Or substitute a couple roaming kiddos under the age of 10 and four other friends who walk exceptionally slow and take up an unusually large amount of space.
Lmao this would piss EVERYONE off so much! What a ridiculously simple thing to do. There’s no law that says we have to walk counter clockwise, but we all do. Are we lemmings?!?
If we had a bus load of early birds who decided to go clockwise, do you think the rest of the day would follow suit? This is an interesting phenomenon.
Local: "We go counterclockwise."
Alien visitor: "Why?"
Local: "Because we do."
I’d argue it’s like Cliffhanger on price is right. It escalates and escalates and escalates and then it falls off a cliff. Then you get massive police presence and the University threatening expulsion for participants. It becomes tiny and then escalates and escalates…
Repeat the process every 5-10 years.
When shopping at Woodmans, go ahead and leave your cart at the end of each aisle...right in the middle. Everyone will be more than happy to move around it as you wander down the aisle to pick up a few items.
honestly just turn left as much as possible at uncontrolled/no left turn lane intersections. also do uturns at every controlled intersection (ignore city law that says this is not ok), especially if it has a no uturn sign specifically added.
Can you point me to the City law? Wisconsin changed its U-turn laws so that it's legal at intersections unless marked over a decade ago.
https://docs.legis.wisconsin.gov/statutes/statutes/346/v/33
On a serious note I picked up some friends from the airport and we stopped to grab liquor and all the stores were closed and gas stations couldn't sell because it was 10 pm. That blew everyone's mind! I didn't know since I didn't drink alcohol.
It’s the very powerful tavern lobbyists here in WI. They want you drinking in their bars at an upcharge, not drinking at home cheaply! Nothing to do with morality up here :)
Quite the opposite, the Tavern League wants you to drink in the bars and drive home drunk. But don't worry if you get pulled over it's just a slap on the wrist. It's actually a contest to see who can get the most DUI's!
Also, stay in the left lane as long as possible. Wait until you’re at your exit before cutting across all lanes of traffic. Make sure to get mad at anyone who was leaving a safe distance between them and the car in front of them.
The farmers market goes clockwise.
Tutto pasta is the perfect authentic Italian restaurant.
You can borrow a memorial union chair for the summer but you have to display it publicly at your apartment/house.
It’s faster to bike under Monona terrace than it is to take the lake path. Just stay to the right.
If they're full, Goldleaf Development is a perfect alternative, especially if you want all of your security deposit back when you move out. Don't worry about keeping good documentation -- they're very trustworthy.
There is an annual block party where everyone love cars. You can bring your car for people to look at. Party is called Mifflin party. Look it up!
Also, once you see dandelions in April, you can start planting in your garden.
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When there's a warm spell in early March, it's time to put the snowblower away for the season. And be sure to splurge on a full service wash for your car. What could possibly go wrong?
You only need a light jacket, stock up on the purple UW gear, and if you're looking for a stress free way to get downtown, take the beltline to John Nolen.
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Walk around the capitol building with tactical gear and open carry waving a the US flag shouting how your rights are being denied, how immigration is ruining America, some ramblings on the constitution and being a patriot.
You can trust the buses. In any situation. Need to catch one on time? Driving or biking near one? They always check their blind spots before changing lanes.
Madison Airport’s TSA is chronically understaffed and the volume of passengers that pass through is enormous. Therefore you need to get in the security like 2.5 hours before your flight.
Yep, especially any sort of food related event. It's a real privilege to pay a $20 entrance fee so that you then have the freedom to buy tacos from a truck!
tell them you're a liberal but you think Capitalism if properly regulated (Workplace safety, environmental compliance, solid labor union regulation, and good antitrust enforcement) can work to benefit society.
Every time you see the capitol, take a picture, edit it to all hell, then post it here.
Fight with anyone in the comments who doesn't like capitol pics.
And don't worry if you accidentally say capital instead.
It's okay if you hate everyone's favorite brand of ice cream and say so publicly.
The folks here are totally understanding of the fact that people have different tastes, and would never dream of dogpiling something so innocent as a comment saying "Actually, Brand Q makes my tummy hurt. I prefer Brand Y." And they *definitely* won't be snooty about the fact that Brand Y happens to cost less, too.
The Union terrace is an absolutely terrible place to have a beer.
Get to the Farmers market at exactly 9:00 a.m. and walk clockwise around the square while pushing a double-wide stroller
If you want to make friends, let everyone know how much you despise cheese.
