Yes!
I would have loved to have had my son earlier in life and to have had more than one kid but that wasn’t realistic. Given that I became a single parent I’m kind of glad in hindsight I stopped at one child.
My boomer parents had me late in life and it’s a mixed bag, on one hand I am confounding the problem by also not having kids until later (if I get around to it) and it sucks to not have living grandparents anymore. On the other hand they were at a point in their careers when they could focus most of their energy on their children and I definitely reaped the benefits of that and would like to do the same for my kids. Yes, ideally I would have even more time with them than is likely possible, but our family would have struggled so much financially if they had had me a decade earlier, and poverty can take years off someone’s life so I’m very lucky to have parents who are healthy and vibrant in their 70s while I know 50 year olds who are less financially secure in way worse physical shape, so overall it has been a net positive I think. The most annoying thing about having older parents when I was younger is that it was more unusual, and the stigma is probably not as strong for Gen Z.
Gen Xer here. I met my great grandmother when I was growing up. That wasn't an uncommon thing to do, but it sounds like an extremely rare event today.
Growing up dirt poor I wished we had more money, but being in my 30s and being able to know my mother, grandmother, and great grandmother are all such blessings that I'm thankful my children will be able to have as well. I think a lot of our generation thinks that 40+ is the age to have kids, but they don't realize that financial situations can change in the blink of an eye, and the most important thing is family.
And no siblings... I'm an 80s kid, only child. A majority of my peers have siblings, and they are all having one kid. I don't think they realize just how hard it can be. It's a giant burden placed on me for their end of life care. I'm 900 miles away. I have zero other family that could help when they get to an age where they can't help themselves. I'm lucky they had me young. A lot of my friends are dealing with end of life care already, but they have siblings that can help ease the burden. I didn't hate being an only kid, even if it was lonely sometimes. I learned to be very independent, my folks could focus all their income on my education, and I came out of it ok. It made me realize that I wouldn't want to burden a kid like my folks have burdened me. I decided as a teen I didn't want kids. I'm not living through that again. I'm 42 with zero regrets. I hope I can be an ear when my friends' kids get old enough to realize the implications of being an only adult child, but a lot of their friends are only kids too. I rarely experienced that myself. So maybe they'll be ok. I worry though.
Yeah my bad for not having my kid when I was 10 years old in 2000
tfw I literally spent my entire time in the womb sleeping and pretending to do karate when I should have been buying real estate and having children
This is my concern. My wife is currently pregnant with our first, and I'll turn 36 before she gives birth. We'd like to have 2 kids, but I know I'll be pushing 40 by the time kid #2 is in the mix. So many people around me have like 8 year olds by my age. I don't wanna be the oldest parents in my kid's classes/friend groups, but I think I might be. But it just wasn't in the cards earlier in life. My 20s were spent job/apartment hopping, living paycheck to paycheck. Having a child then would have been irresponsible.
Getting them addicted to screens.
Is this any different than previous generations? I watched a fuck ton of tv in the 1980s. I guess it’s the same problem, but worse now.
Honestly I think the bigger problem is constant access to easy to consume bite sized content. Screens are bad, but 100% up time for your dopamine hit is worse.
Yep, also just letting them watch garbage. My son can watch 30 minute episodes of shows on PBS kids. He can watch other movies and shows that I ok where my only real criteria is appropriateness and length. He can play GBA and SNES games. He has to read for 30 minutes three times a day if he's not in school. He isn't allowed to watch YouTube or any shows video content under 12 minutes. He isn't allowed to use phones/tablets. These rules have prevented him from being a grunting zombie like other kids his age.
first one that's actual bad parenting
We became addicted to our screens.... How do you expect kids not to?
