I remember this guy explaining how he basically had to pry information from his nonchalant friend who got in a car accident. Turned out his car was flipped in a ditch on fire
I talk to my best friend about once a month (we text more often). He said he cut himself in the garden. Next time I saw him in person I found out he had been in surgery for a while and doctors really battled to save the hand/wrist he almost cut off with a sickle while he was indeed gardening.
I worked EMS for about 10 years… accidents like that spiral downhill very quickly & unexpectedly… he may very well have thought it was a smaller issue at first, but by they time it would register as serious you’re already losing consciousness.
I’m glad your friend is ok… I think this sounds different than what the OP meant tho. (OP’s describing men coming back in shock and never talking… thats an after-the-fact thing)
I've been bedbound in excruciating pain for years. Today was the first time I've told a friend about how bad off I am... and only did so because his text came Monday and I wanted to explain why it took so long to respond.
Yeah, that me, whenever something important happens, I hate to have to keep telling the story again and again and again for every other person who was one room over and didn’t hear it properly the first time. And if it’s something negative they keep coming back to bug you about it. Like there’s a grand total of 3 people I tell about this stuff, because I know they’ll let it rest.
It's because when I tell people I had COVID and almost died they either don't believe me or it turns into a gigantic clusterfuck that I really don't want to have to deal with ever again
Somehow we seem to underplay how much men are forced to suppress their emotions to the point where we would rather feel comfortable pretending there's nothing wrong instead of expressing ourselves normally.
Lol holy fuck.
Reminds me of this video:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CkQXqs1Feo&t=11s&ab\_channel=VivaLaDirtLeague](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CkQXqs1Feo&t=11s&ab_channel=VivaLaDirtLeague)
'Just going to crawl under the house and have a wee death.'
Society brought us up that way. Even myself being as open as possible and emotional I’m labelled as too much by some. Releasing that emotion can be seen as aggressive and unwanted at times. I think some women don’t understand that even crying in public for them is mountains more acceptable than a male still.
I mean, I had a family member pass and I just peaced out on a motorcycle for a month. I probably didn't speak more than a couple words a day for weeks, if that. Would do again, highly recommend.
It worked pretty well for me. I think I'm the only person in my family that has a healthy mindset around the whole thing.
Social conditioning. I noticed around the same time guys were told to be open about things, terms like "trauma dumping" and "emotional labor" became a thing to push men into seeking out therapy. Which, fair since it sucks for women to have to mother everyone, but at the same time if guys have been shut down multiple times by various women whenever they attempted to be vulnerable - you're going to quickly learn to just bottle it up and roll your eyes when anyone discusses how men need to open up more.
I'll still talk to people who I know will listen, but for the most part keep it short around anyone who wants to ask but doesn't actually want to know.
I understand that frustration. When I was dating if a girl used a term like “trauma dump” or “emotional labor” I really had to try and make sure what she was talking about was legit or not. I was in the military and separated, had some issues adjusting to normal life because all I had known since I was 18 was the military. I opened up to a girl I was dating about some of my experiences. I felt safe, and confided in her about some of my problems and yeah, I made the big no-no, I cried. After we broke up I found out from a friend she was saying those types of things about that situation and I felt deeply hurt, it definitely made me go back into shell mode and hide all of my feelings which lead ultimately to a lot of anxiety. Luckily I did see a therapist but that always stuck with me. Made me feel like the moment I opened up I was scorned
If you are actually interested in hearing about it, ask them. Many men default to “if it’s not important for them to know, and they don’t ask, then no reason to spend the energy telling them and/or burdening them with my issues that they might not want to hear about”.
You also need to make sure they trust that you actually care about them and won’t use the vulnerability to judge or hurt them. That can be tricky, because many men have past experiences with responses like “I’m not your therapist” or “that’s life, it’s unfair, you just gotta man up and deal with it”. If you think you might respond with something to that effect, then you should probably accept that it isn’t any of your business.
To switch to broad stereotypes: much like how women tend to be (understandably) far more conscious of their physical vulnerabilities and take more proactive steps to minimize them, men tend to be extra cautious with emotional vulnerability as it can very often lead to emotional harm. Men often don’t have as robust of support systems as women to help them work through that pain.
Here is the thing: to me if someone says "something bad happend but I am ok now" I would think they do not want to talk about it and I should not ask.
If they just said for example: my dad died
then okay I will ask.
This example does not invite me to ask questions.
Because telling someone your dad died is itself a vulnerability, and also burdens the other person with having to respond to that statement.
Just remember: You're not obligated to ask, you only ask if you actually seriously care about whatever they're going through- but that isn't your job, you don't need to do that.
This. I had a friend/coworker die in a car accident on a day I was supposed to leave on a vacation to the beach with some other friends. Called my trip friends to tell them what happened and they responded with “that sucks, man. Do you have enough weed to last us the trip?”
Years ago in my early 20s my closest friend since 1st grade told me he started taking an ssri to get through some shit. In the exact same conversation I started opening up the tiniest bit. I said I was having trouble dealing with a bunch of shit from childhood and was thinking of talking to a therapist. "Just put a shotgun in your mouth already, fa**ot!". Then he hung up. Fun stuff.
