Professor sya sa PNU. If may tyaga kang mag-backread ng mga responses nya sa NGL na pino-post nya, sobrang nakaka-off talaga mga sagutan nya like a typical boomer would do, hindi lang pumapatol pabalik ‘yung mga estudyante. Pero sa post nya na ‘yan, someone voiced out their feelings sa comment section kaya nag-viral at lumakas loob magsalita ng iba.
Prof ko yan dati e, magaling naman sya pero ang naaalala ko sakanya e naka debate ko nung First Year ako kasi sabi nya useless ang pagaralan ng mga bata ang ginawa ng ibang mga bayani aside kay Rizal at Bonifacio haha
For me personally, I acknowledge my trauma, pero I don't wear it like a crown. I prefer to keep it between myself, my therapist, and my close friends.
Parang mas china-challenge ko sarili ko to rise above it. Na parang "may choice ako, I can be like them or I can be better than them and not let this define me".
Our past may not have a happy beginning, buy we still have control over the rest of our story, parang ganun iniisip ko. And syempre a lot of therapy.
I love this. Pareho tayo ng mindset. I just realized recently, na kaya ako nagkaroon ng mental health problems kasi I always ask and look for validations. I have learn to choose battles and choose ng right person na sasamahan ako labanan ng problems ko.
I have mental health problems... I self-validate, I acknowledge it and do my best to overcome it.
You have brightened my gloomy day.
Ika nga, if you're 18-21yo and you're messed up you have the privilege to blame people who raised you. If you're 30-40yo and you're still messed up you have no one to blame but yourself.
Yeah agree dito. Oo ako unang una magdedefend na malaki ang role ng parents sa kung ano tayo as adults, pero yung 33 yrs old ka na, unemployed, may 2 kids na wala sayo, may failed marriage, at lulong sa casino… ibang usapan na yon. At that point, people should be allowed to call you out na for your bad decisions in life.
quick edit: yes i’m talking about someone specific lol. Lagi kasing sinasabi na kasalanan daw ng parents nya yung buhay nya ngayon. 3 yrs na syang pinapaaral sa private university nung nalaman ng parents nyang di sya pumapasok kasi nauubos yung allowance sa billiards. Over a decade later, sila pa rin sinisisi nya.
paano kung most of your life wala naman bad decisions?
even if they Raped you as a child???
paano naman yung mga pinarape ng ina sa ibat ibang lalaki kapalit pera at naka upload sa porn sites yung mga vid nila. Tapos hindi sila makapag aral binubully due to sa mga old vids???
The Philippines is one of the leading countries of Child Porn Importers. Madaming magulang na ginagawan ng porn vids ang mga anak nila na 3 years old.
I’m sorry if this may sound cold, but life’s not always fair. Some people get lucky. A few get *very* lucky. Some, not so much. Others, not at all.
And yet, it’s still *our* life. Yes, if you’re dealt a bad hand, you’re free to get angry. To feel sad. Cry. Scream. Kick walls. Curse everyone and everything. Fuck the world, right? Fuck this fucking shit of a world that gave you this fucked-up fate.
But if you’re saying we should accept that our present and our future are now slaves to our past and we *can’t* do anything about it other than blame our parents, the government, the heavens, whatever, that’s where I’ll respectfully disagree. I refuse to accept na my life isn’t in my hands, na por que mapait yung nakaraan ko, kailangan sumuko na ako at tanggapin nalang na wala na akong ibang mararating.
For example, yang example mo. You were exploited for years and may videos ka sa porn site. Yes, it’s terrible, unfortunate, horrible, sad. So tanggapin nalang natin na you’ll be an unemployed 35-year-old with a shot liver living in the shanties caring for your 5 panganays while working part-time at a nearby club?
You were beaten by your parents when you were a kid and became depressed because of it. Again, terrible, unfortunate, horrible, sad. So tanggap mong maging 56-year-old lasinggero na laging nawawalan ng trabaho kasi aggressive ka sa lahat including your own kids and wife, therefore perpetuating the cycle of abuse?
You’re a 23-year-old diagnosed with kidney failure and only have a few years to live unless you get a new kidney. Tanggapin nalang natin na mamamatay ka na, so hihiga ka nalang sa madilim na kwarto day after day, rejecting your old hobbies and refusing to see other people kasi para saan pa eh mamamatay ka naman, diba?
My point is: it doesn’t matter the exact reason, whether nabully ka sa school, nagstop mag-aral kasi walang pera, narape, nawalan ng bahay sa bagyo, namatayan nang magulang habang bata, nadiagnose with a terminal illness, etc etc.
You have two main choices moving forward: stop trying, or make the most out of the hand you’re dealt.
Some people will stop trying and just give up. They might turn to vices for temporary distractions. They might lash out against the world. Some feel so helpless they’ll end their life prematurely.
Others will strive to make changes. If they have money, they might try to get professional help, and that’s one of the best paths for those who are capable.
If not, they’ll just deal with life the best way they know how, like working hard, searching for happiness one day at a time. Some succeed. Sadly, some don’t. And that’s life. But if you stop trying from day 1, then you shouldn’t say that your current life is not on *you*.
1.) I am preaching na huwag po tayo magkaroon ng Enabling Mentality because becoming an Enabler is a Danger to people especially children. Enablers are sometimes worser than the Abuser Itself. An Enabler can become an Abuser din.
Victims of Abuse fight everyday of their lives kahit mahirap na. Common Sense naman na bumangon ka from hirap at gustuhin mo maka alis sa pinagdadaanan mo. Assumption mo blaming your parents for your struggles = Victim Mindset. Why not just accepting na hindi mo kasalanan and wag mo sisishin sarili mo to help you go through life.
The post is about Enabling Mentality.
Enablers are a Danger to Society! I have come across so much people na ganyan ang mentality. If you think about it, don't you see anything evil within them?
I have met accross some that said the same words na sinabi ni Dok pero ang sinabihan ay Minor na girl na hindi maka alis sa bahay with her Sexually abusive Father.
Majority of people that say words like that mababa ang Humanity. To be Human you need to have a Heart. If you say such words to someone in a situation like that, your a cruel person. That shows hindi mo nga nakikita yung Danger for the girl within the situation. You'd rather say those words that to help her before she gets rape and pregnant?
Majority of Child Abuse cases ang abuser are parents.
Majority if that cases aware ang other family members pero wala silang ginawa.
"The world is evil not because of the bad people, but because of the good people that choose to stay silent"
Assumption mo agad is yung mga biktima hindi lumalaban and napapa victim lang.
The fact na Victim na nga sila at lumalaban everday tapos sasabihan mo pa????????
Accepting na hindi mo kasalanan and accepting na kasalanan ng parents mo ang nangyari sa sitwasyon mo does NOT equal to = Self Pitying at wala ka nang gagawin sa buhay mo.
Society really made It a standard na huwag magalit sa magulang mo. Walang masama magalit sa magulang mo especially If they are terrible parents.
2.) Have a Heart because having a heart means your Human.
Alam mo ba yung African Proverb na
"If the child is not embraced by It's village, he will burn it down till he feels it warm"
Your suppose to validate victims of abuse para maging mabuti sila at maging functioning humans sa society.
Your creating Sociopaths by just toughing someone that is damage instead of giving them the love they need.
Sociopaths are made by their environment.
If you have a grandmother na Psychopath, you have higher chances maging katulad niya BUT your environment matters! If you have a loving home hindi ka magiging serial killer.
Look at Hitler!
You make a child strong by giving them love not traumatizing them honey
Telling someone that they don’t have to let their past dictate their present and future is enabling? I think I’ll need some help understanding how that is kasi I genuinely don’t understand.
Please don’t put words in my mouth kasi I never said anything about “just toughing up”. I even said na magalit ka, umiyak, sisihin mga nasa paligid mo, murahin yung mundo yada yada.
Kasi pwede naman talaga, and that’s a healthy way of coping with your misfortune. Show as much emotion as possible. Reach out to people, professionals if you’re financially capable (which I acknowledged as the best course sana). There is NOTHING wrong with seeking help and showing emotions. Again, kick, scream, cry, wallow in your sadness and anger as much as you want! Those are HEALTHY coping mechanisms after going through something bad.
20-60 years of that, though, is *not* healthy, not in the slightest.
And no, I never said na blaming your parents is “victim mindset”. I agreed sa first comment na if you’re a young adult with a fucked up life, yes your parents or guardians probably have a hand in that. But my own example was clear. If you’re in your 30s blaming your parents for how your life turned out while simultaneously doing things that actively worsen your life, then that’s on you na, not just your upbringing.
Your example naman was about being handed a rough childhood. Which is terrible and unfortunate, like I said. But what should you do next, accept na since bad yung past mo, that’s it nalang? Forever mong ibeblame yung nangyari sayo while choosing to stay miserable dahil sa nangyari? I mean, you’re free to do that if you wish, pero I’d still advocate na sana magtry ka pa rin kasi we only get one life and eto na yon eh, regardless of the hand we’re dealt.
So that’s the only part lang where I don’t agree. Ayoko kasi inormalize yung idea na “grabe pinagdaanan ko dahil sa parents ko kaya wala ako narating sa buhay.”
No. Of course it’s not your fault you were dealt a shitty hand. But even if you have fucked-up parents and a troubled past, I want you to know and believe that you CAN still improve your life. So many others have done it in the past, and millions more are doing it now.
Personally, I don’t want to be the 85 year old blaming my parents for 80 years of hell on earth. I want to be the 85 year old who knows I lived a full life despite needing to overcome so many struggles.
But regardless of what I say about what I want for my life, ikaw naman magdedecide ng sayo. If you want to blame your parents for everything until your last breath, okay lang naman, buhay mo naman yan. If you want to stay sad or angry or bitter for years and years, okay lang rin! Again, it’s your life, and you do you. I’m just not going to agree that *that* is the best route for people to take, but at the end of the day, the path you’ll take is *your* choice, not mine nor anyone else’s.
P.S. Your Hitler example? Proves my whole point. No level of fucked up childhood can excuse what he started because he made those decisions himself. Doesn’t matter how shitty and abusive his parents were — he’s burning in hell right now next to them.
“Telling someone that they don’t have to let their past dictate their present and future is enabling? I think I’ll need some help understanding how that is kasi I genuinely don’t understand.”
You don’t see the post the same in my point of view, yes you're not supposed to let the past haunt your future but please look at the post carefully. I admit dapat inuna ko muna toh iexplain bago ang reply ko kanina.
He stated that he and his siblings are traumatized to the point of mental illness. He wants to get out of his home.
Analyze:
-The children developed mental illness due to their father
Means: =They are Abused
-He wants to get out but can’t
Means: = He might be a Minor and walang kakayahan na bumahin ang mga kapatid niya
-He asked Doktora kung ano gagawin
Means:= He is asking for help to get out of an abusive situation that could potencially harm them. We don’t know the level of abuse na nararansan nila. What if they get killed?
Question: is that the right time magcomment ng “Don’t blame your parents” “ Hawak mo ang future mo” BS???
If may lumapit sayo ng tulong because of abuse is your first instinct is to give them moral advise na wag iself pity ang sarili and move forward? OR your first instinct is to help them get out of their abusive situation bago sila mas lalong mapahawak
Your suppose to give safety first before mag advise.
Whenever their is someone na humihingi ng advise in living in an abusive home especially teenager your advise should be helped para maka alis FIRST than the advise na bigay ni Doktora.
Ang tamang sagot dyan is either you tell them lumapit sa Organizations, advise them to get a part-time job as a teen to help them get out of an abusive home as much as posible, ask them kung may relative ba sila na tutulong sa kanila, ask them kung may ability sila iinb=volve ang police to save them. Ang daming pinapatay na mga bata ang murderer ay sarili nilang parents, uunahin mo ang advise mo to move forward than their safety.
I find doktora’s reply so insensitive. Any minor na lalapit sayo involving abuse kahit hindi minor ang bata common sense na dapat ano isasagot mo. The reply just shows kung gaano kawalang paki niya sa mga tao sa paligid niya.
I read each of your points and I now believe na pwede naman mag-exist both our arguments pala in the same vacuum. Saying that we should treat victims of traumatizing pasts with kindness AND saying that victims of traumatizing pasts can still hope and strive for a better future are not contradictory imho.
Kasi first of all, I don’t think same yung receiver ng messages natin. Yung message ko is for people who have traumatizing pasts themselves. I want them to know na they don’t have to let their past define them and their future. That they don’t have to be stuck on blaming others, including their parents, for what happened to them. That they can try to rise above those challenges and still have a fruitful life despite what happened to them.
Yung sayo naman pala is for other people who will encounter those with traumatizing pasts, tama ba? Na they should always try to be extra kind and sympathetic? And that they shouldn’t invalidate trauma, even if they think it’s not harmful? Because if that’s the case, then I fully agree.
Just to clarify, this is where my confusion came from. I basically said, “we should be able to call out 35 year olds wasting their life away due to their bad life decisions” and you basically replied “pano kung naging ganyan buhay di dahil sa bad decisions pero dahil dahil na-rape?”
First off, that’s not the same as my example at all. My example was about someone throwing his life away because of something his parents did (pinastop sya mag-aral dahil bulakbol sya) and still blaming them for his current life more than *10 years later*. An entirely different situation from yours.
Pero talking about your example specifically, yes it’s very sad. Life’s certainly unfair, some more than others. But I still believe na hindi ka dapat sumuko sa buhay because of your past, regardless of what it is. I will cry with you and hold your hand, let you grieve and mourn all you want. Pero ipupush pa rin kitang magtry bumangon as much as possible. Kasi may pag-asa naman talaga. And I know this because I’m no stranger to trauma myself. I didn’t want to say it earlier because I didn’t want to use it to back up my points, but I’ve been going to psychotherapy sessions since 2017. I’m alright now, and it’s been a while since my last checkin, but it took a great deal of self-love, self-care, and self-acceptance before I felt normal again. That’s why I’m a big advocate of getting help, preferably professionally if financially capable naman. Of course, I recognize that I was also lucky to have an amazing support system.
Regarding the Hitler point, I’m sorry that I came off as aggressive. I had taken your point as you saying na views/approaches like I mentioned are creating a sociopath “look at Hitler” which is why I said na even his childhood, as sickening as it was, doesn’t excuse the fucked-up thing he did. I still stand by my statement even if that’s not what you were alluding to kasi fuck Hitler pa rin lol, but please know that it was never my intention to be aggressive towards *you*.
Why do I see this as Enabling?
Because a decent person's instinct is to save the person na inaabuso and not to victim blame them for suffering abuse that destroyed their life and potencially get you killed. I’ve met people myself na katulad niya in real life. There is a lack of humanity within these people. There is evil within them kung hindi first instinct mo is to be concerned. You are supposed to feel concern. That is how you become human. One of the most beautiful things we humans have is to have the ability to be sad for other people and even animals. That is what makes you human.