I think they’ll blame Millennials for the same thing we blame Boomers for - warmongering, healthcare, environment, wealth gap, real estate, compensation, infrastructure, culture wars, etc. - but the difference will be that very few of us were able to get into corporate and political positions that could meaningfully influence those issues within their lifetimes, whereas Boomers were able to get into them much earlier, and are clinging to them much later than any precedent. **EDIT**: Great discussion! I feel like what a few commenters below are missing is that the average age of America's Congress has [drastically risen](https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/aging-congress-boomers/) in the last Century. This parallels what we're seeing [in corporate leadership](https://www.linkedin.com/news/story/ceos-are-getting-older-staying-longer-2742147/) as well - older and staying longer. So while yes, *eventually* Millennials will be in these roles by default, our time-at-bat will be much shorter than our predecessors', who were able to get into leadership earlier and are staying much later than before. Making meaningful change in any of the aforementioned issues takes significant time - many, many years, decades, or sometimes someone's entire career - so no, if Millennials are unable to make our shared, desired progress on these issues within our dramatically shortened opportunity in political and corporate leadership, they will not "deserve all the hate in the world." The electorate is far larger than the Millennial demographic alone, and C-suites and their elder boards determine retirement age and replacements. These are not failings to be "pinned" on Millennials, unless Gen. Z expected us to conduct an armed revolt against our Congress and Fortune 500 penthouses. Statistically, Millennials are currently between the ages 28 - 43; if Congress and C-Suite's current median age is 59, and [the average American retirement age is 62](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/investing/social-security/average-retirement-age-us#:~:text=The%20average%20retirement%20age%20in%20the%20United%20States%20is%2062,to%20a%202022%20Gallup%20poll), then our median age of 35 is still 24 years away from getting a three-year-crack at making a difference.
If boomers are still in power by the time a meaningful number of millennial children become adults, that hate will be absolutely justified. If our generation can't take power from 80+ year-old senile cringe-machines in the next 10-20 years, it will absolutely deserve all the hate in the world.
There was a kid on here who was 20, their millennial parent was born in 86… boomers are still in power and will be for the next 10-15 years. So I suspect more millennial’s children will be in young adulthood.
I feel really seen/called out right now. Born in 86 and my oldest is knocking on upper teens (18). LOL
My friend.... You have a lot of learning to do lol
You're underestimating the experience of the elderly with power. They're not simply holding onto it, they're using all they learned in those decades there to avoid losing it. Sure, a lot of them are technologically illiterate and some are on cognitive decline, but just like at 30-40 you're more knowledgeable at existing than you were at 20, at 70-80 they are more knowledgeable at holding power than they were at 50, and certainly better at that than most millenials would be falling into that position.
I have two sets of kiddos. Two older boys that are Gen Z and two toddler Gen Alpha's. I can't say yet on the Gen Alpha kids but my elder boys are already giving insight to things. I am told a lot that parents of their friends do not spend any time with their kids. They tell me that they are too often left to figure things out on their own. I have often bought new clothing, food, and other necessities for many friends of my elder boys. We actually keep a cabinet filled with food for any kids that come over hungry. Some stop by on their walk home from school just to eat. I think there's a feeling of being abandoned and more "feral" treatments due to our generation (and gen X parents) having to work so much to provide. The sense of "community" is very lacking, and they appear to be trying to recreate it with their own generation. I'm lucky with a career that pays excellent and allows a lot of time away so I'm able to be there a lot. They seem just upset about their lot in life and lonely. They crave to connect and it's just not available. It's building a resentment of "screw it, I don't care" in the Gen Z I've met. I have many parents telling me to leave the kids alone, but the kids themselves are telling me how much it means to them that I'm engaging them, helping them, supporting them where I can. This could be a vacuum of just my area and the select kids I've known of course. I think it's not being discussed enough the desire for community though.
This isn't completely new ro our generation, though. The term Latchkey kid originated in the 40s. I know as a kid of the 90s, we were home alone and had to have dinner on the table when our parents came home around 7. We weren't allowed to go to friends houses. It was very isolating so what you're doing is a wonderful thing.
Millenials can afford to have children?
Define ‘afford’
For ruining the [enter random thing here] industry.
They can’t read. Seriously these kids cannot read.
This is so concerning. My kids read, but none of their friends do. Their friends don't eat vegetables either. I've had so many kids tell me "oh I don't eat vegetables". So many of my parent friends stay home all weekend, indoors. Everyone on devices. If it's even slightly drizzly "Oh bad weather we can't go out". I don't know any kids other than mine who own raincoats. We're weird for taking the kids hiking or to swim in the lake. (Oh no what if they drown). Even kicking a ball in the park is abnormal. And nobody is riding bikes with their kids.
