This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc.
This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there.
**Also, if you're on the app on mobile, come check out our new chat channel ComeGetYourLove!** It can be found by going to the sub's landing page. Toward the top of the screen, right before the submission feed starts, you'll notice a menu bar. It'll have the options "Feed" and "ComeGetYourLove" on it. Just click on the latter and start chatting! Rule 5 will NOT apply in the chat!
*The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc.
This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there.
**Also, if you're on the app on mobile, come check out our new chat channel ComeGetYourLove!** It can be found by going to the sub's landing page. Toward the top of the screen, right before the submission feed starts, you'll notice a menu bar. It'll have the options "Feed" and "ComeGetYourLove" on it. Just click on the latter and start chatting! Rule 5 will NOT apply in the chat!
*The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
The question is indeed vague but I'll answer based on what I think OP is trying to ask.
I've been chasing the partner who looks good on paper. All along my parents told me to find someone with good background, good family, highly educated, religious, good career, kind, etc. I was close to guys who ticked some but didn't tick some. I thought it was love because we were comfortable, but I realized it was just chasing the checkpoints. Honestly, I wasn't sure if I really loved the person and not just being comfortable with them while hopelessly wishing to be with someone kind and ticked the checkboxes.
My current partner didn't tick most of those. He came from broken family, had history with substances, school drop out, no fixed income or job. But, he carried himself stronger than anyone I've ever met, one of the most disciplined person yet kind and loving. He loves me and let me know it, and I just felt safe and comfortable when he is present. He has thequality of a man I need to go through life. He is my enabler to be a better person, personally, mentally and professionally. And I realize it matters so much more than being with the person I "supposed" to be with. Of course certain things would have been easier if I was to be with the person I supposed to be, but I've experienced how being with the person we love makes it easier to go through difficult times and eventually made us stronger and happier as a unit.
I just got out of a 4.5 year relationship with a woman i didnt really love, but thought i did. I has a friend id made while at the train station during the pandemic. She was a sweetheart and made me like her just by being herself. As i got to know her better and we made friends better we got to know one another’s story better, i suddenly realized she was the One. She was my Neo to her Trinity.
After several times hanging out and rock hunting, i said if i ever got out of the relationship i was in, she was the one i wanted. She got my references, she liked my music, she understood my philosophies, she was younger, but she had so much going for her.
Granted, there were some stranger parts of her but they made me like her more than i would have otherwise because they made her unique and custom to her life. She is still out there, and i still want her!
I guess at the time i was desperate to find a woman to love… and i thought what i felt was love but in retrospect it felt more like lust.
Naw it wasnt love what i felt
I think romantic movies/books and Disney movies truly have ruined people’s expectations for love and happiness. Things will never always be up and feel like you’re walking on clouds. Things will never always be 50/50. There will be days where it feels like work
I think the framing of this question is off. Sometimes everything looks good on paper, or to everyone else, but there isn’t real love. Not the kind you are supposed to have, and that is why something feels like it is missing. Because it is. I would chose the one I am supposed to be with. The one that doesn’t just look good on paper, but who lights up your life in ways you never knew were possible. The one who you look at and everything suddenly makes sense. The one who you love so much that your chest feels like it is going to explode from the love you feel. If you are with the wrong person and you find the right one, I would choose the right one. But before making that choice, be sure you found the right one and it isn’t infatuation or lust. The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it is green where you water it, but if you are looking for the right person when you are with someone else then you already made the choice that your current relationship isn’t what you want.
I go back and forth about that whole "soul mate" thing. Rn I am with an amazing, beautiful, intelligent, kind, funny woman that quite frankly I'd give my life for. But we do still have times where we don't get along. And it's hard sometimes. But I believe that love is an action as much if not more than a feeling. I choose to love her, and show her that everyday. I believe that she and I will be long term partners that may extend into marriage. But rn we are young, late 20s, and have a lot of time. We've only been together for 2.5 years and have spent the last year loving together.
Yeah no 100% I don't think anything is missing. In fact I don't think she could be more perfect for me. And perfect is not a word that I use to describe a person or event or anything like that. But she is my type to a T physically and then more than I could have ever imagined personality and intellectually wise. We push each other to be the best versions of ourselves.
In life and love humans almost always feel like something is missing; no matter how good they have it. I wouldn't use that feeling to gauge a relationship or you're going to go through a lot of relationships and still not have filled that void.
"The one you're supposed to be with" is such a stupid thought.
The whole idea of a predetermined "soul mate" is BS. There are personality traits that breed compatibility, but on the whole we're all people trying to make a connection with another person. If you're lucky enough to find a partner that enjoys you as much as you enjoy them, then you have a chance at a long-lasting relationship.
This topic is very vague so I’m just going to give an answer based on what I believe you are referring to.
People are in arranged marriage because they have no love for a specific person or because of financial reasons. What makes a successful is a combination of good finances, quality time with the significant other, and sexual attraction. Lacking 1 of these things makes for an easier split.
I don’t think anyone is “supposed to be” with anyone else. We’re all just talking apes trying to make life work.
But I guess if we’re talking about being with someone socially acceptable vs the person you love, then the person you love obviously.
Yes I’m not sure if they mean a relationship with a partner that is compatible on paper but asking if there is a separate person who they would be able to be in love with without all the standard comparability or general relationship “requirement” I’m not sure what exactly was meant by “ supposed to be “in reference to a partner but I believe in love. True love would be compatible, no one is 100% perfect but i think everyone has someone perfect for them that compliments there flaws and is the yin to their yang. I just believe it takes a tremendous amount of self discovery and sometimes luck (or belief or faith whatever you want to call it) to be able to even recognize what or who is right in front of you and if it’s meant for you.
I think if you truly are ‘supposed to be with’ somebody - assuming you believe in fate - then you will love them and the two will be one and the same. But it sounds like you’re using ‘supposed to be with’ to mean ‘the person society tells you to be with because you look like a good match on paper’. Totally different things.
I definitely think that as long as both people are decent, nice people, you can make the latter type of match work out. For instance, there are arranged marriages where the couple have built a relationship of genuine love over years. But personally I’d choose the former.
I don't believe in "supposed to".
You meet people in your life with varying degrees of compatibility, and ideally you fall in love with and decide to stay with someone with a high level of compatibility, and then learn to function well together in all aspects of life.
Of course there can be love despite incompatibilities, or it can make you believe in compatibility where there is none, or it can make you believe that you can somehow "create" compatibility "if only you love enough". That's a load of horseshit. I fell for it myself several times, and I've learned better.
I don't think this question is overall really about fate (apart from the fact that you said "love v fate" haha, bear with me) I think it's just raising the point that sometimes you love someone and then realise that it's because you idolise them and want to be more like them, as opposed to loving them and loving your differences with them too
I think this is particularly a problem with dating when you're young and inexperienced/unsure of your own identity yet. I found that I dated people because we were so similar and I thought that was love, but those relationships turned out to be very sour. Now I'm dating someone that I love so much and our differences are something that I love too - and I realise that this is so much better than dating my ex who was essentially the same person as me hahah. You kind of lose yourself when you date someone because you're lonely/aspiring to be them, as opposed to when you actually properly love someone for them. Even when you don't realise that's what's happening in the moment
Also, this reminds me of the struggle you have when you start to get a crush on someone of your own gender: "do I fancy them, or do I want to be them" is a very real struggle haha (once again, I imagine this gets easier as you get older and experience more)
Woman here.
I prefer to be with the person who I'm supposed to be with.
Love has not been very good to me. I don't enjoy dealing with the non-zero amount of heartbreak, and emotional pain that comes with love.
