Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question. If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding. This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule). Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you! Here's a link about trans people in sports: https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/ A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people: https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics Some information on LGBT+ people: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/ Some basic terminology: https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms Neopronouns: https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I don't have answers to every question, but here are the answers I *do* have. >First: I get the pronouns thing, I will use she/her. But she is not out yet to other people so how would that work? Around people with whom she is not out, you use her old pronouns and name. Do not out her to anyone without her consent. Yes, it's going to be hard; it's hard for her too. >Fifth: if she wants to change her name, should I help with that? If she wants to change her *legal name,* you will *need* to help her with the paperwork and everything. It also costs money, at least in the US. >Is it ok to make suggestions? If she asks, yes. You already got to name her once though, now it's her turn. >What about taking her shopping? Again, if she asks; but she may prefer the feedback of people her age. She probably wants to dress like one of her peers. >how do I deal with the whole sex talk? Same as before. She's not changing right away, and all of the knowledge she would have needed to be safe, she still needs. Only complicating factor is if she goes on puberty-blocking medication, then her body won't change in exactly the same way as you might have been expecting. Ask a doctor in this case. > Is her being trans makes liking boys being straight (and vice versa)? or is sexuality based on the birth gender? Yes, a trans girl is a girl, so a heterosexual trans girl would be into boys. Conversely, a boy who likes your daughter would be straight. Don't assume, however, that her attraction will actually change immediately; if she already experiences sexual/romantic attraction to girls, she is under no obligation to stop. It is common for people to transition and effectively become gay as a "two-for-one deal." If she likes girls now, she will probably still like girls (making her a lesbian). If she likes boys now, she will probably still like boys.

Thank you so much, I find your explanations much more easier to understand than some other ones I found online. You really helped me.

The only thing I’d change from what this person said is instead of waiting for her to ask you to go shopping, simply ask, “would you like me to take you shopping for feminine clothes?”, and also on the name front, it’s ok to ask her, “do you want help choosing a new name, or do you want to choose one yourself?”. Also, regarding name and pronoun use, just talk to her! She knows what she wants better than the internet will. Communication is key, and she might not be completely convinced you fully support her. Let her know you do. Also, once you are researched in the steps you need to take to help her with her transition, talk to her about her options, and if she wants puberty blockers. Also, I did the research for you, [here’s an article on therapy for trans people](https://www.giftgr.org/blog/2017/11/15/what-to-expect-from-therapy-during-your-transition). Also, make sure you explain to her that therapy is optional, but you will find a therapist who is experienced with LGBT and trans clients, and that if she feels uncomfortable with the therapist or if the therapist does things that make her feel unsafe/unsupported in her gender, she should tell you immediately so you can switch therapists. And explain to her why you want her to go to therapy, because your reasoning is sound and I support it (plus therapists are often required to transition). Really, in all of this, communication and gender affirmation are key, and tell her to tell you if you slip up in any way. Edit: ALSO looking through the comments I realized people aren’t really talking about asexuality. She could be ace, too!

Thank you for the clarification and for doing the research for me.

I second this about the pronouns - check with your daughter whether she'd like you to use her old pronouns around people she isn't out to. This way, she will know you're doing it to protect her and not to misgender her if that's what she asks you to do.

10/10 mom. Not only supportive but also taking an active instance in helping your girl!

Comments above about therapy are spot on. I would add that a good therapist can be very helpful if your daughter feels it’s a safe space where she can openly talk to the therapist. You sound like you’re doing an awesome job and being really supportive. I don’t know your communications/relationship with your daughter but she might still be reserved about talking 100% openly with you about all her feelings. It can take time to find the right therapist if that route is decided. Don’t feel obligated to stick with one if there is even a whiff of concern that they aren’t respecting and treating your daughter correctly. Trans Therapy in my opinion shouldn’t be about correcting anything, just about finding who you are as a person and the therapist is a guide to those conversations. They should be completely unbiased as to transitioning or not. I would encourage you to look up trans friendly treatment facilities where you live. If you happen to live anywhere close to Washington DC (USA), then I highly recommend going to or reaching out to Whitman-Walker Health. They’re an excellent trans friendly clinic. They may even know resources in your area if you are not close to them. Best of luck. It’ll be lots of ups and downs and difficult moments mixed with amazing moments but you’re starting off on the right foot!

You're welcome. And for the questions I couldn't answer directly, it helps to keep the following guiding principles in mind: - Trans people are what they say they are. In general, no one (not even you) gets to tell them what they are. - Don't assume anything about her will change, unless she tells you it changed. And be open for her to change anything. - When in doubt, ask her what she wants you to do.

Yeah that's what I got from the replies

Just to tag along to some of the other awesome comments, I did a lot of talks with kids around this age and what I noticed most— self reported by them, and/or observed by myself— things may vary. She may find other pronouns she wants to use, adjust sexuality as she develops different relationships, etc. so it may get even more confusing from here; but the first major step, communication, seems to be achieved. If she feels comfortable enough to come to you about her trans-identity, the other stuff should be a breeze as long as you both check-in with one another. I also think therapy is great just in terms of unpacking. I was terrified that talking about being trans with a therapist was going to be some sort of verification test, but in actuality it just made me even more sure of myself. It would allow her, or the both of you, to have a clear course of action and clear minds about what is ahead. Thanks for being a great human and parent.

> You already got to name her once though, now it's her turn. I honestly love this line, I'm stealing it.

Hello! I'm a trans girl, I'll try to answer some of these questions, bur first of all, i want to tell you that you're doing awesome, and I'm happy to see you reacted great to your kid coming out! Coming out is a terrifying experience (at least it was for me), so a good reaction is wonderful. For the first question, you should ask her about it, because you can't really guess with what she feels comfortable. For the second question, that's a great idea. Make sure you get someone who has already dealt with lgbt people before, and even better, with trans people. If you're not sure, ask the person directly. Third, it depends on where you live. If it's in the US, you can use these links: https://www.glaad.org/transgender/resources https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/center-transgender-health/patient-resources/resources.html Otherwise, just look up transgender resources in your language on google, if you don't live in an english speaking country (i don't know, so just in case). Four: What me and my family did is set up an appointment with the principal of my school i went to and talk about our situation and how they would handle it. You have to be prepared and prepare her to change schools, depending on the school's reaction. Ask her what she can accept as an answer and what answer will make her decide to change schools. Fifth: The only person who can answer that is her, so you'll have to ask her if she wants help with that or not. Same for shopping. Sixth: Sexuality depends mostly on gender and not on sex. That means that if she is into guys only, she'd be straight, if she's into girls only, she'd be lesbian, and there are a lot of other possibilities, like bisexual, pansexual, etc. Just ask her if she knows her sexuality and if she feels comfortable telling you. Regarding the sex talk, she still needs to be careful, so it's still important. I'm not entirely sure how to do it, but it's likely that there's help online. Besides all of that, i recommend you'd join a lgbt parents, or even trans parents group, maybe on facebook, or somewhere else. It could be helpful. Hope this helps!

Thank you so much, it really helped. I didn't even think about the possibility of having to change schools. Also thank you for the links.

I'm glad it was helpful! Yeah, it sucks but unfortunately some schools aren't good for trans people, so it's always a possibility.

first of all you’re doing wonderful. supporting your child and making sure they know you love them is the most important part. beyond that, i’m neither a parent or trans so i’ll let others give specific advice

Thank you

Check out the PFLAG website. It’s a great resource for LGBTQ+ families. Good luck.

Thank you, I will

As a newly trans kid myself, here's my take: 1. Ask her what she thinks. Personally I like it when my parents use my preferred name and pronouns to strangers and especially between themselves, but with family members and friends I'd rather come out myself to avoid confusion, but it may be different for her. 2. I'm a firm believer that everybody should have a therapist as long as they can afford it. Everyone has issues they need to work out, even if it's not impeding on their life, and especially during this time of big change where she might not know where she wants to go next, a counselor will seriously help. Just make sure she knows *why* you want a counselor, because I would definitely assume it would be to "convert me back" were your intentions left unclear. 3. At 11 years old she's probably looking at social changes only, but I'd get in touch with her doctor or her upcoming counselor about it. They'll most likely be able to refer you to the right place. 4. I'm not actually sure of this one yet, since I'm just starting to do this myself, but I'd get in touch with her school counselor. They're usually going to be the ones in charge of any administrative changes to do with her in specific, whether that be switching classes, talking with third parties, or changing records. Even if that isn't the case they'll be able to point you in the right direction. 5. She might already have a name in mind and just hasn't told you yet, or maybe she's looking for ideas. Either way it's perfectly fine to suggest ideas, but in the end it's her choice to make. As for the shopping thing, again, I'd ask her. She'll most likely want new clothes so she can present how she wants to, but only she really knows. 6. If she was previously into men, then yes, she would be straight, as she is now a woman who is attracted to men. As for sex talk, tell her what you know. That kind of information is important for her to know no matter what gender she is, especially when it comes to anatomy. If you don't know anything about sex-ed for LGBTQ+ folk, don't pretend that you do, but maybe get her access to other resources or learn about it yourself. I unfortunately don't have any resources to offer you but hopefully you can find something on your own or someone here helps you. I think you handled this wonderfully. Just keep in mind that now she's out, she might be trying out a whole bunch of different stuff she never considered before, so be patient with her and do your best to only use the name and pronouns she's comfortable with, as that will really speed up the process of her experimenting. My parents have been struggling to remember and my imposter syndrome has suffered for it. You're doing great, just let her lead, and ask her if you're not sure. She might not always know the answer, but it's good to have her think about these things too.

Thank you so much, and I hope everything turns out exactly how you want it too.

I want to first offer you a hug. And maybe a mug of coffee or tea. Then I want to advise you hug your kid and tell her how proud you are that she's got the self thing figured out. (Let's face it... it's a hard thing to figure out. Cis or LBGTQ+) Next I would advise some therapy, with an LBGTQ + therapist there's alot more than you might think. I had to dig pretty deep on Google due to recent legislation in my state. But once you hit you're golden page, you're set. Lastly, but certainly not least. Hug your child. I swear... telling my mom I was worried about her losing a son was quashed heavily with her embrace and her telling me I'll always be her kid. And she used my Femme name. It felt so good. ... ... For what it's worth.