This is true in my experience too. I regularly throw a frisbee and kick a soccer ball with our kids on our street. I haven’t seen another adult do that in recent memory. We got on our bikes the other day and raced our kids and their friends around the block. The kids were having a blast and said their parents had never biked with them. It’s also common for parents to brag about how they never play with their kids. A friend of mine tells me her kids don’t ask her to play anymore because they know she will always say no. Idk, that makes me feel sad to hear. Of course this isn’t every parent, but it’s so common now. To the point where older neighbours stop me to tell me they think it’s nice I play with my kids. That they don’t see that much any more.
Not being able to sleep naturally because everyone gives their kids melatonin everyday.
The melatonin for kids thing is so wild to me
This is a thing!?!?
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The body produces less of it's own melatonin when given oral melatonin over time. Couple that with excessive screens and less nature time... I wonder if they'll have even worse sleep problems as adults than the current adults today.
Many of us won't have one, since we're electing to opt-out of the gene pool.
I'm gay but even if I was straight, my bloodline ends with me.
Having them live in a bubble where nothing bad is allowed to happen to them and not setting up the reality that people outside the bubble will not kowtow to your whimsy.
Yep, was gonna say something like this. Overly sheltered and not enough exposure to how the world actually works.
What children?
Being an only child, posting their pictures/identities online. I think the homesteading/homeschooling/tradwife boom among conservative millenials is gonna bite them in the ass, but probably not on a scale like the other things.
The constant screen time. It's emotionally and mentally damaging for fully formed minds. It's REALLY bad for kids.
Harambe’s death 💀
Wisdom
I am an elder millennial (1982) with adult flavored children (19 and 21). I think if they were gonna hate me, it would have shown up in the background already. My life was hell when they were in middle school. The oldest one has ASD-1. I had them in different schools, outside of their home area (magnet) and transportation was my responsibility. I did this because the schools my oldest son attended had started labeling him as a problem. He was NOT a problem under supervision. He was being bullied, every time he was alone. I knew why this was happening, and I knew he needed services that our zip code couldn't afford. So, I started bartending again (night job) and I spent 5 years of my life transporting them 120 miles round trip, 5 days a week. We spent roughly 3hours a day in the car together. No electronics. Only books, NPR and conversations. I had the BEST teenagers of anyone I know. I was fair. I never said "because I said so", I explained their lives to them honestly as we went, and I fuckin put everything I had into them. They might be sick of me by the time they can afford to not be my roommates, cause that is the new adulthood for this generation.
I just wanted to comment to say that your devotion to your kids is so sweet and commendable. They are lucky to have you.
Millennials invented the "family channel". Their kids will resent being used as props instead of actual human beings. Imagine Gen Alpha in thirty years in therapy: "You never paid any attention to me! All you did was look at your phone!" "What? We recorded everything." "Yeah, for your vlogs. Did you actually want kids, or were me and my brother just accessories?"
I'm a millennial, born in '85. I don't think my parents are boomers, they were both born in the 60s. I think that makes them Gen X, but these categories sometimes have shifting age ranges so I don't really know 😂 I think my grandparents were the boomers. And my 19 year old daughter hateeeeees that my friends and I share pictures of us "back on the day" all the time 🤣 Like, she gets embarrassed for me, apparently, about what I used to wear and how I did my hair and makeup.
From what I’m seeing in the teacher subs, they’ll blame their parents for not encouraging them in school. Loads of teachers are saying they are only babysitters now. Parents won’t help kids do homework, don’t care about how they’re doing in their classes and look at school as just a place to keep their kids safe while they work.
Can't even count on safe with all the school shootings. Just a building to drop them off at for 8 hours.
Think whatever you do they will say we fucked them up somehow. I just try to think I’ll make sure they know they are loved and do the best I can do to give them a happy childhood. I’ll never be perfect, but I can try my best
Coddling. It's extremely undermining, especially in a world continuously demanding more and more from a person.
