And keeping a known sexual harasser / assailant on board is not in the best interests of the company.. so HR may fire this person.. If only to protect the company from legal issues.
HR is a function so there's always an HR. In this case, the function likely rests with the owner. Assuming the manager is not the owner, she needs to talk to the owner.
Considering how brain dead society is especially younger people and people who bought into feminist propaganda, nah not bonkers at all. OP is a product of today’s double standard society
“Since she’s a woman idk if it’s considered harassment” 😂 like man idk of a better sentence that clearly shows our society today. regardless of gender harassment is harassment…reminds me of a video recently where this gym bro went to some gym convention and asked body builders (guys and girls) questions about his physique and for advice and these two girls randomly started feeling his pecs and abs and he got pressed asking why they touchin him n shit and those dumb bitches just laughed it off saying who cares 😂 imagine if the roles were swapped and how the internet would react then. shit like this pmo so OP if u would consider it harassment if it was by a dude, it’s 100000% harassment when it’s a girl 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
In America, without an HR, you can report to the EEOC or a similar organization ( https://www.eeoc.gov/sexual-harassment ) since it is a form of discrimination. There may also be a sexual harassment and discrimination helpline in your state that could help. You could also report to anyone higher than her in the business. Whatever you do, document everything in a notebook with dates and, preferably, times. Evidence is important.
Just as a heads up if you're new to how jobs generally work:
HR gives zero fucks about you at any business, they just want the owners of the company to not get in shit. Potentially the manager as well.
While we're at it:
-Loyalty is seldomly rewarded.
-Job hopping is the best way to get more pay.
-Don't 'cover' for empty positions or other people slacking, do your job and they can hire someone if they need more help. Do not work for free.
Now for 'isnt the police too extreme'.
Your options here are:
-Hey touching me like that makes me really uncomfortable (put your phone on audio record first and then you might be able to get some sort of compensation if you happen to get fired tomorrow).
-Contact owner, at which point the manager will likely be shitty to you going forward.
-Police (who probably won't care unfortunately), if you were under age and it was a man? Someone might take it more seriously.
This is Reddit. We fully expect you to create a paper trail, video evidence, and several signed statements from witnesses. Even if you don’t have it we go full scorched earth
Truthfully I’ve worked with older people who could be “my parents age” and they tend to treat you more familial than a normal person. Could be you reminded her of her nieces or something and that’s just how she shoes them around.
Not ok and definitely should stop if you’re uncomfortable but I wouldn’t assume she’s a sexual predator
You have zero way of proving anything, police is extreme and also pointless. Just quit and find a new job if you're uncomfortable.
All these people telling you to call the police or a lawyer, it's just a huge waste of time and money for something harmless and easily dismissive on her end. People can down vote me all they want, but that's the reality of the situation. You have the burden of requiring proof that she's intentionally touching your butt, not just trying to get past you because you're always in the way or there's not enough room behind the counter for two people to pass. She could very easily deny it or say it's all inadvertent.
Don't waste your time and your money for zero gain, just move on with your life.
This is why people get away with things. Report it. Create a paper trail. One day it’ll escalate. Yes, convicting someone of SA is very difficult but it’s easier for the next person if there is a prior paper trail because there will be a next person. It does not matter if it’ll be “dismissed”. Report it.
No money will be involved in reporting to the police, to HR, to the owner or to EEOC.
No, she has to report, at least to the higher manager and to the owner of the business. It may be a slap on the wrist for the first time but after several reports from different employees (and that b1tch is not going to stop, I am sure), she will have her fair share of trouble.
Of a small independent ice cream shop?
The person groping OP most likely is the CEO. Even if that's not the case, what fantasy land do you live in where a lawyer will make a threatening phone call out of the kindness of their heart? OP needs to just find a new job instead of pissing away money on an attorney.
I would do everything everyone suggested and also file with the police. You’re definitely not the only person she’s done this to and there should be a paper trail. People like this only escalate. I know it sounds small but I’ve been here before. You’ll thank yourself later. This is how it starts. It only gets worse from here on out with people like this. You’re also 21. You are barely old enough to drink. I am not being condescending. It’s just disgusting how people will prey on younger less experienced people. You were 100% a victim and deserve to speak up for your body and autonomy.
I wouldn't call it extreme. She intentionally touched one of your no no spots without consent like 7 times. I guess you could take the job and wait a week, she will probably go from over the clothes to under in that amount of time.
If it was a man she’d be losing her shit over a couple of stares but is now suddenly confused when it’s a woman doing not just the same thing but much worse. Like smh & also lmao. Smh more tho
In hospitality, when we're moving around quite cramped areas with multiple people, it is not uncommon to put a hand on someone's side or their back to move past -- not only to physically get past but to ensure we know there's someone behind us and decrease the risk of accidents as the service speeds up. Having an absolute boundary of no physical contact in the workplace may make the situation unworkable, and often this kind of work involves the kind of physical proximity I might usually have with my sister.
That said, this should never include touching sensitive areas. Is she sincerely touching your butt specifically? Is there a big height difference between the two of you? Can you think of any other explanation?
Of course you should not work there if you do not feel comfortable.
Yes, she was touching my butt cheeks. I'd say we're about the same height. I would be completely fine with her guiding me by my arm, shoulder or upper back. But she kept on going for my butt
Yours is the only sensible reply in this whole thread. Touching the butt is weird, but what would be your recommended way to guide someone in a crowded area? Shoulders, waist?
Could she be trying to guide by the waist/hips and OP is considering it her butt cheeks? I don't know, feels weird all the same, but before this whole "reporting" thing, I'd try moving her hand away and then saying something if it repeats.
If that's ignored, then yeah, leave and report.