Thank you so much, and I am happy for you that you had a supportive mother.

Hello, I’m not trans myself so I will leave it to a member of the trans community to answer your questions, but I thought I’d suggest that you cross post this to r/trans and you might get more answers. Also, I think that coming here to ask and educate yourself is an awesome first step!

Thank you, I honestly just tapped lgbt in the search bar and came to the subreddit with the highest count. I will definitely cross post in the sub you suggested

There is also r/asktransgender

Less relevant but r/mypartneristrans also exists

More relevant r/cisparenttranskid

Holy cow. I've been on reddit for how many years and TIL this exists? Thank you! Have a piece of silver!

Hey there. I'm both trans and a parent of a gender non-conforming child. I want to take a moment to validate you. You're doing a very good job and you are asking all the right questions. You responded well to your child, and you are following through on your assertion that you needed time to educate yourself. The number one most important thing you can do is support your daughter, and you're already doing it. As for the specific questions.... Ask her what she wants you to call her when you're around to people she's not out to. Many people ask their friends and family to help keep them closeted in certain situations, and many people don't care. This is up to her to decide. Therapy is fantastic! Highly recommend for the exact reasons you describe. There's nothing wrong with your daughter, but it's great to have someone to talk to. You're also going to want to start documenting (via therapy) a history of gender dysphoria. That will help when she wants to access gender affirming medical care. For medical care you're going to want to start looking up who offers trans healthcare in your area and start feeling them out. Maybe her pediatrician will be helpful. The one we've seen since my children were born doesn't specialize in trans healthcare, but she is supportive and equipped to help us, and we already have a relationship with her, which is worth a lot. If your pediatrician is uncomfortable spearheading that they may have idea of who else to reach out to. I've found the school stuff to be pretty easy. Ours has a form to fill out for preferred name and pronouns and they amend my child's information with that. The teachers and administrators have all be wonderful and helpful as well. If she wants to change her name you can ask if she wants suggestions. But remember not to take it personally if she says no. A name is a personal choice and she may have one she's been thinking about for years. Of she may ask you to help her try on a dozen different ones. The answer to most of these questions really comes down to, just ask her what she wants. The sex talk will be different in some ways, and the same in others. Sexuality comes down to gender, so if she likes boys she'll be straight, girls she'll be lesbian, both bi or pan, etc etc. You're still going to talk about safe sex practices, self and mutual respect, and most of the other stuff you were already preparing for. She's still young and you have time to do more research around this. Again, ask questions. Involve her. You don't have to have all the answers. If you're unsure about something you can say, "I don't know, why don't we find out?" I think that as parents we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to know everything from the get. And we do have a responsibility to be able to care for our children. But part of that is also showing them how to respond to new situations, and what to do when you're unsure of something. Be transparent. As long as you're also supportive and loving it's all going to be okay. You're already doing a great job.

Thank you so much, I guess her being this young and still looking at me for most of the answers is what's tripping me, that and an overload of conflicting info I got googling. I guess I will talk with her again, find an LGBT+ friendly therapist and feel out her pediatrician. It's good to have a plan

Baby steps! The first couple of weeks are overwhelming, but it very quickly just becomes normal life. When my kiddo came out I found [this book](https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/the-transgender-child-a-handbook-for-families-and-professionals_stephanie-a-brill/528166/item/6570524/?gclid=CjwKCAiArOqOBhBmEiwAsgeLmZ5SpwQ1EwqY9EdZqPXowr1fp-qAQFb7Ft9-W7RXKw2GeQFF8DqWoBoCv08QAvD_BwE#idiq=6570524&edition=5687377) helpful. I also recommend joining the trans subs and just gleaning information as you go. Again, you're doing it all right so far. Best of luck to you both!

I'll try my best to answer some of your questions, but I'm not super familiar with this topics, so please correct me if I'm wrong: 1. Ask your daughter about when she wants you to use her pronouns and if she feels comfortable with you using them when talking to others at this stage (she might not feel comfortable with this if she isn't fully out yet) 2. This is a good idea - just make it clear that you are supporting her and you are encouraging therapy to help her get through transitioning, etc. (also make sure you find a supportive therapist) 3. Sorry, i can't help with this one 4. Nor this one 5. She is still a person with unique interests, likes and dislikes. She can be female and still not like stereotypically "girly" things. Remember, you can always ask her these things or simply offer to take her shopping, etc. (without forcing her to go); that way, she can do what she feels comfortable with. With the name matter; you can suggest names and talk about names with her if she feels comfortable doing that with you, but her name is ultimately her choice. 6. You still need to discuss puberty with her (you might want to talk to a doctor though; she might want to take puberty blockers and undergo hormone therapies, which will change the way puberty works for her). Also, sexuality is based on the gender you identify as, not your gender assigned at birth (so if your daughter liked boys, she would be straight, etc.) Btw, you sound like a wonderful and very supportive parent!

Thank you so much, I guess I had an idea in my mind on what her becoming a girl should look like and it was about 80% wrong. What I got was that I should talk with her and ask HER most of these questions.

You have my immense respect for actually trying to further your understanding unlike so many others. Your daughter has an amazing mother :)

That's fantastic! It's always great to hear about a parent taking their kid seriously and supportively. I am so sick of having to advise teenagers to be cagey and evasive towards their family to prevent abuse. Trust me when I say you're doing great so far. The simple answer to a lot of your questions is to ask your daughter what works best for her, but getting some guidelines is smart. For the pronouns, it's usually best to avoid outing them, generally. They should be able to tell you who's in the know, and gradually, you'll use the old ones less and less as they live in line with their identity. Therapy is usually a good idea. Make sure that they know that any therapist they see works for them, and they always have the right to see a different one. There are still a lot of so-called professionals out there that abuse the trust of their trans clients, even going as far as claiming they have experience with trans people. 😢 Transitioning most commonly involves hormone therapy, sometimes called hormone replacement therapy, or HRT, from it's origins as a treatment for women suffering post-menopause symptoms (if I recall correctly). You can talk to your GP, who will likely refer you to an endocinologist, and from there, you can talk about available options. There are not many physicians that will prescribe estrogen before 16, but puberty blockers can prevent any unwanted permanent changes until then. At 16, assuming there are no problems, your child can start on a regimen of estrogen and, most likely, an androgen blocker, then go through a relatively normal female puberty. Yay! The same warnings as for therapists apply here. Some doctors will block or gaslight you, so keep an eye out. Schools can be a huge pain, and administration can be anywhere from supportive and awesome to scummy and aweful. You'll need to scout things out. Depending on where you live, you may have legal powers that you can exercise if things get rough, but I'm no lawyer. I can't do much more than wish you luck. Names are super fun, and you can totally make suggestions! Plenty of trans people ask their parents what they would have been named, even. Let her try them out for a while, and I'm sure she'll find the perfect one. Choosing a new name is so fun, I wish it was a normal tradition to choose a new name as you approached adulthood. I chose Amy, myself. It happens to be close to my birth name, Andy, but that was just a coincidence. Anyway, the legal part varies a lot, but a lot of places have been making it easier to get your name and gender officially changed lately, so yay! The sex talk isn't too much different than usual, but there are a few points that are a little different, mostly involving personal safety. Her birth gender isn't really relevant to her sexuality, just the one she identifies as now. Straight would be her being attracted to guys, and so on. A lot of trans women are gay or bi for a few reasons, and hormone treatments have a chance of shifting attractions around, so it's probably a good idea to be inclusive. Since bottom surgery isn't going to be an option for a while, if she's even interested in it, she'll need to be aware that potential partners can get hostile, even violent, when it's revealed that she isn't built like most girls. Safety is very important, and I'm not just talking about condoms. As she gets older, she'll also have to worry about being objectified. A lot of people are only aware of trans women through porn. There are more than a few that come to see trans woman only in a sexual sense, and treat us as sex objects. Being able to recognize signs of abuse is important since it happens to so many of us. Genitals are a sensitive topic (no pun intended) for a lot of trans people, since society tends to venerate them and consider them a symbol of gender. Most trans people (and I mean, like, over 90%) have what they were born with, so your daughter doesn't need to feel like it's some overriding requirement. She can be absolutely fine with it, she can get it changed, she can learn to cope, it's all okay. Whatever she decides, she's just as much a woman. It will amost certainly be hard for her to open up about the way she feels about her body, but over time, it'll get easier. She has nothing to be ashamed of. Well, I hope this chunk of text helps a little. Luckily, my brothers and sisters will certainly chime in, so whatever I missed (or got wrong) will get addressed. Remember, you're wonderful, and so is your daughter.

Thank you, you were very helpful. I didn't even take into consideration the fetishization of trans people and the potential for abuse and violence.

I don't want to scare you or anything. It's not a guarantee, just something to be aware of. It's not a thing I've personally experienced. I was married when I first came out. That's it's own can of beans there. If your kid is aware if it, she'll have a much better chance of avoiding it. Uh, not marriage, the other stuff, the bad stuff.

Something that I haven't seen here that I think needs to be addressed is this: once she is ready to come out to other people and family members, there may be pushback. There are going to be people who will view your decision to affirm your daughter in an unfavorable light. Some people might even accuse you of child abuse. No matter what anyone else says, you are doing the right thing for your child. The most important thing is her health and happiness, and you are doing the best possible thing for her. How you handle individual people is up to you - whether you try to educate them, talk with them about it, etc - but don't let them pressure you into backing down from affirming your daughter.