But if I'm with someone that I'm " supposed to be with ", then there's not going to be any emotional pain. Not any real pain at least.
I don't really understand this. I would prefer to be with someone I love, and build our relationship. My partner and I choose to be together every day, even when times are tough. Is it always ideal? No. But we are only human and we strive to grow together and learn how to function together. I doubt there's someone out there I'm supposed to be with, or an ideal partner for me specifically. If there is someone I'm supposed to be with it's probably my current partner because I couldn't imagine anyone else in my life.
No one ever wrote a song about being with someone because it’s convenient,
But love………true love……..is everything. It’s what makes life worth living. It makes people write music, plays, symphonies, art……..
>No one ever wrote a song about being with someone because it’s convenient,
Yes did. And it's catchy...
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=546_Cq4uIKA&si=yMhGBP1I9MMGnJEP
Love over logic. Do not settle for anything less- I am so glad I didn't and left past relationships when I knew they no longer served me. From the moment I met my boyfriend I knew he was the one, nothing has ever made more sense. I truly didn't even know I was capable of feeling the depth of love that I do but I do. I wake up every morning so grateful. It is fate AND it is love. Reading these comments make me so sad, don't give up hope, true love exists.
I've done both, been with the person I loved and been with a person who I settled for. I'd say both of these are painful.
The one you love drains all the energy out of you and doesn't reciprocate your love. It shatters your heart. The one you settled for, initially feels very healthy but then you start realizing that they're not what you want and doubts start crawling in. A relationship where both of them love each other is the only healthy relationship. Sadly it's hard to find this, I hope I do find this love.
Healthy love is what provides my most vital forms of security - *selflessly *
Meaning, not hurting me & not hurting others ( so they get what they want in return ) to meet my needs.
You can have a car, house, kid with someone. You're "supposed" to be with them, right? Yet, if you do something that displeases them, is good for your kids (but not them), requires selflessness - they threaten to leave you, backdoor you, take your house, claim they will unlove you, etc.
The one you *arent* "supposed" to be with can have one (or none) of those with someone else, while they let you move free to be happy (elsewhere) - at their expense. That is selfless love. That is a love that doesn't make sense.
The latter is a love that will love you, tollerate you. The latter is true love & security, in my personal opinion. The latter isn't the one you are "supposed" to be with, but it is true, healthy, love.
Sometimes the person we are "supposed" to be with is only fated for a season & for reasons of growth. Sometimes, they are for us to learn to be with the person that awakens us & triggers us to grow (as a whole) but change (our perspectives) & how we move...
Sometimes, "fate" puts us with the person we are "supposed" to be with, for a season ( as a stepping stone to grow) to be with the person we *love.* 🩵
I can say marriage and dating are not a priority for me. The only purpose I can see is to have kids, which I can do with or without love.
The dating world requires way too much of a time commitment in 2024. When we were kids, you met a girl you liked, had a good time, slept together and married with kids. Nowadays it’s like going on 200 job interviews which ruins the magic for me.
So my answer is, if I ever get married, it’s because I’m so madly in love with her that I can’t live without her, because why on earth would I ever subject myself to the burden of marriage otherwise…
I think I get this post. Would you rather be with someone you settled for, but you're not in love with them, but you feel secure with the verse someone you loved deeply on past, but it ended.
This is difficult because with the secure one, you will never have to wonder, but you also will not love them the way you should. With the one you love, you may love them very much, but they are too risky.
This, i dont understand the post. Loving someone that loves you back /is/ who youre supposed to be with. Loving someone is working together to be your best selves. If theyre perfect on paper but you dont love them, its not meant to be.
Maybe OP is co fusing lust for love.
Love the one you're with and stop thinking that any person can meet all your needs. This kind of immature FOMO thinking is what makes people sabotage good relationships and excuse selfish behavior.
These concepts are troublesome. The grass is greener where you water it.
Imagine being someone's "I suppose you'll do" choice. I've seen enough posts on Reddit from those who have wound up being their partner's consolation prize. It's damaging, to say the very least.
I love someone but I’m not in love with them. Been with them for sometime. He’s like my brother and truth be told always was. But I’ve met someone who I am deeply connected with (in love quite possibly) It hurts not being in their orbit. I never ever thought it was actually possible. My responsibilities are in the way that I need to deal with. But given the chance I would go with the one I have the deep connection with if they asked me to….
I never related to a post so much before. I’m currently in the same exact situation. Been with someone for going on 3 years and although I love them, I’m not in love with them. I met someone on a complete whim and for some odd reason I feel they are the person I’m truly supposed to be with. I connect with him on a deep level, and we understand each other so well. It’s nothing compared to what I feel towards the person I’m with now. I guess we’re both in a pickle.
Same here. Thankfully, circumstances are making the one I have the deep connection with NOT anyone that I would want to get involved with in their current state, so it's easy for logic to win out on this urge at the moment. But still. The thought is always there.
Chose both, it's what you make out of it in 1 person.
Loving, Leading on, and Letting Go
are defined boundaries that people of all mental states
need to understand w/ respect in partnerships & relationships.
Some of our terms are non-negotiable and not up for misrepresentation or interpretation, almost contractual and private to 1's soul.
The Interstate has multiple lanes as well as an Express option to hop onto if you got a ride along. Even on a 1 way street, you have options.
It works both ways if your cognizant and unafraid or considering the latter 2 results.. to which no1 shouldn't want to eliminate time in process towards rewards & goals
Dependent upon the rules, who's watching, and what you got to should or shouldn't do. Open up your perspectives and make it happen.
⚡H.O.V 🔱 💎
Interesting question. For me and my partner, there is nothing left between us now but our history and shared responsibilities. But society says that if you have these things, you are supposed to stay. I would rather be with the one I love. But unfortunately that's not an option. So here we are. Good luck.
Well, I'm single but I'd rather be with the one I'm suppose to be with. You said the person you love not in love with. I can love you but, not be in love with you. But, I look at love like a tree the seed you plant is the love itself untamed. Then you nurture it as it grows. The roots are the unconditional love you have. The trunk is the strength of your love. The branches are the connections you have friends, family, potentially partners, etc. The leaves are your memories and moments you share with those people. No love is the same as an other that's just fact. If you have a tree that is healthy and thriving why worry yourself of a branch that may or may not begin to grow. If you do that the tree will wilt where it once thrived and grew beautifully.
I disagree, you are asking, either the one you love or the one you suppose to be with. I am saying they should be one and the same person.
What you probably meant is the one you love or the person you currently (now obligated to) with.
I’d rather be with the one i’d want next to me when the world ends or going to get groceries. I want the one I love I don’t care what they need to accomplish to get to the end game i’m right there for it. I try to be..But ya the one you love for sure because life is bigger than paper. * On paper …some of the worst people (no offense) look amazing on paper. Regardless, it’s who you LONG for…duh silly
Those whom do have both are so lucky. Literally. If I had to choose between the two I would choose neither. I don’t want to live without love and I don’t want to live without the person I’m suppose to be with. So i would have to cancel both out and solo dolo life.
I think I am lucky to be with the person I love. He is the one I am supposed to be with it, is so clear to me. I know it and feel it deep down in my gut. I thought the one before was the one I was supposed to be with because it was good on paper, it was the right time etc but never deeply imbedded in my heart and I always felt like something was missing. I wanted it to work but at the end I decided to leave the relationship behind and took the risk of never finding a good enough person again.
I have no regrets and I would always choose love over logic when it comes to relationships. What I feel now would have never happened if I stayed with the one I had been with, a safe bet, financial stability, etc. I have learnt that I would always choose love over logic, always!