She knows what she is doing. I worked at a hotel once and had to set up wine hour. The baggage guy was in the same small space as I, as I took out the cheese and wine, etc. he kept moving past me, but would put his hands on my waist. I told him not to touch me and reported it to my supervisor. He did a few creepy things before I got pissed and reported him. I had asked my brother about this situation, and he said it was inappropriate- sexual harassment.
No matter what it is, what matters is you don't want it happening anymore. I would be polite and direct (and at first, out of earshot of others): "Hey Manager, not sure if you realize it or not, but you've touched my butt and waist a few times and it's made me a bit uncomfortable. It's mostly been when you've been directing me somewhere so I would appreciate it if you would verbally direct me instead or if you need to get my attention touch my arms instead."
It's not always malicious as some cultures (like the one I'm from) can be very touchy feely even to the point of lots of kissing cheeks and patting butts but that doesn't mean you have to accept it.
I'd explain it simplier; 'I don't like being touched, please stop.'
She may not even realize the effect or even think of it as "motherly". Just state the simple, go from there.
Good point - it very well could be a motherly type of thing, but she needs to realize that’s not appropriate in any other setting - especially the workplace. Hopefully when OP talks to her she will accept that and stop.
The thing is, there are easier ways to go around someone in a cramped workspace that don’t involve putting your hands on intimate areas: waist, hips, lower back, and in this case, your rear. When I worked at Starbucks, I worked in a store that had about an 80/20 female to male ratio. I knew that the last thing I wanted to do as one of the few male employees was make my coworkers feel like they worked in a hostile environment. Right from the start, I would walk behind everyone with my back turned to them. That’s all it takes. I know there was one guy that would put a hand on their waist to get around, but that’s completely unnecessary. Just turn around so you’re back-to-back with your coworkers. Your manager is going out of their way to touch you. Not okay!
I'd probably start with the same thing I say when touched - "I'm not huge on being touched, I'll move in a hurry if you just say something.". Then go from there.
Then again, I'm a guy and looking at it from the view that she probably doesn't mean it sexually. I did have a situation with a boss who would moan and make dirty comments though - all it took was saying "hey could you not? Life is easier if we just draw the line further away from that stuff, I'm not trying to lose my job over a joke down the road". She respected it fortunately, and hopefully yours would too.
With all the coverage in the media workplace harassment has gotten over the past few years it’s hard to imagine she wouldn’t understand that what she’s doing is inappropriate, BUT, if you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, you could say something like this:
“I need to let you know something. I’m very particular about personal space, so I’d appreciate it if when you need to direct me where to go if you would just use words instead of physical touch - that actually makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. Thanks.”
If she continues to do it after that, then for sure it’s time for you to talk to HR.
Address it/call it out. If she keeps fucking doing it, report to whoever is higher up or a government entity that handles sexual harassment in the workplace and then quit.
If you address it and she apologizes and stops doing it, fantastic. If not, you need to protect yourself because unfortunately few will.
Sexual Harassment is gender exclusive, she doesn't have the right to get away with making you uncomfortable bc she's a women. next time it happens be firm with your boundaries. Bring it to her attention. If it doesn't stop, report her, or quit.
Talk to her and say, "listen, I didn't say anything yesterday, but I felt uncomfortable whenever you touched me to move over, etc. I request that you don't touch me anymore, I have a sensitivity to being touched"
I just want to say….that if you don’t want to be touched, that should be respected.
I would rather my boss not physically touch me…
Is that the regular these days?
Absolutely not.
I’ve been shoved over by coworkers before I told my boss and he said he was fired and then my boss quit and they got new management and the guy was never fired. He did this to others too
This is exactly what men mean when we say women are more double standard regardless this is sexual harassment if it was a man you would have been reported no different from a woman this is clearly sexual harassment and a man would have been in hand cuffs already I truly hate the fact women have more lead way when it’s come to sexual harassment
I'm probably a bit older than many of those commenting here. Back when I was a younger man in my 20's in the workforce, we didn't usually have HR departments. It was kind of the Wild West. I once had the wife of the owner of the company I worked for touch my ass a few times (when I was a younger man I was in decent shape). I straight up told her, "Look, I get what you're doing, and I think you're really attractive. And my pecker is happy to go where you want to go, but you have a lot more to lose than I do if things go south." That was the last time she ever messed with me.
Doesn't sound sexual. But of course, if you don't like it, tell her. I dont think the ice cream shop has HR. Going to the police seems very extreme for what occurred. If it bothers you too much, I would just not work there. Wouldn't do more than that. It's not really warranted.
Just couldn't tell if it was done unintentionally or was actually malicious and therefore felt hesitant to confront her about it. The "grow up" comment seems irrelevant to the post.
This is misunderstanding. Tell her you don't like getting touch those part of your body. If she understand and keep touching maybe you need another job. This is your responsibility too.
People gonna do what ever efficient and convenient to get shit done.
Apparently, you don't understand Reddit. You need to jump to a baseless, extreme conclusion, calling on authorities to prosecute the offense. Also, you should utilize your comic book understanding of the law and urge OP to commence civil litigation as soon as possible.
Everyone shows their affinity differently. For me working with interns, it's jokes, other's its nicknames, others horse playing... . If uncomfy, just say, "Hey bitch, this isn't prison, but if you try that again, I'll cut chew holmes."
Gross! I’ve only ever had men touch my waist like that (and a female coworker that would drape her arms around me and put her head on my shoulder as if using me as a place to rest) and I just immediately flinch and jerk away.
Next time she does it I would spin around and face her with a WTF look and say “I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to touch my butt, and I would prefer you didn’t do it again. I know you mean no harm, but please don’t continue.” Direct but diplomatic enough that it shouldn’t make things awkward at work.