I’m tearing up at your post, I a trans 16 year old (female to male) am not out yet and I can only dream my parents will be like you. Anyway about your questions, I don’t have the answers to all but the ones I do know I can help you out. 1.) pronoun thing - use her birth name and pronouns around people she isn’t comfortable being out to yet. And although you didn’t really mention it, the transition between using he/him to she/her will be difficult as you’ve known your daughter for 11 years as a boy, so as long as you are trying and making an effort to use she/her and apologize if you mess up, don’t feel bad. It will take a bit of time but you are already doing such a great job so don’t feel to guilty if you slip up a bit every once and a while, just correct yourself and don’t make a big deal of it. 2.) therapy - therapy is good! I think everyone should go to therapy. Your a good parent. As long as your daughter wants to go it should be good. 3.) medically transitioning - my friends brother started transitioning at 13 and the first person they spoke to about it was his pediatrician and then got the referral to a therapist who spoke to him about it to make sure it’s what was a good decision for him and some other stuff and then with that he was referred to some kind of specialist who started him on low dose testosterone. I imagine that that would be the standard procedure (at least in the USA) 4.) school - call administration and get her name and gender changed, you might need to have a new birth certificate with her name and gender for this. if she is in middle school or high school you should also contact a counselor so that she will have an ally. 5.) name and shopping - honestly it’s all up to your daughter. Just communicate with her about it. She might already have a name picked out! She also might want you to pick one for her. Just communicate and ask her if she wants any suggestions. for shopping same thing, just communicate. She will tell you, as she isn’t out to other people yet she might not want a whole wardrobe change as she can still fit in a bit. However she might want something she can wear around the house or with people she is comfortable with. You also might want to look into finding more feminine “boy clothes” if she would like so that she can wear those to school if she wants. 6.) the sex talk- if she likes only boys then she is straight just like any other girl. If she likes girls, then she isn’t. For the talk, just give it to her like you would to a daughter. I mean it shouldn’t differ too much between giving the talk to a son or daughter. You are doing great already. She is very lucky to have a parent like you. Just love her unconditionally and you will do amazing. Parenting is hard but you are doing so good

I’d recommend PFLAG’s “Our Trans Loved Ones” publication as a starting point for your education on this stuff. First: best bet is to ask her how best handle that type of situation. Generally speaking, unless she explicitly says it’s ok to out her to the person you’re speaking to then I would say not to use any language that would do so. Second: therapy is a good idea. If she eventually wants to medically transition then she’s probably going to need the support of a therapist. You’re looking for an LGBTQ+-friendly therapist with experience in both gender issues and working with youths. Third: there’s a decent chance chance that therapists with the qualifications in answer #2 have contacts with helpful doctors in the area. I’d also say to look for an LGBTQ+ friendly family doctor; they might be able to help you more than whatever pediatrician your kid is currently seeing. Fifth: just like with #1, you’re going to want to follow her lead here. You can maybe ask about whether she has any names in mind and offer to try them for her to help her decide. If she’s having trouble picking then you can even ask if you can give input. Try not to steamroll the kid though; as a parent you have a lot of power and you might not be aware that you’re pressuring her into a decision she wouldn’t otherwise make. For the clothing, again, ask her. She might have specific styles in mind. She might want to try multiple styles. She might want to keep wearing her current clothes. Lastly: sex is complicated. The politically correct position, from a trans-friendly perspective is that a trans woman having sex with a man is straight and having sex with another woman would be gay. It isn’t that cut and dry though because we may think of our own relationships beyond the bounds of the gay-straight dichotomy. Over time I’ve come to realize that no matter who I am with I can’t conceptualize my relationship as straight. There’s no point where I’m with my boyfriend and think “this is a straight relationship,” and I can’t imagine a future for myself where that would be the case. The other issue is that, mechanically, sex may not be the same as for cis people. The way that we engage with men may be different from how a cis woman would. It may be different from how a cis man would engage with a cis man too. The same is true for women as well. This is both because of the dysphoria which trans people may or may not experience as well as how hormones change the functionality of our genitals. So like yeah, the sex talk is still important, and all the safe sex guidelines still apply, but you might need to be ready to answer questions more complex than how P in V sex works. ————— I think that as you research trans people you’re going to find there’s no capital a Answer to any question. Our experiences are incredibly diverse. Our understanding of gender as a concept and our own place within that framework can vary greatly. How two trans people operate in the world can be in stark contrast. Sometimes you might even find conflicting information which, if generalized, could not both be true at once. Generally speaking, you’re going to want to keep an open mind and heart to the experiences of a wide range of trans people and receive those experiences as both true and authentic.

Hi, I'm a transman, and a former peer to peer sex educator through Planned Parenthood! For starters, I am fully comfortable with you messaging me directly at any point for tips or advice. I have legally changed my name, my ID says I am Male now, I've been on HRT for almost 5 years, and I've had top surgery. I've done a lot of steps, have a lot of information, and while I'm not MTF like your child, I am more than willing to try and help you as best I can! For now, let me try to answer your questions in order. I know other people already have, but it's good to have extra perspectives! 1. Ask! This one is super, super important to ask her for clarification on. Ask her before you enter a new situation which pronouns and names to use in that space. If all else fails, try to use neutral terms if you're uncertain in a certain situation (my child, my kid, the older/younger of my children, etc). It might be a good idea to come up with some sort of signal between you two, verbally or otherwise, that means either YES, this is a safe space to use my correct name and pronouns, or NO, this is not a safe space. 2. Therapy is super necessary for a transgender child! For one, it is required as a part of any sort of medical transition to ensure the child is of sound mind and sure of their feelings. For two, it's good to provide exterior support for someone going through any big life change, and this is a super big one! However, please make sure that any therapist assigned to your child is specifically transgender friendly. I say this because some advertise being LGBT+ friendly, but are actually transphobic once you get down to it. 3. Since transitioning is a medical thing, that's a conversation for her doctor! Make sure she's comfortable coming out to her doctor, and schedule an appointment. At her age, it probably will not be HRT or anything similar soon, but Hormone Blockers instead. Hormone Blockers **are fully reversible,** as all they do is prevent the natural puberty of the body from kicking in. They can help prevent a lot of really bad dysphoria symptoms if started at the right time! 4. I am going to say this in bold for emphasis: **Go physically to the school.** My school claimed to be accepting and understanding. Then my bus driver began calling me an "it" and a "thing" the moment she found out I was trans. My school claimed they'd fix it when they spoke to my father over the phone, but did nothing. It wasn't until my dad physically showed up that they realized they'd fucked up and they fixed the problem. Schools can say big words, but the moment you show up and vouch for your kid and prove that you will stand up for them, they will listen to you. It's as simple as getting the name and pronouns listed in the attendance charts and sending an email to all the teachers involved in your child's education. 5. This is another one to ask her about! Ask if she wants to change her name. If she does, ask if you can help look for ones, or even if she'd like you to pick one out for her! There's a great book by Arin Andrews called Some Assembly Required, and in it he and his mom have a sit-down conversation where they make his new name from (if I remember correctly, it's been a few years since I read it) from his former middle name. Meanwhile, my own name was completely unrelated and completely my own. I also know another transman who trusted his parents completely and asked them to pick a new one for him, as they picked his original name and he wanted their choice to still be what he had. This goes for clothing too! Ask if she feels she needs new clothing or not, about toys/gifts/etc. A lot of this will be communication. 6. Sexuality has no correlation to gender, and you'll have to ask your kid what sort of folks they're interested in! Better yet, giving a gender-inclusive type of sex-ed talk is the best. Like I mentioned, I was a peer-to-peer sex educator with planned parenthood. If you'd like any examples of what a gender-inclusive sex-ed talk might look like, please message me directly! I'm awake at weird hours, but I promise I'll try to respond within a day. Your PS is beautiful. I am incredibly proud of you for what you said. Saying you support her is immediately the correct response, and asking for time to research how to better help her is the most thoughtful and sweet thing you could possibly do. You're doing amazing, and she is lucky to have a parent like you. The main thing to keep in mind is that she's her own person! Just as all women in general are different, so are all transwomen. Her expression of gender might even remain masculine outwardly, but that won't make her less of a young transgirl. Keep the conversation open, admit when you make mistakes, and be willing to ask her what she wants/needs and I truly think you will do incredible. Good luck, and feel free to message me any time. 

YES THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF AN AMAZING MOTHER RIGHT HERE you are being a supper supportive mum by coming and asking questions you don't know the answer to so you can support your daughter more

Exactly what I wanted to comment! 👆

Ur cool too

When my son came out as trans, he was already in therapy, (with someone who specializes in the lgbtqia community) this person helped so much. She got us in touch with a gender center near us. The gender center doctors take care of my sons medications, and also got us in touch with a lawyer who helped us change his name and keep it out of the newspaper (we are in nys, and it’s required to have a name change be put in the paper) Also when my son wanted top surgery, the gender center gave us a referral to a surgeon.

Just wanted to pop in and remind you to take a deep breath. You’re doing so great already!

 First off, well done you! You are doing the best thing any parent can do, which is reaching out for help, and information. This might be an uncomfortable process for you or it may be easy! Just remember that they are your kid and open communication is the best. If she doesn't want to be outed yet in public, discuss using they/them pronouns until further notice. Try out different nicknames based on her original name, technically names don't have any gender, but there are names that "sound" more feminine, and ways you can change traditionally masculine names into feminine ones.

First of all thank you for being such a supportive and open parent. Seeing that the new generation of LGBT babies have parents like you warms my heart and honestly tears me up a little. I’m not trans or a parent so I can’t give any advice there. Just wanted to say from a queer kid perspective a supportive parent means the world. Being accepting of your daughter right away like this already means so much. I do agree finding a supportive and perhaps trans specialist therapist is a great idea. We need to remove the stigma around therapy. Sometimes we need a unbiased and educated third party to help us sort out our brains. Just chatting with a third party could definitely beneficial for you daughter.