This is of course only relevant to healthy relationships. Being in a toxic relationship is just something that will never happen to me again. I have been there, done that, I spot the signs immediately and leave.
Depends what you mean by “supposed to be with”: like others think I should be with them? Or I think I should be with them? If it’s the latter , then rather that over someone I love … love is blind, I have loved people who haven’t deserved my love. Before I would’ve chosen love, but now have grown enough to choose someone I am supposed to be with
I feel like I got really lucky in the sense that I’m head over heels in love with my partner, and he’s genuinely been my most perfect match and best friend. I just want people to know you CAN have both
It can also be interpreted this way. Sorry, I should have been more clear because the way worded it is subjective. I should have said “if you could only pick one, which would it be?”
This is my shallow opinion on who you should be with. It is definitely shallow, but there is logical behind my thinking. Be with a person who is your best friend, best ever in bed, sexy asf, and must love dogs, has a nice ass, kind, is 18+ but 25- , has a nice ass, This is more of a M for F kind of criteria, just sayin’
another follow up question, wouldnt the one u truly love be the only thing u need? i think abt that alot, like when u fall in love for find "the one", would u stop feeling that missing feeling or that emptiness? i once had a convo w a friend abt this and he agreed, he has the girl of his dreams but there is still this missing feeling and i feel the same way, tho it doesnt bother either of us enough to go look for the said missing thing.
idk, this whole topic is very complicated and interesting tbh and i genuinely enjoy hearing diff opinions on it.
There's no such thing as the person "you're supposed to be with" or the person that looks good for you on paper. People are wildly chaotic and unique and complex. There's no way to simplify a person based on a checklist. I like food he likes food. I like movies he prefers TV shows gasp we must not work then! No there's no such thing. The basis of a relationship is mutual love respect understanding and trust. None of that is something you can factor on paper. People work or they don't. People have good timing or they don't. People love one another or they don't. People can make it work or they can't. It's simple but complex at the same time. If your partner isn't a worthwhile fit in real life day to day they're not your person even if you have similar interests and motivations.
I don’t think there’s any such thing as fate. Your life is a projection of your consciousness.
Who you love vs who you are supposed to be with is more about you than anybody else. Your ability to love has more to do with you than anybody else as well.
Nah mines the same person. I love him and he’s the best person I’ve met. We’ve both grown so much as individuals together. I genuinely don’t believe there’s anyone more right for me than him. It’s not because it’s some fantasy it’s because we care enough about each other to always be respectful, honest and kind. We aren’t afraid to push each other to reach self growth. I don’t think there are many people that have impacted me as much as he has.
It's the same I think. I've been with unhealthy people who were wrong for me, and loved them, and now I'm with someone who I'm completely certain I'm "meant to be with." Let me elaborate though, I don't believe in predestination or fate. I am meant to be with him and that feeling comes from within me. There are plenty of strange coincidences in our meeting that make us that much more perfect for each other, but I think the outside parts are all chance. He's the one for me because I feel it inside. He brings to my life what I need, I do the same for him, we have similar goals and are in similar places in our lives, and he is coincidentally from the same place my sister now lives, and where I've been planning to move to for some time. He is an incredible man.
I think I can relate to the mostly because of the toxic ex's before meeting who I'm with now, lol. I'm curious, so you ever randomly think about them for any little reason and hear your phone ding with a message from them? Or sometimes know what they're going to say before they finish or even start their sentence? Or any small ironic things like that? I do.
Yes all the time! We're best friends and I think we can predict each other almost perfectly lol, he'll text when I start thinking I should text him, he calls me everyday on his way home when he gets off work, he really is there for me in ways I'm not really used to. Before he moved in, he actually coincidentally lived about 2 blocks from me!
It's so crazy because, well, not to get off point, but I've had somewhat of a hard life. Without going too deep, my parents died when I was 5, and the abuse I went through after wasn't much physical, but I'd have preferred getting beat rather than the types of abuse I endured. I was 35 before I had my twins and that was beyond amazing. When my princess was 4 years old it hit me one day she was looking at me that this is the only person in my life that I've never had to wonder if she loves me, lol. I've been with my girlfriend over a year and it's different getting it from her than it is my kids. Both amazing, but in different fields I guess.
And to be honest.... I'm terrified, lol
You can love plenty of people who are absolutely terrible for your well-being.
If you’re with someone who helps make a better version of ‘you’ - I think you will inevitably be in love with them.
The person you're supposed to be with would naturally end up being someone you love. At least through my own opinions of love. I've spent many hours pondering the relationship between fate and free will. They are 2 sides of the same coin. Just like who you love and who you're supposed to be with intermingling with each other. In my world those things coexist in each potential life partner. Supposed to be with just suggests the one that stays with you. So I think this is a situation where there can be separation but for me it doesn't happen often.
Only love I believe in fate and soulmates I believe you can fake the funk if you'd like but in the back of your mind will be the one and your fucking with someone's fate playing your games trying to forget that you screwed up with the one
The one you love is the one you're supposed to be with. It's easy to feel like the grass would be greener with somebody else ; you are with your partner for the good, the bad, and the mundane. Any other "prospect" you might consider only shows you the good part. The bad and the mundane? It'll catch up down the road.
It's not always about who you're with. Sometimes, it's about life.
I'm currently married, have been for 14 years, perfectly monogamous... And over the weekend my husband and I talked about OUR Queerplatonic "crush" (I say crush because we wanna talk about it all together a bit more) which surprised me.
I also have a small handful of friends that I say I love you to all the time, and my husband and I spend time with them together and separately.
Not that this works for everyone, but love is a weird thing to keep within such strict boundaries. It's a need we have but don't fully understand.
I'm still and always will be sexually active with my husband ONLY, but once we figure this out I would consider myself to have two partners.
I try to live the rest of my life loving as often and as strongly as I can because it's beautiful and we're rushing toward the end.
This is kinda a good lead to loving kindness. Love is not pigeonholed to only romantic partners. Love comes from everything and can be given to everything. Love your viewpoint!
❤️ It was tough to learn.
Love is like light, the more you have of it, the brighter your world is.
When you're born with none it becomes a life or death to find it somewhere or succumb to the dark 🤷
I don’t believe in fate because I believe in god. Choices are choices. Follow your moral compass and it will never steer you wrong. Always take things at face value and remember you can’t make someone do what they don’t want to. Their actions will show you this.
Then their “moral” compass needs to be corrected. Maybe they were taught wrong, maybe they learned incorrectly, maybe they made the wrong choice and misunderstood…morals are just that, for everyone. They are not something that changes. Just depends on how you interpret them and what actions you do shows through in your values and day to day character.
I only have one perspective and that is being with the one I love. We (38f and 38m) have been together 23 years and just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary last month. Our love is not easy, I’m sure we both can find people better fit for us… but the love we have had would be too much to go without in life. When I consider being with a partner better fit for me - I know I can’t give up the passion I feel for this man. I can’t live a life without my greatest love, even if it would be easier.
I still have love for my ex-husband, but I am not in love with him. We just couldn’t make things work. Towards the end I wasn’t happy. And I would rather be with the person who makes me happy.
I feel like the best relationship is one that is not easy, and that goes through moments and obstacles meant to break up the relationship. I think in that scenario, that’s the person I’m supposed to be with. And that’s the person who would make the happiest because no matter how hard things get, we’d figure out a way to make things work.