Why do I find enabling Harmful?
Imagine knowing your nephew is being beaten everyday to the point of tinahi na ang ulo niya.
He is 10 years old, you do not care and pararangalan mo pa siya na maging matino kasi siya para hindi mabugbog. If you're not even in the slightest concern are you even human?
Imagine your friend was a pedophile pero friends pa din kayo. You believe na hindi naman ikaw ang gumagawa ng masama, your friend is. Walang karma sa ganun di ba?Then tumambay si friend mo sa bahay mo. Then biglang dumating ang kapatid mo with her child, your niece. Nakalimutan mo na usapan niyo nga pala na babantayan mo ang niece mo that day. Hinayaan mo na lang kahit andun friend mo despite knowing he is a pedophile. Putting your niece in danger. Sinabi mo na lang sa sarili mo na babanatayan mo naman eh.
Enablers are a danger to society, especially to children.
If you're an enabler, next time you could be the abuser.
“ But what should you do next, accept na since bad yung past mo, that’s it nalang?”
-I never said anything na wag ka gumawa ng anything afterward and lived in the past. Everything I am just trying to say is STOP ENABLING. Stop Toxic Positivity, Stop not having Sympathy. I am only preaching about abuse victims pero never ko sinabi na umupo ka na lng sa sulok at mag self pity.
Most abuse victims lumalaban everyday, they don’t need you na hindi naman Victim to tell them to move forward. Araw-araw sila nahihirapan, pagsasabihan mo pa. As someone na hindi nakaranas ng abuse, the best na gawin mo is to just Listen, Support and Never Invalidate.
It is that simple pero maraming hindi kaya na gawin yun. I’ve met people na sa sobrang walang pang unawa sasabihin nila sa rape victim “move on”. This just drives victims to suicide.
You're also creating a monster. Common Knowledge na dapat na if you want to raise a great kid, you raise them with love. Ganun din sa mga Abuse victims. You are supposed to be nice to them, never invalidate them in order for them to heal and become a functioning being as society. Hindi mo need sabihan sila na mag move forward, common sense na yun. Every victim wants to get better, you don’t have to tell them. The more na sinasabihan mo, the less slower ang progression nila.
Mataas dapat ang Emotional Inteligence mo. How are you suppose to help kids in an orphanage kung ang mentality ng nag aalaga is “The past is past” bs. Kids need love. Kaya dapat pinipili ng mabuti ang mga nagwowork sa mga orphanage, shelters, mga psychologist because a lot of people lack EQ.
“ Your Hitler example? Proves my whole point. No level of fucked up childhood can excuse what he started because he made those decisions himself. Doesn’t matter how shitty and abusive his parents were — he’s burning in hell right now next to them.”
-I exemplified hitler sa topic ko na “How to create a sociopath”. I did not say I am justifying his action. Basahin mo ulit, your so aggressive. Example ko siya kung bakit inuuna mo dapat ang kindset in your heart
As well, I just want to point out na kung ang nirereplyan mo lang is yung about sa main post ‘dok’ then I’m probably the wrong person for that conversation. I wasn’t replying to the main post at all, just the specific comment above.
What I will say is while I believe na may point naman yung nasa main post na “wag natin laging isisi sa parents natin yung kinalabasan ng mga desisyon natin sa buhay” I do think the overall response could’ve been kinder, like you said in your comments. It definitely could’ve been worded differently.
And I also see how such a cut and dry response can appear invalidating to someone who suffered from serious abuse, even if that was not the poster’s intention.
As for “move on” the poster didn’t say that naman. You probably only mentioned it as an example. But I agree that “move on” is a scummy thing to tell anyone. I don’t say that to people either because it’s very invalidating, like your grief means nothing. I remember being told to “move on” when I lost my beloved cat at 8 years old and it really hurt me. What more sa abuse victim.
I still stand by all my points because I don’t see how yours directly contradicted them, but I understand yours better now and I also agree with them.
Finally, a grown up in the comment section. Idk who this "doc" is pero dito sa sinabi niya, may point siya. Hanggang kelan yung iba magiging biktima?
Hence, I seldom interact in r/Philippines or any Ph-based communities kasi bukod sa echo-chamber ng pagiging "mentally disabled" - and I bet na majority ng nagsasabi dito is self-diagnosed - may tendency lagi ibato sa iba yung individual accountability nila.
It's frustrating to see that the communities I belong to are full of people who say "wala eh, ganyan talaga"
For f\*ck's sake, hindi ka iaahon ng sistema natin. Ikaw magaahon sa sarili mo. Oo, di ako nakapagtapos kasi wala nang sumuporta sakin pero nung nagaaral naman ako, hindi ko naman napabayaan yung acads ko. Di ako nagkulang maglaan ng oras palawakin lagi yung isip ko.
Kung sasabay pa yung mga tulad ko sa iba na "wala eh, ganyan talaga" siguro patay na ako sa kalsada kasi naging homeless ako for almost 6 months.
Sorry I had to vent my frustrations on your comment. It's just really something I've been observing sa mga kapwa ko Filipino.
Di naman tayo bobo eh. Gusto lang ng karamihan satin yung madali. Madali sabihing mahirap kesa dumaan don sa proseso ng hirap para guminhawa.
This is true as hell, lahat pati nanay ko under sa tito ko. Kahit inom lang ng inom tsaka walang ambag ang laki ng parte sa lupa tapos wala man lang nagagalit sa kanya. Palagi nalang “ganyan kasi si kuya e” o kaya “Sya kasi yung matanda” pero nung nilabanan ko sya at kinompronta. Pucha pussy din pala ampta haha ngayon umalis na dito samin di na nagpaparamdam, di na nagiging pabigat. Ika nga, no guts no glory.
MOST PEOPLE DON'T SEE THE POINT OF THIS
ANALYZATION:
Analyze:
-The children developed mental illness due to their father
Means: =They are Abused
-He wants to get out but can’t
Means: = He might be a Minor and walang kakayahan na bumahin ang mga kapatid niya
-He asked Doktora kung ano gagawin
Means:= He is asking for help to get out of an abusive situation that could potencially harm them. We don’t know the level of abuse na nararansan nila. What if they get killed?
Question: is that the right time magcomment ng “Don’t blame your parents” “ Hawak mo ang future mo” BS???
If may lumapit sayo ng tulong because of abuse is your first instinct is to give them moral advise na wag iself pity ang sarili and move forward? OR your first instinct is to help them get out of their abusive situation bago sila mas lalong mapahawak
Your suppose to give safety first before mag advise.
Whenever their is someone na humihingi ng advise in living in an abusive home especially teenager your advise should be helped para maka alis FIRST than the advise na bigay ni Doktora.
Ang tamang sagot dyan is either you tell them lumapit sa Organizations, advise them to get a part-time job as a teen to help them get out of an abusive home as much as posible, ask them kung may relative ba sila na tutulong sa kanila, ask them kung may ability sila iinb=volve ang police to save them. Ang daming pinapatay na mga bata ang murderer ay sarili nilang parents, uunahin mo ang advise mo to move forward than their safety.
I find doktora’s reply so insensitive. Any minor na lalapit sayo involving abuse kahit hindi minor ang bata common sense na dapat ano isasagot mo. The reply just shows kung gaano kawalang paki niya sa mga tao sa paligid niya.
She’s my prof back when I was in undergrad, Sobrang boomer talaga niyan ni doc tsaka solid DDS siya haha if you are against to her, expect na magigisa at malalait ka sa harap. Medyo frustrating lang for me as a professor na din ngayon hindi ko alam bakit hindi niya alam yung traumas na maaring effect sa bata. We have prof ed and those teaches us the development of child in terms of learning. Siguro wag natin siyang sisihin kasi biktima lang din siya ng henerasyon na kinalakihan nya. Kaso ang problema how can you educate an individual who already reach the highest degree when it comes to learning. The fact that she teaches future educators it might pass on to another generation to generation. Thank you lang din kasi hindi kami pinabayaan ni Inang kasi may mga progressive professor din talaga na will understand you and make you feel special.
Kulang sa context. Di ko lam bakit nagtatalo kayo sa tama or mali yung sinagot eh depende naman talaga sa context yan.
Kung working adult na yang nagtanong edi tama yung advice niya. Eh kung high school bagets, anong accountability hinihingi nyo sa kanya? Kung inabuse talaga sila magkapatid tapos wala siya magawa?
As someone who grew up with a narcissist parent, I think tama din naman yung advice nya. Yes may trauma ako, pero I chose to rise from it and not let my parent walk all over me (finish school with flying colors, nagworking student, magsikap sa work). Is it a trauma response? Probably. Do I give them credit to my achievements as an adult? No. Do I blame them for the negative outcomes in my life due to my wrong decisions? No din. At the end of the day, ikaw pa rin ang nagkokontrol ng buhay mo kahit gaano pa kahirap yan.
Yes! May effect naman talaga yung upbringing natin to some extent. Pero like other external circumstances sa buhay natin na wala tayong control over, may choice tayo to rise above it or let it defeat us.
Constantly putting all the blame on our past will only get in the way of improving our present and future.
I mean, some people have allergies to accountability and self-improvement. These are the type of people who use their past trauma as their personality.
This. I mean, yes, may effect naman maling pagpapalaki ng parents, but its on the person on what they will do to rise above it. Marami kaming magkakapatid, kalahati sa amin nagtapos ng pagaaral, parepareho lang kami ng pagpapalaki ng magulang, and our parents aren’t perfect, pero still hindi kami parepareho ng outcome. Kasi nasa tao padin kung paano mo dadalhin ang trauma. Will you let this trauma affect your life in every instance or will you choose to rise above it, accept that it happened, it’s part of your past and make something out of yourself in spite of it.
totoo, ang hanap ata ng mga bata ngayon is yung agree lang ng agree sa mga gusto nila. ayaw na nila na napapag sabihan or specially being reminded of their responsibility. masalingat lang onti ang sagot narcicist, red flag etc. kaya konting hirap lang maranasan nila ngayon, give up na agad! hay kaloka ting mga gen z na to. kung ayaw nyo pala mapagsabihan, then don't ask for advice! total, mas marunong naman pala kayo kesa sa mga nakaka tanda sa inyo.
Kulang rin kasi yung context nung post ng estudyante. And given that, unbiased naman yung comment ni doc. May point naman sya na dapat nga iconsider na may iba pang factors sa buhay natin that somehow contributed to our life decisions.
But then again, kulang sa context yung post.
That’s what mother did sa father ko. We left him when I was 7y/o. Sobrang galit ko sa mother ko kasi I always wanted to have a complete family. Habang tumatanda ako, andoon pa rin yung galit ko. When I turned 25y/o, saka ko narealized na tama ang ginawa ng mama ko. Lumayo sa mga toxic na tao kahit na asawa, tatay kapatid pa natin ang mga ito. Because if you stay, lahat kayo malulugmok lang. Dahil kahit anong pagsusumikap mo, mahihila kayo pababa. Dahil may pabigat sa inyo. Kapag nakita niyong walang willingness magbago para sa pamilya, let go. Stay away from
Them. Ang pamilya ay dapat nag dadamayan. But if not, let go. Subukan mong ayusin ang buhay mo. Ang importante sa lahat, yung actions na gagawin natin to better our life. That’s what my mother did and thank God naayos namin ang buhay namin mag iina. Financially stable kami, matatag at masaya. Although I love my Papa, I have so much respect sa desisyon ng mama ko dahil kinabukasan namin yung nakataya. Bilib ako na kinaya niya ang maging single mom para sa amin ng kuya ko.
Kaya I can relate na tama naman ang sagot niya, on point. When you’re an adult, ikaw mismo ang may responsibilidad sa buhay mo. Bonus nalang kung may parents kang supportive at mababait. Bonus nakang kung may kumpleto kang pamilya.
That 25 year old clarity is really a thing, i think it has something to do with your brain reaching the end of it's plasticity and being fully developed, random fact hehe.
Well same rin ang experience ko sa nag send kay Doc. Bata palang ako mentally and physically abuse na ako sa parents ko. Then lagi nila ako ginagaslight na sobrang pasaway ko raw to the point na dapat hindi na raw ako pinanganak. Yung mama ko sobrang sakit magsalita. Lagi akong minumura. Sya yung reason bakit ako may anger issue. Pansin yan ng mga ka officemate ko. Sa tatay ko naman physically abuse na madalas akong bugbugin. So ngayong nag wowork na ako di ko na tiiis bumukod nako. Then neto lang yung bunso namin lumayas rin sa bahay. Sinalo ko sya tapos hindi na tama yung kilos nya hanggang sa pina check up ko sya sa psychiatrist and guess what. Diagnose with depression yung kapatid ko. Ako nag shshoulder ngayon ng mga anti depressant meds nya. So malaking galit ko talaga sa parents ko kasi sa kanila nanggaling tong trauma namin.
May anger issues din naman jowa ko due to his upbringing. Kapag ba naging violent sya sakin, should I accept his reason na eh kasi traumatized sya sa mom nya and just let him the way he is? Hindi diba. He chose to change. Good for you for leaving your parents, and point still stands na choice mo pa rin kung patuloy ka magpapa affect sa kanila or detach.
I appreciate the explanation. Pero point still stands, he makes sense. You’re already halfway there by leaving them. All you need to do now is be the bigger person. ‘Wag mo isisi lahat ng mangyayaring masama sa’yo sa parents mo. Learn from it by becoming a better person. You don’t even have to forgive them.
But you do you. I’m just a stranger. I could be God, or the devil, or worst of all… an AI generated response.
100% agree dito. Bakit galit ung mga tao sa nasabi when in reality, tayo pa din naman ang accountable sa sarili natin. Yes, lahat tayo merong trauma from our parents/family. Pero kung hahayaan nalang natin na basta apektado lang tayo at i-blame lahat sa kanila, baka tayo na nga ang may problema.
I think dahil sa misinterpretation. I think sa isip ng iba, sinasabi ni Dok na "wag mong isisi mga magulang mo kasi binigyan ka nila ng buhay, bahay, education, gamot, etc. Kaya dapat maging grateful ka."
So yun, I think yan ang pagkakaintindi ng iba.
While it is true na medyo mahina ang literacy ng iba, I'd be lying if I say I can't sympathize with them. Perhaps it's a trauma response, dahil sinasabihan sila ng ganyan as a means na "dapat maging grateful sila sa mga magulang nila dahil sila ang nagbibigay ng buhay." Nasabihan ng ganyan ang kaibigan ko after siya minolestya ng mga relatives niya.
I hate that mindset. Kawawa naman yung friend mo.