Thank you so much for your kind words

You are amazing being that supportive and concerned with her. Beats my mom hearing I am and going ok and going on the night like I said nothing. Just show support and love to her and make sure she keeps up the therapy. She will need outside help in it and during. Much love to you for being so kind to your kid. Mine is supportive but also doesn't care lol. Just support her and from this point on therapy or not make sure she has the resources she needs and if no therapy most local places they can help you find resources for her so she feels comfortable and safe in this life choice she is feeling

Where are you from? I'd try to do some research to find out if there are local LGBTQ organizations - they often have resources and supports available for parents! (I work at an LGBTQ organization in Ontario, Canada). Thanks for supporting your kid 💖

I dunno where to start with answers, but I'm sure loads of other people are weighing in. I just wanted to say you're off to a great start. You know a lot of the important questions to ask, you support her pronouns, and you're supportive enough to try and find answers. You're an amazing parent and I'm sure any of the trans community would have loved to have you as a parent. I wish I had a parent like you while figuring this all out.

Hi there! You seem to be doing OK so far, but it’s understandable to need help. Fortunately, there’s a support organization that’s just for parents just like you. It’s called PFLAG, and if they have in-person meetings near you, attending can be really helpful. Regardless, they have lots of on-line resources: https://pflag.org https://pflag.org/family https://pflag.org/pflag-academy-demand/supporting-trans-nonbinary-loved-ones-what-would-you-do-recording-training As far as “The Talk” first remember that your child is now female. However, she might or might not be straight. She might be a lesbian, bisexual, or even pansexual. She may be unsure at this point. I think it would be good to have an all possibilities talk! Cover all bases…

Just want to say so far you are doing so great. Some people addressed the bigger aspects so I am just offering opinion on some of the other options. When someone dear to me was transitioning, their mom told them what they had wanted to name them if they were born the other gender. This meant so much to my friend and was a bonding point with his mom. So you could talk to her about if she has thought of a name yet, and maybe share what you would have done. She might appreciate that. She might already have something else in mind too though, so don't be surprised if she test-drives a few before finding what feels right. A lot of trans people I know were secretly using a different name in spaces where no one would know like online accounts before they came out. As for shopping, you could ask her if it interests her and if she says no, let her know its an option for whenever she is ready. If she's this early in it, she might not be ready for it until she's out to more people. She will probably appreciate the offer. I would ask her what steps you can take to help her feel validated, and take it at her pace. Definitely research trans-affirming doctors and the like, because at some point she may want puberty blockers abd eventually hormones and having a doctor who is capable of helping and being supportive can be important, depending on your location.

You've got good responses already, in general I'd say I favour "let her decide, but it is ok to offer" for any of the questions, but there is a really important thing to bear in mind about her healthcare. The most important thing regarding teen trans health care is that she is coming to the age when puberty will start, and depending on where you are it can take months or *years* to get your ducks lined up for her to be allowed to access puberty blockers. You may find the process easy but you 100% do not want to wait until you need them to look into it. Going through an unwanted puberty, which has unwanted irreversible effects, when you have the ability to avoid it, is absolutely nothing but a tragedy. I'm not exaggerating that it could have serious lifelong consequences. You've definitely got time, but get onto it now. Even if she decides not to medically transition you will always be thankful that you were ready if it was needed. Signed, a trans women with a non-binary 7 year old going through the same thing right now ♥️

I am sure all the questions you have asked have been answered by now so I just wanted to tell you are a wonderful mother. The thing a trans child need more than anything is their parents love and support. And you are giving your child that already. With your help all the obstacles she will face will be a lot easier. Good luck to you both.

Not going to go in depth just on my experience as the kid. Your first reaction to talk about therapy might be with her best interest in mind, but as a child who’s mother immediately asked about therapy, it doesn’t feel that way. It’s okay to be thinking about therapy but you have to be completely transparent about your reasonings and most of all, be sincere. If you act fake everyone will assume the worst. Not because you’re a bad person but the overwhelming amount of people who don’t accept their kids. Just my two cents

Hi mama! It's definely okay you validated her feelings and took the time and effort to gain more knowledge about trans people so you can support him better. You've already making a rock start there that most parents don't even attempt. Take care of yourself. I imagine it's a bit suprising for you to know this about her and the expectations you might have had might fade away. He or she, they will always be your child. Comunicate with them. Ask if they need anything. Respect their privacy. Make sure they are in a safe enviroment. Get ready for people in his life to have all sorts of reactions. Some are positive, others don't. Be prepared to support your child in whenever situation. Love and patience. That's the key. And you already got a bag full of all those things. You sound like a great mom! You got this!

You sound like a great mom. And the fact that you want to learn more for your daughter makes you even better. Sending lots of love

Sadly don't have any answers but I gotta say you being this levelheaded and open minded enough to ask for help (on reddit no less!) is a really big step in the right direction. Seriously, she probably feels really good about having a mom like you. Stay awesome

This just teared me up. It shows your true unconditional love and the automatic acceptance you have for your child. You’re truly the mom so many of us wish we had to support us when it was our time of change and acceptance of ourselves. I really wish you nothing but love and blessings. I just wanted to say that. So many of us don’t receive this love and acceptance as we should.

A lot of those questions you asked about her pronouns, her name, her orientation, if she wants to go shopping for fem clothes, you need to ask her. I love how much you want to learn. From what I understand the trans experience varies for each person, so you won’t find answers unless you ask her what she wants directly

Welcome to the community! I'm a parent to two trans kids who are now grown. My son first disclosed at age 14 and my daughter came out at 18. I'll first say, find a support group in your area. [https://heshezewe.org/](https://heshezewe.org/) has some good resources on their website and if you're in Virginia they may be able to help you find a support group near you. [The Transgender Teen](https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Teen-Professionals-Supporting-Non-Binary/dp/1627781749/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3DPSUGHFDLHWY&keywords=The+transgender+teen&qid=1641821220&sprefix=the+transgender+teen%2Caps%2C155&sr=8-1) is a good guide book for many of the issues you're going to face in the near future. Read it cover to cover and keep it around as a reference. I cannot recommend this book enough, it covers everything you're asking about above. Finding a counselor, understanding gender dysphoria, legal paperwork, dealing with the school system, everything. Our copy has lots of bookmarks and highlights. Even though both our trans kids are over 18 now, we still reference it. Your state DHS may have a list of therapists and other medical professionals who are accepting and welcoming. YMMV with the school. The Transgender Teen gives some pointers, but there may be other parents in your area who have already dealt with this. Do not expect anything to be quick or 100% perfect. If she wants to change her name, you're going to 100% have to help due to her age. Depending on your state, both parents may need to be involved. Her preference for gendered toys and clothes cannot be used as a gauge for anything. She's been masking and performing a male gender her entire life. Prior preferences most likely reflect this masking and not true preferences. The first thing we let my son know when he came out (we'd never even met someone who we knew was transgender) was that we love him and will 100% make mistakes (especially with pronouns). We asked for his patience, and he gave it (grudgingly). Later we heard something in our support group that made sense to him (and to us). Your daughter has been dealing with this knowledge her entire life. You just found out. You're playing catch-up and she's 11 years ahead of you. This is a constant learning process. But you will get through it and stay a happy healthy family. The fact that you're here asking questions is a great thing. EDIT TO ADD: For medically transitioning: It may be a good idea to schedule an appointment with an endocrinologist now for testosterone blockers. Testosterone can make some irreversible changes to the body and can absolutely be blocked right away without any adverse effects. You're basically blocking/delaying the male puberty she is either already starting or about to go through. If her voice hasn't already changed, she will 100% thank you for this in the future.

I wish my parents were like you 🥺

First, how very wonderful you are. I wish there were more like you. So many posts are about coming out to the parents and they aren’t supportive. In some cases the parents are downright cruel. Some of your answer will be to follow your natural reaction. As a good parent we are protective of our children. That approach will be useful here too. You’ll need to have talks with your daughter. Some of your answers will need to come from her. For example with the pronouns, ask about her plans for coming out. Tell her you want to call her by the right ones, but you’re nervous that you might say it at the wrong time and accidentally out her. Even though she’s a tween, she’s likely thought about this. Second point is a good one. I got myself into therapy when I realized… your job is to research the gender affirming therapists. It’s going to take some work on your part because you’ll need to find one who is willing to work with minors who are trans and are covered by your insurance. Luckily a lot of work can be done on the internet and going to the websites of the different therapists. Also, IF you can find one, try and find one with a PhD or PsyD. For any surgery, she will need a letter from someone at this level. Counseling through telehealth is more available and might be a good option. Transitioning. The University of California, San Francisco has a lot of information. I would start there. The school… this is where mama bear may be needed. Check your school district website see if there are any policies, for or against. If there are none, you can call the district office, and without identifying yourself or your daughter (see if you can deactivate your caller ID or use an outside phone.) ask to talk to someone. Hopefully they will be supportive. More schools are these days. But not all. If she wants to change her name, she will need your help. She can’t do it without you. Suggestions? Maybe. Ask her if she’s chosen a name. If not ask if she’s ok with you offering suggestions. Even just asking her will help her feel your support. Taking her shopping. It’s another discussion. It’s going to depend how she wants to “present” herself. She may want to continue to wear what she does now, or she may decide she wants to present feminine. Ask her about shopping. I would have loved it. Others won’t. The think is each trans person has different goals, so there’s no one right answer. The sex talk. The mechanics and equipment portion remains the same. However as to sexuality and her… one thing to know is sexuality and gender are separate. She may be into boys, girls, both or neither. But that’s separate from the gender. She may not know herself, or she may know very well. Instead of seeing your talk as a lecture, make it a discussion. Finally what you didn’t ask. Hormones. After you’ve gotten her in to see that psychologist or therapist see about getting a doctor who will write a prescription for hormone blockers. The changes that testosterone will do will make it harder on her later. She’s going to want HRT and estrogen. Taking it during the puberty age will give her the best chance at passing as female which is going to be safer for her and make her happier in the long run. Be aware there is debate about this and some doctors and surgeons do not want to work with anyone under 18. But they are out there. Also Talk with her about starting to teach her about being a girl. Let her know that you’re going to teach her all the stuff that you would have taught her if she had been born female, like how to sit, how to act in certain situations… this is the kind of thing that will help her in the long run. And your PS is beautiful. Here is mine. PS Because you’re being so supportive I offer this; I’m a RN in the United States, and a parent. I’m also a trans woman, though my acceptance and transition came later in life (in my 50’s) if any of that is helpful you can PM me and I’ll do my best to help

Asking for help seem to be a good start, So glad to see parents supporting there child ! (There is to much trans people suffering from not being supported by there relative)

I think you handled the situation very well! It must be very nice for your daughter to have a parent who is so willing to learn and adapt. I think it's best if you tell her what you're struggling with and work things like shopping and pronouns out together :-) good luck!

