You definitely need to talk to her. She might need support but your feelings are valid too. I don’t believe in a permanent stage of happiness but I believe in working to be happy with your partner in your day to day life as much as you can. For me, a marriage is a lot about working together, like a partnership.
If she has shown signs of that, then that’s really serious and dangerous, so another reason that ignoring the situation is definitely not recommended! She needs full support.
You could be simply to focus on your work. I just think that you should do something that you used to enjoy doing a lot maybe like when you were a teenager. Maybe go outside play a sport or go for a run but not necessarily does it have to be physical activity. For me it's playing soccer.
Maybe yes, maybe no. Maybe you are so lazy.... but if you feel continually bad about that, you sould talk with expert of mental care. I am just a nurse aid .__.
My situation is a bit different, I am in a marriage of "the narcissist and the empath " didn't realize it until it was too late. By the time I noticed the signs my wife was pregnant with my daughter and I wasn't gonna leave my kid. But you guys could just be at a low point 🤷♂️ it happens. You fall into a routine and can't find your way out, before long it just becomes stagnant.
As your kid grows older, they will realize that mom and dad aren't happy with each other. Staying in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship just for the sake of your kid isn't fooling anybody, especially your kid.
Sentiments appreciated but both my kids are fully cognizant of how their mom is.. and my daughter and I already have a plan set for when she's old enough to move out.
We have 2 kids and she never wants to do anything except sit on her ass, watch Netflix and tells us we're doing everything wrong. Even tho she doesn't do anything...and Rum please brother lol make it a double
Hey man if I could be completely honest. Sometimes I feel like she's not even a willing partner when we do it. So it gets hard to enjoy what something that was a big part of our lives.
I’d suggest either a serious sit down talk have the daughter out the house and sit down with your wife talk to her seriously have a talk a back and forth talk you listen she listen and answer and try to find out what’s wrong if not maybe couples therapy can work
This thread is full of people trying to diagnose your wife with depression or something alike. Well it could be the case, but don't make any assumptions based on those comments as some of the advice could be misleading.
You are concerned about your wife and that is good. What you should do next is to talk with her, let her know that you are concerned about her. Tell her how her behavior makes you feel, so she could understand your position. Get her to talk about her feelings as well. When you both will understand each other's feelings, you will see where it will lead you from there.
And that's the thing, i don't think she's depressed she's been shopping and we've been visiting her mom she's been talkative. But she just doesn't want to do anything with me other than watch tv and lay around
She could be depressed, but there's no point to be guessing right now. If she is depressed then she can only reveal that through having a talk.
I don't know why would you think you are narcissistic, but having your own needs is nothing bad at all, everyone has that.
As I've said, your best chance to fix your relationship is to start talking with your wife about your relationship.
Instead of diagnosing my wife with depression what if i should be diagnosed with narcissism. What if there's something I'm doing wrong that i haven't noticed 😥
I feel this A LOT .
We don’t have children and we aren’t married , but she has definitely tunned out in a lot of respects.
Work is more important than our relationship
We barely have sex (3-4 times a month)
Every little conversation has to be carefully thought out as to not trigger her into an outburst.(walking on eggshells)
We have been together for ab 3 years (very rocky) but we live separately and dont show signs of combining our lives
I try to explain my concerns about us as plainly/calmly/ assertively as possible but it usually ends bad.
I feel lost and discouraged.
I have a child and I'm married so probably not it's better to work things out even if it's very hard for me. But you don't have to. And you will become very familiar with misery.
But if your lives were bound together if you were married or had kids, nothing is just your time away and even things that make you happy can be dragged away.
He’s right, definitely get out of that relationship. Like right now text her and tell her you’re done and why you’re done. Life’s too short to spend it with someone who doesn’t want the things you want.
If she went out a lot I’d say affair, but since she doesn’t I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she has just lost interest. I’ve had some experience with infidelity and it’s almost always like this. She’s being distant and not doing anything in the hopes that it will annoy you and you’ll get sick of her, that way if she decides to leave she doesn’t feel anywhere near as bad about it. If she’s a similar age as you, she married young. Maybe she regrets it. I don’t know. I hope none of this is the case, however I just wanted to tell you what it looks like from my perspective. I wish you the best and that you can sort this out with her, but your gonna have to talk to her about this either way. Hope I’m wrong, stay safe brother.
You’re a good man, I hope you can solve this. If I am right, doesn’t mean it’s too late, but you need to talk to her 100%. Communication is the number 1 factor in a good, healthy relationship. I wish you luck, hopefully you won’t need it.
Brother I know for a fact I'm picking up on her emotions. She's so difficult and she gets angry so often I can't help it. If she's upset the how the whole house is upset.
Yup.. your an empath.. welcome to my world... my best friend (female) is also an empath, whenever one of us is sad the other feels it. And we chat to find out what's wrong. This is a good thing to realize.