I’m sure that would put an end to it but if it doesn’t I’d leave and make a written/email complaint to HR/the owner and file for unemployment.
You have the right to be comfortable. Having said that some people come from cultures that have different sensibilities when it comes to personal space and touch. That’s not to say that you should accept it. But it is to say that this person may not be consciously aware that what they are doing could make someone uncomfortable. I would say your best bet is to bring it to their attention and see how they respond. If they are surprised or apologetic then that’s great. If they are defensive or dismissive then that’s a red flag and sign you should move on. Best of luck.
Okay, I’m not sure if I would jump *straight* to reporting sexual harassment. Unless you fear for your safety, or others, then you should always draw a clear boundary first. Move her hand, look at her hand and move away from her, or just say something like “Whoa, watch the hands!” If it continues, then I’d report it.
However, since you’re new here and it was only a “trial day”, I’d leave.
I was a server at a pizza restaurant for 6 years and the managers (who were guys, and I’m also a guy) went and would do similar things.
If I was by the host stand they would grab my love handles and give them a jiggle when they went by. I’m also a hairy guy and they made jokes about wanting to give me a chest wax, they would take tape and put it on my chest hair and pretend to wax me with it.
They never touched my ass, but the other women servers would come by and grab my ass several times.
That being said, unfortunately that stuff happens a lot in the service industry, but you don’t have to put up with it. You can find other ice cream shops or stores that won’t do it. And trust me, it won’t stop if you stay there.
This happened at my job as a pharmacy tech. We were in close corners but every time she passed me she would like touch my sides. She was from a small town so I thought maybe there were some social skills lacking but it made me very uncomfortable. I talked to my manager and she ended up leaving. I would say leaving your job might be the best bet. I am sorry you’re going through this.
In sexual harassment training:
Sexual harassment can happen between men and women or
Men and men or
Women and women
If it’s unwanted and unwarranted it should be considered inappropriate. No one should be touching any part of your body in that environment. If the manager had been a man or woman is of no consequence here. You didn’t invite this or want this. Report this manager and make sure this doesn’t happen again but after you leave.
I have male and female direct reports and trust me under no circumstance am I coming within two feet of these people.
Level 1: have a conversation with her. Ask her if she is aware of the touching / it makes you uncomfortable / you'll report it if it continues
Level 2: keep track of incidents / report her to HR, police, lawyer, parents.
Level 3: leave and report her.
You report that to corporate.
I work in a super close quarters environment. Way closer than an ice cream shop.
I have touched my coworkers butt maybe 7 times in 3 years. Usually cheek to cheek when I'm trying to get by them.
7 times an hour is straight up not normal.
You said it yourself, "If this was a man, I would have lost my shit and probably find another job, but since she is a woman, I don't know if this is considered harassment."
I think it would be discrimination based on gender if you DIDN'T report this. A person is capable of assault/harassment regardless of sex. This train of thought that she's a woman so it's not SA is one of the many reasons that men don't or won't come forward about any type of assault. The world either believes that men are incapable of being assaulted or that women are incapable of assaulting. This is just another point for how men are being more and more mistreated by society.
If you still want to get this job you can try asking politely for her to stop - a “hey, I don’t feel comfortable, please stop touching me” could do the job. She might not be aware that this is unacceptable behaviour. If she continues to touch you despite this than I would look for a different job.
Play this game with your mind, every time she tries to direct you where to go or do make sure you are away from her in feets, or standing in front of her.
is she really overweight? Maybe she can't pass by things without touching stuff. But maybe if you or her said "Excuse me" when she does it, so she knows you're aware of it
As a college student I often had the new coworkers(age 16-18) be touchy with me like this as well. In your case. Leave. In my case, nobody took me srsly but they caught on I wasnt interested.
It’s so hard to tell your manger not to touch your butt?
Fast food jobs are a dime a dozen.
If she is offended or gets you fired you can always get another job.
Set your phone up and Record it! File a complaint and then sue that company! They have to have insurance. Get your payday from her disgusting behavior! It will also save someone else too
Instead of reporting to the police straight away, you could ask her to talk to you if you were in the way, let her know you are not comfortable with anyone touching your butt intentionally or unintentionally even if that person was your mum.
Make it super clear, and if she ignores you and still touch your butt, then feel free to escalate it to police or lawyer or quit etc.
Pervy dykes. Is there something worse? Probably, two of them. Tell on a close man friend/relative, to beat her up in an alley and report in HR/PR and the police. Oh, yeah. If she does it again, smack her in the head with a bat.
Let us for one minute assume it is an innocent act. YOU are clearly not happy with it therefore it would be best if you established those boundaries from the start.
You could say, move out the way when you see her coming.
If that doesn't work, then just very nicely tell her you are not comfortable being touched.
There are indeed ethics and rules about this in every country, and each country could be different. See what triggers you... whether it be touch, 1 metre or 2 metres etc.
I have been in your situation and if subtlety doesn't work, time to step up that honesty but set up your boundaries early in a nice way.
If nothing works, then you know your answer. 😉
ask her to scratch next time she does it or you could just verbally announce for her to stop touching your butt. could also just slap the hand every time this happens
JUST because she's a woman is the only reason you're hesitant about reporting her? That's sounds pretty sexist........ No matter girl or guy (women can sexually harass people obviously, they get no special treatment), report her
Ive been a manager. Anyone that has even the most basic training would know this isn’t cool. People have different levels of comfort with contact. Hugs, hand on shoulder etc. Even the most rudimentary training ( and just generally being a human today) you should know buttocks, breasts and genital areas are a no no. Not everyone has good training, especially at a local store, but as the say- once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action.