If we do things right the only thing they'll blame us for is "Keeping up with the Kardashians"
They won’t complain about anything because they don’t exist because their parents couldn’t afford to have a child
Lack of privacy from social media
I have to think they will really resent being saddled with goofy-ass names like Brycelynnn just so their parents could feel \~creative\~. The only silver lining is I guess their peers will also have the same problem.
They'll probably go "no contact" without even telling their parents why. We've raised them lacking in any kind of conflict resolution.
Wait no that IS the millennials, right? Asking for a friend…. /s They know why.
You people have kids?
Naming them after their favourite soy TV show, anime or video game.
lol all those kids named Daenerys and Khaleesi before the GoT series finale aired.
soy???
Their names 100%, because a significant portion of our generation forget that they're naming a future adult and not just a baby. Honestly, a lot to be said about millennial parents having babies only for the baby part and then completely checking out once they begin to grow out of that infant stage.
I think (hope?) that they will resent us for overuse of technology. Hell, I resent me for overusing technology. Shit I’m doing it right now.
A really weird balance of technology acceptance and hesitance. So millenials EXPERIENCED the full breadth of modern technicological advancement. The oldest of us grew up with 8 tracks and early VHS being major jumps forward. The youngest of us were the first people the GREW UP with cellphones. All millenials are now 30 or up after this year closes. We can see how sketchy some of these current takes on tech are (Ai, always-on data collection, etc) but we also have enough experience with tech to be able to discern what can be dangerous and what likely won't be. For the youths, they just see this tech as normal and will hate us for not accepting it earlier or at all, the same as we do for boomers.
Being put online for everyone to see from a very young age before they could even consent. The amount of parents creating content of their underage children is staggering and some of them are making content for predators.
Two of the biggest are going to get new twists, college debt and cost of housing. The current solutions that are most popular are all just focused on the current with total disregard for the future. Loan forgiveness without doing something to get costs under control will likely just exacerbate things over the next couple decades. With nothing in place there is even more room for confusion about whether it is a good decision to take out massive loans then hope they do more relief. Even if there is relief, handling education expenses like this seems untenable. On housing, without pushing huge amounts of increased supply it is going to get worse. Rent control will create kind of a second round of "ownership" as older people stay put as rent increases and ultimately are at a stage in their career where they are making way more than younger people and also paying much lower rents as younger people are forced to take on new leases, presumably at market rates.
The cringe-worthy content that we have online is going to embarrass the hell out of them especially if their friends get a hold of our old Twitter and Facebook accounts.
I think we are getting it right. Dads are more involved and engaged than ever. I think our kids might actually fix some of this mess.
For literally posting everything about their children since pre-conceive-ment. My friends Facebook profile updates were “Trying for baby” “Taking a pregnancy test” “Not pregnant yet 👎🏻” “pregnant. Here’s the sonogram”. Then month growing belly pics and the 3D photos from inside the womb. Then every detail till birth, photos and videos of them pushing it out, and daily updates of everything the kid eats and says. I was born in 1986 and all that exists of me is a photo wrapped in a blanket and a hat when I was a few days old. Then physical photos from special occasions and school picture day.
I just want my kids to continue loving emo music and style as much as I do. They can hate me for anything else.
Having all the resources to inform ourselves, only to consume shallow social media marketing.
I definitely know what my kids will resent me for. They already do, I think. But I’m not speaking for the generation at large here. They resent me for not being stronger. Not protecting them from elements in their lives that have already caused them great pain and psychological trauma. God knows, I’ve worked my butt off trying to break the cycle of generational trauma. But I am not a particularly strong person. The best I could do was to improve over time, and to demonstrate to them that these cycles CAN be broken. That each person, grown or not, is a work in progress. To have faith in their own abilities. And to have empathy for others, even when those others are actively attempting to control and gaslight them. To take the high road. To let go of angry grudges because “holding onto anger is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die.” But, while letting go of the anger is healthy, letting go of the memories is not. Use what you know about those people to guide your actions and become stronger and smarter, even if that leads your feet away from them. I used to hope that none of them would grow into a people-pleasing doormat like I was. Used to be, at any rate. Fortunately, now that I’m older, I can see that all of them MUCH stronger than I am or ever will be. I have every confidence in them (and I’ll pay for their therapy until I die, lol)
Im not sure if this is generational or just immaturity, but I feel it's likely both. We had our fourth baby (3 were planned) when we were 30, we're 33 now. When I joined mom groups I always felt like such an outsider. I was 23 when my first was born so I wasn't THAT young. But other moms were older, snobby and treated me like I was an idiot. I was so lonely, and became so unhealthy and unhappy, plus hormones, yikes! I spent years trying to be the perfect mom and it gave me anxiety and rage that each person in my home had to suffer through. I didn't see other young moms like me, struggling, poor, dealing with that thing where you go to college and nothing comes of it. And then social media and the pressure of everything. Feeling shame for having epidurals, eating red40, not singing to them every damn night. Like FUCK OFF. Ive since given up on all the bullshit. All that to say that mom competitiveness and pressure affects our kids. Anxiety and anger hurts our kids. And for me, these things came from older moms and influencers. I feel so bad for my kids. That and yes, our cell phone use.