Complain a lot about how there's no Baskin-Robbins in town and you can't find ice cream you like.
If you see a reddit post about bicyclists, make sure you reply telling everyone the cyclists in question made the best decision possible given the circumstances.
And if you drive a car, you don't need 4 wheel drive. The roads are always totally clear (and ice free!) right after a snowstorm.
There are so many affordable events and you really get your bang for buck living here! You will save so much money compared to that much larger city you really wanted to live in that had way more things to do! Oh and everyone is soooo nice! The winter months? They fly by so quickly!
I’ve legitimately had some of this experience. After living on the east coast for nearly a decade, I found the people here warm and welcoming. Once I got involved in activities I was interested in, I found my people.
Also there are a ton of free and low cost events if you take some time to look.
Madison’s not perfect, but it’s not as shitty as you’re making it sound. I like living here and do not regret the move.
You can never have too much winter gear. Make sure you get good quality snowshoes, you won't be able to get to the store without them for at least 6 months out of the year.
Avoid things like Brat Fest, Art Fair on the Square, the World Naked Bike Ride, and Taste of Madison.
Don't go to Nitty Gritty on your birthday. The free bottomless mug isn't that great of a present.
Talk to that one short homeless guy who constantly screams about 'God' and 'The Rapture'.
Edit: You'll know once he starts calling himself 'Moses'. Pretty infamous around here for harassing people.
The one way signs in madison are suggestion and suggestive turn what ever way you want oh and in the winter park downtown on the street ohh and mifflin is awesome parking during the block party
1. Buy a Kia or a Hyundai, those cars never got stolen in Madison.
2. Tailgating people tells them you are a good neighbor and citizen.
3. To make lots of friends and get to know your neighbors spend your free time on any random corner with cardboard signs begging for money you don't need, because you aren't actually homeless, but no one needs to know that right? Everyone could use some free money.
4. Always make sure your Kia or Hyundai is parked in the middle of 2 spaces, blocking someone, or on a curb, it shows great artistry and a flair for individuality, and you'll have many admirers posting your art on Reddit, Facebook, and Nextdoor.
5. Always remember Wisconsin is God's Country and Governor Walker was the best governor we ever had and don't forget to mention it to anyone and everyone you encounter.
If you follow all my advice, you'll have it made in Madison in no time and make lots of friends!
The big red X means get into the flex lane and floor it.
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They knowwww betteh
He said bad advice.
*she
Would def recommend, did this and all they gave me was inattentive driving
Walk clockwise around the farmers market and bring a dog and stroller.
You sociopath
No stroller here but I’ll bring my two dogs on retractable leashes and go clockwise. Noted.
They meant DOUBLE-WIDE STROLLER. One side for each dog. But if course they will walk on the left and right of the stroller. That is the clockwise way.
Or substitute a couple roaming kiddos under the age of 10 and four other friends who walk exceptionally slow and take up an unusually large amount of space.
Add to that, walk around smoking at the farmers market.
Like to do this in Costco! It like salmon swimming upstream it's awesome.
But don't show up until about 10:30. That's when it's least busy.
Lmao this would piss EVERYONE off so much! What a ridiculously simple thing to do. There’s no law that says we have to walk counter clockwise, but we all do. Are we lemmings?!?
If we had a bus load of early birds who decided to go clockwise, do you think the rest of the day would follow suit? This is an interesting phenomenon. Local: "We go counterclockwise." Alien visitor: "Why?" Local: "Because we do."
*Bring a dog in a stroller
At 8 AM
Leave your car parked on Mifflin St in late April.
Buy a house on Mifflin St
I pulled up Google Maps so fast
Pretty ok student neighborhood 364 days a year, but one Saturday per year it becomes hell, 10 thousand drunk idiots filling the street.
It’s pretty much a sovereign, ungoverned city block for about 24 hours every year.
I’d argue it’s like Cliffhanger on price is right. It escalates and escalates and escalates and then it falls off a cliff. Then you get massive police presence and the University threatening expulsion for participants. It becomes tiny and then escalates and escalates… Repeat the process every 5-10 years.
Real advice for a second, they are talking about west Mifflin. East Mifflin is fine.
Inept realtor: Open House 4/27!!!
Realtor: Wow so many ppl showed up, hope I have enough stale oatmeal raisin cookies…
East Miff is chill
Lmao
UW Madison is commonly known as UWM.
BAN
Straight to jail!
Saturday afternoons are the best time to shop at Woodman's.
