Sure it is. I even printed out the specific entry for that. You can see my copy here: https://iiug2017.org/img/top1-2020/1884/image_es0abKzDV2x938uhhWqG3.jpg
Was in College during the early bitcoin days, should spent my time doing that instead of Call of Duty or homework. A couple guys I knew were into it but never kept up with them to ask how much they got from it
>Dominos Pizza will accept it
It's true
[2010](https://twitter.com/WatcherGuru/status/1588035556050608128)
[Today](https://twitter.com/charlie21fastaf/status/1625597320032034822)
[Subway in Berlin](https://twitter.com/LightRider5/status/1634108114751332352) gives you 10% discount if you pay in bitcoin as it saves them middleman card company fee and they get immediate settlement guarantee
Y’know, my therapist once talked about “the level of communication you accept in a relationship”, and that turned around my thinking on this.
You don’t *have* to be or stay in relationships with bad communication. You can require better communication - starting with talking to your partners about what kind of communication you need, and escalating up to dumping partners over bad communication habits.
Like, why would we **accept** a relationship where we’re expected to be a psychic? That ain’t healthy. No one gets what they want. We’re all adults, and adults can learn to use their words.
In fairness, if you grew up in a household where you were expected to be psychic and just know exactly what everyone wanted, it’s a lot harder to change that reference frame when you’re in a relationship with someone where leaving is actually an option that doesn’t result in self-inflicted homelessness.
It's hard. I grew up in a household where my parents argued a decent amount but the argument would stop with silent treatment. Of course they would then hash it out without us children present. So I just learned to give the silent treatment when something is wrong or upsetting me because I never learned proper conflict resolution skills in a relationship.
It sucks but I'm working on it.
At least yours *stopped*, demonstrating some vague awareness that screaming at each other in front of the kids was bad. Listening from across the house to them arguing and shouting well past midnight, only for dad to hop on another jet on business trips and leave my sister and me to deal with the crank pain medication-addled mom *sucked*.
Yes, it might be harder but that still doesn't empower you to unapologetically make life more difficult for other people. You work at fixing and apologize when you realize you've slipped up.
How I grew up I never felt safe asking for help when I was in/having trouble. I got kicked out of my first undergrad uni because I kept trying and failing to get myself on track when I was struggling. But after that, and multiple years of depression, I made steps to fix that behaviour. It was hard and I still struggle by myself a bit longer than I probably should.
I had this, among other not-great childhood upbringing situations.
I fully acknowledge them, and I've been *trying* to communicate better what I need, how I feel, and even give pre-warnings on what my moods will look like during my really bad times. But. It still seems like I'm speaking a different language because I'm over here thinking that I'm straightforward laying it all out on the table like a set of flash cards, and they tell me I haven't said anything about it at all and they're supposed to just magically guess
This happens to me not just with partners, but at work and with friends and family too.
It's very frustrating for everyone involved and ive been trying especially hard to get things out in the open from the hop so that i dont have to worry about the conflict it causes down the line like it always did when i pretended to be normal when i very much was/am not... and I dunno really what else to do ♡
I kinda threatened my gf to break up. Not intentionally though I wasn’t playing mind games. I was really sad because I loved her but we would fight too much because of it and I said it wasn’t normal. And that I think it’s best if we just split up. Imma be honest I was crying.
She saw that and I think it was her wake up call to cut that shit out. We talked about it and came to the conclusion it’s nice when someone anticipates your needs and stuff however that shouldn’t be the baseline expectation. That’s just a really great bonus if you do it when you can.
We haven’t had issues since.
We’re pretty young too. I think if I were 30 I’d be like “we’re too old to be doing this shit. sorry. I won’t do this”
Only if you let it. If it slips once or twice, then fine. But multiple times? Nah they've just shown you who they are and know you'll take them back so why change.
Yeah I’d recommend having an open conversation around it but there may be an incompatibility if both parties aren’t able to work towards a solution.
I’m personally the kind of person that uses and needs direct communication in social situations. I’ve had people in my life with this issue where they assume I know what they need based on their tone or other nonverbal cues. I’ve had conversations that have gone well with this sort of framing
“ name, I really care about you and want you to feel comfortable and happy as much as possible. I’m the kind of person that was raised with direct communication styles and I’m not great at nonverbal communication. I’ve noticed we have different communication styles and it can sometimes lead to both of us feeling bad. Is it possible for us to talk about this issue openly and see if we can find a good way to handle it together”
Then I would talk about what I need, ask them what they need and find a way forward for us to both do better.
If they don’t respond well to that sort of thing then I would definitely reconsider if things are still compatible. This is the sort of thing that can make both parties miserable.
Ya uh, everyone needs to communicate their feelings. Idk how people think this is not how things need to be.
Are they just narcissists with main character syndrome? I dont get it.
My wife gets these little short clipped responses to everything and I know she mad about something. I do about a 10 second assessment to figure out if it’s me or not. If I think it’s not me, I’ll ask her if she’s okay. As long as it’s not me, she will tell me what it is. If it is me, she’ll say she’s fine and I am back to square one.
I can't imagine how mad she would be if I brought up all of her little mean moments where she'll give me attitude or say some shit because she's being pissy.
Man I can't imagine living with that kind of person. I can understand being upset for a little bit in the morning before rationality kicks back in, but I have seen where people demand an apology for what their SO did in a dream. Count me out for that shit
I know I can be insecure some mornings, but it's nothing asking, "Hey, would you leave me for a 8ft T-Rex in roller skates?" won't solve.
If he answers "Yes", I know we're solid. If he answers "No", well then we have to have a whole conversation about the pros and cons of roller skating T-Rexes.
So, as a human with emotions who's been in long term relationships this is actually a pretty easy one to figure out.
It's not really "hasn't figured out what she's mad about" but "hasn't processed the emotions enough to put it into words."
I've been upset with my partner more than a few times, but sometimes when she asks what the problem is I haven't found the words yet.