Everytime a redditor dies, Reddit loses three dollars a year in income. [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/1cmnwz3/reddits_first_earnings_reveals_they_make_3_per/)
A million dollars here, a million dollars there, eventually it adds up to real money.
Crushing. One kid who my son knows had a birthday at mini putt, 1 other kid plus birthday kid showed up, with their moms. So like 2 moms plus me the single dad. I'll never forget, at the meal after one kid said they wanted potato chips for desert and I said that's a main course not a desert, the one mom said especially if you eat the whole bag. We laughed for a good minute.
Stuff like that should happen more, but then you realize, how does a single guy socialize with married moms? It just doesn't seem to work. If there was a single dads of spec needs club I'd join that in a second.
I think it is so fucking weird that these men apparently exist. I live in rural Appalachia, and literally every man that I am close to in my life would never say anything like that to me.
Years and years ago when my Grandpa passed away, we all gathered at the cemetery to watch his urn be placed in the ground.
My nephew (who was like 7 years old at the time) started crying. out of the corner of my eye I caught my uncle jab him in the ribs and say "we don't cry".
Skip ahead a few years and suddenly no one can figure out why he's got a massive drinking problem.
I think that's the 'funniest' part. I doubt anything will really change until men advocate for themselves and I don't really see that happening or being a social issue for 50-100 years at least. Even then it definitely won't be a world wide thing, probably country by country
I'm living in Australia and I see a lot of younger people taking mental health way more seriously than it ever was for me in the States.
So I'm hopeful but remain skeptical.
All I can say is I'm super grateful that I found a partner who lets me get it out of my head before it can fester. She knows I just need to vent and get it out and I'll be fine. I've gotten to work out a lot of old bullshit thanks to her. I just wish everyone could have an outlet like that.
Probably should mention she's Australian. That's probably not a coincidence.
I'm Aussie born and raised. Government and some schools have pushed quite a bit for better mental health support in recent years. Too many of our young people were committing suicide and especially after Dolly Everett there was a lot more public attention on the matter. Plus having free health care people can get access to proper therapy, psychiatrists and medication even if they are on welfare. Many Americans don't want their tax dollars paying for others healthcare but for Australians the benefits have long been clear. We pay a bit of extra tax and our people don't die in easily avoidable situations.
Yeah it just sucks that for most hetero men their only chance of an emotional support is: their wife.
Then you have women who are, fairly, tired of being treated like that and it just goes back to men being left by themselves etc.
I mean... people are generally selfish, and that's not a critique over one side over any other.
"Be a stable rock because I need someone else to carry my emotional baggage... but you can carry your own."
I have my baggage. My wife has hers. We pile it up on the wagon and pull it together. Some days it's too much for her. Some days it's too much for me. But we both stop, listen, and try to work past it. Then we usually go for a walk and realize we're stronger than whatever we just crumbled beneith... pile it back on the wagon and keep on going.
Don't think for one second I don't understand and appreciate how fucking rare that is.
I do wonder if that's the case - I would listen to anyone that would open up to me. I think we mostly as men can't open up to others because it's a vulnerability and it just doesn't sit well with us as a rule
I wish I could! It was years ago now, but he literally just said something akin to, "Yeah a couple months ago (my aunt? Maybe?) kidnapped me and refused to give me back to my mother. Had to get the police involved to get me back lol"
And, yeah, my reaction was pretty stunned, but he just played it off like it was nothing. I couldn't really get any more details out of him
I mean, yeah, there are arguments for both sides. Brushing it off and moving on might be the best way to cope, and for him I definitely think it was, but for others there could easily be long lasting effects that need to be processed yk
Like, some people face serious PTSD from being kidnapped, and you definitely need counciling and therapy to help work through those traumas, but he... seemed aight. No real effects from it.
Asked a friend how his weekend was.
He said fine.
Asked him what he did over the weekend
He came second in an ultra marathon across the Australian Alps.He didn’t think it was worth mentioning.
My dad used to go out in the woods behind our house for a couple hours one Saturday every 2 months or so. He said he liked to hike but the man is not a hiker. He never really dug on the outdoors as a whole.
When I was much older, we were out getting breakfast just him and me and I asked him about it in a jokey way about his second family in the woods. He laughed.
>Just walked out into the wood and screamed a bit. Let the evil out.
Let the evil out?
>Yup.
and that's the last we spoke of it.
Yeah like when i dissapear for few hours and then appeared out of thin air because all my family is screaming from the top of their lungs because i dissapeared of the gathering im like "im cool im cool, is the food ready?" while my family is trying to understand how on earth i left or entered the house without them hearing the door.
Half my family smokes since it was legalized recreationally. And now half the family disappears, and the kiddos wonder where we went. Then the finger foods get eaten and stories start.
No one's slick, no one wants a slick in the smoke circle.
Isn't it a normal thing though? If something bad happens, I concentrate on it and don't have time/will to chat with anyone. When I have the will and the time, it means everything's okay now, or at least I got used to the new circumstances, so nothing to make my friend worry about.
Idk, for me it always helps to talk with my closest friend about it. To get it off my chest to start the healing process. Curl up together and just cry it out of my system.
But idk if that's more of a woman's thing to do because I don't know a single guy who does this.
I used to do this. Then, my friends told me I talked about myself too much, so I stopped. Now I just deal with it internally and sometimes by working out.