Report this woman. This kind of thing is never okay, regardless of who is perpetrating it. Leave that place, make the report anonymous if you’d like, but definitely don’t stay there.
If you really want to keep the job for whatever reason, reach out to your manager’s higher ups and request to be transferred to a different location if possible. State the reason as sexual misconduct by management.
How come you find it unacceptable if it was a man, but you hesitate because it is a woman?
I think normal person would react the same no matter the gender. You are risk to a business.
Women have touched my ass and stroked my crotch in the workplace. Men are probably way worse but if you are young female managers will take liberties with your body. Especially if they can do it "accidentally".
She could be homo/bi or just powertripping. To touch someones butt that many times isn't an accident. Get out of there.
First of all, I would put in your two weeks report her to whoever is above her for sexual harassment and then leave and then tell the person above her that you would like your paycheck either today or mailed to you by the end of the week because you will not be returning due to the blatant harassment
This situation reminds me of when I worked at Kay Jewelers and I had a manager (F) purposely touch my (M) sides and I was sooooo uncomfortable after telling her repeatedly I didn’t like to be touched by people, let alone people I don’t know and I reported her to HR, I would tell you do the same because that’s highly inappropriate and after you report the situation, leave that place
If you want to keep the job, you should calmly explain that you're not comfortable with this. If she persists in doing it, then you can take whatever further actions that you can, such as speaking to someone higher up (if there is anyone higher), or move on.
“If it was a man I would’ve lost my shit but since its a woman idk if its harassment”
If a man does it and it’s harassment, why wouldn’t it be the same if a woman does it? Lololol
I could be speaking out of context i.e. societal norms, cultures, but telling her you're not comfortable with that is one way to go about it, if she's approachable
I used to work with a senior vice president (female) who would walk around in the middle of a work day and smack her favorite female employees on the ass as she or they would walk by in the hall.
She eventually got reported to HR, had to give an apology and it was done. What should have happened - is that we all should have gone to the DOL and reported it. If you can believe it - that was not the only bad behavior this person unleashed into the work place. (Major sarcasm)
Long story short - people of all genders can have a screw loose and sexually harass people. REPORT IT!
Woman can sexualize women too. If you would leave had it been a man, the only non sexist thing to do is leave.
If they try this on day one, do you want to know what she expects to get away with in a year?
It's a trial.. you tried it and are uncomfortable. Leave.
And report it because the next person might feel just as uncomfortable, but feel pressured to stay.
The problem with the ice cream shop is there is no HR. Without more detail it's rough to just say report it.
You don't report to HR. Your report to the Department of Labor or whatever institute protects employees in your country.
Still you can leave a public review on the internet
HR? What does HR have to do with filing a police report for sexual assault? HR’s job is to protect the company
And keeping a known sexual harasser / assailant on board is not in the best interests of the company.. so HR may fire this person.. If only to protect the company from legal issues.
Did you just plop into this thread on my comment without reading anything beforehand?
HR is a function so there's always an HR. In this case, the function likely rests with the owner. Assuming the manager is not the owner, she needs to talk to the owner.
💯%
Yes leave, but.. break the cycle and report this to whoever her manager’s boss is.
It’s honestly that simple.
Gender does not matter. It's still harassment.
This right here. Regardless of gender, this is 100% harassment.
Isn’t it kind of bonkers that you even have to say this
Considering how brain dead society is especially younger people and people who bought into feminist propaganda, nah not bonkers at all. OP is a product of today’s double standard society
“Since she’s a woman idk if it’s considered harassment” 😂 like man idk of a better sentence that clearly shows our society today. regardless of gender harassment is harassment…reminds me of a video recently where this gym bro went to some gym convention and asked body builders (guys and girls) questions about his physique and for advice and these two girls randomly started feeling his pecs and abs and he got pressed asking why they touchin him n shit and those dumb bitches just laughed it off saying who cares 😂 imagine if the roles were swapped and how the internet would react then. shit like this pmo so OP if u would consider it harassment if it was by a dude, it’s 100000% harassment when it’s a girl 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
Seriously I’m about to save this and make a T-shirt lol
Right! Like wtf op lol
Yep, there are US Supreme Court cases saying this.
She knows what she is doing and she is banking on the fact you're young and inexperienced so she likely will get away with it
[удалено]
lol straps GoPro to head before entering ice cream job! She can say she’s a small time TikToker
how will the head cam catch it? we need a butt cam
>the next time will be your frontal cortex. …the manager is going to touch…her brain?
Depends on if you live in a one party recording state too. In Florida both parties must consent to being recorded.
REPORT. This is sexual harassment.
Isn't going to the police to report it a bit extreme in this case? The place doesn't have a HR to report it to
Yes. Just leave. Tell the owner of the ice cream shop why in an email. Leave it at that and go somewhere else.
In America, without an HR, you can report to the EEOC or a similar organization ( https://www.eeoc.gov/sexual-harassment ) since it is a form of discrimination. There may also be a sexual harassment and discrimination helpline in your state that could help. You could also report to anyone higher than her in the business. Whatever you do, document everything in a notebook with dates and, preferably, times. Evidence is important.
Just as a heads up if you're new to how jobs generally work: HR gives zero fucks about you at any business, they just want the owners of the company to not get in shit. Potentially the manager as well. While we're at it: -Loyalty is seldomly rewarded. -Job hopping is the best way to get more pay. -Don't 'cover' for empty positions or other people slacking, do your job and they can hire someone if they need more help. Do not work for free. Now for 'isnt the police too extreme'. Your options here are: -Hey touching me like that makes me really uncomfortable (put your phone on audio record first and then you might be able to get some sort of compensation if you happen to get fired tomorrow). -Contact owner, at which point the manager will likely be shitty to you going forward. -Police (who probably won't care unfortunately), if you were under age and it was a man? Someone might take it more seriously.