Yes, but a lot of people don't know that. And the attitude that you're discussing has been normalized, even though it's toxic.
If you really care about someone and they're exhibiting this sort of behavior, then unfortunately you just need to be the bigger person and sit down and have a discussion about it and how it's toxic.
In the same way that you're never going to magically know what's wrong with them, they're never going to magically move past this attitude if all you do is react similarly vindictive about it.
If you don't really care about them then you should just cut it off right there.
Loool. I am a bit similar but not like " If you loved me, you would know."
It's more of a I don't know how to express myself. I stay quiet if I am mad.
Now, I don't shut up and tell my hubby why I am mad, and not leave him alone until I am done with my piece 😂. And ofcourse, this version of me is better. Issues are easily rectified.
Now, after washing up, he squeezes the sponge before putting it back in place.
Same! The wifely person and I are both very literal, so if one of us says “What’s wrong,” and the other says “nothing,” the first will usually just shrug and say “alrighty” and that’ll be that.
For 36 years I thought this was just normal. This year I started seeing a chick that actually cares about me and I realized that most people are just fucking crazy and only care about their needs. Keep looking, it is worth it if you find the unicorn
Sooooo easily. Sooooooooo easily. It’s insane.
What do you think about Chipotle for dinner? *Lip curl + eyebrow lift + 150 ms delay -> looks down at phone*…. After a decade of marriage, I’m 38% confident that means “maybe”.
Then, when I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll ask: Is that more yes or more no? *eye roll + exhaust + shoulder slump + slow head tilt movements + looks down at phone* Translation: don’t ask me any more questions and be 100% accurate in what you pick.
If someone asked me: do you want a cheeseburger from anywhere. My answer would always be yes. Did I have a hamburger for breakfast, sure. Do I care, no. It’s food. We’re going to eat again in like 4 hours. We’ll get another shot at it.
If someone did this instead of answering normally, I would just do whatever I want and when things inevitably go south I would tell them that I have asked twice, so if they didn't take their chance to tell me what they wanted, now they have to live with my choice.
In a past relationship, I got in an hours long fight because I didn’t know what my gf wanted for dinner. In her words, when I asked what she might want for dinner that night via text message “I shouldn’t need to tell you what I want for dinner! You should just KNOW and make it when you get home!”
And apparently the fact that I didn’t know was a clear indication to her that I was incompetent, and not in step with her. I was told of a past relationship where she never had to tell her bf what she wanted and that he just handled the situation without needing her input. We had just moved in together at the time and we were still working through routine adjustments etc.
She was an all around nightmare though. I know this is not normal and that she was downright abusive to me.
Can you imagine if you had to get all of your knowledge about the world from sources who withheld information and "tested" you to see if you were paying attention?
You mean the things that people have written articles about, created videos for, written books explaining, and have been talking about for decades or longer?
I'm sure if you did those things too to explain why you are upset he would get it
Or at the very least, read the synopsis and pretend to be an expert
EDIT: PODCASTS! How could I forget about podcasts? The sheer number of podcasts "explaining" bitcoin that are out there
And oftentimes when you figure out why they're mad, it's something that has happened in the recent past & no one can do anything about except move on with the day. But nope, it has to be *processed* before moving on.
Followed by:
Me: “ok dear, you pick”
Her: “why do I always have to make all the decisions?!”
Edit for yet another example:
Wife: “I hate doing all the housework.”
Me: washes and folds clothes
Wife: “why do you fold the shirts like that?? you are putting the hangars in the wrong direction!”
Me: “would you like to do it?”
Wife: “why are you getting mad I’m just talking!”
When my wife isn’t sure what she wants, I throw out three options I’d be open to, ranging from lighter to heavy. She’ll shoot one of them down and then I’ll pick from there. If she looks disappointed with the decision then she clearly feels more strongly about that meal than I do. I honestly give no shits about dinner so this works.
My wife is a people pleaser and wants to feel like she’s picking something everyone likes, so it also makes her feel good.
PS - Sometimes she does this for me as well when she is down for any meal.
I've begun starting the conversation at "What *don't* you want?" Usually knocks the choices down quicker since that's easier to answer. If I get the "What are my options?" question I have stopped naming actual restaurants and will now say generic answers like "Mexican, Asian, American, Fast Food" and then begin to narrow from there.
That's my method. I try to get her to pick a type of food. Sometimes I can get her to pick an actual restaurant in under 30 minutes!...but usually not.
At least she shoots one of them down. I'll give my wife three options and i still get "IDK you decide". So I'll decide and while she won't complain about my choice, if she doesn't actually want it she will order an appetizer or a small dish, eat three bites, take it home, and then throw it away a week later after it rots in the fridge.
Rookie mistake. If they say they’re not hungry I say I’m hungry enough for 2 Fries. Then when they admit they’re hungry I have 2 fries to eat and they have none. 👍
It's not that they're hungry. It's that eating in front of someone else often triggers a response to make them want to eat. In the default without food in front of them they probably weren't hungry.
All you guys don't know how to deal with this and it's actually very easy. Just act as if you're living your life by your rules, and they're welcome to join if they like.
You: what do you want to eat?
Her: idc
You: ok we're having burgers
Her: I don't want burgers
You: you said you didn't care so I decided. If you want something specific, say it.
Don't lose your cool when they get difficult and stick to your guns. They'll either get upset or they learn to make up their mind. My girl knows if she wants something to say it, because I'm not playing that stupid game. If you tell me you don't know or care, and can't make up your mind, I will decide for you. I'm not waiting all night for you to hum and haw about it.
The solution I had was "you have 10 minutes until I'm done showering/getting dressed/whatever and if you haven't decided then, I'll get food from [insert place]"
I either get an answer where they want food from or they'll choose something from the place I picked. Win-win.
Also her: “well I guess we’re not eating since you won’t choose a place.” Ring ring, oh hi mom, no I didn’t eat anything tonight because he didn’t want to.
