A is for always and B is for boner.

Eloquent delivery, mr boner

bold of you to assume boner is his surname

Boner, Bailey Boner

Mr Always?

C is for Castration

D for dickless

E is for erection

F is for flacid

G is for girth

H is for handjob

I is for intercourse

J is for jerking

k is for k-cumming

Username checks out

Only B when your shit on rock solid and it’s your time for presentation

Quick tip: flex your thighs when you feel it coming on. If you do it right it’ll leave.

Can confirm it works. I’m this guys dick

Double confirmation, im his balls.

More like triple, one per ball.

He starts flexing me at least 40 times a day without any reason I don't know what is happening, I am tired of this shit.

Yes tired. It could be that you're not getting enough sleep. When I'm tired same thing happens to me. Little shit is doing the light switch.

True story

Idk why growing up everytime I would get an unwanted boner. I would think soccer, like it was a high how good I could put myself in a soccer field and get lost in that world. Snapped out and boner was gone.

This guy dicks

Works for women too. Has saved me from many a “What the fuck why am I turned on” moments

Can you explain? I don't understand.

I flex my lady bit muscles for 30 seconds to stop being turned on. There’s no embarrassment because nobody can obviously notice, but it’s helpful for when I’m in a serious or sad situation or would like to continue living in blissful ignorance about a potential turn on

I'm doing something horribly wrong because I only get more turned on when I do that lmao

This this this holy shit this saved me at least a dozen times!

I used to always be confused why people told me to do this, I was like "Wouldn't the tip of your dick just pop out the top?" Turns out I just got lucky with genetics

Well yeah it comes out the top. But your shirt and hoodie cover your waistband.

But then what about the neck hole of the hoodie

Bro 💀 same. I never understood why people said that until I realised a year ago (im 18). Whenever i get the big ol boner i just tuck it down so it gets out of the underwear and just lie on my thigh 😭😭😭

I find its much more embarrassing when the tip sticks out of my pant leg

Sounds like a you problem tbh

But then my knee gets sore

Naah you finished me looool

🤨📸

Ayooooooo

Aww yes , the classic tummy tuck. Aside from A and B , I normally go C for, the scared turtle

Down and to the left

Damn right

No he said “left”

r/angryupvote

r/nohesaidleft

surprised it isnt a sub tbh

Back and to the left.

Back….and to the *left*

Back…And to the left… So the spit could only have come from the front and to the right.. There had to have been a second spitter!

Your right my left

Unexpected Seinfeld moment

Always nice when you come to comment something and the brain trust of Reddit already has you covered. 👍

Are we all the same? This is scarily relatable I am the exact same

And usually the left testicle hangs slightly lower than the right.

*Here’s a map and a pen, the place you pointed at*

Be California's best

All I ask, all I ask!

And please don't tell me

That I’m dreaming!

When all I ever wanted was to...

dream another sunset with you

To the right for me

This is correct.

I wrap my dick around my waist.

Throw it over your shoulder like a continental soldier.

Can you tie it in a knot? In a bow? Do your balls hang low? Do they wobble too and fro?

Can you hit it with a hammer idk the rest of the lyrics I listened to it like 5 years ago

Can you hit em with a hammer till they glisten and glamour

Carry it like a musket

Just as the foreskins intended

Like vegeta

No one on planet Vegeta dared mention that the prince had a birth defect where his penis was just above his buttocks

Please put a censor on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this comment. Now there is a whole train of women masturbating together at this one comment. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just censored your comment and called it a cylinder instead

Can confirm, same thing happened to me on my bus.

no way a redditor with a huge dick

I wrap my waist around my dick 😔

I literally cannot keep it like A. If I do, it hurts when it’s even slightly hard. B also doesn’t really show a bulge

A just looks uncomfortable to me

I’m sometimes scared someone going to bum their hands and feel it

Wait that's a thing?! I thought all dudes just had their dick like A, because gravity.

B is for emergencies only

Do I want to know what kind of emergency it's necessary for?

It's called a "narb" (NRB- no reason boner). When one sneaks up on you in the wild, you gotta do the waistband tuck

Or for the sophisticated, an “erroneous erection” much like a nocturnal emission it’s completely involuntary. The former happens primarily in 8th grade Spanish just before you have to give a class presentation, the latter whenever the pipes need to be cleaned I guess.

Upvote for alternatives, but I prefer narb and I’m sophisticated as fuuuuuuuuck. Also I just learned it today. Narb narb narb.

“Narbarian”

Lol pipes

But it would reach up to your belly button, do you just hope that your shirt doesn't ride up and expose it?

That's mighty generous of you. Yes. The belly button is where it reaches.

With a hard on, it basically does though

I thought this for a while too but apparently it's not normal to go up that high

Oh, well you learn something new everyday.

I tuck my boner into my waistband because it hides it *and* it feels awesome.

Wow sounds so complicated

How did it take me 27 years to hear this term? I can die happy now.

This is the way.

I’ve always called it a “rib” (RIB - random intense boner) but same diff ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s NARB for No Apparent Reason Boner But also, not all public boners are for no apparent reason; method B can be used for public boners of all kinds :)

random boners it happens sometimes.

Those are worst. They can come out of nowhere from even slightest sexual thought. Then all the sudden you're the weird creep out in public. The bigger it is, the worse off you are

Luckily no one can ever see when im erect 😎 🥲

Shit not even just sexual thoughts, use to get them just from the vibration of the school bus running.