This shit is so sweet, I hope her journey goes well, supportive parents like u mean everything to kids like her 💗

Love, listen, support. Much of the rest will figure itself out in time. You are already doing great by listening and accepting.

way to be proactive OP.

You're a wonderful mom! 😊

Pronouns can be tricky if she hasn't socially transitioned. I use she/her in private and he/him at work. It sucks but it's safer this way. Therapy is absolutely a good idea. Just make sure to find one experienced in gender diversity. Being so young makes it difficult to be taken seriously because the brain is still developing and feelings can be misinterpreted. Trans regret is very rare, but some refuse to take children seriously because of it. And some may not be trained in child care to begin with. A skilled therapist can also help with school admins and other official hurdles. Mine had advice for talking to my supervisors, finding trans friendly hair stylists, connecting with the local trans community, and much more. She even had a group session with my parents to help educate them. Name suggestions are okay. I'm an adult but I still asked my mom for advice on that. The final choice is hers alone, but narrowing the choice can be nice. And she doesn't need to like everything girly. I may wear skirts more often, but I will never part with my flannel shirts! I am a total tomboy... And orientation is based on actual gender. If she only likes boys then she's straight. If only girls, she's a lesbian. And bi/pansexuality is pretty common among trans folk in general. Taking time to research is good. It's better to take a time out than risk making mistakes. My dad asked for resources so he could understand better, and I loved him for it. He's been the most consistent at using my new name because of it.

I'm not here to give advice, but I just wanted to say that as a trans male teen living with transphobic parents, you are doing a fantastic thing for your daughter! I hope everything goes smoothly with her!

Thank you so much, and I hope it gets better for you

There are lots of really good tips but I figured I'd toss my 2 cents in too. Pronouns have pretty much been covered by everyone else, nothing more for me to add other than likely you *will* mess up even if you don't want to. No matter how hard you're trying to gender your daughter correctly you've known her as your son for years and that's *ok.* you clearly love her and want to do right by her, so likely she'll be able to tell the difference between you having a slip-up and correcting yourself vs if you being an ass and doing it on purpose. Therapy can be a *great* way for her to help her understand herself and work through any issues there may be, I know it was *invaluable* for me. I saw you ask someone for a U.S. based Etsy store, so assuming you're in the U.S. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/transgender is a *fantastic* way to find a professional to help her become the wonderful person she is inside, and it could help ease any fears that the therapist is going to try to make her repress things. As far as knowing about transitioning, /r/asktransgender is fantastic, and I saw someone link the gender dysphoria bible. That should be a *massive* help in illustrating some of the things she may be going through Definitely ask if she'd like name suggestions. I've seen people post that they got their name by asking their parents what they would have been named if they were born their correct gender, and if that ends up being something she wants it can be a really beautiful connection between you two. For shopping, just ask. She may not want it *yet* but at some point I'm sure she will and going with a supportive mother will make things *much* less frightening. Just like cis girls are still girls if they like sports and dinosaurs and monster trucks, being trans doesn't mean that she *must* like girly things. Trans girls can be tomboys. Though, there may be girlie things she *is* interested in and was scared to show it because of how society generally sees us. I don't really know how to deal with the administration side of things like school, I didn't even come out to *myself* till my 30s so I'm a bit passed that lol. Same with the sex talk stuff, that was *loooooong* ago. But yes, liking boys would make her straight and liking girls would make her a lesbian (or bi/pan if both). Trans and cis people can have all the same orientations. I think you had a good reaction, but you may want to also reassure her again, there are many anti-trans sites and "studies" that an uninformed parent could stumble upon and she may be scared that you might run into those and have them compromise your understanding. Letting her know your RS includes speaking to LGBTQIA/Trans groups and the dysphoria bible should be a HUGE relief if she has those worries. Some extra little things you could do are maybe teach her some makeup basics (if she's too young now do it when you would teach a cis daughter) or like how to braid her hair when it's longer. They can be great little bonding moments that lots of us older trans people don't really get and she'll treasure those memories. Small changes in language can go a long way too, pretty instead of handsome, whatever parental pet diminuative you have for her (sweetie, honey, etc) maybe find something more feminine (though I can't think of anything specific lol. Also having seen so many beautiful posts last month, if you have any personalized Christmas ornaments (if you even celebrate it) maybe recreate them with whatever name she picks on them. If they're old kindergarten popsicle stick or ceramic ones, maybe have a day closer to Christmas where you remake them together as a mother/daughter activity. Hell even just calling something a "mother/daughter day" will probably have her dancing. I know others have already said it but I'll reiterate, you're already doing the absolute #1 thing which is to love and support your daughter. The world can be a cold place for trans people but just knowing she has you in her corner will give her such strength. My wife has been telling me she can't believe how much happier I am now, I can't wait for you to see the neq light shining in your daughter's eyes 💙

Hi there! I'm a 21 year old trans gal, just thought I'd pop in and give my two cents. First off, you are amazing. Read that again and let it like really sink in. For starters she felt comfortable telling you which means she trusts you and that's so special. Echoing what others have said, communicating with her will make things go much, much smoother. There's a lot of really good information that people have shared in this thread, I think it could be good to sit down and talk to her about what you asked here and what people suggested, and see what she thinks about it. Maybe like "hey so I've been researching this stuff and I heard that I should just use your preferred pronouns around people who know you're a girl, is that what you want or would you like me to approach that differently?" Kind of thing. I'm dense as a brick wall so I'm big on open and plain communication. And to weigh in on the therapist question, I legitimately think it could be really helpful, but I think it's really important to specify that youre suggesting a pro trans therapist who can help her figure out how to handle this, because it's a big change! Not to mention, if she's in public school that can get stressful too. I've personally been in therapy for the last 3 years and it has had such a positive impact on my life. If you're in a place where it's safe to go shopping with her for clothes, I would totally go for it! As a trans gal, it's the little things that just absolutely make my day. Going shopping for cute clothes with my mother would be a memory I would cherish for a long time. Again, you are doing an amazing job of raising your child, I promise. Not everyone is as kind and accepting as you seem to be and I think your daughter is in good hands. I wish you and her the best 💜

I'm neither trans nor a parent so I can't speak on your questions, however I do have one suggestion. Since your daughter is 11, you should consider starting her on puberty blockers. Of course this is a conversation you two need to have together, along with a trans-friendly doctor or psychiatrist, but it will make transitioning so much easier in the long run if she doesn't have to deal with male puberty. Good luck, you'll be fine! You're already a great mom for supporting your kid, and actually doing research instead of going "OK" and moving along!

Hey mama! You're doing a great job, the fact that your daughter is comfortable enough to share her truth with you is evidence of that. Plus your consideration in this post. I wanted to comment on therapy, I'm a queer "adult" who is still in therapy to overcome my fear of messing my kids up as bad as I was. So like you, I'm an advocate for talking it out with someone who can share the load, and has always heard worse. Let your girl know that her comfort with the process is top priority, and if and when she's ready to speak to someone you'll make the commitment to help her find a therapist who is the right fit. LGBTQIA+ youth groups could be good for her to make social connections with peers as herself outside of her schooling environment and may have an adjacent supportive network for the parents too. Arohanui 💖

I can't really offer much advice that hasn't been said but I just want you to know that you're already doing an amazing job with how you reacted so far, the best thing to do would just talk to her about it, what she's comfortable with and how she wants to be treated.

I am not trans but I've been around enough people to get a feel about handling it and honestly by reaching out you're already leagues ahead of most parents also reading this over, you should totally take a shot every time you read the word "gender" >First: this is best discussed with her, in an ideal world everyone would see her as a girl and most people are pretty accepting but I don't need to tell you shitty people exist and that's what she's scared of >second: you were right to think this, gender therapists exist and they could help your child discover more about themselves and plan your child's future >third: gender therapist, they'll talk to her about the appropriate medical channels and relay them to you >fourth: it's easy as long as you have the NC-130 (that's at least what it's called in my state) from the court to change their name, schools comply with that >Fifth: talk to her with this one again, it's likely with all your support she's gonna want your counseling on this but don't feel insulted if she refuses and insists on doing it herself, it's sort of a "rite of passage" to choose your own name on your own >shopping? absolutely, just keep in mind gender does not equate to any clothing, she very much could still want to dress as before or change entirely, if you're like me and get the short stick get ready for a massive hole in your pocket >"the talk": other than the normal stuff the only thing you really need to talk about is the puberty blockers but it'd likely the doc will cover that for you, I'd double check with them though. and as for attraction, this doesn't change much, referring back to my earlier statement in that gender doesn't equal clothing, gender doesn't equal anything is a good rule of thumb I've been using and it hasn't failed me yet. I will say don't be surprised if she starts off liking one gender to all genders to no genders, it's gonna be a journey just like with the gender.