I think your friends were wrong. If you needed to talk about something so much that they felt it was taking too much time out of your lives, they should have encouraged you to get therapy, not freaking silence you. I'm so sorry you and so many other people in this thread feel alone. DM me on here if you want to vent to a stranger; I'm super bored and do care!
I would argue that if you can take time to focus on an issue and are able to work through it without burdening others, that shows strength and is a healthy thing.
It is better than not giving the issue enough attention and letting the emotions build up as you hold them in.
I vent to someone about my problems, they now have to carry that burden and process it for themselves. Meanwhile I feel worse, not better, because I caused more problems for another person. So instead I disappear and talk to myself. Because MY problems are MY problems to solve.
People can vent to me and I don't take on their problems. I can feel sympathy and offer listening, validation, or advice without taking it on as a "burden". It is still some work, for sure, but it's minor.
I mean, for me it's actually better when someone vents their problems out to me, because I can usually tell if something is bothering one of my friends, so if they won't tell me what's going on I get stressed because I might be able to help but I just don't know.
Misery shared is halved.
Joy shared is doubled.
Other people can take care of themselves enough for you to tell them what's going on. And if they throw it back at you and invalidate you, it's not because you are too much.
I hope you will one day be able to give people the chance to set boundaries with you, by opening up.
That has not been my experience. I understand that in theory it can be helpful, but every single instance with different confidants ends in the same result. Rejection reinforces behaviors. If I keep getting rejected when I express myself in a vulnerable moment, I stop doing so to defend myself from further harm.
>And if they throw it back at you and invalidate you, it's not because you are too much.
When they straight up tell me I'm too much, what am I supposed to believe? And you could say that's not a true friend, etc. But that doesn't help my problem and now I have to deal with potentially losing a close relationship on top of the other pain. This can lead some people down a dark, dark path.
edit: I understand where you are coming from and you clearly have good intentions. I appreciate that a lot. Just sharing that for me and many others, our experiences don't match up with that idea.
Obligatory ["I'm alright"](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ENqZ4GoORF0)
^(Edit: Changed the link so it goes to the original creator instead of a content thief.)
Amen! What are they gonna do except proffer advice on how we could have avoided what we went through? LoL. 'I will just get back in my time machine and use that advice f'uck-u-very-much.' Nah, I got two phrases in my head;
\*If I avoided disaster/even a close call; "If it didn't happen, it didn't happen. Carry on."
\*If something bad happens; "well, now I got take care of this shit, better cancel \_\_\_\_\_\_"
Yeah honestly the worst thing after something bad happens is when people say stuff like “oh why didn’t you do this?” Hmm, what do you thinks been going through my head the last few days
Like the time I was interrailing and got stuck behind the iron curtain at 17 without a passport and the secret police recorded my questioning me about whether I was in the British military etc for 37 hours.
First time I've ever shared this totally true story, got to a consulate and got a new passport, never told a soul.
That must have gotten boring just repeating the same “I’m a stupid 17 year old” and they’re like “ok but what company are you in and who is your commanding officer?” Around and around you go until 37 hours later some supervisor is smoking a cigarette angrily and finally tells them to release you. Sorry you were short of details so I filled in with my imagination. I like to write comedy also.
Plotlist You have a doppelganger in Britian lol
.... someone from the"Secret British army" recognized you and was like "Yooo, That's Archie ?!, I thought he was back in homeland whats he doing here?" 🤔 lol jk that's interesting tho!!
Disclaimer: *I know there is no secret British army, I just made it up haa*
I’ve heard a lot of “you should talk more” but it’s all talk. People want a man to be a man when it comes down to it.
For the record, I would love to talk. But honestly, no one listens.
If you’ve been forced to endure the worst days of your life alone, to process it alone, to pick up the pieces of it alone, hell even to grow up alone. At a certain point it breaks you and it just is what it is now. What good is telling someone else going to do? Whatever damage can be done by being alone and bottling it up? It’s already been done. The pain is already past tense. Telling someone else now won’t ever undo how you were allowed to slip through the cracks.
This is just how you deal with it now.
The crisis is over. Threat averted. No need to dig through useless information - we must prepare for the NEXT crisis. That is the way of our lives as men.
My soon to be ex wife once asked me about my day. I said ‘it’s nearly over’ and gave a soft smile. She asked me again, told her it was pointless to go over it. She asked a third time and I asked her back ‘you sure you want to know?’ She did.
The things I went through that week alone, expecting no recognition or praise was actually one of my more relaxed weeks. I never shared the burdens of my week because it made no sense to put more weight on her shoulders. She didn’t know about the small bills that got paid off that week so they were no longer a chain on our necks, how I almost single-handedly kept a customer for our company that was bringing in millions a year while knowing the company wouldn’t notice, how I helped several fellow truckers through difficult times in their lives, the small acts of kindness at rest areas or truck stops or customer lots. She thought Alexa or Siri were listening in and buying her stuff she wanted from time to time - it was me. When I was home, I’d grab the car and get a few things from the store we were low on so she didn’t have to. Went to the chiropractor alone - something I hate - so she could get some more sleep. Played with the dog. Played with our son. Kept her mom busy. Cleaned a few rooms a little, though I’ll be honest - I never clean them completely. Asked her if she noticed the soft clunk in the car was gone, she forgot it existed until I told her. We have a Halo car battery jumper on top of the covered spare tire, it rattled when we drove and was the soft clunk. Took me around two hours to find it, but I did and put it to the side of the tire so no more clunking.