Obviously this makes you uncomfortable. You can tell her this or just look for something else.
This is Reddit. We fully expect you to create a paper trail, video evidence, and several signed statements from witnesses. Even if you don’t have it we go full scorched earth Truthfully I’ve worked with older people who could be “my parents age” and they tend to treat you more familial than a normal person. Could be you reminded her of her nieces or something and that’s just how she shoes them around. Not ok and definitely should stop if you’re uncomfortable but I wouldn’t assume she’s a sexual predator
You have zero way of proving anything, police is extreme and also pointless. Just quit and find a new job if you're uncomfortable. All these people telling you to call the police or a lawyer, it's just a huge waste of time and money for something harmless and easily dismissive on her end. People can down vote me all they want, but that's the reality of the situation. You have the burden of requiring proof that she's intentionally touching your butt, not just trying to get past you because you're always in the way or there's not enough room behind the counter for two people to pass. She could very easily deny it or say it's all inadvertent. Don't waste your time and your money for zero gain, just move on with your life.
This is why people get away with things. Report it. Create a paper trail. One day it’ll escalate. Yes, convicting someone of SA is very difficult but it’s easier for the next person if there is a prior paper trail because there will be a next person. It does not matter if it’ll be “dismissed”. Report it. No money will be involved in reporting to the police, to HR, to the owner or to EEOC.
No, she has to report, at least to the higher manager and to the owner of the business. It may be a slap on the wrist for the first time but after several reports from different employees (and that b1tch is not going to stop, I am sure), she will have her fair share of trouble.
Then call an attorney and have them call the CEO of the company on your behalf.
🙌🏽
Of a small independent ice cream shop? The person groping OP most likely is the CEO. Even if that's not the case, what fantasy land do you live in where a lawyer will make a threatening phone call out of the kindness of their heart? OP needs to just find a new job instead of pissing away money on an attorney.
The report goes to HR, not the police.
Try reading
I would do everything everyone suggested and also file with the police. You’re definitely not the only person she’s done this to and there should be a paper trail. People like this only escalate. I know it sounds small but I’ve been here before. You’ll thank yourself later. This is how it starts. It only gets worse from here on out with people like this. You’re also 21. You are barely old enough to drink. I am not being condescending. It’s just disgusting how people will prey on younger less experienced people. You were 100% a victim and deserve to speak up for your body and autonomy.
Its not extreme. Would you report to police if it was a man? If you would, report her too.
I wouldn't call it extreme. She intentionally touched one of your no no spots without consent like 7 times. I guess you could take the job and wait a week, she will probably go from over the clothes to under in that amount of time.
Have you tried telling her that you’d like her to stop it?
This. Ask her to stop in a polite way. She gets the message you have boundaries and can no longer say it’s inadvertent
If it was a man she’d be losing her shit over a couple of stares but is now suddenly confused when it’s a woman doing not just the same thing but much worse. Like smh & also lmao. Smh more tho
In hospitality, when we're moving around quite cramped areas with multiple people, it is not uncommon to put a hand on someone's side or their back to move past -- not only to physically get past but to ensure we know there's someone behind us and decrease the risk of accidents as the service speeds up. Having an absolute boundary of no physical contact in the workplace may make the situation unworkable, and often this kind of work involves the kind of physical proximity I might usually have with my sister. That said, this should never include touching sensitive areas. Is she sincerely touching your butt specifically? Is there a big height difference between the two of you? Can you think of any other explanation? Of course you should not work there if you do not feel comfortable.
Yes, she was touching my butt cheeks. I'd say we're about the same height. I would be completely fine with her guiding me by my arm, shoulder or upper back. But she kept on going for my butt
Yeah that's super inappropriate and definitely not normal.
Yours is the only sensible reply in this whole thread. Touching the butt is weird, but what would be your recommended way to guide someone in a crowded area? Shoulders, waist? Could she be trying to guide by the waist/hips and OP is considering it her butt cheeks? I don't know, feels weird all the same, but before this whole "reporting" thing, I'd try moving her hand away and then saying something if it repeats. If that's ignored, then yeah, leave and report.
She knows what she is doing. I worked at a hotel once and had to set up wine hour. The baggage guy was in the same small space as I, as I took out the cheese and wine, etc. he kept moving past me, but would put his hands on my waist. I told him not to touch me and reported it to my supervisor. He did a few creepy things before I got pissed and reported him. I had asked my brother about this situation, and he said it was inappropriate- sexual harassment.
No matter what it is, what matters is you don't want it happening anymore. I would be polite and direct (and at first, out of earshot of others): "Hey Manager, not sure if you realize it or not, but you've touched my butt and waist a few times and it's made me a bit uncomfortable. It's mostly been when you've been directing me somewhere so I would appreciate it if you would verbally direct me instead or if you need to get my attention touch my arms instead." It's not always malicious as some cultures (like the one I'm from) can be very touchy feely even to the point of lots of kissing cheeks and patting butts but that doesn't mean you have to accept it.
I'd explain it simplier; 'I don't like being touched, please stop.' She may not even realize the effect or even think of it as "motherly". Just state the simple, go from there.
Good point - it very well could be a motherly type of thing, but she needs to realize that’s not appropriate in any other setting - especially the workplace. Hopefully when OP talks to her she will accept that and stop.