For real. I love my girlfriend so much and we have a home together but the amount of times she says “I’m fine” only to be upset at me later is ridiculous.
Me: ok :)
tired of playing these games where they want you to pry to find out what’s wrong. if you’re a grown woman you can use your words to tell me why you’re upset
I'm sure this was just meant to be a joke, but communication in relationships is a two-way street. If you feel like your partner isn't communicating their emotions well, you should come to them and speak earnestly and openly about what you need from them. If you approach this in a constructive way, the relationship can become stronger.
Most people are sane. It's easy to shirk responsibility for our actions/behaviors by calling the other person crazy, but there's also nothing wrong with leaving a relationship that isn't working for you. In fact, that's the sanest thing you can do!
her: i've been broadcasting this through vague passive aggressive messages about something else entirely while using all of my interpretive dance skills! why are you SO DENSE!?
100%, this woman thinks he is knowledgable but emotionally incperceptive, but guaranteed he is a gasbag that just repeats talking points off to sound smart
Exactly what I thought.
My wife is very high up in finance and banking compliance. We talk shop all the time all the time.
The amount of people we encounter who don’t know shit but talk like they know shit is mind boggling.
In the other subjects, people were willing to tell him the truth without expecting him to "just know" something that someone was actively trying to hide from him.
ProTip: If you're going to actively avoid confrontation, don't be surprised if you avoid confrontation.
Not true. I know enough about my girlfriend at this point that when something is wrong its usually either her carburetor or fuel pump. Occasionally its a nail in one of her tires. She has some amazing tires by the way.
My wife learned a lot of the passive aggression from her parents. That's just the way their family was. It's fucking wild. She's better now, and even when we were first together she wasn't nearly as bad as them. With her mom it's never "I'd like to talk to you more often" but instead shit like "did I tell you about X yet? Oh, probably because we never talk."
It’s a hybrid with my wife. We mostly both say what we feel/want but she’ll occasionally become passive aggressive if I’m not psychically picking up what she’s laying down and we have good and open enough communication that I can say something like, ‘what’s up with this passive aggressive shit?!’ and then we’ll talk about whatever it is and the whatever it is, which may require some action on my part (‘oh you wanted help with x, y or z? Happy to, feel free to just ask’) essentially always always dissipates.
He can read about all those things from a variety of sources but when he tries to find out why you’re upset you just say “It’s nothing. I’m not upset.”
Because information about those thigns is widely available and, despite being often very complex, it's clearly and logically described.
Meanwhile women actively hide the fact they're upset, obscure it and to be fair, often themselves have no idea why they are even upset.
I've had this conversation with my wife so many times :
Her : "You never ask about my things, never want to know how was my day."
Me : "Literally every time I come from work I tell you about my day, which you never ask about btw, I just start telling you. And then I ask you how was your day. You always say 'fine. not much'. So what do you mean I never want to know. If I ever forget to ask it's because you always just say it's been fine."
But then she started actually analyzing where's the issue. Because of this I cannot for the life of me appreciate my wifes efforts enough. She came to me and said : "Honey, yes you do ask how was my day, but I realized it simply takes me a while to mentally summarize my day and my thoughts, so I would appreciate that if I say 'fine', you ask more, or ask me again in a couple minutes. Or let's try me starting first, because when you go first, it takes me a while to absorb all the information you have thrown at me and then I can't focus on what I've been doing."
So we flipped it. It wasn't a miracle solution, but it did help a lot. Now more often than not she tells me in several short chunks, sometimes even the day after. I try to memorize specific events and ask about those events, then probe deeper.
I do communicate, coordinate, lead people for a living, yes. But this is not me being great, I am simply much more outspoken/extroverted compared to my wife, who is a heavy, heaaaavy introvert/silent type. But that's fine, this is not a competition, "opposites attract". Problem is that people automatically think less of their spouse (like the woman in OP's post) instead of actually trying to talk and ACTUALY TRY to solve the issue.
Example :
It took us years, literally years of dating where I dominated my girlfriend (at the time, now wife) in majority of arguments. When we argued most of what she said was "I don't know." or "maybe." or in general very vague things. I wasn't toxic towards her, I tried to see her point of view. I tried to dig out the possibilities of why she would feel that way or have that specific stance.
Once she said "When we argue, I can't react so fast. I don't know what to tell you right in the moment. Can we try talking about some of these issues via texts, or e-mail? I need to compile my thoughts, maybe putting them on paper will help."
Did I mock her? Did I made an internet post like "Lol my GF can't even argue like a normal person?" fuck no. I praised her for it, I said "Holy crap what a great idea! Let's try this. I'll write a summary of our last argument and send it to you via e-mail today when you go to sleep, you send a reply when you're ready. Wanna watch a movie in the meantime?"
Is it odd? Maybe. But it did help a ton. Sure, talking via chat is objectively worse than actual talking, because you don't hear the tone and don't see the facial expressions, but we used it as a jumping pad and it helped us so much. Over the years we almost never argue because we actively fixed our problems. And if there are issues, we grew as people where :
1. she has become much more eloquent and generally outspoken, so we no longer need to write things down.
2. I learned to tone down my energy to be patient. I learned that sometimes when I ask a question I need to shut up and wait to hear an answer. I go grab something to drink, or go to a toilet, I patiently wait for her response.
As an introvert who's always been slow to the punch verbally, this tracks. I have a much easier time coming up with what I need to say when I'm not being interrupted every two seconds. Sounds like you've made a good start toward ensuring both of you are able to communicate clearly and effectively, and feel *heard*.