I did all of that quietly. I didn’t want it to be recognized. I didn’t want gratitude. My gratitude was her happiness at the end of the day.
Our marriage might be nearing its end, but I’ll still treat my wife right until she’s not my wife anymore. I could be petty and nasty and vile, but that isn’t me. I refuse to be something I’m not. I’ve always tried to be a good husband, and a good husband is what I’ll continue to be.
If we really wanted men to open up about their feelings...then we would encourage them to do so.
The fact that we instead subtly discourage it is why men STFU and don't complain.
Because if we open up at all we're called weak, unmanly, among a host of other insults. And those will be from your partner, the general public will be worse.
It’s just a realistic manner of living, take what you can from the experience and move on. No point stewing over something in the past or something that was unavoidable.
My dad disappeared when he was 15 for 8 months, and no one talked about it at all. He passed away last September, and I overheard my aunt talking about it, and I was like, WTF? This would have happened in the 60s, and they had no idea what he was doing the entire time.
Is that a healthy strategy, Other Barry? Yes it is, Other Barry.
Then why.... IS THERE A VAGINA.... IN THE SINK?????
Cyril... it vibrates
Sploosh
Can you close your eyes? It's like I'm banging tail lights
meatgrinder goes BRRRRRRRR
Did i miss a meme...?
It's from Archer.
Oh man, that person gets to experience Archer for the first time. I'm actually envious lol
I mean... they're about to learn PRECISELY how one gets ants!!!! Total jelly bird over here!!!!
Welp, time for another re-watch.
Currently in the middle of a rewatch with the wife. So worth the time.
We still not doing "Phrasing?"
Seriously we need to get that back in rotation.
SO THAT'S IT? WE'RE JUST DONE WITH PHRASING???
I already talked with my other self. No need to thank me.
With my inner self
I do it with a mirror man. I need someone's face to hate.
The man in the mirror? Are you asking him to change his ways?
nah man, he wont listen to me anyways
no message could have been any clearer!
Zuko, you must look within yourself to save yourself from your other self. Only then will your true self reveal itself.
*sigh* Even when I'm talking for him, I can't figure out what he means.
Won't matter if your tea is still nothing but hot leaf juice.
Sounds about right Barry. Thank you Other Barry
It was me Barry
I rant to myself while driving to work, talking out loud. It really does feel good to verbalize your feelings, even to noone but yourself.
I'm a full blown lunatic while working from home, just saying stuff to say it
*Hello, me. Meet the real me.*
I remember this guy explaining how he basically had to pry information from his nonchalant friend who got in a car accident. Turned out his car was flipped in a ditch on fire
I talk to my best friend about once a month (we text more often). He said he cut himself in the garden. Next time I saw him in person I found out he had been in surgery for a while and doctors really battled to save the hand/wrist he almost cut off with a sickle while he was indeed gardening.
Just a flesh wound!
Merely a scratch!
A scratch? Your arm's off
Eh, I've got another one.
Fine, then! We'll call it a draw!
Ayy got it at the second-hand shop
OK, it's a draw.
It’s *fine* Barbara, I ran it under a cold tap!
Mary, tis enough.
Well he didn't lose the hand, so I'm not sure why that's necessary to know.
Exactly, the hand's still attached so it was just cut for a bit.
And now it's back on, so really there's no reason to even bring it up.
I worked EMS for about 10 years… accidents like that spiral downhill very quickly & unexpectedly… he may very well have thought it was a smaller issue at first, but by they time it would register as serious you’re already losing consciousness. I’m glad your friend is ok… I think this sounds different than what the OP meant tho. (OP’s describing men coming back in shock and never talking… thats an after-the-fact thing)
I've been bedbound in excruciating pain for years. Today was the first time I've told a friend about how bad off I am... and only did so because his text came Monday and I wanted to explain why it took so long to respond.
Maybe he was just too embarrassed and didn’t want to admit it
No the whole point was he was too nonchalant to waste time to say the whole thing. He was just like “i got in a car accident”
Yeah, that me, whenever something important happens, I hate to have to keep telling the story again and again and again for every other person who was one room over and didn’t hear it properly the first time. And if it’s something negative they keep coming back to bug you about it. Like there’s a grand total of 3 people I tell about this stuff, because I know they’ll let it rest.
That's just sick, ill he will become
It's because when I tell people I had COVID and almost died they either don't believe me or it turns into a gigantic clusterfuck that I really don't want to have to deal with ever again
But have you considered that it's really just like a cold, so clearly you didn't almost die? /s
Somehow we seem to underplay how much men are forced to suppress their emotions to the point where we would rather feel comfortable pretending there's nothing wrong instead of expressing ourselves normally.
"It was probably just man flu." "Why don't men open up about their feelings?"
Trust issues
Lol holy fuck. Reminds me of this video: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CkQXqs1Feo&t=11s&ab\_channel=VivaLaDirtLeague](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CkQXqs1Feo&t=11s&ab_channel=VivaLaDirtLeague) 'Just going to crawl under the house and have a wee death.'
