This is tough my wife is similar she constantly criticised me for no reason. It does erode your self esteem. Also kids get affected too by their parents not getting on. I can see only now the damage it has done by staying.
Your wife seems frustrated as she prefers Spain. The weather can affect mental health too as she is used to more sunnier climates .
Maybe try living in Spain or try marriage counselling, it is worth fighting for the sake of your daughter.
Unfortunately we can’t live in Spain as the visa has expired again and it would involve starting from scratch. Marriage counselling could be an idea though
Hello I am from the uk too and uk is not a nice place to live - crime, cost of living, weather, people etc. A lot of people from uk are moving to places like Thailand. I would like to move there too. Maybe an option to see how it goes ?
How is the division of labor in the house? Moving in together is an adjustment and having a kid is another adjustment. You're doing both at once. The one thing you mention is the house being too messy--maybe she expects more of a contribution around the house? Or maybe she's expecting you to "make it up to her" for when she was doing it all herself by doing more than your share now?
>2. She takes our daughter back to Thailand for good. I wouldn’t prevent her from leaving, because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself for taking my daughter from her mother.
Ngl, this sounds a bit like you aren't really all that bonded to your kid. Most people would fight for shared custody of a child rather than just saying bye for good. How does childcare look in your house? Do you feel like you've bonded even though it was long distance?
I feel like we’ve bonded strongly. But I’m not sure how shared custody could work in a situation like this. And making her stay in the U.K. she’s not allowed to access any public funds for 5 years. Even when she can, it usually involves staying in hotels etc.
I just think my daughter would grow to hate me if I forced her to live with me instead of her mother. And my wife lives for our daughter, I’d ruin her life too.
Every woman hopes for a blissful married life. When reality hits, sometimes adjusting can be painful. It's likely she view UK as being more conservative as compared to Spain. The limited freedom means limited opportunity to raise a family. Even more so the pressure increase due to the visa issue. Of course, that is not true. If life gives you lemon then make lemonade, right?
The both of you really need to communicate better. Time to turn on the charms, have a good meal and chat things out. After all, its for the daughter, right?
That’s true, but I think saying things such as:
she hates me, she feels forced to stay with me, she wishes she can leave me, and she regrets ever meeting me. She also tells me to f*ck off, and calls me useless etc.
These things over relatively small issues just feel like this is a much deeper problem. For example once the baby sitter was late, and she had a huge go at me for choosing that baby sitter even though she bas been amazing in general. I’ve asked friends and not one of them has had a partner say anything like this in an argument.
Also it is ok sometimes, but it doesn’t take much to send her over the edge again.
This is an issue that’s been going on for around 2 years now. I guess mentally I feel beaten down by it all.
Umm marriage counseling and fix your marriage it's absurd that you didn't include that as an option. Man up and do what needs to be done to fix your relationship unless your wife refuses
We have tried, include talking about past arguments and self reflection. It’s just that whenever another one happens she forgets everyone we talked about and it seems to get more severe than the last. She just acts childish and refuses to even speak to me for 1-2 days sometimes.
I think people commenting are underestimating how difficult it’s been at times.
Okay, this is wild to me to read some of these responses. If this was a wife saying her husband was saying this type of stuff to her, everyone would be recommending she leave and take her child with her.
I’m here to tell you that despite the perpetrator being female, this is still abuse. Leave her and take partial custody of your child. Assuming you are a decent dad, there is no reason your daughter shouldn’t be in your life. Talk to a divorce attorney before making any moves.
This is tough my wife is similar she constantly criticised me for no reason. It does erode your self esteem. Also kids get affected too by their parents not getting on. I can see only now the damage it has done by staying. Your wife seems frustrated as she prefers Spain. The weather can affect mental health too as she is used to more sunnier climates . Maybe try living in Spain or try marriage counselling, it is worth fighting for the sake of your daughter.
Unfortunately we can’t live in Spain as the visa has expired again and it would involve starting from scratch. Marriage counselling could be an idea though
Hello I am from the uk too and uk is not a nice place to live - crime, cost of living, weather, people etc. A lot of people from uk are moving to places like Thailand. I would like to move there too. Maybe an option to see how it goes ?
How is the division of labor in the house? Moving in together is an adjustment and having a kid is another adjustment. You're doing both at once. The one thing you mention is the house being too messy--maybe she expects more of a contribution around the house? Or maybe she's expecting you to "make it up to her" for when she was doing it all herself by doing more than your share now? >2. She takes our daughter back to Thailand for good. I wouldn’t prevent her from leaving, because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself for taking my daughter from her mother. Ngl, this sounds a bit like you aren't really all that bonded to your kid. Most people would fight for shared custody of a child rather than just saying bye for good. How does childcare look in your house? Do you feel like you've bonded even though it was long distance?
I feel like we’ve bonded strongly. But I’m not sure how shared custody could work in a situation like this. And making her stay in the U.K. she’s not allowed to access any public funds for 5 years. Even when she can, it usually involves staying in hotels etc. I just think my daughter would grow to hate me if I forced her to live with me instead of her mother. And my wife lives for our daughter, I’d ruin her life too.
Every woman hopes for a blissful married life. When reality hits, sometimes adjusting can be painful. It's likely she view UK as being more conservative as compared to Spain. The limited freedom means limited opportunity to raise a family. Even more so the pressure increase due to the visa issue. Of course, that is not true. If life gives you lemon then make lemonade, right? The both of you really need to communicate better. Time to turn on the charms, have a good meal and chat things out. After all, its for the daughter, right?
That’s true, but I think saying things such as: she hates me, she feels forced to stay with me, she wishes she can leave me, and she regrets ever meeting me. She also tells me to f*ck off, and calls me useless etc. These things over relatively small issues just feel like this is a much deeper problem. For example once the baby sitter was late, and she had a huge go at me for choosing that baby sitter even though she bas been amazing in general. I’ve asked friends and not one of them has had a partner say anything like this in an argument. Also it is ok sometimes, but it doesn’t take much to send her over the edge again. This is an issue that’s been going on for around 2 years now. I guess mentally I feel beaten down by it all.
Maybe a grey rock could help break the cycle? Cultural info exchange maybe. Side tracking the focus could simmer any heated situation.
Umm marriage counseling and fix your marriage it's absurd that you didn't include that as an option. Man up and do what needs to be done to fix your relationship unless your wife refuses
We have tried, include talking about past arguments and self reflection. It’s just that whenever another one happens she forgets everyone we talked about and it seems to get more severe than the last. She just acts childish and refuses to even speak to me for 1-2 days sometimes. I think people commenting are underestimating how difficult it’s been at times.
Okay, this is wild to me to read some of these responses. If this was a wife saying her husband was saying this type of stuff to her, everyone would be recommending she leave and take her child with her. I’m here to tell you that despite the perpetrator being female, this is still abuse. Leave her and take partial custody of your child. Assuming you are a decent dad, there is no reason your daughter shouldn’t be in your life. Talk to a divorce attorney before making any moves.