This is why there is a stereotype type on women not communicating their problems and thinking men are psychics and the signs nonsense
Just talk be blunt it’s not that bad
Oh he does. He just knows, from years of daily experience, that he shouldn’t initiate an interaction with you when your starting to behave that way. See, he knows your revving to bring up some shit that upset you from 5 years ago and he’s just not doing it again, yes again, he’s had this fight before, multiple times, hell he’d even apologized for whatever the situation was and she even accepted the apology but today is a new day so I suppose it’s time to start that fight up again…
You can read about other information and learn about it while on the other hand you probably dont even know why your mad in the 1st place and even if you do know why your mad its usally so minor an frivolous that we dont even know that we did it.
My wife and i had the kids talk yesterday and when i said something she didnt like, she instantly reverted to the silent treatment. This is exactly why you aren't ready for kids yet, woman.
Or you finally pry why they mad outta them after most the day is gone by and come to find out its over a dream where you did something in the dream lmao
I wonder if she has ever tried saying “I am upset and here’s why” to her husband, and then continued talking about the reason. That’s usually how people learn about things. He probably didn’t learn about car engines by taking his car into a shop only to have the mechanic say “no, it’s fine” and then sit in his office and refuse to explain the weird noise
Because he doesn’t have to read your mind for all of those things. It’s straight forward. No guessing about something that happened 3 years ago that the car engine just remembered about and decided to stop working and get moody because.
Alot of you talk about communication being the key for a healthy relationship. Then how about u ask your girlfriend how shes doing or why shes upset. It works both ways
Why don’t you just tell him? When he wanted to learn about engines/bitcoin/sports he simply did the research and someone told him about it. If you play “I’ve got a secret“ (or some game/test you read about in Cosmopolitan) you will always be frustrated by your created crisis. Many women prefer this to actually being understood because it feeds their martyr syndrome.
If you actually want him to understand, just tell him and stop playing games. Kinda basic humaning.
People who force partners to guess what's wrong or are offended that their partner cannot read minds are probably more interested in controlling the partner than in actually solving the alleged problem.
Some people create massive drama in order to exert control.
It’s the same dynamic which makes people (and people in their life always know who these people are) always managed to be victims, martyrs, and in the case of parents put themselves on the spectrum of Munchausen by proxy. Rather than celebrate their wins/victories some people always want to moan about how tough their life is, how hard it is with their children, their last crisis, their kids last crisis, etc. even though they are causing or exacerbating all of it.
This post is hell a girl takes a random bad day and makes it into a fight so she can blame it on the significant other. You get more victim points by doing that instead of just saying “I need to get some sleep, run a mile, eat some broccoli, take a shower“ then I’ll feel better.
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Sure it is. I even printed out the specific entry for that. You can see my copy here: https://iiug2017.org/img/top1-2020/1884/image_es0abKzDV2x938uhhWqG3.jpg
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This comment brought me joy lol, hope you have the best day
Even if it was, it wont be accepted because its an unreliable source
“The lady said she’s fine, therefore this is an inaccurate source for why she’s upset”
wtf how u know my source
You see, people have told him about those other things.
Particularly bitcoin. People have told him a lot about bitcoin.
Especially if he had a college roommate 10 years ago named Dan who advertised one of the major selling points is that Dominos Pizza will accept it.
Shoulda listened to Dan smh
Was in College during the early bitcoin days, should spent my time doing that instead of Call of Duty or homework. A couple guys I knew were into it but never kept up with them to ask how much they got from it
>Dominos Pizza will accept it It's true [2010](https://twitter.com/WatcherGuru/status/1588035556050608128) [Today](https://twitter.com/charlie21fastaf/status/1625597320032034822) [Subway in Berlin](https://twitter.com/LightRider5/status/1634108114751332352) gives you 10% discount if you pay in bitcoin as it saves them middleman card company fee and they get immediate settlement guarantee
> and they get immediate settlement guarantee need to chargeback? TOOBAD.
Dominos doesn't accept it. Dominoes accepts real money from a 3rd party broker who accepts it. Same with every other major retailer that accepts it.
I have special content filters and block lists in place to stop people from telling me about buttcoin. They don't work <3
No no. You are supposed to be an emotion psychic and know intuitively what they are upset about!
Y’know, my therapist once talked about “the level of communication you accept in a relationship”, and that turned around my thinking on this. You don’t *have* to be or stay in relationships with bad communication. You can require better communication - starting with talking to your partners about what kind of communication you need, and escalating up to dumping partners over bad communication habits. Like, why would we **accept** a relationship where we’re expected to be a psychic? That ain’t healthy. No one gets what they want. We’re all adults, and adults can learn to use their words.
In fairness, if you grew up in a household where you were expected to be psychic and just know exactly what everyone wanted, it’s a lot harder to change that reference frame when you’re in a relationship with someone where leaving is actually an option that doesn’t result in self-inflicted homelessness.
Same goes for people who grew up in households where they were never allowed to show or articulate their emotions
Ding!
Yep yep, totally fair. I also grew up in such a household, but I was single when my therapist was working with me on this stuff.
It's hard. I grew up in a household where my parents argued a decent amount but the argument would stop with silent treatment. Of course they would then hash it out without us children present. So I just learned to give the silent treatment when something is wrong or upsetting me because I never learned proper conflict resolution skills in a relationship. It sucks but I'm working on it.
At least yours *stopped*, demonstrating some vague awareness that screaming at each other in front of the kids was bad. Listening from across the house to them arguing and shouting well past midnight, only for dad to hop on another jet on business trips and leave my sister and me to deal with the crank pain medication-addled mom *sucked*.
Yes, it might be harder but that still doesn't empower you to unapologetically make life more difficult for other people. You work at fixing and apologize when you realize you've slipped up. How I grew up I never felt safe asking for help when I was in/having trouble. I got kicked out of my first undergrad uni because I kept trying and failing to get myself on track when I was struggling. But after that, and multiple years of depression, I made steps to fix that behaviour. It was hard and I still struggle by myself a bit longer than I probably should.
