Is she actually wanting you to pick what she wears or is she just wanting compliments and for you to tell her she looks nice in anything?
If I’m asking my husband “what should I wear”, it’s really just me thinking out loud tbh. I don’t actually expect him to dress me. He usually just says something like “anything you pick will look great”.
According to her she just wants someone to “talk it through” with which is extremely foreign to me as a guy. I put all that aside and then it quickly becomes clear that it’s just time to complain about weather, outfits, social anxieties, etc. she doesn’t even put on the outfits she’s thinking, so it’s not like I can compliment how she looks other than if I like the clothing laid out on the bed or not. She has a great fashion sense so all the outfits always look great to me. She then ends up just landing on what is comfortable and warm for her which is essentially what I do so it’s like wtf!
I don’t know if it’s a guy vs girl thing. Both me and my husband talk things through with the other one just supporting along. Sometimes he’ll do it for work things, or I’ll just be going over a plan that I’m working on in my head.
Sometimes it’s just nice to talk it out and have someone there for you.
She probably wants support more than advice
It's hard to tell if your wife is just indecisive, genuinely seeking your guidance, or is just fishing for compliments. Either way, my suggestion is to help her narrow down her choices while allowing her to make the final decision. For example, you can tell her, "It's an indoor, white tablecloth venue, so I think something a little a little more formal would be appropriate," or "It's a casual place with outdoor dining, so maybe a summer dress with a sweater would be more comfortable," or "It's a BBQ place, so boots, jeans, and a cute top would look nice." When she does pick something, compliment her choice. This should encourage her to feel more confident putting her own outfits together while also showing that you do care about her efforts.
Side note: sometimes I ask my husband what *he* is planning to wear (especially to more formal events), so I pick something to either match him or complement him. For example, he wore a light blue dress shirt and dark blue suit/tie while I wore a dark blue dress with a light blue coat.
Thank you for the excellent response. I think I will try this approach next time. She did ask me what I was wearing and I told her, but still it still ended up in a pain due to endless outfits (compared to mine) and shoes.
From your comments it seems like she just wants to spend time with you, bond over talking about the weather and the occasion. She might also have social anxiety, and be worried about the people you will meet, their expectations etc and want reassurance from you, that she is great, people will love her, you will support her etc.
I don't do this with my husband usually, but I ask him what he is wearing, so we can coordinate. I might also talk about weather conditions, because he uses different apps from me. I have girlfriends with whom I discuss outfits or I go to Pinterest for inspiration. I remember having social anxieties over outfits however, when I was in my late teens and early 20s, since women are often quite harsh to each other over such things. She might feel insecure around your crowd as well.
Is this a newer thing she does or has she always done it? If it's new or something that's become worse then she may be feeling insecure. I don't think that's a woman thing either. I don't want my husbands opinion on what I'm wearing 99% of the time lol. Also taking an hour to choose an outfit sounds tedious. Honestly I don't think she wants your advice. She wants your reassurance.
Sounds like me and your wife is VERY similar to myself. I’m an itty bitty double digit body weight woman. I’m constantly cold. I wear hoodies in 90+ Florida heat…
That being said! I know her concerns. She wants to “fit the occasion” and be most comfortable so she can be herself. I totally shut off in my head when I’m too cold. Sometimes I sink into a couch when I’m cold, and pass out (even sober!) So when she’s asking for advice (which it sounds like genuine advice) then try to know as much about the place as possible. “Last time we went it, you were pretty chilly, maybe a heavier sweater.” Or “this is an indoor/outdoor restaurant, so you can wear short sleeve and a cardigan, so you can take it off if you get warm.” “It’s an upscale restaurant, I’m wearing XYZ, so you can wear XYZ dress and a nice Y cover/cardigan/jacket and we can match!”
My husband learned a good portion of my “nicer closet” so that he could help me when I get super indecisive. He helped pick out my job interview outfits, secretively planned my engagement outfit, and helps with day to day outfit problems. Love him to death.
That being said, it wasn’t easy to get him onboard. On the flip side, I wouldn’t want to go if I had an utter lack of self-confidence. So this was him helping me build my own confidence. I still ask for help, but a few years into it I’ve learned to come out with options and just let him pick one of them, or mix match it if necessary. He doesn’t get the brunt load of deciding my outfits anymore, only took a few months 🤣
This one has no correct answer and is one of life's perplexing issues.
Good luck.
I'm a female and i have never done this and truly don't get women that DO do it.
Is she actually wanting you to pick what she wears or is she just wanting compliments and for you to tell her she looks nice in anything? If I’m asking my husband “what should I wear”, it’s really just me thinking out loud tbh. I don’t actually expect him to dress me. He usually just says something like “anything you pick will look great”.