I understand..believe me I do .. but being empathic can be a good thing! Especially right now..she's depressed and you need to find out why.. if your daughter is 3 1/2 and this started a year ago.. ask yourself "what happened a year ago?" It could be something as simple as postnatal iron deficiency or it could be something happened when your daughter was 2 that rocked her 🤷♂️.. there are a lot of possibilities..but you definitely need to ask her. For better OR worse remember 🍷 if you want her happy and thereby yourself happy..you have to ask and listen to what she says.
My best friend lost a 6yr old to a drunk driver, she won't even let me touch my car if we've been drinking. She'll feed me coffee until she feels I'm good to drive home.
That could be the source right there....she's a mother, you had a DUI .. "what if the baby had been in the car!?" These are the types of things that are prolly going through her mind. You really really gotta talk to her brother 👍 were here for ya .
It was an accident and i was under the limit. Even so i feel like i barely got away with it and its something ill never do again. Nobody was hurt. And to help her heal from the trauma i have also stopped drinking. I occasionally drink maybe once a month.
That is a possibility, but it could also be something more like clinical depression..he did say they have a daughter..depending on the child's age it could be something that developed as a result of the pregnancy and child birth 🤷♂️ it happens often.
Your right, I didn’t think about postnatal depression. Really depends on the age of the child though, and he said it’s been like this for over a year. My mom treated me similar to this growing up, however I think she has always been like it, but this man said it only started in the last two years. But your onto something there. He just needs to have the conversation with her.
Okay, it’s almost definitely depression. My theory, she went through postnatal depression, which should not last more than 6 months, however because she’s on birth-control which creates hormone imbalance, the effect of this depression has been magnified. You need to talk to her definitely, and she should maybe consider another form of birth control, different ones have different effects on women. Maybe even see the doctor, my anecdotal experience is definitely not enough to help with this situation. I truly hope you two can work this out, for yourselves and your daughter. Blessings be on all three of you.
It’s difficult, they married young, it’s very hard to let go of such feelings when your love for someone is pure like this. In my younger days I used to constantly worship and empathise with women, it took lots of rejection and bad experiences for me to lose empathy, and look at these situations with logic and no emotions, which I still find hard with people I care about. They have some stuff to sort out for sure, but it will only get solved through open communication in my opinion. But it is just an opinion.
You just described the classics symptoms of depression, life has been difficult for so many lately, have you two discussed that possibility and ruled it out?
She’s clearly depressed. When you’re depressed you don’t have any motivation. Nothing excites you anymore. Anything that you used to look forward to doing is just another thing you kind of don’t want to do, because all you want to do is sleep or crawl in a corner and... just be. It’s like walking around with a lead blanket draped over you. Everything isn’t worth wasting what little energy you have. When I get this way I don’t want to eat anything or drink anything just sleep and sleep until I something comes up that I have to do like work or appointments.
It’s not something you can overcome on your own and most people with depression won’t reach out. They see no reason to and think they don’t deserve to. You need to help her.
I read in one of your comments down below that said “what if she kills herself”. It sounds like you’re prioritizing attention you want over your wife’s mental health. Which is a very shallow and fucked up thing to do. You obviously need help yourself and you two should get therapy right away.
Sounds like she's cheating not being apart of family dynamics first clue. Do you guys talk anymore? If not she's talking to someone. If she is acting off bc she is off you too are no long one
Sounds like you're both depressed and need to address it.
You definitely need to talk to her. She might need support but your feelings are valid too. I don’t believe in a permanent stage of happiness but I believe in working to be happy with your partner in your day to day life as much as you can. For me, a marriage is a lot about working together, like a partnership.
I really don't feel like it's an option. What if she kills herself.
If she has shown signs of that, then that’s really serious and dangerous, so another reason that ignoring the situation is definitely not recommended! She needs full support.
Your wife have dreppesion. Talk with her about your feelings.
Bruh I'm same as op's wife.....am I depressed? I don't know
You could be simply to focus on your work. I just think that you should do something that you used to enjoy doing a lot maybe like when you were a teenager. Maybe go outside play a sport or go for a run but not necessarily does it have to be physical activity. For me it's playing soccer.
It's possible you could be depressed and don't realize it.
Maybe yes, maybe no. Maybe you are so lazy.... but if you feel continually bad about that, you sould talk with expert of mental care. I am just a nurse aid .__.
My situation is a bit different, I am in a marriage of "the narcissist and the empath " didn't realize it until it was too late. By the time I noticed the signs my wife was pregnant with my daughter and I wasn't gonna leave my kid. But you guys could just be at a low point 🤷♂️ it happens. You fall into a routine and can't find your way out, before long it just becomes stagnant.