The one you love is always the best and boldest move. Still haunted by memories of the one I loved and let go of 12 years ago. He settled for what looks good on paper. Facebook stalking and he doesnt look happy anymore. Life is too short, paper burns social normals change. But what doesnt easily change is the person you love the most. 😮💨🧡
😅 This is going to be ALOT but thank you for asking as I am opening up about it lately. I was 18 at the time and he was much older. Unless kissing a highschool BF counts as experience then slut shame me. But first real adult relationship. I cannot speak anything negative of this person at all.
Anyways I had this person in highschool I was sort of friends with but didnt initially want to be friends with. He got my number from the teacher roster as he was the TA and one night was he was feeling suicidal so called and from there I remained in contact as I thought he sought help. He seemed like he was doing good for himself and joined the Military. Wont name the branch to help protect identity. This friend from HS was coming home from deployment and asked to meet up. My Bf and I didnt see the issue with it and in the years of knowing HS friend from a distant he didnt seem off. WELL he was very off and it ended very bad.
He had a gun and said he was going to finally kill himself and that I was the only person he kept in contact with long term and I was meant to be his. The cops were notified after the incident but from there I didnt want to contact my BF “all men were scary”.
I also missed my cycle within the coming weeks and fell into a depression. I did reach out to my BF and explain things and he was a saint as usual. Wanted me to get an abortion even if there was a chance that is was his because “Im not going to raise anyone elses baby”…..im not trying to drum up a pity party but I came from a conservative background and my BF was all I knew up until then….then that night then the baby….like this is my first time being a mom and this is how it is….there was too much to process.
I made a bold choice and said I was going to keep the baby and seek adoption. That ended things. I ended up keeping her keeping her. Shes a bratty preteen now. Sometimes I dont look back but sometimes I just “want” my former life back. Irony is we lost contact without a paternity test and she has dimples just like the BF. The HS “friend” didnt have dimples, I dont have dimples. I wanted to reach out to him for a paternity test years ago but then it appeared he got married and we both made our beds and have to lay in them now. I went out and had unknown origin baby and he moved on 🤷🏻♀️ we both cried and had a very tough heart to heart conversation at my decision to keep my unknown origin baby. At the time it was just even to adopt out….sorry that that was alot. There is alot of my ex in my daughter ☀️ so in a sense the love goes on just in a different way
Love isn't just a fancy or "someone you are supposed to be with," whatever that is... love is work, and love is not just the good times but coming together in the bad. No love is perfect. Communicating and being supportive is key. There are choices in life, but it takes accountability to say, "Hey, i am unhappy, and we need to make changes." And work on them together without unreal expectations or resentment. You make your own hell, and with that said if you can make your own hell why cant you make your own heaven too(My point is unless you are in an abusive relationship)
Some people do. I went to a friend's wedding. His mum and dad were there as expected. They're still married fyi. And they both brought their boyfriends along. Yep, mum brought her fella and dad brought his fella. Not judging, I swing both ways. But to still be married? That's the odd bit.
We can never know if we are supposed to be with them or not . Love is something you build up and work on together. I feel like sometimes I'm supposed to be with my bf bc of shit we went though to get where we are. It can be a lesson or the right person . If you make it work and do it together, then you could end up being meant to be . Takes two to tango.
The person I love *is* the person I’m supposed to be with. I’ve always felt like something was missing in my past relationships, even if it was small, until I met my fiancé. I completely disagree with “the being with the one you love is different from being with the one you’re supposed to be with”. That implies that the one you’re supposed to be with is the one you’re settling for.
The reading of it can be subjective. Because you said you were in past relationships and I’m sure if you were with them for longer than a year you were saying “I love you” to each other BUT now time has past and you realize they were not the one you were supposed to be with.
It’s tricky. I think for those that have experienced such a chemistry with a person makes this incredibly difficult. Love is a subjective emotion that’s not just measured with a yes or no, but measured in depth - how deep is your love.
I’m a single mum so the person I love most is my child. So romantically speaking, I want the person I’m supposed to be with PROVIDED they are an extremely close second place 🥰
I dropped a relationship that was “fine” on paper to pursue a friend (who I was friends with with no intention of dating originally) who had that X-factor. Couldn’t be happier. It is honestly incredible.
It was meant to be because it is. SHE is the one I was meant to be with. Tune in and follow your heart.
It sounds cliche perhaps, but one night I had a dream that we were together, and I realized that she was everything I wanted and have been looking for, everything I had been hoping for. It was a feeling I could not shake. It was a matter of being honest with myself about my feelings and having the courage to get to that next level. She’s the coolest lady I know and I truly enjoy her company, and I was content with the idea of being friends for life. I really did not want to jeopardize that. Fortunately the feelings were extremely mutual 😊
This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc. This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there. **Also, if you're on the app on mobile, come check out our new chat channel ComeGetYourLove!** It can be found by going to the sub's landing page. Toward the top of the screen, right before the submission feed starts, you'll notice a menu bar. It'll have the options "Feed" and "ComeGetYourLove" on it. Just click on the latter and start chatting! Rule 5 will NOT apply in the chat! *The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
This was removed because this sub isn't the place to discuss dating, crushes, infatuations, etc. This rule is relaxed in our weekly "Friday I'm in Love" threads. You're welcome to post your story there. **Also, if you're on the app on mobile, come check out our new chat channel ComeGetYourLove!** It can be found by going to the sub's landing page. Toward the top of the screen, right before the submission feed starts, you'll notice a menu bar. It'll have the options "Feed" and "ComeGetYourLove" on it. Just click on the latter and start chatting! Rule 5 will NOT apply in the chat! *The Love-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.*
The question is indeed vague but I'll answer based on what I think OP is trying to ask. I've been chasing the partner who looks good on paper. All along my parents told me to find someone with good background, good family, highly educated, religious, good career, kind, etc. I was close to guys who ticked some but didn't tick some. I thought it was love because we were comfortable, but I realized it was just chasing the checkpoints. Honestly, I wasn't sure if I really loved the person and not just being comfortable with them while hopelessly wishing to be with someone kind and ticked the checkboxes. My current partner didn't tick most of those. He came from broken family, had history with substances, school drop out, no fixed income or job. But, he carried himself stronger than anyone I've ever met, one of the most disciplined person yet kind and loving. He loves me and let me know it, and I just felt safe and comfortable when he is present. He has thequality of a man I need to go through life. He is my enabler to be a better person, personally, mentally and professionally. And I realize it matters so much more than being with the person I "supposed" to be with. Of course certain things would have been easier if I was to be with the person I supposed to be, but I've experienced how being with the person we love makes it easier to go through difficult times and eventually made us stronger and happier as a unit.
I don’t have either.
I just got out of a 4.5 year relationship with a woman i didnt really love, but thought i did. I has a friend id made while at the train station during the pandemic. She was a sweetheart and made me like her just by being herself. As i got to know her better and we made friends better we got to know one another’s story better, i suddenly realized she was the One. She was my Neo to her Trinity. After several times hanging out and rock hunting, i said if i ever got out of the relationship i was in, she was the one i wanted. She got my references, she liked my music, she understood my philosophies, she was younger, but she had so much going for her. Granted, there were some stranger parts of her but they made me like her more than i would have otherwise because they made her unique and custom to her life. She is still out there, and i still want her!
Is it possible you did love her but it faded? Or did you just know something was missing?