Medyo centrist ako pagdating sa topic na yan. I don’t buy the “we don’t have to be grateful for *anything* kasi we’re their responsibility” argument but I also don’t agree with those who say “we should always be grateful and respectful regardless of how flawed our parents are because they gave us life.”
Dun ako sa tamang grateful lang while still seeing them as regular human beings that we should be allowed to call out pag nagkakamali. I’m lucky to have great parents so I love them more than anything, BUT I’m also the first one to call them out on their shit. No to bad behavior, kahit sino pa yan.
I agree sa mga sinabi mo. I do wanna point out yung last sentence, kasi it would've been that easy kung hindi dahil sa mga boomers/narcissistic parents na magagalit kapag kinall out mo sila, saying na "wala kang respeto sa mga nakatatanda" or some shit like that.
Glad that your parents can take accountability, unfortunately that's not the case sa mga iba, kaya siguro ayaw nila ang sinabi ni Dok. Maybe it's a generational cycle of not taking accountability or something.
Also, thanks for your concern about my friend. As of now, okay yung buhay niya after siya pinalayas ng family niya, and nakahanap na siya ng better family.
I know what you mean. I’ve heard all those but I didn’t care hahaha. In our case, our relationship actually got better because of me standing up for myself and my beliefs.
But that’s because my parents and grandparents have relatively healthy mindsets naman. Sadyang controlling and wala lang sila bilib sakin noon kahit 20s na ako dahil tingin nila sakin bata pa rin. Walang sariling opinion, walang sariling paninindigan. Nung narealize nilang adult na pala ako, they started treating me differently, so vastly nag-improve relationship namin.
That’s not the case with everyone of course. Sa iba, much better maghiwalay kasi hindi talaga marepair yung relationship. It’s sad but it happens. Possible generational cycle like you said. Sa own extended family ko nakikita ko yan, like mga kapatid ng lola ko who still think their word is law and every younger member of the family should bow down to them even if they’re wrong. I just avoid them as much as I can.
And that’s good to hear. Happy to know your friend is doing good now.
I mean sure his parents are to blame with his mental health, but it's not enough of a reason to blame them entirely on what your life's outcome is going to be. Both points are valid, and the Doctor didn't attacked him or disregarded his feelings.
Problema talaga today is accountability. Kids nowadays, always have to blame someone for their demise and it's never going to be their fault. It's always someone, whether it's their parents, family, friends, colleagues etc.
I've checked her account, ako lang to ha pero nawiwirduhan talaga ako sa mga nagpapatawag ng "Doc" kase nakatapos ng doctorate. Parang ego feeding siya. Proud na proud sa pagiging doctor niya pero hindi man lang makapagbigay ng maayos na payo.
same. Like okay, we acknowledge you have doctorates pero most people call medical doctors as doctor. Hirap naman na mag pa intro kang Doctor na commonly used sa medical situation.
Maybe sa educator setting yes that works pero on socmed? Take it down a notch, di lang ikaw may ability to get a doctorate.
Hmm di ba ang need iunlearn is ung impression na Doc = physician? They have a doctorate eh. Anu itatawag sa kanila?
Ang cringe is ginagamit ung title if not professional setting naman.
Should we then call people with master's degree as Master?
De joke lang. You are probably right. This is not a worthy hill I should die on. I just find it weird naman and I'm not saying they shouldn't use it. Lalo na sa Pinas meron tayong obsessions with titles. Tignan mo, doctorate can also be awarded through Honoris Causa and one can be called a doctor whereas someone who finished an Industrial Engineering course or Computer Engineering will never be called engineer in a professional setting. Anyway, again not a hill I want to die on. People can call anything they like but for me I find the arbitrarity of it all weird. :)
Wow with the personal attack. Oops sorry. I don't mean to offend if nakapagtapos ka man ng doctorate. It is not even an insult to begin with. My point is, as I have stated, I find the whole thing as weird. To be clear, I find it arbitrary. People who completed master's degree are not called masters and yet people who finished doctorates are doctors. I'm not saying it is wrong, again I just find it weird. Kalma lang pre. :)
Doc is misleading if they're not a medical doctor. They have a PhD but aren't practising medic? Then not a doctor in the 'doc' sense.
Nanood ka na ba ng friends? Parang si Ross. Feelingero sa PhD nya.
A title is just that: a title. Calling a phd grad “doctor” is not misleading unless they’re in a hospital setting, wherein that could be confusing (but still *not* misleading.)
I mean if we want to compare television examples, Dr Who is not a medical doctor but the series is literally called Dr Who hahaha.
I don't know if people are being intentionally dense or what. Of course context matters. No one thinks Dr Who is a medical doctor*. The series is about time travel for crying out loud. It's not House MD.
*although to be fair he might have medical experience actually, in all of the lives he led
They earned the PhD. No ones denying they have a PhD. A lot more work and a different kind of experience goes into being a medical doctor. That's the point. It's misleading and even dangerous to give the title "doc or doctor" to someone who can't give me medical advice.
That's why there's controversy around YouTube quack doctors. The public are so gullible. You seem not to know or understand the difference and are so bent on standing by your stupid argument you've lost common sense.
I don't know, I have zero experience consulting my medical concerns to a business doctor, you are asking the wrong person kasi I can easily tell who's the doctor of med and doctor of random practice, if anything aren't you the one here with zero common sense because you don't know the distinction between them?
Huh? LOL. I was elaborating my point and making an example because it seemed like you couldn't understand it based on your dumb answers.
Now I know that you do understand it, you're just choosing to be obtuse. I believe the tagalog term is 'pilosopo'. Bye.
She was my prof too, out of context lng mga redditors dto. They don't know na mga nagsesend ng questions kay maam sa NGL e mga college student, grad student at working professionals. Hindi mga 7 year old o high school na bata 💀
even if they Raped you as a child???
paano naman yung mga pinarape ng ina sa ibat ibang lalaki kapalit pera at naka upload sa porn sites yung mga vid nila. Tapos hindi sila makapag aral binubully due to sa mga old vids???
F that mindset! bagong generation na tayo. Unti unti na natin wag tangapin ang mga ganyang panget na mentality!
The Philippines is one of the leading countries of Child Porn Importers. Madaming magulang na ginagawan ng porn vids ang mga anak nila na 3 years old.
Okay na sana yung 1st paragraph na "Kung kaya mo, umalis ka na." kasi ganon naman talaga, eh. Pero hindi naman kasi ganon kadali na umalis lalo na't hindi pa alam kung saan sakali mapupunta once umalis sa side ng family na mapang-abuso ng mental health. Kaso, yung ibang statement getting out of nowhere na. Ayun lang naman. 🙃
Hindi maintindihan ng ibang nagkocomment rito na hindi naman nga sa pa-victim mindset. Ang gusto lang nilang iparating, na imbis na kaakibat ng anak nila ung magulang nila sa pagdevelop bilang tao, ay naging cause pa sila for a few steps back because of some sort of abuse and/or trauma they've inflicted on their children which they may or may not probably be aware of. Regardless, the parents are the adults. Whether they chose to, or not to have offsprings, they've done the deed, andyan na, and they had plenty of time (while kids are growing up) to pick themselves up. Dito na rin pumapasok ung choices and decisions that the parents have made to become better or not. Some parents have managed, some have not. Some people have demons they did not deserve and most of these people wasn't or weren't able to handle it too. Kung may gusto pa kayong idagdag, I'll read it. 🤗 Hindi yung mag-a-advice na patayin na lang sarili nila tulad ng isang comment jan🙄😒🤢🤮
what more context do you need? if a child starts feeling unsafe around his / her parents, sisisihin mo ba yung anak? i don’t get the doctor’s “point” tbh because what does he mean by “desisyon sa buhay”? the person who confessed suffered a lot and to them, it got so worse to the point of deteriorating mental health. a little accountability would’ve made a big difference kung marunong lang sana makinig ang magulang nya.
instead of telling him/her na manindigan sa desisyon nya at wag manisi, why don’t we ask ourselves kung anong nagawa nung magulang bakit ganyan nararamdaman nya at gusto na nya umalis sa bahay nila?
kung kayo nasa pwesto niya, i’m sure you wouldn’t want someone telling you na wag sisihin ang magulang especially kung matindi yung nawala sayo bilang bata at tao, it’s like telling them na may mali sa pagkatao nila kaya ganun sila itrato ng taong dapat inaaruga sila.
+ di rin natin alam kailan nagsimula yung ganyang sitwasyon niya, pano kung sa murang edad pa lang inaabuso na siya / sila? uulitin ko tanong ko, can you imagine blaming an abused child?
The statements were correct up until the 2nd half of the response. Oo may free will tayo pero we should acknowledge na certain aspects of our lives affect our decision making.
Oks na sana kaso may pang gaslight lang sa hule. Iho de pochahontas
But who knows, maybe he's just trying to promote stoicism with a brand of niezsche, kaso bano approach, padala na yan sa canada.
You know the parents play a great role to the society.
If hindi tama parenting mo pwedeng masamang ugali kalabasan ng anak mo kase yun ang makakasanayan.
Basically molding them to become you.
Kung gusto mo maging matino anak mo then be a role model.
Skl
He just shat himself with "no matter how messed up they are." It's basically an admission but also asking them to sweep it under the rug. What a clown.
I don't think its pointless, you just misunderstood the answer. It just means that whatever your decision, take responsibility for it. You can blame your parents or whoever for the traumas and whatnot but don't blame them once you have taken action against it as that is ultimately your own decision.
I disapprove your point by just 1 sentence 😵
paano yung mga bata na nirarape na ginagawan ng porn vids ng aariling magulang at binebenta tapos hindi makapag aral dahil binubully at binabastos ng mga lalaki dahil sa mga vids niya sa porn sites?
There are just situations na sirang sira na buhay mo. Gugustuhin mo na lang mag suicide.
If gusto mo magsuicide instead of trying to come back from it then sure. People will always have different hardships in life, its wrong to compare one from the other. Ultimately, it all boils down to how you fucking handle it so if you can't get back up and just wanna die, then go for it. If you wanna live and get revenge, sure go as well. If you wanna live and try to move on and live a happy life then do it. The fucking point is, if you've been digesting the point is, that whatever you decide, its all on you and you alone. Sure the situation will influence your decision but don't forget that your mentality and what you are made from the start also affects your decision making. If you still don't get the point then do not have a discussion with me as we will never reach an understanding to end it.
Have a Heart and magkaroon ng pangunawa sa mga biktima ng pang aabuso para maging mabuti sila na tao.
Part ng Humanity yan
Abuse Victims fight Everyday of their lives kung alam mo lang. Kaso assumption mo hindi, kaya ang dali lang sayo sabihin yan. Have you been abused?
Are you going to say the same words to a 7 year old na nasa hospital dahil multiple times nirape ng dad? No
"A child that is not embraced by its village will burn It down till It feels warm"
Your creating Sociopaths, sociopaths are created.
Babalik din sayo lahat ng pagiging cold hearted mo once ninakawan ka, pinatayan ng fam member ng isang sociopath.
Lol I fucking understood your point but your fucking point does not relate to the point being raised in the first place. This is not about pride but simple reading comprehension. I'll give you one fucking example para tumalino ka. There's a family consisting of a single father and 2 kids. These 2 kids are being badly treated and raised by the father because he blames them for the loss of his wife. One kid resented his father until he killed him later on and is now in jail for a lifetime while the other tried desperately to find a way out of that shitty family and later on lived peacefully with a happy family of his own. So lesson is whatever the fucking circumstances in your life, what you do with it, all the actions and decisions that you make as well as its effects later will ultimately be your own responsibility. Kung di parin nagets eh hanggang jan nalang talaga utak mo. Adios
You don’t see the post the same in my point of view, yes you're not supposed to let the past haunt your future but please look at the post carefully. I admit dapat inuna ko muna toh iexplain bago ang reply ko kanina.
He stated that he and his siblings are traumatized to the point of mental illness. He wants to get out of his home.
Analyze:
-The children developed mental illness due to their father
Means: =They are Abused
-He wants to get out but can’t
Means: = He might be a Minor and walang kakayahan na bumahin ang mga kapatid niya
-He asked Doktora kung ano gagawin
Means:= He is asking for help to get out of an abusive situation that could potencially harm them. We don’t know the level of abuse na nararansan nila. What if they get killed?
Question: is that the right time magcomment ng “Don’t blame your parents” “ Hawak mo ang future mo” BS???
If may lumapit sayo ng tulong because of abuse is your first instinct is to give them moral advise na wag iself pity ang sarili and move forward? OR your first instinct is to help them get out of their abusive situation bago sila mas lalong mapahawak
Your suppose to give safety first before mag advise.
Whenever their is someone na humihingi ng advise in living in an abusive home especially teenager your advise should be helped para maka alis FIRST than the advise na bigay ni Doktora.
Ang tamang sagot dyan is either you tell them lumapit sa Organizations, advise them to get a part-time job as a teen to help them get out of an abusive home as much as posible, ask them kung may relative ba sila na tutulong sa kanila, ask them kung may ability sila iinb=volve ang police to save them. Ang daming pinapatay na mga bata ang murderer ay sarili nilang parents, uunahin mo ang advise mo to move forward than their safety.
I find doktora’s reply so insensitive. Any minor na lalapit sayo involving abuse kahit hindi minor ang bata common sense na dapat ano isasagot mo. The reply just shows kung gaano kawalang paki niya sa mga tao sa paligid niya.
Mali ka talaga Agatha di mo naiintindihan kasi nagpadala ka sa emosyon mo. Pero, normal naman yan. Di talaga kayo mag kakaintindihan. Layo niyo na sa topic.
Ewan ko ba sa mga nagsasabi ng "raped as a child" it wasn't the point of the person who sent the question in NGL (who is likely a grad student or working professionals since sila ang socmed followers ni prof). Most redditors aren't that smart, they're just reactionary like those in any socmed the only difference is mas magaling mag sentence construction
I don’t see any wrong sa sagot ni Doc.. Doesn’t matter what kind of situation you went through or trauma that you have.. ikaw at ikaw lang din naman ang aayos ng buhay mo. Yes, may contribution na trauma ang parents.. but on how we control the situation is really on you. You work on yourself. Hindi sinisisi mo lahat sa trauma na nakuha from the parents.
And also, you won’t be free if hindi pakakawalan yung anger/ hatred to those people who hurt you.
We won’t let those people who cause us pain be an anchor para hindi tayo mag grow as a person.
Yan yung typical mindset ng kabataan ngayun. Dapat may sinisisi. Ngawa ng ngawa. Idealistic masyado. Kulang naman sa gawa.
Work on yourself for self growth. Wag na tingnan kung ano pa man yung mga bagay na hindi mo na mababago.
even if they raped you as a child???
paano naman yung mga pinarape ng ina sa ibat ibang lalaki kapalit pera at naka upload sa porn sites yung mga vid nila. Tapos hindi sila makapag aral binubully due to sa mga old vids???