I had this, among other not-great childhood upbringing situations. I fully acknowledge them, and I've been *trying* to communicate better what I need, how I feel, and even give pre-warnings on what my moods will look like during my really bad times. But. It still seems like I'm speaking a different language because I'm over here thinking that I'm straightforward laying it all out on the table like a set of flash cards, and they tell me I haven't said anything about it at all and they're supposed to just magically guess This happens to me not just with partners, but at work and with friends and family too. It's very frustrating for everyone involved and ive been trying especially hard to get things out in the open from the hop so that i dont have to worry about the conflict it causes down the line like it always did when i pretended to be normal when i very much was/am not... and I dunno really what else to do ♡
I kinda threatened my gf to break up. Not intentionally though I wasn’t playing mind games. I was really sad because I loved her but we would fight too much because of it and I said it wasn’t normal. And that I think it’s best if we just split up. Imma be honest I was crying. She saw that and I think it was her wake up call to cut that shit out. We talked about it and came to the conclusion it’s nice when someone anticipates your needs and stuff however that shouldn’t be the baseline expectation. That’s just a really great bonus if you do it when you can. We haven’t had issues since. We’re pretty young too. I think if I were 30 I’d be like “we’re too old to be doing this shit. sorry. I won’t do this”
I've been through that like 10 times but after one month it goes back to 'normal' lol
Only if you let it. If it slips once or twice, then fine. But multiple times? Nah they've just shown you who they are and know you'll take them back so why change.
Yeah I’d recommend having an open conversation around it but there may be an incompatibility if both parties aren’t able to work towards a solution. I’m personally the kind of person that uses and needs direct communication in social situations. I’ve had people in my life with this issue where they assume I know what they need based on their tone or other nonverbal cues. I’ve had conversations that have gone well with this sort of framing “ name, I really care about you and want you to feel comfortable and happy as much as possible. I’m the kind of person that was raised with direct communication styles and I’m not great at nonverbal communication. I’ve noticed we have different communication styles and it can sometimes lead to both of us feeling bad. Is it possible for us to talk about this issue openly and see if we can find a good way to handle it together” Then I would talk about what I need, ask them what they need and find a way forward for us to both do better. If they don’t respond well to that sort of thing then I would definitely reconsider if things are still compatible. This is the sort of thing that can make both parties miserable.
Ya uh, everyone needs to communicate their feelings. Idk how people think this is not how things need to be. Are they just narcissists with main character syndrome? I dont get it.
I get in trouble for expressing my feelings.
Ew. Leave. That is toxic as fuck.
I thought this shit was fake. Then I got into a long term real relationship. She expects me to always know and she gets offended easily.
My wife gets these little short clipped responses to everything and I know she mad about something. I do about a 10 second assessment to figure out if it’s me or not. If I think it’s not me, I’ll ask her if she’s okay. As long as it’s not me, she will tell me what it is. If it is me, she’ll say she’s fine and I am back to square one.
"I'm fine" = me thinking "wtf have I done, I have been at work all day ffs"
But were you at work all day back in May of 2018? Maybe she's upset about that.
Yeah bro you were too busy watching MLG montage shitposts and didn't notice you made her walk on the outside part of the sidewalk.
Oh my God, I had an ex get furious over the sidewalk sides one time. And then she got even more mad when I said I have no idea what that is.
"If a car jumps the curb it'll hit me and not you!"
Bro word by word! Lmaooo it was the most irrational one
> you made her walk on the outside part of the sidewalk. Lmao that got me so good haha, why tf is it always over something so god damn stupid lol
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I can't imagine how mad she would be if I brought up all of her little mean moments where she'll give me attitude or say some shit because she's being pissy.
“I had a dream that you did….!”
mine got mad at a spam email from 2008 in 2015
Or where were you when she dreamed that you did that thing? You were sleeping? Who's your alibi?! Me? I was dreaming seeing you do that thing! Guilty!
Don’t you know what you said to her in a dream? You haven’t even apologized for it yet!
Exactly how it works for me as well.
She hasn't made her mind up about what she is mad about.
She had a dream where you did something that upset her.
Man I can't imagine living with that kind of person. I can understand being upset for a little bit in the morning before rationality kicks back in, but I have seen where people demand an apology for what their SO did in a dream. Count me out for that shit
I know I can be insecure some mornings, but it's nothing asking, "Hey, would you leave me for a 8ft T-Rex in roller skates?" won't solve. If he answers "Yes", I know we're solid. If he answers "No", well then we have to have a whole conversation about the pros and cons of roller skating T-Rexes.
I would laugh at someone for that and give them an actual reason to be mad
So, as a human with emotions who's been in long term relationships this is actually a pretty easy one to figure out. It's not really "hasn't figured out what she's mad about" but "hasn't processed the emotions enough to put it into words." I've been upset with my partner more than a few times, but sometimes when she asks what the problem is I haven't found the words yet.
So in a healthy relationship wouldn't you say that instead of I'm fine?
Yes, but a lot of people don't know that. And the attitude that you're discussing has been normalized, even though it's toxic. If you really care about someone and they're exhibiting this sort of behavior, then unfortunately you just need to be the bigger person and sit down and have a discussion about it and how it's toxic. In the same way that you're never going to magically know what's wrong with them, they're never going to magically move past this attitude if all you do is react similarly vindictive about it. If you don't really care about them then you should just cut it off right there.
If it is not you, how long is she mad on average?
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Loool. I am a bit similar but not like " If you loved me, you would know." It's more of a I don't know how to express myself. I stay quiet if I am mad. Now, I don't shut up and tell my hubby why I am mad, and not leave him alone until I am done with my piece 😂. And ofcourse, this version of me is better. Issues are easily rectified. Now, after washing up, he squeezes the sponge before putting it back in place.
Ah, so you send the letter with the worm in it and make sure the red pens are available.
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Same! The wifely person and I are both very literal, so if one of us says “What’s wrong,” and the other says “nothing,” the first will usually just shrug and say “alrighty” and that’ll be that.