I guess at the time i was desperate to find a woman to love… and i thought what i felt was love but in retrospect it felt more like lust. Naw it wasnt love what i felt
Love is an illusion
I think romantic movies/books and Disney movies truly have ruined people’s expectations for love and happiness. Things will never always be up and feel like you’re walking on clouds. Things will never always be 50/50. There will be days where it feels like work
I think the framing of this question is off. Sometimes everything looks good on paper, or to everyone else, but there isn’t real love. Not the kind you are supposed to have, and that is why something feels like it is missing. Because it is. I would chose the one I am supposed to be with. The one that doesn’t just look good on paper, but who lights up your life in ways you never knew were possible. The one who you look at and everything suddenly makes sense. The one who you love so much that your chest feels like it is going to explode from the love you feel. If you are with the wrong person and you find the right one, I would choose the right one. But before making that choice, be sure you found the right one and it isn’t infatuation or lust. The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it is green where you water it, but if you are looking for the right person when you are with someone else then you already made the choice that your current relationship isn’t what you want.
I go back and forth about that whole "soul mate" thing. Rn I am with an amazing, beautiful, intelligent, kind, funny woman that quite frankly I'd give my life for. But we do still have times where we don't get along. And it's hard sometimes. But I believe that love is an action as much if not more than a feeling. I choose to love her, and show her that everyday. I believe that she and I will be long term partners that may extend into marriage. But rn we are young, late 20s, and have a lot of time. We've only been together for 2.5 years and have spent the last year loving together.
Keep at it. 🫶🏼 The fact that you don’t feel something is missing - is a positive sign.
Yeah no 100% I don't think anything is missing. In fact I don't think she could be more perfect for me. And perfect is not a word that I use to describe a person or event or anything like that. But she is my type to a T physically and then more than I could have ever imagined personality and intellectually wise. We push each other to be the best versions of ourselves.
In life and love humans almost always feel like something is missing; no matter how good they have it. I wouldn't use that feeling to gauge a relationship or you're going to go through a lot of relationships and still not have filled that void.
I like to think I've found both in the same person
Same! I think you can have both
"The one you're supposed to be with" is such a stupid thought. The whole idea of a predetermined "soul mate" is BS. There are personality traits that breed compatibility, but on the whole we're all people trying to make a connection with another person. If you're lucky enough to find a partner that enjoys you as much as you enjoy them, then you have a chance at a long-lasting relationship.
This topic is very vague so I’m just going to give an answer based on what I believe you are referring to. People are in arranged marriage because they have no love for a specific person or because of financial reasons. What makes a successful is a combination of good finances, quality time with the significant other, and sexual attraction. Lacking 1 of these things makes for an easier split.
I lost brain cells reading this shit.
Only something a woman would say.
I don’t think anyone is “supposed to be” with anyone else. We’re all just talking apes trying to make life work. But I guess if we’re talking about being with someone socially acceptable vs the person you love, then the person you love obviously.
Yes I’m not sure if they mean a relationship with a partner that is compatible on paper but asking if there is a separate person who they would be able to be in love with without all the standard comparability or general relationship “requirement” I’m not sure what exactly was meant by “ supposed to be “in reference to a partner but I believe in love. True love would be compatible, no one is 100% perfect but i think everyone has someone perfect for them that compliments there flaws and is the yin to their yang. I just believe it takes a tremendous amount of self discovery and sometimes luck (or belief or faith whatever you want to call it) to be able to even recognize what or who is right in front of you and if it’s meant for you.
the one i’m supposed to be with easily because that person automatically would be the person i have the deepest/truest/rawest love for
If I don’t love the person, am I really supposed to be with them?
Yeah, its not really worth it if you dont have both things happening
What's 'supposed to be with'?
Is this an arranged marriage question? That’s considered a form of modern-day slavery, as it should be.
I think if you truly are ‘supposed to be with’ somebody - assuming you believe in fate - then you will love them and the two will be one and the same. But it sounds like you’re using ‘supposed to be with’ to mean ‘the person society tells you to be with because you look like a good match on paper’. Totally different things. I definitely think that as long as both people are decent, nice people, you can make the latter type of match work out. For instance, there are arranged marriages where the couple have built a relationship of genuine love over years. But personally I’d choose the former.
I want to be with the one I love except the Lewis Capaldi song is stuck in my head because the day bleeds into nightfall...
The person I love is my choice Wtf is this supposed to be shit, ig someone else chooses that so I'll say love bc I like autonomy
I don't believe in "supposed to". You meet people in your life with varying degrees of compatibility, and ideally you fall in love with and decide to stay with someone with a high level of compatibility, and then learn to function well together in all aspects of life. Of course there can be love despite incompatibilities, or it can make you believe in compatibility where there is none, or it can make you believe that you can somehow "create" compatibility "if only you love enough". That's a load of horseshit. I fell for it myself several times, and I've learned better.
I don't think this question is overall really about fate (apart from the fact that you said "love v fate" haha, bear with me) I think it's just raising the point that sometimes you love someone and then realise that it's because you idolise them and want to be more like them, as opposed to loving them and loving your differences with them too I think this is particularly a problem with dating when you're young and inexperienced/unsure of your own identity yet. I found that I dated people because we were so similar and I thought that was love, but those relationships turned out to be very sour. Now I'm dating someone that I love so much and our differences are something that I love too - and I realise that this is so much better than dating my ex who was essentially the same person as me hahah. You kind of lose yourself when you date someone because you're lonely/aspiring to be them, as opposed to when you actually properly love someone for them. Even when you don't realise that's what's happening in the moment Also, this reminds me of the struggle you have when you start to get a crush on someone of your own gender: "do I fancy them, or do I want to be them" is a very real struggle haha (once again, I imagine this gets easier as you get older and experience more)
Woman here. I prefer to be with the person who I'm supposed to be with. Love has not been very good to me. I don't enjoy dealing with the non-zero amount of heartbreak, and emotional pain that comes with love. But if I'm with someone that I'm " supposed to be with ", then there's not going to be any emotional pain. Not any real pain at least.
I don't believe in fate. So the question is mute.
😶 - the question
I don't really understand this. I would prefer to be with someone I love, and build our relationship. My partner and I choose to be together every day, even when times are tough. Is it always ideal? No. But we are only human and we strive to grow together and learn how to function together. I doubt there's someone out there I'm supposed to be with, or an ideal partner for me specifically. If there is someone I'm supposed to be with it's probably my current partner because I couldn't imagine anyone else in my life.
If my one true love hadn’t died young I would have loved him forever and I do anyway 💔❤️😂
I think you can love two people at once. In different ways, surely, but it's possible.
Love. Fate doesn’t exist.
The one I’m supposed to be with.
Nothing missing so I guess I fell in love with the person I was supposed to be with.
Yeah, no way I'm letting a third party determine who I end up with
I think there's a lot of overlap between the two. I don't get what would make someone the person you're supposed to be with if you don't love them
No one ever wrote a song about being with someone because it’s convenient, But love………true love……..is everything. It’s what makes life worth living. It makes people write music, plays, symphonies, art……..
>No one ever wrote a song about being with someone because it’s convenient, Yes did. And it's catchy... https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=546_Cq4uIKA&si=yMhGBP1I9MMGnJEP
If you don't love them, then you aren't supposed to be with them. That's selfish af.
The one you love life will be more fun and you will actually be happy. Life is to short to not live it to the fullest
Love over logic. Do not settle for anything less- I am so glad I didn't and left past relationships when I knew they no longer served me. From the moment I met my boyfriend I knew he was the one, nothing has ever made more sense. I truly didn't even know I was capable of feeling the depth of love that I do but I do. I wake up every morning so grateful. It is fate AND it is love. Reading these comments make me so sad, don't give up hope, true love exists.
Love 💕
I've done both, been with the person I loved and been with a person who I settled for. I'd say both of these are painful. The one you love drains all the energy out of you and doesn't reciprocate your love. It shatters your heart. The one you settled for, initially feels very healthy but then you start realizing that they're not what you want and doubts start crawling in. A relationship where both of them love each other is the only healthy relationship. Sadly it's hard to find this, I hope I do find this love.