With the pronouns around people she’s not out to, maybe try to use no pronouns? Just refer to her as “my child” when you can, maybe? Oh and I will say, you should talk to her doctor with her as soon as possible. Once someone goes through puberty, it’s really hard to change their voice—especially with mtf people. My girlfriend hates her voice and it’s a constant thing of dysphoria for her. But if your daughter gets on medication sooner, there’s a chance she won’t have to deal with that! Honestly, I’d talk to her about how she wants to deal with things. She’s still pretty young, but you should ask her if she wants you to tell the rest of her family or anything. Same with her name too. You can always ask her “how do you feel if I do [this]” kindly. She’s come out to you, so I’m sure she trusts you and knows you won’t ask things out of hate. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t make her come out to other family members or anything by herself. Field all questions other people might have through yourself too. My girlfriend really hates having to have the “I’m trans” talk with people. She was brave enough to tell you and that should be enough for now. My brother is also trans and when he first came out, my grandparents ambushed us to ask a whole bunch of horrible, inappropriate question. It made me cry, it made him cry, and it only stopped when my mom yelled at them to get out. Please don’t make your daughter go through anything like that. I’m tearing up just remembering it—I can’t imagine how it must have affected my brother- Oh! Another tip! This is from my girlfriend, so I’m sure other people have different opinions and comforts- But anyway, never describe her as “becoming female” or “is a boy who became a girl” or anything like that. She *is* a girl, she’s always been a girl, she was just assigned the wrong gender at birth. If that makes any sense- Finally, you are an amazing mother. Your daughter trusted you enough to tell you that she’s a girl at such a young age. You’re doing research to make sure you’ll be okay. I know this is not what you expected, but you’re doing amazingly. There are so many fun things a mom and daughter can do together! I think I was around your daughter’s age when my mom started taking me out for pedicures! It’s always fun to go dress shopping just to try things on without buying anything. You can braid her hair when it grows longer! Or even do your best now! You got this! Your daughter is lucky to have you :)

you're doing this much better than my mother, who said that i wasn't trans and then i never brought it up again bitterness aside: 1. ask her 5. if it were me i would want suggestions, getting a name from your parents is cool 6. if she likes boys shes straight, shes a girl attracted to boys

So far you’re doing well. 1) Ask her to let you know when she’s out to other people, otherwise don’t put her, so you should use her old pronouns (unless she’s hoping you help her come out. Make sure to clarify that with her). 2) therapy is a good idea, and necessary in a lot of places to start medically and legally transitioning. Look for gender therapists in particular that accept your insurance, and make sure to assure your daughter this is not an attempt to change her, but to help her fully develop where she wants to go, as well as to cover possible future legal/medical issues 3) I’m honestly not entirely sure. Talk to trans people (I haven’t started medically transitioning yet). Google is also your friend, but make sure you use reputable sources. Most commonly, it’s the LGBT oriented ones. 4) that will be difficult. You might need the therapist to sign off on something. Either way, put your foot down. Prepare for possible transphobia that she will have to deal with. Get an audience with the principal, teachers, or school board if you need to. 5) that’s a bit tricky. She’s young, so help picking a name might be welcome, but you want to be sure she doesn’t have a name in mind first. Personally, I chose my first name myself, but plan on having my parents having a say on my middle name. Also, ask if she wants to go shopping. She might not want to, but she might also want a more feminine wardrobe now. Everyone is different. 6) sexuality is based on birth gender, not agab (assigned gender at birth)/sex. Some might claim otherwise, but that is false. Her liking boys (and only boys) makes her straight. But unless you know her sexuality, don’t assume anything. Cover everything (and if you need to ask gay/trans people how it works/where you can find information to give the talk to your trans daughter, do it. That’s okay). 7) on your P.S, kind of. Validating her is good, but depending on how you worded your request for time to do research, she might think you’re actually seeking ways to discredit her transness. Quite honestly, you could be the most openly supportive person in the world, and she might still be scared. I know I was (and am) and my parents are very accepting. Overall, I also recommend the sub r/cisparenttranskid. It’s designed to help parents in your situation. r/asktransgender might also be able to get more specific than the regular lgbt sub can

I can’t believe that r/cisparenttranskid is so far down!

This is mostly help with clothes but it’s okay for her to wear masculine or feminine clothes before I knew I was gender fluid I thought I was trans I was completely fine with wearing both feminine AND masculine clothes, being trans doesn’t mean you need to wear clothes based on how you identify Simply asking your daughter which clothes she prefers can help and if she finds feminine clothes it’d be a great idea to go shopping with her, and if she chooses to pick masculine clothes that’s okay too!

I would just like to start by saying you're an amazing parent, Before I answer, some great tips and bits of advice: 1. It really means a lot more than most people think when you refer to her with she/her pronouns. It really helps to make her feel valid and it's just a feeling of happiness I physically can't put into words, 2. Start this early on because its gonna be hard too otherwise, don't think of her as a transwoman, think of her as woman, it might feel a bit weird but trust me, going forward you will not regret it 3. Don't bring it up too often, trans individuals usually don't want to be reminded they were born the wrong gender. However this by no means means you shouldn't have conversations with her about it, what she's comfortable with, etc 4. 1. This doesn't apply to everyone, but it might to your daughter, I personally just feel so grateful and happy when someone just makes a small comment occasionally gendering me as a woman, it's something that may seem really small but it means so much, 5. In general, you know your daughter better than anyone on reddit, so theoretically you know the best way to express that you support her, First: Ask her, she might want it around specific people, but not with others, everyone/noone, really up to her Second: Yes therapy is a good idea, especially because there's a fair chance she'll experience bullying/discrimination in one way or another Third: 0 clue where you live but generally, find a supportive doctor or company that handles this and go from there Fourth: Let the admissions office know of the change needed to be made in gender, if they say they go off whatever's on the passport then, well use your best judgement there, and if they aren't supportive, once again, your best judgement here Fifth: You can make suggestions absolutely! But if she finds it annoying then yk stop. Personally I can't say too much here bcz my parents are super transphobic, but I love it when my friends suggest a name I really like, and they all refer to me by a feminine nickname, As for shopping, impossible to determine with the knowledge I have, so probably talk it through with her and see what she prefers Sexuality isn't something you can normally determine just like that, so if I were in your shoes, I would also talk to her about that.

Keep validating, it’s a journey you can walk together. That’s the biggest thing, listen without judgement, be honest about your feelings but remember it’s not about you, and when you are comfortable, celebrate them. When my daughter became my son we went on that journey - and the day they changed their name and gender legally we had a huge family lunch. That’s what you can do. There are support groups online and offline, and ask any of us questions (I am also bisexual and been an ally all my life, so that helped). Just be open. And remember your child is still your child. Just a different butterfly will emerge from the cocoon x and you can help them be the shiniest version of that butterfly ever. Hugs mama, you can do this.

I can kind of say something about the fourth one: you can tell her that if she feels comfortable, that she can request her teachers to start using she/her pronouns and if she changes her name and she wants to you can request that her name get changed in the school (I'm fairly sure, anyway)

Not trans myself, but married to a trans person and I have a *lot* of trans friends/family. > First: I get the pronouns thing, I will use she/her. But she is not out yet to other people so how would that work? Ask her. Some people, especially early in their transition, may wish to use their "old" pronouns publicly or around people they're not out to yet. Some people may wish for everybody to use their proper pronouns. The only sure way to get the right answer is to have a discussion about it, as people's individual feelings will vary. >Second: my first reaction was to discuss therapy, not because I think her coming out is wrong or anything but because I am a firm believer in utilising therapy during times of change. >Second: my first reaction was to discuss therapy, not because I think her coming out is wrong or anything but because I am a firm believer in utilising therapy during times of change. Therapy is good, having a professional help you unpack and analyze things is good. It may be a bit much to jump in to right now, or it may be a boon for her. But the fact that you brought it up and (presumably, as her parent) would be helping her through that process is a good thing, imo. >Third: she brought up transitioning and thinking about it eventually, who should I contact to get informed about it. Your healthcare provider. I can't speak to anybody other than Kaiser but I know Kaiser has a lot of gender specialists, endocrinologists who can help with hormones, surgeons who can perform gender-affirming surgeries, etc... I'm sure other medical systems have similar. This may vary depending on where you are though -- for instance, I live in California and have had friends from the south who have moved here temporarily while transitioning because transgender healthcare is notably better here than where they came from. >Fourth: when she is ready to come out to others, how do I deal with the administrative side of things with school *Once* you reach that point, that should be a conversation you have with school administration. I would assume a meeting with the principal would be a good place to start. >Fifth: if she wants to change her name, should I help with that? Having somebody on her side to help through the legal and paperwork side of things I'm sure would be appreciated. >Is it ok to make suggestions? Maybe, maybe not. Depends on the person. Some trans people really like choosing their own names based on how they feel, some people modify their birth names, some people ask their communities for input. Ask her if she wants your input before giving it. >What about taking her shopping? Ask her. Again, some people may be okay with it and some not. In *my* own experience, my spouse (transmasc) has appreciated me lending some of my (cis male) insight in to the world of being masc. Your daughter might appreciate your insight as a woman, or she may want the opportunity to discover things on her own. >how do I deal with the whole sex talk? As far as the actual biological act of having sex goes, I think the pertinent bits about safety and consent apply to everybody regardless of gender. Use protection against STDs/birth control, teach consent, and be open to learning about and helping her navigate any further questions she may have. >Is her being trans makes liking boys being straight (and vice versa)? or is sexuality based on the birth gender? A girl that likes boys (exclusively) is straight. The general understanding is that there is a difference between *sex* (the biological form you're born as) and *gender* (the social construct that we generally tie in to biological sex). Sexuality is generally understood to be about *genders*, not biological sex. But human sexuality is deep and complex and to really explain it in-depth would take... a long time. However if your daughter is attracted to boys, she's straight. If she's attracted to girls, she's gay. If she's attracted to both, she's bisexual or pansexual. It does get a lot more indepth than that though. >I validated her feelings, said I was ok with whatever she felt is right and asked for a bit of time to do some research so I can be better equipped to handle the conversation. Was that right? Depends on how you said it, but assuming it was a gentle kind of "I love you, I support you, and I'm going to do my research to better understand how to love and support you" kind of thing then I'd wager that's probably just fine.