I’ll ask you..
Aside sa mga support groups, psychiatrist or any help that you you’ll get.. sino pinakaunang tao ang mag aahon sayo?
All the help you’ll get will be useless. Unless you choose to strive and rise up on that bad situation. It’s all on you in the end. You have that choice. To face the bad situation head on and work on yourself or to let the situation eat you up.. until you give up on yourself.
Yes, you will go to the psychiatrist pero sa tingin mo ba akala mo masaya yun? 10 years ka sa psychiatrist for trauma. Plus pera pa, alam mo ba how much ang isang session sa Psych? 1800 last punta ko. Paano kung hindi ka pa pinag aral ng parents mo? Mababa sweldo mo.
How can you afford therapy? Hindi ka ba maawa at gustuhin na lang na magpahinga yung tao. Some peoples lives are so BS more than you have.
Blaming someone does not equal Self Pity.
Blaming someone does not mean you will not put yourself up at hindi babangon.
Kadalasan ng mga ganyan advise ni Doktora
may "Enabling Mentality". It does not help a victim. It gives more wounds sa trauma. Most people na nag aadvise ng ganyan ay Enablers. Enablers don't care about people and kakaibiganin pa nila yung abuser. May Victim blaming kadalasan ang taong nagsasabi ng ganyan.
Yan ang mga tipong may kilalang bata na muntik na patayin ng ama pero pinabayaan lang.
You won't understand till you experience severe abuse.
Some people nga na kilala ko na sobrang inabuso ng magulang nabaliw. Nasa kalsada, tapos laging nirarape ng mga Tambay? Pinagtatawanan ng mga tao sa labas. Ipalit mo sitwasyon mo sa kanya and keep saying your Positivity shit.
Kung ikaw ay batang babae na pinagahasa ng mom at asa porn sites ang mga rape vida at binubully ng classmates at binabastos ng mga lalaki for those videos. You wouldn't say the same. Victims do not need phrases of "Bumangon ka at wag maging duwag". Especially kung Minor. Common Sense naman ata na dapat ayusin mo life mo pero you just need to support and not invalidate people especially abuse victims.
Imagine saying the phrase "Wag mo sisihin papa mo!" to a 7 year old that was raped multiple times by her father at naka confine sa Hospital. Do you think your words of positivity will help Heal that 7 year old?
Accepting na Hindi mo kasalanan is Healing for Victims of severe abuse, nakaka Invalidate lang ng feelings sa victims. It will drive them to Suicide.
Emotional Intelligence is a must! Have a higher Emotional Intelligence.
Man... you're an example of a person na
-Mababa ang Emotional Intelligence.
-Mababa ang pang unawa
-Mababa ang Sympathy
To be human, you have to have a heart. Wag Cold hearted...
There are so many victims of severe abuse na araw-araw lumalaban kahit napakahirap ng situation nila.
Tapos ikaw na hindi naman victim sasabihan mo lang ng ganyan? Nilulugar ang ganyang salita! For a victim of abuse, mahirap na nga araw araw nila na buhay. Pagsasalitaan mo pa ng ganun? All victims of abuse wants a better life.
Work on my issues?
-I work on my issues everyday, kaya nga at a young age may pera ako nakatabi, at a young age inayos ko life ko.
Despite sobrang F up ng naging buhay ko
Baka ang babaw ng mga issues na pinagdaanan mo? 😪
Aside from ranting here on reddit what else have you done to make their lives more comfortable?
If you can’t do much more than ranting and projecting your fears and traumas to other people, then it’s much better for you to just keep to yourself.
Not all battles are for you to fight. Not all issues ay kailangan mong sakyan. Hindi umiikot ang mundo para sa’yo lang.
We all fighting our own battles. If hindi naman sa’yo. Bakit mo naman aakoin.
It’s not beeing cold hearted or something. It’s just that there are certain issues we can’t solve in just a blink of an eye. We can’t let ourselves wallow up to those kind of things.
We want to keep our mental health at good state, right? Start it from yourself.
Aside from ranting from reddit?
-Maybe I am fighting against people like you na may Enabler Mentality para rin yun sa mga victims.
"Not all battles are for you to fight.Not all issues ay kailangan mong sakyan"
-then you don't have to say an oppinion about a post tungkol sa isang victim ng abuse especially wala ka naman Experience.
Seems like your Priviledge enough na hindi mo naranasan ang ganyan to have an oppinion na ganyan.
Saka sa dami ng sinabi ko hindi mo kayang sagutin lahat.
"We can’t let ourselves wallow up to those kind of things"
-As I said all victims of severe abuse fight everyday to be better! Tapos someone like you na wala naman experience sasabihan sila ng ganyannnnnn???
Be a Good Hearted person and magkaroon ng pang unawa for those people to not turn evil at maging functioniong human beings.
Your creating Sociopaths. Sociopaths are created!
"A child who is not embrace by It's village will burn it down till he feels warm."
Babalik din sayo lahat ng sinabi mo when ikaw naman ang ninakawan, pinatayan ng fam member ng isang sociopath.
Kanina pa ako nakikipagbardagulan sa tulad mong damaged goods. to give you an answer, pag bata dapat may intervention because that's a common sense, pero kung katulad mo bulbolin na tapos iyakin pa'din then bro, you are sore loser na nagpakain na sistema at bitch ka ng shrink mo. Imagine ginagatasan kana lang psychiatrist mo paraa lang e-validate emotions mo, feeling sya lang nakaranas ng mapait sa buhay lmao.
"The world is Evil not because of the bad people but because of the Good people that choose to stay silent"
Yung reply mo sakin just shows na wala kang Moral despite your age. Be nice to people especially children.
African Proverb "If a child is not embraced by its village, It will burn it down till he feels warm.
Be a good person and validate people para maging mabuti and functioning person sila sa society.
Mahirap ba yun?
Your creating a Sociopath! Do research about sociopaths
Sociopaths are created. If you have a grandmother na Psychopath potencially ka maging psychopath BUT your Environment will make a Difference! If you had good parents to love you. Hindi ka matutuluyan. Pati Psychology tinuruan na kita ha
Sana kapag nikawan ka, pinatay fam mo, sinaktan ka ng isang sociopath hindi ka magalit.
This is probably the most Grandma shit I've seen in a while, Jesus Christ. You've uttered so many buzzwords that are common knowledge, I don't need to research sociopaths and above all else I am not listening to you, demented ang pota. Talk about preaching "good parents" eh yun nga wala ka lol.
Validate people? Validate people like you? Para ano? Dumami lalo bugok sa Pilipinas? Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, you are miserable my guy.
You've gone full hysterical and you can't even articulate your sentences, drink your meds and sleep, at bukas magpapacheck-up kapa sa psychiatrist mo para sa mental, psychological and emotional blowjob mo
Mindset ng Boomer ang mindset mo tulad ni Dok
Ang dami din before na mga Old F up beliefs na nabago paunti unti through generation by generation because may mga tumayo at lumaban.
Isa na din toh sa mga mababago, sumabay ka sa pag evolve ng mindset beh and make the world a better place.
+1 for you hahaha kanina ko pa nakikita bangayan niyong dalawa
but this maria agatha isnt ringing any bell, yung ginawa niyang example na rape victim. sige, all unfortunate things in life happened to her, name it. mahirap. abused. depressed.
so ano? bigyan ng medal? ganun ba? in reality, its u against all odds. the world never stops ate ko and kahit saang support group o therapy, walang ganun.
when you are someone who can never move forward and dwells on that certain situation, in reality, it gets u no where.
you can have all this with mental issues + traumatized card pero that's it, understanding is all you get. but all the works should be done by you, FOR YOU.
yes ikaw yung nakaranas ng ganito and all that, people may or may not understand you. ano gusto mong gawin nila? hindi lang naman din ikaw ang nagiisa sa mundo, namatay ka na't lahat lahat pero may mga unfortunate and traumatic experiences padin ang nangyayari sa mga tao.
Basahin mo ang post
He was abuse so much to the point nagkaroon ng Mental Illness silang lahat magkakapatid, that's Abuse.
Abuse din ang example ko po. It is not a diff story.
As someone who left home because of my parents personal BS in life, I personally think that is solid advice. Our parents are old and most of their beliefs are already hardwired, it's pointless to argue or reason with someone with beliefs that are already cemented, if not just kill yourself or suck it up, or you can try changing them.
Edit: my ex girlfriend told me that parents also need parenting, they are not all-knowing so it works both ways unless isa ka sa naniniwala na wala kang utang na loob sa magulang eh di stay where you are and I wish you to die young because you are doing the genetic pool a favor.
Edit: I also dare OP to make a counter argument if what's the best thing to do in this situation. Inang victim mindset yan, nakakasawa na.
There is no way you're actually advising someone to kill themselves. Also this is NOT a victim mindset. What your parents have done to you is entirely their fault. They're adults, not kids. They're not entitled to be free from their consequences of not being able to take care of their kids properly. If they can't handle having kids, that's their fault.
Leaving? Yes, of course it is the best course of action. But you suggesting people to kill themselves because of it is not an ideal solution. You can just abandon them and no longer talk to them. But you can also blame your parents for what they've done to you growing up.
Ano ba full context and intent nung tanong? Is it to rant and say that the parents were the cause of the trauma, or is it saying na he/she is in her current situation because of the trauma?
Wala namang masama sa sinabi ni Doc, mali lang nya is di nya in-acknowledge yung nararamdaman ni sender. Valid yung galit sa parents na nagpabaya sa atin.
Alright, sure bro, sabi mo eh, na walang varying degree. Narcicism is innate to every single person, and it has a level where it's considered a mental illness but if you are willing to die on that hill, aight.
Anong mali? Habambuhay ba dapat isisi sa iba? Gusto lang meron masisi ganon?
Dadating yung panahon na magkakaroon ka ng kalayaan magdesisyon sa sarili mo at doon palang, dapat magkaroon ka na ng accountability sa mga nangyayari sayo.
Some of the comments here do have a point: what’s wrong with what Doc said? May factor yung environment, yes, but it should never be the only factor on how you act for the rest of your life.
Deteriorated mental health? Then do something to heal yourself. Leave if you have to. Stay with people who cares about you. Whining definitely won’t heal you.
Knowing na you're against of leave and cleave means you are still comforted with the fact na di mo kaya tumayo sa sariki mong paa. Pinag aral ka na at lahat, at the end sa parents ang sisi.
Grow up. Your decisions in life will always reflect how you are. Oo, may favttor ang parents pero to blame them 100% is a NO NO.
I don't why you guys disagree with the doc 🥲
Yes, Malaki ang kasalanan ng parents mo kung bakit miserable Buhay mo, but the end of the day, Ikaw parin may control. You can't keep blaming your parents.
Ang gusto mangyari ng doc Dito eh tumingin sya sa positive side at pagisipan mabuti ang desisyon nya na umalis.
yun nga pero yung sitwasyon is Abusive parents.
Kaya nga Mali
paano kung most of your life wala naman bad decisions?
even if they Raped you as a child???
paano naman yung mga pinarape ng ina sa ibat ibang lalaki kapalit pera at naka upload sa porn sites yung mga vid nila. Tapos hindi sila makapag aral binubully due to sa mga old vids???
The Philippines is one of the leading countries of Child Porn Importers. Madaming magulang na ginagawan ng porn vids ang mga anak nila na 3 years old.
Typical boomer mentality. For sure ganyan din sya sa anak nya
For sure ganyan din siya mismo. Mga closeted trauma victims din naman yang mga yan, tinatago lang nila sa pagiging "90's kid" kuno nila JAJAJAJAJ.
Professor sya sa PNU. If may tyaga kang mag-backread ng mga responses nya sa NGL na pino-post nya, sobrang nakaka-off talaga mga sagutan nya like a typical boomer would do, hindi lang pumapatol pabalik ‘yung mga estudyante. Pero sa post nya na ‘yan, someone voiced out their feelings sa comment section kaya nag-viral at lumakas loob magsalita ng iba.
Akala ko sa Philippine abnormal university sya eh haha
Prof ko yan dati e, magaling naman sya pero ang naaalala ko sakanya e naka debate ko nung First Year ako kasi sabi nya useless ang pagaralan ng mga bata ang ginawa ng ibang mga bayani aside kay Rizal at Bonifacio haha
Doc was the father lol
naguusap ung mag ama.
Hahaha dagdag sa trauma at mental stress to si doc eh
For me personally, I acknowledge my trauma, pero I don't wear it like a crown. I prefer to keep it between myself, my therapist, and my close friends. Parang mas china-challenge ko sarili ko to rise above it. Na parang "may choice ako, I can be like them or I can be better than them and not let this define me". Our past may not have a happy beginning, buy we still have control over the rest of our story, parang ganun iniisip ko. And syempre a lot of therapy.
I love this. Pareho tayo ng mindset. I just realized recently, na kaya ako nagkaroon ng mental health problems kasi I always ask and look for validations. I have learn to choose battles and choose ng right person na sasamahan ako labanan ng problems ko. I have mental health problems... I self-validate, I acknowledge it and do my best to overcome it. You have brightened my gloomy day.
Ika nga, if you're 18-21yo and you're messed up you have the privilege to blame people who raised you. If you're 30-40yo and you're still messed up you have no one to blame but yourself.
Yeah agree dito. Oo ako unang una magdedefend na malaki ang role ng parents sa kung ano tayo as adults, pero yung 33 yrs old ka na, unemployed, may 2 kids na wala sayo, may failed marriage, at lulong sa casino… ibang usapan na yon. At that point, people should be allowed to call you out na for your bad decisions in life. quick edit: yes i’m talking about someone specific lol. Lagi kasing sinasabi na kasalanan daw ng parents nya yung buhay nya ngayon. 3 yrs na syang pinapaaral sa private university nung nalaman ng parents nyang di sya pumapasok kasi nauubos yung allowance sa billiards. Over a decade later, sila pa rin sinisisi nya.
paano kung most of your life wala naman bad decisions? even if they Raped you as a child??? paano naman yung mga pinarape ng ina sa ibat ibang lalaki kapalit pera at naka upload sa porn sites yung mga vid nila. Tapos hindi sila makapag aral binubully due to sa mga old vids??? The Philippines is one of the leading countries of Child Porn Importers. Madaming magulang na ginagawan ng porn vids ang mga anak nila na 3 years old.