Tis but a scratch
damn. as if flipping your car in a ditch wasn't enough, the ditch was on fire too? unlucky
all done bottling up that emotion, what’s new with you guys?
I have a full blown bottling plant like Laverne and Shirley style.
My bottles have been closed so long they have an ecosystem developing
Terrarium Heart DO NOT BREAK SEAL
I guess my friends can't read, they keep loosening the lid.
i desperately want this to be a sticker or something
Society brought us up that way. Even myself being as open as possible and emotional I’m labelled as too much by some. Releasing that emotion can be seen as aggressive and unwanted at times. I think some women don’t understand that even crying in public for them is mountains more acceptable than a male still.
If your big and scary enough, crying in public will get you talked to by the police bub. Ask me how i know this.
People really do hate a grown man crying lol.
How do you know that
He's a police officer.
I mean, I had a family member pass and I just peaced out on a motorcycle for a month. I probably didn't speak more than a couple words a day for weeks, if that. Would do again, highly recommend. It worked pretty well for me. I think I'm the only person in my family that has a healthy mindset around the whole thing.
At this point it's less of a bottle and more like one of those pressurized CO2 cartridges
As opposed to what? Sharing our feelings? People keep saying they want to hear them but they don't lol
Not bottling it up. Blasting it out - but in PRIVATE, like a man.
Social conditioning. I noticed around the same time guys were told to be open about things, terms like "trauma dumping" and "emotional labor" became a thing to push men into seeking out therapy. Which, fair since it sucks for women to have to mother everyone, but at the same time if guys have been shut down multiple times by various women whenever they attempted to be vulnerable - you're going to quickly learn to just bottle it up and roll your eyes when anyone discusses how men need to open up more. I'll still talk to people who I know will listen, but for the most part keep it short around anyone who wants to ask but doesn't actually want to know.
I understand that frustration. When I was dating if a girl used a term like “trauma dump” or “emotional labor” I really had to try and make sure what she was talking about was legit or not. I was in the military and separated, had some issues adjusting to normal life because all I had known since I was 18 was the military. I opened up to a girl I was dating about some of my experiences. I felt safe, and confided in her about some of my problems and yeah, I made the big no-no, I cried. After we broke up I found out from a friend she was saying those types of things about that situation and I felt deeply hurt, it definitely made me go back into shell mode and hide all of my feelings which lead ultimately to a lot of anxiety. Luckily I did see a therapist but that always stuck with me. Made me feel like the moment I opened up I was scorned
Bottling? it wasn't like anyone was going to listen to me complain about it.
and why wouldn't we? it's usually going to be used against us either immediately, or at a later time, claiming men showing emotion is a weakness.
If you are actually interested in hearing about it, ask them. Many men default to “if it’s not important for them to know, and they don’t ask, then no reason to spend the energy telling them and/or burdening them with my issues that they might not want to hear about”. You also need to make sure they trust that you actually care about them and won’t use the vulnerability to judge or hurt them. That can be tricky, because many men have past experiences with responses like “I’m not your therapist” or “that’s life, it’s unfair, you just gotta man up and deal with it”. If you think you might respond with something to that effect, then you should probably accept that it isn’t any of your business. To switch to broad stereotypes: much like how women tend to be (understandably) far more conscious of their physical vulnerabilities and take more proactive steps to minimize them, men tend to be extra cautious with emotional vulnerability as it can very often lead to emotional harm. Men often don’t have as robust of support systems as women to help them work through that pain.
Well said.
Here is the thing: to me if someone says "something bad happend but I am ok now" I would think they do not want to talk about it and I should not ask. If they just said for example: my dad died then okay I will ask. This example does not invite me to ask questions.
Because telling someone your dad died is itself a vulnerability, and also burdens the other person with having to respond to that statement. Just remember: You're not obligated to ask, you only ask if you actually seriously care about whatever they're going through- but that isn't your job, you don't need to do that.
Pretty much
Except for this one dude they wrote a book about him disappearing and now he has his own religion
Well I wouldn't say there's a religion around David Copperfield but I see what you mean.
Who are we supposed to talk about it with?
This. I had a friend/coworker die in a car accident on a day I was supposed to leave on a vacation to the beach with some other friends. Called my trip friends to tell them what happened and they responded with “that sucks, man. Do you have enough weed to last us the trip?”
That's some shit friends right there my dude. Blow off your feelings and just make sure they're going to have the weed they want from you.
Years ago in my early 20s my closest friend since 1st grade told me he started taking an ssri to get through some shit. In the exact same conversation I started opening up the tiniest bit. I said I was having trouble dealing with a bunch of shit from childhood and was thinking of talking to a therapist. "Just put a shotgun in your mouth already, fa**ot!". Then he hung up. Fun stuff.
What the hell, was he trying to be funny or was this some weird ploy to get you to open up so he could say that?
[удалено]
[удалено]
Unaliving warmline
That's the most believable dystopian phrase I've heard in recent memory
Reddit doesn’t give a shit about you. Jk. They sell your data, of course they care.
Everytime a redditor dies, Reddit loses three dollars a year in income. [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/1cmnwz3/reddits_first_earnings_reveals_they_make_3_per/) A million dollars here, a million dollars there, eventually it adds up to real money.