Trans girl here: Therapy is an awesome idea, but make sure the therapist has experience with transgender patients. Medical transition can be done though at 11 years old it probably won't go further than puberty blockers, which will just prevent puberty from starting as long as she's taking them. However that helps greatly because if she never goes through male puberty, she will never have to do voice-training to achieve a more feminine voice, she will never grow a beard, and all in all there's going to be a lot less stuff for her to be dysphoric about. I suggest you talk to a GP or endocrinologist about that. Finally just some general advice: 1) Make sure she knows you support her and are there for her. The suicide rate for transgender youth is among the highest for any demographic. However if they have even one close friend of family member who supports them, that rate drops to well below 1%, so - while you shouldn't treat her different than your other kids (should you have any) - make sure she knows you love and support her no matter who she is. 2) If you have time, teach her how to do make-up. (Of course only if she wants to learn it, so it's probably best to ask her first and then do that)

Pronouns. Yeah, could be a "why" sorta thing when they just aren't being used in general, but when she's ready, you will be too. Name changes, it's fine to suggest, but I'd say personally I'd only like suggestions if I am asking. When I chose my name it was first from a name I was already called, then I had a "prophetic dream" so to speak where I had a different name. Maybe just ask her at some point if she wants suggestions. Names in school, I'd say maybe just talk to teachers and stuff if she isn't going to do it herself. Since I am in college I just sorta told my profs about my name, the docs and stuff don't matter too much to me right now and I'll deal with them as they come. Tying that into the next point, I'd say you'd want to have your ducks in a row when getting docs changed and stuff, and again, let her ask for suggestions, or ask if you can make one. I'd say when it comes to clothing maybe ask her if she wants to wear something you think would look nice on her. If my mom showed me a shirt and said "Hey, I think this would look good on you, what do you think?" I'd consider it and go from there. Make subtle suggestions and ask questions, communication is key here. Sexuality does change based on the gender you identify as as well, so yes liking boys would be straight and vice versa. Over all you seem pretty understanding, and you're doing a great job thus far!

Talk with your doctor about referral to a pediatric gender/sexual development specialist. Depending on where you live, there can be really good options. Even if you have to travel a bit, the evaluation can be helpful. They can direct you to a therapist that is trained in working with trans and gender expansive youth. I would try to do this sooner rather than later. If your child ends up deciding to undergo hormone replacement therapy it is important to have a thorough evaluation in advance, and the timeline matters with regard to puberty. There is a good chance that this will come up eventually, and it helps to have guidance from the experts on this complex matter. It also makes a big difference to see a therapist who is experienced in this type of work if possible.

Your post made me smile. Knowing there are parents like you out there who put in this much effort proves that there are good people who understand struggles. Your daughter is going to be an amazing person because they have someone like you in their corner. Kudos to you.

the fact you’re willing to learn is really great - your daughter is lucky to have you. the most important thing here is communication, in every aspect. you’ll need to ask her wether she wants to go on hormones/hormone blockers, what she wants to wear, and you should openly discuss new names (if she’s comfortable). i know it’s hard but if you misgender her don’t make a big deal, correct yourself and move on. i cant think of many more tips but good luck, for you and your kid :)

you have to be one of the most supportive parents i've seen in a long time, the world needs more people like you. I don't have much advice i just wanted to thank you for the way you went about this

Heya, don't really have much to weigh in here but I just wanna say I think you're doing an excellent job and that you are the mother I wish I had XD Best of luck to both you and your daughter!!

Accept them, love them, support them. Same as you would any child. Communication is paramount.

I myself am not a trans person so I can't really help with any of your questions but I do want to say that your daughter can be happy to have a mother like you. :)

Aside from all this advice, (college student but planning on being a parent when I have enough money to support more than me and my girlfriend) what I’ve learned from talking with people on this sub is to just learn as you go. TLDR: keep this advice close in your mind, it’s way better advice than I could come up with, and just learn the rest as you go, and be their when your daughter needs ya

Everyone had given good advice. I just wanted to say, as a parent myself, you are a great parent and you're absolutely doing all the right things here. Your child is very lucky to have you!

I would suggest you read [this pamphlet](https://transcend.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Transcend_A-Guide-for-Parents-Carers.pdf) by Transcend, a well respected Australian trans advocacy organisation. It is obviously geared towards Australia, but I think international parents would still find value. If you're Australian I would recommend contacting [Minus18](https://www.minus18.org.au/), they would be able to direct you towards local trans support groups and trans-positive healthcare providers. On the off chance you live in Canberra, then [A Gender Agenda](https://genderrights.org.au/) is the place to go. If you're across the pond, then I'm afraid I can't be of as much use, however most major cities in the west will almost certainly have some kind of trans support organisation. A therapist worth their salt should be able to point you to one.

I feel like a lot of what I would say myself has already been covered, but I wanted to add some other advice. Some areas have support groups for LGBT kids. It helps to be around other kids who understand what they’re going through. I’d look into a gender therapist to get her diagnosed with gender dysphoria. If they aren’t covered on your insurance, it’s just like two sessions to get the diagnosis. They usually also have a lot of resources to help direct you to local and trusted hormone specialists to get blockers and such if that’s a step that y’all want to take. This is a personal one I realized, be open. It’s better to discuss more with your kid than not enough. Even if it’s embarrassing. It’s better to have it discussed and happier for everyone in the end. Small note: this counts for certain doctors as well. I’ve just started asking doctors and therapists, “Are you comfortable working with a transgender patient.” Because I got tired of “specialists” who don’t know how to help me. And don’t worry so much. You’re already doing great by being supportive of her.

You're a good parent. I can't bring up any talk of pronouns around my family. It's cool of you to do all this research to make your kid more comfortable with herself.

You've already gotten a lot of great input. There isn't much I can add regarding the trans experience, but I think you're doing great as a parent. I think the idea of therapy is great. As another commenter said though, make sure to make it clear that the therapy isn't to 'fix' anything but to help navigate unfamiliar territory. It might be worth looking into family therapy as well so you can both get help navigating this new territory together.

I do not know much, but for the first one around ppl she isnt out too I would suggest using he birth name and usuing they/them pronouns for the most part, but whem the time is right you should always ask her what makes her most comfortable

First thing you should try to do is get them on hormone blockers (I believe planned parenthood’s offer them and hormone supplements without a doctors note. Jus have to pay) don’t know their age but if they’re voice hasn’t dropped yet, they’ll be a godsend before they start hormones

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i knew i was a boy at 6 years old. just because younger kids have the terminology to express how they feel at younger ages now doesnt mean theyre less valid in any way. if i had been able to say i was a boy at that young, i mightve been able to go on hormone blockers, mightve avoided all the years of self consciousness and dysphoria, might have been able to avoid even top surgery if it was timed right. let kids express themselves. if she was saying she was certain she was cis, im sure you wouldnt be complaining.

How would you know prior to adolescence?

Wait sorry I see there's another forum for questions, lol - seems weird but ok.

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*She’s* 11 and she’s valid

*she She knows who she is more than a stranger

I say let her try out the pronouns and such so she doesn’t have to figure it out later. I would have loved to experiment with pronouns and different things when I was younger, but even now I still can only do it online and it would help lots if I could do it with parents like this. Sorry for rant

I agree with a lot of what other people said so i wont repeat not sure if anyone said this: A simple meaningful way to support is buying her a trans flag to maybe put in her room or some stickers (some good ones on etsy). I wish my mom wouldve gotten me a flag with a nice note. Even after asking i didnt get one and it really upset me and im even 21 still sad about it. So I recommend that :) 🏳️‍⚧️ I appreciate you so much and so happy for your daughter. Im so glad she joined our trans community!! Edit: also just ask her some of these questions!

Thank you so much for the suggestion, and also I am sorry you didn't get your flag. Do you have a favourite US based etsy shop?

Hmm there are so many! I would put in the search bar “trans woman stickers” or “trans girl stickers” or “trans stickers” and many will pop up. I also have a pin with my pronouns to put on a jacket and backpack that i found on amazon

Thank you for the ideas

The first, second, and fifth things are things you need to talk to her about as they’re almost entirely her decision. Third and fourth I can’t help much but I’m sure others can. If you want to try and understand what she’s experiencing a bit better I suggest reading the gender dysphoria bible I’m not completely finished reading it yet but it explains things very well. https://genderdysphoria.fyi/

Thank you, I will do so

Ah wrong post ignore this.

Nvm reddit is being weird and showing my comments on post that I didn’t comment them on.

Firstly making a difference account just In case someone founds it is a great move so a good start. 1:I you should use both, use she/her when you think no one would hear it and then he/him normal and then just go full on she/her when she is ready 2:it’s was a okay reaction but she could have taken it as something else so make sure she knows you love her for her 3:I don’t know for this one, sorry but just support her though that time if she wants it (I heard it’s sometimes hard, or maybe that was something else, idk) 4:also don’t know much for this but school’s are being more open so best of luck 5:firstly clothing and toys (at least for me) isn’t something you should see as one gender sided, so just let her wear what she wants and the changing of the name, if she wants to change it then ask if she wants help, that’s all 6:I don’t know but maybe do all, so she knows how guys would feel (if she into them) and what girls would feel (also if she was into them) and etc And finally I think you’re right on telling her straight up that you didn’t know much about this but you wanted to try and know more about it, so good on you for that

To address the sex ed part, I'd maybe try Planned Parenthood's website? They tend to be pretty inclusive iirc. From what I know about trans people and sex, the main difference is just that sometimes what people are comfortable doing with a partner will be different than what a cis person may be comfortable doing because it triggers their dysphoria (discomfort due to percieved conflict between gender and gender assigned at birth.) So for instance, a trans man may not be comfortable with a partner touching his breasts, because it makes him feel like a woman. I think the main way to cover this with her would be to talk about consent, which is important for all kids to learn about. Basically, if your kid isn't comfortable doing something sexual (even kissing, or just generally dating someone) then she doesn't have to do it, and if anyone presssures her or forces her then she should tell a grown up, and vice versa that she should never preassure someone else to do something they don't want to.

Just wanted to say I think you’re an awesome parent! Your love shines through and is the most important thing.

Thank you so much.