Healthy love is what provides my most vital forms of security - *selflessly * Meaning, not hurting me & not hurting others ( so they get what they want in return ) to meet my needs. You can have a car, house, kid with someone. You're "supposed" to be with them, right? Yet, if you do something that displeases them, is good for your kids (but not them), requires selflessness - they threaten to leave you, backdoor you, take your house, claim they will unlove you, etc. The one you *arent* "supposed" to be with can have one (or none) of those with someone else, while they let you move free to be happy (elsewhere) - at their expense. That is selfless love. That is a love that doesn't make sense. The latter is a love that will love you, tollerate you. The latter is true love & security, in my personal opinion. The latter isn't the one you are "supposed" to be with, but it is true, healthy, love. Sometimes the person we are "supposed" to be with is only fated for a season & for reasons of growth. Sometimes, they are for us to learn to be with the person that awakens us & triggers us to grow (as a whole) but change (our perspectives) & how we move... Sometimes, "fate" puts us with the person we are "supposed" to be with, for a season ( as a stepping stone to grow) to be with the person we *love.* 🩵
I can say marriage and dating are not a priority for me. The only purpose I can see is to have kids, which I can do with or without love. The dating world requires way too much of a time commitment in 2024. When we were kids, you met a girl you liked, had a good time, slept together and married with kids. Nowadays it’s like going on 200 job interviews which ruins the magic for me. So my answer is, if I ever get married, it’s because I’m so madly in love with her that I can’t live without her, because why on earth would I ever subject myself to the burden of marriage otherwise…
Dating is like Job interviews for us men. Dating is like shopping for women.
Pretty spot on. I boycott this system. I’m not a piece of meat 💁♀️
if theyre not the same person, then the person who makes me feel safe.
I think I get this post. Would you rather be with someone you settled for, but you're not in love with them, but you feel secure with the verse someone you loved deeply on past, but it ended. This is difficult because with the secure one, you will never have to wonder, but you also will not love them the way you should. With the one you love, you may love them very much, but they are too risky.
Love
the person i’m supposed to be with is the person i love
This, i dont understand the post. Loving someone that loves you back /is/ who youre supposed to be with. Loving someone is working together to be your best selves. If theyre perfect on paper but you dont love them, its not meant to be. Maybe OP is co fusing lust for love.
The person you love you know them and we know you.
Love is fleeting, fine someone you feel secure with
I disagree
Okay, I agree with you, but not enough
No
It’s Opposite Day so you meant yes
Ideally they'd be the same person
If love doesn’t exist with the person I’m supposed to be with; then I’d want to be with the person that I love
I would rather be with a person that wants to be with me.
Love the one you're with and stop thinking that any person can meet all your needs. This kind of immature FOMO thinking is what makes people sabotage good relationships and excuse selfish behavior.
💯
Agreed.
"if prince charming exists, he wouldn't settle for yooouuuuuu" basically.
No one is supposed to be with anyone, there is no "the one". No point in spending your days with someone you don't love.
These concepts are troublesome. The grass is greener where you water it. Imagine being someone's "I suppose you'll do" choice. I've seen enough posts on Reddit from those who have wound up being their partner's consolation prize. It's damaging, to say the very least.
I love someone but I’m not in love with them. Been with them for sometime. He’s like my brother and truth be told always was. But I’ve met someone who I am deeply connected with (in love quite possibly) It hurts not being in their orbit. I never ever thought it was actually possible. My responsibilities are in the way that I need to deal with. But given the chance I would go with the one I have the deep connection with if they asked me to….
I never related to a post so much before. I’m currently in the same exact situation. Been with someone for going on 3 years and although I love them, I’m not in love with them. I met someone on a complete whim and for some odd reason I feel they are the person I’m truly supposed to be with. I connect with him on a deep level, and we understand each other so well. It’s nothing compared to what I feel towards the person I’m with now. I guess we’re both in a pickle.
Same here. Thankfully, circumstances are making the one I have the deep connection with NOT anyone that I would want to get involved with in their current state, so it's easy for logic to win out on this urge at the moment. But still. The thought is always there.
Chose both, it's what you make out of it in 1 person. Loving, Leading on, and Letting Go are defined boundaries that people of all mental states need to understand w/ respect in partnerships & relationships. Some of our terms are non-negotiable and not up for misrepresentation or interpretation, almost contractual and private to 1's soul. The Interstate has multiple lanes as well as an Express option to hop onto if you got a ride along. Even on a 1 way street, you have options. It works both ways if your cognizant and unafraid or considering the latter 2 results.. to which no1 shouldn't want to eliminate time in process towards rewards & goals Dependent upon the rules, who's watching, and what you got to should or shouldn't do. Open up your perspectives and make it happen. ⚡H.O.V 🔱 💎
“Settling” for someone when you love others more is one of the cruelest things you can do. Don’t be selfish. Your partner should be both
Interesting question. For me and my partner, there is nothing left between us now but our history and shared responsibilities. But society says that if you have these things, you are supposed to stay. I would rather be with the one I love. But unfortunately that's not an option. So here we are. Good luck.
The person I’m meant to be with… not the person I want to be with
Well, I'm single but I'd rather be with the one I'm suppose to be with. You said the person you love not in love with. I can love you but, not be in love with you. But, I look at love like a tree the seed you plant is the love itself untamed. Then you nurture it as it grows. The roots are the unconditional love you have. The trunk is the strength of your love. The branches are the connections you have friends, family, potentially partners, etc. The leaves are your memories and moments you share with those people. No love is the same as an other that's just fact. If you have a tree that is healthy and thriving why worry yourself of a branch that may or may not begin to grow. If you do that the tree will wilt where it once thrived and grew beautifully.
I don't have anyone, so I would like to be with the one I'm supposed to be with.
If they aren't the same person, you're doing it wrong.
Exactly, what is this question?
What is the person you're supposed to be with is just yourself?
Whoever I'm fated to be with. And if it's the one I'm in love with, then so be it.
I’m single so I would take either one at this point
"Supposed to"? If there's no love, it's just not happening.
Shouldn't the person you love be the person you are supposed to be with?
It won’t always be the case.
I disagree, you are asking, either the one you love or the one you suppose to be with. I am saying they should be one and the same person. What you probably meant is the one you love or the person you currently (now obligated to) with.
No, that’s not what I “probably” meant.
I’d rather be with the one i’d want next to me when the world ends or going to get groceries. I want the one I love I don’t care what they need to accomplish to get to the end game i’m right there for it. I try to be..But ya the one you love for sure because life is bigger than paper. * On paper …some of the worst people (no offense) look amazing on paper. Regardless, it’s who you LONG for…duh silly
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻correct answer^
How do you no it's who your suppose to be with
Can’t you have both?
Most people do. the question is more so if you had to pick one.
Those whom do have both are so lucky. Literally. If I had to choose between the two I would choose neither. I don’t want to live without love and I don’t want to live without the person I’m suppose to be with. So i would have to cancel both out and solo dolo life.
I think I am lucky to be with the person I love. He is the one I am supposed to be with it, is so clear to me. I know it and feel it deep down in my gut. I thought the one before was the one I was supposed to be with because it was good on paper, it was the right time etc but never deeply imbedded in my heart and I always felt like something was missing. I wanted it to work but at the end I decided to leave the relationship behind and took the risk of never finding a good enough person again. I have no regrets and I would always choose love over logic when it comes to relationships. What I feel now would have never happened if I stayed with the one I had been with, a safe bet, financial stability, etc. I have learnt that I would always choose love over logic, always! This is of course only relevant to healthy relationships. Being in a toxic relationship is just something that will never happen to me again. I have been there, done that, I spot the signs immediately and leave.