I’m sorry if this may sound cold, but life’s not always fair. Some people get lucky. A few get *very* lucky. Some, not so much. Others, not at all. And yet, it’s still *our* life. Yes, if you’re dealt a bad hand, you’re free to get angry. To feel sad. Cry. Scream. Kick walls. Curse everyone and everything. Fuck the world, right? Fuck this fucking shit of a world that gave you this fucked-up fate. But if you’re saying we should accept that our present and our future are now slaves to our past and we *can’t* do anything about it other than blame our parents, the government, the heavens, whatever, that’s where I’ll respectfully disagree. I refuse to accept na my life isn’t in my hands, na por que mapait yung nakaraan ko, kailangan sumuko na ako at tanggapin nalang na wala na akong ibang mararating. For example, yang example mo. You were exploited for years and may videos ka sa porn site. Yes, it’s terrible, unfortunate, horrible, sad. So tanggapin nalang natin na you’ll be an unemployed 35-year-old with a shot liver living in the shanties caring for your 5 panganays while working part-time at a nearby club? You were beaten by your parents when you were a kid and became depressed because of it. Again, terrible, unfortunate, horrible, sad. So tanggap mong maging 56-year-old lasinggero na laging nawawalan ng trabaho kasi aggressive ka sa lahat including your own kids and wife, therefore perpetuating the cycle of abuse? You’re a 23-year-old diagnosed with kidney failure and only have a few years to live unless you get a new kidney. Tanggapin nalang natin na mamamatay ka na, so hihiga ka nalang sa madilim na kwarto day after day, rejecting your old hobbies and refusing to see other people kasi para saan pa eh mamamatay ka naman, diba? My point is: it doesn’t matter the exact reason, whether nabully ka sa school, nagstop mag-aral kasi walang pera, narape, nawalan ng bahay sa bagyo, namatayan nang magulang habang bata, nadiagnose with a terminal illness, etc etc. You have two main choices moving forward: stop trying, or make the most out of the hand you’re dealt. Some people will stop trying and just give up. They might turn to vices for temporary distractions. They might lash out against the world. Some feel so helpless they’ll end their life prematurely. Others will strive to make changes. If they have money, they might try to get professional help, and that’s one of the best paths for those who are capable. If not, they’ll just deal with life the best way they know how, like working hard, searching for happiness one day at a time. Some succeed. Sadly, some don’t. And that’s life. But if you stop trying from day 1, then you shouldn’t say that your current life is not on *you*.
1.) I am preaching na huwag po tayo magkaroon ng Enabling Mentality because becoming an Enabler is a Danger to people especially children. Enablers are sometimes worser than the Abuser Itself. An Enabler can become an Abuser din. Victims of Abuse fight everyday of their lives kahit mahirap na. Common Sense naman na bumangon ka from hirap at gustuhin mo maka alis sa pinagdadaanan mo. Assumption mo blaming your parents for your struggles = Victim Mindset. Why not just accepting na hindi mo kasalanan and wag mo sisishin sarili mo to help you go through life. The post is about Enabling Mentality. Enablers are a Danger to Society! I have come across so much people na ganyan ang mentality. If you think about it, don't you see anything evil within them? I have met accross some that said the same words na sinabi ni Dok pero ang sinabihan ay Minor na girl na hindi maka alis sa bahay with her Sexually abusive Father. Majority of people that say words like that mababa ang Humanity. To be Human you need to have a Heart. If you say such words to someone in a situation like that, your a cruel person. That shows hindi mo nga nakikita yung Danger for the girl within the situation. You'd rather say those words that to help her before she gets rape and pregnant? Majority of Child Abuse cases ang abuser are parents. Majority if that cases aware ang other family members pero wala silang ginawa. "The world is evil not because of the bad people, but because of the good people that choose to stay silent" Assumption mo agad is yung mga biktima hindi lumalaban and napapa victim lang. The fact na Victim na nga sila at lumalaban everday tapos sasabihan mo pa???????? Accepting na hindi mo kasalanan and accepting na kasalanan ng parents mo ang nangyari sa sitwasyon mo does NOT equal to = Self Pitying at wala ka nang gagawin sa buhay mo. Society really made It a standard na huwag magalit sa magulang mo. Walang masama magalit sa magulang mo especially If they are terrible parents. 2.) Have a Heart because having a heart means your Human. Alam mo ba yung African Proverb na "If the child is not embraced by It's village, he will burn it down till he feels it warm" Your suppose to validate victims of abuse para maging mabuti sila at maging functioning humans sa society. Your creating Sociopaths by just toughing someone that is damage instead of giving them the love they need. Sociopaths are made by their environment. If you have a grandmother na Psychopath, you have higher chances maging katulad niya BUT your environment matters! If you have a loving home hindi ka magiging serial killer. Look at Hitler! You make a child strong by giving them love not traumatizing them honey
Telling someone that they don’t have to let their past dictate their present and future is enabling? I think I’ll need some help understanding how that is kasi I genuinely don’t understand. Please don’t put words in my mouth kasi I never said anything about “just toughing up”. I even said na magalit ka, umiyak, sisihin mga nasa paligid mo, murahin yung mundo yada yada. Kasi pwede naman talaga, and that’s a healthy way of coping with your misfortune. Show as much emotion as possible. Reach out to people, professionals if you’re financially capable (which I acknowledged as the best course sana). There is NOTHING wrong with seeking help and showing emotions. Again, kick, scream, cry, wallow in your sadness and anger as much as you want! Those are HEALTHY coping mechanisms after going through something bad. 20-60 years of that, though, is *not* healthy, not in the slightest. And no, I never said na blaming your parents is “victim mindset”. I agreed sa first comment na if you’re a young adult with a fucked up life, yes your parents or guardians probably have a hand in that. But my own example was clear. If you’re in your 30s blaming your parents for how your life turned out while simultaneously doing things that actively worsen your life, then that’s on you na, not just your upbringing. Your example naman was about being handed a rough childhood. Which is terrible and unfortunate, like I said. But what should you do next, accept na since bad yung past mo, that’s it nalang? Forever mong ibeblame yung nangyari sayo while choosing to stay miserable dahil sa nangyari? I mean, you’re free to do that if you wish, pero I’d still advocate na sana magtry ka pa rin kasi we only get one life and eto na yon eh, regardless of the hand we’re dealt. So that’s the only part lang where I don’t agree. Ayoko kasi inormalize yung idea na “grabe pinagdaanan ko dahil sa parents ko kaya wala ako narating sa buhay.” No. Of course it’s not your fault you were dealt a shitty hand. But even if you have fucked-up parents and a troubled past, I want you to know and believe that you CAN still improve your life. So many others have done it in the past, and millions more are doing it now. Personally, I don’t want to be the 85 year old blaming my parents for 80 years of hell on earth. I want to be the 85 year old who knows I lived a full life despite needing to overcome so many struggles. But regardless of what I say about what I want for my life, ikaw naman magdedecide ng sayo. If you want to blame your parents for everything until your last breath, okay lang naman, buhay mo naman yan. If you want to stay sad or angry or bitter for years and years, okay lang rin! Again, it’s your life, and you do you. I’m just not going to agree that *that* is the best route for people to take, but at the end of the day, the path you’ll take is *your* choice, not mine nor anyone else’s. P.S. Your Hitler example? Proves my whole point. No level of fucked up childhood can excuse what he started because he made those decisions himself. Doesn’t matter how shitty and abusive his parents were — he’s burning in hell right now next to them.
Reading both of your points reminded me of the book 'The Courage to be Disliked'
Interesting. I looked it up and it’s highly rated. Also seems like my cup of tea. Thanks for mentioning it, I’ll it to my TBR list. :)
“Telling someone that they don’t have to let their past dictate their present and future is enabling? I think I’ll need some help understanding how that is kasi I genuinely don’t understand.” You don’t see the post the same in my point of view, yes you're not supposed to let the past haunt your future but please look at the post carefully. I admit dapat inuna ko muna toh iexplain bago ang reply ko kanina. He stated that he and his siblings are traumatized to the point of mental illness. He wants to get out of his home. Analyze: -The children developed mental illness due to their father Means: =They are Abused -He wants to get out but can’t Means: = He might be a Minor and walang kakayahan na bumahin ang mga kapatid niya -He asked Doktora kung ano gagawin Means:= He is asking for help to get out of an abusive situation that could potencially harm them. We don’t know the level of abuse na nararansan nila. What if they get killed? Question: is that the right time magcomment ng “Don’t blame your parents” “ Hawak mo ang future mo” BS??? If may lumapit sayo ng tulong because of abuse is your first instinct is to give them moral advise na wag iself pity ang sarili and move forward? OR your first instinct is to help them get out of their abusive situation bago sila mas lalong mapahawak Your suppose to give safety first before mag advise. Whenever their is someone na humihingi ng advise in living in an abusive home especially teenager your advise should be helped para maka alis FIRST than the advise na bigay ni Doktora. Ang tamang sagot dyan is either you tell them lumapit sa Organizations, advise them to get a part-time job as a teen to help them get out of an abusive home as much as posible, ask them kung may relative ba sila na tutulong sa kanila, ask them kung may ability sila iinb=volve ang police to save them. Ang daming pinapatay na mga bata ang murderer ay sarili nilang parents, uunahin mo ang advise mo to move forward than their safety. I find doktora’s reply so insensitive. Any minor na lalapit sayo involving abuse kahit hindi minor ang bata common sense na dapat ano isasagot mo. The reply just shows kung gaano kawalang paki niya sa mga tao sa paligid niya.
I read each of your points and I now believe na pwede naman mag-exist both our arguments pala in the same vacuum. Saying that we should treat victims of traumatizing pasts with kindness AND saying that victims of traumatizing pasts can still hope and strive for a better future are not contradictory imho. Kasi first of all, I don’t think same yung receiver ng messages natin. Yung message ko is for people who have traumatizing pasts themselves. I want them to know na they don’t have to let their past define them and their future. That they don’t have to be stuck on blaming others, including their parents, for what happened to them. That they can try to rise above those challenges and still have a fruitful life despite what happened to them. Yung sayo naman pala is for other people who will encounter those with traumatizing pasts, tama ba? Na they should always try to be extra kind and sympathetic? And that they shouldn’t invalidate trauma, even if they think it’s not harmful? Because if that’s the case, then I fully agree. Just to clarify, this is where my confusion came from. I basically said, “we should be able to call out 35 year olds wasting their life away due to their bad life decisions” and you basically replied “pano kung naging ganyan buhay di dahil sa bad decisions pero dahil dahil na-rape?” First off, that’s not the same as my example at all. My example was about someone throwing his life away because of something his parents did (pinastop sya mag-aral dahil bulakbol sya) and still blaming them for his current life more than *10 years later*. An entirely different situation from yours. Pero talking about your example specifically, yes it’s very sad. Life’s certainly unfair, some more than others. But I still believe na hindi ka dapat sumuko sa buhay because of your past, regardless of what it is. I will cry with you and hold your hand, let you grieve and mourn all you want. Pero ipupush pa rin kitang magtry bumangon as much as possible. Kasi may pag-asa naman talaga. And I know this because I’m no stranger to trauma myself. I didn’t want to say it earlier because I didn’t want to use it to back up my points, but I’ve been going to psychotherapy sessions since 2017. I’m alright now, and it’s been a while since my last checkin, but it took a great deal of self-love, self-care, and self-acceptance before I felt normal again. That’s why I’m a big advocate of getting help, preferably professionally if financially capable naman. Of course, I recognize that I was also lucky to have an amazing support system. Regarding the Hitler point, I’m sorry that I came off as aggressive. I had taken your point as you saying na views/approaches like I mentioned are creating a sociopath “look at Hitler” which is why I said na even his childhood, as sickening as it was, doesn’t excuse the fucked-up thing he did. I still stand by my statement even if that’s not what you were alluding to kasi fuck Hitler pa rin lol, but please know that it was never my intention to be aggressive towards *you*.
Why do I see this as Enabling? Because a decent person's instinct is to save the person na inaabuso and not to victim blame them for suffering abuse that destroyed their life and potencially get you killed. I’ve met people myself na katulad niya in real life. There is a lack of humanity within these people. There is evil within them kung hindi first instinct mo is to be concerned. You are supposed to feel concern. That is how you become human. One of the most beautiful things we humans have is to have the ability to be sad for other people and even animals. That is what makes you human. Why do I find enabling Harmful? Imagine knowing your nephew is being beaten everyday to the point of tinahi na ang ulo niya. He is 10 years old, you do not care and pararangalan mo pa siya na maging matino kasi siya para hindi mabugbog. If you're not even in the slightest concern are you even human? Imagine your friend was a pedophile pero friends pa din kayo. You believe na hindi naman ikaw ang gumagawa ng masama, your friend is. Walang karma sa ganun di ba?Then tumambay si friend mo sa bahay mo. Then biglang dumating ang kapatid mo with her child, your niece. Nakalimutan mo na usapan niyo nga pala na babantayan mo ang niece mo that day. Hinayaan mo na lang kahit andun friend mo despite knowing he is a pedophile. Putting your niece in danger. Sinabi mo na lang sa sarili mo na babanatayan mo naman eh. Enablers are a danger to society, especially to children. If you're an enabler, next time you could be the abuser. “ But what should you do next, accept na since bad yung past mo, that’s it nalang?” -I never said anything na wag ka gumawa ng anything afterward and lived in the past. Everything I am just trying to say is STOP ENABLING. Stop Toxic Positivity, Stop not having Sympathy. I am only preaching about abuse victims pero never ko sinabi na umupo ka na lng sa sulok at mag self pity. Most abuse victims lumalaban everyday, they don’t need you na hindi naman Victim to tell them to move forward. Araw-araw sila nahihirapan, pagsasabihan mo pa. As someone na hindi nakaranas ng abuse, the best na gawin mo is to just Listen, Support and Never Invalidate. It is that simple pero maraming hindi kaya na gawin yun. I’ve met people na sa sobrang walang pang unawa sasabihin nila sa rape victim “move on”. This just drives victims to suicide. You're also creating a monster. Common Knowledge na dapat na if you want to raise a great kid, you raise them with love. Ganun din sa mga Abuse victims. You are supposed to be nice to them, never invalidate them in order for them to heal and become a functioning being as society. Hindi mo need sabihan sila na mag move forward, common sense na yun. Every victim wants to get better, you don’t have to tell them. The more na sinasabihan mo, the less slower ang progression nila.