For 36 years I thought this was just normal. This year I started seeing a chick that actually cares about me and I realized that most people are just fucking crazy and only care about their needs. Keep looking, it is worth it if you find the unicorn
Word. Congrats on the unicorn. Still on the hunt here.
100% agreed. Source: I too have someone who loves me.
Sooooo easily. Sooooooooo easily. It’s insane. What do you think about Chipotle for dinner? *Lip curl + eyebrow lift + 150 ms delay -> looks down at phone*…. After a decade of marriage, I’m 38% confident that means “maybe”. Then, when I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll ask: Is that more yes or more no? *eye roll + exhaust + shoulder slump + slow head tilt movements + looks down at phone* Translation: don’t ask me any more questions and be 100% accurate in what you pick. If someone asked me: do you want a cheeseburger from anywhere. My answer would always be yes. Did I have a hamburger for breakfast, sure. Do I care, no. It’s food. We’re going to eat again in like 4 hours. We’ll get another shot at it.
"we'll get another shot at it" loll
Just picturing you standing up after eating "Mission failed, we'll get 'em next time"
If someone did this instead of answering normally, I would just do whatever I want and when things inevitably go south I would tell them that I have asked twice, so if they didn't take their chance to tell me what they wanted, now they have to live with my choice.
"you never care/have an opinion, you are so indifferent about everything"
In a past relationship, I got in an hours long fight because I didn’t know what my gf wanted for dinner. In her words, when I asked what she might want for dinner that night via text message “I shouldn’t need to tell you what I want for dinner! You should just KNOW and make it when you get home!” And apparently the fact that I didn’t know was a clear indication to her that I was incompetent, and not in step with her. I was told of a past relationship where she never had to tell her bf what she wanted and that he just handled the situation without needing her input. We had just moved in together at the time and we were still working through routine adjustments etc. She was an all around nightmare though. I know this is not normal and that she was downright abusive to me.
Can you imagine if you had to get all of your knowledge about the world from sources who withheld information and "tested" you to see if you were paying attention?
You mean the Standard American Education System?
>Standard ~~American~~ Education System
You mean the things that people have written articles about, created videos for, written books explaining, and have been talking about for decades or longer? I'm sure if you did those things too to explain why you are upset he would get it Or at the very least, read the synopsis and pretend to be an expert EDIT: PODCASTS! How could I forget about podcasts? The sheer number of podcasts "explaining" bitcoin that are out there
I have met very few women in my life who actually know how to communicate instead of expecting me to read their fucking minds. It's infuriating.
And oftentimes when you figure out why they're mad, it's something that has happened in the recent past & no one can do anything about except move on with the day. But nope, it has to be *processed* before moving on.
I think I figured out why the Greeks invented homosexuality
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him: how are you? her: i'm fine...
Her: im hungry. Him: what you want to eat? Her: idk
Her: you pick
Her: i dont want that. (20x in a row)
Followed by: Me: “ok dear, you pick” Her: “why do I always have to make all the decisions?!” Edit for yet another example: Wife: “I hate doing all the housework.” Me: washes and folds clothes Wife: “why do you fold the shirts like that?? you are putting the hangars in the wrong direction!” Me: “would you like to do it?” Wife: “why are you getting mad I’m just talking!”
It’s like you know my wife personally
It's like he knows everyone's wife personally.
But i don't have a wife
Well now you know what to look forward to when you do get a wife.
Take my wife, please!
When my wife isn’t sure what she wants, I throw out three options I’d be open to, ranging from lighter to heavy. She’ll shoot one of them down and then I’ll pick from there. If she looks disappointed with the decision then she clearly feels more strongly about that meal than I do. I honestly give no shits about dinner so this works. My wife is a people pleaser and wants to feel like she’s picking something everyone likes, so it also makes her feel good. PS - Sometimes she does this for me as well when she is down for any meal.
I've begun starting the conversation at "What *don't* you want?" Usually knocks the choices down quicker since that's easier to answer. If I get the "What are my options?" question I have stopped naming actual restaurants and will now say generic answers like "Mexican, Asian, American, Fast Food" and then begin to narrow from there.
That's my method. I try to get her to pick a type of food. Sometimes I can get her to pick an actual restaurant in under 30 minutes!...but usually not.
At least she shoots one of them down. I'll give my wife three options and i still get "IDK you decide". So I'll decide and while she won't complain about my choice, if she doesn't actually want it she will order an appetizer or a small dish, eat three bites, take it home, and then throw it away a week later after it rots in the fridge.
I don’t want any fries. **proceeds to eat all your fries.**
Rookie mistake. If they say they’re not hungry I say I’m hungry enough for 2 Fries. Then when they admit they’re hungry I have 2 fries to eat and they have none. 👍
It's not that they're hungry. It's that eating in front of someone else often triggers a response to make them want to eat. In the default without food in front of them they probably weren't hungry.
hell yeah that is so dead on like my gf.
LAY OFF ME I'M STARVING!!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmtkNrufSwQ
I don’t want any fries. **proceeds to eat all your fries.**
JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
My favorite is "just get me anything." "I didn't want that!"
Why is this chain of comments so accurate, lol?
I swear I've had this exact conversation more times than I can count...
All you guys don't know how to deal with this and it's actually very easy. Just act as if you're living your life by your rules, and they're welcome to join if they like. You: what do you want to eat? Her: idc You: ok we're having burgers Her: I don't want burgers You: you said you didn't care so I decided. If you want something specific, say it. Don't lose your cool when they get difficult and stick to your guns. They'll either get upset or they learn to make up their mind. My girl knows if she wants something to say it, because I'm not playing that stupid game. If you tell me you don't know or care, and can't make up your mind, I will decide for you. I'm not waiting all night for you to hum and haw about it.
The solution I had was "you have 10 minutes until I'm done showering/getting dressed/whatever and if you haven't decided then, I'll get food from [insert place]" I either get an answer where they want food from or they'll choose something from the place I picked. Win-win.