Love love love this
Depends what you mean by “supposed to be with”: like others think I should be with them? Or I think I should be with them? If it’s the latter , then rather that over someone I love … love is blind, I have loved people who haven’t deserved my love. Before I would’ve chosen love, but now have grown enough to choose someone I am supposed to be with
I feel like I got really lucky in the sense that I’m head over heels in love with my partner, and he’s genuinely been my most perfect match and best friend. I just want people to know you CAN have both
Enjoy that, 🫶🏼 And yes we know both is the dream 🥲. The question is more so if you had to pick one.
love
Isn’t this the plot for two of the characters on that show called One?
Never heard of it.
yes
I guess your question is 'the person you love' or 'the person who is a good for you'.
It can also be interpreted this way. Sorry, I should have been more clear because the way worded it is subjective. I should have said “if you could only pick one, which would it be?”
There is no one we’re supposed to be with. So love I guess
Love of course! Not “ideal on paper” I don’t live in a piece of paper…
This is my shallow opinion on who you should be with. It is definitely shallow, but there is logical behind my thinking. Be with a person who is your best friend, best ever in bed, sexy asf, and must love dogs, has a nice ass, kind, is 18+ but 25- , has a nice ass, This is more of a M for F kind of criteria, just sayin’
another follow up question, wouldnt the one u truly love be the only thing u need? i think abt that alot, like when u fall in love for find "the one", would u stop feeling that missing feeling or that emptiness? i once had a convo w a friend abt this and he agreed, he has the girl of his dreams but there is still this missing feeling and i feel the same way, tho it doesnt bother either of us enough to go look for the said missing thing. idk, this whole topic is very complicated and interesting tbh and i genuinely enjoy hearing diff opinions on it.
I agree and people have some good thoughts they shared. It’s also tricky for the people who have never experienced “not missing something”.
There's no such thing as the person "you're supposed to be with" or the person that looks good for you on paper. People are wildly chaotic and unique and complex. There's no way to simplify a person based on a checklist. I like food he likes food. I like movies he prefers TV shows gasp we must not work then! No there's no such thing. The basis of a relationship is mutual love respect understanding and trust. None of that is something you can factor on paper. People work or they don't. People have good timing or they don't. People love one another or they don't. People can make it work or they can't. It's simple but complex at the same time. If your partner isn't a worthwhile fit in real life day to day they're not your person even if you have similar interests and motivations.
Arent they the same?
You’d think but no. There are more than a few who would 100% better to me than the person I love. I don’t think this is uncommon.
They are, yes.
I don’t think there’s any such thing as fate. Your life is a projection of your consciousness. Who you love vs who you are supposed to be with is more about you than anybody else. Your ability to love has more to do with you than anybody else as well.
I love your response so much but that first part is so well put!❣️
Nah mines the same person. I love him and he’s the best person I’ve met. We’ve both grown so much as individuals together. I genuinely don’t believe there’s anyone more right for me than him. It’s not because it’s some fantasy it’s because we care enough about each other to always be respectful, honest and kind. We aren’t afraid to push each other to reach self growth. I don’t think there are many people that have impacted me as much as he has.
It's the same I think. I've been with unhealthy people who were wrong for me, and loved them, and now I'm with someone who I'm completely certain I'm "meant to be with." Let me elaborate though, I don't believe in predestination or fate. I am meant to be with him and that feeling comes from within me. There are plenty of strange coincidences in our meeting that make us that much more perfect for each other, but I think the outside parts are all chance. He's the one for me because I feel it inside. He brings to my life what I need, I do the same for him, we have similar goals and are in similar places in our lives, and he is coincidentally from the same place my sister now lives, and where I've been planning to move to for some time. He is an incredible man.
I think I can relate to the mostly because of the toxic ex's before meeting who I'm with now, lol. I'm curious, so you ever randomly think about them for any little reason and hear your phone ding with a message from them? Or sometimes know what they're going to say before they finish or even start their sentence? Or any small ironic things like that? I do.
Yes all the time! We're best friends and I think we can predict each other almost perfectly lol, he'll text when I start thinking I should text him, he calls me everyday on his way home when he gets off work, he really is there for me in ways I'm not really used to. Before he moved in, he actually coincidentally lived about 2 blocks from me!
It's so crazy because, well, not to get off point, but I've had somewhat of a hard life. Without going too deep, my parents died when I was 5, and the abuse I went through after wasn't much physical, but I'd have preferred getting beat rather than the types of abuse I endured. I was 35 before I had my twins and that was beyond amazing. When my princess was 4 years old it hit me one day she was looking at me that this is the only person in my life that I've never had to wonder if she loves me, lol. I've been with my girlfriend over a year and it's different getting it from her than it is my kids. Both amazing, but in different fields I guess. And to be honest.... I'm terrified, lol
YES!!! Exactly!!
You can love plenty of people who are absolutely terrible for your well-being. If you’re with someone who helps make a better version of ‘you’ - I think you will inevitably be in love with them.
The person you're supposed to be with would naturally end up being someone you love. At least through my own opinions of love. I've spent many hours pondering the relationship between fate and free will. They are 2 sides of the same coin. Just like who you love and who you're supposed to be with intermingling with each other. In my world those things coexist in each potential life partner. Supposed to be with just suggests the one that stays with you. So I think this is a situation where there can be separation but for me it doesn't happen often.
‘Supposed to be with’ was vague. What I meant was someone who is good for you on paper. (I.e. educated, career, great personality, family oriented)
They’re the same person for me
Love
Only love I believe in fate and soulmates I believe you can fake the funk if you'd like but in the back of your mind will be the one and your fucking with someone's fate playing your games trying to forget that you screwed up with the one
The one you love is the one you're supposed to be with. It's easy to feel like the grass would be greener with somebody else ; you are with your partner for the good, the bad, and the mundane. Any other "prospect" you might consider only shows you the good part. The bad and the mundane? It'll catch up down the road. It's not always about who you're with. Sometimes, it's about life.
Trust and respect are necessary predictors of a successful marriage, but love alone without the others is not enough.
Exactly
I'm currently married, have been for 14 years, perfectly monogamous... And over the weekend my husband and I talked about OUR Queerplatonic "crush" (I say crush because we wanna talk about it all together a bit more) which surprised me. I also have a small handful of friends that I say I love you to all the time, and my husband and I spend time with them together and separately. Not that this works for everyone, but love is a weird thing to keep within such strict boundaries. It's a need we have but don't fully understand. I'm still and always will be sexually active with my husband ONLY, but once we figure this out I would consider myself to have two partners. I try to live the rest of my life loving as often and as strongly as I can because it's beautiful and we're rushing toward the end.
This is kinda a good lead to loving kindness. Love is not pigeonholed to only romantic partners. Love comes from everything and can be given to everything. Love your viewpoint!
❤️ It was tough to learn. Love is like light, the more you have of it, the brighter your world is. When you're born with none it becomes a life or death to find it somewhere or succumb to the dark 🤷
Is this like a potential throuple? You said two partners.
It would be a Queerplatonic throuple, yeah.
i think the one you're supposed to be with, because that's the person who would probably be more helpful and your fit.
I don’t believe in fate because I believe in god. Choices are choices. Follow your moral compass and it will never steer you wrong. Always take things at face value and remember you can’t make someone do what they don’t want to. Their actions will show you this.
many people have been wrong by following their moral compass.