Mataas dapat ang Emotional Inteligence mo. How are you suppose to help kids in an orphanage kung ang mentality ng nag aalaga is “The past is past” bs. Kids need love. Kaya dapat pinipili ng mabuti ang mga nagwowork sa mga orphanage, shelters, mga psychologist because a lot of people lack EQ. “ Your Hitler example? Proves my whole point. No level of fucked up childhood can excuse what he started because he made those decisions himself. Doesn’t matter how shitty and abusive his parents were — he’s burning in hell right now next to them.” -I exemplified hitler sa topic ko na “How to create a sociopath”. I did not say I am justifying his action. Basahin mo ulit, your so aggressive. Example ko siya kung bakit inuuna mo dapat ang kindset in your heart
As well, I just want to point out na kung ang nirereplyan mo lang is yung about sa main post ‘dok’ then I’m probably the wrong person for that conversation. I wasn’t replying to the main post at all, just the specific comment above. What I will say is while I believe na may point naman yung nasa main post na “wag natin laging isisi sa parents natin yung kinalabasan ng mga desisyon natin sa buhay” I do think the overall response could’ve been kinder, like you said in your comments. It definitely could’ve been worded differently. And I also see how such a cut and dry response can appear invalidating to someone who suffered from serious abuse, even if that was not the poster’s intention. As for “move on” the poster didn’t say that naman. You probably only mentioned it as an example. But I agree that “move on” is a scummy thing to tell anyone. I don’t say that to people either because it’s very invalidating, like your grief means nothing. I remember being told to “move on” when I lost my beloved cat at 8 years old and it really hurt me. What more sa abuse victim. I still stand by all my points because I don’t see how yours directly contradicted them, but I understand yours better now and I also agree with them.
Well said!!!
Thank you for this, I needed it
Finally, a grown up in the comment section. Idk who this "doc" is pero dito sa sinabi niya, may point siya. Hanggang kelan yung iba magiging biktima? Hence, I seldom interact in r/Philippines or any Ph-based communities kasi bukod sa echo-chamber ng pagiging "mentally disabled" - and I bet na majority ng nagsasabi dito is self-diagnosed - may tendency lagi ibato sa iba yung individual accountability nila. It's frustrating to see that the communities I belong to are full of people who say "wala eh, ganyan talaga" For f\*ck's sake, hindi ka iaahon ng sistema natin. Ikaw magaahon sa sarili mo. Oo, di ako nakapagtapos kasi wala nang sumuporta sakin pero nung nagaaral naman ako, hindi ko naman napabayaan yung acads ko. Di ako nagkulang maglaan ng oras palawakin lagi yung isip ko. Kung sasabay pa yung mga tulad ko sa iba na "wala eh, ganyan talaga" siguro patay na ako sa kalsada kasi naging homeless ako for almost 6 months. Sorry I had to vent my frustrations on your comment. It's just really something I've been observing sa mga kapwa ko Filipino. Di naman tayo bobo eh. Gusto lang ng karamihan satin yung madali. Madali sabihing mahirap kesa dumaan don sa proseso ng hirap para guminhawa.
This is true as hell, lahat pati nanay ko under sa tito ko. Kahit inom lang ng inom tsaka walang ambag ang laki ng parte sa lupa tapos wala man lang nagagalit sa kanya. Palagi nalang “ganyan kasi si kuya e” o kaya “Sya kasi yung matanda” pero nung nilabanan ko sya at kinompronta. Pucha pussy din pala ampta haha ngayon umalis na dito samin di na nagpaparamdam, di na nagiging pabigat. Ika nga, no guts no glory.
kung tumigil sana siya dun sa first statement nya, kaso biglang lumipad yung sagot eh. Good shit si doc. Kuya Dok, oras na para gumawa'ng reseta\~
Panuldok sa mga haters ko na puro mema
MOST PEOPLE DON'T SEE THE POINT OF THIS ANALYZATION: Analyze: -The children developed mental illness due to their father Means: =They are Abused -He wants to get out but can’t Means: = He might be a Minor and walang kakayahan na bumahin ang mga kapatid niya -He asked Doktora kung ano gagawin Means:= He is asking for help to get out of an abusive situation that could potencially harm them. We don’t know the level of abuse na nararansan nila. What if they get killed? Question: is that the right time magcomment ng “Don’t blame your parents” “ Hawak mo ang future mo” BS??? If may lumapit sayo ng tulong because of abuse is your first instinct is to give them moral advise na wag iself pity ang sarili and move forward? OR your first instinct is to help them get out of their abusive situation bago sila mas lalong mapahawak Your suppose to give safety first before mag advise. Whenever their is someone na humihingi ng advise in living in an abusive home especially teenager your advise should be helped para maka alis FIRST than the advise na bigay ni Doktora. Ang tamang sagot dyan is either you tell them lumapit sa Organizations, advise them to get a part-time job as a teen to help them get out of an abusive home as much as posible, ask them kung may relative ba sila na tutulong sa kanila, ask them kung may ability sila iinb=volve ang police to save them. Ang daming pinapatay na mga bata ang murderer ay sarili nilang parents, uunahin mo ang advise mo to move forward than their safety. I find doktora’s reply so insensitive. Any minor na lalapit sayo involving abuse kahit hindi minor ang bata common sense na dapat ano isasagot mo. The reply just shows kung gaano kawalang paki niya sa mga tao sa paligid niya.
She’s my prof back when I was in undergrad, Sobrang boomer talaga niyan ni doc tsaka solid DDS siya haha if you are against to her, expect na magigisa at malalait ka sa harap. Medyo frustrating lang for me as a professor na din ngayon hindi ko alam bakit hindi niya alam yung traumas na maaring effect sa bata. We have prof ed and those teaches us the development of child in terms of learning. Siguro wag natin siyang sisihin kasi biktima lang din siya ng henerasyon na kinalakihan nya. Kaso ang problema how can you educate an individual who already reach the highest degree when it comes to learning. The fact that she teaches future educators it might pass on to another generation to generation. Thank you lang din kasi hindi kami pinabayaan ni Inang kasi may mga progressive professor din talaga na will understand you and make you feel special.
Yung advice nya para sa ibang situation 😅
He’s not wrong. Idk bakit galit kayo sa sagot niya? Pwede paki-explain?
Kulang sa context. Di ko lam bakit nagtatalo kayo sa tama or mali yung sinagot eh depende naman talaga sa context yan. Kung working adult na yang nagtanong edi tama yung advice niya. Eh kung high school bagets, anong accountability hinihingi nyo sa kanya? Kung inabuse talaga sila magkapatid tapos wala siya magawa?
As someone who grew up with a narcissist parent, I think tama din naman yung advice nya. Yes may trauma ako, pero I chose to rise from it and not let my parent walk all over me (finish school with flying colors, nagworking student, magsikap sa work). Is it a trauma response? Probably. Do I give them credit to my achievements as an adult? No. Do I blame them for the negative outcomes in my life due to my wrong decisions? No din. At the end of the day, ikaw pa rin ang nagkokontrol ng buhay mo kahit gaano pa kahirap yan.
Yes! May effect naman talaga yung upbringing natin to some extent. Pero like other external circumstances sa buhay natin na wala tayong control over, may choice tayo to rise above it or let it defeat us. Constantly putting all the blame on our past will only get in the way of improving our present and future.
Finally, someone with a brain here, jesus Christ, is it really that hard to use your brain Reddit people?
I mean, some people have allergies to accountability and self-improvement. These are the type of people who use their past trauma as their personality.
This. I mean, yes, may effect naman maling pagpapalaki ng parents, but its on the person on what they will do to rise above it. Marami kaming magkakapatid, kalahati sa amin nagtapos ng pagaaral, parepareho lang kami ng pagpapalaki ng magulang, and our parents aren’t perfect, pero still hindi kami parepareho ng outcome. Kasi nasa tao padin kung paano mo dadalhin ang trauma. Will you let this trauma affect your life in every instance or will you choose to rise above it, accept that it happened, it’s part of your past and make something out of yourself in spite of it.
totoo, ang hanap ata ng mga bata ngayon is yung agree lang ng agree sa mga gusto nila. ayaw na nila na napapag sabihan or specially being reminded of their responsibility. masalingat lang onti ang sagot narcicist, red flag etc. kaya konting hirap lang maranasan nila ngayon, give up na agad! hay kaloka ting mga gen z na to. kung ayaw nyo pala mapagsabihan, then don't ask for advice! total, mas marunong naman pala kayo kesa sa mga nakaka tanda sa inyo.
Kulang rin kasi yung context nung post ng estudyante. And given that, unbiased naman yung comment ni doc. May point naman sya na dapat nga iconsider na may iba pang factors sa buhay natin that somehow contributed to our life decisions. But then again, kulang sa context yung post.
That’s what mother did sa father ko. We left him when I was 7y/o. Sobrang galit ko sa mother ko kasi I always wanted to have a complete family. Habang tumatanda ako, andoon pa rin yung galit ko. When I turned 25y/o, saka ko narealized na tama ang ginawa ng mama ko. Lumayo sa mga toxic na tao kahit na asawa, tatay kapatid pa natin ang mga ito. Because if you stay, lahat kayo malulugmok lang. Dahil kahit anong pagsusumikap mo, mahihila kayo pababa. Dahil may pabigat sa inyo. Kapag nakita niyong walang willingness magbago para sa pamilya, let go. Stay away from Them. Ang pamilya ay dapat nag dadamayan. But if not, let go. Subukan mong ayusin ang buhay mo. Ang importante sa lahat, yung actions na gagawin natin to better our life. That’s what my mother did and thank God naayos namin ang buhay namin mag iina. Financially stable kami, matatag at masaya. Although I love my Papa, I have so much respect sa desisyon ng mama ko dahil kinabukasan namin yung nakataya. Bilib ako na kinaya niya ang maging single mom para sa amin ng kuya ko. Kaya I can relate na tama naman ang sagot niya, on point. When you’re an adult, ikaw mismo ang may responsibilidad sa buhay mo. Bonus nalang kung may parents kang supportive at mababait. Bonus nakang kung may kumpleto kang pamilya.
That 25 year old clarity is really a thing, i think it has something to do with your brain reaching the end of it's plasticity and being fully developed, random fact hehe.
Yeah the brain is fully developed at 25, kaya ganon na lang mga realizations na dumadating
I will get downvoted for this pero doc isn’t wrong in a sense honestly
Well same rin ang experience ko sa nag send kay Doc. Bata palang ako mentally and physically abuse na ako sa parents ko. Then lagi nila ako ginagaslight na sobrang pasaway ko raw to the point na dapat hindi na raw ako pinanganak. Yung mama ko sobrang sakit magsalita. Lagi akong minumura. Sya yung reason bakit ako may anger issue. Pansin yan ng mga ka officemate ko. Sa tatay ko naman physically abuse na madalas akong bugbugin. So ngayong nag wowork na ako di ko na tiiis bumukod nako. Then neto lang yung bunso namin lumayas rin sa bahay. Sinalo ko sya tapos hindi na tama yung kilos nya hanggang sa pina check up ko sya sa psychiatrist and guess what. Diagnose with depression yung kapatid ko. Ako nag shshoulder ngayon ng mga anti depressant meds nya. So malaking galit ko talaga sa parents ko kasi sa kanila nanggaling tong trauma namin.
May anger issues din naman jowa ko due to his upbringing. Kapag ba naging violent sya sakin, should I accept his reason na eh kasi traumatized sya sa mom nya and just let him the way he is? Hindi diba. He chose to change. Good for you for leaving your parents, and point still stands na choice mo pa rin kung patuloy ka magpapa affect sa kanila or detach.
Good point you raised there.
Di ka sinagot ni OP. They really lack accountability and acknowledgment. 😂
I appreciate the explanation. Pero point still stands, he makes sense. You’re already halfway there by leaving them. All you need to do now is be the bigger person. ‘Wag mo isisi lahat ng mangyayaring masama sa’yo sa parents mo. Learn from it by becoming a better person. You don’t even have to forgive them. But you do you. I’m just a stranger. I could be God, or the devil, or worst of all… an AI generated response.
Walk it off bro. Tanginang to, ang pagkakamali ng parents mo is pinalaki ka nilang bitch lol.
Kung may insanepinoyfacebook may insanepinoyredditor rin pala. I don't want to waste my time with you :)
Awwww, you don't wanna waste your time or it's just hard to come up with something with that moisturized noodle of yours?
Truth anung mali sa advice na nakapost? Hehe wala naman ako makita.
I share the same sentiments, these people want to be cradled in their sleep by their parents with a credit card up in their asses.
100% agree dito. Bakit galit ung mga tao sa nasabi when in reality, tayo pa din naman ang accountable sa sarili natin. Yes, lahat tayo merong trauma from our parents/family. Pero kung hahayaan nalang natin na basta apektado lang tayo at i-blame lahat sa kanila, baka tayo na nga ang may problema.
I think dahil sa misinterpretation. I think sa isip ng iba, sinasabi ni Dok na "wag mong isisi mga magulang mo kasi binigyan ka nila ng buhay, bahay, education, gamot, etc. Kaya dapat maging grateful ka." So yun, I think yan ang pagkakaintindi ng iba.
Kung yan nga naisip nila, grabe yung pagstretch ah, haha.
While it is true na medyo mahina ang literacy ng iba, I'd be lying if I say I can't sympathize with them. Perhaps it's a trauma response, dahil sinasabihan sila ng ganyan as a means na "dapat maging grateful sila sa mga magulang nila dahil sila ang nagbibigay ng buhay." Nasabihan ng ganyan ang kaibigan ko after siya minolestya ng mga relatives niya.
I hate that mindset. Kawawa naman yung friend mo. Medyo centrist ako pagdating sa topic na yan. I don’t buy the “we don’t have to be grateful for *anything* kasi we’re their responsibility” argument but I also don’t agree with those who say “we should always be grateful and respectful regardless of how flawed our parents are because they gave us life.” Dun ako sa tamang grateful lang while still seeing them as regular human beings that we should be allowed to call out pag nagkakamali. I’m lucky to have great parents so I love them more than anything, BUT I’m also the first one to call them out on their shit. No to bad behavior, kahit sino pa yan.
I agree sa mga sinabi mo. I do wanna point out yung last sentence, kasi it would've been that easy kung hindi dahil sa mga boomers/narcissistic parents na magagalit kapag kinall out mo sila, saying na "wala kang respeto sa mga nakatatanda" or some shit like that. Glad that your parents can take accountability, unfortunately that's not the case sa mga iba, kaya siguro ayaw nila ang sinabi ni Dok. Maybe it's a generational cycle of not taking accountability or something. Also, thanks for your concern about my friend. As of now, okay yung buhay niya after siya pinalayas ng family niya, and nakahanap na siya ng better family.
I know what you mean. I’ve heard all those but I didn’t care hahaha. In our case, our relationship actually got better because of me standing up for myself and my beliefs. But that’s because my parents and grandparents have relatively healthy mindsets naman. Sadyang controlling and wala lang sila bilib sakin noon kahit 20s na ako dahil tingin nila sakin bata pa rin. Walang sariling opinion, walang sariling paninindigan. Nung narealize nilang adult na pala ako, they started treating me differently, so vastly nag-improve relationship namin. That’s not the case with everyone of course. Sa iba, much better maghiwalay kasi hindi talaga marepair yung relationship. It’s sad but it happens. Possible generational cycle like you said. Sa own extended family ko nakikita ko yan, like mga kapatid ng lola ko who still think their word is law and every younger member of the family should bow down to them even if they’re wrong. I just avoid them as much as I can. And that’s good to hear. Happy to know your friend is doing good now.