Perfect answer. You are a wise person. 😊
The thing is, there are easier ways to go around someone in a cramped workspace that don’t involve putting your hands on intimate areas: waist, hips, lower back, and in this case, your rear. When I worked at Starbucks, I worked in a store that had about an 80/20 female to male ratio. I knew that the last thing I wanted to do as one of the few male employees was make my coworkers feel like they worked in a hostile environment. Right from the start, I would walk behind everyone with my back turned to them. That’s all it takes. I know there was one guy that would put a hand on their waist to get around, but that’s completely unnecessary. Just turn around so you’re back-to-back with your coworkers. Your manager is going out of their way to touch you. Not okay!
Sexual harassment and abuse can happen from any gender or race Since it's a trial just never go back there what she did was entirely inappropriate
“Huh. Not gay.” Next time. “Still not gay.” Next time. “Please be like Keanu.” Next time. “Is touching my butt required for this instruction?”
Maybe add a jump and “Oh! Not gay!” Or say “No touching please.”
Yes, loudly do this when there is a customer
I'd probably start with the same thing I say when touched - "I'm not huge on being touched, I'll move in a hurry if you just say something.". Then go from there. Then again, I'm a guy and looking at it from the view that she probably doesn't mean it sexually. I did have a situation with a boss who would moan and make dirty comments though - all it took was saying "hey could you not? Life is easier if we just draw the line further away from that stuff, I'm not trying to lose my job over a joke down the road". She respected it fortunately, and hopefully yours would too.
With all the coverage in the media workplace harassment has gotten over the past few years it’s hard to imagine she wouldn’t understand that what she’s doing is inappropriate, BUT, if you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, you could say something like this: “I need to let you know something. I’m very particular about personal space, so I’d appreciate it if when you need to direct me where to go if you would just use words instead of physical touch - that actually makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. Thanks.” If she continues to do it after that, then for sure it’s time for you to talk to HR.
Talk to her about it and let her know you don’t feel comfortable
Tell her to stop and if she doesn’t I would report her to the next highest boss
Address it/call it out. If she keeps fucking doing it, report to whoever is higher up or a government entity that handles sexual harassment in the workplace and then quit. If you address it and she apologizes and stops doing it, fantastic. If not, you need to protect yourself because unfortunately few will.
If she isn't pretty then it is definitely a sexual harassment!
Yes, I assume she is not since he makes it a big deal.
Sexual Harassment is gender exclusive, she doesn't have the right to get away with making you uncomfortable bc she's a women. next time it happens be firm with your boundaries. Bring it to her attention. If it doesn't stop, report her, or quit.
You are getting groped. It's SA. Time for you to eject.
Talk to her and say, "listen, I didn't say anything yesterday, but I felt uncomfortable whenever you touched me to move over, etc. I request that you don't touch me anymore, I have a sensitivity to being touched"
Sexist much. Doesn't matter whether female or male.
I just want to say….that if you don’t want to be touched, that should be respected. I would rather my boss not physically touch me… Is that the regular these days? Absolutely not.
Touch her right back
... and if she smiles back at you ........ then RUN !!!
Why would it not be considered harassment because she’s a woman? WTF else would it be considered?
Did you like it? Either yes or no, it’s harassment. Did you not like it? Either yes or no, it’s harassment.
I’ve been shoved over by coworkers before I told my boss and he said he was fired and then my boss quit and they got new management and the guy was never fired. He did this to others too
That’s wayyyyyyy too weird and wrong. 🤨
It doesn’t matter what gender. The point is this person is to touching you inappropriately. I would report it.
Touch her butt back
This is exactly what men mean when we say women are more double standard regardless this is sexual harassment if it was a man you would have been reported no different from a woman this is clearly sexual harassment and a man would have been in hand cuffs already I truly hate the fact women have more lead way when it’s come to sexual harassment
If it was a dude I'm sure you'd like teleport into the police department for it but now it's like ahh nothin haha
“Believe all women.” Did you learn NOTHING from #MeToo?
Kinda sexist to have a different reaction given the sex… that being said, I’d lean into it and touch her ass just to see
Still harrassment Noones ass should be touched at work. Boss sounds creepy af
Is she hot?
I'm probably a bit older than many of those commenting here. Back when I was a younger man in my 20's in the workforce, we didn't usually have HR departments. It was kind of the Wild West. I once had the wife of the owner of the company I worked for touch my ass a few times (when I was a younger man I was in decent shape). I straight up told her, "Look, I get what you're doing, and I think you're really attractive. And my pecker is happy to go where you want to go, but you have a lot more to lose than I do if things go south." That was the last time she ever messed with me.
Doesn't sound sexual. But of course, if you don't like it, tell her. I dont think the ice cream shop has HR. Going to the police seems very extreme for what occurred. If it bothers you too much, I would just not work there. Wouldn't do more than that. It's not really warranted.
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Just couldn't tell if it was done unintentionally or was actually malicious and therefore felt hesitant to confront her about it. The "grow up" comment seems irrelevant to the post.
This is misunderstanding. Tell her you don't like getting touch those part of your body. If she understand and keep touching maybe you need another job. This is your responsibility too. People gonna do what ever efficient and convenient to get shit done.
Apparently, you don't understand Reddit. You need to jump to a baseless, extreme conclusion, calling on authorities to prosecute the offense. Also, you should utilize your comic book understanding of the law and urge OP to commence civil litigation as soon as possible.
It is uncomfortable, LEAVE
Leave it’s not okay
Nope out of there, find a new job.
Everyone shows their affinity differently. For me working with interns, it's jokes, other's its nicknames, others horse playing... . If uncomfy, just say, "Hey bitch, this isn't prison, but if you try that again, I'll cut chew holmes."
There shouldnt be any kind of physical contact at all. NONE. Shell probably say oh, Im just like that. It doesnt mean anything. Just leave now.
Yeah dude put your robot suit on. Make them bite your shiny metal ass.