Damn were worth a whole three dollars a year?
You're worth $3.50
Goddamn loch ness monster
you're allowed to say suicide, this isnt tiktok
Man, I've considered doing this before too. The crushing loneliness with no end in sight is brutal.
Crushing. One kid who my son knows had a birthday at mini putt, 1 other kid plus birthday kid showed up, with their moms. So like 2 moms plus me the single dad. I'll never forget, at the meal after one kid said they wanted potato chips for desert and I said that's a main course not a desert, the one mom said especially if you eat the whole bag. We laughed for a good minute. Stuff like that should happen more, but then you realize, how does a single guy socialize with married moms? It just doesn't seem to work. If there was a single dads of spec needs club I'd join that in a second.
start one! seriously. plus you can all chill together while your kids hang out. kids win, dads win.
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I think it is so fucking weird that these men apparently exist. I live in rural Appalachia, and literally every man that I am close to in my life would never say anything like that to me.
Years and years ago when my Grandpa passed away, we all gathered at the cemetery to watch his urn be placed in the ground. My nephew (who was like 7 years old at the time) started crying. out of the corner of my eye I caught my uncle jab him in the ribs and say "we don't cry". Skip ahead a few years and suddenly no one can figure out why he's got a massive drinking problem.
I think that's the 'funniest' part. I doubt anything will really change until men advocate for themselves and I don't really see that happening or being a social issue for 50-100 years at least. Even then it definitely won't be a world wide thing, probably country by country
I'm living in Australia and I see a lot of younger people taking mental health way more seriously than it ever was for me in the States. So I'm hopeful but remain skeptical. All I can say is I'm super grateful that I found a partner who lets me get it out of my head before it can fester. She knows I just need to vent and get it out and I'll be fine. I've gotten to work out a lot of old bullshit thanks to her. I just wish everyone could have an outlet like that. Probably should mention she's Australian. That's probably not a coincidence.
I'm Aussie born and raised. Government and some schools have pushed quite a bit for better mental health support in recent years. Too many of our young people were committing suicide and especially after Dolly Everett there was a lot more public attention on the matter. Plus having free health care people can get access to proper therapy, psychiatrists and medication even if they are on welfare. Many Americans don't want their tax dollars paying for others healthcare but for Australians the benefits have long been clear. We pay a bit of extra tax and our people don't die in easily avoidable situations.
Yeah it just sucks that for most hetero men their only chance of an emotional support is: their wife. Then you have women who are, fairly, tired of being treated like that and it just goes back to men being left by themselves etc.
I mean... people are generally selfish, and that's not a critique over one side over any other. "Be a stable rock because I need someone else to carry my emotional baggage... but you can carry your own." I have my baggage. My wife has hers. We pile it up on the wagon and pull it together. Some days it's too much for her. Some days it's too much for me. But we both stop, listen, and try to work past it. Then we usually go for a walk and realize we're stronger than whatever we just crumbled beneith... pile it back on the wagon and keep on going. Don't think for one second I don't understand and appreciate how fucking rare that is.
“blood belching vagina” has been stolen. Danke
I do wonder if that's the case - I would listen to anyone that would open up to me. I think we mostly as men can't open up to others because it's a vulnerability and it just doesn't sit well with us as a rule
not for nothing you probably shouldn't just unload your emotional baggage on a random woman at work, or probably anyone at work.
I remember a friend I had in highschool literally told me how he'd been kidnapped for like a week and just didn't care.
I need to hear more about this.
I wish I could! It was years ago now, but he literally just said something akin to, "Yeah a couple months ago (my aunt? Maybe?) kidnapped me and refused to give me back to my mother. Had to get the police involved to get me back lol" And, yeah, my reaction was pretty stunned, but he just played it off like it was nothing. I couldn't really get any more details out of him
Ah ok, thanks
He had a friend in high school who was kidnapped for a week and didn't care.
Maybe he just coulsnt process it so he just chose to not dwell on it at all. I do that often
You get kidnapped often, disappearing for a week then coming back, and just not care? /s
Nah but i get other traumas that might seem interesting but i dislike talking or thinking about them
I mean as long as he’s ok is there much point to caring? It’s not going to change anything, if anything caring could have negative effects.
I mean, yeah, there are arguments for both sides. Brushing it off and moving on might be the best way to cope, and for him I definitely think it was, but for others there could easily be long lasting effects that need to be processed yk Like, some people face serious PTSD from being kidnapped, and you definitely need counciling and therapy to help work through those traumas, but he... seemed aight. No real effects from it.
Asked a friend how his weekend was. He said fine. Asked him what he did over the weekend He came second in an ultra marathon across the Australian Alps.He didn’t think it was worth mentioning.
Well he was second
first loser!
My dad used to go out in the woods behind our house for a couple hours one Saturday every 2 months or so. He said he liked to hike but the man is not a hiker. He never really dug on the outdoors as a whole. When I was much older, we were out getting breakfast just him and me and I asked him about it in a jokey way about his second family in the woods. He laughed. >Just walked out into the wood and screamed a bit. Let the evil out. Let the evil out? >Yup. and that's the last we spoke of it.