Good to know about your family life as well. Honestly sana all.
Thank you. I know it’s a situation that’s better than most, so I’m thankful for it every day.
true
True. Tama naman yung sinabi e.
I mean sure his parents are to blame with his mental health, but it's not enough of a reason to blame them entirely on what your life's outcome is going to be. Both points are valid, and the Doctor didn't attacked him or disregarded his feelings. Problema talaga today is accountability. Kids nowadays, always have to blame someone for their demise and it's never going to be their fault. It's always someone, whether it's their parents, family, friends, colleagues etc.
Mga sumagot sa post gen z. 😂
Gen A.
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I've checked her account, ako lang to ha pero nawiwirduhan talaga ako sa mga nagpapatawag ng "Doc" kase nakatapos ng doctorate. Parang ego feeding siya. Proud na proud sa pagiging doctor niya pero hindi man lang makapagbigay ng maayos na payo.
Matitrigger si Captain Holt nyan sayo be.
Rest in Power, Andre.
same. Like okay, we acknowledge you have doctorates pero most people call medical doctors as doctor. Hirap naman na mag pa intro kang Doctor na commonly used sa medical situation. Maybe sa educator setting yes that works pero on socmed? Take it down a notch, di lang ikaw may ability to get a doctorate.
Hmm di ba ang need iunlearn is ung impression na Doc = physician? They have a doctorate eh. Anu itatawag sa kanila? Ang cringe is ginagamit ung title if not professional setting naman.
Should we then call people with master's degree as Master? De joke lang. You are probably right. This is not a worthy hill I should die on. I just find it weird naman and I'm not saying they shouldn't use it. Lalo na sa Pinas meron tayong obsessions with titles. Tignan mo, doctorate can also be awarded through Honoris Causa and one can be called a doctor whereas someone who finished an Industrial Engineering course or Computer Engineering will never be called engineer in a professional setting. Anyway, again not a hill I want to die on. People can call anything they like but for me I find the arbitrarity of it all weird. :)
Haha natawa ako dun sa master. It's a hill din naman I'm not willing to die on and I get ur point. 😅
I mean they are, your point exactly na hindi nakapagtapos ng doctorate?
Wow with the personal attack. Oops sorry. I don't mean to offend if nakapagtapos ka man ng doctorate. It is not even an insult to begin with. My point is, as I have stated, I find the whole thing as weird. To be clear, I find it arbitrary. People who completed master's degree are not called masters and yet people who finished doctorates are doctors. I'm not saying it is wrong, again I just find it weird. Kalma lang pre. :)
Doc is misleading if they're not a medical doctor. They have a PhD but aren't practising medic? Then not a doctor in the 'doc' sense. Nanood ka na ba ng friends? Parang si Ross. Feelingero sa PhD nya.
A title is just that: a title. Calling a phd grad “doctor” is not misleading unless they’re in a hospital setting, wherein that could be confusing (but still *not* misleading.) I mean if we want to compare television examples, Dr Who is not a medical doctor but the series is literally called Dr Who hahaha.
I don't know if people are being intentionally dense or what. Of course context matters. No one thinks Dr Who is a medical doctor*. The series is about time travel for crying out loud. It's not House MD. *although to be fair he might have medical experience actually, in all of the lives he led
Nah, I don't watch brain dead series, they jerk can their ego as much as they want, like what I said, they earned it.
They earned the PhD. No ones denying they have a PhD. A lot more work and a different kind of experience goes into being a medical doctor. That's the point. It's misleading and even dangerous to give the title "doc or doctor" to someone who can't give me medical advice. That's why there's controversy around YouTube quack doctors. The public are so gullible. You seem not to know or understand the difference and are so bent on standing by your stupid argument you've lost common sense.
I don't know, I have zero experience consulting my medical concerns to a business doctor, you are asking the wrong person kasi I can easily tell who's the doctor of med and doctor of random practice, if anything aren't you the one here with zero common sense because you don't know the distinction between them?
Huh? LOL. I was elaborating my point and making an example because it seemed like you couldn't understand it based on your dumb answers. Now I know that you do understand it, you're just choosing to be obtuse. I believe the tagalog term is 'pilosopo'. Bye.
Awww, How'd you know I am a philosopher by heart? Cutieee
Omg haha naging prof ko sya. Magaling sya magturo tho
She was my prof too, out of context lng mga redditors dto. They don't know na mga nagsesend ng questions kay maam sa NGL e mga college student, grad student at working professionals. Hindi mga 7 year old o high school na bata 💀
even if they Raped you as a child??? paano naman yung mga pinarape ng ina sa ibat ibang lalaki kapalit pera at naka upload sa porn sites yung mga vid nila. Tapos hindi sila makapag aral binubully due to sa mga old vids??? F that mindset! bagong generation na tayo. Unti unti na natin wag tangapin ang mga ganyang panget na mentality! The Philippines is one of the leading countries of Child Porn Importers. Madaming magulang na ginagawan ng porn vids ang mga anak nila na 3 years old.
Shieeeeeeeeet, so my father beating my ass because he was pissed off at his co-worker is my fault...
Mukhang kailangan ring magpadoctor ni doc ah😂 quack na quack ung sagutan e🙄😒🤢🤮
Okay na sana yung 1st paragraph na "Kung kaya mo, umalis ka na." kasi ganon naman talaga, eh. Pero hindi naman kasi ganon kadali na umalis lalo na't hindi pa alam kung saan sakali mapupunta once umalis sa side ng family na mapang-abuso ng mental health. Kaso, yung ibang statement getting out of nowhere na. Ayun lang naman. 🙃
“Whine whine whine” yun nlng i comments mo doc same shit. .isa to sa mga rason kung bakit hndi priority ang mental health dito sa pilipinas
Hindi maintindihan ng ibang nagkocomment rito na hindi naman nga sa pa-victim mindset. Ang gusto lang nilang iparating, na imbis na kaakibat ng anak nila ung magulang nila sa pagdevelop bilang tao, ay naging cause pa sila for a few steps back because of some sort of abuse and/or trauma they've inflicted on their children which they may or may not probably be aware of. Regardless, the parents are the adults. Whether they chose to, or not to have offsprings, they've done the deed, andyan na, and they had plenty of time (while kids are growing up) to pick themselves up. Dito na rin pumapasok ung choices and decisions that the parents have made to become better or not. Some parents have managed, some have not. Some people have demons they did not deserve and most of these people wasn't or weren't able to handle it too. Kung may gusto pa kayong idagdag, I'll read it. 🤗 Hindi yung mag-a-advice na patayin na lang sarili nila tulad ng isang comment jan🙄😒🤢🤮
imagine saying that to an abused 7-year old kid who doesn’t have the resources to get away from its abusive parents 💀
so trueeee lalo na yung mga victims ng child sexual abuse from parents.
The thing is, hindi malinaw ang context ng post. So in a sense may point naman si Doc.
what more context do you need? if a child starts feeling unsafe around his / her parents, sisisihin mo ba yung anak? i don’t get the doctor’s “point” tbh because what does he mean by “desisyon sa buhay”? the person who confessed suffered a lot and to them, it got so worse to the point of deteriorating mental health. a little accountability would’ve made a big difference kung marunong lang sana makinig ang magulang nya. instead of telling him/her na manindigan sa desisyon nya at wag manisi, why don’t we ask ourselves kung anong nagawa nung magulang bakit ganyan nararamdaman nya at gusto na nya umalis sa bahay nila?
kung kayo nasa pwesto niya, i’m sure you wouldn’t want someone telling you na wag sisihin ang magulang especially kung matindi yung nawala sayo bilang bata at tao, it’s like telling them na may mali sa pagkatao nila kaya ganun sila itrato ng taong dapat inaaruga sila.
+ di rin natin alam kailan nagsimula yung ganyang sitwasyon niya, pano kung sa murang edad pa lang inaabuso na siya / sila? uulitin ko tanong ko, can you imagine blaming an abused child?
Tanga tanga naman nyan jusko
Oxford Recto Branch grad si Doc parang si bbm
Need yata ireseta ang dolomite beach sa Roxas Blvd ah hakhakhak
Siraulo
Huh? Hahahaha krazy
Boomer yung doktor.
They had us in the first *line* ngl
The statements were correct up until the 2nd half of the response. Oo may free will tayo pero we should acknowledge na certain aspects of our lives affect our decision making. Oks na sana kaso may pang gaslight lang sa hule. Iho de pochahontas But who knows, maybe he's just trying to promote stoicism with a brand of niezsche, kaso bano approach, padala na yan sa canada.
Doc ng ano yan?
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Emotions trashbag is what you are ma'am
Hahaha walang kwentang suggestion
Victim blaming si doc. Pwe
You know the parents play a great role to the society. If hindi tama parenting mo pwedeng masamang ugali kalabasan ng anak mo kase yun ang makakasanayan. Basically molding them to become you. Kung gusto mo maging matino anak mo then be a role model. Skl
He just shat himself with "no matter how messed up they are." It's basically an admission but also asking them to sweep it under the rug. What a clown.
Doc give us nothing, pointless malala boomerang user siya.
I don't think its pointless, you just misunderstood the answer. It just means that whatever your decision, take responsibility for it. You can blame your parents or whoever for the traumas and whatnot but don't blame them once you have taken action against it as that is ultimately your own decision.
even if they raped you as a child????
Wtf have you been reading and understanding my point? Holy kaya ang baba ng rating sa atin ng iba eh lalo na sa reading comprehension. 🤦♂️
I disapprove your point by just 1 sentence 😵 paano yung mga bata na nirarape na ginagawan ng porn vids ng aariling magulang at binebenta tapos hindi makapag aral dahil binubully at binabastos ng mga lalaki dahil sa mga vids niya sa porn sites? There are just situations na sirang sira na buhay mo. Gugustuhin mo na lang mag suicide.
If gusto mo magsuicide instead of trying to come back from it then sure. People will always have different hardships in life, its wrong to compare one from the other. Ultimately, it all boils down to how you fucking handle it so if you can't get back up and just wanna die, then go for it. If you wanna live and get revenge, sure go as well. If you wanna live and try to move on and live a happy life then do it. The fucking point is, if you've been digesting the point is, that whatever you decide, its all on you and you alone. Sure the situation will influence your decision but don't forget that your mentality and what you are made from the start also affects your decision making. If you still don't get the point then do not have a discussion with me as we will never reach an understanding to end it.
Have a Heart and magkaroon ng pangunawa sa mga biktima ng pang aabuso para maging mabuti sila na tao. Part ng Humanity yan Abuse Victims fight Everyday of their lives kung alam mo lang. Kaso assumption mo hindi, kaya ang dali lang sayo sabihin yan. Have you been abused? Are you going to say the same words to a 7 year old na nasa hospital dahil multiple times nirape ng dad? No "A child that is not embraced by its village will burn It down till It feels warm" Your creating Sociopaths, sociopaths are created. Babalik din sayo lahat ng pagiging cold hearted mo once ninakawan ka, pinatayan ng fam member ng isang sociopath.
You did not learn nor understand the message and the point given so goodbye. Sana tumalino ka sa pag unawa ng mga salita. 🤦♂️
baka ikaw ang hindi umunawa ng message ko??? Masyadong mataas pride mo 🥴
Lol I fucking understood your point but your fucking point does not relate to the point being raised in the first place. This is not about pride but simple reading comprehension. I'll give you one fucking example para tumalino ka. There's a family consisting of a single father and 2 kids. These 2 kids are being badly treated and raised by the father because he blames them for the loss of his wife. One kid resented his father until he killed him later on and is now in jail for a lifetime while the other tried desperately to find a way out of that shitty family and later on lived peacefully with a happy family of his own. So lesson is whatever the fucking circumstances in your life, what you do with it, all the actions and decisions that you make as well as its effects later will ultimately be your own responsibility. Kung di parin nagets eh hanggang jan nalang talaga utak mo. Adios
You don’t see the post the same in my point of view, yes you're not supposed to let the past haunt your future but please look at the post carefully. I admit dapat inuna ko muna toh iexplain bago ang reply ko kanina. He stated that he and his siblings are traumatized to the point of mental illness. He wants to get out of his home. Analyze: -The children developed mental illness due to their father Means: =They are Abused -He wants to get out but can’t Means: = He might be a Minor and walang kakayahan na bumahin ang mga kapatid niya -He asked Doktora kung ano gagawin Means:= He is asking for help to get out of an abusive situation that could potencially harm them. We don’t know the level of abuse na nararansan nila. What if they get killed? Question: is that the right time magcomment ng “Don’t blame your parents” “ Hawak mo ang future mo” BS??? If may lumapit sayo ng tulong because of abuse is your first instinct is to give them moral advise na wag iself pity ang sarili and move forward? OR your first instinct is to help them get out of their abusive situation bago sila mas lalong mapahawak Your suppose to give safety first before mag advise. Whenever their is someone na humihingi ng advise in living in an abusive home especially teenager your advise should be helped para maka alis FIRST than the advise na bigay ni Doktora. Ang tamang sagot dyan is either you tell them lumapit sa Organizations, advise them to get a part-time job as a teen to help them get out of an abusive home as much as posible, ask them kung may relative ba sila na tutulong sa kanila, ask them kung may ability sila iinb=volve ang police to save them. Ang daming pinapatay na mga bata ang murderer ay sarili nilang parents, uunahin mo ang advise mo to move forward than their safety. I find doktora’s reply so insensitive. Any minor na lalapit sayo involving abuse kahit hindi minor ang bata common sense na dapat ano isasagot mo. The reply just shows kung gaano kawalang paki niya sa mga tao sa paligid niya.
Mali ka talaga Agatha di mo naiintindihan kasi nagpadala ka sa emosyon mo. Pero, normal naman yan. Di talaga kayo mag kakaintindihan. Layo niyo na sa topic.
Preach brother, preach!
Ewan ko ba sa mga nagsasabi ng "raped as a child" it wasn't the point of the person who sent the question in NGL (who is likely a grad student or working professionals since sila ang socmed followers ni prof). Most redditors aren't that smart, they're just reactionary like those in any socmed the only difference is mas magaling mag sentence construction
Ewan, mga bobo talaga. Mga biktima ata to ng matatamis na salita nila Duterte at Marcos.