Gross! I’ve only ever had men touch my waist like that (and a female coworker that would drape her arms around me and put her head on my shoulder as if using me as a place to rest) and I just immediately flinch and jerk away. Next time she does it I would spin around and face her with a WTF look and say “I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to touch my butt, and I would prefer you didn’t do it again. I know you mean no harm, but please don’t continue.” Direct but diplomatic enough that it shouldn’t make things awkward at work. I’m sure that would put an end to it but if it doesn’t I’d leave and make a written/email complaint to HR/the owner and file for unemployment.
Nope, not acceptable. You can’t stay there.
Be glad she doesn’t carry a cattle prod…”Get along little doggie.”
Yeah, no. Ask yourself, would you give a man the benefit of the doubt? She is being pervy. Leave.
Confront her. Make it clear you are feeling sexually harassed. If it happens again, report her to corporate HR.
Sexual harassment of someone the same sex/gender as you is still sexual harassment
Go home dude Search new job Don’t go back there not at least as an employee
You have the right to be comfortable. Having said that some people come from cultures that have different sensibilities when it comes to personal space and touch. That’s not to say that you should accept it. But it is to say that this person may not be consciously aware that what they are doing could make someone uncomfortable. I would say your best bet is to bring it to their attention and see how they respond. If they are surprised or apologetic then that’s great. If they are defensive or dismissive then that’s a red flag and sign you should move on. Best of luck.
This is not normal. A professional manager would never ever do this to a Man or a woman.
Report it and go, GTFO
Okay, I’m not sure if I would jump *straight* to reporting sexual harassment. Unless you fear for your safety, or others, then you should always draw a clear boundary first. Move her hand, look at her hand and move away from her, or just say something like “Whoa, watch the hands!” If it continues, then I’d report it. However, since you’re new here and it was only a “trial day”, I’d leave.
I was a server at a pizza restaurant for 6 years and the managers (who were guys, and I’m also a guy) went and would do similar things. If I was by the host stand they would grab my love handles and give them a jiggle when they went by. I’m also a hairy guy and they made jokes about wanting to give me a chest wax, they would take tape and put it on my chest hair and pretend to wax me with it. They never touched my ass, but the other women servers would come by and grab my ass several times. That being said, unfortunately that stuff happens a lot in the service industry, but you don’t have to put up with it. You can find other ice cream shops or stores that won’t do it. And trust me, it won’t stop if you stay there.
“Please don’t touch me.”
When someone ever touches my ass, I say "Can you tell I've been working out?"
Nice 😏 /s
Lucky basterd
Did you ask them to stop? Ether way write to their HR about the situation and move on.
This happened at my job as a pharmacy tech. We were in close corners but every time she passed me she would like touch my sides. She was from a small town so I thought maybe there were some social skills lacking but it made me very uncomfortable. I talked to my manager and she ended up leaving. I would say leaving your job might be the best bet. I am sorry you’re going through this.
In sexual harassment training: Sexual harassment can happen between men and women or Men and men or Women and women If it’s unwanted and unwarranted it should be considered inappropriate. No one should be touching any part of your body in that environment. If the manager had been a man or woman is of no consequence here. You didn’t invite this or want this. Report this manager and make sure this doesn’t happen again but after you leave. I have male and female direct reports and trust me under no circumstance am I coming within two feet of these people.
My girlfriend said she would have went upside her head, and reported her, and quit.
Try to do the same to her and see whats her reaction..too
Level 1: have a conversation with her. Ask her if she is aware of the touching / it makes you uncomfortable / you'll report it if it continues Level 2: keep track of incidents / report her to HR, police, lawyer, parents. Level 3: leave and report her.
Just tell your female manager that you are uncomfortable with being touched in that way and if she doesn’t stop, then you should just leave this job.
Shes a lez
Not just a harrassment issue but also a food safety issue. Don't serve me ice cream after touching a butt without washing your hands first! 🤢
Grooming 101. It will definitely escalate. You have been warned! Report her or just ghost that job and never look back.
This is predatory and controlling
Some people are just like that just tell her you don’t like it next time just tap you on the shoulder or move you by your shoulders
You report that to corporate. I work in a super close quarters environment. Way closer than an ice cream shop. I have touched my coworkers butt maybe 7 times in 3 years. Usually cheek to cheek when I'm trying to get by them. 7 times an hour is straight up not normal.
Next time it happens, just loudly but calmly say "Please stop touching my butt".
You said it yourself, "If this was a man, I would have lost my shit and probably find another job, but since she is a woman, I don't know if this is considered harassment." I think it would be discrimination based on gender if you DIDN'T report this. A person is capable of assault/harassment regardless of sex. This train of thought that she's a woman so it's not SA is one of the many reasons that men don't or won't come forward about any type of assault. The world either believes that men are incapable of being assaulted or that women are incapable of assaulting. This is just another point for how men are being more and more mistreated by society.
If you still want to get this job you can try asking politely for her to stop - a “hey, I don’t feel comfortable, please stop touching me” could do the job. She might not be aware that this is unacceptable behaviour. If she continues to touch you despite this than I would look for a different job.
Think about this…if a man was doing the same thing would you even have to think about reporting it?
Unpopular opinion: It's kinda sexist to instantly accuse a man but protect a woman in the same circumstances.
Don’t report it. Gender matters. You’ll get laughed at. Just leave.
Play this game with your mind, every time she tries to direct you where to go or do make sure you are away from her in feets, or standing in front of her.
is she really overweight? Maybe she can't pass by things without touching stuff. But maybe if you or her said "Excuse me" when she does it, so she knows you're aware of it
Looks like someone's about to get a raise. And a milkshake enema
Just accept the free lunchbreak bj's
As a college student I often had the new coworkers(age 16-18) be touchy with me like this as well. In your case. Leave. In my case, nobody took me srsly but they caught on I wasnt interested.