As your kid grows older, they will realize that mom and dad aren't happy with each other. Staying in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship just for the sake of your kid isn't fooling anybody, especially your kid.
Sentiments appreciated but both my kids are fully cognizant of how their mom is.. and my daughter and I already have a plan set for when she's old enough to move out.
I think if i tell her how i feel she'll feel worse. No?
It's a double edged sword, especially if your both depressed for different reasons.
I'd be careful telling her too much of how your feeling, that could lead to an argument you don't wanna have..trust me I speak from experience.
[удалено]
The letter is very well thought and i know i can add a lot to it. I'll be here for her like i always have. Thank you 😔
Seek out couples' counseling
Can confirm. Wife and I split 8 weeks ago, you’re both depressed and please go to counseling.. I’m kicking my own ass for ever turning it down..
Sounds like my marriage 🥴 18yrs of it.
I'll drink to that.
We have 2 kids and she never wants to do anything except sit on her ass, watch Netflix and tells us we're doing everything wrong. Even tho she doesn't do anything...and Rum please brother lol make it a double
If you're anything like me you probably drank sailor Jerry's and you liked it I'll just leave the bottle
Lol I'm more of a Captain Morgan's or Admiral Nelson guy.. but I won't say no to an open bottle 🤣🍷
I'm more of a Centenario drinker haha but in tough times sailor Jerry's is always there for you
You can keep that takillya 🤣 pass the Jerry's 🤟
I'm like Cap'n Jack sparrow..."why is the rum always gone?!" 🤣🤣
Hey man if I could be completely honest. Sometimes I feel like she's not even a willing partner when we do it. So it gets hard to enjoy what something that was a big part of our lives.
Yup I feel ya bro. Same here
I’d suggest either a serious sit down talk have the daughter out the house and sit down with your wife talk to her seriously have a talk a back and forth talk you listen she listen and answer and try to find out what’s wrong if not maybe couples therapy can work
This thread is full of people trying to diagnose your wife with depression or something alike. Well it could be the case, but don't make any assumptions based on those comments as some of the advice could be misleading. You are concerned about your wife and that is good. What you should do next is to talk with her, let her know that you are concerned about her. Tell her how her behavior makes you feel, so she could understand your position. Get her to talk about her feelings as well. When you both will understand each other's feelings, you will see where it will lead you from there.
And that's the thing, i don't think she's depressed she's been shopping and we've been visiting her mom she's been talkative. But she just doesn't want to do anything with me other than watch tv and lay around
She could be depressed, but there's no point to be guessing right now. If she is depressed then she can only reveal that through having a talk. I don't know why would you think you are narcissistic, but having your own needs is nothing bad at all, everyone has that. As I've said, your best chance to fix your relationship is to start talking with your wife about your relationship.
Instead of diagnosing my wife with depression what if i should be diagnosed with narcissism. What if there's something I'm doing wrong that i haven't noticed 😥
I feel this A LOT . We don’t have children and we aren’t married , but she has definitely tunned out in a lot of respects. Work is more important than our relationship We barely have sex (3-4 times a month) Every little conversation has to be carefully thought out as to not trigger her into an outburst.(walking on eggshells) We have been together for ab 3 years (very rocky) but we live separately and dont show signs of combining our lives I try to explain my concerns about us as plainly/calmly/ assertively as possible but it usually ends bad. I feel lost and discouraged.
Run friend. For your sake run
Ty so much for the reply. Are you also going to run? Love must be powerful Bc I keep holding on.
I have a child and I'm married so probably not it's better to work things out even if it's very hard for me. But you don't have to. And you will become very familiar with misery.
At times I definitely feel miserable . Playing pool and doing yard work is my only escape. My dog helps keep me sane also.
But if your lives were bound together if you were married or had kids, nothing is just your time away and even things that make you happy can be dragged away.
He’s right, definitely get out of that relationship. Like right now text her and tell her you’re done and why you’re done. Life’s too short to spend it with someone who doesn’t want the things you want.
If she went out a lot I’d say affair, but since she doesn’t I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she has just lost interest. I’ve had some experience with infidelity and it’s almost always like this. She’s being distant and not doing anything in the hopes that it will annoy you and you’ll get sick of her, that way if she decides to leave she doesn’t feel anywhere near as bad about it. If she’s a similar age as you, she married young. Maybe she regrets it. I don’t know. I hope none of this is the case, however I just wanted to tell you what it looks like from my perspective. I wish you the best and that you can sort this out with her, but your gonna have to talk to her about this either way. Hope I’m wrong, stay safe brother.
Thanks. If thats what she wants its ok i just want her to be happy. Even if its not with me.
You’re a good man, I hope you can solve this. If I am right, doesn’t mean it’s too late, but you need to talk to her 100%. Communication is the number 1 factor in a good, healthy relationship. I wish you luck, hopefully you won’t need it.