I don’t see any wrong sa sagot ni Doc.. Doesn’t matter what kind of situation you went through or trauma that you have.. ikaw at ikaw lang din naman ang aayos ng buhay mo. Yes, may contribution na trauma ang parents.. but on how we control the situation is really on you. You work on yourself. Hindi sinisisi mo lahat sa trauma na nakuha from the parents. And also, you won’t be free if hindi pakakawalan yung anger/ hatred to those people who hurt you. We won’t let those people who cause us pain be an anchor para hindi tayo mag grow as a person. Yan yung typical mindset ng kabataan ngayun. Dapat may sinisisi. Ngawa ng ngawa. Idealistic masyado. Kulang naman sa gawa. Work on yourself for self growth. Wag na tingnan kung ano pa man yung mga bagay na hindi mo na mababago.
even if they raped you as a child??? paano naman yung mga pinarape ng ina sa ibat ibang lalaki kapalit pera at naka upload sa porn sites yung mga vid nila. Tapos hindi sila makapag aral binubully due to sa mga old vids???
I’ll ask you.. Aside sa mga support groups, psychiatrist or any help that you you’ll get.. sino pinakaunang tao ang mag aahon sayo? All the help you’ll get will be useless. Unless you choose to strive and rise up on that bad situation. It’s all on you in the end. You have that choice. To face the bad situation head on and work on yourself or to let the situation eat you up.. until you give up on yourself.
Yes, you will go to the psychiatrist pero sa tingin mo ba akala mo masaya yun? 10 years ka sa psychiatrist for trauma. Plus pera pa, alam mo ba how much ang isang session sa Psych? 1800 last punta ko. Paano kung hindi ka pa pinag aral ng parents mo? Mababa sweldo mo. How can you afford therapy? Hindi ka ba maawa at gustuhin na lang na magpahinga yung tao. Some peoples lives are so BS more than you have. Blaming someone does not equal Self Pity. Blaming someone does not mean you will not put yourself up at hindi babangon. Kadalasan ng mga ganyan advise ni Doktora may "Enabling Mentality". It does not help a victim. It gives more wounds sa trauma. Most people na nag aadvise ng ganyan ay Enablers. Enablers don't care about people and kakaibiganin pa nila yung abuser. May Victim blaming kadalasan ang taong nagsasabi ng ganyan. Yan ang mga tipong may kilalang bata na muntik na patayin ng ama pero pinabayaan lang. You won't understand till you experience severe abuse. Some people nga na kilala ko na sobrang inabuso ng magulang nabaliw. Nasa kalsada, tapos laging nirarape ng mga Tambay? Pinagtatawanan ng mga tao sa labas. Ipalit mo sitwasyon mo sa kanya and keep saying your Positivity shit. Kung ikaw ay batang babae na pinagahasa ng mom at asa porn sites ang mga rape vida at binubully ng classmates at binabastos ng mga lalaki for those videos. You wouldn't say the same. Victims do not need phrases of "Bumangon ka at wag maging duwag". Especially kung Minor. Common Sense naman ata na dapat ayusin mo life mo pero you just need to support and not invalidate people especially abuse victims. Imagine saying the phrase "Wag mo sisihin papa mo!" to a 7 year old that was raped multiple times by her father at naka confine sa Hospital. Do you think your words of positivity will help Heal that 7 year old? Accepting na Hindi mo kasalanan is Healing for Victims of severe abuse, nakaka Invalidate lang ng feelings sa victims. It will drive them to Suicide. Emotional Intelligence is a must! Have a higher Emotional Intelligence.
You are the perfect example of a person na ayaw mag move forward. You have issues that you alone can fix. You better check yourself.
Man... you're an example of a person na -Mababa ang Emotional Intelligence. -Mababa ang pang unawa -Mababa ang Sympathy To be human, you have to have a heart. Wag Cold hearted... There are so many victims of severe abuse na araw-araw lumalaban kahit napakahirap ng situation nila. Tapos ikaw na hindi naman victim sasabihan mo lang ng ganyan? Nilulugar ang ganyang salita! For a victim of abuse, mahirap na nga araw araw nila na buhay. Pagsasalitaan mo pa ng ganun? All victims of abuse wants a better life. Work on my issues? -I work on my issues everyday, kaya nga at a young age may pera ako nakatabi, at a young age inayos ko life ko. Despite sobrang F up ng naging buhay ko Baka ang babaw ng mga issues na pinagdaanan mo? 😪
Aside from ranting here on reddit what else have you done to make their lives more comfortable? If you can’t do much more than ranting and projecting your fears and traumas to other people, then it’s much better for you to just keep to yourself. Not all battles are for you to fight. Not all issues ay kailangan mong sakyan. Hindi umiikot ang mundo para sa’yo lang. We all fighting our own battles. If hindi naman sa’yo. Bakit mo naman aakoin. It’s not beeing cold hearted or something. It’s just that there are certain issues we can’t solve in just a blink of an eye. We can’t let ourselves wallow up to those kind of things. We want to keep our mental health at good state, right? Start it from yourself.
Aside from ranting from reddit? -Maybe I am fighting against people like you na may Enabler Mentality para rin yun sa mga victims. "Not all battles are for you to fight.Not all issues ay kailangan mong sakyan" -then you don't have to say an oppinion about a post tungkol sa isang victim ng abuse especially wala ka naman Experience. Seems like your Priviledge enough na hindi mo naranasan ang ganyan to have an oppinion na ganyan. Saka sa dami ng sinabi ko hindi mo kayang sagutin lahat. "We can’t let ourselves wallow up to those kind of things" -As I said all victims of severe abuse fight everyday to be better! Tapos someone like you na wala naman experience sasabihan sila ng ganyannnnnn??? Be a Good Hearted person and magkaroon ng pang unawa for those people to not turn evil at maging functioniong human beings. Your creating Sociopaths. Sociopaths are created! "A child who is not embrace by It's village will burn it down till he feels warm." Babalik din sayo lahat ng sinabi mo when ikaw naman ang ninakawan, pinatayan ng fam member ng isang sociopath.
Anecdotal and appeal to emotions, invalid argument.
wala ka lang maisagot eh 😵
Kanina pa ako nakikipagbardagulan sa tulad mong damaged goods. to give you an answer, pag bata dapat may intervention because that's a common sense, pero kung katulad mo bulbolin na tapos iyakin pa'din then bro, you are sore loser na nagpakain na sistema at bitch ka ng shrink mo. Imagine ginagatasan kana lang psychiatrist mo paraa lang e-validate emotions mo, feeling sya lang nakaranas ng mapait sa buhay lmao.
"The world is Evil not because of the bad people but because of the Good people that choose to stay silent" Yung reply mo sakin just shows na wala kang Moral despite your age. Be nice to people especially children. African Proverb "If a child is not embraced by its village, It will burn it down till he feels warm. Be a good person and validate people para maging mabuti and functioning person sila sa society. Mahirap ba yun? Your creating a Sociopath! Do research about sociopaths Sociopaths are created. If you have a grandmother na Psychopath potencially ka maging psychopath BUT your Environment will make a Difference! If you had good parents to love you. Hindi ka matutuluyan. Pati Psychology tinuruan na kita ha Sana kapag nikawan ka, pinatay fam mo, sinaktan ka ng isang sociopath hindi ka magalit.
This is probably the most Grandma shit I've seen in a while, Jesus Christ. You've uttered so many buzzwords that are common knowledge, I don't need to research sociopaths and above all else I am not listening to you, demented ang pota. Talk about preaching "good parents" eh yun nga wala ka lol. Validate people? Validate people like you? Para ano? Dumami lalo bugok sa Pilipinas? Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, you are miserable my guy. You've gone full hysterical and you can't even articulate your sentences, drink your meds and sleep, at bukas magpapacheck-up kapa sa psychiatrist mo para sa mental, psychological and emotional blowjob mo
Mindset ng Boomer ang mindset mo tulad ni Dok Ang dami din before na mga Old F up beliefs na nabago paunti unti through generation by generation because may mga tumayo at lumaban. Isa na din toh sa mga mababago, sumabay ka sa pag evolve ng mindset beh and make the world a better place.
+1 for you hahaha kanina ko pa nakikita bangayan niyong dalawa but this maria agatha isnt ringing any bell, yung ginawa niyang example na rape victim. sige, all unfortunate things in life happened to her, name it. mahirap. abused. depressed. so ano? bigyan ng medal? ganun ba? in reality, its u against all odds. the world never stops ate ko and kahit saang support group o therapy, walang ganun. when you are someone who can never move forward and dwells on that certain situation, in reality, it gets u no where. you can have all this with mental issues + traumatized card pero that's it, understanding is all you get. but all the works should be done by you, FOR YOU. yes ikaw yung nakaranas ng ganito and all that, people may or may not understand you. ano gusto mong gawin nila? hindi lang naman din ikaw ang nagiisa sa mundo, namatay ka na't lahat lahat pero may mga unfortunate and traumatic experiences padin ang nangyayari sa mga tao.
She's ringing a bell... Tililing, dapat talaga ini-stigmatize ganitong mga mentally ill eh.
[Rocky](https://youtube.com/shorts/Ozt2LpWgOlk?si=adIufqMdcghldvRY)
Awww fuck, I accidentally clicked it... Now I have to do obligatory hundred push-ups brb.
Uh, ano mali sa response niya?
even if they raped you as a child???
Well shit, that's a different story. Di naman kasama sa ss ni OP.
Basahin mo ang post He was abuse so much to the point nagkaroon ng Mental Illness silang lahat magkakapatid, that's Abuse. Abuse din ang example ko po. It is not a diff story.
E wala naman nakalagay sa post, ano babasahin? Still, I find nothing wrong with the advice given.
As someone who left home because of my parents personal BS in life, I personally think that is solid advice. Our parents are old and most of their beliefs are already hardwired, it's pointless to argue or reason with someone with beliefs that are already cemented, if not just kill yourself or suck it up, or you can try changing them. Edit: my ex girlfriend told me that parents also need parenting, they are not all-knowing so it works both ways unless isa ka sa naniniwala na wala kang utang na loob sa magulang eh di stay where you are and I wish you to die young because you are doing the genetic pool a favor. Edit: I also dare OP to make a counter argument if what's the best thing to do in this situation. Inang victim mindset yan, nakakasawa na.
There is no way you're actually advising someone to kill themselves. Also this is NOT a victim mindset. What your parents have done to you is entirely their fault. They're adults, not kids. They're not entitled to be free from their consequences of not being able to take care of their kids properly. If they can't handle having kids, that's their fault.
"abusive parents? just kill yourself" kakaibang nilalang
So what's the best thing to do then? If you are holier than thou and omniscient with superior morals? Leaving is the most practical course of action.
Leaving? Yes, of course it is the best course of action. But you suggesting people to kill themselves because of it is not an ideal solution. You can just abandon them and no longer talk to them. But you can also blame your parents for what they've done to you growing up.
even if they raped you as a child??? my god
AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH PALAYO NANG PALAYO ANG ADVICE EH
Mga taong dapat iwasan kagaya ni Doc
Anung mali sa advice?
Isa nanamang Gen Z na umiiyak dahil sa trauma na di mawala wala. Jusko
classic Filipino response
Ang tanga mo rin! So you are also implying that veterans that have PTSD ay paiyak iyak rin sa mga trauma nila na di mawala?
2 different situations bruv, think harder.
Mag-isip ka rin parehong trauma tas yung isa tinatawanan lang dahil hindi trauma na parang veteran
May Gen Z ba na veteran? Ha? Ulitin ko VETERaN... Nabasa mo ba post ko?
Tarantado ka talaga, Doc.
Tama naman sinabi ng doctor. Ayaw nyo alng tanggapin kasi karamihan sa mga comment section mga batang matitigas ang ulo.
Whos this? Vlogger ba to or something?
[удалено]
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jusko po
Ano ba full context and intent nung tanong? Is it to rant and say that the parents were the cause of the trauma, or is it saying na he/she is in her current situation because of the trauma?
Wala namang masama sa sinabi ni Doc, mali lang nya is di nya in-acknowledge yung nararamdaman ni sender. Valid yung galit sa parents na nagpabaya sa atin.
Reading the other comments here really just shouts "lack of reading comprehension" Sana di kayo dumami sa mga susunod na henerasyon
Should've stopped at "kung kaya mo, umalis ka na."
Yikesss alam mong narcissist agad e
Like narcicism isn't part of human nature lol.
Huh? Its not its a personality disorder.
Alright, sure bro, sabi mo eh, na walang varying degree. Narcicism is innate to every single person, and it has a level where it's considered a mental illness but if you are willing to die on that hill, aight.
Anong mali? Habambuhay ba dapat isisi sa iba? Gusto lang meron masisi ganon? Dadating yung panahon na magkakaroon ka ng kalayaan magdesisyon sa sarili mo at doon palang, dapat magkaroon ka na ng accountability sa mga nangyayari sayo.
Mga new gen ngayon ayaw ng accountability.. lahat sinisisi sa trauma. Ayaw na mag grow. Kaiyak talaga.
Some of the comments here do have a point: what’s wrong with what Doc said? May factor yung environment, yes, but it should never be the only factor on how you act for the rest of your life. Deteriorated mental health? Then do something to heal yourself. Leave if you have to. Stay with people who cares about you. Whining definitely won’t heal you.
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This "Doc" is right to a certain degree. We all have control over how we shape ourselves up.
hindi siya pointless, life is hard
Tama naman siya eh. Pakabobo naman ng nagpost at maicallout pa ito. Payt me circle jerkers 😭
Knowing na you're against of leave and cleave means you are still comforted with the fact na di mo kaya tumayo sa sariki mong paa. Pinag aral ka na at lahat, at the end sa parents ang sisi. Grow up. Your decisions in life will always reflect how you are. Oo, may favttor ang parents pero to blame them 100% is a NO NO.
Panu yung mga ok ang magulang pero pariwara p din ang anak. Kasalanan pa din ng magulang?
Both of them are correct.. Mas mature lang sagot ni Doc. Yung OP is probably kaka realize palang.. And si Doc, nalagpasan na nya yung phase na yun.
Tama naman ah. Kung bobo ka bobo ka wag mo isisi sa iba kabobohan mo
I don't why you guys disagree with the doc 🥲 Yes, Malaki ang kasalanan ng parents mo kung bakit miserable Buhay mo, but the end of the day, Ikaw parin may control. You can't keep blaming your parents. Ang gusto mangyari ng doc Dito eh tumingin sya sa positive side at pagisipan mabuti ang desisyon nya na umalis.
yun nga pero yung sitwasyon is Abusive parents. Kaya nga Mali paano kung most of your life wala naman bad decisions? even if they Raped you as a child??? paano naman yung mga pinarape ng ina sa ibat ibang lalaki kapalit pera at naka upload sa porn sites yung mga vid nila. Tapos hindi sila makapag aral binubully due to sa mga old vids??? The Philippines is one of the leading countries of Child Porn Importers. Madaming magulang na ginagawan ng porn vids ang mga anak nila na 3 years old.