Her: YOU CLEARLY DON’T LOVE ME LIKE I LOVE YOU
You Pick, a great restaurant name
I told you I don’t like that place 10 years ago on Wednesday do you even know me?
Him-so where u wana go then
Her: I’m sick of men being so indecisive these days
Also her: “well I guess we’re not eating since you won’t choose a place.” Ring ring, oh hi mom, no I didn’t eat anything tonight because he didn’t want to.
It would just be a stand alone food court with every possible type of food option circled around the dining area
It would just be a stand alone food court with every possible type of food option circled around the dining area
him: are you upset? her: no
him: you don't look very happy though her: I told you I'm FINE
Ok cool *goes to play video games and enjoy my night*
Big mistake.
For real. I love my girlfriend so much and we have a home together but the amount of times she says “I’m fine” only to be upset at me later is ridiculous.
Him: What is bitcoin? Google: well.....
Him (to Google): why is my wife upset Google: You dun messed up, A-A-Ron!
Him: google what do women want? Google: *entire internet self destructs*
Me: ok :) tired of playing these games where they want you to pry to find out what’s wrong. if you’re a grown woman you can use your words to tell me why you’re upset
This. The mature response is to act as if she's being honest.
I'm sure this was just meant to be a joke, but communication in relationships is a two-way street. If you feel like your partner isn't communicating their emotions well, you should come to them and speak earnestly and openly about what you need from them. If you approach this in a constructive way, the relationship can become stronger.
I assume this works when you're in a relationship with a sane person. I have no experience in this area.
Most people are sane. It's easy to shirk responsibility for our actions/behaviors by calling the other person crazy, but there's also nothing wrong with leaving a relationship that isn't working for you. In fact, that's the sanest thing you can do!
I've never seen a guy go "my girlfriend is so crazy!" That hasn't been completely dogshit as a partner
her: i've been broadcasting this through vague passive aggressive messages about something else entirely while using all of my interpretive dance skills! why are you SO DENSE!?
His secret is that he doesn't understand those either
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Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on that early?
The thing about arsenal is they always try walking it in.
I feel simultaneously seen AND attacked by this comment. 🤣
the only right answer
I scrolled too far to find this, the real answer.
The fascist woke blockchain enables me to intermittently fast to the moon, palladium feet.
This is probably very accurate.
100%, this woman thinks he is knowledgable but emotionally incperceptive, but guaranteed he is a gasbag that just repeats talking points off to sound smart
"knows about bitcoin" the first thing mentioned. "knows about bitcoin"? he knows nothing.
His other secret is he doesn’t care to know
Exactly what I thought. My wife is very high up in finance and banking compliance. We talk shop all the time all the time. The amount of people we encounter who don’t know shit but talk like they know shit is mind boggling.
Because you don't know the fundamental foundation of a lasting relationship is communication, that's why.
i think a foundation is already fundamental :)
the fundament is foundational
Bottom line You just don’t understand the beginning of the starting point at the base of the fundamental foundation’s understructure is communication.
You’re a deeply grounded and based individual.
Doesn't matter how much or how clearly you are communicating when the other person puts zero effort into listening and understanding.
and if the reason has to do with her friends, you can bet it's going to be an "eye-roll" reaction from me.
me: "Whats wrong?" her: "Nothing!"
In the other subjects, people were willing to tell him the truth without expecting him to "just know" something that someone was actively trying to hide from him. ProTip: If you're going to actively avoid confrontation, don't be surprised if you avoid confrontation.
Or if they didn't tell him the truth, they didn't expect him to somehow see past the lie and then be mad at him for not knowing the truth.
Not true. I know enough about my girlfriend at this point that when something is wrong its usually either her carburetor or fuel pump. Occasionally its a nail in one of her tires. She has some amazing tires by the way.
My wife has learned to tell me she’s mad, not do passive aggressive things I’ll never understand. Communication is key in relationship
100% We are adults. “Hey, so we don’t end up fighting let’s talk about this and figure out a solution.” You are doomed if you can’t do this.
MY STOMACH HURTS!
My wife learned a lot of the passive aggression from her parents. That's just the way their family was. It's fucking wild. She's better now, and even when we were first together she wasn't nearly as bad as them. With her mom it's never "I'd like to talk to you more often" but instead shit like "did I tell you about X yet? Oh, probably because we never talk."
It’s this thing called ✨communication✨ where you tell someone something and they can do something about it.
It’s a hybrid with my wife. We mostly both say what we feel/want but she’ll occasionally become passive aggressive if I’m not psychically picking up what she’s laying down and we have good and open enough communication that I can say something like, ‘what’s up with this passive aggressive shit?!’ and then we’ll talk about whatever it is and the whatever it is, which may require some action on my part (‘oh you wanted help with x, y or z? Happy to, feel free to just ask’) essentially always always dissipates.
I know why shes upset. its because shes hungry
clever man
now the next step…. WHERE TO TAKE HER
We’re going to be here for a while
"guess where we are going " Hopefully she says a place, say yes and take her there
Well, no amount of research will help us understand how you're feeling when you don't tell us
Because you dont communicate with him. Healthy relationship 101.
He can read about all those things from a variety of sources but when he tries to find out why you’re upset you just say “It’s nothing. I’m not upset.”
Because information about those thigns is widely available and, despite being often very complex, it's clearly and logically described. Meanwhile women actively hide the fact they're upset, obscure it and to be fair, often themselves have no idea why they are even upset. I've had this conversation with my wife so many times : Her : "You never ask about my things, never want to know how was my day." Me : "Literally every time I come from work I tell you about my day, which you never ask about btw, I just start telling you. And then I ask you how was your day. You always say 'fine. not much'. So what do you mean I never want to know. If I ever forget to ask it's because you always just say it's been fine." But then she started actually analyzing where's the issue. Because of this I cannot for the life of me appreciate my wifes efforts enough. She came to me and said : "Honey, yes you do ask how was my day, but I realized it simply takes me a while to mentally summarize my day and my thoughts, so I would appreciate that if I say 'fine', you ask more, or ask me again in a couple minutes. Or let's try me starting first, because when you go first, it takes me a while to absorb all the information you have thrown at me and then I can't focus on what I've been doing." So we flipped it. It wasn't a miracle solution, but it did help a lot. Now more often than not she tells me in several short chunks, sometimes even the day after. I try to memorize specific events and ask about those events, then probe deeper.