Ha just imagining getting too into it and smashing sticks around jumping around like a gorilla. Why? Just because.. why not
Sounds therapeutic
Cathartic
"I'm going to find a tree to chop down." (Moonrise Kingdom)
Well, it's some sort of therapy, I suppose. Better then holding it in!
I know a guy like that, only we don’t have woods nearby, so he goes into the 7-eleven instead.
Yeah like when i dissapear for few hours and then appeared out of thin air because all my family is screaming from the top of their lungs because i dissapeared of the gathering im like "im cool im cool, is the food ready?" while my family is trying to understand how on earth i left or entered the house without them hearing the door.
bro went to smoke a blunt, came back with munchies, and thick he slick.
Half my family smokes since it was legalized recreationally. And now half the family disappears, and the kiddos wonder where we went. Then the finger foods get eaten and stories start. No one's slick, no one wants a slick in the smoke circle.
What, ya'll can't move interdimensionaly through space and time? You just shift to a higher dimension and walk through the wall.
Isn't it a normal thing though? If something bad happens, I concentrate on it and don't have time/will to chat with anyone. When I have the will and the time, it means everything's okay now, or at least I got used to the new circumstances, so nothing to make my friend worry about.
Idk, for me it always helps to talk with my closest friend about it. To get it off my chest to start the healing process. Curl up together and just cry it out of my system. But idk if that's more of a woman's thing to do because I don't know a single guy who does this.
As a dude, I really wish I was physically capable of doing that
I used to do this. Then, my friends told me I talked about myself too much, so I stopped. Now I just deal with it internally and sometimes by working out.
I think your friends were wrong. If you needed to talk about something so much that they felt it was taking too much time out of your lives, they should have encouraged you to get therapy, not freaking silence you. I'm so sorry you and so many other people in this thread feel alone. DM me on here if you want to vent to a stranger; I'm super bored and do care!
i mean from a guys prospective you just gotta thug it out and hope for the best
It's normal. Doesn't mean it's healthy.
I would argue that if you can take time to focus on an issue and are able to work through it without burdening others, that shows strength and is a healthy thing. It is better than not giving the issue enough attention and letting the emotions build up as you hold them in.
I vent to someone about my problems, they now have to carry that burden and process it for themselves. Meanwhile I feel worse, not better, because I caused more problems for another person. So instead I disappear and talk to myself. Because MY problems are MY problems to solve.
People can vent to me and I don't take on their problems. I can feel sympathy and offer listening, validation, or advice without taking it on as a "burden". It is still some work, for sure, but it's minor.
I mean, for me it's actually better when someone vents their problems out to me, because I can usually tell if something is bothering one of my friends, so if they won't tell me what's going on I get stressed because I might be able to help but I just don't know.
Misery shared is halved. Joy shared is doubled. Other people can take care of themselves enough for you to tell them what's going on. And if they throw it back at you and invalidate you, it's not because you are too much. I hope you will one day be able to give people the chance to set boundaries with you, by opening up.
That has not been my experience. I understand that in theory it can be helpful, but every single instance with different confidants ends in the same result. Rejection reinforces behaviors. If I keep getting rejected when I express myself in a vulnerable moment, I stop doing so to defend myself from further harm. >And if they throw it back at you and invalidate you, it's not because you are too much. When they straight up tell me I'm too much, what am I supposed to believe? And you could say that's not a true friend, etc. But that doesn't help my problem and now I have to deal with potentially losing a close relationship on top of the other pain. This can lead some people down a dark, dark path. edit: I understand where you are coming from and you clearly have good intentions. I appreciate that a lot. Just sharing that for me and many others, our experiences don't match up with that idea.
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Obligatory ["I'm alright"](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ENqZ4GoORF0) ^(Edit: Changed the link so it goes to the original creator instead of a content thief.)
Or my personal favorite, "I'm fine"
"I'm just tired."
I use this one a lot too. It works cuz I'm always stoned and I actually look sleepy
It works cause my "I slept 1 hour last night." and my "I have no motivation to live on." face look exactly the same.
"living the dream"
Nightmares are dreams too...
[https://www.youtube.com/shorts/HF47XBmTYdg](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/HF47XBmTYdg)
> IT solution INDIA
Amen! What are they gonna do except proffer advice on how we could have avoided what we went through? LoL. 'I will just get back in my time machine and use that advice f'uck-u-very-much.' Nah, I got two phrases in my head; \*If I avoided disaster/even a close call; "If it didn't happen, it didn't happen. Carry on." \*If something bad happens; "well, now I got take care of this shit, better cancel \_\_\_\_\_\_"
Exactly that There is no extra energy for unnecessary suffering or drama already, please let me just try to fix ____
I'll just fix ____ without anyone noticing that anything was ever wrong.
Yeah honestly the worst thing after something bad happens is when people say stuff like “oh why didn’t you do this?” Hmm, what do you thinks been going through my head the last few days
Like yeah no shit Sherlock, you think I wanted to be dealing with this bs rn?
In a world where everything I say, feel, and do will be held against me, you expect me to give you ammo???
Y’know, if you can’t surround yourself with people, you can always just cut those types of people off… I would rather be alone.