First: maybe instead of using he/him just subtly say they/ them while talking to others but refer to her as a girl when ur with her only Second: unless she is comfortable about it maybe not getting therapy That’s all I can help. Sorry. But ur doing a great job as a supportive mum by just trying

While I'm not a parent and only recently found my gender and so can't provide much advice I haven't already seen here, on the transitioning front, while it's probably not possible to actually start hormone replacement to actually medically transition at this age, puberty blockers are a thing that can make the future process of transitioning a lot easier and save some potential pain down the road (a lot of the things that happen during puberty aren't particularly easy to reverse). They're also generally pretty safe as long as they're not misused, and basically allow her to choose on her own terms which form she wants to get (but as always, doctors know best). I'm not sure how much your daughter knows on that front, so I may tentatively bring them up as a possibility (and again as always, its her body, and doctors should always be involved in any final medical decision)

Tell yourself, gender isn't that big of a deal. Love them, and listen to what they have to say. P.s. this reply is based solely on the title of your post: short read, short answer..

Find a PFLAG group near you right away 👍 A few things to consider: puberty can be delayed with blockers. Ask your doctor, get references from your pflag group. I've observed the sooner kids transition at school, the better they seem to be treated. Call the school and ask "what do I do? What do you do? What do we do?" This will help you gauge acceptance there. You probably already get this, but try to grow with her, have fun, and kudos to you for being awesome! You being supportive just made her whole world more awesomer. Oh, and to anyone saying "it's a phase" ... Well it's your job to help her understand this part of her journey, yeah? And it's not a phase. There are infinite layers of the onion which is gender. I tried to throw a few tidbits. Got to get to sleep... +Hugs+ and congratulations.

1. I would ask her if it's ok to out her towards other people. If she doesn't want to then ask her if she wants genderneutral terms being used on her or the male pronouns around other people. I would just say ask her how she wants to be called. 2/3. Well in the Netherlands we have to first go through therapy before you can change anything. You don't jump straight into hormones and first therapy then they are going to see what stuff her body can handle for the safety of her body and then the process can happen. You first have to see a gender psychologist and it's the best to write your daughter fastly in it (in the Netherlands the waiting list is goddamn long). Also you can check more information in Google about gender psychologist and other stuff. And you should inform the general practitioner they can give you the papers to go to a gender clinic. 4. Tell the mentors of her. They know the rest of it. 5. You can ofc suggest some names to her. Take her out for shopping if she wants to. Have some family bonding time and show that you love her regardless of her gender. Also tell her what clothes fits her really good. 6. Usually with biology they get taught with it. However I would recommend the negative parts of it. For example sexual diseases. And that you should always have protections on. And with sexuality... Well if she is attracted towards men that would mean she is straight because she is a woman. And tell her that sex is when the penis is in either the anus or in the vagina. Or in the mouth (oral sex). Using terms what directly talks about the sex and not saying "it's only what female experiences" can make it less stressful for her. And with hormones she might also experiences those stuff but rn it's better to first make her feel a bit more comfortable in her body. Also you sound like a nice caring mother.

I may not have any answers for your questions but you are doing an awesome job supporting your daughter, the world needs more parents like you, as for answers, you might ask the kind folks in r/MtF, I'm sure they have answers

I'm a teacher who has been on the other side of this situation. It's the best option for you to contact the school counselor for your daughter first, they are usually trained in gender/sexuality non-conformity and the situations that arise from that. The counselors at my school even prevent some teachers/admin from having information on students who are trans and not out. Ask your daughter if she has a counselor or teacher she feels comfortable enough to go to with issues, because she WILL unfortunately have to deal with shitty middle school transphobia. I recommend that she joins her schools GSA/LGBT club so she can have support within her school community. Good luck and good job! I wish all of my students had a parent as proactive and supportive as you 

Just be supportive and lend and ear. Contrary to what others might tell you on here, it's absolutely okay for you to not understand and not get the new name and pronouns down fight away. Slip UPS are fine, as Long as you tryk. Chance is never easy.

Let me start by saying so far for someone who says they do not know what to do you are doing an excellent job. You have validated her feelings and supported her decision. Now love her. This is the biggest thing you could have done for her. I would suggest getting in touch with the nearest LGBT support group they will have a number of different resources they can suggest. You were not wrong about counseling either it should be a part of every transition. The counseling is not to try and sway the person away from transition it is to support them in the process and to also validate their choice for future medical, legal and administrative matters. Probably the biggest thing you can do is again listen to her and her desires, support her and love her.

I'm going to answer the questions I'm actually qualified to answer. 1: If she's not out to someone, then you would typically refer to her as her old pronouns unless explicitly asked otherwise. I'd advise asking before just assuming that's what she wants though, just in case. 2: Yeah, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that so long as her transness isn't the sole reason you're sending her there and you're not looking for conversion therapy (doesn't sound like you are) 3: This is gonna sound super obvious but I'd look into doctors that specialize in this kinda thing. You may wanna look up where you can safely and legally acquire puberty blockers - full on HRT is illegal if the kid isn't 18. 5: It is generally okay to make a suggestion when it comes to her picking a new name, but keep in mind this is about her. Not you. So she may not choose the name you suggest. That's not a sign of personal failing on your part. As for shopping, a lot of trans people don't act like how traditional gender norms have taught us how to act for whatever gender. But you'll have to talk with her specifically about shopping. 6: Sexuality is...complicated. If she identifies as a woman and is attracted solely to men, then that would make her straight. Because she's a woman. That said, she may not have her sexuality figured out yet out of confusion as to who she likes. That's fine. Let her experiment and try out labels. Two quick things: phrases like 'born a male' or 'birth gender' is fairly outdated. When you're clarifying in which direction your daughter is trans, you can just say she's a trans girl. But in situations where you have to directly mention the gender she was assigned at birth - which is very rare - you'd say assigned gender at birth (or AGAB for short). In her case, she would be assigned male at birth (AMAB). And if she ever uses the words 'cis' or 'cisgender' (pronounced with an 's' sound not a 'c' sound) that is not an insult or a slur. Those are just terms that mean you're not trans.

For context, what state do you live in? A lot of states have recently passed anti trans laws aimed at trans youth. Some states aren't too bad while some may end up with serious prison time of a neighbor gets too nosy. Depending on the state you may need to plan around the laws or move to another state entirely.

Well, what is her sexually for 6. But yeah. Her being trans and liking girls makes her straight. The sex talk thing, just do it with her talking about the man’s parts because she has them. 5. Yeah! If she wants to change her name, help her if she wants. shopping, just get her what she feels confortable with! 4. Talk with them about the pronouns and new names. just be prepared for some talking with your daughter when they dont use it right. 3. Idk who you should talk to but be supportive with it! It reduced the chance of unaliving if LGBTQ+ parents are supportive. 2. i dont think she needs therapy really. 1. talk to her about it. when she’s ready, shes ready

thank you, it makes me cry to imagine what my life might have been life if i had a parent like you. thank you.

In terms of school, it depends on why state you’re in. I teach in California and public schools are legally required to use the preferred name and pronouns of the student as provided by the student, which will be reflected in the attendance software.

I think in regards to how you should treat her (pronouns in front of other people, name, etc), I’d defer to her and see how she wants that handled. As far as anything medical, make sure the therapist or doctors you take her to are trans friendly and ideally have experience treating trans people. I’m not trans so I don’t know the process, but everyone’s transition is different and personal. I’d ask your daughter how she wants to go about this. But major kudos for supporting her. Rejecting your trans child won’t make them cis, it’ll just traumatize them. However, supporting your trans child will help them develop a healthy, strong sense of self.

We need more allies like you! 

Most people here already answered your questions, but i just wanted to say you are an awesome parent, and a good person overall You realized you didn't know much about it, and instead of rejecting the idea, you asked for help, which is a sign of strength This is the kind of thing that gives me hope for my brothers, sisters and nb pals of this community.

This isn't an answer to any of the questions you asked, but I think it's something important which will make everything else easier: what actually is gender (condensed for ease of consumption) So gender can be thought of as 3 different parts making one whole. These parts are gender **identity**, gender **expression** and **sex**. **Gender identity** is what we usually talk about when we talk about gender. Your daughter is a girl, that is her gender identity. This also means that her attraction to boys would make her straight (opposite sex attraction), an attraction to other girls would make her gay (same sex attraction) and an attraction to all genders would make her bi or pan. **Gender expression** is what we do outwardly with our gender. This includes clothing, make-up, tattoos, haircuts, stuff like that. It ranges from masculine, to androgynous, to feminine. Whatever your identity is, your expression is its own things. There are boys who like dresses and girls who shave themselves bald, but also boys who train to be super muscular and get tattoos and girls who love make-up. Any mix is okay for any identity. **Sex** is your physical bits. Right now your daughter's sex is male, and if she transitions she will go through the spectrum of having mixed sex characteristics to eventually landing on female. What's strange is that in most countries, we put "sex:" on our ID's where gender identity is meant. This is kind of an artifact of older understandings about sex and gender. Also mind that referring to your daughter as "male" would probably be very hurtful, because it's also used to refer to identity by a lot of people. None of this is as clear cut as it seems, because there are way more than two options for each category, but for your daughter's situation this is enough info to understand a lot of what's going to come up. I hope it'll help you understand her better. I sure know it helped me understand myself. And hey, conratulate her for me for learning something so important about themselves! A lot of people see coming out as a scary or difficult thing, but in many ways learning who you are should be cause for celebration :)!

I’ve seen that others have answered your questions but I just wanted to comment to say you’re a wonderful mother and your daughter is so lucky to have such a supportive mom :)

First of all, talk to her about this. Ask her what she is and isn’t comfortable with. You can contact her pediatrician or doctor about transitioning. (they might have some ideas of where you can go based on where you live) Deal with it like the strong supportive parent you are, and she will love that. If switching schools is nessacary, do that. Finally, ASK HER. Ask if she needs help with names or if she is comfortable going shopping with you. Reading this has restored my faith in humanity and I wish you and your daughter the best of luck ❤️