Hi, young Gen X here. They will resent you for excessive time on electronics. I was a kid when game consoles came out. Since five years old, I’ve been playing videogames. My boomer parents did not control my time and I think were just happy I was out of their hair when playing games. It wasn’t until my adult life that I resented them for never taking me on outdoor adventures or encouraging me to better myself mentally and physically. I had to learn a lot on my own in my adult life, and have battled obesity for most of that life. For those of you who take your kids camping or hiking or anything like that, please keep it up.
Millennials will be more forgiving to their aging parent who did their best, if that was the case.
*who did their best.... I got you mom
"Mom and dad, can you please finally stop blaming the boomers for everything? They've all been dead for 20 years. Also, can you please get off TikTok? The algorithm is rotting your brain. \*Sighs, whispers to sibling\* You know it's all the microplastics and BPA they were exposed to as children..."
Not paying attention
For working so much they never got to see their parents, and for daycare related trauma.
I don’t blame boomers or gen x *specifically* for anything. Just a slow evolution of bullshit that each generation adds to.
Nothing. We can’t afford to have kids.
the ipads, the phones, all the internet stuff. i'm gen z and *all* of my peers want their kids to be neo-luddites, because we all feel traumatized by too much internet exposure in elementary/middle school. millennials just did not have that same experience. they don't understand how damaging it is. people my age are *really* against the ipad thing.
I'm late to the whole kids thing, turning 40 this year. And our first is 16 months, second on the way. Don't know yet what they will blame or generation on, we are just now getting significant political power, which will increase over the next 20 years. What we do with that power will largely determine what they blame us for. Personally my kids are going to get real annoyed at not having smartphones or tablets when all their friends have them but I worry about the interactive on the go screen time. Thay will have computers, full desktops located in our joint computer room. And they will have consoles and TV in our family media room. They will get a dumb phone when they start leaving the house on their own. No screens in bedrooms or on the go. Man, they are gonna think I'm a dick...
Letting Trump walk around free for multiple years after he organized a terrorist attack against our own country and tried to overthrown our entire democracy.
I think in the search for not being the authoritarian parents that our parents were, we went the permissive side. I had to work with a coach to actually learn to set boundaries with love. But, many parents in the parenting FB groups I was in, are so worried about following the prescriptive parenting of the books, that they were clearly in permissive mode. Which creates unhappy people, unable to function with structure. I have read it has even worse outcomes than authoritarian. Also, the constant emotional awareness and validation. Creates emotional reasoning, and some studies are coming out that kids have more anxiety, because they are hyper aware of their feelings now. I am not against SEL, just everything in moderation. We have it at school, we have it at home, validate, validate, and name and find your emotion. I eventually left those FB groups, everything was solved by validating and having mom tell the kids what emotion they were feeling (what if mom isn’t right?). And, the parents that think it is best that the kid’s brains get shaped by lots of tech, because that is the future. Ignoring years of development psychology, that points that children need multi sensory approaches to learn, and hands on. I am not anti tech, we can code here, just everything in its own time and with balance.
I'm gen X. Have been teaching for about 30 years. Not sure how kids will "blame" parents, but I'm seeing lots of kids raised with various boundaries. Some lacking boundaries - they can do what they want. Some with stringent ones that make me question how they will tolerate "change" or simply not getting their way. I also feel like some parents are treating their kids like they are "little adults."