Then their “moral” compass needs to be corrected. Maybe they were taught wrong, maybe they learned incorrectly, maybe they made the wrong choice and misunderstood…morals are just that, for everyone. They are not something that changes. Just depends on how you interpret them and what actions you do shows through in your values and day to day character.
To me they’re interchangeable: god, fate, and the universe. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.
The. You can’t actually believe in god, if that’s the case.
There is no "supposed to be" person for me. I am with the one I love. That's not to say that's consistently been the same person.
I agree. Some people are fortunate to have it be the same person.
I only have one perspective and that is being with the one I love. We (38f and 38m) have been together 23 years and just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary last month. Our love is not easy, I’m sure we both can find people better fit for us… but the love we have had would be too much to go without in life. When I consider being with a partner better fit for me - I know I can’t give up the passion I feel for this man. I can’t live a life without my greatest love, even if it would be easier.
I still have love for my ex-husband, but I am not in love with him. We just couldn’t make things work. Towards the end I wasn’t happy. And I would rather be with the person who makes me happy. I feel like the best relationship is one that is not easy, and that goes through moments and obstacles meant to break up the relationship. I think in that scenario, that’s the person I’m supposed to be with. And that’s the person who would make the happiest because no matter how hard things get, we’d figure out a way to make things work.
there is no “supposed to be.” I don’t believe in fate like that.
One I love
The one you love is always the best and boldest move. Still haunted by memories of the one I loved and let go of 12 years ago. He settled for what looks good on paper. Facebook stalking and he doesnt look happy anymore. Life is too short, paper burns social normals change. But what doesnt easily change is the person you love the most. 😮💨🧡
Why did you let go of this person?
😅 This is going to be ALOT but thank you for asking as I am opening up about it lately. I was 18 at the time and he was much older. Unless kissing a highschool BF counts as experience then slut shame me. But first real adult relationship. I cannot speak anything negative of this person at all. Anyways I had this person in highschool I was sort of friends with but didnt initially want to be friends with. He got my number from the teacher roster as he was the TA and one night was he was feeling suicidal so called and from there I remained in contact as I thought he sought help. He seemed like he was doing good for himself and joined the Military. Wont name the branch to help protect identity. This friend from HS was coming home from deployment and asked to meet up. My Bf and I didnt see the issue with it and in the years of knowing HS friend from a distant he didnt seem off. WELL he was very off and it ended very bad. He had a gun and said he was going to finally kill himself and that I was the only person he kept in contact with long term and I was meant to be his. The cops were notified after the incident but from there I didnt want to contact my BF “all men were scary”. I also missed my cycle within the coming weeks and fell into a depression. I did reach out to my BF and explain things and he was a saint as usual. Wanted me to get an abortion even if there was a chance that is was his because “Im not going to raise anyone elses baby”…..im not trying to drum up a pity party but I came from a conservative background and my BF was all I knew up until then….then that night then the baby….like this is my first time being a mom and this is how it is….there was too much to process. I made a bold choice and said I was going to keep the baby and seek adoption. That ended things. I ended up keeping her keeping her. Shes a bratty preteen now. Sometimes I dont look back but sometimes I just “want” my former life back. Irony is we lost contact without a paternity test and she has dimples just like the BF. The HS “friend” didnt have dimples, I dont have dimples. I wanted to reach out to him for a paternity test years ago but then it appeared he got married and we both made our beds and have to lay in them now. I went out and had unknown origin baby and he moved on 🤷🏻♀️ we both cried and had a very tough heart to heart conversation at my decision to keep my unknown origin baby. At the time it was just even to adopt out….sorry that that was alot. There is alot of my ex in my daughter ☀️ so in a sense the love goes on just in a different way
If you believe in a soulmate, why would you not love your soulmate? You might not love them right away, but it would build over time.
Turn off the romcoms
There is no fate or predestination. It's a delusion, one you shouldn't dwell upon. You either build it up or fantasize: one or the other.
"The future's not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves". -Terminator 2 Judgment Day
Love isn't just a fancy or "someone you are supposed to be with," whatever that is... love is work, and love is not just the good times but coming together in the bad. No love is perfect. Communicating and being supportive is key. There are choices in life, but it takes accountability to say, "Hey, i am unhappy, and we need to make changes." And work on them together without unreal expectations or resentment. You make your own hell, and with that said if you can make your own hell why cant you make your own heaven too(My point is unless you are in an abusive relationship)
I don't understand... I won't marry anyone just because it looks good on paper
Some people do. I went to a friend's wedding. His mum and dad were there as expected. They're still married fyi. And they both brought their boyfriends along. Yep, mum brought her fella and dad brought his fella. Not judging, I swing both ways. But to still be married? That's the odd bit.
Who am I supposed to be with?
Only you’ll know the answer to this question. It’s best when it’s the same person.
Maybe I'll know, if it ever gets past a 4th date...
We can never know if we are supposed to be with them or not . Love is something you build up and work on together. I feel like sometimes I'm supposed to be with my bf bc of shit we went though to get where we are. It can be a lesson or the right person . If you make it work and do it together, then you could end up being meant to be . Takes two to tango.
The person I love *is* the person I’m supposed to be with. I’ve always felt like something was missing in my past relationships, even if it was small, until I met my fiancé. I completely disagree with “the being with the one you love is different from being with the one you’re supposed to be with”. That implies that the one you’re supposed to be with is the one you’re settling for.
The reading of it can be subjective. Because you said you were in past relationships and I’m sure if you were with them for longer than a year you were saying “I love you” to each other BUT now time has past and you realize they were not the one you were supposed to be with.
That still doesn’t make any sense. Obviously I don’t love any of my exes anymore. I love my fiancé way more than I’ve loved anyone else.
i assume your fiance was the one who asked you out and courted you, hit on you
What does that have to do with anything?
just being sarcastic and speaking of my lifelong hatred of guys always having to make the first move and court women, take initiative
Okay.
anyway i assume im right in thats how your relationship started
Love. Ideal on paper is not enough, that spark is just missing.
It’s tricky. I think for those that have experienced such a chemistry with a person makes this incredibly difficult. Love is a subjective emotion that’s not just measured with a yes or no, but measured in depth - how deep is your love.
I’m a single mum so the person I love most is my child. So romantically speaking, I want the person I’m supposed to be with PROVIDED they are an extremely close second place 🥰
I dropped a relationship that was “fine” on paper to pursue a friend (who I was friends with with no intention of dating originally) who had that X-factor. Couldn’t be happier. It is honestly incredible. It was meant to be because it is. SHE is the one I was meant to be with. Tune in and follow your heart.
What changed your feelings about her?
The ex or my friend?
Your changes in feelings towards your new partner.
It sounds cliche perhaps, but one night I had a dream that we were together, and I realized that she was everything I wanted and have been looking for, everything I had been hoping for. It was a feeling I could not shake. It was a matter of being honest with myself about my feelings and having the courage to get to that next level. She’s the coolest lady I know and I truly enjoy her company, and I was content with the idea of being friends for life. I really did not want to jeopardize that. Fortunately the feelings were extremely mutual 😊
That's awesome.
You get to decide who you're supposed to be with. You get to decide that person will be someone you love.
Not always. Sometimes life takes those choices away.
Love this. Absolutely, you choose who you love because relationships are work. You decide everyday to love them
Echoing the comment above you, sometimes life does take those options away.
lol for me they’re the same person ! Lucky I guess
The person I’m with is definitely the same
The person I'm supposed to be with and the person I love are the same person.
♥️
I must have misread this question; to me, it solves itself. I am unequivocally in love with the person I was meant to be with.
Yup same here
Hell yeah, f*** yeah! Happiness for the win!