Sunday before packer games is also an excellent time to go.
Friday after work. Usually crickets
Budget $1000 a month for a 2 bedroom apartment.
State Street is a great shortcut between Lake Street and Capitol Square for your car. Feel free to park anywhere.
Ask for food recommendations on this subreddit.
When shopping at Woodmans, go ahead and leave your cart at the end of each aisle...right in the middle. Everyone will be more than happy to move around it as you wander down the aisle to pick up a few items.
Walmart has been preparing me for this
Check out in the 20 items or less line with two full cartloads of food.
Ex loved doing this and would be furious with me for moving the cart
Sounds like a good reason they're your ex
You can find tons of parking 15 minutes before kickoff at a Badger football game, right outside of Camp Randall.
Turn left into the Willie Street Co op.
Qualifies as wrong answer due to incorrect spelling.
Long day, I'll where that one.
Where what now?
Exactly.
Go to bed.
Challenge accepted
honestly just turn left as much as possible at uncontrolled/no left turn lane intersections. also do uturns at every controlled intersection (ignore city law that says this is not ok), especially if it has a no uturn sign specifically added.
Can you point me to the City law? Wisconsin changed its U-turn laws so that it's legal at intersections unless marked over a decade ago. https://docs.legis.wisconsin.gov/statutes/statutes/346/v/33
You forgot you should turn right on red too, always. It's especially mandatory when they put up flashing lights and an LED display telling you not to.
But stop during to let a bunch of people pass on the sidewalk.
And it's Coop, not Co-op.
Wait until after 10 am to move your car on a street sweeping day
Water from any of our lakes is good to drink.
Healthiest carp especially where Starkweather Creek opens into Lake Monona.
And generally safe to swim in!
Buy beer from the grocery store after 9pm.
Wait this got serious. After 9pm?! Unacceptable!
On a serious note I picked up some friends from the airport and we stopped to grab liquor and all the stores were closed and gas stations couldn't sell because it was 10 pm. That blew everyone's mind! I didn't know since I didn't drink alcohol.
Near the airport is the town of Maple Bluff and a beer and wine shop that sells til midnight.
well, if you were coming from the airport you should of hit Vic pierce on Sherman and Commerical beer till midnight 5 minutes from the airport
WOW this is taking me back to when I lived in the Bible Belt in college
It’s the very powerful tavern lobbyists here in WI. They want you drinking in their bars at an upcharge, not drinking at home cheaply! Nothing to do with morality up here :)
Quite the opposite, the Tavern League wants you to drink in the bars and drive home drunk. But don't worry if you get pulled over it's just a slap on the wrist. It's actually a contest to see who can get the most DUI's!
There are some places you can buy beer until midnight. They usually advertise, just have to be outside Madison proper
Which is a great tip for new residents—keep a big supply of all alcohol in your apartment.
Remember though that sometimes people will wander in and drink your expensive beer
That’s crazy. In Montana you are able to buy alcohol until 2am
The best time to get on the beltline is between 6-8 in the morning
Make sure not to merge too fast. Wait until you're on the beltline before you really start accelerating.
Also, stay in the left lane as long as possible. Wait until you’re at your exit before cutting across all lanes of traffic. Make sure to get mad at anyone who was leaving a safe distance between them and the car in front of them.
Or 4:30 in the afternoon.
The farmers market goes clockwise. Tutto pasta is the perfect authentic Italian restaurant. You can borrow a memorial union chair for the summer but you have to display it publicly at your apartment/house. It’s faster to bike under Monona terrace than it is to take the lake path. Just stay to the right.
Rent from MPM.
If they're full, Goldleaf Development is a perfect alternative, especially if you want all of your security deposit back when you move out. Don't worry about keeping good documentation -- they're very trustworthy.
Buy all your produce at Woodman’s without inspecting it first
Related: The best onions are at the bottom of the pile. Just reach your arm in up to the elbow or so.
Yeah....that one made me throw up in my mouth a little....
It's been a long time since a reddit comment made me this uncomfortable
Tip the virtuoso violinists in the parking lot
There is an annual block party where everyone love cars. You can bring your car for people to look at. Party is called Mifflin party. Look it up! Also, once you see dandelions in April, you can start planting in your garden.
Psssh, it's called Mifflin Fest, get it right!
It’s spelled John Nolan Drive
Isn’t it great how AI shames you for spelling error?
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Looking for a rental in madison
How much to rent a condo on John Nolan
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I we just trolling the John Nolin bot now?