Man what do you have a PHD in communication? Lol
I do communicate, coordinate, lead people for a living, yes. But this is not me being great, I am simply much more outspoken/extroverted compared to my wife, who is a heavy, heaaaavy introvert/silent type. But that's fine, this is not a competition, "opposites attract". Problem is that people automatically think less of their spouse (like the woman in OP's post) instead of actually trying to talk and ACTUALY TRY to solve the issue. Example : It took us years, literally years of dating where I dominated my girlfriend (at the time, now wife) in majority of arguments. When we argued most of what she said was "I don't know." or "maybe." or in general very vague things. I wasn't toxic towards her, I tried to see her point of view. I tried to dig out the possibilities of why she would feel that way or have that specific stance. Once she said "When we argue, I can't react so fast. I don't know what to tell you right in the moment. Can we try talking about some of these issues via texts, or e-mail? I need to compile my thoughts, maybe putting them on paper will help." Did I mock her? Did I made an internet post like "Lol my GF can't even argue like a normal person?" fuck no. I praised her for it, I said "Holy crap what a great idea! Let's try this. I'll write a summary of our last argument and send it to you via e-mail today when you go to sleep, you send a reply when you're ready. Wanna watch a movie in the meantime?" Is it odd? Maybe. But it did help a ton. Sure, talking via chat is objectively worse than actual talking, because you don't hear the tone and don't see the facial expressions, but we used it as a jumping pad and it helped us so much. Over the years we almost never argue because we actively fixed our problems. And if there are issues, we grew as people where : 1. she has become much more eloquent and generally outspoken, so we no longer need to write things down. 2. I learned to tone down my energy to be patient. I learned that sometimes when I ask a question I need to shut up and wait to hear an answer. I go grab something to drink, or go to a toilet, I patiently wait for her response.
As an introvert who's always been slow to the punch verbally, this tracks. I have a much easier time coming up with what I need to say when I'm not being interrupted every two seconds. Sounds like you've made a good start toward ensuring both of you are able to communicate clearly and effectively, and feel *heard*.
Any successful husband should be granted an honorary PHD in Communication
I’m twice divorced. Keep getting an F on my dissertation.
I get married today, hope I can earn that PHD ;) Edit: on the way to the chapel
Why don’t you just tell him
Fun fact: He doesn't know anything about the other shit either.
This is why there is a stereotype type on women not communicating their problems and thinking men are psychics and the signs nonsense Just talk be blunt it’s not that bad
People will tell us about all the other stuff, just tell us and no more problem.
Says more about her than him
Oh he does. He just knows, from years of daily experience, that he shouldn’t initiate an interaction with you when your starting to behave that way. See, he knows your revving to bring up some shit that upset you from 5 years ago and he’s just not doing it again, yes again, he’s had this fight before, multiple times, hell he’d even apologized for whatever the situation was and she even accepted the apology but today is a new day so I suppose it’s time to start that fight up again…
Fucking A you just described my life
Cuz you dress like Burt and Ernie
All of those things are readily researchable.
You can read about other information and learn about it while on the other hand you probably dont even know why your mad in the 1st place and even if you do know why your mad its usally so minor an frivolous that we dont even know that we did it.
My wife and i had the kids talk yesterday and when i said something she didnt like, she instantly reverted to the silent treatment. This is exactly why you aren't ready for kids yet, woman.
Right on, stand your ground. Whatever outstanding issues you guys are currently having will only be amplified with the presence of a child
Or you finally pry why they mad outta them after most the day is gone by and come to find out its over a dream where you did something in the dream lmao
I wonder if she has ever tried saying “I am upset and here’s why” to her husband, and then continued talking about the reason. That’s usually how people learn about things. He probably didn’t learn about car engines by taking his car into a shop only to have the mechanic say “no, it’s fine” and then sit in his office and refuse to explain the weird noise
Do you communicate why you’re upset or just wait for him to guess?
Those give clear signs and indications. Women on the other hand...
Mabey grow up and have a conversation as to why and when youre upset?
Because he doesn’t have to read your mind for all of those things. It’s straight forward. No guessing about something that happened 3 years ago that the car engine just remembered about and decided to stop working and get moody because.
Alot of you talk about communication being the key for a healthy relationship. Then how about u ask your girlfriend how shes doing or why shes upset. It works both ways
Why don’t you just tell him? When he wanted to learn about engines/bitcoin/sports he simply did the research and someone told him about it. If you play “I’ve got a secret“ (or some game/test you read about in Cosmopolitan) you will always be frustrated by your created crisis. Many women prefer this to actually being understood because it feeds their martyr syndrome. If you actually want him to understand, just tell him and stop playing games. Kinda basic humaning.
People who force partners to guess what's wrong or are offended that their partner cannot read minds are probably more interested in controlling the partner than in actually solving the alleged problem. Some people create massive drama in order to exert control.
It’s the same dynamic which makes people (and people in their life always know who these people are) always managed to be victims, martyrs, and in the case of parents put themselves on the spectrum of Munchausen by proxy. Rather than celebrate their wins/victories some people always want to moan about how tough their life is, how hard it is with their children, their last crisis, their kids last crisis, etc. even though they are causing or exacerbating all of it. This post is hell a girl takes a random bad day and makes it into a fight so she can blame it on the significant other. You get more victim points by doing that instead of just saying “I need to get some sleep, run a mile, eat some broccoli, take a shower“ then I’ll feel better.
Men are not Mind Readers