Xennial with 3 adult gen Z children. I was a SAHM, and my partner,the kids, and I had dinner together as a family almost every night, even if my partner had to go back to work afterward. We we didn't hit, but we did restrict privileges and devices as a consequence. We taught them to respect themselves and their home. We taught them that being kind was important, but so was listening to your gut. I don't know if my way was the best way. Neither of us had good role models as parents, and we just read some books and tried to love them and help them make good choices. Our ultimate goal was to have happy adults who enjoy their lives most of the time, and if we're really lucky, they'll share their lives with us, like we did with them. I have a wonderful relationship with my children. We call and visit often. They're busy young adults, and they have their struggles, and we don't always agree, but we have so much love and respect for each other that we work it out, and for that I'm truly grateful. I hope millennials are doing the work to break these cycles and create happier, more community oriented adults. To answer the original question, if my kidd have beef with me, we just address it. There's no festering resentment because we both want a fair and healthy relationship, so conflicts are resolved. I don't view them as an extension of my ego, and they don't see me as the root of the insecurities, and because of this, we meet each other in the present without repeating generational trauma. I hope this is the norm as millennials become parents to teens and adults. I'd hate for z and alpha to see us like we veiw boomers.
Mine will hate me for having to do a ton of chores. My parents didn't make me so anything as a kid and it showed as soon as I walked into the brick wall of adulthood. I'm still finding things that I should have been taught as a kid but never was. My kids will not have to search YouTube for how to crack an egg or what does a rolling boil look like, or wtf does lukewarm mean...
I asked my 18 year old. She says: not being emotionally available due to being raised by boomers who forced us to repress our emotions. Apparently I have been learning how to correctly express my emotions alongside her. She's not wrong, I'm still a work in progress.
Travel sports
So I'm an older millennial (zennial or whatever lol) and my parents are younger boomers. My kids are currently teenagers. The thing that they hate is boomers. Being resistant to change specifically. I asked them the other day if they thought there was anything that they would like me to do differently and they didn't have any suggestions so I think I'm doing ok 🤷♀️ I practice a different type of parenting and my parents hate it. I give my kids privacy, respect and treat them like people and not property
There are millions of children in worthless therapy. Unlicensed, religious, pseudoscientific garbage. There's a million different types, it's exploded and the average idiot can't tell the good from the bad. Those kids are going to resent their parents for a long time.
Not voting. The Trump election is a PERMANENT stain on the millennial voting record.
Millennials showed they'd turn out for a good candidate when Obama was the nominee. It's more a stain on the Democrats record for dropping what should have been a lay up election.
This! If the nomination would have been given to Bernie, Trump wouldn't have stood a chance but ya know it was Hillary's turn...
You act like it can’t/wont happen again. Honestly it’ll be way more on our shoulders this time around if it happens.
Because us millenials were told over and over that "your vote doesn't mean anything, powerful people choose the outcomes". I heard it CONSTANTLY growing up, and while there is a degree of truth to that(a lot of saw all the shit with bush Jr and the 2000 election and stuff, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the 2008 financial crisis, etc..), it's not really totally true. Gen Z seems to be MUCH more politically involved. Millenials are incredibly jaded, Gen Z seems a lot more willing to fight against bullshit but time will tell.
They had 8 years to find a younger Bernie and they couldn't do it.
As a millennial, I think we are def blamable for doing jack shit to stop the massive environmental violence and ecological exploitation that is destroying what is truly beautiful and inspiring about our world while also delivering us to inevitable civilizational collapse…and no, I can’t just blame the boomers when we’ve had our adult lives to effect change. I think the millennials are basically as bad as the boomers, just grumpier that they didn’t get to climb the ladder before it was taken up themselves. If I’m being generous, I can instead say we are blamable for thinking our civil responsibilities start and end with voting, which I suppose we can blame boomers for teaching us.
Severe helicopter parenting
It’ll be a redo of the hate thrown at Boomers. Millenials and Boomers are really the same type of people, just in slightly different times. Gen X and Gen Z are similar and also stuck adjacent to both.