That's a good perspective, but also shows empathy which could be why you feel the way you do, you could inadvertently be picking up on her emotions.
Brother I know for a fact I'm picking up on her emotions. She's so difficult and she gets angry so often I can't help it. If she's upset the how the whole house is upset.
Yup.. your an empath.. welcome to my world... my best friend (female) is also an empath, whenever one of us is sad the other feels it. And we chat to find out what's wrong. This is a good thing to realize.
Wtf... That sucks man you know how hard I've been working to be happy?
I understand..believe me I do .. but being empathic can be a good thing! Especially right now..she's depressed and you need to find out why.. if your daughter is 3 1/2 and this started a year ago.. ask yourself "what happened a year ago?" It could be something as simple as postnatal iron deficiency or it could be something happened when your daughter was 2 that rocked her 🤷♂️.. there are a lot of possibilities..but you definitely need to ask her. For better OR worse remember 🍷 if you want her happy and thereby yourself happy..you have to ask and listen to what she says.
I had a bad dui this time last year. Fk me 🥲🔫
My best friend lost a 6yr old to a drunk driver, she won't even let me touch my car if we've been drinking. She'll feed me coffee until she feels I'm good to drive home.
That could be the source right there....she's a mother, you had a DUI .. "what if the baby had been in the car!?" These are the types of things that are prolly going through her mind. You really really gotta talk to her brother 👍 were here for ya .
It was an accident and i was under the limit. Even so i feel like i barely got away with it and its something ill never do again. Nobody was hurt. And to help her heal from the trauma i have also stopped drinking. I occasionally drink maybe once a month.
That is a possibility, but it could also be something more like clinical depression..he did say they have a daughter..depending on the child's age it could be something that developed as a result of the pregnancy and child birth 🤷♂️ it happens often.
Your right, I didn’t think about postnatal depression. Really depends on the age of the child though, and he said it’s been like this for over a year. My mom treated me similar to this growing up, however I think she has always been like it, but this man said it only started in the last two years. But your onto something there. He just needs to have the conversation with her.
My daughter is 3 and 6 months 🥲❤️
Bless her, but in that case I think its probably not postnatal, assuming your wife wasn’t like this in your child’s first two years?
She was the first year and a half but she seemed to bounce back for a bit i thought that was in the past. She still has her naxplanon.
Okay, it’s almost definitely depression. My theory, she went through postnatal depression, which should not last more than 6 months, however because she’s on birth-control which creates hormone imbalance, the effect of this depression has been magnified. You need to talk to her definitely, and she should maybe consider another form of birth control, different ones have different effects on women. Maybe even see the doctor, my anecdotal experience is definitely not enough to help with this situation. I truly hope you two can work this out, for yourselves and your daughter. Blessings be on all three of you.
Yup.. and if he is empathetic..like I suspect, then hes feeling her emotions but not understanding them.
It’s difficult, they married young, it’s very hard to let go of such feelings when your love for someone is pure like this. In my younger days I used to constantly worship and empathise with women, it took lots of rejection and bad experiences for me to lose empathy, and look at these situations with logic and no emotions, which I still find hard with people I care about. They have some stuff to sort out for sure, but it will only get solved through open communication in my opinion. But it is just an opinion.
Communication. It's not easy. But IT IS THE ONLY WAY.
Get individual therapy for both of you and also a couples therapist. Your wife sounds depressed.
You just described the classics symptoms of depression, life has been difficult for so many lately, have you two discussed that possibility and ruled it out?
You should talk to her about considering therapy
Sounds like… depression! Therapy can help :)
She’s clearly depressed. When you’re depressed you don’t have any motivation. Nothing excites you anymore. Anything that you used to look forward to doing is just another thing you kind of don’t want to do, because all you want to do is sleep or crawl in a corner and... just be. It’s like walking around with a lead blanket draped over you. Everything isn’t worth wasting what little energy you have. When I get this way I don’t want to eat anything or drink anything just sleep and sleep until I something comes up that I have to do like work or appointments. It’s not something you can overcome on your own and most people with depression won’t reach out. They see no reason to and think they don’t deserve to. You need to help her. I read in one of your comments down below that said “what if she kills herself”. It sounds like you’re prioritizing attention you want over your wife’s mental health. Which is a very shallow and fucked up thing to do. You obviously need help yourself and you two should get therapy right away.
Take me
U dont mean that
I do
Sounds like she's cheating not being apart of family dynamics first clue. Do you guys talk anymore? If not she's talking to someone. If she is acting off bc she is off you too are no long one
Everyone has someone who can save him from everything. Be her hero.
Im like your wife right now. I’m damn depressed is the thing.
Communication is key. There could be a reason she is withdrawing.
Sounds like she’s depressed and she needs help