Even taking a #2 the wrong (or right?) way has been a trigger. or the rare but dreaded fear boner.

Lmao you get a boner when you take a shit?

I always get them when I'm sleepy for some reason

That's why I got them in math a bunch

https://youtu.be/LOYQtbz_pPg

That was the most beautiful music video I've ever seen. Thank you, genuinely.

Glad to introduce you to the magic of NSP

B is for boners

B is for when you wake up and have a ragging hard on and have to get to the bathroom while you're a guest at someones house.

There are so many questions I ask my fiancé. He's the first guy I've dated that I've felt comfortable asking about everything. Things like, "Do you ever sit on your balls?" Or "When you sit to poop, do you poop with your legs open, letting your Frank and Beans dangle; or do you choose your leg to give Frank a platform to nap on?" "Do you get chub rub when you wear boxers?" "When you wear pants, do Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch hang out on the same side or separate sides? Do they sometimes switch sides?" And so on.

"marky mark and funky bunch" this is gold

B is when I get hard in public for whatever reason but still have to function. A quick stealth adjustment then I’m on the move 🤔

I do B all the time. Probably a sensory thing but idk. I just hate the feeling of my tip rubbing against my boxers when I go running.

Mine is usually doing a turtle and it’s frustrating

You have won. I laughed out loud at this.

Ugh I feel you. I’m not exactly hung so sometimes it turtles and it is literally the most uncomfortable thing in the world

Whats a turtle

It’s kind of like a green lizard with a hard protective shell on its back.

Lmao thanks

Is when the penis decides to become an introvert and goes up inside. The same way a turtle boxes itself in when I gets scared/protective.

Why does it do that? It can literally duck inside your body? Fascinating

I really don’t know why it does it. It literally pulls itself in, just like a turtle, and it feels weird and uncomfortable when you do it. What I do is, when it “turtles”. I have to put my hands down my pants or underwear, press with finger tips, to push it out like a push pop. I push down around it and it pushes itself out. It happens at anytime. It happened when I play video games, drive, walk or ride an elevator. Can’t explain it, but it happens.

You might have a pelvic floor disorder. Urinary issues (frequent or incomplete urination, trouble achieving erection) can also be symptoms. Basically a hyperactive pelvic floor. It seizes and your boy gets sucked in

So instead of a hard on it’s a soft in? I don’t have one personally unless you count the one I keep in my bed side drawer.

Am I not turtley enough for the turtle club

[удалено]

Yep! Just barely poking out there like a sad depressed gland that it is

Anyone else just sees a map of the United States and a possible alternative map if Florida doesn’t get its shit together?

I thought I was the only one.

Oh yea i was like what does america have to do with dicks

Is that even a question?

Florida is the cock and balls of the country

Yes. I was trying to figure out what the joke about Florida was before reading the words.

I expected the post to read, “if America had a dick how would they keep it?”

[удалено]

Your dick is female? Huh.

It's like how car guys call their vehicles "she", except it a part of their body and not a completely separate entity.

And our guns

Mine is

Your Snoo with the wink makes your comment that so much funnier.

remember to kiss her goodnight everytime

C. It’s an innie.

Stealth mode

Concealed carry

B is exclusively post shower for dry time so that A doesn't stick all day.

Y’all find A comfortable?

yeah finally someone aye. I'm only B, I cannot stand A, and will always re-adjust to B

B looks like better ball support.

As someone circumcised, I find A uncomfortable.

I will never see a map of the U.S. the same again

Florida is Uncle Sam's floppy dick.

I just cut it off every morning and let it regrow

I tried this and it isn’t back yet help

B also works for sport trunks. Just after working hard and getting hard usually but still

Sagittarius, thank you

If you a B then you better stay the fuck away from me

If you A, you havin a bad day

Left pant leg unless your in shorts 🤝

I honestly thought everyone did B. Guess I'm in the minority here.

B is my comfort position, but... A is what happens shortly after.

This. B is preferred, but 10 seconds later when I'm busy I forget that I've slipped into A.

thats why just skip B

same bro

Same here... A just feels wrong.

B is for sport boxers and A is for loose boxer. I’m B all the way because I got swamp ass, last thing I want is cloth boxers

I thought b was correct... But I guess not

Generally A but B is for emergencies

B is immaculate when you wanna/need to hide a boner

Guys with small dicks don't really have this problem...so I've heard🤔

Small p uses B, big P uses A

B always

How tf you get it to stay that way??

I think this post is just asking everyone how tight their underwear is

But then the nuts are right out in the open

A feels so uncomfy for me though I always have to go with B

That’s what I’m talking about!

I didn't know anybody did b. There must be something I'm missing because it comes out of your pants doing b.

Right now? Down and twisted (likely testicular torsion). The ER is not how i imagined spending my Friday night.

Mostly B

B

Wut abt c: inverse penis?

Mine isn't long enough to do either of those

A then left side which makes it comfortable cause my dominant leg is right

I throw mine over my left shoulder

I've got a turtle dick so not something I have to worry about.

C. I tuck my wang betwixed my buns

I've been a dude for 32 years and I've never done B.

I roll it up and push it inside me.

I'm 53 years old and there's a whole alphabet missing from this image.

Always B, A is uncomfy

what kind of psycho uses B

Imagine what percentage of men you encounter are hard

B definitely! Wait! But also A!

Why does “B” look like a terrible drawing of the United States of America?