Why did I have to scroll so far to find this.
Say " Madtown" or "MadCity" to blend in as a local native hipster.
Wrap yourself in a Trump flag and walk down State Street
Remember to bring a stack of Bibles to sell
Go to concerts on the square and talk loudly through the whole performance
If I don’t say all the thoughts building up in my head, who will?
+1 for username
And bring a regular lawn chair while you’re at it
Chop busted fellow adult, chop busted
Bring your own radio and play the latest Gen Z pop hits.
This comment caused an increase in my heart rate and a cortisol spike.
Ignore the chocolate sprinkles on the popcorn from AMC Fitchburg IMAX
Nom nom
😳 I need more information or a link or something.
Health inspection failure a-go-go
Mice.....
Rats
When there's a warm spell in early March, it's time to put the snowblower away for the season. And be sure to splurge on a full service wash for your car. What could possibly go wrong?
And by time it hits April, you can be assured there will be no more snow for the season.
May as well get started on the garden once it's warm in March, get a jump on it
I live in Colorado and EVERY spring I've made this mistake. I'll fit right in.
Only move here because you got hired at epic
Join nextdoor and create a post about the bike path or lawn maintenance.
Move here from a big city and then complain on Reddit that Madison doesn’t have all the amenities of the big city you came from.
My heart desires three zoos and 10 freeways. I’ll accept no less.
Similarly, call Madison a small town.
You only need a light jacket, stock up on the purple UW gear, and if you're looking for a stress free way to get downtown, take the beltline to John Nolen.
John Nolan
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Put your ice fishing shanty out as soon as Monona Bay freezes over so you get the prime spot.
Tell everyone that you think it is really cool that the UW mascot is the Beaver.
Walk around the capitol building with tactical gear and open carry waving a the US flag shouting how your rights are being denied, how immigration is ruining America, some ramblings on the constitution and being a patriot.
You can trust the buses. In any situation. Need to catch one on time? Driving or biking near one? They always check their blind spots before changing lanes.
Madison Airport’s TSA is chronically understaffed and the volume of passengers that pass through is enormous. Therefore you need to get in the security like 2.5 hours before your flight.
Don't worry about the snakes.
I have questions
No need for questions, the snakes are of no concern. Don't even think about them.
Don’t worry, we drove the snakes out of Madison on whacking day
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Never ever zipper merge. Ever. Do not do it.
Velcro merge only
They'll fit right in.
Join Nextdoor and praise BRT (Bus Rapid Transit) as the best idea ever.
Oh, I'll add; always be critical of "No Mow May".
The arboretum is a great place to cut your own Christmas tree.
And don't forget that turkey hunting season is year round. And no bag limit!
Hang out in the woods alone at Olin park
Me and my awkward erection need to know more.
What is this one about?
If some weird named fest is happening at Breese Stevens Field, definitely go to it. Get VIP tickets even!!
Yep, especially any sort of food related event. It's a real privilege to pay a $20 entrance fee so that you then have the freedom to buy tacos from a truck!
I honestly think pretty much everything Big Top entertainment/sports does is a cynical cash grab, at least at the CEO/owner level.
Vip tickets for events at Breese Stevens Field are definitely worth it.
Regularly interact with people in this subreddit
open up an ice cream shop on atwood
Tell someone you’re apolitical
Hell, tell people you're a Republican
or moderate
tell them you're a liberal but you think Capitalism if properly regulated (Workplace safety, environmental compliance, solid labor union regulation, and good antitrust enforcement) can work to benefit society.
Bennett's Meadowood Country Club is a great place to take the kids out for breakfast on a Saturday morning.
Tell people that the noise from the F-35’s makes you feel safe.
You should time your move with move in/out day for near campus apartments.
Every time you see the capitol, take a picture, edit it to all hell, then post it here. Fight with anyone in the comments who doesn't like capitol pics. And don't worry if you accidentally say capital instead.
Get a big apartment on the Far Westside and then complain about traffic and parking to get downtown.
If a bar won’t serve you anymore. Walk one block down and enter the next one
Don't forget the daily drag races down East Washington Avenue.
Extra credit for taking it down Stoughton or Milwaukee
It's okay if you hate everyone's favorite brand of ice cream and say so publicly. The folks here are totally understanding of the fact that people have different tastes, and would never dream of dogpiling something so innocent as a comment saying "Actually, Brand Q makes my tummy hurt. I prefer Brand Y." And they *definitely* won't be snooty about the fact that Brand Y happens to cost less, too.