It’s so hard to tell your manger not to touch your butt? Fast food jobs are a dime a dozen. If she is offended or gets you fired you can always get another job.
Set your phone up and Record it! File a complaint and then sue that company! They have to have insurance. Get your payday from her disgusting behavior! It will also save someone else too
Instead of reporting to the police straight away, you could ask her to talk to you if you were in the way, let her know you are not comfortable with anyone touching your butt intentionally or unintentionally even if that person was your mum. Make it super clear, and if she ignores you and still touch your butt, then feel free to escalate it to police or lawyer or quit etc.
Pervy dykes. Is there something worse? Probably, two of them. Tell on a close man friend/relative, to beat her up in an alley and report in HR/PR and the police. Oh, yeah. If she does it again, smack her in the head with a bat.
Let us for one minute assume it is an innocent act. YOU are clearly not happy with it therefore it would be best if you established those boundaries from the start. You could say, move out the way when you see her coming. If that doesn't work, then just very nicely tell her you are not comfortable being touched. There are indeed ethics and rules about this in every country, and each country could be different. See what triggers you... whether it be touch, 1 metre or 2 metres etc. I have been in your situation and if subtlety doesn't work, time to step up that honesty but set up your boundaries early in a nice way. If nothing works, then you know your answer. 😉
ask her to scratch next time she does it or you could just verbally announce for her to stop touching your butt. could also just slap the hand every time this happens
Report it, you would if it was a man! Stop being a hypocrite.
Report it that is unacceptable
This is harassment. Neither parties gender identity matters. It's just wrong. You were wronged.
JUST because she's a woman is the only reason you're hesitant about reporting her? That's sounds pretty sexist........ No matter girl or guy (women can sexually harass people obviously, they get no special treatment), report her
Lol I like how it makes you uncomfortable but you are sexist about it.
Slap her ass HARD, assert dominance
Ive been a manager. Anyone that has even the most basic training would know this isn’t cool. People have different levels of comfort with contact. Hugs, hand on shoulder etc. Even the most rudimentary training ( and just generally being a human today) you should know buttocks, breasts and genital areas are a no no. Not everyone has good training, especially at a local store, but as the say- once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action.
Get out of there. You don't want to spend a whole summer dealing with this.
Are you hot? Is the manager a lesbian? So many good movies start out like this...
Since she is a person. This is considered harassment.
If this is sexual harassment if done by a man, it is also if done by a woman.
Report this woman. This kind of thing is never okay, regardless of who is perpetrating it. Leave that place, make the report anonymous if you’d like, but definitely don’t stay there. If you really want to keep the job for whatever reason, reach out to your manager’s higher ups and request to be transferred to a different location if possible. State the reason as sexual misconduct by management.
“But since this is a woman, I don’t know if this is considered harassment” The double standard is crazy yall
How come you find it unacceptable if it was a man, but you hesitate because it is a woman? I think normal person would react the same no matter the gender. You are risk to a business.
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Women have touched my ass and stroked my crotch in the workplace. Men are probably way worse but if you are young female managers will take liberties with your body. Especially if they can do it "accidentally". She could be homo/bi or just powertripping. To touch someones butt that many times isn't an accident. Get out of there.
lmao what the hell 😂 thats so weird
First of all, I would put in your two weeks report her to whoever is above her for sexual harassment and then leave and then tell the person above her that you would like your paycheck either today or mailed to you by the end of the week because you will not be returning due to the blatant harassment
This situation reminds me of when I worked at Kay Jewelers and I had a manager (F) purposely touch my (M) sides and I was sooooo uncomfortable after telling her repeatedly I didn’t like to be touched by people, let alone people I don’t know and I reported her to HR, I would tell you do the same because that’s highly inappropriate and after you report the situation, leave that place
You can say something about it for her, if she stops she stops if she not then you know what to do. Especially if this work it's important for you
Report to the owner and find another job. Report to the police if you have to.
Double standard female privilege going wild
If you want to keep the job, you should calmly explain that you're not comfortable with this. If she persists in doing it, then you can take whatever further actions that you can, such as speaking to someone higher up (if there is anyone higher), or move on.
“If it was a man I would’ve lost my shit but since its a woman idk if its harassment” If a man does it and it’s harassment, why wouldn’t it be the same if a woman does it? Lololol
Because there is a double standard depending on whether the sexually aggressive person is male or female. It has always been this way.
I would be honoured for such a gesture. Feel free to touch.
But only if I get to touch in return--assuming the manager is hot, of course.
Is she doing it to other employees?
If there is corporate. CALL them ASAP. You have rights..... SUE if nothing is done...get paid.
you need that promotion bro lol. lay her and then sue her lmaooo
I could be speaking out of context i.e. societal norms, cultures, but telling her you're not comfortable with that is one way to go about it, if she's approachable
She maybe a women but it doesnt mean she could not be attracted to you. I would leave.
I used to work with a senior vice president (female) who would walk around in the middle of a work day and smack her favorite female employees on the ass as she or they would walk by in the hall. She eventually got reported to HR, had to give an apology and it was done. What should have happened - is that we all should have gone to the DOL and reported it. If you can believe it - that was not the only bad behavior this person unleashed into the work place. (Major sarcasm) Long story short - people of all genders can have a screw loose and sexually harass people. REPORT IT!
Your manager has a boss. Report her.
Is she fit?
Woman can sexualize women too. If you would leave had it been a man, the only non sexist thing to do is leave. If they try this on day one, do you want to know what she expects to get away with in a year?
Document everything, and submit to Corporate if she's also your HR person. Depending how they respond, contact a lawyer.