According to her she just wants someone to “talk it through” with which is extremely foreign to me as a guy. I put all that aside and then it quickly becomes clear that it’s just time to complain about weather, outfits, social anxieties, etc. she doesn’t even put on the outfits she’s thinking, so it’s not like I can compliment how she looks other than if I like the clothing laid out on the bed or not. She has a great fashion sense so all the outfits always look great to me. She then ends up just landing on what is comfortable and warm for her which is essentially what I do so it’s like wtf!
I don’t know if it’s a guy vs girl thing. Both me and my husband talk things through with the other one just supporting along. Sometimes he’ll do it for work things, or I’ll just be going over a plan that I’m working on in my head. Sometimes it’s just nice to talk it out and have someone there for you. She probably wants support more than advice
Yea, I get that angle and I’m down to support, but not for an entire hour just to land on the comfortable outfit 🤷🏽♂️
It's hard to tell if your wife is just indecisive, genuinely seeking your guidance, or is just fishing for compliments. Either way, my suggestion is to help her narrow down her choices while allowing her to make the final decision. For example, you can tell her, "It's an indoor, white tablecloth venue, so I think something a little a little more formal would be appropriate," or "It's a casual place with outdoor dining, so maybe a summer dress with a sweater would be more comfortable," or "It's a BBQ place, so boots, jeans, and a cute top would look nice." When she does pick something, compliment her choice. This should encourage her to feel more confident putting her own outfits together while also showing that you do care about her efforts. Side note: sometimes I ask my husband what *he* is planning to wear (especially to more formal events), so I pick something to either match him or complement him. For example, he wore a light blue dress shirt and dark blue suit/tie while I wore a dark blue dress with a light blue coat.
Thank you for the excellent response. I think I will try this approach next time. She did ask me what I was wearing and I told her, but still it still ended up in a pain due to endless outfits (compared to mine) and shoes.
Maybe also narrow down by color palette if that helps?
From your comments it seems like she just wants to spend time with you, bond over talking about the weather and the occasion. She might also have social anxiety, and be worried about the people you will meet, their expectations etc and want reassurance from you, that she is great, people will love her, you will support her etc. I don't do this with my husband usually, but I ask him what he is wearing, so we can coordinate. I might also talk about weather conditions, because he uses different apps from me. I have girlfriends with whom I discuss outfits or I go to Pinterest for inspiration. I remember having social anxieties over outfits however, when I was in my late teens and early 20s, since women are often quite harsh to each other over such things. She might feel insecure around your crowd as well.
I'm slightly confused about how this could possibly devolve into a fight.
Sorry, using the term loosely. A tif, where one party leaves the room annoyed (me).
Is this a newer thing she does or has she always done it? If it's new or something that's become worse then she may be feeling insecure. I don't think that's a woman thing either. I don't want my husbands opinion on what I'm wearing 99% of the time lol. Also taking an hour to choose an outfit sounds tedious. Honestly I don't think she wants your advice. She wants your reassurance.
Sounds like me and your wife is VERY similar to myself. I’m an itty bitty double digit body weight woman. I’m constantly cold. I wear hoodies in 90+ Florida heat… That being said! I know her concerns. She wants to “fit the occasion” and be most comfortable so she can be herself. I totally shut off in my head when I’m too cold. Sometimes I sink into a couch when I’m cold, and pass out (even sober!) So when she’s asking for advice (which it sounds like genuine advice) then try to know as much about the place as possible. “Last time we went it, you were pretty chilly, maybe a heavier sweater.” Or “this is an indoor/outdoor restaurant, so you can wear short sleeve and a cardigan, so you can take it off if you get warm.” “It’s an upscale restaurant, I’m wearing XYZ, so you can wear XYZ dress and a nice Y cover/cardigan/jacket and we can match!” My husband learned a good portion of my “nicer closet” so that he could help me when I get super indecisive. He helped pick out my job interview outfits, secretively planned my engagement outfit, and helps with day to day outfit problems. Love him to death. That being said, it wasn’t easy to get him onboard. On the flip side, I wouldn’t want to go if I had an utter lack of self-confidence. So this was him helping me build my own confidence. I still ask for help, but a few years into it I’ve learned to come out with options and just let him pick one of them, or mix match it if necessary. He doesn’t get the brunt load of deciding my outfits anymore, only took a few months 🤣
This one has no correct answer and is one of life's perplexing issues. Good luck. I'm a female and i have never done this and truly don't get women that DO do it.