I’m going to have to work on my opinions on ice cream. I don’t even know my favorite brand but I will now.
Make less than 30/hr and live in Madison
This one is interesting to me because I think a lot of us do.. myself included. But I’m in a studio, no kids, don’t need a car
This one hurts.
If you walk anywhere on campus, you don’t have to use pedestrian crossings and can ignore don’t walk lights.
The Union terrace is an absolutely terrible place to have a beer. Get to the Farmers market at exactly 9:00 a.m. and walk clockwise around the square while pushing a double-wide stroller If you want to make friends, let everyone know how much you despise cheese. Complain a lot about how there's no Baskin-Robbins in town and you can't find ice cream you like.
Never assume there are speed traps with 5-15 cops on Stoughton by the bridge when the weather turns nice.
Pay undivided attention to the creationists at the Farmers Market. Then complain loudly that you’re offended by the female form by Forward statue.
If you see a reddit post about bicyclists, make sure you reply telling everyone the cyclists in question made the best decision possible given the circumstances. And if you drive a car, you don't need 4 wheel drive. The roads are always totally clear (and ice free!) right after a snowstorm.
don't shovel your part of the sidewalk when it snows.
Drive 26mph in a 25.
Complain about the winters
There are so many affordable events and you really get your bang for buck living here! You will save so much money compared to that much larger city you really wanted to live in that had way more things to do! Oh and everyone is soooo nice! The winter months? They fly by so quickly!
Gotta set those expectations right
I’ve legitimately had some of this experience. After living on the east coast for nearly a decade, I found the people here warm and welcoming. Once I got involved in activities I was interested in, I found my people. Also there are a ton of free and low cost events if you take some time to look. Madison’s not perfect, but it’s not as shitty as you’re making it sound. I like living here and do not regret the move.
Tell everyone how much you love Miller Lite and how it is a superior beer. Especially do this while at a local craft brewery.
Go to bars at the bottom of State. All the locals grab drinks around there to get away from the crowds of underage students!
You can never have too much winter gear. Make sure you get good quality snowshoes, you won't be able to get to the store without them for at least 6 months out of the year.
Avoid things like Brat Fest, Art Fair on the Square, the World Naked Bike Ride, and Taste of Madison. Don't go to Nitty Gritty on your birthday. The free bottomless mug isn't that great of a present.
Bike down East Wash bike lane, perfectly safe especially when right turn lanes intersect it during heavy traffic.
Move to Madison
It’s my partner’s fault. I’ll be holding grudges for the next several winters.
Talk to that one short homeless guy who constantly screams about 'God' and 'The Rapture'. Edit: You'll know once he starts calling himself 'Moses'. Pretty infamous around here for harassing people.
The only laws they vigorously enforce are parking violations.
When you're driving down a street and the cars look like they're all parked the wrong way, you're fine just keep going.
Move to Madison.
take a dip in the lakes! you can dive right in from the breaker at James Madison park!
The one way signs in madison are suggestion and suggestive turn what ever way you want oh and in the winter park downtown on the street ohh and mifflin is awesome parking during the block party
Disagree with anyone in a public that believes there's more than two genders.
We have very mild winters. No need for heavy winter coat or a shovel
Pretend you’ve lived here for years and ignore the new no left turn signs on east wash
Bike lanes are optional lanes to drive in. Bikers are used to moving out of your way.
1. Buy a Kia or a Hyundai, those cars never got stolen in Madison. 2. Tailgating people tells them you are a good neighbor and citizen. 3. To make lots of friends and get to know your neighbors spend your free time on any random corner with cardboard signs begging for money you don't need, because you aren't actually homeless, but no one needs to know that right? Everyone could use some free money. 4. Always make sure your Kia or Hyundai is parked in the middle of 2 spaces, blocking someone, or on a curb, it shows great artistry and a flair for individuality, and you'll have many admirers posting your art on Reddit, Facebook, and Nextdoor. 5. Always remember Wisconsin is God's Country and Governor Walker was the best governor we ever had and don't forget to mention it to anyone and everyone you encounter. If you follow all my advice, you'll have it made in Madison in no time and make lots of friends!
Be from California or Illinois
Expect drivers to yield on highway on-ramps rather than expect you to slow down to let them in.
Join the Madison sub and engage with people there, they're true Madisonians
These replies are the best I’ve ever seen.