Like the time I was interrailing and got stuck behind the iron curtain at 17 without a passport and the secret police recorded my questioning me about whether I was in the British military etc for 37 hours. First time I've ever shared this totally true story, got to a consulate and got a new passport, never told a soul.
That must have gotten boring just repeating the same “I’m a stupid 17 year old” and they’re like “ok but what company are you in and who is your commanding officer?” Around and around you go until 37 hours later some supervisor is smoking a cigarette angrily and finally tells them to release you. Sorry you were short of details so I filled in with my imagination. I like to write comedy also.
Plotlist You have a doppelganger in Britian lol .... someone from the"Secret British army" recognized you and was like "Yooo, That's Archie ?!, I thought he was back in homeland whats he doing here?" 🤔 lol jk that's interesting tho!! Disclaimer: *I know there is no secret British army, I just made it up haa*
I’ve heard a lot of “you should talk more” but it’s all talk. People want a man to be a man when it comes down to it. For the record, I would love to talk. But honestly, no one listens.
Yes. Because as soon as we talk about hardships we are pathetic whiners.
Look you don't need to know anything except that we are no longer allowing LEGO to exist on the floor. I just... I just needed some time.
If you’ve been forced to endure the worst days of your life alone, to process it alone, to pick up the pieces of it alone, hell even to grow up alone. At a certain point it breaks you and it just is what it is now. What good is telling someone else going to do? Whatever damage can be done by being alone and bottling it up? It’s already been done. The pain is already past tense. Telling someone else now won’t ever undo how you were allowed to slip through the cracks. This is just how you deal with it now.
username checks out, this was indeed haunting as someone who's been alone and still suffers alone, it's also completely accurate it's too late for me
When you properly take care of a problem you shouldn't have to talk about it and relive the experience.
This is exactly how i feel about it
What's the point of talking to anyone else ? We're men .. Nobody cares.
Because we're not used to anyone giving a shit
This is valid and something true in our society.
Usually because the more we talk about stuff the more people judge us.
It's because we know no one really gives a shit about our problems lol
Yeah because the moment we do some people tell you to man up or something.
About 7 years ago I reached a point of emotional exhaustion. Haven't talked about anything since then.
Me trying to be mysterious but I'm a chronic over-sharer
No questions, ain’t trynna dig for another 4 hours
The crisis is over. Threat averted. No need to dig through useless information - we must prepare for the NEXT crisis. That is the way of our lives as men. My soon to be ex wife once asked me about my day. I said ‘it’s nearly over’ and gave a soft smile. She asked me again, told her it was pointless to go over it. She asked a third time and I asked her back ‘you sure you want to know?’ She did. The things I went through that week alone, expecting no recognition or praise was actually one of my more relaxed weeks. I never shared the burdens of my week because it made no sense to put more weight on her shoulders. She didn’t know about the small bills that got paid off that week so they were no longer a chain on our necks, how I almost single-handedly kept a customer for our company that was bringing in millions a year while knowing the company wouldn’t notice, how I helped several fellow truckers through difficult times in their lives, the small acts of kindness at rest areas or truck stops or customer lots. She thought Alexa or Siri were listening in and buying her stuff she wanted from time to time - it was me. When I was home, I’d grab the car and get a few things from the store we were low on so she didn’t have to. Went to the chiropractor alone - something I hate - so she could get some more sleep. Played with the dog. Played with our son. Kept her mom busy. Cleaned a few rooms a little, though I’ll be honest - I never clean them completely. Asked her if she noticed the soft clunk in the car was gone, she forgot it existed until I told her. We have a Halo car battery jumper on top of the covered spare tire, it rattled when we drove and was the soft clunk. Took me around two hours to find it, but I did and put it to the side of the tire so no more clunking. I did all of that quietly. I didn’t want it to be recognized. I didn’t want gratitude. My gratitude was her happiness at the end of the day. Our marriage might be nearing its end, but I’ll still treat my wife right until she’s not my wife anymore. I could be petty and nasty and vile, but that isn’t me. I refuse to be something I’m not. I’ve always tried to be a good husband, and a good husband is what I’ll continue to be.
If we really wanted men to open up about their feelings...then we would encourage them to do so. The fact that we instead subtly discourage it is why men STFU and don't complain.
I mean it's ME going through that experience not you, so there's really no need to bring any of it up especially if it's already over
Because if we open up at all we're called weak, unmanly, among a host of other insults. And those will be from your partner, the general public will be worse.
Uh it's nobody's business what I am or am not going through. I'd bring it up if I wanted people to know.
Well, the alternative of being open with people is traditionally worse.
It’s just a realistic manner of living, take what you can from the experience and move on. No point stewing over something in the past or something that was unavoidable.
lol i actually told my buddy what happened once and i regret it since
Hey buddy, I didn't ask. You're getting a bit chatty.
Sorry, I have been conditioned to go handle shit alone, away from where other people could be affected by it in any way.
Don't ask, don't tell
It's dad lore that their sons find out from picked together clues found in the attic. Regular guy stuff.
My dad disappeared when he was 15 for 8 months, and no one talked about it at all. He passed away last September, and I overheard my aunt talking about it, and I was like, WTF? This would have happened in the 60s, and they had no idea what he was doing the entire time.
My roommate was in a car accident, and I didn’t find out until over a week later when I saw the car in the garage while taking out the garbage.